"Babadooking" (w/ Michelle Collins)

We are both in full drag giche uh. The show is about two chocolate dynasty's, the Hershey's and the nestleis warring with each other to fight for who's going to be the first chocolate companies to sell chocolate in space. This is all true. Um, It's part dynasty, it's part war paint. It's just a gag. Come see it. We'd love to see there. Seven pm. Tickets are on sale right now at Arsnova NYC dot com. The wigs are gonna be high, and so are the stakes. It's Night

Soap and tickets are on sale now, Hey, everybody. Today's show is brought to you by Casper dot Com. Received fifty dollars towards any Mattress purchase at www dot Casper trial dot com, Forward Slash, Lost Culture, Resta and by Warby Parker dot com. Get a free five day home try on at www dot Warby Parker trial dot com. Forward Slash Lost culturesta's five pairs five days, one hundred percent free Lost Culture Ristas is brought to you by

the Forever Dog Podcast Network. Be sure to check out more original comedy podcasts at Forever Dog podcast dot com. All right, enjoy the show. Come on, my grandma and your grandma was sitting back the fun my grandma to your grandma. I'm gonna say on Funday, it's talking about Hina Gligod, Jagomo Jagmo ding Dong Lost Culture. I think I'm really falling for our guests going into tonight. I think our guests and I are going to have a really good connection, and I think I'm gonna get the

first impression. Ga and I had a lot of concerns about you personally, about whether you were here for the reason, because sometimes I think that you're doing this podcast to get more Twitter followers and to you know, build your brand. And for me, I'm here from Michelle. I'm sorry, I've been here from I don't want you to pejoratively attack my catchphrase on my shirt that I'm wearing right now and it's not like and the listeners at home can't see this, but I'm wearing it a shirt and it

does say wah boom. And I'm just very concerned because I feel like you stole that, okay, and I don't have anything to back it up, all right, well besides what I've seen, I can't back up my intentions except to say that my intentions are good. Guys, our guest is phenomenal. Oh my goodness, what a gat? What a gat? Let's go through the credits. I mean, come on, you've seen her on the view you and you're hearing her now on her new podcast on Forever Dog Podcast Network. Honey,

this our podcast, sister, and it's called Fresh Batch. It's so fun. I've listened to every episode and thematically might have something to do with what we just discussed, I think. And then maybe before the podcast you might have seen her or seen her work her at aitorial hand at Best Week Ever dot tv. She's one. It's an award winningly she she was an award winning editor and now the host now the host of After Paradise. Yes, oh

my god, we have to say that. Now the host of Now, the host of After Paradise, the Batching Pair after Show, Batching Pair after s After Us Guys, please welcome Michelle Colin. I have been sitting. I'm here like a little mermaiding voice box out. I've been dying to talk this whole time and I can't and it's frustrating. And jump in, jump in, time, jump in. I'm waiting for the host to introduce me to the beautiful job.

Thank you, thank you for loving me. This the shell necklace, Las shell Broke, shouting your voices with you, Michelle, Welcome to the work. And here I am. How you doing? God? I just feel great. Um. I'm in a kimono. I don't know what that means, but I just love it. I like the breeze under the arm. So I'm feeling very good. Um. And also a very serious makeup story tonight. And I think it's because I mean it is. It's Baba Duke. Levels I said it when I came up.

I'm basically in Baba Duke. But but you know, living the theme of the day, obsessed. Okay, we were talking about this before breaking news. The Babba Duke is the official Pride mascot No. One knows why, but I've been making Babba duke jokes, being jokes about the babbaduk being gay, you know, for many years. Really, I do a character named Alexandrew named he does Alexander do an Alexander weighing impression, last character, and he introduces himself as a prestige babba duke,

which is basically what I'm not saying this pejoratively. You look like a beautiful Babba duke, that is, honestly, what an honor what. I'm so happy I took the A trained here for that complimental and then swept out of the A train and you said, gave us Van Helsing realness on the way here, which thank god. When I have a quick stride cooking in this city, I go full of Van Helsing and I and an ankle boot,

much like the character Van. What's funny is that I've never seen the Baba Duke because I think that I'm afraid of horror movies. But it's like I'm like, well, I don't like ones that have like weird eyes and like like, um there's another one. They're all scary. I don't like it. But then after I saw that it was a queer icon. I was like, well, I gotta keep up with like, you know, you know, my fans and the people. I was like, so I watched today before I had a great day. This is what I

did today. Ready, I woke up. I saw the Baba Duke was I watched. I watched Let's Make a Deal hold on three crisis right right then I saw Babba Duke trending. I said, gasp, I must know, so I went I found a YouTube video because I like spoil all horror movies for myself. So remember when the movie VHS came out. It was that weird movie and then

everyone was like, scariest horror movie. It's so horrible, and I was like Wikipedia, like, okay, so what are all the scary parts in VHS in case I'm ever subjected to watching it? So I found a forty minute video about all the Baba Duke appearances on YouTube. So it's like, it's like a Baba Duke, it's the movie. And I watched forty minutes of it and then I was on the edge of my bed. I was like, this is so I gotta see Baba Duke now. Because also, let

me just say, you know, I'm saying a lot. It's Australian and I feel like, actually, it's like less scary. And then I read it was about grief and I was like, oh, I'll see the whole thing. Yeah, it's about grief because it's allowed to have like emotional real undertones that internationally, those horror movies are like prestige films, and then they come to America and then they become trash, but especially like the Japanese ones, like the one that's

the Ring is based on. All those movies are like beloved movies internationally and then their home countries and they come here and they have like they get Naomi Watson. Though, did you know some Baba Duke trivia for we Come On, Come On that it was actually a bomb when it first opened in Australia, and then it came here and was a hit and they re released it and it was a hit in Australia. See, I'm telling you, guys, it's like rain Man but for pointless, needless information. But

I've got it. No, this is a cultural This is a cultures is the point of the shum Show. Okay, relaxed, but Michelle, like you like literally like we're running this like you know, celebrity site. Like before we were sucking Dilettanson started gabbing into a microphone. You're you're a true You're a true pioneer. Right, that's nice of you to say that, actually, and I know you're half kidding. I like, they cut back to me. I have like a tear in my eyes. Saving private and on the beach, I'm like,

it's a thick black mass scarrets here like Lauren Conrad. No, this this is water proof. I went to a wedding this weekend in the rain, which sounds romantic until you cut back to me and it's like Jane Hooks and Stammy Faye. I was like, oh god, so it's not a good look for me. But anyways, thank you for saying those things. Was there for six years of my youth. I was so beautiful back then. I didn't even know. I look at pictures now, I'm like, oh my god,

I had it. Anyways, HPV free we talked about it, and I want the world to HPP free this one, Michelle, and you know famously most people have it. I know you dashed the bullet. I sure did. Yeah, I'm really excited about it anyways. I mean, that's the thing about being STD free, bitch, it can always go away. I have other things. It's just that is the one thing, yes,

but that's the one that everyone else has. In a way, it just sort of feels more seen the commercials for it, where it's like, um, like adults being like I have it, and it's like then slowly it's like kind of amazing, it's actually it's baba do I don't know what that means.

That's anything the international praise. Yeah, Then slowly it rewinds and time and then they found like similar younger actors to be like I wish my dad would have told me that it was important to get And when they say the last work, they're like seven and like blowing birthday candles out so great. I mean, I have to have kids just like I can get vaccinated. I need it. I need them vaccinated, vaccinated. I don't know. You were the best weak ever for six years, um, straight out

of Barnard. No no, Um. I know this about you because I listened to the pod Fresh Bat. You guys listened to it, Okay, and it's spelled bachelor Cook is not Bach. Some people think is a Bachelor, but it's not. It's quickly a bacheloret it's not technically a bachelorette or a bachelor podcast. We talked about it because it's on right now, of course, because it's a TV podcast. So in the off season, what are we planning on top? Well, we're still talking about How's Wives, which of course I

could just talk about until I drop dead. Um. I love Below Deck? Do you guys watch that's below Deck? Sorry? Words? She looks to our producer like what the funk? Shaw might on? Like? Hot, producer, we are not HPJ. I'm not a Bravo gay. I I will out myself. What channel, gay? Are you? Where? We are a logo VH one Drag Race Games? Well, that's that's the same diff I mean, of course, yeah, thank god. Can I have some wine please? Wait? Okay, I mean I think I need to take the HPJ

is going to get the cup? Michelle Walkton here. We offered her the wine. She said, no, I've got my sand Pellegrino. Yeah, but guess a flavorless. I think it's I'm very happy we cracked you open and now you're going to pour the wine. I'm doing it. Well, I'm not driving anywhere. I'm going out after this. Baby. Listen, how the eye makeup? All right, let's look, let me talk to you. We have a thing else. We have

a question that we start. We have a question. We started this all okay, alright, so Michelle, this is the question that we ask all of our guests. It's really a centerpiece of might I have some more wine? Thank you so much? He snatched that bottle, so he was like, some quite that. So what is the culture that from a young age you saw and really influenced you. We're talking about films, music, television, like something that changed the way you lived your life and made you want to say,

I'm gonna step in a cultural direction. It could even mean like some people answer this with like geography, like I grew up in the suburbs of Cranston, Rhode Island. Wow, that's such a beautiful question. What culture was for you? You decided, well, you know what's funny? So here's this is for sure. We're going to have like a barber wall just like I'm gonna be sobbing and now look I grew up. I was tall, very crazy parents, but

very funny. My father was a stand up comedian funny enough, but like in a waiting for government sense of like old age hones and like Jewish humor. And it was very I mean it's very sad. He would write parody songs, so um it wasn't the wanderer was the handler, which sounds funny, but I would listen to that. By the nine time, I was like death of morale, like the painting, like bathtub suicide. Not I was in marat sad in college anyway, were you an art history and age in college? No,

I was, well, it's a whole drama. I was in dramatic writing but somehow got into a tissue drama main stage, and it was the talk of the town. He was the real he was the zac Efron of n y U, and I really I could see that I was the Marquis assad Mad And we did a punk rock version of it. Wow, I would love to have seen that. It was oh my god, too much, too much. I saw it and I was like, I don't know what the funk is going on here. It's like twenty two.

I just need to know. So before I say, like about the talkies that inspired me were okay, I can deal with that. About Okay, okay, I feel young. I know, I forget I know, okay, everyone just relaxed. No, But so, but I grew up. I was tall, I was like definitely like mocked, just for like a number of reasons. And I used, well, why am I bringing that up just to get the sympathy vote right now and to the courage your listeners to listen to my podcast to

know that I'm a very sensitive animal. I'm a cancer with a Libra moon. Need I say more? Anyway? So need I say more? Depending? No? But anyways, as far as the as the culture, so so I actually immersed myself in culture because I had nothing else. I mean, we're talking about like three years of my life. So what did I watch? I mean I used to stay up until four or thirty in the morning to watch reruns of Perfect Strangers when I was like in high school. But I mean at that point I did have friends.

But to me, okay, it was like Conan was huged for me. We're talking to high school now. Younger than that, I would say that when I was like twelve or thirteen, I fell in with a group of my mother would call them like Italian sluts, and I was in the they were the best, God bless they were my rocks and up Miami Beach. Yeah funny. So it was a very Jewish school and like but and I say this as a Jewish person, like hated almost everybody. I mean,

you know, very snobby, jappie blah blah blah. But then I fell in with these girls who were like cool. They all smoked. We would go on field trips and my mother, who's a crazy Israeli woman, would like let them smoke. She would like give him cigarettes. I was like, I didn't forget it. So this is who this is my background. But when I was like thirteen, but I was dorky. I wasn't cool, like the girl thought my mom was cool as ship. They were like, oh my,

your mom's the best. And then I would still be like left alone. But but I was like big into. I really got into like dark movies when I was young, far too young. I remember buying tickets to see pulp fiction. This was I was twelve or thirteen, and for all because I looked forty, you know, because I was like

I was like six ft. So I used I would buy tickets to all the rated our movies and I remember seeing Train Spotting, you know, all the Tarantino movies forget it, like all these fucked up movies that no kid. If I found out my nieces were watching it today, I'd be like serious crazy. I remember begging my parents to see Natural Born Killers. I was like, releast, I'm begging, like I have to say, to have to see it? And why? Because you was what attracted you to that stuff?

You know what? I think that like, I knew it was cool. I feel like I felt like this ship is cool. It makes me feel smart that I even get it out. But I don't even think I was that like self conscious about it. I just knew that it was like something. It made me feel things. I was like, oh, this is like really just awesome ship. Like I liked watching these people. I remember, I mean

trying to think of what else. I had every movie poster up in my room, and I used to go to Israel with my mom over this summer to visit my grandparents. And there was one store that sold all the movie posters in Italian, which I thought was like beyond cool, so I would buy all but it's like whatever, now I'm like embarrassed. It was like that's what you put it up because like what's my personality? That's it? But that really isn't until I figured out that I

could like use humor to like be that. But you know, I mean I was always listening. I was doing Shirley Bassing impressions at five, like this is not a joke. I was seeing a gold Finger for Company at five and killing it like not what not, like's a that's a sweet little thing. It was like earth shattering performance

gold Finger. George Carlin was big for you know, I'm thinking like what I got into Ellen's comedy was big, Like you know, we're talking about the eighties, Like I knew all of George Carlin's routines back to front um. You know there's a lot. I mean I babysitters, no, but I'm thinking like adult things that actually people still think about talk about, like, um, I used to listen. I remember that I would watch tough comedy my mother.

There was a big thing in my house where my mom was like you cannot see anywhere if you're row I could watch anything, I mean truly there and I had a TV in my room, so I remember watching like kids on mute, like being like but like as a kid, I was like, okay, but but no, you got it, or like even Welcome to the Dollhouse. That was a movie. Like there were a lot of like really dark things. Again, I missed the nineties a lot.

I mean there's like a lot of good stuff that came out then, but um, but I remember my mom was like, you cannot watch Eddie Murphy Rock And I remember thinking, or listen to Andrew Dice Clay that was the other big thing. But in the meantime, I would sit with my parents in the living room watching deaf comedy jam pussy Jokes, dick jokes, everything and like no issue, like never like mish, like get out of the room.

It was like, oh, ship didn't think so small, like I mean givens, I think, oh my god, oh my god. We used to dine laughing and then but Rob was off the table. And then one day I remember I was like old at that point. I remember thinking it was like, you know, so sacrilegious, and I watched it and I was like, this is less dirty than the

Ship that I was watching with my parents. That's like they wouldn't my parents wouldn't let me watch South Park I think because because the mainstream was telling them this is bad, this is something you don't like your kids watch, and they very much fell into that. But like at night number when Howard Stern was on E they show,

I'd be watching that all the time. You'd be having women come in like, oh yeah, show me this, and it was like so much worse than I had the television in my room, like a Smith show and then Howard Stern. I would watch it. Every single idol who

inspired my looks, remember my favorite thing ever. But yeah, I don't know that that all makes sense, that all sort of, But what is that about kids wanting to just like there's this calling, there's there's just pulled towards things that are not appropriate for your age because you're looking for the next thrill. Like that's what That's what happens when you're in like a little box. It's like

it's like when when you're eating lunch. When I was in elementary school, we eat lunch and they wouldn't let us get up to talk to each other. Really in elementary school, public school, public school. They would they would keep us at our tables and they say you can get up to go buy a snack at the end and then you have to sit right back and it's like like the keepers, I'm watching it. I'm watching Sorry, just probably up, um. But the thing is like I didn't want to get up. I was with people I

wanted to talk to. But then like when when they're telling you you can't get up, all you want to do is run the funk around. Hello. That is why I had behavioral problems and because I never shut the funk up growing up. I mean, it makes sense now that you see how I turned out that this is like who I am. But I mean I would get in trouble to the point that I got in so much trouble in the first grade that my parents called

the principle and they skipped me a grade. Oh my, because because you were talking, because I talked, you know what. It was my my kindergarten and I was also very tall. My joke being this bitch too big, like move around my parents. Um, I remember that in kindergarten I had to teach her Missileen shout out. She was wonderful, commentent was beyond and she that's funny. She used to pull me a sign and teach me separately from the other kids because she saw a spark within me. Doesn't and um.

And so when I got to the first grade, you know, it was like how many hammers in the box or whatever? I remember this question specifically, and I was like three, like this is so dumb. You have dare they and a weekend they hasted to me and they want this is like such a bragging show. I like, not this person, but it's fun to and this person. They were like, oh, we want to move it to the third grade instead of not second even, and my mom was like, no,

we don't want to make a freak. Meanwhile, moved me to second And it did not even matter because it was like, alright, I didn't know anyone. You know, it's like brand new. Why did I bring up? You already writing in script, no tourra scrolls of poetry. Youn't know me? Back then, I was I had everything. I was a big I was very verbal as well. Did you curse a lot when you were a little because of course, yeah. They sent a note home with my parents in kindergarten.

It was math and they were just like, this is a note that says you're doing really well in class. Give it to your mother. And I was like, hell, yeah, I didn't read it Long Island. We're on Long Island, Suffolk County, so I slip. Oh, I love Iceland. I know the train station, yes very much. We're right in the middle of Long Island. So we're on the weather map. It is our little claim to fame. How about that one second? He's so we were on the mother map.

You know she heard um. But they I was using three words damn, hell and asked, and I was giving the finger. Wow. I didn't. I don't think I knew much more. And but they sent a note home and they were like, this is what he's doing, and he won't stop. The punitive thing was the note for me. They sent me home early because I said the word asked one day, how old? Fourth grade? That's even bad, even that bad. I was five six, I think literally, I just didn't know what it was that I was saying.

I got in trouble once. This is so fun. I can talk about this. This This what the podcast is. I got in trouble once because someone passed me a note. I don't remember what great. I was also like five or six, I remember, and I passed it back and my teacher called like my mom and or whatever. And apparently someone called me a bit and almost like did you called did you call someone amationed? I said, no, she called me a bit and she didn't even spell it right, So I have to and thing like I

was so annoying. I was like a like I was the gifted. I was. I can't help it. I cannot help my gift anyway, don't know. I love this is real. This this is not an elementary school, but um for real was suspended for five days freshman year of high school. Oss uh out of school suspension of the freshman year. It's May. Schools about to end. Your books come out.

I go up to my friend Ashley, and I'm like, let me sign your yearbook at this point, like I wasn't out yet, but I was like absolutely that horrid, poisonously faggish, like like like a guy who was just like this past right. Yeah. So um, if it's the title, I'm not mad. Good, good luck with your conscience typing that out. So I take her yearbook and then I write, wait, I just thought that. I'm sorry, I just got so. Then I write in her year book, Hey, Ashley, can't

wait to funk all summer long bye. And then so I go. So then that night, that night, I go to my violin lesson, no you, and I violent, oh my god, clarinet, what winds now? Um? I come home from my from my violin lesson. I'm practically a prodigy. Um. But I come home and then there's there's missed calls

from the same number. So then finally we call this number back and it's this just like just think of like the mother, the no the whitest state senator, you could possibly just imagine, just imagine that timber of voice. I'm picturing someone like hot, old, old old asshole. He was like right exactly. He goes, is this and Yang? And I go yes, And he goes, well, I've been sitting here by the phone all night because there are

a lot of Yang's in the phone book. Wow. Then he goes and then he proceeds to say, Then he proceeds to say, this is Ashley's stepfather. I read what you wrote her your book. This is sexual harassment. I will have you expelled. And I was terrified. I couldn't really explain this to my mom. And then finally, like the next day, like the Dean calls me into our office, is like, okay, well what we what we can do, like like what we have to do because he's like

putting like some some some heat on us. Is we have to suspend you for five days out of school for sexual harassment. And I was and so I had to write about this in my college applications senior year. But anyway, God away like maybe you had to let the college. Yeah, I had to be like, this is what happened? Did you go to it was fine class and I almost didn't and they almost didn't let me. Might as well have been a field statistics that's like

the blemish on my thing. But anyway, so then like the dean calls up my mom to like tell her like I've been suspended for five days, and my mom is just my mom was just like okay, yeah, and then maybe she didn't fully understand it, and so then the dean just goes, yes, um, it's very serious, like she like she could tell that my mom wasn't fully getting what was happening. And then my mom picks me

up from school and she was surprised. Like my parents were both surprisingly like super cool about it and just like laughed at how stupid this was insane because that's not like, that's not what otherwise with his parents. Absolutely did they know at the time who you were. No that and thank you for phrasing it that way, But

no they did not. And but it was just like for them it must have been this like relief that I was attracted the girls, which they were played so excited right right right, So then that was like the cover I was hiding behind. But if that happened today, I would have called the presses and been like this homophobia must stop. Five days of school. And it was fine, and it was like laughed even then. I was just like laughing and how ridiculous it was. But I was

worried about colleges. It's funny because there was OSS and I s s. Like I said, out of school suspension and in school suspension, and in school suspension was like the one that was not as bad. All day detention. Yeah, it was like which who wants that you can rhymes of isis? They were planting it even then, but like you can go to the cinema, honey, you can go get a drink. My school in Miami North maybe it's high school, which is now the it's a public school.

It was I would call it inner city back then, and now it's like it's full No opposite, it's like very segregated. Miami high schools are very segregated, like like the world, let's be honest, they like redrew the line. So now like all the white kids who went to school there are now at like this other high school. And it's just interesting how that worked out. About Why did I bring it up? Because we were across from the Black Mall, and I used to I loved them all.

There was a Marshall's there forget it every day. I was like Anti Ann's Marshalls every day noon. I was Marshals until I got a car my senior year because again I was so young, because I s um. The point is, wait, I had got in trouble to you though a lot in school, but like for talking and just yeah, like forging. I forged the sighs list permission form. You decided to talk about that at on my thing? No, okay, okay, great, do we want to save it? I'll tell you can

talk about it. I mean I may tell it at my show also on Wednesday, but we also have a live show Wednesday, June fourteen June fourteen, that you see be Chelsea seven shows. Yeah, same day this episode is going to come out, you guys really so today as you're listening to this, you can go tonight in Chelsea tonight. Yeah, it's a really fun show. Um, I do a reading of certain SARATISTICA Parker emails. I can't get into it, but it's real and it's can't get into it, Yeah,

you will get into it. Go to the show. Go to the show. So no, But anyways, it happened to me once in school where um, we're going to watch Schindler's List. Obviously, not only am I Jewish, I come from the loins of survivors of the Holocaust all for every loin that helped inseminate as we start vive the camps. Okay, that's no lie, and some didn't like from the other things. But anyways, so of course I had seen Schindler's List. It's the kind of movie. It's like Bob a Duke's

like once is enough. I don't need to sit through the Baba Duke again or even the forty minute like Primer that I watched today. But but no, so it's like one you see shows this once, it's like, oh my god, read code the ring. It's like, I can't do it again. And I was in the eighth grade. So I had this teacher named Mrs Morris. I don't know if she's living. Her dad don't want to know. She was my cousin supposedly, which is surprising because she looked like the TUTSI roll owl, you know, the one

who's like, how many licks? Mrs Morris? Okay, so she was very cruel to me. I have no issues talking about her now. But she's for sure listening to this the way I'm sure she's like, always been very supportive of my career. And I'm like, and she can fun and you know what, she's family and we still here, and I don't know how she's family. We look zero alike the wait, so do I look like an owl? Okay? So so anyway, so she I look like I do have like qualities, but not at all, Van Helsing. I'm

very attracted to men who look like birds. Act this about me. Small bird like, then like tall like Sam the Eagle, like eagle headed, hot, hotest my probably a beast in bed probably pinned you down. Sam the Eagle would pick the ship out of you. Are you kidding me? It would be like in like tails from the crypt, like bloodied eyes, like followed up skull. I would love every second anyway, So that's Fozy. No, I'd fuck Fozy. You want to know why because sometimes sometimes those guys

have a freaky side. Those guys has a big dig like he's like Seth Rogant. I don't think Seth Rogan does necessarily, but there's something a Fozzy. The confidence there, tiny bowler hat means I'd the scientist too, which was the baker is like his little slave, the scientist. You love ball guys with glasses so that so I call him bes and cheese. So it's kind of funny, like the scientist knows the human body. No, but the scientists have like no eyeballs. He just had glasses. If he

took his he had like jaundiced skin. No, he was green, practically jaundiced. Do you know that I once called Kesha doctor teeth to her face that I can't get into it. She's had a tough week. Can I get some more wine? Any tough because of Jerry Seinfeld? Okay, can I tell you something I've said on this podcast Jerry Seinfeld has also refused to shake my Well, let me tell you something. I will be a I will be a supporter and defender of Jerry Seinfeld until they bury my skull. And

also I'm obsessed with his wife, Jessica Seinfeld. I love her. She's my Gwyneth. Like I'm like, Gwyneth is like an imitat, don't go there with me. I love Jessica Seinfeld. I think she's super funny, she's real, she gets it. But she's also like healthy boab blah blah. Ever um, I don't know gentile Jessica. Who is Gwyneth is the gentile Jessica? Anyway?

Humorouss to me? I don't know. Maybe not sorry, I would be friends with literally if Gwyneth was like, mis let's get drinks and be like, I'm so lucky, wanted to be my friends. So I'm lying to everyone right now. Anyway, Okay, I have a good gene drink story after this? Who I like that? How long are we here for? I'll be here all night? So we have so much time,

so listen, so Schindler. So she goes, she goes, oh, um, you need to get we were going to watch it in Mrs Morris alves class and she goes, you need to get this permission slip signed, and I was like, so she gives it to me. I never got ship signed. I used to get progress reports. My parents were like my mother used to have to come in for meetings about my conduct once a month because I did not shut up and actually remember that in Mrs Morris's class, I got an A in my subject A one an

effort and an F in conduct. And my mom was like, how can I be mad at you if you're talking through the class and you still got an A. She's like, keep it up, girl, Like you know, how can she disciplined me over that? But also my my and my mother's daughter. The point is we get this permission slip, I forget. I don't even It's like like my parents give a fucking ship that I'm gonna watch Sendler's list. So anyway, so I have it in my backpack and

so I forgot. So Mrs Khan, who was Mrs Morris is like kind of LaSIE teacher, like a lot of churquase, stumpy shaved bond hair, basically came in and was like, literally, how she's at it Mrs Morris Stein's her a slip and I was like, oh my god, my slip. So I took it out, all crumbled for my bag, scrawled like Robert and hero In Awakening, like scrawled the fucking

line down. Literally, I mean I'm broad shouldered. So I cranked around, I jeopardy walled it with my body and then I gave it to Mrs Cone not five minutes pass. Mrs Like home ch see. I was like, oh, here we got. She was Michelle. I was comparing this Schindler's List Permission slip to your progress report and the signatures do not even match. Did you forge this? And I

went I did like like why does it matter? She goes, you know what, Michelle, I know that you've probably seen Schindler's List already, but as punishment, I'm not going to allow you to watch. That's like this was some loop there. There's some weird like major. So I went to the She was like, go to the library. I had to write some paper about like the Liberation. I you know how it is. I was like, as the boots marched across Europe, I started every speech with every essay matter,

who's about geometry? Be like as the boots stumped across the European plane. Anyway, so I turned it in and then it was such a great paper apparently that I got after credit and I got any of that semester. And I wasn't a good student. I'm not bragging. I was not an a student. I got into Barnard because I was a speech and debater international. I used to get to Josh Gad, that's my claim, and I was second. Yeah, oh fun, Josh Dad, you beat No, I'm not he was.

He was. He was better than in speech and will say debate him directly. It wasn't debated, was like acting. I knew him, like we used to go to camp together and then whatever. That's the whole other story. But goat, but he was nice. But anyways, the point is he would always get first. And then my senior year I panicked because I needed the big trophy, so I changed events completely and then I won. I did extemporaneous for a hot second, and I sucked at it. Did you

I could see you being good? No, I was so bad at I just did not want to fucking clip newspaper articles like for five you didn't have to. I did it. Once and I quoted the same quote from a jeep ad on the back of Time magazine, which was Oliver Wendell Holmes often said, this is it is not so much the speed in which you are going, but the direction. And in the case of America, the direction is directly down the toilet. I ended, we're natural at this. That's amazing. Um, guys, we're we're going to

take a little break. What we have to take a short break. But my childhood is that what this is about. You're gonna be right back with Michelle Collin. What a rocking ride. We love this. We'll be right back after a brief message. Bitch, I hope that you're sitting down at this moment, Yes, because I'm bet to give you something. It's a little bit of an offer and you're gonna want to take advantage of this. Okay for you the listeners of Lost Culture, rasis and thank you so much

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Let's go back to the show. Come on, Hi, Hi, how's it going. We're here with Michelle Colin. You were just um treated to a little bit of an offer. Yes, pass for Mattress one and you like it? Love that? Yeah, it's only it's like a big kitchen sponge it's the best with support two kinds of phone memory foam and what's the other one? Am I going to make money for saying that? I absolutely we're sending you a check for a thousand time. I hope that's true. Go on, yes,

I do like mine. Okay, so listen, here's the deal, guys, I actually and bone really this is true for you as well. We had never seen an episode. I had never seen episode of The Bachelor or Bachelor atte Michelle. Now let me Can I ask you a question? Is that because because I find sometimes with certain shows I'm so out of the loop on it that the idea of like it's like double Dutch, the idea of getting

in the ropes of it intimidates me. Is that how you were it was a little bit that because I've heard about the world being so expansive and the way people commit to it is so crazy that I know it takes a piece of you and it's a show, and I also I have a lot of other shows that I do that with. But the thing is, like, I think what it was to me was I was like, I'm not going to allow myself to actually enjoy that because I know it's quote unquote fake or because I

know it's quote unquote like basic or whatever. Like I had judgments on it, but now after watching it, oh my god, I'm obsessed because all those things aren't They're not untrue, but it's also part of it. It's like you know that it. I go into it knowing a lot of it is set up, and actually it's hard for me sometimes to separate. You know, I don't know how that show is made at all. I'm a fan, Like, well,

why would I know? I mean, I I worked on you know, The After Show last summer, but it was as really just a lover of the franchise and you know, commeding a a host. I got very lucky. It was like probably the best job I've ever had. It's to be honest, it was awesome. But I don't know anymore about the production. It's just watching it through like a lens of like, okay, like how do they not know

this person was this way? Or like certain things that are I think that even very savvy viewers know is fake. They do on purpose because they the people who make that show are very smart and very savvy, and they really get what America wants. As crazy as that sounds like.

And the thing with this season is Rachel's a fucking star, a star, and that's the thing is Actually when when it was announced that she was the bachelorette, and I kind of like, I'll peek into like whatever people are saying about every now and then, just just so I know, like what's up, because sometimes it would just totally dominate the conversation on Facebook or whatever or whatever on the late night shows, like it it felt it was all

they were talking about. This is something I'm really not so. I watched a few interviews with Rachel whatever. I thought she was so cool. I thought it was very cool that she was the first black bachelor and I wanted to support that. And then honestly watching the show today, like she's really something else. She knows when to turn certain things on and went to like just just the whole Her going to the locker room after uh de

Mario was like such a beautiful moment. I think that's such a thing about the show that I've never really gotten on board with it, Like I'm supposed to believe that all these people fall head over heels for this one person, and sometimes I feel like I'll see the Bachelor, and I'll be like, that guy's a fucking dud. And but with her, it's like, I think the reason why this season is working, and I think it is working is because I buy that everyone wants to marry that girl. Well,

she's like razor sharp. Yeah, when she gets angry, I'm scared for myself. I'm like, oh my god, Like she's so smart and like just has her facts in order and comes for you, and it's like very impressive to me. I gotta say she laughs a lot with my one. I love her laugh. I do think she laughs a lot generous. It's generous with it, which is fine, but I actually she's so charming without that, Like I just feel like she doesn't need to rely on her laughing

all the time. Or maybe that's just how they put the show together too, But you know, there it comes to a point where I'm like, oh my god, I just said she would laugh like a little I love and I literally thrive off of laughter, you know. But that's my only literally the one quirk that I found with her. But I love her. I think she's beautiful.

She's the guys adore her. The guys I also have to say though, as a woman, why the guys are probably the hottest group of guys that that shows assembled maybe ever, it's pretty amazing city wild like today when they were I was watching it today. I just watched the third episode and they were all wrestling, and I was like, not not a dud in this bunch, No, no, no, Kenny is hot as ship. Peter is hot as Peter

is number one, My number one, Peter number one. Let's classic meter picture of Vigo Mortensen like somehow hotter knows? I love it and I love that conversation, his body, his height, I'm literally like, what the fuck is going on here? I get upset, you know, someone so handsome guys, you get frustrating. You know when someone is so hot. Yeah, that's what it is. It's something so hot and I'm like, how how good he? Now? See? What I love about Peter though, is his face is a little his nose

is just a little fun. He's so beautiful. And also i's how you else? I like, go on, Brian, the Colombian guy who made that with our straight will, I

am really upset with you. Really, I thought his sexual energy that's used to go first the Brian kiss in the first episode, it was really made me just the Keepers to the key person, I'm they're bringing up the Keepers because I literally spent all day watching it and it's in my mind while we're talking about all this bullshit, I'm like, oh my god, the Keeper what I truly But anyways, Brian, here's my show with Brian. Let's just say quickly, And I said this on Fresh Batch my

podcast what days will those come out? Days? And sometimes Wednesday is also my live shows a part of it. There's only three out at the moment. You really should listen to it, and it's oh my god, it's free. And anyways, the point is this now, I have said up my podcast that Brian as he's from Miami Beach, born and raised in Miami, he's hyper Miami to me, which to me is like, um, it's like getting sprayed in the face with raid. I'm just like, I don't want it. But then also let me add that he

has had so much work done. He's have you not noticed that? I'm sorry, but I'm pretty awful. Yeah, and to me, and he also does his eyebrows in a serious way and it reads very feminine to me, and it's just he's got listening. He's gotta kill her body. He's a handsome, he's tall, he's confident when he goes in for those kisses. I mean she like I read I read a comment online it's like she's wet, and I'm like, it's something I would never say because I'm

educated and I'm very classy. But every time he makes out with her, I'm like, she is, like, I can't not think that because it's true, like she melts with him. But I have to tell you that I really really do not like him. He doesn't. He really not another deal breaker about him. He's a chill. Most of them are quacks, I mean cracks and quack yell back and anyways, quack your back is a great chiropractic practice. I'll quack

your back and it's like that. So those two, I like, I think Kenny will go far, but that Kenny will win because I think that it will be a late in series kind of revealing struggle for her that she's not ready for it. Well, also, I think, and I'm gonna say, the kid, that's right, and the kid is old. She's so cute. But here's the thing. She's his height and she's basically developed. Well that's kids today. I have to I'll tell you something. I was a very developed girl.

And um, I mean I used to get hit on in the clear and Silent Barnes and Noble when I was nine. But anything, Thank God for the clear and stile. I can't wait to get back to the keepers. Let me just put that I'm getting by the way. Let me warn people listening it is a and I thank god for that. Was never touched and appropriately, although I did once I was thinking about watching the show. Let's

get back to my childhood that the drive. My driver's at teacher whose name I'm forgetting who I won't even describe him, but Bill Cosby wearing Khazal frames. He one time held my hand and went for a walk with me. That's like the closest I was like fifteen, Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Well it's fine, but I mean it's also like, I mean, but isn't that horrible? And he had like dinosaur hands. They were like hard and scaly. But I was and I was thinking, and I held it.

I didn't pull it away. I mean, now i'd be like, the funk are you doing? But then I was like, I don't know, Like, what do I do? Yeah, my driver's a teacher was named He was named jeff. He made us call him little Jeffy. He had in his in his glove compartment. He was he was four ft six and so he was up. He just little Jeffy and little jeff And then he took out of his glove compartment a picture of like porn stars and he said, that's my girlfriend right there. That then we were on

driving on Sunrise Highway. He made us drive over a hundred miles per hour. Wow, what in your high school teacher or like a private school. This was a separate place where you had to take drivers at St. Anthony's And I'm gonna put them on blass at any at least in two thousand seven. This was happening when I was taking my driver. So he had us go over a hundred miles. He's like, you need to know what's wrong so you can do what I went for Little

jeff Great, you are not like her, little Jeffie. And then he would say racial slurs as you were driving. He did everything wrong. He's not a Lee. What do you think about this? Lee is racist? I have thought that Lee has racist since the day. I racist. Lee has a racist face. I'm sorry racist. He looks like a fucking racist. He's got a drunk face. Here's them, here's my here's my beef with the show. Those people are all so fucked up you think at all times.

You know, like Dean Seal. You know what my type is, like hottest ship. That's why I'm alone. They like, don't look at me. I'll tell you that. I mean, I'm like, I like hottes ship but loves talk of I mean that man, because I'm gonna be married. Here's the deal with Dean. Dean deanp like a seal. And he also when he when he kissed her, he made love to let me say something, touch my finger eating style. He was really kissing her. He went for it. You know

who wasn't a good kisser? Who's also hot? Mean? While I get up and it's like just like the Russian Yes, Alex, Alex is fucking and he but he and he has moves, Oh like does this mean have joints or is it just a loose bones? They stripped on Ellen, but they stripped on Ellen and he was going for it like magic mic style. I love it and literally literally though he made a grandmother come, it was for me. It

was for me. It was a little deckguy front and Baywatch where it's like his body's like a little it's too much but them, did you notice? And this is what I thought was so interesting is that when she kissed him, he didn't give her the Brian because I have to hand it to that Brian took a running stary. No, no no, no, I find him physically, but like I admit that the guy went and and his kissing that first episode truly made I was like bodies exhibit watching it.

I was like my skin went away. I was all eyeballs in embalmed in China. Apparently they're all Chinese people. But anyways, um no, but I have to say, um but no, Alex is a bad kisser. He was really stiff in that makeout and I have to say it ruined him for me a little bit. She's not gonna win, No, but he like himself. If Alex looked at me, like you know that my whole my fetish is walking the

streets of New York and like staring at people. And if Alex passed to me and looked at me, I would have to take the train home if you follow me like I get you, I get you. What do we think of she spent a whole date with this guy Anthony? I didn't, Oh yeah, and I thought there was nothing there. First of all, it didn't like his short sleeve button down shirt, and I never liked that. I'm sorry. I made sure that no one here is wearing it. You actually have one, But it's can I

say something? It's not great? I love you, You're so handsome. He is hot. I like. I don't like a vertical stripe. I don't don't like short sleep buttondowns on man. I would prefer I don't mind a polo. There's a difference. He never show against. So you know that I will createle you forever. Okay, I'm just saying, but a polo or do a full button down with the world sleeve. Yeah, that is like pornography. But there's something too gay. They think that's too gay straight up. To me, it's as

straight as it gets. Yes, the extra effort makes it look too gay, and they still hate themselves. To me, it's very Obama. It's very like I'm gonna roll these I'm going to get into work. Now, let me tell you something that when Anthony shoot up in that short sleep but I actually know gay guys to wear that, and who think it's cool and it's not though it unless I'm wrong? Am I an asshole? I don't think well Anthony did and I still thought he looked weird.

You know, let me see something that makes me laugh if I may, just I'm like, I don't like short sleep button down. Meanwhile, I dress literally every day in the same husky, skinny jean from a So it's like, men do not think I dress well? So like I'm an asshole, That's what I'm saying. Like I will walk up like sixth Avenue and see how does your guys in their suits and be like, oh my god, like where are they going after work? Like I'm want to

go to these bars? Meanwhile, I'm in like a long T shirt dress with jeans and like sneaks, no socks, mean, like, is this the guys like me to look like I should be in a pencil skirt like crop top, belly out. No, no, no, no, you know it's not that prescribed. I have housing of at been housing. Look you like, guys, do not think this is a good looking well, and I love it. I think it's clear. I don't. I guess I've never thought about that, like through through the eyes of straight men,

what do they think is attractive? They want women? I know because of my guru in life, Patti Stanger. Straight men want like an abandaged dress and heels. And the problem of me, as I'm six ft one. If I put heels on, I also can't roll or blade. For the record, if I put heels on, it's I'm six ft six, yeah, and then if and also I'm not like stick skinny or skinny or slim or normal. So the problem is the problem is I can't be in a bandage dress because literally it looks like I mean,

I look like I'm working in the corner. I don't even know. It's not like a good look at me. I look like a hooker is a pimps up, you know what I mean? So I like whatever, I'm just saying a lot of stuff. And if I'm in an a line and then I look like little bo peep like because you know, a tall girl has different things. If I was skinny or get it, I wouldn't even

be here right now. I'd be in my Penthouse apartment if I was spin for oh please, I'm telling you, I'm like fifty pounds away from being so rich and successful, and I something in me refuses to let that happen. I'm way about like getting bigger, but like, what what is it about a step? But then I think that people who are like that are like not normally either. Well, it's because we'd rather put win. It's because you know what, Michelle,

we're putting effort into the work. Let me tell my brain is my brain works at every day, memorize things steps, the steps. My brain is logging, bitch, my brain is JP emails. Oh you don't even know about those stp emails. If you want to know about this is like a great plug. Seriously, and you know that I love her. It all comes from the place, But just know this isn't advanced. They are so chicy with Telegrena Burp dye Um, you need to come to my u C show. I

have emails from her. I actually was like trying not to put it out there because I mean, I I've done it a couple of times in the show, but I don't want to like say it like in a public form because there's so chic that I was like, she's gonna get mad. I don't know that she is good expect che from s GP. I'm on the record of saying that love her to death. But Laura Dern's role in Big Little Lives should have gone to Starry Jessica Parker. I think it would have been way more interesting.

You know. Can I tell something? I think Reese should have gone to Saracesca. That would have been great. Wow, But I think about it, Okay, not a Re' not a I don't mind her. I love Laura Dern. That's why I'm like, Laura Dern is like my number one. So that's why I'm like, I'm not gonna if I have to recast someone, it's not going to be Kravitz. It's not gonna be I liked Shelene on it. I thought she was great. I actually thought she was I like too on the show. The shade towards shele and

not something you've got back and forth. You've gotten so back and forth on this, I haven't. I don't think that Slene Woodley is deserving of any shade for her performance. And Big Little Eyed Io thought she was good. Thought she was naturalistic. It was so natural. My one qualm with her was I thought she looked a little too young. I agree, and but however, I mean she did look young. She is six years old, so they should have cast me in it. I would have been great me she

len new House. I can imagine. I rollized. I want you running running Reese wanting to be my friend. That's the hilarious. That's a hilarious, like mind funk for the day. Her Instagram captivates me. Her stories are like so funny. It's like a dressed going to another event. Every Instagram is like out of her purse. Remember when she was

like live gramming from her bag. That was my favorite story ever, Rebecca, I love you too, Phillips Like, here's no busy Philips by Phillips, but we aspire to be busy. Have a best friend that takes me to all the Oscars? Michelle, are you kiddy? Wouldn't he? I would love the day that I'm invited to the real Oscars. Yes, I will bring my best friend. Not you guys know that you would. For a second, in my mind, I was like, she's gonna say she's gonna bring us. No, I just met

you have I ever host the Oscars? You can be a yes, can't wait a bit on the ship? What would it be? What are bip? We'd have to present the makeup a warden come up in some goofy makeup. You'd be like Stiller came out as recently but that was funny and recently single. Oh my gosh, they're getting divorced. You didn't know really what I didn't know? Christine Taylor from Hey Dude, I Love Christine. I love Christine. Did you guys watch Nickelodeons? Yea, and I just didn't have cable.

I watched fifteen, which is a Canadian show. I watched Hey dude. Oh my god, I'm like the oldest person in this room. And I'm not old. I don't think see when I was younger, like the Nickelodeon shows were honestly, it was like all that and Liken Keenan and call that was like by people. If people are like, oh, like why can we hear sirens, It's because I am a very hot running jew and then like I need

the window open. So that's why I like to get a little Easter egg for the people who listen this long. It doesn't matter, it truly does it, truly doesn't wait anything else. Here's the thing. So with Bachelorette. Now there's the question of this guy Josiah, who I think is way extra, thirsty, extra I can't say anything about him. I just feel bad for him. I know that his back story is dark as can be, and there's just something about him. I agree with you. I think there

might be something else I agree with. I just know. I don't. I know nothing, literally, like I don't talk to anyone. Everybody hates saying okay now I'm joking, but like, no, um, I don't know. I can't a guy who has that kind of a backstory, I can't say anything bad about I don't know sensitive and nice. I really think that about me. But I am established what the guy. This guy had. He suffered a loss in his life of a family member. Correct, he cut his brother down from

a tree. That was are you kidding me? Even saying I actually wouldn't say it on Fresh Batch many podcast, but but on our podcast I will because that's not my own. But yeah, his backstory was about as dark. I mean, there was last season and Nick's season. There was a girl, Russian girl, Christine a very sweet girl whose backstory was that she grew up like starving in Russian and used to eat lipstick. And I was like, well, as long as I wasn't attached to a dog, like,

I'll want to go. But I just feel, I mean, there's so horrible and gross. Edit that out. I'm serious, that was horrible. I don't genuinely do that, but no, but I mean that was sad. But this is like two it's it was actually a shocked and put it on the show because it's like a fun show. And then to have that, I'm like, if you're exploiting that, I want to just die. So I'm just gonna assume that it's real and it didn't seem it didn't come

off as exploitative to you. Like him. I don't like him because I think he's e x t R A extra. I think he's just you see him sweating for it. He's just like he's like, I'm getting this, this is mine, I'm this is this is a percent. Me me me me me, I'm just like it just it feels like he was on the very first day, he was one that pulled her over in the corner. But I mean, maybe that's just like sort of maybe I'm not being sensitive, he's that's just how he's programmed given his upbringing. That's

what it was very happy to see Lucas gone. Oh god. And do you think the blake E and Lucas thing that was staged? Um? No, Um, I'm running late for my wine date. Oh my god. No, it's Sunday date. Um, so do I think it was stage? No? You know it was a weird. Also, as Bryce is his name, they fire are he's still in though. Yeah. The guy, he's um, what does he do? He's like a fire firefighter, not an e MT right now. No, No, he's a five recers. They made him dance on the bus. Yeah, um,

great body. But there's something off about him too. I don't know what it is. I love firefighters. You don't. When I see a fire, I risk for death. The firefighters, I'm like, I don't care if I'm sweating. They're wearing too much for me. I fire. Can't you get which one? In the west Ville born Brooklyn when I was in just like one quick thing is that there's a fire station to all the ladies and jeez, listening in the west Village next to Anderson Cooper's you know what I'm

talking abou. I think it's on West tenth or something. And their doors always open, and they're always in warmer weather, they're always outside. And I was walking by once with friends of mine who have a dog, and they were all outsides, so we like walked by and they go, um, oh, hey, because your dog want a little meat treat. And I went no, but I ain't want a little I said that to that, you know, And then they were like, you know, you know, we call him little meat treat.

And there was like a hottish short firefighter there. I was like, I'm engaged. That's the anyway, right, Just a little meat treat always makes little treat. That's it. That's my nickname. Treat. We have to do. We have to do one more, one more thing, all right, because I know you're running lift your wine day. But listen, it's not going to come at the expense of my big of the big segment to it. This is called sorry

I don't think so, honey. This is um ore. Are you know centerpiece that comes at the end of the show. It's it's a one minute screed against anything in culture. You just use the words and no, no, no, no, we'll do it first separately and then and then we'll go to you and take you one minute to fucking rant about something that's pissing you off in pop culture, like, for example, watch what I do here. This is Matt Rodgers.

I don't think so many time starts now, I don't think so honey, fucking adults that order off the kid's menu. You're in your twenties or in your thirties or in your fouries. I don't care how fucking old you are. You're not under twelve. Therefore you shouldn't get a fucking chicken tender off the meal. And it says it on the goddamn thing. You know, I don't really care. I don't know if it's a financial thing for you. It's not because everyone that I serve in my restaurant, bitch

Brooklyn Crab, I deal with you, ow it. Come on, no, but I can talk about who. So listen, here's the thing. When I and fucking serving you and you look at me and you say you want chicken tenders, I don't take you seriously as a person. So then if I run into you out on the street, you are gonna be to me the chicken tenders girl. To me, it's like it's like did your pallette never expand did you never grow up? Or are you just cheap? You're just

ordering because it's six dollars. Because either way, you're really bumming down my guest average and my tip is gonna be very low. So when you come to a restaurant, order something age appropriate. I don't think so, honey. And that's why minute fabulous. Okay, so it's just a one minute screed. Let's just move right along. To me, I'm by the way, I'm running. I have so many things there you go, here, we go, here go, okay, so I'd rather go this fast. I don't think so, honey.

Boone yank starts now. I don't think so honey. A SPC, a canvas arche or whatever the funk you're called. I don't know where your job is. You're working a corner. Okay, not to denigrade you know, sex work, that's lovely, but you're literally standing on a street trying to wave me down while I am clearly glued to my fucking phone. I don't think so, honey. I'm already already got roped. Into signing up for your thirty dollar a month donation. Are you are you fucking kidding me? I don't have

that kind of money. I'm still trying to pay off my fucking credit card for a Lano trip that happened two years. I don't think so. I don't think so. Honey, you a SPC A people. I love you to death. You do great work, but you need to cool it with these, with these, with these phone calls, with these mailers. I got a mail or the other day after I explicitly asked to be taken off the mailing list. And I don't think so many SPC A SPC, you need to respect my WIBA. This feels like I'm gonna say

a non consensual attack on my on my attention. Okay, it's an attack. That is exactly what it is. Don't think so many a SPC or just came verses in general planned parenthood. You're you guys are doing good work. We need you more than ever. But an't think two things you would target at the a SPC A mostly yes. And another thing is I didn't know that our land trip at your while it's so hard, well, I just I just put it on my card and it We've

got to be more fruit. Okay. I know, I know you're talking about those people, but it's not just a spc A. It's not just everyone. That was something under under the surface that Bowen was coming. Not like it's not dogs. Literally was like, I sweating, it's it's okay, guys, I don't have okay, but you're gonna do it anyway whatever. By the way, this is rude to not warn me in advance. Okay, this is Michelle Collins. I don't have anything. I have so many things in my Here we go

do anything you want. I don't think so, honey, Michelle Collins. Time starts now, Okay, I guess I'm just okay. I don't think so Henry because appropriate. My thing is I'm gonna appropriate. I'm an audience nazi. If you come to see a show, if you're in an audience as you stand up a movie, keep your phones off and also don't twitch. I spent a lot of money ones to see Book of Mormon by myself, and I sent this old grandma who was so nice, and I was like, oh,

she's so nice. You're chatting the entire show. She was petting her arm hair. If you think I heard one word a Book of Mormon, I have no idea. What is it about Mormons? I don't know where where were the Africa? I was watching this woman obsessively struck her arm. Then in the intermission I went up to the you know, um, what do you call it? The guy who seats you? What do you know? I went to usher and I was like, uh, yeah, I need a new seat and he was like, oh, you can just stand here with

me because I've sold that obviously it said okay. So I was watching the second act more minute. Every two minutes he goes, you like in the show, how's the show going? But I also will call you out if you're instagramming where I'm the one who will long arm might very long go go arms, and I will tap your ass nine rows ahead to say, and that's one minute. Not a good one though, I feel like, no, no, it was really good. But I feel like I also really want to come for enterprise rentals? Who I really

are they a sponsor? Hilarious go to hurt So I don't care if jan I'm going to have to have Michelle back and she'll have to come from I loved. You can see Michelle on June four. It's a Wednesday night. It's well, it's today. It's a monthly showy monthly show, Magic Mission XXL and um the Pod. It's my new podcast. Just subscribe. You don't even listen, Like, don't listen if you listen to Missing Richard Simmons. I think, honestly, I like that one. I think it's better. I'm like, why

that trended? You know where I am. I mean, let's just you know where you can find spread people subscribe Get the get Her up to five thousand downlards per week at least in the next week. Numbers, it's like Netflix just downloading. You know what, who cares about numbers? You enjoy yourself. That's what life's about. You know. My name is Matt Rogers, my name's Bowen Yang. That's Michelle

Collins bye by. This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsay, and Brett Boum. For more podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Productions dot com.