"Wine on Wisteria" (w/ Matt Bellassai)

was gagged when I saw the lineup like it. Actually, you know, whenever I see those festival lineups and I always read the names, I was like, I don't want to go to that, but this this, I just I would go to this, right, I would have a really good time. Fucking drag Queens are on the Black Queens, but also a third eye blind Literally Manila Luzon is on the same is on the same bill as Amy Schumer.

There you go, fucking Manilla, Manilla. I'm I am so honored that Manila, Alaska and Drinks mon Soon are listed on the You know, the festival does how many do you go down? And it's like the high credit people are up there, and then as you go to the bottom, you know, you get it pretty far down. I would say, we're pretty far down. But I'm very proud that Alaska, Manila and um the third one Jenks are very kind of I think there before like Roy Wood Jr. Yes,

and above um Joe Ki and Booster. We're above Joel. Sorry, Jey, Joel, I guess that's just that's this canon now, Sorry, stupid bit stupid, not famous bit, not famous Joe Kim Booster, He's gonna kill us. Okay, guys, Oh, we have tried to kill me. I tell Joel try but we have a smart, famous bitch. I would say, this famous bitch would be so close to the top, well above Alaska, absolutely, and we're gonna We're gonna ask him about this if he would place himself above Alaska, and I think so,

I want to pull up that. I want to pull up the festival list and he can show us where he thinks. And then we'll call them and say, so, if you had booked Bell, so where would he be? You know what? This is so self indulgent of us. Okay, let's go through the credits. But I like it. Okay, all right, right now, let's be indulgent in that. Let's be indulgent in our guest. Oh my god, he is

um iconic sensation. You fell in love with him when he was a writer BuzzFeed Wine about it, I mean, just a bell Weather, a video content um for the rest of time and then to be honest web series, amazing, amazing, amazing series. He gives it to you straight, baby, absolutely straight, No chaser, no chaser. But he still drinks because there's still there's a drinking. I said, you don't really necessarily

need a chaser with wine necessarily steribly. I say that as we drink wine moment um and in his honor, of course. Of course, of course this is not something we regularly do. He has his amazing, amazing, incredible chart topping podcast, The Tarts Chop Chop, The Tarts Baby, The Unhappy Hour, so so fun and um he is currently Is he still on tour? We'll talk. He's on tour. The bitches on tour. We know she's a touring girl

and she's headed to chip a Pee. Is that chickapea? Kay? Yeah, we just discuss this for his incredible, incredible book Everything is Awful and other observations. Yeah, please welcome Matt Bellas. I thank you. I am very impressed. But your ability to recite those facts. Yeah, you know it wasn't reading awful. No, that's a true fan right there. There you go. But

he did miss you. My favorite credit of yours, which is People's Choice Award winner for best Social Media the best social Media personality, which has to put you in the company of what like Kelly Quoco. I was the inaugural winners. Yeah, and then immediately they were like, we're getting rid of this. They got rid of it because they know that like one day Logan Paul would come along, right. No.

The next year was Cameron Dallas. If you know of Camerons, Cameron, he's he does like you've seen him because he does like having clin ads. Now that's okay, we get it, we get okay. Alright, who is your competition your year? I need to know. The top five were me Lily Ponds, you know she's a vine star coming to the stage. Cameron Dallas was another one, Cameron, Frankie Grande familiar yeah,

and someone else. I don't remember Frankie grinding a social media personality or is he literally a ground his brother he? I mean he was doing Broadway Ship like back in the day to be with Arianna. I'm gonna reserve my opinion of him. Off Mike. Okay, we'll talk about this off Mike, Matt, would you place yourself above Alaska? I'm not gonna lie. I saw it. I was looking at the lineup for that because I saw one of you

tweeted it um and that. My thought was like, it's so it's so weird when you see those lineups, because like it's such a hierarchy. Yeah, but as long as you're not and more and like you've made it. And I was actually scared them because when I first looked at it, I was like, oh, maybe we'll be on the list. I really did think we'd be listening for some reason. And then I saw that we were, and I was like I looked at the post for a second, like for a second, like I just couldn't find us,

And I was like, I know, I was sad. Yeah, no, I I did. I've only done like one comedy festival and I was pretty high up on the thing. But I was like, they made a mistake. It's not like I shouldn't be about some of these people. I think that's the queer experience, just saying I don't deserve it. But then on the bottom, but then proving otherwise at the gig itself. Yeah, at the gig itself, they're going to make a new list, put us at the top.

There you go. It is like very gratifying to me because I'm in that weird this is I'm just gonna start talking about myself. I'm in that weird space where it's like I make Internet videos but also do stand up and so like stand up comics are like, okay, you do your little show. Like internet people are like, well you're not like really a YouTuber, which I'm not.

I'm I were gladly not accept with the title. And so it's I'm in that weird space where like sometimes I'll go and perform a show and the like the club managers will come up to me after and be like I was expecting you to be ship, like you were good, and I was like, yeah, so were you doing comedy pre dooing YouTube stuff or like in Facebook stuff and buzz with buzz not not like live comedy. I was always like writing funny stuff in Northwestern boy journalism.

Thought I was going to be like a Time magazine writer, which would be sure you would be great at well. I worked at this magazine in Chicago when I was still a student intern. It is called in These Times, and it's like Bernie Sanders in a magazine. It's like socialist run by remember in elections, elections, which it's coming. We'll be there, we hope. Where they said Barack Obama was like aborting with this terrorist that he was friends with Williams. Yeah, it's like his magazine that I worked

for magazine. Basically he's like an investor, like right, And I was like, I don't really like writing about the news to the extent that we were writing about the news, and that wasn't happier times. Yeah, right, imagine now imagine we just had normal problems back the charmed times. Right, and then listen Northwestern. There's a lot of great gems that come out of there. You graduate, Yeah, okay, that's when we graduated. So maybe you know some Well that's

another off air conversation with Right. I feel like I didn't drop out, and that's where that's where the real stars like that drop out of the question. Like all the famous people who came back and gave commencement addresses were like we dropped out, Like Julia Louis wifu. I didn't know she was. She technically dropped out. She's the Gaga of Northwest. Gaga went to mu for um a flint of a moment. Yeah, and then she said, I'm probably going to be an international pop star by way

of the underground New York scene. Have you guys read her like writing the essay essays like her expository essay. No, but one of my friends was in that class with her and said that he said that Stephanie was gray. I hope, I hope she was. She had like a long brown hair and was like Stephanie, you know what I mean, like imagine Lady Gaga but being a Stephanie. Wasn't she on that like hidden camera shop boiling points. Stephanie was on boiling points. And Stephanie did not deal

well with a napkin on her. She did not. It was great, she boiled. It was great because it was like a real moment where she was like the funk out of here. This is this is like what do you need this sucking salad with the napkin in it? Which is like how any of them being polite about that situation is right? That's like diva test one oh one. That's how they train well before they're going to sign them to the record deal. They ship on someone's plate

and they say, how she's gonna react to this? Yeah? What waiter ends up with like a knife in their back always dies in the Diva Trading six album deal. Yeah, amazing. Guys were drinking a little bit of wine in honor of Matt. Yes, this is a nice savignon blanc. We're going to move on shortly to a cab um Mrs gorgeous. I mean, Matt, I did want to ask you, and I think I prefaced this question going into this before

we hit record. I feel like you've been forced to just imbibe so much on camera for the entertainment of others. What are your You talked about this a little bit. What are your feelings towards just being forced to drink? Now? Are you being forced? I am in a prison of my own, making no choice. No. It was interesting because I've been very open about the fact that I don't really like wine. I drink it. I drink it, just like I don't like drinking water, but I drink it.

Drink you know, I have to hydrate. That's so something like a middle aged mom would say, no, I mean, but that's my audience. But the other day I saw you drinking what I thought was a white zimph and I was like, he'd better not been drinking white zinn. I don't think i've ever it was like a red color. Maybe it was rose maybe or it was really well, it depends, I don't know, it depends on what you were watching. But yeah, I don't like now wine is like my my work drink, and that's drink on camera.

But now I was always I always used to be one of those people. It was like, I don't like alcohol is alcohol. It doesn't affect me differently, like drinking tequila versus wine versus foka can all affect me the same. But now I'm like, now that I'm an old man,

I'm like our age, drinking wine gives me a headache. Okay, you need I think there's something different about especially considering that I'm like very sweaty all the time, as you can see, and it's just you have to sort of balance it out right, like I will dehydrate immediately on it. So wine is dangerous. Now my like go to drink when I go out is like whiskey on the rocks. I love because I convinced, Yeah, you look sophisticated as

I blowed a little on bourbon. Yeah, anyway, that's that's anyway, keep going. What does that mean? Below it my bloat? Like I get my face get well, when he drinks whiskey, he blow it. That's what I thought. There's so much I don't have so much to learn to I like convey myself that that was the healthiest option because it's like I get what I can drink without a mixer, and like it gets me the drunkest for like the amount consumed and sort of your hydrant in two because

there's ice. Absolutely well, that's a beautiful arc and there's you. You've more alcohol to explore in the future. So I just went on a book tour and I was like, I did a tour last year and drank a full bottle of wine during every show, and at the end of the night, I was like, I feel disgusting, and then I have to wake up, get on an airplane and do the same thing the next night. Wait, hold on,

how many shows a week? Well, it was only like maybe three nights a week, but they consecutive, maybe right. They would be like yeah, and then I'd have like four days to recover and then three and that was for like seven weeks, and so this time around it was much more condensed. So I was like, it was literally like four straight weeks of just like a different thing every night, maybe a day or so, like here and there. And I was like, I cannot do that.

So you watered down the wine a little bit there, No, I went to whiskey. I was let's just go because then I can like there's I don't know, I feel less terrible. I can still get drunk. It's not a volume thing with whiskey. It's like you're not really expected to drink a certain amount, still drink a good amount of it. What I'm getting at is that there were a number of my audience members who were very upset

that I wasn't drinking wine. There was one show I had the craziest show in Seattle, which I was like, they're going to be nice in Seattle, and this girl I was drinking whiskey, like a good amount of it. I had at one point to be like, it's alcohol. It has more alcohol than anyway. I was in the middle of my show and She walked up to the stage and set a full cup of wine on stage, but she thought, and the entire audience was like, drink it. That's and I was like, no good, we are not

going to do this. I will. I will sit down and wait for you all to shut the fun that is bellaside for you. And we just got a little bit of the bellaside growl and like it's it's you know that that's that's snapped him into They probably love that even more in the shape. Yeah. The good thing about like the persona that I have is that I can be addictive people expected right right, try I'm I'm actually a very nice person. Well that's what we're That's

what we're getting now. And like I think you're about just because we I mean, we do this whole thing, we condense a rant into a minute, but you you are able to steep yourself into it so skillfully. And I think we're gonna we're gonna get schooled here just just throughout the episode. I'm just I'm just saying to me, no pressure. But it's also like I feel a lot of pressure because I've been like thinking about this for a while. Okay, but but you do this. I mean,

you do this, I know, but hard, it's hard. It is hard. It's a lot harder than you think, especially at our live shows because you get up and you're like, oh no, Like I don't know there's a possibility of us editing one although have we ever edited? And I don't think so, honey, ever on the shop never, I don't think we've We've always gone uncut right tape. I'm bad at improv I'm like, I'm like, I need to spend days writing something like a minute of material and

get it down. So what do you have a topic for? I don't think, honey, later today, do you have a pre let the topic? I have an idea? Because I'm always curious. I mean, I'm sure you guys like have some sort of like pitching stage. I mean you you would have them for wine about it. You probably have them for to be honest, um where it's like, uh, okay, let me pick out these topics that I'm gonna talk about. But like I guess it's hard to find like the first little seed crystal of like, oh, let me start

off with this and talk about this first. But I feel like you have this, like you have this very nice stream of consciousness about your style. You have a really good stream of consciousness accepted. It's true. It's a really good complem it. I think so much about like

how much time I like spend on writing everything. Yeah. Yeah, Like I'm like most of my videos are completely written out from beginning to end, or at least I have like a pretty good outline because when we filmed video, when I was filming at BuzzFeed, um my producer, you know, there would be days where I'd get lazy and be like, let's just go for it, and you'd be like no, because you're going to drink a bottle of wine and then like get wildly distracted by something and we're not

going to be able to film anything because yeah, so I was like, fuck, I have to like write a script so I know what at least to have like the baseline. Then we can start have bullet points firmly in place, we can add lib a little. Okay, well, then either you're out of your depth or we're out of ours, like this is going to be in the middle, like where is nobody knows what they're doing ever ever, which is I feel like it's like one of your nice, like you know acts maybe right, I have no idea

what I am doing, none of us And that's the truth. Literally, not a person knows what they're doing today. I left Facebook, Yeah, because I I decided that it was too fucking much and everyone was getting dumber. Yeah, I was just like, I can't do this anymore, right, I feel like I So I have like my my Facebook like page right post videos, and then I have my own profile. And when I go on my own profile and look at the people I'm friends with, half of them, I'm like,

who are you? Happened no memory of this person? Yeah, I don't know like getting married and having children, and I'm like, I don't I don't know who your parents are, Like I don't write right right right right where you came from. I wouldn't know you in person. When it comes down to Facebook just reminds me that, like, all I really know is like four people. Yes, for sure,

it's it's sad more than aggravating. But are you Are you now at that place where you're at like your Facebook friend limit, like no one can friend request you or because it's a max thing. Um maybe no, I still get I still see them pop up but I haven't like actually posted or used Facebook as like a regular just profile person. It's different now. I mean I go on, I scroll through it, but I haven't posted

or like accepted a friend request. Sometimes I look at the messages and like the other inbox if you see it, like where people are like, I'm just this person, yeah right now? Is that? Is that like the cadence of

the message? Sometimes yeah, yeah, it's very It's confusing. Do you get a lot of people um sort of engaging with you, like, girl, we know each other in a way that's une like in person or on the internet, or both on the internet, because on the Internet it sometimes gets to a place where it's like, oh, no, this person really just like because now I think I

don't know about you. But for the first time, I'm now getting some messages on Facebook that it's like when people didn't like a tweet or something or didn't like something I said, They'll be like, fuck this, this is stupid, and I'd be like, like for the first time ever, well, not not that they would take to Facebook, but it's like a response to a tweet, when someone will respond to a tweet and I'm like, oh my god, no, one never did this before, and I feel like half

of it is kind of good because like you follow a town's drawing, and I guess that's quote unquote good. But now people are just like we feel like we can say fuck you, and it's like, I have that done. I've had that for not not to brag yeah at me for a long time. I said before that I feel like I sort of got eased into it because when I was started writing for BuzzFeed, I didn't have

any followers. And when when I started at BuzzFeed, BuzzFeed itself was still pretty new, so if someone hated something I wrote, they would say like funk BuzzFeed, I hate

BuzzFeed in the comments. And then as it started to grow and people started recognizing like my name on articles because like I'd always write about like hot guys and they were like one direction and they'd be like, oh, here's this guy again, like this guy, and then gradually would be like funk Matt belas I. And then when I started making by the time I started making videos, it was like fuck you and your family and you personally like not my family, but but you're but you

are tracking this like level up each time yeah, but by the time it got to that point, I was so like, whatever, I just don't like murder me and I'll be fine. But I did have There was some I tweeted, I'll be fine, don't murder me and I'll be fine. See you're welcome. There was a tweet I did the other day. That's how I talk the tweet I was I screenshoted one of my drafts because I was too embarrassed to tweet the actual thing. Even though I tweeted it out in the form of a people

couldn't have searched it. That's true. But it was about how my butthole puckers every time I see a picture of zac Efron and it's do like it's involuntary a dolphins surfing like surfacing. Yes, it just has to. And some woman replied and was like, I love your videos, but you're better than this type of humor. Clearly I'm not, so I did it. I said it, I'm not better than that. But also like also like she clearly hadn't

read anything else, like you followed him on. But it is like my my video persona is a lot different I think than my my like Twitter persona, but I think there's also this other discussion about I don't know and like like it's great, It's it's this beautiful thing when people do I'm talking about in person, when people come up to you and like start like getting a little too a little too like unearned about things, and they're just like this only happens like once every like

six months. I'm gonna say and I'm not saying this, and I'm just saying that people are gonna be like, oh, stupid bit, You're like like just being a little too real with me, And I'm like, whoa, whoa, Like let's get to know each other. Yeah, No, I I get that. It's like, yeah, people feel like especially because I'm like, you know, an alcohol like I'm putting that in air quotes on the internet that they can I had this, I had this woman. I'm like hesitating about whether I

should talk about it that. No, we're gonna talk about it. We're gonna get real. I'm pretty sure I've talked about it before in other forms. But there was this show in San Francisco last year in and she um it was in like the backstage room like green room after the after the show, so I was drunk. Everybody else was drunk. There was like a bunch of people I

knew at that show. We were all like taking shots backstage afterwards, and um, there was a few people there who were there to talk about like a brand deal that I was going to do. They like we had an agree read to anything. I was meeting these people for the first time and it was this group of like women, older, like middle aged women. And the one rep from this company was wasted and she came up to me and she was like, I bet your dick is so big. I'm accepted. And she was like, I'm

just like you. I fucking hate my kids. And I was like, I don't have kids. You're a grown woman with children. What was she confusing that with? She was like I had jokes about like how I hate so she hate my kids? Right. It was just this moment where she was like you're just like me and like wor can be bitches And I was like, Hey, this this is a business, that's a professional environment where we're

all wasted. And then we had a phone call the next day to talk about, you know, the deal, and I was like, oh, I bet she's going to be embarrassed and she was just as insane. Had nothing to do with the fact that she was drunk. Actually taps to that. I mean, like not to her making you feel uncomfortable, obviously, but like she's consistent, consist she's just crazy. So was Harvey Weinstein basically got groped. Sexual harassment is fun with charm. That's so. It's the sixties. Everyone's drinking.

That's so. That's awful. Oh my god, that's I mean, like, and not even eventually you get to that place, but it's like, I don't know, we will all get to the place. And I'm saying, I'm saying, eventually you get to that place where you could theoretically joke about your kids or your penis size with this woman. Absolutely, she just assumed that that time was sooner than the rest of the world might. Yeah, it's just so weird to me. I don't know, I was so like taken aback, didn't

expect it. Sometimes I gravitate towards those people, though, like I'll find that I'll talk to them the most. I think it's because I'm from Long Island, where everyone's just like, let me tell you something about so and so. She's a fucking alcoholic and this and this and this and this, and you're like, Okay, oh my god, yeah, this is what we're talking about, all right, Like I don't know if it's like the like very sort of like Italian

part of like Roman Catholic part of Long Island. And then I'm from where it's just like we see what we think, and I'm just like and I almost don't know how to relate to someone that's not on that level. Sometimes to the point where I've been told by outside people like you make friends with some crazy people, and I'll be like, oh my god, I guess I do. Yeah, I think now I like the storyteller and me wants that because I just every every other yeah, every like

assault that comes my way is just new materials. Just make sure it's verbal, please, can it please be verbal assaults. I've now added a whole bit about how like this, this woman came up to me after a show that I did in Cleveland and like full on sodomized me with her angers, like I mean, it was outside the pants, but still like it didn't. Oh. The good news is

I don't think she remembers. But it's good. Honestly, there's it's just like it's one thing I think to go up and like smack someone on the butt, because you'll forget that, you know what I mean, Like if you come up and snack me on the ass, I'll around and be like, well that was a little weird or maybe you know, I don't know, I'll just forget it. You try to finger my butt hole. That will stay with me forever. Yeah, no, it has and it won't right no, yeah, yeah, oh my god, I don't know.

That's the only time that's happened, unwanted, unwanted, unwanted, right, yeah, I went. Now, I like use that in my set as a god, usually as a way to be like, don't beautiful, But then people think they're being funny when they're like, I'm gonna put my thing or in your butt. It's not a joke, don't ever, don't do it, but they joke about it, and I'm like that crazy, I'm gonna put my finger in your butt? Like what a

sick uncle joke? Is that? Right? I don't know. It's it comes full circle where I'm like, I'm this is yeah, this is happening to me, and therefore, what does that say about me? Right, And that is a I'm saying. I was saying, and I was like, you know, like doing it to myself? You do you do go to yourself? Like, how am I the guy who the joke is fingering your butt where It's like I'm asking for it? Oh my god? You know what. It's because we're gay. It's

because we're gay. They wouldn't even think about our butt holes if we weren't. That, I mean, I wouldn't want to touch a straight guy's butt hole. That. It's just like, that's not well, you know, he takes care of his butt hole. I think Zach Zach, Zach you would. Yeah, we're saying, Zac Efron, if you're listening, maybe if you enthusiastically consented, we would all finger I would say this, he works out a lot, and so that bin me is very sweaty a lot of the time and probably

doesn't smell great. I feel like it cleans itself. Like if you if you've seen his pictures of him at lately, are so like other worldly, sculpted and better with the buff buff buff. I'm saying that it looks like inhuman right, it's not real. So like I feel like his butthole is probably like it's like, I don't know, it doesn't

excrete anything wow about that. That's the thing, because it's like sometimes I do fall guilty of this, like I will be that gay guy who's like attracted to straight men, like I don't know, like or that kind of masculinity, that kind of masculinity, you know, for for whatever reason. You know, I think it probably has to do with my upbringing, Like that is a thing that was impounded in me early, which is this kind of man is attractive.

And a lot of times, like when people are like like on Grinder or Tinder and they're like mask only, I'm like, oh, that person doesn't know that that's not okay. But I get why they're saying it, because society fucking hammers it into you and so but then I remind myself straight guys they don't take care of their buttles. They probably smell awful, And then I don't think about it anymore. Yeah, I neveryone should just know that. Um, when Matt was punching his hand, it was very mask

and I'm also wearing it backwards hat. Yeah. Yeah, And I showed it to an event. I showed it to an event the other day and Julio Taures said, yeah, you look very mask and I thought it was a great read. I felt very read by him. I wasn't trying to be masked. I just was too lazy to do my hairs aesthetic. Um, speaking about bringings, Matt, We're gonna ask you what we ask all of our guests, because what was the culture that made you say culture is for me? Which is our silly way of asking.

What was like the little spark in Europe bringing that like made you say, wow, I love you know everything about pop culture? Right? Yeah? Um, I feel like I have to answers sort of. One is maybe less cliche. What is like, I mean, who cares about cliche? Just a cliche? This is like, I mean, it's like throwing fish out a shark. Has anyone ever fucking said there's no, it doesn't matter, there's no. I don't think there's a

cliche at there's not. My defense is that, like I was a Beyonce fan before I was gay, Like before before I answered the call from since like the child since Um, the one song I remember like turning that switch in my head was Lose my Breath. The Leader post solo career, even because I don't know how the trivia listen you are you? Actually I'm much a late comer on Beyonce. Now I wouldn't be no, no, no, that's but it's still no. He could still affect him

the same way. But he's like, you know what year? What? What years? Or four? One of those a long time ago? Yeah, that that Destiny's Child Reunion album seems more recent than it is. Dangerously Love with the year after Beyonce with Destiny's Child two anyway, Um, okay, but no, it doesn't matter. I'm thinking I'm thinking of a different song then, because

I remember. I remember my mom used to order from like avon, you know, like mail order cosmetics, and she got this free, like free a m FM radio with the headset. It was like in the nineties for sure, and I was like, this is mine. Now you keep

the makeup. And I remember I would listen to that and like wait for the Destiny's Child songs and so like constantly have it in, always waiting for the Destiny Child songs so I could turn it up and my brother and I am like for very different songs with wait for with our like tape recorders to put it

in the thing and yeah. So that was like and that was literally like I don't think I was out, and well I know when I came out, but I wasn't until college, and I was like Beyonce was my outlet like pre like pre Gaga, pre all of the like if you like this artist like welcome, yeah, um yeah, she was one that it was like, I can say I like Beyonce and it's still Britney Spears. Was the same way I think where it's like I need to

say I have a favorite singer. I can say Britney Spears and actually genuinely get behind it, and also I can still be in like because she's hot. And then later for me, it was like that best person became Kelly Clarkson and it started to become more difficult to say, well, I like her because she's hot, because the number one thing about Kelly isn't that she's hot, you know what I mean? And so what I'm gonna say it it's true you like Kelly because she sings fierce. Yeah, yeah,

not because she's hot. When you're trying to be straight at sixteen and you're walking around singing since you've been gone. People aren't like, oh, it's because he wants the banger, right, So you found covering Beyonce. Yeah, I hid my sexuality. Um yeah, I feel like at the I'm just there's so much conjuring up in because it was also I mean, I had other there were other artists like obviously like

the Backstreet Boys. I remember from this my first communion because I was raised Catholic and right, it was my first communion and we went to like the reception after like dinner, and I got this gift from my aunt and it was the Backstreet Boys album, but she bought it and it was in a gift bag that had that It was like the bag looked like the album. It was like a printed bag and it was basically

like here tiny gaugeld. Right. It was not you know, like sky Blue album where they were all wearing Yeah. So you here's the Here's the gag for me is that you waited to get Millennium as a gift. I was going out to the story to get Millennium the day it opened. Bitch, No, I couldn't um right because what is that the first although the first album that I remember going and buying was was yeah, me too.

So there were a lot of there were a lot of signs, sure, but it was the first like whoa, whoa, wait a minute, this means something else, right right, And then my other one that I was going to say was Desperate Housewives was the first. Thank you so much,

thank you so much much. Oh my god, that was the first show that I remember, like like, I remember seeing the commercials advertising Desperate Housewives before it started, and I remember in my eyes tears sprang to my eyes because I realized that we are going to talk about Desperate Housewives, and I got so happy that I started

this is cry We're going down the shop. I started to understand, I understand, okay, we're going so I like literally I remember watching the commercials before it started, and I do remember thinking like, oh, this is gonna be like too crazy, and you loved it. The commercials made it seem like it was going to be like too campy before I knew what like camp was. Was it the commercial where it was Casera Sara was playing and

it was the newspaper you are killing me. The newspapers are being thrown us everyone and they're all out in the gowns like David Chapelle, David Lall, David shot that, and they always they always would show that clip where the neighbor, the ginger woman was like she she was looking through the window and right, yeah, she saw whatever. I don't remember all of them. Do you remember Martha Huber's death scene when what's his face told her with

the blender? Do you remember the scene where she I think was it that she was a three or where was it that she was with um Terry Hatcher where she talks about, oh my gosh, she talks about mincemeat. Do you remember that buck mince She's like she she

knows that, like Terry knows something. And she's like and she's fucking crazy and she's like and she has a pie with her and she goes, no, I have a fun fact, Like she knows, like like Martha Hubert's like she knows that, like she knows that she like has the power in the situation. You know, it's so interesting. You know that's saying I'll make mincemeat out of you mince meat. It's like it's it's I don't remember the scenes obviously, but oh my god. That the first season

was the first season is really really good. I just I loved it so much. And that was the first time where I was like, I have to I have to be home there on Sunday night. There was a time we were like out, it was like a holiday, and for some reason, they had a new episode of Desperate Housewife that's a tragedy. And it was before yeah, it was before we had like a DBR or anything.

And we have to leave right now. I can't even talk about this because do you There was a scene there was an episode in the first season of Desperate Housewives where Susan is across the street at home and she's crying about something, and across the street there's a party happening, and she thinks that her daughter Julius at

the party. So she goes over to the party and goes in the in the backyard and she finds like swim trunks on the floor, and she gets furious because she realizes, oh my god, my daughter's having sex in the pool. So she goes over to the pool and who comes up is Marsh across his son and Gabrielle's gardener that we're fucking in the pool. I missed that episode because my family was in Pennsylvania, so I had to.

My dad was like flipping through the chat was in that scene came on and I was like, what's happening, What's happening on my favorite show that's also now it's gay? Oh my god, I have to But of course I didn't get to watch it, and I had never seen that episode until years later because there was no DVR, no nothing. So what I'm saying is, this is the queer experience. This is the queer experience. It's a tragedy that you had to miss an episode of Desperate I

have to go back. And that's like one of the few shows from that time that I don't like. I haven't seen it since one episode, like each one at a time I bought, like the book they had, like a book that came out at the end. Remember it as it was, Remember it as it was, because honestly,

it's probably true. Yeah, just that's something where it's like, it should just be one season, like if it were now when it were acceptable to come out and do like a limited series that should have been Desperate Houseis for the first season and then just let it go, let it be perfect in some way. The second season was Alfree Woodard. But here's the thing, Alfree world. Yes. Always. When I heard they cast her, I was like, gag read.

I didn't even know who she was, but that was I didn't know before Desperate house but then she opened the door. Ever boys, I think, yeah, I think you're right mad. It's like, um, it's like I feel like big little lie. Season one was just sort of like that is the modern iteration of what Desperate Housewives. Absolutely and I memory if Desperate Housewives was like four episodes or like it was. The first season was twenty four aps. That was when it was like standard. How many was

there like six seasons, five or six? That thing went. That thing went for a long time. I think I had two hundred episodes, like it was fucking out there. But that was another show that was like the first golden age of TV modern times. And then pretty much because everything was on network TV, everything got super fucked up because of the writer's stripe. Like a lot of good promising shows died right away. Remember Pushing Days, the who I feel like maybe succumb to the writer. That

was sort of weird. I mean I think it fucked I think I know it sucked up. Lost I mean Lost was so tied to its like narrative, and then all of a sudden had to like be so fewer or like weird episodes like it just killed shows, whereas that what happen with cable now you could just say, okay, we're not doing it right. But yeah, but I think Desperate Housewives was the first one that I remembered like I need to watch this every week, and then I like subscribe to Entertainment Weekly. I had like my my

like I would make yeah, we love Kristen. Her name is Kristen del Santo, snaw say we cut you off? Okay, yeah, So used to subscribe the Entertainment Weekly, and I would like every season would make like a calendar, like Monday through Friday or Monday through Sunday, Like what when are my shows on? When? What did the schedule look like? And I don't imagine, right, I mean at that time it was like Desperate Housewives, like Race Anatomy before everyone

was a lesbian and died. It's really sick. Lesbian is um. Lesbianism is so sick. I've always said that I think the series finale of Gray's Anatomy is going to be a fucking meteor hits the I like, when I heard that it was still on TV, I was like, are you shifting right? It's literally so shitty. I mean, there's like a filter on it now. It's horribly the only thing that I remember about grayce Anatomy was the episode where the guy from Friday Night Lights gets blown up

by a bob. I mean, but insane, but like somehow that was grounded compared to remember the ferry boat disaster. That was crazy. I think I checked out before then. Oh, you got it right in town. Okay, that was well, well, Katherine Heigel was still on the show. Okay, yeah, here's here's the deal. When she left, that's when it got bad. Okay, you got out early. Were you going to say that you did like season two Desperate Housewives? I liked all of it. I liked all the two. I continue to

watch us to the end. Yeah I was. I dropped off it like season five after Dana Delaney, right, Oh, okay, I did. I I kept watching it. I mean I have a vocabulary with it. Through Delaney's lesbian escape and yes, she escaped, she escaped with and she is she became a lesbian and escaped can I say season two was a gag? And here's why, because people shoot on season two.

Here's the gag of season to remember brees whole alcoholism story. Yes, and when she's it's the end of an episode and she and like, Andrew her son is being a nightmare and oh my god, he was truly evil. Do you

remember this, Matt vaguely? Okay, So he's so Andrew her son is trying to get um what's it called, uh when when when they break away from their parents patient, Yeah, he's trying to get me ate it and um, so he's he's being a little ship and she's she's like going to a a. She dumps all this wine out in the kitchen and then like they get into this argument and then and then Andrew goes, you're such a fucking bit, like you know, not sucking, goes your beautiful bitch,

you know, you know, your stone called bitch, you know that. And then she takes the wine bottle, throws it across the fucking kitchen. It chatters on the fridge, and then she walks over and she goes, I'm gonna do this. I'm just gonna do this. I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that I hate you. You know, the opposite of love isn't hate. It's a different. If you hate me, that means you still care, and that means I still have a chance to set you right. It's so good.

Here's the thing we've come afted this, this whole conversation from Matt. I know, I'm so like amazing, Like I don't know. It's my alcoholism has just my brain doesn't work. I can't remember anything. The thing is, you said, Desperate Housewives and now here we are. You know what it's like. Do you remember um one Gabrielle to her kid was a doll. Here's here's the answer is always here's the thing about death. That's good that you don't remember it.

You should remember that it was nice and fun and good camp and diva and gay and whatever. That's amazing. That show got truly heinous because also it feels like almost everyone on network television got into this place where they had like amazing first seasons and it was also good and then literally all at the same time they were like, oh my god, cancer cancer, it's cancer. She

has cancer. Literally, that head cancer. Calista Flockhart on Brothers and Sisters Head cancer, gazy Head Cancer, Unlost, like they had a cancer storyline or a several. I think every show was just like we literally don't know what the to do. Give somebody cancer, it will last us the season, right. The one episode I remember very vividly is the one

it was like one of those episodes. It was like the whole family has to gather around and watch this, and it was the shooting starring Laurie Metcalf, Honey, Yes, starring Laurie met Calf, And that was like that was ahead of its time. I mean it was, it was, but also in the midst of its time, I guess. I remember going to school the next day and all the basic girls, like it was really moving. It was that was actually really moving, but like I'm sure it was,

but here, I guess. But at the end of the day, like the episode ended with Lynnette like getting up in front of a shooter and being like like Felicity Hoffman giving everything she had to be minus material, Like that was so what she had to do for the whole rest of the season of the series because she was so stuck at that. I think they all were just like,

what's my storyline this? Okay? I mean, it was insane from the beginning, was it was, I don't know, because it was like a satire and like a murder mystery and like all these things, and like so it was operating in that world, and then all of a sudden it was just like, no, it did that thing where it was like, well, what's gonna It's November, what's gonna happen. It's gonna be a tornado. In Tornado episode, John Slattery getting paled by offense. Look, here's here, veniently, just when

he was becoming a killer. Here's the thing. I agree with Palaside that show is crazy from the jump with fucking Mary Alice committing suicide over what like what was the reason again that you find out at the end of the season one that she killed herself being sad. I know, no, no, no, she she she had being shackmail she was being blackmailed or someone like her son. Yeah, yeah,

something like oh, now I know what it was. It was that she their son died and they got rid of him and they bury him in the background in the in the backyard or something. It just seems like it didn't. I mean, maybe my teenage stelf was like I wouldn't kill myself over that. I mean, like that's very you know, it's classics. I don't know if I kill myself over that, bearing a child in my backyard on my own, but it's that thing of that happens

a lot. But I think any TV show, which is why Big Little Eyes was so great, was because it actually was satisfying where it's like it sets this thing up where that's so intriguing that it can't possibly be satisfied. It's like Lost, Like Lost is number one, where it's like you have them on this deserted island and it's also like like a mythology and there's magic and it's another time to mention. You can't wrap that up. So Desperate housewise, I think was I feel like I've lost

the ability to watch television. Maybe it's because we grew up with those types of shows, but I'm like, I don't even know where anything is going. I just like I don't have an end in mind for anything. That's also how I think about my own stuff. I'm like, I don't know I could start because if you were to binge watch Desperate Housewives today, it would you would just go crazy. It would take forever to it would take forever and but you just wouldn't be able to

keep trying. I mean that's why I like nothing to do it after that inspired No, I think you will enjoy it because I think it's like season one is a good soap. I can also like I have its sickly ability to binge like faster than the normal human. Well what do you like? Now? What shows do you like? I've bench like seven shows in the last week, Like I got like, there was a show I just watched that I've never heard of before. It called Please like Me.

Do you know it? Yes? Yeah, it's so good. It's great. I start very gay. It's like there's like controvers to see in Australia because they like didn't know where to air it. Did they show butts um they did? Yeah, and maybe a little bit of Dick the Pilot is like really good. It just throws you into this like into his like world. Yeah. But I learned about it because I was talking with someone and they were like, what, like what's your show? What do you want to write?

And I described what I'd want and then they were like that's please like me, And I was like, well fuck. But before you said that I feel like you would, you would write a beautiful show like that was similar in tone. Yeah. I was like, I'm just like Gay Seinfeldt Yeah, Gay Seinfelt, but like there's like an element of like that's different ground there's such a groundedness to it,

right right, Yeah, you know Seinfeld is Will and Grave. Okay, there you go, Yes, twelve culture and you have to say it like a winey baby, um like me, yeah, that I just watched all of it's very binge a bole there's because there's only four seasons and they're like ten episodes or six episodes. Um. The marvelous Mrs Maisel impression that I liked it, Like like there's very few things that I watched that I'm like, this is not like I like it. I think it's very charming and

well done, and I think she's a star. I just saw Dear Evan Hanson and I was someone was like that was terrible, and I was like, I liked it. That's just my Yeah, I guess it is it is. Have you seen it? No, I have. I've listened to the album for like three months because that's I listened to like Broadway albums without seeing the show because I'm I can't afford to like go to Broadway all the time, very very very expencent. And uh, I had no idea what the show was about. And I'd listened to the

album and someone dies that. I was like, oh, I had no idea. Yeah, anyway, would you believe it's devastating? Oh I cried the entire time. It's really fucking sad. Normal. Um no another one? Yeah not Yeah. Now all I do is watch stuff and cry. Um, I saw you appreciating the New Queer. I yes, I just started watching that. Yet that I was like, I just started bingeing it yesterday and was literally just sobbing on my couch. Just start watching it. How producer Joe's nodding you are you

enjoying it? Hot? It's so good? Okay, so what are you enjoying it? Hot? Um'n't have time because I saw, like I saw a bunch of people being like, don't don't do this, we don't need this, okay, And I think everyone sort of came in with that mindset. I'm seeing everybody be like, oh wait a minute, no, this is really really yeah, no, they do it really well. There's only there's one episode. I'm not spoiling it, um,

maybe a little. It's a white cop and they're I think they're all in the Atlanta, which is like the South but like kind of not yeah, and it's a white cop and they introduce it where the five queer guys are like driving to meet this guy and a cop pulls them over and it's the black guy of the five queer guys is driving, and it's the supertense moment where everyone's like, fuck, they pulled him over because

he's black. And then it turns out that the cop that pulled them over is like the guy who nominated his friend and we just pulled you over as a joke, and it was like, what are you doing now? I have gone to this episode yet, but I hear that apparently there's some like you You're like, whoa, that's a

weird moment. But apparently there's some payoff in the end where they do they have this moment where like then they have the guy that they're making over is also a white cop who voted for Donald truck and they like find his trump pen sign and the garage and um, then they have the the black guy. I don't know his name. I don't know any of Yeah, I'm just that's I just ideentic. He's the culture guy. He just makes people cry. That's right. Literally, I'm like, I don't

know Will today. And he was by far the most engaging. He was like, you see the star, he should be the star. And then Jonathan was like he was like I get I get you too. He um he has the most salacious photos on Instagram. Yeah, he's a daddy too of two older kids. Right. Right, So they have this like conversation in a van while they're driving, and and it's very like they make it seem like it's really deep, and it maybe is, but it's sort of like they're just like, I'm black, I'm a cop. Like

I guess we're friends now. I get that. Yeah, that feels a little simplistic, right it was. I mean maybe the conversation they had obviously they edited it down, but like maybe it was meaningful to them. But what's on camera? Like what you see? I was like, I don't think you solved anything. Like he's still going to go back like into his maid over home new hair products and like vote for Donald Trump again, right, right, So you didn't so I'm sorry, what's the watershed about this that

everyone's really responded to it in such a way. There are just a lot of moments and and you've seen more episodes and maybe you can speak to this better ball aside, but like I feel like it's just like there's some some earnest moments of like them like really changing people's lives and people who they would like they will just cat walk into fucking rooms full of old Southern people and you're like Patty Harrison said this, she was like, I'm always I always get panicked. I'm like, no,

like tone it down for your own safety. But like they end up like charming the pants off for everybody, Like it's fine. They actually do, like I don't know, they change minds in the way that they would change like a white cops mind about how he views the black person um on the job. But like you know, it's it's it's it's very feel good and healing in a way that's appropriate to now. Okay, Yeah, I feel

like I've watched maybe five or four of them. Remember time is just right numbers um And the one that is the best is the guy that they make over is a gay guy. Oh, yeah, and he has to come out to his family, right yeah. And the ending is like him coming out and it's like that it's what got me. Oh, I would cry like a baby. Right. So it wasn't like when people come out, can I say that, Oh my god, that's what I get off? I mean, which is the appropriate use of that word?

And I don't always use it the right way? That's none of us. But I was like, this is like traumatized, like im yeah, because the guy does it by like writing a note, and and I was like that's what I did, yeah, And it was very It wasn't I don't. I have no memory of what was in it, but my mom, who's who I gave it to, references it often and I'm like, God, that's gonna be weird. Do you ever want to give any interest in seeing that note? Again?

Not really, I feel like any like every moment that ass is I'm like, I don't need to relive that every month. I'm sure it's framed somewhere, and like her purse, maybe like ten years, maybe we have like some more distance. I kind of would want to read back on what I was like as like a fucking yeah, I just love that your mom has like a museum and said, and this is the letter that he wrote me to say he was gay, and now he's one of the

gayest people in media. This was the beginning. She refers to it that cryptically, it's always like, you know, like you said in your letter, can we chill? She's like Maxine Waters in it, She's like the letter whatever. But yeah, it's very good. Yeah it got me. I was like got me from the first episode. At the end of there at the picnic table with that man and they're

all crying, I'm like, oh my god. After i'd seen some of more episodes, like they have some like pretty, because I feel like I have a bunch of like pretty conventionally attractive people that they make up where it's like it's that like, oh, he took off his glasses, like and the first guys like pretty, whoa, he's he's right, And so I like that. I like that they started with the real US rough one. How long is each episode of Our Our Right? We've talked about it for

about as long as one episode? Shady ho No, No, it's you should watch it, man, I know, I gotta watch it. I didn't watch the Ridge me. Neither me neither now, so I don't even know the original Courson Cresley vehicle, and now I deal with him every week. I didn't even know that, like, uh, he like that the food guy. It was like the chopped guy, right, he's the chop guy, you know, went on to others. Yeah, Jay Rodriguez was in the telephone video and I think

he definitely tried to Wait, did I see him in Rent? Yeah? I think he was in Rent. I think he played I might played say that anybody know? You know what he was? Mark? He was Mark was Mark? Yeah, because to play Angel you have to be like, yeah, it would be like a real dancer. Oh okay, I think you're gonna say real feminist, Like I know that's no, you don't gonna be real fam I mean you have to be like it's like a very acrobatic dancer part.

But I almost positive he was Mark. I will I will source that later and I'm sure i'll get some most cultures less fans confirming or correct thing. Did you probably probably did someone? Did you tell me about someone who played Mimi and was amazing? Dave said that to Myra Gray from Rent. She saw as Mimi and was from American Killer. Okay, that's yeah. Um, did you watch American You're like American person? Um, yes, but it depends

on I stopped after a while. That's I also stopped after a while, and I was not chomping at the bit for the new season. I was a crazy American Idol fan, Like in beginning, I feel that from you, Like, what does that mean? I'm just saying because I feel like kindred spirit with you and she was the same one. Please, I like, I have to own it because I was. I was some like I would vote with like two phones at one Yeah. I voted for Kelly Clarkson three

hundred times one night. Yeah, it was an all night extravagone would take like Tally's while I was doing There was a second season kind of like it was big, big clothes. I was the rare Reuben Studdard fan, good for you, but my mother was a big play Akin fan, and we that night would spend we would like be canceling out each other's votes. I mean the votes didn't count, Like they did not count. Let's let's set the record store right now. Clay was not going to win that show.

I remember that season a finale where Ryan secrets, just like, this was so close a difference of two hundred thousand voters anyway, and later on he was like, it was so close a difference of seventy eight thousand votes. Only one million votes separated. This rigged, I mean, totally real outcome. I remember it's the very marketable contestant that wins well marketable for like a month, and then he died, so

he did. He is alive. He is alive everyone. Yeah, I remember I had c c D like Catholic school. I don't even know what it stands for. And I did it for like twelve years, Christian school, just to school. And it was on Wednesday nights, which is when at the results for American Idol, and I had to like race home from Catholic School to be my gayest self. Luckily it was a four hour episode, as those finales

often work. It's just yeah, four hours of commercials and then Ryan Seacrest reading it's ever Levine to sing with Molina? Who's Melina? Fake contest that I just made up? Are you watching drag Race? Yes? Yes? Any any any discussion points you want to hit? Who's like who your favorites were? You rooting for, then I guess who you like, don't do I mean, alright, alright, and okay, because I do think you have a strong favorite, I feel like my I'm like, I don't have any strong opinions, so my

default favorite is Trixie. Okay, right, yeah, yeah, that's fine. I went to This is Me Now just to like. But I was on a panel for the RuPaul's Drag Con in in New York, and um it was like bitter not bitter sweet, that might be the wrong word.

But I was also there we were recording stuff for my podcast, and so like as a panelist, I got to go into like the green room, but they were like, you can't record anything in here, so if you want to put on your podcast hat, you have to stand with the rest of the like chum with like the reporters. So I went from like sitting in the room and like eating cookies and drinking coffee and you know, with all the queens, and then to be like being with all the reporters being like give us a quote for

like one second. But I was sitting in the room and Trixie walked by and stopped in her tracks and stared at me. For a full minute and it was borderline uncomfortable. And I was like, did you recognize you that? Yeah? And she was like you do that thing and I was like, and she'd hurt me on throwing shade. I didn't growing Shape podcast, and so we like Reminisce. So I'm like, now we're friends friends. That was our one interaction. So that's why we like Trixie. I think Trixie is

a comedian in a real way. Yeah, And I mean I think the one person who makes me scream out loud the most while I'm watching it alone in my apartment is Kennedy. I would say that's that's why I think that the top three will include Trixie and Kennedy, because I think there's a visceral reaction to both of them that I think has always been inherent in them and is refined now. I don't know who that third person will be. It makes sense for me that it's

b B because it's just so good. I'm thinking about a Tricksie Kennedy BB top three because it's like, you love Tricksie because she's a comedian. You know, she's got jokes like it's it's good, it's good. Comedy, you know what I mean, it's really funny tricks And I was watching last night I was literally laughing out loud it's so funny. And then with Kennedy it's like that's just so fucking funny, like her coming out in that outfit in the beginning in the workroom, that to me is

like how to control funny? And her drag is so so high level. Yeah, if there's so many I have so many thoughts. The one is have you have you heard of at any of the bab is the mole? I don't know if like how does that pay off in a way? That's like I don't know, but that's like does anything pay off? Like I mean sure, I think yes. All these like weird rules were like nothing actually makes sense. It's all just Ruse show and everything

ends up the way that RU wants. Yeah. I think that Ru sat down at the beginning of All Stars three and before they had even cast, and I think Ruce said, Okay, how can we fucking gag the kids? I don't think she said. I don't think she said, Okay, who should we cast? Like let's like, um talk about personalities, let's cast the show. I think she said how can we make this season of All Stars three a fucking

Gaga rune? And that's where I think they started. And so I do think something is coming, right, I mean something is coming right, like with the handmade sale ship, like right right, yeah, something is coming, um my other thing and this is more like I don't know. I like Tricksie, I think because I can tell I feel like I relate to that style of not style. What am I trying to say? I I feel the like comedy struggle a little bit like you can feel the

like I'm not. I don't feel confident in my own humor like you think, especially when you go back on the season that Trixie was on what was it, season six, where it's like, yeah, I don't know, there's like a the approach to drag. It feels very relatable to like people like us, right, It's like, oh, I would approach this as a comedian through that filter, but like so I would overpain and I would like be a little

like quippy, you know in confessional. So yeah, for sure, I get that I'm gonna do this, do it, do it, do it, blow it? When and when he drink wine it We were just recording UM in l A for my podcast and it was with the producer we don't normally work with, not Barry. Barry was there, but we had like rent a studio and the guy was like, he needs to blow his nose, and Barry had to be like, that's just what he sounds like. He Verry later was like, he said, oh my god, like they

were in like this. It was one of those fancy studios where they're like in a separate room watching you and I was in the room just like being my nasally self. And when did you find out that he said that? I don't know, like a couple of weeks later. If it had been like minutes later, you could have screamed homophobia and sued them, and that would have been really fun for you and probably very financially beneficial. Right Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it's on tape somewhere, so we

can still do it right right, work at them. We talked about some before we move on to anything, somebody talk about some guests you have coming up in this new season. Um. Yeah, I was in l A and we taped a bunch with UM your fortune this week? Fortune was this week. Nicol Bayer was last week, she's going to judge the Snatch. You know. I I talked to her because I was like, that is my one goal in life is to be a judge. Get there. Yeah, what did you spill any t No, only that, like

it was amazing, which is what I expected. I was just a bad interview where I didn't get to be like, tell me something that nobody knows. Um, So it was fortunate. Next week is going to be generally in caper Land. Never heard of them. Actually, I don't know them. I don't know that. I imagine they're pretty foreign to this audience. Yeah, yeah, I don't I don't think anyone knows them. The one thing we just recorded that I'm excited about. It's been

a long time in the making. But we're doing like a Harry Potter episode because I'm like, I don't know her. We just cover really obscure talk. But I had never really been high before, and so we went to Harry Potter World or was the Wizening World, and I got super high at like eleven in the morning. You know. We just came from right but we went to the one in l A, which, yeah, we've been high there.

It was like, yeah, it was an experience, and there was there was a moment that we got on tape because we recorded the whole thing where I like realized I'm high and start laughing for like a solid two minute straight beautiful God, and it's I love it. So you went on the Harry Potter ride when you were high? Yeah, it was incredible. One is the one that we did. We didn't do the big ride. No, girl, we're gonna take you to the one either Orlando or l A.

We're gonna do. Wait, why didn't you end up doing it the first time you scared? The line is that it is like a roller coaster. It's not a roller coaster. It is a dark ride, which is essentially the way to say a ride that passes through uh scenes. It doesn't even go like fast, It's just it gives the illusion that you are traveling fast at points. The scariest moment is that you fully are an Aragons pussy like

Aragon just comes at you like like oh. And then the mentors come out and they stepped their pussy up from the movies, let me tell you, because now they real it might have been a lot for me at that time. It's just like essentially that's what I like. Of course that's that's a lot of stimulus because I'm We did edibles too, and it was like I just need to keep eating them. That's not the way you do it. I think I had like three gummies. The gummies are like yeah, right, and so it wasn't like

but but it was enough. But the problem was we we went there at like eleven am and I also was drinking and it was very hot. It was like it doesn't sound comfortable, no, And we waited for the fucking hippogriff ride for like forty five minutes that by the time it was done, I was like I've had enough and I got safe for me to be here anymore, Like there are children everywhere. These two like very nice young boys came up to me and we're like, oh, we love your videos, and I was like, I am

so fucked up right now. There's literally we were listening to it today and I was like, I can't listen to this. This is the one part where I was like I can't meet interacting with people. I can't. And I remember because I told them I was like, are you having fun at Disney? And they were like we're not at Disney. And I was like, I'm so sorry. And then we took a picture and then they had me sign it on Snapchat and I just signed right over their faces and I had no idea. They were like,

can you redo it? Like so much more than we thought. He dakes fine all day. Most of the time when I meet people, I'm like, you know, just not that person. I like, you know, yeah I drink this time, I was like yeah. And that was They were like the probably the youngest people who i've and they were these two like two gay kids who like think they were boyfriends. And they were like these chubby like kids with glasses. I was like, oh my god, like I'm setting a

terrible example for this. You're not And you were getting your life that day on edibles at a theme park. Honey, that is true. I mean they could grow up to be that. There you go. And also you didn't pay to go there, did you? Um you were on someone else's d I M, yeah, I guess you're showing them that you can get yours. Actually it's very aspirationally think, so I think you should be so proud. Okay, well

we're going to listen to that episode done. Yeah, that's amazing, And we interviewed, um Luna Love Good Luna, Yeah, I love her, and we were just talking about how like it's the one one of the few times that we've ever heard like a Harry Potter actor talking about like their actual like like yeah, like where she was like, I'm not Luna love Good and like people assocay and she, of all of them, was like, I am this character, but now she's like, I've been in therapy for ten years.

Some people stop sucking talking to me about Luna Loveday. But we got the gist, right. She was like fascinating, you know you there's two sides to that. It's like those those actors careers started and we're huge from the second they were cast, like forget it and they will continue to work. I think umill at least Emma and Harry I don't and uh whet Daniel, I don't really know what what in a movie with Lindsay Lohan recently. It's true true that yeah, and then I guess the rest.

But the rest of them, it's like what's going on? Sure that's interesting, but you know who about that? I would love to see that. Harry Potter. Where are they now? Um? But you know who's fucking slays It is Domhall Gleason, who is in the Star Wars movies and he's about to be in that new movie with the Bunnies. He played Bill. And also, so if you go to Harry Potter and Orlando, they don't just have the Wizarding World

hogs Me, they have the Wizarding World diagon Alley. So this happened like I guess like five years ago they

made this. No, maybe that's wrong, probably more recent than that, but you know, it's it's fairly recent enough where I was like, I went to the ride and they have the pre show and the star of it is Bill Weasley, who's not a big character in either the books or the movies, but because it takes place at Green Goots, he ran Green Gots and so he's like the MC of the whole pre show experience, and he's in the ride itself, so thousands of people see him every day.

But in the time between that ride coming out, where I was like, Oh, that's crazy, this actor is like getting so much play. He's actually become huge, huge, And so now I think people are going to start going to that attraction and seeing him and being like, oh my god, I totally forgot he was in these movie movies. That evil guy from Star Wars. That's the fucking crazy evil guy from Star Wars who's like lit doing too much. There. You did you see the Last Jedi? I did? I

think so you can't remember because of alcohol? No, I did? I did? I saw it. Yeah, that was good. That was don't you know what, We're not gonna We're not gonna like price some opinions out of why not that this is that he goes I liked just find like he's not gonna you know what, He's not gonna like take us dance, come on. My most opinion that I that I now it's coming back to me is the

scene where like Yoda sets a tree on fire. Oh sure, that was the most Like there's so much of that movie that I feel like I dreamed but I only saw it once, which just like a bad sign for me in a Star Wars movie that I I wanna. I do want to see it again, just to see Laura Dern kamikaze into spoiler alert spoiler to learn for the If you're not one of the billion that have

seen this movie. I don't really watched most things once, which is maybe why I can have so much difficulty recalling Not anymore for Desperate Housewives again, the one movie I've seen twice has called me by your Name interesting, which I know you guys haven't well and I actually there them. Yeah, I feel like I should see it again. But yeah, it could be one of my my rants. Got it interesting because I read the book before I

saw the movie and loved the book so much. I read it when I was home for Christmas, so it was like in my childhood home. I was like, that's a very scandalous book. Also, I was like, I need to read this like in the bathroom. I can't. I can't be like in front of my parents reading what are you reading? Right? Just a book someone coming into a peach. But Army Hammer ruined that movie, thank you.

I also agree he was miscast. Right, he's eighty years old, he has like four generations of children, he has no muscle, man right, his leg don't look like well, twigs weird vines like they're not. You guys are crazy. Timothy was amazing.

Timothy was amazing. I agree they should have cast somebody younger than Army Hammer, right, right, just so that it didn't look so leccherous every time they hooked up, Because every time that they hooked up, I was I was always like, God, damn, he's so much older than that kid that he looks twice his age. Yeah, like Timothy was believably a kid. Part of me should feel like relieved because it gives me cover as an eighty year old man who would like you are read a lot older?

Not but I pray on children like Timothy. So yeah, no, I have some have some very problematic you know what type of interests you But I'm like republic about So I feel like people came to like, who do you like famous? That's young? Tom Daley was always fun but yeah, but I mean he yeah, he married a forty year old, so I feel less bad. Um Nick Jonas, Um yeah, Nick, but he's fine. I don't feel I mean he's older now. But Harry Harry style, yeah insane, I guess you love. Yeah,

Harry was always my likes. Yeah right, you like you like a boyish type, I guess. So. Yeah, it's creepy to admit, but it's not Seawan Mendez right, I mean like Sean Mendez. I feel like it's the youngest person that I'll ever know of, Like I don't think i'll

know like a younger person. What's gonna get freaky is they're gonna the pop stars are gonna start getting younger and younger, and we're gonna be like, what the fuck, Like we're gonna be like, oh, these are kids, and all of a sudden we're going to realize what it felt and how fucked up it was the way everyone

treated Britney Spears. Like the older I get, the more I realized how fucking crazy the Britney Spears thing was because they had her stomping down that hallway in that Catholic school uniform she was sixteen, and then it was a national topic her virginity. Yeah, that was weird. Is sick. And anyone that's like wondering why like things are the way they are now need only look at what we did to her because she was too young to be representing what she represented. Yeah, but we can still for

now just like fun over Harry, Sorry, go ahead. Yeah. No. I always felt like when I was at buzz Feed, I became like the boy band, Like I'm gonna be like, because I'm like a teenage girl, and I feel like a lot of gay guys feel that way, just like we didn't have childhood. So it's also not possible that we can hook up with them, right right, Well, I'm not going to like say, me and Harry will never You're right, don't say that, don't put that in the atmosphere.

Actualize that, actualize that. Right we have met at this point, Yeah, okay, And did you get any bi vibes from him or gay vibes from him? And I'm going to fully ask the question, so you don't have to come out and just say it. I don't know if I'm allowed. No, I don't have any information. That's fine, I'm that is one of the things that I want to like. I want to put that energy out into the world. So I'll say yes, yeah, good, good, good, But I'd like have a fear inside of me that it's not true.

But I have no information. I think he um and I don't want to speculate about his sexuality, but I think that there might be something going. I think he is a Kinsey four point five. I just feel like when you're like that kind of famous and also like that style of fame where you're just like, I don't give a shit about anything. It's like, yeah, you'd probably yeah. And I also think if you've dated Taylor Swift, you are gay. I'm not wrong, not wrong, I mean literally,

he's He's the modern day Marlon Brandjo. He just sucks anything that he see. Hopefully just want to be his mailbox. You know you want to mail his mail. This show is called male box mailbox and Ali, okay, well listen, it is time to move on to I don't think so, honey, Which is our you know, I guess our? Our swan song of of every episode will be, uh, take one minute to rail against something in culture that's just doesn't seem right to us? Yeah, yeah, And um, we're privileged

to we have bellas. I here, who's gonna slay? Um? I think you should go first, won't? Oh god, I didn't com prepare the you are you you're kidding? I'll go first? That on? No, no, no, no no no, I can now I have something, I have something to have something. Don't don't be a hero, I can go for a first. All right. This is Matt Rodgers, is I don't think so honey? His times are Joe's hot producers turning the level of down the game down? Time starts.

You're being very passive aggressive today hot peruser Joe with your turning down of the dials. It's fine, he needs to he's trying to help being very passive. Glasses of wine in Okay, this is Matt Rodgers is I don't think so, honey, his time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Facebook, it's turning you into monsters. You guys gotta think for yourself. Get stopped attacking everyone online just because you see an

opportunity to think, Okay, this is a human being. Is it going to be more productive to just Facebook message that person have a conversation with them? Can I tell you something right now, every time I've had a Facebook interaction that's been public, it is a lot more vicious than when I reach out to the person privately and we're able to have a conversation. Everyone posting and sending

everything's in comments and things like that. Just know that it is more transparent that you think that you're trying to get likes. Understand, we don't not know that you want attention. I'm not saying that you can't use Facebook to make your salient points to say things that you need to say that I'll say this again, and I say this a lot separate things. Do I want to say this thing or do I need to say this thing? If you need to say this thing, go on, honey.

If you want to say something, it might be harmful. You might be hurting someone in a real way. So I don't think the honey Facebook, which I deleted today, I no, thank you. I don't think and that's one minute that wasn't more edifying. I don't think, Well, it's because something it's something I really feel, and I just think that it's actually become something harmful. I think it's a place that people go nowadays when they have a bad feeling. I think it's become somewhere where you dump

bad feelings. And I think it's a place where you dump negativity because you're not thinking about what it really is making you said, or a productive way to go about solving that thing for yourself or for humanity. And so you go to Facebook and you put it there so that other people can react to it and you can get attention for it, which I don't think is what you're really hurting about it, and so I've deleted it. I kind of hope that everyone just like takes a

break from it. I don't think I mean not not saying that all like start something, but I'm just saying, like I think I will start a movement, is what I'm saying. Now. What I'm saying is like it's just becomes so ugly, like you don't care about this at all, but there was just like some like stupid fucking like u c B like controversy, and like the UCB community will just kick around this controversy so hard, and like

it just becomes this bubble. Like you know, we have like all these social media bubbles, and like they literally exist to destroy communities, like they were created for that reason. So understand that, like we're not existing in in the world. We're existing in a small bubble. And all you're doing is hurting that you actually have a lot in common with. So please have conversations and not fights, because they do

change the way that people think about you. And that's a shame because at the end of the day, the reason that you're friends with everyone on Facebook and your in your social media communities because you like them and want to be friends with them and have interests with them and things in common with them. And I think that we can all solve a lot of problems if we start looking at the positive and start celebrating and start problem solving instead of attacking and trying to make

the community smaller. Um for arbitrary reasons. I don't I don't like this political talk. Well, it's that's why I said, Okay, I'm ready, I've got one. Okay, this is I don't think so honey, and it's times watches be about like I don't think so honey, cheesecake like or something like frivolous. I don't think so honey, boone Yang and his time starts now, I don't think so honey. People who are trying to do away with the Oxford comma, bitch, I need to know that my list ends with discreet items.

I cannot have gypsies, tramps, and thieves and think tramps and thieves are one item paired together. You do you know what I'm saying. I need gypsies, comma, tramps, comma, and thieves, period, bitch. I need to know that all of these things are being listed in in order that makes sense to me, and that they're being separated and demarc hated by a punctuation mark. People are saying, Oh, it's the Oxford English Dictionary or Chicago Elements of Style.

Whatever the fuck is trying to say that the Oxford comma is no longer grammatically relevant. But I'm here to tell you that I need to know how to process in in long form, in prose, whatever. I need to know what the items are so that I can make sense of them. Brain, tramps and thieves. They are not a pair. There are different things gypsies, comma, tramps comma,

and thieves, period. And that's why I meant, can I ask you legit a question when you have three things blank, blank, and blank, you do put the comma between the second thing and that time, I'm saying, yes, you do, you do? Okay. I think this might be a difference of opinion amongst

English teachers everywhere. Yeah, it's a recent phenomenon where I'm getting into this argument with my lovely, lovely, lovely copy editor by work, who is you know, claims to be like a you know, it's knowledgeable and all things grammar. They are the copy editor exactly there. This is the

this is the gig. But she's saying the Oxford comma is technically no longer correct, and I'm saying, no, Sherry, there was just like a lawsuit over it, right, Yeah, I don't know any details about it, but I know there was a lot. I saw a headline there you go in the newspaper. All you need to know these days is with the headline this theme is communication. Yes, that's the theme. I have a question for you. Do you think because we write Vulture recaps together nowadays, Yeah,

you think I'm a bad grammar sometimes sentence. Do you think I'm a bed grammar? I think you. I think I my job. It's too sometimes you put the sometimes you end the sentence too soon. And I'm thinking, just just just sounds like because I'm very I'm very colloquial, and Bowen is more um pros so anyway, and so that's what makes us so special, right right, But no, no, no, no, no, it's fine. We're a team. Okay, don't okay, you know what,

there's no preditional pressure. I don't want to see you shaking, but Comicla, you need to. You are at award winning people's trial, right, you can watch you and Lisa R Trixie Mattel will stop on her traps and look at scare you down for a minute. I can't believe a minute. That was too long. It was very long where I was like, this is uncomfortable. Was it like a bit or was it like trick? Yeah, it was going on like a comically long time. So I love it then,

but I don't. I couldn't tell if it was like is there something on my face? Yeah? There you go? Of course, of course the vanquisher of Pearl of of Trixie was Pearl. Of course, now realized that Pearl once defeated Trixie Mattel and lip sync. That's so funny, stupid, um, this is going to be beautiful. Okay, this is matt bella size. I don't think so, honey, and his time starts now, I don't think so, honey. Article clickbait headlines that tell me how to feel before I even read

the article. Do you know what I'm talking about? Articles with headlines clickbake headlines that say Tanya Harding killed a baby and you won't believe how much you'll smile, Like I that is a fake headline that I just made up. And I just made up. I mean I thought of it or leier when I was thinking of this seconds. The problem with that headline is not the first part, it's the second part. Let me decide how I'll feel.

Tom Harden kills a baby. Okay. The worst headlines are, you know, fucking a possum did this, and you'll have all the fields. All the fields is the worst of words. Too many fields for you to put it one statement seconds. Oh god, Chrissy Teagan, fuck you and that's one minute. Don't fuck you? No, no, no, no no, that's it's true.

I don't want to exceed a minute. But my, my, my train of thought there is that there are so many headlines where like Chrissy Taken will tweet something about imagining knowledge and it'll be like Chrissy Teagan had this to say about skittles and you'll get your life, and it's like I won't. There is a nurse somewhere with the same Twitter as Christie Sagan and no one gives a fuck. There's a nurse in South Dakota whose Twitter

is popping no one. Some tweet I saw up once that was like, you know, Twitter is a place where like your local accountant gets hundreds of thousands of retweets, and like your favorite comedian talks about what toothbrush they use, it's like it's for like not stars. Wow, it's that's actually real of culture. Number one hundred and six. Twitter is for not stars. You follow me on Twitter dot com. I think you hit on it. I think you hit on a real nerve. I make a good nerve that

that needed to be had. I got too excited once I started going, No, but you had everything because you you did. I don't you understore the assignment. There was the belloside growl. Have had people like names that labeled that yet. No, but I was just listening back to a podcast episode of mine, and I was like, I love I do that too much? Need to? You need angrier? Every time you do you do grown. Every time there's there's a there's a next, I'm like, Oh, Boone's butthole puckers,

My butthole puckers. Baby, all I want like a dolphins surfacing you for talking about the butthole pucker because I thought that might have been something that was a bizarre about me. But sometimes when you're extra attracted, your butt hole will the thing I'm probably most embarrassed to admit that. I'll admit now that we're one glass of wine deep? Is that? Do you ever like look at a hot person's Instagram and your mouth waters? I do, what this

hasn't happened to me. It's happened, and I think it's my brain signals getting mixed up. I feel a tingle in my pelvis before I get into that's normal something when someone my penis it fills with blood. This mouthwatering thing is interesting because it feels it's like augustatory things like augustus gloop. If it's like it's like you're tasting him. I think that the word for that is mouth watered over.

Who tell us? I mean like every person on Instagram, like my Instagram is just like pure DELI counter like just meet meet men stars. No, I do draw the line. I don't know why there's no difference now some but now that like only fans is a thing, right yea where it's like all of these male models quote like basically do porn and think that they're like not porn stars. But it's like, yeah, you exist for people to jack off, which is great, which is like more power to Yeah, sure, yeah,

but yeah, no, my my Instagram is pure shame. I feel say nothing, but you said pure. Deli counter, Oh my god, DELI counter that meat meat. Yeah, it is gross. The best is when those like dogs, essentially those meat boys, like when they try to be funny, right, you're like me, I didn't think so that is. Yeah, when it's like a shirtless picture where like you can see their penis lining, like you can see their asshole hairs, and it's like thinking about pizza, it's no, you're no, you're not. You

haven't had pizza in years. Oh my god, that's maybe so hungry for pizza. I love the pizza. Wow. This has been a really fantastic app, rollicking right right, Yeah, I was okay, it was good. Oh my god, also had an okay time, okay time, I thought, you know what.

I love this app. It was about communication. It was about communication, and I'm happy that we were able to communicate to you that we also love Desperate Housewives and you can go home and ben Desperate Housewives and I'm gonna go home and watch Kurai for the Straight Guy. But now I'm hearing it's not titled that anymore. It's just that's what. Yeah. I thought it was the whole thing until I saw the gay guy and I was like,

what is this? And now they're just giving the queer eye of the world, which is what the world needs. Which is what the world needs. Is um just teaching someone how to make a grilled cheese, which is literally all Anthony does. But I'll watch. But Anthony's great, although I'm suspicious of Anthony, Like Anthony, Yeah, I mean, he's the hottie, He's a cutie. I love I love Karamo. Karamo is amazing. I literally am just judging on this one.

Wendy Williams interview. I saw Karamo seems amazing. Jonathan seems for me, the blonde who interior designs. I'm like, Bobby's You're probably very functional, but like you're not popping to no, no, no, just watch it because Bobby's bbby is great, okay. And then Anthony literally Wendy and Anthony did not get along. So today on Wendy like she was like, how are you doing? And he was like, how's it going? And and she goes, what And then she turns, she turns

to Karama and goes, is he down? Goes yeah, Yeah, yeah, she goes, okay, well I have to ask. Is a nightmare. I'm sorry, Wendy's queen. I'm sorry, but Wendy is queen. She is a mess. She goes into every day without preparing. She walks around her stage and being like, yeah, I can handle it. Does whatever the folks. She wants out most of the time and fails up. Honey, she will be president. What are the first things I will stand? I mean, yeah, I would. I just her inaugural speech

is her full statue of labor? And then she passed out America. I'm not so good. My first memory in New York, uh, one of the first ones. Somehow I got invited to a BuzzFeed event. It was like Wendy Williams book party, and I was like, where the fund? Ye am, I We're in a basement somewhere. Wendy Williams is here. It was wild. Did you meet her? No? Then I was like, I don't know her. I want to meet that's Wendy Williams. Think that she doesn't shoved her books. That's Wendy for you. I was like no,

I was like, I don't know this woman. Yeah, well listen, I watched her shows, and she did like to ask Wendy today and like people were asking her questions and I'm like, why the fuck are we asking your questions? Like I don't understand. Why do you think she want? And the answer to every question was like, okay, I think this is what you should do. And it was something crazy like this. One girl was like, my boyfriend wants a schedule sex because he's really busy, and so

am I. And she goes, he's cheating on you. Do your research. Do your research, he's cheating. There's another woman. Listen to me. She's a canker. Upon this stage, she's fabulous. Another one was like, tomorrow I'm going to Milan and um my boyfriend, UM, I don't know I want and to ask I had to marry me and she was like, he'll never do that. Enjoy Milan, right, Okay, everyone, please read everything is awful, Listen to Unhappy Hour? Watched are

you used to making? To be honest videos? At some point? The last one was uploaded two months ago, So sir, I don't owe anybody anything. The thought of the matter is you got him too drunk, Matt boss h I fans I know I'm drunk. For my health and safety. Taking a break, but they're coming back. Good, good, good good Matt. This was so great. Thank you so much for you, thanks for having me. We're gonna end every episode with a song Let's go you do, Shut it

Up by. This has been a forebb Dog production executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook.