"Nicole Wants An Awful Psychic" (w/ Nicole Byer)

Look maryer oh, I see you. I own mind and look over there is that the culture.

Yess wow, lost cult ding dong lost cultures calling.

Welcome back to talking Biden.

We are here to talk about of yes, of the presidency of Joe Biden, the forty six president of the United States, Joe Biden. Today we are talking about Biden's impact on America.

Just kidding.

No, this is lost culch, this lost culture. We are maybe the most politically uninformed people out there in the podcasting space, which I don't.

Think that's true. I think we really keep politics off my mind. I know I voted for Mary and Williamson in the primary. Did you really?

I actually I am so happy because I would have loved that opportunity because listen, and can I say, you're not a great political mind.

If you're like, don't vote for the person that's not gonna win, It's like, that's not really how it works. You can vote for whoever you want.

All I'm saying is if Mary and Williamson's on the ballot, we've done that woman so dirty, just vote for her. I mean now she's dropped out, so it's not an option for the New Yorkers.

But Biden one with ninety seven percent of the primary vote is okay if the two point five percent included by Matt Rodgers rot.

That's what we call a lark. That's what we call a lark, you know. And spring has sprung.

Yeah, spring has sprung the icy season, thank god, because it was so rough.

Ices vergood? I got them. Am I supposed to talk? No?

Not?

Yeah? Quite? Hold on, this is talking Biden.

Still, We're gonna do eight minutes of hard talking Biden, and then you're gonna.

Come in, got it? Yeah, God, I'm so bored of Biden. Well look, I don't know. Will the less we say the better?

Because you're a famous moderate you're actually one of the most famous moderate moderate. Yeah, talk about your moderate views.

I think Kirsten Cinema one of our biggest slaves.

I think that she slaves and goes off politically and anesthetically. I think every hair color choice is the right choice.

I think orange orange goes with green, goes with pink, goes with purple.

If you're wh you have to wear orange. And that's a real culture. That's real culture. Number seven.

If you're white, you have to wear orange. You know.

I have like three orange things in my closet, and I'm always like, this is today the no, and I'm realizing it's never going to be the day for orange.

I don't think anyone with like less than a certain amount of melanin should wear orange.

That's probably true. Do you remember years ago when I made a promise on this podcast. This is a promise I made, and I'm literally sitting here with two Emmy nominees if I ever if I ever get nominated for an Emmy, I said on this podcast years ago, I swear I will wear a canary suit.

You would look great in a canary yellows suit.

And now that sort of careers have gone in the direction where it's like, you know, I'm literally sitting here with people who've been nominated. I don't think it's impossible nominated, and I think I will have to wear canary canary yellow. Canary yellow is more than one canary.

Listen.

I don't know, but I was just confirming, but I think you should wear like a nice deep rich blue like underneath. Yeah, and maybe I have the cuffs coming out a little little drapery.

That's good, may heal? Yeah like that? Oh, that's good. I think style. I think it could be a sleigh. You're sleighing right now. I really love fashion.

I mean you turned some of the most iconic clips and write a carpet history.

I mean that's not me, that's my stylist, Marco. He is incredible.

I love him.

Marco has informed you and your eye. Would you say, I found a little loophole from it? What you wear a canary, but you wear coal colored so I can be the canary in the call and then a little like a little yellow thing on your lapel.

Incredible, that's the canary.

Okay, good, well again, no, no immediate project that's going to get me this nomination. But we're of course look into the future as we always are, with hope and the desire to exceed.

The desire to succeed.

Now someone who gives that in great measures our guests, it's already and the desire to succeed.

I have to say, this is one of the most successful women in history. This is one of the most successful women in rich in life and money.

Money, children love her. She got a fountain. She got a fountain. I do have a fountain.

I know because last time I show you, I think you talked extensively about the rehabilitation, of which I believe was a hole to do getting into that. She got a fountain, she has legions of fans. She got a new film. You new film, Focus Features.

That's the name of the film, Focus Features.

It's actually a biopic about Focus plays Focus and then I think Javier Bardem Place Features.

Yeah, it's a love story. They have a really rough sex scene.

Oh god, it was so wonderful to shoot this. G's right in my mouth and then I use it as a lip gloss.

Yeah, that's really good. Great, And of course there's this other project. It's the American Society of Megriical Negroes. Yeah, go see it. Everyone. Welcome Nicole, Hi, and we're on video today. We're in video today.

But I will point out that the last time you were here was four years ago, in the weeks before the pandemic.

I know, it's wild. How far have we come since? Are we better people? I think everyone is sick as hell?

Yeah, I think we've all forgotten how to communicate act in public. I went to a play and a man was behind me and like a character was like, I'm going to answer the door, and he went, oh, he answer the door, and I was just like softly repeating things, and I was like, this is live.

They can hear you are nuts.

Yeah, it does feel like the pandemic and everything we've been through over the past four years has made people be like, it's low picture.

They can take it away a second. Why am I gonna a Why? Why act with decorum? They can take it and checking back in. I'll be an animal at all.

Times because if I go home and the pandemic happens, I said something about him going in the door.

I'm going to ask a terrible question that you guys have to answer earnestly. If it were to happen again, how would you do it this time? The lockdown part of it.

I would probably do it the same.

I stayed inside for the most part, and I hung out with people outside, and I did like roller skating and shit. I was just like, pretty careful because I was like, I'm fat. If I go to the hospital, they'll be like, lose weight, that's why you can't breathe, and it's like, no, it's COVID like that.

I think that's a good answer.

The one thing I would do differently is I would probably i know this would be a risk, but I don't think I could do the pandemic in my apartment again. Yeah, I would go somewhere. I would do something where it was like the second I even heard about an outbreak somewhere, I'd be like, well, I'm either getting a new apartment and getting on that now. And that pushed me out because I don't think I could allow another period of that time in that same space.

I guess the only reason why I left my old apartment was like the ghosts of early COVID in the walls.

I gotta go, and I'm still in the same place. Yeah, you want to go.

I can still feel like the tension. I can still like I can still taste the pizza. I was eating a pizza a day, a whole pizza.

I ate a lot of pizza. I drink a lot of wine. Oh damn, maybe I would drink less. I think that.

Maybe I think we really collectively let the alcohol because it was funny for a second.

Yeah, to be like, I'm thinking about a line a day and it's like, well, is this a problem? I can't feel my skin anymore? Wait, why don't you move now?

I think it's been a minute, because you know what it is.

It's like, of course it's an exciting process, but then there's the whole actually doing it of it all, Like I love it.

You'll be done with it when you're higher. Movers or do it. I just throw everything in a garbage bag and throw that in the garbage. Yeah, throw it right in the garbage goodbye. I own nothing. No I had. I paid movers to move garbage bags.

Oh great, great, great, But you weren't paying for the movers to put things in the bags or in boxes.

No, no, I didn't want to pay for that, so I put things in Like all of my clothes were in garbage bags.

You know.

I put the seasons together so I could go through it later. But yeah, it's cheap contractor bags.

You know, I use that's bin surface, you know that the big green bins sack, pack up and stack up, like you can really get on the move. You know what's stopping me from doing this? What the fact that my TV is mounted? I'm telling you mount that, like you say unmounted in two words, Like it's that simple.

You get someone to do it.

You get someone to do it, and then they can also maybe like fill in the hole in the wall.

Yeah, with spackle from the depot.

Your rabbit to come over and fill the hole. I mean, I mean you gotta go on grind her.

Honey.

How's the roller skating journey? It's cooled off and I fell down. I broke my ankle. I was scared, but now my ankle feels better. It's been like four years and now I'm wearing a slight heel.

You don't look encumbered at all by a weekended ankle, thank you. You should just pop them on tonight. Go Maybe I will. I don't know, maybe I will. And then I'm like, I broke my ankle again. Do you know what we thought?

We talked about doing today, which actually like made me so excited, And now I'm thinking about the experience of doing one with you, and I feel like it would be very fun.

An escape room. How are you in an escape room scenario? I will do one good thing. I did an escape room once.

I was rather useless until there was this one clue and I was like, add the numbers together and they're like yeah wow.

I was like, and I'm done. Yeah, So you're the numbers person.

I am the one clue person. Like I will do one good like a scavenger hunt. I will do one good thing and I'm useless for the rest of the time. But I'm a good time. I'm like yeah, yeah, and the sister support yes, yes, yes, I'm like, you'll get it. Crack that co diva.

Yes.

There are times where it like I'll be the person that's like, you know, when someone gets something right in an escape room and like a button will start flashing. Yeah, I'll push the button. I will see the flash. Here's where it is.

And then you do the The way.

That you convince your friends that you're good at your escape room is just to sort of be in the front, just to look like you're in the action. Just sort of be in the front like, oh, yeah.

I think we got something.

Yes, and then just as bone like solves the puzzle, I'll go the minutaura and then like oh, come on, like and then you know, come on. I mean I also have done one. This is me running in an escape room like a spider.

I love it. I did well recently where a minotaur chased you around. It was like a live.

Actors no, you know, you would look like he had a whole head paist on when I tell you, it looks like he was January six demon hell okay, and the rock music.

They played whenever he came. Yeah, I tell you it was one of the greatest experiences. What kind of rock was it? It was very white, it was it was one of the whitest. No, wait, no, it was an Asian guy. It was not. It was a black gentleman who was playing the minotaury. It was revealed. We're versatilecast telling you. And then there was one girl who was playing like a like.

A sort of like disturbed mermaid, like young doctor mermaid, and she was giving an amazing performance. Is some of the greatest some of the greatest theater you can see it is happening in escape room.

Haunted houses. Haunted houses are a little intense for me. So I've learned. I look at people and I go not for me, Yeah, And they respond to that.

They stop. They have to otherwise it's like assault. I said, No, do you ever.

Go in like a haunted house and they say something like they reference they know who you are.

Like veiled it. No, I really you would get that.

I would love for so much to do that. That would make me laugh so hard. No, I just go no, thank you or too close?

I don't want none of that.

You keep going to them, Yeah, because I think I want some of that, you want some.

Of that, and it turns out you didn't want none of that.

Yeah, I don't know, because it's once a year, so it's like I have a whole three hundred and sixty five days to be like, maybe I do want.

Some of it.

Yeah, it's hot in here. No, it's so hot in here. Oh my gosh, it's the lights. It's the camera.

You've ever been on a set before. I'm like, oh my god.

That was another thing that was different about the last time we were in here. You remember how dark it was?

It was very dark. It's like pitch dark. Did the podcast? Why was that?

Because the pandemic was coming up? Are you guys recording in person again? Or you you love the zoom?

I have four podcasts. I will do it in person again. I just don't know how I did them all in person.

I don't know.

I don't know either, simply don't understand. And I did it and I don't know how I did it.

So why won't you date me?

Is?

Sometimes in person depends on the guest. Best friends is sometimes in person, depends on our schedule. Newcomers was in person, but Lapis is expecting a present.

Yes, not my news, So take it how you want.

She's got to be home waiting to sign.

Yeah, she needs to sign for it for DHL, which I I hate DHL.

I don't know. It's like, what, just leave my ship. I realized, I don't think so, honey.

I'm so happy because now that I have that checked off, I can thought was usually ten minutes before.

I don't think so honey.

I realized I don't have one, and I'm looking at the guests like not listening.

I just figured out mine too good. So I came prepared. Oh you did, yeah, I think so it's your big return to last coach. I'm gonna go tear. Yeah.

I practiced in the mirror. I don't think so honey. No, no, no, no, I don't think so honey.

Yeah. Did you ever do it live? A lot?

Back in the day we used to do live? I don't think, so, Honey's no, just in front of people, in front of tons of people.

No, no, no.

We were never in New York at the same time. Last time I sawn a cool buyer. Live was doing stand up and her ending her set with I just have to say something. It's gonna get me in trouble. All attendants are gay. Attendants are gay. There's no exceptions.

Bye.

Gay.

It's the best closer I can ever say. They're gay.

They're gay, they know it, and they really love They really walk down, they're shaking their ass. And I really do feel like every flight attendant like sort of like, I don't know, costume designer is tailoring it.

Yes, I was just on a Delta flight and this lovely male flight attendant his butt.

Was like I was like, chow, you paked up.

It's to the point where I probably know who you're talking about, because there was one one time where I was just like, I mean that is spectacle.

It was wild. It was so delicious.

I mean every time I open up a blanket from Delta, I always think of you.

No, it's not bad. I mean, use at your own risk. You know, they don't wash them. It was Delta.

It was Delta, but I'm still a Delta Diamond Diva through and through.

I did something weird the sorry, what the hell? And I am Yeah. So there was a piece of poop in Nicole Myer's blanket on Delta. It was really wild.

Later, I still I thought about it on the flight over here yesterday.

House.

Well, get your own little blanket and packet. That's such a hassle that takes up so much space. Well maybe just here.

And she says that she is actually quite irritated by people who bring in the big pillows, their own blankets, et cetera. But what I didn't have to tell her, and what we've forgotten it was to tell her, well, you have talked to Nicole Byer about the time when a piece of poopy came out.

Of a I'm sorry that sometimes you have to fly commercial and people bring their own ramons.

That's what she's talking about, though, But like why get mad, Like it's not your life.

Get glad.

I'm never mad at somebody bringing something. It's just like when people were like loud and taking up space. Like I once got mad at this like couple that was like two rows ahead of me having the nicest time.

They were laughing so hard, and I was like, why are you so happy? Yeah? What do you laughing? And I was like, wait, why am I mad? Yeah? That's me A lot of times, a lot of times. I'm happy. Was it a longer flight? No, I think it was. He is Vegas to La.

It was.

That's La to Vegas. I'm the chattiest young girl because you're just exciting. I know it's gonna be short.

You wonder what it is.

It's because I'm so gleeful, because I know I'm going to the best place in America, the healthiest, safest place in America, Vegas. I love Vegas, Do you guys gamble? I have not been to Vegas in like over fifteen years. Y'all talk amongst yourselves, but I do.

Want to hear about it.

You gone.

I just have not had the opportunities. You can see so many shows.

That's true, because you were supposed to come see Kelly Clark Kelly Clarkson.

I couldn't do it so many times where it's just not meant for me. It has not been meant for me. But when I do go, it will be fateful.

This is the year You're gonna love it. You're gonna have a really great time, and I can't wait.

I secretly kind of love I did choke on a piece of chicken at a Chinese buffet there when we were passing through with my family, and that is a really terrible experience. Well yeah, choking, choking in Vegas. So many better places to.

Chose, truly.

I once choked on a piece of ice and my mother saw what happened, and she immediately wrapped her like hands around my neck. And I was like, wait, I'm already choking, and she's going to finish it off because she was just trying to warm up the ice so it would melt.

I got about a scientists. I eat ice at night.

No, I'll just lay on my back in the bed sucking ice.

If you're sucking, yeah, they don't chew it, don't chow it.

Be careful. Well, I mean it's ice, Like, I don't think I love to eat ice. I don't know. I love to gnaw. And what about your teeth? Doesn't it like fuck up your teeth?

What about my teeth? They got thirty more years anyway. Yeah, let's just say this. I'm thirty four years old.

Yeah, so sixty four years years of my teeth are behind me.

I don't know when you're sixty four in your beetles year, that's when your your teeth go. I guess you're when I'm sixty when I'm sixty four, I think it's sixty four beetle song, Beetles song.

I don't know any beetles. You call it your beetles there beetles, Oh my god, that.

Would be good. No, No, I simply don't want to.

The only Beatles songs I know are when other people have covered it. Tina Turner has a couple covers, and I was like, those men stole from her and they're like.

People like, what are you talking about those men? Wait?

Speaking of this type of conversation, Wait, what's your thoughts on Cowboy Carter?

I'm so excited, so excited. I really like that.

Beyonce was like, it's not a country album, It's a Beyonce album, and I do like this.

She was like, I didn't feel welcomed.

Into the genre, Like it's so vulnerable and honest, he's a megastar and for her to be like, these people hurt my feelings.

Yeah, so I'm an incredible album about it? What's wild is this?

She was so upfront about that, and then like, well, I guess what happened was she was invited by the Cmas and she brought the Dixie Chicks with her, and then I think the fact that she did that, they were like, we invited you and were gracious enough to invite you, and now you brought them.

Because they still have a problem with the chicks.

And so then it was a mixture of like Beyonce's experience there and by proxy, the chicks is experience there and the discourse that happened around that performance, which by the way, was so amazing.

Yeah, and the music ceremony, and then for them to be and for like country music to be rude to her, like and disrespectful outright to her just insane.

And then I thought, now, what's gonna happen now that she said that, is they're either gonna like in a very like patronizing way, They're gonna be like, we love you, we're so happy, we're gonna play your songs, or they're just gonna like get worse and it won't matter either way up here.

Yeah, And it's really on a different planet.

By the way, we're recording this before the album has come out, and I think the time this episode comes out, it might.

Be out winds it out March twenty ninth, so it oh my god, it's soon.

It'll be out day so no, no, no, we're recording this before the album comes out.

Got it two days before, two days before.

Oh okay, I'm simply so excited to go to the hoodown.

Oh yeah, you go to Renaissance. I did. I loved it. Yeah, I had a beautiful time. I really loved that.

She was like we're silver and we were all like, like, god, it wears shirl And then it was just like really beautiful to see everyone's interpretation of that. It just felt it felt like a club, you know, like I just I loved it.

It was fun.

Like people talk so much about like Taylor Swift's impact on the economy, but when Beyonce said I need you to wear silver, everyone wanted their closet and realizing no silver, so no one talked about the rise and boom and silver clothing went through the roof and sure did.

Now I'm seeing on clearance.

Oh damn, that's Beyonce, and that's on Beyonce, and that's Cowboy Byer.

Cowboy buyer. Will you change your aesthetic to match the new Beyonce era?

No, but when I go to the concert, I will wear a cowboy then sure, Yeah, somebody.

I wish I could sing. You can you can't, you can't.

It's not about how well you can sing, It's about how much you want to sing.

No, No, I think you can truly say someone is objectively bad or good at it.

Yeah, but but they just have not been They've been led astray if they're a bad singer.

My mother was a terrible singer, like one of the worst, And she would sing in church so loud, and I'd be like, I don't think God wants that.

Yeah, but I still I think that it's about the joy. Sometimes I see someone in the film Florence Foster Jenkins.

Yes, I love it. It's so funny. Lawrence Faster Jenkins. Do you know this movie? Meryl Streep Mayl Streep.

She plays like a famously the worst singer ever, Florence Drinkins, And so she was like well known for how bad she was, Like she would literally like create new ways of being bad at singing. But people would come from far and wind to see her perform. And she never really understood that it was because she was bad. She simply had the joy of singing. And I believe later in her life she got her bad reviews. Finally, for the first time and she died.

Oh my god, the grief was too much.

Oh my god.

Well the movie was really fun.

Source material sad. I want to do more campy stuff. I think she really shines in camp.

Yeah. Do you remember the movie Ricky and the Flash? Ricky in the Flash?

She was in a movie written by Diablo Critical Ricky in the Flash, So she played a rock singer named Ricky and that was her voice. And the poster I'll never forget said, get Ready for Ricky.

I think I need to watch it. That sounds outstanding. Get Ready for Ricky with an eye of course.

Do you ever see the Riley sketch ONSNL?

Oh?

Yeah, being a little kid. But then he had a theme song and the theme song was just his name is Riley?

Get Ready for Riley? Already ready Bridge, I've never seen it.

Sorry, it's okay, watch I do, I really do. It's in my phone. You have to watch this.

What's been the favorite thing from Newcomers that you actually enjoyed?

Lord of the Rings? No, no, you hated it.

No fairies scampering in the woods trying to get a ring from Gallam who just look like a single woman, being like a Ring may Ring with like her little tracks falling out No, like.

A single woman column looking like a single woman. That's what Al reminded me of.

Just like the saddest single woman with like her tracks. Like people aren't like girl, get it filled Like.

Gol had almost no friends. She burned every bridge. No one was there to tell her no, don't like it. Didn't look at the mirrors. Yeah, no mirrors because you're scampering in the forest. This is what this is what gos to sing. You could buy it. Okay, So not Ring.

I didn't really love Star Wars, but I get why people like it.

Did you watch all the Star Wars?

Like you fluent now not fluent, but like familiar with one through nine, like the whole thing.

You know, people are like I can order at a restaurant in Spanish. That's me with Star Wars, Like I understand some of it, but like you.

Let so yeah right.

I thought his name was hans Olo, and boy, boy, was I embarrassed with someone like.

You thought his name was hans Olo?

And I was like, yes, that would be perfectly online with whateveryone's name is right.

Everyone has an insane name. Oh we did media?

I loved media, the real MCU, the media, Cinematic Universe.

Vision old girl, Let's see you guys hadn't seen media before that.

I have never seen media. Media.

Medea was always on like stars growing up, like it was like always yes.

I have seen Medea live though.

Oh way as a kid, I went and saw one of the plays, and I remember there was a joke that was like this woman was wearing a green dress and someone was like, you look like a can of sprite and you laugh.

That made me laugh a lot, pretty fun, made me almost turn. Everyone was like.

I mean, I remember being like, wow, okay, he's onto something.

Playing.

Yes, because Tyler Perry got famous doing the Chitlin Circuit, so like black centric locations in theaters in the South or whatever and in the North, and then had a huge, ravenous following, and then I think made that first movie. I can't what is the name of it. Oh, it doesn't have the Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Yes, I think he made that like as a super low budget and then it made like an insane amount of money. And then he was like, no one can tell me anything.

The only thing that has scared this man is Ai.

Yeah yeah, well, I mean, but he's still using it turn turnout more scripts.

I loved his announcement, like, the one thing we really have to worry about is Ai. My next film will be Ai.

But I'm telling you watching, I'm watching, and I'm worried. I'm watching, I'm worried, I'm participating. I'm worried about Have you ever watched The Oval?

No, it is a Tyler Perry presidential drama. I need to watch that where they recreated the White House not to scale so it even likes things are off. Someone gets to steal, someone gets to capitate it with a samurai sword. At one point, I believe the Sun has a therapy session with a therapist and comes on her and she like wipes her face and is like, I think are so is done? Like anything that you think? You're like, oh, that can't be on television. Tyler Perry's like, I raise you, I'll put it on.

I'll put it on TV.

At one point, the first lady pushes her daughter out of a car, a moving vehicle, and then they do the exterior the car is going zero.

Miles an hour. It's going so slow. I just it is so incredible. When did this come out a while ago?

But there's eight thousand episodes because they do like twenty episodes a season, and then they shoot like a page a day, yeah, or like ten pages a day.

I'm so sorry, Like one take, it's yes, use it.

They don't care.

Sometimes you see like in mirrors, you'll see like a boom.

It's honestly, it's a masterpiece. Say, did you endeavor to watch the new Kelly Rowland Tyler Perry movie. No, not yet. There is no way they did more than two takes of any given scene. No, they don't. And it's listen. It were hugely successful.

Yeah, Acrimony famously had five days of principal photography and then I don't know how many other days they did.

But g p Henson worked for five days on that movie and was the lead.

Yes, she was in almost every scene. And like, let's say that the script is one hundred pages. That is literally twenty pages.

Yeah, Like they are flying through things and then I was there was a I can't remember what movie it was coming, but apparently if someone goes, hey, this shot doesn't match the last one you did.

Tyler will just go who's not who? I like it? He goes, huh, how do we distract from that? Can you come on her face? Come on her face? You know what you should do, Come on her face. No one was still in the kitchen.

It's crazy, Yes, Wild Wild, I'm pretty sure she did that of the Eye with just n oow And it's so juicy. Everyone's fucking each other, people be dying, and then there's like, I don't know, twenty series regulars. So the theme song is so long, and then at the end they have them all walking and you're like, this is a football team. Wild outstanding entertainment. Oh I need to catch up, but it's fun. Catch up or just finish it? You mean, oh, I think it's still going.

Oh my god.

So the media universe you were into, Yes, not so much Lord of the Rings, not so much Star Wars, but a little bit Star Wars little I get it. Was there another one we did in Marvel.

Marvel's a lot.

You gotta do a lot of homework to like understand things.

It's literally fifteen times more than anything. Yeah, it's wild. I again understand why people like it. Yeah, did you guess your Harry pop? No, because we've both seen Harry Potter.

Oh that against the rule?

Yeah, because we've seen it. Then can we pitch something to you Batman?

Oh? Batman? Huh? Not for me?

And none of them were for you dark Yes, the Joel Schumacher Batman and Robin was for me.

That's the best one. And it gets so disrespected, it really does.

It's so Cam and I'm like, everyone's like the sixties is the best one or whatever, and I'm like, that's camp as well, that's just camp.

Not for me. Cam.

First of all, if you don't understand that, Uma Thurman is doing the greatest work of anyone's career.

A different movie and I love it. I love it. She's the only one who understood it.

It's her like dancing around being like sell on you.

It is like Conic. George Clooney's line reads are masterful. It is so incredible.

He recently was like.

Interviewed and he was like, yeah, that movie wasn't good that he didn't get it.

It would have been so cool. He was like, yeah, it's like, I'm pretty proud of it.

It's ridiculous, So just winning like when actors do that, when they like throw the whole movie under the bus, because I'm like, you can go to set every day like looking to make a bad thing. Yeah, maybe you didn't cut together well, but you like put work in and that's something to be proud of.

Yeah. Dakota Johnson recently, like with Madam Webb, kind of not threw it under the bus, but I think she was vocal about understanding and knowing how bad it was, and it was sort of like, I respect. She actually had a point. She was like I signed up for something that was totally different. In doing this movie. I saw where we were at as an industry, which is that movies are essentially made by committee.

It's bad.

Execs are not good right now. We are going in a bad direction. And what's scary is it's not just the big movies that that happens for anymore. It's also happening with the smaller movies, which is freaky, Like that's not good.

And she does a lot of indies and a lot of big movies.

So she's coming out and saying that and she broke her asshole promoting that movie like she.

Was out on she was, But I say, you did work. I think it's fine to say art by Committee doesn't work.

But I think I don't know.

There's a nicer will, like it's a movie that people paid money to see.

Yeah, there's honestly, this is my don so funny. But I loved Madam. Okay, okay, I had I had such a good time.

The last thing, she looks like the Oracle from the Matrix in the most insane way.

Johnson looks like the Oracle from the Matrix meets professor at yes.

Oh my god, I can't have the.

Only way to calibrate exactly what that is. And she's so fucking funny in it.

It's like so funny. The line reads are so funny. Sidney Sweeney is in a different movie. Those girls didn't have any sort of chemistry. I was like, you guys, send them to some sort of camp to get to know each other. They didn't talk one time unless the camera was on, and then the villains.

All of his dialogue was in a d R.

Yeah yeah, I've heard about that is but it is jarring, more shocking than a one point he is speaking and his mouth is closed and I yelled, they didn't finish the movie. There's full on parts where his mouth is saying something different than what you're hearing. Incredible, and it's like what And then I was with my friend and I was like, what do you think happened? And he was like, I think what happened was they realized the

But also all his lines are like the reason we're doing this is because.

These girls have come to me in my dreams and I will kill them. It was a very strange accent, but thank you.

That was the only.

Things I have to go out THELM. I mean, at one point, he's like not wearing shoes walking in the street, and I'm like, who does that? And then I loved how hard they were, like it's two thousand and three. I had such a fun time.

For some reason, it takes place like uh huh, sixteen years ago from it's a period.

Want to carry the one, but.

I will say I know Dakota said she signed up for one thing, but there is a toy where she has blood on her hands and it truly looks like she's like I guess I'll watch these like. I was like, that's on you. That's a choice you made. That's not editing, and that wasn't writing blood on your hand. Oh no, a girl.

So that's I just I.

Think everyone made choices, and everyone's continuing to make choices, and everyone will make choices going forward.

I'll probably see it again in theaters. Yeah, wow, on my plane is it? It was on my plane on the way. Maybe it's not. I think you'll have fun on the sky. Okay, film for sure. Yeah.

Like honestly, you go and be like, this is a snattire social commentary on the superhero genre and it's a genius movie.

Oh yeah, literally.

Like, if you think about it that way, it is a genius movie. But I also just watch Show Girls for the first time.

Huh.

I was like, boy, oh boy, this is incredible. Yeah, every choice aged very well. It really has. It feels like it was made yesterday. I loved it. Elizabeth Berkeley's performance is stunning, and the woman who plays her like roommate. I was like, she should be bigger, she should be in everything in order to have a grounded performance. Next to Elizabeth Berkeley, that is a feat. She's very talented, sean very good.

Oh, she's so good. She understood the assignment. My goods.

You like chicken and vegetables like dog food, So.

That is like true camp classic every intentional way.

You know.

I'm like, I don't people don't have to like.

Ship on movies have to be like perfect, no purchase, boring.

I feel like you get to have like a nice fantasy adjacent supernatural movie moment in the mess.

Yeah, I get to fly and it's really fucking cool.

Was it on wires? Yes?

I was.

I was on wires in a harness and it was funny because I've worn a harness before and I've flown before.

Actually it's actually yes, in a big old swing. Fuck my dad, but I'm horny.

But I was in the harness and I was like, oh boy, this is pretty uncomfortable and I feel like I'm tilted forward. Is there any way we can fix that? And he was like, oh, if you're uncomfortable, that means you're safe. And then I immediately thought back to the.

Other harness I was in.

I was like, deeply comfortable, like swinging around in Romania because that's where I shot the thing. And I was like, did I almost die?

Omnia?

Yeah, I was in a Nestli commercial and uh Romania commercial.

Yeah.

It was a commercial that only aired overseas. And the stunt guy I remember him saying, he was like, we tested the harness on the biggest man. We could find you are still much bigger, but you will be okay, ease, And then they used like fishing wire to move me around and I was like, huh, this budget is low, but I'm this The budget was hi.

How high did you fly? Like pretty fucking high?

Like I don't know, like it almost was like six feet in the air, but that's like eight that's of me.

It felt like I like, probably you were higher than my head, like a full story.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I bet you were a full story Like yeah probably.

I feel like I was like at the seat, like higher than that ceiling. I was like high. It was like very high up and you felt very powerful. I felt really powerful.

But also it's funny and they left in the movie like my little feet go out because the harness didn't allow me to like close my legs and look because I'm fat, but I think it looks funny and I had the power to leve it take oh thank you, But yeah, I it was really cool. And then I did have like a monologue to say in the sky.

Yeah.

So I did it a couple of times, and then there was a time where I was like might pass out because it's like the pressing on my diaphragm, and I was.

Like can I cut it down for a second.

And everyone's like yes, And I don't know why. I thought they'd be like no, but it's like not that hard. You just love and like take a minute. And then they have like little apple boxes for me immediately.

It was really cool. Yeah, but you're all taken care of. You felt taken care of.

God, that's a funny monologue to you, by the way, Remember is like like, so Nicole plays the president of the American Study for Mental Negroes, and she is basically saying that, like, we do important work, and in our work we have raised our life expectancy.

That that was a monologue. Yeah, it's a funnial monol. But that's a long one.

Yeah, it was pretty long and it was tough to do in a harness. And then I was standing on a little base for some of it multiple takes, and then I got to improvise and uh, at one point I have to like climb up a ladder and that was fun to play with that physicality.

It was really fun.

And the director Kobe just like trusted me to bring what I wanted to bring.

Cool. Yeah, and then we like molded it from there. It was fun. And Justice is adorable. It's just so so wonderful. David is so kind and nice looking hero.

Yeah.

I really really like him.

At the rap party, there was like, you know, light food and whatnot. You could have ordered something and I didn't realize that. And he ordered a pizza and he only eat half of it and he's like, all right, I'm getting out of here. And I was like, all right, bye, David, it's so good to see it. Would it be weird if I ate the rest.

Of your pizza? And he was like yeah, And I was like, I'm going.

On because we weren't staying at the same table. I don't know what he did to that pizza.

Bye, chow down on it.

I'm taking someone's leftovers, like, I mean, all right, four.

I feel it's a rap party. The rules are a little massaged.

You know, it's like the rap parties are only coming back now, Like, you know what's funny? Like the thing I'm shooting right now, it's the very first time ever that I've done something where people aren't wearing masks on set.

Oh so different.

It is different, and you get to know people more. Absolutely, you feel more connected. What are you shooting? Can you say?

Yeah, I'm shoting the series on Netflix called No Good Deed. You know what's funny too. A lot of the people that are on this crew were on the last show I was on, and I didn't because I.

Had never seen their bottom face.

Suddenly I'm like, oh wow, Like I didn't realize how like impersonal at all last we did, but like it really stopped that thing that's fun about you know.

Like yeah, I mean we spoil ourselves at work because it's like seeing people.

Every week, and yeah, you're very spoiled, very spoiled. You're very spoiled. You're very spoiled. You're very spoiled. I kind of likened it still on.

You can log into Netflix and watch it. I don't know if it's coming back.

I don't know. I don't know.

I would love for it to come back. I feel like people still like it. I do love getting paid, but also it is a fun job. It looks so fun, genuinely a fun job, and I do like doing it.

I love Jacques Torres.

Also, it's really fun to like figure out how contestants are going to take me o.

You think at this point like they don't already like have an idea of how to take you in.

Well, they cut out me saying fuck and like stuff like that. Like sometimes I'll read the prompt and be like, well fuck, and then they'll be like you're a real lunatic, and I'm like, yes, I know, but yeah, I just try to like make sure we're all having fun.

Yeah, I just I like doing it.

I think I was supposed to do a Nailed It holiday thing and then it got canceled or something like I was supposed to do it and then like something didn't happen. Oh yeah I could do special Nail that's right, we do.

And we only did like four episodes we were supposed to do six.

Okay, maybe that was there. You go, Yeah, a little kerfuffle happened. Is a pandemica know something else?

Sure you do get like the sweetest like people coming through there, like I really do, like immediately, like they endear themselves to you.

Casting is very good at what they do, Like they're really great at finding just like very nice, sweet people who don't take themselves too seriously. I'm like, we've had any contestants who are really like bummed about things.

They're just like I just came for fun.

Yeah, let's give it up for casting people in general, because I'm thinking about this in terms of dating, and I'm like, why can't I find a single normal guy.

I've been on a casting job for years at this point. Yeah, to be like I just want to die. Who's this? This?

And this not so much to ask for. These are people who professionally do this for like on masks, Like we need this many people of this type. Yeah, let's go out in the world and find them.

It's wild.

And then when you watch something you're like, oh my god, the chemistry is off the shot. Like I just watch Goodfellas. I know very late on it, but whoever casts that. I was like, Jesus fucking Christ, everybody is spot on.

It is so good and there's so many characters. Who's one of the wives one of the Loraine broadcast fucking in.

It.

Yes, she lost to Ghost, yeah, which I really love Otamate Brown Yeah.

I mean, come on, you know Devine and Joy Randolph played Brown on Broadway.

Oh my gosh, she was incredible. She was nominated for a Tony Award.

Yeah, and she said she was on watching it happens ive and he does this game sometimes like have you met them?

And went through a bunch of famous people and he.

Was like, asked about Beyonce, and Devine was like, yes, Beyonce and jay Z came to Ghost Wow. And afterwards they came back and I met Beyonce and jay Z and I guess, like it's just like you just wouldn't expect to see them at like a broad Ghost on Broadway.

I mean, if you love the movie, you gotta see them. Could you see Beyonce?

And Beyonce walks into jay Z's like room knocknock knock, Hey, babe, I want to go see Ghost, Babe?

Did you see Ghost his own Broadway? And I would like to see it. We can leave Blue with a babysitter. I would love to hear the conversation.

The planning for Ghosts right. Oh my God, that's beautiful.

Okay, listen, do you guys know Ghosts? You know the story of Ghosts. I want to do a sequel to ghost where I play Odame Brown's daughter.

Where are we.

Don't know that Carl had like, like a son or whatever.

I'm dating Carl's son, who's only.

Dating me to get to Ode May because he knows that Oda May had something to do with Carl's dead.

And then.

Takes Patrick Swayzey's part, and then we have to go find Molly to let her know that Carl's son is on his way to kill her.

It's a perfect second fucking beat.

Oh my god, gift you have thought about it and you have a pitch you.

The room.

Thank you Swayzy to do it. I'm looking at our features. We need to get focused features on the phone with Paramount. Yeah, what the hell?

Because you want it?

I tell you that right now.

Disney does oh period, period, I have to this is how movies work.

On the podcast, and then mister Paramount goes, that was a good idea.

Models well, commission Hall, I don't know mister Paramount is a suburbs.

At all.

Thought.

Mobiles is good though, one.

Of my favorite that my cousin Benny and house guest.

Have you met you've been on the view? Yes, she's such a great She's so nice.

She's one of those people where it's like meet your heroes.

Meet your heroes moment, and she like, I think she does a really good job of like keeping up with like the youth.

She like.

I think she like really like studied like our little generation of comedians, you know what I mean.

She was proud of us. Yeah, when I did it, she like referenced something that I had done.

I was like, you've watched me because I like grew up watching Ghosts and I thought ghost was a rom com because there is romance. She's so funny in it. The bank scene still makes me laughs.

Like who are you talking to it?

It's just so and then the pink outfit and should give us the check to the nun and.

Then it's so cool that's an Oscar winning performances.

You just accepted as part of the culture had to be created by whoopy I miss.

I mean, like she would never do it anymore, but like she was one of the great Oscar hosts.

I think she.

Would do it again if it was a thing that was possible, right. I think she's just in.

I feel like with award shows, we stopped doing big ideas, like big swings, like there's maybe it was the Tony's I don't remember, but would be like came out of the ceiling, but.

She went I'm the sexyes Like she was just so good.

It's so fun when people take big swings and have like a nice time.

But I think like big swings and internet culture don't go well together, but.

You would think they would.

Yes, it's something they care about it internet culture now because what it's like he came out and did a monologue Kimmel, I mean like it was good, but it wasn't like they were trying to get which I thought was it's a great movie. Yeah, I'm all for big swings, but don't let the big swing swing so swingy that it feels try hard, like still be the Oscars. Yes, but give me what be coming from the ceiling.

Yeah, or like a Hugh Jackman doing a musical number or like don know, like fun fun big, give me a set.

Yeah.

And your experience of hosting award shows as a seasoned award show host, is that where you're gonna lead with going forward, or is this something you've learned, Like I feel like I wasn't given the latitude take a big swing.

I'll always sell a joke, whether I like it or not.

If someone higher up than me really really likes it, I will sell the fuck out of it.

Good to do that, I don't think. I'm like, I don't want to say that.

Well.

Also, it's like, once you're there, and if you can beat that joke, beat the joke.

But if you can't.

Sell the joke, if you have nothing better, no, that sucks. And then it's like you're the only one writing it. There's other people writing it, you're gonna throw them under that that's not nice.

I have it on good authority that so they all the presenter bits are written right, But one of the oscar Press was like written by the people doing.

It and it didn't go well.

And it was like and they say, like, do the bits like and they pitch them a lot of bits and like there's a lot of options on the table, but people really think they can do it better.

And then.

If you're not, they're actually marinating in it and really understanding how it's gonna feel in the room. You can't it doesn't really matter who. You might not be out there and do something that's just not in the tone or of the vibe of what's happening, like it's gonna go great. I just also like I'm not someone who can co sign on. Like I'm going into this thing where there's a bunch of writers.

Who've been working on it for a weeks, yeah, and it's there been their job and like I'm gonna do my own thing.

Like if you're not good enough to execute what they're doing, or if you feel like if you feel above it, like that's the issue.

Yeah, Like at the Emmys they had me bite into a Emmy shaped cake and did I want to eat a bunch of fon? Didn't know, but I was like, I see where this is. I'm gonna get it all over my dress. It's gonna crumble on the floor, it's gonna be cute, it'll be funny. And it killed, it crushed and I was like really commit to like being like this wasn't good good jumping. But you didn't have to get talked too much into that, did you know? Yeah, you're a pro.

Are you kidding?

I'm not thinking I'm not getting paid you want me to beat your joke and not get paid for it.

No, because work for you.

Yeah, I got to sit at home and be like, what's here than this joke about Ladybird.

No, I'll do it. I'll do it. That's a perfect perspective'll sell it. Yeah, why not? What's the harm in it? Even if you don't like it, Let ever give me that piece of cake? Who cares give me a cake?

Let me ruin the dress. I guess that's the only thing that would rub me is just like, this is going to ruin my gown. That's fine, the network paid for it. I'll get this dry cleaned if I want. Like what, Wow, I'm also not vane like that. Yeah, I'll look pretty, but like i'll get nasty for a bit.

I don't care.

I still remember your Emmy's look from a few years ago. It was purple with the puffs. No, no, it was purple, and oh yeah, I said I wanted to wear purple, and he made this like. I didn't even see the sketches. I just saw that.

I was told, don't worry about it, and then Marco brought me this dress and I cried. I had never put on something so pretty and as a fat woman, like you just don't get to wear beautiful things like that. And it is on tour. It's like in a museum. It really Yeah, and I wish I had it. I guess part of a Christian Siriana has like a bunch of dresses that go around and are in museums. And it was an f t for a little bit. I think it was in New Orleans for a little bit,

He really prizes it. Yeah, it's a sheet like he's very proud of it.

It feels so cool. Yeah, that's awesome.

He is a really like he's in the culture man. Yea, he is a pop culture you know. We I have not met him outside of this one thing, but Bowen and I were at the Glad Awards last year and they did like an auction and they were auctioning off a reading with Tyler Henry, Hollywood medium who I called twin Psychic and Matt Love I love him, and it was like you will get an exclusive reading with Tyler, and I was like, oh my god. And so they started the bidding high, but I was like I'm going

It was.

But he won. We backed off because it literally I think it went for like thirty grand Yeah.

I think our hands were in the air for this crazy amount of money, to the point where we were like, what we do, We're gonna split it. It's for an amazing cause. And then we lost and I was fine, and I hope his reading was great. He should come on the show and on the show and talk about the reading. We would love to have Christian.

Tyler, the Hollywood medium, come on the show and give you guys a reading.

He seems like someone who is I would be down for that. I'd be so down for that. But there's something about him that I'm like, I'm really intimidated and like, I don't know. I would feel so crazy to reach out to him and be like, hey, I.

Hosted you know we're gonna do it. We're going to reach out do it. But here's the thing. Have you ever had like a psychic rereading?

Yeah? Yeah, the time was gone good. Yeah.

I have one person that I've been to only one time, but I will go back. They told me a conversation that I had with my sister the day before, and then told me what I should say to her. I said to her, and she responded with I really needed to hear that.

WHOA. They predicted something would happen, it happened.

I didn't know what it was. He didn't know what it was, but it was like a big thing that happened. And then another thing that he said was going to happen just happened. And I was like, we're going back.

I gotta go back. I gotta figure some shit out. I love him.

And then I just saw this other lady whose name escapes me, but she said some stuff. It was Laura, it was LOURAI Gilmore and she spoke so fast I didn't get it. But yeah, I love them, I love I just paid for a psychic reading for my dog.

Oh wait, dog psychic. I want to know what he's thinking. All right, I've heard that these people are legit Okay, really are I'm excited. I was going to get.

One a few years ago a friend, but the dog is badly passed. But I always wanted to get a dog psychic reading because I always wanted to know.

But maybe they could talk to the dog from beyond. Actually that's crazy. Maybe I'll brush that subject. I don't know, it might be sent but oh yeah, don't never mind. I never really I.

Never really bought the psychic thing. I always said it was fun. And then we went last year, I had gotten a kind of like traumatic breakup.

Huh and uh.

Bowen and our friend Patrick took me to go see the psychic and the psychic sends Bowen and my friend Patrick out of the room like the god. So I hadn't heard from like a person in like weeks, and I thought I never would again. And the psychic looks at me and goes, he's gonna call you, and I was like, I don't think he is.

Nicole.

My phone rang.

And it was that person. Where was this in New York? New York? Will you give me their name? No, got scammed.

So once that happened, it opened the door to me, of course, believing anything she said, because why wouldn't.

I she had, literally, is that just like dumb luck? I don't know.

Then after that happened, she then starts to like be like, now I need this amount of money for you so I can be your spiritual guide because you know I'm for real. Of course gave her that all that money, which was the worst is how traumatized I was.

So then I I'm leaving and I'm feeling like sick to my stomach.

I call bow On and I'm like, this just happened. I am in really bad place. I can't believe I'm in this. He goes, I don't like this, like you were like, she got me a little bit.

She got me to pay like five hundred dollars for a chakra resea, and I felt nothing.

He was He immediately felt like he got.

So then he goes, I don't like this, and I think you need to stop talking to her. I hang up the phone. She calls, and she goes, I know that you're feeling doubts.

She like a wire job.

Like then then I literally then I started to think that Bowen and my friend Patrick were in a conspiracy with the psychic and this other You never told me to extort money from me.

Oh, man, if you were me, you wouldn't have thought that. I don't know. I don't think because we walked into.

The psychic who I didn't know but my friends knew, and I was like, are they patrick and you I didn't not.

I was like, are they working me?

Oh?

My, are they working?

I was like, I thought that one of the most logical explanations in a world where like psychics aren't real. The logical explanation was, oh, they're after.

Me, my good sister. I thought this.

Lady even more because she made you think that I was like plotting again.

I literally it was a moment. It was a temporary moment that I had and I was doing bad.

How are we connecting the dots? How did that man call you? After she was like, he's gonna call you?

The only explanation is that she actually has the psychic gift, Because then I literally thought to myself, is my psychic in with this person who I was introduced to by my friend who was there.

And I was just like, is this a give me your name? I will give you your name. I want to see telling you who might go back me? No, you guys, you go back I love it.

In a documentary and we're like it seemed like a good idea.

And at the time, I gave her all my money.

It was enough money from my account at the end of the year to be like, hey, who's this Why is this right?

And I was like it was right. It was a person.

And so then I went to and I was like, hey, our psychic's real and my therapist was like, I do believe that they do have a gift.

I think they have a heightened sound like anyone.

Has, Like, yes, yes, but they pair that with an intuition to scant money, so I think that, yes, what you're saying is like it goes so far. And then on top of that, they utilize the fact that they're able to get into someone emotionally to then say things like I need to now do spiritual.

Work on you.

It's gonna cost X amount, And then she was like, I need to do spiritual work on X amount of other people. And before I left, she told me something like, don't trust one of your friends.

See this is the fucking thing that because that's the video they try.

To cut and that's give me.

Also, I talked about her on this podcast for a couple of episodes and multiple people to reach out to me to be like is it this person? And I was likes and she has a reputation for fucking scamming and I know I paid.

For her Disney trip.

I love that.

So she she goes, she goes work, I'm gonna follow over with you in like two weeks, and she goes, oh, actually I can't.

Go that week because I'm actually taking my kids to Disney. She lives in like du.

Respendable income to go do the Disney trip unless you paid.

Does she do zoom sessions? No, I'm not doing that. I want her honestly, Nicole ball on aside right now. If you do engage with her, I want you to go in.

Thank you found a good guy who is He's great.

At one point I was trying to say something.

He's like, you're a witch, and I was like, yes, that's what I was going to say, and he was like, yeah, I wrote it down right here and it was like already written.

It was like wild, Wow, because I am a witch. I make things happen. It's wild. Are you a manifesto? You do believe you have actually make things happen? When I'm like in Peril.

When I was in Greece, I was at this like beach club and it was like the hottest day of the year, and we asked the cab driver if the cab come back and get us. I was with my friend Mano and he could corroborate this. And the cab driver's like, no one's going to come get you.

It's too far out.

And we were like okay, but he's like, there's a bus stop that's like a ten minute walk and he said okay. So we were walking and it's truly so hot, yeah, and we were so drained and like the sand was burning our toes and like Mana was miserable and I was miserable. And there was like a couple cars passing, but really no cars, and I was like, doesn't anyone hitchhike hare and he was like, I don't know a call and I was like okay, and then I was like, a car's gonna stop and we're gonna get in it.

It was grease. She's like where I can't do a Greek accent.

She was.

Way you go that's it. That was it. She asked us where we were going.

We said the bus stop and she's like, but then we're after and we were like, oh, we're going back to the boat and she's like, well, I'll just take you and Mona was like, do you and I was like, I'm already in the car.

And then we got in the car.

There was other people walking on the road that she did not stop for, and then she took us all the way to the boats and it was really lovely and Mona was like, that's really wild that you said, doesn't anyone hitchhike here? And then a car stopped because he's like, I don't think people hitchhik here.

I made that car beer. I refuse to believe differently.

I think I believe you have the gift. I don't think you need to reach out to the specific person. I would like to why why.

I want to know how to harness my gift further, I would like to know why do that? When and where I'm meeting a man, When and where I'll get to suck a dick again, When and where I'll get deep dicked one, and where I'll get my.

Blown out one? And where I'll get my to this sucked on.

So you want specific, granular details on when I.

Want longitude and you want platitude.

What I loved about her too, is she gave drama like one time, like again, I'm devastated. It's the lowest I've ever been and so is that true?

Sort of?

So then I go back and she like, she goes to shuffle her cards because it's the terrible cards and actually shuffling. She just to shake her head and she goes, it's bad, It's really bad, and I'm like, really, She goes, there is She's just like doing the cards like and she's just I'm giving so much like the countiest performer.

She's just like, it's so good. Is a lady ethnically ambiguous? Sure? We love to say it, and I'm gonna call her Latina.

Okay, she the way she kicked me and Patrick I was also so dramatic.

Out you guys gotta go. I don't like your energy. She goes, she goes, she goes, it's too much energy. She goes, I need him alone, and they go, are you okay?

I like.

This lady?

Good?

I was. I can't wait. I'm so excited.

No, tell her we stay helone, that we're on to her. You know what, She'll know, she will know you're gonna walk in. She's gonna be like this, Yeah, I've been waiting, sit down. She goes, I heard you were talking ship on a podcast.

I need this. She goes, I heard you talking on that podcast and I was like, don't say that.

What And she'll say, wait a minute, this isn't good.

This is good fodder for an idea that we have. Oh that's good. That actually is good, but for like a movie or a TV show, because you should write it. It's really iconic.

It's really like I mean, I literally almost did write a script about like someone who gets fucked over like a long by their friends and a relationship they leave and like that he's got no money and like he finds them and kill bills them.

Oh I just killed.

That performance that the Grammys was fun. That was so fun. That was a big swing.

Are you wished as a fan? I like her? I like her. I like that she lies? Yeah, have you like seeing like the deep dive?

In?

Like her lies?

She sweet things? Will she be like I don't have a TV. And then someone will be like, here's a bit tribute on a TV when I met her, like very silly things, silly things like little lies.

That she was like, I don't leave the house. And it's like, I feel like that can't be true. Well, you met her out of the house. You know that's not true. I don't leave the house. I love it.

I love people who tell little lies that you could like just disprove. That's like that Instagram man who was like I can't remember his name, but he was like, oh, I trained with monks or something. He's like he gives it advice. But then someone's like, well, here's your TikTok from Brooklyn at the time that you said you're with the monks, Like it's fun.

I love when people lie.

Yeah, but you just have to catch them in the line and make it fun.

Yes, and other ones yeah, otherwise not good. I don't know. Don't love liars, but a little one. I guess if I saying.

Like harmless, like like what's the I don't know, what's what's a harmless lie?

Harmlessly like harmlessly liat breakfast? Yeah, that's funny. And if you do that after that.

Delight cakes every day. That's a funny lie. That's a funny lie or like I've never seen an orange before. I was like, yo, you have. How's your fountain? Honestly? Better?

I found a really nice man who comes and cleans it once a month.

That's really frequent. That's what you have to.

Otherwise water gets stagnant and then it starts a stink in and then the mosquitoes come and they sting you.

By je, did you inherit the fountain or install the fountain?

I inherited the fountain, okay, so you wouldn't choose to live this life?

No? Yeah, is the fountain in front of your home?

Okay, so it's very much a centerpiece. I think it's nice there for Aliandra has to come in.

Yeah, and birds sometimes take baths there. And one bird passed away.

Oh. I like was like what's there? And I was like boat.

It got down to the boat and decomposed.

Well I just hadn't uh not funny. It's a circle of life. You let feather and flesh go in.

Well, no, there were still feathers, but like I could see the bone, but it's like indirect sunlight and it just got Yeah, I got roasted.

And then I was like, what happened to that bird. Why was it so sick?

Like literally, you're talking about this dead bird unless I'm still stuck on the psychic because I do want to.

Say I am afraid of her. But I will say what's putting me at ease is she did tell me.

At the end of one session, she goes, I want you to know I don't do any dark magic.

Okay, So then that's her way of saying that she does dark manager. I need her information.

A liar gives you your number clean, I don't because here's what's not gonna happen.

I'm not going to give your number.

I'm gonna tell you who she is and where you can find her, and I just want you to walk in great.

I will do that.

Next time you're in New York, I will do that. I will make a special trip just to see her.

Bring a friend, brings a sheer or something, okay, And if she's worth her salt, she will know ahead of time that I have come, that you've come for her.

Told.

But I feel like you'll be the me that goes in and goes all the way with the psychic instance, six months, you're in a relationship, and Sashier will be like Bowen will be like, this is bad.

I can't wait.

If she kicks the sheare out then that's a huge red flag scarlet banner.

You know what I mean? Yes, I excited for this journey.

For what I really want to do, like and I might have you do with me after this is just walk into a psychic I like Hollywood Boulevard and he doesn't want to doesn't believe.

In the I'm going to give this man's name and I think you'll like him.

Did you guys ever know Farah Brook the comedian. Yes, she had.

She had a podcast called psych a Hotline one dollar a minute. Oh yeah, and she would like have a guest on, and you guys would both like she would have her and the guest call a psych a catline, and it was amazing. I went on one time and this woman just lied about everything to me. Yep, you're gonna move in with someone by September. You're going to meet someone in August, and then by September you'll move in.

I don't believe in phone psychic really no, because I called the phone psychic. So another thing about this psychic is I dealt with the psychic and then got obsessed and contacted like three other ones to cross reference. And I have to say, but I know so two of them it all checked out. Then the last one I was on the phone and she goes, congratulations, this is theory you buy a home. And I was just like, okay, I did not did not happen. She goes, there's no

Yeah.

I was just like.

And then I said to myself like I was like, do I hang up? Or like should I just keep listening?

But you're too See this is how you got ensnared is because you're so polite.

In New Orleans, I saw this like street psychic. I was wearing bright red sunglasses with like stars and moons, a gold skirt, a shirt with a dinosaur on it, a weird jacket, like I looked unhinged. My hair was braided down to my butt and I walked up and I was like, I want a reading and they're like okay.

They were like, yeah, I sit down.

I go.

You don't like attention.

And I was like, wait minute, I'm dressed like the most insane person.

Ignore that was there like they saw you.

You sat down, you don't like attention. Huh. Miteo was like what is He's like this lady's wrong.

And then I bought a five hundred dollars pig painting that has glitter on it.

It's not because you hate attention. So you got something out of it. Yeah, I mean I paid too much. I didn't realize you had to haggle.

She said five hundred and I said okay. And then Mateo is like that lady never thought you were gonna buy that for me.

She's like to you for you like she was like. She took the money and threw herself under a.

Table, and I paid her five hundred, had a great day. I still have the painting. It's my first piece of art. And boy, oh boy, is it silly.

Five hundred for like original art, handmade art?

Bargain? Yeah, honestly, I will say the skill level.

I think a child could have done it.

There's literal glitter on it. It's just like a big not at any sort of like perspective, like little legs anything. And then just like the background is like, yeah, it looks like like if Lisa Frank maybe got really sick and had long COVID and like.

She was like, gotta get another big out there. That's tough, got long, got long.

Oh.

I loved your specially crowd work special. By the way, it was so good. I watched the whole thing and I was eating fresh just sat there the whole time. I was like, this is so fucking question. The viz you know it? Thank you. George Santos is funny.

Oh, we don't have to do this back and forth. That's very I just came to me that and.

You're funny and I love it.

Very Upset that it did not come back for season two, even though the whole season was written.

Should we got that out? Can't you? Now? You know what I heard?

Not dead again, really not necessarily dead amazing, So yeah.

Like I heard potentially Diday, did you hear about what happened in Jennifer Jennifer Lewis what happened? She's okay now. But so I had spoken to her year. Wait what happened? She is okay, and I'm gonna tell you what. I genuinely love her. She's a legend and a friend.

So I had spoken her last year and she told me that she was going through a health thing but that she was fine, and that she didn't really want anyone talking about it. So she don't want to get into it. But we talk about it later, and so we never reconnected again about that. But just the other day there was a interview with her and Robin Roberts. So last year, I guess after I love that for you like wrapped and had come out and like everything, she went on a long vacation. She loves to travel,

So she goes on this long vacation with.

This friend I guess they got to the Serengetti and they had seen like gorillas, they had like done all this cool shit.

Like she was like the six or seven stop on her world trip.

And she goes in her like hotel or like her room at this like I guess like resort in the Serengetti where it's like elevated, and I guess there was like an infinity pool that had no sides. Oh so basically it was like there was a ten foot drop off the infinity. My god, no, and it was pitch dark. So in the Serengetti when the lights go down, it gets very pitch black.

Uh huh.

So she described in this interview with Robin Roberts, like she wasn't given the tour of the space. She goes out, she's like in Africa. She's like, you know, enjoying herself. She walks and just falls off the side ten feet into like a rocky dry ravine. Her shoulder and hip take the impact. She breaks femur, which is the largest thorn in her body. She's laying there, it's pitch black in I'll say again, the middle of the Serengetti. Yeah,

Oh my god. And she kept it a total secret.

The only person that knew was her friend because she said she didn't want to call back and like tell anyone in her family, like I'm in the hospital and the serengetti.

You know what I mean, Like so because then everyone's like worried, and then you have to feel that and yeah.

My airlift her out of there, oh my god, Like they took her to the hospital.

Then I had to airlift her out of there like it was a night man. That's awful.

And then they showed footage of her like rehabilitating, like she is a superheroes and a legend and an icon, and I just couldn't believe how strong she had to be to like not only survive that, but then get up from that, said she was writing another book about it.

She's get up, yeah.

I mean like and then of course, like the end of the interview with Robin Roberts is like Jennifer getting on the piano and being.

Like a fell in the jungle. I love her so much. It's the crazy, it's the wildest story.

I'm literally watching it. My jaw is on the ground. It's like a twenty minute interview with Robin Roberts. And she didn't tell anyone that's so wild. I just thought she had a health concern.

I didn't know it was an actual like near death experience with wild animals in a certain getting can imagine.

No, no, and by the way, video of the whole thing what not of the actual fall. But her friend, I guess, like had called the police and like was like taking video and using her phone camera to like shine a light on her. Literally it's like you see her in the position where she fell.

A will debast runs by. No, that's wild, that's wild.

Don't understand why they we didn't have some sort of barrier like to stop people from fall it Like, that's wild.

It was like a chic in unity pool.

Sue that place, get your money. I recently went to Africa and I didn't fall down or anything, but monkeys were trying to steal my peanuts. It was so rude. I was like, I can't believe these are my peanuts. I said, these are my peanuts. Get out of here.

Did you enjoy Africa? I did.

I was in South Africa's and Babwe, Zambia, the Seychelles, and yeah, Spirit was another part of South Africa. I mean, it's a long flight to fucking get there, but it's stunning. It's the parts I went to were beautiful.

Yeah.

I want to go to North Africa.

Nut.

Yeah, go to North Africa where I don't know.

Algeria, yeah, Gunisia, Egypt.

Morocco, and we had over to Florida.

Yeah, just get on a plane jump. You got a good table service restaurant there.

Please don't talk to the psychic again. I will I would like.

To speak to because, honestly, as traumatic as it was for me, I think it was justice.

Trauma wasn't just as traumatic. I was just deeply worried. Matt's in a bad way. It was bad anyway.

Start no it's okay. I've also seen bad psychics. I had one who she was like, you're in your hoe face. You're like, men are going to be throwing themselves at you. It's going to be so rich and you're gonna really find yourself. I'm in the driest spell of.

My whole life. You've genuinely ever had a hoe face? Because I don't think I have.

Yeah, when I lived in New York, I drank a lot and I was pretty pretty loose.

This man landed in Los Angeles yesterday and immediately fucked somebody, so I don't know what ever happens. You literally did and the guy was hot too.

Whatever did you meet him?

I was not fingered outside of a bar, and then the man took my earring as like a souvenir.

He fingered not only yours, he got all up in there. He said, I'm taking this and I'm taking this.

All up in your ear. Okay, I think it's typer. I don't think so, honey. I think it's probably time. Ah shit, you said you had something, yeah, but like I already said my piece, Well.

I guess we're going to expand some more pieces. This is I don't think so wanting. It's our one minute segment where we take a little bit of time, specifically sixty seconds to rant to get something in culture that we just were over it. We're simply over, simply over it. I said I had one earlier, right, Yeah, I think we both had one. I think mind just went away. But I have a new one that just took its place. Okay, good, okay great? Are you ready?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, I'm ready. This is Matt Rogers. I don't think so many as time starts now, I.

Don't think so honey, you need me to sign for a package. I'm at home. I'm not doing a cool boys shit. I'm over there, over here, I'm out at the club.

You might call me the opposite of Sizza. I can't stay.

I am out here, and let me tell you something. Fed X losers, you're obsessed with me. You're trying to check me down day after day and you can't find me. Just call me, text me, beat me if you want to.

Reach me, call me.

Kim possible, babe, except it's quite possible to find Anyone who can find me. Has my number? Fed X has my number? Give me a buzz, say hey, is this your thing? I'll be like, yeah, and ask me, can I believe it? In your doorstep? Do I have your endorsement?

Yes?

You do? What is the big idea?

And now I have to after three attempts, because I'm not.

Around at eleven am, I have to.

Go to the FedEx place, which I am not convinced exists.

Second and go.

To the warehouse and figure it out.

I don't think so, honey, And that's one minute. Yeah, you're so right for that.

Yeah, I agree. I have things that have been said to me I will never see again. Yeah, because they're at the quote unqung quote holding that place. Yeah, I hate it, and I don't think they exist because then you try to find out, okay, where exactly is the location and it's just a phone number that you call and it says did you go online? And then you go online and it's like you got to call the number. I hate that shit.

That's what let me talk to somebody.

That's what's happening to me with the spectrum. I've been trying to cancel my cable and you can't do that online. You have to call them, but then they put you on hold, and I'm like, but I have things to do.

They told me I absolutely had to upgrade my Spectrum to a Spectrum Business account now, so I did that. Little did I know They've kept me on my original Spectrum account. So now I've been being charged twice wireless for like in television for like quite a while. And quite frankly, I'm pissed because I did ask them. I was like, this should place my old thing. They were like, it should gobbledegook. You know this is blue babe, words, words, words and more, and I'm just it's insane.

You should be like I am would like a refund because why would I be paying double for the same address.

If it wasn't like winning a chess game against Anya Taylor Joy, I would be able to talk to someone. But she's very good at chess, as it were, And that's how I'm ceiling. She's it in the sky, but only when she does her narcotics. I finally watched the last episode of The Queen's Gambit three weeks ago.

It's a great show. I've never seen it.

I watched the first six episodes of seven in the Year of Our Lord twenty twenty, never saw the finale, and then three years ago I finally saw it.

Spoiler alert. She wins. Checkmate, bitch, I love that it's actually real.

Culture number ninety nine queen scambit spoiler alert She wins a bite.

Oh, Yang, I got something you feeling yourself?

Yeah, I'm gonna get a little gross, but I think we can all relate.

Okay, here we go.

It feels like we're leaping into its bowe Yang's I don't think, so, honey, his time starts now.

I don't think so honey. Water based versus silicon? Which is I see?

I don't know what's what, and I don't know what to use for what situation. I just want to lube that works, that just works, period, without any fucking trade offs. I don't want it to stain my sheets with a giant oil puddle, But I also don't want to sticky, sticky sticky all over me and it gets sticky, sticky sticky all over them.

Why can't just.

Be oil oil that's water, Olive oil, that's the Why can't it be butter that dissolves in water that can come out in the wash.

Aren't we there yet? We're trying to live on Mars. We can't even do right elon musk.

If you want to win back humanity, come up with that lube the cars.

Okay, do the lubey. I have to tell you, I think what you love. But water based is sticky? Is it?

Is it?

I think no one sticky. The non water based silicon certainly stains more.

Silicon is the culprit for stains.

Yeah, the I use is gun oil, water based lubricant.

Gun oil, gun oil. What are men's things crazy? It's loube because it's the only if it's about gun oil. Lubercrit a second.

Amendment, Like what the but you shoot shoot me?

When I'm more like, oh right, you are your whole phase. You're up here like you touched down in Los Angeles immediately filling yourself up with men, and you're now you're like all fixated yourself men, filling yourself up with men.

I would love to be filled up with a man.

But here's the thing. I also like want to like them. Do you know what I mean? I'm not trying to have like you know what night stands?

Do you remember when you were talking earlier about like how good Fellow's got such a good cast, it's because they saw a lot of people.

And I do think that the way that we heard this, You're right, I've heard that. I should just know an insane thing.

I've been watching Scorsese movies and I like woke up the other day and I was like, I think I want to work with Martin Scorsese, and I was like, says everybody says every fucking actor.

It makes a lot of sense. Actions you'd be very taken with you, and I think it'd be inspired. How do I meet all Marty Martin? You go to a party, Marty at a party, Marty at a party.

Okay, what's a connection you have that you think is a connection to Martin? Square didn't Lauren work with them? I feel like Lauren laughs. No, I don't think, so, okay, there's a six degrees moment that we can make happier.

You're had most two degrees away from him, you think. I think you're probably a one degree away from him. I don't think, so, okay, we're gonna figure we're gonna help.

Okay, do you even I don't think so, honey. I do, okay, Okay, I wait you one time?

This everyone is Nicole buyers. I don't think so honey, it's all over the place bow think.

So, honey, why are we talking about people's bodies? Poor Oprah had.

To turn off the comments on her Instagram because people were coming for her. But you want to know that lady in the eighties brought out a wheelbarrow full of sat and she was the thinness she'd ever.

Been, because that's all she's ever wanted to be thin, and her body just doesn't do that naturally. So why are we talking about it? Why we meet her?

She looks great, She'll probably a little little longer. He's just putting maybe healthier. Also, how come episodes of television don't have twenty two episodes?

I want to sell.

I want to watch a lot of TV, and I want to go to the movies.

I don't want to home release streaming. I want to watch it on a big stream and have a.

Big ha ha with all my friends in public ha ha.

And I want to watch lots.

Of TV and I want twenty two episodes.

What the fuck is this ten episode? Shit? Leave oprolone, give me more TV.

I want to go tell the movivies, give me give me popcorn.

Dog had a movie the other day and it was so good. That's one minute.

Wow.

Hot dogs are fucking amazing. It's so good.

I genuinely said, just to share after we saw Madam Webb, I said, everybody should be at the movies.

They need to see the wonder of a movie on the big screen. And I was really earnest. Of course you why don't we stop going to the movies? Love you with this attitude.

I would love to see Good Fellows on the big screen. Like it's I just I love movies. And I'm like, give me twenty two episodes of television, so that's what I watch at home.

Yeah, that is what I'm consuming.

So then I'm like, oh, I want to go see a movie because that's two hours.

Yeah. Can I say something so fucking stupid. I am the last person on earth to get a fucking record player and actually start playing my vinyls. And I'm like, this is how all albums should be listened to. And I think it's the same thing as going to the movies. It's like, this is the best, hands down way to listen to anything music. And you're so right about Like I would have loved to have seen Good Fellows on a big screen. I'm like, wait now I want that. Yeah, damn and like videots.

Have you been there yet?

No?

Apparently they play old movies and I was like, oh, that's so fun and cool.

I want that.

I don't want to say bowen and I did walk out of Oppenheimer. So we literally saw the premiere film of the year and we made it halfway through.

But you don't know how it ends. We know how, we know how.

That bomb hadn't gone off, we could have been started watching Barbie a second time.

Here's the thing about that.

I was like, we know how to market movies, the whole Barbenheimer thing genius.

I was like, yeah, so we know how to open movies. That I would agree. We did it in a bigger way than we've ever done it before. Barbara, by the.

Way, largely during the strike too, which shows that like it doesn't have to be like necessarily like the same press angles, like it's.

Just like there's ways to get movies out there. Yeah.

But also on the Oprah thing, what exactly is happening? She admitted to doing a weight law struggle.

She's on ozembic people are special, Yeah, and my whole thing is like, yes, it's for diabetics. But also like when GOV and other I think it's a semi glatitude. I don't know how to actually say it. Yeah, but like those have been improved for weight loss. And then it's like so fat people. You get mad at them for being fat, and then you get mad at them for losing weight, and then you're mad that they're using something to help them. I'm just like so confused about

This I love.

They don't have to say like you look better or like wow, you've lost weight.

It's like they did a great episode on it on Maintenance Phase, which is a great podcast about how like the dialogue around ozembic is like really fucking weird because we still we've never figured out how to talk about yes, fat people, you know, we have never ever ever.

And it's wild.

It's like, yeah, like you don't want them to be fat, you don't want them to get help with it. People think it's just a willpower thing, and it's like, but you're not also thinking about like food scarcity, like some people don't have access to like great food. Some people work from like nine to eight or whatever, and then they don't have time to exercise, and it's like maybe that.

Would be help quickly too, yeah, which is why people eat fast food. Like yeah, it's like there is a lot of shame about the way people eat too, and it's like this, it's just a tool.

Yeah, it's like I don't know, like an addict on suboxen.

Would you look down on that? No, it helps them.

You're so right about Oprah with the whole like wheeling out the pact thing.

That's all she wanted to.

Be for thirty years, this line, because wanted to either be like smaller or like in shape of sorts like letter.

Be she looks phenomenal.

Yeah.

I felt badly that she was so emotional about it too, because it's obviously something that has been at the center of discourse about her for the longest time, and she's probably been through pretty much all of the modern waves of like a soca now you figured it out, Yes, it's like she has been through super thin craze positivity phase, you know, the biggest beautiful like and and then it all ended up being hollow because three years later it all changes.

Yeah.

I just think it's wild because it's like binge eating is a thing that like nobody.

Really understands why Yeah.

And then it's like, well why can't we Maybe it's a brain thing that's like a compulsion.

I don't know why psychiatrist are prescribing people and zema glue tides too now because it does. Actually it is like, well, if it's gonna make you happier to like have control over some part of your being than like.

And they're testing it with addicts because it does something that makes you not want or crave.

And I'm like, I don't know, this is fucking interesting.

Why how come the discourse can't be Why did this company make this so scarce knowing how well it works?

Right?

That's just I mean, yeah, I think that's more the question. Yeah, why is it so hard to get if it's working for people and then you know their side effects, with their side effects, with everything everything.

I also think that more than ever, I am convinced that people need to mind their own fucking business.

I think, so just mind your own fucking business.

Yeah, and also just like stop assuming that people did the quote unquote lazy thing. Stop assuming that people are doing the fast thing. Stop assuming that like it's easy for anyone to make any decision, or that your situation would be anywhere near close to theirs, like you don't know someone else's life.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a weird morality that's going into it.

Well, I have to say, I'm so happy that in the four years since we've last seen you, you're just as delightful.

Oh thank you.

You do not let the pandemic take an ounce of your sparkle.

No, thank you. It's because I found a really great therapist since Yeah, I love her.

She said the other day, She's like, does it feel like the universe is cock blocking you?

And I was like, bitch, yes, And.

Then we had a great big TIHIHI cock blocking me finding a man, Like, I feel like that's what's happening.

And I love that she was able to like say that to me. She felt comfortable. I love him.

I steal that for therapy to momorrow. For yes, I mean, I literally just but you just fuck. But But I just caught myself because I'm like, oh, I just I did just have a little encounter.

Yeah, but cock block meaning more than just I had sex in cock blocking, meaning you I.

Feel like you should be you should have like anybody, which sucks to hear from anybody.

But like I feel that way about you, And I know how patronizing that sounds. You feel about people saying that to you, but it is just a thing of like Nicole, like what is going on?

Like he's so fun as in Dix the musically.

Were very fun.

Oh thanks, Nicole, I directed.

At the singalong part, I had a friend gleefully say yes, and I looked.

At her and she was like I was told singalo.

I was like, that's so wonderful, so funny. Well they would love that it's in the movie, like got ye, you're a bigot.

And then Josh boy, it made me laughed so hard. I was like, good, well, you better, you better got to the theaters.

Like Nichole has been saying, please to see the new film from Focus Features.

Did they ask you to say it that many times? No? But I mean, like there wasn't a per capita on like this is the amount we need to hear Focus.

If I'm told, oh, it's a Focused Features film, I'm going I'm gonna go see it.

Focus element I think would help the I'll tell you something out there.

I think repetition is funny.

I see, I mean like you said it and I kind of knew it was coming and it made me laugh.

Yeah, bing hot dog, I love hot dogs. Hot dog isn't my journey at the theater. But I'll tell you what is a huge fucking coke slurpy?

Oh yeah, oh for sure.

I got a little.

I see last time I was at the theater and I said, well, is it more expensive than a soda?

And buying the counter.

I said yes, and I went and I want a soda And then we stared each other and he like put it in.

I went, I'm tricking you. So she was like, what's wrong with you? I say, fifty cents. You guys could have had a thing you in the cashier.

I don't think so. I think he was like, this woman's weird. She wants a smaller straw and not the ilka.

This woman's weird. This woman's weird. For we love you, thanks for stopping by.

We end every episode with the song Gods a Fact

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