Super grumpy grumpy up because grumple up. I guess hello you guys, welcome to Laura Kane After Dark. Hi. We're going on our fifth year doing this podcast, and it's because of you, guys. I'm already sick of it. I know you've been with us a year in like three days, no year in a couple of weeks. Yeah, and you're gonna be with us this time next year. And maybe maybe that's producer Brian by the way, Eric rib Or my co host. I possibly you'll be working this whole
fifth year for free. Maybe, or maybe I'll just quit the week after Kanis comes. Oh, she would lose her don't please, don't ever do that, and you could rehire me for my original part. I'm kidding. I will. I'll stick to my word. I will come haunt you. You already haunt me. We're talking about God already do I text message comes in from him from me, and I know he's like, oh, God of the night. I know totally. I texted you like midnight the other
night, but I knew you'd be awake. I should have not responded, I know, but you did. But everybody he couldn't talk to me because everybody else in the house was asleep. Yeah, it was midnight. I know, I know, I know. So we're gonna have my daughter, Evan Elizabeth on the show with us tonight. Yeah, because she leaves on said her day, she goes back to New York City. You do know, Evan, what that means for me? What does that mean? She's not on yet, But what it means that I'm gonna have to pay more
attention to me. Yes, that's exactly what that means, because both of my babies the nightmare right and I think this time is going to be worse. Why because I hope not. I just think it is. I'm really sad. We had such a fun summer that it's gonna really be hard to be without her. Evan, you should probably pack your bags and leave in the middle of the night. Didn't stop it and just leave like a note
on her pillow. Now be quiet. We're able to go take her out to do more fun things now, like the movies with they She'll go to the bathroom for the entire thing Instagram, or we could go we could go see talk to me year. Do you want to go see? Well, let's wait till she comes on we'll ask her all these questions we need to talk about. We need to talk about our fabulous sponsor before we get on with the show. And one of those fabulous sponsors is my Megan Route Mott
and my Megan Route. Our Megan Rout. She's my Megan Route now from Milestone Property. Yes, from Milestone Properties. She has been the real estate and mortgage field since nineteen ninety six. Godly, Yes. She she's a broker. She's a real estate agent and she also lists home so she does and as Megan says, all her my listings come with concierge services. My listing that closed last week, the sellers received cash in hand forty six days
from the date they signed the listing agreement. In that amount of time, not only did the househell, but I arranged for a garage clean out and antique piano to be donated and picked up repairs Anna deep clean. All my listings are backed by my team and vendors with years of experience. Especially in this market, it is really important for sellers to price their home appropriately and have a proven marketing strategy. It doesn't get overlooked and sit on the market
for too long and need multiple price reductions. I have been working in the industry through all markets know how to appropriately price homes. In fact, I offer all homeowners a free value analysis. This is not the generic value you would get if you google online. I will take into consideration all of the things that make your house unique. They can call or text Megan at this address with no strings attached. She just wants to help people understand the value
of their home in different changing markets. To me, this means that Megan Route does absolutely everything when it comes to buying a house. She lists it, she sells it, she helps you clean it, she helps you get rid of stuff, she helps you finance it, she helps She basically hold your hand every step of the way. Megan, I know this is well, it might work. Laura's not looking to buy, but could you come over and get rid of some of her stuff and help me clean her house?
I would love to buy this place, wouldn't that be cool? Gosh? But you know who I would call into milliseconds Megan Root because she has a fine She just you know what. It would probably take me like a year to get my finances in order, and she will stick with me that long. She's stick She is stuck with people for like two years. I think in a year you can get your finances an order enough to buy a house. Don't challenge me, Brian. Oh boy, that's all she needed
to hear. No, actually, or do you need to hear this? What do you think, Eric? I think she could do it if she puts her mind to it. Thank you. Once you find some money. Then after a year after that, maybe all those videos you see that I watch every single night on YouTube. Where's the money from? Where is it? It's coming? Man? In a fight? Manifestation does not have a timeline. You're right. It happens when the universe is ready to give it
to you and when you are probably prepared. It sounds like it doesn't really work, but what does work is Megan Roots phone number. Phone number does work. It is six one nine six five four six nine eight zero. Nice segue, Cane. You can also email Megan at M. E. G. A. N at Milestone PROPERTIESCA dot com. Milestone Properties helping California plant roots for almost thirty years, Laura Kane after Dark dot com In case she missed all that information, her her whole spiels right that are up on
the front page. There so you can just click on our website. We love you, Megan. Okay, So now Worri are going to talk about my favorite place on the planet. Oh wait, let me get it. I spend a lot of time there. She does. Even she even has a personalized parking spot right out front. I love the people. I love what they offer, I love how they do it. I love their business model, I love their attitude. It's la Joia Cosmetic Surgery Center in Metspa.
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look overly done. That is like it's the most natural place ever, and I really love them for that. So thank you and thank you for being a sponsor. Okay, my host chat today is actually a person that I created at Lajoia Cosmetic. No, not at Lavoya Cosmetic. That that actually came flying out of beer of vagina before it was plastic down there. There's no plastic down there. And as a matter of fact, she did not. Oh she was. She was a C section baby. Yes, that's
right. She was perfect when she was born and she still is. She still is. Come on down, Evan, Elizabeth Kane, Evan can this is your life? How's it going? I'm doing good, you know, I'm just watching this podcast my living room. What's going on? I know? Is it is it weird to have all this stuff up in your living room? I mean, when you're when you have friends over are you? Are you a little and various or a little shot? Look at this wall, Like, look at this wall, guys. This is like right when
you walked into my house. This is what you see. Do you ever walk down and see me and just go wow, I can't believe you're in my living room every time? She lives Uncle Eric every day. Yeah, it's true. I wanted to have Evan on because she leaves for New York City fort years on Saturday, Saturday. Now I'm packing right now in my room. Evan, tell me your goals for this second year of college.
Okay, I know you have, you have things have changed, you still want to need many goals, but one of them is I'm okay, I want to get in a show this year. But if I don't, that's okay, because I really just want to soak up as much as I can from the acting classes that I have this year, because they're really good professors and last year I had really good professors too, and I just want to
go all in this year like I did last year. She Yeah, she was one of you freshman or the only freshman cast in a studio show, one of a few. Yeah, so it was a pretty big deal. She's good and she now she wants to what else do you want to do? Oh, well, you're just gonna be I know I wanted to. I want you to say it. I'm doing some songwriting, so I'm going to get a few of my musician friends to help me nice backing for some of my lyrics, and then we're going to produce. Oh, Brian,
let me tell you a story. No, I'm gonna tell you a story. No, this is not about this. This is not about the music. I just thought of something that you need to know. Oh, I'll be the judge of that. So Brian has access to my YouTube all my TC's what I see on YouTube, so he knows what I watch and the things that I look up. So he knows that I watched those sleep meditation manifestation videos every night. I love those. Thank you. No no, no, no, no, Brian, no no no, what I don't
matter. That's fine, Evan, Like I want to say. A month ago, was twenty fifth on the list to get a dorm room. She she didn't have housing basically, so she was worried. I said, don't worry. A lot of times people fall off and let me guess you found a YouTube video on manifesting dorm room no No, But in my sleep meditation manifestation, one of the things I was focusing on was Evan's school, Fordham University. Let this may please, let this be a seamless process this year.
Well, the next day she finds out she's seventy fourth on the list. Hold on. That's worse. Hold on, hold on, manifesting, Actually you have the negative impact. Hold on. Just wait, Ryan, I'm waiting listening. So I said, that is not That doesn't seem right, that you go from twenty fifth to seventy fourth. That doesn't seem fair. We're gonna make a phone call. So we did. We called them, and this woman was on the line and she was like, hello,
I'm gonna put you on hold. She put me on. Yeah. I didn't even say my name yet in the call at all, Like she didn't even know. I didn't even say my four to my d number. She knew nothing. And then this man gets on the phone and he's like is this Evan And I was like yes, and he's like, we've opened up a graduate housing house for you, apartment in New York, And we were like, what from twenty fifth to seventy fourth to having a brand like almost
a brand new apartment she got housing. Wow, what's a great question, did you there's no question. It's the phone that you worked with me. No, I'm sorry, Eric. We also wrote a letter. Oh I wonder it could be the end of the other things besides you vaguely dreaming in your sleep about how it's a bummer Brian manifestation takes on. There's many parts to it. You don't just think and wish. How would you wait? How do you know this? Because there's no science behind this, there's no
formal anything. You have never watched the things that I've watched. What have you watched? And where did they get their information from? These are just people that, actually, you know what, I made it up. I don't feel like arguing about this. I'm saying it worked. I don't like it. One mommy and daddy fight. Yes, we wrote a letter because I wanted them to know just how much how important Fordham was to Evan.
Let me how much she learned from them my circumstances and boy, let me let me present a simple dichotomy that was too many see how okay okay? In college, I shouldn't have you. Let me present a two simple outcomes, or two solutions to an outcome. One is that you had a dream.
We'll listen to a YouTube video and we're thinking about her getting housing, and magic happened in the universe unexplained by anything including you, thank you, or be the physical letter that you sent outlining the problem maybe had an impact. If I had to choose between which one of those had an effect, it definitely would not be the dreams you had. See what I do with She's gonna fly right over the table. See the negativity, and I have
to deal with the punitive, ridiculousness nature of his words to me. I know, see, I know you put it this way. If you are relying on manifestation for more serious things in life, let's say money, you wouldn't all right if you leave manifestation. You should quit all your jobs right now and just manifest full time so it'll happen faster. You gotta put in the work. You gotta put in the work. But if you have to put in the work, then it's not manifesting Jack, it's just you putting
in the work. But if you're manifesting it, you're putting your entire minds energy on that thing. Therefore, you already yourself, you're already. We have a word for It's called focus. It's called focus on. Can I go home? No? I know right now, Evan's getting into the crystal move on. Yeah. I even bought him a negative I bought him a negativity crystal bracelet, and he has any more on it. I have I work for a weekend. There was no difference. All right, Look,
I am glad you got into the graduate housing. I just don't think you had anything to do with Laura's dreams. You know videos. You know what, Evan? I believe in magic and some people don't. So whatever believe Oh no, it's just just no, no, no, no, just the magic, just magic in life? What magic? Just glorious things happen sometimes. Is this a religious thing or is it? No? But now you're boring Eric because now he's doing his typical hair over. Eric. Do
you have a host chat or are we going to play a game? No? I do have a quick host chat? Yeahs do your host chats are durable? Luck? Eric does this with we all show YouTube might as well. Eric does this every woman in his life. He does the hair, the hair over. I know you're not You're not unique, Evan. You have the best though too. I'm number three. Maybe you could manifest number two? All right? Moving on? Oh my god, I'm starting to sweat. Moving on. Okay, okay, what's your host? Jet?
And Evan's going to stay with this because we're gonna play a game what Saturday night I went and saw Patti LaBelle? Do you even know who that is? Brian? Let me get manifested for about it for a little bit and I'll let you know. No, no, okay, and Gladys Knight at the Rady Shell. Do you know who that is? Brian? Gladys Knight in No? Oh? No? How was the show? It was awesome?
The best part was I guess, I don't know if it's part of pat I've always wanted to see Patti LaBelle and I've never had a chance to hear, and now I did and it was worth everybody because she sprained her ankle like a couple of nights before, so like forty five minutes into her concert, She's like, okay, I'm done by and just leaves. Wait who is this Patty Lebow? She was really like my ankle hurt. She's a singer, she's a musician. Decade the eighties, well, no,
because I know eighties, and then she's not the sixties. She sang the song Lady Marmalade. Okay, yeah, okay, seventies and then the gladdest night Pips was night Train to Georgia. Okay, okay, anyway, it was good. They were both okay, let me say this. They're both seventy nine years old. You're kidding, no, and they brought the house down. It was great. Was it sold out? Yeah? Packed? I want to go see something at that shell. Yeah, we should go
to the show. Earth Wind and Fire just played there and oh my god, oh I was. I was in Cornada. What I happed? I could see it? Could you hear it a little bit? That must have been great. What do you mean, Evan, you're leaving? Well she'll be back, I know, but not so like Christmas. Maybe you could a solution. Yeah, Evan, are you coming back in Christmas or Thanksgiving? This year? I'm going to Connecticut for Thanksgiving? Oh wow, that
sounds like a lifetime movie. There's so many things I don't know about my own kids anymore. It's sad. I've seen every lifetime Christmas movie. That's what I meant. She loves those things. I've seen every single I can't a pinnacle of great acting for sure. For some reason, I don't know why, she why do you love those movies? So I don't anymore, But I used to because Christmas. Oh they just have the essence of Christmas and I just love it. And they show Christmas movies all year long.
Yeah, I can't stand seeing anything Christmas see in like August. It really bothers. I can't stand it seeing anything Christmas, Christmas. See at Christmas? You like christ July is fair game. Nothing but before July. Nothing before July belongs to Halloween. So okay, how do you feel about having Halloween decorations up at in the beginning of August. No? Absolutely, it's in stores. No in stores. No, I'm not going to celebrate MI
on the move. But how it's Halloween decoration should go up on October thirtieth and come down on October thirty first, at midnight. That's the other. The same with Christmas decorations. No, no Halloween decorations. Halloween decorations also are no. Not November onet No December, like twenty eight second after Thanksgiving, After Thanksgiving, Halloween decorations should go. Oh my god, three weeks before Hall. No, no, no, it's way too sorry. I'm
not going to come to a solution here late. I'm saying I think mid September would be fair. Oh no, who said that? This guy right there, it would be fine October thirty. They go up, Eric, is there any any holiday that you decorate for? No? I knew it. He can't. His place is so pristine. There's no way he would put any kind of decoration that's temporary. There is nothing, nothing that he even put a Christmas tree up. No. Christmas decorations are the most boring
decoration. They have the least amount of like creativity. You don't like red and green the colors together. Oh no, they're fine, but they're so unoriginal. It's just the color like that's it has themes and actually has original decorations each year. Christmas is not. I do like hell, Vira, does that count? Lily Halloween? Does that count? Yeah? Yeah? Whatever. Okay, we're gonna play a game now. I'm going to listen to this. Okay, the game I've been playing. Can we piss each
other off, I know totally. We don't want to do that. First of all, Okay, we're gonna do two things. Okay, this is a game called who is most likely to Laura and still Big. I'm going to give you scenarios and then you tell me, amongst the four of us, who is most likely to do this thing. Let's go game time. This one is easy. Game on who is most likely to become a famous actor actress Evan? Oh, thanks guys, Evan Elizabeth since she got in
the Fordham housing. Who is most likely to travel the world in a year? Not Laura, Me? It could be me? Why couldn't it be you? Could it be Brian? No? I don't think so. I think he's too focused. Strong of a pause. I can't manifest the answers unfortunately, like I guess other people. I don't know. Maybe probably not. I could get dragged on vacations though, for sure, you know how bad I want to travel. I'm thinking it's me. I'm gonna I'm claiming
it. Yeah, No, I said no, because you can't afford it. If that's some money, and then we'll talk, Brian. We're not supposed to use words like I can't afford broke. It doesn't matter if you don't use those doesn't matter if you use those words, because it hasn't change anything. Okay, moving on, Okay, who is most likely to win a dance competition? Probably me? She can twerk like, oh yeah, definitely, definitely. It's actually type of dance those classes for that. Yeah,
it doesn't make it. It's dancing with your it's no, it's not dancing. Yes, it's pretty impressive. It's actually quite impressive. Giving an example, who's most likely to start their own successful business? You, you're already doing it? Yeah? Hello you Laura can after dark? Okay? Who? Yeah, you're gonna give that you manifested the shit out. I don't feel like arguing that one. So yeah, that's fine. He's you're bored now, okay, sure. Who's most likely the first to get married?
Well, you guys are old nobody. That doesn't mean we can't get married. Maybe it's gonna be you, Brian. Yeah, I think it's gonna be Brian. Probably probably, Yeah, I'll give it to Brian, all right. Who is most likely to survive a zombie apocalyse? Brian? Why? Yeah? Actually, in Eric's defense, he probably wouldn't know for
several months that the apocalypse had happened for sure. That and I know all the little nooks and crannies that I could protect people from a zombie up once it happened, though, I think he wouldn't last long, so oh no, I would rival skill. Listen, I can play dead better than anybody. Zombies don't rely on you playing dead. They just eat you regardless. You need to know how to like make a fire, like when things go all right, you guys can tie. Who's most likely to forget somebody's birthday?
You? And okay, me too, retire? Okay, okay. Who's most likely to become a millionaire? Me? Yeah not Laura? Eric for sure definitely Season one that squirrels away all his money. Yeah, and that's good. He may already be a million I know who knows? We don't know. And if you to invest in our restaurant business, our new restaurant serves uh brown food. No, we serve all types of food. It's gonna be a good restaurant. Just on the side, we're gonna have
performances. Who's most likely to write a best selling novel? Me? You know? Me? Yeah? You for sure? I have a good story to tell. What right, that's not a novel. That's not a biography novel. I'm pretty sure novel is fiction. Yeah that's true. Yeah, okay, then it's probably then then you. Okay, then Bran. Who is most likely to skydive without hesitation? No, it would be me.
Wait did you say you? Yeah? I would skydive without hesitation? Already you, I've already done it. So oh okay, Oh right, dang it. Who's most likely to become a stand up comedian? Me? Now, well, you're kind of already a stand up comedian. You guys, it's not that type of funny, though you are funny. I would become a standup Evan. It's very It's way more difficult than you took a humor class this year. Oh so you took a class on stand up comedy? What it was? It hard? Or was it? No? It was?
What about? Truly didn't prepare? This is what happened. I literally didn't prepare for this and for this whole it had to be a two minutes stand up routine. I didn't prepare, and I was like out in the night because I was trying to find information in inspiration and so I was like, I'm just gonna like go through my day and like do it. And this the stand up ended up me not knowing what to do about what to
do for this stand up routine. So it was me. It was me telling us standard routine about me trying to figure out things to tell us standard routine about. Was it successful? Okay, give us your standard routine. Do you remember it? Because I don't even remember this story because it wasn't that funny. It was first semester, but I was like roaming the streets and I was like, so funny, but I don't remember the best what I just gave that whole spiel. You weren't I've done it before. You
could give a good roast. I've done I've done a stand up comedy act. Yes I was, No, you weren't. Okay wait wait right there, and I was laughing so hard. He won the roast. But that doesn't mean he's a stand up comedian. No, that means you're a roast. You're a mean person. Yeah, but that also that doesn't You can't just be mean and that translate into being a good at roasting. Okay, wait, wait, wait, there's a whole thing we've glossed over, which
is that Eric has done it before? Where? What company I used to work for? I was the MC and I had to do like a three minute stand up comedy routine. I'd love to see if it was and it was, I was a hit. Is it on video anywhere? No? Was? Was it in like a gay bar or something? No? Okay, it was, No, it was. It was in a ballroom in front of my entire company? No? Did you write it beforehand? Did? Okay? Was it difficult to do? Did you? No? I think we all need to do is yes? Six months from now on,
just six months. We need to have a stand up com well, but that will be because she doesn't laugh. But like we need to do like I don't I laugh at stand up comedians. I just don't laugh at stupid dad jokes. We need to do loan mic big spotlight on the person. I love it. I love it, And that'll be our next like thing like roast thing we need do like two months though, we need we need a little breathing room after the party. Yeah, okay, material okay,
okay, okay. Who's most likely to fall in love at first sight? Me? Yeah? Me? No, me too? Is it because you've been hearing my stories? Yes, I know they are not. Yeah, okay, I'll leave it that. I won't roast you on this five. Who's most likely to win a reality TV competition? You definitely you? Why you would take it? Yeah, you think I'm clever enough to do that, Like you win a Big Brother type thing, you'd murder people. Now
wait, but what she would you be? Like? Guys, this is just like on season three of Ninety Day Fiance they had this exact situe, like, I know my son win by a landslide. Who is most likely to become a famous best selling self help author? Probably you? Yeah, I mean you know how helpful would be. But that's what I was gonna say. That's exactly what I was gonna say. Who's most likely to spend one week in a wanted house by themselves? I'd do it? Oh for
fun? You would do it? Yeah, because you'd be less scared than me. I think you and I would both equally do it, like I think, if the opportunity can. I think that because I would record everything and you would just be there for the experience. I have a friend who works at the Hotel Dell who knows the exact room. Should they give a fake room? Number two people? But he knows the should do that? That'd be cool. What do you think should we do aircastic? Come?
I'd do it? Okay, sure, we've already done it from the Cosmopolitan. Yeah, i'd do it. Yeah, I literally have like no hesitation. That's totally fun. Maybe they could be one of our next live broadcasts. Oh why not live stream at all night? That would be insane. You gotta do that. Oh my god, because she, I guess, walks around and like scrubs floors. The ghost. Oh god, it like her already, it's called it's called like they called like the white Lady come
over to my house. Okay, who is most likely to have a secret talent for singing? Whatever? She's right over there has to be a secret talent. Oh me, then, mom, No, I can't make you love me. I can see Eric like busting onto the super deep, like rendition of Like My Way by Frank Sinatra. He's just too shy to do it, that's the only thing. It's like. Unfortunately he we tried this time. He's too shy. He cannot do it. My Way by Frank Sinatra in the deepest, richest voice. You can't know. He won't do
it. He won't do it, trust me, it's just not his deal. Who is most likely to have a little black book of past flings? Laura? Yeah, probably you, m Yeah, probably me. It could be any three of you, honestly. Who's most likely to have a secret admirer they've never revealed? Probably you, that's secret admirers. I have a few actually, currently never revealed to the person, never revealed to anybody anyway. Probably definitely not Laura. Then she can't keep that stuff to herself,
But I do have some. Who's most likely who is most likely to go to a spa to have a sensual experience? If you know what I mean? Eric? You know I know? Eric? Who else? Totally? Wa Wait you can't do that too, are there? Yes you can get fingered Yeah yeah, there's spa spa fingering Oh sure, well no way, yes you can get finger paying into he gets a hand job and the chick walks into like sorry, no, Like, well, you would just have a male massus who would finger banging you. I bet the chicks do it
too. I'm sure they probably do. No they do not, Yeah, I don't think it's a fee. Yes, their sister's spa like they're getting paid. They don't give a fuck. Wow, I'm gonna I'm so illegal. By the way, Google that I'm going to see if that's a thing. It's most illegal. It's illegal, okay, if you were seeing Let's let's pretend we're all single here, Okay. Who is most likely to have
a rendezvous with a listener? Oh? Definitely not me, Laura, you okay, because you're the only one in contact with our listeners like that. Not necessarily he has gone to Eric's not that type though, But no, But I am, I believe, but more so than Eric. I love our listeners. You know what exactly? I would Yeah, exactly, I'm not upset. Okay. Who is most likely to have a secret talent for sensual sensual dancing? Oh? Merrick, you say it. You talk a
big talk, but I'm kind of not buying it. It would be Eric. Yeah. Who's most likely to receive an unexpected gift from a listener? You? I know you? I mean, oh my god. When I worked with Jeff and Jerry, there was this guy that would send me flower arrangements that he would make. Oh, I remember that I was just thinking about him. I mean, it was the sweetest thing ever. But it was remember that one very frequent and they were a huge one one really odd.
There were like sticks. They had googly eyes on them with like different flowers heed stick like Oh when I'm sure I displayed them too, because I worked really hard on those. You probably changed in front of them once too, And I bet that guy saw Oh he was so nice. He was so nice. You get a bunch of free more. These are good? Do you like these? I mean, I mean we're almost done. I've got like super stuff. Okay, I have Let's let's do another thing.
And I wanted to see if you guys can come up with some answers. Okay, yes, you are sorry, you're staying to the bitter end. She she has to pack. You can leave after I was just wondering. I want you, guys want to go around the room, and now I want you to name something that we all look stupid doing. I'll give you some examples shitting well eric okay specifically that I'll give you an example. Those are everybody like, for example, walking through a spiderweb. You look like
a freak when you do that. You're like, oh, speaking of my worst fear became a reality. No again, Yes, it was on the news. Oh, I'm gonna read it to you because I almost ship my pants and moved out of San Diego. Thing right, thousands of tarantulas to roam across San Diego. So rural and suburban communities such as Alcohol and Ramona m. Poway could expect to see a tarantula or a thousands scuttle across broad acres because they are looking for a mate. This is the time of the
year. Yeah, I I'm so glad I don't live in Oh my god, poor Megan Root. We're gonna have to move her. I know, I just saw translate outside my door. Alpine. Where's that yea having? It's so awful? Did you freak out? No, it's pretty cool. I have a picture of it. You know what you can hold those guys, Laura, No, you can't one. No. Oh, I Racknophobia. It's a great movie. No, I feel like I bring it up every time we talk about spiders. You kind of look stupid chasing something that's
blowing away in the wind. Yeah, okay, yeah, or when you trip or getting out of a two door car like a race car type of like sports car. You always look stupid, I always necessarily you get used to it. I can't as a woman. It's very difficult to get out of it as a woman because because you don't want to believer everybody out. If you're wearing a skirt as a woman, I mean no, explain to me as a woman, you have to like no shift over like you know,
like side saddle, you know, like skirts a lot frequently. I think singing to yourself, you'd also look stupid doing no. It's true. Anybody thank you? Yeah, I just haven't long one on the podcast, that's all anyways. Trying to kill an insect, you look like you look pretty stupid. Trying to kill an insect and taking your pants with off with your shoes on. Who does that anyway? Wait? Why would you do that? Yeah, nobody looks cool picking up your dog's poop. I don't
care. You do look cool because that's the responsible thing. Well, okay, there you go. Here's one. We've reached conclusion. I don't think anybody looks cool riding a segue? Are those even still around? Specific? But you are correct, no one looks No one looks cool. I don't think anybody looks cool on roller blades roller skates, yes, no, yeah, roller skates is what's the difference. Well, you weren't can rolled in the seventies and eighties. That was like it's cool. Okay, I'm sorry,
I'm not old and not cool. Is there any Is there anything you can think of? Things that that you that make you look stupid? Everybody looks stupid doing I'm sure there's a lot of them. If you can't think of anything, I have something else to talk about. Okay, I have a segment Rando News. This is and I have a new music for the Rando News and you can play it throughout the whole thing, just little random stories. Ah, you're not listening to this because you don't have head films.
But it's a cute little song, trust me. A study has found men are more likely to say I love you first in a relationship. The average guy says I love you one hundred and seven days into a relationship. How long was it into our lationship that I said I love I think the day I saw you, I know, I think the day when I think, she goes Eric Krammer and I went I love you. I know I've never. I definitely said on an accident once, way too early. I was like, shit, I didn't mean to say that. But you meant
it though, did you really? Oh No, Once that comes out of your mouth, you can't take that back. He last that long, so it's fine. Oh my gosh. Well, as a man, you want to be the one to say it first, right, I mean, okay, you don't see I want the man to say it first. That's because you're a woman. I think it's the way it's supposed to be. I get thee for the reasoning. Anyway, there's a new term for those of
us who sometimes show up to the party a little late. Eric. Yes, no, you might have No, he showed up at the party in plenty of time. Oh the party. I think I'm just tonight. I was here before the podcast started five minutes. Well, okay, podcast, But let me let me ask you this. Are you on time when you meet somebody for dinner or do you run late? No? I'm on time because I am unless I'm with her. So I just want to throw out you should never be to an actual party on time? Why true? That's
bad form? This is true? Well, it's like thirty minutes after. No, it's like two hours after what. Yeah, that's eight Okay, it depends on the party. I don't agree. It depends on I'm nineteen, you're like three years older than her. Whatever, you're like twenty seven. It was done with her. Oh he's Charlie's age. Hey, it's called time blindness. There's a new two Okay, no, no, no,
no, I know exactly where it's coming from. That's bullshit. Doctors say it happens to people who struggle to balance their focus between things they like to do and things they have to just look at the time. That's bull Yeah, that's bowl. I have a new term for you. If you say time blindness, no, that is that is a new excuse for being Yes, they're trying to claim that's like an actual disability. It's ridiculous. A new term is called menu anxiety. Oh god, not everything needs to
be a disability. Menu anxiety is when everyone else is ready to order at a restaurant but you're not. It's because the menu is so big. That's a real thing. Sometimes I'm not ready to order and it's stressful. You have to make a decision when it have to be stressful. But it's think about what you want to eat. I know, but it gets stressful. It can be stressed. My bigger question is why do we have to add the description of the anxiety to every form of anxiety. It can just be
anxiety. Doesn't have to be menu anxiety or foam. It's just anxiety. Sorry, but the music crew. You know those white tank tops that dudes where that we used to call wife beaters. No, we don't politically correct canceled canceled according to who, because now they're called wife pleasers. Oh no, no one looks good in them. I would gonna say, anybody that wears one of those is not pleasing their wife. We're gonna call a wife beater. Oh my god, this is all gen Z's fault. I agree,
That's why I don't. Is ridiculous. And why aren't they just not called ugly cotton fabric with straps. I like the wife beater term. I just don't. It's just because it's funny. It's not funny, so there's nothing funny about it. Actually, these days it shouldn't be called that. It is funny. What about I am a great one? What about a tank top? There you go, No, but tank top is something you don't wear underneath your shirts. Wife beers are specifically the ones you wear under
your shirts. How do we all agree it doesn't actually mean people who beat their wives. It's just funny, I know, But okay, I agree with the story though I'm the only one. It's not wife pleasing, that's for sure. When you watch TV, do you guys watch it with the
subtitles on? No? Sometimes? Always? Yeah, one times because if I can clearly hear it, like if it's very loud and I'm watching like a big movie, like on a big screen, then I already know I know what they're saying because it's so big, I can hear it, like I can see their mouths. But if I'm like on my bed watching on Netflix, I put the subtitles on because sometimes I can't always hear because my
head's on a pillow. Like you got to see the subtitles, especially if there's some in any part of it in another language, then you can just be like, for sure, if I wanted to read, I would read a Bookay, no, hold up, hold up, because I used to be in the anti subtitles camp, but it's very common for me for movies nowadays, especially to have really bad audio mixing, so I always put subtitles on. Christopher Nolan is one of the biggest examples who was terrible dialogue mixing.
There's a lot we miss without those subtitles. I watched A Very Long Engagement last night, which is a French film, and it had subtitles, and that was fine to watch Foreign films are fine. Yeah, because it's a film, it's not a TV show. I watched, Oh my god, subtitles. I agree with Eric on this one, because even if you miss something in reality TV, who cares? Because it's important. I do care. It could be a flat point, all right? What lever do
I pull to be crushed by a safe Okay? They asked what is the top historical event we'd like to visit if we could time travel nine to eleven? No, you are dark, dude, You're a dark What the hell I'm kidding? All right, here are the time I know what it would be. It would be the Crucifixion of Christ. I would for real. I wouldn't, Yeah, because so many p it's so it's such hot debate. Yeah. Well if it's disappointing though, Yeah, but that that's what
Why is it what do you mean a hot debate? Well, because some people don't believe it ever happened, happen, and people do, and so I would like to go back to see if it happened. I don't think the world is ready for that answer. Probably not. Don't hate me. It was just a This poll came out and here are the top two answers. Ancient Egypt. Yeah, that would be cool. The American Revolution? No, no, why would you go back? This is my point.
Why would you go back to a time when there weren't tampons or like going back? Well, I wouldn't give to the American Revolution because you know those things that you used to have to strap off. Is it going back just to see the one event? Or is it to live in that area? What do you think you pop into existence? Like here, put on this
diaper right now. I'm just saying that I was time travel So just bring a bag up tampons with you in case you're gonna be there longer than Like, yeah, Evan, you wouldn't believe what women needs to have to wear. You've never seen those sanitary belts? No, oh my god, these big thick pads and you have to put them on with a belt. Back in the day when I was in junior high and it was my heavy flow
day, it took me forever to get into one of those. Oh no, the Viking Age also made it up there, and so did the Renaiss Sons. Cool and finally, we're going to go through a quick list of the funniest movie your performances of this century. See if you agree with any I'm not going to do the entire list because it's pretty long, but here are notable ones. Owen Wilson from Zoolander. Thoughts, sure I don't remember
that performance. Actually, John Heater and Napoleon Dynamite. No, wait a minute, Wait a minute, Wait a minute, No, why do you hate that movie? That's a That's some perfect example. Moving on. Oh my god, I need to do something right now, get a tampoint. What are you doing? You'll see? Oh no, I saw see this right here, like, oh my god, yeah, you should get that works Laura. Damn, Eric, that is not okay. That movie sucked. I'm gonna read. I saw John he Disneyland once. I more heard
him than anything Will Ferrell Anchorman, the Legend of Ron Burgundy. I was praying that I just had had you, Evan, and I was breastfeeding you in the theater. I was with my girlfriend and I had never laughed so hard. I thought that that movie Okay, hold On, Anchorman is great. I don't think Will Ferrell's performance is what makes it funny. I thought when he said I'm kind of a big deal, I thought that was the funniest line I'd ever heard of. I like the San Diego means Wales vagina.
He's way funnier in other the other guys or step Brothers. That's one where his performance is actually funny and young. Well anyway, Channing Tatum in twenty one Jump Street, great, moving on. I love Melissa McCarthy and Bridesmaids. Yes, I don't think she's that funny. Ryan Gosling and Barbie Funny. That was so funny, Ryan, he was great. N I wouldn'tive him a top comedic performance. So Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder, Yes, Yes, Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool, Yes, John c Riley, Stepbrothers,
Ben Stiller and Dodgeball, don't remember. Jennifer Aniston and Horrible Bosses. Yes, she was good in that she was just naked. No, that was hilarious. Danny McBride and this is the end that he was funny.
Should we watch that? Yeah, Michael Sarah's funnier in it though, Eddie Murphy and Shrek Too, Yes, Tiffany Hattish and Girls Trip, Yes, Rebel Wilson and Pitch Perfect Yes, yes, yeah, but I don't know if I would put it in the top that funny Steve Carell forty year Old Virgin, Yes, Will Arnett Lego Movie, Yes, Yes, I don't know that one. You have to watch it. Sasha Baron Cohen in Borat,
Sat Galfanakis and The Hangover, Kenjion and Knocked Up. I do not see my two girls Lisa Kudrou and Mira Sorvino Roman, Michelle from Rome and Michelle's High Schooling Top. No, Honestly, the top Communicy performance has definitely been Tom Cruise and Tropic Thunder. That was like, that is like one of the funniest performance You're missing out. That's one of the funniest performances. I'm actually Sasha Baron Cohn, I'm going number one. That is funny,
but it's not unexpected from him. Tom Cruise as Tropic and Tropic Thunder was so unexpected. It was amazing. True. I guess that was like mind blowingly like off the wall. Okay, well guess what before? Oh we're going to talk about Keanu Reeves real quick. But first we got to talk about somebody even more important, were famous than Keanu r. Jay works Look from Capital Growth Inc. Thank you Jay for donating a one hundred dollars cash
two our party. Somebody was very happy to win. That really stoked very happy. So. Jay Wortzler is a money manager with Capital Growth Ink, and he says his mission is to assist his clients and simplifying their financial lives and set them up to retire comfortably and remain comfortably retired. That's his mission statement. He can do that for you if you come into an inheritance, if you want to move around some money that you may have in some kind
of fund here or there. You maybe you want to I don't know, you don't know what to do? Call Jay Wartzler. You talk to him, Like what's it like when you go into his office? Super easy? Like what so like? Like what what do you guys talk about? Like?
We just talk about life and things and then we talk about our finances and then does he like give suggestions as to like where you should put this amount in this he wants to see your kind of your portfolio first or wealth of course, yeah, and then and then he comes up with a plan. He's a certified financial plan or that's why he is. He's also a certified divorce financial analyst, which means he is certified to know how to split assets if you are to split with somebody that you love, and he can
do it amicably. And that's what his goal is. And his number is His number is eight five eight five five two six nine six zero. His email case you want to email man is ja A. Are you getting nervous? I? What's his email? Jay W what's Capital growthing dot com? Website? His website, Brian, thank you for asking. Now please explain to them Evan, why this is not funny every single time? Now I know it, like gives his website publicity, which is great. It's not
funny. You're not funny any of the times. Eric, what's his website? Http s colon forward slash forward slash www dot Capitol crowth King not c not funny. That eighth time he did it is hilarious, even Evan laughed at that. I have a joke. He might like. Jaysler is a great guy. He is awesome, and his information is on Laura can after dark dot com. If you want, well, that was very aggressive. That was very aggressive. Yeah, httys Colin Forge Last Flat www dot Laura
Kane after dark dot com. Thank you, Brian. See Brian is on the bandwagon. Thank you, Jay Wortzler. He is on the Rimmer train. What go for it, Brian, I'm going to have a straight line for a mouth. I'm not gonna laugh, so don't. I don't even know why you're trying. I am ready. Okay. So there's this guy. Now I didn't come up with this, but there's this guy at this grocery store and he's restocking, stacking the avocados, and this lady comes in.
She goes, excuse me, sir, where's your Broccli? Looked everywhere for it. He goes, I'm so sorry, man, we're at Brocoli, but we'll have some tomorrow morning. She goes, oh, okay. So he goes back to stacking avocados. Comments the same lady comes by and he goes. She goes, I've been looking everywhere where where's the broccoli? He goes, uh, very sorry, Like I said, we don't have
any broccoli. But if you come back tomorrow morning to one house in broccoli, but the camera on yourself for the for the sorry chewing up the next ad. Oh okay, well yeah, I were going to do that, but I want to I want them to see your face for this final bump. Okaye the broccoli. Okay. Anyway, this guy goes back to stacking avocados, and you know he's he starts getting a little nervous. He drops
some avocados. Boss comes over, talks to me for a second. Anyways, goes about his business, and that lady comes back up to him and goes, She's like, I swear to God, where is the broccoli I've been looking for everywhere. He goes, Ma'm humor me for a second. How do you spell dog as in dogmatic? And she goes what He's like, just humor me. She goes, okay, d og. He goes, okay, another one, humor me, please, he said, is how do you spell cat as in catastrophic? And she goes, this is
ridiculous. He's like, just humor me, and she goes, c A T and he goes, okay, one last one. I swear, how do you spell fuck as in broccoli? And she goes, there is no fucking broccoli. He goes, that's what I'm trying to tell you, really, really was good. Thank you, every Kane, thank you producing Can you not like that's fun? I cut you? You bleed sand Evan, I'm thinking about Okay. I just want to say I heard in Harrison Ford tell that joke, and he told it very well. I think there's I
might protect some adoption papers. You don't even you wouldn't even know where to find those. I know. Actually, let's go to our last sponsors. Five k I'm gonna be am seeing this event. You guys sign up, come walk with me. It's gonna be so fun. Schedattle five Kids for Women's Heart Health. Here's what it's about. We want you to mark September ninth, Saturday on your calendar because we are going to be walking for a
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heart attacks and women under the age of fifty. This is very important, So go to our website loricane after dark dot com to register. Everybody gets a metal. It's going to be so much fun. Loricane after dark dot com. Look for them. Oh my gosh, that is schedattle, Laura can after dark dot com. Please sign up, but it'll be really fun. Okay. During the commercial, my own daughter did something that Eric does
on Thursday's podcast usually and it drives me insane. Broccoli. She went like this, Laura, damn it now, and then Eric yawned, this happens every single Well, this is your fault for bringing more attention to it. Anyway, we could have gone, We could have gone without anyone knowing. Yeah no, but this okay now, Yes, as you probably have noticed, this funko pop of Keanu Reeves has been sitting here on the desk. It's going to stay here on the desk until something happens, Reeves. Now
we got we were We had a very unsatisfactory response conversation. Get off your phone, Matt was schooling me. Thank Kianu Reeves. Yes, off the damn phone. Sorry, Eric, Matt's birthday was six days ago. I know, but we were six days like my birthday was a couple of days ago too, and Kana Reeves and I said happy birthday? Right? No, yeah, I did you said that like two days before. After I reminded you, Eric, what h oh No, he did say happy birthday.
That's day. Yeah, see okay, Yeah, Kanu Reeves is not making an appearance before or after. Look what I want some answers. I'm done playing this little game. Little wants some answers. Look at little Keyanu and say, Eric, please tell me the truth. You're making me know. Wow, that makes me want to punch little Keyana right in the face. Yeah, no, put don't, don't. Don't use my Little Keanu is leverage against Eric. Are you the kind of doesn't like me touching your
things? No, you can touch it, just don't take out the bark. I won't. That's what some of the guys. Lord Dates says. Stop it. Give me, give us another little, give us something, little, Kean. You supposedly met Keanu Reeves downtown. He was riding a motorcycle. You took a picture of him outside a car window. Then apparently you had words with him, point and not unkind words, very kind words. And then of course you said buckle up, Buttercup was one of your
statements. And then you said don't stop believing that was another statement. You claimed that he may be coming into the podcast. You claim that you have had contact with him, since he has a point of contact, not necessarily with Keanu Reeves himself. Is that true? No, there's two factors. Okay, what are the plies? Give us the fact give us one of the factors, a direct and indirect Okay, So him and his agent probably are his management company. Okay, Now what do you talk about? What
did you talk about to Keanu Reeves? Tell me about the fucking weather? Yeah, things, stuff and things. No, no, no, not satisfied and not having it anymore? What did you say? Give us one sentence? Give me your opening sentence to Keanu Reeves? What was your opening line? There you go? When we first met, Yes, it was he probably rolled in the way, He's like, hey, fucker watching your go Oh my god, mister Reeves, I said, after the picture when
you supposedly had this conversation. Was the picture before or after? The first words were before he rolls out like and then what was the opening Volley podcast? Can I talk to you for a minute? And he actually stopped what he was well, he was already stopped. And was the conversation held through the door of the car initially? And then you got out of the car, yes, And did he get off the bike? No, but you talked to him face to face. You got off, you got out of
the car, but he stayed on the bike. Okay, okay, okay, I'm into this. This is good, This is all right, all right, progress, thank you. It could have been cool at the party to hear that, but I'm not. I'm gonna let that go. I'm gonna let let that go the party. Yeah, Eric, Please, Eric, you're ruining it all right, Evan, will you jab this in stop? We're done, you guys, Evan, We're done. Thank you so much for joining us. Evan, really Appregendonni what are we gonna do?
Just FaceTime all the time? Eric, Now I know I'm gonna need. I'm gonna need really a lot of attention. I'm sorry, I have a limited amount of I already have a girlfriend. I cannot. I'm gonna need it. I'm gonna need your I'm gonna need you to come. Actually, we're gonna do a podcast on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We're gonna do two a week instead of doing two in one night. I want you over here more. Anyway, Thank you guys for listening. She's gonna go cry. Sounds
like a stone. I've been stabbed in the heart. I'm kidding. I just don't want to drive that much. I know. Oh, I know. Now you're an out. Fine, why don't we go in the movies or something more? All right, Yeah, we can do that. We can do a family outing. We will. We'll do a family night, all right. I'm satisfied with that. Yeah, all right, Evan, will you say our little tagline with us? Yes, I'll go first, then you go, then Eric hopefully. Okay, all right, thank you
for watching, Thank you for listening. We really appreciate it so much. We're very grateful. Love your podcast. Love your podcast, Evan, Elizabeth, Jesus, don't be nice. She's the reason we have to babysitter our mom for like, she's the reason you're gonna have to babysit. I want you so much fun at Fordham. Thank you. I will not too much, not to know, not too much, just the right amount of fun. Yeah, is the right amount. She's good. She's actually good like
that. Yeah she knows. I'm very proud of her. Okay, thank you, she's already done both those things. Yeah. Oh wow, that was the right amount of fun. Apparently, I love you. I love you. Even though your eyes didn't say love your love, I said dislike I love you. Okay, those were loving eyes. Now, those were loving eyes. Thank you read my eyes. I can Brian, You're amazing. Thank you. Just walk out one. I know we're a past an hour. I want to throw it out there. Go stop this thing past.
Oh my god. I love you, my sweet babies. Bye bye. Those