GameZilla Media.com Welcome to This Week's episode of The Last Action Podcast. I am LPJ and I'm joined by a man who regularly gets Brazilian waxes so he can wear his full body chain mail armor without getting any hairs pulled out. Especially in like a crotch region because that's really painful. I'm not a cod piece. I don't know. I just am saying some budget in my life. So we're talking about Cyborg. If you couldn't tell.
Wow. Yes. We're talking about Cyborg tonight which I think will be the last of a insane amount of chocolate and damn movies we've covered on this podcast. Like almost too many. I was trying to think of ones we hadn't covered and of the sort of like not straight to video ones. And I think Legionnaire might be the only one we haven't done. What about the one with him and Ryan Snagger? Oh, knockoff. Yeah. We haven't done that.
And I'm not saying we're going to. I don't want to. I don't want people to start thinking I'm going to sound I'm so excited about knockoff. Yeah. Our last. Legionnaire. Our last like six episodes are all joke. I'm going to. Yeah. That's it. But this is one I feel like we talked about doing for a while and I. I don't know. Like I think it's just kind of put on the back burner because it's not. I mean, obviously he's known for it but maybe
not one of his most. I don't know what the word I'm looking for. Yeah. I know what you're saying, but it's weird though. I feel like this movie when you say Jean-Claude Van Damme, I feel like this is one of those movies that gets brought up though. Well, yeah. I mean, but it's it's it's early on. I mean, was it. It's coming off the the heels of a blood sport. Yeah. Same year as kickboxer. Yeah. So I mean, it's very early on. I mean, it's
I and it's weird. And so, okay, I should say that this movie is released on April 7, 1889 and like kind of rolling into just like our memories or whatever the movie is. I know I saw this movie at one point in my life. I don't know where or when, but like and I couldn't tell you much about it. I mean, I could now because I rewatch it, but up until then there were some very specific things in the movie that I remembered that like stuck
with me, even this watch through. I was like, Oh, I remember that stuff. But a lot of it was completely new to me. So yeah, that's about it. Like I said, this is not one that I I saw it at some point in my life. I'd never seen it again until this week. So yeah, I'm pretty similar. I had I had rented it. The copy I get was not a very good quality copy. So it was hard to watch at parts because it was so dark for some reason. So I don't
remember a lot of it. And I kind of wanted to go back and revisit it at some point, but I never really got around to it. And yeah, so this is the first time I've watched it since that one time I rented it like in the early 90s. Yeah, but other than that, yeah, I don't you know, I hadn't seen it. Although, like I said, whenever I talked to people about Sean Claude Van Damme, I feel like this is one of those movies that gets brought up. Yeah. And I think the thing
that I didn't remember it kind of shocked me. It's like, Oh, like he's not a cyborg in this. Right. I thought that that was the whole thing is that like he was a cyborg. And that's how the movie's called cyborg. Right. No, no, he's not like there's a cyborg in the movie. I would say I would say she's a peripheral character. So I'm not really sure why the movie is called cyborg. Yeah, she's kind of in the movie. Yeah, she's in the movie a little bit.
And I guess she's kind of like one of the main. Well, but even like I feel like this movie in some ways, like you could take her out of this movie and it could almost still work like. Yeah, yeah, really with the exception of like the very end of the movie. Because it's like she doesn't really play a part in it. No, because it's like she's not the reason that Sean Claude Van Damme is going after Fender. Right. Like at all. Like he has his own thing. So it's like, I don't know.
Yeah, it's really it's really strange like to call it cyborg and that it's kind of a cyborg and it's sort of kind of. I mean, yeah, she's definitely a pearl. Anyways, let's get into some of the numbers on this movie. So this is interesting to me. It has a budget of $50,000. $500,000. $500,000. $500,000. I mean, it feels like it. $500,000. And then goes on to gross $10 million. So it makes a lot of money. And I bet I made a lot of money too in DVD sale or or of
the ads. Yeah. Yeah. I think I said for a while, there was like a thing where it was going to go straight to VHS, right? Like, yeah. Well, that was because we should probably preface this by saying when this movie was made, it was right at the tail end of Canon films. Like right after this movie was released, Canon films collapsed. And this was sort of the, I think this was their last major release
before they went completely bankrupt. And we'll explain more in the event, but keep going. Okay. So it has a rotten tomatoes of 22%, which is very low, but still obviously higher than the 9% that Beverly Hills cop 3 has and the 0% that death warn has, which come on. Really. Death warns on par with this movie at least. That might be fair. I don't know. And then as we now know, it's no longer the audience score. It's the popcorn meter. And this movie has a popcorn meter
of 31%. So pretty low numbers all around as far as the top-grossing movies of 1989, surprisingly a year that we haven't covered that much. The top three movies of 1989, we have covered two of them. No, number one is a movie that covered the original Tim Burton Batman. Number two, Indiana Jones and the last year saved. And number three is a movie that we've covered
at least a weapon too. So this movie cyborg comes in 84th in the domestic box office. The only other movies you've covered from 1989 are number 20, Tango and Cash, number 40, Roadhouse, and number 69 kickbox. That's it. It's kind of weird. Because I got a feeling there was like a we did a bunch in like the 88 and a bunch of 90. But it's really an 89 had a weird. Yeah, 91 I think is a crazy year for us too. We just did something recently in 91. And there's a lot of movies like
that came out in the 90s when I was going through the list. It's just movies you'd recognize and shit like that, but nothing that we'd covered. So think Ghostbusters shoe is 1989. So yeah, I think you're right. Okay. So as far as who this movie stars, it stars Jean-Claude Van Damme. And that's basically all I got. Yeah, I mean, I don't really know anyone else that's in this movie. There's other people obviously that are in this movie that have done other things, but I don't
really know who they are. And the honestest question in a minute. Yeah, I don't have unfortunately anything about any of these people in the video. Then we're definitely screwed. I got nothing. Okay, so what's the only network that I have is Jean-Claude Van Damme. And he's got that sweet, sweet knock off meat. Wow. What do you think? He's got that sweet, sweet Jean-Claude Van Jansen money. I'm going to go, we thought of a million times. Yeah. 40 million. 30 million. Okay. 30 million
dollars. So close. Okay. So now the director, we know this gentleman, right? We do. This is Albert Pianne. This is the guy that directed Nemesis, the movie that we covered earlier in the podcast. But he's kind of known as the sort of B movie action director of the 80s. He did a lot of stuff for cannon, including the sword and the sorcerer. He did the Captain America movie. He did Alien from LA, one of your favorites. Oh, he's Kathy Ireland. He directed Dollman. Oh, man.
Pre-Dollman versus my toys. Just straight up Dollman. And then all the Nemesis movies, which there are several. And what else? Kickboxer 2 and then a bunch of other kickboxer 4 and several others. Yeah. He kind of just does a bunch of B movies. Was there ever a sequel to this movie? There was. There's three two sequels to this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's cyborg 2, which is
just called cyborg 2, and there's cyborg 3, the recycler. Oh. Is that the, you think that's just like something that's really passionate about like returning like old cans and stuff like that? I think so. I would assume that's probably what it is. Malcolm McDowell's in it, and I hear he's big into recycling. So I think I think that's the case. Yeah, well, I'll have to check that out. Just kidding. And this guy, he wrote and directed it, right? Yes, he wrote and directed this.
And then I think he wrote and directed the other two as well. For at least one of the two as well. Yeah. Okay. Well, I do have one tagline for you, and I feel like it doesn't really fit, but I'm going to tell you what it is. If it's about as much as the time of this movie. Yeah. It's, he's the first hero of the 21st century, and he's our only hope. Yeah. It's not great. I mean, okay. Fair enough. I don't remember when this movie is supposed to take
place. I didn't know if they said a specific year, if it was just like a, no, I didn't say it just like after the apocalypse is essentially what it was. Yeah. It's like a real bummer because it was an apocalypse and then a plane. So it's like, oh, man, you think like a plague would be a apocalypse in itself. But so did you want to like touch before we get into the plot, like touch on a little bit of just kind of like the state of this. Well, yeah, just the state of this movie.
And in some of the, you know, we touched on in the opening with some of the crazy stuff. So in 87 canon made earlier than that's our 86, I believe, is when they made Master of the universe and that tanked and then Superman 4 tanked. But they're in the process in 87 of making a sequel to he man and the master of the universe. And at the same time, a live action Spider-Man movie, both were planned to be shot simultaneously with both of them directed by Albert Pianne,
which sounds insane. So he was going to shoot both of those movies at the same time jumping from set to set. And so they had put they had sunk two million dollars into costumes and sets for both of the movies already. And then when the other two movies kind of got canceled because they weren't really going to proceed with them, they lost their, they actually they lost their uh, lost their licensing deals with the Mattel and Marvel. Um, so then they just were like,
all right, well, we got this stuff. We might as well try and recoup our losses. And they had Albert Pianne rewrite the Masters of the universe sketch script into cyborg. Now I don't know. Yeah, let's get to say what parts remain of the he man and the man is a universe to script that transferred over to cyborg, but I'm kind of curious to see how that works. Um, they originally, they originally wanted Chuck Chuck Norris to be in it. But the producer said, no, let's use Jacqueline
Van Dampe. I think probably because he was cheaper is my guess. Yeah. Oh, yeah, 100%. But a bunch of the costumes and sets from this are from Masters of the universe. So like the chain mail that fenders wearing is part of the costume that blade wears in the first Masters of the universe. And, Jean Claude like, uh, stabs someone in the eye or what happened? Like he, he got, oh, yeah, that's right. He got soon. Yeah. So there's a, there's a scene where he's fighting with a knife with,
one of the guys, I can't think of who it is now. Um, it doesn't matter. But he was fighting with one of these days Jason rock pitney. That's it. Jason rock pitney. And he accidentally stabbed him in the eye and caused permanent blindness and got sued for over 400,000 dollars. I mean, anyone, right? Yeah, the guy won. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah. Uh, yeah. And then, uh, right at the end of this movie, they did a screening of it. And, um, out of the, I think they said a hundred people
who saw it. All one hundred of them gave it, uh, a terrible terrible store. So they fired the director and then recut it and changed most of the ending. Wasn't JCBD like involved in like the recoding of them? I think so. Yeah. I believe so. Yeah. I think it said like he was like, either just none or like filming kickbox or any like had to come back to the United States to like try and save this movie, stop it from being like a straight to video release. So, right. Yeah. I believe you're
right. I'm trying to think we're, I see where I had that at. Uh, yeah. It doesn't matter. But yes, um, yeah, they had to read, they had to read you all the ending and, uh, and then eventually, and eventually a director's cut came out and alternate cut, but it's not finished. So like, if you were to watch it, it doesn't have a lot of the special effects in it. And the sound is a little bit off and it's kind of a weird dubbing. So you don't quite get the full movie experience
of it. It's not all that great equality. Not that the original one was, but, um, you get kind of a better idea of what they're sort of going for with the original cut. Yeah. The, the, the, the, the, the, I'm not gonna say the story in this is nonsense, but it kind of is. Uh, that's all I got. Okay. I was gonna say anything else that you want to mention before we, uh, start talking. Well, I mean, we could probably talk about again, the fact that there's kind of a
cyborg in it, but not really. I mean, there's definitely a cyborg in it. Yeah, it's in there. 100%. Yeah. Like, you can't argue that there's a cyborg in the movie. But is she really in the movie? And I feel like, and I know I read that this wasn't the case, but like, I feel like they kept trying to make me think that like, Fender was a cyborg because his eyes are so like kind of like, yeah. I, yeah, I don't know what the deal is. He's got like really, really bright blue eye,
almost like, uh, like a husky would have, like a husky dog would have. Yeah. But they don't really explain the significance of it. Right. And I, uh, something I read and I don't know if it's the truth or just, you know, one of those things that afterwards they tried to explain and say it was like, Oh, well, like his eyes were like that because he had like the plague and he was trying to,
and that's why I wanted the cure so much. But it's like, I don't know if that really plays because it seems like he just like, no, it seems like every time that he talks about the cure for the plague is like, yeah, I want it so nobody can have it. Yeah. He, he was kind of really reveling in the, this, uh, this like shitty dystopian, like, United States, um, where he just wandered around just murdering people all the time. Pretty much. Yeah. Sometimes it's appearing in like open windows.
It's real weird guys. Right. Right. And good timing that right after that. Oh, you think they were watching the bone zone and they had the whole time. It's like, oh, yeah. No, he was, yeah, he was kind of there watching that is like legit. The funniest shout to me of the movie with a camera just like, he's like, they're in the window. I'll leave another window. Leave it in. And like, they were like, leading in like, that was a funny. His arms are in the room. And it's
like him in three of his weirdo gang members are pirates, pirates. I guess they're pirates. Also, I guess that they were in the script. They were, at least they were also known to be Satanists, but they can put that in the movies. Oh, weird. Because that's where they had to draw the line. That they were like, America is not ready for, uh, they're ready for this horrible pirate gang, but not for them. They can't be sitting. They can't be satanic pirates. Yeah, they can just,
you know, they're gonna be godfiring pirates. They can just be jacked up pirates with like, I don't know, like a complete mismatch about it. It's like someone who are wearing masks and someone don't have shirts on. I mean, considering where, uh, where the costumes came from, it sort of makes sense that they're on this match. Here. That's why I know there were any like spider man costumes. I want to know more about what
spider man stuff is using this movie. Yeah, I really want to know too. I want to know, because obviously they had something. I'm curious what it will be. Yeah, I know. I would say that, I'll look more into it, but I've watched these. Honestly, when we get the recorded this, I'll have forgotten everything we've talked about. Oh, I was going to say like I flush everything about these episodes out of my brain, like immediately. Uh, sometimes people will be like, oh, I remember when you said this,
like, no, I don't. No, I don't. I don't barely really listen to the episodes. I only every once in a while, but okay, um, let's start talking about, uh, cyborg, uh, and then we'll, everything else will shake out in the wash. Uh, so as we said, this movie opens up in an unknown, uh, date in the future, uh, and there was an apocalypse. And now there's a plague and things are pretty messed up. Uh, just for reference, anytime anyone says apocalypse, I instantly think of the X-Men cartoon
and apocalypse saying his own name. Oh, apocalypse. I thought you were going to think of, uh, how we was played by Oscar Isaac in the movie. And then at one point, he's like learning. Do you remember X-Men apocalypse? I saw it once. And that's one of those things that I flushed out of my memory as well. Okay. Well, Oscar Isaac plays a popular episode, which is kind of crazy to think about the beginning of it, whether the part after he's like reawakened in the like modern
times, whatever decade that says to take place it. And he's just like somehow like absorbing all this like knowledge from the TV and like storm who's in the movie, ask somebody's doing it. He's like learning. Look at us. It's really hilarious. It's such a bad movie. Uh, okay. So, uh, Fender, we're going to do some Fender and his gang of pirates. Uh, and they're chasing after this dude and this lady. Uh, ladies name is Pearl. Uh, don't remember what the dude's name is.
Uh, they capture the guy. Uh, and he's like a like don't like she has the information like that can help cure the plague. And we got to get her back to Atlanta. And that's when Fender's like, I don't want the plague to be, excuse me. I don't want the plague to be cured. I like the world how it is. So he kills the dude, right? Yeah. Uh, and that's when like JCVD shows up. Um, what's his name in this Gibson? Gibson Gibson. He shows up named after guitarist by the way in this movie. Yeah. Uh, JCVD
uh, shows up and he saves Pearl from some offenders goons. Uh, and he's what's known as a slinger. Yes. Which is, uh, I don't really know. I think he like, like transports people or like is a guide or like a bodyguard, like a mercenary, like, mercenary something. I, when I was reading in my research here, supposedly slinger is like a shortened version of gun slinger. But I don't know what that has to do with anything in this movie. Well, it is kind of strange that it's like, it's introduced
this thing and like, yeah, he's a slinger, but never explained what that actually means. Right. Yeah, it's weird. Like they just like, yeah, although it's a bizarre thing for one of the main plot points of your movie or like the quote unquote occupation of your main character. It's just like, well, yeah, he's just like a slinger. Like, but like, I don't know. Like, yeah, because we are shown that he like guides people or takes, you know, like, takes people places. But is that like,
all he does? I don't know. Like I don't, I really have no idea what he does. Other than he, you know, doesn't look for cyborgs apparently. So, um, so Pearl tells him that she needs to get to Atlanta because as we all know, that's where the CDC is. Thank you. Walking dead. That's not me that. Yep. Um, so they can use the information that she gathered to stop the plague, find a cure for the plague. And that's only find out she's a cyborg. Because she like pulls off her wig. Like she has no back
of the head. So, okay. And whatever. It doesn't matter how we explain this movie. I want to get into the pearl a little bit here. So Pearl, yeah, you do. Well, here's the confusion. Here's what I don't get about Pearl. Um, and maybe you can just find out later in the plot that she was obviously in Atlanta and they're like, Hey, we're working on this cure, but we need to get this information that's in New York. And for some reason, the only way that they can get the information
is for her to become a cyborg. Like, I don't understand how they didn't have any way like to train what, where was this information from? And why was it the only way it could be like transported was if she became a cyborg? And if it's so important, why only have one copy of it? Right. Why not make multiple copies of it, send lots of people to make sure it gets the where it needs to get to? Right. I would just confuse because I'm like, oh, it's a computer file.
Can you just like take the computer or like, but again, it's never really explained. It just says that they got the information and that she has the information in her or whatever. But like, the specifics of it aren't really, um, and there's no, yeah, they don't really explain the specifics of the tech of the level of technology there. Like it feels like there's, there's certain portions of technology that are greatly, uh, uh, uh, more advanced than what we have now. But at the same
time, there's a lot of stuff that's not advanced at all. Like there's no, there's no consistency between the level of technology in the, in this particular world. Yeah. It's, yeah. And it's just, I mean, like the movie's not one, the movies, by the way, the movie's less than 90 minutes long. Oh, yeah, it's short. It's like, it's an hour and 26, but that's a width like, ending and opening credits. So, right. You know, probably more like an hour and 20. Uh, okay. So,
then Fender shows up. He takes out JCVD, like, I don't know, I don't remember he does. JCVD ends up, like under a pile of rubble. And he's like, I'm going to take you to Atlanta Pearl because I want to control the cure, you know, that's like, right. Like, I don't get it. Like why? Why is he taking her to Atlanta? Because he wants to control what he says, right? Well, yeah, because it's confusing. Well, his motivation is a little confusing.
Because like, in mind you were like 10 minutes into the movie. And at first, he's like, well, I don't want the plague to be cured. Right. So I don't want there to be a cure. But now he's like, well, I'm going to take you to Atlanta so I can get the cure and have control over the cure. So it's like kind of two different things. Right. Because if he just, if he just didn't want the cure to exist, he could just kill Pearl right then and there and then and that'd be it.
So I don't quite know. So, okay. So Fender and his gang attacked this town. They basically kill everyone in it so they can steal a boat and take it to Atlanta. Right. So which by the way, the thing that is I'm thinking that's most insane about this movie and I kept thinking about watching it. The basic one of the main plot points or preferences of this, like, is it Sean Clump and then walks from New York to Atlanta? Yeah. He walks. Huh? Like,
and I like how long does this movie take place over? It's got to be a long time because it doesn't feel like it's very long. Like when you're watching the movie, it doesn't seem like a lot of time is taking place between when he leaves and when he gets to where it's, you know, when he gets to Atlanta. But it's got to be, but let's, you know what? Just keep talking. I'm going to see how long it'll take to walk from. Let's see. And also like the insane thing is like he seemingly
gets there just about the same time as Fender who's not a boat. Right. Listen, I'm not like, you know, like, you know, I'm not going to be able to, but like I'm assuming that a boat going down while I I'm guessing it was, is it wasn't in the ocean? Was it then I don't know. I don't know riverways. What does it say? I think it's, it would take, okay, in case you're curious, it would take 320 hours to walk. Okay. Which is how many days is that 320 divided by 24 hours?
It's approximately, it's a little over, it's like a hundred and it's like 120 days, something like that. So like, what are we talking like? Is that like four months? Three, three and 20 hours. Oh no, 13 days. Oh, three and 20 hours. Yeah. So 320 hours to walk if you walk 24 hours a day. Right. Which they clearly didn't. Right. So 13 days. That's, see, that seems like to me to be honest with you, but. But they're probably only walking maybe 10 hours a day. So 32 days, so month.
Well, anyways, it's kind of crazy. Okay. So then, John Colo Van Dam. So they get the boat. No, I'm just reading the way I wrote these notes and I was confused. So we come back to John Colo Van Dam. He's alive. And like, literally like, he's sitting there, like sharpening his knife for like a really long time. Yes. And that's when he has a flashback
about his days as a slinger or whatever he's still slinger. And about that just had this note that says, he sharpens his note for a long time and has a flashback about some family he got out of the city. It looks like an ended family. Which it did. But which it did. And because, oh, and he sharpening his knife, I guess we should mention that he's sharpening his knife because he goes to the city where they got the boat from and he sees everyone massacred. And that's
when he meets. Nadi. Nadi. Yeah, I think it's Nadi. Nadi. Nadi. Nadi. Why? I mean, if you pronounce it a different way, but and like, Nadi, like, he kind of knocks Nadi out because he, she like tries to kill him. And that's when she's like knocked out. That's when he sharpens his knife for a really long time. But then she's like, Hey, I want to travel with you because she's very concerned about curing
the plague. And she's like, and he's like, well, I don't care about that. I just want to get fender. But so he's like, you can't come with me, but then she does come with them. And that's again, where I have a note, like, are they going to walk from me or to Lina? Yes. So they're going to really weird scene where they're like in some like, I don't know, like apocalypse town. And like, JCBD's talking to some dude that runs like a bar named face. It's almost like a shanty town.
It's essentially where they're at that has like a bizarre in it, essentially. Yeah. And like, apparently he knows Maze from his days. He's because I think he talks is like, oh, I thought you got out of being a slinger and blah, blah, blah. Anyways, he gets information about Fender from him. And then like, I really like that they got to like the boat. And there's just like one shot like you were used to go the boat of the water. But like, everything the water of Fender's
virus is just like on the. Yes. Like sharp. There's so much knife sharpening in this movie. Like everyone, they must all have these sharpest knives. So then like, okay, then they make a big deal about like how JCBD and Nate either, Nadi, they're like, oh, man, we got to go through the Wasteland. She's like, oh, man, the Wasteland. And out of the Wasteland just seems like it's like a forest. I don't know. Yeah, it didn't seem that bad. Actually, it seemed better than a lot of the
other places they were in. And so they get attacked by a gang and JCBD kills basically all of them. I didn't understand why Nadi is like escape land was like to run to the top of a building. Yeah, it wasn't great. There's really not a whole lot of place to go when she gets to the top. Yeah, she is not a great side gig in this because like she gets, she gets captured at the top of the building and JCBD has a saber. She feels like she gets captured like three different times in
this movie. Yeah, and she never listens to what he says. And she always does something wrong. That's true. But yeah, it's pretty cool. JCBD takes out all the, whatever this game is, they they reminded me of this is such a weird specific reference. I know what's good to get. But they reminded me of like the way that all the gang mistresses they were dressed like the people playing payball in Friday 13th or six. I don't know why. Oh, yeah. Jaxson, you're weird. Yes.
I think they'll do it's a very wow specific reference. We're like, Jason 40's interrupts like a corporate payball game. Yeah. Anyways, I don't know why. All right. So then they get to this beach because I think they beat the boat there. No, I don't think they beat the boat there. I think they got there after the boat had already passed. Oh, okay. So, uh, Nadi sees JCBD's like rippling muscles and like offers up the bones onto him. Oh, yeah. She's all a quiver for him. She's like, crazy.
And JCBD's like, nah, cover up them boobs. I'm not feeling it. Yeah. You know what? Poor choice. So then but that JCBD, while he's sleeping, he has a flashback to his like makes you a family. And when he did it, go to the bone zone with like the so the family that he gets out, it's like a older sister, a younger sister and a brother, right? Yeah. Okay. So yeah. And so he has a flashback of the bone zone with the older sister. I don't know what her name is. But that was in their mom.
No, it was not there about. Oh, okay. I don't think so. My understanding was that it was like a like older sister and two younger siblings of hers. I don't, I don't, that's what I, it doesn't matter. Okay. Well, anyways, but that's the flashback. The bones on flashback that ends at the hilarious like pan up to show like under two is gang members hanging in the window. Uh, more of that later. Uh, okay. So and then we cut to the boat. And that's we already talked about with the uh, uh, page,
she volunteered to become a sideborg. And we get a little flashback about that. I didn't think the weird thing was when they were showing the operation of her becoming a sideborg. There's just that shot where the eyeballs like, yeah, just extends and pops out. It's real strange. Yeah. I think they're just like, uh, we can't really do anything to show this is a sideboard, but we can have like an eyeball like, it's cheap and effective. It's like they're building it. So why would they
eyeball? Anyway, you know what? I'm so okay. So then finally, Jean-Claude Van Damme catches up with Fender and his crew. Uh, and he's like, Hey, Nadi, Nadi, like, stay here. That don't wander off to stay here. And I'm gonna go see, let's see what's what, what's what? Of course, she immediately, she stands there for maybe 30 seconds and she's like, fuck this, I'm going. Yeah. And she immediately wanders off and immediately gets caught by Fender. Like basically just like, it's like, all right,
I'm gonna go see what's going on. It like takes one turn and just like walks right from Fender. And for some reason, I don't know, like Fender seems really into killing people when he doesn't kill her because she's still alive. I don't know. Anyway, that's not important. So Jean-Claude Van Damme, like, he, um, beats the crap out of most of his men. Well, I don't know about that. I don't know. He beats up a lot of them, but I also don't think it, I don't think it goes great in that.
Oh, no, he gets, he gets messed up by the rest of them, but I'm saying like, he does some damage considering it's just him. That's true. Um, so then, um, then we find out that the like, because I think he gets shot, not like bad shot, just like Nick. And that's when he finds out that, uh, the sister, the younger sister of the girl that he was, that he was hooking up with, checking up with, she's like with Fender's gang. Yeah, she's older, Haley, Haley, yes, she's older now.
And I don't know, should we just explain like what happened with the, with the figure should we wait till we get there? No, okay. Okay. So after the, uh, bone zone incident where they were hanging in the windows, they apparently captured Jean-Claude Van Damme, uh, and the older sister and the younger
brother and they, they tied them up in barbed wire and hung them in a, in a, well outside. And like they basically gave, there was like one of the dudes holding it, but then Fender's like, all right, well, it's up to you to say them and they get, she makes Haley hold onto this bar wire thing holding them up, which of course she can't because she's a child, like rips her hands and they fall into the well. And he apparently takes Haley with her. Right. But here's my question for
you and we're getting a little out of the movie, but whatever, it doesn't fucking matter. Why? Why was the, why was the, why was the sister and the brother dead when they fell into the well? I don't know. And if they were dead, why was Jean-Claude Van Damme alive? Or if he's alive, why were they dead? Like it's like, it's very confusing. Yeah. Because, because we just see him like, climb out of the well and he seems, all right, like that really too much, which we're in, like,
we get a quick shot, like down in the one we see, like they're dead. And it's like, the world didn't seem that deep. Well, did not seem that deep at all. No, it might have been maybe a 12 to 15 foot deep well. And they were definitely still alive. It wasn't like they were dead beforehand. So it's, it was very confused. Yeah. They were probably hurt, but okay. Yeah. I was, I couldn't figure out why they were both dead, but of course this movie doesn't
really make you know what? I know it probably happened. He probably had to eat them to survive. And that's how he had enough strength. He was a ladder out of their bones. And that's how he climbed out. That was partly director's cut that they didn't want to show. That's why I almost had an X rating. Fair enough. Yeah, that's the song for the movie. Go ahead. What's this weird gun that everyone has? Like, John, like, it's that a having, it's that a having like, you know,
bullets, it uses compressed air. So John, John, Dan, Dan gets away and he like, fine, he kind of escapes away from the gang a little bit and he gets to where Pearl is and Pearls with um, uh, Nadi, he grabs Nadi's like, let's go and Pearls like, no, I'm not going to a do you, you're not strong enough to give me too Atlanta. So I'm just going to stay with Fender and like, we like, I'm just going basically, he'll get killed when he gets there and I'll be good.
Right. So, uh, the pirates go after uh, Sean called Van Dam. Again, he escapes in the sewer. I didn't really like that scene though because there's that really big pirate. He's like chasing him in the sewer. Yeah. And they just like cut to the, they should like, they keep showing you, like, John called Van Dam and he's like holding a knife and the guy and he don't know what's
going on. And then they show you that he's like doing the splits, like, in this like Elko, like, basically, he's up in the air between two, like, the two sides of the wall. How does the guy not see him? He just wouldn't look up, I guess. Because then he like, he's up there in the splits and he like swings down and like stabs him in the head. Right. Um, it's, it's pretty cool actually. It's, yeah, it was neat. It was very good.
And um, uh, the, the pirates in this movie, they're so loud and all they do is like scream all the time. And like, I wrote that note now, but then like the final, like, yeah, I was literally laughing the final fight scene with like, how much like fender was just like, yeah, just yelling. Yeah, like, uh, so again, now they're out of the sewer. The sewer opens up and they're like, I don't know, some marsh and the pirates are chasing him again. Uh, Nadi cuts off some lady's hand,
which is pretty cool. Yeah. I didn't, I didn't think she had no strength to do that, but okay. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty, she's like, in the pirate screens. Um, so Jean-Claude Van Dam puts up a good fight. Yeah. Uh, he kills a couple more fenders gang, but then eventually, uh, he gets captured and uh, fender beats like the absolute shit. Oh, yeah. And then crucifies him. This fight just happens to add near like a boat, like an old boat. So they literally take them
and crucify them on the old boatmast. Um, but they shouldn't, they shouldn't have nailed his feet. They didn't nail his feet. I feel like that that was their. They were in a, yeah, what's that? Yeah. They were in a, hey, they were in a haze because he ends up being able to get free because he kicks the damn thing so much. Yeah. You know, you know, his feet are his biggest weapon.
Yes. And it's during, it's, it's while he's, uh, crucified, uh, that we get the, I already explained it, but that's when we get that's when we get the full flashback about what happened to his family. Again, it was great because you get to see that my favorite part of the movie when I actually they just got done going to the bone zone and the camera pans out and like they're just like
hanging out the window. So funny. So, so funny. It's like, if you don't, if you watch anything of this movie ever, just like watch that scene because it's like legit like enemy and stitches. Okay. So, um, well, and this is also where I have my notes. I said, I got nobody else made it out of that. Well, I don't know, uh, because they needed them to be dead. Uh, so he gets himself down from the crucifix and then the Maddie shows up to the show. I love that she shows up like after he's down.
Like, what were you, what were you doing? He was like presumably like the sun was going down. He was presumably up there for a long time. Hours. And I mean, I know she got knocked out, but come on. Um, so she helps, she helps them out. Um, and then like, so, and this is like, they, okay, even after, okay, we just composed by some of the times because I have a lot of thoughts about this. Again, like, maybe there's a time job because they somehow get back on the road and get a head
offender in his gang enough to set up an ambush. Also, might you, the genre bandam had the living shit being out of him. It was crucified. And now he's fine. He's good. You know, like, and it'd be fine if they like explained like there was some kind of like passage of time or, oh, this is like a month later or like a couple of weeks later, but it seemingly is just like, he got off that cross and like, like made a B line for Atlanta. Yeah, I was there. It's like, I'm good. So,
uh, he takes out all the rest of Fender's men with a little help from daddy. I mean, she mainly gets a shit kicked out of her and then ends up killing like the one other lady in the right side tally. Um, so then, uh, Sean clove and bandam, Sean clove and bandam, Sean clove and bandam and Fender had their like climactic fight. Uh, to her Fender just yells like, oh, vulgar lot. Like, that's the only way to start like this final fight is just him like, wow. Like, I don't know, he
doesn't say like one like cohesive word in the whole final fight. Um, so the fart, the fart. Yep, that's about what it was. The fights, it's like, it's kind of funny because it does follow like a classic like final is John clove and bandam like fight like structure because it goes really bad for our members. Yep. Um, he gets, basically gets a shit kicked out of him. Uh, nanny, nanny runs out the same of it. She can, you know, he can stab. Yeah. I didn't think he had
killed her. I'm like, wow. And then at the end, they don't even really mention it. They're just like, yeah, she's dead. Well, they showered. They showered dead. But like, she doesn't even get a very good death. Like, she just can stab and then dropped on my ground and you don't really, you're kind of left
wondering at first if she's dead. Right. And I was surprised they killed her. So and during the fight, that's when like, like one of the times when he's going to kill, well, before that, like, Haley's kind of like, ah, don't kill him. Like she turns that fender. Um, so then him and, uh, uh, a fender fights him more. And I don't even remember what he does the first time. Like he stabs him or he does something. He just beats him up and stabs him. Much times. It's like, oh, he's dead.
And it's like, oh, they're going to like, they're going to walk off or him and Haley are reconciling and then like, boom, no, fender like pops up and he's still alive. Uh, and they busts his wall and they're in this empty house and they fight some more. He ends up killing him by like, kicking him into a meat hook, which like stabs him to the back and he yells even louder.
And then he stops yelling because he's dead. He's dead. Uh, and then so then they, uh, they take Pearl and Haley take Pearl to the CDC peeps and, uh, drop her off and they're like, hey, why don't you stay and they're like, nah, fam, we gotta go and then that's it. You don't know what happens. Did they make the cure? Uh, no. What I want to know is had fender made it to the CDC, would the people in Atlanta have just killed them anyway?
Presumably yes, but that I mean also, but like, if the people in the CDC had like, such like, like why didn't they send more than two people to get this important information from New York? Right. I don't know. I don't know. There's a lot of audience for questions. Not that I'm going to go back and try and figure out what happened, but I'm just saying I got a lot of issues with this plot with them, you know, how much of manpower that they have with the CDC. Why didn't they just
make a bunch of copies of the data? I don't get what was the data? Why can't it only be transported via a church? Was she made a cyborg in New York or was she made a cyborg in Atlanta? And if so, how did she get from Atlanta to New York to begin with? Well, that is like the, because remember,
they do, they do okay, in Jesus. Now I got to try and defend part of the plot. Uh, in the flashback about her becoming a cyborg, like the last part of that flashback is like, whatever the guy from the beginning, the first guy that offended Hills, he's like, don't worry, I'll get you there back and safe. No problem. So he's like her guide and like bodyguard. So I think that they were in Atlanta and went up to you or got the information, but then got Ambo's try to get back. Okay.
Not for any other reason than like Fender just likes murdering people. Like I don't think he knew what they were doing. He just found out afterwards. There's a bad luck. And like how long has JCVD been looking for Fender? Because it's like Fender's not hiding like he just like everybody knew who he was and knew what his territory was and didn't seem to he clearly didn't have a, let me try that again. He wasn't hiding. It seemed like he was making himself known as to where he was.
And then Hyde Alliance confusing because, I'm just, this is the last thing I'm saying. I'm going to stop like trying to figure this out because like, Jorgo Van Dam, like, okay, so when, like, Hayley's like, I don't know, let's say she's 12. Sure. 13. And like she's probably like 16, 17. Probably. So it's been, it's been years. Yeah. What is Jorgo Van Dam been doing since he climbed out of the well to when we, if it's one focus is getting revenge on Fender.
What has he been doing for like the presuming like three or four years in between climbing out of the well and when we see him at the beginning of the movie? I don't know. Well, I will say this. If you look at the way Fender and his gang look when they kill JCVD's family, they just look like a bunch of like gang members like low end like ruffians that kind of ran around. The, the, the Fender that's current looks like a, you know, like a proper gang lord, you know. So
obviously he's consolidated some, he spent some time consolidating power. Maybe that was it. Maybe JCVD like couldn't get to him at first because he was consolidating power and becoming more and more powerful. Okay. Maybe I don't know. Also, who cares? That's true. Who does care? That's true. That's true. Okay. So we talk about this. Okay. Okay. All right. Do you have any preference going for a second? Why don't you go first? Okay. Yeah. This movie is interesting.
The plot is is I don't even know what to do. I don't even know how to describe the plot. The plot doesn't make a whole lot of sense. There's a lot of things that are not explained. And a lot of decisions that are made in the plot that don't make sense. But it's not like, it's not like, it's weird. It's not a complicated plot. It just is a
nonsensical plot. I don't know if that makes, I think I'm explaining it well. It's pretty, it's pretty kind of cut and dry like A to B like, but John Claude Van Damne needs to get to Atlanta is essentially what it is. And then all the other crap happens in between. The characters are generally pretty annoying. There's kind of, there is a cyborg in the movie, but they, it seems pretty inconsequential to the plot. I don't mind JCVD in this movie in general.
Like I don't know, he doesn't do a bad job. He doesn't have a lot to do other than, you know, kick ass and stay silent. But I think he does a fine job as far as the acting portion of it goes. There's not a whole lot, like I said, there's not a lot for him to do. I think he plays this particular type of character fine. I don't know. I mean, this movie is short. It wasn't unentertaining. Like I was entertained by it. I was never really bored by the movie. Yeah. But it's also not great.
I'm going to go right down the middle. I'm going to go two and a half machine guns, just because I don't really know how to categorize this thing. All right, that's fair. Yeah, you make a lot of great points. I mean, the plot, even for being what it is, is like completely nonsensical. And like, it just, it just doesn't take enough time to lend like whatever. It's not going to be like winning Academy Awards, but it doesn't take enough time to explain like some very simple things
I could explain to like just have it make a little more sense. And yeah, I like JCBD and I think he's good. Everyone else is awful. And like I think they even said that like the guy that plays Fender like that's not even his real voice because in real life, his voice is too like high. Like I pitched they have it, they have it dubbed. And I don't know like the action scenes are good enough. But a lot of it is just kind of like JCBD running. But you do get to see him do like
a lot of, you know, his classic kicks and jump kicks and all that shit. So I don't know. I didn't love it. I didn't hate it. I'm going to go a little less than you, but I don't think it was terrible. But I'll go two machine guns. Because like, I don't know. It was fine. And for how long of a watch it was, but I mean, there's, if you're going to watch a JCBD movie, there's much, much better ones to watch. I watched this, I watched this again over Death Warren.
I think you're probably right actually. Remember in Death Warren, how the main bad guy is a Sandman? He uses Sandman guns. I got it. I got it. Zero zero. Run to me. That's good. Yeah. Zero. Well deserved. No, no, come on. Not well deserved. Bring me a dream. Okay. All right. And I think he gets thrown into the, you know, I go back and listen to that. Let's go watch the movie. Who cares? Yeah, we know I have to rehash it here. Yeah. That's it. That's all I got for this one.
I got nothing else. I got nothing else either. Okay. Great. Let's just do plugs. Okay. I feel like this movie, this movie is so weird because it's like, I don't know what to do with it. Well, I'm feeling we've talked about it for a decent amount of time at this point. Oh, I don't care how much time we've talked about it. It doesn't matter. No. I'm not
sure for time. I'm just saying I had nothing else for it. All right. So plugs. Okay. So first of all, obviously, as always, I want to plug the 1986 Silver Hawks, 1986 13 series Silver Hawks, because what do we know about them? Ellie? Jay? Wings of Silver, New Zealand. And then partly metal, partly real. That's correct. And they have a hawk in their team whose name is Tally Hawk. The other, I oddly enough, want to plug another
cartoon with my plug because I just, and I'm not like watching it like binging. I'm trying to watch like an episode every day, but I'm just started watching it and receive it for the cartoon series Gargoyles. Okay. So I never got into it because it was just one of those things. I think it was just I was too old when it came out. Of course, now it's like a 44 year old man is apparently the right time
to get into it. Clearly. Um, anyway, so I started watching Gargoyles. I've watched like six or seven episodes. It's pretty good. So far. That's all. That's all I got. I will plug the live action children's, quote unquote, maybe action show with, uh, with, uh, with, uh, toys that interact with the TV, uh, Captain Power. Oh, I forgot about that. Uh, interestingly, in fact, about Captain Power, each episode cost one million dollars to make. It was a most expensive TV show at the time ever made.
And like you like had the toys and you like shot them at the screen right and they would like react and like blow up and say, yeah, wow. I never had, I never had, I never had any. Yeah. And the show wasn't very good. I don't remember watching the show, but yeah, I wasn't great. Anyway, Dino riders. Remember you had the harness, the power of Dino riders. Yeah, I do. I do. I do around Dino riders. Those were pretty good. The toy, Jody had a bunch of the toys. I had one of
the toys that I bought at a garage sale. I don't know why. It was a wrap. Oh, the wrapped one. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was a lot of stuff we bought at a garage sales. Anyway, anyway, that's it. Uh, Discord. If you want to check out check out chat about old toys and TV shows and, and this movie, maybe, uh, yeah, go to Discord. You can, uh, chat with us. I haven't been on frequently, be very frequently lately because people keep dropping ET bullshit into there. And, uh, I'm not a fan.
So did you, did you see by the way that like some of the celebrity like ET cash streams this year? Like Heidi, Heidi Klum dress. Yeah. No, I saw. I did. I was like, I was like, this is LPJ's nightmare. And you can kind of was not in my nightmare too because you could see like her actual like eyes amount like in the neck of the. Yeah, it was not great. It was horrifying. Even more so than it normally is. Yeah. And I feel like just by talking about it now, like we're going to get some pictures of
this. See, this is why we can't get to 300 soon enough. What? Yeah. I don't even know where we're at. Not there many more, right? I think this is going to be episode 293 maybe. Oh shit. I think 293. I'll double check. I don't know. I don't know. I'm rough stop my head. I got written out somewhere. Who cares? All right. It doesn't matter. That's fine. That's fine. We're super. We're very, we're very professional.
Anyway, yeah. Oh, and, uh, I don't know what I was going to say there. Yeah. Whatever. Discord. It's been a day, guys. It's been a day. All right. You got anything else? No. Are you sure? I'm 100% positive. All right. Well, in some of the episode, a last action podcast has been terminator. Bye. We'll be back.