She Got No Game

Oh hello, Welcome to Laura Kane after Dark. I'm Laura Kane.

Eric Grimmer.

I just needed to finish his commenting on Facebook, So there you go.

Welcome to the show.

Eric Rimmer, fantastic co host of Freaking. It'll be six years in August.

Six years.

Oh my god, Oh my god. Anyway, thanks so much.

For you're such a You're such a good partner.

In your ears. I know you are. You said something so nice. What did you say to me? Was it on text? Because you didn't give you.

A birthday card? My birthday card was my all my people calling in.

Well I didn't see you over your birthday, I.

Know, but you said you sent something nice. You said something really nice in a text, and I was really touched.

I did.

I said you were my soulmate, my partner, my work wife and everything in between. Well something like that.

It was something super happy. So when you feel better, is that when I get my gifts?

Yes, well I ordered it.

You ordered it after No, I ordered it honestly.

No, No, you can be honest. I don't even care.

No I did. It's from Temu. She'll take like six months to get here.

No, No, it's actually not from.

It's not, Well, how do you do.

You're the only she's the only person I buy gifts for off of that site.

Well that's for Christmas.

Yeah, that's yeah, you should. That's slightly insulting.

Oh my god.

Well, hey, there's a lot of things in the cells from that website, and some work and some don't, and so it's a it's kind of a crap shoot, but I'm willing to take it when it's that cheap. Okay, So I need to tell you about something I'm dealing with right now, and tell me the proper way to handle this situation that I'm in that I got myself into.

You know me and I like people. I like to talk to people.

I'm a curious person and I like I like getting to know people. And this is not me flirting. This is just me how I am. Like, I want to know, like what makes you tick, where you come from?

Like here we put a pin in that for just a second. Sure, can we can we just talk about something really quick?

Okay?

I would like to know what's going on here. It's a top that is the most hideous. Where did that come from?

Target?

Oh?

God? What you're going to start boycotting them.

Wow, that is that looks like one of those those aprons that you get for somebody that's got like the.

Big buff body on it or the big boobs and that that it's bad in.

The nothing that is just what if I wore like a jacket.

Open, No, it would know, nothing would make that cute. I think a Christmas sweater would be better.

Yeah, it's that bad.

Please pretty bad. It's really tacky awful. It's kind of an isore.

Actually it really Yeah, I'm gonna say burn it. Don't even try and sell it at the swap mets.

Okay, let me ask you now, try not to joke. I want you to be completely honest about this completely, Can I ask you without the ugliness that you think it's so ugly? But I was this close to wearing this.

Outfit to work. Oh God, tell me what would have happened?

You probably would have got fired.

Why it's not suggested for a bad taste. Yeah, but it's not showing any sleeving, no its.

That you have, you like, as a person, have no judgment or taste, and.

Your taste is all in your bland food that you eat. Yeah, that is I'm starting to sweat hearing to ask this question, how much did you pay for it?

Oh?

I don't know. It was on the sale rack.

I don't care if that was.

That should have been like a nickel ben and that would have been too much.

I thought it was.

It should have given that away and I liked it.

It should be given to a landfill. Awful.

What do you guys think about this? In the comments? Wherever you're listening, If you're well, you're listening, you don't know what it looks like. You're gonna have to jump onto YouTube and look at it.

What do you think? Is it cute? Is it interesting? Is it like sexy?

No?

Could I wear this to work? No?

It's stinky.

This would not offend anybody at work.

Yeah, all right, let's continue story.

Okay, when I was at v Ahaus on my birthday, huh, and Antonio and his family were enjoying the Cheap Trick Show and I was out walking around doing my own thing.

Uh.

There's a game that I really like called hot Pots.

It's hot. It's the flaving hot pot game, and you always hit it a slot.

Yeah, it's it's a penny slot, but you always hit the bonus and the bonus Last Forever and like that's it's just really it's a fun game to play.

I don't know if I even want anything.

So I'm I'm sitting there playing this man I want to say maybe seventy five sat next to me, thin man and from another country, I'm not sure. He had an accent, and we started talking because he was playing the game too, and then he was asking me all these questions, you know, and I'm just playing.

I'm like, yeah, you know, not being really nice. I'm happy it's my birthday, you know. And he's so we you know. I'm like, what do you do? And he's like, oh, I sell jeeps. I'm like, oh my god, I have a jeep. No way, that's so cool, la la la.

And so I said, you should listen to or watch our podcast. That's what we do, me and my partner and here. So we do a podcast and it's really fun to watch, so maybe you know. And I had my cards with me, so I gave him my card and he said to me, he goes, oh, so you work there. I go, well, no, I also work at iHeartMedia and I do. I work in the newsroom and I work at you know. I was just telling we're just making chit chat, right, huh. So then it's time

Whatever.

I Anyway, I didn't realize that on my card is my personal cell phone number.

Oh oh, has he been texting you?

He's been calling me NonStop.

I've been I don't recognize the number because I always think it's spam. But he he sent me a text with a picture of a bouquet of flowers in the seat of his car. For the last three days, he's been driving to iHeart to drop off flowers for me. But it's it was closed Sunday, it was closed Monday, and then today my boss texts me and says, oh, you have flowers at the front desk.

I just thought you'd want to know. I was like, oh, no, he cave. I'm in there. I haven't texted a back to.

Say I will picture of the flowers.

Now, yeah, well he's like I've been.

I've been trying to drop these off and nobody's nobody's there. I think I did text it back and said, you know what, we're closed on Sundays and it was a holiday.

But then I started getting a little weirded out.

Have you picked up the phone once to him?

No, Jesus, Well.

No, I mean no, I'm I don't pick up the phone and Eric calls it's business cards.

That's well, I didn't think about it. I didn't think about all the information. But it was kind of guy.

She doesn't pick up the phone when I'm the worst text on the planet.

So yeah, he won't text, and I don't like to talk. He doesn't like to text.

I don't like to talk.

I hate texting.

Yet we somehow communicate, I know we do.

So anyway, there are flowers currently waiting for me there.

And those cars don't have your address, do they?

No, they just have our you know, our website and my phone number and.

What's his name?

Well on the call, it's different than the card he gave me.

The card he gave you.

Where it's this jeep dealership. Wherever this jeep dealership was, I wasn't sure where, I don't remember. But on his card his name is Sean. But when the phone rang, it was like a bell or.

Something like that.

That doesn't well, that could be a number of reasons. Wait, how old do you think this guy was?

In his seventies? Oh?

Okay, I say, correct for you.

This is another thing we need to talk about.

Seventy dear lord.

No, not that I have, you know, I just I wasn't.

It's only a ten year difference.

I didn't make any kind of any kind of jestive comments.

That doesn't mean anything.

Well, then maybe he obviously he's trying to like.

Okay, let me assume me. Let me explain the modern dating landscape to you.

Well, this guy isn't very modern, is he?

No?

Okay? If you how long were you guys talking for?

I'd say like forty five minutes? Maybe?

Okay? Wow, did you ever leave? An impression? Typically a prolonged conversa are you wearing that top? Typically a prolonged conversation where a woman is showing interest in the guy's like actual life, typically in like employ interests.

We were sitting nicer. Playing in the game.

Let me know typically implies interest. Now, no, no, no, he has been a creep. That has nothing to do with the fact. But that's why he is maybe taking yeah thinking.

He hasn't said anything suggestive, He hasn't done anything suggested.

Or trying to woo you.

It's a little did you talk a lot with your tongue when you were like You're like he no, okay.

So anyway, that is currently the situation.

Your roommates know that their lives are all now in danger because you have a stalker.

He doesn't know where you live.

He'll find out. I think I could actually from your phone number, probably find out where you live.

I'm sure you could.

He might be able to too.

Why do you think I have a man living with me? It's because it keeps I feel safer in this.

Does he know he needs to protect you? Now you have a stalker?

Antonio?

Hey, you know, I know a huge deterrent just to open the door.

He was he he you you did, but the don't. It was too late by that time, because he had walked me out to the valet. I couldn't find Antonio. He wasn't order to be seen, and then I'm like calling him furiously and this guy is sitting standing next to me. I want to go, I warned her.

I think a huge return would be dead. Any kind of a stock would be to open the door wearing that top.

Do not hand out your.

Business card everybody. Right now, I'm going to beat up.

I'm going to beat up to you.

You with the Taylor swist stuff. I want to beat you up. I want to beat up Antonio and I want to beat up.

I don't want to really beat up you. Speak your butt. Maybe a little bit of spanking, is that okay?

Yeah, even though it's not Saturday night, that's okay, Okay.

I remember this guy.

I didn't realize it was in my card.

Well, they didn't write it down cards just to get someone to listen to the podcast. It's not worth it.

Well, hey, that's how you get you.

Know, that's not how you not by passing out business card.

I can't individual, I can't, I can't, Okay.

So when Marien and I decided to go on the dating app together, we made this promise to each other, and so I just been.

Like, I haven't been one of you has found success?

Yes, and me I when I think about it, which isn't very often because I don't really have time, I look and I'll go I didn't pay for it.

So you can only look at like one at a time.

And if you don't have a hinge, if you don't like the guy or whatever it is that he likes, if he liked you and you don't like him back, you can push you know, the X, and you can look at the next one.

You can't look at all the people that liked you at once.

So for some reason, and Brian, I'm sure you're gonna have a comment about this.

I'm sure Eric you're gonna have a comment about this. But every thirty four year old man in the world is into me, and it's it's a kink. I'm a kink.

Necessarily your age is on there right, Yes, yes.

In fact, they have that grain any complex.

Okay, So here's one dude.

Men also are their standards can be if they're desperate, their standards are real low. So they well, they may think you're just easy because you're older. They're like, oh, perfect, there she'll be desperate like a cougar's like a young guy. She'll be she'll think she's lucky.

Oh I could see that break.

Okay the graduate I recorded, Okay, this is my message. Okay, this is a dude that messaged me voice messaged me. Okay, my room Marie goes, you got a voice message him back? So I did awkwardly. It's horrible. And then he messaged me back, and we're going to play that.

Are you going to play his first and then yours?

Yes, and then I'm going to play some of the other ones.

Some guys on their profile include a little like a little voice message like I'm really into and then they'll talk or please don't do and then they'll talk or you know, I'll play some of those two.

But I got them all together. Here we go.

Oh no, it's a message.

Stand how to weave it? Any things for the voice of face right, make things a littly easier. I'm just leaving the beach. I just went quickly, just a good jump in the ocean and relax for a little bit.

What about you?

How's your Sunday Funday? Going do anything special? Keeping it mellow? Or did you get yourself into anything fun this weekend? And I have to say, pretty eyes, I'm very attractive and it seems like some fun you get to know. Well, hope you're having a great guard and looking forward to finding out more.

Okay, that was nice.

Here I go all listen anyway, just getting back to you. Yes, it was a crazy weekend, and then I had to work yesterday Memorial Day, like all day long today, and yeah, now I have to get up and go to work again, just you know, like the normal human being goes to work.

Anyway.

I think you're really cute. Yes, I'm old af but uh I we have fun together. And yes I am trouble. I'm a lot of trouble. So he had said that that's uh it's good and bad.

Okay, this is a response. This is a response.

You're funny.

I like it.

So the question is how much trouble and how much fun you might and maybe we could text and talk off this make things a little easier, and I might love trouble and then uh I look forward to finding out more. And you you might be able to be look hot as fuck. So if you're good kisser and have nice legs too, I guess I'll have to find out and you'll have to enlighten me. Maybe we could text and talk off this and make things easier.

I said, okay, wait wait here, wait wait, let me push. When we push, I said, well, oh god, all.

Right, he's a little cringey. But I think you were actually worse.

Oh I know, I know you were.

If you If I received that, I was blocked so dry dry, Yeah, you were so dry.

It's about work and stuff.

He was like, you know, he said you actually his first mention was really nice. If it was very nice, and you just like, yeah, at work, so that's fun. Yeah, I guess yeah. And then you're just like you're like so dry, like all right sea, like I feel like you were not putting any effort.

Him.

Well, then he goes, well, if you have, if you have like like like that, I said, I said, I wrote him.

I wrote him back.

I said, I have a thirty four inches seam.

Yeah.

Oh god, he doesn't know.

That on my head on two legs. No body. Oh I didn't give him that.

The legs were like those comments were creepy. When he said, he's like, oh, I like a little not whatever. He said. That was bad.

So here's a.

Guy on can I can I record a message for you and be like a house that would drive a Yeah.

Like this is her husband. She's a she's I need someone to keep her busy. I approve of this.

This is a dude.

This is on his profile. Oh god, And this is guy's one that sent me a rose or liked me or whatever.

Here we go. Oh wait, but the question is it's like, all I ask is that you.

All I ask is that you call me Colin because Colin is my name. My name is not Colon. My whole life, I've been called Colon. So I'm damaged by that.

I thought that was kind of huge.

I've heard that before. I feel like I know who the heck his name is Colon, Colan's not real name. Who is mister? Okay, there's one who mistakes Calin for Colan. I feel like that's.

You wouldn't know that's famous? All right? So this one this one?

Okay, wait, oh my god. Wait, guess the song here we go. This was on this dude's profile.

Guess the song.

Ready the King and his man soul, the Queen from her bed and bound her and her boom, the seas be ours and by the powers where we will?

Are you kidding me? Which lever? Do you know what that's from?

No?

Oh?

You guys, don't you look excited from parts of.

The Caribbean movie. Oh god, you're a little No. I think it's so. That is like the that's insane thing I've ever heard of everard this is his profile. It's a shanty at best. I don't think it exists beyond. I don't know if that's like an actual one or just made for that movie.

What what was he thinking?

I don't know. That's crazy, okay.

And finally this one is.

I was but like I was hearing that, I was like, there's no way, like this sounds familiar, but there's no way he's singing this song because it's it's not like a real song at best, a sea shanty. Oh my god, that's so weird.

I know it's weird. And then this one is I'm convinced that I'm convinced that.

I'm convinced that the n Cuba men's basketball is fixed.

Oh okay, great boy, here's another one. Oh no, is that the same one?

Yeah?

That's it. That's all I have. I mean, this is what I'm dealing with.

That that's crazy, you know what?

I what I would suggest becoming a nun No, actually.

That's I want to go through a slut stage.

Remember, well, then put some effort into it. Well, I don't have time, Liar, liar, you have time. If you want to do it, maybe you can be sludy with this first guy. No, actually I think the guy, the first guy, I mean, yeah, sure, if you want to, that's fine.

He was fight I may have like burned that bridge. Why because I was so cringey. No, he seems if I can dial it up a little bit.

Yeah, I think that's eligible. I actually think the guy who said the NCAA was fixed, he's probably pretty chill.

You probably tell him, They tell him that that the nickname for your mouth is Hoover.

You should the guy who sang the song, you should ask him why he chose that song, because it's insane. That is insane.

All right, now you're gonna help me. Okay, this is what we're going to do. Right now, We're going to write a note to the first guy who's twenty years younger than me.

Well, if this is a slut phase, and who cares?

I know?

Truly, So here we go. Okay, his name, where is he? Where is he? Where is he? In your return? I'm not I'm going to protect this dude. Where did you go?

Dude?

Where did you go? His name is there? He is, Okay, So after my should I leave a voice message or just text him?

Which I think because he said he said, let's text and get off this, so I think.

The okay, give me all right, give me, give me some game, give me some game.

Actually, the next step would you actually just be to just text hi your phone number or just message him your phone number.

But that's that's also dry, just like lay it out there.

That's the prize. That's not dry.

No text, no words, no nothing, just my hey.

Because we had a great day, here's my phone number.

Brian says no.

Oh, Marie says no either, and they're young.

No, just drop This guy is yeah, because his message said he said, hey, I'd love to get your phone number connected off the app. That's that's like he's that's the hook, and so you have to either respond to that. If you ignore that, that's weird. So either just say hey, let's keep chatting here and that kills it, or you drop your phone number, say hey, cutie, Patuti, here's my phone number.

Wait, Maria, okay, Personally, I'll like going on a furs day before the phone number.

What that's crazy?

Wait wait no, that's c Wait so you have to make the date on the app?

Yeah that's weird.

Yeah.

Oh she likes to get it. She likes to get it like going like she doesn't like to mess around on the app too much. She doesn't like it.

No, that's fine, that's why. But you get to get the phone number, you text, you step the first date.

So no other words but my but the digits.

I would I would say, that's what I would suggest.

Okay, here we go.

Never text the stupid Hey, how is your day going?

I won't I'm not already did that scuffle?

I know it is terrible. Okay, so this will This will give me a little bit more street cred. Right, just dropping my phone number with.

No because that's like it's like a mic drop is like boom, Okay, here we go. Ready, he got it. It's gonna make him more interested. You can make him way more since boom, there you go.

Okay, now psychology, Now she'll get a dick picked back.

No, well maybe actually probably not that he doesn't.

Well he might on in your experience, have you received any of those through this app? From the app from duce unsolicited unsolicited you can send up pictures no, I know, but when you've gotten off the app with somebody from this site, unsolicito.

Pone number, just like like I don't give my phone number.

Have you have you solicited one?

Okay, No, she's saying no, no comment, no comment, she said anyone.

No, No she's not. She doesn't. She doesn't do that kind of thing anyway.

All right, so the guy who Now, I think you actually should message back to the guy who sang you a song. But you need to fit because we need to hear, We need to.

Learn to see what this guy looks like, because no, I don't remember.

I think he probably looks like Johnny Depp.

No text him. That's a nice song. What's it called?

No?

Okay, do you like this guy? Because he has a restaurant? Nob?

Do I like him?

And he's he's like forty eight?

That's did he leave a voice message?

Does know?

But here's this, this is here's his profile. Unusual skills. I can do the splits and cook like Boordaine. Okay, he's straight, he's six feet, he has he's lying, he's so he's eleven. Oh I know, totally Uh he's a restaurant owner. Uh, he's into monogamy. He's got a lot of tattoos. Never say no in life because it's short. Try everything once, maybe twice. Say thank you to people that treat you well. Be relentlessly spontaneous, laugh a lot. He has a dog that he's kissing in one picture.

Monogamous, yes, okay.

A random fact I love is water is wet, women have secrets.

Okay, that last part is kind of cringe, but honestly, the rest of that's fine.

And then here is him painting something in him at I don't know, a rave like he looks like he's at a rodeo. Yeah, he looks like he looks like he said, so Fie stadium.

He sounds kind of chrull.

Okay, so do I like? Okay?

So what do I.

Do?

You like him?

I mean, how do you do that?

Here?

Oh?

I already chatted with him. Here's here's Oh no. His opening remark was actually pretty cool.

It was there you are? That was nice, and I went hello, because stunning, that's all. And then I said, where's your restaurant.

Here? Oh my god, oh my god, and didn't continue from there.

And then he said ocean beach.

If we were on the other side of this and we were like we were judging, these are the messages we were judging, I would be roasting you, right, Oh my god. Actually I'm gonna coach you regardless.

Why I have no practice? Out of practice?

You said you love talking with people.

Why are you so bad because I'm vulnerable.

I'm feeling vulnerable.

This isn't vulnerable.

It is because they're meeting.

It's kind of That's like, this is the most surface level conversation ever. This is the easy part.

Well, it's the hard part.

But you should be good at this.

Par for the compliment, I'm going to break that.

Yes you do. Wait how long ago did you send the first text?

Like a long time? Oh no, I thank you for the compliment.

You're double texting like hours later? Oh my god.

Wow.

All right, okay, let me get let me give you one.

Yeah, that's good. If you're gonna double text him after days, you got to put in some serious effort here.

Yeah.

I'm liking. I'm liking, but I see No, that's creepy. I'm liking the tattoos.

No, love your tattoos.

Ink, love your ink.

Yeah, that might be too young for love.

The word love is too fine. Love in the ink okay and the dog, Okay, loving the ink and the dog?

All right, okay?

So oh boy, this is like the most stressful part of my day, serious, so painful.

First the top, then this dude. I think you know, I know this.

I think something just happened to my colin, I mean my colon.

All right, to be continued. We will continue this, uh wow next week and I'll let you know. Hey, did we jump off?

Yeah?

But please we jump off the page?

The guys in each other's arms.

I don't I don't want to know, because he's probably going to sing some funeral.

That's a beautiful song. What's it called?

No?

Why the hell did you pick a song from such a shitty movie?

Maybe it's noe hey the movie was not sure. Maybe it's a genuine sea shanty. I don't think so.

Maybe he dresses up like Johnny Depp.

For wouldn't that be a great person to all talk to at all? You're always looking for.

Podcast content, And honestly, the voice was.

Can we listen to it again?

Oh?

Wow, it's so funny, left field, weird. But I'm gonna wake up screaming.

But I know I'm seeing. This is stressful.

I think you should text them back like, oh my god, you have so many apps on your.

I do, oh my god, faulty. Wait let me I got I group these altogether, so hold on, let me let.

Me get wait way too the apps at it? Hold on?

Where's the guy singing?

Where's the guys?

All I ask is that you here's the colond.

Calling guy and then here we go.

Here's the song. Ready, guess the song.

The King and his man had? And that would be a demerit right there. Honestly, it's so bold and insane. I'm almost kind of I cannot Actually his voice is fine. It's just it's awful. Now it's not it's actually a good song. Men's basketball is It's not the same guy.

This is the different guy. Do you see double I guy or no?

Honestly, I give him a chance. He seems that's like a normal thing to say.

Kind of Yeah, it was a flirtation.

It was just kind of like chance.

All right, you guys.

Holy crap, So you please message that I got back. You have to message him back the singer. Yes, it's so funny.

Picture.

Yeah, I got We've got to know more about him, because that's so crazy.

All right, you know what, for you, Bryan, I'll find out the story.

Maybe he'll come on the show and sing to Brian, I'd be crazy.

Would you like to be serenaded.

From a pirate of the king if he dresses like Oh god, I will literally be sec on the podcast.

I see. I don't know what would it like. Why someone would choose that song, probably.

As Jack Sparrow impersonator.

Dude, you have to date a Jack Sparrow. Persons so much fun? Oh my god, what is wrong with the two of you? I'd be so fun.

You're all over the place.

Oh me, okay, yeah, all right, sure, okay, well me and my Yes, I had work. I went to work. It was work. Yes, I can. I guess I can be a little naughty. I guess.

I didn't say naughty, I said trouble.

There's two things that I never want to experience again. This top and that song.

It's actually it's actually a good song in the movie, but it shouldn't be sung on hinge. You guys, I have been traumatized.

This amazing. Oh my god, you guys, calm down. This I'm getting I'm getting I'm working on it.

You're not. You're you're putting a minimal effort.

You're helping me what I need to take charge. I'm laying it out so you guys can help me out take charge. All right, all right, we're helping your sister out. I've got the power.

I am a woman.

I you know it.

Whatever, I got the power because I got the.

Okay, yeah, that's a good way to make sure you never see a guy again.

Really, okay. I would never say that to anybody who I will.

Scare off any winger two mile radios.

I hope you don't ever say on a day what you just said.

Thank God referred that as your that's awful by who huh oh, but that's what you said.

You said, Well, I didn't want to say the P worda the P.

Word, vagina, no glitterius.

Alright, we're done, we're done, We're down, We're done, right, everybody, all right, love.

Your podcast, Love your podcast, babies.

I'm sorry, I love you so much. I'm trying to find your new step dad. I love you.

Oh god, oh no, that was bad. All right, all right, all right,