“Why Are We Single?” (w/ Marie Faustin & Dave Mizzoni)

Look Mayer, oh, I see you my own bow and look over there is that culture. Yes, goodness wow, Lost Cultu ding Dong, Lost Culturista's calling lave Culturista. Still Bowen is still on break. But that's okay for today because I've actually got two people in the studio, two heads, to not only do an episode of Lost Coach, but to also answer the question why are you single? I think that question is going to be pointed at me, and maybe we'll even point it back at them, because

No, you just had off the dome.

That's sort of what makes me a dynamic podcast host. That's which is my new line. I'm never really sure when I start a sentence if the plane's gonna land.

Oh.

As a passenger, we were buckled in and Marie and I were saying our final words to one another. But it's so nice to have landed in the Hudson. Where are the life rafting? Well, we're jumping into the waters of Lost culture now, you guys. The show is oh fun. We had a blast. I've never done a show at Allegian before. Actually you either, Marie.

Right, uh No.

When I got there, I was like, oh I have.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm still that person in LA just because I performed so much less here live that I'm not exactly sure what everything is called like, and I also don't know what still exists after.

Right, I don't know the name of places. Yeah, I'm like that with people too.

I don't know.

I don't remember your face. I'm definitely not gonna remember your name. I have a very bad memory. Blame it on the quee.

I think I do as well, Matt, You're pretty good at that.

I'm okay, but I will say that, like, there are times now where, especially like in the age of Instagram, where you want to look someone up, like someone that you talk to or DM do at a certain point, or like maybe someone that you met, and you're like, oh, that guy was really cute. What's oh my god, I don't know their name right, Like that's a new phenomenon.

You're like, I think it's just with a C.

It's for sure, like something in the area of Chris.

And You're never right.

You're never right.

My thing is I've I've introduced myself to people like six times over and they're like, we've met before, we've met.

Well, this is a this is a big controversy It's that thing of like if you have met the person, are you that person that says we've met? Or do you just let it roll off your back?

Oh?

Everybody knows that I'm not going to remember them unless you did something memorable like did you ship your pants in front of me?

Are you really really fine?

Like?

Did you defication sticks?

Did you pay for the table? Like I don't. I'm probably not gonna.

Remember defecation or did you pay for the table?

Yeah?

Did you shit in front of me? Or did you cover the check?

Forever?

I will straight up remember like people's names from my third grade class. It's like I miss my little third grade mind that soaked it all up, that could remember things. I remember, even some stuff from like school in third grade. I don't remember things that happened last And I blame it on the weed as well.

What were we learning in third grade?

We were learning, you know, sort of arithmetic. We were learning sort of you know complex.

I think whales structure. I think I remember spending some time on wales.

Learn cursive cursive was second grade for me? Okay, cursive script? Wow? And that was I remember something. I thought, Well, now we're really leveling up, right, now that we all know how to write cursive, now the world can really begin. I haven't written in cursive there.

Do you think that could separate current generations?

Though?

Like take a millennial and the gen Z and be like, okay, someone writing cursive.

Yeah, give me a show me a Z.

They're like, cursive, you want me to write curses?

Oh my god?

You know what?

It was like? Fuck ass damn capital G in cursive was like a nightmare for me.

It was like, what is that?

I think it's like a big circle just it was just six flags like prototype. Yeah, I have no idea how.

The Olympics, Yeah, the only one that it feels like they got to the end of the alphabet and we're like, now we have to make something up is the Z though the lowercase Z is literally a little It's like a little tiny, little half circle and then a squiggle squag. I don't even know what the zs like. A look up thiscursive under lowercase Z. You will be shook for weeks. You will be shook for a week.

You'll be shook for there are two z's in my last name, and I do the lower case Z when I do my signature, so I actually have a very personal relation and ship with the lowercase Z cursive two z's one cup, I'm i z z O and I to z's one cup.

It's a for a title of that.

Okay, yes, well the.

Something better, I dare you comes something better than two zi's one cup. The gatlin has been thrown down. Oh god, I never thought about that. You'd be writing two z's your entire life and cursive.

I feel like a little bit when I do it. I love my signature.

It's like that, do you live for the fantasy of your own signature? This is a major topic.

When I practice my signature when I'm not doing something official, gorgeous, stunning.

Yes, as soon.

As I have to sign something, I'm like, oh, I forgot how to spell the m's not conn for me.

If I get going, if there's a bunch of things to sign in a row, like a lease, like by page three, I'm.

On my ship, I'm a stamp. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, wow. I have to say. One of the things I live for about myself is my signature. I live for my signature. I inherited my cursive rs from my father. If something passed down from generations the way we write our rs, and sometimes when I'm like just by myself doodling, I'll

I know you really wish you had a styl.

Phone sometimes and like sign it with your finger, but oh.

That's good, Hey, maybe I'll do that. And like here I am like all the way down the rabbit hole, like in tech, like just trying to sign something.

But like also at the same time, in like grocery stores, when they ask you to like do a little signature, I'm always like this is stupid, and I'll always just do a line like I won't even do anything. I'll just be like, this is dumb that believe it's acceptable.

You gotta do a giant The first letter has to be giant, and then the rest would be like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's how mine is. It's a huge, big R that announces itself.

Is bigger than the M.

The M is kind of big, and then the att is small, and then the R is big and the O G E R S is small.

My M is massive. YEAHS for massive.

You know the M. We all deal with the letter M. I love for first and last name, the M. It's a powerful, powerful letter.

Certainly it's a powerful.

Sound money M mansion, men, men, men, as we all connect.

Which brings us back to So.

Here's the thing, Like, in preparation for this episode, because I know this, we're going to be discussing why are You Single? The live show, which everyone really should go see and keep your eye out. I believe if you're not able to go tonight in Brooklyn, they're going to be starting up again in September.

Yes, we'll be at the Bellhouse going forward, probably every couple.

This is a really really fun show. And I was thinking about it and I genuinely tried to ask myself why am I single? Then I said the more interesting question for right now because I know we're going to get into it with me, but two people who are curating this show, you have to have like a relationship with your own single theom Why are you single? Oh?

People ask me every day.

Yeah, well why are you single?

Yeah? I'm like, why am I single. I'm low key like a perfectionist. I think in that I want you to look perfect next to me, right, your face.

Just has to fit.

So we're living in aesthetics.

You're absolutely I'm a libra. Okay, it needs to be aesthetically pleasing to my eyes.

I get it. It needs to make sense in like a way that you're like, we're appearing as a couple, right.

I want to walk in with somebody and people gasp. They're like, oh, I don't.

Want you to guess bad, Like I don't want to be like that's who she's with.

So it's visuals first when you're like making a date, like that's that's what you're looking for.

If you're talking to me, I'm looking at your face. I'm trying to see if you have all your teeth. I'm seeing if the hairline and the beard connect all the way, Like, don't come at me with scraggling.

You always say that, And my hairline and beard don't connect. They can't.

They don't have to connect to each other.

Oh my god, yes they don't connect.

They don't.

No, no, no, no. Your hairline is all one piece. There's no gaps in the.

Forehead, you have a panic attack every time you say that.

The beard is all one piece. You know how some people just they can't they can't be.

They can't connect. If you can't connect, we can't we can't connect. All right, So do you think maybe your preoccupation with aesthetics is really why you're single?

No, because.

Denial of that right there.

No, because hot to me is not hot to everybody else. I see, right, you're hot is not my hot.

No, that's certain.

You just got to look good to me, but also like be able to put a little outfit together.

When's the last time there was a relationship that was hot, that was like, you know, one that you fondly remember.

We said, when we say relationship.

Okay, I'm talking about something that's more than a situationship. It was not just fucking. It was a relationship where you were like a little bit more invested in this person than everyone.

Felt like that.

The beginning of this year, I started out. I met this guy on New Year's Eve and we started strong.

Was like, oh, this is cute. This guy. He was kind of like a certified love a boy. It was giving, Drake, it was giving.

He was very like, I don't know like a motive. He was very like communicative.

It was a little bit annoying.

I was like, why are you telling me this all up top?

So the transparency was popping off immediately, clear.

Crystal clear.

I love that.

Yeah. And then he was a little too clear because he told me he had him in paying his rent and I was like.

Oh, yeah, you should have stopped that.

You gotta go.

Yeah. So basically, like, how long was that a situation?

Oh like three months?

So three months?

Yeah, may he rest in peace.

You've had a proper boy to you, and I actually don't know if this is about you.

I've had a boyfriend before. I've had a boyfriend before, and.

That was when what year is it? Twenty twenty three, baby.

The year of our Lord. I had a boyfriend like ten years ago. Wow, okay, so we're together for three years?

Uh huh.

So you're someone who prefers to be able to do whatever the fuck you want?

Sure, yeah, sure, but now I want to like have a person that I travel the world with and do wild.

And kinky and crazy cool things with.

Yeah, and it's my person, Like I'm not like I don't want to be out looking around to see.

Who's in my thing. I don't want to look anymore.

I do that now and I never used to do that.

I used to just go out and beat you with my girls, and it was like somebody would come over and it was like I'm with the girls, and now I'm like where are all? Like why is nobody coming to talk to me? Why is nobody sending drinks to the table? Like what's going on? And you know, I blame dating apps.

You think that it like made the culture more difficult to navigate.

I think dating apps and I think the pandemic has made it like scarier to talk to people in real life.

I think you're right, and it's like just come talk to me.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I actually don't know what it's like really to just show up someplace. Well, actually you know what. It happens more than I say, but like it's now a thing, like it's not the first way you'd think about going to meet someone is like just going someplace and hanging out and then you meet.

More and more, you know what I mean, talk about it. I haven't been single for particularly long, and all I see is people using Instagram. It's like people are pre screening and being like, well, oh, you're in this friendship group and I can see that based on I can pre stock you and say, oh, you fit into my life already, Like there's no spontaneity with like, oh my god,

Check and we're checking tagged photos because we want to see what you really look like without the Paris filter.

Oh yes. You know what I did the other day, which was mortifying someone that I used to have a thing with. I went into there and this is how you know, Twitter's got to go. It's just got to go. I've never done this before.

I went.

I went into their Twitter likes and that's when I was like, what are you doing? I was like, why have you fallen so far? And I want you to know I feel horrible about myself the entire time I'm doing something like this, but looking at their Twitter likes and seeing what they've liked, I was just like, oh no, no, no, no, no, I need to touch grass. I need to get the fuck off my phone. And that's why I'm like more inclined to like go out and have that be the

I keep pushing myself. I'm relatively newly single, like it's been like a year and a half almost two years, and like I feel like I am the kind of personality that will go up to people even though really yeah, like I think people find it refreshing. Yeah, Like all of the people that I've like bagged if you will, or like people that I've gotten to know better have been because I was very unafraid to be like so

Breason what you're saying. You're coming up and being like what where are your friends? Where are you are?

Actually I'm just thinking about this pride interaction that I just had where it was really like I saw this guy from across the dance floor. He looked at me and gave me this big, bright smile with these really cute dimples and like literally waved me over. And in that moment, I was like, I either ditch all my friends and just go say hi to this person, or like I don't know what, like wait for him to come into my friendship group. I was like, I'm leaving.

But that's the sprinkle on top.

Yeah.

Well, I mean in that particular instance, it was pride. But I don't know. I guess I'm finding that, like I'm not so afraid to go up to people, but there is a mixed bag of responses that you get. Like some people, it's like it does not compute when you come over and make a big swing of like so where are you from. Also, I've been finding that as even as like a sort of a bottom sexually for like most of the time I'm making like top swing moves.

Yeah, that is a top swing move and to even engage in any way like first, I feel like it's like, oh, I don't even And that's maybe me speaking from where I'm like as someone who prefers to be approached like cause if you give me a signal go, I will really give it back. But I am never gonna make It's not that I'm never gonna make a first move. I rarely make a first move. But if you if there is a vibe there and you make a move, I respond, and then I feel like I can sort

They're just gonna start caressing your face right hands to the lower back.

Like I get what it what it represents, and I get like that it sucks. But like for me, if we lock eye contact and ibat my eyes at you twice, you can touch me.

Let me see the ibat bat your eyes.

Dave's Dave's new line has been he's had a couple of new lines. Like one thing that he's been saying and this is not the line I'm talking about. But he'll text me about game show which we host together, and he'll be like, hey, I was noodling on this idea and he's like, I'm still noodling. I'm just noodling. Well, I was noodling before and I was just like.

This, and I invite the readers to defend me because this is noodling on something. It's like something my kindergarten teacher said, but use your noodle.

But like, I don't know, it's just so funny to hear you repeatedly use it, and it was like I hadn't said anything about it. He just kept saying noodling, And then I was I was kind of finally like, you really are just a noodler, aren't you. You're just a little noodle hendo.

Now when you use it, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna like it.

Yeah, I know. But the other thing he's been saying is he is I'm a kiddy and if you pet me, I will per. That's what it has been saying. That's my Real Housewives turn around. I'm I'm a little kiddy and if you pet me, I will per.

It's you know what I mean. It's like in certain points, or at least in this chapter, like my model right now is no boyfriends till twenty twenty five, Like I'm tapped out. I was in a seven and a half year relationship and it broke We broke up about a year and a half ago. It's been a really wonderful but really difficult journey back to my own self confidence and also like getting back into touch with a person who hasn't been single and like closer to a decade than yeah, yeah, like twenty.

Three years old. Single at thirty two is so different than being single at twenty four to twenty five.

Like I met him in a completely different period of my life. I had a completely different set of needs, and my needs changed. And when I tried to readdress and refocus, you know, yeah, the whole the thing came crashing down.

I heard completely different set of knees.

Oh need, I got to compell you a new set of knees to be on the Marie.

Told me yesterday at the pool that my knees looked very clean and looked like I'd never been on.

I was sitting right there. I was like, and it came out of nowhere, and I was just.

Like, okay, was no scars. No, I have a yoga mat.

He's on his knees all the time.

My father listens to every episode of this podcast.

Hi, Big Dave, your son's on his fucking knees constantly.

He's picking tomatoes right now. He'll never hear this.

Are you ever honest with your parents or anyone in your life that's like an older person that you're supposed to like, you know, have like that degree of removal with about what a whoror you have been because I I I recently my mother. She said the most iconic thing, like three years ago, Like I mentioned that I have a friend that I used to hook up with, Like, oh yeah, like he's in my friend group, but we used to hook up. Not a big deal. And she just goes to me, Matthew, are you a slut?

Did you answer honestly, bitch?

And I was like, Mom, I'm not talking to you about that, So I didn't say no.

Yeah, But in the script I'm writing, you take a long, hard look in the mirror, and then maybe we cut and we don't know whether or not you answer her.

You were just on the phone with your mother when you were rolling up. I wonder what were you chatting about?

Well, I was talking her. No, not horrid because my mom. Mom doesn't ask me anything about anything that I'm doing.

Okay, that's it.

She's like, you're not asking me for money?

Great?

Great? Love it list it great.

My aunt, who is my mom's younger sister, anytime I speak to her, she's like, do you have a man yet?

You got to have these babies. You gotta get married.

Oh you in that regard.

She's on me in that.

But then like I'll tell her about guys that are bums or guys that I'm like, he didn't know what he wanted to be when he grew up, so he's dead to us. And she's like, well, maybe you gotta start dating, you know, not black guys. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I see that I've done that. And she's like, yeah, girl, maybe get you a nice well to do beije man.

And I'm like, yeah, I would love to identify as a well to do beige man.

Let's do be well to do bag.

Oh my god, Like how do I apply?

I think?

Do you want a relationship?

I would like to be in a relationship?

Yeah, you're saying you want someone to trap. I don't do things well I don't want.

But also, it's twenty twenty three. Summer twenty twenty three feels different. It just feels like this is a summer to do any and everything.

M hm.

So I'm leaning into that because I'm trying to live my very best.

And also like here's the deal, not just swing back in like a weird way, but like you do have this new project and watching it, I can see it leveling up in a way, like there's so much it's so clear, like it throws back to like singled Out, It throws back to like because there feels like there's like a fun community on stage where it's like, you know, Dave is like the producer behind like almost like like a DJ board. You have a special guest the other day.

Was like like messy on purpose.

Yes, absolutely, and so like what I saw there was like something that could be something I could see on TV very easily. And so I'm like, you know what, while you were on your upswing, don't invite anybody new in because the egos of especially men, straight men. I mean, we're seeing it right now with Kiki Palmer. Oh my god, like this, oh my god, Like I think I think it's completely done because they stopped following each other on Instagram because he dared shame her for what she was wearing,

Gotta go well, no, because like I just I feel like for me, I I know that the universe wants me to win, and I feel like that's all aspects of my life, my personal life, my career, everything that I'm supposed to sell and book and create, I'll do it. Which is why I think I'm able to kind of just be like chill about everything because I'm not worried about it. Yeah, and I think the same thing about like my dating life. Yep, Like the universe doesn't want

See yeah, I mean, can you imagine knowing the platform that like you and her have and you have by the way, because of her right and that you were gonna go out and like that to me just shows like a true lack of respect and understanding that if he's willing to do that publicly, what is happening privately?

So the crazy because I thought he was like a football player or a baseball player or something.

I mean, I have no idea who he even was, to be honest with you, I knew that she kind of kept it more low key, right, and I don't think anyone really knew who.

I know very little about it.

To be honest, Well, all I know is that like after she had the child, it was more of a public thing, and then like we all kind of knew who he was, and then he said this crazy thing and now everybody knows who he is because he came out and said that. It's like, Wow, you really defined yourself in the public eye, and now you've been unfollowed, cut off.

Well, I heard in the pool yesterday where Dave's knees were oute. I heard in the pool yesterday that he was cheating or he was with somebody else and had her have an abortion or something before that because Kiki was having a bit.

Like the moral of the story to me is exactly what you said. Matches that you just never know what people are dealing with. You never know, You just never ever know. And that's why you really can't rely on like what things appear like. You have to go off gut. Yeah, you can't be working towards something better. It's not there yet.

God what your gut not with your butt? I'm telling you. Red flags are there, and we sometimes will ignore them. But sometimes I see things as red flags that aren't necessarily red flags.

Like this kind of started the show. But yeah, the red flags are, we pass them out to the audience.

Yeah, that was a really fun element. So everyone in the audience gets a little red flag. And whenever there's red flag behavior on stage from a contestant or whoever the fuck is talking like you yourself, we're getting red flag waves quite a bit.

I didn't really don't know.

The show was about celebrating the red flags that we all possessed, because red flag to us is kind of like it's something that just raises awareness as you're getting to know somebody. It doesn't necessarily mean bad or good. Initially, it doesn't mean bail. No, it doesn't mean bail, but it means, like, you know, when you hear I've got to go home tonight because I'm staying at my mother's, the antennas are up. The antennas means get the keys at least put in your hand. She could be sick exactly.

Is just is your mom staying with you?

I mean yeah, Like people will come to the show and they'll say things like, I live in New Jersey.

That's a red flag for me.

Yeah, but you know how BIG's the house and like, don't care.

They could be living in the good part of who knows?

What's the goop out of New Jersey is New York.

North New Jersey.

It's no lie. But I mean, honestly, I've been to some pools and we hawking and absolutely given it.

We hawking.

I don't even want to talk about wee hawking. I don't want to know how to say. We ain't talking about wee hawk We ain't talking about But also in the show, we bring three contestants. They volunteer themselves. They fill out this very long questionnaire that ask them questions about their dating life, their sex life, what they think their own personal red flags are, because we all have them.

Okay, so let's go through the show. You guys are going to go through the show with me. We're going to play a version of the show.

Okay, we'll figure it out.

And by we're gonna do that, I mean that we're going to figure it out.

So let's so for the first couple of things that we would typically interview our contestants and they have them fill out a questionnaire and we ask them a few key questions. So I guess, why don't we ask some of the questions from the questionnaire to Matt and see what his response is.

Let me pull up the the sheet.

This is basically like when someone is like, you're looking for like a contestant for the show. You're not looking for someone that's like, hey, hey, we can get them to like you.

Know, No, we want honesty. We want people who are digamic you're of.

Them personalities, more people who are cool with oversharing.

Oh, peop, don't worry, I have a podcast.

Some people are well.

It's funny that you were because I was at the show and you were like, what's a red flag about you? Like, that's one of the questions you One of the questions you asked is what.

Do you think your own one of your own personal red show?

And when I was sitting there thinking about it, because of course everyone in the audience. And this is why I would say go to the show and engage with the show, is because it actually gets you to assess your own behavior. Is Like, I think that one of my biggest red flags is probably the fact that I'm someone that externalizes a lot of information about my life. It's like been a problem actually in my last two relationships, actually all of my relationships has been an issue.

You overshare, just the podcast and just the visibility of you as a person.

Just like I am someone who not only just on this podcast, but certainly on this podcast, but like to my friends, I talk about everything that I'm going through. So like, if you're dating me, it's not like I'm going to put you on blast publicly. In fact, I think I've learned and been a lot better about that.

Okay, So is it like you need that text first thing in the morning and you need that text last thing at night.

I think that if I text you and you are my boyfriend, and it takes you hours and hours to get back to me. We're going to have a serious problem and I need to know, like I need to know why.

I mean, that's that's real.

I mean, I can appreciate.

Too much time.

Yeah, just like, and I'm just reflecting on my own behavior. I'm kind of that guy right now. I'm kind of I think that's well, you're not in a relationship, no, no, but I'm like you in the street. I'm in the streets, and like, I actually, something I'm realizing about myself is that I don't know how to really be like an asshole. I don't know how to leave people on red right

But also I think that that's fine to say. And here's what I would say to anyone out there. This is a sentence that has gotten me really through it, which is expectations are a recipe for resentment. Like if you have no expectations, you can't have any resentments. So expectations, don't have them. Just like take people at face value and don't color in the lines too much because that is when you will be disappointed.

But also be honest.

Yes, if you don't really like somebody that much, don't lead them on, right.

Yeah, It's just a delicate balance. And I guess like something I'm realizing as a red flag for me is that I'm talking about my past relationship still or like I can feel it still massaging the way that I behave and like influencing like how I approach new relationships.

Well you have trauma.

Yeah, I'm just still me.

Are you in therapy talking to somebody?

I do have a therapist. She's amazing. I'm in and out. I just like have a weird relationship around the whole thing. I thought I had a really strong sense of self and was like really heavily gas lit into a lot of behaviors, Like I was on antidepressants at one point, Like there was things that I was doing that didn't align with my true heart felt and it wasn't until the ceiling fell down on top of me that I

Yeah, well then they can't.

Be mad, Listen. I'm an honest person.

I'm also an outward facing you know, I'm a comedian. Have I do videos about dates? Not every date I go on gets the video. Only the ones that are really funny are really bad. Yeah, But guys that I go to rock, guys that I go on dates with, assume I'm going to talk about them, and it's like, well, it's be on your best behavior. Please don't wear basketball shorts to this date. But I'm not talking about everybody. I'm not using names. I don't have to talk about everybody.

Yeah, I have a question for you. So one of the questions from the questionnaire is what is the worst date You've ever been on? Yes, worst date? And now this actually might. Does this mean you have to expose somebody that we just talked about not exposing.

Okay, name them, Mickey Mouse. Here's what I'm gonna say. Okay, I haven't been on too many bad dates that were memorable because I've been. If I've been on bad days, they're just been boring, you know what I mean. Like, what I'll say is that one time I went on a date where it was at his house and it was very explicit that like this was like gonna be a fun thing and it was gonna be like a sex thing, you know what I mean, Like it was gonna be like sushi and sex kind of which was

They just broken up, was it?

It was pretty fresh? And I think a lot of the reason why I was there was because I had hooked up with his ex years prior, and I think he was so wrapped up in the thing of the X that like it was just very clear that like this night was not about like me and him, It was about like him and someone else. And I was there as like a sort of a guinea pig trial

Now.

There was sushi. There was no sex, which was disappointed.

Are you talking basic rolls or was there like a specialty?

It was like sugarfish, you know what I mean. Like it was like we gotta we gotta blue, you know. We went to Poundtown in a certain way.

Pund I played Poundtown for Matt last night and he's upset.

Poundtown greater than Brown Yes, snow Sex, which was actually fine, And I remember I left being like, listen, I'm gonna go. It's like one thirty in the morning, because I stayed for too long. And then he was like, oh, I'm so upset, Like I was so excited that you were coming, Like I feel like I've been such a bad date, and like I feel like it was irresponsible for me to ask you out. And I was like, look, I've.

Had it well for this communication.

Honestly, well it kind of got there because, like I said, he was a very sweet, nice guy. But the thing is like by the end, I was like, look, I had a really nice time getting to know you. This was fun, and I would just say that if we're going to hang out again, make sure that you've got

Even I'm enduring him, like blubbering, being like, I don't know.

He never cried, He never cried. He was just like ugh. And then he said he's like, I just got a text from my ex. Can we just kind of like hang out and watch TV? I was like, of course, did they break Okay?

Was the breakup on a Tuesday and you were there.

On a Thursday?

I think it was. Well, then, then this is the best part. So a few days after the date, he calls me and says, I just wanted you to know that we got back together and then they were back together for like literally like a few years. A few years, you do.

But I'm not going to say no, no, no, definitely not now.

But like, and the thing is like, it was not a bad date at all, but it was the most memorable way a date went left for me. And what I learned from it was just like the second it looks like a date is going in a certain direction, you can just go, like I probably should have just gone home.

You don't owe it to them to like complete the complete the whole. I don't think I needed to be there from eight pm to one thirty. No, you're not going to this is the one way ticket to hell.

And the thing is just like just because the expectation had been set that we were going to like fucking it was like a thing that he was like excited about, and for it to turn that way, I was kind of just like sitting there waiting in an dissipation the whole time, like when is this going to turn into the other thing? And it never did. And like I said,

When they pulled a guitar out.

Right, Babe, I really can't do that. Like I wrote a song for you is like full crunch. For me, it's full stop calling it oberg gotta go. I don't want to hear music.

Here's what I say. It wasn't about me. It was about the X, which are my God. Now, that's what I'm saying. It's like for you to show me a song you wrote about your ex, I'm like, okay, well why am I here?

Well this is the red flag I was speaking to about myself. But I'm not here I'm just it's something that I talk about or like, I think a personal red flag is. They might be like, how'd your previous relationship end? And it's like, oh, you're like how much times you have?

Six years?

We opened up our relationship and it's like those things to me feel like red flags. It involves a very long walkthrough of that situation, which is way too much to do on a first, second, third, or twentieth date. I think the farther I get away from it. This is why nobo friends till twenty twenty five. The farther get away from it, the less it's a part of me, and the less that I'm worried about being this guy that you went on a.

Data And I think that's why I haven't been dating a lot. Well, I have been dating more lately, but like it took a few months because I was so wrapped up in what that was. And the second you are talking about someone else to someone who you know is there for like a dating purpose. That is, you can just hear yourself being You hear.

Yourself, but you can't stop yourself.

No, you can't stop.

It's very relatable. That's why you need to rent an apartment in Poundtown. Yeah, I'm currently I have a two bedroom condo in Poundtown. Yeah, I mean. Which is another good question from our questionnaire. So, by the way, all of the contestants are asked ahead of time to submit. The link is in Marie's bio. If you do you want to fill out this quiz, you should fill out this quiz if you live in New York or LA. We do the show all the time and we would love to have you as a contestant.

Here's the question that's on the thing. What's your biggest strength, like what you bring into the table?

Bach.

I think that when I care about someone, I care about them a lot.

Okay.

And also I'm a lot of fun I want to have sex pretty much all the time. And I have really nice, sweet, funny people around me. And I am extremely communicative. So like I would say, like my overall personality and a relationship, like I'm a big lover. Okay, my family is great. I just mean, like the people around me are good. Like I have a really good sense of people and like judge a character, and like if I'm close to someone, it means that they're also worth getting to know.

Okay, Okay, here's what we want to know. If you could date anybody dead or alive, who would you date?

If I could date anybody dead or alive, what I date? That is an interesting question. I think that like, probably right now, I would date someone who was and you're asking like a famous person.

If you say the name and everyone's like who, that doesn't really help me.

Yeah, I know.

So basically like I'm now at type I'm now at this place where it's like I don't want to date someone who's in the who does the same thing as me at all. No actors or like other comedians certainly, or like maybe not even someone that's like creative. Primarily, I really want someone who gets it, but like does something totally different. Like I would actually love to date someone that was in like architecture.

I would let me a little architect.

Yeah, like Stanley Tucci.

Yeah, like Stanley Tucci in one of his gay roles, will be fabulous.

You know.

I also like have been dabbling with the idea of like dating an older guy because in porn I've been into it.

Gener will never collapse because of it?

How much older?

Yeah, ten fifteen years.

Everything still works, I think.

But also maybe That's not something I would want all the time. I think, honestly, if I'm being really honest with myself, I want someone who probably is just a very figured out person who brings a level of like comfort to the table, who looks like, I don't know, the guy from uh No one, the guy from nine one one lone star.

Here let me go.

Yeah, you get on that.

I have one of the gays from nine one one loan Star. Oh.

I would love to date Roblo, some one of those demographic Yeah, like him at a bar coming up to you. Hey there, little one.

Oh, so that's daddy. I was talking about the people who play like his sons. His son is in a gay relationship and both of them like they're like I guess they go by Tarlos, like because one of the I don't know, like that's one of those guys. But Roblo back in the day and Roblo now like Robo ten years ago. Perfect, Oh Parks and rec Roblo. Yeah, when you.

Come in, you just be like this man is perfect.

Yes, absolutely.

I have another one another question for you from the questionnaire. What's sexual kink that you save for the one that you save or him he doesn't see it until you're ready for him to see it, and then you let it out. I might know the answer.

Okay, this is a safe space. I am really Now it's it's group sex for me. Now sex I like sex with other people, like multiple people. Like it's fun and it's like an actually an interesting exercise in like how safe you feel with your partner. And it's something I will never do again until I know I've got the one and we've signed that, we've signed the emotional contract. That makes sense. That's papao be mine. I don't really identify as like a kinky person.

I actually we can remove the word kink, I guess, but like it's like something that you wait and you hope that they like that you like.

This is interesting because for me, it's like when it's the one, when it's someone I really care about, And this maybe makes me like un cool for the question, but like it transitions out of sex into more like love making and like when things get very very intimate, like I can be like very very like romantic and intimate and like I'm that kind of person that's like it's giving eye contact. Yeah, yeah, I actually get off when people say I love you, you know what I mean.

I like that.

Okay, man's cool. But I mean, like, you know, but like I'm not anti kink, like when I'm out here, like it's it's just interesting who I am sexually with someone I don't really know, and who I am with someone that I do really know, Like I actually need the reciprocody of like, hey, I'm here and I really care about you, you know what I mean. Otherwise why do we keep doing it?

It's hotter.

But also when you're with somebody that you care about, especially if you guys have been together for a while, it just it is better because you guys know which other's bodies.

It's just like it's work less work.

When someone is like really into you and you don't need to like elevate it to a place of like, how do I keep this interesting? Like I don't know, Like I just I feel like I've had situations where, like two two and a half months in new kinks get introduced, like new ideas get introduced, and you're like, oh, I didn't really necessarily need it to go there. And there's that thing you go through where you're like, do

I've done a lot of things because somebody else has requested me too. Yeah, and if they really want it. I think I'm a people pleaser in that way. Where as long as it's not like, as long as it doesn't involve heavy clean up, I'm down.

Yeah for the most part. Why what about you? What?

P Yeah, Ma's got a Marie Murrie. He's actually I don't want to say, No, the girl them feet, you be tossing them out to men, they go straight in mouths.

No, I mean I don't. I'm not tossing my feet out. You know, I don't have a wiki feet or anything like that. Don't google Maurice's fee.

But I bet there is a wiki feed for you.

There's not. I'm there. Oh maybe there is.

There is.

There's one for me. If there's one for Matt, there's got to be one for you.

There's no one. I'm gonna google it when I leave. No, but yeah, I'll put my feet in somebody's mouth.

Sure, I mean, but you're not putting anyone's foot in your mouth.

A man's foot with the hairy big toe.

No.

Yeah, I've done it.

I mean I've tried it. Okay. I was hooking up with someone during the pandemic, and I think, like, you know, just to try to like see what was up, like I did, put the foot in my mouth. And it was so funny because we locked eyes and we both in that moment realized it was not for us. It was like, we don't do feet. I don't think. I don't think we do feed together. I don't think we do feed a part. I think you and I we don't do fee. That's something nice. Yes, it's nice when you can align like that.

I'm also really attracted to like the spontaneous stuff right now, the sort of like no strings attached. I mean, I've had like a few hookups on vacations, like vacation I did, like I had, I hooked up with a kayak innstructor in part in the closet like that love this story. That was amazing. I was like when I went for a wedding too, I was in in Mexico and I it was in like a broom closet, a proper Mexico, Yeah,

With a bagel. Did he bring the bagel?

He didn't bring?

Oh, come on, did he eat the bag He ate the bag period? Was everything was copy seed, no honey.

No honeyplane, squeaky clean period. No. It's like that's something that I guess is something that I'm enjoying right now. It's like sort of spontaneous like connections, especially on vacation I'm just like, you just know you're never gonna see them again. It's just like this could never be. So it's just like you get a piece of me.

And also it's like a good story to drop into the group. Chat me tell you what I.

Just did it westin sex.

This is what I'll say. On vacations, I do become like I go through the gamma radiation and become like a hulk version of myself in terms of being a whore. Like when I go on vacation, it's like carte blanche. I turn into a different person, Like I put like a vacation hat on and I click in and I'm thinking, now, like maybe that is a little bit of a kink. That's like not super sure. It's like hooking up with people that I probably shouldn't.

Dedicated to this. Do you have sniffies?

It's not necessarily like anything I'm doing sexually, it's who I'm doing it with. Like I'm a little attracted to this idea of like, oh, I shouldn't hook up with my teacher, I shouldn't hook up with my boss, So maybe role play honestly, and I famously I started a role pay recently and the guy told me I think you might be too good at improv.

Oh you said yes, And.

He wanted to do a scenario that was like coach player, And so we had a date. We were in the car going back to my hotel and I literally just go he no. He said, he's like, you did really well in practice today, and I was like, oh my god, we're doing it.

We're doing it, We're doing it practice.

So I said, yeah, I give my all on the field because you know, things have been really hard at home.

Oh my god.

And then he goes, yeah really, and I go yeah, and I think that when I look at you, I see you as a father figure and I really want to impress you. And then he goes, I think you might be too good at improv.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're creating like sort of like a home Like wait a minute, yeah, a little bit too.

I was just saying, like it's tough with my father. I'm closeted at home. I want daddy, can you be daddy.

That's to.

Things have been real hard at home means two things, or it could be like he maybe you know.

I'm just saying, like, you know, my dad, like I think I said, like, you know, I just my dad and I. It's a tough relationship, looking for a father figure.

I care, I'm crying.

I'm sure like he like goes to get loop turns around, MAT's in full wig, Matt has on shoulders.

I'm also not realizing.

You know.

Another one of my kinks is I kind of like I kind of like armbits you Like, you don't have to whisper that. That's like kind of like a man's smell, or do you need right after.

Like a workout man smell.

I don't know about all that, but you just win out for the day, just like you don't necessarily if I'm really into it, you don't necessarily have to be like squeaky clean like deodorant like have you can have showered, like the hole should be clean. But like if I'm smelling armpit and it smells like man, that's actually good.

Well, I think if you like the way someone smells naturally, I think that means.

You really like it.

It's on because some people I've I've been with I didn't like how they slew or they didn't smell like anything, and that was like weird to me.

Like smell is I don't.

Know, you can smell like Lei labo and I'm not mad.

I like them to smell good. Yeah, because smelling good is sexy.

Wait, but you were talking about this to the show.

It's like, if you're ugly but you smell good, you're cute. If you're cute but you smell good, you're hot. If you're hot and you smell good, you woho, that's the map.

Oh my god, wait, I gotta write that down.

Yeah, write down, write it down.

That's amazing.

I've done the work. A square plus B squared equals you.

Oh yeah, okay, all right, So I would say that's my thing. It's like I have like an intimacy kink with people that I'm really interested in and then potentially some role play.

So after we get to know our contestants for a little while, Marie like basically roast them, we do a deep dive on their social media. As we ask them to surrender over their profiles, they send us screenshots from all the apps. So many apps these days, so many apps like field we hear about farmers only.

Oh you mean like apps like dating apps, the first specific things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's so many specialized on We saw what was it farmers. It's like for people who are interested in people who are interested in agriculture as wild.

I didn't even know there was that many farmers in America.

Yeah, there's communities all over the place in the dating world, but we ask after we get to know them a little bit, then we start to put them against one another because we are looking for the person with the least amount of red flags. Oh okay to be crowned a winner.

Right, And we're not saying that you have no red flag, you do, You just have less than the two people see the.

Most eligible out of the bunch. I get it. So basically, like it's a thing of the audience sort of dictates and energy in the room of like we're not feeling this person because and it was interesting, like when people just start talking and you give them a space to talk, they will sell you a crazy thing.

Oh absolutely, And that's what we're looking for in the applications when when we get them in is like.

We love a little crazy.

This person's ready to talk.

We love a little crazy. David and I will be looking through them and we'll be like, okay, she.

Yeah, jeep. Last show on our show in New York, we had a contest name Jeep, who was like giving us all these crazy answers about guys that she went on and boys that I'd like, try to take our crazy places. We were like this girl spills. But the next chapter is that we go through questions that Marie asked or Instagram that are a little bit larger scope and just we need an answer from you. So I have one now. One would be how long have you traveled for sex?

Far?

How far far this you've traveled for hmm?

Okay, actually, I oh my god. I flew tickets a year. I flew from New York to LA like in twenty eighteen. I was coming for a week and it was should I say his name?

Sure?

I think it would be contradictory to the beginning of this podcast when you said how much you've grown from doing that, But yeah, say yes, put this man's name on and if you have to believe it right, I don't know.

There was I'm just gonna do it. I feel messy, so the show's about do it.

Yeah.

This was in twenty eighteen and I was I'm gonna say it. I was walking up with Lewis Ertel and I flew I flew across the country to hook up with Lewis, and then I remember I flew New York to LA and then I remember it like didn't really work out, like I think you realized we were more friends. But I did fly from New York to LA to stay for a week, to hopefully fuck Lewis vertel for a week, and.

Then Lewis for tells his sweetheart, sorry, that was now we're good friends, but like this was you were friendship. You didn't know?

Ah?

Okay, I googled him, got it?

See it?

Yes, keep it.

We first hooked up like years and years and years prior and then like it was one of those things where we didn't really know each other, but there was like an intense connection. I thought I was like in love, and so I came back and I was like, but that's your thing, man, you love hard, girl, you go. And I also decide who people are before I really get to know them, and like, I love who Lewis is now, but he was not who I thought I was.

Yeah.

Yeah, But I think the mind is very powerful, right. We we build things that we want to build, We see things we want to see. Sometimes you can blur things out that are there that you should be looking at.

That's what it is. But the answer to your question is three thousand miles for a friend of the show, Lewis for a time well the most popular answers online. The fourth most popular answer was international. These people have crossed countries.

Yeah that was flying from Australia.

Responses, Yeah, it was wild.

I think about it. I really do. I definitely certainly, like someone will get in the DMS and I'll be like where are you and they'll be like London, and I'll be like, oh, I'm almost there. I'm almost there. I can almost justify like me traveling the way I like to travel comfortably, like you go all the way. They're beautiful and.

I love to see you.

So three thousand miles currently is that I'm.

Trying to convince the boy I met over prior to go see Taylor Swift in Europe with me.

My god, wait go with me?

I want to Oh my god, I don't go with that, Okay, I want to go to like Paris because I didn't see her when she was.

In Paris, not till next It's like she just extended. Yeah she was. I'm guessing you're not a big Swift ye wouldn't.

That be the most amazing thing to learn here?

I did just watch her Tiny Desk the other day.

Oh my god. Wait, her tiny Desk is great.

I mean, she didn't have nobody back there with her. It was just her girl and her guitar and her piano.

And she sounded fucking great.

Oh look at you like being all like, oh about it?

I love I watched a couple of times.

Yeah, I love that Tinysk is incredible. I have to watch MOONI still Moon is fantastic. I can't wait to watch it. When we saw them in New York, they were just about to go film it, and I just know it's going to be fantastic.

What did I recently watch? I think there's an old Jazmine Sullivan one too, which is like yeah, yeah, there's Oh Usher's tiny desk, tiny desk is amazing. You remind me, let me tell you something. There's so much narrative about Usher. You forget. His voice is like, I mean, of course it's an instrument, it's a voice, but like it is so it's like a finally tuned instrument at all times, Like he just finds the notes and he's.

Been doing this for so long and his face looks almost exactly to see.

Here was my first crush. I knew I was gay when I saw Usher's abs. That was like the moment he was formative for sure. Might might be piece of formative culture for me.

She like, sid, oh yeah, I mean you also forget how good some of the songs on Confessions were like, oh Bern is so good too? Are you feeling it even?

Been a long time coming?

The man fell apart?

But I don't think it's wown this relationship. Baby, I ain't baby, because there's so many wow.

I think, let it yet, you gotta let it go.

Nobody ain't used to.

You know, let it go? You know, wait and ever so good?

Wait, it is so good listening on two points or its one point five? Are gonna have a really fun experience.

I'm gonna let me add that to my karaoke playlist.

Don't forget about well, no one will ever forget about yeah, because that was in a capable will always be a classic. My Qession's part two with him and the show, Yeah my Boo is.

Another really good karaoke song for like with you Andy Body.

Yeah yeah, but Confession's part it's our song. Yeah, Oh my god, go back and listen to that album.

I might do that in the car.

Okay. So that's how long I've traveled for sex.

I think same for me. I was in a lot. Well it was the guy that that I was with, that boyfriend, new boyfriend that I.

Had many I don't travel, I host, yeahs want people in.

My house nowadays, I don't travel, I travel, I have.

I keep a nice home. And if you don't know how to handle your stuff in my home, I love being able to throw you out. So I don't like go into unknown territory. That is exactly right. And the thing is I hate hate hate because.

You never do know. Like recently, I did a grinder hook up and I traveled like forty five minutes for what I was positive was going to be a fire hookup. The guy was prothetic, pathetic. Oh my god, it was horrible. It was just saying like a really hot but no sexual energy. Well I get there and the first thing he says is, hey, I actually like I have a bruised grib so we can only do it missionary and I'm really cooked out and my dick doesn't work, but I definitely I.

Want to do this was just what you could have said this to me before I paid for the oobs, babe. Well no, he was before I came over.

And then I'll tell you what the really stupid fucking part of it was was after we had sex for like twenty minutes, is a boring sex that he was like not even he also we had barely made out. He did he didn't want me to eat grinder.

I don't actually want to kiss always. It's like kissing is actually like for me, it's like comes after sex. Isn't that fucked? It's like blowjobs are like hi, I love making it, Like making out is like sure, but like kisses, eye contact sex kisses, that's like.

See that is my cake. I have an intimacy cake. But he might be right afterwards he goes to me, can you follow me on Instagram? My friend will freak out and I was like, oh, this is what I hate, and this has now happened. This has now happened to me, Like and this is like whatever ghost to talk about, but this has happened to me like between five and

Hear that readers identify yourself before you try to fuck mat on Grinder?

Yeah, don't we Well what I love is like when they say I don't think so honey if this is not you, ha ha ha. And then they sent a picture of whole.

I'm like, oh God, that's fucking hilarious. I actually love that.

Grinder is a zoo.

It is a zoo. I had one guy tried to take a selfie after sex. I pulled a hat trick at the Moxie Hotel, like a I had three interactions one hotel. Yeah, it was a really wild night. And one of the guys. The first guy tried to take a selfie with me. Afterwards, I was like, I'm visiting

You said, zomni zoo.

Yeah, of course being safe, but at the same time time like giving into that like horn devil, random kink that exists me. It's like no strings attached. Who are you Let's just try it with safety.

You know what my kink is And I don't know if it's a kink or not.

I just it's really hot when people tell me how much they like me during sex, Like tell me how good it is, tell me what it feels like, tell me just like I think it's like a praise kid.

Yeah, Like, don't be like I.

Love your pocket, Like no, I don't want to hook up with people who've seen me performed, but just like in the moment, just be like, oh my god, your eyebrows are like even your cat I like, your teeth are so what.

Eyebrows. Even I'm not I'm not that I love.

Mary Kay Ashley. They're exactly the same. No, no, no, no, But I'm just saying, like, like, just.

That's so so.

Do you like some people?

I say baby a lot and someone like in a baby voice. No, I can't stand baby. No never baby voice, never ever ever, But like I say that. And recently someone had a problem with me saying the word baby during sex. He's like, it's like too much, and I was like okay, and so I was just like, all right.

Baby feels dude, I can fuck with bro. Not gonna lie.

I was called little Bro one time and I shot my come to god, little Bro, little Bro. The readers know my story about, you know, big Bro on Fire Island. He called me little Bro during sex and they were fucking outside, like in the backyard of his house, and I swear to god, it was seconds after he called me a little bro that I was like, break my ear. It was like that scene and scary movie where he finally comes and he's like it's like an avalanche.

I was like, I like baby, I think that that's it can be romantic. Also, I like to like I'm good at cooking and like I love to host, like I said, so like in the morning, like I'll make a little egg, I'll make like I'll do something like really casual and cute on the.

Are you are you sticking out of the bed early to do that or you guys like.

No, I'm making it look effortless. I'm getting up in the morning.

And he wonders why people are like, oh, he really likes me. It's like you made him a full fucking well, it's.

Good you made a California breakfast.

But you're right, Matt, that is actually something that I'm trying to manage, just like how quickly I roll out the red carpet for boys that I don't really know that well because I've been taking advantage of before. And it's like, you got to protect all the good pieces of you because if you make it look real good over there, I don't know, they're going to tell you what they need to tell you. To get your phone.

I like when guys come to my house and then they cook for me in the morning, it's like, well, what do you have. I'm gonna rent to the store real quick. I'm like, this happens, that's true.

Queendom.

That's happened to me before you. Wow, yeah that was nice.

Also, you don't got to cook too if you just want to seamless like some mister chow for the evening, like it doesn't matter. Like I also love a guy who like just kind of takes control. Sure, just like its order something.

Really hot about you being in my kitchen cooking for me and you know, I'm like this, I'm going to send and pitches to the group chat like girl, look at his butt sea making eggs?

Is it for you? What's the hottest thing on a guy?

I like a guy with a nice but that I can like, you know, do you? But I like shoulders, back chest. I need it to be like, oh my god, this is a man. I need you to be shaped kind of like, you know, a little marvelly, you know, little.

Like yeah, okay, I get that.

It's a grown ass man.

It's so weird for me, like I could be into anyone. It's just an energy thing. It's I don't have a type.

I do also think a hot for me is also guys that like know who they are and what they want, Like just somebody who's like, yeah, I do this, I.

Do this charisma I'm going to build I don't know.

I'm an architect and I'm going to do system chapel two whatever, like whatever it is that you do, You're just like that is who you are, and you are very confident. Yeah.

Oh yeah, confidence will get you chexy sexy. Yeah, And that's the thing is, It's like that's my thing about like being approached and like when someone comes in and it's just like undeniable, like I'll fall for that, yeah, and I have.

And I guess a piece of that for me right now is like falling back in love with myself and reconnecting to my star power and reallocating all that energy that I was putting into previous relationships back to myself has made me feel this sort of like confidence. And it's like when I go over and make a first swing and like approach somebody else, I feel like I'm getting off on my own confidence even before the conversation set it.

Okay, it's like you feel like you could talk to anyone just because you literally are doing it.

Yeah, yeah, you know what, why not? Like if anything, if they spin it into like a pleasant conversation, they're not into it. It becomes like a friendly conversation. I know how to handle that, and also I have a good read on those types of things when it's time to step away when that it's not going the way that I thought. And like I think, every time I do it in this post breakup world, every time I've

Yeah.

I made a list of the people that I hooked up with that I dealt with lash. I have one too, and I saw you the other day.

I couldn't believe how long mine was. When I did this recently, I'm like, WHOA. I called my mom back. I was like, I am a slut. I was with my sister on vacation and she told me her number and then I told her my number, and I think she had an asthma attack.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, she flew home and she was like, I.

Gotta go.

But half of the people that I talked to last year is because I approached them and I initiated a conversation.

But I've also been told that I'm intimidating and that's cool.

Yeah, you were talking about this at the show well because it keeps.

Away some of the refraf.

But like when a guy is confident enough to approach me, that's sexy because it's like some people are scared, but look a big boy.

But here's the thing they get in their mind that they are like when they see you, like up on stage, when they see you like out there doing your thing, confident on the internet, like projecting like you know, Marie Fauston, and they're like, I'm gonna go up to that and I'm gonna like pursue Marie. It's this thing of like they by nature of like what we do and who we are, they have colored in the lines already, and it is like weirdly about them being like I'm gonna

Given, she's all that.

Remember when he was like there was like that bit and he was like, yeah, I could get anybody to be popular whatever, pick one or pick one, but it's like they pick a specific person.

Well, I hope it doesn't happen to me. That sounds horrible.

Well, it's just a thing where it's like when you are someone who like decides to to be someone that could be known at all, Like then there's this element of like, okay, dating has changed now, it's different now, especially like especially in the gay community. I've kind of accepted now that like if I'm if I'm in the gay scene in Brooklyn or LA, like likely at this point, like they may have some idea of like what so.

And then they also comes this element of like, okay, so now they're coming over to talk to just talk to you as a stranger, but they know they have hours and hours and hours of your personality that they are already, so it's like, is anything authentic or are they just coming up winded up with what they know you already would respond?

People have said it on like the third date. I feel like I finally have to come forward and say, like, I do this that the other thing, this is what I know, this is what and I'm just like, ugh, now it is hard.

To so yucky to me when I hear that, tuto, it's like, oh, you watched.

My video, It's not to me if they're honest, it's not to me. If they're honest, it's a little icky to me.

I think it's but I think it's because.

I date men, you know, like as as a tiny, kidnappable person. It's just like I don't like when it feels like you know more about me than I know about you, right, so please please.

This is why I'm keeping my gay fame very tight. I'm managing, you know, just how quickly. I don't want to be big. It's why I want to date someone that doesn't. It's not in the industry and maybe maybe it has a very little understanding of social media that would be nice. I'm sorry, No, social media is not sexy to me. If you have no social media at all, you have a fenced out you're lying or you're cut

Well, maybe you have a social media but it's just like pictures of windows that you like, won't building.

I can't do a boy that's like, oh no, I don't only do like online.

I can't do that.

I'm gonna the online of it all. I'm gonna get into it, and I don't think so honey in a bit, but like there's a certain pivot happening from Twitter or away to something else, and I have questions about it, all right, So that's that was that question. What else there's a question about like how long sex should last? Yes, what is the ideal amount of time for sex? Now? So basically I was really shocked that so many people think sex should be so short.

Surprise to the number one answer is twenty minutes.

I felt thirty minutes, and then people were like, then someone on stage, I think Courtney who won the show, was like five minutes of for play fifteen minutes of sex. I'm like, five minutes of foreplay, that's not enough time. I like for play. I like a lot of.

I like the build up. I like that.

I mean, if you do for play right, you can kind of like weave it throughout like a day. You know what I'm saying, Like, yeah, yeah, we're ling up to it.

We make out in the bathroom restaurant, and we stopped.

The bathroom restaurant at closet. Yeah, my girl is up in the public, in.

The public, like I don't know, just like I can't want you dance floor. I've been doing crazy shit.

No, but that's that to me is all four play, like leading up to and then you know, when we get to it, it should also be more four play. But I'm also like a round, you know. I'm like, let's hook up, let me do what I do, and then let's take a break.

Let's have some water, let's smoke.

Oh, I know for sure. I mean, I love three of us.

Are weed people. Yeah, that's amazing.

Dave was actually very formative and my I brought I was the main flower.

I brought it. I brought it in and gave it to.

Well, actually it was Dave and Sooty. Sooty smoked me out for the first time, and then when I started hanging out with Dave Moore, we were high pretty much constantly.

Yeah, we watched All the Man.

It's a beautiful way to like the world.

Yeah, watching TV high, having sex high, eating food high.

It's beautiful.

Yeah it is. Eating food high really is beautiful. I remember, like, is that a deal breaker for you if they don't smoke weed. No, that's not a deal breaker for me at all.

But I will say it's also just like and I hate that it really helps. But when someone tells me like, oh, yeah, I smoke weed, or like I would be into smoking together, I'm always like, yeah, like you can be cozy. Yeah. And but the thing is, like I do wouldn't want anyone to think like I need that. Like I also don't need you to drink. I don't need you to need to go out a lot. I don't need you to you know, smoke weed. I don't need you to party. I don't need you to do anything. What I need

But like through all this conversation, where I think we're realizing is that, like you know, there are it's like, well this is a no. But also actually if it's kind of like this, then it's okay, Like you don't have to smoke weed, but also you can't be like this drugs or you know the red flags Like initially when you like list them out and you're like no this know this, there's actually a lot more disclaimers and a lot more like shades of gray in those than

We've plenty of gaze on the show.

You got your shows confused?

You got my show's confused. I look at that.

You got your show? Was me confused?

It's really Dave started doing he started doing the Quibi press tour. I'm sorry, I just keep trying to reshuffle. It's single people, is what I mean? That, Like you know that are have shades to them and like you, I just want to.

Be with somebody fun.

Yeah, take yourself too seriously and know how to use your words.

Yeah you know.

I mean I've also been with people who I feel like maybe smoke too much.

Oh yeah, for sure.

Just like you got, everything you gotta do is high. It's waken, bake, and go to bed. You also dream high.

I can judge that because I was there at a certain point in my life in the pandemic. I was high for like one calendar.

That the pandemic doesn't count, like we were supposed to just be like sober the whole pandemic.

We're all dogging the.

World certainly not no, no, no, no, definitely not.

People were doing drunk zoom happy hours.

Yeah.

I mean, you know not I said the.

Cat, but people were doing that every Thursday or frid or whatever.

Yeah, I mean it was just what it was. I mean, you just got through the way you got through exactly. Well, you have no you have no opponents today, Matt, So you win. I know, I kind of win. I guess I was. The last thing I was going to say was like one thing I love and you know that here at last colchesis we love a one minute countdown.

Yes, Marazily, I feel like Dave's got to go first, because sell myself on that show.

She doesn't know the Ti'm sure I can sell myself.

Dave, sell yourself in one minute. We are going to do I don't things money, but we're also going to do this, Dave. This is your one minute to sell yourself as someone who should be dated.

Go.

My name is Dave Mazzoni. I am an Italian American with a heart of gold. I can cook, I enjoy cleaning, But more importantly, I know how to care for you. I have been through a shit ton. I've been in a very long relationship. I have made mistakes. But one thing I know how to do, and the most important thing for me in a relationship is communicate. I will tell you everything, how I'm feeling right now, how I felt yesterday. There is no gray area when it comes

And that is one minute Dave Mazoni on Instagram. Yeah, come to a two zy, come on, come over to my neighborhood. That was very good. Okay, Marie, now you have to go, Marie, sell yourself in one minute. Your time starts now.

How you're doing. First of all, you hear my voice is six. My name is Marie.

I am fun I am funny, I am fantastic to look at. I'm a good time right. I read books sometimes, but I'm not. I don't think that I'm better than you. I just want to be with somebody who wants to have a good time. I'm trying to travel. I want to eat, I want to smoke, I want to bang. I want to laugh at people together because I'm really good at stopping and staring and being mindful and being there. Why are you wearing them shoes? I can cook, but I probably won't cook for you. I like to go

Her, and that's what man, Oh my god.

When you show up with a partner properly, that's the first thing I'm gonna say is, Wow, you got Marie like you got Marie.

I can't I see it so well. Okay, now is it your turn? Yes, my turn. Put me on the clock. Matt. It's time for you to sell yourself. Go Okay, I'm Matt Rogers. I'm a blast, and I will share everything I have with you. That's something I would say is if I'm dating you and we are like in a good place, I will make you feel like a king. I am a really good motivator. I also like to have sex all the time. I've even been told that it's an issue sometimes, Like I like to have sex

I agree with you Matt that like this moment always ends up being like kind of sentimental. We had a contestant two shows ago that was just like he was one of our straight mail contestants that we are hard to get on the show if you're a straight mail and you want to because you.

Were saying it feels like straight men walk into a situation like that, especially where you're the host Marie, and you're like.

They just think it's a trap the entire time.

Everybody's getting low he roasted, but like it's not. We're not attacking any of the straits because we need the straits.

Yeah.

Absolutely, But we had a straight I in the cell yourself say I am in therapy. I've been in therapy for years. The audience stood. It was a standing ovation for the strain.

That is huge. Yes, that's also one of my things, like if we're dating and I'm thirty three years old, now, if we're dating, you need to be or have been in therapy. And it's so funny because I only started like two years ago, but now it's like, wow, I know it's so important.

Well because it's like therapy for me is something that like I never thought that I was gonna do or need to do.

You know, I'm a black girl with Caribbean parents.

Therapy is like you got to go to church, but I started during the pandemic, and it just changes how you think about how you feel. Yes, And like sometimes I'll be mad about something and I'd be like, well, why am I mad about that? And I'm only asking that because of therapy, And sometimes it's like, oh, I actually don't even really care about this.

Take your ass to.

The therapy absolutely good, even if you think you have everything figured out, Like I was somebody who especially towards the end of my relationship when that's when I started going to therapy almost like every two days, I was going like, for okay, you WoT good assurance? Well, no, I was paying out of pocket from my brain. And it was really helpful because I was just going to her with like all of this stuff that I was trying to sort and she was like you're correct, Like

Well, you know, this is an interesting way to think about it. It's like when you're talking to your friends about what you're going through, like it's you and the conversation, sure, and you're talking about you, but also they're receiving it as a friend, and so they are gonna filter it in a certain way. They're gonna filter it through certain things like how do I respond as a friend? How do I respond as me who's also gone through something,

You can just don't.

You can say whatever the fuck you want to say, and they have a take on it in the regard of their thinking about you. Like it really is just a space to really have a conversation with yourself if your therapist is worth their salt, and they can sort it out what you're saying and they can spit it back to you and be like, do you realize this is something you've said a lot? Do you realize that this is something? Do you what I'm seeing and picking

Shout out to Lydia my therapist.

Mind's Maria, Stacy Lydia, Yeah, Maria, Maria.

Honestly, those are all really good therapist names.

Yeah, she looks like Marisa. Tell me she's really nice. I completely agree. She was like, I went into therapy to talk about like my career, some things that were going on with like my personal career life, and she was like, all you talk about is your relationship. I just want you to know we've had eight sessions. We have not discussed anything you're working on. All we discuss is your relationship. And it was that click moment where

Wow.

Well, I mean I dated this guy.

I'm being vulnerable.

Yes, I dated this.

Guy who needed therapy, and I would tell him he needed to go and he refused go. And finally it was like, well, you know, it's not my job to fix you. I'm not here to do that. I'm not getting paid to do this. And so we stopped talking and he texted me recently and was like, I just wanted to let you know that I have my fifth therapy session tomorrow and thank you for always encouraging me to go.

And it was like, it's about time.

It's such a game changer.

Fortunately you're still dead to me.

But I was gonna say, is he fine, Like he listened to you, that's really me, So Bruce, just like, wow, he listened to you, and he made he took action, actually did he did.

Something so amazing it took him two years.

Oh my god, I need doesn't Doesn't it suck though? When they become the better version of themselves after.

Oh, I don't know what that's like.

Yeah, allegedly, I mean he could still be you.

Know, I don't keep up with the Kardashians as far as my ex goes. But it's actually what to me, the harder part is watching them remain the same, or watching them just stick their heels into the ground and be that person that you were hoping the whole time they weren't. Especially when it was all coming down, it was like I just kept feeling like, hmmm, this can't be it. And when it remains that way years later, it's like you just be like whoa.

Yeah, you know, it's like I was showing Dave Vanderpump rules and it was just like something that like Arianomatic said about after all that was she was like, you know, she was answering actually a question on Watch What Happens Live, and the question was, how do you deal with the fact that this person, even though they did something terrible, was someone that you loved for like nine years, eight years, however long they were together, and the answer was, well,

Yeah, you have to take people's word for it, you have to believe them for what they say. It's having faith, it's having faith and when you're coming back from a massive trust break. It's like, when you go into these things, it's like, how do you believe somebody? How do you believe what they're telling you and what they're presenting to you is not some especially with our generation, not some manufactured sort of curated persona that they think is going to get you.

Yeah.

I think you have to go into it believing what they're saying, unless it feels like they're I don't want to date somebody and be like everything they say is false or fake, yeah or not real. You have to believe them to a point, and you have to believe also what they're doing, not just what they're saying.

Yeah, I just gonna follow your I mean, I said at the beginning of the podcast, follow your gut, and your gut always knows sure.

I've watched multiple episodes of Lonoda SVU where the girl is like, she doesn't want to hold the elevator, but she holds it, and now she did, and it's like, now, girl, you should have just leaned on that button because your gut told you to lean on that.

Go with your gut always because you could be dead, because you could culture. I found rule of culture five thousand, lean on that button because you should get dead, and I'm gonna put in parentheses elevator, elevator.

Yeah yeah.

Speaking of rule culture and things that happen on this podcast, we're now going to do I don't think so, honey. This is the one minute segment that we take to rant against something in pop culture that we absolutely m mmmmmmm don't think so, honey. I am gonna go first, because that's traditionally what happens. I'm gonna ask Dave, my sister, to time me and call out at thirty fifteen and five seconds left, Gorge, I'm ready.

Your time starts now.

I don't think so, honey. Threads okay. I understand us moving away and wanting to replace Twitter. I just feel uneasy because while it took Twitter a long time to become a healscape, it did become a healthscape. Why because you were giving people carte blanche a place to put any old opinion. Of course, we want to be able to engage you these other on social media. But suddenly there's this like prevailing thought that like Threads is like

It's not in dat.

People fucking crazy too. Why wouldn't I strive people crazy? I'm waiting to join threads because I also heard I don't think so honey, that if you join threads and then you want to delete threads, you have to delete your Instagram. I don't think, so honey, of this trap is what I did hear about that. I didn't click the article because it can't be real. I heard that if you get threads, the only way to not get threads is to delete your Instagram. That's what I heard.

Oh, I don't think, so honey.

I don't think so honey. And I just feel like, you know, my thing is like, yeah, okay, I get it, Like Twitter's done, Like it feels like it's officially kind of done, especially with the Twitter limits. Whatever the fuck is going on?

Yeah, Like I'm reading tweets.

I don't even My thing is like the move to threads so quickly, it just means it's going to become Twitter faster.

That's one hundred percent what it is. Yeah, I mean I haven't.

I literally just heard about threads three days ago, so you know, I'm not really I guess people don't.

I'm on it.

What's the vibe?

The vibe is like no one's around yet clean Twitter, like let's just do whatever. But there's bots on there already, and no one really knows how to use it. It's just the thing of every platform. It is the same, like what photos do I put here? What is my persona on this corner of the internet? And most people are just going slut with it, myself included.

Honestly, I don't care as.

Like toying around with it. I think I'm gonna I don't really use Twitter. I never really liked tweeting. It just felt like really contrived, and also I felt like I was writing jokes that I really liked, and rather than give them out into the universe, I was like, let me write these down and put them into my work instead of just blasting them out into the internet for no reason.

I use Twitter just to read what other people are saying, and like it'smportant for people, look do my likes.

I mean, I use the Lost Culturista's Twitter with bow and we kind of share it. We don't have our own personal twitters, and it's kind of just like a

I don't think so honey. Instagram Meta jail that I am currently in and I have been in for the past six months. I don't think so, honey. Instagram flagging a post that I put on my close friends that was a very vulnerable photo of my friend Corey naked in two thousand and nine, a nineteen year old, which I captioned underage twink for sale. The AI bot has now put me into a folder of sex traffickers on Meta,

You shouldn't have an Instagram jail. You should always use.

Human people to assess posts before you just group me in with a bunch of people who are stopping my content from reaching the masses. I could be bigger than Anthony by now, but instance I'm in jail. I have sucked dick to try to get out of here, only to find out that this person's sister, who works at Meta is on vacation in Turks and Kinkos with severance because she got fiens.

Yeah.

I've done a lot of things to try to get out of here, and honestly, I'm tired of asking people if they work at Meta. But please get in my DMS if you do, because I don't think so. Honey.

Instagram jail and that's one minute. So you put up a photo of Corey who was nineteen at the time, when he was just posing a little kid in this little like phase, and you labeled it underage twink.

For something my close friends, which I thought was a safe space. I thought it was a private place for me in three hundred and fifty gay men across this country to share information, and yet I have been completely banned. Can ben sent emails that I'm on my last leg, can't change my passwords, can't do I'm like, if my phone is lost, Instagram has lost me forever.

I literally you know what I'm saying. I'm very sorry that this is happening to you, but at least you know that if there are people who are trying to do crazy shit on Instagram that at least they're on it.

I mean, I guess, but like he's like.

I want to be bigger than Antony, but like.

Come on, like I have content. I want to release readers. If you work at Metta, just like, just flick the switch. I swear to God. Dave swears he'll never traffic again. I swear to God. My friend Corey is safe in Astoria. He's probably reading right now. He's totally fine. God damn it.

I'm crying. Well, okay, so Meta and Instagram please help Dave.

Yeah, like, let us out of threads and let me out of jail.

We need to see that cooking that is happening.

Yeah, there's a lot going on.

There's a lot going on that we could be having. Hey, Marie Fauston and you're ready for out of think so honey, I'm ready. This is your I don't think so, honey. Marie's time starts now.

I don't think so, honey.

Flying coach, okay, coach is a scam. Everybody should fly first class. I flew first class for the first time last week, and beach, my life has been changed.

The whole plane should.

Be first class, and first class seats should be first or class. Okay, if you have a jacket in first class, they hang it up for you. Coach, they throw it out the tiny window. They don't even wake you up when that little golf cart comes by in coach because they don't want to feed you that little bagg of chips that keeps shrinking every year. Oh I agree, there small in first class. That gave me a real fourth, a real spoon. They gave me a tablecloth to put

I am trying to live.

My best black bougie life and being in coach is just like riding a bus with an ugly child kicking the back of your seat while you're trying to watch Coco.

Okay, but one minute, I will say, ever since I have a little bit of money now and since the beginning of this podcast, I did not have any money, and I always roughed it like I broke.

It's such a fun Mat.

Broke, Matt was me, Matt Mountain, Yes broke, Matt Mountain. And now yes so now so now I have a little bit of money, and one of the things that I treat myself on is when I fly. I do fly first class and the difference is so crazy.

Astounding me sitting back and being like, well, okay, I was in the exit row on my way here, and I thought to myself, Wow, comefu, this is nice.

Meant going back to the coach after flying first class.

I flew coach to LA and I was like.

Yeah, what is I don't think so honey, going backwards. So I guess what we're saying here is if you've never flown first class and it's really not there, just stay where you are. Don't let them upgrade you because you'll it'll just be very hard.

To come out with your mind.

Well, I guess that depends on the airline.

Yeah.

Also, I have AirPod boxes and those things. I mean, like a bomb could go off and I'm listening to Kelly Clarkson.

I'm on the top of the mountain.

No bombs on my plane, no snakes on my plane, no bags.

On my listen. All I'm saying is it's like when you get that little extra check, how do you treat yourself? It's that one area of life where you're like, I'm choosing to indulge in this area. For me, that's travel.

Yeah, that that is.

I don't want a situation where I'm traveling uncomfortably. That's just for me. So I will spend more money doing that than I will on like food. I don't really buy groceries. It's just like all these other things, like but travel, I don't fuck around with travel. You also drop money on Broadway. You're keeping Broadway alive. Travel, vacation. I mean when it comes to the economy, I'm a major helper when it comes to traveling and vacation wise.

He redistributes that wealth. It goes right back into the economy.

Here take it here, call me the eras tour have it.

Mulan Rouge Broadway, Oh my god, take this Chicago again.

One of my great regrets is I haven't been able to go see Jojo and Rue Jojo and Mulan Ruge.

How dare I pick the show that you haven't?

Yes, yes, right now? Talk about another bop and a half. But apparently she's like playing Satina and killing it. You know who, just want to go see the show, Luke Marinkovich, because you know who's the male lead of the.

Show was Derek Cla Yes, yes, yes, yes, I know this, this.

Hot Broadway star who Dave and I years ago did a paintball gun bachelor party with.

We went to we played paintball for like four hours in Pennsylvania, out in the woods. It was actually really fun. In the face it was no, you didn't shoo me in the face.

You shot me in the ass, a bruised ass, and not in a good way.

I too confused his ass with his face.

No, but it was like it was like half gay men and half straight men, like all playing paintball together. But the straight men were like Broadway straights. So it's that like sort of frustrating hot straight man that's like down to hang with the gays. No, but they're not. And so this guy, I remember, Derek, We thought he was so hot. He like changed his shirt in front of us, and Dave and I were like teen girls.

Really he he wasn't. Still is one of the most beautiful men and also gorgeously tough, and he's.

So talented and right now he is starring opposite Jojo Joanna Levesque in the.

Second time after this. I would love to do you have a number?

What?

Yeah, I mean we went on a girl. I get the numbers quick.

Dave always gets numbers and he's also you connect with straight man.

I do.

I do if I can access them. It's like a big turn on for me. I'm like, I don't know, it's like this weird part of me for my past. It's like, yes, you can pass. And that's why I'm gonna go back to therapy right after this. I'm gonna call Maria.

Right after this break, We're gonna go call Maria.

This is really fun.

Girl.

I missed Bell, but I'm glad to have you.

I know. I'm thank you guys for coming. Like I said, why Are You Single? Is a hot show and it's if you can't see it tonight at the Bell House, you can see it septembermember And also now they're traveling coast to coast like it's me for Dick. Yes, and you want to do festivals show in la You guys should definitely do it in festivals And.

I want to do it in London. I feel like the girls will go crazy.

And oh for sure.

And my favorite part of it is just hearing from all of the people who are submitting themselves like if if you even if you're curious, like submit the questionnaire, let us know what date you can do it, and we would love to have you because getting to know all the single people all across the country has been really one of the most fun parts about that.

And we read all the applications and I'm telling.

You, reading them is like, wow, it's not just me, No, she's just like me.

I mean even we were looking the other day, like at a couple of the answers, like I was there, Dave was reading me a couple of them, and it was just like I had to grab my heart because I was like, oh my god, people are so genuine and sweet when they fill it out. And I just think it's a really great show. It's very positive, but also you drag each other and we know a little bit of something about that on this show. So absolutely I wanted to what did you call it? A signal boost?

I might come back to this town.

Yeah, you might come back to this town. It's pretty fun and We actually are going to end every episode the same way we do with a song, and it's going to be a reprise or something we sang earlier. When you feeling it.

Got it good, you don't like used to.

Let it burn, Let it you know it's bad for you.

He thought of it being with someone that says, you know that it's over, let it burn.

So listen if you want more of Bird, listening to Usher's confessions and d m us would let that one lyric g is none of us, the lost lyric. Okay, bye,