Side Stories: Mo Money Less Problems

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast on the left side stories. That's when the cannibalism started side stories. Yes. Oh. Yeah, yeah, it's another beautiful day here in Radioland. Yeah, nothing but laughter, nothing but wall-to-wall yucks. Is that right, Eddie? Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday. Hey! But when they get it, it's...

It's Wednesday. I'm the ham man. Oink, oink. We need a soundboard. Why don't we have a soundboard? We have one. So many people have accused us of being. We have one sound. We have one. We have one sound. What's our sound? This perfect moment. And I'd like for the audience. B-O-R-E-D. I just want the audience to just, before we begin today, this pan flute's for you. Yes.

Frying pan flute. Put in some pork. Unless, of course, you're trying to diet. Yes. Just the flute. What this sound will allow you to do is release the tensions. From wondering if a flood's going to sneak up on you now that there's no weather alerts anymore. Yes, it's so nice that this all happened right before hurricane season. I think it's good to allow this pan flutes to settle in.

While we wait for the truth about Jeffrey Epstein. He did nothing, apparently. Scott Klein. Completely innocent. I can't believe he was such a good guy. And I just want to just, you know what I do? I take, I'm in CBT right now, right? So we do this thing called...

Half smile willing hands. Cheeseburger therapy? No, no, no. That's myself. That's my self-directed treatment plan. But with half smile, what you're supposed to do is think of the most upsetting thing you can think of. So right now what I'm thinking of is... Trump making love to his daughter. Okay. Well, that's not that upsetting. I mean, it is. And so what I'm doing is I'm... It's just facts and facts. The key here is just smile. Half smile. Willing hands. Open hands.

And you immediately feel better about the image. Ah. You know what I did when I was really upset about the flood in Texas yesterday? What? I just watched a bunch of Stevie Ray Vaughan live. Saw him do Texas flood. Ten minutes. Man, that guy fucking rocks. I think that's inappropriate. I think it's inappropriate. It's how I channeled my anger. You were listening to Texas Flood by Stevie Ray Vaughan. And I am thankful he didn't have to live to see this. No.

No, no. I am thankful. Although I think he would have preferred to be alive. Oh, very much so. I think that you've been like, I just got clean, yeah! Yeah. Mr. Blue. Man, when's the last time you saw him fucking his noodle, dude? That dude fucking, he had some stink face. No, he really did. He was honestly probably the blackest white man that ever exists and he was allowed. Yeah. And welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry.

rowski i'm here with ed larson how you doing everybody well if people a lot of stuff's flying around eddie you think is there news there's a lot of news is there news there's more news that we can use. More news than we can use. Yep, yep, and not all of it's great.

So, number one, I believe the death toll in the Texas floods, these flash floods, it just rose to 101. Cracked 100, yeah. I do believe that it wiped out a bunch of children on a Girl Scout mission, something like that.

those two mexican girls that saved a bunch of girls those that's very good they did good and another guy i saw some other guy he saved like a hundred people but it doesn't really matter it's just one of these it's really really sad and it's there's no way for us to make it funny i watched a video of people looking at the like it looked about 40 adults filming the flood coming oh very much so and it wasn't until a child said should we run that they were all like yeah

We should. I do feel like it's sort of that is a microcosm of the entire issue in which they're just the adults. or watching a big, massive thing come to kill everybody, and it's taking some of the kids, one or two of the kids, to be like, maybe we should not. do that you know it's just very difficult but our hearts go out to the people of like that are dealing with this is extremely fucking horrible i fucking love you texas especially san antonio we do uh sorry we can't send anything

That's how it goes. Yeah. What'd you send? 50 bucks. Oh, wow. That's great. To where? To where? I can't remember. Somewhere they told me to do it, and I did it. We'll plug it. We'll plug it towards the end. I'll plug it towards the end. I'll look it up. Other big news this week. I just want to say thank you. I want to say big thank you. A huge...

Huge heartfelt thank you to the YouTuber that runs the FBI and the blonde prostitute that is the attorney general that they have declared Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide. That's done. This case is closed and there is no... way no way he ever held any form of blackmail material on anybody that was extremely important to the u.s government or technology or education or politics or within the intelligence

community or within the Israeli intelligence community or within the English intelligence community or royalty. There's just absolutely no way. He did nothing. Nothing except... Four, there is apparently quite a bit of child pornography that they are just digging their way through. Yeah, and he committed suicide, so that's a type of murder. Yes!

You know, he did that. They call that. They honestly, they say that suicidality is a direct connection to homicidal intentions. Oh. Because you're killing the whole world when you kill yourself. Wow. And so it's actually very difficult, but- Envoy of Hope, by the way. I found it. Oh, good. That's who I donated to. This is not about Epstein. Not about Epstein. I'm going backwards, but I just wanted to say...

Convoy of Hope. But when you do it, do it in Jeffrey Epstein's name. Please. If anything, honestly, if we can get multiple receipts of you giving money to the Texas floods to Convoy of Hope... In Jeffrey Epstein's name, I'm sending you a shirt. I'm going to send you a fucking shirt. I want to see it. Because again, help, but make them confused.

That's always the key. That's always the key. But Jeffrey Epstein, it's, you know, Donald Trump. Turns out he's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a normal guy. You know, well, except for you. Did you see the pictures of him with like sucking on the ear of a child that was like sitting directly on his dick?

balls on his little private jet. I missed that one. Yep. And there was also the one with him in the text chain. Yeah. I should have said it. I should have said it. I forgot to include you. That's with my other boys. I, you know. I didn't expect anything less. I didn't expect anything. The footage that they put out.

So obviously Pam Biondi, she released this like scattershot section of documents in February of this year that had nothing that we hadn't seen before, except for some unredacted addresses of certain documents. numbers inside of his little black book. But that led to nowhere. Then they said, the client list is on my desk. We're going to fucking go. We're going to hunt everybody one by one. Then Elon Musk and Trump had their little stupid fake.

break up in front of everybody where musk said that trump was on the list and that's the reason why he's covering it up and then he said i'm so sorry i'm so sorry can i still be a nazi in america and then they went and he uh so they were like we're gonna get to very bottom of this and then it seems it all just kind of went zip right all the way back up because they're saying epstein had no client list but we know he had a little black book yes and i just think that maybe an international spy

I'm going to say across the globe, child sexual abuse material producer, the member of the intelligence community. I'm just thinking he's not going to write at the top of a list. client list. Yeah. Here's all the names and three girls to Clinton. I don't think it works like that. I think that he was a bit clever. I also think that maybe a lot of the really intense evidence is in the center.

of all of this CSAM, all this child sexual abuse material, that is a bit icky for the FBI to go through. Yes. And this new guy, I mean, you know.

Get put in the work. See what he can find. The only thing he's doing right now is like, I honestly think it's just him, RFK Jr. are hanging out with a bunch of falconers golfing on the weekends while Texas slides into the fucking crevices of the... earth and while uh every single criminal that uh has a touch to a camera is doing great i just have to assume since patel has access to all of the child pornography that he's just jerking off to it all day you

Honestly, at some point, he's like, get this away from me. I've had enough. I'm empty. I can't come anymore. If I jerk off one more time through this child sexual abuse material, my wife's gonna talk to me. You know, that's not what they want to deal with. We also saw this...

week that the diddy verdict was disappointing yes he got obviously they had overcharged him on the rico stuff i guess i honestly think it was just the jury did not fully understand what they were there to do uh it seemed

It seems that quite a bit, this is more conjecture and it seems to be some kind of like I was reading some commentary on it. So I don't know if this is true or not, but it actually seems that some of the freak off video material did the opposite of what they thought it was going to do. They just got everyone horny. I think that the problem is that the jury maybe could not understand that on camera and in this scenario, everybody can look like they're having fun. Yes. But the scenario around it.

is not. So that's the issue, as I think that we have a bit of a jury education problem. I do believe that's a part of what happened here. And they could not... properly convince them that he was trafficking women around in some gigantic racketeering industry. Kind of weird how it happens the same week. You know, Eddie? You know, Eddie? Wonder.

You really fucking wonder, because now that he's trying to get his, he's going to get his pardon from Trump. He was denied bail. He was denied bail because he's definitely going to run the second that he's out of there. But he's also really thankful for the fact that he is. didn't get the racketeering charges. You could see as he fell to his knees in exultation when they just gave him probably, he might get 10 years. They sang five.

I doubt he even gets that. I think they're going to slap his wrist and let him go. Because they don't want to deal with it anymore. And I think that... So do you think that it's, you know, more money, less problems? Eddie? Yeah. I think that you might just hit upon an esoteric...

universal truism. Yeah. Mo' money, less problems. Mo' money, less problems. Yeah, because you really can get rid of a lot of problems. Yeah. With this amount of money. Because even with all the fines, even with everything levied against P. Diddy... You know what he's going to be worth after it?

What? $400 million. Really? So he's fine. Yeah, no, it seems like he's got it all figured out. He's fine. He's going to come. He's going to make records in jail. They all gave him an outstanding ovation when he walked into jail. So it's like it's a whole. right now as people eddie do we need to be worse people i'm excited for his new song it's all about the benjamin netanyahu's

Whoa, that is actually going to be very, it's very complicated. I don't even know if we can keep it in the show. I don't know. I am not even really certain what the joke is. I don't even really know, but I know. I don't know what the joke is. But I know. I just know that it's a.

upsetting oh yeah i was i was watching this thing one of the funny things you know obviously i go to in my one of my big boomer things i listen to old stern episodes and one of the things was an old eric the actor was a whack packer that had a manager by the name of johnny frotto And he talked about how his Johnny Frato said that his father was connected deep into the Jersey mafia. And he would do this thing where as little kids, they'd always ask questions. He'd always say like.

If anybody asks you anything that happens in this house or anything, you don't know nothing. You didn't hear nothing. All right. And the way you're going to know when I answer that. You're going to feel it in your belly. Right. And he said that they got in trouble as kids because of 9-11 when they sucked about 9-11. They asked me. No, it was JFK. They asked about who killed JFK. And he said that like it was right after he was assassinated. And so the.

first thought in his head was like the nun asked him, so who was the man who shot JFK? And his first answer was, I don't know nothing. I didn't see nothing. i didn't hear nothing and he was just like because i knew i felt in my gut that it was that type of question and so this is the this is where we're at uh i i think that uh i personally i believe in the end

I do. I am one of those that believe that Jeffrey Epstein did kill himself. I think he was given an opportunity to kill himself. Yeah. They said, hey, Jeff, it's time to go. And he said, no problem. Got it. Will do. Yep. And I do believe he himself was genuinely upset about being in jail.

The video that was released to prove it this time was this 10-hour long, something like that, video of the outside of Epstein's cell in this Manhattan correctional facility. And you see it and they say this proves nobody walked in and killed Jeffrey Epstein. But then guess what they did? What? They released it and there's a minute cut from it. Ha!

It's a minute cut from it in the most. This is what you'd call like if this isn't a limited hangout, which is a CIA term for leaving a little bit of information enough out to say we acknowledge it. But then look, this.

is real this cut from 11 58 to midnight on the night that epstein committed suicide is real oh my god and then a reporter directly asked trump today in the white house about this missing minute and he goes off flips out about like why are we talking still about jeffrey epstein the most guilty

man yelling, because I don't even think that Trump's the most guilty when it comes to the connections of Jeffrey Epstein. No, of course not. I think it's Clinton's way ahead of him. I think there's a guy that, I think Trump was a fellow predator that was friends with a predator yes and they were they were co-predators in separate

little lakes and then eventually when they're when they that's what they do they butt heads i think they went to each other's lake a couple times oh they fucked children together yes but they were but he didn't buy those children from epstein he bought

He brought his own. He had a BYOC. You think so? Yes, he brought his own children to the party. And then Jeffrey Epstein has his children at the party, and he's given them the Prince Andrew. Also, don't worry, the FBI completely exonerated Prince Andrew. true okay good thank god so he's fine too definitely didn't do anything yeah definitely didn't do anything it's just this i don't know how to feel eddie well i mean what did you expect

Did you think that Trump was going to be like, you know what? I'm on the list. We should arrest me. Did you think that's what he was going to do? No. No. You know what's funny is that I'm just even surprised. It's just. This is how, truly, I think how bad the current administration is at... being villains right now yeah like how bad they are at being the villain is the fact that if you really wanted to make me shut the fuck up you would have never mentioned it ever again you would have buried it

You would have said it's classified. Yeah. This is way worse of a move than the other one. Just out of nowhere. Nothing. Nothing. Because you know what? It's also to keep us all talking about the fact. And it is true. We are here talking about Epstein and not talking about the fact that they gutted all these national institutions. That is going to make the weather way more difficult to predict. We did that on top. Yeah, I know. That is the.

That's like one of the big things that they're also glossing over. Where's Musk now? Yeah. Well, Musk, he's still tweeting about the Epstein list, and he's invoking Peanut the Squirrel. Yeah, he said that. He should glee peanut the squirrel's name out of your fucking mouth, you South African Nazi. That's right. You get the fuck out of my country. You're the one person I hope they deport.

Okay? I hope they wrap your head in fucking duct tape and ship you to the worst place in the goddamn world. I was thinking about getting a Tesla. I prefer my German auto-engineering. I love my German auto-engineering. Okay, so today I promised that we would start intense and then we're going to get stupider as we go. Yeah. So I feel like we've done that. I think that we started...

Intense. Can I do something kind of intense? Sure. Slightly stupid? Michael Madsen died. Slightly stupid. You know what's funny about Michael Madsen is that I've never heard a single nice thing said about the man himself. I don't know if I've heard bad things either. I just know he's rotten. Michael Madsen is one of those.

complicated faves. I watched a interview because whenever someone dies Letterman puts out an interview with him oh sure it's just like what he does on youtube but like and he's letterman's quick his kids can't like if they're dead like i'm talking 20 minutes letterman's like here's my interview you know but then i saw i watched the michael madsen one last night and he's just

talking about how in Reservoir Dogs the cop who was in the trunk he wanted to like get ready for his scene and then so he told Madsen to put him in the trunk and drive around the block but Madsen took him for a ride for 45 minutes and like banged up his head and shit and like

I really heard him. Yeah. Yeah, it sounds like... He said he wanted to get prepared for the scene. Yeah, I mean, and then you let Mr. Pink... If you're going to let... What was his name? He was Mr. Mr... He wasn't Mr. Pink. No, he wasn't Mr. Pink. He was Mr. Blonde. So, you're a good...

fucking let him go or you want to get method with michael madsen he might you up he did have some issues he did some charity work quite a bit for the shriners and but he did have some legal issues he definitely was accused of battering on his wife and he Definitely had some misdemeanor trespassing charges earlier, but actually pretty recently.

Oh, recently. Yep. Oh, and his son committed suicide, which is very sad. Yeah, that's not a black mark on him, I guess. No, it's very sad, but it didn't help with their marriage. No, it certainly did not help at all. But he's been doing a good... Otherwise, he was a... He freed Willie. He did. And he was great in Sin City. And he will be missed.

I think as far as bad dudes who also play bad dudes in movies, he was one of the best at it. Same thing. Tom Sizemore. Tim and Tom Sizemore were constantly... God, you know they had fun together. Oh, I don't even... But you know... went you say fun they had fun they had everybody else was frightened yeah but at least they were having fun what do you think do you think chris penn seemed like he was probably nice though i don't know

I'm going to say Chris Penn might have been nice. I think that if you were serving him food or you were sitting on his lap and you had a big ass, big tits, he might really like you. I know his brother is Sean Penn, who doesn't have the best of the reputations. Not a good reputation, no.

But maybe Chris Penn died early enough. Whoa, I didn't know that they were in a movie together. Tom Sizemore and Michael Madsen were in a movie called Buckle Up, a six-part series? Okay. What was that from? It was 2023. They had to have been in a couple things together. That's called a divorce?

project. Do you think they had to have been in a bunch of movies together? Now that I'm thinking about it, it's all connected in a weird way, but they're not in the same ones. Because Michael Madsen, Tom Sizemore, was he in any other... Tom Sizemore was in... True Romance and Natural Born Killers playing the character of Jack Scagnetti, who they reference in Reservoir Dogs as his parole officer. That's fascinating. But he's not actually in the Tarantino direction.

Oh, that's a real... Wow, Eddie. That's my little movie nerd brain thing. Really good work. Tom Sizemore also lost... Wow, yeah, a lot of problems. A lot of problems. Tom Sizemore... He was a bad man. Tom Sizemore had a bigger career and bigger...

Criminal career. He had both. Yeah. He technically had more movies under his belt than Michael Madsen. I'm pretty sure Tom Sizemore died in every movie he was in. As he should have. At least, you know, Michael Madsen was in Free Willy and he got to live then. Dude, you know, it was also just... know just ended up dying you know it just came on criterion which is great strange days oh i was hoping you were gonna say free willy 2.

I just watched Strange Days. Free Willy 2 straight to the can. No, I just watched Strange Days. Great. It's a great movie. Crafted Bigelow. Fucking awesome, man. Super, super fucking good. I love that movie.

Also, big stupid news, big important thing to remind you guys, they tried to take him away from us. Woo! A boy's back! They tried to... These motherfuckers. Fucking idiots. These fucking pieces of fucking shit gatekeepers tried to keep our boy Joey Chestnut from having competing...

advertising deals with other competitive eating competitions. God forbid he'd eat a vegetable. God fucking forbid. So Joey Chestnut, he walked away from the July 4th hot dog eating competition Nathan's Famous Dogs in Coney Island last year. year and guess what it fucking suffered for it yeah no one gave a shit nobody gave a fucking shit you idiot stupid ass hot dog assholes and say welcome joey just a back back and immediately took the title back just as he was

supposed to. That's my fucking boy. 70 dogs, man. I think it's a half. 70 and a half. Don't fucking take that from him. I won't take that from him. But yeah, that's big numbers. Yes. For a big boy. Oh, yeah. God, he really is like, honestly, when you look at just straight statistics. Maybe the greatest champion in sports history. Better than Wayne Gretzky. Yeah.

He's better than anybody else I've ever seen. That's stupid fucking Canadian. Yeah, fuck that fucking Canadian. You spilt on your Jerky Boy shirt. Yeah, no, I got coffee on my shirt. Oh, God. I'm all covered in it. I missed my mouth. But yeah, he's doing good. And so, you know, again. This goes to our third year in a row of asking Joey Chestnut to be on the show. Please, Joey. We tried to email him at joeychestnut at Gmail. We tried to email him at joeyhotdogs at Gmail.

Please get in touch because I want to know. I want to have a leisurely meal. Leisurely meal. With Joey Chestnut. But I want it to blast ours. Yes. Yeah, maybe a buffet. Let's go to... You know we should go to this... Vegas buffet? Moza. Moza? We should go to Moza. Oh, you think Joey likes Moza? I hope he likes Moza. Oh. I love Moza. How do you think he would do at the Vegas seafood buffet? Oh, he'd tear it up. Yeah.

You wouldn't even shell those crabs. Crack them with his teeth. Alright, so now it's time because we're talking about the holiday. I know we're so proud to be American because at least I know I know

where my laws are written. And so what I am going to do... At least I know where I pee, I think it is. Sure, yes. I do, and it's in my pants. So we want to talk about some of the fun-ass... This is just the truth. We got a good breakdown. of all the people who died on July 4th. I mean, lots of things happened on July 4th. Lots of people died. I think before we really get into all the deaths, I think we need to acknowledge New York.

Oh, God. New York City. New York. Congratulations. You guys did it. I'm so proud of you. Not one person was killed or shot. On July 4th in New York City. Until one of the funniest bits. What do you mean? What happened? This is extremely funny. So the NYPD was so happy. So this was, it was 10 a.m. It was like on Friday morning, right? That morning. The NYPD is so happy. Zero shootings or murders in New York City on July 4th.

The last time in recorded history that happened was never... That was the tweet that they put out. However, hours later, the NYPD had to confirm that... Update. A man was dropped off at Brookdale Hospital by private means at 1.30 a.m. on July 5th. He was pronounced dead this morning. NYPD Act. Detectives just determined he was shot at 11.45 on July 4th. Fuck! Fuck! Shit. That's what you get. God damn it. Almost. Don't celebrate until you're on the podium.

That's how that goes. Don't you? You cannot. This is an example. This is a lesson. You don't celebrate. You know how many times I used to show those on ESPN, the highlights of the guys celebrating before? They won. Oh, yeah. Leon Lett, you know, trying to take the ball all the way. And Don Beebe comes and knocks the ball out of his hand. Just don't do it. You got to secure.

the w that's right that is the only way to make sure you no matter what also when you're watching horror movies and stuff like that when i'm watching people handle like you know criminals and stuff like that beat them To death. Yeah. Shoot him in the head and then monologue. If you're beating them, right, and they've tried to kill you, okay? And this is for anybody who's inside of a horror movie right now or is defending themselves while...

Listening to the show. You fucking just kill him. Okay? You need to complete the job. Because if not, he'd come back. Murder, death, kill, man. Every time. Yeah, I'm watching these movies. Everyone's always fucking monologuing. And then they lose. No. Kill him. Talk to his dead body. Kill him. Kill him. Call his wife. Monologue at her. Absolutely. Do it. Go live.

Yeah. On Instagram, Facebook. There's so many ways you can still monologue. Always. Yes. I'm an expert. So just know that. Kill first. Then. Yeah, so the cops, they fucked this up. The NYPD, a little short. Little short, and honestly, we're calling him on it. I do remember one year, it was like New Year's Day, and then like top headline in New York Post, no one murdered in Times Square last year. Yeah, funny. And it's just like an age.

block radius. Yep. But it wouldn't be New York if it wasn't dangerous, so it has to stay that way. Yes. So sorry, guys. Yeah. That's what is happening to you. You know, there's so many millions of people. I can't believe just one person was murdered.

No, it's a big deal. How about that? I still think it's a great accomplishment. It's a great stat. Yeah, because, I mean, it's what? There's eight... to 9 million people that live in New York and any given day there's what how many tourists another 2 million and then you got bridge and tunnel coming in that's another 2-3 million so we're talking like 15 million people only one person got murdered that is good numbers. But Eddie, we didn't set the parameter.

if they would have came out and said just one person murdered I would have been proud of them I would have been like good job guys but because they said no and they were wrong now they're fucking idiots yeah you fuck you you were wrong and that's stupid to do. Because guess what? Guess what close only counts in? Grenades and horseshoes, buddy. That's right. Because that doesn't, yeah, it's still somebody fucking died.

All right? And it's just because we love to celebrate the way that we celebrate. And Ventura County, California, one person died on a July 3rd house fire after fireworks exploded in the garage. Okay, yes. That does happen. An eight-year-old girl was killed in an explosion during a... a large illegal fireworks display. Yes. That was in Orange County, of course.

That's just California, Massachusetts. But even that's more sad and tragic versus this moron in Sussex County in Delaware. Okay. A man allegedly aimed numerous fireworks at people in the 100 block of Garfield. He aimed a mortar-style firework at a large group of people on a beach. Everyone just got burnt. Yeah. But yeah, they lost one of them guys. And then we got Florida had one. Don't sleep on them. Nassau County. Oh, yeah. Isn't that your people?

No. Nassau? You're Hillsboro. You're Hillsboro. Pinellas. Pinellas? Oh, yeah. So in Nassau County, several people suffered minor injuries, so not that bad, and a large gangway collapsed. So that's cool. That happened at the Fernanda Breach Harbor Marina. Yeah, dude, you got to be careful. Got to keep your head in a swivel just because all the idiots are there. Don't be one. Man, I remember when I watched, I was on acid at the beach in Deerfield and I watched the pier.

Explode on the 4th of July. I fucking sparked up a blunt and just watched that shit fucking go. It's fucked up, buddy. I was fucked up, but you know. You sound like one of the Joker's hitmen. I was 17. I probably would have applied for the job. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let me get in there.

He fucking kills. I want to set one of them on fire. A man was seriously injured after being hit in the face by a firework. Yeah. This was in Illinois. There was another one where a guy died while lighting fireworks. Whoa, that was in Crystal Lake. Oh, no. Ch-ch-ch.

Apparently Jason's getting a maze at Halloween Horror Nights this year. Can you talk to those people? Can they let us go for free? I've wanted to. You know what's funny is that I know so many haunt actors. Yeah. They don't have any clout.

Yeah, the actors, they don't care about them at all. No. They can't even, I mean, honestly, I don't even think those guys can connect us to their dealers. No. No, no, no. I'd still have to get a second recommendation for their Coke dealers, yes. But I will say... The scare actors I know are great, but they really can't seem to hook it up. We love you, Hollywood Horror Nights. Universal, we love you. I would go there every night.

Yeah, if I could. Oh, I'd be outside. I'd work there. Oh, my God. I really am mad that I missed... my scare actor like opportunity in life you would have not it's very difficult Eddie I think I would have enjoyed it you would have for a while as a younger man yeah you would have liked it that's what I'm saying I missed it yeah in my 20s yeah in your 20s yeah that's because you'd have to have the energy

to do it over and over and over and over again and the screaming and yelling. Back in my 20s, you could scare somebody every two minutes and it don't get old. No, never. I could do that for two, three months. Technically I still could.

Can I get tired now? No, physically tired. Yes. I don't think I could physically do it anymore. But I love scaring people. Yes. If I can, I will. I would. I'd scare more. I wish I could. I'd scare people in my neighborhood all year. Nothing would make me happier than creating... jump scares all year long and people just need to stop like getting their head on a goddamn swivel. Good news. I think you do. I think you scare some people.

All those satanic books you're putting in those little private libraries. Educate. Also, they should be so lucky. Some of them are rare. Yeah. I just put stuff in there. Well, I did. I tell you that I did put a bunch of Henry Miller in one. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I was just joking. You really did this? But you know Tropical Cancer? You know that book? No. Where it's all like... The angel fissures of a man's most delectable flowers that one can see. The blossomings of gonorrhea.

On his thin drifter hide, I knew the translucent gel of his spittle on my shaven cock. Like, it's all stuff like that. But I think it's important. You know who it is. If you know, like anybody, I now more, I'm watching to see who takes the Henry Miller.

Because Henry Miller, he's in libraries and stuff. Yeah. He seems like an all right guy. In Indiana and Monroe County, a man died while lighting fireworks in Steinsville, Northwest Bloomington. The man apparently tried to light a large fireworks motor. holding it over his head. An Indiana move. 23-year-old man. Yes. That's very, very sad. But it's also appropriate. And also, I think a 23-year-old would like to die. Yeah. In many ways. I know that none of them really...

you don't get a sense of like wanting to live or die. I think it's like 30. Yeah. So I think that once you get there, like I think 23, if you told your ghost, you died by blowing up your head with a fucking firework mortar. Yeah. He's going to be like, awesome. Yeah, it's cool, man. Yeah, of course I did. Remember when the guy who played... Did Theo Vaughn see it? Fuck yeah. Oh, man, fuck yeah. They're going to play it on the fucking Theo Vaughn, man. That's what he needs.

Do you remember when the guy who played Gaston at MGM Studios put the mortar on top of his head and then lit it, and then it backfired and blew up his brains in front of all the other Disney cast members at their Fourth of July party? Hey, you gotta be careful. You gotta realize.

Be careful. That's the thing. I remember you're not Gaston. You're not. You are not. You are just a dude. You're just a man in a flammable outfit. Because that's the thing. You're in a very, very flammable outfit. Also, Gaston's French. But no, hey, French! The French used to be super tough. They used to be. They killed all their leaders at one time. That is cool. Yeah, back in the day. You know what? I take it back, France. Yeah, they're fine. They protest all day. They protest hard. Yeah.

They're just fun to make fun of. Of course. That's the idea. That's what they exist. This is the tête-à-tête we all have. This is what we're allowed. They have, like, more civil liberties, but it's stinkier there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we can make fun of them.

They're super rude. Yeah. Oh, they're super rude. Yeah. Yeah, they're super mean. That's real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's fine, though. But again, it's because they are very, they do, they take their culture very seriously. Yeah. They take it very, very seriously. And we don't.

Because we shouldn't. No. Because guess who out of other cultures we don't take seriously? Halloween Horror Nights? Any other culture that exists. Yes. Because I just don't. Yes. Yes. I don't accept your lifestyle. Ever. To anyone. That's to all people. You know whose lifestyle I do accept? Who? Massachusetts in Barnstable County. During a setup for an annual firework show, eight people suffered injuries.

Yeah, but that was on July 2nd. Yeah, that doesn't fucking count. So that doesn't really count. Yeah, people going too fast. But they all lived, you know? People like, I still feel like July 4th doesn't need to be a whole weekend. I think it's one of those. It could just be one day. Yeah.

Unless you got it all like... It's nice to have the days off. Well, it was on a Friday this year. I know. It's nice to have the days off. And so you start on Thursday. Yeah, if you're fucking awesome. And you go through to Monday. Yeah. You know, so it's like... Only us suckers in the entertainment industry, we got to get back to work, Eddie. You know how...

hard it is especially when there's news happening all over the globe yeah and that's why we're introducing our brand new segment here on side stories it's called

I don't know if you've ever heard of this. Oh, okay. It's called The Foreign Report. And what we're doing here is... It's for today. Go listen to The Other Foreign Report. The real one where they talk very educatedly about very intense... topics but today's foreign report is about crimes from other countries because we just wanted to call it this yeah yeah foreign it's our foreign report yes it is yeah this is what we care about that's happening around the news bees attack french town

That's what happened. You shouldn't have been rude. You gotta be careful with the bees. Don't be rude to the bees. In Orillot, France. An unusual attack by bees in the French town of Orillot. has left 24 people injured. 24. Three that are in critical condition. They say that they think it was because like a wasp nest.

Attack the bees? Attack the bees. They said that they were Asian. Of course, racism. Whoa. Because French does have a little touch of it, right? Yes. So the mayor of Eau de la France, what this person firstly did was that they obviously... They had a very big mustache. And they have the one little, you know the little eyeglass? And they have a big floppy beret. And they came out and they say, we do believe it is the Asian Hornets. Because they hit the Asian Hornets. Yeah.

They don't say just hornets. And how do you know the difference? I mean, you've got to call a scientist. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Are they being racist? Maybe. Here's Asian hornets. I'm looking them up. Asian giant hornets. That's a big old fuck. You can eat that guy. You can cut that into little sleeves. You can cut that into slices. Man, hornets are fucked up. So that's an Asian hornet.

And now I'm looking up an American goddamn hornet. Yeah, so what's a normal... They're exactly the same. They're exactly the same. What about the murder hornets? Remember those guys? Remember when we cared about that? Same shit! Just littler. Our hornets are a little smaller. But why are ours called hornets and those are called Asian hornets? Well, over there, they're American hornets. What? In Asia, they call them American hornets. Do they?

Probably not. It's like American cheese and Swiss cheese. American cheese is just chemicals. Yeah. And French fries are Belgian. whoa what the fuck you gotta be fucking kidding me and so this is a perfect example of they have no obviously there's no military there's nothing going on in france and so they got nothing against the bees and so the bees just they had to wait think about that

That's also what I think is amazing. I think it would also happen here. We heard of the police. There was that one beekeeper who got pulled over and he released his bees on the police. Yes. Bees are truly... the weapon of the proletariat well we got to be careful we can't be using these bees as weapons we need the bees but these bees are fine if you weaponize the bees

They got nothing. Like, it's the Tommy Boy thing. No, is that Tommy Boy? Tommy Boy, yes. Bees are our way of beating the government. If we harness the power of bees, they can't do anything to stop us, bro. Yeah. We don't need bees. I need bees. C's get degrees. C's can't sting. He's got to get out there. You could drown people in seas.

I would love to drown someone. I know. It's my bucket list. But that's drowning someone in a bucket. Oh, we got a hornet thing up here. So you think it's an Asian hornet. European Hornets. Oh, they're very different. European Hornets are actually bigger.

than the Asian Hornets. So why are they blaming the Asian Hornets? Why are they so hard on the Asians? Well, because the Asian ones are the ones that attack the European Hornets. They're like, hey, they're smoking cigarettes, having a good time. Yeah, they're like, yeah, no, I do not care. I mostly...

I sit, I have a, I purchase a bottle of wine and I watch a child get married. One of my favorite things to do. And yeah, I mean, France, they're just trying to throw fucking sauce at it. Yeah. And there's nothing. do because the sauce just brings more bees. Creams. That's the thing, man. Bees just keep every weapon that they're throwing at them, a consomme, bees. A fucking nice blanched duck bees. There's nothing they can do to stop the bees.

Man. Except wait. 30 minutes. They will go away. They did. We had to wait for 30 minutes for the bees to stop. Well, because the bee can always sting you once and it dies. Sometimes. What do you mean sometimes? I don't think it happens every time. They lose half their ass. I do. I might be wrong. Side stories help P-O-T-L at gmail.com. But I believe that sometimes they do like a half little... They're suicide bombers. You know when you just put the tip in? Yeah. For fun?

Yeah. I think bees do that, too. You think so? I think they just go like... I don't think they can. I think they lose the tip. But I don't think they always lose the tip. I think if they go balls deep, if they go abdomen deep... No, not... Yeah, not all bees die after they sting. That's according to Google AI.

And if there's one thing we learned about AI this week and last week, it's super reliable. And it's definitely not an overblown text machine that is just hyped up by commercials. Yeah, but what am I going to do? Read the whole article? We're in the middle of a show. I know, exactly. I don't have time to be... Also, again, I'm on the toilet. I'm playing my fruit game.

I don't have time to read every word of every article. This one's not AI. This is straight from the horse's mouth. It's from a bee wrote this. A bee wrote this. Our beloved and deadly honeybees, they do not die when they sting. It is very Trump-coded. Deadly beautiful honey bees. Absolutely. They do not all die. 99.96% of bees. Why don't we talk about it? Because it was one factoid one time. Why do we talk? I'm sick of this shit. It's because it's what happened. My whole life I'm like bees die.

when they sting you. Tell everyone I see. I know, and everyone's, oh, thanks, Eddie. Thanks for the information, Eddie. Oh, great, Eddie. Yes. Yeah, but no, you're wrong. Deadass wrong. Fuck! I'm right. Good for you. I'm glad. Those little girls in France are dead. No, they're not. Everyone's out there fighting. No, they all lived. Yeah, they all got my girled. Yeah. But it was this one old lady that's real sick.

I think it's because there was like five bees apparently jumped in her fucking pussy. It was an old man and they immediately resuscitated him. He went down quick, but they brought him back. Yeah, he went, huh? Huh? He was wearing a flower costume. Yeah, yeah. And he woke up screaming, the hornets, the hornets. Like, sir, actually, it's bees. He's bees. Yeah. Have you got bees?

They're racist. For a second, you give him praise. Asian Hornets! Sir. Sir. Please. Sir. Sir. Respect the bees. These are European pervert bees. European. Whoa, it's cute. Thank you. Mo' money, less problems. Mo' money. A whole bunch of problems. Sometimes.

All right, so something happened that I think should, this is part of my foreign report. Got it. All right. Egypt. Okay. Eddie really took to this story. Innocent Egypt. We know that Egypt, if anybody's been to Egypt, we know that it's innocent, not a complicated country at all. Egypt has arrested a belly dancer because... She's a belly dancer. This is where belly dancing was invented. This is where it existed. What's her name again? Linda

Martino. My mother's name. Linda Martino. She's Italian? She's half Italian. She's half Egyptian, half Italian. The way Eddie reacted to Linda Martino. She's very nice. She seems like a good woman. Eddie was very... This woman is so hot, they put her in prison. This is what he's saying.

This is what happened. So she does belly dancing. This is the land of belly dancing. Belly dancing. Belly dancing. This is the land of belly dancing. Come closer. I want to shake your hand. I want to shake your hand. I love what you do. Just the isolated stomach vibrations. My friend's mother's name is Linda. She's newly single.

Now, what is it about her seductive tendencies? What makes her different than the other ones? Well, I think they were just, she's too popular. She's got 2.2 million. And that's just Instagram. All right. They said that she's accused of violating... public morals for her art honestly if that ain't a fucking commercial

Oh, my God. For your services. I have never heard one. Come to America. Yeah. She said that she was a fucking America. I promise you it is almost the same as Egypt now. You're going to love it. We have so much conservatism everywhere. Yeah. You're going to.

Feel right at home. Like you're going to just roll in. Oh, whoa. Go to Australia. Whoa, she really can't quite jiggle, huh? Yes, she's very talented. I'm looking at her right now. Yeah, she's very talented. That's very difficult. Please follow. Yeah. She does sort of like, you know how... To bring it back to bees, bees shake to sort of communicate where honey is and where Asian hornets are. Yes. I guess to racially profile them.

But she does look like she has two beehives on her chest. She does seem. I look like I'm wearing her skirt. Because she's really wiggling back and forth. She's got quite the shape. Yes. Well, Kyle. Cairo really got quite the shape to her. Cairo said they accused her of using seduction techniques and provocative dancing to incite vice. Linda Martino, what do I have to do to get you to America?

What's the point of belly dancing? What is the point of this? We will bring you to America. Please let me have you. Oh, man. We're going to give you to our politicians. Yes. We're going to give you up there and then you're going to work for the people. You're going to flip them from the inside out. Yeah, and you know what? Honestly, her videos aren't that bad.

Well, she's just jiggling. She's doing belly dancing. She's just belly dancing. She's very talented. She could shake very minutely. She does little miniature shakes that really are quite interesting. Yeah. Now I'm watching this. Now I'm fully invested. Yes, I followed. I did follow.

Oh, Eddie. That's fine. You're allowed. No, she's an artist. A following artist. You're allowed. Belly dancing's allowed. Oh, no. I know. Don't tell me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is fine. No, I know. Everything is fine. Belly dancing. This is a quote from Liz. to herself. Belly dancing is an art.

It cannot be a crime. I am a dancer, and the videos on which the accusations are based are normal. They show a dance performance, and they do not go against or violate public morality. I am watching her fully clothed. And she is very essential. She is so hot that they had to put her in prison. Whoa.

But yeah, she might be a handful, literally. She might be a difficult lady, but you know what? God bless her. There's no reason to arrest her for belly dancing in Egypt. No! It's the land of belly dancing! If you can't belly dance in Egypt, then where are you going to do it? I don't know. Mar-a-lago. Because that's where she's going next. Yeah, she will very much be purchased by the U.S. government if she allows it. So, Linda.

God love you. She's half Italian, and so the Italians are trying to save her. You know the Italians are like, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. Do you give her back? Me like the mozzarella. I like to play with the two of the bigger. Yeah, no, we get it. She's fully clothed, but still seems nude. You know what? She's just very beautiful. She is very, like, that is the essence of the sensuality of belly dancing. also the artistry, and I celebrate her. Leave Linda alone! Leave Linda alone!

All right, so we got one more foreign report. Leave Linda alone. We all love her. It's our little segment where we talk about a woman that makes us horny. And then we're allowed. That's Eddie's story.

We're allowed. It's our show. It's Egypt's story. So they fuck it up. One last part of the forward report is so the UK between the get man of Somerset. The standing man of that other place. I forgot what it was. Remember the guy that just stood in traffic? Yes, that guy that said nothing and everyone didn't know what to do about him. Man, he really, I kind of dig him. I miss that guy. I don't know where he is. But there's a new...

Yes, yes, yes. There is a new wriggling man in the UK that they don't like. His name, as they're going by, is the Panther Man. Panther Man. Panther Man Striking Fear. As he leaps from behind gravestones. In Merseyside. Now, for those of you that you're in the UK, this is in the Wallasey Beach, Merseyside. Now, I don't quite know where this is. It's a beachside graveyard, which is actually pretty fucking cool. Hell yeah. And so this guy wearing a...

cat mask and a skin side black suit. Yeah, a whole cat suit. Yes, they show him he resembles a banshee. An urban jaguar. That's what someone called him. That was one of them. An urban jaguar. You're too creative. It's a dude in a skin tight suit. Yes, they're trying to hunt him or it down. People are really, they don't like it because they think it's, it's like for everyone's sightings, the Panther Man is harmless.

Although he does look scary. I really don't think he's dangerous. Of course not. And so what he does is that he hops out from behind graveyards, from gravestones, rolls around on the ground, meowing, wriggling and meowing and touching. himself um fully clothed literally toe to toe to toe but again in uk we've talked about this about the idea of someone putting their sort of sexuality on you they they view that as a form of sexual assault and so

Illuminated by torchlight. One time, a photo that she took of this lady. They took a picture. He's illuminated by torchlight. Everyone and their nan seems to have seen him. There are loads of posts as people are trying to hunt him or it down. I don't know about more recent incidences, but there are people saying he jumped out from behind gravestones at Errolston Cemetery.

I didn't feel really scared. He was just waving his arms and making panther noises. I felt more confused than scared. Now, I went through a stage of doing this years ago, but now I've gone through it. Don't ask me meow.

That's what a couple of people were saying. But he's literally just going... When you go to a graveyard at night, there's gonna be... weird things there if there's anything if there's anything there so you're saying that these people are asking for it i'm not saying they're asking for it you say every time you go to a graveyard in the middle of the night there might be a fucking panther man

That's all I'm saying. If I went to a bear den, and I got mad that there were bears inside. That's different. You're not going to a panther den. You're not going to a panther graveyard. You are an occupied graveyard. It is now. Yes. Joshua Hunt, who was... the Somerset Gimp, he actually got, he was just not allowed to wear, like, his major, you know, his punishment is that he's banned for five years wearing masks.

Or dressing in all-in-one black outfits at night. Or crawling, wriggling, writhing on the ground. That is literally what he is. That's the issue. Do you think he's the Panther Man? It's gotta be. He's a suspect in my opinion. He's gotta be. Well, I'm not getting them all. I'm standing them all in the street now. I'm a bit of a penta. Yeah, sure. I'm a bit of a penta. Would you want for me then? All right.

That's it. All right. I'm a piece of bit of a panther, isn't it? Right? Because he just goes up there and he just goes... I also feel like Panther Man is a big jump. These guys are all saying up in Jaguar and Panther and stuff like that. He's a cat. Not even. That's a cat. He's a dude in a skin-tight trash bag. That's a guy. He's a man-faced cat.

That's a man-faced cat. Get out of his graveyard. He's a black cat. Hang out. He's in a graveyard. He's hanging out. He's where he's supposed to be. He's friendly. Looking for belly rubs. It's a two-way street. You got to provide the belly rubs for them to happen. Go visit your dead loved ones during the day. Unless you're a Panther man. Then you visit them at night. And if you're going to go to the graveyard at night.

Bring food. Yeah. Give it to the Panther Man. He'll leave you alone. Honestly, has anyone even brought a can of Friskies? Has anyone just tried jerking them off once? Yeah. Just to end it. Because the second you jerk him off, he gets to stop being Panther Man for the night. And then he'd be like, thank you. Honestly, it has been a day. Now I can go back to being a dog. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff. Bring me dinners. Bring me dinners now. Well.

I'm really glad that I think our foreign report's better than theirs. It is. It is. But I think it's more informative. But go and check out the foreign reports. See if they hold a candle to what we do. Because I really... Are they thick? They're full of shit, right? I think that anybody... Because, you know, this is the whole thing. There's a lot of stuff going on in international politics, and I don't understand it. And as far as I'm concerned, nobody does. Yeah. Because I don't.

And I'm the smartest guy I know. Panther Man. Panther Man. No, go listen to the Foreign Report. They know what they're talking about. Yeah, see you in the graveyard, folks. We're all black. If you could. All right, so we want to do some listener emails. Yeah, one or two. All right, let's go. Just no jerk-offs. Let's try a new one. Let's try a new listener email.

stinger fuck yeah it was a good stinger who did that one same guy chris tapia good work i like that one a lot more i think okay it's good it's quick can i hear it again actually I like it. I want to get one that's funky. Okay. I want to get one that's funky. Send some funky ones. Yeah. Send some funky. There we go. Here's one. Okay. First of all, the email that I got back from people working in the AI world, I gotta say, I've never been correct. Right? Never been right.

ever on this show. I'm so used to not being right on this show that people, you know, I'm so used to getting yelled at. I want to say it's the first time I've been collectively agreed with by multiple experts in a field. Wow. In a very, very long time. Congratulations. I got, I'm not even joking, 25 emails about people working within the AI. world and in AI technology that all say the same exact thing. It is literally going to do nothing.

It is almost all entirely hype. And the main issue right now is that they are just trying to figure out how to replace workers entirely. Which they could figure out how to, that's mostly what they want to try to do, but the problem is that... The chat bots aren't even good enough yet to do the most basic form of job.

Except for sucking dick. Now that's the sound of you sucking your own dick. I'm correct. And it's nice. It's nice. Just remember, there's no reason to be afraid of AI. It's stupid. Alright, so what did people say? That was just really it. That's it? That's the listener mail, is I'm right? Basically. That's the listener mail? No, no, I got another email. I got another mail. I got another mail.

Also, just understand one big thing about chatbots and OnlyFans. I got several people from OnlyFans that say, just understand that 95 to 99% of the time that you believe that you're talking to a female or a living man. a human on your OnlyFans account, you are not. So just remember that when they are just saying things you want to hear. So this is the, this is another email. Okay. We haven't gotten to one yet, just so people know. Yep.

I summed them up. I've thought about sending this email for a while. And with the recent research of Annabelle and Robert and the Aether, I couldn't help myself any longer. My dad lives about 30 minutes south of Salt Lake City. Hey-o. Coming soon. And claims to have the most haunted collection in Utah. Possibly the entire country. His words, not mine, but also may be mine.

Because you did write it and put it in an email to us, so they are yours now. Yes. A little context. A little context. My dad grew up LDS, but ditched the church the second he could, only to fall headfirst into the satanic panic. the warrants, and enduring belief in Catholic exorcism and relics, despite hating the Catholic Church with the fiery rage of a thousand suns.

He thinks the institution is corrupt and ridiculous, but if something goes bump in the night, you better believe he's breaking out the holy water and crucifixes. It's complicated. He's had a lifetime of weird encounters, UFOs, Ouija boards I won't leave, unexplained phenomena, you name it. Strokes. Yep. But no, who knows?

Okay. About 14 years ago, he started collecting dolls. Uh-oh. Most are from eBay. A few came from antique stores, and the rest are mine and my sister's childhood friends. RIP to her peaceful sleep. Each one has a name, which they've allegedly shared.

with him, and he believes that each has its own spirit. He's got a designated doll room, though several dolls and other haunted objects are scattered around the house. A few are even playing poker. I've attached a short video of the room from last year so you can see the setup, and it's fun.

Now, I know this could be chalked up to a lonely old man energy, but I grew up in that house and experienced plenty of unexplainable stuff long before the dolls moved in. There's definitely a vibe when you walk through the door and weird things still happen.

If you pause the video around four seconds, you'll see some tall candles bent at unnatural angles. I've watched them slowly change shape over time. It's probably hot in there. They've never been lit, and they're still firmly in their holders, so... Make of that what you will. It's no air conditioning. That's very hot, though. I would say that would be very hot. He also has a problem child cabinet.

a collection of objects he says won't play well with others, and he believes he's keeping their energy in check. My sister and I roll our eyes, but we also secretly worry the house might implode when he dies. Is that Problem Child merch? Yes, I do think it is. That would be very frightening.

Anyway, he's a kooky, funny guy who loves sharing his haunted treasures, and he has a great sense of humor about it all. And since you'll be in the area soon, I figured I'd extend the invitation. If you're up for it, he'd be thrilled to give you a tour. Who knows?

I got time. Yeah, we do have time. I do. So who knows? I actually might reach out to you. But the video is interesting. You do see it's a very haunted little room. The crooked candles are there. But you just have to decide whether or not you believe in something like that. And actually, I forgot to make the...

this comment last week and everyone's killing me so we are going to put out beyond the veil oh yeah entirely uncut with our commentary the reason why we just haven't done it is that We did not know how we were going to release it. And then when we decided we wanted to do the commentary on it, it landed in the middle of me producing, truly producing a massive project that I have yet.

to tell you guys about that is going to be released next month that i think everyone's going to be very excited for but it's like happening right in the middle of me producing that thing yeah we're doing a bunch of other things too yes so once that's done which is about two weeks, we're going to record the commentary and then put it up. So everyone's like, because we haven't gotten to it yet.

It's amazing how much people want to see something they didn't like. But also, I think it's funny that they immediately assume very intense, ornate conspiracy theories about why we didn't put it out when it's like everybody involved with absolute. fine and everybody on our side actually had a great time i love it's like one of those where it's like we all had a fantastic time everybody was like i understand that it was that people just were like obviously kind of driven crazy by it

But that's part of life. You know, it is fun to watch strangers overanalyze your life constantly. That's our lives. Yeah. But yeah, don't worry. It's coming out. There was a listener email for me. It's a short one. I'd like to just, you know, if you don't mind. Please. Eddie asked.

if hospital jail counts as time served. And while I don't have a straight answer, I once spent a couple months in county with a guy who tried to commit suicide by jumping off a five-story parking ramp. He stepped off and shattered both legs. He was drunk and on parole at the time. So as soon as the hospital cleared him, they brought him to jail and put him in gen pop. The poor guy had both of his legs in casts and just sadly wheeled himself around.

He did make good snack trades with his pain pills though. Oh, I bet. No, that dude. Oh, I didn't even get into how there's a full extended video of that dude falling and actually breaking his legs. And he did steal a pair of sunglasses from Neiman Marcus. Sunglasses, I feel like, are the one thing we could still make fun of him for stealing.

And he was just posting about how, like, they don't have the balls to come get me. They don't have the balls to come get me. And then the cops came and got him because he was posting live. And then when he jumped...

And those spaghetti legs, man. It's just still... I've been watching it just to crack myself up. It was pretty intense. When you jump, apparently you're not supposed to... You can't have your knees locked. You really shouldn't. You can't have your knees locked. But you're jumping on...

So you would have just cracked his tailbone if he did the knees. I saw a lot of people being like, that's how out of shape that man was. That's how thin and spindly his little legs were. And he literally could not do it.

Oh, but I was still laughing about it. Well, also, yeah, just so you know, there's a band on Spotify called The Velvet Sundown, which is fake. Yes. Fake AI, just so you know if you see that pop-up. There's a couple other bands, too. So live every day knowing for a fact that you might not know what's real.

Or what's fake. You're going to love the fact that the... The evidence that the U.S. government put out to prove that Epstein was not murdered actually is an extremely useful field of vision to create an A.I. cut or any form of editing.

of the easiest types of frames as you can see it's an entirely empty middle frame with some things right in the foreground that makes it really easy to cut and change whatever it is going on inside the back frame you're gonna love that you're gonna laugh about the fact that it's just like they're just telling you that there's a

and missing and they don't care because you think it's so easy you're gonna laugh your ass off knowing for a fact that there's nobody in charge and you better just take care of your own crew as much as you possibly can yep that is the mantra these days yep oh yeah it's real sad it's fucked

but we'll get there we just gotta take care of our friends and our and our communities yes reinvest in your local community yeah stay stay local and uh support local uh politicians too because they grow up to be horrible people yeah that's their job yeah so yeah So know that, you know, start it there. Someone's going to go find Mom Donnie and make him scared to fuck up.

I mean, I think he is scared already. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. They're coming for his ass. Oh, yeah. They came for him so much harder than Jeffrey Epstein. I know. And they came for him so much harder than anybody else. Don't they realize that they're just making them more powerful and popular? Yes.

No, no, no, they don't. They don't understand. It's just so stupid. Yes, but it's also just, you know. If you ignored them and just gave a bunch of money to Eric Adams, you'd probably win. But you're too dumb. But they just don't understand. But we'll see. We'll see. We'll see how it goes.

So go to patreon.com slash lastpodcastandleft to watch us flap. Go to lastpodcastandleft.com. Come and see us live. Yes. Our show with Wise Guys in Salt Lake City sold out. Woo! Asheville. Sold out. Sold out. Come and see. Last podcast in the Left Live, JK Ultra in Salt Lake City this Saturday. That's right. Yeah, we're going to be at the Sandy Amphitheater in Salt Lake City on July 12th. It's going to be warm.

We're all going to be dressed appropriately. Yeah. We're going to get fucking sweaty. And I can't wait to see you wet. Yeah. It's going to be outside and it's going to be hot. So come on with it. I'm going to wear shorts on stage. I'm going to do it.

Oh, yeah. You're going to wear shorts on stage? I'm going to wear shorts on stage. Hey, that's the biggest rule break in the world. I'm going to wear shorts on stage. It's only shitty improv people do that. Fuck yeah, dude. I'm going to turn into that. I am shitty improv. I'm shitty at improv. We learned that in Atlanta. Well, obviously, you already did.

very well yeah um also we got our north carolina tour coming up asheville is sold out but come see last podcast on the left live at charlotte at the night theater on august 8th or or us at durham in august 9th at the carolina theater we'll be there And then we got lots of shows coming up. Our show in Kansas City for Side Stories, not sold out yet at the Truman. That's going to be on September 21st. Get tickets to that. Tickets are now on sale, officially, finally on sale.

October 24th, Redway, California. We're coming back. to the Mateo Community Center. This is our first repeat. I'm excited. You and I. I'm very excited. I'm super excited. I know more now of how to do that show. So it'll be very, very fun. And then also, of course, on November 30th, we'll be at the... Columbus, Ohio, Newport Music Hall. So come and check us out. That's going to be the Sunday after Thanksgiving. And of course, crimewaveatsea.com slash left to come see us.

on a Royal Caribbean cruise, departing out of Fort Lauderdale, November 3rd through November 7th. Wow. We got more shit coming down the pipeline, so keep your eyes peeled for what Henry and I got going on. The Cincinnati stand-up show that I'm doing sold.

out as well. That's amazing. So thank you everyone who bought tickets to that. I wish we could have fit more people in there, but you know, there's only a certain amount of people that can fit inside the Ryan guys brewery hall. We got Travis Irvine is going to be there. I love it. I can't wait. Reed failure is going to be there. It's going to be a lot of fun.

of course get tickets to uh dead men tell some tales out here in los angeles on august 21st uh 7 30 p.m at the elysian theater um that is my disney history show where i'm just gonna you know

ruin it. They're going to ban me. I don't know why I've chosen to do this to myself, but I have. Please calm out. Yeah, you're signing. You're going to cut yourself off from your own fucking supply, dude. I know. You got to be careful. But I got a cast member real happy that said they're going to sign me into Disney for free. I'm very excited. So it's immediately worth it. Yep, good. That's all matters. That's all I wanted. Yeah, of course. No, that's why we do anything. Also, Michael Madsen.

Died of a heart attack. Good. Just officially. I mean, not good, but I'm glad it wasn't something worse. Like cocaine, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, cocaine. He was exacerbated by his alcoholism and his former drug uses. Yeah. But he was sober. He was. He was sober. And I watched Hateful Eight the other night. He's fucking awesome. Yeah, he's a great movie. He's just cool, dude. I can't wait. Great movie. It's a great movie. All right, guys. Love all of you very much. Hail Sweet Satan.

And hail Michael Madsen, even though I'm not sure if I should. In this case, you know, we're all complicated, but he's more complicated than something. Hail him anyway. Hail, sweet sex.