"Twee" (w/ Eliot Glazer & Guest Host Michelle Collins)

the host of Fresh Batch. Uh, the former judge of Coltuar, my friend, my Floridian queen, Mr is three or five doing that. That was my cell phone that went off and it was a random doctor's office. So the results are in. I guess should I have taken it? Wait? Okay, can you explain the two cell phones? As you know? Can I just tell you why I can't win in this world and why why everyone's against This isn't new

podcast I'm launching today. Um. I had a droid for a long time which became the But I mean, I always am the butt of many jokes, but this was really like the bottom of the rock bottom. But that's when Kensiela comes in and he's like, we need to talk, and everybody mad. Funny me because the green text came through when people were like what kind of animal are you? Etcetera. So I went on. I bought an iPhone because I figured on a new number because I was going overseas.

This way they have like free tea, mobiles, free service whatever. Great bought an iPhone, started giving that number out and now I used both in the iPhone. I've had a no for over two years. But the iPhone um was breaking because they're actually garbage to break after the year. It's like Inspector gadgets. So I have it still. So I have two phones and now every one's question is do you have to like, I can't just live my life for what is? What? What is? What do you

delineate each of them for? That's a great question. So my droid I still use for emails because for emails I find to be a lot better than the iPhone, and I use it for like making calls and the business e call email stuff. The iPhone I use music, Twitter, Instagram, pictures. It's like my fun text. Well, the two phones thing like you're the fucking pope or something like that. Oh my god, me and my Motorola. I'm sorry, droid Max

or whatever it is. It didn't mean to pile on with like the y why why, but I just had to. But they're old phones, Like it doesn't look I don't look fancy. It's just nothing. I got a new Loomi, that's all. You're gonna leave me for this, But the motorola. No one got a new Loumi. I'm like that. The only people I know have that are you. The Kardashians Scott three of the most well with people in the business. They can't take some amazing selfies. Okay, we have an

amazing guest. Um, he's such a wonderful human. You've seen his live show Haunting additions or if you have, you should voice truly the new Generation voice Ohan of Nebrato. Just that's so brilliant, beautiful titles and um he's written for teachers, Younger, New Girl, all your favorite shows starring just wonderful cute brunettes. Um Sutton, Hillary, Oh my god, is Hillary Clinton? Shutton Kate Friedman. Um it's her name from New Girl? Of course? How can we forget that.

It's guys. It's it's a thank you, thank you. I think you should, by the way, just point out that Matt's not having like a like a scary emergency. No, no, no, no no, I'm so sorry. Yes, um a good one. It's sort of a bullshit emergency. Um okay, we both of mrs phones are are lit up. What's going on? Are there are the results? And what did the doctor say? You don't have to share? It's a girl, did it? Oh my god? I wish that were true. That's okay? You a kid now. The past two minutes, I just

I can't get it out of my head. Do you want to be a great mom? Do you really think so? I absolutely think so. I mean she's a crazy person, but yeah, I mean she's a nut. Like arguably everyone thinks she's like the good things. I know she'll never hear this, like like on my podcast, I could never go here. It's called fresh Batch. By the way, that this listening, thanks, but I did plug it. I was looking at my phone. No, but my mom is like

she's everyone who meets her. I always joke that like they faced palm me into a ditch because you're like your mom, Like she's very funny, and she's purposefully funny, like she knows what's what comedy is, she's timing. She's very very funny unless she knows that she's on stage

and then she kind of shuts down. But she actually is like she was like psychologically traumatic growing up and like as a child, as her child, she was psychologically so people think like and when they meet her, they're like, oh my god, you're so like your mom, and I'm like great performer or like overly loving to an almost asphixiating yeah, like you can't breathe, but also truly like borderline abuse of But I'm just saying, you know, it

is what it is. But she so the helicopter thing was like the helicopter parenting was I'm assuming, very jewey jeweye, but it wasn't even that's not even the abuse was like just she was from Israel, she was in the Air Force, came from Holocaust survivors, her mother probably so there was just her her aunt, my great and committed suicide. That there's a lot of ship in my family. Are

we supposed to talk about this? I don't know what this is, but it's fine, right, People like this poor Elliott came all the way to Brooklyn and like and then she's speaking my language. Ma'am actually felt that used with mental illness in the family for generations. You have that Elliot talk about it? Are you kidding? Seriously? Talk about it? Makes me feel like I've inherited it pretty recently.

But really my sister converted. Oh does that count? I mean, but I mean it does my brother in law's side of the family and they're lovely, lovely people, but like there's there's a lot of ship going on. But I want to hear about this firsthand. Primary I want to get.

I mean, you know, it's just you just grow up with. Um. There's like mental illness on both sides, and it stems from generation to generation and you know, manifests in different ways, and um, you know, I think my mom tried to learn from my grandfather and my grandfather tried to you know, you know, as parents do, they try to change what their parents did to them and do it, you know, do it better. But my parents were amazing, the most loving. Yeah,

their parents. My sister and I are just like kind of stunned now from a macrowth perspective as to how they did it so well because they did it really well. And I'm not saying that as like I mean talking about like myself, myself or my sister. I just mean like, when you look at their approach to parenting, it didn't seem very like specific or like intri kid or or

or like intentional. It just was what it was. But now we have perspective where we're like, oh, yeah, like they were like parenting our friends and like everyone else's parents were kind of fucked and our parents, uh, you know, I'm sure they would say we were not perfect, but like, you know, I think it's that they did they did a really a really good job by just being kind

of present. You know, like there's other comedians or people just comedians but also friends who parents so well just by being around, not by trying to be precious, not by trying to like give too much or give too little, like they're you know, like Andrea Rosen and John Gimberlin. They're the most they impressed me as parents by just being themselves, and so they're just as silly with the

kids as they are as human beings. Um. But then let me ask you that because that also really depends to me if the kids naturally were born fun funky, funny kids or like monster demon because I have friends who have kids, and I'm so paranoid that any of them listening are going to figure it out, but including you know, I have nieces who are like lovely girls.

You know, they're living in a really small town. The point that I'm making is is that sometimes kids are just born bad, like they're born like fucked up or whatever else, And then I see how parents kind of respond to those kids. Sometimes the parents are also evil. This is just something from when I grew up and knowing other kids like that. But um, I don't know. I can't explain it. Like I feel like they're lucky that their kids are like funny, you know what I mean,

because not all kids are funny fun No. I think there's also an element of like being um, what's the right word. I guess, like I don't want to say, like woke is the wrong term, but like being attuned to your kids in a way that I don't know. I just keep thinking of like parents who are so fucking annoying precious and like their kids have to have the weirdest names and their kids are to have the weirdest pictures and their kids have to have the weirdest

hob you know. Like I'm reading a book called tweet. It's literally like the history of tweet culture. In the book is called like something but like this the gentle Revolution that like rock a generation. But it's like it's trace and it's not written in a positive way. It's like what is the It basically you know, talks about how everybody just wants to be not everybody, but like there's such a generation of people who want to be like and like cute and weird and precious and quirky.

And it's like it's such a real thing. It used to be like it used to kind of be uh like an outlier thing, and now it's become the thing. The author of the book talks about how like the idea is you want to not be you know, people don't want to be drowning you in their tweetness. But it's a it's a gradient. So like some people it's they're all tweet and some people, like I would I consider myself probably like twenty tweet, you know, like that's

so brave, but but I'm not sure. I don't. But purposely I'm like still like, well, you know, I want to. I'm like just like Jewish and New York enough to like not actually give in to it, you know, Like so yeah, it's so charming because it's like there's no part of you that feels and that is ever, in my opinion, needed to like check off a box of

being like cute cute. That's I've never considered myself like cute at all, because but like I like animals, right, But you're like I like goats, and I like goats before other people. I know. That's what I mean. You're self aware without being um yeah, like precious about whatever. Elliots saying I have a question so much better about myself? Do you feel like, well, this is so unfair. I was gonna ask, like with your parents, do you feel like that vicious cycle of like crazy dest function in

your family has stopped? Because but like how could the fund could? You know? Like, because I'm asking me because I'm terrified of the ways that I'm going to like lash out at the next generation. That's how I feel like. My sister is about to have a niece, and I'm like, I can't wait to be an uncle. But I'm also like, what are the ways in which I'm going to be a monster to this girl? You're not I know, but like or to my kid if I have them, you

know you're aware of this stuff. I don't think you can make big I don't sweeping shitty judgments that will have terrible lasting effects on your on your niece. Your problem is like technology now I'm about to go somewhere has changed parenting in every direction. So my brother, who again, I don't think it's gonna I wish that this is just us at a bar, like I wish he's not gonna virtually that he's not. So he no, but you know it's like family. Fine, Um, he's a lovely guy.

We love each other, God bless. But he my oldest niece who's now thirteen. But she's like six six, like she's a big girl, skinny, skinny, but like she just looks like she's eighteen already. Um wanted to join Instagram and Snapchat. And so he was saying no, no, no, of course all her friends. She's in a small town. You know, what else is there to do? There's barely a dsw there. I mean, where do you go? So they so he was coming to me being like should

she join? And I'm thinking, well, he's divorced. The mother is like do what. Mother is like live your life. She does not give a ship. So I'm just like, honestly, let her join Instagram because snapchat, to me is when girls run away with their soccer coach. It's like snapchat, you know. She said she can join Instagram and then she like immediately so she joined, and he like blamed me, which really pissed me off. Michelle said you could, and

I'm thinking I see her once a year. We barely talk um, which makes me sound bad, but it's the way it is. I don't take propeller planes, so it's like I never say I'm I won't get on a plane with the way where do they live? Where do they live like in the panandle take like a single aisle plane, Like why do you live in the pan Handle? That's a question for the ages that there literally propellants

car from Alabama. It's truly horrible. So anyways, all she all she has, and then of course she immediately follows me on Instagram and is like like all my picks and now that I'm put I'm like the least porny person. I'm in and ankle, but you'ion it's all the way like, but I just I'm like, I don't want her to see me on Instagram. That was part of the deal. You check yourself, everything comes back to me. The point

is father. Well, also the idea that like kids are just like kids are just like I don't think you. I don't think you can just hide the realities of the Instagram and Snapchat from children now like Dick Picks. I think that's like so mainstream with children, which I couldn't never even have imagined as a kid. But it's yeah, that's my question. Is that terrible? Is it not positive?

But like is it? Does it? I don't know. Is it healthy that they're like aware of this and have a language for it early on or is it really fuck? I don't know because because my fear is if I if my approaches like yeah, let them like go on Instagram and look at like be exposed to the real world. I don't want to end up with a kid who's like the girl from Big Little Eyes, who like has

impeccable music taste. No, it's like it's like a saw nos whiz that way that kid right, Like, I mean, then it's like you're setting them up for being the fucking tweet nightmare that I But don't you think how old are you? Seven? Okay, I'm so older than I'm

thirty four. And I specifically like I was saying this at my show the other night that like, I feel like I grew up with a culture of like still that like gross like really white trash um anarchist like like Foe Spencer's gifts anarchists, culture of like pro quote unquote protest music, but like the you know, with the wind knocked out of it, like kid Rock and Mamas and the Papas. No, I'm like no, I mean, you know, like trash, like trash, trash like blue light poster trash.

His kids like the even Eminem's people are like, oh Eminem, And I'm like remember when he was like I'm the fucking slim. It's like a slim shady and it's like you and it was all it was all trash. It was all meant to be like fuck you mom, fuck you Dad. I mean, I loved Eminem, So I'm not even gonna pretend I'm not gonna sit like I never

liked Eminem. I like him too, but I thought I would, but I recognized that before he was like quote unquote artistic eight mile on there he was just like you know, dick, dicky white dude. But how does that relate back to dick picks? This is what I means. What I mean is back then, like it was, it was a thing to be like a bad kid, like bad Kids was a thing like kids you know that movie. No, But see,

I don't think that's happening now. I think that because of because of tweet culture and because parents are at least I guess good parents have to have these talks with kids early on about about sex because they're getting dick picks, which is insane that I feel like that has been a real sea change where kids instead of kids now saying like I hate my parents. You know, I'm going to go into my room and listen to

music and play it loud and funk my parents. I think now it's become that generation of my parents are my best friends, you know what I mean? Like that you don't think so really, I don't. Maybe I don't know. Maybe in the liberal enclaves of New York Los Angeles, certain monster babies in Middle America, but I guarantee you that is not in America. Like, then, what are they listening to? Like? What what is there like around? Yeah? What I mean, I'm honestly like, what if rock and

roll isn't even really a thing anymore? Outside logan Paul? Like, I feel like I don't know what I'm even thinking. I'm literally just saying words. Who's that? But he's like a real piece of ship, and girls especially like love him. And he's just like he like the neighbors hate him. I mean, I right, here's the guy that everyone I'm turning to our can I say? I mean everyone hates him. Will Smith is here, folks, and I Will it's we

call him on our show. We call him hot engineer Wall because all the males we objected by all the male producers. Later, I want you to do the monologue from Six Degrees of Separation if you would really make my well later on, Will might regale us with a story.

I have a good one for us. Okay, really, we'll get wait we tell us now, it's okay, Wait, we're gonna finish the point, Michelle, Really it's mine, Will tell us, Okay, So, so as as you all now know, my name is Will Smith, and something very strange happened to me recently. Where the famous Will Smith who is making a new movie for Netflix called Bright. Yeah, so he gets on it's a buddy cop film where his cop, his buddy

is a fairy. He's an orc. Yeah, it's it's kind of like Bad Boys meets like Dungeons of Dragons, Races or something. It's a Netflix movie Dark. They spent million dollars in this movie. It wasn't millions, so it wasn't exactly dark. It was a well all right, how were we not getting this Netflix every day? Well, there's more money where that came from. Yeah, so this ship gets really weird. Uh. So he gets on the social media's

and says, well Smith, Will Smith, the famous one. He gets on the social media's and says, hey, guys, I'm doing this new movie for Netflix and they want me to do all this promotional material and it's too much stuff and I can't handle it all. So I need everyone whose name is Will Smith to get in touch with us below. And I'm like, it's on because my entire life, literally my entire life, has been a series of bad Will Smith jokes. So I email them or I get in touch on Twitter and they asked me

to send them an email. Netflix does, so I email them. We go back and forth a couple of times, and they say, hey, send us a short video with some fun facts about yourself. So I do, and I challenged the famous Will Smith to a duel in the video, because you know this, all these bad jokes have to defend my honor. There could be only one. You would I mean, I don't know if I would actually kill him. You know, he might like to do the honorable gentleman

thing and shoot into the air or whatever. Anyway, can I just interrupt by saying, you really are going somewhere with us, and I'm respecting this is a good story. I mean that the thing that ever happened to me. I've never met you, and it's not what I was expecting. I'm just always speaks with intention. I'm like like us. I'm like us. Everywhere the marble carved statue is a somewhere. Yes, Okay.

They get back to me after I send the video and they say, hey, we really like that and we want to talk to you more about it, but you need to sign this release form. So I signed the release mistake, It wasn't really because they invited me to the premiere of Brighton l A. And they flew me out and put me up for the premiere. They said, you're going to be walking down the red carpet with

many other will Smith's, the famous Will Smith. This turned out to be like thirty to fifty will Smith's plus the famous one, all of us staying in the same hotel and all of us going to the same event, and it was totally bizarre. That's this was like a few days ago. Yeah, this is the hot breaking press story. My picture was on Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah, it was pretty weird. When did you meet Well, I did. I got to shake his hand, but there were so many of us.

He talked to him and then he ran off. And then they put all the will Smiths in a separate theater for the premier, Yes they did. They put us in a separate theater and the after party, which is funny because they had at first like shoehorned us into the v I P after party area when we were getting ready to like go out and you know, meet famous Will Smith on the on the red carpet and they shepherded us into the v I P Red carpet area or red v I P Party area, and afterwards

the after party. We didn't even go to that one. They had a separate one for all of the will Smiths and guests, which to me was infuriating because you know, I am an audio engineer and I wanted to talk to people from Netflix about all their original content audio for post, all this kind of stuff. You know, they did not run criminal background checks. They couldn't risk it there that was too expensive. Like where would you yourself?

And the attractiveness of the will Smith's invited, like that depends in my self worth on any given you are Wills very attractive? Well that's why I'm asking you can rank me in relationship And I don't know what the look like? Can you bring Can you pull up a

picture of canture? I actually I am so curious. I met Will Smith once many many moons ago, my very first job out of UM only got two years ago my college many um Wait here they are, there's too many, like a disgusting frat liked they told us cocktail attire, so everyone wore some Tai suits. I have to tell you something of these ones are true monsters. I don't see where are you here? I'm on the right side, not looking at the camera. Is you look very handsome?

Rock and roll? Honestly, I'm like, I'm not hitting on you. Top three hottest picture, I really mean not. But well, I feel like it was all such a transparent marketing plus moment thing, but also like so massurbratory. A Why this movie? Why did Will Smith choose this movie to do this? I don't know. I mean he must have, this must have been on his mind for a long time. I mean, how many of us? Can there be? Thousands? Right? I'm going to change my name to Jada Pinkett Smith

for when she does it. Funny you mentioned there was another Will Smith from New York who is the He was the manager for the Yankees Little or the Yankees minor League team, who had a wife named Jada. That is yeah. They were like total like New Jersey, New York. What's what is the deal with those two Will and Jada? Yeah? Out so I heard they escaped sideentology by the way, but you go, all right, okay, if anyone really does I guess, yeah, Well, I mean we'll get to their

dealing minute. Basically I was working to Sci Fi channel, panting for people to be impressed. My first job out of college. Also first job I ever got fired from about two months later, but my last for doing nothing, like literally but also like I didn't do anything wrong, but I also didn't do anything because no one taught

me what to do. And then I was literally William Shatner would call and I would be like, I don't know how to help you at all, so sorry, and they were like, you need to get But anyways, I did get a free trip to l A out of it, and we were staying at the Ritz Carlton in Pasadenia which now is the Langham, and there was I think Sugar Ray was getting married like the weekend it was for the t C A whatever it is, and and so he was the best man and he was in a was the best men, yes after all the oh

Sugar McGrath, right, but Mark McGrath. I so I was like, I'm really laughing, yeah, Sugar Ray. And there were no condoms and everybody was like, you know. So he was walking up sets now with all these girls that I worked with, and he was so gorgeous. I have to say. I mean, he's gorgeous, like he's tall, and he's well and and he went so charming, he went good morning, good morning to all of us, and literally we stood there. Not one of us said a word. We didn't say anything.

I've never had that happen, and he kept walking and then we fully it was like in love. Actually when Laura Lenny makes that with a model. We were like stopping their feet. And then I called my mom right later and I was like, mommymel Smith and like we didn't say it, and you know, I was like, my god, it was so great. And then we didn't say anything because we were so terrified. And she went, so he ships like you like you, so she can't impress her please,

And that's but that's that Floridian mom. Can I say Jewish Israeli Mom? No, it's great. Got back to Elliott singing boy when I wanted everything I have to know. I mean, I think Jada really does strike me as having a very but I say, she's a mask, mask for a mask. Have you seen her? Have you seen her? Hunge band? Are you getting what's it called? I don't even know the name. Alana's my sister loves it um um. They were on jay Leno or something. I want to

show me the video. It is called like passing. Are we talking passing judgment on this family? And by the way, I'm gonna say something's hardcore band. Yes. I saw them at oz Fest in like two what are they called? What are they called? I saw them and I didn't know who they were. I was just like, a little white is white. She went to oz Fest. She was it was literally band. At the video of her on jay Leno, it's not it's one of the funny things that you're looking at the name. Yeah, I'm looking it's

like passing strange or something, or like it's a crazy name. Okay, so what are we what are we trying to get at right now? Is that maybe she's queer Wicked Wisdom? Yea. I saw them at oz FESTO five when I was in high school. I just like I was there and they were playing it like noon or something in the second stage, Like this is kind of cool, Wicked Wisdom and she really I have to say this, Say what you will about Jada two things. She kills him in

Wicked Wisdom. I mean, she gives it. I will do you think you know Jada Pinketts, you don't know her. The real Jada Pinkett is the lead singer of Wicked Wisdom. Okay, yes, that is actually yes, that's all. I think We've stumbled on a rule and that's the rule number twenty four culture, which is the real Jada Pinkett Smith is the lead singer of Wisdom. Let's say it together. The real Jada Pinkett Smith is the lead singer of Wisdom. That's actual.

There's like Jada Pinkett Smith from like a different world, Jada Pinkett Smith from um set it off Queen Lativa and I'm hilarious was there? I think there was a reference to set it off in Girls Trip Latifa is the Danish is that they were hoggling to the front of her head. Wait, what was this that movie? Queen Latifa's ward drove in hair and Girl's Trip is something that they were like, I need to dissect. They were kinnetic sculptures. They were like, what is going on? It was,

but never reference. She was in full a modcloth boogie woogie bogle boyd cloth like nifties. I was like, what the fun and Queen Latifa like God bless by the way gorgeous. Yes, well, I will see this that. I'm a very tall girl. I'm six ft one and every time I see people who are like who I think are my size and then I mean him in person and they're like half my size. Has happened twice. Chloe Kardashian and Queen Latifah both much shorter than you think

they are. Okay, but Queen Latia, but she's a curvy gal. They do her no favor. They're pleading in the front with the skirts, constant khakis, and then they're putting these fucking danishes And I'm like, how can I take this movie seriously when she looks like that? Yes, I have to agree with you. I think the movie is I think Tiffany had a sort of lives in a world outside the movie. She's sort of really I think she's

so she was the star. I feel like, so captivatingly funny, and can I tell you the movie is, well, it's not okay. I mean it's fun, but I mean it's not a you know, like if there's a lot of like goofy music in it that bumped me. You know that those like goofy music sequences where I'm like, the airport scenes were shot at a Marriott, like and really the exterior shot of Jada's were like blurry stock pots

and I was like, you guys waiting. I love this movie and I'm happy to support this, but also like, let's let's get it together. It looked a lot of it looked very cheap, and I was surprised because you know, I mean, just it was. It was a really fun movie,

but it was like that looks so faint. And I've been saying this since the summer and it's literally not just because you're here, and if now we're here, he could vouch for this, I was saying all summer, And since I watched I was like, god, rough Night is like not to like draw comparisons, but like rough Night is like, to me, like a perfect film because I saw it and I was like, this is so this is exactly my sense of humor and like good on a movie for like getting that and like capturing that.

But then I saw Girls Trip and I was like, and people started like shooting on Roughneck during the reviews and I was like, wait, this isn't I know? It was like the four year old version wedding crash thing where they came out almost at the same time, and they were similar because they had either all guys or all women, and the comparisons were drawn. Even then, they're completely separate movies made in separate university. I went with Steven who you know, you guys speak CrossFit friends. Really

made me happy. That made me feel good when you guys were like, I think we both ross. Yes, we need to get shoulder surgery. I've never worked out, so sorry, keep going. We went through a whole like family circus dashes through the city to get tickets to Girls Trip. Because first we went to the Street Theater, which truly is now just turned into a bed bug holding your projector it's not even we left, you know. We we threw a fitter Matt and I saw Girls Trip up.

Oh my god. First of all, to get to the theater, it's it's like l O L like Aska Wise, it's on top of the mountain like s Later, I mean, it's a nightmare. So then we went to We went to Chelsea because I was like, oh, it's been much funny and it's like, you know, I love a gay audience. And then it was like half empty, and but I will say that the best left. I'm not going to

comment on how much I laughed. I will say this, I saw Tiffany Howes to stand up years ago to this day one of the funniest live things in my life, really, I've ever seen she lay up the fucking room like in a way, like in a way that only maybe Chris Rock I've seen do like where it's like the whole place she is and her stories on any talk

show I could listen to for hours an hour. That being said, the funniest part of Fucking Girl's Trip is and the part Steven and I were like watching, like all right, and then there was a part of the end when Regina Hall is on stage like giving her speech to the podium and they all run in and the camera cuts. It's Queen full Almond croissant Um, who was a Tiffany and Jada, and I actually thought Jada

was good because she was very natural. The other two are like dry as a bone, including Queen oh my god, and Jada is sweaty as those literally someone down in a fucking ballpool. She is. But it's not it's not a joke. It's not meant to be funny, right, And they mentioned it on the way over, like like they on that when they're like trying to get there today and they're stuck in the cab some there's something I remember them talking to something about sweating, But like, then,

why is it just Jada? Every time when you watch the movie, if you're listening, every time they cut to Jada, we literally were screaming. I thought Regina Hall was very she was great, and that will maintain that Regina Hall deserves to be as big as Sandra Bull, and she should. Everything's I like her a lot, and she's sort of gotten the shaft, She's gotten the star. Regina King also one of the one of the funniest of all time. But I also love dramatic I mean, so good stuff.

Here's the the cast, and Girl's Trip is like a plus. Can I make a please? I think is going to agree with me on this. I'm I think Queen Latifa is overrated. Here we go, here we go, everything in my neck and my blower you've got and went home.

Let's support that. I love that she's sort of um transcended where you know, what's what she was you know already sort of like a groundbreaking hip hop, you know, a rapper truly, and like I, nobody knows or cares about this movie, but I love the movie Living out Loud from that was like her first acting job where she plays like a gay jazz singer and she's charming in it. But subsequently a lot of times I'm like, she's not. There's not she's not. There's not much happening.

And I thought she was. I thought she was funny in Girls Trip, but I find I feel this is just my opinion, but I feel like she's very guarded and for someone who's so successful as an actress, I never really I feel like being Queen Latifa. She I agree. I don't think she is a great actress. I think

that she's stiff. I guess that's what I mean. I will say, however, that just this weekend, I did a head to cleaning in my apartment, and while doing that, I watched I'm telling you now because I always watched musicals, so what was on Netflix? I paid for Dream Girls, and then I watched Chicago's streaming and she's very good in Chicago, and I was saying, she actually made me laughing Girls Trip, Um she did. I mean, and I was.

I'm saying I'm surprised that she made me laugh. Her story was just I'm poor, was like, I'm a writer and then she's like working a gawker in that boogie wi. I literally was like makes no, I don't know. It was like media take out or something. We should write a movie. Listen are we recording? Turning up? Stop recording? We should write Listen, it's about us. Let me finish. It's called like who are they? Yeah? I like her, but I'm also like, I guess here's what I'm saying.

She slept. She was, She's like been sleepwright. That's what I mean. And that's exactly what I mean. There a fire within a talk show kind of baffled me because I don't know, but she didn't. She have two talk shows she was. Can I tell you I went to a taping of her talk show. This is really funny. When I was, I believe, in college or right after. I went to a taping of the queenly Teva Show

because we got every tickets. Yeah, down in Chelsea where Earndy is now, and we were so late and we had to write in the elevator with her dad rest in her poor father, Mr Owens, and he was so nice. He introduced himself to us. It was me and like four white people, and the second we got there, they literally fell to their knees in happiness, like with arms outstretched like thank you. And then they spread us around

this mostly ethnic audience. And then afterwards they pulled us aside to be like, please come back, bring your friends, because we were the only white people there. I mean, I will say something reversed to scrims but opposite. We were treated like kings and queen's But to talk shows.

She's a second one like that late but pretends that someone who never who has not publicly come out, especially in the like in the land of like Ellen, right, it's like bizarre, Why put yourself on display like day after That's exactly because you know why people she's like a personality but America, right, So yeah, she's going to have a talk show. She's like trying to be a mogul. That's what people think, don't you get it? Think about who has talk shows? Right? Steve Harvey, Yeah, ste you

think you know Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey's probably I love Steve Harvey. He would hate me. You think he'd like me, would love me. Actually, let me leave that in he would love me. I feel like he's so secretly homophobia. Absolutely, he's not a good person, like I. I think he's funny, but I think it's funny. I also think that it's like an act to the nth degree, like him liking kids and ship It's like, come on, but it's so good though, Like I think he's hilarious. Don't you think

that he hates Asian people? Though he truly hates, But don't you think it's like unlikes Harvey, who couldn't even if you wouldn't find even if you wouldn't describe him as accessible, he's still like bombastic and his personality is loud. I'm like, who who are you? But she was like a cover. I mean, this fucking girl has She's famous, Like that's it. She's just transcended from being just a rapper and she became a mogul. I mean, do you find her charming personally? I did not think she was

a good talk to host. I mean she I never watched it except for literally the one and I agree, and I say, stiff, I'm like, so what is is America? Is? There like white guilt regarding her or because she was written. Excuse me, so many people get talk shows who have no business. I mean so many. Well I was on it, Oh what was it? A good experience? UM? I was on with Stasis. She's really nice, actually, um Bethany. I will say this about Bethany. I like her on Housewives.

Really she looks, first of all, fantastic. I mean you see these days on Sharks Tank. I'm like, whatever they did, whatever mallets they took, they should bronze them. And I need to know who did it because I wanted her to tell Bronzealots well. Working on after the UM it was fine, but there's really here's a great example of someone who listen. I'm in no place professionally to put anyone down, let's put it that way. But I will

say this, I really like Bethany. I think she's great, but like she to me is someone who has her whole personality is that she's closed off. That is like she's in New York, closed off woman. And I've met her a million times. She's fine. I'm no beef with Bethany. I stay that way forever. But she's not like a warm person. It's not how she's And I actually don't think the warm people I'm speaking of myself can be successful.

It can be that bloodthirsty when it comes to success and money and stuff like that, because it's like you have to be fucking people to make it that far for someone like that, like like you're not gonna she's not. She's not the gregarious talk show but like Anderson Cooper is another example is someone who I love, great newscaster, has a great thing going with Anti Cohen, but like it's not a warm person, like he's good at he doesn't need to talk to It's not accessible in that way.

You rich, you're a child of socialites, no one. I don't think anybody wants to spend an afternoon with you. None of those were let's put it this way, like none of them lasted, because I think that the truth is there's no warmth anymore, including even I hate to say I think with Ellen to like I think Ellen is like programmed now, I mean a brilliant woman, inspirational, I mean truly like, uh, you know, what do you?

How would you even describe her? Fond? But I mean I never watched the show, to be fair, but when I catch parts of it, it just seems like, well, I'm like, you know, who has no business hosting a talk show but yet still does? And I guess you could consider her to be warm? Is Rachel Ray? Like?

Why is she still? Mean? She has an empire but like ten minute meal and she loves dogs and he never wanted to watch I've never wanted to watch that show in a even a campy way, not because I dislike her, but because I just I have no connection or interest in her brand. And I'm like, so I feel I mean, and this isn't a real question. Are people watching her like microwave stuff? They're watching her? Is

she cooking? Or like, just like I'm making stuff in toast, She's pushing chicken cutlets on a fucking frying pan around and people applaud, people applaud. Here's another question. Does anybody, truly does anybody ever watch morning television and go, I'm going to cook that I'm gonna put down, I'm gonna take down that recipe. They do you think? People? Do? I think? Can I be honest? I have friends who all, including my parents or my mom, they use Rachel Ray's recipe.

They goneline find of she apparently has good fast recipes like that. But what I was gonna say, and I speak from experience in a way, is that I think we're assuming that this business is like where warm true talent really goes far, and it's like the truth is with things like talk shows. I mean, it's it's a business, show business, and so the talk shows crazy, Yeah, they don't give a fuck. It's all politics, it's all this, it's all that. So whatever. I'm like, I'm so bitter

now in you go. I feel like that's where you just belong. That's nice of you to say take this in the best way possible. Would you do you would do it again? That's all I want to do. Everybody in a comedy, the main consensus is that where's Michelle's talk show? It's a very nice day. It's true. I mean rule number seventy of culture. Where's Michelle's talk show? Michelle say it with me? Where Michell's talk show? Can

I bring up the View? Yeah? When so I started watching the View again when Michelle was on, because my god, this is so exciting. Meant the world to me. By the way, Like when you were tweeting me, I was like, because Elena and I used to work together back Technically, I'm going to say I hired you and I really brought you. I was like, you're the number one, it was my same job, and that it was like such a stupid job at best Togever, that wasn't on the

air anymore. D nothing watched in high school me too, I mean a day. Um, but I started watching it when Michelle was on, and Michelle was hilarious on but and correct me if I'm wrong, But I couldn't believe that like the audience, like wouldn't forget about the audiencedn't they didn't pick up your jokes and you weren't And it wasn't like you weren't doing like super absurdest weird references.

It was like you being funny and like I think you know, I don't want to speak for you, but it felt like you were trying to really like be in the vibe and like even talk politics and stuff. But my feeling is, um, while you were on the View, and also since since you've not been on the View, that is the I watch it because it's the It is such a weird show because I look at it as a show where they're like trying to fit in the rubric of morning TV, which is a very specific

and weird animal. And with Whoopy at the helm and like Joy and like Joy, who's like a sort of firecracker, like liberal Italian from like from Brooklyn, and Whoopee who can't read the teleprompter, it's a mess. And I'm like,

what what is going on? Because they're trying to do this like morning talk show thing or you know, fit into the morning vibe, and like Whoopy literally seems to not be able to read the teleprompter and gets angry at the producers when they tell her to wrap, which makes it all is it's a it's a bizarre show. I will just pay you back by saying that I love so much and she's literally the best person I've

ever met. No, I have to always say that because you know, and I'll say I won't bring up anyone else, but I will say that I met her because she did a little thing on Broad City. She was literally

the kindest, sweetest soul. Which is why you can tell that, like on that show, when somebody, usually like an actor or celebrity, is speaking to her and speaking speaking so highly of her, she smiles in a way that's like, Okay, that's the real woman, and she's such a kind souls one job, which is why I'm like, what it's that's the that's the sort of them is the right word. I don't not gonna say it's listen, you know you don't.

I feel like I never read about it anymore, which is a blessing for me because this way, it's like I like, you know exactly, it's fine. I mean whatever, God bless a highlight of my career certainly. Um that being said, I know that, you know, there's a lot of stuff. What I always say about that job was like the second the cameras were on, it was like the fucking best job. Like I was like, I'm so lucky. I love it. And I actually felt like the audience for the most part was on my side, Like I

actually didn't feel like they came especially well. I will say this, like there are a ton of gay guys to watch the vehic. It is insane, and I don't believe my opinion that the producers. No, I don't think that gay men are like in the U Nielsen ratings or things, so they're sort of not really catered to on that show. Uh that beings That makes sense, right, Like so they're they're aiming for like the moms and whatever else, which of course makes sense. Um, but yeah,

it's like it's a mess. I mean so not always. I was going to say the reason that it's so that that's the reason that I find it. I watch it sort of like an art project, because what you're saying is they're trying to reach you know, moms and moms in Middle America. However, the show is anchored by two centric New York comedian performance artists. Joy is like a you know, is like hilarious but like you know, her own thing, and then you know, and then so to try to it's like trying to like a square

into a circle. I mean, why I can't, um comment on the chefs of course that put the recipe together and that and that's why I watched it like an art project. I guess. It feels like they're trying to do a morning talk show with very almost eccentric New York personalities, well really only two, and then they have

they came mixing the other. I mean when I was brought on, it was basically they were trying to by the way this show was about Elliott I came to technically, and I feel like, but honestly, I know that's why I love Elliott. I love it brings it up secularly. I'm like I couldn't write, um no, I mean imagine that. Like I get hired and they were like, we're going

to make it. Because the producers who hired me, we're like, we're going to make it this pop culture, like we wanted to be more pop culture, which, by the way, of course, with everything going on politically, it would have to be political on no matter what, because politics and pop culture are one in the same at the moment, so it's like converged. But they were like, yeah, we don't like a funny pop culture and I was like right, So they hired me and ravens Now. Raven and I

were like tight from the beginning. She seems amazing areas I mean truly very funny and kind and great. And then that producer got fired and it was like almost before my first day, it was like already like I was scrapped, scrapping, like fighting to stay you know. Um, and of course we know how that ended there during the Trump Oh yeah, throughout the whole election. So and then they brought Joy back, and like, you know, the thing was always like she's very funny. She she comes

in with like premeditated lots like ready to go. She's quick on her feet, but like she's very broad, you know. And I then had to kind of slip my stuff and through the mail slot not to compete with her, but also to get my point across. So that was like you were fortunate in that corner. There was like a survival instinct to like, okay, well let me just like just let this fly under the ring. I did. I did my thing too. I mean I didn't obviously. I was there to be myself. That's what I tried

to do, you know what I mean. So you know I did as much as I could, and I knew that I had a feeling that the right was on the wall literally from day one. So I after the producer laugh, I just had a vibe, well that's that show. I when I had to like write my goodbye message, I called myself a one season or because that was what it is like. You go for one season. It's like you know, junior college, and then very bizarre, it's

a very bizarre it's a bizarre show. And even like, like I have no interest in the talk and I think that it's for a specific reason. It's because that show is like it's smooth. It's like a smooth and like a well oiled machine, and it's I'm like, it's it's it's boring to me because the view is is

just it's weird. It's a weird hour of television. I will say, like, look, I I think that it's funny because like it was just the craziest obviously craziest thing, and it led to so many other things, still leading to other things, And for me, I called a talk show boot camp because it was like for someone who really has always wanted to be a talk show host, you know which it sounds so dorky, but it's really been like childhood dream comedy talk show never snl People

like why don't you try for smell? Like that wasn't my childhoo dream? Like why would I go for that? Um? But that being said, like you couldn't pick a better show to like sharpen the Knives on than The View? How early to get there every day? Not that bad?

Like seven it wasn't too bad? No, not that bad, and then you know the whole they would like dip me in paint and like pushing me out, put me in like a terrible I used to call the Caitlin Genner dress because I was like, oh my god, let's not even get into the wardrobe there, because I was a whole other thing. Wait, this is like I can't write a book anymore, do you like like Megan McCain never met her. I don't watch the show now. I can't because it's like too close and listen if you

don't think. Of course, they want people to leave better. They do everything within their power to push people out. Feeling like I'm not the only person. I've done that too. I did not go to Variety and give an interview because I was raised in a home and I was raised as a lady, so I didn't want to go spilling secrets right after because I was grateful for the opportunity.

But that being said, like they really want you to leave, and just like block everyone's numbers crazy and not the people on camera I'm talking about, by the way, like no one who behind the scenes people they don't give a funk. They're like, goodbye, pack it up. I remember there was like a vanity fair that crazy and it was like they just they just I mean they painted

the picture of like Rosie and Whoopie. I'm also friends with Susie Esman, who's like friends Joy, So I also have another hilarious Susie is a living She's a deity. She's the funny what does she say? What's me? Everything? Obviously well I can't talk, but she is the greatest Susie. She's the greatest. We had a show together joint Susie

right on. But the funniest thing is because she plays my mom on Broad City and um, she you know, she's playing pretty tough, you know, doing the sort of Susie thing she's so she's one of the funniest of all time, all time. Um, but it's just a funny little thing about Susie is that as soon as she started playing my mom on show, my mom in real life said I was like Mom, I swear, I was like, Mom, do you like Susie's impression of you? And my mom said,

she's not playing me. She never stops talking. That just sounds like Sue she never I'm like, he's Joy on Broad City? Are you kidding? Why don't you do in a minute too, you kid? I mean she would be by the way I'm like putting words in her mouth, I assume, I imagine. I mean, it's like the most beloved show. Um. Susie was in an episode of SVU

that I saw. She was amazing. She was. You know, what's great about Susie is that she plays these like ball busting Jewish women and in real life, yes, she's very bold and very of course outspoken, but she's really sweet and really really really thoughtful, and so it's just so funny to watch her on like Curb where she's just she's just ruthless, ruthless. What do you think of this last season? A Curb? So weirded out by it? Now that I you know, I love Larry Love like thin.

He's attracted Madam through Rosie Perez got last not to name drop my xput Coast's gotta give Rosie shout out. She was the best um. And he shined a light from within because he eats very healthily. He looked truly like a little glow army, so shy like not shiny like lip so nice soft skin. I was like, what is his daughter is also really pretty and also really funny on Instagram. She's dating um Pete Davidson. Really I

like that, but he does want to turn on. He doesn't come off to me that way that I mean, I don't like you lived in l A sort of on and off and like to me. That was the first shore I was like, oh, this is not like like l A. It was the first time that l A appealed to me. But also it's because yeah, he's living like a Westwood you know west would like Spanish colonial mansion and like a retiree. Like he's always at lunch like he exactly. And that was that on the show. Yeah,

there's a whole episode about it. It is Hello, it's a Palestinian chicken episode. Yes, but that's literally supposed to be Zancing. Yes. Oh I didn't know that Zink that place you know where I used to go row Rose Chicken because I've never been to Zanks. Best food is though, wait we should be isn't coming to l A carousel? Kevin had to burn every mother the Armenian restaurant Carousel in Los Angeles to one in Glendale, and then of course where they all it's where all your ubers were born.

They're all made there, all the cameras and creus. But then there's one on Hollywood Boulevard, uh In like Thai town literally called Carousel Chicken just Carousel. They have a labna there. I will tell you one funny story. I was living with an actress when I first moved to l A. And I went and I brought Carousel a whole trades worth and I for the week because I love to eat Will Smith and I took it home and I like put in the fridge and I came

the next day the whole thing was gone. She came downst she was like norbidding down the stub because like there was like no food in the house and she's like, you can't bring that food in? Like I ate all of it. And it was like, girl roll, I've got an eating DP but like n l A at all, never would, but I love it. And this is my favorite quotabell. This is I would. This is our friend Jamie Salka says everyone loves l A. And then I said, well what about people who hate it? And he said

they just don't know that they love it. Ye, that's a mistake. Why when I moved there, everyone said to me, give it to me years. Then they said four in tanks four years. I'm like, what is this? Like, how long? We're five years? And then I moved back to do the view, but also gave that you love New York, right, I mean love I love l A and and I

might be the outlier, but I just love it. And maybe it's because I'm from New York that I just got to find an alternative where where like people weren't, where your blood isn't boiling all the time by default, was like really cathartic to see. But that's funny because I have that's my constant blood. Ten is that a full cauldron? And then when I bring that energy to l A, people are really nice in l A. Will say nobody hanks their horns. It makes me fucking crazy.

I'm like, I honk a hone. I hanker horn too, But because people let you into their I'm from Long Island, where people literally speed up so you can't I mean seriously, they speed up so you can't get off of your exit, which is like where else in this it's just it's insane. So in l A that you you feel like you've been tempered into like, yeah, I mean I'm not a dummy, Like I love going to sound baths, but like I never feel like I'm like on a journey or right whatever.

I just I just don't what do you mean clean sound baths? Have you done them? No? I'm dying. Do you want to go with me when I come? I know? Will you go with me to this? I have never been? Okay, tell them the greatest. So sound bath is a thing where you are with a group of people. It's very hailbop. It sounds like prehilbop whatever your nikes out you were talking about. Okay, okay, So um, it's a it's a thing a group. It's like a yoga class almost. But you go in and you lay down and you like

bundle up. A lot of the women usually bundle up. I don't. I don't need to bundle up the buntle up. I'm sorry. I think that's why I'm like when I'm like, why are you like putting yourself under like doubting yourself in blankets? But whatever? Is it cold in there? No? But it's usually women who are like I'm freezing. You're in a room, all right, and everybody lays down and

you just you you chill out. And usually most sound baths are one person leading a bath with them like Tibetan bowls and gone and chimes, and it sounds so silly in theory, but but it's truly the most relaxing nap you could imagine, or the most it's just meditative. And of course they're like, you might feel like you're on a journey. You might see things and start and you're like, maybe some people do. I, of course don't. I just find it a relaxing nap. Can we go

to the Integraton? Oh? I would love to? Wait? Can we make it? Can I propose it today? Sure? I'll drive. I'd love to let book an now Cabazon and intrat Oh, yes, I'd love to. Alana and I did the Integratron and christ it was, um, it was amazing. I mean, you know, the Integratron is this weird thing in the desert. It's a weird like dome hut that they say Aliens built that sounds like some Steve Bannon ship. It's nuts, but it's a it's a very it's very pro life. It's

a perfect dome in the middle of Joshua Tree. So the acoustics are such that you're sitting in a room where if you're it doesn't matter where you're sitting, it sounds like the person across the way is in your ear because the acoustics are so strange. And so that Fernando and I did that together and he was weird out, but we were like, but it was it was fun. It was a you know, it's a fun weird sound bath. That was my intro. But I've done a bunch. I

love most of them. There is one place where I went that is so beautiful and it was the worst sound bath you could possibly imagine. The woman who ran it was um sort of this uh like kind of like a big like a big kind of like middle aged, like she was like a pull no punches kind of ladies cuen. However, I don't feel like where the thing is that. I'm like, there's the personality comb Sorry, oh no, but this like usually sound baths are like led by

somebody like chill, maybe a little out there whatever. This lady made me laugh because she was she was kind of a monster and like she started the sound bath speaking as though she were on a like like a hard scrabble nurse like giving you like the rundown on

some type of medication. But she was like, all right, so your chakra is gonna be aligned in the She was like talking like, you know, matter of fact, a matter of fact about like solstice and chakras and sound waves and energy, and I was it was hilarious because she was like it was like watching like Cameron Mannheim, you know, talking really like I'm like feeming uh huh oh yeah, no, tell Us might find I'm right here.

It was just and then but the reason that I didn't like her in particular is because the sound bath. You know, she took so long, like building the whole thing up. Then finally when the sound bath started, it was nice. But then at a certain point, by the end of the sound bath, you know, like it's been five minutes, and then I look up and I swear to you her she was wearing like like all black tights,

and I like woke. I like opened my eyes, and her literal like butt hole was like so close to my face because she was bending down and putting putting a chime on everybody's chest going around. First of all, I was like, your butt hole is literally or something no, but I could like see it because it was like but also I'm like, what's happening? And she was putting chimes on every and I was like, wait, there's like

there's like fifty people in here. You're gonna go around and literally place a chime on everybody's chest, Like you know. I wanted to wrap this up at at a certain point and this was just like, lady, come on, but there is one woman and that's the one I would like to take us to. This one woman who is

like a beautiful, like like ethereal looking woman. She's she plays a guitar and has a beautiful voice and sang that Mini Ripertons song loving my Rudolph's Mother's mother but saying that and then lead you into the sound and it was the most just chill out experience. That's the

sound bath we should wear. It's actually in covert say no more to the best buy off the four of five and then always the one that I did that I hated was in a beautiful place and I was I noticed that um Rachel Hunter, the supermodel, and she was my first like childhood crushed like super I was just like, she's good taste because shesh to die for her. I mean, she was, and it was it was just a weird moment because like I was genuinely like into

her as a kid. Obviously I'm I'm gay, but I was just like, she's fucking she's like, you can't even believe she looks this. She's so hot, it's insane. I was like, she left early. She had to have left early. Think about Um, I saw Roster it once walking with his new wife. And why my my family loves rod is because um, he's like five six and every wife is six six like this, and we're a tall family, every mom, my mom, my dad is short. My mom

is tall, and my brother is tall. My dad is like the sam Wise, I know, it's okay, he's like five eight, and then all yeah he's the angie and then I'm who am i I'm sorry on and then my living along tree Beard. So what was they saying? Oh, but yeah, every wife is huge, and so we love little guys who marry like big giant women love they're fucking dynamics. But you know, someone brought up, um that we're okay as a society to like remark on people's height.

Either way, like pointing out how people tall are tall or short. I don't think that's true. It's fair gay who said that. It's just a friend of mine who's short, and she's like people always sure. Woman can't say shit about that. I'm sorry, Like, how do you feel about it? I mean, no, are you and know when people point out how tall you are? They it's so like just so it's what. It's what when people are like my least favorite thing, do you see the smoke coming out

of me? I've actually so much to say that I've gone full of the motherboard. It's like West World. I like me the fucking iPad to come here and like programming right now. Um. My least favorite is when men think they're flirting with me by telling me that I'm taller than I say i am where they go have taller you, and I'll go, I'm six one because I am uh, and they'll go, no, you're not, You're like

six three. But they're they're like nagging me. I was gonna say, it's a weird night, and I'm just like, oh, you're right. It just makes me want to fucking knock them out. I'm just like, yeah, I know, you're right, you know my hype better than me. Thank you for even asking. So isn't it rude for some any I mean, this is maybe just me, But isn't it like it need to to like comment on somebody's appearance to that that's what, that's what, that's what we're saying. It's like,

it's not fair game to me. I would never say that you're so tall, you're so short, Like when when like girls stayed in like, oh my god, you're so lucky. I wish I was tall. It's like, oh, sorry, why do you say? And they do mostly mean it in like like a nice way, and then men who are insecure will say things. You know, then I feel like it's coming from a place of like, I don't know. It can be shitty sometimes. I mean it's annoying. I

can't wear heels. If I wear heels and I get on a subway car with teenagers, we're gonna have some problems. Like it's happened. It has happened where I'm like, I'm gonna get into a fight on the train tonight. And it's that um because it listen, if I put a little like a block, he'll on you know, I'm like Kevin Durant, like I can't. I'm not like a normal woman.

And then what's funny. Sometimes I'll see really tall women, like women taller than me, and I'm so not used to seeing women that tall that I'm like, what a freak And then me like what a horrible feeling? But also it is who I am, And you know, we're just knocked four glasses over. I'm in the great place. We're beautiful and it's fine. You know. My favorite I love the comedian Judy Gold. She did my It was great.

She's so funny because she plays that she we did a musical bit where she played the clarinet, and watching her sort of like hunch over to it was like the funniest thing I've just watching sort of hunch over to play the clarinet was like the greatest story of my life. When I used to play violin as a child, I used to joke, it's a cello like a high jo would never laughing the comedy after that, So what else?

She so much elso someone else in your show and my dad we did a we did a tribute to my grandma who passed right a couple of years A couple of years ago. But it was like funny. It was like, we played a video of her singing. She had a just a piercing voice when she sang, just so shrill and piercing. And so there's this video of her singing bring back my Bonnie to Me, to me as a child, and it's very cute, and it's very

you know, it is so funny to like. Even my dad was like that, it just cuts right through you. So we did, uh, we watched the video and then we did. My dad plays the piano really well, so my dad put the piano, A want to play the drums, Judy played the clarinet, and I saying, we did a little cute little tribute. That's really nice. I love that. It was fun number I love. Okay, guys, um, this is the perfect time to move on to I don't think so, honey. Sure, So this is um one minute

where we're banking. Oh my god, I'm forgetting mine. That's okay, that's okay. We'll go first and then you go and then in the time I mean listen to us and yeah I can. I don't have to do mine, No, do it please, Michelle, Okay, we'll do it'll be one minute each. Um, mine's not gonna be that great. I'm really selling it. So this is where we take one minute to really get something in culture, while repeating the phrase, I don't think so honey. Um on, what's mine? With

sound baths like you're gonna like shower me. You're basically did one about men who comment on your height smoking the enemy years. I mean you can go any which, right, I have nothing planned to go. You told me you got something planned. I'll do it all right, right, um, all right? So this is Bowen Yang doing. I don't think so, honey, and his time am I good? I'm doing? And his time starts now? I don't think so, honey

gift guides. No, I don't want to buy stem blocks for my one year old niece who's not even one yet, she's yet unborn. I don't think it's the honey gift guides for pushing like a foot massager for my dad because he's not gonna like buy these shrinks. He's not gonna use it, and he's gonna say you shouldn't have bought me something. Why did you do this? I mean, God bless you, and I hope whoever receives that enjoys it. But for my purposes, every gift guide is catered to

I'm going to say it, and I'm sorry. You guys are in the room. It's catered to a white audience. It's about it. There's who are they. It's it's catered to some runaway capitalist cog in the machine, and I need to buy. All I want is just a good teapot for my dad to steepest teas in, or like a fun They call them what nap robes that um at Brookstone they tell these amazing bathrobs that everyone loves nap robes. You gotta get robes and nap and they're

basically amazing and that's my minute. That's fine, that's fine. But gift guides they're so stressful because you never agree with I don't understand. I think as a jew, he go on, I just don't. I'm just I'm just like, do people follow this? Like there's so much going on about buying stuff. It's like I don't understand the purposely functioned that's I don't get it. So weirdly curated. I'm like,

people are just buying the ship. They're gonna buy yea and mine piggybacks off your It's about definitely that in this red wine is true. It's also clear, Okay, I've never really done a good one of these. Yes you have, Yes you have. I don't think so many of her time starts now, I don't think so, honey. Package thieves. And why am I saying this Because I just had a package get thefted. And here's what I don't get. I moved to a building. I'm just gonna be up front.

No doorman, don't stop me, and they leave him in the front. And so someone decided to steal my package from and Taylor. Yes, Now, if this is a teacher or a librarian or someone, thank God bless you. And I really hope you are hervy and you like it. But I guarantee you it was a man who came in there and sold these packages. And here's all I have to say. I hope you have a fat cousin a big old feet because literally everything was blue size and big shoot and there's no way anyone you know,

we'll fit into it. I also just want to add that I called Dan Taylor and after a week of literal calls, that fund name on me. Yes, just nice but also fun. Package thieves like fuck it, like steal the old fashioned way pickpocket. When I take time to go online and do all this ship, you're just creating proms for me and everyone else. And by the way, we have you on camera and you will go to jail. So fun. Same. Just fore, I'm not being shitty. That is literally like in the and the thing she said,

it's no worse than I mean. And Taylor is like truly bottom of the barrel, but they have a tall section. You guys all, my god, mine is not like super No, No, it'll be great. Your's not about chopping. I have to say that is a crave. You're right, it's so cowardly to steal a package so easy. I should start doing it, honestly, Like thinking about it, it's like, oh my god, you can just walk in and take it. No, don't risk it,

never camera, you'll be arrested. I'm very I'm very god, I'm so nervous about mine because it's not I don't know if I can rant. No, I never, I don't can't go. The momentum will carry You're siding fucking spark plug of You've done harder things than this. This is alliot glaciers. I don't think so honey. As time starts now, okay, I don't think so honey. Hashtag. It's not the hashtag the idea of positioning your thirst trap up on Instagram to make it about quote quote missing summer, thank you

miss summer? Bring back hashtag? Bring back summer? Hashtag? Where summer here? I can't. It's like, look, everybody has well, you know people I'm talking about, Hey, guys, there is very specifically a desire to you know, be hyper sexual and to be desired on social media, and it's across the board. But this, I'm like, how did you find a way? I get it? Fitness, you can do it right,

But it's December. And if you're posting pictures literally you're like I can see your pubes and you're on the beach and you're just saying you're doing it because you miss summer. How much do you miss summer? We all miss summer, or some of us don't. I don't care about summer. But I don't need you to just say that. You just do what you're doing. Just do what you're doing. You don't need to position it around the fucking season. And that's one minute that summer summer exactly. I love

I love fall. Winter Fall is my sweet but it was so watering. I don't follow. I have a couple. I follow a couple of game models because they like follow me, and I feel and it is truly the low point of my feet. It just like I don't there's no point of it. And like, but Elliott's talking about this phenomenon of it's not even just the missing

summer thing. It's like just cloaking some other the guys of some other thing of just like I mean that could I could talk about that for hours, but I'm just talking very specifically about seeing this hashtag I miss summer Summer brings summer back. I'm like literally just say, like, look at my my ass look at it, like there's the Chi chime on people, and show you my asshole people.

You're showing us your asshole. Um no I am. I like had a little mini mental breakdown like two weeks ago after like some guy like it wasn't the way the guy did this, Like the guy like me on went on one day, which I thought was nice. Then I followed up just very gave space, followed up after a few days and he very politely, tactfully, was like, I think we should be friends. And I was like great, But then that was just the last little granule of rejection and so just sent me off and a friend

somebody knew or no, it was a friend. And what was nice about the day was that it was like we didn't have to go through this song dance like what do you do? Um, like we knew each other already. Was great, but then like I just something in me broke where I was just like oh, um, and writer at New York Magazine Alex Jung says, and I agree with this gay culture is white supremacy, and um, it's not wrong. And I'm sorry and I'm making this real heavy, but this is just what it is. And I texted no,

I texted j I texted Joel can booster you guys? Um. I was like, this just happened to sucks, um, And he was like, I'm going through a similar thing at the time he was. And I was like the fact that Joel, like this Adonis of a man, so smart, so charming, so funny, so like on paper desirable will say, like the fact that Joel is not immune to this like makes me think that there's something like that. And also nobody. Here's the thing with gay guys, nobody is

immune to it. However, in the in the in the vein of what Alex says about white supremacy, a ton of guys will refuse to acknowledge that that it is difficult, that it is hard, and that it is challenging, and that because that because that threatens their masculinity. And then and which is quite honestly just them being dude. Well, there's a self preservation. They're like, they're like, that's too bad,

these people have that harder. But I'm fine. It's really it's it's it's astonishing and it drives me and I feel like other gay comedians wild because we're like we talk about stuff. When you find when you come across people who are like nope, I'm great, and you're like, but what are you allowed? What is there anything in your body? Okay, I'm glad you're agree, but like, can you help out here? Yeah, that's all that's all I'm talking about. Um, Hi, oh my god, thank you so much.

We love you so much. Um, oh my god. I hope everyone has a great holiday. Um, And we usually close that with a song that we just saying, let's sing it. Can we do Mariah's a Holy Night? Here we go, Let's do it? You know obviously I don't know like the runs that she does. Let's do How are you? I mean, how are you in your community? Let's stars? Okay, well, all right, bye guys. This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Brett Boham,

Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on her and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook m