"It's a Shame" (w/ Matteo Lane)

We are both in full drag giche uh. The show is about two chocolate dynasty's, the Hershey's and the Nestlis, warring with each other to fight for who's going to be the first chocolate companies to sell chocolate in space. This is all true. Um, It's part dynasty, it's part war paint. It's just a gag. Come see it. We'd love to see there. Seven pm. Tickets are on sale right now at Arsnova NYC dot com. The wigs are gonna be high, and so are the stakes. It's Night

Soap and tickets are on sale now. My grandma and your grandma was sitting back the FI. My grandma, Grandma, I'm gonna say, fight it's up bad Hum. I like go on date Ja and I had to start the pod because these queens were nerding out about video games, and I said, well, why don't we include everyone. This is the first gay with the Wimer that I've had. We've had on this, This is true. This is the first game. Yes, yeah, we've had on I think, okay,

we're gonna talk about this after we introduced him. But I think I'm dealing with some throat stuff, some vocal chamber stuff. Do I sound like I'm dealing with some But I think I think our guest is. But let's go through the credits, honey, just to preface everything that everyone's voices are going to be a little froggy and include credits, include Andrews. Before we go through the credits. I'm sorry, one more thing. The A c is running because bitch, it is hot. It's a heat wave. It's

a heat wave. I love's like a heat wave. As Martha something once said during the No it wasn't the Sharells. I'm sorry. I think it's Martha and the Vandela or something like that. And maybe I made up that name because it sounds like it could be the Sherrell saying. Mama said, okay, the credits, let's do this. Okay, guy code, girl code, And you've seen him on seth Meyers honey,

and he's he's a true icon. I mean you see him all around the city headlines carolinees frequently and he has his amazing show that he co hosts with Christie Chello, Battle of the Divas, and look for that. Yes this month June at Union Hall. At Union Hall, it's Matt and I've done it. It It was a blast. Matt famously beat me Um and Christine Agil are vanquished over Britney Spears. But that's we'll get into that absolutely. But I am also a loser of the show too, so we'll talk

all about it everyone. It is my you know good. You make me sound so much nicer than I think about myself. So I should stop on my shoulder. So I'm sorry. I have a sit on my shoulder. And I was picking at it on the sideway like a full asshole, and then I was I was literally doing it and then sound okay by the way I was saying. I had to acknowledge the whole throat thing because I I'm very scratchy and I just want to get that

out of You were vulnerable. You were like Katie Perry live streaming, well, oh my god we got do you know about this whole Katie? I don't care about her or Miley Syris or Taylor Swift. I don't care by I think they're all talentless. Thank god Miley. Okay, oh we were Indeed, you think Miley's talentless? Yes, I think she's horrific. She's got a fine voiced on singing. She sounds like beef jerky. I think she sounds like, oh whoa, Okay.

I don't think that she does what she talks. She's like, yeah, so hey, my dad just Billy Ray Cush standard, and I should I keep thinking, you know, it's like every time I talk to people, it's like I keep feeling like I'm the bad person, and then I should I should downplay my feelings. But then I watched Wayne Houston. I think, you know what, No, you know what, I stand by it. And that was the bandard at one time, and then before her, the standard was Aretha Franklin, and

then before that was Judy Garland. Then these bitches better step up. Okay, you know what, I think there's a lot to that. If really think a lot of the bullshit that we're tolerating, like in the media, like all the feuds and stuff. If we just upped our standards on talent, we wouldn't be That's what friend Liebowitz says is that is the audience's fault. That art is getting worse and worse because everything is becoming more broaden on

the nose and people can't handle subtleties anymore. That's why theater is going down. That's why, like every type of art is just being broaden and broad and broughten because they have to go down to the audiences level, because the audiences are getting stupid and stupid. And you know what that reads in almost everywhere. Matteo and I talked about friend Lebowitz one night and you were there, Matt,

we were We want you watch the documentary. I love the documentary and it's I watch it probably once a week. It's so good. Like her whole thing about Times Square is a genius. It's so good. Like she's like people keep shooting on Times Square and it's like tourists keep coming into New York and shooting on Time Square and it's like, Okay, if you don't like it, then like tell us because that's for you. Let's take it away.

If we can like, that's for you. It's like, you know what Times Square needs if you're a New Yorker, a butcher, a bookshop. She's like, you walk around you a tourists the wing to this restaurant, they saying we didn't like it, We'll really let us know. So we get rid of it and knocked down that fucking red roster. And then she has this joke about how Time Square

is like a gig. It's like the new gay club. Yeah, back in the ecause because because it's like now, it's like you see someone you know in Times Square and you're like, wait, what research I came with a friend. It's crazy because I'm there every day of my life because I worked there and it is truly a bat shan insane. Yes, it's like it's funny that we call it like commercial and safe, because I think I feel

least safe there, to be honest. Yeah, I mean the other week the car ran through eighteen people that and also I just I think, well, what's what's going on in the world. I'm now very a lot more conscious in the past two years of like terrorism, perhaps, like well that's why I moved to man God Bah, I couldn't handle that. All the bizzas going on, let's call it that, let's call all thes happening in the all

the pizzazz. My god, I can't handle the pizzazz either, and make me a little paranoid when I'm in like a place that I know because I'm like target, you know, because a target away. It makes me feel crazy because I'm like, it's not going to happen, but like it makes me feel crazy because like we have to feel crazying depends called billy stretch and I'll just depends. I'm happy to know that lies is not afraid, you know, Liesa not being afraid, and God knows she's got reason, Liesa.

And we love you so much. And now tell us a little bit more about these dresses you're telling you on the home shopping at work. I broke my knee. How did you do that? But do you remember sitting around upside down in a hospital. So I started to fool around of stuff I love. I had my knee replaced, so I was lying around doing anything. I thought, I hate this because I started work with Clang. Yeah, okay,

she started working with Clay. That's the big takeaway, and that she heard her neat guys, we are we're just quoting MATEO is quoting. I should say, Uh, this gorgeous video Liza on the home shopping now is that real? It's really verbatim literally the and the host by the way, I mean this one. This this some gate splice together the best of Lisa Melli shopping. And she was laying

like she was in traction. And and Liza could have been like face plant a bowl of mashed potatoes and the host would still be like, that's right, Liza, Oh my god. So she was truly just there to like be Liza and then just taking calls to oh they had a woman called the host is like, aren't we have doors on the line? Doors from Georgia. Doris say hi to Liza the Nelly today and Lisie goes hi Georgia from Doris. My favorite is the woman who's um who says and Liza, UM, I love you so much.

You're so inspired, inspiring to me. You're a mentor to me, and you so much in my mentor to my mentor, mentor to oh man, is it sadder? Is a truly glorious way. I think if you I immediately think of sequence, Oh thank you. She's like, you know, she's trying to like up cell. So she's like, you lies to wearing a bracelet in the host like you can wear four or five, and the host goes or what she was

a bracelets and Liz goes one will do'll do? I mean I think you were the one, Matteo to tell me that they're putting like lies it out to pasture. Liza's putting herself out. Yeah, Liza, Well, she sold her apartment in New or because she's moved out to the West Coast. It's sort of like when a dog knows it's going to die, like goes in the backyard. Cats do that too, they go off to run and go be by themselves. Yeah, so I'm just going back outside.

And she's been white knuckling for about twenty five years. But I truly love her, so that will be deva I will be devastated the day she goes. Matteo tries a true roster spirit for the people that he loves, because you truly come for the people that you love,

like I know. Another one is Maria, like deep down in your heart, that's a beloved Mariah is an interesting one because I for some reason, I can't quite figure out why I keep going back to her, Like like if I'm on YouTube, like I will, I will end up on Mariah Carey High knows there's something alluring about Mariah that's different than Whitney. It's different than Christina. Mariah fans are peculiar fan. I mean there's yes, it's a specific person. It reaches to a certain genre of person persona.

It just She's I know who it reaches. I just I don't know what it is at all. In your heart you love Maria. I think you're right an insecure home. Everyone that I've met that tells me they love Mariah, I'm like, yeah, but I don't know what it is. And and I know Barbara and Whitney are are truly if you know, they're better singers at the end of the day, I don't I disagree, but I think Mariah there's something more attractive about her now technique, okay, the

runs and all that stuff, Like they're all equal. But like as a say, like you're born with a voice. I think Whitney was born with a voice. You think like on their best day of their life. If you put Whitney, Mariah and Barbara and Selene all up there together. Barbara, Barbara on the best day of her I would have thought when in Houston, you would have said, Matteo, know, is sort of the bat catalog of Barbara stuff there. Yeah,

people are people. When they think of Barbara, they think of her like, hello, Mike, I'm holding my hands on my head like green eggs. You know, she's like a total wacko and you know that kind of voice. But when she was really in her prime, it was it was something pretty wild. Was that clip you showed us of her? It was some live concert. She's got her full fucking frow out, but she like is belting her tits off and then she's like she s. It was

in the nineteen seventies. It was during the promotion of A Star Was Born, and she was singing yeah, and her voice though I can't say that what was that? It was from Stars Born? I was when I felt for you, No, not everything, because she was singing real like it was like g G g G every note was up there. I have to look it up and it was a ballad. All that change things for me because yeah, I kind of had this perception of Barbara's

like hello, gorgeous. It's more like a theatrical singer and less like a technical I'm gonna blow you away with my range and yes technique and like that like changed it for me, and it was like very easy. She also has something that Mariah and Whitney don't have, which is a perfect passago. So her head voice and chest voice are perfectly blended, so she can jump to either one, but Whitney could never blend them. Maria can only blend

them from up to down. And it's not only mid mid register, so it's not like when she's way up there mid register can go like she did, but Barbara can swift flip up with a perfect passago. So to me, she just is a natural singer. Like also her face, her nose, her cheeks, like her you know, she was

built like a singer. Sit here, Yeah, it's funny. Later on in Maria's career, the register switches were really like I remember during like Heartbreaker, like she would jump up to those wild notes in those crazy verses a Heartbreaker, and it was I almost thought to myself as I was like whatever, like twelve years old listening to it, I was like, I wonder if she recorded these words in one take and then the chest voice notes like in another take because they sound so different through the

ring charm bracele. She does it the worst, yes, because through the Rain and I love Through the Rand and love that song. But it's it is it's too it's distracting. It is distracting. She was okay, so like nineties, she'd always had that sort of whisper, but she started out as a real belter, and she when she would sing in her head voice, she would sing in her head voice, but there was the blend. It was masked. I think

a little better really used. But then once she then, once Butterfly came out, she decided to really focus on that like silky head voice and her because her natural like Tessera Tour, was already a little higher who she was gonna belt the sound, the jump wasn't so extreme. But then the voice started to deteriorate nine and she never took care of her voice nodules, and by the time she did a Heartbreaker, her voice is good, but there's this like it's it's it's kind of it's a

big different. It just had changed and Whitney's is the same. Whitneys is the same. You know what I just listened to. I just revisited. It's not right, but it's okay. That's the song I was thinking of it. I fucking that so good? You will make it a fun and I heard, like crazy, my friend the DJ always plays that whenever I'm like what, nay, And he knows what I'm talking about. I mean, that's he now. He said, so, my friend Mitch is the DJ. And I asked him because he

performs only a gay place, gay this gay that he's first. Yeah, so and I said who is? Like what music do you put on that makes people go dance the most? And said number one is Whitney because yeah, I want to dance to somebody. How will I know? You move to those songs and you just get up so emotional cover of I'm every Woman When that beats, you have to move. It's not right, but it's okay that that dance remix is so iconic. And also I do have some tea that it's about to come back to the

gay community in a big way. That song and that way. I'm going to say, what all right? This means a final performance of Paul that I cannot confirm hers and I alight that that song, that song back every year, back in our lexicon, and I am so excited about you know what I want because I love Mariah's Honey remix, which is very similar sort of vibe. I want this is okay, okay, and then we can get to we'll talk about my child. No, no, this is this is

this is want. I want to take control of Maria's life. Get rid of the manager. I heard she's a horror horrible Oh, I asked, trust me, I asked, am I okay, Well I can't shouldn't say all right, I'm all right. Let's number one. Get rid of the manager, fire everybody but the backup singers around her, and get her into a detox program. She is bipolar. Her brother came out and said she's bipolar and self medicated in a drunk and then she'll end up like Whitney. That's what he said.

So let's get rid of the drugs. Let's get rid because it's pill popping. And I want a year of you on an island with a physical and a mental like guru, and get you mentally and physically back in a place where she doesn't care about the music anymore. She doesn't care about the singing. She's not. She's completely emotionally disconnected and she's lips sinking everything. And so I I want her back inform and I don't want her

to come back and sound like her old self. I wanted to come back and sound like the version of Mariah because the problem with Mariah's got the makings of a great She needs a Ray of Light album where I'm saying Mariah is and emancipation is great, but it wasn't his emotional as I would say, like Midas of Light, where it was a it was amost such a change, true, reinventorrect. And I think Mariah, she's by racial. Her sister's HIV positive, prostitute her. You know, her father wasn't in her life.

She's had three divorces, she's she's had ups and downs. So much happen to her, and I think as her fans evolved, we're ready to evolve with her. I want to see a mature Mariah come back and give me. Give me an adult album, give me a sad album. If your whistle notes are gone, you had him, you did him. Who cares? We're done with him? You know? I don't care, just come back and give me the story, tell us the truth, because you know what, she was really able to tell the truth in the beginning of

her career. Her lyrics were incredible because she cared incredible talent as a writer, emotion, and that the album that's one of my favorite album music Box, even when she was writing years old at twenty years old. And this is a person who also arranges all her own music, and it's a five active range on top of it. This is a true She didn't become a superstar by mistake. You nailed it on the hedge. Just now give her a year off, tell her to really just come to

Jesus with all this ship that she's gone through. And then like, I don't know, Oh my god, it makes me weirdly emotional, to be honest with you. She was so huge for me, Like I think that was the first album music Box that I ever really found in like played and then Butterfly, even though that was like the turning port in her career, because that's a great album.

It was my favorite album I think ever Honey, my All when I was playing my All for Henry and like, I guess maybe you had to grow up with it. Because he didn't really get it. I'm like, oh my god, this song is so important to me. This song is so important to me. See, Mariah's let me down more than Whitney and Whitney died. That's the thing is, it's Mariam mine as well. You know, I don't. I don't. She's just always like, okay, so New Years right? Um yeah.

She used the word nonchalantly casually in the song, just as a lyric, nonchalantly when I was okay. So I was performing a bunch of shows on New Year's right. So I have my phone off for most the night because I'm out stage. I'm trying to focus. And I get off stage and I turned my phone on, and I get I'm not making a joke. Seventy I counted seventy three text messages out never mind, never mind, Yes, yes, didn't. Nicky Laser texted me, I mean, and I was like,

oh my god, this is Mariah died. What happened? Maria died something? And then I watched it and it was worse. It was worse. I'm not you know what, but I thought good, I'm glad that I thought that would be a turning point for her to like sort of refocus and she didn't know she didn't. My favorite line is, um, do the lift just for laughs, Hey everyone, this is

a number one hit. The number one. Meanwhile behind her is like, doesn't get any whistle tones, doesn't It was like the ball dropping and the year changing didn't even happen. The number one time topic was what had just gone on with Maria Everyone stopped at the party was that we didn't have cable. We were all like circled around one iPhone. It was such a moment and then people wouldn't stop talking about it for like over a week. Maria's problem is she does you know, she's not graceful either.

I mean, one other things I don't like about her is her hate towards Ariana Grande, which and then is my thing about Ariana. She is a talented young girl. I'm crack jokes about her all the time because she I said, she has the diction of a fog machine. But like, she's not my enemy, you know what I mean. Although I did saying Comedy Central that Whitney now can sink better than Ariana, but I think she would agree with that. Um, yeah, she would agree, she would agree.

But I think. I think what she pulled off with the Manchester uh, the sort of the festival that she threw after the attack, I thought that was it was real. It was really cool. She did a very cool thing. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, Maria just anyways, but that's the My life is categorized by very few things, and and Mariah is one of them. Divas are one of them.

Let's just like break like to start within. I could tell you right now it goes from a leficent to storm, to Barbers Rising, to Mariah, to Cleo Lane, then to Maria callis okay because we were going to talk about Maria Calls. I will cry. I can't even get my head around the Maria Kales thing with you. I couldn't do now why because you're depth of knowledge about It's it's so funny. You were showing us a YouTube video and you were able to like stop at at points

and like science teacher out like getting a seminar. You are. That's your favorite video on YouTube, isn't it the one where it's using in demo al dult in peto and it was showing the notes and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it's such a great Yeah, I mean, let's start there, because we usually ask all of our guests what was the culture that like shaped you? That like Sleeping Beauty? Sleeping Beauty bigger than any the first day and let me you know, I didn't realize how big of an impact.

The two artists of the film that impacted me. Where Mark Davis, who's my favorite artists who illustrated Maleficent, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Cuilaiville. He was, Yes, he was the fe like when they needed drawing the female body is by the way, I for those listening, I was an art school and I drew TV commercials for and fashion dance forever. Um. This is someone who's an incredible comedian, incredible artist, and incredible singer. Just what we have on the single desperate I Um.

The female bodies a very difficult image to sell to an audience, and Mark Davis was the king there was. They had seven artists who were like the head animators of Disney, and they sort of created all the characters that we know today from nineteen thirties seven was uh snow White all the way up through Jungle Book, which is like sixty five. They probably all stopped around the seventies at some point. So Mark Davis was a big influence. I mean he created Maleficent, UM, and I've an earl

who was the artistic director for that film. Also, if you look at Sleeping Beauty artistics. First of all, most Disney films take one and a half to two years to make, and a background takes a day to make. A Sleeping Beauty took seven years to make, and the

backgrounds took about a week to make. So I have an earl who was a modernist painter at the time, was taking these old tapestries from you know, the Renaissance and fourteen Central, all these things, and then adapting that for Sleeping Beauty, which they also mixed with Traikowski's Sleeping Beauty Ball. The whole film is just an artistic masterpiece. They literally kind of museum just in that movie. Um,

but the movie itself. It's funny because I tried to link what my connection is with all my sort of upset. I'm a very obsessive personality. Are actually we latch onto things. So Maleficent is one and Sleeping Beauty the singing, and then I I do not tell people this. I am a nerd about skyscrapers. I am on a skyscraper message board called Skyscraper Forum. I am obsessed with high rise construction and super tall skyscrapers all over the world, specifically

New York. It's you know, New York versus Hong Kong in Chicago, and there's the world's three largest skylines, um Hong Kong number one. Uh. And the movie. The architecture of that movie is the spires, the spires and the castles. If you look at it like image wise, I just must have soaked up so much that I don't I'm subconsciously finding other things in real life that bring me

back to Sleeping Beauty. So Maria Kalis would be a big one for me because the movie was made in the fifties when Maria was the queen, and the singer for Sleeping Beauty has a very round sound and she's a color tour soprano like Maria Kalis. So I'm attracted to that that like sort of bottled round sound of of an opera singer. And then artistic wise and the Maleficent and the it's you know, the whole thing, what about Malefics Because my joke is that like she's a

gay Icon. All her requirements are she has horns and she's a count. We're like getting there, um the Pantheon. I have. The thing I've drawn the most of my life is Maleficent. I would sit when I was a kid. My mother is also an illustrator. I think it's genetic. She never taught me how to draw. She could just tally Mexicans. She had kids. That was her life. But she, my brother's sister, and I are all artists. My brother is a top designer at Apple, so like the way

you're he lives in San Francisco. The way your phone looks and how it moves and how it's designed. My brother does all that, and I illustrated TV. We were all sort of artistically. It's genetic, and I would sit and draw. I'm not making a joke. I would draw. I would go through a ream of paper a week, which is five sheets, and my mom would scream at me because she would like used them. Because I would

make one line. If I didn't like it, it went to the back and I did it again so it was perfect, and my mom would yo, here's that back on the paper. I knew I didn't like it, but I Maleficent. I drew. I must have drawn her. And I also did flip books with post it. I would go to Staples and fill post it's up with flip books and I would sit and draw all day. My Kate cousin would draw too, so him and I would sit. So he lived next door to me, so I would

sit and draw with him. He's not a big Maleficent fan, but he's definitely a big faggot, and so we would draw. He does, He's not into the Disney movies. Oh I love her. Divine Please Ali Johnson or Frank Thomas one of those two designed her and based her off of Divine, Right, Yeah, that was the inspiration. Okay, that's so funny that this, like the realm of paper was like this beautiful thank you, because I mean I like drew a lot as a kid, Like I didn't really grow into it as an adult.

But like the best thing that ever could have happened in a week was my dad came home from work and stole like five sheets from from the office. And I was like, yes, yes, and I still you know, it's sad. As I was thinking about this the other day, I'm getting back into portrait painting um, but I because

I have drawn so much. I was talking to Henry about this the other day because it's like I was talking to him like he was playing he was like tired of something, so he was literally like zombie eyes but playing these amazing yea. And at Henry, I said, does ever like shock you that, like you in your sleep can play the piano like unbelievably well, but like it doesn't even matter to you. And He's just kind of like, now that doesn't matter, but those days where

you're just like share over it. And I said, I've gone to a point in my life where I've drawn so much that part of me is just kind of stopped. I've stopped sitting and drawing at a table with my imagination. And it really makes me sad because it was such a personally. I don't know how. I'm not sure how I'm going to get back to it. But what do you feel that way about? Did you? Do you ever feel that way about comedy or stand up or anything

like that? Stand up is too new to me. I've only been doing it five years, so to me, I'm still exploring and discovering and finding my voice and getting up in front of a crowd, like surges you with that adrenaline and I have it's more goal oriented, it's it's a new chance. I'm a person who enjoys challenge, and it's a new challenge to me. So I'm still learning that world. We're drawing. It's like if you told me I need you to I can literally draw anything

you want anything. You can draw anything. Um. But that's so funny because this goes back to the thing where you're like, well, you know, gay people are sort of obsessive or not all of us. I'm a very obsessive personnel and latched onto things, did not let go. But meanwhile, like you do let go of these things. And we were just talking about video games before we went on air air hit record, and like I for a period of time in the last like five this is like

the best year in gaming in decades, I think. And so now I'm finally getting back into stuff because there's stuff that's like attracting me. Like for like a solid eight years, like I was not playing video games and I was like, yeah, it's boring whatever like that. Not that not that that's a passion or no. But it's the same thing where it's like you you give so much energy to something and then something happens where just something dies about it. You have to come back totally.

You have to come and you know, I also created a cartoon that I spent months. I mean there's to me as a as an illustrator artist. I think actually all art really does singing, it all functioned the same way. The evolutionary process and what inspires it all works same way. I think for me, I can't speak on certain people as an illustrator, there's only so I've only had less than five moments where my skills are up to part. I can draw anything I want. It doesn't mean I

care about it. Where this something happens to where there's this this surge of of like when I did my cartoon, right, I saw it in my head and I would I don't,

I can't. I actually can't put it into words. I just knew I had to get it all out and and in a month I did five hundred drawings, fully colored, full drawings, characters, storyboards, outlines, and I literally one day I did one last drawing and looked at I said, okay, done, and and and that kind of surge where it's like it fills you up and you have to get it out. Has only happened like five times. Less than five happened that there was when I was in I saw him

talking so much. This is there. There was less than that happened. I was in college and we were in a storyboarding class and we had to come up with like our final piece or whatever, and I was, I just I was my my friend, Sophia's Greek, one of my neighbors in Chicago, and her mom would do the it's called testography where they read the coffee grounds very similar to like tea leaves and the Greek coffee cups.

And something hit me where this story of this girl who's Greek and she wants to learn this the ancient tradition, and her grandmother, you know, was trying to teach her. And one night she went to bed and she was visited by this spirit and the spirit took her. She fell into the cup and everything started. All the symbols came to life, and she you know, this whole thing, and it just hit me, and I was like, and so I did and again, and it has to for me,

it has to happen within a night. So in a night, I did three drawings. I just sat up and I just did all the drawings that I probably could until I got it out and then it was done. And then it's like this feeling of like it out because you're intrinsically an artist, I think sometimes like I think that's the italing in you. It it's just that kind of like you have to get it out. I mean,

it's the way you express yourself. You know, you just do it, but it doesn't come like so now, like I did Princess Cupcake, which is the name of my card. Soon I'm I'm pitching two months from now. That has all been an annoying process the entire time, not the drawing part, the um. But I don't know the next time I'll be that like I've tried to pick up and do a comic book, or I've tried to do this and that, and my brain is just like, but it's fine that you don't know, because you know it

will happen again. It will happen. That's who you are. I hope, I hope it may you know, it may not, it may not, but you know what, like I just don't believe that could happen. Because if you think back to the beginning of your life, it's been happening right whether whether it be in what in any area of your life, there comes a time when when you're an artist, you have to reveal something new about yourself, or at least prove to yourself that you're that that you've changed,

or when you've learned things. Like for me, it's like whenever I write like a new show, I feel so accomplished at the end because it's like, Okay, well I create it's something that's like a piece of myself. That's just I think how some people exist in the world, like writers, you know, the way that they get that out is by writing, the actors performing, they latch onto a piece they feel they connect to it and reveal

something about themselves. You I think maybe right now in your life that's most naturally coming out with art, which is like fascinating when you think taking to you have so many talents. I would be okay if it came even just one more time in my life. I actually don't expect it, maybe another fifteen years, but I'm to the kind of energy that it is is it's it

also exhausts you. You know what I mean like it's it's an exhausting process, but it's like it's like a it's like total Cathar said, I mean, I don't know how to describe it, but I if it comes in ten years from now, it comes, and if it comes earlier, if it doesn't, it doesn't. But my skills at least will be up to part. I mean, I make sure that I still draw every once in a while, so I keep up my perfect because that then the skill isn't a variable. It's not going to be a question

mark when you do turned to it. It's like it's unlike Mariah, where it's like hopefully when she does go back to this like authentic place with her music, like her limit will be that she can't like do all five octaves, but at least she'll like return to it. That's happened to Maria Callis too, is when she wanted to go back that the voice wasn't able to do what it was able to. That's what sucks about singing.

It's like athletic. It's being an athlete right. It literally it's making me think of I stowed on every single day, Like athletics were such a big part of my life, Like sports were huge for me. Every single day iran six to eight miles and I was like a really good track athlete. And that happened all throughout high school. And then one day I just stopped and I never did it again. And now when I try, when I tried to work out the way I did, or just try to work out at all, I end up doing

too much, like really exhausting myself. And I don't think it's because I'm out of shape. I think it's because I'm used to what I was still used to a certain exactly, and I think that was with these artists the same. It happens artists and athletes so similar. And I think that Mariah, I think she's facing the fact that she is not the athlete that she was, and that is devastating. It's depressing, and that's why age is so real. For I think that's why she hates are

on a grande. She sees premium talent right there and it's being used to its full potential at the right time, and she's thinking to myself and this is she's thinking to herself, and she is like put in an industry where she has to think about it. Oh, should. I'm old and I can't do what I did, and that is the world. Joan Rivers always said, she goes comedy will keep you alive forever. She's like, you know I would go I mean she died, but you know what I mean, Like it's I saw her in the last

three years of her life. And don't even tell me that because I never saw her. I did, and I saw her to a show on the Lower East Side. There was like twenty five people in the audience. I wanted to know. It wasn't three years ago, it was year. It was my freshman year of college. I was on a date with a girl and I saw Joan Rivers to stand up and she was still working out jokes. She was in her I guess eighties, seventies, eighties, still working out jokes. Joan Rivers said, she was like, I

was at you know, you'll go out. I'll go out to lunch with these old Hollywood actresses who are beauties in their day, and we walk out on the paparazz Can you please move so we can get a picture of Joan. She goes comedy will keep you alive forever, and I sh she is she is right I don't even know how I fell into stand up comedy. I mean, I should be drawing for a living, but like part of me is happy that I'm doing comedy because it's like,

at least maybe that will keep me sharp forever. You've got You've got, like, you know, a post to like that you can go and touch and like so that you can like be in the sort of the comedy camp for a little bit and then inevitably you'll end up. Comedy is the world I feel most. I've always felt a little outside of every circle group I've ever been in. I always feel little on the outside or not accepted.

Comedy is the first place that I feel totally accepted, and I think it's big has you know, I'm with these stand up comedians every night who are weirdos. They're weird people, you know, And it's just the first place I've ever like. That's why I love comedy. Two is

because I feel like I finally have a home. Like after thirty years, I'm like, oh, I finally have a group of people who likes me for being I don't have to feel insecure, you know, all these things, So you I think, hit me with the best joke I've heard, and like maybe two or three years you went off on this tirade about Rachel Ray and her blow job voice. I just loved it because I was always like thinking, what is it about Rachel Ray? And I'm like, okay, yeah.

Once she said he, I was like, yeah, it's her blow job voice, b J blowjob. She just I mean that shows so stressful. I can't see anything. And she said a precedent for the Food Network to be the most stressful network on television. We don't. Why do I don't want to see a meal maide in thirty minutes? I don't want to watch a pudgy, little Italian woman who can barely reach the counter run around with a clock countdown behind her as if a bomb is going

to go off. I mean, they might as well have sniper lights on her head while she's trying to get her EV When you have to shorten olive oil, it's a bad show. And she's like, okay, Like and name emeal right now. You're not name Amelia of hers? That's been good name one because I don't know does she even do signature meals? She just it's it's all burnt chicken. I mean she does like lasagna and a mug. I

don't know. I mean it's listen. Listen. If you were in the eighties and you went in a coma and you woke up and you saw Richard, what you would say the gremlins. But I mean it's like, first of all, I just think, like, like cooking is not supposed to be this thing that's supposed to be stressful and get it done fast. And I mean I grew up in a house where my mother forced me, my brother and sister to cook with her every night, and it was

I loved it. We would make pizza Joe, we put this together out then it has to rise, and so you wait till rise and you go back and then it's risen and it's exciting for the kids. Or you make meatballs or sauce. I mean, it's supposed to be this thing that's like a cultural pass down or something that's like full of love, or something that's not supposed to be like marketing rushed through it. Yes. Now are you the kind of Italian that could never set foot

in an alf garden? Oh? I've gone to alv Garden a few times in my life. A few times I think that Trump is the Olive Gardener's presidency. There you go, that's that read that makes sense. I mean David Mamzona, he won't even go in. I mean if I would never choose to go to an alve garden. I mean I'm a snob in all sense when it comes to pizza and good red sauce. Yes, I'm a snob when it comes to this. If you want good pizza, go

to Ribalta. It's on twelve Team Broadway. It's authenticated by the EU and not Belitan government from Italy to be Veda Pizza, which is Veim true pizza. And if they like sell ranch dressing, their find a thousand dollars and it is and everyone's from it, and it's kitty corner to the strand everyone in there from Italy. Oh yeah,

of course we talked past. Okay. I just want to say one thing, and and just I mean this literally, they don't make them like Matteo Lane anymore because you you have someone here who like has his values, sticks to them, and they are they are linked back to a lineage, a tradition that you know what you can't Sully and and and for the people who do then they get red for fealth. That's beautiful, Matteo. I love that.

Oh thank you, that's so nice of you, you know what, because I I feel like a fucking fraud whenever someone's like, what's a great I mean, first of all, people who come up to me and don't know me and who are like, what's a good dim sum place, I'm like, sunk off, but I don't know. I don't know. People ask me what's a good pizza Italian place? And I say, I mean, I'm not I say Robota. I also had to seek that when I when I came to New York, because I had my haunts in Chicago. We have a

Sunday night with my aunt Cindy's house. But then we had a place called Felini, which is the people are from the exact same town in Sicily my grandpa's from, which is like a people it's called Divago if anyone's been there. And uh so that was like a place I would go to in Chicago for good red sauce and it was essentially my family's cooking because we're from the same area of Italy. But when I came to New York, I had to have my I had to have my good sauce Michel, so I had to seek that.

There's another good Sicilian place called Picco Docucina on Prince in Spring and it's all Sicilians who work there, and they've got great it's like sort of like a top us, But Sicilian Piccolo Couciina cute kitchen was like a little little, little little kitchen, kitchen, a little kitchen, little kitchen, pichina. This is kind of reminded me of how um, whenever anyone asked me, excuse me, do you know more than nearest McDonald's is. I can always tell, but you were

literally yeah. But the thing is, I'm not connected to that greekness. Like it's so funny like Greek. Well, his face when they had when they have drawings of a Greek profile, there's Romans, there's different Mediterraneans themselves from Egypt to Italy share common traits, our eyes, our noses. But this face from the side is literally what you see in Greek statues. Its flat nose that goes down like this, and then the chin that comes out like that, and

then the big almond eyes. I mean, you literally are a Greek face. I have a very Greek way about me. The thing is, I wish I was more Greek in terms of percentage. I'm like, it's but like I wish I could like commit to something like it's not. I'm like arguing with my own I'm culturally half Italian, but I'm really only a quarter because the other quarters Mexicana and then my dad's Irish. See but even like I don't know any of the Greek language. Yea, I wish.

I saw my big fat Greek wedding and I was like, yeah, I get this, and I was like, that's because everyone gets this, but also like people that really it really is my child. That's a great movie. I revisit My mom is. My mom's real dad is Mexican, but he left. So here's the story on him. He Joaquin Maldonado. Um, I have an uncle who is younger than me because he had so many kids outside of the marriage. So, um, my mom's one of seven, but actually she's probably one

of like eighteen. But the seven that she knows, um, five of them are Italian Mexican. And my grandpa had was a hitman in the mafia, so his job but he was like a low end guy. So he like, if you owed money, he'd break your legs. So he would like he was such a horrible father. He would leave the house for like months at a time. My mother had a horrible childhood. She was essentially raised by her grandparents from Italy, but um, my grandpa um had another family and named those kids the same name as

my grandma's kids, but so he wouldn't confuse them. Oh, my god, insane. So my mom when she was twelve, Mike, they got a divorce, and then my grandma remarried a Sicilian who was blind. But he's a judge and he's got a whole other fascinating story. So my mom lost all connection to her Mexican grandparents, her cousins, her everyone Mexican, and like my grandma just shut them out, which is

the most unhealthy way to deal with something. But so technically stream well, she and my grandma was, I mean, she was, I'm saying. My mom reconnected with her father when she was thirty. She sought him and her sisters sought him, and my grandma when she found out, was furious and they fought real long and hard about that. But my mom sat down with her real dad and asked them every question, said you know he She said,

he owned up to everything, and he apologized. And when he died, they went to his funeral and like nine other brothers and sisters came up with the same names. Because my mom's real last name is Meldonado, which is a Mexican name, but should that's changed to Pomarow when she and my grandma somehow got her birth certificate changed. That is the most Italian ship I've ever seen in my entire life. My mother's birth certificate changed from Cheryl

Meldonado to Cheryl Pomaro. I don't know if she did that. You can do it, God bless no they change. That's in sane to meet someone that literally has your name. Because your father had another family, there's another literally to you, to him meldon A, Cindy Meldonado, a Deborah Meldonado, Joaquin your and my grandma. I shouldn't be saying it's my grandmo. My I have an uncle Jack. His birth name is Joaquin Meldonado. My grandma changed it to Jack Pomarow. God

bless this grandmother of you. Well, my grandma, you we you should have her on this show. What's her culture. Sound like my grandma. Well, she wears a housecoat. Um, she doesn't stop running. She's eighty one. Um, she's obsessed with pop culture. You could call my grandma right now. She could tell you anything you want to know about pop culture. She knows everything about sports because my grandpa's blind, so she has to read the sports section to him.

So now my grandma knows the trading and all that other stuff. Um. She My Grandma's fascinating. I talked to my grandparents probably twice a week. Wait where is she? And she's Chicago. Beautiful Chicago boy, Um mateo, Lane, we don't talk about Chicago enough. I feel like you've like fully like left that behind or is that not fair to say? No, No, you're right in a way, I

think I was. I love that I come from Chicago in Chicago is such a beautiful city and and what an amazing city to grow up in, I mean just culturally and the down I mean everything about it. I went to school there, went to school the Artistitute of Chicago. Um, and very best started school in the country. Um I uh, and I almost didn't go to college. I was so horrible in high school. Um. I hate that that holds people back high school, I was every day I would

come home and cry. I was made fun of constantly. I was a loser. I was um, just full of shame. And in therapy, I'm really working because the one thing, my biggest thing in life is just needing to be liked by people. And I had such a struggle with that my entire life that everything from my physical appearance to inside, I am constantly still trying to shed those those um feelings. What did they say about you in high school? Faggot and make fun of me? And you

laugh at me? And I mean I would I had I to the point where I had does I knew what halways to walk in, what periods to avoid certain people. So it was and I just remember and I tried to do choir and I tried to do um uh show choir, and I was so I couldn't handle. I mean now, I have a good sense of humor, and that that came from the years of I mean, you know, but it it just took such a long time to get overcaring what will think about me, and it's still

to this stage. Things. I was in Ohio two weeks ago, I called faggot three times in a day. God, and I but I mean no, I mean just just when you were on stage, I wasn't. I was going to Starbucks. I got what was called a drive by faggot. So I'm standing there. It just sounded like, I know, it really hurts. It sticks with you so much. In fact, I'm not gonna lie. A lot of the way that I've chosen to dress over the past five or six

years are subconsciously always in my mind. I'm like, well, I don't want to be called faggots, Like I can't wear this. I mean, that is something that gay people think about. That that and I'm sure women deal with obviously, and just like, God, what am I gonna wear exactly? What with gay men is different than it is with women, And for me, it's specific. It's specifically like how can I butch up? And I always say this, I always make fun of the healths kitchen gaze about this, but

I'm guilty of it too. How can I best dress up like the guys that made fun of me in high school so that I look like them so they won't target me today. I have a group of friends that I've found over the past year that I've they're not comedy related, Bob, but like they're they're just so wonderfully like my friend, my friend Patty is. I'm like, my heart swells when I think of Patty. He's five

of five, long red hair, walks around the winter. He lives in Washington Heights and has a giant fur coat and doesn't give us and smokes and just what called I mean he, I mean, they just they're just living there. That's like my inspiration for you know, it's so funny. Okay, how much time do we have? Time? Okay, So I was talking about this today with my therapist about how when I'm on stage, I'm still struggling. Like last night, I did Hartford, Connecticut, so the majority of the audience

doesn't know who I am, and they are straight. I mean, i performed with straight people every single lot, and I'm still coming out of the closet. I'm still dealing with my sexuality and I and you know what's crazy. I did. Okay, so I've done. I've technically done too late night sets. Only one of them aired. Oh yes, I did. Fills me with rage every time I reminded of two years ago I did a late night set, and we will not name who it is because I whatever. I guess

that's the appropriate thing to do. And for two months, you know, they call you first and say we want to work with you and get you on late night. Said awesome, and then you work out your material and blah blahlah blah, and we figured out a set. We've gotten down perfectly, send in the transcripts and I got what you're wearing. Yes, oh yes, I might have not my stomach saying this story right now. Um, And it's not a pity me, but it's so whatever. Um. I

did the show, I flew out, I filmed it. I did the show, and then they say, well, we'll air it like a week later. Two days later, I got a call from the producer and she said that in the way she I could find her finding her words. I could hear her finding her words. My opening joke was I sing opera. And then I say that's how it came out to my dad, and she goes, well, we love your first joke, and we'll say his name

is Tom. Tom loves your first joke. Uh, but we feel, we think, we feel that you will you should just stray away from that for the rest of the set, and I said, what do you mean, yeah, and she goes, well, now they want to come back to film and I said, um, okay, I said, well, you know, can I I knew what were this was going, so I was testing her. So I said, well, can I talk about dating? Well, we would? You know, I think that we would just feel comfortable if you just you know, we want to see the

fun mateo. We want to just see the different side of mateo, you know, and and let's not hit the same point over and over again. Fun for them. And I said, well, can I talk to my brother? You know, I just feel that Tom thinks that we would we would. It would really be in our best interests if we would just avoid that, Tom pick, will you let's get it out up front and then let's just move on

to other things. And so I called my manager and her and I got into a fight and then I said no, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna do it. And it sent me into here's what I'm happy. It happened, strangely enough, one a year later, on August the exact same day, I did seth Myers, who had the same day, and no one had any they were so wonderful. They were like, do whatever you want. I mean they I didn't. I got not a single note. They said, do whatever the funk you want. It's a great yes, oh thank you.

And but yes, it was great that I could say what I wanted to. But at the time, like I think a year year and I think it was how long ago was August not that time, It's like ten year and a half ago. I was in such a bad place mentally. I think it's a comic. I got a lot early, and it swells your head with the wrong idea of what's important. And so at my at that time, at that time, the focus was credits mean everything, everything,

This means everything, and I became obsessed. And when that thing happened with Tom and that late show, I crumbled because I didn't know what was important to replacing a lot on them. And it was also dealing with everything from my sexuality to my identity to everything about high school.

I mean, all those demons came back up, right, But at that point, it's like that's on them, that's not necessarily on you, thinking oh, well, credits mean everything, but it's absolutely mean you got I mean, you got that on them, but they're in power. And that's what's frustrating, and that's the unique predicament of it. It's like, I know this is wrong, and you know what, I can tell in the timber of your voice that you know this is and yet we're still doing this. This woman

knew she was wrong, and Tom knows he's wrong. I actually think though, because what's funny is like right after that, I had gotten a ton of road work with Lisa Traeger and so every week and her and I were out on the road and she's like Russian immigrant refugee, tough cunt, and she did not let me feel sorry for myself and she really helped me focus and other people too in my life obviously, but Lisa was a

main factor of now I feel so different. I feel like my main focus is the most important thing, our relationships and and nurture the friends in your life. That really means something too, because that's the most important thing. And number two, care about what you're talking about on stage, being on stage, care about the things you're saying, care

about that, make sure the work is good. Everything else it doesn't matter because you know Lisa, Lisa brought up a good point to me too, because a lot of people get stuff or someone gets this or someone gets that, and it's you know, Lisa goes the Macareno was a hit at one time, and now you know, are you is this so race or we in it for the long run? You know, I plan on doing this the rest of my life. So I don't care if so and so does this sort of so and so does that.

I'm still doing this and I that was something that never occurred to me, and so I think the past year has been a huge shift in my perspective mentally of what is important to me and what the outlook on life should be. But I mean, even like I think when I met you, probably, I mean I was in that that that mental and I can see some other comedians now who are in that mentality and it's a prison. And I'm not saying I'm better for it, but i still struggle with things, but at least I'm

working hard to move past. I think it's more difficult for you guys in the stand up world. I really do. I think I think that's why you see a lot of comedians coming out later in life. A lot of people that are that are doing stand up right now that are closeted, that are very sick, I know, a very famous. But but the thing is, I think in the world of sketching, in the world of improv and

the kind of like UCB community, it's more insulated. So that is one thing is you feel like I'm not really getting what it's like to perform for like an audience of people in midtown like you are. But it also feels more safe. I mean, it's very safe for the gay community. I think it's very safe for the most part, for women and for you know, racial minorities. Um. But then you step you take one step out, and it's the stand up world, and it is more vicious.

Audiences are more unforgiving. Yeah, people, I think some comedians, some non stand up comedians, see the way I behave sometimes towards audiences and think that I am like vicious, like spinning venom. But listen, girl, there are three there are four stand up gay men doing it in the city and only two of us doing clubs. And first of all, like Joel, now, I don't ever see Joel.

And the reason is there's you can't put two gay people on the same line, which sucks because then I don't get a chance to see my friends, and I never see totally different sets to completely different people. And you know, people can't disassociate the gay thing. They see me and Joel and say they're both gay. We're gonna hear the same thing. Don't book them, And so Joel and I never see each other, and I'm literally out. Sometimes in the truth, I've been chased out by Turkish

guys for Turkish guys who called me a fagot. And the show, well, it was one o'clock in the morning, and of course, you know, listen, stand ups are not soft people. You know, my friends are these people? Are? There are some So you got into it with them? Oh yes, I said, Really, I said, I'm the faggot. I'm pretty sure. It's one o'clock in the morning on a Saturday, and I'm seeing four men together table and not a woman to be found watching a gay man

perform on stage. Who's the fagot? Now they chased me out. I had to go through the kitchen to get out. I've been heckled at most shows. I'm heckled most shows. People say something gay, something homophobics, And every night I get on stage and I say who is gay, and maybe a hand goes up. So I'm performing. But also that's different from what we experienced. Gay men do not and listen don't know sad song for me. I love my life and I love these shows. You've got more

money than us too. Well that's for the bait. But you know, like gay men also have a real problem with gay men performing. That's not or not a go go boy. Yeah, talk a little bit about that. Well, Joel and I actually just Joel texted me the other day. We were chatting about that because I mean, I did an AIDS event once in Chicago, got booed off on my stage. Well I let them, I let them have it. Well, I hope. So first of all, I play. I performed in a place that used to be called manhole. Secondly,

they was doing this show. It was a benefit for AIDS, and they would have like crochet jock straps on porn stars, and then they had the porn stars go up first, so the sex sex sex for fifteen minutes, and then they did an intermission, and then they all come back and then they go okay, now comedy and I go on stage. I'm on stage for two minutes struggling to get anyone's attention. No one's listening to me, and so

I said, is anyone gonna listen? And this one guy y else he goes, yeah, well listen if you put on a jock strap. And so then I go off and I say, oh, I get it. Because I'm not Kathy Griffin or the ghost of Joan Rivers. You assholes don't give a shit about me. I say, but you you won't support your own performers, but you'll support that weekend at Bernie's in Vegas called Britney Spears, And then they started booing. But then I doubled down. I was like Christina as a cunt. I'm sure you're all mask

tops and you can all funk. I did six minutes and was the sound of two men booing. You is one I'll never forget. And I get off stage and I walk and I go into the green where there's seven porn stars staring at me like I made the wrong choices in life. I mean, it was a night I was thinking yesterday actually about why RuPaul's drag race is such a sensation. It's one of the only ways that gay men can become stars. Think about that, Like there are there are very few gay men who are

like actual stars. I mean you've got Neil Patrick Harris, You've got Matt Boehmer, and then like whatever you could list the rest, and they're becoming more. But that's because they're so fucking incredibly hot their Instagram, like you call them lobotomy or just those Instagram out as. You know, these that are so dumb, they've they've they've come from a lobotomy. Yeah. You know what's so funny is like I have a whole joke on this right now where

it'say gay men are. First of all, they don't even give gay roles to gay people, they give those straight people. And number two are only other options are robots. Every robot's gay. First of all three are two is a lesbian. She came with a tool belt. Listen to the Barber Streisan version of Hello Dolly and Michael Fastbender and Alien and Ash from the original Alien died into Boukaki. I mean that's our only options is where robots. You saw the New Alien where he kisses himself just so stupid.

But I loved it, but awful. I loved it too. But the Joel and I saw together like it was with Amber Nelson and to watch it with both of you. When you want to go to a scary movie, you go with Amber Nelson because literally one time we took to see Annabell Member that dumb movie about the dollar. So oh no, no, no, no, no, Amber talk and I'm oh, she gets real quiet, right, and like an Amber and a full theory will just go oh fun.

I mean it's great, I can hear that. Just okay, But no, it's like what you were just saying, Matt, and what it was, what Mateo was just saying, And it's what Guy Brandum says all the time. It's that unless you're a drag queen, a gogol boy, or a

fucking porn star game. Let me just say I think through through my experience so far, and I think it's like me and James Joan, who's been putting in the work for a long time, Guy Brandam, Julio, Joel, you know, in the world of stand stand up, I'm just talking

stand with specific here. We are putting in the work and I hope that we're being shown, you know, like late night sets and half hours and specials, and it's slowly becoming more acceptable, and I'm finding that audiences are also more open to hearing about my life and curious.

And I find that a lot of men, uh do not know gay people in their lives that their friends with, and I'm I'm opening a door for these people to show them a little bit into our world and to and to also hopefully show that we're more like than we are different. I try to bridge that gap as much as I can in my stand up. But you're an ambassador to them. You're an ambassador to them. And then you guy Joel James, uh, you know, Julio John. You guys are blazing the trail. It's it's beautiful to see,

it really is. And I think the good thing too is all of us are friends, and I mean we may not talk every day, but I love these Tim Dylan is a big one. Um. Yeah, and Frankly Atti, you know, there's a group of us who are doing it and they're not doing it in just the gay scene, and there's nothing wrong with that, but we're I mean, yeah, it's and it's great and a lot of times, you know, I got criticism from older comics when I first came out because I was getting a lot and people would say, oh,

how did you find your voice so quickly? And I said, well, gay people were forced to find our voices when we were thirteen years old. We were suffering from demons. And you're talking about staples. You know what I mean. It's it's like it's a a friend thing. It's a different thing. You had to just develop that sensibility as a defense mechanism. You really did, so, Patty Harrison says all the time, And I really think about that a lot. Um. Wait, I just want to get back to this whole Tom debacle.

But I remember, like in the weeks leading up to that, to that first set recording, the three of us were at Kellog's Diner in Williamsburg. We were in this section and we had the waitress with the goofiest fucking voice and the worst mac and cheese and the worst mac and cheese. Oh my god, I remember her. She definitely like, Hey, it was really you want and change? Yeah, okay, and then she flew through a wall. No, I don't think she ever said a llegible like not legible and intelligible,

you know what I mean. I don't think that there was ever a moment where I really was confident in knowing what she was saying, and it was it was I want to say, it was not a language thing. It was a specific the boy the voice, Okay, it was just it was beaker from the well. I'm so happy you brought that back into remember that, and I remember we ordered mac and cheese without bacon. They brought bacon,

and they brought bacon and with like little cheese. Also, don't order the mac and trees that kellogs down to you, guys. It's literally it's it's so bad. It's and Lisa one times, like you said it was the best in the city. I was like, you obviously heard me wrong. And I have multiple eyewitnesses to the bottom of the barrel bad. It's like literally like what you get it, like the fucking Dwayne rate. There you go. We can corroborate this for Mateo on behalf of Mateo to Lisa, Mateo, Matt

and I hated it. I even talking about Maria Kallis. I love this whole thing. I don't want to take up your guys this time. I feel like I'm wasting everyone time. Let's talk for a second about Maria cost We don't it doesn't have to be the lecture. I mean, in order to see the lecture on you have to be with mat On Maria cost You have to seek out single, single pay, pay eight dars for an eight week class. Yeah, give us like the prime bridge bridge to tell us who she was, because the children are

not going to know whom Mariday. Tell us what she was. I'll just I'll keep it very brief. Ride Kallis was an opera singer American born Greek descent, moved back to Greece during the war. Had to learn at the Conservatoire in Greece and sell things to the black market order to keep her family alive. She also went in She was supposed to be eighteen. She was a big girl, so she lied she was thirteen. She learned early. She learned from a Color Tours soprano, and Maria had a big,

heavy voice, but she learned. It's almost like Avatar last Airbender, like firebenders who learned water bending moves. It's like she was a firebender who learned water bending and it was more fluid. Pavarotti also learned how to breathe from a Color Touri soprano, and that's why he was so fluid from Joan Sutherland. She taught him how to breathe. That's why Paparata could do trills, which a man to do

trills is like, that's insane, um man trill um. She was a big, fat singer, had a huge range, could sing anything for the female voice. Um. And she married this old part named Meneghini, who was this Italian businessman, and then she lost a hundred pounds in less than a year and became the fashion icon of the world and had and had like yes, but she had a lot of controversy in her life, a lot of controversy

in her life. She left her husband for Onassis and they had an affair, and then she left her career. And then you know, she got thrown out of the Roman opera one night, and this a whole hubbub, and then she um Onassis destroyed her because then she she married Onassa's she stopped singing, so she lost all the great muscles for opera that you need. And then he she got pregnant by him, and he said, you have me or the baby, so she had an abortion. Then

he married Jacquely Kennedy behind her back. After she got an abortion for him. Then she went back and did Tasca and it was a success. But then she just just sort of shriveled in her French apartment, her parents apartment, and when Onnassis died, she barely after apartment again for the rest of her life and died at age. Has to be a story we all know. Is there a movie?

I we're going to do a movie of master Class, which I don't like that play because it doesn't represent who Maria Calls was because she did teach master Class at Juilliard and I've listened to all of them and she is a musical genius, genius. Who would you cast in the role of Maria Callis someone who's Mediterranean Greek looking? They wanted um Meryl Streep is not. Maria is know not. I mean the physicality of her is really important because she had giant eyes. Giant knows she she was beautiful.

She was just this total Mediterranean woman and you can't get someone with soft features in there. You need like a young Liza Maybe I don't know. I have the same eyes as Liza many and they're beautiful, like just giant sleep babies. It's just no, but they're not they're just they're just slant in this gorgeous way. Mine slant down like this, which is it's yeah, it's a Southern Italian trade. People in Southern Italy, we all have the same eyes. Our eyes go down like the US. They

wrap around like that and it's a heavy eyelid. And people always think I'm high or tired, like are you tired? And I'd say I'm wide awake. This is just how it love I don't have. I can't even think of an actress that fits that. I'm sure there's someone. There's got to be someone, but not off the top of my head. I can't think someone's strong, you know, Maria. And Maria was a total diva by the way. I mean when she was interviewed like what do you think of your your rivals and she goes, oh, I don't

mean to correct you, but I don't have rivals. She was. She was quite a diva. She she basically started how the way we sort of look at these glamorized divas, very similar to Judy Garland and just the operatic Judy Garland sure sure not drug addicted though, but lost her voice and there's a video of her singing um uh no pu mesta. And this is the nineteen sixty two and she had she was trying to come back. She

could sing at a medso voice. She did a recording of Karmen, so her voice was with Karmen was great because it's just for the soprano. But when she tried to get back into those coloratura quick embellishments. There's a video of her and she was doing some good chromatic skills. Down at the very end, she tries to go up. I think the note was only like an F and

she had this giant wobbles to her voice. Literally it was it is like it is bad to so awful that this seems to happen a lot with these like not but like it's so frustrating that it seems to happen a lot like very few of them. She's happy. John Earle and I talked about this in depth one day and we decided that we like it because hear me out, hear me out, we need tragic figures. Hear me out, Maria, Maria Whitney. They are they are a judy, are a big flash that goes out quickly. Where is

someone like Beyonce is just consistently good. But beyond say, it's not that same Whitney, you know, like just like you hear her singing, you think, you know, like this trap Beyonce is just so good at everything and it's not the same like and John really said, it's it's it's got to be something about that flash when Maria cows is the same way when she's saying no one had ever heard a voice go above and e at full voice, no one had ever heard a medical studio

color retort, no one ever heard a singer who can act, no one ever heard of a fashion all these things. She was doing this big flash in the pan and then sets the standard for the rest of everyone else in that career, but then just done. Wow. I mean, I think there is something to that, to what you and John were saying, because I think it's like when the flash happens and everyone starts getting in on it, they're like, we like, we're in on this while it's happening.

I don't know, maybe there is something too that where it's like we're witnessing this it's not it might not last forever, and we're witnessing something new. I'm witnessing something that's never been heard before. You know that's there? Do you think you have to explain to people? Is the sounds you hear from singers today come from singers like Judy and Barbara, you know what I mean? Like Barbara in the sixties, no one ever heard someone sing like

that before. She was doing shows in men's clothing with Egyptian I make up long fingernails, eating baked potatoes on the stage and speaking French and Italian to the audiences and then singing like you wouldn't even believe. And people don't didn't know that sound, they never heard that sound before. But now, who's coming close today for you? Is there anyone doing anything new? Jennifer Hudson blows me away when I listened to her sing. But she's not that magnetic personality.

She's a bit of a dud. She really she's gotten better. I think it really believing what she sings like. I just saw her do a performance on the Voice and it was a ship song. It was like it was a song, some some stupid song. I don't even know what it was called, some something like I remember me. It was like, I think the producers are more important than the artists now, Yeah, and and so then that

need for that type of singer doesn't exist anymore. It's a shame because you know, you give her material where she can really show her gift and like everyone's blown away. I mean, but also that's a frustrating story because Jennifer Hudson famous for dream Girls. When you really go back and you watch the Jennifer Holiday performance on the Tony's, that's that's that's a true that's a true moment in time that is untouchable. Yeah, I mean, it's it's so brilliant.

And that's the thing is, like no one has the opportunity to do that. You know, who is a singer. I'm gonna play two seconds of her voice because I think you'll really like it. I love singers that are I'm so Italian. I love singers that I have to be so extreme. And that's why I love Mariah because this is extreme. There is a singer named Cleo Lane who's now in her eighties and she's British but she's

half Jamaican. So she's got this beautiful froe hair and this like sort of deep deep alves in and she has this weird sound and she's jazz singer. Weird sound was a very mouful shoulder thrond of her voice. She seems about down here, but she has a five octave. So this is an example. I'll just play some like like like no, wait, this is just like her normal voice.

Like you'll hear like the low sounds one second, yes, very kind of like almost like Shirley Bassie solferic and then the very act Oh okay, crazy Cleo Lane Cleo, Lane, l Ai and e. I was gonna say, maybe she's related. That was to teach the children. Moment, teach the children. Guess, guys, get on lazing she is. She's got these eighties now she still sounds good. Stop singing when she gets a wobble. And she hasn't gotten a wobble. Um wait, I just

want to bring this up today. I listened to Small Duty, I think Cottage for Sale. She she does this live version of It's So good, It's so good? What do you think of it? Tony's last night, I didn't watch them. Did you know? I was on a bus. Sorry, you know, I mean, honestly, there was nothing that happened. I can't believe Bett Mitler did not perform. I can't believe she did not perform. It's so frustrated. She's she's up there. I mean she's yeah, but she's she's up there. But

she's doing it every night. It's not about age. It's entirely about they didn't want to work it out our money or ego or whatever. And that's the one night a year you have to show the rest of the world what's happening on Broadway to sell it because people need to save it from going under. She said, no, I sent David Hyde, Pierce and your Steed it. You know the singer who are the singers that you cry?

Because my the only singers that can make the car are Judy okay, specifically a performance of her singing Somewhere over the Rainbow when she was in the hobo outfit in like nineteen and um Maria calls, there's the only two singers that make you cry? Is difficult female singers, any singer. Um Okay, this is such a lame answer, but like not not just because of his cover of Hollylo Yad Jeff Buckley. He's this whole live set from this venue called sen A. It's beautiful. Um And then God,

maybe Selene. I love I love Selene. Selene can stir up any emotion in me. What about you, Matt. I think that Selene certainly makes me feel many emotions. I think she's one of the most emotional singers we've ever had, and it is and I think that she's definitely a good answer. I am very touched by Whitney and honestly like her first Home. Yeah, I will say, you know, speaking of Home, the Diana Ross performance of Home Act, It's amazing. It's amazing. She really told the story for me,

and that was heard her best. Honestly, the last time I cried at a singer, and I really don't cry too much of the music I feel in other ways, I kind of get up on my feet and move around, like That's kind of how I deal with my emotion when I'm really moved. I'll like, lately I'll cried full coffee commercial. Yeah, I mean, I'm not a crier. I'm like a mover. I have to get up on my feet when I feel the spirit. Um. But I cried

when Kelly Clarkson sang on the last That's beautiful. I do love her and I sometimes cry to a really sorry about it, honest to god, country singer, any any country singer that can really plant their feet sang. But then again, I also think that's the lyrics. I think. I think I'm very susceptible to a good storytelling song and really honestly delivered lyrics. And that's honestly something I think about myself, as I really respond to lyrical content and and that to me has to go hand in

hand with the vocal performance. But did you just pull that melody out of your as? I love it? Okay, let's move on to we gotta do. I don't think so, honey. Um, So, just so you know, guys, if you're just tuning in good episodes, are just tuning in on y'all. Um, we do a little thing. I don't think so, honey, take one minutes of reile against culture or something that's you know, just not right with us, not just not sitting right

with us. So Bowen Yang he shocked me today when he came in and said that he has one because usually not super prepared for this. God love him, Thank you? Are you ready? I'm ready? And I'm not saying it's just because it's prepared. It's gonna be coherent, but we're gonna go with him. That's fine, okay, and Bowen Yang's

I don't think so honey. Time starts now. I don't think so honey, Facebook dot Com for putting a twenty four hour band on me posting and lightning ship because someone reported me for posting a photo in front of the White House yesterday during the Equality March with pride flags everywhere with just anti Trump signs. I captioned this photo fag power hashtag equality March. Someone decided to report it for offensive language, so it was taken down. And look,

it's not an automatic thing. Someone at Facebook, some fucking twenty five year old dipshit wearing sea glasses at Facebook head for headquarters in Menlo Park, California, saw this post, saw this report, decided it was okay to give me a band. I don't think so ony, Facebook dot Com. I don't think so one of you biggets, I hope you bleed bleed out if you're fucking assholes. For all I care you don't like gay people. This is not the month to do. On the day of the Orlando

mass the Orlando shooting of all days. Have some respect, you pieces of ship. You're done. I hate you. Move out of this country. I don't think so, honey. I'm sorry that was got really real. I feel this so strongly, and I'm at at Facebook, and today I was like, honestly, like, I don't think I need this. You know, I have not posted on Facebook, and I think in a salad here, I don't go on Facebook. You don't need it. Although Bowen,

while you were speaking, this thought occurred to me. I wouldn't have been surprised if it was a gay that did that. I wouldn't have been surprised if because I was thinking, I don't know, you guys, it's a year since Pulse. I think that today it's Pride Month. I think Pride Month is amazing. It's an amazing time to be proud. But I also think it's a really good time to look within and check ourselves. And I think

what you were saying before is really a thing. And gay people are cruel to each other, and I think it's great that we can all rally together for something like remembering Pulse and in the wake of Pulse and stuff like that. And I think Pride Month is really

is more important now than ever. But I will say that that thought occurred to me, that that someone could have seen the word fag because there's a lot of people in the gay community that just don't want to saying it at all, or like have limits on people saying it. I'm sure in every community gets you visited because Eddie Murphy track. I don't know, it just occurred to me sometimes now I'm I'm looking for home a phobia from within as well, and absolutely we need to

do that. And like, I love our community, I love it. I'm just saying, and you know what it is, it's whenever Drag Race winds down, I think about this because they're so fucking cruel to those people, these these trolls, these like young gays who don't get it. I'm really young gays and also young young straight people who watched the show just because it's fun. They don't get it. You know. I went to Drag Coon and it was

predominantly straight women who were there. I mean, there were a lot of gay men, but there was a lot of straight women. Straight women love Drag Race, Yeah I was. I was blown away by that. But I'm sure, like I'm sure you, I'm sure Bob has gone through the same sort of hateful speech. I mean, it's just you put yourself out there and people. We've had some talks. I want to tear you down. Oh yeah, even you've gone through this. But anyway, so I mean I was

talking about Bobby, Yeah, I get it. The first comment I ever got when I was on UM Guy Code was this faggot off MTV. That was like the first tweet I got, awful, awful, awful, And you know this comment. I don't know why it stays with me, but Matt and I shot a video with Comedy Central one time. Some asshole never read the comments, never read the comments. I know. I've learned this, and I truly don't anymore. But like, and because of this ship, like someone said,

would be better without Asian faggot. Yeah, and you know what, Bowen, that is that person's problem, of course. And I know, listen, I'm always speaking from experience. You really, the more you guys are both super talented and you guys are both going to be very successful, and especially for you, people are gonna be making racist comments. And I learned it from Joan three years ago. She was in an interview and I've stuck to it. She goes if you're saying

something negative, you're wasting your time. I am not looking. Go ahead, write all you want, not looking, And I thought, yeah, because you know what, you'll never win. You'll never ever ever everybody on your side. The best you can do is live your life, and the best that you can do is be the true person that you can be. Listen, at the end of the day, you have two options. One you do what you want to do, you express

yourself how you want to express yourself. Or two, don't and crawl into a hole and hide away from the world because you're afraid that someone's not gonna like you. So listen, you're doing the right thing, and people are gonna say all these awful, horrible things. Don't look. Don't look. I could, I mean I could cry right now. It's it's thank you mateo. That's okay, all right. If you can't love yourself, hound the hell, you're gonna love somebody else. So you just get some pills lies. And now I

feel shitty that I even have to do. And I don't think so right now, but I'm going to continue to come for the community and my I don't think so. Here go Matt Rodgers. I don't think so, honey. This is a very self critical within a lot these days, been through a lot. Here we go and time starts. Now, I don't think so, honey, Reddit, bitch, you finally got me. I went on there and I know everything that happens in that fucking finale of drag Race, and I am

so upset with myself. But you know what, I also blame a lot of my friends who dangle and dangle and dangle the Reddit info in front of me. And then, you know what, I'm a curious motherfucking cat, and I have to look. I went and I looked, and there was more revealed than I wanted them to be revealed. And let me tell you, I'm gaged. But also I'm disappointed that because I know, and I'm thinking to myself,

fuck with these reddits. I don't think so, honey, with all these spoiler websites, with our like television culture nowadays, nothing can be enjoyed in the moment, and it's made the way I watched TV different. I don't think so, honey. Reddit sites like you and you people on Reddit who don't put the spoiler at least ban over the words. And you know, I'm gonna touch it, but just put it there. Follow the rules, bitch all you read at users, I hope that you don't enjoy anything ever again. You

gotta stay off that just for an listen. I don't even know how to use it. It's first of all, it's horrible to navigate, and then you get in there snapchat. I'll never do it again. I'll never do it again. People on the on the drag Race subread are sharing some of the things she was reading on read and I was like, why are you reading that? Yeah, oh no, she's she's got to get off. People are terrible to her.

I didn't even know it existed, but she found a really funny meme someone made of her, and I was running after her with a snowball. Because you never think it's going to be you. I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm on there. I'm sure he knows. The thing is like, when you're a queen that gets on drag Riss, you think, oh my god, my life's going to change. You think there's no way I'm going to be the villain, right, and then you fucking become the villain. And also, yeah,

like it is based on ship that you do. But it's also a drag competition, and you're supposed to be shady and a bit fine. People don't really get what drag is. I don't think they do, especially the young girls to love it. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay, it's time for God. Now I feel like I don't want I don't I don't have this. I think what you told us before the show, you don't have to do that one. But you told us before we started recording, I thought was perfect. But you can do anything you want. Um

oh my god. Okay, uh Suddenly I'm so stressed out. I'll try them and I can't do the same energy level for many time starts. Now I don't think so Kelly an Conway. And here's the thing is, I know that she's like like Mika from A Morning Joe my favorite shows to watch always says that she's like political porn, that these pundits bring her on and just have her

argument argument in these circles. I just think that we better off if we could put her in season one of Fox's The Swan, a show where they took nineteen women who honestly needed a blow out in a new like jacket, but forced them to if the months of invasive plastic surgery and shielded them from their families and mirrors, and then made them look exactly like the host of the show and then force them into a beauty pageant

with the other women. I just think that the only reason comic could exclause one, get her and those bags. You could smuggle children in with under her eyes and just fix that face. And then two we could have tied. We could be she could be out of our lives for at least six months, and then she can come back at least we could, you know, look at her. So that's it. So I just don't think so Kelly and Comma, there you go. That's one minute. That's that

was how they were putting women on television. That shows so horrible. But I would have watched eighteen seasons. Have you heard about this Bachelor in Paradise garbage? No, So there was sexual misconduct apparently, like there could have been a sexual assault on the show, and Bachelor in Paradise is now canceled. And they were filming for one day and the contestants got so fucking wasted that like something bad happened and they had to pull and I'm like, well,

what are you thinking? This is literally rape culture on television, and that I do you know, literally the only shows that I watched on TV. I wake up every morning, I put on Morning Joe, I make my coffee. I don't know why I like that. I listened to Howard Stern, I watched Love You, I watched Wendy Williams, and then that's it. I watched Zelda stuff on YouTube. I've been watching Zelda stuff on YouTube too, and it's things you didn't know about this game. Seventeen things you didn't know

about this game. It's like, get like fucking um, like snowboarding on your shield. Watch that video where it's like here's Longland ranch from Achering of Time. Yes, and it's the exact same, exact same, and it's creepy as how I think it's a beautiful conversation that was happening before when I was like, we gotta start of the episode. I watched game run throughs the people beating my favorite

games from when I was a kid. They beat it like in an hour and there's like a bunch of people around them, and then like it's like some cancer benefits, Like oh I love something about this, mateo you even should have go to after this. But anytime you want this summer come over. I got I got my switch so we can play Mario Carba can play this arms. I also would just like to sit and play Zelda. Please Zelda and you I would watch a play Zelda.

You wouldn't you watch Dice versa. That's my favorite thing is to watch When I grew up all my cousins, my cousin Michael was the oldest, so he would play the video games and me and all my other cousins would sit and watch him video and one of my favorite things to still do. To fantastic. I think you guys at home can all come to and me and you guys will go smoke a ball on the next room. Everyone listening is invited. Guys, we've had such an amazing guys.

Thank you so I really thank you so much for having me on the show. Truly, really seriously one of the most talented people that we know, and we love you good so much. Thank you, Thank you, bye, guys. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsay, and Brett Bom. For more podcasts, please visit Trevor dog Productions dot com,