"I Don't Think So, Honey! 14" (Part 1)

sit down and sit down. No no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no, no no wow. Oh my god, he's the first white bitch on There's been a little but there's been no white bitch. Actually no, no, no. Victoria Jackson was a quarter white bitch. So it was Victoria Jas Victoria Jackson. She was her mom was half white bitchflit bitch. Oh my god, this is gonna be so good, damn fun. I like this blue light. I fucking I'm very much. It's very Pisces lightning. I could

cry in a minute. I did almost cry just there, just there. I'm in a very Piscey's mood tonight. I'm also show exhausted, Okay, let's check in. So Mad just flew back in today from Biggest Bit Vegas, where he preformed the show. Game Show was fantastic. It was fun. But the real event the experience that I had of watching Christina Aguilera in Las Vegas. I can't report to the I don't think so, honey audience that the vocals

are intact. There is a heartbeat. Now, I have you told me a little tidbit, which is that she was she had cut some numbers because she was Forty five minutes later, the woman took to the stage at I was supposed to go on a nine nine as if she was Billy Eilish herself, a new pop start coming up. She knew everyone would wait. I'm telling you it was so good in the production, Valu, Yeah, it looks very it looks very sure girls, it looked very like Vegas specific.

I loved that, and it was Vega specific. The show was in Vegas now, so it's great that it felt that way. Talk about your um, your staying at the show. Cool, So as you as you guys who listens to the pod hals so you may be like well versed in you know, like my famous self control um I got absolutely tanked at Christina Aguilera. I turned to Dave Mazzoni afterwards and I said, I wish she had sang candy Man, and he goes, it was a huge set piece. She did candy Man, and it was like there was a

costume change for candy Man, but there was. She was trunning out on like a whole a new set and I but I do wish I had remembered her do it? I do? I do love that number. And then afterwards, well, this morning, we were getting off the plane from the airport and I was looking at pictures I had taken, and I saw us at some sort of restaurant. We went to p F. Chang's and I didn't remember it at all. Apparently I ordered two hot in tower soups. Yeah,

which has never been done before. It's it's what the natives do. Yeah what I That's what I used to do. Wow, I mean growing up. That's a white bitch. I would what a time for people to have a podcast with a co host named Matt to be this is um you legally can't go there there, but I can't, but I didn't. I was fully gagged when I saw their podcast charting higher than ours. Is that true? Yes, of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean they have a closed subreddit. If you guys

want to check that out, we will never subject to you. Guys. Check the sub People are aching for more of the story. They want to talk about it more. I want to talk about it. I will be talking if this is the thing. I will be asked about this. I'm sorry to go all like, oh woe is me my fame, but like, I will be asked about this for the rest of my life. And I fucking hate that. I fucking hate that. Anyway, I had a great vacation. Yeah, tell them, tell them, tell them about your vacation, all right,

will Okay? I went to um Turks and Cagos and great um An Almanara. It's an it's an Amman resort. They're very fun there. It was. It was a great time. Yeah. Yeah, what what would you like to add? How much it costs? Oh, I will not be I was just kidding. But it doesn't want the wealth shamed? Yeah, just stop shaming. Well, as Cold School said, we need to stop stigmatizing. Well I agree, I absolutely agree. Stop stigmatizing. Stop it. Oh

my god, what's going on today? Oh my god, Okay, what are the what are the current events are happening as we current events are happening as we speak. Honestly, what the fund is going is going? I guess politics, but like, who needs it? Wake me up in twelve months when we've chosen the person. Wait, oh my god, twelve months, it's going to be like the election. I'm I'm kim realizing this now in real time. I mean, oh my god, did you watch the m lgbt Q

for him? I did not need watch did they? I feel like that I'm talking about the issues pertinent to me? How are Kelly Clarkson's ratings Kelly Clarkson's ratings for her daytime show is an lgbt Q issue? Is actually Roman culture number seven? Kelly Clarkson's ratings for her daytime show is an lgbt Q issue. I oh, we We've talked about this for so long. What is the ideal setting circumstance for you to actually meet her and talk to

her like walk us through that. It's literally so scary that you do this, like she could walk in like this is this would be so that like soldier comes back for war moment for me? If she wouldn't trot herself in here right now, and you're gonna give you a German fucking shepherd running up the gayest, dumbest German shepherd.

Um no, I mean where would I mean her? I don't know, Like it's now become a thing of like I know it'll be like so stupid because I'm gonna cry so much, like I'm gonna turn into someone that is not a person, and that's gonna scare her and she's gonna it's not gonna be cute, like wow, that was amazing to me a fan. It's gonna be like that person has a sick disease. Yeah, did you see

on her show? Guarantee none of you did that. They brought back the three original American Isle Judges and Justin Guarini. So you guys are acting like it's fine between them. Um. Seventeen years later, they all got together and they spent at least six minutes on his audition for the Dr Pepper Little Sweet Guy. I was like, is this the most interesting thing we can talk about? Is like how you nailed that audition? Did the audition for it before the show or wait, I'm not familiar with them you

don't know, Little Sweet, this is culture. This is culture. This is great. It's great to have a teaching moment at the Bellhouse. Um, so, little Sweet. Justin Gorny does those Dr Pepper commercials where it goes when that was actually pretty helped? Never nothing or not for about a falsetto Sorry, I do know. Um when what was this? This was sucking evermore, presents evermore, evermore, continuing evermore, it was evermore. This is racist, tired. No, he's been on TV.

If you watch okay, I don't know, like NBC, which I do a support. Um you see commercials with just with Justin Guarini and like sort of like sexy like Prince costume, and he was and he's like the Dr Pepper guy, And I don't get it, but a lot of people do, and it got some a check. It's not for us, it's not for us. I don't think no commercial is for me. Matt famously can't be marketed to not anymore anymore since I've been friends with Bowen Yang,

the smartest person who open my eyes. No, not since Matt Rodgers has been has not read, but has been told about trick mirror by Gia Talentino has has has his habit? Have his eyes been opened? Wow? It's not enough that I finally read less. It's like, there's no, there's always another fucking book. Oh it's not no, it's like this. It's like this, you know what, there can

there can never be too much, too many books? Touch me, set your hands off of remember remember remember beauty the Beastman Bell like opens up the library and she's sober. All guys like that seems. I was like, that't enough. I want more. I want more books. No, Nott, tell everyone you thought of last Pulitzer Prize winning novel last Week? Have you guys read last your last? I thought it was good. I thought the ending was kind of whack.

I thought the ending was like, well, spoiler alert, don't okay. So it's a happy ending. It's a happy ending, and it's like, really because, as Sudie Green said at twenty years old, when we were watching mad Men, human life is suffering and this show gets that. Yeah, twenty years old, someone was capable of that emotion watching mad menute saying, you know the show gets that human life is suffering. I turned her. I was like, you have your life ahead of you she wasn't wrong. She wasn't wrong. She

wasn't wrong. Who's suffering? I know someone who isn't suffering. Now I know someone who isn't suffering too, and it's our guest. And it's our guest. And she, Um, she's been here since the beginning, and we can't wait to bring her out. She is an acclaimed actress, Yeah, this is she's an Antademy Award nominated actress who continually makes time to come do I don't think so, honey, and chat with us for a few minutes up top before we get into the real festivities. By the way, can

you give it up for Chelsea Pierce? Give if you can even believe it? There's gonna be another performance later from another one in New York's Finest Queens. But speaking of queens, we have this this inclaimed actress, that actress. You've seen her in such movies as I was gonna say, Drifters Club? Isn't she her? What? You are one of the stupidest people. And it's crazy that the entertainment a

street continue. Um, she was the trouble attacked me. It's from NBC's Laura put the trouble here to attack me. It's crazy. Every day I go home now and there's Lauren Spies. He's like, you can keep doing the podcast, but you shut the funk up. He's like my new star. Um we we you laugh, but he will kill me. I will die in his old white hands. Getting that we're gonna cut that out. I can't comment on his age. We were legally we're legally not allowed to say anything

to do these things. Um, but we're we are going to be able to talk to a true like on a class. She was robbed of an oscar for the seven movie That First Wives Club, of course, which she wasn't even It's crazy that you rob for something you are thinking that age so well American beauty, um, and now please welcome to the stage. Be thank you so much. Are you are? Are you interested town for? Oh god? Are you just in town for this amazing what you've

built here? It's community. Yeah. So they're just declared by you were not in the First Wives clause you were not first Wive's butub no, I was not right. That was Bette Midler. Yeah, Bette Midler died. He rolled the hand. There you go. Maggie Smith Stockard Channing stoccar traffic. Get started to Parker and yes, three, thank you for reminding me, of course, yeah course, and that you're you're seeping on diet cook. I would have taken you for like a

no soda, no harmonated beverage, but you're wrong. And then where are you in town? For earth? Is there a farmer's market happening? Um? There there was, there was, Yeah, there was a big one on like sixty eight that West Street and it was beautiful. Wasn't a successful outing to the farmer? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yah, yeah, because I come for the apples. Yeah, I live in Los Angeles. Hi, who are you? Good to see you? And and um,

there's no apples California. A lot of oranges in California. Yeah, yeah, yeah of course. So, um, I want to does Warren travel with you? Does Warren come out to New York with you? For the folks at home listening, my husband's name is Warren Beatty. Yeah, a lot of these young girls heard. Oh yeah, I mean kind of an institution in Hollywood. Yeah, Hollywood, Hollywood. So he he has not

come with you? No, no, no, you can't walk he kind we have a little grape tree in the backyard with lemons and other fruit on it, and he just kind of walks out and big stuff. Yeah, but no apples. We've tried none to work. It's a tree that grows grapes, lemons, other fruits. Beautiful tree. It's a giving trade. It's beautiful. Yeah, it's giving trade, giving tree, really giving trade. So I was wondering, and we always love to ask you to

take the temperature of what's going on. So we just want to know in terms of, like, you know, what's going on right now in America? What would you say to everyone who really looks to you primarily for your wisdom America? Yeah, yeah, that's going on. Yeah, the big major buttons are being pushed lives. But you know who well you know you know who's pushing these buttons. Absolutely, We've all been there. I'm in the debates, right, the debates.

You know. The Climate March was yesterday, right, Yeah, big walk everyone talk because big yeah. Yeah. I'm just wondering if you could name like maybe two other things that are going on right yah. Known for that, yeah, you know, I'm going known for walking around in Hollywood kind of you know, what's the scoop? What's up? You know, I'm inquisitive. I have that. I'm an actor neighbor, the neighbor of all. Yeah, yeah, you know I am. But what's up? Yeah? Who are

your neighbors? And and that Kathy Griffith who's been dealt a hard hat? Yeah, I mean as another red hat and show business crazy. Yes I would, okay, okay, all right. I think a lot of people don't. I think I fixture a net as a blonde. I think you're more of a blond. Well you know, I can I can shift yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what makes you so great at acting, the way you can shift with a wig. One of those faces. Yeah, you have one of those

faces for wigs. Yeah. Yes, my neighbor's you. Griven is living in Marlon Brando's old which is cool because my husband, Worn Batty, had kind of a you know, him and Marlin would fuck sometimes, so you know that's cool. Yeah, I ask you a question I've always wanted to know, because I really I've always wanted to know what happened to Natalie would go, we're t talking about me. You

can't talk. I can't, and then Liberty to say, right, but you do know, sure, I mean Christopher Walkin, dear friend, right of course, right of course, of course, though really in liberty to say, yeah, you know, and Jack Nicholson, Yeah, those guys, one of those guys. There's no statute of limitations on murder. You know, it's a very sense murder. Well, that's kind of, you know, presumptuous. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Yeah, that's presumptuous, truth situated. But I had

anything to do. No, not you, not you, just your husband seas and allergic to apples, yes, not just been munch munch munching all day. It's great that you don't live in a state where they grow. You say that California arid all the almonds taking up all the water. It's crazy. The almond milk, the almond milk is crazy everywhere for everyone. They where they are, they are almond lovers. Thoughts on old milk, Well, you know, I'm we have we actually have big old milk. Yeah, a superpack in

the house. You know, you know who they're supporting Buddha judge, big oat Field gets supporting Budda judge. Well he's you know, what do you think of him? Fooda judge? That's the gay boy. Right, he's a good little gay boy. Right, Yeah, so far so good, So salute your shorts kind of like can definitely tie am not you know that a little a little rascal energy. Yeah, sure you know. But the original of the Ickelodeon you're saying, there's there's a bunch of kids in a in a trench coat under him.

Y he's got a lot of little boys underneath his big head. Yeah up, Yeah, you think that's his big political secret. Yeah, you know, big pharmaceutical companies will get a baby in there to hold him up. Big oat has a baby whole prod. So you know, while you're here talking about politics, I think it's important to bring up your upcoming project, which, of course, of course I

I know that you know you're in this film. You're in a film called The Report where you play Cenator Diane Feinstein and you, my dear, are garnering some oscar But I put mession up blast. Are you want to say this is this year the year you play center? Diane finds that I want to know three things. Have you betterr? What's she like? And are you excited for the oscars? Haven't bet her? Um? When she like? I kind of made that up? Oh the character you mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

I do kind of. Um And what was the third question? So? Sorry, are you excited? Everyone wants to know if I'm going to get an oscar for the report where you play Diane Feinstein. Well, I've been, Um, I've been a lot of years where it might have been mine and ends up kind of going somewhere else, you know, to some

other girl, to some other women. Right, so I can't really say if it's mine because of nowhere like you're you seem angry, like you seem this is something that gives you know, you're taking my bless face and Shakespeare Okay where Shakespeare? Right? So the people down here are really who they're the voters right there at the raffle, they are the ground, the ground links exactly. You've staidied Shakespeare. Y u h, not not tesh. But I wasn't Tish

you were wasn't in Tish? Interesting? No one well rags riches you know how these things work? Yeah, not really at all. I mean, it's it's you and the early the early front runners are you and Renee. You know, I am afraid for that flip film. Afraid. Why are you afraid for Judy the film, Well, someone, I'm mostly afraid. Someone's paying for Renee's press a lot of it, and I think it might be Big Oat. I think Big Oat Milk would support Rene's. It feels right to me.

Judy was a big smoker too, so I think tobacco probably is having a little pause. And now I just want to ask you. I'm voting for Marian Williamson. I don't think she has much longer. She's not pulling you. She lives by me. Okay, she's one of your neighbors. Neighbors yea, yea yeah. Did you ever take one of her spiritual courses? I took no, but in the early nineties for sure. What has happened? My wigs falling on your wigs falling up? So you underneath this. I've shaved

my head completely. Wow for a different project, which I kept really well, James Cameron, I can really say. Is it Avatar six, Rise of the Sexy Ponytails. That's that's it. Yeah. I have a glue a ponytail to the top of my bald head and they put a wire in it, so it kind of goes girl yeah with me there girl on top of the head hair braid of course, how that I have a line of green down my whole way, Well, we're looking out for that and we

always love to have you. Thank you so much for coming, and I hope you picked lots of damn apples about it and thank you and you just put it. Yeah, you just put it out with actors equity. So I don't know if I could touch the one you can't touch equipment, but give it up. So um, I'm happy that we sort of have touched on some culture because right now, what we're gonna do is, I don't think so honey, lives people know? Do people know what? And I don't think so many is people those first time?

And I don't think so money is it the first time? Is why don't you explain what? I don't think something so basically and I don't think so honey, is we take sixty seconds to rail against something in culture that we do not like, we think should be addressed fiercely and loudly. And so basically we have um fifty comedians that are backstage right now. They're all going to take to the stage in groups of five, one after the other,

and they're all going to runse against culture. But in order to show you how that is done, I'm going to now ask my friend Bowen Yang take to the stage for he is going to do the very first. I don't think so, honey. I'll be evening. I'll take your phone, okay. So there's two types of I don't think so, honey. Okay, okay, turn to face them. They are your audience. And now everyone, this is Bowen Yang's pre prepared. I don't think so, honey. It's very hard for me to use a phone. Um and his time.

We'll start now. I don't think so, honey. The Hollywood reporter for confusing me and Joel can Booster and for blaming it, for blaming it on a photo error. Just tell the truth. Get some journalist to integrity and say that it was the fault of a social media internamed Trilby or something who loved me on Silicon Valley. Here's what's going on. Joel and I were on Fire Island the summer. A group of Asians went up to him

and said, are you bo and Yang? And Joel said, no, bow and Yang is over there, and then these Asians went no there to bow and Yang. This is crazy gay Asians are all US designers. They should have spatial awareness to know that it's not me. Okay. The only way I will forgive the Hollywood reporters if they host a round table to me Joel, Nico, Santo, Speedywong and George Takai and me and they get to talk about said Karen Anal. Okay, here's the thing. That's what I did.

It No, watch Sunny Side on NBC on Thursday, and that's who I'm at, starring Joel, Kimbooscher and watch SNL starring me, Rob Schneider bone everyone I had to get off. I think it's only fair that I moderate that panel. Yes, I think I should moderate the panel. Oh yes, they normally have that one lady like now she gotta go, she's got that was I'm really prepared. I don't think, Sonny, you'll see a lot of those tonight. You'll also see something else, but and tell them what they're gonna say.

So the second option for our performance tonight is to draw from the trouble right here. So the trouble has a lot of topics on it that are normally uh universally beloved thing. So you have I'm like trying to shake it. But this is literally me being so hungry for Christina Um. It has topics like oh, Princess Diana, Jane Ramsey Um, subsidized childcare like I one time pulled from the trouble the word diversity. Things that are hard to go negative on, but our performers have to go

negative on them no matter what. They can't find some work around, like oh, no, you've gotta be a real bit. I'm gonna be a itch right now because I'm gonna do this. So give it up for Matt Rodgers, my very good friend Mint Robber. Wow, Okay, Matt, So I don't like doing day. Okay, Matt. This is something that I think you can find an angle on. But it's it's a it's a public service that we all rely on here in New York. Your trouble topic is public transportation,

and I think your time starts now. First of all, I don't think it's honey bow when yank fronting public transportation and the fucking trouble, we all fucking hate it. You're losing it. You get a little bit of fame and you lose your edge. You know what, be a fucking brave as fish and put Laura during in the fucking bull. I was trying to tell some on the the part you give me the m t A. Okay, it's slow, it never comes, it's crowded. What the fuck?

It's too cold. When it's cold, it's too fucking hot. When it's hot, it sucks. We've all literally talked about it, when every person in this room but the empty fucking A. I fucking hate it. It's why I'm leaving the city. I don't think so, honey, the R city. I'm out. This is my last fucking night here. I'm serious, and no one mentioned it. It's at all about Poe and I don't think so, honey. Bowen he cooks emptn in then troll Ball sunk my dick. Mt A five second.

You know what m t A. It should be called mass transitory. I don't think so, honey. And that's why I minute. The topic was public transportation as a concept, didn't specify the MTA, didn't specify New York City. Also, I don't know what you meant. Also, um, I have been mourning the true loss of all losses. I am bereft. Matt Rodgers is leaving New York city. This is not about it is about that. And um, I haven't lived in New York with without Matt Rodgers in it. And

I don't know what that's gonna be like. And you'll be busy. I don't have like a vital part of my support system here. It's great. Don't shut up. And the Ivory Tower shut which mentors the color of your skin? Wow, are you ready to see somebody? Don't think so, honey, tonight. Yes, we're the three people up in groups and five We're gonna call them up one by one and there each treaty there, I don't think so, honey. Is each group has a name. That what's this pint? We didn't name

every group. And this group is called the name of what you're gonna hear on Oscar morning. It's called Jennifer Lopez Hustlers. Give it up for Marie Fountain, Georgey your Doyet trave give up for Peters Man, and for Alex English, Alice English. Okay, first up to the microphone. Welcome Marie Foust. It's time for Marie. Cut down, cut damn Marie. What is good? What is very good? Yes? Now let me ask you this very ultimately very important question. Can't you

doing a preslet the topic or the trouball? Okay, when I tell you, I am fully unprepared to do anything selected, I am fully unprepared to do anything. I didn't pick anything, so I guess you guess it's gonna go out. But now what happens if it's something that I don't know, then you drown in front of this audience. Okay, she can't swim. But look, okay, say let's say, let's see. Okay, I think you're familiar with this, Marie. Marie, your trouble

topic is blue checks or being verified? Oh I'm verified and your time starts now. I don't think so, honey, blue checks are being verified. I thought I'll then start it and free stacks. I thought I was gonna start getting flat on the tea and Malaysian wigs from India and virgin lashes from Black China. Shot. Look, I'm not getting nothing, Okay. Nahnis not a waste trainer, not a gringo,

the bar from Neutral Brain Valley. Nothing. Listen, people aren't even signing too, my DM because they intimidated by my sexy blue trick. I don't think so, Blue check black and my dick bless trying to get my host antennial on and I feel like, what what like when we Okay, I have nothing else to say. I'm to roast for her community. Now, welcome to the microphone. George, Sorge, George, George, my darling, George, what's gonna be pre selected or troll?

This is my fourth time doing this. You have done this four times, and it's gonna be my first troll? Boo right, it's time, right, I'm picking it out. Okay, Okay. So this is a concept, George Samaris. You I don't think so, honey. Topic is the concept of inclusivity, and your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. The concept of incancy. This is America, Okay, this isn't some Scandinavian faggotty country Bernie, get the fuck out of here. No,

we live in a teared society. Second, and I'm proud of the fact that I don't have a lot of rights that other people do. And I think that's a sign of character. And if you don't, you're soft. Seconds, So guess what inclusivity? Real men? Go off. I've never even considered that concept. Seconds. I don't inclusivity roasted. It's over. As of tonight, this will be the last. I don't think so, honey. Because of that, I don't think so honey, We're done. Just kidding, Welcome to the microphone, your joy

truff everyone? Yeah please, oh man, So go on saying look, I don't I got I got a prepared one, and that I can't prepare to the events prepared, something that's been on my chest for a long time. I don't think so. White men who think anime is for you, who the fuck are you like? Imagine the audacity, the popcacity to think to think that you own an entire fandom just because you jacked off to a Kira I checked off the sailor moon in. What is the difference?

I swear to God, If one more y'all tells me the agent concent in Japan, I will lose my ship. Everybody knows anime was given to black people and lesbians and exchange, in exchange for streetwear, culture and breakdan. See there's now. I'm sorry. I don't think so white men in general, but those who think animes for them that having your role of culture, you know, I even you. He's given us a new rural culture. It's rural culture.

Never seventy eight animate culture was given to black people and lesbian's please put it in the role black absolutely put it in. And now welcome to the microphone. Peter STI manny oh if I were a chameleon. Hi, good to see you, Great to see you for the first time, to see you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what will it be? I'm gonna do a recently pre select This is Peter Smith. I don't think so many of their time starts now, Okay, I don't think so. Honey, oh bitch, a longhead of

the bait being taken this vape band. What are we supposed to do? People have been sticking things in their mouths to calm down for thousands of millions of years, and we finally got oh, batteries, that'll be good. Everyone's happy with sucking on a battery. And now we can't do this anymore. But we can't smoke cigarettes. We're not allowed to do that, so we're being We have to just hold these things all the time, all the time. I can't fuck you or huff you, or think you

or like you on fire. I can only just keep my hands tied behind my back, whilst everyone else is fine. None of you smoke five seconds. I don't think so, honey, vaping band. We gotta do something, and we got we gotta get something that's an lgbteking issue as well a flar issue. Thank you so intial, Thank you creater, and now please welcome to close out this group. It's Alex Englet. Yes, holong, sir hi, sir h. It is wonderful to see you.

Wonderful to see you too as well. Okay, now tell us this answer to this question, um pre selected our trouball. What are we thinking? This is Alex english Is. I don't think so, honey, he's got applies because time starts now, all right, I don't think so, honey. Justice small leg tournaments, I will say, will complete confidence that just Smalllett is an embarrassment to gay black liars everywhere. And I say that because I am a gay birds I actually appreciate

him because we needed representation. Everybody else had representation. White women had Megan Kelly, black women have onmar Roses, white men have everyone. So fuck you, but also thank you Jesse small Land. Five seconds and that's what I did. Ju smar Roston. Please give it up. Hustler, Buston, Harris, Peter Smith and Alex Englash Wow, Bria, George and Joy and Peter right, Alex just killed that it now giving

up for this next group. They're called hot Toast. Give it up for Meggan, So give it up for Peterson the last year. That's good, everybody good? Oh my god, get on those damn chairs and they'll welcome to the microphone. Megan's stalter a pre selected to this. Megan stalked, I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. I don't think. I don't think so, honey. Of my teeth bleeding every time I brush them? Why are you doing honey? Why are you bleeding? Honey? I see you, sweetheart? Or what

did you just get ran over? Honey? Don't you think how awkward it is with my teeth? I don't even know it, and I know you guys don't believe me, but it really does happen. And how awkward, sweet my honey, for a little interview and you don't realize your teeth been bleeding for forever? For how awkward When I'm making love to my beautiful brother and then all s and he says, give me that smile little girl. And then

and he goes dead off. This is awkward, now, sweetie, honey, I don't and and and look at my ass my star Wow, Megan Star Star, Oh, oh my god, oh fuck unreal Bagan, thank you, Wow Star is born. That was the shallow of the shallow. That was the shallow to to the microphone EVA ficction. Oh my god, what's it gonna be? Pre selected? For sure? This is a victors I don't think so. Mahn of your time starts now, I don't think so, honey. Those of us who underestimate

the power and value of Merrit Weaver. If you know who Mary Weaver is, come on, it's too few of you. Well you've not even been busy. I don't know schooling to don't photos of Timothy shall May, I don't know licking some girl on a canoe. Marion Weaver is proving time and time again that acting is staying with me. Reacting, well, you guys, they're talking about fucking stupid Joe Biden is which he is. Mary Weaver is convincing us again that it's less powerful to be like fuck you and more

powerful to be like fuck you. Yes, fifteen seconds she got that far a new girl. Everybody raise your right hand, repeat after me. I will not underestimate Mary Weaver. I'm underestimate. We were home tonight and watch godless. I will go home tonight and watch god seconds. We were at an undeniable queer energy, Mary were energy. So you got still underestimate Mary. We are unbelievable. I think many more of us know who she is now, butfore of us, thank

you for that. Think at least six six more people know about Merritt. Six more and now welcome to the microphone for Okay, guys, hello, and welcome back. Thank you so much for having you guys like gorgeous just you know of close. Um, thank you amazing. Okay, I'll do uh a pre selected Okay, Okay, I don't think so, honey. Our time starts now. I don't think so, honey. The iyres of late capitalism. Okay. So here's what I'm thinking.

I'm thinking that all of our problems, both societally, environmentally and my personal problems, actually i'll stem from la capitalism. Okay, So I'll go ahead and attempt to explain that now. So start off, what's going on on? Is um? What so capitalism does exploit labor. Okay, there's a fact there's people profiting from exploiting us. Okay, we are exploited, Okay, hold ship so okay. So what I'm saying is if it was a not of capitalistic gain to destroy the environment,

then we wouldn't do it. But that's why we have to do it, Okay. And then if if we didn't have to use our personalities as a capitalistic gain as well, then no one would ever feel competitive. And I feel a lot less anxious. Good five seconds. Okay, it excess dating, it excess your personal life, perhaps even your relationship with your mother. Um, so let's just think about it. Of capitalism have done us wrong, and perhaps we shouldn't think of something else. Thank you so much, you have what

aceptionally World culture number one hundred. Capitalism has done us wrong, and we should make of something else. Thank you for Thank you for that lesson. And now welcome to the microphone. Your appears, oh looking absolutely runaway ready, Oh, we love to see it, to see it just just ex excellence. Now I would ask this question, I would ask this troll ball or or or I came in a matching skirt suit, I did the word her time starts. Now,

I don't think so, honey, trying to kill me. You want to try to kill me, honey, I don't think so. I prefer to be alive. Who instead of trying to kill me, why don't you drink a glass of wine? Of them? Second he said, I don't think so. Thirty seconds, Honey, I don't trying to give me the time. Trying to kill me. It's like trying to give me the light when I'm doing my comedy. No, no, no, but I'm

gonna let me. Killing me is fine. Step seven, I'm dead, But trying to kill me is mortifying your food, putting poison in my favorite forgetting which glassy put the poison? Then you want to organize crime. Seconds trying to push me up the cliff, but you trip and accidentally follow yourself. Congratulations, hang at you just kill yourself. Do not trying to kill her. Don't kill her, don't try, just do it, genius. There is no try, genius. Don't try to kill her.

Just do it. We're gonna do it for goodness sakes. And now welcome to the microphone, the one the only She's gone. Why are you trying to focus listen, what who do you think looks more like Joe kin Boost? You are in joke? M drag right now the chest everyday? Wow, what would you like to what do you want to to do? Oh my god? What what would you like to do? Pre selected or trouble? Oh my god, I do Okay, I'm gonna do a pre selected I'm gonna look at my notes. Okay, it's pretty academic, So okay.

If I miss a word, it's like none of it will work, you know. Yeah, so this is celestiums academic. I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. I do not think so, honey. Anyone who falls in love with me. It isn't a brag. I'm genuinely trying to help. The only things I know for sure about love one you need it to survive too. It does not last. That means that when it ends, you're supposed to die. Falling in love is murder. Specifically, if you fall in

love with me, I think you're wrong. The Tuesday I'm in consisting that are texting and being a nice person. My best friends will literally never be outranked by anyone. My parents clearly got divorced at a very formative age. I have a crush on everyone. The girl I did it this summer told me that literally, if you're in love with someone, you're allowed to look at their phone at any time for any reason, get mad about anything

on it. I don't have a pass. Got on my phone because I'm twenty three and I don't know anything good. If you fall in love with me, I can't help you. Leave me alone. Fuck you before everyone don't. I can salter vector for of him booster herself. Wow, oh my god, unbelievable. Hot Toasts really was very existential and with a name like hot Toast, you gotta be, you gotta be. That toast is dead. It was once bread and now it's burnt. That's the life cycle of toast. Once it fell in

love and now welcome this next group. What are they called? School for girls? School for girls? About the stage, same as Zoni. The stage actually was so loud, so low. Rachel Pegrass Sarah to everyone everyone, Dave is feeling maybe even worse than me. He should take to the plike right now. We saw Christina Regulator last night. Ris Lotus Rises, The Lotus Rose, The Lotus Rose. Dave, what's gonna be pre selected or trouble. I'm gonna do a pre selective. Okay,

this is David Zonies. I don't Sonia's time starts now. I don't think so, honey. My friends telling me that, like, I can't get botox right now in my face. If I want to, I would like to start to funk with my face, please, it's my right. The other day on the train, someone came up to me and they were like, you look like somebody who maybe could have been on Glee. And I was like, oh, but in this big scenario, I'm not even positive if I booked

or not. You know, I feel like there was a moment where I was like, you are only and now it's like maybe you could have, you know. I just feel like, if this is parent trap, I'm feeling kind of chessis, you know. I want to get to my Meredith moment. I don't want to see. I wonder what like Cameron Diaz in two thousand six, you know, and Matt and I are moving to light tomorrow. So as soon as we get off the plane, the first thing I'm doing is going to Dr Jacobsen. I'm getting my

fucking tits done. Second, I'm in a day, this space, and there's nothing you've been just gonna do to stop me. I don't think so, honey, Dave Audrey of Dame Miss Honey, future Filler's Queen Davenna. Look at that face. It's the last time you'll see it. And now welcome to the microphone as suits, the suits, a suit moments ceo of a picnic. Honey, all right, so talk to me, Ash. We have a bowl here, it's full of trol and we also, i'm sure, have a gorgeous brain, full of

gorgeous pre select the topics. What is the tea? I've been thinking about this and seething about it for eleven years. Tonight's the night. Tonight's tonight, eleven years in the vain game. I don't think so many our time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Tourists who have the audacity to sit down on the train before I do. Okay, excuse me. I pay federal, state, and local taxes. I think I actually own this supper. Your six year old looks super exhausted from an afternoon at the M and M store.

I understand that, but he's gonna have to hold onto the pole from forty second fourteenth Street. Your sixty three bags full of century but really really heavy to carry. But you know it's a little heavier to carry the fact that I've worked two to three jobs at a time for the last seven years to try and make my or ites that right. I'm exhausted. I need a seat five seconds. Okay. There are exceptions you you're pregnant, if you're not able bodied, girl, they're all always get

my chub for you. But I will make sure it look like a fucking murder as I do, of course, of my body, because we're not you. And now welcome to the microphone. Hannah so E, so yes Canada. Hi Hannah. First of all, hello, Hi, Okay, we're here. Now talk to me about the trouble versus pre selected question. You have an answer to that. I have an answer to it. I left my a this line in by accident, and who you are funking? You're going with it? Okay, so

things reflected, this is pre selected. Hannah sell that her time starts. Okay. I don't think so, honey. All of my grandparents are dead like um, excuse me, what um? Okay? When my grandma died, I was dating someone who worked part time at Guitar Center. She died being like, damn, I hope he and his boyfriend gets some were hours. She didn't even get to see me get married to someone who shops I guitar. Okay, listen, I don't think so, honey. One of my grandpas is actually alive. He just does

not speak to my family. Okay, so you know, I would love to meet him because he sounds like a petty bitch. I acted like he's dead, because he acted if I am dead. I choked in. I think we would get home. Okay, let's just say ultimately, my grandparents would kill on TikTok. Okay, it's so sorry, so sorry, so sorry about that. Less Wow, a grandparent who kills on TikTok, that's what we need. That's what we need today. That's the voice we need now. Absolutely, Oh my god.

This this next person coming to the mic has one our show at Culture Fresh which what was it called Cluster Frest? No, not Culture, It's called the Gauntlett. You don't remember anything. She's an Icon Award winner. Please give it up for Rachel. To Rachel, it is very good to see you here in your element, you know, yes, yes, you know, yes, and I'm talking to me about troll ball or pre selected? What is going on? You know, there's been a lot of thoughts going through my brain. Okay,

and it's been is it pre select? Is troll? Do I throw it all the way? Do I troll? And I'm gonna go with a pre select the ultimately select cis. I don't think so. When of your time starts now? I don't think so. Honey. One way streets, both ways down the street. What is this? Wait? Have the technology to make strips go to ways? Why are you wasting my time with just one direction? It was not horse and Buckey Town with not harms but people, so that we need to be able to travel both ways down

the streets. I take that one ray streets or remedial classes make streets. I'm stupid as fun and I'm sorry your remedial classy streak are go with one direction? And that direction ain't up? Fine? Yeah, strips can eat let's who were with the ruling countess touch number twenty one way? Streets can't eat my clan. Wow, give it up for Sarah, Julie, Sara A little number number even Yes, Yes, we love we love the socks mass Sarah, what's it going to be pre selected or trouble. I'm gonna have to go

a little ps a little yeah, I love you. Yeah, Okay, this is controversial, priest large, I don't think so. When Sara Julia's time starts, now, I don't think so. Honey, Maya in Lady Marmala because love me in the street. Honey. We've got Christina aguilera obvious choice. She's like, she makes the dirty as she's wanted to do. The next of course we have Pink Powerhouse voculash. She's like, yeah, raise

your mother fucking glass bitch, okay. And then next of course we have Little Kim who does stay in her lane, but she staid brings it. She's like, hey, heyft seconds. Then we get to Maya. Okay. The producers like, this is the finale of the song, making all you got. She's like, because it's like Mariah Carry could have done that, you know what I mean. It's like, oh, Alicia Keiths would have done better. And that's really saying that that was the worst thing that happened in two thousand one.

The School for Girls is not a listeners, thank you, schoopergram stay zone, Sarah to oh my God, making us not for not for a get, Let's get Well, let's got a couple more groups and for this next group is called damn Birds, sang Joe Firestone, who wants doing? I lolco the stat death and Pierre said, Choe find that find she's not here. She's not here, and welcome to stage. Christie shackle Fir, Wow, Chloe, you couldn't be here. I think she's in the Los Angeles. Think well, you know,

I respect that. I respect that a lot we love. Can we give her the best to wherever she is? And now please welcome to the microphone. Joe, find Joe. Joe, what's going to be pre selected or trouball? I love this environment so much and I just want to say that I do. Did I do? Pre selected? O? That's good you said that because we have the question about it. Yes, this is Joe Firestones. I don't think someoney, her time

starts now home. Okay, I don't think so, honey. Summersaults all right, they hurt your neck and they don't look cute real gimness, use beams, uh huh. Okay, if you're still doing summer sults. You need to grow up and start doing cart wheels. Summer Sault, Summer's over. Summer Sault is the ugliest role there is. You know what's a cute role, Philadelphia role, and that's the sushi my Cream Cheese seconds show. If you see someone doing a summer so, I want you to pick them up and throw them

through a basketball. But that's what they're trying to be, all out basketball five seconds. Yeah, don't do it. Okay, We've got a roll of culture number five, Summer Special, Summers Over. Don't do it? Okay, do it okay, and now welcome to the microphone? Are good? Can you welcome? Dylan Mary Lamara, Hello, stud Hello, my beautiful girls, my style, beautiful? Thank you? Do you like my straight drag? Yeah? Yeah that's what I was thinking, you straight? Thank you? Yeah,

that's what I was thinking. Yeah. I don't want to brag, but it's gonna be pretty selective and I'm going to be Everyone cheer when I say this reading from my phone. Okay, it's the reader that it started. Kate in Dylan Maren Uh, Dylan Marans. I don't think so many a time starts now, I don't think so honey, four thousand word essays about how Pete Buddha Judge is not gay enough to be president. Honey, you are so deep in the echo chamber that the

reverberations have made you lose your goddamn mind. Just because you possess the cognitive ability to form a complex sentences doesn't mean you have anything complex to say. Pracing someone on how they practice their fagotry, Honey, you are just a remix version of the I'm not like the other girls girls. If my gay president isn't into leathern bondage, that's okay. Keeping kids out of cages and making healthcare accessible is good enough for me, Honey. I just want

to be clear. I support your radical politics. Run for office, and I will knock on doors for you. Criticism is not a crime, but please do not turn your draft of a tweet into a dissertation. That is a crime. I don't think so, honey, pot using word essays about how you got Buddha judgesn't gain enough to be your president? Were in that you? Filter Number three Welcome to the Microphones, Jasin Tear, Hello, Jason, Yes, follow Us Bust Drives featuring

Jenna Jackson what's it gonna be. I think it's gonna be a very scandalous pre select This is Jasmine Pierces. I don't think so many her time starts now. I don't think so honey. People that ask me how I survive without coffee, I know, thank you, thank you, three people in here coffee. This is like a crackhead asking me how I survived without crack. I don't want to hear it more. Okay, how do I wake up in the morning? I wake up with the twinkling of dawn. I thought, whoever is in my bed my day? I

don't want it any more. Do you know how you wake up in the morning? All the rest of you like this? If someone you rolled up without a coffee machine in your house, you'd kill your kids that morning. I don't need to drink beam diarrhea. I know if it comes out of diarrhea, but it starts as diarrhea too anymore. It doesn't smell good. Someone got murdered outside in my Starbucks recently. Seconds that's why rolled up in

a carpet, rolled up in plastic. Extremely murdered. But we're trying to get a cup of coffee in the morning, So that's all that. You don't need that. You don't need that to survive. How do I survive with that coffee? I don't get murdered. I'd my body left for all the world to see. Harlem doesn't eat anymore of that? Okay, how much? Okay? I honestly just wanted to hear more. I just needed to know. Honestly, it's true. I don't make coffee, but I drink it every day and it

suxed me up. And it's a sick disease. And we all have it. We all have that. And now welcome to the microphone, Christie. Shame on, Christie, thank you. I love to be introduced after an Instagram celebrity does not show up. I love to be that consolation problem. Stop it, Christie star. We have two options here, right Bowen, Yes, pre selected or trouble Christie. I'm very nervous. But then I'm gonna troll. Yeah, okay, Christie. She famously did one

of the best troubles to Julie Andrews. But tonight, I say, you will not be troubling a person. Rather know a concept. Okay, is it air? It's not? It is? However, unionization and your time starts now. I think any unionization, I'll have an agent right now? Okay, I have to do say I do love me union, you give me the health insurance. I can't get any word because I don't have my agent, because my union told me to fire them, which I did, and you know how they wanted me to fire them

in a form letter that day. Route is noney, it's a right path for me. All write my own dang agent, a dang firing letter. I don't think so, honey, union is they should? What the fuck is Labor Day? Am I supposed to swim? Am? I supposed to barbecue workers? Right? I think we fucked Labor Day a little bit? I don't think so. Dan give it up for Joe fire show here persis shop we go one group from this first half, stick around this all the drag queens and

the straight men. Are you ready called the Liberation World to Liberation World? Tops chose give it up for job, give it up for bike and Brucy for Diego, Loca giving up for print a filter? And the first up to the microphone is she entertained you earlier tonight? Chelsea? Be yes, Chelsea, what are you thinking? Are we talking presech This is pre selected. It's been in my soul for a long time, and I need to get it off my chest. Here we go, Chelsea. Here, So I

don't think Son of Our Time starts now. I don't think so Honey, d J's in clothing stores. This this is an H and M, not a circuit party, Okay. I came here to get a clearance tank top, not take Molly and make out with someone who I'm gonna ignore and els catch him for the rest of my life. I already get funny enough looks from women while I'm shopping in the broad Apartment, and I would tell them that gender is a construct, Linda, but I can't hear

my own thoughts over the goddamn music. Turny second, turn down post Malone and let me shop. It's actually culture number forty three. Stay with me, turn it out, post let me shop. Don't think for a moment that I won't take this fucking wig off and put on a gate gosslin pixie cut soccer mom and asked to speak to the fucking event in the world. I'm not be Rogers himself. I don't think so hawnty everyone I believe let's do what these straight men have to say. Give

it up for Joe run sweet Oh my god. Wow. So here you are on stage, and I don't think Sony confronted with a question, that question trouble or pre slect this topic, myodness. You know, I love reaching into bowls and picking out a bunch of things. But I'm going to reach into my pocket because I jotted down something. I'm gonna do a pre slop tricky boys. I don't think so, honey. His time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Rube Goldberg machines. I mean, have you seen these things? Rube?

I love you, but why has everything got to be a damn contraption with you? I mean, have you seen these things? Honey? Get to the fucking point three seconds? Yeah, I want the marble to go into the cup. But I'm not trying to sit through an entire set of an Okay Go music video. I all I have to do is wait for a candle's flame to burn through a taut wire. Bitch, I have places to be with this. You can be curing diseases, you could be uh, you know,

fixing climate change. Uh No, but you're rigging Pulley systems for a boxing love to punch your chicken so that it lays an egg, and that egg travels down to hands with you hands a boot with a nail on the toe, and it pops a balloon and then that spells out a messaging clitter. Hey, you know what that message better spell You've wasted your life? That rule? Hum? I love you, but come on, oh my god, can you give it up? Pullas for Micael brucing my hello, listen, hot, Hi,

what's gonna be pre selected? Oh? I have zero improvisational comedy training, so we will be going very written and very very written. This is Mike and Vercis. I don't think so many as time starts now, I don't think so. Honey. Hot guys reading books on the train, Hot guys reading books on the train? Do you think you're better than me? Twice? You can be hotter than me or smarter than me, but if you're both, it hurts my feeling. And I'm

not saying that I'm not hot. I'm just hot to a very specific type of person, which is which is women that are attracted to Tony Soprano and men that are attracted to Tony soprano. It's twenty nineteen. Paper is a fine nite resource. We're doing audio books now, and audio books are just podcast without commercials, so they fucking suck. Five seconds if I don't know what kind of match

was my favorite podcaster sleep? So I locked your fucking kill by tell if you need to buy a paper book, do like the rest of us with stability to buy a book, put it in your New Yorker or Outdoor Voices toe bag and let it fucking rot until you buy a new book and put the old one on the pile. I'm sure you'll never rang by a b say with a take that. And we just want to

say thank you to Helix Sleep. Thank you a short sleep quiz with Helix Sleep and the for you brush your teeth with quip with tooth brush built in thirty seconds. Vibration in the guiding the guiding sensitive pulses. Now welcome to the microphone. Diego lou pack boy boys, what's how are you? What's up? Is here you are? And here we are asking you? Do you want to do priestly at the topic or the child I'm a pre boy

boy boy, Yes, okay, diego locus. I don't think so many times starts now, I don't think so, Honey, guys, I tried to ruin how cool squirting is by telling me that it's p that's still cool. I don't know what to tell you. Grow up. Oh it's gross. You don't have these men come? Come? That's song? What are you meanqueasy about sex? It's insane. I made a woman pe with my mouth. Where my fucking David Blake. I don't care what it is. I care why it is? Okay someone to join my company and that feels nice.

It's like, hey, you want the lottery. Great, it's a Canadian lottery. Still great, whatever it is, fifty fucking coward, Put a napkin into your shirt and eat up by the fucker with a toll a aption. Eat pussy. We love it. Speaking of pussy. Everyone giving up a grain of yes, shut up speaking of pussy. All right. Let let me ask you this question, which has to do with I don't think the audience pre select in our trouble. What do we feel? What do we think? I got

a topic? Oh, she got a got a topic. I've been sitting on this topic for a while. Here we go. You're not trying to listen. I don't think so, honey. When someone's Instagram story is the size of a fucking grain of salt, pitch, I cannot sit. How obsessed are you with your motherfucking self that is the size of a grain of salt. Your ass in the shower, your ass going to the train, Especially when a bitches a drag queen and she's posting every fucking angle of herself

doing the Saitan number she does every single day. Bitch, you ain't Christina Agulera. You can't be posting this ship very sac and I understand, oh, I understand if you're you're having a momentous occasion like a wedding, or you have a cute little toddler niece that you want to show up to the world, very cute, very cute. But can't you boss you that number one more fucking time from every single motherfucking angle. I'm gonna come for you and I'm gonna cut your wig up, bitch. I don't

think so, honey. There we go and filter deliberation. Rolf child be here to run a first day past after day and spread a filter will remain on stage because fucking you are in for a treat everyone. Right now, I have the best track queen in this fucking country. Her name is Print Better, and we're gonna take a take it out head after her performance up He'll be taking away bitch. Yes, this is my favorite overdone number. Make sure you put it on Instagram and I'll redo.

I'll repost it seven thousand times November. Ready all this will be the last six will be I'll wait it, this will be time any more. Her my name is Steady. Um. This is my first attempt um at a e harmony video, my first time at online dating. So I'm nervous, but I'm excited at the same time. Um. So I'm just gonna start talking about what I like and hope I get some replied not so this So I am a recent NBA grab. I love cats, Um, I just sorry, I'm getting you amotion. I love cats. Um, I love

every company cat. Sorry, I just I really love cats and I just want to hug all of them. But yeah, because it's crazy, I get like every cat, but I just want to. I went to I want to. Um, I'm sorry, I just I get any time I hear cat. I just I love pushy pushy pushy, pushy, pussy pussy. I want to see pussy leather. Body says it's nice, and then I came and visit. I'll be at your house tonight. They tell me you're so off to touch, and really it's smooth. I can hardly wait to feel

that pussy too. You want to play pussy all the time you had that prime pussy. This crime you send Your pussy's clever. It's so slick. But I think that you'll put she's good. So today I am a cat lover, um, and I love to run. I'm sorry, I'm thinking about cats again. I just I think about how many don't have a home and I should have them, and how cute they are and other ears and no one's good to know. I love every coney cat. I just love them and I want them and I want them in

a basket. And I wasn't a boat tie and so you touch me. Um. I want them to being on a rainbow and just in my bad and I just went a house follow them and I just wanted still roll around. Oh yeah, I care forever. This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Brett Ballum, Joe Silio and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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