Side Stories: Darts & Farts

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? Side stories. Yes. Got the ghosts out of me. I'm ready to go. This is what I was thinking is that immediately I don't know how long we're gonna get into this on to the show

What are you talking about? In terms of this sperm race. Oh, yeah. I'm looking at this. Immediately, this was at the top of our side stories document today for some reason. And I was going through it. And the idea is that they created a super tiny track. There's a bunch of commentators and two guys. They ejaculate into petri dishes and then they race their sperm against each other. Now, do they like jerk off at each other?

That's the first leg of the race. To me, that's the most interesting part. I feel like if you're going to do a decathlon. Yeah, if they're staring at each other's eyes and then jerking off into it, that's part of the race, right? Who can come faster?

I mean, it depends on how deep you want to go to. I think it depends on the league. I think it depends on the league that is sperm racing. You can go check it out. The National Institute of Spermatozoa Exploration is this very funny little company that is making, I have no idea what.

this is it's some kind of god knows where this this they're basically they're trying to they're saying that there's like a male uh fertility problem in the younger guys which i've heard blah blah blah i mean i don't know my i honestly think that my my semen is i have one Yeah.

And he's retired. I smoke so much weed that my sperm's so dumb it comes out my butt. We've talked about this. We've all talked about this. We've talked about it with your doctor. We've talked about it with your lovely dentist who listens to the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And even she said it was really worth it. threesome.

how you've been going at your butt yeah no it's nice though you know it's be surprised it's like a double cum when it come out your butt wow really yeah no it's really cool and then so i think i would have an extra edge over these people because the thing is when you shoot out your butt It really, it sprays. I think that if I seem into this arena, and it's two different tracks, and the two tracks are built to, I guess, replicate.

the tubes that go towards the eggs, right? And it's in a microscopic track and you could see the semen race along with it. And I just feel like if my semen were in there, they'd just be kind of log jamming the other track. Oh yeah, no, my semen are very Eeyore-like. Oh, yeah. They're having a sandwich. They lost their tail, and they don't give a shit. Your semen is sitting under a tree with a lemonade. You know what I mean? It is not on the run. It's not trying to get to work. What?

even matters is their quote i believe i really yeah yeah why why all this for yeah my semen on the tombstone did someone not put water in the bong yeah that's what my semen yeah yeah hey why is it so dry in here welcome to side stories my name is henry serbrowski i'm sitting here with the slow seated ed larson Every time I come, it makes this noise. Oh, whoa, like Dom DeLuise.

Mine goes... Like a fucking machine gun. I'm more of a leak than a spray. Yeah, no, we all are. A trickle. I know you are. And I know I am. And I know every man that listens to this show is. As they should be. Because I sit on my nuts for... living hey that's his job i'm waiting for these fuckers to hatch how long i sit on he knows where his nuts are at all times and that's all a man can do okay uh so first of all before we begin i'd like to thank everybody that watched the behind the veil

Yes. Beyond. Beyond the veil. Beyond the Veil? Behind the Veil is what we're going to call what we're going to release it, which is true. Beyond the Veil with R.H. Davis, obviously I had an idea that it was going to be polarizing, which I do think is quite... funny to me. But I also want to give a shout out to our crew that crushed it.

hardcore, we made a television show with nothing. Nobody made any money. Like a week and a half of work. It literally was pretty great. The way these guys put all of this together was absolutely amazing. But just so you know, none of us made any money.

No one involved in the production except for the employees. Technically, I lost $95 on the suit. We all lost money, so just know that it was a fun... flex of what we could do creatively here at LPN and we are going to be releasing it on VOD we don't quite know in the way we're going to do it but I think it's going to be mass available and it's going to be for free and it's going to include commentary

from us about everything that went into it and everything that came out of it. You down with VOD? Yeah, you know me. And so that's what we're going to do. So you'll see it all uncut and with our commentary.

We just haven't figured out the timing on that, but that is coming towards you. So thank you. We should definitely, you know, like, what are you talking about? It's two hours long. They're going to have to sit every minute because I'm not hiding behind anything. You're not hiding anything. It's just like edit for time.

That's their job is to fucking go through it. That's the audience's job. Our job is to make it your job is to watch it as presented. And that's how we're going to do it. But you're talking about adding to it. Yeah. Add in commentary. That's all they want. Look at all the, this is what they want, Eddie. It was, it was pretty, it was pretty awesome to see how many people watched it. And it was a great, I had a wonderful time. I'm glad it was polarizing. Me too. Because there's no way it could.

I knew it was. It's all my idea, buddy. It's all my idea. So I'm totally, I accept. And thank you for your anger. I'm here to learn, man. I'm here to have a good time. Absolutely. I don't know if I believed any of it, but it certainly was a lot of fun. All of my reactions, I'm saving.

for the re when we put it out for the vod you're going to hear all of my thoughts and i have many thoughts about what went down and i currently have a ghost in my home right now yeah that is also a thing we're going to talk about but i'm saving all of that now is your ghost

Semen racing? Is that what you're shooting ghosts? That's my goal. No, no, you're talking about my goal. You're talking about my vision board. That's different. These little children that run the sperm racing. That's what I don't trust. What I don't trust is the children.

with the vials of my cum. You have two bowl-headed 19-year-olds with jars of cum in front of them that I think that this is going to be a problem. Wow. Now, can I ask you something? Can we go back to the sperm thing real quick? I got several questions. Okay. Gooners. Do you think that gooners would be exceptional well at this, or would theirs be dead on arrival? Sometimes gooning, I think, destroys your expulsive.

yeah like abilities but also i don't know whether shoot do they die in the balls or do they like or do they come out like fucking racehorses side stories l potl at gmail.com does the sperm of gooners Is it stronger or is it weaker? I wanted to hear from scientists. There has to be somebody out there that's doing the science on gooning. There has to be one or two scientists somehow involved with either the Angela White or the Gianna Michaels industry.

They've gone in there and then it must be helping these people with gooning and its effect on semen retention and semen. productivity no poon all goon yeah i mean that's the it's all they do yeah it's only goon don't worry about that uh all right so spoon the goon That's because they like to be held. That's what these guys are doing. Yeah, yeah. Now, these children here that are running this sperm event, these kids are definitely under 18.

I don't know who these kids are. I don't know who the children they have put on the sperm racing Twitter account, the two mushroom-headed children that are literally holding vials of semen with rubber gloves on. One of them's in a lab coat. Yeah, yeah, but anybody can have a lab coat on. Do you remember the guy?

For the rubber gloves to protect them from the semen or for jerking off fellas? I don't know what they're doing. I think they might be catching the semen in their hands. But yes, this semen race is going on hardcore. But do you remember in CVS they used to do that in New York?

semen racing but the guys well that was they used to call it something else that was yeah that was just coming on the floor yeah you know that was a dope spill on aisle 12 you were also just being told you better come right now or i'm gonna come on you instead of with you and so i'm like you know I'm a yes and guy. CVS used to do the thing where they used to have blood pressure checkers. Oh, I miss those. Where they'd just have a homeless man in a lab coat.

Oh, that guy. There was that one guy outside of Dwayne Reed in Ridgewood who would always be like, check your blood pressure as you walk by. Why is the cuff so small? I used to always argue with that guy because he used to always tell me, I always have great blood pressure. It's the one thing I got going for me health-wise. Yes.

Always have phenomenal blood pressure, right on the money, every day, always for all of time. And then he would always bitch at me, like, you don't know it's good. I'm like, I know it's good. It's fine. And then, you know, I checked it one time. He's like, it's good. I'm like, I told you so. Sometimes you don't got to worry about fighting, Eddie. Sometimes you got to let it go.

No, I remember. I want to get into some news, and we'll get into it, and we'll talk more about our lives. I like blood pressure machines. I know we will talk about blood pressure machines. Thank you. Let's talk about some news, and then we'll come back around. I promise you. The news you can use.

First of all, Karen Reed, not guilty. Now, I didn't really cover this that in depth. You were in love with this story, and then you abandoned it. Well, I watched the first trial. Yeah. And then... There's been a lot of other trials that I've been watching more closely that have also then gotten boring. Lori Vallow trial is now it's over. It's done. She's now going to go to an appeals. All the appeals are boring. P. Diddy trial.

unfortunately, has entered into a bit of a boring zone. They are now currently watching the sex tapes of Diddy. publicly in court it's crazy how that's the boring part oh yes because they're saying that it's also he's listening to his own music while watching a sex worker fuck his wife and you're watching him in the stand at In trial, like, bobbing his head to his own music. Which is, again, that's producer.

Good to be there. You know what I mean? I mean, he wrote the songs. He likes it. You know, I love a Murder Fist video. Same. I watch my stuff all the time. I could see him pissing into his own cup, drinking it just to remind, just getting the nostalgia on his lip, hearing it back in the day. Like, I remember I got that guy. Good job.

Shiny that Tuesday. But then but the biggest. So I didn't have time to watch the new Karen Reed trial. So Karen Reed was accused of killing John O'Keefe. That was a Boston police officer. That was a. They were. I guess a part of the little small town in Massachusetts. And they were deeply connected to this very intense cop family that they were all partying at after hours. And then John O'Keefe, Karen Reed left early.

She was dating John O'Keefe. Yes. John O'Keefe ends up dead. In the snow. In the snow. And Karen Reed is blamed. They say that Karen Reed hit him with her SUV after a drunken fight. She was driving drunk. They all partied all night. These guys party like only 45 to 50 year old cops can. I don't.

I don't know how they can all party that hard until 7 a.m. Cops go hard, dude. I know it's cocaine. When I worked at the poorhouse, the cops would go hard. They were fucking scary. They would talk about getting drunk. and shooting out streetlights when the subway came by. Those guys are fucking nuts. Dude, these guys are... The night that they describe of all of these cops hanging out just sounds like a lot. They had a bit of a bar crawl, and they went to...

I believe it was the McCabe house for the after party. And when they got out there, so Karen Reed, John O'Keefe, they had some kind of, she didn't want to be there. They were constantly fighting. Yes, they had a very tumultuous relationship.

And so they, John O'Keefe says, fuck this. I want to go into this after party. John O'Keefe goes to the after party after they drive in from the main city out to where they live. Karen Reed goes home. He's found dead in the morning. They say that she hit him. With her SUV. What is then found. Is like you know. Essentially all these investigators. Fucked up the job. And what is the reason why. this is such a big deal, it's because this is one of the very, very few cases that cuts through

the corruption of the local police, and actually comes out with an exoneration. This almost never happens. When you went through the text messages of all the inspectors talking... Text messages. Text messages. I need you to focus. I need you to focus. We're going to get you some food. We're going to get you some food. so chewing all the sound equipment on top of the microphone that's a flour tortilla right but all the investigators were super fucking casual

and gross about Karen Reed. They were all asking who's got her nudes. All that stuff came out in trial. They all were... talking massive shit against this woman. We know that one of the ladies connected to the cop family where the after party was happening had Googled after Karen Reed had left the...

How long to die in cold. How long to die in cold. Yes. And that was a big deal that kind of swayed the people, swayed the jury. Really, if you're ever thinking about killing somebody, do all your text messages months ago. ahead of time. All your Google searches months ahead of time. Key is? Do it at the library. At the library. Also, I mean this, you know we hate giving tips to criminals, but write it on a piece of paper. Burn it. I would also do more talking. Yeah.

Less texting because the cops also incriminated themselves on text. And one of the big things that kept happening was that the main investigator would arrive. He would. There would be no evidence. And all of a sudden he discovers something new. Yes. And so that was the stuff like it had been raining and snowing and it was all this horrible weather. But then somehow all of this perfect, the shattered light from the back of her.

the shattered back headlight from her brake light on her SUV that glass is found all of a sudden just sitting kind of lightly on top of the snow where it should be under the snow yes and then there's also there's no evidence to show where

she got her brake light broken. Sounds like it was a full-on fix. So to be honest, it's just kind of a wild thing. The idea of beating a bunch of Massachusetts cops in courts is it doesn't happen. Her life is going to to be hell now she has to move she'll leave yeah she'll have to leave massachusetts for sure probably but also karen reed it's an example about how like she was a financial advisor so she had a lot of money

So she managed to get herself out on bail during an extreme and a high mark, too, which is most like one of the hardest parts of people, because obviously the Internet really did help. The social pressure helped, which is she got out in front of cameras. She was like on 2020 and Dateline and all these things. She had her own TV show. She got to.

put her case out in front of the american people because she had the cash flow to get out of jail and also i watched that id show or whatever the one that's on max i don't know if it was id but whatever who cares um It seemed like it was a really bad idea for her to be doing that. Oh, yeah. No, it's always bad. No one should be. You should not be talking in front of a camera. Obviously.

That lady's pretty smart. Karen Reed's pretty fucking smart. And she's likable. Yes, she's smart, likable. She's got a great attorney. And... You know? And the people saw. The people saw. So now that she's not guilty... Are they going to go after these? We still have a murdered cop here. I believe they are all... I know that they were all suspended. The investigator... I forget his name. The head investigator was so butthurt about all of this. He was like... He was kind of talking about how...

You know, like, you know, there's no way you could possibly kind of formulate this kind of big plan. And it was like, you guys did it over text message. Yeah. You talked to each other about how you were going to logjam this woman. And maybe you cops should maybe know that they read the text messages. And then when they go into court, it's going to be, I don't know what to tell you, you're going to need a killer too. Sorry, cops.

Unfortunately, if you wanted to get away with this, you should have killed Karen Reed as well and then probably killed a couple other people as well. I mean, I'm just saying, if you're going to go in for one, in for a penny. You're in for a dollar. Yeah. So let's see what happens because I feel like they kind of have to go after these police officers now. Oh, they don't got to do anything.

Well, they're just going to let it all go away? Yeah, because they could just say that I think that they're all suspended. Right now, everybody's suspended. I think that they're going to let this go to sleep after a long period of time, and then they'll just kind of come back. They'll eventually come back because largely, I think mostly, it's very hard to prove the corruption, but it's not hard to prove that they fucked everything up. Yeah. They should at least get fired. But, you know.

It's very hard. The thing about Massachusetts cops mentality. You know, I worked with the Boston police and they weren't as horrible as I thought they were going to be. It's not about horrible, but it is about loyalty. No matter what. Yes. Loyalty no matter what does cut them. Even which we always say it's the problem because it brings good cops in with all the bad cops. And that's the that is the problem. So you have to all they are. Everyone's trying.

to protect each other. And when it comes down to that, that's where all the corruption comes. There are plenty of bad cops. There are. But also, let's give more praise to our mediocre cops. Yeah, absolutely. The useless ones are very helpful. They're just in there filling out uniforms. Doing their jobs, making sure that, you know, like they're directing protests. Yeah, too lazy to hit anybody. You know, they're the guys making sure that, you know, like you're parking right.

So give it up for the mediocre cops. And I really want to thank the LAPD for stepping it up and really beating the shit out of us. And not letting the military do it. No, let our homegrown police do it for us.

Okay, we don't need your federal response. Let the police just beat the hell out of us here because they're great at it. Yeah, and if they don't beat the shit out of us, what are they going to do? I don't know. Why are we outsourcing? This is like one of my biggest problems here is that we're outsourcing our violence.

when we have plenty of locally sourced violence. These are bad motherfuckers. Guys, they could beat us and they could rape us with broom poles and stuff like that. It's totally in their sphere. They're totally good at it. Yeah, and if they don't beat us, they're going to beat someone else.

Yeah, so let them beat us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they'll come to your city. They're going to lead. If the LAPD doesn't have- They're going to start fighting the firemen or something. Dude, they're going to go to Arizona. They're going to start beating up people in Arizona. Is that what you want? Is that what you want? Is that what you want? Is that what you want? Is that what you want?

Please. Just hold your fucking, just think about it for yourself. Right from your grave. All right, now, second big update. Anne Burrell, former host of Worst Cooks in America. Is this an update? No. It's a brand new story. Ann Burrell, this is a story that I love, right? This is a woman that I have no idea who this person is. You love her. She's a celebrity chef. It is another mark against worlds.

The worst cooks in America, the worst cooks in America. I tell you the story about how the winner, I believe, of the third season, third or fifth season of worst cooks in America killed their daughter. So are you like if you were a bad cook, are you the worst? Cook or did he win because he killed his daughter? That would be huge. It was a lady. It would be huge. It would be huge. Was it murder or was it food? It's that you're a horrible cook and then by the end you get to be a good cook.

It was the chicken fricassee that killed the nine-year-old. No, it was neglect. And the mother killed her daughter that won worst cooks, right? And we all thought that's the worst thing that Food Network's ever going to have to deal with. Yeah. Right? Because they deleted that entire season. It's so funny. Really? Oh, yeah. They buried it. They buried it. Forget you when it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was Ariel Robinson.

Yeah, in May 2022, she won. And yeah, the child died from blunt force trauma. It's very sad. But I still don't know, is she the best of the worst or is she the worst of the worst? How does the winning of Worst Cook go?

It's got nothing to do with murdering your daughter. I know it's got nothing to do with murdering your daughter. Mostly it's got to do with cooking. But I'm just saying, was she the worst cook or the best of the worst? She was the best of the worst. Okay. That's the idea. That's why she won. Her cooking won. essentially most improved. Oh, okay. So Ann Burrell hosted this for a long time and then stepped away from it.

with duff goldman she was working with this and then she had a working relationship with duff goldman for those of you don't know duff goldman no idea who this is the cake boss right oh okay i know cake boss i didn't know he had a name though i thought he was just cake boss Everyone has a name. No, I'm wrong. Oh my God, I'm wrong. The whole fucking world is going to come for me. That is, I'm wrong. The cake boss is Buddy Valastro.

Okay. Duff Goldman is the cake rapist. What is his name? The cake... The cake pedophile was the cake predator. The ace of cakes. Ace of cakes. That's what I meant. That's what I meant. And he. The ace of cakes. The ace of cakes. So he did this show with Ann Burrell and then they kind of like broke up.

duff goldman and then he made this weird ass fucking response i mean after she died after she died all right this is the first thing i want to say because now there's like i tell you what life's no piece of cake No, especially not especially not when you were fucking a big fat chef because sometimes what happens is the cake is the thing that killed you Unfortunately, but also I don't trust the skinny chef and I only like my chefs on the verge of death. So

Yeah. That's life. And so this is the weird thing that Duff Goldman wrote. I've written and rewritten this post so many times in the past 24 hours and I don't know what to say. It's never a good start. Ann and I became friends in 2006. She was going through some stuff.

And I heard that she was feeling it. So on a trip to New York City from Baltimore, I had made her a cake that said, don't let the bastards win. She never did. We had a complex relationship. And I remember the last conversation we had before paths drifted. With the last conversation we had before our paths drifted. All right. What does that fucking mean? Isn't it supposed to be the bastards get you down?

Yeah, I don't know. Maybe he didn't have enough room on the cake. I think it's a smaller cake. Yeah. I know. She said that they had a pretty feisty debate about the merits of catfish. She said the words trash fish. It tastes like mud and called him cake boy. Okay. And I. always had a spirited and somewhat acerbic back and forth i never really knew why our paths drifted but i always hoped that wherever she was and was doing well and finding some happiness

She had to put the catfish thing in there, huh? This whole thing is just so like... Just rambling. But so now people are like, so she was found dead in her shower, right? Naked. Clothes in her shower. That'd be way weirder. It would be, right? Yeah. But it's hotter when she's naked. It's sad. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry I'm doing this. No, no, it's fine. I'm lashing out. And so Amperell...

I think died of suspicious circumstances. Okay. There's no evidence pointing towards this. TMZ says possible overdose. Of course, and I align with them. Well, you know, it's weird. I hate them, but they're usually right. So it sounded like something bad was going on. She's got... I want to talk to your manager, but I've just smoked PCP here. Yes. So she's just got that ability. There's something about her. She's always had an edge to her. Well, chefs love drugs. I get it.

You know, you got to stay up all night. It's a long shift. It's hard. There was a guy, you know, the guy who took over chef after me. I remember I came back to check on the place and I opened up one of the coolers and there was just like cocaine on top. One of the Tupperware containers. And it's just like. First of all,

Like, it's just going to get moist. What are you doing? Like, it's a bad place for cocaine. I think a guy wasn't, let's just say he wasn't thinking with his front mind. No, he wasn't. He was a really bad chef. Yeah, he was a bad, and that's the main issue, probably mostly, is that his cooking was bad. You could do as many drugs as you want.

one, as long as the cooking is good. And she was a good cook, right? She was fine. I never ate at any of her restaurants. She had a restaurant in New York, and I forget where else she had one, and then Ann Burrell, but she taught... Many people had to cook.

Many celebrities. Some of you have been your worst favorite celebrities. Oh yeah, Phil and Anne's Good Time Lounge. That was a big one that closed. She had some problems with union work. Okay. She had some problems with the union. Oh, so she's a B. She's got some stuff going on in there.

I mean, I hate that. If you're a chef, like, don't fucking take advantage of your cooks. It's just the whole... That shit's crazy. She's just... There's a lot going on in there. I think she might have been, weirdly, a very troubled woman. Okay. We'll find out. We'll find out. I hope we do. But you left her. I got all my autopsy pictures and I'm going to go through them. That's my goal for the weekend.

That's what I'd like to do. My other goal for the weekend, you like Disneyland, right? I love Disneyland. It's one of my favorite places in the entire world. Now, have you ever thought about the idea of you and Julie renewing your vows? You know, I was going to ask Julie to marry me at Disneyland, but for lack of a better word, I found that to be...

Gay. Well, it does make you a Disney adult. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, then you're fully a Disney adult. If you rap... Now I'm, like, a fan. I guess I'm kind of a Disney adult. You like Disney enough, but I would say... I am thankful that you didn't do that. Yes. No, I'm glad I didn't do it, too. Keep your love separate from IP. Yeah. Well, I didn't do that either. I asked her to marry me at a Fleetwood Mac concert. That's not IP.

It's not IP? No. It's ICP. Imagine them all dressed up like Insane Clown Posse. Please. Singing Rhiannon. Fleetwood ICP is incredible. Malenko. Malango. Family. Family. Oddly enough, though, Lindsey Buckingham is worse than any member of ICP as a human being. Lindsey Buckingham's such a piece of shit. He's such a piece of shit.

It's so funny to even think like, yeah, I let ICP watch my dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would not let. Lizzie Buckingham near my dogs. Nowhere near my house or my family or my wife. Yeah. Yes. But I bring all this up to say, it sounds like this. Disneyland, people love to get married there. Uh-huh.

including pedophiles now this story is a i i am loving this story right now okay i i need you to explain this to me because i don't know how this story got past me it just showed up okay so um now a british man who was not going to be named, I guess they keep saying for legal reasons. I think this has to do with like a French name. Because he actually didn't do anything wrong? Not yet. Okay. But it's lots of, there's lots of wrong around. But yes, nothing necessarily.

happened yet okay so he was 39 years fun everybody's favorite age the sexiest age to be and he set up on this elaborate fairy tale Wedding. Okay. At Disneyland Paris, which I actually kind of thought that's where I thought Paris, you could get married to a child. I thought that it's so I thought it was very European to get married to a child in a castle.

Don't they do that there a lot? A couple centuries ago for sure. Yeah. And last week. So this guy, he rented out all of Disneyland Paris for 115,000 euro. I would think it's more. Because he was only a section of it. It was the it was a part higher part of the Disneyland site and Marne Valley at a cost but 115 euro and he invited hundreds of guests. Okay, right? They had all these guests

So he's a popular guy? So people started arriving. Disney apparently had no idea. Yeah, I guess it translates to $175,000 in U.S. dollars. So they go. all of these guests start arriving hundreds of guests from from paris and hundreds of guests from the ukraine really eventually these people start saying like oh you know we were just told to be here for a wedding

Turns out everybody that's coming to this wedding is a hired actor. All of the people from Paris were extras that were hired. They said to watch a show, right? To be a part of a filmed wedding. Then they found all these Ukrainian people that are also all hired actors that are all pretending to be family of the bride. They're all saying that they're there to play family of the bride in a filmed.

television show wedding. Well, we all know about all the actors in Ukraine pretending there's a war going on. I mean, that's all they do all day. Yeah. Do you have any idea how hard it is to fake blow up your village? Do you have any idea how hard it is? You might as well just blow it up. That's what I said. Why are we using all the CGI? But this guy, so this 39-year-old, yet to be named, he introduces his wife. Okay. We're going to be in the process. This is at dawn.

Because that's where they allow you to have the park, is at dawn. That makes sense. It's a nine-year-old. So it's this nine-year-old from the Ukraine that has been brought in with a fake mother. and a fake sister that have brought this nine-year-old in. Now, according to this man, this British man, the only thing that he's guilty of is wanting to create a magical afternoon for a little girl. And that he was going to marry her in this Prince Charles Cinderella style. Prince Charming.

Prince Charles is, I guess, yeah, you're right. You're right, actually. I'm keeping it. You're right. No, you're actually correct. Prince Charles marries a nine-year-old style. And everyone's like, it wasn't until finally one of the paid extras went to Disneyland and they saw this whole thing going on. They said they said it was all like this. We don't know until they saw the nine-year-old in the full bridal wear.

uh-huh right coming down thing which is also like we had a great time planning our you know planning a wedding is very stressful but it's also fun but it's extremely stressful can you imagine how difficult it must be to plan a wedding with a nine-year-old and extras just extras are always wandering off they just switch their mind one day they're elsa the next day they're the lady

from their Tomb Raider the next day or something else, right? So you never know with these nine-year-olds, so we're just sticking in. Trying to get a nine-year-old to choose plates? Oh, yeah. Just trying to get him to sit still long enough to be like, listen, you're going to be my wife soon. Yeah, yeah. You need to pick out forks. You've got to bring the iPad. Oh, you've got to bring the iPad and a lot of brochures, but you'll love tasting the cake. Who's going to walk her down the aisle?

Bluey? I think that, no, they paid. What you do is, if you're marrying a child at Disneyland Paris, obviously you have to hire a Ukrainian sex worker to pretend to be her. Good slip. Good slip. You gotta hire. You really gotta do it. I'm not going to let a Heil go. But I love this. It wasn't until they saw the child.

right they saw the child and then everyone's like oh no and they went to disneyland paris and i would have loved to see the look on the face of the disneyland paris employee dressed as lay goofy I guess because in Goofy there, in Paris and Goofy, his dick's out. He's like a red rocket. He's a full sexual Harlequin Goofy. He's got the full, you can see his nipples, he reeks like wine. And telling that guy, I think...

The man's getting married to a child. I think that's the wife there, sir. I was trucked in here, and I believe that that's the wife. And you hear them go, Oh, no! Yes. But it's not a real wedding, right? No, it was supposed to. But that's where he kept saying. But it's not a real wedding, guys. This is the thing, Eddie. You sound like his lawyer. We never got married, guys. We never went through with it. I got cold balls.

yeah but the thing is like what is it's very upsetting and it's horrible and this man should be beaten in public but what is the crime What? You know, like, send Eddie to parents. Sounds like someone's got a pro boner lawyer for you. He has a history of this. Yes, he does. Oh, he does? Yeah.

Pedophile stunts? Same as pedophile. Yeah, that's the thing, man. He's a pedophile with that X factor. He's a pedophile that's got a little something extra. Well, it just sounds like he likes extreme pedophile humor. That's what it seems like he's more of a fan of, right? He's described as a known pedophile wanted in the UK. All right, I take it back. I take it back. I take it all back immediately. I just wish we could call the episode Extreme Pedophile.

humor when we can't. When we fucking can't. It's just too funny. Pedophile gag. It's a mix-em-ups. I mean, it's not a mix-em-ups when you hire staff. Yeah, that's the thing. It's not a mix-em-ups when you've got to do the six-month lead time rental fee.

To get Disneyland Paris. Can I tell you something that I'm more upset about still to this day? Is that when I was a child one day, I'm at Disney World and it was five o'clock came by. And then they're like, hey, listen, you got to leave because Elizabeth Taylor bought Disney World. and she's having a birthday party. I actually... That made me really mad when I was a child. It stuck with me and I never forgave her. I need the audience to hang in here with me for a second and understand that.

that is worse subjectively than this UK pedophile. Because they didn't kick anyone out of Disney. This is just an extreme pedophile humor. It's just an extreme pedophile funny thing that happened. Wow, it was so famous you didn't even get to go. It's so famous the day that you didn't even get to go, Eddie. Yes, I know. I know. I was very mad about it. There it is. February 27th, 1992. Wow, the exact day. That was the day. That was the day.

I'm glad I can't remember. So I was 11. I was 11. Tortured by fucking Elizabeth Taylor. That bitch cut my Disney World day short. Truly one of the worst parts about it was that they could definitely tell. Look at the difference in the microphones. That was supposed to be for the vows. So the staff didn't go! If they put the tiny microphone stand there, that means someone knew. The tiny microphone stand is evidence. Do you think the UK guy came in and was like, all right, listen.

My wife, I don't want you to say anything about my wife. Me fiance. Me fiance. I don't want to say anything about me fiance, alright? I just want you to understand. She's a bit short. You know, I don't want you to say nothing about her. She's not like a little person. I mean, she's a little person. Yeah. But she's not a capital L, capital P.

Little puts, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's small. She's a bit small. Is she small? No, she's a bit small. Just, you know, don't even acknowledge it. If he could. She's sensitive about her eyes. Super sensitive about being super short. Very sensitive. So where were her real parents? I think they're dead. We don't know. We have no idea what happened to her parents. We don't really know what happened. Is she Ukrainian?

She's Latvian. Latvian. Now, where is that? I think it's to the right. I never hung out with those people. Some more of Eddie's extreme pedophilia. Yeah, I don't know where Lafayette is. Oh, okay. Oh, it's by Lithuania. Yeah, I always knew that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, just a couple clicks south of Estonia. Oh, okay, great. You know, you love Estonia. It's near Poland. Oh, definitely.

yes oh god pierogies thank god they didn't mess with the polish here we gotta get you lunch yes yeah something's going on we gotta get you lunch yeah it's one of those i get i'm feel i feel like that too i guess i'm just thinking about the catering of this wedding text max god nothing nuggies and mac and cheese so what happened to this nothing happened to this man though right it all go broken up and then everybody just got disbanded right now

And the investigation continues. Okay. That's what both ends of both of the articles I was looking at say. And it was in France, so I imagine they gave the kids cigarettes and sent them home. I'm pretty certain they gave him a glass of wine. They allowed him to drive home. Yeah. You know, I think that in Paris, it's just, but yeah, I think the main issue was, is that nobody, nobody was told and nobody brought a gift. Wow.

One of the biggest issues they said was when they canceled it. It was just because in Paris, normally they are fine. What's that say? I can't read it. The investigations, including the medical examination of the minor, a Ukrainian national showed that she had not been subjected to any violence or cohesive acts. Yeah, she wasn't like she's just been apparently the way this guy was pitching it was that he was doing this as some beautiful princess like moment for the little girl to have.

But that's like you do it. I would even do it with another little boy. But why does it have to be a wedding? You definitely don't need. Yeah, it doesn't need to be a wedding. It could be like you conquered Arendelle or something. Honestly. And yeah, with pedophiles, keep that out of it. and people won't be that interested in it. If it was just a party, nobody would have known.

Again, there's a big issue. We said about when you call something a wedding, they upcharge. He's been charged with fraud, breach of trust, and money laundering and identity theft. Yeah, because he pretended he faked all the stuff. He faked all the paperwork. Breach of trust is a crime?

in Europe? Yes. Interesting. Yes, it's one of the worst crimes someone can do. It's like that and being a hypocrite. How many years you get for being a hypocrite there? Honestly, it's the worst crime you can do there. Well, you know...

Outside of marrying a child. Almost marrying a child. You know who really doesn't like children? Who? Irish nuns. You know why? Because they found 796 dead bees. Babies executed or expected to be found hidden in a septic tank at an unwed mother's home run by nuns. Now, is there, can I, this might be an insensitive question. But is there like a shoot to throw him down into it?

I imagine like, is it one of those things that they pop the boardie out or they pop the thing out? Like, are they doing abortions or this just is these just kids that have died? Many of the infant remains are feared to have been dumped in a cesspool known as the pit. Holy Good People's Improv Theater. Yes, that's right. That's where we started our careers. Wow. A total of 798 children died at the home between 1925 and 1961. That's a lot.

a lot but are they saying that they died by their hands or do they die naturally and then dumped in a pit it seems like they may have died by their hands there's no way to know just yet the other 700 and two two of the 796 were actually buried the rest of them were sent down into the septic tank wow i was right there was like a shoot Yes. They do threw it down like a bunch of laundry, like old shirts. Yes. The bond secures mother and baby home.

was demolished in 1971, is now surrounded by a modern apartment complex. Oh, great! So now, yes, this apartment complex is haunted by little babies. Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee. I mean, that's fucking crazy. No, it should just be a secure mom's home. It was. It sounds like it wasn't super secure for the children. The home was a maternity home for unwed mothers and their children run by religious order of Catholic nuns. And I was like, did something.

Bad? I know. Isn't it crazy? What the fuck? Eddie. I know. This is wild. So they were killed. But I feel like they're going to probably say a lot of these babies were like dead already. The unmarried pregnant women would be sent to home to give birth and would be in.

interned for a year to do unpaid work. They were separated from their newborn children and would be raised by the nuns until they were adopted. Yep, that means it's like when you send a dog to go walk, run in a field everywhere and they just turned it into an ottoman or something. That's literally that version of that. Is that wrong? Yeah. Is that offensive? I mean, you know, this whole thing is very upset. Yeah. I imagine people are super upset. Oh, yeah. I mean, especially when you find 798.

victims um margaret maggie o'connor gave birth to one of the babies uh named mary margaret at the home when she was um whoa mary margaret yes well that's probably the name of half of them but she She was a victim of sexual assault and she gave birth. And then the girl died six months later and the mother only found out when a nun told her. So they don't really know if the nuns were killing the kids or not, it seems like. Well, yeah, it sounds like the nuns.

Let's just say they were trying to find a way that didn't come back on him because nuns are sneaky. Yes. Nuns are liars. They told you that the child of your sin is... dead yeah that is like literally it nuns are little nuns are sneaky little fucks nuns are liars nuns nuns will do whatever nuns don't want you to have a baby they want you to be a fucking they want your vagina to seal clothes yes they originally would call the women uh fallen

Oh, yes. Yes. And they were called fallen women, mostly applied to sex workers. But they also took the term seduced women, victims of rape or incest. That's like the idea of calling a woman that is a victim of rape of incest. a seduced woman is such a fucking foul. It's very cruel. Yeah, it is foul. Extremely cruel. The last of the Magdalene laundries closed their doors in the 1990s. Ireland's government issued a formal state of apology in 2014.

And in 2022, a compensation scheme was set up to be paid out in the equivalent of $32 million to the 814 survivors. They're fucking 32. They're just going to pay them off, huh? I mean, you got to do something. and I don't know what Catholic Church loves paying people off. I mean, they got plenty of fucking money.

That's for fucking certain. I went to Catholic school growing up, and it was all run by Irish nuns, and they were crazy. They're awful. There was a couple that were nice, but Sister Kathleen hated me. She gave me a detention for talking in the bathroom and sneezing.

then Sister Dolores hit me. And I never really talk about her hitting me because, you know, whatever, you know. Yeah, I mean, it was just back in the day. Yeah, it was a little corporal punishment. I recently went back to the old St. Joan of Arc school, and I was like, oh, you know, just nostalgic.

to walk around the church because i haven't been there in like 20 something years or whatever and so i'm walking around and i go into the uh the store because the church has a store and i go in the church so i was like you know just like don't they already get enough fucking money from us every fucking week amen you know we don't need you know i

agree with you but i'm in the store and i'm sitting i'm like yeah you know i used to go here you know what happened to the nuns or like oh sister ellen just passed away i couldn't believe it because i thought she'd been dead forever and i was like oh yeah and she told me some of them are still alive i was like that's amazing i was like what about sister dolores and then that's

the handwriting teacher that hit me without me saying anything. She's like, you know, they say that she hit the children. And I was like, she hit me. She hit me. I was one. Man. And what do they say? What do they say to you? She was like, oh, okay.

I was like, yeah, so I can go ahead and confirm that for you. Give me $20. I want $20 right now. That's what I would say. Don't you guys like giving out money to victims? Yeah, but they sent them all back to Ireland. I wonder if any of these chicks knew these women. Which is very crazy. Yeah. Well, yeah, 798 dead babies expected to be found. Do you think convents have competitions amongst themselves?

How many babies they can rack up? I mean, this one takes the cake, I think. I don't know. Wasn't there another one in Ireland that had like a thousand? Canada. Another one was a huge amount of babies just like... Just same thing, which is like a giant refuse pile of babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, it happens. It does happen. It happens, unfortunately. It happens because no one took the time to look at this shit forever ago. No one's checking on these nuns.

Everyone just believes them. No, I get it. No, tell me. And like these kids are being born and they're not being logged, you know? I would like to get, all right. A hundred years ago, this shit's different. If you want me back, Catholic Church. Hire me. I'm going to fucking get all these guys back into shape. I'm getting everybody back into shape. That's what I'm doing. All I want is I want my nuns to be lesbians for older women.

I mean, there are a lot. I want my priest to either be unable to have sex due to issues. Like literally they can't physically have sex or they are so closeted and strange that even just touching another person will make them cry. That is how I want my priests. I want them so afraid of human touch and so afraid of human engagement.

that they would never do anything that bad, and then you just keep to fucking making shit up every week on the back of that podium. That's what I'd say. Work on your sermon. Every single time you want to go suck something, go work on a sermon. Also, I want chick priests. When these nuns, obviously, they're too pent up. I will say, Chick Priest is not going to keep altar boys from getting sucked on, unfortunately, because how many chicks... There's been a whole rash of younger women teachers.

coming out being revealed that they've been like you know it always makes them news but i guarantee there's way more men doing it and it's like the men the men who do it it's way more it's kind of the opposite where there's men do it and it's a whole like obviously

they're a predator and stuff. It's just until the last like 10 years that a hot female teacher can have sex with a 13 year old and people can be like, you're a pedophile. Like it's so hard for people to do that for with one of those types of.

women too because it's taken so long for us to not go up to the 13 year old and go like yeah kid yeah now we know that no he was raped yes no it was a big deal yeah so yes of course uh you know Catholic school hey if you could I mean unless it's free but some Catholic school no but Catholic schools are better than some of the public schools in certain areas but that doesn't mean you should go I feel like then when it comes down to it school of hard knocks

Join circus. You know, I went when I went to Catholic school, I eventually told my parents like at sixth grade. I was like, listen, I'm going to fail on purpose if you don't send me to public school. You did a great and they sent me to public school. And you did the Gandhi. That's Gandhi's version of.

Massive resistance. It was easy to convince my father, too. I was like, I want to go to free school. And he's like, you got it, son. I hate God just as much as anybody else. But not as much as this guy. Right from your grave.

now this guy i wanted to talk a little bit about this guy i don't know how this guy uh went under my Is this an old story? You told me about it today. I haven't actually read the article, so you've got to tell me about it. It's brand new. Adam Christopher Sheaf, when he did this, he was from Maricopa County. Sheaf. Sheaf. He's from Flagstaff, Arizona Best city in Arizona

And he broke into a pastor's home and crucified him to his wall. And then he pulled him off, and then he found him dead on his bed. Wow. It's bad. I don't mean to laugh. I don't mean to laugh. I mean, it's just a lot of effort. Yeah, I mean, you got to bring a stud finder. Oh, God, that's the worst part. Yeah, I'm so bad at that. Yeah, because it keeps pointing back to me. Hey! Now, William Shonerman was dead, but the thing is that it is really intense.

is that it's the statement from Sheaf that is truly upsetting. I'm going to send this to you, Rob. I forgot to send this to you. So when did this plan come to fruition? You're thinking about this. You want to carry out this hit list. Yes. A hit list. Sure. 14 pastors. That's right. Around the nation.

To surround the nation. Starting in Arizona? Starting in Arizona where I was born. Where it starts is where it ends, like the Garden of Eden. I start in Phoenix where I was born on this life, and I'm going to end in Phoenix where I was baptized, which I don't appreciate, when I was three years old.

by my parents. You know, I'm baptized in a belief that it's completely false. So you get to Phoenix. I get to Phoenix. I just set up a tent under a tree on Olive Street, and I followed that priest home Sunday after Easter. service and when he pulled into his driveway the two women came out of the garage. I'm not interested in executing anyone other than the pastors or the shepherds leading the flock astray. I need to find pastors or priests.

That lid alone. See, he's intense. So this guy is real, real intense. His plan was to crucify 14 pastors. Okay. But he only got to one. He only got to one. You know, it makes a lot of noise. And it sounded like it was really hard. And he said that his main issue, his car broke down. Oh. He said that was like super, which is again, and that is the thing that people always forget, auto maintenance. Yeah, no. And how if you got big plans in life.

It's super important you stay on top of it. That's why we thank our partners over at Nissan, that we're going to be giving Sheaf a brand new Nissan priest finder. Have you seen this? These Nissan priest finders are one of the... coolest fucking new things. The Nissan Ultimatum. But people like this guy. People like this pastor. Was he beloved? He actually looks like a nice guy. They all say that they were beloved. He's got that cool hat. He's got that little Santa Claus beard on. He is adorable.

I'm sorry that he got killed. He didn't need to be crucified. No, no. He looked like he was just easy to catch. I mean, I think that that's what the man was going for. But, you know, he was foiled. He can't crucify again. Well, unless a priest comes to prison. There's plenty of priests in prison. Oh, my God. That's a fun day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a funny day. You know, if there's a priest in the prison as a prisoner, they're definitely fucked. Oh, yeah. But the one that comes to give sermons, you know, I'm sure he'll be protected. He might be. But Chief says he wants the death penalty immediately.

oh so he's very much so that is a man that was very sure of what he wanted in this life yeah and he made it happen for himself and you know what i'll also say it's kind of nice is that like yeah obviously like no one's like super happy with this but It's a wild story. It showed that Adam Schieff, who was 51 years old, he made his dream happen at 51. Yeah, he had a goal. And that's like a thing that a lot of people discount. Is that Hebrew on his neck?

Yeah, he does have some Hebrew on there. He's got a lot of mixed messaging in his tattoos. He's angry. I don't think he was thinking about the overarching... theme of his tattoos when he was getting them. But I'll just say, you can start at 51. And that's...

I think that's the biggest thing you could get out of the story. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Gene Hackman started in his 40s, you know. Grandma Moses. Grandma Moses. She started killing pastors when she was 77. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was huge. Like, that's crazy. Crazy. This guy is very serious. I'm surprised this isn't a bigger story. I think that people. If he would have got another one, it would have been.

Just one more. Somebody would have cared. God, I just would have cared. One more. Yeah, man. This is very, this is wild. I can't believe this man did this. I mean, he crucified him in his own home. crucify him see when you say crucify though i would expect a crucifix no you see crucifixion i think that that's why it's kind of like not

fully there. Yeah. That's, you know, because, yeah, obviously Eddie. He should have had a crucifix. That would be cool. Definitely takes more time. Oh, but I'd leave in him even more. That's for certain. Yeah. I believe in crucifixion. Yeah. No, I think also you got to get some tall trees in the backyard. If you're going to crucify someone and not get caught, you know, you got to make sure that there's some coverage. Can I get some privacy bushes here? Yeah.

I plan on starting a crucifixion. And I want to start, though, the first crucifixion will just be animals. Let me ask. But have you started your crucifixion yet? Because if you haven't...

I'd love to help kind of consult on that. Yeah, we do a lot of gardening, but we also do a lot of religious-based tortures as well. Yeah, are you considering a rope crucifixion or a nail crucifixion? I want to nail that fucker! I want to nail him to the fucking... stick no problem we could do that well you know we're gonna look at a bit of it you know it might you know increase some of our costs but now do you need romans yeah i hate italians

All right, you want to tell that silly story? Yes. Tell the silly story. See, this is like good-hearted fun for me. Oh, yeah. So this is a Dart Pro. Oh, yeah. This is a great story. There was a man who won a controversial dart contest. How he won was controversial. Because he loaded up.

stinky farts on the man on his opponent and then he won because everyone knows you like the smell of your own but you don't like the smell of someone else's but this is truly it's devastating it's not illegal i don't think it's they can't They're trying to fight him now because they're saying that he won the championship. They're trying to strip him of it. I say he's the champion now, but you can make a rule for the future. If there is any sport...

We're crop dusting as an offensive measure or defensive measure. I think it's more defensive measure. Yes. And it's not darts. then I don't want to watch darts or be a part of darts. That is a bar sport that hinges on farts being loud.

As a part of it. It's the only sport that you can smoke and drink. Yes. While you're doing it. And you can smoke. The old days. I've fallen into holes of watching old dart competitions. It's pretty great. I love watching all of it. And it's just nothing like seeing a big. fat crooked tooth cockney bastard just like no physical big huge gut sucking on a beer stein and just starting to be the champion yeah you know like it's incredible it's incredible life

Now, can we play one of these videos? Yeah, yeah, so this is the first time that he did it a couple years ago. This is the first clip of that. We're going to reach. He is smiling from here. His competitor looks like Ann Burrell. That's where she was. So James Wade won it. And James Wade, you can't really hear it necessarily, but you can hear it a little bit. We'll maybe pump it up after. Yeah.

He throws the darts in, and then as he's walking toward to collect his darts, he lays a massive fart on his competitor. It's a juicy one, yeah, you can tell. When the competitor is angry, like you can see him, he goes, ah, fuck. And the smile, the sweet, satisfied smile on his face. So now this is the second time he's done this. The second time is a little more offensive, I have to say. As someone who's a fan of this guy immediately, I will say the second time he did it.

was a little egregious. Yeah. See, he like holds the table on that one. You know, he really braces himself. Yes, that's the problem with that one. I think that it's too much of a setup. The other one was so... It was mid-stride. You can almost feel like I had the fart. I had a fart. What are you going to do? I was holding it in since the last go. But this one, he took time, went over...

to the side. Grip the corner of the table. And then lay it loose. So that is, I would say the second one I don't agree with. That's the closest I put towards He's messing with stuff. I feel like the second one is what got him in trouble. I think so. I think the first one was brilliant. Yeah, the first one was well done. And this is just too... You know what this is? You know what this is? This is Deflategate.

but for darts. Because they all do it. They all do it. Everyone was doing the deflate gate stuff. Everybody was messing with the balls. Everyone's doing this stuff. These guys fart and shit on top of each other all day long. There's no way that they don't. It's all about the egregiousness and making

an example out of someone. And so when it comes down to it is that if you are the best of the best and you're still farting, then we really have to think about this. Did Tom need to really go that far in deflating the balls? I mean, it helped him. It made him a little bit better. But everybody does it. And he won. Yeah. So it's not a big deal. Everybody does it. I mean, honestly, I don't think it's – unless you put –

In the rules, no farting. Also, if you put no farting in the rules, go fuck yourself also. I can't fucking fart. This is a drunken sport. Beer farts are a real thing. I legitimately, if I was UK and I am, I would set outside of the dart competition. I would do this legitimately. There should be a square taped on the ground. or you can fart. Oh, interesting. And you can go and fart and burp and curse or do whatever, smoke your cigar in the smelly square.

And you go into the smelly square and you hang out there and you can do that and you can do all that while you can get it all out. And then you go back into the darts because then I think now you're going to need a fart ref. Yes. I mean, now you're going to need Skye because, again, that's flagrant. Can you say time out? I'm going to call that a flagrant. That was a flagrant fart. A fragrant.

Fragrant. Fragrant flagrant. Yes. But I'm also not angry with him. Because you know what my daddy taught me? Win. A W is a W. That's right. That's what my fucking daddy said. My daddy said, fucking, you get up a winner and you have that trophy, and then all the losers can fucking eat your fart juice. Yeah, no, he is a champion, and you can't say he's not a champion.

Champion behavior. Yeah, no, he's a winner. I appreciate this guy. Champion fucking behavior. Never stop digging. Never stop going for that itch. Never try to make that cut. You gotta make that cut. Yeah, so I'm with you, buddy. Congrats. Yeah, we like you. James Wade.

Come on in. Like you. I would invite you in if I wasn't worried about you farting so much. Oh, no, we're having him over Zoom. Yeah, he's a Zoom interview. Can we get an interview with him? I can try. I'll reach out to him. Let's get an interview, because I'd actually love to know more about, I think that...

professional darts are the funniest of all of them. He's pretty big. I don't know if we can get him, but I'll try. They're professional darts. Have you seen the professional cornhole? Oh, I love professional cornhole. The guy with no legs?

I didn't see. I don't know about that. Then, like, Champy in a cornhole right now is a guy with no legs. My left foot guy? No, he has a right foot. This guy's got nothing. This guy ain't got nothing. He's nothing but stumps. But he's all hands and arms, which is the only thing you need for Cornwall. Is he in a chair? He ain't no hands and arms either. Interesting. I didn't know this. No hands, no legs. Cornhole champion. Wow. The man is literally all torso and dick.

Whoa. And he is a champion corn holder. He's better than any one of you. Well, he's closer to the hole. No, he's not. He's on the ground. It's the same amount of wine. It's the same line. It's the same line. Look at that. Oh, I didn't know he had no hands, too. That's what I'm saying. No hands, dude. Oh, he's got no hands. Oh, yeah. Look at him flip that shit. He'll make your wife come. I would feel so bad beating this guy. No, you can't because that's what he's using against you.

He beats everybody else, though. Yeah. He's using it against you. He just got another one. And he jumps forward, too. I think this guy's kind of cheating. No, they're allowed. It's look at the other guy because he's carrying it across the line anyway with that. Your foot can't cross the line. He's whole everything crosses the line. But not until after the thing's released.

It's not until after the cornhole's released. Buckets though, dude. Come on. I think he's cheating. You're going to fucking walk up to the man with no hands and no legs and is fucking crushing it. every day is this more of your extreme pedophile humor where you would laugh at this man with no hands and legs as he's wiping the floor not just with his shirt where he's

wiping the floor with the competition. I would honestly, though, he's on the ground. If the farter went against him, he would definitely win. He's right at fart level. He's right there. Oh, my God. I think that. Oh, my God. We got to bring them together. We do. This is also, if they could do it as a team, too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. This would be amazing. Dayton Weber.

Shout outs to you, Dayton Weber. Dayton Weber, dude. What a fucking champion, man. He really is. I was making fun, but he is a fucking champion. No, he is a fucking deck. Look at that stack of money. It's cornhole. Oh, my God. He's got a big old necklace. I love this. Yeah, of course, dude. Of course he does. Hell yeah. No, man, this man, like, that's insane. That's fucking crazy that he can do that. How did he lose his limbs?

Apparently, it was just irresponsibility. Quad amputee. There's a story there for sure. We'll try to get him, too. I want him together. We should have a sports roundtable where we talk to all of these.

sportsmen. I'd like this. Talk to this style. The real sports. Because Joey Chestnut's coming back this year. Joey Chestnut's going to be fucking champion again. I can't wait. It's time for... I just knew that seat was empty for far too long. I will say, when Tyson came back, not as... good no Jordan came back not as good well Jordan was just Jordan was distracted by all the gambling and getting his father killed and and then the stuff with I mean Joey just not I don't know does the muscle relax

I don't know. I didn't realize how much of a champion he really was. I thought it was just a hot dog thing. I didn't realize he owned like... dozens of food consumption titles. No, he's good at it. He's got big tubes. He's got clams, all that shit. Big fucking tubes. Yeah, he sucks it down. Shrimp? No. What food item do you think you could take, you can go hard on? I can't eat food.

fast but i can eat that's like i don't like the speed yeah but for amount i can guarantee i've eaten i eat a i can't eat a pound of shrimp just me yeah i bet you i could eat five I think I could eat three to five pounds of shrimp. I think shrimp might be the thing I can do the most of, too. And chicken wings. Chicken wings. See, chicken wings, I get full. Shrimp, I can just keep going. I almost don't ever get full on chicken wings. I'm always...

slightly hungry after I've eaten a basket of chicken wings. Really? Yeah. Wow. I'd eat a bunch more. I'd definitely get full on chicken wings, but I think shrimp, I mean, should we do this?

No. I would love to take you on shrimp. We should talk about this for Summerham. Summerham, yeah. Shrimp contest? Yes. Yeah, because Summerham, we skipped Summerham last year, and I don't think we're going to have time to do it this year, to be honest. No, but I'm bringing on the whole thing. It's going to be one of our big...

Phase three. 2026. Yeah. 2026. No, we're doing Summerham. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So keep your eyes peeled. Henry and I are going to have a sandwich-based competition. I guess shrimp po' boys could be in there. I just want shrimp. Now I just want shrimp. Yeah, now I want shrimp. This has been a very food...

Heavy. It was coming from you, and now you infected me with it. I ate before coming here. Yeah, no, no, no. I sevened. Listen, we got to end this. We have to end. It has to end. I'll just get to these letters next week.

I'll get to these letters next week. I got a couple letters here, but we had so many fun stories that I wanted to get to them. We even forgot about the angry beekeeper who was driving drunk and the cops pulled him over and then he unleashed his bees on them, which is an amazing ability. I mean, that's the whole story.

It's the only story. She'd be like, get them bees. Yes, my mighty bees. They rise. The bees, they rise. Like, that's amazing. He got them, too. Oh, yeah, of course. Cops ran. That is the... I will say, again, we hate giving you a lot of tips here. Bees fuck cops up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so if you've got hundreds of bees.

There's a lot of stuff you can do. Keep them in your car. They have to be ready to load it. They can be loaded and angry. Wasps are better. No, wasps actually are not better. What do you mean? They're not better. Wasps are not better. Beers are better for it. For attack? I believe. For a big crowd of them. Yeah.

Wasps are more angry than bees. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com. Bees are friends. I know that, but I also don't know which... Let me just ask. Yes. Let me ask the veterinarians that are trying to find a way to get away from the cops. They better be fucking old. I'll tell you that much. I know. I know, Eddie. Entomologists can be a little young.

but you know i would appreciate live every day trying to be the youngest entomologist that's ever been love the fact that you're nine and you love bugs and you don't want to get married to a 39 year old man unless he's really ready to commit Because you're not laughing at his extreme pedophile humor. You came all the way from the Ukraine to get married. And now you're angry because you're in Florida.

It's hot. And you want to get back to the war. And you are sick and tired of being in this hotel room because it's facing the parking lot. You hate the view. And I get it. So, sorry, nine-year-olds. Yeah.

Listen, we're going to be in Atlanta this weekend. Come out to the side story shows at Dad's Garage. Sold out. Sold out. You're fucked. The night before on the 28th of June. This is, I think, Saturday night. We're going to be at the Coca-Cola. Call a Roxy in Atlanta. Come check us out. Henry and I got a show at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City on July 11th. And then the following night, we're going to be doing Last Podcast and a Left at Sandy Amphitheater on July 12th.

August 7th, Asheville Orange Peels. Selling out fast, Asheville. Love you, Asheville. Can't wait. Yeah, so if you want to go to that. We're almost fully sold out on that one. Yeah, that one's actually almost done, so get in there now. September 21st, Henry and I are going to be at Truman Hall.

kansas city crime wave at c.com slash left to go on our cruise uh we're gonna have a lot of fun there that starts on 11 3rd out of fort lauderdale uh november 3rd out of fort lauderdale and november 30th henry and i will be in columbus at the newport music hall having a blast there truly and just so you know uh this week is a big week for me on lpn i'm on a special nerd of mouth uh this week and i'm also going to be on page seven this week so uh keep uh keep a listen

for that fuck yeah and go and check out all our new youtube channels lpn tv the foreign report lpn romanticy who's the b and we we have so much stuff coming out for you guys go on all the insta socials and all the horseshit and we We'll see you next week. All right. Bye you dirty fuckers. Bye you fuckers. You're so dirty, you fucker.