"Spider Wars" (w/ Patti Harrison)

brought to you by the Forever Dog Podcast Network. Be sure to check out more original comedy podcasts at Forever Dog podcast dot com. And please come to our live show Lost Culture e Stas Live I Don't Think Some Honey at Little Field on Marche at eight p m. Fifty comedians doing fifty segments of our I Don't Think So Honey. Get your tickets at Forever Dog Productions dot com. Yes, all right, enjoy the show. Come on, My grandma and your grandma was sitting bad fire. My grandma, Grandma, I'm

gonna Finny's talking about him. I like go on Date Jagomo Jago, Culture Cuckoo, It's time for culture Coo. All my birds. I know you're at home listening, and I hope you're nestled in to your nest that you've made a twig and mudd and spit because guess what, I got a great fucking episode today. And look, before we move on, you may have noticed a little chill for our spun swords. Are we allowed to talk about this? Oh yeah, let me tell you something. Casper Mattress, Honey

and Warby Parker. You better lay on it. You better put it on your face to see. Okay, Well, we'll be hearing more from Casper and Warby Parker pretty soon. You can guarantee we will. And Honey, we have sold out. This is the new ass. But I love it. I'm like Katy Perry on her second album, sell me Out, Bitch, make me a pop star, makes me a Casper Mattress pop star, her second album after the first Christian pop one. No, I'm talking about one of the boys wasn't even sellout.

Teenage Dream was a selling one of the boys. No, No, I think I kissed the girl hot and your code. I think that's indie rock, indie rock bitch, absolutely what I think. Wow, And he helped for me in the comments. Come for matt in the comments below, but here do not come for our guests, because our guest is pristine. Do not come for our guests and the comments, even though you technically could, because she is a writer for Seriously TV, Honey, and I would say, well on her

way to icons. I mean, I feel like she's already a pre eminent icon with um, you know the bark Schler Patty Reviews Animals edition, Um, truly amazing and really made a star in Nature Nick Oh, Nature, Nick full Star. We will talk about Nature Nick at length, honey. And you might have also seen our guest as one of the co hosts It's a Guy Think at Union Home, one of the best variety shows in New York, Catherine Colin Major. You might have heard of them, what, I

might have heard them? Whatever, and um, she's just a star on the rise, Honey. Please welcome our guest, Patty Harrison. Oh my god, Ruku, I am very good. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for all of those plugs. I mean, yeah, you gotta plug, you gotta plug. Guys were all drinking some delicious Marcel malback that were this was bottled last week. Honey, it's malb Oh. I'm sorry, I know what absolutely I'm sorry, but you know what French Canadian bow and yan got that wrong? I got

that wrong. It's okay. One time, my social studies teacher in seventh grade accused me of not being a real kibet qua because I said I accidentally let slip quebec. I added the sound instead of the and yes. And then my social studies teacher was like, well, bo and you're not a real French Canadian, are you? And I was like, look, show me your Candian passport, show me your dulces and citizenship, and then I shall grant you that, honey. And I was about to get in her face, but

I did not have the words. Honey, that person sounds you have the words, now my deal. I did not know how to speak until very recently. Patty seventh grade social studies teacher who hit on one of the girls. No, yes he did, no, no, no, yes. His name was Mr i sctould I say his name. No, let's just say his last name was another word for when you take a small sleep. Whoa okay, and Patty and any middle school teachers who may have preyed upon students, yes,

actually tell us um uh. We had a teacher that um, it wasn't in my time. It was in my sister's time. But he I can't. I shouldn't even say his position because he's still I think he stopped the school because he was RECOGNI but when my her sisters in high school, he offered to drive one of the girls back from volleyball and then tried to touch her in the car and she jumped out of a moving car. Oh my god, that's insane. That's great, it's so cool. It's so cool

that she was in the ground. She went into a round off back hand spring talk and he was like, that's what I was trying to get you to do. He was also the gymnastics kitch. This is this some good taste. And then that girl was looked black widow. She was scarlet Joe Hanson, Scarlet Johnson and Patty's older and Patty's sister is uh Eliza dou And then of course that's how they booked her for bringing on when she did the round off back hand spring back, chalk hands, brings,

flying back, twisted layout step out out. Yeah, oh my god, this step out movie. I did see it again and it does not hold out, Yes, it does it does it does it for being a teen movie. It is very nuanced in the message I remember. I mean, the message is great, but I'm saying, like some of the humor, it's like, all right, of course, I remember watching it when I was like ten, like why didn't why didn't Torrence wine at the end I missed the point. It's

like very relevant. It's very relevant, and it's crazy how much it holds up. Also, one of the best scenes, maybe in all of nineties film I think happened, which is the toothbrushing scene with Kirsten Dunst. And first of all, let me say, Queen Kirston Grammous return at the Oscars this past week. She looked unreal at the Oscar. I didn't see her. Okay, I'll show you a picture of it later. She just totally nailed it. And I hate making it about what they wore, but like I couldn't deny,

like she just looked amazed. Now, Matt and I were watching it together and then Matt goes, this is Kirston saying, remember me, bitch. No, this is Kirston saying I'm bad. And also she's been saying it because she's actually been quietly doing great work for like a long time. That happened in the past five years far ago, the television show Melancholia Big Time, Like she's just good. No, she's great.

And if you think I think about it, she's actually been very present and like kind of movies where like we were growing up, like she was in fucking Jumanji. Yeah, you know what I mean. She was interview with Vampire Diaries, the Vampire Diaries, Yes, and also who could forget I mean the Ridge Mary Jane in Star Wars. Yes, Star Wars absolutely absolutely, it's Stars War, I said Star Wars, I meant Spider Man. I mixed up my multi billion dollar franchise and they looked at you, like your starry

Stars War Spider Wars. You know they'll do it. I would see if there was if there was no context and someone was just like, hey, Kirston of the movie coming out this weekend, Spider War. Ye, yeah, absolutely, don't don't even fucking ask me, don't give me a choice. I don't want, and then I'd go see Spider Wars.

I hope it's literally just like someone like on like an old cam quarter like following a spider Like, no, I want it to be this an old elderly woman with a bag of spiders just tossing it out into an open field, and another elderly like yes, and then she's battling against another elderly spider handler who plays the

elderly Womenah, where's Kirston, Kirsten? I want Kirsten to voice the general of the of the of the side that you root for, and I want the women to be played by Charlotte che famous elderly actress Charlie and um, let's see. Uh he's and that and she wins Oscar for that for Spider Wars. She loses for a she loses for l to Emma, but she wins for Spider Wars best supporting Actress. That was that was the Is that Paul Virhoven? Yes, yes, I love I did not see that movie, but I lose and I'd not like

I not see that movie. But also I haven't seen Moonlight. You get yeah, I didn't see it. Really got to get to it. It's really beautiful. Yeah. I was sub tweeted today by Suttie Green who said, I know who all of you are who haven't seen Moodlight and she's talking about me and pass Patty Harrison now and Patty Harrison, don't come from me. Don't come from me in the comments, don't come for me on the podcast. I'm sorry, do not come for Patty in the comments. Suttie Green, you

are blacklisted. Suttie Green. How about how about this Snooty? How about snoot Green? Snooty mean her? Honestly she deserves it, honestly shout out to Snooty Means. But listen, guys should at this point, we we've now dived way back. We've dived back back back into history. It feels like an appropriate time we want to ask Patty the question we ask all of our guests. Yes, which is Patty, what was the culture growing up that made you think culture?

I could get used to that. What influenced you? What made you say cultures? For me? Like culture? I think I'm going to like this. Yeah. It could be a movie, It could be a television show, could be music, It could be just culture of life, just any culture, any culture. What what influenced your path? It could be Suberbia, it could be whatever you know. Well, you see, um, I

was very obsessed. I became very obsessed with um with like two Nami and anime, but like like cartoon Network, like, let's talk about the two AMNI lineups from when you were growing up, probably when we were growing up. Yeah, I didn't have cable famously, but I would love to nami. No really, um, okay, what are we talking about? Yeah, I didn't truly have cable. This is hard to Okay, we've passed like like but we um. I would say,

excuse me, you haven't seen Moonlight, Patty. So I want to be careful for if I were you talking to me about things that you don't you can't move past, all right, be careful. Sorry disaster Yeah no, and yeah, okay, so I guess. Um at first it was um Dragon ball Z and then Sailor Moons, and then later on there was Tenchi Muyo, there was Tenchi Universe. There was Runi Kenshin I Love, and it's Samurai X. Now. I think if you like watch it or do they call

it Rouni Kenshin on Netflix? It on Netflix. It's on Netflix they call it Rumoni Knin. They probably called Rooney Kenchin across the board. But yeah, I remember the anglicized thing was like Samurai AX and it was like watered down a little bit because Roni Kenchin was was pretty violent. Yeah, yeah, they had to cut they did, I think with like dragon bills. I remember seeing a scene later, I'm sorry not where it's like Trunks cuts someone in half or

is it trunks or someone cuts Trunks in half. Yes, he takes the sword. The it's during like the Android saga and Iconic saga. Yeah, I became That was a moment to Unami was like I became blindly obsessed with like Asian culture because I was I'm half Vietnamese and my mom um I my mom did not try and you know, indulge in any way in Vietnamese culture. I think she was like escaping a lot of it. So she was very much trying to be Americanized and like

americanize us. So uh yeah, we never, like, I'm she never like taught us any the enemies or really like went into any of the details. So it was very much like, um, we were Ohio people, and so it was exciting to me to feel like, oh, these some of these like people I guess are supposed to be like me. Even though it was like a very glazing over of the ship that I'm not Japanese or that I'm not. Well yeah, and like it was just the thing you could latch onto it just to be like, well,

this is what Asian media means to. This is the closest thing I can I can I can come to with Asian media. I mean that is no, I I relate to that fully. And even in a house where like we did speak Chinese and we did like live that culture. Like anime was like the thing that was like affirming for just what I would watch and read, like what I watched on TV and reading books or in manga. I was just like, oh, this is something that was made relatively close to where my family leads from. Yeah,

it's yeah, it's it's it's weird. It was huge. Yeah, Dragon Ball, z Um Sailor Moon. I remember after school just everyone gathering and with Pokemon part of Turnami No Pokemon. Yeah that's right, that's right. Oh my god. Yeah, this is a throw back that stopped real time. Pokemon was a real culture. I remember the principle at my elementary school came over the loudspeaker and officially banned Pokemon from Yeah,

we had that moment to everything Pokemon was banned. First it was the cards and then there were like erasers, pencil top eracers going around for a while at that, like because people would just ping them off stuff. So then this got banned, and then they just banned everything, like you couldn't even wear like a Pokemon shirt. It was it was bad. It was like people were doing deals.

That's deals, Like people were trading cards before school. Uh, like during breaks, it was like and it was like transactions would be happening during school sometimes, and like, I guess it got to the point where the teachers just couldn't handle it anymore. So I got to the Principle and I remember we had to be sitting in our seats for this major announcement. It was like the fucking

Sessions announcement today. It was like it was like a press conference that the Principle was having and she was like, at this, from this day forward, there will be no more of this. Oh my god, just think about I don't know. I mean, sure, like we had some Christian families like forbidden and like force kids to burn their cards, but I feel like there's nothing inherently like bad or damaging about It's so funny. Well, it was the fact that I think it was the fact that. Um, it

wasn't even that it was a distraction. I think there was something to People were getting really upset because they felt like they were getting ripped off with the specific trade and there was a lot of like drama. And I remember even with my own cousin, I convinced him to trade me his blastoys for a Venosaur. I had a two V the source and he was going he had one Blast toys and I he. We did the trade and said no tradebacks prior, which was very important,

and that at that point it was locked in. We hands it over the cards and that was that. And my aunt called me later that night and says, Michael regrets trading the card. He wants it back from Matthew. And I was like, there's absolutely no way. I'm sorry, the deal has been done. I became like a businessman in that moment. I was like, no, the transaction is complete, but Matthew, Michael regrets. Michael regrets, Matthew. Please. Michael's like

a godfather moment. It was crazy, and I remember it was part of that was like kids crying and kids being upset and kids being jealous of each other. It became this new materialism it's like he has a charis ard. He's socially worth more than us. And still so anyone that has a chard nowadays, I'm like, well, yeah, you set up straight around them again at me. It head from me right now. Blow. You know I have two teeth.

I give them good and they're right up, one right up top at the center and one right at the bottom of center. They're so sharp, so deep, they both inside. But kids will find any of my mouth, and mouth, kids will find anyway like barter and like pedal and ship because it's actually natural in the human body. Yeah, you learn how to barter, you learn how currency works, social and capital capital, And then remember the video game Crazy the game Boys Ship still play, I still play, Honey,

I was too. I it was very poor. I did not have a game Boy, but people surrounding me did. And then I got a hand. I got a game Boy by the time, like game Boy Color. That was like the second series of Game with Color. That's when my friend who got who had money, who always got like toys as soon as they came out, he gave it to me. And then I got to play a

black and white giant game Boy. Oh my god. But it was like, remember I remember when the new ones would come out, and then I finally lost a handle on it when like there was all of a sudden, a thousand Pokemon. I was like, I forget it. I don't know these people. Yeah, I stopped. I I had Pokemon cards for like a while, I think, like into eighth grade. It was when the symbol Pokemon. Yes, it was just yeah, um and then yeah, remember when those

those animals can and they just made them letters. That's when I stopped. Yeah kind of animals. Um. Did you ever watch for Shigi Yugi? Because I was obsessed with that. Now what is it about? It's about this Japanese schoolgirl, of course, and she gets sucked into this ancient, feudal Japanese world where she is deemed the priestess of Suzaku, and she's one of four priestesses who has to summon twelve other warriors that eaching service to one of the

four Japanese gods. And it's it's all out war. It sounds literally fierce. It sounds fierce, but also like a little it was a little it was a logging on was very busy. Would have loved the simplicity of Spider Wars. Honest Spider Wars, and we're gonna keep coming back to the Spider Wars is literally just spiders fighting to see who can be the best spider. And I'm anyway, but no, Frishiki was great. Um, but yeah, to Nani did to Nanni have Johnny Bravo? That was That was Hannah Barbera. Yeah,

but it was a part. It was Cartoon Network. It was after so it was like Powerpuff Girls and Johnny Bravo. Uh, those cartoons I think came on because I think to Nami was from Yeah, it was like anime from Florida, like seven or something. I was allergic to Johnny Bravo despite him being like your type, my type, big and blonde.

I liked it when it was on, And then I recently saw a clip of the episode where he gets turned into a woman and he gets straight harassed and he's like understands why it sucks to like harrass women, and it's like it's that's powerful. But they only did it for one episode, and I's like, my favorite are those shows for young kids are pretty I mean they're designed for young kids that have like a moral message for one second and then go back to being about

stupid bullshit. Like I remember I watched Lizzie McGuire episode one time where Lizzie McGuire's best friend remind me of her name. I don't know, but Ladies is like, isn't eating and Gordo and Lizzie notice, and for some reason, I know the actress's name was Laline, but I don't know the characters Miranda, it seems like, but she was like not eating, and it was like this plot line where she was like really kind of like struggling with food.

And at the end of the episode, Lizzie McGuire has this monologue where she was like, we just want you to be happy. We're your friends and to see you unhappy like really hurts us, and we want to make sure that you're okay, and like they had all had a hug. And I was watching with my dad, who was a health teacher, and he's like, I'm going to show that to my class and I was like maybe, but like the rest of the show is about like her being a half a cartoon. I don't know what.

I didn't know. It was so stupid, but then they did at that one episode and then there was that one episode of that So Raven where she goes to get a part time job and she sees a vision of the person that owns the store saying I don't hire black people. So there it was true. Like every now and then, those shows would come out with a message social social app and of course who could forget the Sabrine of the Teenage which episode about abortion is that? Oh my god, I was gonna say, Harvey Ship, you

can't do this without my consent. She's like, yes I can. Um, oh, I would die. I would gag for what RuPaul was on Sabrina. No, yeah, look it at It's on YouTube. He's been on everything, He's been on everything. True. He was seth Meyers last night ago. For those of your listening, I wonder, oh my god, I could ask our friend, um, yeah, who works there, who produces? He produces the interview? Second, so I get best he I guess he must have talked to RuPaul Henry Melcher if you're listening, what he

would have told me. I'm sorry, we're not we're not talking about Henry. We're not gonna do this. We're not gonna do this. We're not gonna talk about any straight white men here today. Sorry, it's not even our producer Joe, who looks really handsome today. Actually look really good, like you got a little bit of a haircut and your official hair looks great. You look great. It's also been a long time since we've seeing you, so you look very handsome, very handsome. What did what did he look like?

The last Oh my god, fucking beast like you don't even understand, like this shovel comes in here, has no presentation, ugly like wide stinks like when you got too much asshole crap in your crack. Or it's like they did one white but it was a messy, muddy ship and it said they just made a line up their back

and they didn't care to do a second wife. The best I've ever heard in my life school, which is these two kids were fighting and the one kid goes to the other kid, Yo, by the way, I sucked your mom, and you need to tell her that she needs to wipe her asshole better because she's still got crap in her asshole. And then he spells it out after he said he was like, she's got ship in her But just so you know, that's what that joke was, and it was just like everyone was too shocked that

you've gotten that explicit but like he won the fight. Yeah, but by going real blue? Did anyone check in with the I feel like her her narrative was high napped. Here. Ye, she's got she has, she really can't, she can't time in the conversation. Do you know why I didn't wipe my ass? Because I don't have time? Because I'm doing this by myself. I'm a single mother. I have to drive you to school and make your fucking sand, which

was making with my shitty hands. And every time I sunk one of my son's students all over my hands, sometime I thought one of my son's classmates. I don't think about wiping my ass. It's the only thing I have time, It's the only release I get. It's a they have forty minutes launch to my house. What am I gonna do? White my hands? No? I have to. I'm not a monster for not wiping my ass. I am a monster for sucking a kid. But I'm also a single mom, and I'm very busy. Understand. Let's write that.

I love that. Um, it's the sequel Spider Wars too, Mom, Mom, Mom, who does in my grass, but sucks her son's class. That's what you're and done plays yes, but she's she makes a return apparent, she reprises her role, reprises her reprise whatever I'm talking to, reprise, reprise. Okay, here's a question, answer it for all time. The second time a song is done in a musical, is it a reprise or reprise? Reprises the noun, reprises the verb done. Okay, So to

reprise something, yes, so I use that. I use the word wrong with Kirston just now, but it's a reprise when it's an object. Do you know what I'm saying? Okay, just don't use it wrong again and then we're good. But I feel like the colloquially people just go wild. It's like people because I want to say biopic, but I've been told no, no, no, no, no no. I think it's biopic. I maintain that it's biopic by by a fuck biopic. Reading an online for so many years,

what I did think it looked like biopic. No, because they're a biopic. That doesn't sound right. It's got to be biopic. Because in my film classes and for every professor and t A had said biopic. No, because that's like them trying to sound smart by saying like rhyming it with the word myopic, which is not a genre. But where did you go to college? University in Athens, Ohio? Athensa state school? State school? Was it? Was it a state school? No, Ohio State unt? Yeah, we were an

hour south. Did you mean her know each other? Yeah? Through uh a college improv. We didn't go to school together, but we met at os U s improv conference, which is which was what was it bell Weather? You did in college in the whole? Yeah, Oh my god, bell Weather. I wish I would have they so they invited us out there in my dan box. We were this close to you, and then the trip just didn't work out. Oh you should have wentst It's so good. I know, I kind of wish I and then maybe we would

have met each other. I wish we would have done more trips that something. Looking back in college, like, I wish our groups would have done more. We did some and they were all East Coast, you know what I mean? Like you guys went to l A one time where I was in m y U as well as long along with but Bone was in the improv group Danger Box and I was in Hammercasts and we just the sketch group, and we didn't really do a lot of trips like we did a lot of We did one to like Yale. We did d C together d C

and then of course they were skin More Washington, Dell Close. Somebody, somebody said a joke about adult Close today was like, I don't know, I don't know who deal closes. But I looked at a picture of me and it looks like a fucking asshole. Was like white guy with a big beard and like glasses. No one's ever seen his eyes. He is dead and just saying, you know, you can fucking run your mouth all you want, but improv goourse can die and when they do, it's hard on all

of it, you know, and they can't respond. He probably got a shitty ask too. And you know what, I'll say that can we confirmed that someone wiped? Does? Wait? Patty Patty? I think Matt and I want to talk all about Patty reviews Exotic Animals Edition and I love it. Can you tell um? Can you spill the tea on Nature? Nick? Nature? Nick? No, as much as I don't, I'm not as eager to let you spell that. I just want to know as you. Okay, he leads a private life. Who are we to spill

all the tea? He is. He honestly loves the attention. He is happily married, and he lets his wife a name A lot of the animals those are they're okay there and she's got the pants and that yes, uh, and they raise these animals and um, and I think Long Island uh. And he's he is uh. He's very nice and formal, and he's a good foil to you, a great foil to you. But lately I think nature Nick is really just clocking this attention he's getting because I think in the new oh, he's been a little

more sassy. It's been a little more sassy. Yes, well that's the So the first series um of episodes, my Turtleneck Mustache series, I um, we shot all those in one day. And then the second series, which are the ones that are being released now, and there's like, I think six more. So we did six out one time, and then we came back and did another six and

the second time. He was like, I didn't understand really what you were going for the first time, but now that I watch it, I get It's like a funny thing, and I was like, so he was a good sport both times. I think he understood his role, assignment, his fucking place. I did like how he was just earnestly in the first series, just like yeah, this is this animal and well, no, Patty, I don't I don't know about that, like just answer about that, very very very

just innocently, I guess. But I mean, I love everyone loves the series. I think, how how did you how did you pitch this in there? Was there? Did you do a Patty reviews of other stuff before? Was this was the Exotic Animals Edition? Like an addendum to like something that didn't even exist before. No, so this was actually something that was pitched by, I guess helmed by

Ethan Berlin, who is the creative lead. Uh he he is a light uh and he so he just basically said, if we if we got um and like an exotic animal handler just bringing a bunch of animals, would you want to shoot videos of them? And I was like, oh, hello, yah queen, And then he was like, what would you want to do? I was like, I don't know. He's like,

can you just like review them or something? So that was basically it was very loose, um and very yeah, it's very uh, it's uh, there's it doesn't seem like it, but there's nuance. And we're saying thing as the Trendon's woman of Gather. Everything I do is in insctly political. Yes, yes, you caught me. I was going to say political and I was going to say political. Yes, say it, Matt, yes, that word. Yes? And how long did it take to shoot the first series? So I feel like that must

that shoot is? The first series is a bonkers, crazy, amazing and I'm like, how could you sustain that energy for a whole shoot, for a whole sash? It was it was I think a ten ten or It was like, I guess we got there. But the shooting it was I think probably like eleven to four pm or five pm. I think we're gonna see eleven hours. I was like, yeah, eleven hours per animal, all animals, they all passed on

from wear and tear. Absolutely, what is the animal? Oh my god, yes, I think that the best the well I had the best time with um there was yeah, the wallabies great, the parrot there. So there's a lot of stuff that didn't make it in that is uh so basically there there's another video coming out that's a Kuka Barrah and I think it has another name. It's

like a kingfisher. But basically, uh, they're both very talkative birds like naturally but raised I guess in the wild they they communicate with each other, but since they're both raising captivity, they talked to when they make noise, they talk to people and uh, but they were before we were filming. They were both beside each other like on like in their cages and they are just like responding to any noise. So when one would start, another would

just start to go. In Kuka Barra's are the loudest animal on earth, Like it is the funniest noise, and so the parents and the parents the same way. If you as soon as you start to talk at the parrot, it just starts to be like we're like that ship. And so as long as you do it, it will do it back in the koko bro is the same. So if you just like w w wa wa, it'll start to do it back. So and that's so fun to me is when someone matches your energy in an

improv scene. And then also if it's just a bird, I had so much fun matching energy with these energies, with these birds. It was those were really fun. I think that's that's the quote just I think just the Patty Harrison quote, not irrespective of this podcast. But I had so much fun matching energies with those birds. Rookocko Rooko said, I did recently write a song called all My Birds, and you guys can look out for it. This is real, This is real. This We were in

Chicago and Matt just wrote this song one night. We were just had just finished dinner. I don't even think you had that much to drink. This is not a drunken thing, No, it never is. I think that it's going to be the first single off my untitled album as of yet untitled album, and they'll be dropping pretty soon. I think, I think, I think, I think the title of your album is gonna be Joel Kim Booster Eat

my Joel Kim Boster Eat my ass. Yeah, for the that's out of context, but Joel is in Australia right now, and he was on Tinder and he came across the profile which was this guy Bryce and the first line was Joel Kim Booster eat my ass and then he said, I promise mine tastes better than Justin Trudeau's because Joel famously posted a pick of Justin Trudeau's. Do you think that that means that Joel is famous? Like all of a sudden he was scrolling through and do you think

someone knew he was? I think someone did that come about? That's what that means. I hope I get famous enough to have people beg you to eat theirs on Tinder unlike a real crapshoot of an app to like, It's not like he was on Instagram and tagged him. You know what I'm saying. Anyway, I hope that's what the reason was too. But I mean, could it be anything else? I'm sure how could we What's a scary thing we

could find about this? That maybe it's not a good thing that he obviously has an ass eating stalker, or that his ass has some toxin in it and he wants to poison Jewel. Oh my god, do you think that there's a witch that's got a spell on this boy and he has a poisonous ass like an apple, and and he's trying to eat the ass will fall into a deep No, Bryce wouldn't get anywhere near a witch. That's the only way that need to wake Joel up from the sleep is to eat Joel's ass. You know

what's funny, my dad. I told my dad today about this podcast because I don't think he really got what it was. And he's like, oh, you gotta send me a link, and he just jump onto this episode. We're like talking about eating my friend Joel's ass. Okay, Matt's dad, imagine this. It's like Sleeping Beauty a story, but it's two gay men and one of the men is eternally asleep and the only way to wake him up is

to eat his ass. And when you walk up to his castle, he's laying face down, and he's in a fucking jock strap and he's in a little cropped mesh football T shirts face he's in a Penis the Band shirt. That's probably Joel's outfit that I would write that Patty, Patty is good. Patty is coming up with a bunch of these premises and I'm on board with all them. Well,

she's trained to come up with premises, I know. But listen, I'm saying I just I thought you're going to say she's trans, but she's trans and like, just so everyone have amazing ideas, just so everyone knows. When I walked in the door, Matt turned around and he took his straw out of his tab soda and he winked at me and she's trends. And then he turned back around and then he put he took off two doors. Yes, it took two doors stacked on top of each other

in completely different shapes. Yes. I had dispute every word. And that's when I knew that there was there was a fracture in the queer community that caused the Fisher. Absolutely there. Wait, Patty, I think there's a star, um, a potential in your mother because Patty over over Thanksgiving break. I'm sorry to bring this up, but over Thanksgiving me. This is on Patty's Instagram story. Then she later weeks later posted it onto Instagram. I'm so glad she did.

It's um. You start with an Ope fad In on Patty's mom Baden scrolling on her phone, and then cut to Patty just doing the you know, the reverse shot of just us seeing what's on her phone, and then Patty has blurred out the phone screen and put an overlaid on top of it. Is Hugh Jackman's penis real? And then it's just Patty's mom just scrolling through, and then cut back to Patty's more scrolling, and then you hear off camera Patty saying, Mom, that's so gross. What

are you googling? And then Patty's mom is like, I'm not googling anything. What are you talking about? And that performance start making talking about she she has. She can just access a gravitas in a way that I haven't

seen a comedic gravitas where it creates this juxtaposition. It's kind of like, I mean, you know, I would say on a Farris, on a Harris and Scary movie, Not since on a Faris and Scary movie have we seen this scravatas wait, I watched Scary Movie to a couple of day three is the one you need to watch. I have. I had that VHS. I can quote it from top to bottom. It's my favorite one. And I'll

say it again. The best scene in cinema history is when Simon Rex Wox that Simon Rex walks out of the classroom after getting a date with Anna Faris's character, and he closes the door and all the crayons at the door, and Regina Hall says, how the fund did that? I think the opening scene of the opening scene of Scary Maybe three is true. I watched it again. Family Anderson and Jenny McCarthy amazing, both of them so good. She goes and I love when like she sees like understand,

Leon sees that, Jenny McCarthy is like obviously. Then she's like, are you okays off and she's like, okay, okay. The cow says blank. Cow says says blank, dude, dude, And it's really funny to see you guys laughing. I don't know you guys can't see this, but they are both beaming right now, smiles. And that is one of the most misogynistic scenes in a film. And as a feminist, watching this now is very uh you know? Or are they having fun? Women wrote that film? Women wrote that film,

wrote that film. I listened to an Affais on Rupause podcast and she is just a cool fucking person and sucking on Affaris is the best. And the way she booked Scary Movie was not like she gave herself a year to like book and she was not a comedic actress. Yeah, super dramatic. All friends are like you're not funny, Like what are you doing? It was like, I don't understand, you're not funny, and then she was, so she went in.

She went in for a scary movie and like the way in brothers loved her and yeah, and then she just did the first movie because if that's why I think it's why it's so funny, is that she plays it's the dumbest premise of all time, and she just delivers every line so sincerely, and that's it's very inspired. So much of my sense of humor. What I was attracted to is like as a as a comedian, yeah, same, I think that any comedic actress, which are two words

that I comedic actress, Like what does that mean? Also actress? Yeah, but like if someone came in there and tried to play it for comedy, it wouldn't have been you're right and you can you can pick up on that right away. Um, oh my god, this is all coming back to me. First our raid movie I ever saw was Scary Movie because my sister and I wanted to see it so badly. We're not seventeen, very controversial, so our mom brought us to see the Scary movie. And then by the time,

I forget, I forget, I forget which which actor. This was one of the way in his brothers. By the time, he's like in the bathroom and there's that glory whole thing, and then he gets stabbed in the in the aar and dies. My mom was like, we're leaving, and I, oh my god, I just this is yeah, I just remember that. Just I think that that happened to us. With Anchorman. We went to Dorney Park, me and all my cousins. No, it was straight, but we went to Dorney parkram my cousins and it poured rain so much

so that they closed down the park. And we're like fuck. And my parents were like, all right, we'll go take him to the movie. So they took us to see Anchor Man. And I was probably thirteen fourteen, but I was with my two years my sister who was Ted, and my cousin who was nine, Christine and Chelsea, and my cousin Michael, and I were laughing, hysterical, and I think they made it ten minutes and they were like, no, we have to take the girls out, the younger kids.

And but and I the first time I watched that movie, I was like I don't fully get this, but I know it's funny. And the second time I watched it, I was like, no, this is the best movie of all time. Anchor man, I fucking loved it. Is it PG? Thirteen? I think it is? And there was like an unrated version that came out as the DVD. Yeah, I remember. I remember a moment with Austin Powers with a lot of vagina when she when she says in Japan, men come first and women come second, and and he's like, oh,

sometimes no one at all. And I remember asking my drilling her and what does that? What does that mean? And she's like it's a joke. Let's move forward, and I said, no, it does come mean tell me what comes means. She's like, that's someone forward and I was like, okay, so what come for? Oh my god, I mean I feel like people are get it now. We got it. My dad changed my other room with Austin Powers too. And then I went back in the room because he was laughing so loud at it, and I was like,

what is what? I want to be involved and it's like, no, you have to get the funk out of here. This isn't for you. This is the thing I had no one explained it to me because I would just get the Austin Powers movies from the library, watched them by myself on the basement and not have anyone explained to me what the jokes are. And I could probably still do with another like watch through and like pick up

on things that I have not picked up. We recently spoke about Clueless watching the movie Clueless, like, being as young as we were when that came out, you wouldn't get anything. I didn't get anything about the movie Clueless, and then later on but I always liked it. But then later on you actually get what they're talking about

and it's like, wow, this is actually so good. I think people in our age group are finally now owning up to the fact that the scary like the movies, like the Scary movie movies and Austin Powers movies were like comedically influential for us, and that's all you need. You just need the key if if you're at a formative age, you just need to see someone who can like I mean it could it could. I guess it

would be considered hack now. But those were like blockbusters, blockbuster comedy movies that like everybody saw that you could quote with your friends totally and it plans the seat. Yeah, it really does. I mean that was actually the first time I ever think I wrote creatively. Was like I was. I happened to be in a creative writing like class that was like an elective in ninth grade, and all my friends were talking about this actually is the way I. I was bullied in the middle school a lot and

then didn't have any friends. And then in ninth grade, like everyone was talking about Anchor Man and I had just seen it, and I was like, quote in the lines, and like, quote in lines with them was the way I became like friends with everybody, like we all kind of thought the same thing was funny. And then I remember like that was the first time that really clicked for me. It was like, oh, wow, somebody writes that movie.

And then like I also really got into the television show Lost, and I was like, wow, someone writes I

never but keep talking. I just like know, but like just those two things, like I was really like commedically satisfied by like Anchor Man and all those like dumb dumb, dumb dumb comedies that were coming out at that time, like Wedding Crashers came out at that time, and Scary Movie three and all that ship and then also like I was so into Lost, and then I got really into Desperate Houseworms and I got really integraded Anatomy and was into all the ABC Network dramas and I'm like,

oh my god, wait, hold on storytelling. And it was the first time I ever realized that was like a thing people could do market was be a writer in that way, because at the time I was such an idiot. I just thought being a writer meant like you wrote for a newspaper or like wrote novels. And I was like, well, that seems like really hard or like not interesting. Yeah. I always I think my concept of of like film

and television was that, like you right, director are yeah? Oh, like anaf Feris wrote and started this movie and she directed it and she's the lead character. So she made this movie and this is her movie. And what a feminist thing to do. I don't know why I keep bringing up feminism. I'm not a feminist and I hate and with that thought, we actually have to take a quick break to have a word from our you guessed it, bitch. Sponsors and we'll be right back after this. Rookukoo koo, bitch.

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comedic films and dramatic television. Only those two. Only those two. Actually, to be real, I still have a hard time watching comedies on television. Really, you know what. I like Veep. I love it, but but I can't, like, I can't get on board with the stuff that like the masses like in terms of comedy. Like I really I watched about three episodes of Modern Family, and I was like, I'm actually good forever. I'm good forever. I can it

into Modern Family. Either it's the weird piecing in the rhythms. I think it's I've also I've watched. I just find it hard to get on board with things. I think with my intentions being because I've watched an episode of VIEP and I was like, this is incredible, and then I haven't watched anymore. Yeah, I do see Henry loves to binge Veep and it's one of it's it's kind of like Dirty Rock where you could just watch you can watch an episode again and it's still funny and

it's great. But like with with drama television shows, I get ups. I got obsessed, obsessed, obsessed, Like I'll sit there and bingeing, like right now, you guys listen, Patty and Bowen are not on board yet, but big little lies, I'm telling you. It is such a gag. I gag constantly on this. What is it about? It is about? It's about rich moms in Monterey, California, and it's like basically stars Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman and Shaleene and Laura

Dern and it's like the power struggle of moms. Like it's like p t a really involved moms who treat the fact that there's conflict amongst the kids and birthday party drama on the same par as like the murder that happened. It's like Desperate Housewives, but with no wink you know what I mean. It's like a it's like a really kind of like heightened dark Desperate Housewives, but the moms are richer, the houses are bigger, and the

equality is better. Wow, I feel like you must. It's based on a novel, so it's only gonna be one season, so it's essentially like a mini series, the seven episodes of it. It's not going to do with season two, so it's gonna be really good to bend. It's David E. Kelly and Jean Marc Valet, who did Dallas Buyers Club and Wild. It's really good. See My thing is is I saw previous for it and I said, wow, this looks visually, uh, pretty pretty. But when are we going

to have shows about older women and they're not. It's not a mom thing, right, a Gray Garden scripted thing. Well, I mean it's already happened technically, but like you know what I mean, they're qualms that can or they're their dilemmas can be beyond like mother, Mother. It's when you see I don't know, I will say that. Here's what's cool about the show. The initial conflicts conflint. The initial conflicts are based on, oh, something happened with our daughters.

Oh my gosh, like this really bothers me. But then once you get to see what they're actually upset about, it's actually a really interesting examination on marriage. It's a really interesting examination on like, you know, what happens when you're someone who really is driven individual person, but you also have to take into account someone else's feelings. Like it's like there's it's a lot more than just them

being moms. Like and I actually think that's part of the subversion of it is it's like you do think that it is just going to be this thing of like, oh, that's funny that they um, it's funny that they get that they get all into who's invited to this five year old birthday party, But it's for them. It's just like that's just like what's on the surface, and it's the subject matter. It deals with this really cool exploring the deeper control dynamics. Yes, honestly, yeah, it's about power.

The show is about power. But I just want to agree with party though. I want to see a scripted drama female driven feud that's about feud. But you know what, it's about spiders fighting. Yes, spider wars. It's spider generals. Signed they've engineered these spiders. It's kind of like a Pokemon or like a bay Blade, where it's these women meet in this field and then they release all their little spiders in this field. But it's very strategic. It's

not random. No one knows this, but our Masters, Masters and spiders, our old women. That's true. Did you ever watch Escafe? No, it's familiar, but I did not. It was it about like a giant robot. It was about giant robots. It was like Gundam Wing but prettier. Anyway, guys, I can watch Girls. I watched the first season of Girls, and then I watched the most recent episode, which was

crazy good, so good. I was put off after I watched like a cup like portions of like episodes subsequently after the first season, and I was like, what is this? And it got pretty weird in the second and third season, and then the fourth and fifth season. We're both so good and this season has been so great, like this this last episode, like everyone's freaking out about it because it is genuinely so amazing, but it's emblematic of what

the show has been for the last two years. And oh, there's just this Bottle episode from the past season, from season five that with Marnie and it's that's that's what I've heard. I've heard us and Williams is knocking it out of the park with this boyfriend or ex boyfriend narrative. I've been I've heard lots of people gushing about it. You go. I think a lot of people are turning a corner on a w as she's known on Instagram.

I was apprehensive about seeing get Out because I was like, how can this be good if Alison Williams is in it? Because I remember Peter Pan. I will always remember Peter Pan. I replay and I'm replaying it now. And but she fucking was amazing that movie. Like she was such a I couldn't imagine anyone else doing like she's kind of perfect. Well, here's the thing, not not two nights ago. I say, Matt, let's go see get Out. We have time to kill.

We've approximately an hour and forty four minutes the runtime of get Out to go see get Out. It's to the theaters, two streets away. Let's go, and he goes, I'm too scared. But then I said, no, it's not. It's supposed to be amazing and not just a scary movie. And then how scary is it? It's not like it's a it's like a thriller. Here you go and like, and then some and then there's there's a other sudden moments.

There was a piece in Vulture today that said the headline was just stop being a coward or don't worry cowards. Get Out isn't that scary? Yeah, it's not like jump scary. It's not like it's not like a spooky like a clown creature scary, right, it's it's uh, it's more like suspense and like a suspenseful thrill. I guess it would be like like Silence of the Lambs lumped in as a horror movie, but that's more like No, it's like a suspenseful thriller. And you're like following, and I would say,

get Out is not comparably violent, means there you go. Listen. I know, actually I want to go see it. I cannot wait to go see it. It's just like it gets you know, listeners of last countries as well know I'm a jumpy boy. What what movie did you see that you were like, this is a scary regret to give you an idea of what goes on in here. And I'm speaking to like my as to my stomach, like I just get so physically inhabited. I had to stop watching Breaking Bad because it was too much like

I I made me anxiously to go see it. I couldn't even start to watch Stranger Things because it was too scary. Um, yeah, I just but I'll get over it. You guys, I'm gonna go see it. That's okay. You don't have to be apologetic about no. But I feel like I I feel like I it sucks for me because it's stuff that I want to go see it, Like I want to go see that ship. It does suck, and it changes how I think of you. But you know,

it's okay, I guess, because what do I matter. I'm just, you know, an influential and will drag you to death, will drag you, drag You'll call you? What does it? Snooty mean? Snooty mean? There you go. What were we just talking about before we got on this Casper mattresses? Yeah, By the way, you should go ahead and get a Casper match. Honestly changed my life, Patty, I will. Yeah, so great, great to get Dickie down, To get Dickie down.

Once you put your face on a Casper mattress, it won't even matter that you can barely breathe because you're getting fucked so hard by your partner. Actually, the design of the mattress you can breathe. No matter how many knees are on the back of your head, you can breathe. And also, um, if we're having trouble seeing afterwards from having your face smushed into the casper, get on a pair of Warby Parker glasses and you'll never have seen. Guys,

we are so excited to have sponsors. You have no idea. I clapped like a seal seal, like fucking seal pat Patty Harrison's a fucking seal. So wait, seriously, is not in the Hearst Tower anymore? No, No, we are, We're we don't know if I'm going to give away my building, don't give it away. But they're not in the Hearst Building anymore. Hudson were in Nutson. Find the barge. That's where I'll be. I just always passer Mattress up in there.

I always passed by the hearse Tower because I'm a tour guide on a bus and I always look up at it and I think, oh, my friends are doing comedy there. No, I went there. I wasn't there, so seriously was there? And then they left? But then I went back there recently, um, and I went inside and I was like, because everyone is I think our building right now is very nice. It's like my first like official comedy job, and I was working at a restaurant before.

So I'm just amazed to be like working in the city and like this is this is all you miss working at a restaurant? Well everyone, yes, honestly, I miss working at a restaurant. And someday I will own one. It's going to be called uh ham ham Sandwich and not affiliated with data Hamill. It's gonna be called ham Sandwich Store, and we're gonna be selling not even artesianal Ham sandwiches. I'm going to go out to the store.

I'm gonna be and I'm going to Brice ham Boar's head. Also, they that cannot hold it cannot do anything because thet's old Moniker used to be Ham Sam Sandwich Hamwich and not sandwich. So there you go. You're in the clear. But okay, so you so this is so you went back and you saw you went back was just beautiful.

It's it's so great And did you know it's made of over recycled steel and at the top of the building there's a basin that catches all the rainwater and precipitation and they use that water to heat, cool and power the building, and as a Platinum certification l E. D certified a leader and Energy and Environmental design. It was actually the first guy scraper to be um constructed after the events of nine eleven, so it holds a

very special place in New Yorker's hearts. Yeah, that's what I always think about when I see Hers Tower, Matt, that is devastating. That whole thing you just did. Why I don't I mean, you guys can't see this because it's a podcast, but his eyes he welled up and they're they're fully bleeding. I welled up and blood came out of It's crazy what happened. I welled up, clear tears, and then I cried blood. If you really want to, you can date a building. I really want to Her Tower,

you know. Construction began on the Hearst Tower in and then in obviously the stock market crashed, so the building only stood at six floors for almost seventy five years until two thousand and six when the Hearst Corporation they had their money back, they had patty back, and they began construction on what was to be completed as the Hearst Tower But here was the thing. The building had

been historically landmarked. So when that happens, you can't touch it, you can't change it, you can't even look at it the wrong way. So they had to find a loophole. That's what they do. They literally created a loophole. They dug out the middle of that Hearst tower and built that modern steel structure from the six floor up, and now we have the amazing green, environmentally friendly building we have today. Matt, this is fucking psychotic, and I have

called the police. I have truly called you. Guys should all be paying me money right now, because I'm giving you part of the experience. I know, my cat. Wait, hold on, I'm looking at cider window. There's a Sacks player who's doing a break dance. Oh my god, Matt, tell us about him. Well, you know, buskers can make up to five dollars a day. So it's Gotham this magazine? Is that true? Allegedly, That's how I begin that segment. You guys, come to the come to the tour? I do.

I don't want to. Oh why not? Why not just self plugged your your own job? Because why because why guys? Wait, Okay, this is called Matt Spider Tours. It's called All Lives Matt Tours only for people. You guys, we have a really amazing wait wait, I just have to say real quick. You're into the intonation of um is it? Uh? Was it? Miami? I'm I'm the head, Which I'm the head, which the greatest? Which? Which which I'm the greatest? Which I'm glued? But then

you cancel it. No, we didn't cancel it. It's just that sometimes inspiration doesn't strick. Although we can announced right now, I respect that what are we doing? I don't know what. This is time to announce what has happened that there will be We've announced two nights in Austin coming out on March five and March six. We're doing it. We're gonna be driving and we're gonna be in College Station. We're going to be in College Station in Texas. Everyone can look out for us. They're all of our fans

in College Station. We're coming on March five, and all of our fans fans in Austin. We're going to be out on March six. We're going to be in production were South Congress, South Tower. Let's just say one of the one of the episodes. Were excited to announce the episode title, here we go, what is that feud? This is the first this is honestly the first time hearing of this. And also, yeah, and don't you fucking aren't you fucking it in your skin about that? Because you

love to call yourself the producer of this project. You love to be in creative control. You have to be in the driver's seat. Well guess what I'm here too? Okay, well then, okay, Well, this is Matt Rodgers is the show, and there's been a little bit of a power power struggle here. I just want to say, Patty, to address this, we did have to cancel. I felt like viewership and engagement was down. I felt like it was time why not go out on the said Bowen is a very

negative presence. I will say that like when he feels like when he feels like when we're on the set of of Knights In, Bowen will get very negative when he feels like we're not fulfilling his creative vision because he gets very arrowed in on what he wants it to be, and then he really cares about likes. I don't know if anyone knows this really cares about likes, and once things aren't immediately hitting, he immediately gives up and things we should just do other things on our vacations.

But I don't want to do other things on our vacations. I want to create content. I want to remove this stigma of caring too much about likes. Likes is likes are the most immediate feedback we have now. And you know you care about likes, Patty, I am, I do, and I I guess my relationship with likes is kind of not what a lot of the relationship a lot of people have with likes. And I think if I explain it now, it would sound all willy wonky, and then I would probably just sound crazy or something that

it's like a love hate relationship. And I think a lot of people can identify with that in the very least with anything other than likes. You know, you have your parents, and some people say I love my parents, but I don't like my parents. You have you know, that's the same thing. Anyways, I don't know. Bowen is difficult, and we've seen it and we know that he's difficult,

which is that Bowen is very difficult. Yes, you know what, I just hope that going into this next series, the next two series, that bowen Um will give an open mind because we have a great cast. Would we have a great cast and I won't announce who they are,

but you know what, it's a great cast. And I just want to make my dream is that someday and in not not in a shoehorned way, that it naturally occurs that I am for some reason I'm traveling with I was just going to say, it would be an honor to travel with Patty and do a where would you like to go? While the strings hind this guy, I do want to say I do my best work

in Orlando. I agree in general, it's because the reason why the reason why Chicago was tough was because it was hard to shoot because we couldn't do outdoor scene. It was cold. It was very cold, and it was windy and cold and we were just indoors and too much light reflecting off that bean bean the bean was Patty. With that in mind, what's your dream location um? In? In the United States? I think I think California is

just so diverse. The terrain even even like the hills where like you can hike in It's like Puma Country. It's scary, but it's just very beautiful tall grass like it's it's you could like I see a shot with someone running up a hill. Yeah, yeah, yes, with their arms in that way, like it's Paulina Rubio somewhere. She just shot up out of bed, Like who's Who's She's doing fine? People fucking love her? Okay, charged charge charged charge charged. Guys. Listen, we have a new segment to

debut today. Come on, it's is a historic really going to be great because I know that what you all gag for and what you all wait for is I don't think so, honey. But the thing is, we've given birth to a sister segment, I don't think so, honey, and it's called take it Away by My perfect Little do Da Day. Now, what we have people do this as a social segment. We want you to submit to us.

You're a short description short of your perfect culture filled day and in your wildest dreams, what would you do. Money is no object, location is no object. You can fly anywhere and back within the within the day. And so we've gotten some great responses. Now, now what we're gonna do. We're gonna read one and then as a group with Patty, we're gonna we're gonna critique. Can I ask just to clarify what what is a culture field day? Well,

it can really mean anything. If culture to you, it to's you know, too little Cindy lou who means being in Huville, then that means Cindy Luke, who will want to go back to Huville and then and then I hope she would, you know, yes, of course, I mean it should be so incubated, not be so incubated. But I think Cindy Lee, who of all people needs to needs to go to a college in a big city. I think right now, yes, Cindy Lee, who has high high is a very high executive in go to south

By Southwest. Yeah, there you go. She I think should her parents, who obviously are very wealthy. I mean, Christine Baranski is your mom that she was the next door neighbor. Oh, I thought she was the mom. Wasn't horny too? She was so she was horny and rich, and that was like the who that she was. She basically really wanted to the grinch. I think she actually probably had something going on. Christine Flash I had something going on. Guys. Um just let's open this up to the to the listeners.

If you think Christine Baranski's character and how something going on, let us do you think do you think she should that she was unrightfully unfunn Do you think she should have gotten I think that she has debilitating like Michael Fastbender asked, like sex addiction, like in Shame. And I think Christine Baranski in The Grinch is obsessed with sex in a way that it's like a violence against herself. Yeah. Sure,

she's succumbing to think it's an illness like hur like chaffey. Yeah, it's like she shot those lights onto her house in that one scene, and then she got behind the door and immediately started weeping, and she watched porn. Porn, it's the same, but their noses are differently. It's just sex, just as fucking graphic. Honestly, thinking about who's fucking has gotten me really excited to do this segment. So yes,

we and culture is open to interpretation. Culture could be I sat out on my deck and drank a peach t if you live in Georgia, that's culture. So it's really just the way you want to spend your life for the day. Culture is life. Culture is not just film, okay, for the basics out there, cultures not just movies and music. Culture is not just Beyonce for you fucking basics. Oh wow, Matt is coming for the basics, Dragon Coming Mys. So

today's perfect little Duda Da comes from Jesse. Jesse. We love you so much Jesse, and we're gonna take it away. You read this, okay? I would like to read this culture by Jesse. My perfect Duda day, Wake up to Chance the Rapper, eat a bacon, egg and cheese, and catch up on TV Big Little Lies, Girls, New Girl people should get back on it. Uh. And then I'd probably walk around a cool neighborhood and NYC or explore Brooklyn so much culture, or see a bunch of movies

back to back in the theater. My night would probably consist of going to a lot of comedy shows until I wanted to bar from quick comedy forever. Wow, that's from Jesse. So alright, So right off the bat, I'm gonna say, this sounds like a great day. Sounds great. I would say, um, well, what are your initial thoughts? Guys? I want Jesse to go to a waterfront. I feel like that that was always I was gonna say water park in New York City, that she's she's keeping it

pretty local to you. And I did say before that location is no object, like she could go. I think she should have gone to a water park here. Sure, I'm fine with if Jesse is not a fan of water parks, I would suggest you go to the waterfront. Um, I think she needs to go to splus Blash on Long Island. Do you think so? Yeah? I think the way I would critique this is she should do none of what she said. She should have woke up early, she should have not and she should have woken up

to an alarm because not chance the rapper. No, don't listen to that. Get into the car, don't listen to any music. Just on the way there, text your friends say hey, maybe it's splitsh Blash, which is a water park along island. Drive out, no context. Just at nine a in the morning, her friends get a Texas As meet me and they know and they know where to go, and then they meet there. They do all the ride

until the park closes. Um. At the end of the day they go right home and they're exhausted because they had such a great time and they just go to bed. Could I think that's that's what I would have done for if I was Jesse, and that to me makes this a failure. Okay, Patty, did you have something to say? Well, first stuff, I was going to say, going to a theme park and writing every single ride kind of sounds like it's, you know, having sex point where it's violence

against yourself. That's where it's just chafing. It's just it's not fun to write that many rides. It is not that fun. It's jarring in your body hurts. I would say the one thing she should do when she wakes up as listen a chance the rapper. I disagree. I think that she should definitely listen to him. I think he's he's you know, he's don amazing stuff. He's unrepped that is unrepped, that he's no label. No, I mean

I think he probably has like an agent. Sure, I said I misspoke, but he's spoke in a length about how he refuses to release anything via label because they own all of the publishing rights and all the royalties. But anyway, yes, I think that's the most cultured part of the day, and I think it goes down from there. I need New Girl something. I watched New Girl on a plane and then I watched another episode and another episode because it made me laugh. And you just said

that you don't watch comedies. Maybe maybe I'm basic basic patty, So you're so it all goes downhill. Any recommendations, constructive recommendations on how to make it better, No, I hate giving people advice. I don't want to ever say anything constructive. I just want people to feel the sting of my a little venice. I'm a bit I honestly, I really

like I feel like, uh, I've watched New Girl. So something that I think in terms of my opinions that I think frustrates people sometimes with me is that I think, um, there is this idea of, you know, someone being a trans person in the queer community, and the media representation of a trans person is that naturally they're sassy or their course, because it's kind of it's kind of analogous to drag queens, and it's that sass and that spark.

I have very very neutral opinions about most things. I am very reasonable and I don't have super strong opinions. I do have strong opinions, but I can also in a lot of in a lot of ways, see like the opposite and I and I always would say I guess. I always would say I guess. I would say that because I don't like New Girl doesn't mean it sucks. I think it means that it's just not for me, But I can appreciate the fact that it is entertaining to a lot of people, and a lot of people

that I respect. On that note, I think starting my day with watching New Girl would be a nightmare and I would split my I would slit, you know, my my arteries in the back of my legs. I brought it. Surely die sounds like the recommendation is instead of watching just a great chance of rappers, great start, and it's

but instead of the New Girl. Well, she also said big little lies and girls, So maybe after big little ezes and girls, she wants something that she can mindlessly watch while she, I don't know, brushes her teeth or something that I think New Girl is a mindless watch, and then girls might Big Little Liza. Sounds like there's nuance there, so that might be more challenging. Sure, I mean, start with big little eyes and girls and then end with slitting your knee um, okay, yeah, that that sounds good.

And comedy shows she said to go, she doesn't want to go and see she doesn't see them anymore. There you go, and I will go see them until she barths, until she wants to quit comedy. So that but that's her dream day, that's her dream day. But I think she I think she wants to come back in and be excited about comedy and what she's doing. You know what I'm saying, Yeah, I think famously is this true? Comedy shows earlier in the night are better and then as they get a little bit later, they get a

little bit wackier. Wait is this according to who? Is just just my assessment of the theaters I've been to and seeing, Like sometimes you sit for a show and like oftentimes they like quote unquote good shows will be at like eight and nine thirty and then ten, and then let's shows that are on like eleven and twelve. It's like people maybe take them a little bit less seriously because there's less people there. As you're talking about

programming theaters at theaters in general. Yeah, I'm just saying like at that point, it's like, okay, we're taking this a little bit less serious, Like now now I can bar that. I think. I think those slots. You know, if someone has like an eleven or later show, they're probably like, there's not so many people coming this. I can be more laxed with my before presentation. And then

it's it's so a it you know, becomes wackier. Or it's like, if you get booked on a show at four pm, you better bring your a game because very early Ellen Ellen will be there. Ellen will be there. It will be packed. She's going to bring Ellen comes to shows. Ellen comes to shows. That's what I love about her. Ellen heckled me. What did she say? What did she say? I was I was get this, I'm getting it. I was on a showcase for one of the biggest networks on TV. Oh my god, you can't

say what it is. Don't say it. I can't say what it is. DOS Comedy Showcase, Comedy Showcase. It was at one pm at much More. Yes. I go up on stage and then Ellen sitting there, She's sitting there and and fucking in her suit and her full erect penis is just out, and she she just says, I didn't come here see some fucking tranny and then she threw through a handful of Swedish fish and tell to me, was Ellen degenerous? This happened, This is real, and it

was mortifying to me. She sounds like a humiliating person. She called me a trani and then she she was like, just so you know, it's t r o h n N. I'm e I g h like Jennifer Jason Lee. Like how she spells her name. She sounds disgusting. She's a bad person. Let's take let's boycott Ellen. We are I've legitimately come for Ellen on this show you have, but we are going to I will. I want to transcribe that story word for word, and I want it. I will make it my cover photo. Yeah good, just you watch.

I want people to know about this. We're going to print that on a T shirt. We are, but we are alright, guys, well you know what. We're gonna put your name on the end. So just just good luck and never booked on Ellen and your weapon. Maybe ten years from now, she'll book you and then you'll have

to just very harmingly explain what this was about. No, no, okay, no wait, it was funny because it was a joke and she slowly removes her seventeen inch the lass day and as I remember you, you, Tronny comes out in the bear costume and scares you. And then she she gets up and she's like dancing. Wait, that was my favorite part of the oscars. I'm just kidding. I liked

it though, I like that song any more. Words of wisdom for Jesse here was honestly, that sounds like a good day, lax a lax ascid day, a neighborhood and animals, see and exploring Brooklyn. Yes, you explore the boutiques on Atlantic Avenue. She was vague here. Yeah, I give some specific things she should I don't think I don't think

she's being to VG. This is my only recommendation. I want her to go go to Best Buy at Atlantic Terminal by a too terror byte hard drive, and I want her to back up every device she owns, because you never know what's gonna happen. This is a good day now, but law of averages, she's gonna have a shitty fucking day where she where her her laptop balls in a puddle. And also that mall has a cold stone and the sizes and the sizes gotta have it I always gotta have it, always gotta have it. No,

I always do gonna have it. I always do the biggest fucking one. And you know what, I mix cotton candy ice cream with strawberries and rain bust sprinkles because I'm a gameman bitch. Oh yeah, hey y And then you tip them, you tip them in the tipped them and then they sing, hey, y'all, we got a tip, and then they do this song. A few times I got tipped like that, but I never got tipped aget. Hey hey, so I ain't got a tip in my jar and got it to even my jar? Is that

a real? Sounds very real? I don't think so. I think I made up that tune. That's a good one. They can use that for frez. I gotta I gotta be honest. Every time I've ever gone into cold Stone Creamery and I asked for the ice cream of my choice, which changes day to day, so I'm not going to say one. I love mint chocolate chip. So but anyways, sometimes I go in, um, well, I guess not. Sometimes every time I go in, I say, and they asked

me for the size, I say, gotta have it? Do I gotta have it, and then I kind of like look around and I say, yeah, I gotta have. And then they look at me and they say, and she's behind you, and so is the bear and just resting her fl she rests it and it hits the base of my neck. That's how big her flashic talk. And then one at a time that all the creamer. The creamers go to R O H and and E I G H. It's really visceral for me. I must thank you, Jesse. I hope can now live a better day. Okay, And

now I think here we go. For those of you who don't know, I Don't Think So Honey is the cornerstone of our podcast. This is where we each take one minute on the clock to rail on something in culture. And we have a very exciting announcement about I Don't Think So Honey. This is our first episode since we've been nowsha and you know what, Patty Harrison is going to be involved. On March one, at Littlefield, you guys, at eight pm, we have Last Cultures Live I Don't

Think So Honey. We have fifty comedians that are going to be coming up. They're all going to take a minute to do a live I don't think so, honey, this is gonna be so fun. We have some amazing people booked for the event. We're not going to name their names because they may drop out. I don't want to drink I don't want to drink it. I just want to make sure that everyone like is there, Patty. If you drop out, we will send Ellen. I will

send Ellen. Okay, all right, So we have amazing people, seriously, people from SNL, people from Late Night. It's it's going to be incredible. It be very funky, amazing. Here we go tonight. People Target Target is going to be there, um, people people who fucking don't work at television shows who are just as good. I don't know who these people think really Target ladies. I think people like snooty mean will be there. We'll be there. Yeah, okay, alright, guys,

So I don't think there any I don't. I kind of have something prepared. What about you? Well, then you should go first. Well I kind of do well, I kind of don't at all. And so yes, some more wine? All right? Well know, yeah we've been drinking. What the fuck you sit where you where you are, and you judge. I don't think that's very Jesus. Okay, that's so such to that's not very Jesus. Such an incendiary uh you know, drag from Matt. I gotta say, Matt is very vocal,

very political these days. That is a political statement. Well you know what, judge not lest you be judged. Okay, here we go. This is my own things. Exhausting to think in these terms, but I do, alright, Bowen yangs, I don't think so, honey. Starts, I don't think so, honey, gay shop keeps when I walk into their boutiques and they shoot me mean eyes because I'm wearing gym shorts. Bitch, I am a customer, a potential customer, until you shot me those that stupid, fucking mean mug. Honey. I was

gonna buy it. Maybe a nice Stephen Allen shirt, how about that Steven Allen on Atlantic Avenue. I see you, bitch, those shop keeps wearing they're fucking you know, tortoise shell glasses, who think they're all all that? Honey? No, honey, I don't think so, honey. I'm there a shop here whereas I'm near to try on your your fucking you know, twill shirts, and I was gonna buy one even though

it's overpriced at like a hundred and fifty dollars. I was gonna I was gonna show out that one fifty for that tool shirt, honey, until until you you you shot your unshaven, craven fucking face at me. Bitch. I don't think so, Honey. I will not give you my money, and I will never give you my money. I will be shopping at the Moogie, at the ever Lane, at the Unique Clothes honey of the world, because those shop keeps are on my level and they're treat me with respect.

That's one minute. Wow, I can't. I gotta say, I love that you said shop keep shop keeps. That's what they are, honey. If this for feudal fucking society, there would be nothing. They would be the rabble, and I would go into their stores and and I should be the ones shooting mean looks. That's what I think, the rabble. It's like, I remember I learned what that word meant. Angelina Julius Maleficent was like, you invited everyone, even the rebel.

She goes, well, that's a crazy fucking Maleficent impression. My problem with Angeliana Jolie is she's not sexy enough, you know what I mean. One of the ugliest women is sexy enough. Like for me, it's like, come on, like, do a little bit more sexy for me. Every actress just doing a little bit more sexy, you know what I mean. If I'm a casting drive for to Hollywood, I'm just sitting behind my desk and I'm like, come on, doing more sexy. Okay, alright, so we're where Patty, do

you mind macOS? And then after you've seen two being done, you'll know. Now I know a topic that I want and who knows how it will turn out? Okay, here we go. You know what? This is the beauty If I don't think so, honey, we were never fully prepared until we go. We're never fully dressed without a smile. And this is Matt Rodgers. I don't think so, honey.

Time starts now. I don't think so, honey. When servers and bartenders pour beer in a smaller glass just because of the kind of beer it is, bitch, I want my beer in a fucking sixteen ounce pint every time. I don't want to hear here that you recommend a fucking lgin pale ale And then I get it. In a fucking scoop dupe glass. I want my beer in a tall ask glass. I don't want to get a beer next to my friend and all of a sudden, just because he gets a stella, he gets to have

a big s beer. I want to have just as much volume in my glass as ever. And guess what, I don't know if we're trying to protect me, because I can handle myself. Bitch. I've been twenty one for one, two, three, four, five six years coming in three days. Yes, that's right, it's my birthday, all right. Well, guess what if I wanted something in a small glass that was an alcoholic drink, I would ordered a glass mer low Cabernet rose, any of the whites I would have ordered wine. I would

have ordered a mixed drink. If I wanted a small glass. Don't get me no cooler, don't give me no scoop dupe, give me a piet. If I order a beer, I demand that. I don't think so, honey, all of you, And that's one minute. Matt Rogers coming for glass sizes. Today. I had dinner with my parents and early dinner, and they told me I needed to order this beer. This palm ale. All that sounds lovely and I said, that's amazing.

What is that? They said, it's a Belgian ail, It's amazing, and they give it to me and this fucking little little little tongue like a little tumbler, and I'm like, what the hell? No, unacceptable. I don't like that. And especially especially during the Christmas season, honey, Well when you chas seas, No it's not. But guess what this is when you really need to look out for it, because that's when they get real crafty with the beers. And so you want a chocolate beer, you want a little

bit of this, little bit of that. Guess what It's gonna come in a fucking thimble. So just make sure that you know what you're ordering and ask the server is this going to come in a regular ask glass? Or am I gonna get fucking two SIPs out of this thing? I don't think it's filled with a pine cone for the flavor. And I'm like, you know what, get out of get out of here. I would really get into it. I don't think the onus is on us as customers to ask to ask about the sizes.

That's just me. It should be on them to choose the clost Yeah, I mean, just let me know if I'm gonna get like a little fucking cup a cup of beer? What is onus? Me? Like, like the responsibi. The responsibility isn't on you to be like I want this this thing and this thing and this thing. You know what I'm saying. It just bothers me when I feel like I'm not getting what I paid for. Also, very commonly those beers are like twelve dollars each, the

ones that the real craft ones over price. I'm looking at the straits. You know, when you order a craft beer at a bar, they're nodding, Um, okay, Patty, Okay, you're got ready for it. Might be it might be meeker. You make it your own. You make it your own. Okay. We've had people on here that have been really meek. Okay, okay, whatever that means. Now, this is Patty Harrison's I don't

think so, honey, time starts now, Okay. People who undershare, especially when you ask someone what their weekend was like and you come in, especially someone like me, I always lead strong, I lead vulnerable. I think the best way to have a good conversation is to really let yourself, be open and say some think gross. I usually lead with something about my bowl movements. If I come back from weekends, someone was like, how is your weekend? I was like, oh, it was crazy. I am not regular

right now. I I like, I farted and ship came out, and that's you know, that's me being open with you. And then when I asked you back, you're just like, oh, um, yeah, it was fine. I went to a bar. And then you start to walk away with your tea and like no, no, no, no, no, no, come back, come back to me. Or if I say something like oh yeah, I can't have h I can't do butt sex for a while now because I got

a rip because someone put their wiener in you. And then and then you know I'm open with you, and then someone is like, oh, well this weekend I was going to seek it out, but I stayed in and I watched Stranger Things or some ship that is just rude to me, and I that's a full minute. I don't. I don't. I don't think so, honey, I don't feel like that. I don't feel like that. I didn't say a lot, excidy, you didn't waste the opportunity not like the because Patty, you know what you did, you got real,

that really got vulnerable. You talked about your asshole. Rip. They're lating in the seat, in the seat that the seat right now. Look, I just want to say, Patty, I hope we did I hope we did not feel that test because before we started rolling, Patty, Patty and Patty, Matt and I were talking all about that stuff, that stuff, and I think I think we got right on the same page. We were. We were on the same page about that stuff. It is. It is an art, it's

a craft. It's truly a craft. It's a it's it is a sport, I will say, because you have to exercise that muscle. Literally. I'm actually now just getting into, you know, penetrating myself. Great, see you guys. Um it's been an amazing episode. Um, right, is that all the time we have? That's all the time we have? So sadly nodded? Yes, Can we harmonize? When you dream? It can be amazzy when you dream. It can be so

good when you dream. You can't flyve forver. When you dream, you dream with me for the longest time, right, WHOA for the longest time? Dream? I don't know the words, you guys, Patty Harrison the gig and you know what she is going to be at last Culture. It's just live. I don't think it's honey on Mary one Little Field. Come at eight pm, fifty community. It's gonna be unbelievable. Um, should just sort of guess a review on iTunes. You guys rate us for view us on iTunes. We'd love that.

And look, we fucking love Patty. Fucking love Patty. Where can people find you on online? Uh? You know, seriously? Dot tv that's the website that I work for you. We're on YouTube, We're on Twitter, you know, Twitter and Instagram, Party Underscore Harderson. You'd imagine it's spelled I did not give that name to myself. It was right, of course, of course. Yeah, I'm just yeah, well yeah, we love you, We love you. We thank you, Forever Dog, thank you guys,

and you guys for listening. And bowen. Here we go a bitch, all right, here we go, bitch, Matt Rogers. Bye. This has been a Forever Dog production, executive produced by Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsay, and Brett Bom. For more podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Productions dot com