"I Don't Think So, Honey! 10" (Part 1)

can see my crown. That is true, you guys. Matt had the audacity to email everybody on the show tonight and tell them explicitly turn a look, and then he comes looking like a colds catalog. I'm wearing basics and basics are in for gay men. I hear sure, sure, sure, I was told by cast sumber on the show tonight. I gret a title mean that I looked like a hot l a gay in sure. Sure, sure, sure, But these people literally risk their lives coming here in the rain.

Can I say if you bought a ticket to this event and you didn't show up because of the rain, I don't think so. Honey, I have to tell you this is the one thing about l A. I've lived here for a year and I still cannot get over how fucking insane this city goes when it rains. Um, Like everyone has to talk about it. I just like, I haven't lived here long enough that rain is like a good predication for a conversation. No, Like, I'm told that it does so less than five days a year.

Is this true? Is this a real figure? I got a lot of meteorocts. It's rained like five times in the last seven days. Um. Is this as cold as it? Guy? This is about as cool as it gets, and it's miserable. I didn't move here for this ship. Um. I certainly didn't come here for six days time for this ship for imperfection? Can I can I say really quickly about the on some you can say, Um, this is exactly what Bowen Yang wore to the last live show that

he was at. He literally wore this just because I wanted to make it easier for you guys, you know, like I didn't want to shock you with a new co host. You know, like I wanted to make it as easy as possible. We're both Asian we're both wearing the same thing. Um, waiting patiently for I don't want to come up and be like, I love your guys podcast so I can hit you. Please don't confuse us. Um, this this outfit is a trap. Um, we should say this is Joel Cambuster and I am Matt Rockers. Hi. Hi,

And this is so funny. This is I don't Think so Honey Live. That's so funny to me our second ever in Los Angeles, Jolie. Does anybody here not know what I don't think? So Honey Live means spiritually? So you guys who yeah, spiritually and logistically you know what it is. Woman, Okay, they're all ashamed. They're raising their hand like they're in a sociology classroom. Okay, let's do this. Who listens to the podcast? I live for people who raise their hands? You raise your hand like a good

class A little hufflepuffs are little raven claws. Ah, it's actually rule of culture number four. All fans of lost cultures are hufflepuffs, proudly hufflepuffs, leather and rising. You gotta be to make it in this bizz. You gotta be one or the other. No, but it cares if you're fucking brave when you're going to an audition, bitch. Okay, well wait, what is it? Does it make me a Slytherin? If I talk about frequently how I'm a Griffin? Door,

is that like Slytherin? I think it's like one of those things where like you're the sorting hat is like your by right, Yeah, okay when you find out when you find out that the sorting hat was really there, just as like what would you call it? Like sort of he was just kind of there, like he really let you decide. It's like, why the fund do we even have him? Just let people tell you what they want to be in, and you know, you go to the Wizarding World, you can't even put the hat on.

That's my big criticism of the Wizarding World is that I want to go to Harry Potter and find out where I truly belong, and they do not do that. They let you pick your own scar for forty four dollars and you know, I have one of each for what for? However, I'm feeling during that day, have you made it to any of the parks this trip? No? I wanted to go. Remember we walked. We were driving

like this and from me York. He doesn't know. Um. So we were driving down the road and there was one sign for visiting World of Harry Potter Universal, and there was one sign for Disneyland. And I was like, we have to go, and it's impossible to go this trip. We're just too tiley scheduled. But I said for next time, we must go. And then he revealed he had never been never been to a park, never been to a Disney, never been to him. He's a six flags queen. I'm

a six flag squeen. I'm trash and I have a death wish. Um. Oh, the the odds of you dying and a six flags are extraordinarily Hi. Can I say some beef with you? Really quickly? With me? Personal? Yeah, with you? I want to reveal it to everyone in front of you. Um. Why you guys? You and Bowe when you do these shows, you always start with a song you do like a dance a song or something

like that. And I'm really sad that you didn't ask me to sing, especially because I famously have a much better voice than bow And Um perfect pitch, um pitch is relative. Um, it's subjective. Good singing is subjective, and in my world I have a much better voice than Bowen and everybody knows that. And I want to get this. Do not cut this. First of all, you can deal with his rath when he hears that you believe, I'll

never see him again. I'll never see him again. He only exists in Like, what song would we have sang? Because I thought about it. I thought we could have done Suddenly Seymour, But that would have just been for you because I don't know that song. I have a I have a cultural blind set for um, what's that Little Shop? Yeah? Well, literally, I don't know. And I was in Little Shop in high school and Audrey to the voice of Audrey two in my high school direction

of Little Shop was winner. Yeah did you say the winner? Did I? I think you had a Freudian moment and you said the winner of Repaul's drag. I must have had a stroke. All stars ten. Oh god, I'm so sorry. That's why, Joel. You would have had to show up on time to rehearse a okay number. But you're in l A. Shows up on time in l A. Essentially, I can get here on a plane. Y'all can get

here in the rain. But wait, here's the thing. I know some of you who may follow me on Twitter know that there's been a great mystery surrounding me for the past several days. And that is which West Hollywood gay bar did I take a ship in? And, quite frankly, when he told me, I was shocked. I was rocked to my core because it is a disgusting place to take a show. I'm raising the stakes. Wait, where's the music? People? O? The West Hollywood gay bar where I took a ship

on Sunday, fully blacked out at six pm was wait chapel. Yeah, he mind you. We were at three separate bars with single, single occupancy bathrooms. That he could have done this and it's just one strip of bars. He could have walked back over to beaches and took a ship in beaches. But no, you said I want to do it in front of the people. Um no, there was a door. Although I will say this chapel has those kind of urinals and this is one of my I don't think so.

Honey's Chapel has those kind of urinals where you just line up and everyone's in full of view a trough. If you will, thank you for that that cultural knowledge and know how. Um, but in a gay bar, that's just like everyone showing each other their dicks. Right the guy next to me like whipped his dick out like two ft away from the urinal and like, it's a beautiful part of our culture. It's a beautiful part of

and I, and we're all verbally commented on it. We were all like healthy cock, Like, hey, got exactly what he has for so clinical, Um, are you fearing with l A? Do you like it? Oh? I like l A. Can I give you a little piece of Oh thank god? So say goodbye to all your rules. I'm here to scoop them up. I can't wait to see that under five on momk Um, I think I'd be good on mom. Actually, I think you'd be great on mom as well. Here's my thing, because I'm not grounded. You're going to meet

so many people, and this is my beef. This would have been my I don't think so, honey tonight if I were doing a pre select But like, don't you're gonna meet so many people, do not? Um? The people who feel the need to be like, oh no, we've already met before. Fuck off? Um, how dare you. I am thirty years old and half the life that I plan on leaving living. Okay, that's half my life span.

I've met so many goddamn people. And if you want me to remember you, bab but here's here's my advice for you, is that That's what I started to do to avoid this trap. Is I never say nice to meet you anymore. I only ever said good to see you, and if and if this ever to continue the conversation, I also always go how long have you been out here? Now? I was saying, have you been out here now? Well, it's working for me this year because I'm new and so like anybody I've met has probably only I met

in Chicago or York, and so it's been working swimmingly. Honestly, do you ever do this? Do you ever do like? Do you guys know each other and they go I think so Kayla, and she goes Alexa, and they're like, and then you know who they are a useful tool for everyone. It's really it's really dicey to do that around groups of game en though, because there are not a lot of people. Know that there are only sixteen gay men in l A. And they're all named Chris. Yeah,

and it's tough. It's tough because they all have met in the back room of Auspinoff. You know. Um so it is wrap. That was a shout out for five people who go are you guys? Current events are happening as we speak. I just wanted to address I wanted to address my favorite news item of today, which will be irrelevant in three weeks when we released this, but I feel we must speak on it. Natalie Portman and

Jessica Simpson are feuding and we gotta address it. I would feel irresponsible as a law culture sta if I didn't sit here and say team Jessica, no, you stupid, you are go to school to school, you talking bitch? You were Thomas person, you were. You are stupid? No, you were the talk never speaks there You come for Queen Ama Dolla. She was. She gave you everything, she was got off. She bought her life on the line for the Republic. Honey, That actress means a good director.

If she does to have a good director, she's at c at you like all those fucking sea chickens. That Jessica Simpson. Honest to god, you know it's a billion dollars. You say the name of Jessica Simpson. She somehow makes a business dollar. Natalie Portman was not talking ship or judging Jessica Simpson in that quote. Natalie Portman was very rightly saying that the messaging in that era was confused, that we were expecting for women to be both virgins

and sexual. That is what she meant. And why attack you read read a book, read a different books. Book you read a different read one single book I have read. I have read oupards of four teen books, all the Harry Potter's in Cold Blood and all the like six of the Lady comedy autobiographies Bossy Pants. I loved it. Fuck you, I can't. You would be team Natalie. And also this because I have to, I have to say something.

If I feel irresponsible, irresponsive, I don't say this. When we saw the trailer for A Star is Born, Joel said in a group chat called Twink Corrors, which is the name of our group chat, although it's not as good as the one with your l A Gays, which is called Destroyer in her first that's very good. I said that A Star Is Born looked phinnomen and then Joel said he was going to be contrary, and no matter what, that is not what I said. It was. It was implied. Well, thank god the movie was dogshit

and I was right. So you are here. You are here to create enemies, and I'm here to say, is Natalie Aportman playing you fix your crown? Is Natalie Aportman playing Lady Gaga? She's absolutely playing Lady Gaga. She's doing full God. There's a literal moment, I think in the trailer for vox Lux where she says, put your paws up like I'm almost I don't think so calling it.

I don't think so honey, calling it vox Lux when we have an a on Flux right box Lux, It is hard to say vox looks like I want to go down to the corner store and get a box Lux and everything Babel with a vox Lux, you know, sounds good, good dialect work I'm doing. So here's the here's the real deal. We're here tonight to do. I don't think so, honey, live It's not just gonna be me screaming at that to read. Although I think he Joel thinks that he's the fucking ship because he was

a competitive Bible quizzer. So whatever the funk that means, and memorize a lot of ship. Okay, So what we're gonna do tonight is do I don't think so, honey, which is sixty seconds of rants from everyone coming up on this stage. Fifty comedians. People are gonna come up here and they're gonna do sixties second rants on something in pop culture that just have something to say about. And um, so I guess we should demonstrate how that will go. When you say, Joel, I think that's a

good idea. So let me break out my phone, which will act as a time or which I shattered on the street of West Hollywood on Sunday. Should use mine that's fully protected by it. Okay, Yeah, I ordered a case from our merch store on t Public and so can you all right, So I'm gonna go first with a pre prepared I don't think so honey topic. There are two options tonight, So I'm gonna show you what it's like to rehearse and prepare. Here we go. Okay,

are you guys ready for this? Matt? Okay, he's there. Um, Matt, yes, your I don't think so honey. You're gonna like this one time starts now? I don't think so, honey, balloons. Balloons, you are fucking loud when you pop. I don't fucking think so. Every time I'm around you, I look at you in my instinct is to be afraid. And yeah, you parade around saying we are for fun. In fact, oftentimes you say fun things such as happy birthday. But guess what, it doesn't fucking matter when I'm cowering in

the corner of it because the pop sound. Also, balloons, can you take a time to blow up? I don't think so, honey, I could be taking that time mixing drinks, creating cocktails. In my mind a very creative person. I don't think so, honey, balloons. You are rubber, plastic and rubber correct um. So oftentimes what happens when you do pop as you become much smaller and you get eaten by dogs or kids that travel on the ground like a dog. I don't think so, honey, balloons. The air

should be in my lungs. And that's one man and Matt Rogers everybody that was good. I don't know why you thought I would be against that. I hate balloons as well. If you famously say that you don't like I don't think so Honey's dead or not about specific pop cultural I don't like latex, I don't like rubber, I don't do it right. Wait, do you want to

explain what I'm about to do? So you go over there and stand over there so they can see your outfit because I know that's what you want, a little tucked. So this is the troll bowl everyone. So the troll ball is filled with topics that are difficult to go negative on, but you absolutely must, um prior, I don't think so, honey. Trouball topics have included Princess Diana, Jean Benet, Ramsey, Julie Andrews and the like. But we are going to see what Joel is gonna get here, and he must

go negative on it. Okay, wow, bitch, all right, Joel Kim Booster your I don't think so, honey. Topic is the pop singer Ariana Grande Goodness and your time starts now. I don't think so Honey, Ariana Grande day you are anti queer up our ready? Yes, I saw your video for thank You Next, and I have one word to say to that. No, um, you use three very basic pop culture touchstones. How dare you use mean girls for most of the video, but not bring back Lindsay loo Ann.

She needed that, she needed a win, honey, and you didn't give it to her. But Aaron Samuel's, who is maybe a cycling instructor in West Hollywood right now, he already has the world. Okay. And I will tell you another thing, Ariana Grande, you should have used video movie references from Nancy Myers films because the message of every

Nancy Meyers film is thank you next. Okay. So in conclusion, Ariana Grande, I would like to say, if you're gonna use pop culture references in the future, please make sure you check with the editors in chief into magazine Joe Kim boo to everybody, but we're fabulous. I will say this. At the Bellhouse the other night we did a New York show. I didn't I don't think so, honey, thank you Next. And that was the day it was released, and the audience tried to kill me. They tried to

kill me. But here's the thing, we've seen those movies. We know. I will say, the best performance in the video it's not what you think it is. Of course, the Jennifer Garner wig I do love that she did randomly. She put thirteen going on thirty on the same level as Bring It on Me and girls and uh whatever, that it was a choice, and it's amazing. It's an amazing movie. It proves that Jennifer Garner is the start.

But that way, yes. But here's the thing. If you're going to do thirteen going on thirty and you're doing like the classic teangs from all these movies, you do the best scene from thirteen going on thirty wishes were they danced to thriller, not the end of the movie where she's sad at someone else's wedding. And if you're gonna do that, bring in Mark Ruffalo. Oh my god, I famously let break my arm And it is insane to Jennifer Coolidge, is seen in that video is in

a trust and like it is crazy. It is like they spent ten years working on those looks. And then Jennifer Coolis showed up to set and she was like, where are the sides? Where's the script? Script? Oh no, I'm sorry. I was supposed to write it, but I was tracking down a Jennifer Garner wig. All right, So that's a full thorough I don't think so, honey. On, thank you nas, and now are you ready to get the show. We have one last thing we need to before we announced the names ritual, which is I never

got to our sponsors, Double Scorpio Poppers. Um, he took a big one. That's a big one. It is big. Oh god, Okay, they're autisanal. It's a cute bottle. Is a cute bottle. Everyone. This first group coming to the stage is called everyone. Please give it up for Lauren Holt. Please give it up for election j and give it up for Kennas Thompson to me a favorite star, respecting Big Dipper. And finally, Honey, I want you to turn your attention from planet I'm trying Alaska thunderful icons amongst us,

a standing ovation. We gotta go. Lauren Holt has to get to modnight. Everyone, please welcome Laurens. Lauren Halt, my friend, let me ask you. Are we doing a trouble? Are we doing it prepared? I don't think so, honey, honey, we're doing it prepared. I don't think so. Heny homework, Lauren Halt, it's time for your I don't think so, honey, And your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Fucking motorcycles. Okay, yes, if you live in l A,

then you know my pain. Alright, motorcycles are the straight white men of vehicles. Can they think they can go wherever the funk they want? They can park on the fucking sidewalk. I guess that's so fun. They can also just go between cars on the highway. What's happening? Am I crazy? No? I'm not. I'm a responsible driver. Learn how to drive a car. It shall protect you. It is not our fault if you get hit. Okay, so I'm sorry. Do not give me the finger as I

give you one when you go through my lane. Okay, you can wait. You can wait as we all have to in this traffic hole of a place. Am I right? I don't think so, honey. Motorcycles see you at your funerals. And that's one manute. That was Lauren Halt. Then um then um, that's what I like to see, those motorcycles that go from from whatever they want. I do think that crap rockets. I've always identified as Asian males, not white males. But and with that and that conversation will continue.

Everyone welcome, let's jes a Hello, darling. Hi, Hi, So talk to me about troll ball, which is very much here versus pre prepared. I don't think so honey. I'm gonna do a little something I've been steaming about. Okay, you steam, and let's hear it. This is election cheese. I don't think so honeys it begins now. I don't think so honey. Apple store employees who tell me to call Apple support while I'm standing at the Genius bar, fitch,

I am trying to talk to Apple. If I am paying three thousand dollars for a computer, I want to walk into the Apple store, have someone dropped to their knees and suck my dick, not wait two hours for a text message later appointment time. I am a writer performer. I need my laptop twelve hours a day. I need a laptop that can handle me opening a final draft screenplay document, quickly minimizing it, and then scrolling through Toddlers but now Toppler's band Born. So what the funk am

I supposed to look at all day? Steve Jobs? Did God work his way through pancreatic cancer and neglect his entire family? For that's the street. So let me tell you something. We got a rule of culture. It's rule of culture number thirty three. When I go to the Apple store, suck my dick. I was told by Apple Care that I can walk in and get the orally serves everyone welcome, Candice tops. So here's the thing. We got the trooth balls right around the table, and we

also got a beautiful mindful of ideas. I'm sure, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go with my mind. Go with your mind, Thompson, your I don't think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Forty year old fun boys. If you are a forty year old man and you have ever uttered the phrase I'm not ready to settle down,

stop it. You a fun boy. If you are a forty year old man you've ever posted a pic on Instagram of you holding a friend's baby with the caption underneath that says, this will be me, this will be me dot dot dot one day. Stop it. You're a funck boy. If you are a forty old man that has ever said, does the Spidora go with these shoes? Stop it? You are a funk boy, all right? What

the funk are you waiting on? Just admit that the only thing that you have to offer is dick, because if anybody got too close to you and found out your real personality, they would find out you suck and they would dump your ass and stop trying to fuck me. If I wanted to have sex without commitment, I would be a gay man five seconds last or not least, Honey, I don't think so, ladies that enabled that ship. Some of us want real relationships, like Jennifer Aniston. That's one

us contus times and everybody that was it. I love it when you're at Jen Aniston right there in the end of Yes scooping in Jen Aniston one of the best. I don't think so. Honey has never had nothing to do with Lena dNaM And at the end they were like duck leon Adonnham. There's always time, There's always time, and we love Lena. Now everyone, let's take a dip into the big dipper. That felt like a personal attack. That's all I've got. Okay, fuck boy, are we gonna

fuck this trouble? Are we gonna talk about our own thoughts. It's a tempting hole, but I'm gonna go with a pre prepared It's all orange and red too pre prepared. Okay, this is the big Dippers. I don't think so, honey. It's time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Guys who want to have a conversation with me after I sucked them off, I found you on an app that was specifically made for hooking up, not for finding a friend.

So I don't think so, honey. I don't care what your real name is, and I'm not gonna tell you, like what part of l A I live in, because that would reveal that I drove thirty five minutes at eleven o'clock at night to suck you off in your garage. Your entire family was asleep inside the house. I don't think so, honey. If you want to know about my sibling, or if I watched the handmade stale are messaging on

the app was essentially a contract of intended services. I intended to come to the house, dropped to my knees and open my mouth, and you intended to hold my head and fuck my throat like a But that's what I meant it. Thank you very deep for everyone. It's true. What is there left to say? After we've completed our task? I'm through I don't even want to look them in the eyes. Everyone, please to cap off this group. Please

fucking welcome Alaska fun. Oh my word, So listen, you are a famous for your dives into the troll ball. But I but I know you probably have ideas. I'm gonna keep it up to you. What do you want to do here tonight, ALASKI no, um, I would like to do a pre prepare I love that. I want to hear. I didn't prepare it, but someone else. Okay. I have all the faith in the world, and your interpretation of this Alaska thunder fuck your time starts now. I don't think so, honey, the world. I don't have

to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work, is scared of losing their job. Shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter, punks are running wild in the street, and there's nobody anywhere seems to know what to do that we know the errand isn't fit to breed, and our food isn't fit to eat. We sit watching while some local newscaster tells that today we had sixteen homicides and three violent crimes, and if that's the way it's supposed to be. We

know things are bad. Worse than bad, They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy. So we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller and already. Please at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster, my TV and my steel belted radios that I won't say anything. Just leave us alone. Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get bad. I want you to say I'm a human being,

goddamn it. I want you to get up right now, stick your head out the window and yell. I'm as mad as hell and I'm not gonna take this. I'm as wed. I'm not gonna take this anymore. And I do think so, honey, Alaska thunder fuck has thunder fucked us all with the truth of the world unbelievable, and we raise our pappers to you. I want a divorce. This is Eureka and Aquario all. This is really what that is. Alexis jes A Tender Sampson, Big Dipper and

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from your shipment. Get started now at stitch fix dot com slash ding dong and you'll get an extra off when you keep all items in your box that stitch fix dot Com forward slash ding dong d I n G dl n G to get started Today stitch fix dot Com was slash ding d Yeah. Who I've eating free in the studio. Quaken everyone, We're gonna move on to our next group. It's called there could be a hundred people in a room. We got we got gambling now, we got call w down, we got Massive Tree and

SABA All Stars all Stars. It's an all star group. All right, He'll be ga, it's your time to the mic Hi Hi, So talk to me about this because there is a trouble in fact on the table and then you know you got it up here. That's I think I'm gonna do one off the dome. I love that. Don't love that? Did you? I know your time starts now? I don't think so, honey, coal miners, whoa okay, we get it. You lost your jobs, raping and pillaging Mother Earth?

And boy are you pissed? Go off? You know who else lost their jobs due to the unending March of time travel agents, Blockbuster employees, quill pen manufacturers, the Pony Express. Okay, and do you know what these people did? They didn't wine on CNN over and over. They got a new job and they moved on Okay, okay. So basically, call's not coming back, honey. And if you think so, honey, I don't think so. Honey. There you go five seconds? Is there anything else? I love you, guys. I know

it's for her. She's running. And you know what, you don't hear a fucking peep from Blockbuster employees. They're out there trying to get new work. I bet they all work at Netflix now, honestly. Alright, Gay bledman, you're up, Gabe, love Gabe. What's it gonna be? What's it gonna you? Like this ball? Um? You like that? I like a lot of things about the ball, but there's something else I'd rather talk about. I get it. But I'm gonna be so happy for someone who chooses from the ball.

And later on we will celebrate, we will celebrate the person. But in the meantime. This is gay Blieman's I don't think so, honey, and it's time starts now. Okay, I don't think so, honey. Actors who choose to eat an apple like with a little life and pop each little piece of apple in their mouth so fucking confidently because they think it's so seductive. How many times are you gonna cut your fucking thumb before you choose to eat

an apple like a human being. I would honestly rather watch someone eat an apple like fucking Mr Peeper's or fucking a boot from Aladdin. Just machine gun it, get it everywhere. That is better than the neatness that bullshit implies. What do you have syphilis? Where are we the Mulan Rouge? I don't think so, honey. That's how would eat an apple? And he's fake? Was that my time? Thank you everyone? What are we the Mulan Rouge? Y? Let me ask you a question. What are we in the Mulan Rouge?

Well you ponder that, everyone, Please welcome Paul. What a honk? I fucking love this man, alright, Paul, always have, always will. I think we talked about this a little back stage, I think, but no one's done the troll, but I want you to follow your heart. Somebody really loves the ball. Okay, okay, trouble Okay, Okay, here I go, Paul, here I fucking go. All right. Okay, Wait, if I don't know what, if I don't know the person, you know it. And if you don't, you know it. And if you don't, there's

a serious issue. This. This is a one. I wrote it out as one name. All I wrote was Mariah, and I think I meant Mariah Carey knowing myself. So, Paul w downs your trouble, Murrah Carrie, your time starts now. I don't think so, Haney, Mariah Carrey. Do you have a left ear? The hell's your left ear? Maria? Why are we always gotta see this? Why is the hair always in front of that ear? When you got bluetooth in there? So your assistants always on call? Come on, Maria,

I don't think so. Honey. Hey, Maria, you have children, they're not props. Okay, thank you leave home and don't make him a company. You're singing, also, Maria, you're singing in the tub, you're singing in the show, you're singing in the f you're singing in a cap. You're saying you're singing. We get it. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. I don't think so, honey. And if you're two seconds to stand up when you do a concert, I'm not

gonna pay four dollars again. Take an adderall and get off five seconds and show me that goddamn left ear. I don't think so. One of the best trollballs we've ever seen. That was one of the best. The pull of where is her left ear? Does she have it? We raised our poppers to you, all right? Every one night? Another icon coming up? Max Selvestra, maxel Vestra, two hunks, two hunks of Blonda and Brunette. What is this? What are we in the Moulin Rouge? All right? Listen, Max,

We had chatted prior. I know that the trollball was on the table as it is right now, literally figuratively on the table. But I will say that I'm a little mad that Paul Downs just stole that cherry pop from the audience. But I had two grain bowls today lunch and dinner, so I'm gonna do with the regular right now. I'd love to do the ball. He would love to do the trollball, and I would love to see it. All right, I have something. Okay, this is this is a special one. This is a direct attack

on me. Okay, Max Silvestro, your I don't think so, honey. Trouball topic is quote thirty under thirty, Oh my god, and your time please remember he please remember. And my co host not present was also don't hurt me, don't hurt my friend, and don't hold my co host. But your trouball thirty Your time begins now. I don't think so thirty under thirty. It is bullshit to think it's cool that you were precocious and an asshole in high school and college and now it's paying off in your

medium field. Cool, blow it now, get big before you know anything. Why create art when you have an experience, when you can just be the loudest person who constantly asked for what you want. I don't think so thirty under thirty. I think pretty much every person I've ever respected in any media history has made art later because it is boring to blow your wad that fucking early. I think so thirty under thirty, give me fifty over fifty fucking maltonade on it. I do not want your

point about how texting is crazy. I don't think so, honey. Thirty under thirty, you have nothing to share with the world. Five seconds, live seconds, five seconds. I love Joel. That's one minute. That's Sevestray. You've been attacked, Jolie, and I agree with every word. He's dropped his paupers. Everyone now welcome, Sabrina Joliicious, the queen, the Queen, the ja Yeah. Now tell me, do you want some? I've never in my life cover one too much. Too much. It's just like

a chemical. It's like, why does your face look so yummy after he's hot. Here's the thing, Sabrina, we have the trouble. We also have, you know, the opportunity to do a pre prepared I don't think we did two trolls. Let's do a prep she's got a trial to get home to. Oh now I'm feeling a little warm. Yeah, that's what happens, and a little open, probably, Sabrina Juli's hug game. I don't think so, honey. And her time

starts now, I don't think so, honey. If my wife is breastfeeding and you look at her weird, I don't think so. Honey at all. Daddy's watching you, and Daddy's not impressed. I don't think so, honey, that you think that my wife's nipple showing is fucking offensive to you, motherfucker. No, I don't think so, because her nipples are making like such good water down condensed milk style, delicious, titty unlimited beveridge mother. I don't even think so that we have

to cover our nipples at all. I know that the feminist movement has to do rape and everything all the others before the nipple. But fuck you for the nipple. Fuck you, motherfucker if you tell me to cover my nipple at the Saguaro in Palm Springs and White League White my friends used to ask my my father's Pakistani. Uh, yeah, you're gonna give me a extra time. Oh, it's just a titty hit job. It's job. Can you give it up for this group? There could be a hundred people

in a room. St you guys, come on, can we even this next group is called Oh gosh, oh gosh, please get it up for Jess mccanna, give it up for Zacharino, Andrew T Kyles and clean Tony NEOSU. It's somebody came prepared with a look, I said, kindly, turn a look. Kindly looks returned, and many looks return. Here we go, bring that jacket to them, Mike. Jess mccannas. That is literally, if I ever get nominated for a Golden Globe, I said, I'm always going to wear a canary.

Tucks canary. Is that canary? Um? Yeah, you're giving me and this is a compliment. You're giving me, Paul a pound stone for urban Outfitters, and I love it. I love it. Thank you. Um, I see that as a compliment, but thank you. So let's a pound a stone if you will. That didn't work. Are we doing the trouble? Are we doing a pre prepared I don't think so, honey, topic We're going to do a pre prepared I love that. Jess McKenna, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey.

That moment when they say have a nice flight, and I say you too, I'm sorry that you have a terrible, thankless job where people are literally garbage to you for hours, even though you're trying to keep us safe, and I remind you that I'm going on vacation. I don't think so, honey. Jessica, that you're on such autopilot while you go through the world that you don't recognize that's a human in front

of you. I don't think so. It's even weird. I'm going somewhere where they have to look at a passport. That's right, I can travel internationally. Enjoy your thankless job, person, I forgot mattered. I don't think so, honey. When I do the same thing at the Moon movies, when they say enjoy your I say you too, although that's not as bad because they can definitely see the movies five seconds. You don't think so, honey, Jessica, open your eyes. It's

a human. That's one minute, jess mccanna. Everyone, and please welcome zach the half that alright, Zachie, what's gonna be to be pre prepared? Pared, Zach Reno, Your time begins now. I don't think so. Johnny Depp, Wizard Hitler agree. What the funk are we doing with this beloved franchise that we are going to allow an abuser to portray a fictional abuser that should have gone to a much better actor. I go to Harry Potter. I expect so very very

little from the Fantastic Beasts franchise. I want a bird made of lightning. I want the tiny platypus that loves gold so very very I want I want that rhinoceros that's very horny and very glowy. A lot of the time. You can replace Johnny Depp in that movie with literally anyone and it would be better. Guy Fieri would be better in that movie that literally Johnny Depp. We don't need it. The world is dark, that world is magical. I don't think so, Johnny mother fucking Depp. And that's

one man. Zach Raino. Boy, I wanted so badly to like even one thing in the Grindle Walls. Yeah, I really didn't need to know that the Holocaust exists in the Harry Potter universe. It's really upsetting. Okay, and want to bring him up to Holocaust? Oh? Here we go? What's up? What are we doing today? I love this jackka you. Someone said I look like Nightwing? Is that a comic book? Man? Look like Nightwing? I'm gonna kill people? Then? Yeah? K that rage? Okay, So listen, we have a bull

here and it's full of topics and topics. I have some stuff that I'm gonna say for the last time in front of white people. Okay, so now the time welcome and you're welcome. Your time begins now. Oh man, I don't think so, honey, crazy rich Asian? Is that not the movie? Not the movie? Although I love Henry Golding and Michelle Yo, are you supposed to have that much sexual chemistry with your mother? Is that like a normal thing? It's fucking crazy. Rich Asians in real life

are the worst fucking people on the planet. Crazy rich Asians enslave crazy poor Asians to make phones for white people. What is wrong with you fucking people? Crazy rich Asians are out here fucking Mitch McConnell. They're out here, fucking They're out here fucking less moon veast and then attacking other women. It's they're the worst people. They're fucking crazy. That's all I got. Oh and with when with nine

seconds ago, andrew t has made his point. Listen, I would like to use that nine seconds to say, Julie Chan, history will remember you. Yes, it will. Making a rule of culture rule of culture number thirteen, even Julie Chen, history will remember you. And also another rule of culture rule culture number sixteen. Crazy rich Asians are out here fucking Mitch McConnell two and one. I don't think one that's groundbreaking and from our groundbreaking, I don't make so honey.

Please welcome Kiles, one of my fabs. Oh, I am so nervous. Wow, you guys got my email. Thank you. Just wanted to say, alright, Kyle, are you doing? And I guess um, I'm gonna do the troll ball. I'm very nervous, so nervous. Oh my god, this whole group actually we love but I got the sign I am fourth. Oh this is good. You know you don't know you're gonna be doing and I don't think so, honey. On Amy Adams, that's why it's a troll ball, baby. Okay, so your time begins now. I don't think so. Need

Amy Adams stand up for yourself because you deserve an Oscar. Yes, tweets that you deserve in Oscar. Get angry that you didn't win for a rival. It was incredible. I was moved, and I hate movies about time travel. I don't think so, honey, Amy Adams, don't phone it in like everyone else an American hustle. That movie trailer gave me a boner I thought I was gonna love it, and I hated that movie so much. I don't think so, honey, Amy Adams. I need you to have award ceremony self worth. You

deserve to win the Oscar for almost everything. I don't think so, honey, Amy Adams. You gave a hand jup to Philip Seymour Hoffman in a movie. These are two awards for that because you don't have a hand to hold one in. I don't think so, honey, Amy Adams. I just want what's best for you. I want what I do think so, honey, Amy Adams as a human though, that's man and the positive Kyle Airs everybody. I just want to say, I saw vice. She's pretty good advice

playing Lynn Cheney, though I don't think so. I don't think sonn Cheney. We can't all right, you guys give it up for a true queens Tony. It gonna be what are we thinking? We have the trouball and you know we have probably beautiful ideas, you know, a bit just too overextended to pre plan. Oh so can I please get that ball? You may. I love when the ball comes twice in a row. I love when people do the ball all right, okay, I think you're gonna like this your I don't think so, honey. Trollball topic

is the expression work hard, play hard. The expression work hard, play hard, and tiny your time starts now. I don't think so, honey, this expression work hard, play hard. What are you a fucking Viking? I don't think so, honey. You don't get to work hard like you're sawing logs all week and then go shoot foxes on the weekend or whatever. This is some ship meant for a different era. Right now. Your job is to work in a tech startup where you remote in four hours a week selling

a fake Korean skin cream to white people. So that's not working hard. And you're playing Is you just going to a private karaoke room with all your dumbass white friends who can't sing. Neither of those things are hard. They're both soft as fuck. So you know what, you better start saying, work soft, play soft, because at least then I would respect some ass bitch with a fake skincare company. And I don't think so, honey, people who

have real jobs because I never learned to type. But I feel good when I see you in your Brooks brother's motherfucking suit you Joe say Bank, motherfucker. And that's one minute unbelievable. L A, you are showing up here. You give it up for this group. Oh gosh, oh gosh, Jess McKenna, Zacharino and Kyle Airs. I'm so excited for this next group. This next group is stacked with the boys. Everyone.

This next group is called Hi Alley. I'm Gail, please welcome Price Peterson, Dan Robberts, Michael Benjamin, Alan Stricklin, Williams and Zac. No. He's Towers, Hi Boys, Hi Boys, Hide Boys, Hi Alley. I'm Gail. Alright, Pryce Peterson, you're up, man, Price Peterson, icon, icon, icon and icon. I see a sure Price Peters. Comedians go like this, all right, So yeah, they're just putting it over there starting that's a little mini I don't think so, honey, Price, what are we doing.

We know you're a prolific writer, so we know you can write handy, but are you going to go for the trouble something I have close to my heartaking a lot about. We love that. We love that. Okay, Price Peterson, your time begins now. I don't think so, honey, Acid that is too strong everyone in here loves it. LST is the best. Everyone knows this. Sometimes you want to go to a cabin in the woods with your friends and just laugh a lot and maybe look at pretty colors.

But otherwise it's a gentle experience. But then your bone head asshole friend goes on the dark Web and gets some like real strong ship, and suddenly you're all doing double doses in your cactus cooler. Suddenly there's like gentle cabin in the wood, looks like you're standing on a pattern carpet and you're trapped there for twelve thousand years. Meanwhile, you're a friend. You've got one friend over on the

papas on just sort of screaming about fractals. You've got the other friend naked trying to tongue kiss an outlet. Seconds meanwhile, Brenda's out on the lawn trying to reject her own skeleton. The only person who's ever been on a trip of this hard is in the kitchen boiling some soup and the secret his own hands. Don't do a guy's stick to paper taps. That's who I met it of morning from Price Peterson. Don't you get yours from the dark Web? But I would like to know

where you get that stuff. Get that on the light web like the rest of us saying this is my recommendation. This is a person that I turned my chair around and I said, he is going to lead my team to victory tonight. I don't need to put a lot of pressure on you, Dan, but don't fuck it. This is Dan, Robert. Everyone give it up. So Dan, here we call. I mean, there's a perfectly good bowl here, and there's a perfectly good, pre prepared topic. I'm sure what are we doing? Um? I selected pre I love

pre Now, Robert, here we go. Your time starts now. I don't think so, Honey. Both of my grandma's being dead. I am not a math genius, but that is about one percent on my grandma's who are now deceased. I miss you, honeys. I truly miss you both so much. Honeys, my nana and my body have died. You know who is laid to rest, George H. Bush. You know what he is? Homophobic, racist, war amonger Honey's, My grandma's are a little racist. But guess what. I can't even fix

that anymore because they are dead. And since I started my Lexapro my dreams. I've been insane. Guess what, honey, I have a recurring dream that my nana is spoon feeding me a race from her mouth into my mouth like a little bird, and it's haunting. Honeys. I do not think so, honey about dreams. I do not think so. Chance, sir, Why did she have to die somebody cancer? Honey? She was not ready to die. I missed them both so much, honey. One minute, michaeltoles to your Dan Robert, really adding salt

to the wound. That neither of them will be able to hear that wonderful tribute. They'll never know you said that they're dead. Alright. Coming up next is my Michael Hop Hop Hop to the mic. Listen. We got up. There's a lot of topics in here. I can't wait for the next people to choose those. Oh he's threw it to someone else, So Michael, I'm assuming pre prepared. And here we go, Michael Benjamin, your time starts now. Shark Week. Who the fund cares dolphins are just thirst

trap sharks? The sharks just because the sharks were to the ocean. Or are we still finding more? That's my thing it's straight culture. All of these sharks are thirst chap dolphins. I was watching Shark Week and there's a straight man talking about what to do if you get attacked by a shark. Does anybody know what you're supposed to do? Yell it out, punch it, that's what he said.

Let's talk about that. I've never want to fight on land, and this straight man is telling me fighting me I'm supposed to go and the sharks gonna be like, oh my bad. No. And second thing, stop asking straight people for advice. They're just gonna tell you to punch it. Oh my car's out of gas, punch it. My phone's out of battery. Punch it. I'm being bitten by a shark. Punch it. The sharks is just gonna get more piste. And how are we still finding sharks to fill? Are

we like holding auditions? Are like hammer heads? Like, oh, I'm not represented enough. Next season's hammer head Sharks. No, they're me. Stop giving him a spotlight Shark Week. I don't think so, honey. That's one minute scinct And this is what I loved about it revolutionary, not one I don't think you wanting until the end, And it was the button. I love it. It was like the punch on the crowd work too. I don't think I've ever seen crowd work in and I don't think so any

there has been, but never like this. Okay, next up, Alan Strickland, will Ya second william Hello, baby boy, here guys, great to have you. Now, listen, We've got uh there's a bowl here. It's I pre prepared about ten minutes ago. Okay, freaking love that. Alright, So, Alan Stricklin Williams, your time starts now, honey, I don't think so. Mr Rogers having a moment in two eighteen. I know that me and Mr Rogers used to be best friends. I used to hang out with them every day. But sometimes in life

you have to cut an old friend. This is not the land of make believe. This is Hollywood, California, and I am on a live podcast where I'm trying to make a splash. So whenever this airs, I can get five new for a second. I don't think so, honey, mus Rotters after the Morning twent eight team, because we need you now to be alive more than ever, and you are gone. I don't know if you've heard this, but adulting is hard. Second seconds. You love me just the way I am. Well, I fucking hate myself. Won't

you be my neighbor. We're on the brink of a civil war in this country. Isn't it a good feeling being alive? Everyone in this room wants to die. That's a minute, continuing death as a theme and closing out this group we love. The sweat shirt is em bleshed. I live. What's gonna be? What's it gonna be? Trouble? Mine's important. It's like Alaska's Okay, I got that. We have an important I don't think so, honey from zach Noey Towns and as time will start right now, I

don't think so honey. New York comedians, I'm sorry, but taking three trains and a bus to get to an open mic isn't making you funny. It's making you sad. It makes you depressed, it makes you old. New York comics age twice as fast as l A comics. I had a comedy in New York for one week. When I got there, it was eighteen to play younger. When I left, I looked like Matt Rogers. And you hate

l A audiences. Maybe it's the material. Maybe save your bits about bedbugs and bodegas for Brooklyn and other Third world countries. And wait, did I miss something? It's singing funny. I don't think so, honey. I want to give you feedback. I'm your peer, but what do I say? You're opener was strong, but You're closing was sharp? And why pippin the queer comedy scene in New York should just be renamed Ship Broadway didn't once? That's why. Wow, I love it when they come to burn Bridges. I love it

when they cover come to New York. Should say I never come through you all. It's weird because I've been wildly successful on boscos. So give it up for a high alley. I'm Gail, Bryce Peterson, Dan Robert Michael, Benjamin, Alice Drick and Williams and Zachary Tower. That's stupid, bitch, all right, last group of the first half, you guys, please give it up for the path had benatars cast Castle, Mary Holland, Daniel Friends, Dizzy, Eric Lighthead and Lauren Lacks. Okay,

I do think so, I do think. Well, we stand a reveal and first to them, Mike my Castle cut up. Then thank you so much, you guys, Hi, my castle. What's it gonna be trouble? He said? He said, you know what, We're diving right in and so I I take direction and look, I'm picking something out and okay, this is a really this this could go either. We think through a lot already this year there there. It's tough, but it is um your I don't think so, honey.

Topic is Mississippi. The state of Mississippi is what you must discuss. And this I don't think so, honey, And your time begins now. I guess I don't think so honey. Uh. The fact that I know how to spell Mississippi is where I want to start. I feel that I believe that information was going to be very useful, and I used to do it very pridefully as a kid. I would dance around my house and sing m I yes SI yes s I p p I and my parents would clap and my brother would look jealous, but it

didn't it. No one gives a ship. And then I remember I would play basketball with some friends growing up and they will be like, do you want to play horse? And I'd be like, no, let's play Mississippi. And then we would all laugh, and then I would proudly spell it, and then they would all be like, that's amazing, and I'm like, it's fucking crazy, it's so long. And then we would play a little bit they would be like

it's too long. And then from the complication of making it a game, I would forget how to spell it. So we'd be playing and I'd be like, I have M. I know it. I I have M, and so that sucks. So but also I assumed Mississippi fucking sucks. That's what I'm in it A difficult topic and an expertly done I don't think, so, honey, trouble. I think from my castle, that's what I would have on too. That's the only thing I know about Mississippi. There's there's a famously a river.

Mary Halland, get to the mike with this performance, please, Hello, Mary Holland. Now we knew you are celebrated improviser but also a celebrated writer too. So what's it gonna be, man, I'm gonna do plan. Okay, here we go, Mary Holland. You I don't think so, honey. Time starts now, I don't think so honey. When a person suddenly gets hit by a bus or a car, in a movie. Yes, because guess what, because guess what? I mean, what's up with it? Because and listen to me? Also because why

not have Look, you don't gotta show me. Just hey, if you want that to happen to her, go in in the next scene. Have people at a cafe. One of them says, oh, crazy, she got hit by a bus. I don't need to see it. I don't need to see that because also because also, guess what, you're traumatizing me. I am a pain audience member. I did not come to jump and be scared sit. I came to sit and watch a movie, and hey, what's up with it? And also because I have so much to say about it?

I know, I mean, it's just not time. But listen, I don't think so honey talking okay, And that's one manute Mary Allans. And now I have to say the segue is truly brilliant. Someone who famously was in a movie with someone getting fucking nailed by a bus. Oh my god, And that's how just kidding she got hurt? Now, Daniel, what's it? Oh my god, I can't the fringe. I

can't said turn of looking. And she did? I mean, I said you kindly, So, Daniel, what do you think we got the trouble here, we got pre prepared, give me the trouble. I'm mad at everything. First Squeer Trouble of the night, Thank you trolls. Okay, this is good, this is good your I don't think so, honey. Trouball topic is from the Greatest Showman, the song This is Me where it hurts another direct attack on me and my brand and your time begins now. I don't think so, honey,

Greatest Showman song, This is Me. I don't see that Syrups ship. So I don't know who you is? Okay, and I don't think so. Why do you always gotta give it to the factor with a hairy face? I don't think so, honey. Why can't this be me, just be a normal person. Why you gotta call up the fact she got a hairy face? And I don't think so, honey. I'm not gonna sit here for this whole time. And then Alea sing me every single track Queen that I see across America, gonna live sink that ship. Who you are?

I don't think so, honey. They did it once before, and it's called Lakasha for I don't think so, honey. I'm not here for this. Okay. You know what I want to see. I want to see who you really are. Okay, you're a girl that's getting paid big money to sing a big song in a big movie. It's not shedding. It's here for you. I don't thanks to honey. Ten seconds. Come second, Yes, bitch, I'm beauty in facts. Who you don't see me singing? I'm here? That's one minute? That

is one minute shaking the hoppers. Yes, it's my most played song of two eighteen. I just rewrite the stars. Am I bad? We both are. We both deserve to go to hell head white head, jacket jackets, this grease homage. Here's the thing. We have a troll bill here celebrated, improvised her right up on stains. But the thing is, I'm sure you've got stuff to say. What's up? Well, I don't know any references or people. So I had to go preplan and that makes sense to me, And

that makes sense to me. Strategic move for you. Here we go, Aaron your I don't think so many time starts now, I don't think so, honey. That in the Pixar film Inside Out, that little girl had an imaginary friend who was a middle aged man elephant. Uh, little tiny girls would have an imaginary friend that's a unicorn named Sparkle or Amber bing Bong. More like that little girl saw a creepy neighbor's dings. Can we talk about the imaginary elephant in the room because that little girl

got molested? Okay, that really tragic scene where bing Bong is down in the canyon and they're waving goodbye and he's fading away. That's repressing a horrible trauma. Oh my god, Pixar, you made a movie about a child busted, and of course you made it about a white girl. Really we needed another one of those separate brands. Five seconds five seconds, big, I don't think so. And that's one minute eron Whitehead. My god, I did steal a bunch of oxy cotton

from Richard Kinne's medicine cabinet. Separate story, separate story. You truly are not afraid to tarnish this brand. I know everyone. To close out Act one of the evening, this welcome Florida lays. I'm loving this plaid. I'm loving it. Thank you. What's another celebrated improviser and what's it going to be tonight? I was on the fence and I wasn't able to side until right now. And I'm doing Troy Okay, trouble Okay now I'm self caught us every time I think

a goddamn note. All right, Okay, I like this for you. I hope so your I don't think so honey. Trollable topic Lauren Lapkus is Margot Robbie. Now, I don't think so honey, Margot Robbie. You say you're twenty five, I don't think so honey. You're fucking forty two. Bitch. I don't think so honey. You're from another country. You get all the good American rolls, Bitch, I don't think what

is that five seconds? I don't think so honey, Margot Robbie because everybody thinks you're so fucking sexy and you don't do work or trying anything. Margo Robbie, I don't think so honey, Margot Robbie. You didn't have to get a person. Second, you got Jamie whatever the fox face. Thank you. You're twins be her daughter slash sister, because you're the same age, you're not twenty five. I have people like about their age. If you lie by your rage of this room, you're a coward. Fuck you. If

I have to say, I don't think so, honey. Lauren Laptas delivering us a rule of culture. It's rule culture number ten. Margot, Robbie has Jamie Presley's face, give it up for the pet Benatars, My Castle, Mary Holland Daniel, Princess, Aaron Whitehead and Lapus. I'm sorry, but are you on fire or what. I'm having a very good time, Joel, And are you like damn well lost my voice? Well, we have a whole other half of this motherfucking stuff.

So everyone, let's take a ten to fifteen minute in our mission to come back, and we'll be back with more. I don't think so, honey. This has been a Forever Dog production executive used by Brett Bahum, Joe Silio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook.