I want my kids to be happy. (I know, I know, I know. It’s an impossible and unrealistic goal.) I’ve been in enough therapy sessions to know that chasing “happiness” is a fool's errand. We should really be appreciating all the moments we have on this planet. Being “happy” is a fleeting emotion. So when you get to see your child experience joy, true unbridled joy, you want to bottle the feeling and carry it in your heart forever. Last week, we had the chance to see Taylor Swift's Eras Tour in New ...
Jun 06, 2023•52 min•Season 6Ep. 23
My goal this year is to put myself in as many uncomfortable situations as possible. I wanted to get out of my comfort zone. On The Amazing Race , we were put in MANY uncomfortable positions. I found that it was easier for me to tackle bigger-picture things (like bungee jumping) than the everyday things. Something as simple as making a take-out order makes my pits sweat (and in a recent social media post, we found out many of you feel the same about phone calls to strangers!) Penn and I wanted to...
May 30, 2023•38 min•Season 6Ep. 22
This week on the podcast, we wanted to laugh so we brought in "our Midwest neighbor" to help. Her name is Ann Marie Taepke, and she’s been playing our on-camera neighbor for over 2 years. (She isn’t our real neighbor, but she is really from the Midwest.) What you may not know, is that Ann Marie is a producer, writer, and manager of our weird family business. We talk about how we got connected, funny stories over the years, and we have a 20 minute Midwest good-bye that plays out in real time. We ...
May 23, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Season 6Ep. 21
Every time I learn about another mass shooting in this country, I lose at least a day. Though a school shooting in my community is my worst fear—it is happening at outlet malls like in Allen, Texas and at banks like in Louisville, Kentucky. It’s happening at grocery stores, music festivals, movie theaters, and birthday parties. Mass shootings have changed the way we live our lives. So, we wanted to ask the question: How did we get here and what will stop gun violence in our country? This week we...
May 16, 2023•57 min•Season 6Ep. 20
Imagine you are headed into your first day at a new job. You walk in the door and suddenly your mind is overwhelmed with thoughts: Nobody likes me. I’m a fraud. I’m dumb. I don’t belong here. Suddenly, you are catastrophizing. Congratulations, you are in a thought trap. Thoughts traps happen to all of us, but anxious people the most. I knew immediately I needed to know more about what was happening to me, so we got in touch with author Morra Aarons-Mele. Morra recently wrote in the Harvard Busin...
May 09, 2023•56 min•Season 6Ep. 19
Any parent with school-aged children can tell you how crazy the month of May is. Just like the month of December, the calendar is packed with activities, gatherings, and ceremonies. Except no presents, cookies, or twinkling lights. So we call it: Maycember. This week, I needed to a pick-me-up knowing we were headed into a crazy month. I figured if I was feeling like I needed a pick-me-up, maybe you did too. So I asked all of you on Instagram: What’s the best advice you’ve ever received? And let ...
May 02, 2023•41 min•Season 6Ep. 18
You guys. It happened. I blinked and my tiny colicky-baby got her license. I keep repeating to myself, “She’s a good driver. She’s ready for this. She’s a good driver.” But still, I think one of the hardest parts of parenting is celebrating the well-earned independence of our growing children, while trying not to openly grieve the stage we’re leaving. I needed to call a friend to help with this transition. And it just so happens that I have a friend who is a parenting coach who always knows the ...
Apr 25, 2023•33 min•Season 6Ep. 17
Recently, Kim said something to me that sort of hit me like a ton of bricks… “I can’t always tell when you’re listening to me.” We wrote a whole book on marriage communication called Everybody Fights with a section on active communication and magic words you can say for conversations that require extra care and attention. But the problem is that I learned how to cheat them. So I am working on new strategies for my ADHD brain not to space out - and I've got some tips. For whatever reason, truly l...
Apr 18, 2023•43 min•Season 6Ep. 16
Our kids, Lola and Penn Charles, are getting older, and I have never felt more on the record. Whether it’s driving lessons with Lola or helping PC practice the cooking basics, I find myself teaching them life skills at every turn. Some of the biggest skills are not things they can pull out their phone and look up. So with your help, we created a checklist of 39 essential life skills every teen should know: https://theholdernessfamily.com/39-life-skills-your-teen-needs-to-know/ On this week’s pod...
Apr 11, 2023•49 min•Season 6Ep. 15
We received a question last week about how to deal with some of the behaviors of ADHD when you are a person who experiences anxiety. It’s something we have talked about plenty of times. The short answer is that it is a challenge for Kim. A few weeks ago, we had a particularly hard morning. Everything was fine, but that does not mean everything was fine . We talk about this and answer your questions this week - let us know what we missed! Tell us what you like, ask a question, or just say hi. Cal...
Apr 04, 2023•55 min•Season 6Ep. 14
When Kim asked who I’d like to have on the podcast as a guest, I blurted out “Andy Weir!” Weir writes science fiction and is, hands down, my favorite author. And by some miracle, he agreed to come on our podcast to talk to me. It was refreshing to hear him talk so openly about his anxiety. He said, “If you have a mental health issue, you cannot solve it all alone. It’s like trying to fix a broken leg by yourself.” As a prolific and successful writer, he still suffers from imposter syndrome. In f...
Mar 28, 2023•1 hr 11 min•Season 6Ep. 13
Apparently more people in their 40s get pregnant than I thought... This week, Penn and I talk about having to recently buy a pregnancy test and how that made us reflect on our parenting. We also hear from many of you what you would do differently with a second chance at parenting, and talk to our friends Taylor and Heidi Calmus. The Calmus Family is expecting baby #4 and we hear about their new children's book. Learn more here: https://amzn.to/3LHhNKP. Tell us what you like, ask a question, or j...
Mar 21, 2023•1 hr 11 min•Season 6Ep. 12
There’s a lot of reasons we hold onto things, but one profound thing about that is: Everything that you own, owns a part of you. This week we talk with Kathryn Snearly, of the viral YouTube channel Do It On A Dime . Kathryn introduced me years ago to the idea of Swedish Death Cleaning. (And no, it’s not where you listen to death metal music while you organize.) If you’re in the stage of life where you are cleaning out items from a loved one who has passed and you feel overwhelmed, I hope you fin...
Mar 14, 2023•47 min•Season 6Ep. 11
In our family, Kim does most of the planning… groceries, kid schedules, house maintenance... so when it comes to family vacations, Kim deserves a break. So I planned our recent family vacation to Chamonix, France. We have talked about how we really loved our time on The Amazing Race, because it got us out of our comfort zone and took away all our distractions. So in that same vein, I wanted to plan an experience for my kids that was out of our comfort zone, free of distractions, and most importa...
Mar 07, 2023•43 min•Season 6Ep. 10
If you want a master class in forgiveness, marry someone with ADHD. While I am the queen of holding a grudge, Penn couldn’t be more opposite. On this podcast, we discuss the connection between ADHD and forgiveness with Dr. Marcy Caldwell . Her gift for metaphor is something that resonates with Penn understanding his own brain. My favorite is her explanation around the ADHD brain being like a fishbowl, as well as some of the not so great things about ADHD and toxic relationships. In the end, it's...
Feb 28, 2023•43 min•Season 6Ep. 9
There is an adolescent mental health crisis going on in America right now. It’s so severe, in fact, the US Surgeon General issued a rare advisory on protecting youth mental health. Take an already emotional developmental time and couple it with a global pandemic… that’s a lot on teenagers. Dr. Lisa Damour explained that distress should not be your main worry as a parent of a teen. Distress is going to happen. Be part of the next chapter of our game, Family Faceoff! You can suggest clue cards for...
Feb 21, 2023•48 min•Season 6Ep. 8
This week we did a whole episode about relatshes (our funny way of abbreviating relationships) in honor of Valentine's Day! We talk about how we met each other, we hear how some of you met each other, and for any of you single folk out there, we talk about where to find love. Oh, and we discuss how every love story in a rom-com movie is built on a lie. Happy Valentine's Day (or whenever you're listening to this!) Be part of the next chapter of our game, Family Faceoff! You can suggest clue cards...
Feb 14, 2023•33 min•Season 6Ep. 7
I’ve always said after I had kids that items may have “shifted in flight.” As I’ve gotten older, I’m not doing many things different in terms of my diet or exercise, but I’ve noticed the scale wants to creep up. It made me say (for lack of a better phrase) WTF is up with that? We decided to chat with Dr. Mary Claire Haver on our podcast, and ask her that very scientific question… WTF. Dr. Haver has over 2 million followers on TikTok , where she talks about the struggle women have with their heal...
Feb 07, 2023•48 min•Season 5Ep. 6
I have a really hard time ever calling something a failure. For me, even if something doesn’t go as well as I had hoped, I always learn and grow from the situation, which, I think, is a good thing! If you are making a choice about something, it is totally okay to not know exactly what you are doing or how to do it because then you can learn and grow. Even if you feel like you aren’t succeeding in the way you thought, life has a way of teaching you things you can use later. Or maybe you will succ...
Jan 31, 2023•52 min•Season 5Ep. 5
I am fully aware that I am susceptible to seasonal depression disorder this time of year, and, when life feels like a LOT, I like to look for actionable items to shift my perspective. One way I do this is to look for inspirational people who are spreading positivity and hope. We invited Carlos on our podcast (link) this week to learn more about how we can be better at this human thing. In Carlos’ new book, How To Human , he talks extensively about how to embrace being fully human, and not just w...
Jan 24, 2023•43 min•Season 5Ep. 4
As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression where positivity is a conscious choice, I get a little skeptical about any advice on how to "magically be happier." This week, Penn was VERY excited to talk to our guest, while I had some hard questions. We had a great discussion with Neil Pasricha, a New York Times bestselling author of seven books, including his latest book Our Book of Awesome , who helped us understand how gratitude practices can help move the needle into a better outlook o...
Jan 17, 2023•58 min•Season 5Ep. 3
What a journey this podcast took us on. As you know, the new year always brings new hopes and dreams for me (Kim) and I will shout them from the rooftops. (If you don't put your dreams into the universe, how will it happen?!) Penn is the polar opposite. He has hopes and dreams, but prefers to keep them to himself as to not be a burden. We could not be more mismatched in this department (and I think it drives us both a little crazy.) Which one is more like you? Please tell us. Tell us what you li...
Jan 10, 2023•57 min•Season 5Ep. 2
In our mid-40s, we knew we’d be some of the older competitors on The Amazing Race - a famously grueling show in which teams of two travel the globe conquering physical (and sometimes mental and emotional) challenges. We wanted to be as ready as possible and in the next few weeks we’re going to be sharing some of our favorite workouts that can be done in a gym or at home. Even if you aren’t training for a grueling reality competition, these movements will help you feel more equipped to handle the...
Jan 03, 2023•56 min•Season 5Ep. 1
As a new mom, I was secretly dreading the time when my kids were older and Christmas would somehow feel less special when the “magic” wore off. Well, it turns out, there’s lots and lots of things that make this time with teens so incredibly special and it’s with great relief, I can report that it may feel even more special because they get a hand in how we shape our family traditions. This week Penn and I talk about what we love about our teens, and we get to hear from some of you too! This is o...
Dec 20, 2022•35 min•Season 4Ep. 60
In this week’s podcast, Kim and I “plogged” the week surrounding my eyelid surgery, and I did a little soul searching about my own self-image and the male tendency to shy away from self-image issues. You also get to hear what I am like on valium. (Which I thought was pretty funny.) Plus, you can hear about all of the incredibly sweet things Kim did to care for me throughout the week. Tell us what you like, ask a question, or just say hi. Call 323-364-3929. Your support means the world to us. If ...
Dec 13, 2022•49 min•Season 4Ep. 59
While we typically only hear the dreadful things about menopause, I’m happy to report that there are actually silver linings to this stage of life. Lately I’ve been feeling a little bit like I’m going crazy. My anxiety has been elevated and I’ve been on edge. Maybe that’s why when I saw Dr. Kourtney speaking on TikTok , her words about hormones struck me. Could this be what’s making me feel like this? We invited Dr. Kourtney Sims, M.D. to join our podcast to educate us, and, after our discussion...
Dec 06, 2022•53 min•Season 4Ep. 58
We've talked in the past and in our book about secret contracts you have in relationships (i.e. - who always empties the dishwasher, who always makes the meal plan...) but it got us thinking... what about the holidays? We've always said "mature people ask for what they want." So this week we took those two ideas: talking about what we need for the holidays and making an agreement on who does what. Only this time, it's not a secret. Fair warning, there are a few tears but hopefully hearing our co...
Nov 29, 2022•58 min•Season 4Ep. 57
I love talking to a Mom... especially one who is kicking as much butt as Leigh Waters. Leigh Waters was a practicing attorney a few short years ago, who is now one of the top female Pickleball players in the world. More over, her 15-year-old daughter is now ranked #1 in the sport. The mother-daughter duo even play doubles together. We talk to Leigh about how she started in pickleball, her daughter's rise in the sport, and her advice for us. Currently, I need something to get obsessed over, and I...
Nov 22, 2022•45 min•Season 4Ep. 56
With Thanksgiving around the corner, I have been thinking about thankfulness and gratitude. On today’s podcast episode, we spoke with Dr. Robert Emmons who is the leading researcher on gratitude. His work focuses on the psychology of gratitude and joy as they relate to human flourishing and well-being. It even came up that gratitude (when done properly) can turn the dial down on anxiety. We walked away from our conversation with Dr. Emmons feeling (no surprise here) very grateful. We hope you do...
Nov 15, 2022•50 min•Season 4Ep. 55
Couldn't we all benefit from a little political therapy? Originally, I wasn't even sure if this episode would be a good idea. Some political issues have been very upsetting to me (as they have been to a lot of people) but speaking to Sarah Stewart Holland and Beth Silvers from the podcast, Pantsuit Politics , calmed my nerves. If you're feeling anxious about political conversations or politics in general, I hope you feel better having listened to this. I know I do. You can learn more about Sarah...
Nov 08, 2022•59 min•Season 4Ep. 54
