Resting Bitch Face

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Oh hello, hello, hello, Oh my gosh. This is going to be a good episode or a really sad episode, or a very embarrassing episode and a naughty episode. Possibly I have a question a revealing episode.

What uh what's going on here? Okay?

First of all, yeah, I agree. This is like Sisters of the Trailing Pan.

You look like you're auditioning for the Gilmore Girl.

I'm just trying to change it up a little bit too much, just a.

B my hair.

I didn't have a chance to wash it the last two days and so it's just a little on the flat, boring side.

So I just stuck a hat on. You couldn't You couldn't watch wash your hair while you were watching ninety dav thing. No, of course not. And that needs my complete attention.

What do you have?

What's wrong with the top?

The top is it's basic.

It's just basic because I you know, I have a hat on.

The hat is awful.

What's making it's so wawfulcause I look like a page boy.

It's just it's the wrong decade for that. Yeah, it might be the wrong end of the actual this century, this millennium.

Actually, I mean it would be perfect if you were in like the eighteen eighties and you selling newspapers during the depression, I.

Understand, Or you were like Hannah Montana in two thousand to five.

So it's like two thousand and early two thousand. Yeah, well, you know what, I don't care.

I think the biggest problem is it just doesn't look good on me.

You know what.

In general, my head is so big that I can't fit into most hats. This hat fits me very well.

It's huge.

It fits my head perfectly, and it's comfortable. So I have kept it.

Like was it like a feedbag or something before?

Oh yeah, great depression stuff.

Oh it's cute.

It's just it looks worse to take it off.

It's my Brixton.

Oh them, it's Sice large.

Course, because my Giant you know what, my favorite hat company.

I bet people are gonna of.

Course they will. They will just do it. They will say that just to spite us.

Oh no, that's not how it works.

On our social media.

People love to disagree with me.

No, because everybody, well you you get it, you get it kind of hard. Sometimes Eric never does, which is wrong because he's the hater.

Sometimes he is. He's the one that makes the I'm cynical, but he's a hater.

And he's the one that makes the off color commons and the naughty.

But everybody loves Eric, and then I'm just in the worst movie opinions of all top That is not true. That's true.

Sometimes they're sometimes they're as but a lot of times they're way off. And I can always tell when he's lying about a movie.

You can both what do you mean by lying?

Like, for example, the last movie he saw, Oh, the Pamela Anderson movie that we saw, which was horrible.

Okay, I did not say it was great. I said she was.

Very Okay, Well there was another movie where he's like, did you like it was a good and he goes, yeah, it was great, like just so blandly.

Which means on the couch probably.

It's like, why are you lying to me?

Why can't you just be honest and say you didn't like the movie. You don't have to like this particular movie.

I don't remember what it was because it didn't happen.

The problem is is that you love awful movies and hate good movies a lot.

This is coming from somebody that watches like.

What yeah, me, Yeah, I watch all good things. I watch a lot of good That is my brain on pause.

Show you a lot of those I know. I know my brain is constantly working rules.

I have a bachelor, I don't care. I don't watch those blind that I do watch, which one love is blind? All of those reality shows are all brain off shows.

I do not partake.

I should start watching The Bachelor because a lot of people.

Do watch that.

You watch real stuff, steer away from reality TV.

Is I do love documentaries? I do too. I hate actually hate documentary. Oh I love documentaries.

Have you ever seen the show documentary now with It's with the two comedians from Saturday Night Live, the guy that did Portland, oh and another dude I kind of can't remember, but they do fake documentaries and there it's so subtly funny. It's called documentary.

Now you might like that I should like documentaries because I am like a big knowledge, but I just because I heard. My problem with documentaries is they take a lot of like like a very little about like amount of information and they turn into.

Like two hours long some of them.

Yes, I was like, I could read an article about this in literally ten minutes and get all the information.

Some of them do drag on and do create that. But okay, enough of that now. Look, Eric has a story to tell. He has a host chat. But I want to just tease what I'm going to talk about. Oh my god, I brought it down.

Let's just do it. Came in the mail, No, no, no, no, we'll do yours. I'm teasing. Mine's called book.

You'll see no, no, would you stop? Don't guess right now, don't guess right now. I I think I'm I need uh.

Talking to God?

Maybe, or I might be the smartest person on the planet, one of those, probably the first one. Okay, that's coming up after your topic.

Now let's just do it real QUI Okay, I'll make mine really quick so we can get on tears. I have a question for both of you. When you look at me, just in my normal in my normal state, like, what do you think?

Do you want us to be completely honest right now, I'll.

Say you walked into my office and I was at my computer typing something like what would what would okay, what would you think?

You have a lot of faces.

I'm going to be completely honest, and I'm and you know that I don't feel like this.

I don't feel this way.

But if I were to walk into your office and see you sitting there and you looked up at me, I'd be like unapproachable. Yeah, okay, unapproachable.

You have three faces from what I've seen, one is your happy, normal face. It's quite pleasant.

Now when he smiles.

It's great lights of room.

Yeah. Your second one is your very ditsy like I'm listening very intently face like, but it's kind of like I have I may, I might not have any clue what's going on.

It's like like he's thinking about his wheels are turning.

Or he's not thinking, but right exactly. The third one is your your sour gay face. It's very sour. It's very very flamboyant.

I've come to after being told that they were afraid to talk to me because I looked mean. I was like, so, I've come to terms with that. My normal face is just a scowl. I have resting bitch face. Everyone has all the time, most well except Laura. No, no, not really.

Well, when you do that, you do this is my resting face.

It's not really that's pretty. That's kind of a little harsher version. You don't only have RBF I do.

I know you do, and you're like, you do too.

Yes, I do. Mine's pretty intense.

Yeah, you are unapproachable as well. That's not as much as you could be. It depends on the day.

I think in the setting.

And the setting. See the work setting, it's rough.

I know if you if I.

Just if I, if you were expecting me, you would greet me with a smile. I know that, Like if you if I was a client, you were expecting me, you would be you'd have a smile. But if I just came up to your desk, like randomly, and I was a stranger and I walked in, oh boy, oh hell no, I think you give me a look like, what the eff are you doing in front of my doors?

Sassy too, You're a little sassy.

He's not not quite at the beginning.

He's more kurt. He's more it's it's.

Got that little sassy sarcasm to it though.

When he starts warming up and then he finally gets to Eric like it starts off he is he's kind of quiet, says not very that much, and then like he'll start opening up and then do the.

Sarcastic thing, Hello, can I help you? Yeah?

Or just Tello did something?

Yeah, uh yeah, or yeah he could. He would say kind of help you, like I'm really super busy right now, what are you doing in front of my desk?

That's the vibe you give off.

God forbid someone be slightly in the wrong. You're like, well, you should have. You're fifteen minutes late for your appointment.

Oh, I know, I know.

I have a story to tell you.

I don't even know if I should tell it.

If i'm If I'm doing my thing, you do your If yours is work related, you might be I know. Well it was just embarrassing for herself. Well, we'll get you in trouble.

Will spill it, give us a give us a vaguer.

I'll tell you off air. No, that's not fair to people. If it's work related, don't push it.

Could this get you and.

Live there anymore? Well then, who gives a rats?

But I don't think.

I'll tell it later.

Here, give me here, turn off the sound and I want to hear one sense.

Let's get on. Well, I'll tell you one sentence. Okay, does it look like I have a crystal ball? Just say it?

He has it. This is a while ago, and you don't do this now.

But you did this one. No, this was today. Don't say it then. It's funny though it's not that me. I don't jeopardize your all right, dang it, it's easy for you, Lauria. You barely have a job.

I know, right, jeez, I walk the line always and always.

But I guess in conclusion sometimes, yes, you do have pretty bad RBF, but like not like the worst.

No, not the worst I've ever seen. Oh, it's just so opposite of who you are.

That's it, totally is. And I don't just sit like at my desk like gritting like an idiot. No.

If he's if he's hating though, if he's in his hater mode, he's it's pretty Oh.

If I'm annoyed, pretty bad.

It takes them a while to get out of that mode, the annoyed mode. Once you get in it, it takes a minute for him to get back up.

An hour.

Yeah, so maybe so I wasn't wrong unapproachable yep, but not the case.

Not you not. Oh okay, I do have one that I can tell. This was at work, but it didn't involve anybody clients. No, okay. So I was going to lunch and I see a woman on our park, on our front park, with two dogs and they're on the lawn and there's no dogs allowed on the lawn. So as I was walking by, I was like, Hi, you know, I work in the man and I'm I always start off nice. So he says and I said, I work in the management office. I just want to let you

Oh god, I kind of feel like these stories are really uncharitable retelling.

And I was like, well no, and I said, those are dogs, right and she said yeah, and I go, then they're not allowed on the lawn. Read the signs. So he's so blunt. Yeah, I was like, because people are some people are.

Just stupidhandle like, yeah, so most people are not this bitchy in your life, and everyone he talks through apparently super b.

Because people are so entitled.

I don't think that he can't.

Deal with that. I can't.

And I think you have like a lens that you filter things through where it adds ten percent like bitchy.

And we had to give ourselves our employee reviews and it says like name things that you're good at, and name name one thing that you need to work on, and them all my resting bitch face, Like when people are stupid that I can't believe that I'm hearing that they're actually looking in this face and saying what they're saying, you have to.

You have to engage with them.

That's what I was like, because there were more on so I literally am like, okay, thank you. I start to walk away. She lifts her dogs back on the lawn and I walk back over them. All what part of get your dogs off the lawn? Don't you understand? See?

And those eyes are so vicious right now.

Yeah, and she's like out and I'm all, get them off my lawn, get off my line.

Yeah, you know, Okay, I just want to say I just I kind of suspect the conversation.

A little bit more.

Went like like, excuse me, uh, there's no dogs allowed on you were I'm sorry, they're not peeing or pooping.

He goes, WHOA read the sign, lady, no dogs?

Okay, that retelling does not is.

I walked up and I identified myself because for the law no dogs, well, you know, I could be like Gladys Krabits like you know, so I always identify myself showing your badge and your gun.

Yeah.

And then I don't think you said it as nice as you Yeah.

No I did. I did. I said it very nice, Okay, I would tell you if I was a straight up bitch.

I don't think you know those the thing. I don't think you were straight up, but I think there was just a little bit, like a little bit of like bitchiness in there that made her react, Yeah, no, no, no, excuse me, there's no dogs allowed.

I worked out there's no dog exactly exactly exactly what I said. I walked up and I'm like, hi, I work in the management office here. I just wanted to let you know. And she's literally standing right in front of one of the huge signs that says no dogs allowed on grass. She couldn't read it. She was standing in front of him. Good, good one, Laura, great way to play the Devil's at good well. No, And while she's like literally close to read it is the yeah,

I think you have a very low threshold for what is.

But then again, we don't. We're we don't have to deal with customers service type stuff as much as I.

Deal with clients every day.

Oh yeah, oh yeah you do, don't you.

Yeah. I deal with rich clients and when they're entitled and bitchy. I'm all, oh, uh uh that is going to stop right now. Yep, I don't know. I'm a little go ahead, can't wait.

Okay, Okay, now I saw this and it's from our our favorite team.

Stop buying stuff from both of you.

Just hey, you don't see there's only five packages a day that arrive here. It's just every once in a while you go through it and you see something interesting, and I'm like this.

That is a very terrible retelling of your side of it. I know I look at it every day.

Yeah, I was just there is quite frequently stuff I send him.

My strawd ideas and stuff. I always tell her, I bite you something.

Get ready when it's instead of death scrolling through Instagram like I death scroll through TIMU.

Oh my god, no, wonder you know I have it helps. I have the code to the Dark Web of Temo.

So I the Dark Web of Tune.

Okay, so, oh god, I'm going Let me preface this by saying, when I do this, I go with usually my roommate Antonio, because he likes to go and he always will float me a hundie to go gamble at a casino. I really think it's fun. I play the penny machines. I don't go over, but sometimes I'll win.

Right.

But the problem is, I think, wait, if I have three hundred dollars, now, I could make this into seven hundred. Oh god, I saw this thing and I went, this is brilliant. This is going to help me come home. Oh no, more money than I've ever come home with. Next time I go to the casino.

Oh god, so it came today.

It looks like a book.

It's a fake book. Okay, this is going to help you.

Yes, this is going to help me. I'm going to put it in my purse.

It's a safe, oh Jesus, with a key.

I'm going to lock it before I leave. There's little slits right here that you can.

Stick money in.

So when I win any money from that one hundred dollars, it's going in here. I cannot physically get it out without the key, which I'm going to leave it home. Okay, I would not then I come.

Home to a casino. Why Because if I'm on the casino and I'm a CD character and I see a lady shoving money into a lock box she has kept with her I'm going to rob her. Oh it makes it sound like you have a butt ton of money on you you carry around a lock box.

They're not.

But it looks like a book, right, I'm not going to shove it in like right, Hey, everybody.

Look, I've got money, oh sliding this book. But I bet you anything I can rip this off, anything that I probably will awfully flips give me my money. I think what you better do is let me hold just stop going. God, this is a disaster.

That is the worst excuse I've ever heard to gamble more.

I know I don't embarrassing and.

So you're better with your money. This is just so you can feel better about gambling more.

Luckily, I don't have like a mortgage or like I have money like that rent is well no, I mean I don't have enough, Like.

I don't have a mortgage. I just have rent. I don't I don't have the supply to play with.

Well that's the problem about people.

Yeah, I hate to tell you this that if somebody wanted to rob you of your forty three cents, they probably could.

And someone walking around with a book safe is a prime target to Yeah.

It will be in my purse and I'll just stick it like this. Here's here's how this all go down. Laura. I want you to go grab your purse right here.

It's a big, big, big Okay, okay, the book fits in my first fun.

She's like, I'm just gonna do I've got this money here, I'm just gonna do some light reading real quick from a book called Paris.

Well, okay, we'll see this.

Well this is good idea. What are you doing? Okay, you just won seventeen pushed the mic.

I won no with that hundred.

Now I have three hundred, but I'm going to keep a hundred because I'm gonna keep playing.

But I'm going to put the two.

Hundreds instead of walking away with it like a couple of hundred. Now you're only walking away with a hundred.

Because I just got there and I just once. I want to stay a little longer.

So so you you just just one, you know, seventeen dollars or whatever, seventeen bucks.

I seventeen hundred dollars.

Put it in there. Put it in there, Okay if I can. I couldn't even fit it in these Okay anyway, so hello, oh my god, I'm gonna read are you Laura Kane. Yes, hi, Oh my god, I am such a huge fan. I've watched you on Jeff and Jair. I've been taking every purse party. I listen to the podcast every single week, twice a week. I love you. Could I have your autograph? Really? Yes? Oh my god? If you say my napkin, there's a pen right there.

Okay, what do you want to you saw your napkin?

Yes? Please, thank you? Okay, this is a napkin. What's your name? Rick? Rick?

Okay, Rick, thanks, thank you for thank you so much. Okay, all right.

There, perfect?

Yeah, I don't need it. Yeah, really yeah?

Bye?

Bye, okay Rick, see you, okay, bye, Okay.

I know what you did.

That was so stupid. I'm sorry. That's not how that dumb skin.

Yeah, but look how easy it was for me to get you.

How that works? She's like, He's like, oh, go grab that pan over there. She's like, okay, I'll leave my purse right here with my money.

Say, oh, did you did you know you get robbed? How that's going to go down?

No, you get robbed when you're walking out to your car.

Oh yeah, I'll just beat you over the head.

Well, I'm with somebody. They're not going to rob me. I'm not by myself.

I'm just saying, don't take a money lock box crappy one to a casino shoving bills into there, because people will think you got like ten grand in there.

Yeah. I'm going to try it at least. Oh Jesus, okay.

And I will come back and report to you if if you incredible.

First she has been gamble some more to try it out more.

Last words should be chloroformed and putting someone's trunk. Yeah, this is this is the problem. Give us the key to the book of money. Oh my gosh.

See, well, at least I'm kind of outing myself a little bit that I might have.

Well, I do have addiction problem. So yeah, Now, any anybody that's slightly off that sees you in a casino is gonna grab your purpose.

Like, oh wow, what book you're reading?

It's huge.

And she's like, it's Paris.

Paris in the spring.

Oh what happens in it?

Oh you know Paris and you can hear jingle jangle. I want to read that book too. I'll take it now. Can I borrow it from you? Oh my god?

Can you unlock it?

Oh god?

Okay, So we're gonna play, and I've decided again, I'm going to tell you one of the Rando news stories and then we're gonna play a naughty game.

Oh perfect in the gutter. I don't like naughty games.

Well it's time we got it. We're gonna get a little naughty. Are you okay with that?

I mean, I'm not going to answer anything, but I'm not going to answer. I totally will.

Yes, you you're gonna Are you gonna play? You don't have to say any of the words I'm saying. You just have to guess.

I'm restortable.

I'm gonna be I'm going to remain respectable.

All right, speaking irrespectable, Laura is not.

Clean slate and go.

Dune jewelry dot is the most respectable jewelry place online and they even have stores. Unfortunately, they don't have any stores in California, but they do have a website of course,

Okay.

Inside the box it tells you who made the piece of jewelry. My piece of jewelry was made by Isaiah, handcrafted by Isaiah.

Okay.

Then they also include a little booklet that shows you all the different stones, all the elements, power stones, flowers, sea elements, shells, sand little booklet. And then this was my favorite part. It says in loving memory of David Heater.

And that this is my dad. It's just this company is just so.

Special and I'm so happy to be talking about them with you. And I know you love your ring.

I love both of my rings.

So check them out dunjewelry dot com. It would be a great Mother's Day gift, a great Birthday gift, a great Easter gift, a great I Love you gift, a late Valentine's Day gift. If you didn't get somebody something or something that you want to buy for yourself. This is something I'm never going to take off ever, and that one I only took it off once. Loves I've gotten it, so I love it.

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For the best part is if you go and you find something you love and you customize it or whatever. You can pick ones that they'ren't customized so they're all beautiful.

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We love you. Yeah, we love you.

Holly Daniels Christiansen, you are amazing and okay, now random news real quick. Arizona has come up with legislature to come up with an official state greeting and they've picked a greeting Arizona, Arizona.

I got it. It's you'll regret being here within five minutes.

Nope, this is the official you know, everybody, we all every state has an official what animal and official flower? Californias is the poppy? Right, yes, and then the bear? Okay, Arizona wants to make howdy oh their official state greeting.

I feel like they can't claim how do you? I feel the same way. That's Texas's, you know, I don't know.

Arizona was wild wild West at one point, so maybe that's fair.

But when you hear howdy, don't you think immediately Texas? Do you think I've met a cowboy? Like?

I mean, I don't know.

I think what do you think California's official greeting should be?

Piss off?

No?

Like something like go home? For sure? We go home. We love it here, but well you'll never know. No run for your life.

We hate ourselves just as much as we hate you.

We love ourselves.

Just it's really pretty here and really beautiful, and the ocean's great, but it's not easy living here. It's kind of hard.

Don't worry. We're all one bad pay check away from being homeless. Yes, Trio, that's right.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, go to Hollywood and see what it.

Really looks like. We are pretentious.

Okay, I have a question, and then we're to play a dirty game. What is the best lesson you learned in twenty twenty four? What is the best lesson you learned last year? And mine is very much something that people say, but I've never really done, and I'm starting to work smarter not harder. Yeah, work smarter not harder is so valid and I've I learned that last year big time because I almost burned out big time. So now I'm trying to work smarter about things than so

Oh? So easy that I don't give a flying fuck? Whoa about douchebag narcissists? Okay?

Oh okay, oh okay, I go.

There is a big there, what about you?

This one saved me a lot of pain. When you're washing spoons, always wash it with the scoop part pointed down. Yeah, I would say that was because before I would get drenched doing the dishes every time. That is same with wine glasses. Sometimes if you get the bad that can happen. Also, also, if you're washing glass, don't go from hot water cold water quickly.

They will explode.

Oh you didn't know this?

No, I did not mean.

Okay, do you wash through? I don't have a dish washer wash. I washed it the other day and my Mariamo wast freaked out.

She's like, who broke in?

Are you doing wash up? I'm like, yeah, I'm doing the dishes. She's like, you're washing up. It's called.

Don't make fun of me because I never do the dishes.

I have a dishwa shirt and I still do my dishes. I like washing by hand better. Yeah.

I ate doing the dishes so much when I was a kid. Did I tell this last last episode about what my dad used to do?

I don't think so. Oh.

That was one of my chores was to do the dishes after dinner. And I would put it off, procrastinate, go fart around, do stuff. He would get so mad that this happened maybe three or four times.

Just but real quick, don't speak too ill because he is listening.

Oh he Oh no, he's excited. He's excited. I'm telling the story because he wants somebody else to use this.

Okay.

I went into my room. He had taken all the dishes, with all the leftover food, not even thrown in the trash at all.

That.

He scooped up all the dishes off the dinner table, took the comforter off my bed, put the dishes in my bed, put the comforter over my bed, and I went in to get into bed, and there were the dish.

Oh my god, that is amazing.

That's a little crazy.

I thought I loved your dad before. I probably love them now. When we're listen, when we're old and living together in an old age trailer or whatever, I'm gonna do that to you.

No, dom because I still don't do them. If maybe I have PTSD, maybe that's why.

I don't do them. I shouldn't make fun of PTSD. That's no, that's no joke. But seriously, you have PTSD.

I still hate I can't, I hate, I hate it.

I know. Okay, Well, we're gonna have to have a honey Doo list when we're old and living together. You seem to like it, and tell me when I'm older than I am now, I'm not gonna probably like it. I'll entertain you because she's going to be eating beige food all day long.

It's going to be a con spark personal.

It's going to be a barrage of like dirty dishes all day. So we'll just know. We'll just eat on paper plates, so.

You random news while you do the dish.

Ye like my art, right, my art right's. I'll probably be so bad I won't even be able to hold a dish. So we'll just do paper plates and paper cups and paper plates are great, actually, plastic.

Forks, and then hurt the planet and then the aliens are going to come faster than they already are going to get.

We'll be dead soon. So oh my gosh, leave it to my generation.

We'll fix it.

We really need to have a whole show about us.

We already don't know. Yes we do, Yes we do.

Your stuff can be doing probably like ten minutes. I see your YouTube history. I know what you're I was gonna say, have you seen it lately? And I roll my eyes like, oh.

No, oh my god. There's like there's like cringey stuff. Guys who used to be in the military that do no stuff that really can't even say stuff. They are no evidence.

They can't.

That's not true.

I mean, okay, I can't. I can't. I'm gonna get it so mad right now.

They all you know, It's funny is they all have contradictory stories just by all having tops.

Bullshit, there's no such thing as aliens.

Okay, that's probably not true, do you think.

Okay, whatever, this discussion, we're going to shelve it because we're doing a whole I'm going to get a UFO expert in here. I'm I'm feverishly looking.

For somebody to speak feverishly.

I am somebody that has legitimate, like credibility. I'm looking for somebody that can speak on this, like an ex military person or something like that would be a hard get.

But the military has no more information than.

You do, or they're not willing, they're not allowed to say.

There's a lot of people in the military. There's no way that a secret.

That all right, change the word, changing topics, music, I don't know, just hurt on something. Okay, real quick, we're going to play a quick round of mind in the gutter. I'm going to read you some sentences and you have to tell me what word am I trying to say or am I describing? Okay, oh okay, so you don't even have to say anything.

You just these words.

Aren't naughtyntinue continue.

When I work on your hole, I start to come out of my pants.

When I work on your hole, I start to come out of my pants. You want me to poke with force screwdriver?

I poke once to clear your clog, snake, if there's too much hair in the clog, I need a longer plunger.

No starts with a plumb snake plumber.

Oh, okay, he comes out of his pants.

Because you know, a plumber's butt like the butt crack, a plumber's crack. It's just plumber, a plumber all right, all day long.

It's in and out all day long.

It's up and down. There you go.

Oh good, I know when you blow me with your mouth, I slowly get bigger. Oh, you can't live without me.

You like to play with me.

You play with me before bed, at work, you hide me from others. You only allow a select fee to touch me hair. No, but this is kind of irriic, because he doesn't let anybody touch his.

Face. You can't live without me. You like to play with me.

You play with me before bed, at work, you hide me from others.

Sometimes phone.

It might be painful when I go into your mouth, floss, I'll make you cruel with the just one move, there you go. Sometimes you have to poke me to make me release water. If you're not careful, i'll leave a red stain. Why ew, If you poke my backside enough, I'll spray all over ew.

Some people don't like me on their sausage. Grav No red sauce. Nah, it is red. Yes, there you go. Catch up. That doesn't really make sense. Hey, they're stretching it, but you know it is.

When you lick me, you need to hold my stick lollipop sucker. The more the more you suck, the smaller I become lollipop sucker. If you lick me for too long, I will soften.

Ice cream cone.

When I get warm, I start to melt popsicle. I mean you were you were there. All my holes are open to you. Your stick needs to be long, straight and hard to play with me. If you lack courage, don't poke me before you shoot. You often rub your fingertips.

Pull cue, bowling pull.

Table You got it. My space is space and will soak you through.

Soak. Okay, you like to stay inside me? Cool? Right? Swing Cool?

I can swing back and forth and you can come in from behind. If you bump into me too much, I might start to droop. When you hold me tightly, you'll draw attention. If you caress me, I might let you in. This one's kind of out there flower a door. I know, I know, I don't know, I don't know. If I'm soaking wet, you should lay me down, cane. You can use your toes to get me off before you insert a gas pedal into me. You should know your size foot shoe. There you go, There you go, there you go.

Lay me down to dry. That's kind of a weird one.

If I'm soaking wet, you should lay me down a shoe. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know what they're pushing it, but anyway, you can stick me in to make your hole wider. Dilator, I can help you get your nuts off speculum. After you charge my battery, I can help you do it yourself. When you finger my trigger, I'll plunge into your hole.

A gone, no crush, no a drill? Yes good.

Oh, we'll do a couple more than we're done. I might need a pretty appearance. If I'm hard enough, you can lick me for a long time, Jolly rancher, bite me hard, yeah, Candy, okay, and I'll shoot into your mouth some of all the kinds that are when you're doing.

When you're done playing with.

Me, you should take off your clothes.

Fiddling with my head will.

Make you wet. Shower, yes, oh, you can make me take many shapes. The bigger I get, the more it hurts you. You might take pride in having me between your thighs. Sometimes you have to endure being pricked for hours to.

Finish acupuncher, massage something between your thighs, poonam roller.

You might take pride in having me between your thighs because people don't usually get those there tattoo.

Oh oh one more?

Okay, Yeah, when you shake me, I'll excitedly spray out show can. If you drink too much of me, you might faint. So water, open your throat and gulp me down all at once.

Alcohol.

Beer can't beer, I said, alcohol.

I know, but I need to get it well.

Okay, one more than okay?

No final death, final death scores. I don't even know we weren't. I sit on your face. Sometimes there's hair around me. You're happy when I come. You have to use your lips to deal with me. I create dimples between your cheeks.

Straw, no drinking class Wait what say it again?

I sit on your face. Sometimes there's hair around me, A beard, I ask. You're happy when I come. You have to use your lips to deal with me.

Toothbrush.

I create dimples between your cheeks.

A smile. Oh, that was stupid. All right.

One more, you have to pay to get on me. Women, I might know everything you want to know.

Uh.

If you're not protected, you could catch something nasty from me.

We have to pay the climb on top of me that.

You have to pay to get on me roller coaster. Yeah, I allow you to have intercourse with strangers.

Exactly what it says prostitute the internet. Oh God, like you you mean discourse.

I don't think intercourse can mean anything other than you.

Know what's I don't intercourse.

It said discourse. No, it said intercourse. It's an intercourse.

I was gonna say that's not the right word. Discourse might be right.

I'm a four letter word and I end in U c k en in.

I see that's boring.

Yes, you'll find me hanging below your belt. You have to open your zipper to get me off. If I'm too tight, it's hard to get me.

Off underwear hanging below your belt.

If I'm too small, you can't get me up. If I'm really long, I could drag on the ground.

Hair zipper is close.

Pants.

Oh, I'm a four letter word. I need to be flexible to do me.

There may be grunting and groaning before you're finished, lift yoga. Good job, bom bom Okay.

Eric wants certain death. Well I got luck.

Remember anyways, I know, I just totally dis think it was a certain time.

It was the time, all right, you guys, thank you so much for watching and listening and putting up with us. And we hope you brought a smile to your face. Maybe not because Eric's in a grumpy mood today.

I mean, are you No, I am a hater. W was nagative you? You're negative about everything? Was last which was two days ago. No, it was not a little bit. A little bit.

I wanted to listen back.

I want you to listen back and report back to me. Yeah. I was a fucking delight. No, no, I have to mark this explicit once. Once Blake Lively and Ryan Round came out, Oh who cares about them? That's enough to put anybody in a bad mood. I could not care less, was too geez.

I will continue to watch Ryan Reynolds movies. Sometimes.

I was just happy to see Jack Nicholson is still alive and kicking, and they drug him.

I don't know.

I don't know anything about had Alzheimer's or something.

Oh I hope not well. I don't know.

Anyway, they got him out there to New York and said him in the audience, it was really cool to see.

You probably didn't know where he was. Oh stop, okay, anyway, thank you so much.

Guys.

Love you, guys, Love you.

See I got him before he could get me. And you know what else, guess what what?

Love your podcast, Love your podcast. I love you, my sweet babies. Bye.