"FEMME FATALE" (w/ Max Wittert)

generally hot in my apartment. And I was describing it like you know how like cats and dogs like like sort of absent mindedly will do something to cool themselves off, like lick themselves. Going to go in a trady area. Sometimes I'll just like come to and I'll be just like standing over my air conditioning with like my butt hole on it. I'm anally fixed it. I think, uh, why I why do Why do I want to cool my hole down so bad? I think I think it probably feels well, I'm just gonna go out on a

limb and say, why am I doing that? It's probably a moist part of your body and for you to get the air on it feels really nice because it because then it just it engages the you know, the whatever moisture is going on down the actually famously the the rectal area, that whole what we call the world um is actually called them. It's from the Greek word. Now, I think we should just bring the reader up to speed on what your world means. Now, Matt, I vividly

remember this moment. We were traveling with Paparole at our sketch group back in the day. We were in Many in Charleston. No, we were in uh, we were in Durham, Raleigh, somewhere in that air, Yes, Chapel Hill. Um. Did I hook up with someone? No, But we got to our hotel room and then you were anally fixated or you were just you were doing a lot with your ass that day. You were like poking it out, just like just like really shaking your ass in front of I was.

And we got to our hotel room and then you had just gotten on this bit about calling about just about looking into someone's eyes. It would be my eyes or studies. You'd be you'd be like, let me show you my world. Yeah, it's called your world. So the area of your tate butt hole and butt and and lower lower balls. That's your world and when you let

someone into your world, that's how you say that. So instead of using the word believe is sorry but wrecked them or a little hole, you can say you let them into your world, but you showed them the world. You remember your performance though, like like this is truly it was so grounded and I really commend you. Um, you would just you would look into someone's eyes, you lock into their eyes and say like it was the

most vulnerable thing. Absolutely, I kind of bee vulnerable performer. Yes, and you and you would say I'm ready to show you my world. It was, but it was like cook head it. It was like you were like you would never You've never done this. You're clearly a little scared. There's a little there's a little bit of fear. You'd be like, I'm ready to show you world. Yes, give me the space to do this emotionally, Okay, I'm ready to show you my world. This is a weird note,

but it was more feminine. I'm ready to show you in my world. That was it. And then you would and then you would spread, you would turn around and then just like fucking undulate your ass in front of someone's face. And it was truly the funniest thing in the world. That was my early twenties. You guys, I mean I was much more asked forward now not so much, while now you're asked in front of the air conditioner exactly. I mean, it's really it's it's a thing about cooling

down versus you know, being sexual. You are very much you're very annally fixated. Yes, well, I just dealt with a hemorrhoids rom both tamoroid, right, So now is that dealt with? It's dealt with. And you know what, I really think my team of experts who really pointed me to preparation age and lansing options speaking of your but yeah, I I what our guests just acted like. He was revolted. I think he was revolted in my word choice with the word lansing, which is my word of the summer lance.

I am now on record on this podcast as saying that I once had assist on my butt hole, lanced and trained. And I think Patty Harrison would I think in her her concert storyline when she described Ellen Degenerous lansing with her with her rhino horn, penis. It's a way to say speared. It's a way to say spirit or you know, impale or something that's a fun che way of saying it. Speaking of your butt hole, how was your weekend? Maybe my weekend? It was okay? Here, yeah,

and um it was really complicated. Why was the complicated? Sounds like a really lovely time. Uh wasn't as much anal stuff as as you would think, as you were hoping. I was actually was kind of relieved. I was like, oh, thank God. Honestly, sometimes it's a really Sometimes when anal sex is off the table, it's really it's actually really culture number six. Sometimes when anal sexes off the table, it's a relief because it's so much to deal with.

And I gotta tell you, my hemorrhoid flared up, Oh God, because of the anal sex. No, I'm still I still want to live in this space of nothing going on down there, nothing alarming going on down there for a little bit, and then put myself out there with my world, with my blame us all of it. Listen, God, God, blame is you, God blame us our guests. Who I think is an anal person? I think it's anal Purnis, and I think that that can be attributed too many things, can I tell you? Our guest is I think and

I truly understand the hyperbole in this statement. But what am I think makes me laugh without feel anytime I see him. I love this person very, very just like pure comedic energy here, comedic energy, chaos at such an intellectual level. I love himself. He makes me laugh every single time I saw this person perform at the Bellhouse, um, like maybe like a week week and a half ago for a gay show for all people. It was singular. It was like you never seen anyone else do this.

He's so fucking funny. Yeah, I loved it. And talented, talented, illustrated kindly, such a talented illustrator, such a talented vocalist. Yeah, oh my god. He has a lot of things that you can see around town, one of which is Get Real co hosted with Joe Castle with Joe Castle Baker, friend of the Pod, even another Judy even. Um. He was just at this year's Cluster Clusterfest with the Variety. Absolutely up next, up next. That's what they say when you are quite literally up next in terms of um

being embraced by the mainstream by America, by America. I mean, if you get up, you can probably just you can probably say this person will probably have a sketch show on comedy soun. Absolutely, you can probably say that. You can probably say that. He hosts the fabulous podcast So Fascinating with Ruby Ma Collister, another friend of the pot The Friend of the pot Um. He just put up his wonderful show with Sam Taggert, another front of the pod Um and also coming soon in the future, an

announcement about an upcoming solo show in September. In September, so stay tuned for that. I am very excited to have this person here because it's been a long time coming, actually time coming. We've wanted him to be on the show for a very long time. So please read or welcome into your ears Kevin Spacey. Kevin, go ahead. So I've been at acquitted Kevin Spacey. So great to have you. All right, No, just kidding, it's a way stupid, It's

max stupid. Your phone that was it was just like madly because like I was like, okay, do I what do I take? I have so much do I want to respond to really quickly? Yeah? Okay, sure, I really really think this is okay, fine, okay, start somewhere. Okay. First of all, you called me a vocalist, which is absolutely because the way you're using your voice, because of the way that which I understand what you're going for there.

But it immediately brought me back to this experience of Bone and I had on Fire Island a couple of years ago, in which I genuinely attempted to sing along with him and loved it. It was so the Wind, which okay, which as a child was like, okay, mate, you guys know me, like, I'm obviously not like a Disney as pitch, but I was kind of a Disney bitch as a baby, and specifically, like Pocahana's Close with the Wind was my jam my dad recorded me singing it.

There was this personal history this song had so much, which is the reason that I even bothered to sing it with you, because otherwise you'd be like, I'm going to go over here while you sing. I really do fantastic,

fantastic song. Also, one of my favorite things was that the Kid's Choice Awards back in the day when that song came out, Whoppy Goldberg made some joke off the shoulder off the cuffs, sorry about something about the close of my wind, and then she made like a and it made me be like, Okay, this woman is brilliant. Yeah you know, I was like, this woman is so entire career. It's a culturally you guys seen Theodore Rex the movie the Buddy Cop movie that she stars in

with a dinosic dinoscast. Oh my god, you should check it out anyway. But we tried to sing this song. Bowen is a legitimate singer, but you in comparison, and so, okay, what was the line of okay? So so it's like you think you know, and then okay, and we're doing fine up here, and then we just an right here and then right here he hits a note that makes sense, but it's a little bit of like a thing where it's like he's kind of asking me to harmonize. And I could tell that I was. I was trying to

get there with him, and I couldn't do it. So this is how we went there, just a dead thing because I was like, he was a little I heard I heard you go. So I was like, I guess I'll go high. And I don't know anything about pitch tone. Nothing. I don't know anything. I'm just like when someone goes on, I guess I means I'm supposed to go high. And I was like, I was like, surely, on my way up, I'll hit the note that I'm supposed to hit. And I just overshot so bad. I truly brought like a

bazooka to like a slingshot. See you know what I'm saying was everyone like I broke down and I felt my knees on the bullock in the middle of the night. Yeah, my god. So it was literally lost control of the car. Every single time I feel like that at this moment to myself, I have told it's so gnarly what I did. It's simple and stupid. It's so funny. Okay, did you

carry on? But we were crying completely. We just caught up with the others because we were way ahead, and we were keeping ahead of other people because we were just like going off and having just a little moment to ourselves. We were going to sing together and then and then you know what I did, I just took it out. Okay, So I thought you were talking about you were performing karaoke. No, no, no, that is walking together just the two of us were on our way

to the cherry. The growth is it is? That is cherry? Is it okay that I'm not wearing my headphones because they were really loud and it seems like when we don't care what you do, Okay, great because I feel more natural. Okay. So that's so that's one thing, and then what else? So I just wanted to talk about ask stuff number one. So you were talking about your calling your asshole world the whole world. Yeah, my world, world,

possess world. Okay. I had when I was nine worked at American Apparel in Los Angeles, and we had just a slurry of a flurry of of managers, just one manager after another, and one of them was this really lame loser from the South and his and he called buttholes spider pies, spider pies. And then one time and then went to I know, I know. And then one time my coworker went on his computer, dear friend of mine, but my coworker went on the computer to like send

an email, and his email was open. The manager's email was open, and he found like an email to manhunt,

like some guy in Manhunt. He was closeted. I said, you know he was I mean, he was very obviously gay, but um but he So my co worker opened up the email and they were like some nude photos of him in there, and then there was a website in the corner, and we were like, okay, well we're gonna go to the webs and I know you're going on because this is cool, but yeah, whatever, we were nineteen manager who had and he had bad taste and was

also really unprofessional. Okay, maybe even sounds like you know out there, maybe slightly abusive. Of course, restaurant is a restaurant is actually um okay, So we opened up the website. It's a photographer's website and you know, like you don't have a gay photographers used to have their little watermark

in the corners. You can go to the watermark and see all the photos of you know, would be like it'd be like, okay, these are my categories portraiture, men or landscape, you know, and it was like click on men, Okay, scroll down, there's like Daniel Matthias, you know, Andrew whatever. Find our manager's name, and let's just say we found his spider pie. God, wow, spider potan where do you get that something's very invoked now, which is I'm balloon

not balloon not. I've always thought the balloon not look like a tidy hole, a tidy hole tidy hole. Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure? Are you kidding? Yeah, I guess I can understand why we call the balloon not the butthole, but spider pie. It's the radial thing like a spider. And then um, you know, it's like, well I think that the legs is being like the creases. Yeah right. And then pie because he's Southern and that's where they make those spotter pope. When you say it with an accent,

it sort of feels right. So he came on, he came into the American Apparel and said, y'all, I don't want to see y'all cracks hanging low. We're gonna it's almost like at risk of seeing a spotter pose spool high because he's Southern, and because American Apparel as a restaurant. Yes. Also, one more thing that I wanted to mention about the up top conversation. We can talk about whatever you want, Okay,

Can I talk about my first hemorhoid experience? Yeah? I had no idea what they were neither in high school. And I was like cleaning myself in the shower, felt it and I was like cancer yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. And I got out of the shower, drive myself off, and I was like, I don't feel right. Then woke up laying on the ground looking up at the ceiling my head between the toilet and the bathtub. I had

fainted because I gave myself a panic attack. I had butt cancer and it was a hemorrhoid from yeah, eating like garbage. Yeah yeah, yeah, that's the thing. If you don't want a hemroid, I don't eat like garbage culture number ninety three. If you don't't want tom, don't eat like garbage. Now. Uh? And you did you just preparation it? Did you? Like? How did you howd to treat it? Um?

Definitely not that, although my dad Actually I bet my dad would have had because my dad has had a lot of we are you know, we are a Semitic people, so we have the digestive you know culture with home. Right, Um, there's a lot. And my dad is classically will never give up um a medication, whether it is over the counter or prescription, just you know, cabinets filled with them. So we have it available. I'm sure I ended up using it because I'm sure I told my dad that

I have this issue. You know, every single time I've had any sort of anal issue. It's pretty scary though. It's like it is like a vulnerable spot down there. Yeah, and so like the fact that you're like, you feel like, I don't know, is this weird that I spread my ass in front of an air conditioner or a fan, Like, no, it's not weird. No, I mean, i'll, I'll literally it's my right to do whatever I want with that, or you know, it is weird, but it's okay. My world,

okay to be weird. It's so okay to be weird spreading my ass in front of an a Tommy, how to be weird? Now I'm in culture, like when there was like a really gorgeous girl with like a side ponytail and a and a tie on, that was like, it's actually okay to be weird and absolutely yeah, that's basically I'm wait, can I tell you that I absolutely dressed like that sometimes when like a levine culture. Yeah, like tie, like a tie with something that you're not

supposed to wear tie with. And I used to wear ties as belts. You just reminded me you were one of those I did all sorts of things in high school and throughout my life, I mean trying to find who you were. But Max, I would consider Max to be someone who really like has worn every single tried on, every single hat I have tried on, everything has landed on, like on his aesthetic. I don't know if I have you.

You just like called you just demed me because I was I was shopping earlier, and by that I was like, no, it doesn't look good at me. You're like, who cares? Like because we're about to get to Fire Island recording this the week before we go to Fire Island, and then we were just like, what did you say? You were like, I was like, I was. I told you, like, I'm not gonna go too heavy on the looks this year. Yeah, And I said, oh, it's all about looking like garbage

rain and looking the garbage is hot. It is actually hot. I'm only bringing like all my most stained clothing. I'm bringing literally like no speedos. I'm just bringing the dirtiest, nastiest, like five dollar chunks that I bought in like a beach in Florida, like in the middle of the night six years ago and it's literally in tatters, and I'm like, yeah, this is sexy, and I'm gonna have like a dirty fucking mustache and just look like ship beach um as

as a sartorially minded person. Um what what? I'm so curious, what would you describe as your like, um aesthetic right now? Is the maxwthetic? This is so unfair. I just it's a really good question what we're gonna because because I just I this sounds so uh cloin, but like you are so you're you're so fashion, You're you're so literate when it comes to that kind of thing. Well, I appreciate that I do have a podcast about it, so I better, you know, I have to back it up

with something. Um, I really don't. I actually really don't know a lot about fashion. I just have a lot of opinions about it, basically. But I grew up super duper into it as a kid, and I used to draw it a lot. And I've had various like fashion

like identities throughout the various periods of my life. In adulthood, I went through some periods where I where I would like intentionally be like, Okay, right now, what I want to look like is the like gay military brat, like a gay military brat and who's like father's like a general who's been stationed in like um sort of like well like like a tropical So I'd wear like a lot of like you know, like army looking shorts and with like boots, but then like some like you know

is right at the top. No, this was like previously, and then after that period, I was like, oh, I want to look like I just came out of the desert, and so I was like wearing like a lot of like Linen's and big leave our hats and ship. And then I got to New York and I was like and I found like this really goofy weird hat, and I was like, Okay, no matter where I am, I just want to look like I'm not from there. So my whole thing was just like I want to look

wrong all the time. Yeah yeah, yeah. So and now I sort of I don't know where I'm at right now. I think I've sort of died down a little. I want to ask you a question, do you where every day what you want to wear like well like or do you feel like you're like, I think people will like this. Um, I I just sort of like take on different mantles a lot. So then it is what it is, your choice, and this is like this is what I'm doing today, and I like it. I make I mean, I mean, I think I don't think I

make like considered choices every day. Like I mean, obviously, like if I'm going to like a professional thing, I'm not going to dress like a fucking psycho like you know, uh, like club kid or something. But I have those looks too if I want to bust those out. But you you usually like I think what you're asking that, it's like you usually have an intention with Like I I just threw this thought. I'm like, I'm like, I don't,

but I would disagree with that. Is that I like, my whole thing is like I think you're you have an intention with everything that you Well, I guess what I'm trying to get it is because as I'm listening to you talk, I'm kind of realizing that it's only recently I started wearing things that I like wearing. I feel like throughout my entire life, especially high school and then like college definitely, and then like Throughout my twenties, I was always dressing to fit into something that I

wanted to assimilate with. And it's only recently like that I think I've kind of like actually started to like really really truly like who I am that I'm like, I'm actually going to wear this and not necessarily care

what the implication of it is. But all throughout my life, like especially in high school, like trying to like wearing all that American Eagle ship and doing the hall stair whatever, probably think, which was very much what I did, and you laugh because it's literally like but yeah, but you never no one ever choose, no one ever wears American Eagle because they're like I like this the best, you know what I mean, Like this actually is my style. This is I'm going to express myself to the world.

It was a culturally mandated thing that was like you should all want to look like this, and that's why I dressed that way, and I remember I tried that, and then like I remember when I had older friends in high school where a lot of hooded sweatshirts to be like, I don't care either of you guys. And then like when I was in college and had straight

comedy friends. I was always like, I'm gonna wear this T shirt with the joker on it because that's straight culture and like that's it's cool and like shows that I've seen movies, and then like even in my early twenties, when I was like starting to do gay stuff, I was like, I'm actually gonna part my hair to the side, like, so, what do you think this says? I think this office says I'm too hot because I literally would never wear a tank top because I was always like nervous about

what for what for, whether it's real or not. I would never have worn a tank top because I was like, well, then people will look at my arms, and I like my arm. I mean, I would say, even if you're dressing for yoursel, if you're still making choices about other people, because it's like, just like anything that you do visually, whether that's like tattoos, grooming, like whatever, it's, you are

intrinsically projecting a message. Like people that are like, oh, I don't give a shit about fashion, I don't care about clothes at all are completely lying because if you gave that person a clown students like wear this around, they'd be like fuck no. Yeah, it's like, no, you actually do care, but what you care about is is attempting to blend in or be ignored basically that So like what I would say is that, like I think, I mean, I think that that you were wearing what

you wanted to wear all along, but what you want, but what you wanted has changed. You're actually right, And I think that also, as you've gotten a stronger idea of who you are and what your values are, you're more comfortable making like assertive decisions about do you put

on your body and how you represent yourself. Because it's interesting because to hear you talk about like a to all my like garbage ship to wear her Fire Island, it's like that is as a choice, Yeah, hell yeah, because it's like listen, we're going to be there during the fucking Pines party when it's just gonna be like like, I mean, are we going? No? Are you I think about I mean, of course, like yeah, if I had any sort of presentable body, I would absolutely But there's

no such thing as a summer body. Ye. Well, as I treated earlier the body when I was like I was like, oh, the beach is gonna get whatever body I give it and then like an actress like drags a heavy plastic bag through the beach at night. You know, yeah, I don't know. The body positivity thing is really interesting to me because it is. It's fascinating because I don't I'm I think I might have talked about this when I did seek treatment. Sorry if no, no, it's okay,

I did see treatment. That's actually okay. Just because like

like in is sort of like forever Dog Cannon. I don't know whether I'm allowed to like say like, oh, this happened before that, because I'm sort of not the writer, so universe, you're making a lot of rules right now, we're going to let that slow kidding, but say what I was gonna say is just that like this whole body positivity thing like blows my mind because I'm sort of like if people are comfortable comfortable with their bodies, I'm sort of like, okay, are you lying to me

or to yourself? Because I truly am like I'm sorry, you know, I'm like I'm just willing to say that, you know, like I'm an intelligent, like self aware person who was like struggled with body ship my whole life. I was overweight for a long period of my upbringing, and like I just don't when people are like, you know, one day, I just made a choice, and now I'm like, you know, this is the body that I have and and and I'm happy with it, and I'm just sort

of like you made a choice, city happy choice. It's like one day I just decided this life is mine and I'm just gonna you know. It's like, what are you talking about? You know what I mean? That was the people's what what what? Bumps with you? What? What? What? What? Like? What? Like? Um, like it's not I get what you're saying. Like it's like like as if like happiness and like full acceptance of yourself and to leave that entire conversation just like what do you have? How did you do that? It's

like did you okay? It's like, oh, you mix two eggs and like you know, show them to get It's like, what do you do to achieve the fucking because I'm in I've been in therapy for a long fucking time now. It's like the height of my privilege and blindness. I used to say to people in my life, well, you have to make the choice to be happy, which is like a crazy thing, like and I grew up with that stranger because I was brought up in like a neo Buddhist. It's a call, but I mean it's a

it's a harm on this call. But but like so much of the like burbage in my family was about just like you have to yeah, happiness, happiness, you have to achieve happiness, and like she was happiness and it's just like, what are you talking about, Like it wasn't Buddhist thing. Yeah, yeah, I mean it was part of the I don't even know what to call it, the sor It wasn't hard it was. It was called Soca Gawkai International. It's just like Japanese based, like a neo

Buddhist organization. They well, I don't know this about you. All of my baby photos are like literally like it's like five Japanese women surrounding like a man in like a kimono holding me with like in a tuxedo, and it's like my baby photos are just psycho were born earlier this, Yeah, I know I was. I was born in Santa Monica. Great, but then this was this was just like some contingent from this Buddhist cult. Yeah. In Japan was just in yeah, yeah, so's they're just like

they're like this like international organization. They I think they call themselves like a World peace organization. They're totally harmless. They're in every city of their chill cool. They're not taking money from people. You know, it's fine the people that are happy, good people in it. But you know, but it is by definition like a culture, and then define a cult um. It's sort of based on like basically like the like the size, like you can't really

call it an official religion. And also think and also there's just so many so much debate about whether like Buddhism is a religion or whatever, market or anyway, and then growing around that, there's always some narrative around attaining happiness and that that to you is just like that makes no sense. That's me. And for so long I was like, yeah, of course, like so you know, every birthday, like you know, blow my Camila and be like I

wish for a life full of happiness. And it's like I'm looking back then and I'm just like, what the funk was I even talking about? Well, I always find that like it's like with the it's like similar to the American Dream thing where it's like attaining happiness as

like the goal or attaining the American Dream. Really that's a way for whatever organization or sort of culture you're a part of, that's their way of getting you to follow their rules, and that's your that's essentially it's a way to keep you in a system that they benefit from having you in. And can they say these things that actually are grand ideas, like achieve the American Dream

or attain happiness or go to heaven. And it's like these things that you don't have an answer for, but you follow because that's what you've been told to follow. And you're right, it is and it's happenings such a weird thing. It's like yeah, because it's when somebody says like are you Like if I was like, mat, are you happy? How would you answer that? I would say? Wow? That's because because you know what, happiness is always going

to be abstract. You're no one is ever going to people to pin down a definition of happiness with words or with any linguistic concept to match it with. Yeah, well, I'm just like is usually like sometimes like yeah, sometimes I am like you're always at all times going to be a human being who's capable and will experience all of the emotions. Are the vast majority of human beings right able to experience all emotions? Anyway? And so this

thing of like are you happy? Sure, Like I can acknowledge that I live every day and I'm lucky that I'm able to eat and live and have people that I love in my life, and like I get to do what I want to do. So yes, I am happy. However, are there things that upset me? Yes? Absolutely? Can I do I end days? Do I end days miserable even though I have no reason to be? Yes, Like, sometimes that does happen. So it's it's a weird question. Yeah,

I know it's yeah, what are you gonna say? Well, I think what you're saying about happiness as it really like body positivity, is that it's like and I think, I think, I think this is what you're saying. I agree with it really really hard is that? Um ah, Like appealing to happiness is just a cop out. It's

just like I decided to be happy. It's like no, you like you're pinning a lot of your escaping actually reckoning with something that you're that you were unhappy with with some like amorphous definition of happiness and like that's not actually well basically, I'm just like I think that in order to have like a sense of body positivity or even like happiness sort of like like you sort of have to be able to completely shed the the

need to like please others, which basically means like shedding shame, which is by definition, basically a personality. So you know, so like I don't believe that you can kind of like just like have these things without like without something being sort of wrong with you know, although I think that there are ways to completely edit this out. We're onto something anyway, We're onto something, So that's not quite

it what you just said. I think, like I think that, um, there are ways to like push the shame back or something to keep it at bay. But it's like you're you'd be kidding yourself if you're saying, yeah, you know. It's like like there there are older they're like old people that are like, you know, I'm fine like or whatever, like I'm happy with what I am. But I think like even those people are sort of just like at a point where it's like either they've just like given

up or or they're just sort of. I mean a lot of people just like push it down and just I mean I think I think something that comes with age is the awareness that no one is thinking about you as much as you're thinking about yourself. That is something that helps me, is like realizing that like you can.

Like I remember when I was I was in l A for a while, and I had a lot of social anxiety when I first got there, and I would literally sit in my house and be like I'm not going to go out because I'm too scared, like truly weird, Like in my dark moments, I actually get a little socially anxious a little bit and like um so, and sometimes I won't leave my house if I feel like

it's going to be too much of an effort. And when I was first out in Los Angeles, I thought that, and I remember like changing my clothes a lot and like really wanting to like be the best version of myself. And then one day I was kind of like, this is crazy that I'm doing this because no one cares as much as I care, Like you know what I mean, Like I'll show up to a thing, people will say hello to me, and then like we'll all talk or

we all won't and like everything will happen. And also we're tiny little specks of dust at the end of the day, like no one really I love you able to do that, I consider that lying to myself because because like you know, okay, so I go to the Planet Fitness, and I mean, this is like something that I've said on stage, So I apologize for repeating like a joke that I've like said on stage or whatever.

But like there's like all these signs all over the gym that are like like judgment, Like honey, like I'm proof that that's not true because I'm here dodging everybody. So like, so yes, that's like an fabulous monsitor to have. And like when I try to do that to myself, it like it's like a temporary salve. And then I'm just like, well, you know, actually I go out and I am like judging. You know, it's like it's like not outllowed, but you judge equals, but you judging people

like it has no real effect on them. I think that's what right, right, right? And also and also it's like we dip in and out of these thoughts. It's like sometimes they dip in and I'm like, and I'm like this person for like doing that, like wearing that persons and then like I talked to them and it's like, oh, I love you, you know, and then and then maybe like something else happens. I'm like, actually, it's like here's

here's something I want to throw out. And if someone, if someone talks shit about you, do you want to know, because I'll say this, I do not. And so I'm sort of seeing someone and like one of our friends talked bad ship about another one of our friends and they found out, and so I will tell you. And so like I was saying that it is my worst nightmare to find out that people that I like in

respect have said mean things about me. And it's just what I said, and I said, I said, and I would say to you and to you in any of my friends, I would say, if you ever hear someone talking about me, But dear God, I do not want to know. You. Just let me live in a world

where like that's that's fine. Unless it's like really harmful and I'm being lied to on a consistent basis and it's dangerous, then like let's have a conversation about it, because maybe it's something that that person needs help with. But like, I really truly do not want to know when someone talks about me. What say you guys about that? I'm really glad that I kept this a comedy podcast, by the way, No, this is a culture podcast, you stupid bit. You're I'm such a dumb, stupid bit. You

absolutely stink. I'm a stinky dune stupid bitch. And I smell like how that's what question? Because I I am with you. Yeah, I think what about your max about Wait, I'm sorry about you. I want to I want to know. You want to know as has that? Has that benefited

you in the past? As you think? Can you think of a Mortal Kombat used to stay in the opening of the game, and I used to turn on the game, you know, you just have midway or whatever, and then there'd be a little quotation in those like spiky Gold that is in it said knowledge is power. That's what the old Mortal So you know what I believe knowledge is power. Yeah, but I guess I don't need power in knowledge. Knowledge can be destructive power, That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, you are you know what is your sign? Gemini. I know that's what everybody says. No, because I was lying and I'm actually Leah, I did this. I did this to a guy once that I was dating, and he what are you? I'm a Gemini. I was gonna say, I'm totally kidding. Why are you actually stopping Gemini. I have the same birthday as the oldsen twins, the same to the year. No, oh my god, you think three now I'm two. Wait, Oh my god, Gemini are

twins and are twins? Oh my god. Huge. We just broke it all open and that cycle culture. Listen, Um, we have to ask you the question. This question is what is the culture is for the culture that made you say, oh it's time to go in the cultural direction. Okay, So I've thought about this a couple briefly times, A couple a couple briefly times, and it's a little bit difficult for me to answer because so like you, you

can you can have multiple Landska. So this is, oh my god, whatever what I just gonna go for it. So it's like, Okay, I grew up in Los Angeles in a neo Buddhist it's cult. My mother was like a designer and like stylist. There's photos of her with like Demi Moore styling her on like strip tease. My father was like O G. Groundling, second city dude, writer

for cartoons and stuff. You can't like ask a fish about the water because I was just surrounded all the but I can tell you about the moment that I was able to sort of step out for him for yeah, And I think I think you and I might have talked about this briefly in my place once I was watching Tiny Tunes and the Babs character. I think he used to do these like impressions sometimes where she would

just like turn into like a diva or something. Not looking back on it, I now realized she was doing a sort of like share impression, but of course that at that age I had no idea what it was saying. But I sort of clocked it as a moment where I was like, oh, I get the even though I have no idea what's going on. And I was like, Okay, I'm okay, you know, I mean, like obviously not in so many words, but but it was like, Okay, there's something about this that rings true with a core part

of me that I don't I haven't interacted. It was baby's first postmodernism. You know what I mean, it's yep, I have this is not like a fully formed question that I have, but like, this is such a dumb shut up. This is such a common thing with so many where um, it's like a chicken or the egg thing where it's like did is it something like is it nature? Nature? Well? Know? Is it like? Is it that like this thing has a queer intention or a queer brush behind it? And so that's why I like

you respond to or do you respond? You know what I'm saying, is it something? Is there some interior mechanism that you have even as a kid that you're like whoa that you're like was something wrong with me? Or was something wrong with that? And it made something yeah kind of well I don't even know if, but I get why you say wrong, and I do. I I agree with what you're saying. It's I think the question. I know, No, I think the question is like is

queerness like more than sexual? Is it also? Like what I'm saying, it's intrinsically cultural and in a way, you know what I mean, like, is it is it like because I remember like there because I think people can grow up and be like really deeply like not queer while also being homosexual. You know what I mean, well, or but but it is part of the repressed but as part of the repressing of the homosexually also also repressing those cultural instincts. I mean, like like you know

what I mean. What I'm saying, it's like because I remember I had the same sort of stuff with um. I'm like I would listen to like Margaret Show albums and like Sandra Bernhard and no no like but like I went't back. But when I think I realized that was gay. But when you say, like I don't get the jokes, but I get them. That kind of thing. I remember like seeing like Alicia Silverstone and clueless and like something about her like state of being. I was like, I'm that y, it's a state of iron. It's a

state of of I mean camps. As much as I hate to say camp, yeah, yeah, it's it's but it's a question. It's like because because you don't know what your sexuality is at five, but you know you want to. You know, what's the crazy thing I always think of, Like I remember seeing the commercial for Scream, like with Drew Barrymore running an So wait, Justice said Scream there was a thunder strike outside. Did you hear that? That was? That was? And I did that? Yeah, I did that.

I know. I just wanted to bring your attention to I remember, yeah, I remember seeing like the commercial for Scream and my instinct being I wish someone would chase me around. Oh my god. I would always like I remember like when I would play Mario Kart and I'm like or like Mario games like and Peach would be like in the Castle, like taken by Bowser. I was always like, I wish someone would come rescue me, would

come snatch me away. I had like a thing where I was like I wanted to be Was that was it? I wish someone would rescue me? Or is I wish someone would kidnap me? I think it might have been different. Well, in order to be rescued, you've got to be kidnapped to a whole thing. It's act in the in order to be rescued, you have to be kidnapped. That's so fun. I remember like it was a thing with me. I was like, I can't believe I played this game and I have to be like the person such a hot thought.

That's a child thought. Well for me during six Remember the opening is Peach send a letter to Mario, please come over to the castle for a cake, for a cake,

for a special, for special Peach cake. And I was like, I wish I had the remarces in the access to not only to invite someone to come to my house for the for the for that cake that I made that is my expression of my love for them, Yeah, and also to be desirable enough that the answer to that invitation would be yes, that question and I'll traverse the plane to get to you. And that for a dragon Cooper creature to kidnap me and hid and invade my home snatch my Peach. I think there is something

about there is something to snatch my piece. There's something about I don't know what it was, but I always wanted to be Peach, Like I had this thing like I was like, I want someone to come rescue me. I think it's because I think it's because I was born like as a as a like a little boy, you know, like you're you're, you're, you are forced into a role of being like the suggressor. And when you don't feel that way, you look at the things in

media that are like what's what's not that? What's not that? Oh my god, that's so interesting. My whole thing was absolutely wanting to be like just like a venomous like villain. All I ever want, All I ever wanted was to be I mean like this obviously the second I saw like Michelle fi first, when I was like huge, I was just gonna say that I had. You know, my

dad was very supportive. He bought me a whip when I was a kid because I asked for one, and I would just like walk around like whipping things off my shelves and ship and like I was like so into like throwing daggers and like poison. You know, It's like all I ever want, All I ever wanted was to be like a fucking fem fatale, like vile, villainous count. Do you think that that developed like as you aged a little bit like and floring or was it always like that? What do you mean you like? Did you?

Because for me, it started with wanted to be the damsel in distress and then being like, oh wait, there's actually power and being the fatality. Because at age five, my first video game was Mortal Kombat and from day from day no, I mean Sonya, Yeah, sure, I mean her kicks are fabulous, but like, no, like Natana. You know, it's like from day one, I was like Heel's corset blades, blood give me like and I just I was like so into just the like absolute like violent hunting, noess

of it all. Yeah, I remember, oh my god, like chun Lee and Ship all these games was such a fighting game. Horn. Did you guys play um, the Golden Eye shooter game Golden Eye? Oh my god? Yes? Were you in Italia or Zenia? Probably? I can't remember that. The Natalia was more of like the this was the bond girl and Zenia well they were both bond girls, but but Zenia was the true fatality. It didn't matter to me, I don't think, because I could never see

myself in that game. It's just like the hands, right. You need to have your identity affirmed in a video game, like in a mirror or something, or in a third person sort of overhead or like isometric. If I'm going to be like fucking kicking someone's ass, I want to see my fucking legs split into the air. Is it

fucked up that my character right now? And find Fantasy fourteen, which is an mm O is like like a human male because I've gotten so much that the more, oh my god, the more the older that I've gotten, I'm just like, yeah, I think I just want to be I think I just want to be a white dude. No, Like for a while there was like I want to stare at a hot body. SIMS was the beginning of that for me, Like playing the SIMS and be like, oh, yeah, I can get mods to make them naked when they

get into the hot time. All this game is is just making porn, and all the adults and the sims one at least the adult men were all like jacked and repped. Yeah. I really fell into instance too. And that's definitely when I was just like, two, you can make them work out and they would get better bodies, like their forms have changed. But but I was never even I didn't even care about that. On the floor,

I didn't even care about that. I would just it was just like I would just like make a face and like and I'd be like, oh, maybe I'm try making a different type of hot guy face, and then it just turned into the same hot guy face you know. Oh yeah, no, this is you know you because you like, I'm gonna really just really go for it, switch it up, and then you would end up with the same hot guy face. Oh that's so fucking funny. Damn. I would

never consciously play it as a male character. Always, if I have the choice, I'm always because because my backups. If I wasn't, if I wasn't feeling the female characters, then I would choose whatever, like the slyest, most like Ninja esque. Mail was the one that was like sort of like fat, like speedy, a shadow you know, maybe had like daggers or something right right right, the fee possessed like not strength, but like agility exactly right, spryness.

So now but you're you're you're talking about just fatals, and I'm just like, I have to change my character to us a fucking hot K know, you should do whatever, you know, because now I'm like, I need to see that as my I need to know what it's like to be to control that in a way, to have that be like my an extension of myself. Well, I was gonna say, I mean, it's probably just like how Matt is more comfortable with with like the things that

he like is dressing. And now I think similarly, as we've become more comfortable with ourselves and more understanding of like our internal systems, and we're probably more comfortable just playing dudes like male dude. Like I'm just I'm getting bored of it now where I'm just like I want to be a fucking like like the people have tweeted me like the new expansion of Face Origin you can play his VI which are these sexy gorgeous women with

with rabbit ears. Oh yeah, and they're based on the like Final Fantasy fran France what it was, fran Um So you can so, And I'm like, yeah, why aren't I this fucking sexy rabbit lady. Like now I'm just have to be literally money a playboy bunny, like like a full it's like an anthem from Faced Rabbit. Maybe not maybe not that's not the exact No, that'sinology. But anyway,

I love that you love attals. Yeah, I mean it was, yeah, it was like very very huge to me growing up and like like I was obsessed to like you know, I watched x Men a lot when I was a kid, and I was obsessed with rogue. Yeah that's a running theme that Rogue is like a standout character. Well, and

I have theories about you guys, we're going to get electrocuted. No, but I literally we were Boone and I were walking the other day on the street and like I for some reason, I got like irrationally frightened that we're gonna get struck by Wait, every single time there's a thunderstorm, I'm like, I'm gonna get struck by light I've never felt that way, but this one time, remember we were walking on the street and there was a thing of there was like a lightning strike, and you know that

feeling of like when there's a lightning strike and you hear no thing. That to me is like that strikes fear. That strikes fear in me because I'm like, how loud is it going to be? In words are coming? But I I've never felt that way, and I think it might be because I've been without rain and thunder so

much for the past six months. There was a time when I was like eighteen or nineteen and I was drinking at nighttime on the beach with my friends in Santa Monica and we were like getting high or whatever, and off in the distance over the water. There was a single like lightning strike and we were all like stoned and drunk, cross faded and uh, and we were like,

oh my god, that's crazy. And then like there was another one, and then like a few more, and they seemed to be like getting kind of closer, and we're like, oh my god, this is kind of and then before long,

my god, there was like lightning strikes. There just seemed to be happening like right in front of us in a theater and like happening around us, and we were all completely stoned, but like in a way where we were like, oh, this is magical, not in any sort of way that we should have been with like this is threat. You know. We were like this incredible and beautiful.

And I remember that night we got up and left shortly after it stopped because I was because we were just like, it's not going to get more magical than this. And I walked him and on the way home, a moth flew into my mouth while I was stoned. And that was the second time that a moth has flown into my mouth while I was stoned. Honestly, this is that That story is That story is Cordine no star, no finish, just sort of an ambition. It did remind me.

Do you know the original ending in Sweet Home, Alabama? Was they get hit by line? Yeah? No, but that's how I want to end every If I ever write a story, every story, every every story ever write ends like that. If I ever write a start every story like that. If I ever write a story, lighting by lightning, struck lightning? Um is it? Yeah? It's um. It's like a self selection bias, I think where you're like, I'm gonna it's gonna strike me. Why why on earth would

it strike you? You fucking because I'm Jewish? You know what I mean? You know what I mean as a fellow Jew, as a Jew. No one is a white Jew. Yeah, you're a d white Jew by proxy. The Jew is new.

I've only ever been white. You're a white Jew. Sometimes as like obviously I know I'm white, but like really have been saying, like I'm Jewish, I'm like white with texture, you know what I mean, White with seasoning or white with not no not seasoning, Why with digestional problems, white with white with medical issues, white with the hair type, white with um with texture with textures. I mean that was not what I was going for initially. But we've

come full circle. Yes, okay, we've come full circle. And there was there was a moment in my there was like a moment, a moment in my life where I tried to say that Greek was was was a minority and it was like a globally Greeks are a minority, sick moment in my life where that happened between the ages of eighteen and nineteen, where I was like, actually, I'm a little Greek. I'm a little Greek too, are you?

Because we just we just had v Greek because I will because I'm my mom's I like to say I'm mixed. Actually I'm half Ashnazi, half Separtic, and so my mom's side is like jus were kicked out of Spain, fled degrees then came to America. So I've got a there's you know, I got maybe a spa in there somewhere, but a little a little mosaic what are the mosaic titles called a little um thing? I think that's a fet fe Okay, Max, you're with me, I'm not fed

up with you? What is what is this choice? Just just to go back to really quickly to the fashion to the esthetics. What is what is you bleaching not only your hair but your eyebrows? What is what is that intention? I didn't do a full like like drag bleach, you know, I just did. I did a calico. I wanted to yeah brown, it's gorgeous, thank you, I really yeah. I just kind of wanted a little bit of texture, especially because I have like a black mustache right now.

Champagne colored hair works really well. Yeah, thank you. My. So, I go to the same hair person as Julio, and um, she every time that I go there to get my you can't tell her what to do. She's she picks for you, but you do. She demands that you tell her exactly what you want, but she will not give it to you, you know what I mean. So she so I came in there and I was like, oh, I want like a blonde that's maybe like a little

bit like champagne e or something. And she was like, and she threw me a magazine, was like, look through this magazine and find the color that you want. And I looked and I looked at it looked and I couldn't find anything on the on any of the people. But then I found a picture of Las Vegas and there was a beautiful fountain that was champagne colored, and I was like, this color and she was like, Okay, great, got it and she had She wasn't even with the hair.

It was from the champagne that was from a fountain. It was a fountain or something like that. Yeah, he wanted the color of Las Vegas and his hair. I'm he sat on the Vegas. Did you guys go to Vegas as a kid as kids? I've never been as a child. I've been as like a young adult because you know that in the nineties there was like a huge push to make Vegas a family place and it failed. My family capitalized on that. Oh my god, what did

they have? Their kids used to be able to go to like Treasure Island and there would be like a whole game floor and you could like win treasure trolls and oh my god, my sister and I were like obsessed with getting trolls, and it was you could like go to a my ex my what my first real boyfriend. His dad was the architect of the Eminem Store. Of the what the Eminem Store. There's an Emin store there which I think was part of the I was going to say the Circus Circus. Remember the theme park, Matt,

I know all about it. The roller coaster is still at the New York roller Coaster and they must have a free fall. They used to have a drop tower on top of the building, which was essentially the tallest one in the world because of how high up it was. But so that big pink dome with the theme park. My exes dad made that really, so that was part

of them trying to make it like a family attraction. Yeah. Yeah, so there's this huge thing in the nineties where they tried to do and then Vegas was like, actually, funck there. You know they back. They still have Rockety Asked roller coaster in New York. Yeah, it's it's like it's called like the New York Adventure or something. It's like, I don't know what it's New York minute. Maybe that's what it's called minute, but they still have that, and there's like you can tell it is a New York minute.

It's just like I think it means like you get somewhere really in a New York minute faster than you went anywhere. Okays, sort of like that line clueless with its like everywhere in No, No, I'm thinking of everywhere in mixing up two, mixing up two quotes because I know that that one that Everywhere in l A takes. But I was thinking actually of pulp fiction where he's like, it takes twenty minutes to get they'll be there in ten. Remember that great job, Quentin great jouin writing that movie

did a really good job. Absolutely, actually, I have to say I do love Quintagantina. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm also and Angelina, Uh, pulp fiction. Absolutely, pulption is your favorite? Yeah, I was, I was quoting. Someone asked me of the two kill Bills, which one knows my favorite. I was like, it's hard to say, but Volume two has the best fight scene in which one which is Darrell Hanna Versusy with her just just give me chills. Dialogue is so

gorgeous and hate to say it. Camp e. Um, that's right, I killed your master. Um, I killed your master. Now I'm gonna kill you with your own sword no less, which in the very near future will become my sword. Bitch, you don't have a future. And then they kill and then she you should do a lip sync of you saying that into the microphone. Just now, is Daryl Hannah good? I she's so fucking good in that movie. General question

about Darryl Hamming. I think I think she's good in a way that makes you, yeah, sure, question it, where like in like Steel Magnoli's You're like, oh, she's what is this character? And in a Walk to Remember she has on the craziest fucking wig and she plays Shane West's mom, And I think she's fabulous in that. And I think enough anything and kill Bill. I think she's great. I think she's a great She's not in this era. I'll say that. I know it's it's a little unfortunately.

I think we I think like she like our generation sort of like Mr. Skewed at an angle with her children have forgotten, children have forgotten a little, and she doesn't trans like she doesn't translate to the children nowadays, where it's like the children now can latch onto like you know, a fucking a grand missy on a grand days. See Pyle is that actress that you literally know but maybe not by name. She's in so much ship like and she's enjolding the pussy she's in. She's in um

like fun. Yeah, I think she's in Hairspray. Know she's in guh what was that movie The Gout the Mother? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's in. She's literally this old one. She's I think she's my TV's mom. I'm literally gonna bring it up right now. You're I'm gonna see it. You're gonna see a picture. You're gonna no idea who this is. I don't know. I don't know who that. Well, she's she's a famous You're not. You're not a real Angelina If you don't know who who Missy Pylos, I classically don't

know anything. Well, that's that's good that I don't know. I mean this Missy Pile is Cannon. That's actually Missy pyle is. What's your thing with darryl Um, here's my thing? I actually think that. Well, you know one time Quentin Tarantino I was reading an interview with him and he said, I don't work with any dumb actors, and so I was like, that's interesting because I was crazy thing because I know John Travolta, well, I mean, who knows who by the way, it's so hot now? Or maybe he's

my god because he shaved his head. He's have you seen a picture? You don't know. I'm gonna end the episode John Travolta with his shaved head is my Missno's gonna I'm gonna. I'm gonna power saying cult, this product of a cult product is telling us that cult master John Travolta. He looks, don't He's not hot? I agree, he looks better than having that horrible situation that had before. But on that fucking pasty wa also classically have been criticized over and over again for wanting to be reiled

by Ron Perlman. So whatever, Oh my god, everyone moans it's like shot, No, I'm not. I'm not moaning. I'm saying, like moaning, you're a screaming stupid Wait what was I just saying? So he there was this quote. Maybe it was like I don't like to work with dumb actors or like I only work as smart actors or something like that. And and I was recently I watched an interview like last week with Carol Radzeville. She was on

move with Carol. Can I get to what Nick has to do with I'm literally telling the story and I'm gonna say what it has to do with her. So I was watching an interview with her on like um Jenny McCarthy, and she was talking about because I got on some like Caroline Bissette Kennedy jfk Jr. Thing, I was like, I fell into a Wikipedia wormhole and I was like reading about that plane crash and then realized they were really close to the Carol Radzeville from your

real houses of New York. And I was watching this interview and she said that before before JFK Jr. Dated Caroline Bissett, he dated Darryl Hannah and and and Carol and and Cal Rodzeville said, and so you know we had to endure that, so really off handed. And so I was like, huh, and so what I was thinking about her performances and I'm like, yeah, I wonder what the deal is at Daryl Hannah. So that's why I ask is Daryl Hannah good? I'm sure the woman said

that about her legit, legit individual. Um, I it wouldn't surprise me if Daryl Hannah was like a bad person. It was like an asshole and like people did not

like working with her. This also was like the early nineties, Remember sure when she was probably at the height of her fame post and she was the most fucking beautiful woman, Like she was squear jaw like and maybe someone like Carol Radzeville, like Emmy Women Peabody Award winning journalist was like looked down in Scottland Liken dating this actress and

like that was very easy for jfkj do. Maybe maybe Carol saying and we had to you know, endure that as like yeah, like at that time she was probably I'm sure Daryl Hannah was like a fucking cocount and like, well, Darryl Hannah and jfk Jr. Were like on and off for a long How did she lose her finger again? Oh my god, I didn't know lost. Yeah, she's like missing part of her finger. Okay, we need to h h can you looked at Daryl just googled how it happened?

How it happened? Was it that Jeeves? How it happened? Um? That's easy. Um. Do you guys remember when you could ask Jeeves is Jeeves well hung? And then he'd give you some coms. He'd be like, Frankly, I don't know you should be asking about missing fingers Daryl Hannah lost part of her left index finger when she was a child. She told The Sunday Times of South Africa that she got it stuck in a pulley in a well at her grandma's house when she was little. She sometimes wears

a prosthetic finger in her movies. Okay, okay, wait, let me read this again. She her grandma's house. HBO, we have no choice but to stand. We have no interesting development that we have no choice. Do you think that's finger in a well? Yeah? Where do you think that finger is now at the bottom of a Wait? Hold on, there's right. Oh. Now we have a photograph of the missing finger in question, and I can say that the finger is an absolute happy Oh wait, let me see. Yeah,

I mean you got to check this. I mean there's not a whole finger, you know what you need. If I lost my nick finger, I would have a trip on my finger. But I would have a goddamn tip on my finger. About that, I would, I would. I would look at the world and feel that once went on a date with a guy in San Francisco who who said like stuck his because I guess as a kid had like stuck his finger into like his mom's exercise machine in the eighties and like had it taken away?

You know who's missing part of his finger? My dad? My dad. He was teaching and um like there was like a television that was like um hung up in the one of the classrooms and like he and it, I mean trigger warning, the television fell on his finger and the top of it came off. I once dropped a bottle of shampoo on my toe and it started bleeding. I once stubbed my toe in my apartment. That's so bad. It was really sad. Have you guys ever stepped your

toes so perfectly that it doesn't hurt at all? Like it was just like the like it's exactly perfect of the access of your bad or whatever UM has that that's never happened. You know, every time I stepped my toes, it hurts. When you have to realigne I have you have to realign your too, have a condition where every time I stepped my toe it hurts. It hurts me so bad. It's truly. It doesn't feel like the world

is going to end anytime you stub your toe. You're like, and it makes me nervous to get in a car. Act where it's like if I can't even withstand this pain, then like I will, I will surely perish. What's the worst pain you ever felt? What is the worst pain you've ever been in? Oh my god, I'm not emotional because I don't care for that. I mean, I don't. I broke my arm twice as again, and I don't remember. I don't remember what that felt because it was pure

trauma rasure. Um. For me, it was kidney stones. Oh fun. I had kidney sts when I was nineteen working at American Apparel because I was instead of drinking water, drinking only switches. There was a this is because I've been drinking a lot of protein shakes lately. Congratulations. You've got to be careful with that. Because we had to deal with the people that looked at strawbacks across the street.

They would get free clothes whenever they wanted, and we got to have free sweet So I just eat three of those of it. No, absolutely not. We were nineteen or younger some of us and working at a clothing shop. This is why that place apparelled American Apparel. What was what was the staff? The staffing A hundred percent, that's what happens when you hire people that you think are hot instead of people that six people are And I'm sorry,

I have it's somebody. Any retail job I would apply for, specifically clothing, retail apparel, um, it was like I would always get these looks. Yeah, like it was just like I was like, are you kidding? You're you want to work at the Buckle? Like is the buck the Buckle was the fucking It was in every fucking mall in the Midwest and the Western I'm going to kill you Midwest and then west of the Midwest. And my friend, let's start back, worked at the Buckle and she was like,

you should apply for a job at the Buckle. Bless her heart, she was trying to be a good friend, but she knew in that moment that I would have never gotten the job, stupid bitch. And I applied it and it was like a true moment of shame that I remember that had stayed with me where it was like the person I send I get handed over the hard copy paper application to some fucking woman who was two years older than me, who just looked at me and it was like You're never like why would you ever?

Why would we ever hire. Okay, the same and I applied for and I think I applied to American Apparel in college too. It was the same thing. It was like, no, I did the same. I applied to American Apparel and I was required to attach a photo like I was in South Korea today, you know, and like you would

be in a K pop group or something exactly. But and I got rejected several times from American prol The way that I actually got a job there was because I was hanging out with a friend of mine who worked there, and we showed up Super superstoned while he was closing and they were doing a floor count that night where they had to count every item on the floor just you know, I guess to re gage stock or whatever because so much stuff was happening all the time.

But anyway, so we show up Superstone and this girl, because we were like in West l A. This girl named I'm just kind of just called her name was Lane, and she was incredibly like Hollywood Hills, like Olsen Twins, like you know, like black, shaggy clothes, long blonde hair, big hat, did not need this job, had so much money, and she at that moment was like okay, I'm going on spring break. And the manager that was there at the time, she was like, wait, who's going to take

over your shift? And she was like, I don't know anyway by and she walked out, and the manager just like turned to me, and I was like, well, can you help us with this floor a count tonight and maybe like take over her shift for the next two weeks? And I was like uh, And I was stoned out

of my fucking mind. I stood in front, I stood in front of a rack of green sweaters for what to me felt like roughly six hours or a New York Man for a New York minute, a full New York minute, and I just to there carefully, like scratching into this clipboard, you know, like one size of the style RST three K nine. You know, it's like trying

so fun, sweating my ass off in absolute terror. But I got hired that way, just through just through some back channel, and I just I just like wish we had had any cultural awareness where I was growing up, that like, what the funk was going on? So racist and so like sizest, so demeaning, Like it's because yeah, I used to go to Abercrombie and like walk around and like peacock and try to get asked hired there to like boost my ego because that's the power it had.

And I like, I don't think I would have even had the like understanding of vocabulary to like be told like just so you know, this is like reductive and and like what it is. But back then, like I would have this fantasy and this is so embarrassing and so funny to me now, the fantasy but walking into a hollister folding up clothes and some of them approaching me be like do you want to work? Honestly, it was like it was it was, Hey, we think you'd be a really good asset to the team. You're really

good at that. Yeah. Wait. I one time before I worked in American eparrel, I used to someone's pretend to work there because I had like so many friends over there, and he's just like hang out all the time. And one day they're just like, oh my god, just like

pretending you work here. And this guy came up to me and he was like because people used to ask me questions about the stock there anyway, the part, and this guy came up to and he was like, do you guys have this shirt in different sizes, and I just like and I looked around and I was like no, and then he just like walked off and then came

back like ten minutes later. I was like, I found the other sizes because I was like I wanted to come off in that moment, I was like doing the coct I was like, can I spot the shirt out of the corner I now and like lead him to it? Or can I or do I just like say something with confidence that asserts that I do work here and know what I'm talking about. And I opted for the ladder instead of instead of looking like a fool and

sort of like helping him get what he needed. I just like you did with that note and colors opt for confidence for confidence about title about for confidence, But I do I would know you cannot name an episode that I've been on opt for confidence because I'm so anti confident. It's going to be called New York Minette, New York miette with oh no, there's there's there's eno fire any there? Do you guys? Do do are people like are they like you're from New York on? Did

they say that to you guys? No? No, But Ruby mccollus her when she was on this pod, you're you're your co host. I've never who is that? Shut up? She's really um she Matt had just gotten gotten back in from l A I think recently, and then she was like and it was a beautiful memo where she had clocked them. She was like, you are you have this l A jack about you right now where you're just like you're so You're so happy, You're like right now you're present in New York. You're happy to be back.

And I see that and like Ruby, but Ruby is just a very saying that about you. Yeah, yeah, Okay, it was beautiful. Listen back to it. It's great. Listen to the episode. Okay, that was back. Okay, well that's actually what we had said was listening back. Okay. Well, maybe I'm really busy because I'm sort of on a New York schedule right now. Maybe maybe I want to say, um, this,

this this thing about Peacocky and a Abercrombie is so real. Yeah, I mean it was a huge um, but I want to say, like bell Weather, like like whether or not I was worth it. And I think it's like a little precursor for any time, like you and I at least we'll walk into like like a sexy gay space where you go see nbcn where it's like I better be, I better opt for you know whatever. It is like I better be, like I better, I better try. I

gotta figure out say what you want to say? No, no, no, it's like but you know, it's like it's like so many times you walk into that kind of space and you don't know what you're gonna like, yeah, I don't know, Like just I'm saying, like that feeling of being in like a cool store like that, it's just so funny to think that now. Well, it's just so I remember, like I recently was at a mall and I walked

I walked out. Yeah, I walked past like an Abercrombie or like a hollow store or something in the aesthetics of it. And the whole vibe is so different now because it was like totally like untenable and like not logistically feasible to like continue that culture like it was. It just like it was so crazy. But I remember, do you remember how fucking loud those stores were? They reeked of whatever smells like a grapefruit, spoon being dragged through my Yeah, it's crazy, like the fact that those

people weren't there. They need to be checked. Just shirtless men outside clapping, clapping, clapping, telling you I'll just never forget walking like it was like the highlight of my year. One time when I walked past the Hollander, someone ran out of the store and told me they thought I would quote do well there. Wow, I mean, so this is this is something different where like you were, you were being you were being validated in a certain way to be like you should you belong. And I remember,

like because it's a thing. It's like because I got that validation once or twice, I was then like, well I need to get it now periodically going forward or else I also I'll have lost something, you know what I mean. It's like once they tell you, like, hi, I just so you know, this is your worth. If you don't get that again, you're like, did I lose my worth? You know what I mean. It's it's that

weird thing. So I remember I would be like all throughout high school, like constantly check back in and be like, hey, I just want to make sure that I still like have worth after spending some time in Los Angeles, do you feel like you are a little more like self healthy, Like do you do you know what I mean? Like, do you like do you sort of feel like you have a little bit more uh command over these like like these mantras and stuff. But I also think it's

not an l a thing. It's like a post my Saturn return thing, Like does that mean I don't know what that means. It's like when when Saturn comes back to where the position it was when when you were born. So it happens like when you're around between seven and twenty nine, like this moment in your life, which is like, well it happened to you already, and I was supposed to do something at that time. Well no, it just like changes like cosmically in the way that you exist.

Like usually it's it collaborates with something in your life that's like a big change. And I definitely had one, Like my twenty eight year of my life was like extremely chaotic and so much change. And now after that, I feel like I'm I'm like chemically and cellularly like a different person. It's it's weird, like and so now I think like like little changes in my attitude and changes in behavior, like I'm a different person than I

was like two years ago. It doesn't have to do with l A, but like I think that's it's it's convenient that like I've adapted him, adopted him more, like well, who cares. We're all we're all like just like little bags of meat bopping around in space. Like I don't know.

I mean, I was just gonna self because because we'll know, just because like that is sort of like something that happens in Los Angeles and California in general, because it's such a like cult central place because people do forget that it's Los Angeles is a desert in the desert um, but it's like there's some like quality to it where it's like the vastness of it all just makes people trip the funk out, and it's sort of like they're sort of like like ayahuasca esque, uh state of existence

that you get into when you live in a place where you're sort of like like you and aware of vast distance. Yes, I feel a lot less pressure there In New York. I feel a lot of pressure to do a lot every day. Like I I sorry, I beat myself up in a way. In New York that I do not do it or not, and I'm happier

in Los Angeles. Um, but Max is what you're saying is like you're you're out there in the desert and you are made to feel so inadequate that you have to swing the other way, which is to be like, I gotta I gotta work on my I gotta like I'm gonna be happy with who I am. No, I mean, I guess what I was saying is just like the fever that occurs with people that like live in Los

Angeles and California in general. Like it sort of allows for more like ambient like states of awareness that sort of feed into like the acceptance of sort of like almost like culti thought patterns, which is why so much of that stuff thing is able to exist there. Not to mention it's just such gorgeous by it, people are

just able to think about other things. That's the thing is, It's like it also you you you're less aware of the passage of time because it's like or like things feel less like urgent because things aren't changing all the time, and it's so upset. When I was a kid and people were like there's no seasons it's it's it's fall. I just put on a card again. It's definitely a new season. No, I literally give me one perfect season at all times. I don't need it. I don't need

I don't need winter. I don't know. I'm with you, well know, the worst thing you can have for me is what we're experiencing right now. The depression that I feel in this weather is unparalleled. What we hate, this humidity, humidity. It weighs me down in a way where I've never been a waste of like a weight life like I have been over the last four days. That's been crazy. I haven't left my apartment at all, just just like Dick in hand laziness. That is like so ridiculous. So

I used to feel similarly to you. But then when I was sixteen, I went to Japan on an exchange program. I went to like a small town of food in called Fujinoma at the base of Mount Fuji, and like, when I stepped off that plane, I was hit with what I had never experienced before, which was a humidity wall of intensity, and I was like, holy funk, this is unreal. And I stepped outside and I was like, and I think my brain was like, I have to make an immediate decision about how to interact with this

because because I'm reaching a breakin point. So this thought clicked into my head where I was like, wait, I like being in saunas. If I just think of this like a steam room, then I can basically just relax into it. And I was like, Okay, So if I'm able to remind myself that I like this sensation in other contexts, then I'm able to sort of like return to do it in a more peaceful So you just chose decision. It's made the decision to be happy. There's

something wrong with you. Wrong with the body positivity movement is a sham. Yeah, there's something really wrong with you. Ever, you actually have a personality disorder? I do actually, Um but no, I definitely don't. No, definitely, I'm totally kidding you, guys. I'm a comedian. Um but well, no, I mean I get what. Yeah, that's that is. That is a very useful Listen. I have to keep checking. I have to keep lying to myself. That's what I'm actually talking back to.

Is that actually lying to myself. So actually take that back where you brought it and the receipt, because do you need the gift receipt? I actually need the receipt. It is at this time time for I don't think so, honey, I really quickly, I want to say, I think the Abercrombie and Fitches of our youth is down to social media at large. Right. It's like going through Instagram feels like walking through Abercron Like, well, thank god that's no

longer a thing. Yeah, because it's like I lived in part of our experience and stupid bitches, And do you ever think about that? Readers? So she I don't think so, Monny. This is our We take one minute. It's a segment that we have on this podcast Last Cultures Tost with Matt Rodgers and this is called Lost Culture and we just have culture comedy podcast. I'm Matt. That's okay. I know it's confusing. We're both white. Um, so I'm just gonna say that's why it was confused. That's why I

was confusing. So we take one minute to reel again something in culture that we do not like or dislike or even hate. Um, I have something, Okay, what is it? I'm gonna I'm gonna do it right now. Okay, this is I need to know ahead of time. No, no, no, come immediately clear, because Matt Rogers, I don't think so many a time starts now. I don't think so, honey, Dora the Explorer of the movie, Um, Dora is hot. I don't like this. You cannot make Dora the Explorer hot.

Come on, vominos more like fun that like that? Um so she's got like fully beat face. She's literally supposed to be a child, you guys, I don't think so. I also do not think so, honey, that we need the Dora movie. She feels like she was barely even culturally relevant, like when she was. Maybe she's not very but like, I don't love the image of Dora, like as this hot young thing. Somebody tweeted I don't know who it was, but it was like, why is Door

they explore having a hot girl summer? And I'm like, yeah, this feels really crazy to me looking at them, looking at the poster, I was like, it's called Dora. And then something something something. I'm like, you know, there hasn't even been one Door a mobile. Let's just call it Door the Explorer. First, we're jumping out of ourselves. We're franchising it in a way that I don't think, so, honey, I don't think so honey, door the exploring and I'm

sorry never did. And that's one minute. That's gorgeous. Wait, by the way, so I think the Cats movie looks beautiful. I think I visually think, to my eyes it's gorgeous, and I think it's gorgeous. I think it's this generation's three hundred. I think, both defining a new visual aesthetic and also gonna stoke a lot of violence the the movie. Similarly, I saw it, and I also was like, no, I mean I saw I was like, I think I maybe

do want to see that. I mean, it's something I definitely won't see him when you when you when you talk about cats, like this is something we all musty. I mean, I think it's a cultural duty to see cats, because dot to see cats, it's not dutity. But I

was watching I was watching The Lion King. I went to see The Lion King, which is bad, and next to me were these women that were like, what's this when the Cat's trailer came on, And then, by the way, they narrated the whole movie of The Lion King, which couldn't have been better. It was. It was exactly what

he needed. And literally, the one girl goes to the other girl, look at what they have Jennifer Hudson wearing in a second, So then Jennifer Hudson comes on screen and they all started laughing so hard and we were dying laughing. It was so funny to watch them watch this trailer for the first time. And at the end they go, well, I know what we won't be seeing, and I said, we will all be there, and then

literally they all because they knew it was true. So because we will all see cats if we don't see cats, like why why why? I don't know, make movies movies if you're not going to set. It's like when they bring a dessert to the table, it's like, Okay, we didn't order it, but we're going to eat it dessert

that cannot possibly be what they thought was presentable. No, it's just like it's just like, no, this isn't what I ordered and I would never order it, but I said free dessert on the table, not to say that Cats is going to be free, but like might as well. I mean, like you're not what else are you paying steal? Cats. Should we seek can we speak in the movie. Let's

do that, Let's steal cats, steal cats. I know we know someone who does this someone yeah, movie steals steal Yeah, and he's good at it, so we can ask for his help. I just opened up my phone to put the time round for Bell and it was just so many pictures of pile. Okay, so this is Bowen Yans. I don't think so. Honey. Ready, I had such a good one and now it's gone. Oh fuck, do you need a trouble? No? No, no, no, no, um okay,

I know it's okay. This is the moldings. I don't think so many of these time starts now, I don't think so many Chlorox wet wipes. Bit do not get it clean enough? And what is that lemony scent that you leave afterwards? It feels like a Clorox you know what. The scent has transcended, like the lemon verbin or whatever the fuck. The scent is now unmistakably to anyone's nostrils Chlorox wet wipes. And someone's gonna walk into my apartment and smell it smells like Clorox wet wipes, And I

don't want anymore. That is, they failed. You have failed the fundamental function of your product. If you know, like thirty seconds, you've you've identified the scent, the olfactory identity of this with the product itself, and it's now it doesn't feel clean anymore. Do you know what I'm saying? Does that make sense to you? Guys? It's like, um, it's like smelling a piece of glass and saying it smells like windex And now it doesn't feel like glass anymore.

It feels like a wind, a piece of wind x, a piece of wind, piece of window. So I don't think so, honey, our cleaning parcuts. There has to be a real change that happens in the culture in order for cleaning PROCs smell like cleaning parks anymore, so that our products don't smell like cleaning products. And that's one minute.

Thank you. I thought you were going in the direction of like a wet wife you use on your butthole, because we famously talked about buttholes earlier in the you and that would be a bleaching to be bleaching to. But then someone who goes down there will say, like your as smells chlorine, They're gonna honestly. Yeah, they would take the chloros and they'd be like mommy, mommy, but maybe someone but maybe hb A. You know that's the actual experience that yeah, he gets as eate and then

they go, yeah, just swift for wet jet. That's what I'm saying, Like you can walk smells like swiffer. You know, it smells like the product. You're right, it's so mass marketed now that it's like we all know that smell, and so we're gonna that's why you need candles. You cannot clean your apartment, so you did not clean. That's why you need to live in the Okay, I think it's a time for back twitter. It's wait, has somebody

done this one before? What? I can't? Okay, you start doing it and someone's then it will stop matter and it also doesn't matter. We won't stop over there. Okay, this is expuitters. I don't think so money. It's time starts now. I don't think so honey. Umbrellas has been no okay, great, wait can you start my time? Okay, fine, okay, okay. Umbrellas are just working like mass mass marketed, like litter. They're just like it is just made in gigantic quantities.

They should also absolutely be like a city utility. I shouldn't have paper. Then I've never been able to hold on doing ambrell for more than one fucking years. I should be able to walk out of a location, grab one of the umbrellas that's in the bucket, use it, and then just like throw it in another bucket like a city bike. Second, it is just like a known fact that rain does not come from a of It comes from all fucking directions. So when when you use umbrella,

it doesn't do fucking anything. All they do is like serve as like these like lacerating. Yes, and the only used for an umbrella is to use as a as a defense against other umbrellas because I am risking my vision. I literally five seconds core to get out of the way of your umbrellas. I don't think so. I don't think that beautiful. And the thing the problem I have with umbrellas is that they're so easily lost. Yes, because I guess what, you just turned this big thing into trash.

You just threw it on the streets somewhere. I don't have a roommate anymore, but my roommate took my umbrella, bitch and my room who doesn't. But you don't have an umbrella. You don't have you don't have a roommate. Roommate took your umbrella. My umbrellas. I can only say, I'm not lying there to be stolen. That's the thing that's like, it becomes like the wild West out there when you see an umbrella and you're in a carrious

situation where you're gonna get rained on. That's why I just say, keep in mind, we're under the same sky. That's from the song Kissed the Rain by Billy Myers, and that's why I'm it's from my roundable they saying that you have to just kiss the rains? Can I also add an addendum on the mind that I just thought about. But you go first. Well, you know, like the sharing an umbrella, it's like, who do you think you're fucking kidding that it barely works for one fucking person.

You think two people are going to get under it. To be honestly, I'm always the old, taller one, so I always have to hold it, and I don't think so high. Yeah, And if I have to hold it, I'm piste off. And if the other person is holding it. They're not holding over me, right, And I have to add what fucking sucking huddle under their under their little little little and that's what destroys friendship. My addendam wet and die. And this is my addendum to that. Yeah,

you can't. There's no such thing as an investment piece umbrella. You cannot invest in a nice umbrella because it's, as Matt's sad established, the only get stolen and you lose them and you it's it's it's not an investing peacepace. You can't store it away somewhere that where it's going to be guaranteed safe. But can I do in pression if you just that's my PRESI of you bet. This is the title of episode is actually really calls your number one DTY four. This has been a fabulous episode

because of the most fabulous episode. And here's the thing. Max Twitter is very talented and he has the gift of gab. And that's why we had had such a great episode because amongst your many gifts is also gab. It's also we they any time I have a conversation with the Max Twitter, ever, winding, it takes a winding, term takes ever a winding term. We covered a lot

of culture, a lot of culture. Remember in the earlier in the episode when it was very serious culture about fashion, let me kind of cross over into more like you know it takes on yes on women? Is that what you just And also I would call this episode so fashionating if that wasn't already the title of Max and Ruby's pod, which you should absolutely listen to. Max, I cannot wait for your fashion week coverage. Thank you. What's what's next? What's coming up next New York Fashion? Yeah?

Well I know I think it starts off doesn't start in. I don't know either. I just I just fashion is both. I take what comes at fashion is liberating, but it's also a prison whatever. Um. Anyway, this has been so special, But we also can I just like plug is that okay? So come to get real every month with me and Joe. It's really really fun. We have comedians dub over movie clips live, um, and you guys are gonna love it. I think this coming month we're gonna in August we're

gonna Western's maybe, so that'll be cute. Also, I have a solo show coming up on Union Hall right now, I'm working between two titles. So, okay, so what we may not have established that I'm also a cartoonist, yes said illustrated, I black out everything. I'm vitamin B division. I don't make new memories. But so it's gonna be like an all illustrated solo show. And I'm so I'm demanding between two titles. One is uh Max were Portrait of the Artist seated with grapes or um Max Twitter?

I forgot something but something is spelled wrong because I was desperately typing title ideas to some friends and UM, I misspelled something, but I like the way that it looked, So it's like something spelled like th h I J G B or something I like. Um, I like, I like portrait of an artist city with grapes, and I like the ladder. So it'll be up to the readers now us. No, Actually, we're gonna put up a poll when this episode comes out, and not only then will

we find out what your show is. Even if it comes out only two days before your show, you're just gonna have to advertise it as the untitled Max Word solo show that is so queer it's really yeah, this podcast actually is really queer and oh my god, I forgot to ask you guys this is a safe space? Yeah, yeah, actually wait and then you can release yeah sorry, okay, then you can't release my episode until it is no. We're gonna really until this is a government sponsored safe space.

Oh my god, I can't we end every episode with the song? Okay, what do you want me to sing? No, you actually are I've actually banned from singing. If you cut it down, then you'll never You'll never cry to the corn moon light our cover skin. You need to see the mountain needs to paint with all the colors of the wind. You can you can only earth and still all your own desert you get with all the

colors of the We stay forever. This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Brett Ballum, Joe Silio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and liking out page on Facebook