Never Have I Ever (1)

See I'm like, oh, okay, well anyway, I'm Laura Kane. This is Laura Kane After Dark, and this is my co host of five years. Oh my god, over five years, Eric Rimmer.

We've been a in a twenty year plus relationship.

You keep adding on years we've actually known each other eighteen. No, but you can round it up. I don't. It'll be forty next going to be our whole entire live.

We're kids, since we're kids.

Okay, today we're playing a very special game of never have I ever. We're playing a drinking game. But we're not drinking alcohol.

You guys are playing a drinking game.

No, we're all playing the drinker. We're all playing the drinking game.

I can't drink after drive.

We're not drinking alcohol.

No, I can't. I can't drive with any fluids in my body.

O me either. Yeah either, that's right. I'll tell you what I don't want to have to do it urgency at night home.

Listen, you are going to be honest. No, and you are going to Yes, you are.

You know what.

I believe it will tell by your face you think you have a poker face.

But okay, we'll see if I okay, whatever whatever.

So we're gonna play that and then oh on Saturday, which is just a couple of days away, we have our big podcast Pumpkin Patch Day at California farm Life, which is in Ramona. And uh, Alisa from outl outlining, I can't ever say that outlander Highland cattle with their little miniature cows. She brings them to the farm. The farm has all sorts of pumpkins, pink pumpkins, gourds, pumpkins with warts. Don't yawn and he didn't. Okay. I fun smacking you though, and uh, you enjoyed that I did.

Look for me locked in a pen with.

I know button, oh, I know. You get to see your little button, oh my little button. So there's food there too. You can buy, there's a gift store. It's just going to be It's just really fun. I'm very much looking forward to me. So it's Saturday the nineteenth at one pm. Okay, Now, before I get to the thing that happened to me not only once, but twice in a month, we need to talk about are one fabulous, awesome sponsor has been with us for so long. La

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Okay, before I get to the one thing that I've done twice in a month, I have a gift for both of you, and you're probably gonna be like, oh, okay, but I did have the maid for you.

Guys. You didn't have what.

Laura Kane after Dark ball caps.

Oh those are cute.

Yeah, which one do you want, Brian, you want the blue logo or you want the white logo? Or do you want the white logo. I'll take the I mean you take the blue logo and and then there's the white logo and then I have a pink one.

Yeah, I didn't want that one.

I know.

I know, well, I knew better than that. So we each get a hat and you're up. What went on? Even though it doesn't match my outfit.

It's cute, very cute. Thanks mom.

Okay, now you're yawning. That's not good.

Sorry.

Okay, So we're gonna play a game of never Have I ever? But first a drinking game. But we're not going to drink. We're drink something horrific.

I told you to drive. Uh, I'm sober from fluids.

Two times this month I have I don't know if it's not tired. I'm not tired what I'm getting dressed. I guess maybe I'm not paying attention, or maybe I'm dealing with the dog or too many things. I get to where I'm going and I have to use the restroom, and I take down underwear and realize that the crotch of my underwear is on the side of my hip. I have my underwear on upside, like sideways.

This happened the other night when she came over for dinner. Yeah, and I wanted to know, and everybody was grossed out.

Don't go there. I don't think you should go.

I wanted to know no, there was a lip slip, like if it looked like a piece of dental floss between.

No, I don't wear underwear that like sexy.

Hello, we don't. No, no, no, no, no, I don't need Oh god, anyway, can't you tell like did you feel that?

Kind of not and then kind of yes? Like I knew I wasn't comfortable, but I wasn't realizing what it was.

Staff.

I mean it, you're gonna get.

Banned too far for you to too far?

Too far? Is that too far for you to yah for YouTube? Oh, before we get to the game, did you guys know there's a new clown in town? You know his name is?

It's the territoric?

Oh my god, what stop it? Right now? The unrated gorefest terror Fire three won the box office this weekends last weekend, opening with eighteen point two million. It beat Joker.

For the money back eighty one.

Well it didn't even open strong.

It's the worst second weekend decline for a comic book movie in history.

Oh, I just don't care to see it.

That is awful. I mean I feel bad for Do I feel bad for Lady Kaga? Yeah? I do.

Yeah, because everybody says she's good in it.

Well, it shouldn't have been the musical.

No, it shouldn't have Yeah, that was that was weird from the get and coming on the twenty third of October. I know you'll love this. I know Elvis will love this. It'd be so cute. But they say the company says that they've been they've been asked multiple times. They're finally coming out with crocs for dogs. Now they're coming forward. They have little straps so you can keep them on your feet, so you can wear your crocs and your dog can wear your crocks and come out on the

Tomato, so you will like some people love this stuff.

People make body Mary's out of this.

You think they're gross, some people love them.

Okay, I can't have anything spicy this is. It doesn't have the tabasca, No damn it.

Water, tomato, corn syrup, citric onion. Okay, garlic, what.

Did you just give over that start?

With citric acid. Too bad. Oh, and then here we go, here we go. This is what's happening here, dried clam broth.

Gross, shake it up. I know it is so every time it looks delicious, But aul Yu, this is what we're doing.

So I'm gonna pour.

I'm already gonna puke.

Here, come get your glass.

Some people drink this for fun. Oh.

Some people like mixing it with their vodka whatever whatever you make up bloody marry.

With Okay, I actually don't know.

Eric, here's yours. Oh stop it. You're you're taking pills now for this, so you're you're fine. So gross, I've never had this plane because it always looks so gross on this shelf.

It looks disgusting.

I'm like, who would drink that? But this is what we're gonna do. Okay.

It looks like a blood clots.

It's terrible. Okay, So play some sort of music so we have some excitement because.

If we do it, we have to take a sip.

If we've done the thing on the card, like I'll for example, no.

Don't read it yet, we just have to take a sip. Have we done it?

Okay? If it's happened to you or if you've done it?

Okay.

Never have I ever gotten super high from an edible?

Oh?

No, drink m or drink right now.

I remember done.

No, he accidentally took one, but he thought it was like a melatonin thing and it was an edible and it trested him up big time. He didn't mean to take it.

Oh god, oh god, weak of a glass of Oh he's got one.

That is disgusting.

Never have I ever thrown up at a party?

Never? Never take a big old gold blorer gross.

Back in the day, not in front of people, but at somebody else's house. Oh, oh, that's gnarly.

That is not good.

Never have I ever gone one month without having sex? Have you gone a month without having sex? Yes? You haven't gone a month without having sex? Yes, so you don't have to drink. Oh everyone has gone a month without having Okay.

Well, I mean you're all born into have you? No?

I mean, like in your adult recently, I guess I don't know. Whatever. Never have I ever not pooped for more than three days?

I have never.

It's never been three days. You've never been stressed that you're not pooping?

No strong bowet movements that seems to be a uniquely female problem.

Well, it seems to be a uniquely Laura came problem.

It's not just Laura.

I hear that from women on. It seems to be a common social media thing because they get bloating. Guys don't get bloated.

They just God. Never have I ever sent somebody a nude selfie?

I have not.

Take a big old gold because I know you have. I always had a policy never to do that, because.

That's good, that's smart. But I broke it, oh recently, semi recently maybe wait what, I'm.

Not talking about it anymore. I took my drink. Drink.

We'll talk about that afterwards.

Never have I ever Why am I Okay, this is terrible. I'm gonna be drinking this whole freaking thing, this whole bottle. I haven't had You haven't had one sip. Never have I ever broken up with somebody buy text? No? Well no, I've never broke up with somebody, But somebody broke up with me via text.

Broke up with somebody broke up with me via text?

Too. Have you ever broken up with someone over text? No?

So we Yeah, it's not fun and it's very rude. Yeah, totally never cares. I know right. Never have I ever purchased a sex toy?

No really Eric.

Recently?

Oh my god, you.

Throw away store in tjuanna.

Don't trust it?

Oh my god, but I haven't used it yet. Okay, uh okay, this isn't never have I ever? This is just like a fun like icebreaker, give us a talent. You have a quirky talent and share it with the group. What kind of like funky?

What's the criteria for drinking?

There's like I said, this is a break from the drinking, so with its just like here's mine. I have double jointed thumbs.

Look that's not talent.

Oh my god, wait, but that's not a talent.

It is quirky. And I can bend my can you bend the top of your Okay? But like this is weird.

This is weird.

Do you have any like, can you like do an shuffle cards? Real?

Well?

Can you do the thing with a cherry? I really want to be able to?

Is that real or is that a yeah, No, that's a real thing. It's I can't.

That is incredible to me. That is very impressive. When somebody can tie a knot and a cherry stem I can't.

I have a quirky talent, but I can't show it on the air.

Okay, I don't want to hear about it.

Moving on, dude, I don't think it's that quirk. Well, I don't want to know, but I don't care to go. No, we're not going down that hole.

Open door, I know, I know.

Never have I ever had cops show up at my door?

Oh?

Never?

No, yep, one, two, three, four times.

Nice. I'm as clean as the whistle, thankfully.

Oh god, okay, let me just give this. One of them was for I was a fifty one to fifty because this is when I went to rehab. One was because they were looking for somebody in the neighborhood.

Oh they they were just asking if you were right.

And the other one was somebody broke into this place and the police came over to take a report, and then I forgot the other one. Never have I ever slept with.

An XP No, that's why they're an ex.

It's stupid and dumb.

Yeah, don't do it again.

Oh my god.

Never have I ever been kicked out of a party.

No?

Oh, come on, what about you? You've been kicked out of a bar at a bar.

That was not a party.

All right, all right, all right?

Are you kicked to have a bar because I was dancing on a riser?

Well, why it doesn't drink, oh boy?

And I was told to get off, and then I got right back up on again.

And it was a cafe se right, that was different one.

No, both of those happened to Cafe Sevilla.

Wait, is that even a bar?

It's a bar and a rest.

Yeah, that's it's been around for a long time.

So the first time I was there, I got kicked out for dancing. No, that wasn't a cafes, that was it. That was at a different club cafes. I got kicked out because I got.

I got kicked.

Rest.

This is what happens when he drinks. He drops trout.

That's that's pretty intense.

I dropped and chirt and shirt.

Yeah, and you've butt the fluff fly I did, and there fluff down here?

Yeah?

You like you like it fluffy a little bit of fluff and soft fluffiness.

Yeah, I don't like the little boy, Okay, I know gross.

Never have I ever borrowed something from my roommate and lost in never never headphone.

It's happened to me, But I've never done somebody else.

Go ahead, This is the grossest stuff in the world. Never have I ever stolen silverware from a restaurant?

What?

No?

Why have you stolen?

College?

Forks are not expensive.

Because I needed it for what I was in college Kina had no money.

Yeah, but even forks are basically free from.

It was a metal fork, obviously. The Never have I ever been caught sneaking in or out of a fraternity or so alreaty? No, I've done the walk shame in an Indian costume. Oh god, it was and it was inappropriate.

Yeah, but you weren't the only one.

I know. I'm taking the tiny steps because damn. Never have I ever been caught hooking up in a car?

Nope?

No, no, oh, thank god, thank god. Never have I ever past no not. Never have I ever caused someone to get stitches? No, you've never. Okay. Never have I ever called my parents while drunk? No? Probably when I was drinking.

Yeah, much, when I barfed on my mom. I didn't call her.

Oh she just showed up.

She just showed up.

Yeah, Oh my god, I'm gonna have to reapoor. Never have I ever been drunk in public before eleven o'clock in the morning.

Oh not, no, Holy crap. Yeah, Laura one.

Day. Why do you think?

Why do you think would you like me to give you another heavy? Poor? O?

God, god, it used to be so bad ass Laura, Oh my god, gross. Oh I'm kidding.

Okay, now get ready. Brother. Never have I ever facetimed or zoomed somebody while naked? Nope, drink me drink. I didn't see your nakedness, but you told me you were naked. You were like in bed, and I was just sell your face. I'm naked, drink.

Right, But you didn't see anything.

I know, but you were naked. That doesn't matter. Drink up. You know what I got to drink too.

You FaceTime someone will naked?

Yeah, I FaceTime like my daughter and stuff. That counts well, No, I mean like when we getting ready for whatever whatever? Stop it. Uh okay. Never have I ever been drawn on while I was passed out from drinking in junior high school? Oh okay, this is my first Okay, so this is the story. This is what I Oh god, that's bad. This is my first time I ever got drunk. It was at my friend's house. And her parents were away for the weekend and she had a party and

Don't rock the boat. That felt so sick.

I think I was in my own puke.

But that was my first drawings and then junior high. So how were you like?

What?

Yes, God, I don't even think I got drunk until will I was after I was eighteen. Really, I was a good kid. I was like a really good kid. I did not break rules.

Wow, you're like a unicorn.

I may have even been like nineteen, That is crazy. I think first time I got tipsy, I probably it was either seventeen or eighteen, just because my parents let me have a glass of wine with dinner.

Glass of wine.

It was a pretty big glass of wine. But I was like, oh God, like this, did you like the feeling? Or that was great? But like I was just tipsy. I was not drunk. My head was just kind of heavy. It's funny.

Never, oh god, I can't get this taste on him. Never have I ever taken a friend to the emergency room.

Yes, me and Brian, we both took I know, that was just urgent care.

That was not the emergency.

No, it was the emergency.

That's not the same thing.

It was the emergence drink. Oh right now, go ahead, Brian, go ahead, Brian, go ahead, Brian. Oh yeah, oh yeah, it's not that bad.

Oh yes, oh wow, it's not good. Saying that it's not good, but it's not that bad. Oh, it's so salty.

God, it has clam broth.

I don't I don't mind that part, but the oh salty juice.

Never have I ever peed into an empty bottle? No, no, no, oh, not even on a road trip in the bathroom.

And I think that is it perfect?

Oh? Is that all of them?

Yes? That there's one thing that that is a that's a it's it's a kind of an icebreaker that you can stop drinking for a minute until your next turn. You're supposed to take turns. You have to alternate between smiling and frowning, smiling and frowning until until until you you can't do it anymore.

Until you can't do it anymore.

Until it's your turn.

It's stupid, This is stupid, this is I looked so dumb.

I looked ridiculous.

Can I don't even know? Can I frown? Oh yeah, that's a good friend.

Wow, that's old lady.

No, no, I better not do that. I'm gonna get those like Marionette lines.

That was a really Wow, that's an old lady. And if you didn't have your lips done, they'd be all curled in. Oh wow, that would be you frown.

Let me see from you're the saddest. You're the saddest man. A whole.

I'm my whole.

Aesthetic is a permanent frown. What are you talking about?

Okay, he's got RBF.

More more downturn.

Do you like the comp Do you like the comical? Like theater?

Mask?

Frown? No? Like make your lips pointing downwards?

Oh my god? All right, well now I'm going to finally read something. Oh did you like the game that we played? That where we kept when you were a winner or a loser? But I asked you questions and I had to give you a point for every one thing that you've done.

Think, so yeah, last time.

But I have a couple more if we if we want to spend some more time together. Do you want to spend more time together?

No, I'm paid to be here, so I guess.

So okay, wait, let me get my pen.

I'm not if I'm not going to contractually obligated, I'm not the door, so I don't.

I'm just I don't know where your contract is right now?

Oh god, I can go.

My writer says I have to be out of here by eight thirty.

Your writer was never signed.

It's eight it's eight thirty three now I'm on overtime.

Do you have a pen?

I don't know where mine went to break it. We never notarized your writer, so it's.

Kind of worth What do you mean whatever, We'll just keep heading track. Okay, have you ever have you gotten food poisoning in the last year?

Yes, you did.

What was it from? I don't remember what kind of food.

I think it was from a salad?

Oh, see, sounds can that to you?

I don't know, but I don't. I feel like I I don't know.

Okay, I got to find something that's wood. Is this wood? This is wood? It's kind of it's cardboard.

That's not wood. I have never you've never had food poisoning. Oh god, let's go get some cheap Chinese food right now.

That's why staal with.

Let's let's give Laura some warm clamato. We'll see what happens.

Oh, I know, this might do.

What's like the food that has the stereotype of that's the one you gotta watch out.

For, chicken, salmonillas under seafood.

I always kind of have Italian food.

Like clams or oysters.

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

Okay, can you touch your toes?

Yeah?

Can you?

Yeah?

No, no, no, spy standing up. You know what I'm talking about?

Oh uh, not really really, I can.

You can. That's a pretty impresive for guy. I can get close it, yeah, because most guys can't. Most guys can't or they're not as flexible. I could put my full on hands on the floor.

Oh my god, I can't do that anyway.

Have you do you have over fifty unread emails on your phone?

I have four thousand unread emails.

I think I have like twenty five hundred. I no, I have twenty three thousands.

I have the same.

Most of them are jumped though.

Oh yeah, I just don't spend the time doing it.

I stopped deleting after a while.

Is there a program or something that I can use that can mast because I I always think about that, like, Okay, have you ever been to the Grand Canyon?

Yes?

No, Okay, I went. Okay, I went on a trip by myself to Sedona. This is the only time I've ever been on a vacation by myself. This was in two thousand and eight. On the way back, I thought, oh, I want to go see the swing by and see the Grand Canyon. How cool it was raining that day. I paid the twenty five dollars to get into the park. I get to the ledge with the railing, I look over the entire canyon was fogged in. Oh my gosh, I didn't see one down. I couldn't see down.

Oh well, I was like, this is did you wake a couple of hours to burn off?

No, I didn't get home. I had to get home and it was like it was a stormy So no, I actually so I actually haven't.

Really.

I did wake up at like five am once like hike Cow's Mountain with my dog once. Actually, I probably was up at like four thirty because it was like I think it was in the summer or whinter, so early sunrise. I got up there exhausting and my dog was being a paint about it, and boom cloud right in the middle, like over the top of the entire mountain. So you couldn't see the sun rise at all. Oh no, what can you do?

Did you know that there was a comet or there is a comet that you can see to the end of the month. But it was really super bright this weekend.

I looked for a bite and see it.

You were okay, there were there's three things going on. There were two meteor showers and then this comet and one of the meteor showers Drackianoid or something like that. It's different because you could see it in the early evening, like at dinner time.

So I didn't see anything.

I didn't I forgot to look outside. But I would have loved to see that comet.

I like when you can see SpaceX launched their rockets from Where's It's not Ventura, It's it's up north though, a couple of hundred miles.

So get this, that comet has not been seen by the human eye for eighty thousand years and it won't be again. The last humans to see that comment were Neanderthals, crazy.

In fact, to swear you can still see it now.

Yeah, to the end of the month. It's still visible. But it was the brightest over the weekend because it was the closest to Earth that it was going to get. And Okay, have you ever toilet papered to house?

Nope?

Yes I have not? In high school?

Nope. I told you I was a goody two shoes kid.

Lord did it like last weekend?

Have you ever traveled to another country alone? No? Yes, yeah, me too, which country.

Italy alone?

You went to Italy alone?

Was it for work?

It was for work?

Oh oh when you were modeling?

Oh where'd you go to? Oh, Mexico? Yeah duh every other weekend? Right?

Yeah?

Okay, have you ever let well, this is so for me to ask you this. Have you ever left a bad YELP review? I never have.

Never.

There are thousands of from you bad Oh.

Yes, I think you live for that kind of thing, and you write so well that they are they are, they are crushing these reviews.

Yeah.

Have you ever hitchhiked? No?

No, no way, That's how you get murdered by a serial killer exactly. Ed Kemper would like to have a word.

Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes?

Me too, and it sucks. But do you have a journal? Nope? No, I have like five that I've started in and none of them I have like I've never completed all.

It's like your diary and then that's it.

Like it'll be like twenty twenty one. I have something written down, and then like a year will pass and I'm like, oh, I'll stuck this up again, and then I'll do it like for three days, and then I just don't do it. For like another two years. Oh, I guess I have. Have you ever had phone sex? No? No? Wow, you really are a unicorn.

That doesn't even sound appealing.

No really?

Yeah, okay, like I don't think I really have properly, but like you're so far removed from actual sex, Like, at what point is that just like just weird?

You're just telling the other personally? I want I want pretendly my hand is touching you.

That's called four play. Well.

No, like if you're if you're like an, if there's a long distance relationship.

I'm like, wow, it really feels like you're here next to me. Well love it.

Have you sent a selfie to somebody in the last twenty four hours?

Nope?

No, me, neither are so there. Can you raise one eyebrow? Yeah, okay, let me see No you can't. Oh wait, dude again, Oh there you go. I can't raise my eyebrows at all.

She has botox?

Yeah, okay, and then RoboCop.

One more, one more, one more and one more. Uh. Have you ever been set up with somebody on a date? Yes, I'm supposedly gonna meet the love of my life by somebody setting me up.

According to it, I should have brought them. I got an authentic set of original writer tarot cards.

Okay, it's super cool.

Guy them at the record store.

So they're like vintage, are they? Oh my god?

Yeah, they're older. They're not like old old.

Okay, did you see the movie taro.

Yeah it was awful.

Oh I didn't think it was.

It was bad.

There were some interesting scenes, but mostly it was awful.

Okay, let's put this aside for now. For now, let I need to talk this out a little bit before we end the show. What what are you doing for our Halloween episode?

I'm not telling you.

I am freaking out right now.

Let me just say it arrives in the mail tomorrow.

Why, oh my god.

Because maybe like as a precursor, we can bring in that the tarot cards. Maybe you can learn how to We'll just learn how to know. I'm just saying, like, it's kind of cool.

I learned how to give in a tarot. I googled it in two minutes and I learned how to do it.

All right, Well, then you're gonna taro us next year, next episode.

No, and Brian said, I won't be phased by what he's doing, but you're not gonna like it.

I know, because it doesna happen in my house. He said, something's gonna linger.

Here's the thing, though, I don't believe in taro, so I don't have any magic to pass on to you or something.

I totally do. So bring them in because these these are likely vited.

Okay, they're not that old, they're just classic.

I would love for you to bring them because I'd love to see what we pull because remember with Natalie what we pulled. I pulled the double and you pulled death. But it works once, and I forgot when you pulled something like hop and stance or something weird. Anyway, Okay, join us Saturday at one o'clock at California farm Life in Ramona. The directions everything on our website Laura Kane

And then we'll do stuff that's very unfamily like no, we know.

We got to be good.

We gotta be good.

Well, you you can't be.

We need to have a talk after the show.

Oh, daddy's gonna get scolded.

Yes, daddy's gonna have to behave in public like that's a normal expectation, that's like common sense.

Whatever.

You barely behave in private, I know.

Anyway, with that, thank you for listening and watching and love your podcast.

You didn't see anything about my shirt.

I've seen that shirt like five times, five times. This is this shirt's like three years old.

I thought that it was. I was pulling out a vintage.

No yere one you wore last episode that was new.

Nobody knows I'm a lesbian. Oh yeah, love your podcast, Thank you.

Love you.

My sweet baby Spye do Is insult him a little bit and sad bye