Something Big Is Coming

I'd like to welcome everybody to Laura Keane after Dark and Eric er Hi and producer Brian Hey, you know what I'm feeling lately, and I'm I know you guys make fun of me because think when I say I'm a sensitive and I have psychic.

Ability wipe the lipstick off from now.

She didn't whatever. I don't even care what my face like.

Two days since hold on, hold on, I changed the car.

I don't think I heard that correctly. What did you just say? I don't care what my face looks like right now?

I don't. Wow, I really don't.

I'm gonna cry.

This is.

Some tears out of I mean, look at me.

I'm a I'm a hot mess, but you're just a mess. This that said, I truly believe, and something in my deepest gut is telling me that there is something big about to happen, not only to me, but to you and.

To you well allegedly there's something coming from Hollywood to me. So that is where is that?

By the way, it should be here in the next probably a couple of days.

Bigger than that. Life is life, celebrity sign sign life stuff. I feel like this. I don't know I'm feeling like a psychic right now, I'm feeling a little psychic. I feel like you guys should psycho psychic.

The same joke at the same time.

This is really signs. Look for signs, pay attention, and follow your gut because I think we're being spoken to.

I just want to say, you're going to do this one time and one of us will get a car accident.

No, oh my god, Oh my.

God, my god. No, like something big is going to happen. Then you'll come. Producer Brian died.

Oh my god, I'll be damn.

She was good. She was right. She called it, he died.

Okay, we're gonna ask mister Predicto.

He's because he's always accurate.

Mister Predicto is something big on the horizon for the three of us.

Huge, there is no doubt.

Oh my god, I didn't see that coming.

I mean, come on, you know what.

When at home, I'll ask my Zoltar machine.

Oh oh, I love so.

I got one. That's it's twelve inches tall. It's fully animatronic though.

Funny though, does he spit out little?

Yeah?

He does.

What where'd you get that?

I found it online?

I'll show you a video after God, that's so cool.

Like the arms move, the the orb glows, the eyes and mouth moved to.

I believe it's.

Only a foot tall too. It's so funny. I love it.

What kind of like fortunes? Does he spit out like.

The same, like exulta like the Zultar cards, but they're just many versions.

Oh my god, that's so cool.

They actually is really funny. Actually it's like one hundred and sixty bucks.

Wait where did you say you had it?

I forget online some random plate. I love machines.

I love oh my god, I love it's big. I anytime I see one putting a quarter or five.

You know, yeah, I've hit that one a couple of times. They're fun. I want to buy one. They're like fifteen grand.

Oh, like a big, big, big one.

Oh my gosh, I might be worth it that there's that'd be so much fun.

I know, like rented out to parties or something.

I'm just there's two things I want. I like buying those big things that are useless but commodities. One is a pinball machine, to the other is a Zultar machine. I'm going to get though, someday.

I get the Zultar.

First, yeah, yes, for sure.

Now Eric apparently had a misshap with his phone that Oh my god, Okay, what happened to your phone?

Okay, so you know, I am a stickler. I'm very organized. I paid all my bills on time. Really, I never he knows where every side.

I never every Republican party he's ever made.

So I go to call you today me, Yeah, you're gonna call me. I was gonna call you. This was on Monday.

Actually never called me before.

I got I know, but I needed to ask you something and it said, uh, the cellular I was trying to rush to do something and as I said, the cellularler user's phone has been disabled. So I'm like what. So I texted you and said, hey, can you give me break? Because I had it and I thought maybe I input the number wrong because I never have to call him for anything. You're the one that always annoys, you know. So I was like, oh, so I'm like, no, that's the right numbers. I thought, well call it again.

Tell you something that happened to me when I was trying to call you today. I mean on Monday, it went right to voicemail and it said this subscriber no longer accepts voicemails.

Or something like that.

Okay, so continue, Okay, something is weird.

So I tried texting Laura and it's an undeliverable I tried texting somebody else undeliverable, texting somebody else undeliverable. So I'm like, what is going on? So then I try and call her and it says my phone has been my phone service has been shut off. And I'm like, oh, that's impossible.

Oh god, here we go.

I'm literally calling her number and it sends me and I'm like, is this a fraud? Like is this some sort of a weird scam that's going on right now? So I'm it says you you have a five hundred dollars phone bill due, and I'm like, that's impossible because I pay my phone bill every single month on the date that it's due, Like it comes right out of my account. Well guess who hadn't paid their phone bill for the last three months? How I was like what,

Your phone your phone service turn.

And the weird thing was is I had just texted you and it and she had texted me.

Back because you can text through I Message, which isn't through your carrier, that's just through Apple system.

No, but then it then it stopped like I had called her and it went to her voicemail. I didn't get any kind of thing. So at about six o'clock on the dot, it must have or six thirty it must have shut my phone off, and I was like what. So it was the craziest thing. So I literally sitting in the drive through waiting to get my doctor pepper and because I had so much time because the person in front of me ordered so much food that I had to pay my phone bill and the weird three

Is it on auto pay? Yeah?

But for some reason. So then I'm literally going through and checking everything else came out. But for some reason, and I've never had that happen before.

Yeah, I make sure that they don't bounce your ting your credit score for that. Yeah, can test that if you can be.

Careful next time you roll on up to TJ Max, because when you roll back on out, your car might be hitched up to Oh oh my gosh, she forgot to make your carpet.

That's all done through my bank. So I'm I'm good there.

You gotta be careful.

But I was like what I could not believe.

But one time he tries to call me so and so.

Then when I was trying to call at and T, it says, oh, no, you can't call from your phone. You have to call from another phone. And I'm all, that makes sense. Who has another phone? Like you're my provider? Can I just call for my phone? But no, apparently not.

Did you get fixed? Or are you like waiting for it to come back on? Mm hmm. I was fast, but that was a bullet that I that's so funny.

Didn't like biting onto.

Mister perfect bill record. Oh my god, three delinquent months came.

You believe it. I and I never got I never got a text message. I never got an email. No I didn't. I swear to god.

I feel like you'd have to write.

I would think so too.

I get an email when it's coming up. I get a text when.

Boy, they certainly they certainly texted me when I paid it, but to let me know, hey, you're you know, usually they'll send a thing saying, hey, your your bill's doing like five days or whatever. I didn't get anything.

Yeah, okay, I don't know.

When I go home, I've got to look at my account and see if something happened.

Okay, check your color beliefs.

And you're like, I checked everything. Everything else is good. I was just like, oh my god, yeah.

He checks his banks, like, oh I amount of money, that's the problem. I spent. So I bought so many sneakers this month. I actually have a balance.

Of zero, not out of the question. Okay, roll the random news music. We're gonna do a little bit of that, and then we're gonna play a game because I'm waiting for somebody to agree to play the game with us. That's what I was on the phone texting. I'll tell you in a minute.

Oh boy, I'll tell you.

I want to see if this person has a responded.

Is that someone we've had on the show before?

Uh? Have we?

I think maybe once?

Male or female.

I'm not going to tell you. Okay, here is the Rander News did you know there's a new calculator that will tell you how ugly your job is making you.

Oh I want to Oh my god, where can we get that?

Okay, you can go online and do this.

Okay, that's just like how fat you get from singing a desk all day.

See, it depends on like Okay, some people worry about their jobs being stressful or dangerous or soul sucking. But now we have to worry about our jobs making us ugly. A skincare clinic has created an online test. It calculates how your work day maybe aging your skin, based on things like shift patterns, regular hours, working location, stress levels, and physical activity. And they say this calculator is based

I'm fine, I got skin caroutine. I'll be all right.

I do too, Minor, moderate, severe, and extreme.

Oh so it's only bad news. Okay, what's the website?

Okay, go to Harley h A. R. L. E. Y Street skin Clinic dot com. So we're talking.

I don't trust this place.

Your job could make you, like your hair thin out because of stress, frown lines, poor posture, that for sure could happen if you're working a dust job, sun spots, if you're working out in the sun, saggy skin, jowls.

Also the dish bags, so I don't I don't trust them, all.

Right, Latest in fashion? Did you know in Milan Fashion Week? They did, I say, did I do this story about how the new trend, you know, how like guys wear those super low slung pants, but they wear.

The boxers, so that's an old trend.

Yeah, but no, the new trend is no boxers. Plumbers crack. Oh no, that was a big deal on the lawn fashion Week.

Why is Eric being like, uh, gross, mister, no underwear, commando jeans over here?

Yeah, but I don't show plumbers.

But you don't want to see somebody's like crack.

I know, but he's like, he's like, oh gross, no underwear.

Yeah, but I'd rather show my balls than my butt crack.

I'd rather see your butt crack than anything else.

That's what I'd rather see.

Is that even a question?

I don't know balls?

Really?

Yeah, I'm interested. I haven't seen those.

Okay, that's curiosity.

The butt crack is a butt crack, right, all right? Here are some live hacks that you've maybe never heard of that people swear by. A pinch of salt in your coffee apparently makes it taste so much better. Have you ever heard that?

No?

Okay, do you want to shorter wait time at the DMV, make an appointment. Go right before they close because they are moving everybody. We're oal fast, fast, fast fast, because everybody wants to go home.

Actually go to the Truelavista DMV.

Oh yeah, dude, that's a good one.

Five minutes in and out.

Open bags of chips from the bottom. It's where all the seasoning rests.

Oh.

Flipping the bag makes it sprinkle down, so you have better tasting chips the whole way through.

You just shake it a little bit before you open it.

I think this is a better way, all right. Write down every good idea you have. Don't rely on your memory. Have a pad of paper with you and write it down.

That's so true.

I do have a bad memory.

Oh and I have so many ideas, and then they are gone. They just are pulled into the stratosphere. Microwave everything twice as long, half the heat, like two minutes on five instead of one minute on full because it cooks more evenly.

I hate microwaving stuff, and I'm not even like the old radiation. It's just it doesn't taste as good. I feel like microwaving makes it taste worse.

Yeah, it is the worst possible way to cook something else.

Maybe it's just because it seems gross after and it tastes the same. But like, it's not a good type of heat. It's I have a convection oven, Yeah, those are good.

Do you have a air fryer?

Those are cool?

Those are I do, But I've never used it.

You don't cook I know. I don't make chicken nuggets in there.

No, I never made it.

Have you ever had the Trader Joe's chicken nuggets?

No?

But have you heard about the Walmart chicken nuggets? Okay? There there have been videos going viral about people cutting into these Walmart brand chicken nuggets and there is no chicken.

It's just McDonald's.

It's saying there's no meat in it, and just people go where the meat? Wellmart, where the meat?

I feel like people, Yeah, but I feel chicken nuggets have kind of fallen off in popularity.

They're so good.

I'm somebody a friend of mine. Just ordered some today, No from Jack in the Box. I know I'm not a I'm not a nugget fan. Every once in a while McDonald's and I know they're.

Just like I know they're so believe me, I know that.

But it's like the junkiest of junk food.

There's nothing I'd buy McDonald's. It's so gross.

Fries the worries.

Don't even like their fries. You know who has good fries, Jack in the Box. That's the only good thing Jack the Box has besides tacos, is their curly fries.

Jack and Box.

I'm so hungry right now. Okay, here are some things that everybody experiences but really never talks about. So let's talk about it. When you're in the backseat of a car that makes a sharp turn and you push your fingers into the seat in front of you to keep

Hell? Nola to me?

Yes, Like I will sit there and I will hold my peep because I'm so tired I don't want to get up and go to the bathroom, and then like I'm miserable.

The alternative is literally like peeing your bed or not. I mean it's warm for a minute and smell bad.

When you briefly talk to somebody at a party back in twenty or two thousand and nine and then you've been Facebook friends with them ever since, like some random person. Do you have someone like that?

Probably like you do. When I was eighteen, I went to Barona with a bunch of friends. Yeah okay, and we were playing blackjack and we like, we're hitting it up with this dealer, and we like we well ended up following each other and like we all end up following this dealer on Instagram and vice versa. Never talk to that person again, but you still are No, I just recently followed them. They're a tattoo artist in Colorado.

Now, I think when you have the perfect spot around a campfire, but the smoke zero's right in on you. Yeah, that happens all the time. When you walk into a room but you forgot what you went in there to do, and you just stand there frozen.

Actually, don't do that.

I do that all the time.

That doesn't surprise me.

Wait, wait, what am I supposed to do right now?

Like?

What am I doing right now? Where am I?

I feel like you do that more than you know what you're doing.

Oh I. When you swallow something weird and you get that super hard yeah thing in your throat like it's just water, you swallow like in a weird way, and it's so painful.

I get that with that. Burger's a lot for some reason.

Burgers.

Yeah, Burgers give me that weird throat feeling.

When you spend do you ever do this? You spend the entire day in waiting mode until you you have your appointment at two o'clock in the afternoon.

You waste the whole day just in and like anticipation.

When you're calling somebody, you pray and hope that they don't pick up. Oh, yes, so they can see that you tried to contact them and the call was missed, and so they know that you were trying to reach out and just think.

About them and they'll just text you back or something.

Yes. When you stare at a bad driver as you pass them to see if they look as stupid as they're driving.

Yeah, okay, do.

You think I would ever do that?

Oh? My god? You live for that.

We have to check and see if it's a woman or not. Now I'm kidding, oh.

Boy, but no, everybody does that? Like, Okay, who who is this person? Driver? I have to see what this person looks like? Okay, Now, which one of these dreams? Have you had a dream where you're being chased?

Nope?

A dream about falling?

Falling not like a dream, but I get the sensation a lot like falling, as when you're falling asleep and you kind of get that weird.

Have you ever heard the wives tale or the myth or whatever that if you are dreaming that you are falling and you actually hit the ground, you die.

I've heard that.

You have heard that.

I don't believe that.

I know, I don't believe, but I think it's.

Actually I think I've had a dream where I hit the ground. Oh, I remember it, though.

That sounds now a dream about running late to something super important?

No, oh, come on, maybe I've definitely had the no close at school dream. Oh, I have to that one's rough. That's a rough dream.

I have the naked dreams all the time, not to not where I'm at school, but where I'm like in the middle of a mall or in a party or something, and I'm start naked and I always have to pee.

When you're only because you're in bed naked and you have to peak.

I never heard the dream I had where I was at a party completely naked, and I had to go to the bathroom, and I was at a urinal and Betty White was standing next to me, being.

Stand up your implying Betty White had a Yeah, I.

Don't know, Eric, I love you and I listen to everything you say. But something I honestly that dream did not retain in my brain of yours crazy tream.

Let me color myself surprised.

When you dream you're dying, Have you ever had a dream you're dying?

Oh?

No, Have you ever had a dream where you're in school taking a test and you're just like your your pencil doesn't work, or your eraser isn't working or something. I think, So I dream where you're pregnant. No, or I dreamed that about killing somebody. I don't think so I dream were naked in public?

Yeah, of course, my dreams are nonsensical. They're great though, good time.

But do you ever have nightmares?

No, I've only had like a couple of nightmares of my entire life.

Same. I usually have really nice dreams and oh my gosh, oh I have drinking dreams. I've had dreaming dreams and drug dreams. Yes. Where like I'm trying to like lay out a line, one's.

One intense dream away from relapsing.

No, this is a normal thing. This is a normal thing. No, And like the water gets on it, I'm like, oh no, I can't do it because it's all wet now, and like my coke is yes, it's it's awful. And then I wake up and I'm like, wait, what what what did I do? I'm like, oh, thank god, It's like the best feeling in the world to wake up from a dream like that.

That's so weird.

It's so weird. Now the state of tipping, let's talk about tipping.

Getting out of hand.

It's getting crazy.

Talk about tipping.

Do you notice how they all are at twenty five percent right now? And you have to it's it's the one that's always highlighted. You have to go through and look because I'm like the minium.

Yeah, the minimum now is like eighteen percent. I still tip ten. I think ten's a fine number of the tip.

The average tip is now eighteen point nine percent. Men tip a little bit more than women, just a little bit. Millennials are the best tippers. The biggest tippers gen Z, second Gen X, third Boomers not so much. The highest tipping state is Delaware and then Indiana, West Virginia in New Hampshire, California leaves the worst tips of any state.

Because everybody wants to tip here. Yeah, it's everybody.

I mean, Starbucks is ridiculous.

Honestly, Starbucks started this. They are the problem. They started this weird tipping.

Like with that one, with the one, the three, the five, or like that.

They started the let's just ask you a quick question, and like, why do I have to tip my fast foods coffee?

What about the screens that like flip like you flip it and then like and then you have they have to flip it back over so they'll see that you press no.

Yeah. I hate when it's also when it's a family, rible yeah, and they're clearly not like all the money is going to the family and they're paying out. So it's just like you want to pay extra for your meal. I'm like, no, it's so stressful.

Okay, Uh, what makes us tip more or less? Quality of service was the top answer, followed by how much it will cost me, following by social pressure and knowing how much the server makes an hour.

Okay, hold on, I actually would think about that because I went to cheesecake factory this last week and the bill cheesecake anyways, bill was like ninety something dollars and I tipped probably about fifteen percent, which is low, but I don't care because I'm so tired of tipping. But I was talking to somebody and it was like, well, that's like how they get their income. I was like, okay,

So yeah, I.

Don't like I feel like they're they're doing Okay.

Seventy nine percent of us always are usually leave a tip at sit down places, and they somebody this survey ass has tipping gotten out of control in the past five years, and seventy one percent of people said yes.

Yes over since COVID.

Has gotten out of I don't control anything with a fast, anything with a counter. I have to walk up to an order. You're not getting tipped.

Sorry, Okay, now she has not agreed, but she has not disagreed. So we're gonna call Anti Dodoo and we're gonna play this game.

Oh my god, it's just the game.

Have you ever. We're gonna go just do a few because she's tired, and I know she takes her pot gummy at night to go to sleep. But don't say anything. Don't say oh my god, and don't, for God's sakes, don't mention her age because she's so funny. I just love Okay, here we go. I just thought it would be funny. Okay, here we go. And she's been like a little bit bummed lately, and so I kind of want to just cheer up.

I'll cheer her up.

I know she loves you. She only she only.

Here.

She is comments on your Facebook stuff, not mine, and like she's known me since I'm born. Okay, am I connected? Okay, here we go. Let's see.

I'm going to say hi to her first, I think, so let.

Me see, let me see. I'm sorry, guys, just got to make sure. Yes, I'm connected. Okay, turn turn her up, turn her up, because here we go. Auntie. Now, oh my god, thank god, we can cast on the show. Okay, it's ringing here. Okay, it's ringing here, bring it up.

Okay, no, if i'd answer you or not?

Oh you hot? You hot, little lady.

You it's not Laura.

Oh my god, I love you so much.

I don't know about that.

Auntie Dodo. We're doing the podcast, and I thought it would be fun just to play real quick this game with you. It's it's a game of have you ever done? And then I'm going to read a certain can you hear me?

Now?

Oh no, I got you?

Okay, yeah, okay, Auntie Dodo, I love you. I had fun hanging out with you, and I think you'd be great at this game because I love everything you say. It makes me laugh. All right, Anti Dodoo and everybody else here. Have you ever used a fake ID?

Have I ever used to pick? No? Hell?

Have you ever snuck into a movie without pain?

No?

But your mother has.

When you guys were young. Oh yeah, or when like she had kids?

Oh no, she didn't have kids then. No, she and Melinda would do crazy things. You know that, I do you know you?

Yes?

You sometimes afraid of my dad?

Oh? Have you ever vandalized anything?

Oh?

Hell?

No?

No?

Have you ever trust? Have you ever trespassed somewhere you shouldn't have been?

Now? Come on, yes, I'm sure I have, but I can't think of it offhand.

My mom tells me she trespassed at Lucille Ball's Halloween party.

Yes she did, Yes she did. I was not there.

Did you do something similar?

No?

Anti? I think you and I should go trespass somewhere?

Oh god, yeah, right.

Yeah, you know where she wants to Trustpass the casino.

Let's go to the thunder down under Auntie Doodoo.

Yeah, thunder, Oh, the thunder I've seen I've seen them.

Oh is it fun.

Oh yeah, haven't you ever seen.

Them not live?

No? I never have thunder come down under.

I'm a little bit afraid. Why because they're big weeders in my face? Like, don't they like come up.

To you and you don't have to PINTRM or anything?

Laura, Okay, have you ever pretended to get your card declined so you wouldn't have to pay?

Oh?

Hell no, no, you know I wouldn't do any crap like that.

No, you are very very.

Girl, you really are.

Have you ever returned something after using it because you just wanted your mind, because you didn't like it, or because you wore it once and wanted to get rid of it.

I wore it once and I felt like I looked like crap, so I didn't. I said, this has got to go back. Oh it was Where was it from your favorite place, Macy's?

Oh my god?

Yeah? And it was very full legged pants with this real wild print on it. And then I got the top to match it. Oh, I looked like I looked like an old tree okay, you know, with too many flowers on it.

Oh.

I took it back.

You took it back.

I had worn it. I had worn it.

Did you take the tag off, or did you leave the tag on?

Oh? No, I took the tag off and I kept it.

Oh good, I didn't.

Throw it away. No.

No, have you ever have you ever eaten food out of the trash?

No? Oh Jesus, Laura, No, oh, oh god.

No, I may memory not have Oh geez, have you ever not? Okay, Laura, Judy, be honest with this one. Have you ever snooped through somebody's medicine cabinet?

No, not that I can think of. No, I'm sure people have snooped your mind?

But is there anything good in there? No?

Only my gummies, I know, my damn dummies alone, and that and.

That jar of condoms.

No, she needs her to go to sleep, and she takes it just about. Did you take your gummy?

No? I take it at nine thirty.

Now you take it out. Okay, okay, so we're good. We're pre gummy. Okay, so that's good.

Yes, you are a pre gummy, or I would be.

Have you ever created a fake excuse to get out of jury duty?

Sure? No, of course.

Have you ever told a kid a faked fact just to mess with them? Like something fake, just to like you've No, you've always been honest.

With Christopher, You mean about the snipe punt?

Wait, what's that?

Have you ever been on a snipe punt?

What's a snipe hunt? Is this a dirty thing that I'm saying over and over again.

No, no, no, no, it's not dirty at all. It's so stupid.

You do that to a little kid.

You say, oh, we're gonna go you know, we're gonna go out in the backyard tonight when it's dark, and we're going to go and find the snipes.

And then those are supposed to be like mystical creatures or something.

Who there's no snipe There's no such thing.

Okay, how about this? Have you ever regifted something you got?

Of course? Of course?

Have you ever given it to beautiful number two?

My mom? Well, I might have if somebody gave me something and I didn't like it or she did. Yeah, I'm sure we have. I'm sure. Oh, I'm sure we have. Yeah. You know, she's just as bad as I am.

Have you ever lied about why you didn't answer your phone?

Of course? Like what if I don't if I don't want to talk to someone, if I don't want to talk to this person that's calling me, I think you know, piss off. I don't want to talk to you, so I don't answer it. I've got a girl up in Portland that keeps calling me, and she's she's got all kinds of mental problems and I don't want to take her on. I don't want to talk to her, so I just ignore her.

Yes, I think we all have somebody in our life like that that you just it's an energy suck. You just don't have the energy for it.

What's my little boy Eric doing sitting there?

He is? He looks cute.

I'm just listening to your voice.

Okay, We're done with the game. Do you have any Oh, Auntie Doodoo. I wanted you to give Eric your incredible piece of advice you gave me when I asked you, what is your most important piece of advice you could pass on?

What are you talking about? You?

No, I don't What is what advice would you give somebody? What is the most important piece of advice you could give somebody? What did you tell me?

I don't know, I don't remember.

Be honest, find a nice guy and don't marry a piece of shit.

Is absolutely I want you to find a nice guy and don't marry a piece of sh no.

Oh God, we love you, Auntie Doodoo. Thanks for playing our game with us and being on our podcast. I just love hearing your voice all the time.

It makes me so happy to behave yourselves.

I know you can't do that there, listen, Eric, it's a full time job just trying to keep her in line.

Oh, I can well imagined, I can thank you.

I can't wait to see you all right.

We love you so much.

I love you, honey.

I love you because you go get your gummy and go night night.

About twenty minutes, Okay, I love you, Bye bye.

See that was worth talking to her. She's just the best. And she's been having kind of like low daisly like some low days, and I'm like, I just want to make her, make her laugh.

We should go see her.

I would love to.

She's awesome.

Run of Marong, let's go anyway. That's a podcast. Hope you liked it. We love you, and uh that's it. Next week we have a whole new bunch of shows coming your way. We do and love your podcast, mean it, love your podcast and love you and I love you my sweet babies. Bye bye.