"Fold Em & Roll Em" (w/ Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin)

with them on the weekends. Yeah, it's going to be very difficult for We'll be like, Greg, how could you have how could you have given Alice Monroe an award and not us? I'm just saying we we wrote a sterling piece on Anthony for Vulture and it was we were told, we were told it could win a Pulitzer and to be rejected is um very hurtful. It's it's a comment on really them. Yeah, it's not about us, about them. Look, speaking of awards shows, Oh my god, we missed guys. Man. I were supposed to go to

the Shorty Awards. We couldn't make it because we had we had this emergency come up. But we were supposed to go and we missed all this crazy stuff happening, like fucking the queer guys working the red carpet. We could have interacted with them. We had a red carpet slot. We were supposed to go that. I'm sorry, the teal carpet carpet um and then we missed this whole Adam palin on Okay, Yeah, apparently Adam Palley read the Shorty Awards for filth and was like fired mid presentation, just

escorted off. We'll have to bring the girls in on this. But also we just want to say we were preparing to go to the Shorty Awards because we had a full intent to go until a conflict happened. Conflict happened, we have nothing to and we are also two little Cinderella faggots, Cinderella faggots, Cinderella faggety. We didn't have anything

to would work to the ball. So listen, what we're saying is we're not saying send us stuff, but we're saying, like, let's have a conversation about you sending us StuffYeah, Like I don't know, Banobo's something somebody, because canna tell you something. It's hard out there on Instagram when you see how some of these comedians are looking and they're putting forward lurks, and that brings me to today's episode Fashion at the Forefront.

But but they're not just noce because guess what, you could click double double click, You can click double tap on these pictures and then say I'm checking out the show, and then you would go to the show and be blown away because these are two of my favorite comedians in New York City and the country, forget the country, country, and they're the most two of the most charismatic people. Separate together sideways, you know, one of them in the d feet, one of them is on the ground. You know,

however they're arranged. It's amazing. And I'm just gonna I'm gonna go through the credits because he has some opportunities to get on board, all right, The Unofficial Expert podcast. It is one of the best podcasts. I was on there. Have you been on there? I have been invited on, but all of my proposals from my expertise roundly rejected. We're gonna have to get into that. We're gonna get

into this sounds like some drama. Also, literally, if you're listening to this episode on the day of release, and we hope you are hope you were so excited it was like Christmas. It's April and they have a show, Hotbox Comedy at seven pm a p m. Okay, and it's at It's all at one Christie Street down in the East Village, Eastville. And they are just too amazing comedians, resplendent comedians. You've seen them on You've seen them at JFL, You've seen them all around town in l A, across

the country doing the damn thing. Please welcome Sydney Washington and Marie Fausted come on. Is beautiful in left category? Is deserved? And oh my god, I'm blown away by all the words that you were saying about us. There were many word was like, well, who are the guests of this epidunds like here's the thing. You're trying to

slide immediately into positivity. But I believe that an issue was just raised, which is that Bowen has brought up many topics to come discuss on your podcast, unofficial experts in which people are unofficial experts. Well, can we talk, Yes, we can talk. That's what we talk. Candidly, yes, honestly, honestly and truly. Okay. The podcast is called the Unofficial Expert. We have people come on who are experts at things that you don't really need skills for, right, So Matt

was our Hollywood expert. No no no, no, wait, let's talk about it. He was our Kelly Clarkson experts. And then we went off the rail. We never got into it, we never got welcome. We talked about it a little bit, and then it was like off the rants, rants, rants, we talked about the first time you like realized that you were getting got it, got very It was very much a hybrid of this podcast and that and that it was cultural influences, me me saying I was an

expert about Hollywood but not being whatsoever. I love, I love just the concept of the podcast is excellent because I listened to Shell with Sharp's episode today. She's the Grown Woman Expert, and Shell told this amazing story about this nice, well meaning white lady who asked her to

move over so she could sit with her friends. And all Shelly we had to do is just stare her in the eye and not say anything for her to just back off and be like, Okay, actually, you know what, my friends are gonna sit over there, and I was like, woman, grown women, it's so grown. Woman is so reminiscent of my childhood. Like all my family had to do was look at me. And I was like, you know what, I didn't suck up? Let me be quiet, let me hush.

Did I sunk up? Did I sunk up? By with my proposals from my expertise is because I think what I ran by you guys, do you think? Okay, now read them, get the text, get the taxes. This was all. This is all face to face dude. Yeah, it's a message. Let's talk about some of our favorites. We had a Walk of Shame expert that just a messy man just taking a train of shame and a walk of shame

and a bridge of just shame. We had an open relationship expert just the white woman that was a home and she's still alive, which I was so blown away by. I was like, yo, man, when you out there on these streets and then come back to him, Okay, you don't really want you, but okay hashtag clamydia. So now so now you're giving your expertise on this stop topic.

We had a runaway bride expert. She was delusional delusions. Okay, these these are all very specific and all I all, I pitched you guys, I can't find the text in Okay, what do you think you're the I said, I am the expert of these Japanese video games and what you think? Honestly? Look, but okay, how about can I can I be the expert of like microwaved, like frozen dinner. I'm an expert

at that. Oh you got that? Sad? Yeah, but I'm leaning into the sad like a hungry man, or like a like a Celeste, like I don't even have to look at the package. I know. And I feel like you're like you travel. I feel like you're you're like a Carmen san Diego. Okay, I love that you're always around geography expert there, so good. I'll be world that we want to know about, like the messiest places you've been. We want to know. Let's have a luggage you bring in with you. We want to know you were on

the plane. You want to see your stamps, like, let's go, that's the best luggage. That's the best. I have been told I travel very efficiently, very uni and so you know what that that'll be I feel like you fold your draws several times. I fold them and roll them. I feel like, you know what, like soft pants like to wear on a plane? There you go, Okay, you know what. I feel good about that. But like you

use dryer sheets. I'm so happy. Okay, I'm very grateful for you, guys, just not even caring for the first few pitches that I that I ran by you, because no, you you you were able to lead me to a better Absolutely listen, we bring you down to bring you up bad and the rest of that song coming later. Guys, Wait, have you guys talked about this in the pod like your solop? What are you guys the experts in? Just separately and together? Okay, let's first go to Sydney. What

are you the expert in? Man? I feel like I'm the expert in bad relationships? Okay, but you've been in a you've been in a good one for a while. Okay, I'm like it's one sided on good. I feel like I'm the anxient. I don't know if you guys watching Insecure, but I am Lawrence Lawrence's season one though season one he didn't cheat yet he was he was. He sat on the couch that bess, but he was also gorgeous

like that. Here's the thing. The thing is insecure. In the first few episodes, when she was like when the whole show was kind of I have to leave this person, everyone in the audience was like, yeah, you do. I didn't even think he was going to be a character. After the second episode, no, but and then he's at

Dwayne Reid with her while she's buying panties. I was, yeah, but he but the episode you see him in like his bad time, like he looks scruffy, didn't work out, but like I could, I could see the good in that dude. I can see why she stayed so long. Not me. Did happen especially and this is and I feel like that's me. Like I feel like I'm shitty right now, But once I get my feet on the ground planted, meaning like I get tons of coins, I'll be about a girlfriend. But you're not working. I'm not

working at Best Buy. But I feel like sometimes in my comedy, like the shows, i'd be I'd be real, who thank you, you're not sucking some cute bank teller.

No I'm not, I'm not. But my girlfriend is definitely doing the most in terms of the relationships, Like I feel like I've dated so many bum dudes that I feel like it rubbed off on me that I'm low key a bump as well, listening in like a light gray sweatpant Oh yeah image, you know, like they they're hearing this and then they'll see a picture of me. I'm like, nah, literally, you present were okay? Right now? What are you the unofficial expert in Well, this year,

I've decided it's gonna be my whole year. We're calling it host Centennial patent pending. And so I had never been on a dating app because I'm pretty, and so I joined Bumble this year and I was like, oh Bumble. I thought it was a game, Like I'm just like, I'm like I'm winning, right, I'm swiping, but I'm not hitting anybody up exactly, And then like the maxis would go away and I'd be like, what happened to it? Dude?

With the bear I know they go away honestly, And the way that I was doing it, I was like, I'm not gonna swept untilsie a black man, and then I would just keep going. Then I Bumble though, not looking for where the white women are okay, okay for all the black people dating at the leading bumble after two weeks and now I'm on hinge okay, hinges, Like you have to have mutual friends in order to connect.

That's a thing like that. But not everyone is a person that we haven't come because I'm like, who your friends know that could possibly be on a date with you? Honestly nobody exactly No, But I'm actually I'm actually an expert in cock blocking. Ok I am like a goalie, Like I'm like, I'm like knocking out all the dusty dick. Is that because you want your friend alter yourself or because like, like what what is it? What makes you

a good plock? I want? I want the best of the best for Maria at a high standard, and so have a problem with every Yes, I know everybody who approaches her, they'll be in a linked over sneaker. I'm like, you didn't get a haircut, you look crazy. Where do you work? Where do you bringing to the table? Are you bringing the whole table? You're bringing half the table. That's not enough. You need enough table. I'm just trying to get a meal and some non mediocre piece, Okay,

like some consistent dick. Yeah, I want my friends smiling from ear to ear. That's how good the dick gotta be. Yeah. So well, we don't know like his shoot. People with good Dick might have struggling sneak out. I could tell by their handshakes, and I'm like, oh, he's not giving you anything, girl, Sidney wants me to have like Chelsea boot dick. Yeah, also a front runner for title of appen. I know it. I know it exactly what that means.

He's had like a peak coat on. It might have been like a little bit of a wool blend and it just makes you feel amazing. See where's cashmi or not? Like don't on a special day, because it's what was in his closet. Us that you know, I agree with you. What are you saying you're the expert in dating apps? Now? No going out with people that I don't like just you know, because that's what I'm doing now, that's kind of were on you. No, No, because this is the thing.

Marie is such a character that she can hold a conversation, a terrible conversation on our own and have a good come here for the food and the wine. Okay, that's it if I happen to let you great, right, Like I've been going on some date dates recently, like some all day like eat lunch, like go to get a drink, smoke some weed, go to a show, then have dinner. Because we're together for so long. Wow, that's an event.

Not even gonna kiss you. When Marie, when she's as booked and busy, she's talking about something else busy, and that's incredible. And that's because, honestly, like that gets into territory of like, oh, now we've spent all day together, you almost feel like obligated says No, there's no obligation, of course, there's not. It's just feeling, of course, of course. Yeah. No, I'm speaking from my own perspective where it's like if

that happens to me. Ever, like I always be like at the end of the date, I happen to get very anxious. Whenever I've ever dated in my life, I get very anxious in the last hour of the date because I'm like, what's going to happen? Are we going home? Is there a kiss going to happen? I get very in my head. It sounds like when you say obligated, that sounds almost like an emotion, and Marie doesn't have those. Okay, how is she going to smile from caught up in sir? Lost?

That coming later? What about you? Okay? So now now I know you're going to come on now exert this new thing that you found diego, but the world. I can't pull this out myself. I need you guys to well, what else are you good at? Because it can't be the Papanese cartoon saying we don't want to do You know you're better than that. You're better than that. Okay, I can tell about your haircut that you should be your enterte should be like being like secretly rich. He

is secretly will never talk about it. No, I am not rich. He has a movie theater in the house. That's my parents and they have nothing to do with me financial they have you know, he has money. It's like it's just my parents. It's like it's my Asian immigrant parents. Were like, you know, you're not You're not touching any any of this. Maybe tell you, dude, so you should be humble leaving you all the money. My dad read you the other day. What he was like, Wow,

Boone really loves to go back to Denver. He loves being there. What's that? I was like, yeah, because he likes chilling in the movie theater. It's the best. You do. Seem very happy than your element. You have your own movie pass called your family. It's honestly when that when the when the situation arose around Thanksgiving, which was the bone is Rich moment the movement. I went back and forth and watched all the videos of all the good I was like, well, who else is tagged here? I was?

I was my character was assassinated. Here's this is? Are we going to Denver? Can we go to different? To Denver? Denver? One time smoked weed at the at a concert and fell asleeps concert? Concert? Was it Damien Marley concert? Damian Marley in September last year? Listen, he got to secure those bags. Okay, he was in Denver getting that money, that Anglo sex money, the marleyme and the Marley money. Okay. That that's someone who is truly is truly rich. I am.

I know it's a bit, but I him denouncing this assassination of character. But he certainly, I will say, over the years, he impresses me with the quality of his clothing. Sometimes like like sometimes you don't, right, but you are the kind of person who, if you want the clothing item, you will pay coins for it, where we would never. We would never if they're not paying those I got consignment chap money, okay, where it's like, I'm not paying full retail as I know. That's not how much it

cost to make this go? What kind of money I have? I have switching tags type of money. I'm like, oh, that's forty dollars. I'm going to make it. Do dallars, thank you. It feels like a twill. Yeah, do people do that? People switch town? How does that work? Oh, Sydney, how does that work as well? You walk into the store as a white woman. That's how you switch the tag. You don't go in as a black or brown person. You're just going as a as a Susan or Rebecca.

And then you go in and you look like you're gonna buy something, and then you're switching tags in the dressing room. You gotta fold the little plastic piece and then you gotta pull it out and then you put another. Oh my god, you guys are scammers. And allegedly I heard this through the book The Quotast Winter ever, so I don't know this is not this is research audiobook ado because she don't read. Shut up, I don't read it. There it's okay, hold my hands. You don't read it.

But when you read, but I read read what are you reading right now? And she doesn't have to tall what I'm reading because this is what I'm talking about, and this is what this is what I feel, and Matt, I feel like this is a safe space. Please. I feel like straight white men are the scariest people in the world. Any chance that I get to just like bring them down several notches, I will. And that's how

and that's how you do it. You just you just got to keep the Bradley's and the Insons up with them. That's what I don't pay the check and then let me sit on your face. I'm still going to disrespect you while I'm sitting. I don't suppose it's because Sydney's like, oh, but you hook up with white dudes, and it's like, yeah, sure of course you looked up with dusty dudes who slept on air mattresses. Yes, my community right, I'm community service,

but I'm not mother Teresa. I'm paying it for I don't know, hook up with somebody who has a nicer apartment than mine. You can't have no roommates who live closer to the city and good, I mean, I don't even care about the view. You can't eat some of you you care I eat the view exactly. You can't sit on the music. I believe all this stuff is. Yes, you definitely should have that in a man. So you're saying you can't get that in a brown or man saying like I'm saying, I have not seen them, and

there's no Mexicans. Mexicans are known for having that. Are saying, I'm saying that I haven't they hand You're gonna work out of this all the time podcast truly. Wait, I gotta say this about Sidney Marie because there's there is a phenomenon going on, oh where a lot of people of color are like shipping on white dudes being liked to tweet that today and I was, I've been doing this. I've been doing this since And you wait, is me and Sidney Marie meet me? Sidney and Matt talked about

this one time at Kellogg's Diner. Yes, he has that. There's a phenomenon going on and this, this is a gay man, this is just this is this is women. This is a lot of people like shoot on white dudes, uh, white dick, white pussy whatever, white white white whatever genitals and there. But then they go off and they just like couple up with these white people. What's up with that? That sounds that feels like an attack all my carriage. I'm thinking, you too, like live by your values and

you stick to them. Listen to I mean, I'm still gonna be disrespectful to, you know, to Johnny and Charles and Peter. Marry a white man and I will never bring a white man home. One time Sydney on the show Um and one time Sydney Show saw a bunch of white guys wearing trucker hats and then she called them king of the Hill. The funniest. I think that's genius,

it was. I think I think that people like when they pick a specific partner, they're like, oh, you're excluded from this, but agrees that it's like it's love not feelings. It's like it's like you can say, like, oh, people in Europe are rude, but like you would fuck European person that you were attracted. Now a lot of them. Don't be circumstanced. I don't have time to be digging through extra ski and I got the wait, wait you were you were shady one time? Okay, so we saw

it was a comic that we know him love. We won't say the name, but I was like, that person is so freaking hot, and Mariki just I just go no, just goes. I don't know. He's short, yeah, I mean meaning vertically challenged is a thing. I like a tall man. Does that? Does that mean that I haven't dated short dudes?

Disrespect them has been like you need help picking that up from the top show Look, you know, I'm not going to uplift my man just said something very has and that's like, it's just you're in a different bracket when you have abs. You don't have to have a six pack, but more than one AB. I feel like you're just put up there, like you shouldn't be talking

to the regular, average, regular regular. Do you shoot to the top of the list, especially on Instagram, because it's like Instagram can find the people who post the abs and push them to the top. Post the ads on Instagram. You don't don't listen to her, She'll have a thin shirt on and the ads would be peeking through the that's the taste. Show them up in the kitchen, Marie, is this is this a diet thing you can talk

about now? It's a genetic thing, and it's a sucking end properly when I'm taking a photo and it's like, oh, the lines are more like they deeper today. Yeah. But my whole thing is that I don't have apps because I don't work towards them. So I'm actually doing y'allow favor because imagine if I had absent, I wouldn't even be on this podcast. She'd be booked somewhere else. She'd have an ABC sitcom called Sydney. It simply in the city, in the city, and oh my god, that's a great show.

I'm saying, that's title of your book. I'm naming everyone's books today, saying it's because people do this to me and Mountain all the time, where they're like they lumpus together and they're like, oh my god, you guys, should you guys? Would do you thinking this would be the

whole premise of it, do you guys? You two would have a sitcom and the character qualities would be that Marie has abs and Sydney does it like these are the Branda finding qualities of these of these heightened versions of where it's done and you're not being the podcast. I think it would be a very it would be a very good. Like literally every episode is just Marie getting cock blocked by Yeah, I should have abs with all the cock black I'm doing. I should have bigger arms.

Your core should be so tight, so so strong. I'm gonna all the dick. He's like, is he paying for everybody's dinner? I'm like, dude, and by everybody you on a day And She's like, but I'm here and sometimes I drop a pin and I'll just stop by. Hey, guys in the neighboroom o God' just arriving to cock block. Really done that? She thought, Yeah, I'm not real friendship. Yeah, that's not real friendship. Whole side? Are you on? Bore playing the Face's hosting? Thank you, Thank you Bowen. I

appreciate you. He's hosting the both of you, playing both sides. But by the end of this podcast, I will have chosen a side that makes me trash and you class. And that's the brand. Honey. I'm here for everything. All of it. Listen except the cop black right right right. Well, that's the thing is like your character on the show would be cock block, but you would real life could be raking in the dick good he would also cock

black in real life. I feel like at the premiere party, Murray have at the premiere Hey guys, Marie, have I ever coming on here? Have I ever stopped you from getting dick that you truly honestly wanted? I mean, if I truly honestly wanted the dick I was gonna get honestly and truly never done anything to stop Murray from getting whatever she wanted, if anything, I left you. I am Kobe Bryant, you both of them city s where she's a good win woman. I am a great wine

make things happen. She doesn't, Marie. If you got to go to the bathroom, I'll hold a conversation you need me to hold. I don't heard you? Okay, see that, Okay, Okay, let's get into it. Wow, let's get into it. Okay, Because yesterday I was minding my black as business and this this big gentleman came over and was talking to me close. He was so close if we were we were working. Yeah, we're not gonna say where. But when we were in the studio, girls were working, we were working.

We had a E nine socially on the sheet, closed the right, and he came up and he was like real kind of like, you know, he's asking me questions about I'm like, oh, this is okay, Well let me go pee. I get up to go to the bathroom. I come back and Sydney's talking to him. But she she's trying to make it seem now like she was holding the fort for me. But it's like, you know, I didn't want him, even if he wanted me, didn't need to show or HBO show or something. I feel like,

that's you got some time. You at least have time he's got. He's divorced to girl. Girl, girl, get you, get you some time. Might keep the ball in the air. Get you sometimes time for this. We have to keep the ball in the air. I looked at little in the schedule book. I said, oh, she got Saturday, and she just give Sydney your schedule. She can book these things from She'll just pop up where I am. Yes, very true, but like if I curiously lived through Marie

because I'm in a relationship. I can't do it. There's no ship to do. I'm sober as fuck, there's no like getting into trouble. She has Marie's number, she sees my Instagram story. She knows where the funk I'm at, Like, I can't do anything while crazy and free ever right, her girlfriend will text me and I'll be like, Sydney, are we together? And we'll be together? But I'm like, are we together? She goes to you first, because Sydney's phone dies alast she don't be charging again. I have

charged Sidney's personally, you have, I believe. But her girlfriend will be like, hey, and I'll get that screenshot. Are we together? Even though she's sitting right next to me, are you here? Because I don't know, Like I don't know what she told her she was going to be a good friend. Yeah, but you're showing you're putting in the points for me to be like, this is my friend. My writer die And you need to give people these tests. You have to do these tests. If you're in a relationship,

will they will they cover for you? You gotta cover from I mean, I think she knows that I would lie for you, cheat and steal for me. I mean I want, I want to kill. I feel like you stepped on a road for me. The roach was not at my home. Outside the home. Yes, of course you would. You would kill for her? No kill? He fairly hugs me. She definitely ain't killing nobody. Would you killed for each other? You see what these people are doing over? Yes? But

these are games men. They were black women. We're gonna do hard time. Hatta remember her name? Ye were definitely it won't be oranges and new black. They were taking off my whole way, My whole edges will be go and that sell jail just looking like Whitney on a bath. I don't want you to. I don't want you to kill for me, but definitely a lie for you, lie for me if we are struck, just yes, I want

you to come into court and have a white suit on. Wait, hold on, we can tell you something and you're in theory. I think I would kill for you, but I don't want to go to jail. Okay, see, I would go to jail for you. You would, well, can I tell you something sound can afford you? My parents, I don't know lawyers my family knows are fucking immigration lawyers and that's that like they don't know. I feel like that's the best lawyers. What do I think in the country.

A legit scenario I thought of the other day is that you and I were in a situation which was very similar to um, like when we both get we both are getting interrogated, and you know that thing where the interrogator says to you, by the way, and Bowen gave you up already. So I would say, no, he didn't,

and you would know that I would know. And then later when they brought us together they said and if you if they said we one of you gave each other up and and so let's let's get it, I would look to him and I'd be like, I know he did it would in that situation, Well, let's what what is it did? Did we set it off? Is it a queen latifat set it off off? But it's if it's set it off. They don't have the opportunity to be questioned because they're going hard the whole time, right,

but also getting killed in front of a bus. Your mistake was not succeeding or dying trying. Your second mistake was wearing a box braids and burn taste has a muslum yet that was the second mistake. The third mistake was having sex with that dude for money to send brother to college. Do y'all remember set it off? Yes, especially rule of culture number thirty. There are many mistakes and set it off? Yes, many mistakes. Well, first of all, it was a check. I was like, what a check?

And give me cash? You're trail okay, a paper trail on this pussy. What's wrong with your paper trail on this pussy? That should be another front runner for title these titles. By the way, this red is done it Hi, guys. Today our episode is sponsored by Away Travel, which is revolutionizing luggage. Bitch. I am living for Away Travels products, and I know that you have been rolling with the suitcase of their's for a little bit of time. Yes, honey,

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I haven't the ready Okay, well listen. As as as bowing downs the white, we should get into the question that this is the topical question of our podcast, which is and we'll ask each of you, um, one after the other, as as it were. Okay, um, what is the culture that influenced the person that you are today? This is the moment where you said pop culture and culture at large might be for you. What was the movie song moment of pop culture like circumstance that made

you culturally who you guys are today. Let's go to Murray Oh so hard to give people the homework assignment we thought we did, Producer Joe, because I don't know this. Are you leaning towards a certain thing? Are you leading towards a song, a movie, a TV show yet? Or you know what I'm loving right now? What I feel like should should be. What is influencing me moving forward is everything that Janelle Monet is doing. God, the looks that she's presenting. The fact that people are like it's guys,

doesn't matter. People assume that I'm a lesbian all the time because of how I dress, and then I'm always with Sydney. It's rude. They're not even think I'm a lesbian exactly, but they're like it's they see me and they're like, is this him? Is this your girlfriend? And You're like, no, I'm Maria And they're like, next to meet you, sir, And I'm like no, it's yeah. People, I mean, they're like this is this this is the one with the abbs. But everything that Janelle Money is doing,

it's unapologetic, it's fun, it's woman, it's black. I feel like all that she's she's wearing colors. I'm wearing colors now. I mean, I'm wearing are you black? Now? But I bought a red dress today. I bought a yellow jacket. Okay, okay, I'm doing colors now. What are you? Where you? Where's this money coming? Beause I feel like I got some money coming in. Oh you know what I did? Got taxes yesterday. The refund is cute. It's gonna be cute. Yeah,

you already knew you. I deducted everything I went through the bank recta. Are you guys? Are you guys literally fishing receipt out of every single flight I took last year? I was like that was for work business. Every uber I took out a town that was for work. If I did a show, I did a show, and I did one show in Denver, and I was in Denver for like four days. I fluted, didn't fly at never for the show allegedly alleged and all of that written.

You wrote off the Damien concert that was research research. We went to Miami, that was for work. Damn even put the Miami flow that you did a show while you were there. It was every coffee I drank while I worked well because I was a host on a tour guide. I was a tour guide. Yeah, and I need the coffee to be able to stay caffe to stay doing my job well. And so I wrote those coffees. I can't believe I forgot the Miami flights. That's okay Denver, Like, no, bit,

you can't write it off coffee. I mean, that's in office. It's a business expense. I felt like somebody from the I R S would definitely listen to this podcast. But maybe somebody, yeah, but I feel I feel like they're good, Rye. They would have your back. Lab I wrote that off. The refund is going to be cute. It's gonna be that swab want this yellow jacket today? Why don't you wear in your dfls? I met you up a month

just for last color. I wore a black sequined cat suit coming and we were supposed to do six minutes. I did nine. Yes, I was she didn't give stage for a cool nine minute and you know it's your How many people would you think? Was there like maybe five or six? I was told seven people, and I was like, I'm not going to do any crowd work because I like to talk to people when I'm performing. I get on they don't like, I'm just gonna do my sit. I get up on stage, I'm like, sorry,

you don't know what I'm talking about. And it was CrowdWork, but CrowdWork, but you did. It was like a black bodysuit. It was a tight black sequence catch when I has the same catch at the same one in a photograph, but I but I got mine and I didn't know that she had it. Abs screaming out of the fashion. Abs were just and then I'm like, I'm gonna do my last joke. I'm gonna put the mic down, I'm gonna walk away, and like I say my last joke and then I go, don't look at my butt when

I walk away, and Sunny looked at my flat. But anyway, that ll Janelle is absolutely killing it and just her just ute unquote old stuff. But like I was, I was with a friend and then like he put on like the old like the Archandraid, and I was like, damn, this is like this is college streaming, Like I fucking lived for this when it came out and Janelle and Janelle's nailing it, and I can't wait for to see her get like super super big time mainstream attention post

post these movies she's doing. She had always acting fairly well, you know, she's solid seven at least she wasn't Hire and Shot seven. She did the assignment, and she wasn't Moonlight. She was the cool girlfriend in Moonlight did the assignment in that movie. I gave her an eight and Moonlight she poured whatever water lemonade for for the young boy

young boy like a professional. Absolutely definitely character. Can we briefly just for a when we talk about how I was disappointed in Moonlight, how can we get to me first and then we get to my left? I mean, I just feel like, we're already here, can we just put Unfortunately, we're going to have to return to. We're gonna return to and the answer to what was up about Moonlight coming very soon, very soon. But the culture in your life, the pop culture in your life, that

was show stopping. I watched her Awkward Black Girl when I sucked a dude in his apartment that was missing a roof. He was escaped, was missing a roof and missing missing part of the roof. He kept me in his apartment the next day because I was obviously hungover and with but he was like, listen, we should watch this web series. I've been watching it. It's really funny. You're in comedy, and I really think that this girl will inspire you. This is when she didn't have a lot.

There was when like, you know, the hair was the way it was, cheeks, she was, there was no wardrobe, no nothing, was just literally a web series and it was her being as awkward as she as she could possibly be, but also funny. And I was like, that's me. I feel like I'm a little weird, but also I'm very honest and open about it, and I'm like there should be more people out there like that not everybody's cool,

So you went hard after seeing that? Yeah, I just I feel like when people look at you, they don't see awkward. Did you just look like the mean black girl in all the movie? But she opens her mouth and then you're like, oh wow when you hear my story, so awkward. Yeah, this is a messy. But as I'm saying, and then you're like, oh my god, she's okay. She is talking about like this crazy day she went on

with this eighty year old man. That's great. Stuff like that. Like, I'm very honest, and I think people don't expect that considering how I look. They think that I'm gonna like be put together, and I'm not. I was a contail waitress for ten years. That's why I look the way I look. But that's not how I really am. That's cool, that's it's it's very it's a cool dichotomy that you present. I don't know what white women like most of my twinnies, they know how to look like they got it together.

And then you go in a bag and a person like is that a twinking from two years ago? Shamble? Oh my god, this is a credit card? Do you have a pin? That's leaking. What is in the doesn't have as what are you doing? What I'm that's leaking baking and you know it's true. I'm gisa, I mean, iconic, incredible, very happy that it's such a success. I cannot wait for the third season. It's a show that you watch and the first couple episodes are cool, but then you

actually realize how into it you are. I hate all of the main characters on the show, definitely. They're They're not likable people, and they do really dumb things that I'm screaming at the screen and at this point I'm just watching to see how it ends. But that is real life. Real people are not that likable. We do a lot of fun the ship if nobody's like everybody in the room right now. Yeah, okay, So the one scene in Insecure that really pissed me off. She was

at with that like Spanish dude or whatever. He wants to take a dinner to get like, you know, some sangria or whatever, some Spanish table wine, and she's like pulling her bra remember, and she put the phone in the cup. I said, Sis, you're trying to set the mood with this dude. That just wants to get to know you, and she's like, no, you can leave, and I was like, girl like, I was like, you wouldn't have enough titty first of all to do all these stuff.

He's to see you lifting your chest up. He's like, come on, girls, like your sternum is. You're presenting your stern um. But I don't. Let's go get some steak. And then Molly is banging this dude who says that he's in an open thing. But I think he's lying. He's definitely lying. You think it's a lie. I think he's lying. Wow, I never thought of it like that. Well, first of all, they're a black couple. There are no open relationships, and a black couple that's not what we do.

We like either mind or you out. He's pretty hot. No, he's not. Just would and I've been saying it. I have not caught up to this since it's Molly Stillton and I haven't like updated. And we are going to talk now are going to spoiler for anyone? Well? Where where where did you leave of? I just just started season so she I'm sorry you got a home theater

and you not caught up? You I love just showed him his first episode of Housewives of Atlanta because it is the best of all they just started Housewives in general. Impressed the reunion the other night. It was so amazing, amazing. Nini gave Kim the business. Ain't nobody, Ain't nobody care about your relationship with say no, no one cares? House not even finished? Was fired by why that's what? When?

Because because and this I heard, it's confirmed. But what was said was that the women are fully done with Kim. They do not want to hang out with him anymore. Kim has her show, whatever she's been. Kim came for the check and a whole successful like personality drinking career. But she did What does Sara offer with a boyfriend that's not going to get out of prison until one and she is best friends and align herself with the person no one wants to fun with her? Yeah, she's not.

She is not doing her job. She's not doing her job because they're right, she is not an equal opportunity bone collect No, she's not. She's trying to stay in with Kim, which is do we all remember she Bay? Can we get into more doggers? When you will come out? Spring summer September that's gonna be everything I've been told to watch from the beginning, and I'm like boy. Spring

summer September, she released a fashion line. She's the original fashion nova, right, and it was called She by Scharay and it was like a fashion show party, like in her house. I will speak out for Shari though I love Shari. Gabrielle Union claims that say actually had a cute boutique in Atlanta and that game you really have time. I don't have think gabriel Union has any reason to lie. She seemed like the booty black girl that would lave.

Gabriel Union seems like the type of person that was interesting. I don't know if I trust, I trust investor. In this podcast, we actually are to thank our sponsor, gabriel Union. She's in this new like it's sort of like books Room. She's in this new movie that's like a take in for Mom's. You said that she books, but you know she auditioned for Scandal and did not book. She was the first one up, which is number one loser. Really didn't get the check. I really didn't the harsh Marie

where we are at. I'm not a Gabrielle Union fan. Although Sydney does look like in a certain light Gabrielle Union with the right field, she just seemed real uppity and boogee like everything that she like, she just seems very unlikable to me. Do you remember when I think it was like I'm not sure what event it was. I think it was like like Essence Women of the

Year or something. She stepped forward and she was like she was giving given some honor, and she stepped forward and said flat out, I used to be really that person who was wishing that you all would fail. Yeah, and she was like, I've hated you guys. She said that every single one I saw that and bring it on. I was like, oh, she she tried. She's coming forward and saying, you know, and I wish I could change

the person that I was. And also you have to understand, like this is a part of all of us because there's only so many spots for us, so we have to make more room for ourselves, is what is what she arrived at. Said, But that's because she also didn't have power at the moment. She has the power to uplift other people who are around her and below her, So she got no power now nobody checking for recommend She on her Instagram. She does like a woman crush Wednesday.

She shall always other people who other entertainers. She's good at that. She's helping you get a job though you can't even herself, kid Shonda Land, you know what I mean. She's in the queen of that. She's an expert in shade. She's an expert in lamps. Are you are your carry? Washington? Is this about a carry? Carry? Watching it on that show? Because I watched the first season of skin this is amazing, and it was like she got real, annoying, real facts

as the right wing the writing. I'm telling you every Shonda Rhime show and bless for having. But after season three, that bitch does not She's not she's not, she's not president. She sets a show up and it has the best years of its life when she is very involved, and then she backs up to start something new, and you have Gray's Anatomy season forty two with a lion loosen with lion was loose in the hospital. No no, no, I'm saying very well, could be there breaking that story

for Sweep. The finale is going to be meteor hits the hospital. That's going to arm again isn't bad? Is the episodes that Shanda has written, like the Code Black episode of the JJ episode she wrote the and they're amazing pieces of television. Yeah, I just I need my pop culture icons to always be using their power for good. Well, that's what happens when you got She got How to get Away with Mercy She's I mean, also, can we talk about how every time I see them make Viole

the Davis take her wig and her makeup off. I am upset as a one that happens more than as a black woman, But strace the funk out of me because we did so much to get to where we are to take our wig off it. But she has the pawns. You are every very top and now you're wiping her makeup. It's people. I don't know, dude. I just thought that she's wiping off the makeup and the week I was a cat that I said, who wrote that in there? It couldn't have been shown her wig off?

You do. That's someone else show. She's the executive producer. What you were talking about, how you want your pop icons to do their use their powers for stay committed to the products you start Yeah, but that's that's that's asking for a lot, sir, because people got to secure bags, They got to make sure other people are getting paid. They can't stay on one project forever. They gotta do

other things. I believe that that's true. But then at least have the respect for your product to hire some one that's gonna come there and bring the same level of excellence. And she can find those people, and she doesn't. I mean like to say that we used to joke about Grey's Anatomy in the beginning and say this is going to turn into the Er. Oh my god, I got into the R again and I was like, oh my god. One to three I was in it. I

have never seen the er. You have to Marie. Yes, I mean R was on point in the beginning, but the later seasons of R were mediocre. They weren't bad ladship bad. I believe that. I believe that. I just I feel like, but you know, Seanna just got that little Netflix put put ninety million dollars that like, she gotta she's making money. She doesn't have time money, and I do not regret her that. And I understand that she came forward and said I'm going to have a

goddamn empire, and she has done that. But as a consumer, like sis, keep it cute for the whole eight seasons or just or just ended after end, or or just have violin not take our wig off. That's why I'm thank you. Okay, keep the wig. You are the black Meryl stream, the Black Violet. Sydney's cultural moment was Issa, should we go back to this moonl what's so? First of all, his friend was adorable the whole movie, the old version of the friend. I was like, okay, that's

a casting thing. Okay, I was not here for that. But then when he was like you know, they were on the phone and he was like, I cook for you, I was like, go back, have sex. You don't see it. No sex. I'm the is the toaster of it. You make it t that's it. That's that's girl, not not everything has to be sexualized. And I wanted to see that. That That's what I wanted. The movie was so slow at the end. I was like that everybody always suck

and like top blocker, extraordinary. You heard it here first, folks, Not everyone's always sucking sucking, they are, And it's like, when can we get to something that's like actual substance. Not everything got to be about sex care how they have to pull they dig out. You can have both. I think that we all appreciated the moment at the end where they finally got comfortable enough to say their

true feelings, and that was beautiful. That was probably what would have happened after that, is they have a physical moment, and it would have been not nice to see that because I needed to, like jack off to at home. I'm not interested in that, But that depiction of them being able to have that moment, I think it's important. And I also have the same problem with Call Me by Your Name, which didn't show the sex. I have not seen that movie yet, but they also don't show

the sex. They cut away from the sex. Well, he was like a cool Twilve, But it's important. It's important to see that. No, I feel like in like gay culture, like everything is sexualized. Everybody's always saying that that's what it's out there though, always just walk outside and just find a dick in second, which is not true. Do we have standards? So sometimes and sometimes there's something between finding dick. Also, the struggle is real. Some sometimes it's

not so easy to just catch it. It's really not and it's not even about It's not even about and this is not even about like a going against any sort of sex positivity. It's just like there there are we're being presented with this thing of like look just Instagram presenting you with abs. It's like pictures of abs of other guys that as it's like what no, will No, that's not it really does. It makes you feel um bad because A you're not sucking that person, and be

also you have to be like, oh is this the bar? Now? You know what I mean? Whenever I see someone looking insane, looking like like right now we are fully in spring, and I've been talking about the thirst traps, it's like, I don't begrudge anyone posting a thirst trap. I think if you look good and you feel good, it's just that when it's everyone all at once, I and also who cares how I feel? But like the first warm day that we had last weekend, so your body was

already ready? Fuck you, yeah, a surprised warm day and everyone reveals that they already and I'm not here for them. Creamy thigh, Okay, you put on a long linen paint. So you're telling me you had a thigh gap this whole time, this whole winter. Gives me please, no, it's now, please please? I said, oh, so wait, your whole body is ready, but your feet were ready. Called it out like everybody got their their legs out, their arms out, but your feet. Though, let's talk about this though you

are on ankle patrol. Yeah, tell the winter it's done, but tell the hurry for the children that don't know at home, not a listening that don't know what is? What's what's going on over the winter with you on Instagram and being on patrol ankle expose people who are just have the whole ankles out. They'll be full on like it's Antarctica. It's madd cold outside. They got in Canada goose yes, right off top and then the ankles. It's like you're at the beach. They have a crop

at the beach. It doesn't make sense you're also, it doesn't make sense people who have like the ripped jens. Have you seen the ripped jeans with the leggings underneath? Heth? Can we talk abow if you have the genes ripped, there should not be tights, but that those are dancers. Dancers will be doing that people on the on the train that I'm like, since you don't lift, you don't purouette, you don't do no, no, no first position, second position, no please, no grange. You're going to get some hate

from this podcast. You're gonna find me, please, you canna find me on the infercial experts. Yes, oh yeah, But if it was just because people are trying to keep in with the trend, because like, ankles are in, but it's two degrees were outside, we were outside and it was literally like it was snowing. It was like a blizzard outside and this woman was walking out all her ankles out. She didn't even have a boot on. It was like a regular slide. It was like a mule.

Can I ask you do you confront? Do you document? Or you do you confront and document? I document. I confront people I know. I don't come from people I don't know, but I definitely document people I don't know. And that was all over the place, and people started to send me ankles and I was like, this is getting out of here. I know you could have started a blog. People made well. I did a little coffee table book coffee table book. I did a little movie that it was a short film called Ankles in the

City and it was a short film festival. I had like little music, I had like the ankles had a story, so it was great. And then there was one video of a dude who had sandals on complete sandals in the winter. It was an Asian. Yeah, sorry, so sorry, sorry not sorry? Can I say? I feel like I'm finding what's happening right now and I feel like it is Matt and Sydney and it is Bowen and Marie because you you guys are giving like French have it together.

We're like, we don't know another language. But I'm connecting with Sidney and you're connecting with Marie in some ways too. Where we're talking about all this, Matt hasn't looked at me once today. What are you talking about? Is like this Haitian hands ash and she gets col You've kept your hands under the table. Matt. That's like, no, thank you. What are you talking about? Literally, we just had a moment where we were on the same side. What were

we talking about? We don't even remember. I also agree there should have been sexy, but I felt like I presented something pretty strong about why there wasn't sex. Yeah, that's that's not a good host. I'm there. Look what did I say at the beginning that I would choose a side? Are you choosing Marie? I'm kind of angled this way. Now he's angled. She's saying there should be less sex in movies her why first of all, the sex is fake? Girl, But that's not really bad acting.

You're seeing bad quality cinema. So okay, so what sex scene and what movie that you were like, yes, that is Titanic. Titanic. You should not have said this. I'll tell you what show gives you a good sex Sons of Anarchy? Really, yes, I have never seen the lead start of it is Charlie Hunt Human. He's a show that has bow and arrows, got proper bone arrows. They got Charlie Davidson's and leather jacket. I thought it was

they keep the leather vests on when they bang. Okay, they get don't want to they pull the boots to the side. I just feel like I appreciate that show because they so oftentimes when you watch sex scenes like it's all about like really really really kind of objectifying the female. Whereas that show gives you an appreciation of the male form. Do you see the dick? You don't see the dick, it's you'll see the girls boobs. But that's the problem though, it's never a real sex scene.

Does give you what I mean, But you don't want to see. You don't want to see. You don't want to see's naked Boddy either. Oh wait, hold on this, yes I do. She's I mean season two Issa is cuter than season one, honestly, honestly and truly, Like, if there's a mirror in the room, I'm gonna look at myself. Okay, that's what I mean. Privilege. But you guys, if you're having sex and there's a mirror in the room, you're not gonna check. You're not gonna could just hell no,

I know the angle was gonna be so wrong. It's not my life. I'm gonna have to move the mirror in the right angle. So I'm definitely not looking at the mirror. I'm looking in the mirror. Can you believe people that have a mirror on their roof, on the roof the roof, I'm like, is it? Hey, Arnold? Which remember that Hotel SLS in Miami and l a, they have mirrors. You're saying, Remember we've never been we've never

broke down a whole vacation. Remember we're like, no, we don't obviously recall several times, you know, but I didn't pay. But yeah, you've seen the view of yourself. Well, I didn't have sex in this place, but I you know, I saw myself and I was like, oh, I see why people come here, all right? For sure? God, so you didn't have sex there. No, I didn't, but I looked up and I was like, oh, I see why people come here like this is to watch themselves. Yeah, okay,

I'm here for me. Sex is awkward and sex is like weird, and you're not gonna look as good as you think you do. I don't know, I feel like I have been. Okay. So the host Centennial is off to a pretty slow start. I was. I said to Sydney today, it's there's twelve months in the year. I thought I was gonna get twils bodies. She thinks he thinks I should do like five or six year. Yeah. In the fourth month, it's it's two dudes. Okay, that's fine. The whole summer, bitch, hot summer. You know, Oh yes,

business will be booming with wares are exposed. When wow, do you want some dick? When the yachts are out, the tits are out, when they are at the twelve culture, Oh my god, we need to go on a chirp all fours literally just going to tell you. He's going to ask you what's your favorite city to travel to in New York and your favorite bronx in in this nation that we live in. Where do you like to go that's only in the United States? Yeah, the stamps in the pastor I would definitely want to go to

back to Spain or go to Cuba. I feel like, is the window closing on Cuba now? But it is. As soon as the Kardashian Soon just went over there. I was like they went to Cuba, the window was closed. They did a whole episode, they had the cameramany thto over there. I was like, there were because there was just like a four year grace period where it was cute to go and now it's like, not, you can't do it anymore. It's like somebody in a contour and

fucking Cuba. You like it's done, You're not going. But Spain is the original Cuba. Yeah, and the original when I went to Toletto, it might be that title of that might be you gotta do you have to have the at and that's both your dr But I'm Toletto, super, let's take a trip together. You're trying to get tropical about it. You want nice weather, you want to wet

baby weave. Yes, that's Cuba. But then if you go to Spain, if you go there, like not when it's too cold, but not when it's too hot, like like a seventy five eight, I feel like seventy five month? What month? Um, I'm gonna say like a June seven could be at the end August. Okay, still for my birthday in September, and we could go spread summer September. All right, what about you? I we've been talking about doing a Tokyo trip. Actually, I would honestly, Black people

are so cool. Yeah, they would think that we're both Serena Williams exactly a sad you guys are you guys would be hounded on Serena or Beyonce selfie steaks after like the fifth the fifth person who stops you once you take a picture with you. I feel like that would get annoying. No, what's this? Not? Just posing? Just giving them shoulder, just getting shoulder. Remember, Wesley, I do owe money to government? Malcome x. What about ever? Anywhere

are you trying to go? Damn? Honestly, I see that the table is a circle, and I knew it was coming to me, but I was not prepared. Were you want to go back to Paris? Best friends city Green is currently in France? I want to do Paris for like a month. Do you remember the house when a girl got taken and taken? Where she got took? Where she got taken to? She got to? And I'm not talking about the second movie. No, she got she got took anyway, the French doors, The bread is fresh, the

one would you go to bard Is? Sheap? I would go in the hot summer, probably because I wanted to be cloudy. I hate when it's like, you know, the weather is just I just want to wear like a red off the shoulders and we have a little bread on the type little bread bread. Let me be honest. When we went to Paris, Henry and I went a couple of years ago and it was like May June,

so it was getting hot. It feels like New York heat, like you know when New York gets okay, saying that I should go you should go whatever Tember in September, back in September, exactly. You. I feel like this because you didn't love Paris. We did. We were there for one day. We like we took we we were in Amsterdam, which we never should have left Amsterdam. It is the

best city in the world. We were in Amsterdam and like we took, we entered, the car drove down and we like hit Paris and then we got there and didn't have enough time just when we had to get back, so we were just there long enough for like to be like yelled at at a launch by a waitress and it was press but it was our only experience and they were really But I don't want us to have to wear coats like no, no, no, no no. I wanted to be like like a breezy, easy, beautiful girl. Okay,

And Matt, your answer is Amsterdam, sister cities, cities, gorgeous. No. I would also love to go somewhere interesting, like we've been talking about going to Tokyo. I would love that. I also love to go to like Beijing. Yeah, just like what about Thailand. We've been we're just doing things out now. Sin No, I don't know about Thailand. I get a little I get nervous because I need to bring my vapepen. What does that mean? We can't do that.

They're not gonna let you bring weed into China. They well, I'll give them the eyes. They're gonna be like, lu I'm giving the eyes right now. What are they doing to you? These cocaine blinks? Cocaine cocaine? Oh my god, sorry, you know what just played accidentally? This week's voice memo you bet? Okay, So we have a new segment on the show. It's called voice Memo you Bitch, where we have a friend of the podcast, in fact, the best friend of the podcast send in a voice memo to

us detailing um their feelings. Yes, so the one this week is from another really great duo, great friends of ours. So this is just the episode of duos. We've got usked, We've got to sit and Marie and we're gonna be here from This is coming from Josh Sharp and Aaron Jackson. I got to listen to this. I believe he's going to be on our show next Wednesday. Mr Josh Sharp is on the show. Okay, great, So this is from Josh and Aaron and this is UM. I believe there. Well,

let's just listen to it. I haven't heard it yet. Okay, knock, knock, mademoiselle your door. This is Josh and this is Aaron UM. We've been asked literally minutes ago to send a voice memo in for the episode. Now. I have not heard the last couple of episodes. I'm very busy at work and tending to my polyp um, so I really don't know what the funk this is. And I have listened to I'm Joel, can booster call in and do this voice memo bit? And I have to say I don't

understand it. And that may not be a fault of the bit. I think that is more a fault of Joel. That's where we are, but regardless, that's the place where at we don't really get the bit. We think it might be strong for the bit, for you and for your brand and for your sort of podcast universe. If we sort of like take a bold choice, give some structure to the bit. You play with the bit exactly

have fun with the bit. So we want to offer you some chances to interact with us right now the room, and we have some sort of like leading questions and things for all of it. Let's get right in. Let's get right into it. Okay, So Matt, you would like you to compliment Bowen in this moment, please, Um, I will say that I agree with the mass that actually faster and a deeper compliment. But you really did deep something. You really think Bowen is good at. I think that

you are an amazing person. I think your energy right now for you to um sing a little a pop hook and it can be from an existing song or for a song that you haven't been to complete original for you can take. That was really incredible. M Sydney Sydney, Yes, oh my god. Wow. We would like you to give everyone at the table to three people the middle names that they should have, the middle names that they should have been born with. Okay, Okay, Marie Davante, you're Matt

Jackson and your and finally I love Jackson. We're just gonna assume you've done that, Okay, and then, um, Marie, Marie High, we're not really friends. We're not really friends, and certainly not as much as we are with sort of the rest of the day. If the three of us were going on a little first date, what would your dream first date being? And already ers and we can we can go outside, and we can host, we can travel whatever. What do you think? Okay, so I

wasn't ready. I feel like it would have to be just a really messy, boozy brunch where like a friend worked and was like hooking us up. Also, okay, you know what, I love it. Yes, you don't want to pay at all? No, I don't want to. I don't want the three of us to pay. I'm to stop you there. And that's where the day ended. Thank you, What a beautiful day. Okay, and then one last little

thing and then we'll get out of here. Um. Just it would be great if all four of you could right now list the eighty most influential people to culture of all time. And okay, I'm time time. I'm so sorry you're not culture. Um anyway, look for us, um, look for our podcast soon, madam door, goodbye, goodbye. I love that beautiful. It was so beautiful. Can I say something nice? Yes? No, I get why people like listen

to this for real? This is so good. Good an hour in five minutes because before she was like, why the two of them she was she was like, no, this is so good. That's actually a new segment. It happens to be a hit happens, and it's a different call in voice memo every time. Every time. It's so good, and you guys will call in too. We need that. I'm gonna be real messy, and yeah, that's good. You

should be messy. Honestly, I love the idea of the first time meeting a friend and being like a boozy brunch. That's such a good. Yeah, something's going to get lost early in the day though, like your keys or your servix, like it's too much your serves. I keep it together. I have a good keep it together, my friend. I put my together self fun in my right pocket, wallet in my left pocket, keys in my little jacket pocket

and also sets. But here's the thing, now that it's getting warmer, I really don't like it because you lose a lot of pockets. It's not what am I have to carry a bag. Man, I'm gonna rob you later, thank you for you gotta get a little bad. And my vape is of course in my jacket pocket weed vape and not a cigarette vape. No, we have actually a weed vape. Although you know who's obsessed Our good friend Dave. He's obsessed with the little jewel tobacco, little

tobacco for Dave and his save tobacco. He loves that. He loves that. He's gorgeous. There's no way he should be having tobacco in his life. Also, his boot is cute, like they're very cute. Aerial likes the tobacco vape to we were We were over there watching Elena the other night, and they are addicted to their jewels. They love their jewels. And they also live in Harlem, so as you've got the address, they make lapsters over there. They made a gorgeous dinner on sad Sunday. Yes, what was the app

it was? It was pastia heavy, but he made two different kinds of pastable, almost like a boat situation. That was like a light. And then we had an angel hair and like can we mess his Dave and be like boo. He would literally love that. And he made the most amazing meatballs. And to me, meat balls are when I have a good meat while I'm a happy bit your heart, my full heart. Um, let's move on. To I don't think so, honey. Let's move on to

I don't think so, honey. So this would be the section of the podcast that I would say probably the people get most fired up about. Okay, yeah, so it's one minute to take to rail against something in culture. And both of these ladies have been on our live show and absolutely just the gig. I feel like I've remembered this but also forgot this. Will come in and we'll go first, and then you guys go. We will

go first. I have one that I'm actually a little fired up about, but it's going to be loose and I feel good like me to go first. You can go first. I have one too, but let's let's go ahead and have you go first. Okay, this is Matt Rodgers. I don't think so, honey. As time starts now, I don't think so, honey. People on the left side of the escalator who aren't walking. You live in New York

City and this is something that you know. Ah, So if you've decided to go on the left side of the escalator, chances are when you look in front of you, there is no one there and there's a ship ton of people on the right side. This means that the aisle is clear for a reason. This is a traffic lane and you have to proceed through it. I can not imagine being the kind of person who would stand on the left side of an escalator and look in front of me, see no one, look behind me and

see everyone, and not take action. I don't think so, honey. I will say this. I might make an exception if you have a bad next to you. Oh wait, no, I fucking won't take the bag and put it in front of you or rest it on your feet. I swear to God. People have things to do, places to go. Get a sense of urgency, you stupid bitch. Oh and that's one minute. What about the elderly, honey? What about should be on the right side, should be in an

uberpool pool instead of the escalator. Elderly should be in pools. Actually, real coach number A hundred and seven all elderly. And I felt very strongly about that, because guess what, like the seconds count in the subway, the minutes count. And look, yes, this is me being like a New York bitch, but like I'm a New York bitchy and so is most everyone else. And I don't like commiserating in the subway.

I don't like looking at other people on the subway, even if it's the communal moment of can you believe this bitch isn't walking, well, you're rude if you got all those like constraints and ship but should be chartering you to where you need to go. But but the left lege is the fast lane. There's no rules in New York City, bitch that goes No, they're unspoken rules. They're unspoken to us. But these are rules that are all in stone, like in places like d C. Like

that is, everyone knows where they're supposed to be. And you don't have that degree of orderliness in New York and that's a shame. Whatever. But wasn't the DC mayor getting doing crack? So? Like no, that was And there's a movie coming out about him, and who's playing him again? Who's playing him again? Somebody fat and or white? Some crazy actors playing him actor And I was like, oh,

James Franco, Damian, it's the guy from Homeland who cares. Okay, Okay, so this is I don't think so, honey, his time will start now. I don't think so, honey, motherfucking flies. Bitch. There are many flies in my office right now. In my entire team of trained u X designers is having to do part time. We're swatting these motherfucker's dead and

drag them. Evolution is a poison because you know what, these flies are getting smarter and more dexterous, and the reflexes are getting better and better every year, Mama queen and bitch, at the end of the day, no matter how much you evolve, you're still feasting on human ships like this, Bitch, I don't think so honey flies, because you know what, we need you. Where do you fit

into the evolute? Where do you fin into the food chain? Oh, frogs need you in order to live, frogs them, But I don't think so many frogs well around, Queen, I don't need you frogs. What am I gonna do? People cooked fried your little legs up and ate them, and now we're over it. For centuries, we're serving in a chitty Vegas Chinese buffets and that's the only place where you can find fried frog legs. We don't need you frogs or flies. I don't think the only spring animals.

That's one minute, Can I tell you what those are. That's like sometimes like you slay and I fail, and sometimes but we both slay, I think because we made the point and it's felt. And also I have to read you right now. You're gonna read me. Yes what because I had lunch today with your roommate and he claims that you guys have mice. Now, that's not my problem. It's not probably through the no, no, you didn't throw

me on anything because gave from the bus. I'm going to lift the bus up from under me, like a pregnant woman on a doorphan like a mom trying to say, you can't explain these mice. And it's no one in the house. It is no one's except for the people upstairs. They moved and oh, don't blame it her neighbors. Isn't your house they moved there and the rats they were broilers hurrying downstairs. Think so, honey, people who got insects or mice and be like it's the neighbor's No, it's

in your house. Oh my god. They no way to get to your house way and it's always signed away where there's a rat. Alright, they are mice. I want to make the distinction. They are mice. Yes, okay, so listen, it's for Sydney alright, so you still be Sydney Washington's I don't think so, honey. He starts now, I don't think so, honey. People who think Beyonce is a diva because she doesn't want people posting on flattering photos of her, excuse me. First of all, how can you take a

bad picture of Beyonce? You can because you have a Samsung Galaxy is pixelated. You can't with a GoPro. You're getting her from terrible angles. You're all the way in the back by the bathroom. That's why you're posting unflattering pots. Listen, she is the queen. She has so many photos on Instagram for you to pick and shoes to post. Why must you post your dusty ass photos of this godly woman?

And you know what, I don't like people who post on flattering photos of their friends, even though they look good at the whole picture of picture. Away. You're telling me you can't find a good picture of all of us, of all of them. Don't post it. They don't you know you need you need to take a picture of me and then just post it on the photo that you want that works for you. You are not my friend.

If you do that, then I'm following you and blocking you and reporting you because you I don't need that type of negativity in my life. How dare you? I don't think so. And that's one minute. Oh my god, I knew that was so. No one will ever do that again. Don't make that. Are you? Are you going to read me because you said that? Set? Because right now the the the picture that was released for last week's episode with Michael Lury. I feel like I look

shitty and you look very good. I don't know. No, no, let me see the photo here. I feel like I saw it and I liked it and it was fine. Let me see. No, it's not good for me, and it's not a good position for me. Is he looks he looks great? No, it's not. I don't like your shoulder. That shoulder looks like it has like low blood low blooh, look very sick. Show good. No, it doesn't look like you don't Okay, yeah, the shoulder that's not good. Shoulder is weird, but also not really. That could have a

photo of Michael either. Tell you any of us is glowing? No, no, in his dead broom sweater. He's saying, did you approve Bowen? He's serving face to one who puts them all together. Be nice to you. I know I don't think of Honey Bowen posting Dusty s photos as well? How dare you I post dust yes photos of myself all the time? That's John your botoast jaw. You know that you got

at the threaded it. No way with it. Don't say you don't face tone, I don't face soon and good now I know the sister out to you my face. My excavators are going to unearth this fucking jaw line for the summer Trust Okay, oh my god, we'll think it was an iconic Thank you. Just want to everyone the red wine that was filled is now cleaned up. And one of these days we need to hear from you. Joe. Well, I think the viewers want to know what's going on.

Maybe one of these days for the intro, you can, we can jump you on it and we can have just an update from HPT. Can you say something off Mike to the to everyone right now? Okay, but in the meantime, in the now, in fact, we have Marie Marius is Marie houstons, I don't think so, honey, her time starts now ready. I don't think so, Internal Revenue Service. You take the money out of my check federal and state throughout the year, and I got to make sure

you did your job. On April seventeen, says why is that my job? Because I think you're checked like you collecting the check. Then you got the nerve the or death the quar cassity to audits. My blessing, You've got a lot of nerves dollars that I didn't claim. Is my money you need? It worked? I woke up early, I waited for the car to arrive. I chopped in, I stole a water and set them and then I went to the job. Okay, why am I? Why am

I paying state taxes? If the sub the sidewalk is still rocky, the streets still choppy, and I still have to fight to get in and out of my building in the wintertime, but the sult is not laid down. I don't think so, Internal Revenue Service. I suck a dick, okay, because Donald Trump has not paid his taxes, and while yes, why I do not feel that we should pay tax at all? If I didn't vote for you. I shouldn't

have to pay a salary. Yes, okay. It always just frustrates me so much when you hear about like oh, well they're going to an extra security up a Trump Tower or whatever, blah blah blah, it's like, oh my god, that's where the security. Melania could suck another dick. She had sucking that one. I'll tell you that much. You can kill in her face and it's like not a damn thing. I mean, she sucked it a green card and then she was like case clothes, she crossed the legs.

I would suck a dick for a green card if I needed it, but you don't. I don't won't, but you don't do any of us, not not not for this country. But if I do need to get into another country, I would. That's so funny because we were just talking about, um, I got audited in two thousand twelve, but just realized just today and I owe six thousand dollars right, And then when we was like what would you do to get this money? Girl? Would did you

suck a dick for? So? I was like, oh, I haven't done it in like five years, so it's going to be real dry um but rates that but giving six thousand dollars like you don't know. I had a second there there. You could go down to the financial district and there that's where they are. I worked down there, that is where those work, and then I could get

the six. No, I'm saying that anybody young and willing could go down to and not get down a quick ten can I look down there and they'll be like, sitting here, Gertie Martini, don't think I'm a waitress, suck you. He's upselling. He said ten K you can get money. I think I could get four and one and one sitting of the face. No, I don't think so. I think I would have to go to Dubai, get shot on Dubai. Yeah, I would have to go to Dubai, be on a yacht, get shut for three days, shut

for ten day for three days. Ten K one time you can pop on me. Yeah, And I'm like, there's a view while I'm getting shot on. But you can't. You can't eat the view the vial. You can't eat the view. Another front runner for the title of episode listen hate all I'm gonna say, I hate everyone here. All I want to say is if you listen to this episode and you are trying to not go tonight a hot box over at at all at miss eight pm with featuring such stupid idiots as Josh Sharp on

the bill and these two hosting. Come on, I don't get you. I don't get you got this is one of my the funnest episodes we've done. You would so he would guess what he says through every goddamn episodes. He says, through every goddamn episode, who is dick? No? No, I don't want to do it makes me jealous. Look for more of Marie and Sydney if you love this as much as I do. And Matt does listen to them on the unofficial aide, such a good pod went on very soon do because we're gonna schedule this and

we're gonna make it happen. It's gonna be so fun. I can't wait. I can't wait. You're gonna have handerines for you in cream cheese. I love that. I love both of those things. And I'm gonna sneak in some Japanese video game style they record, they record over and there is a checkers outside. I'm going I told you the first thing I said when I walked into your an apartment was you know I just had He went to Checkers. He pulled his laptop out. He asked for

the WiFi. They were like, oh I did. They were like, um, this check is Yeah, I did. I used my laptop at the Checkers and I watched the view. He was very bold and beige over there and very bold in bage. I just try to watch the view at Checkers. I did. You didn't keep the view at check your kid trying to watch the view. This is unbelievable, you guys, Mae F. Houston. This is this is the best and every episode with

the song and finished. We have to finish that song about what you did before there was emotion emotions okay, so now it's the mash up. Have you raised me and emotions? Okay? You raise me so taken? Shut dating me up. I'm clot up in sorrow last s when I am on raow you raise me up to all good. This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by

Brett Boum, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple pod Casts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook.