On The Fifth Day of Culture... July 2nd, 2020: Ghislaine Maxwell, You're Under Arrest!

what I mean? Like I think, and also I think people like to be a fly on the wall to something that is grisly. I really think that with it. They don't want something nasty and bad and dark and violence happen to them. But they're curious. They have a morbid curiosity. As they say, I don't care about the who and who've done it? You and I care about what the why? I think you should. I think you should call them why done? It's because that's the juice, honey, Yeah,

that's what you want. That's like I don't Okay, great, this person killed that person. That's not that that doesn't tell the whole story. I'm gonna need some more context. So why Why is what we want to know. And you as an actor, as an artist, you're always thinking of the motivations, you know what I mean, Like in so many of your creations, I I it's a fully realized you know exactly where they came from. Like every every time you do a sketch, right, you think of

this sketch. Comedy is something that has to be very nuanced, very deep. It's never about you know, not doing it. It's everybody anything except the motivation. Yeah. So so this is really why I guess I bring this up is because I think today we're actually going to be um

a little bit of a true crime podcast. We're gonna be a little bit of a true crime podcast, but only today, only today, and then everyone can go back to your other podcast that you enjoy, like you know, my favorite murder or et cetera, us cereal, you know these other grizzly you know they're so scary, these podcasts we're gonna be only get a little bit spooky today as we talk about a very bad criminal, criminal who's now who's now sent up the river, as they say,

as they say this is day five and on there it was July two, arrest. This is the day that Galene Maxwell was thrown in jail, arrested in New Hampshire with a founder, and they threw her in the bin where she belongs. Has there ever been anyone more loathsome than Glen? I don't think there's ever been anyone more littlesome. And I couldn't believe when they finally found her and threw in the damn been. She is horrid. And you know what I don't like about Gillane? She ran away

in her house. When that she you know, when they knocked on her door and said Gilane, come out, They said that she was spotted running away in the house. Guess what, stupid, you can't go anywhere in the house. What are you gonna do? Jump? No, no, no, house ain't that big? No, in fact, not for nothing. But get a bigger house, get a better house, get it harder to find house. All these millions. Shut up, Gillane. Want me to care, want me to care about you?

You should have been richer. Stupid British when the stupidest British people ever. And guess what y'all are supposed to be smart, honey, you're offsetting the average you're an outlier, babe, Gee Lane, can we talk about this stupid name. Let's just go letter by letter? Okay, yeah, G cool, fun different um. So far I'm into it. And then I then and then I even hear the hard G like A, and I'm like, oh, interesting, what's this person's name? Then what comes next? Here's what it is? Twist you ready

for it? H h Okay, what is it going to be? Gentry? Don't tell me it's gonna be Gandhi, honey, because there's only one queen with that name. There's only Gandhi. It's G A. I think you're wrong. I think it's g H A N D. I don't think. Can I say this, we won't cut it out no matter what it's. I'm and I just looked it up. I can confirm that I am correct, G A N D H. I wow. Okay, spelling be my ass off. I would be out of

the spelling. Be down. Look, I see I see your name and I see the letters G H. I'm like, wait a minute, I forgot to buckle up because what where the funk are we going? Yeah? I just want to pause on this and say that. Hans just chimed into the chat and said, to be fair, he didn't spell it with the same letters. So actually you're being very sort of American capitalist. What what does what does that mean? Hans? What do you mean, Hans? Hans come in the chat, didn't spell it with the same letters.

This is not enough. Oh no, well he's saying that, yeah, he that Gandhi himself did not anglicize his own name. Romana is you know how what have you exactly? Which is which was my point? It was it was and you anglicized it. You and you anglicize a lot. I know, I know, g H, g H. Where does your mind go when you see a name that starts with g H? Can I be real? I'm hoping it's something like gilly no,

l L unacceptable. I think it's unacceptable. But once someone says and like, I'm like, oh god, I have no do you Let me just get real specific for everybody's for everybody. You tell me this woman, this is the name of a middle aged British woman. That's all I'm telling you. She's white. What do you think of these letters? As I as I sequenced them out for you, and what do you think? Well, by the time it gets to h I'm like, I have I'm so thrown off

and disoriented. I don't trust her already. I don't trust her already. No, okay, so what's the next letter? I excuse me? I'm like, what gee? Gee? I'm like, did you pronounce Georgia wrong? I'm like, did you pronounce Gina wrong? Mama? Did you pronounce Georgette wrong? No? No, the person tells you it's g And I'm like, well, let me just sit back in my chair, kick out my damn feet and see how the rest of this plays out. Oh, let me um strap myself in even further. With the

second buckle. It's just popped over my face. I say, honey, this this roller coaster has started and we're on it, and there's multiple buckles and and and fastenings. Talk about the next letter. You're not gonna believe it. S it's so guess guess geese, sister, sister, I'm tired. I'm not Canadian, sweetie, I bitch, I don't like the geese. Get away from me, from me, Get the geese off the TV. I'm not trying to see that. What what what are you thinking?

I'm thinking, I'm literally thinking, Okay, I guess I bought a ticket to the damn circus. Might as well stay to the end when the elephants twirl, I'm thinking, I guess I elected for a procedure at the surgeon's office so that my head can go spin around on the damn hinge, off the hinge. And also I'm thinking, are they going to pull this off? You know what I mean?

When when I'm when I'm g h, I s far into this name, I'm like, Okay, is there going to be some twist where they pull off this woman's first name? And I have to eat crow? You know what I mean? Well, I have to eat crow tonight. Oh my god? And you hate you hate crow. I hate eating crow. It's one of the It's a very gamy bird, and no one wants to eat crow. You know why. It's gamy iron a lot of iron content. Well, there you go, there you go. And as far as I'm concerned, I

don't think I'll be eating crow. But then we get that there's a possibility. What's the next letter you? I think it's your turn. The next letter is L excuse me, you're excused? That doesn't make no one bit of sense. So now we've got is literally the word geesel. And and you're telling me we're getting name out of this gissel. This woman's real and British, real British, and woman is a powerful white woman of British descent. Because none of these letters make any sense. I'm five letters and I

only got one damn vowel. Get the funk out and let me tell you something. I got zero patients, thank you and thank you? Hello, g h I s l gisel. How are they going to get out of this one? Hey? Pat, say Jack? This bitch is broke. She she can't even buy any vowels for herself. And Mama Vana White's turned to soup honey because she's looking at the board saying there's no way. Van A White staring at the board

saying geese. She's saying, I've never seen anything like this on Wheel of Fortune, and my forty five years of tapping the screens on this show, I've never seen nothing. She broke her silent. See the thing about Vana is she's actually very quiet, very quiet girl. Only at the end when Pat sort of asked her, like, what did you do this weekend? Will she say anything at all?

But she Vana White. When she started to spell this name gie Lane on the Wheel of Fortune board, she had to stop and say, now, hold on a minute, hold on, I've never seen anything like this. She broke her silence and said, I could get fired for this, but I have to say this. This doesn't feel right at all. This doesn't sit right with me. And she would be right because the next letter is in fact, well, you know what, do you remember two seconds ago and I was like, there aren't n fowls. I could use

another one. Now it's like, I will be careful, We'll be careful what you wish for, because this, this, this is deeply unsettling a A. So now it's now it's literally you're like, gissla, Gisla, ask me one letter ago, I've been like, please, for the love of Odd, give me a vowel in this name. But now that I have that vowel, I'm like, oh, I didn't want that vowel. Yeah, yeah, And so this is where Gisla. But the thing is, though, bo, this is where I'm at this point of the name.

This is where I'm like, oh my god, are they gonna at this juncture start using vowels and more consonants later to sort of make this work because now I'm looking at it like g h I s L and I'm I am thinking of myself, get Get, Get, and I think I'll like island, and I'm like, gil is that Gila? Is this it? This might be something that that could be a name. And that's this is the part of the name where I started to get really scared because just because it's sort of because they might

figure it out. They might figure it out, and they had not inspired much confidence before. So it's very, very upsetting to see a vow come up and you go, oh my god, my greatest fears unfolding right before my eyes. Because that's when I realized, Okay, this person, these people might actually be really powerful. And it's it's scary because then when you hear the next letter, you realize that the tides are turning. What is it? It's ill, They're

gonna do it. They're they're gonna pull this off. It's like sick. It's like watching an election goes off. It's like, oh my god, this is really happening. The returns are coming in and you're like, my work, my hard work. Canvassing, phone banking, donating, talking to my relatives, talking to my friends. It's it's it's not going to matter. It's it wasn't enough. So there's part of me that still has hope because right now the word does look like and I'm like,

this can't no, this is not the thing. This is where they start to sort of put the lid on it in a sick way. They don't tighten that, they don't tighten it, they don't screw it on just yet, but the lid is on because you're like, oh my god, it's making it out the factory and and Glan Galen Gizlan. Now I'm like, okay, it's kind of pretty Geese, not really, but I mean pretty. But it's coming together in a

way that you didn't expect it first. Tough. And Vanna is looking embarrassed, and she's wishing she hadn't spoken up, and she she's the writings on the wall. She's gonna get there, gonna produce's gonna grab her by the arm once the camera stopped rolling and go the producers want to talk to you, and she says, she says, will you let go of my arm? Will you let go of my hurting me? Stop it with your grip. You're

hurting me. And then the producer says, you can it and she says, I've never been spoken to like this. I flipped the panels for years. Get off of me, now, you know what. I will go speak to them and she gets sat down in the office and they tell her, you know, disclose one more outburst like that. You're gone, You're gone, gone, You're gone, missy. And she says missy and they say that, yeah, never because I've spoken to like this. I treated like this at my place of

work ever my five years work. I have worked here for forty five years. They say, can it, Missy? Wait, don't end the story yet, because we need to end the story on the last letter. And so this is when you realize we're working with true evil because the last letter is And that's when it's clear that the first name of this villainous, vituperative, venomous woman woman is Delane, gil Lane, deil Lane. And then her last name is Mac and she hits you with that everyday last name,

de Lane Maxwell, Maxwell. It's it's just it's it's so it's so like deceptively like from earlier and warm, Yeah, trusted it's reliable now. And that's the psycho thing about some of these people is they come in here with their exotic first names and then a last name like Brown. You know who's really really a criminal? Sutie Green, Sudi Green, I'm sorry to say, poverty, shallow, Yeah, criminal criminal. It's crazy you can profile people based on their first names

Bowen Yang, Yes, yes, criminal criminal. And so now we have Guillan and Maxwell. And when Vanna returns to the studio, she's walking back, she sees that Gilay is spelled out on the board and she says, I'm sorry, I I didn't know, and then her her arms start to give out. She says, what's going on with my She can't feel her toes, she can't feel her toes at all. And it's very cold. All of a sudden, it's very cold in the studio, and she realizes she's like, am I

having an anxiety attack? Am I having a panic attack? And then one by one, the lights, the ceiling lights from the outside of the studio start to turn off, and then and then the ones next to them start to turn off, and then it's and it's like, all of a sudden, like and everyone in the audience is

starting to feel cold to everyone. They can see their breath and all the contestants are like what and and you know, it's just it gets really cold in the studio and all of a sudden, the doors open and in walks and all you hear is the high hills like clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack, and pan up and everyone pans up because no one's looking at at her face and was just

looking at the shoes. And it's Vanessa Lisha and she says, I'm doing this now, my god, And Vanessa Lesha, Vanessa Lesche walks over to Vanah White, who is on the floor just soblade a, sobbing, can't feel it, does not have any muscle control at all, as if she was being attacked remotely, and she says, I'm sorry. I didn't believe that Gilaine could be a name, and then Vanessa says, shut up. She says shut up, and then she walks over to the board to assume her new job. And

then she turns back and looks over her shoulders. She goes, actually, on second thought, can it Missy Curtains curtains down. End of play, end of play. It's a play twist. It was a play twist. It was a play all along. And this is the problem with everyone that listens to our podcast is for them things have to be movies and shows. And guess what, sometimes things can be plays. It's actually real culture number nine. Some sometimes things can plays.

I think I would love to see like a play about um a game show host duo dynamic like passage Iack and mana White? What should what should what should their dynamic be? It should be like on TV. It's like and I'm sure like they get along great in real life, but like the dynamics should be it should be like morning show or something. But it's Larry Standers but a game show. Yes, like Larry Sanders as well, just like but then you know, behind behind the scenes

things get ugly. What if? What if? This is crazy? It's Wheel of Fortune but um And so there's a host and a Vanna White and the second they get backstage, the Vana White is like, what are you doing? You fool? I told you, And all of a sudden, the girl who does the stupid thing of pressing the screens actually turns out to be one of the more powerful people

in entertainment, like Lane, like real talk. When I first heard about Gilay and Maxwell, I thought, I don't know who that is, and I honestly went to go look her up and couldn't figure out how Gilaane worked. I think that that was that that was a lot of people, and that's what makes her so fucking sneaky. Oh yeah, you don't remember her name. It's like she could have. That's why we haven't said his name once and we won't.

We won't know. Yes, that's why she was his She could like sort of be sneak in his right hand person this whole time. The whole time is because name was that woman and they were like Gila right, and they were like, yes, that was very shifty. I hope she gets what's coming to her prison. She should be in prison for the rest of her life. And we should also say, for real, she should. I don't think that's I don't think that's unclear our stance on the Guilline of it all. I think that we should take

us to everyone take a stance on Guillen today. Yeah, can everyone just finally take a stance on Gillane and talk to your family members about Glene so that they can take a stance on it too, because we can't, you know, we can't. We can't be neutral in this otherwise the oppressor wins. Is that one way to bring

America together glean Absolutely, Yes, I'm sorry. This is this is the way to like really kill two birds with one stone is be like, this is what actual like, you know, child sex looks like like it's it's the Glen Maxiwells of the world through like organ mines. Lest it's not. It's not these other bad, bad actors, you know. But you know, the Gallain thing could go prattyy far. What do you mean? What does that mean? I think a lot of guys out there need to be really worried.

M Ronald McDonald's all the powerful guys, Walt Disney, he should be quaking bugs, bunny bugs, bunny We're coming for you. Charles M. Schultz pedophile. No, I take that back, cut that out. These can't come out these episodes. Nothing can come out. That's not true culture. That was not a rule of culture. What are your closing thoughts on online? Um, I think that it was one of the twelve days of culture. Was the day that she was arrested. Because I believe that she was one of the worst criminals

of all time. I believe that she should be locked away with the likes of Yolanda Salivar. Another one of the worst criminals of all time, Keith Rerneery. I think he should be locked up for all time. I think all these people should get locked up. And that's sort of like my role as the one of the hosts of this true crime podcast episode of Laws Cultures is the one that's like wants justice so bad in the

form of imprisonment. Yeah, I love that. I feel like in every duo there's like one that really wants justice, Like there's like a molder in a skully, you know. I want to believe in the skeptic m hmm. Not sure how that relates to us. Now. I think you're saying you're you're the believer. Here's the thing. Do you believe in aliens? Yeah, okay, freak explain why? Well, there's um is it Kepler's paradigm. I don't know what it is. In order to ask me if I know, yes, right,

I have to understand what it is. Explain why you believe an aliens yes, there are there are these like scientific paradoxes that are like statistically like, there has to be alien life forms in this galaxy. I don't know about this galaxy. But the paradoxes are that there are definitely aliens that are out there, but the paradox is that none of them will want to come to Earth. The ones that end up being so advanced that they

do come to Earth, UM, will only want to destroy us. Right, So you're saying that they are out there, but they're not going to bother us because they don't want anything from us because they've already surpassed us. Yeah, it's oh, it's the I'm sorry, Okay, it's the Fermi paradox. That's what I was trying to think about. Fermi paradox. Yes, there's more to it. I'm oversimplifying it, but yeah, do

you believe an aliens? Actually? Did hear from a friend today, um that there is this idea that we are not developed enough society if you can believe it, or not to be of use to anyone in another galaxy that would have the opportunity to come talk to us. Oh yeah, for sure, for sure. Anyway, Um, I think this has been really interesting. Oh, Doug says, Hans knows. Wait, Hans knows. Hans, what information do you have about life outside of this galaxy? I think Hans is gonna tell us that he believes

in aliens or that he's had an encounter. It exists, he says, He says, it exists. Well, that's not going to be enough, and we only have two more minutes left in the episode, so you have to like sort of prove or give credence to your theory, give useful information before we wrap for the day. Crickets, crickets, I believe, I'll forget it. He's just being he's just being a David ducaf me and we're we're being Jillian. We're being Jillian.

And it's it's hard or soft Gee. This is women, figure it out with figured out with the I really don't trust hard soft g culture. I mean, like, and then all of a sudden you get Gee Laine, and then we have to have this whole episode I don't trust. So happy that that woman is locked up, thank god, thank god. I'm really happy that we finally walked through

her name. Well, we still have to to our appreciation for the day of culture that was the day that Gillian Maxwell was arrested this past summer, to everyone that put her away, what we want to say is thank you forgiving cold. You had a little h