Episode 11: The Return

My name is Michael Madera, managing producer of Plainview Public Radio. As many of you are aware, there was an incident of violence at our studio while recording the finale of Larkspur Underground. Tara Bay was passionate about following the story of Dusty Fowler. We all were. We let that enthusiasm override our objectivity at times, sometimes to the detriment of our own perceived safety. We don't shy away from the news.

I take full responsibility for what happened here three days ago, and I am resigning my position. Our mission statement was always to bring the stories that matter to you unfiltered so that you can make your own decisions. We were assured by numerous sources that conducting an interview with Dusty Fowler on site here at the studio would be safe. We had heightened security in place. We cleared it with local police, with her therapist, with everyone we could think of.

As with other sensitive audio we've used over the course of our show, we feel the decision on whether to air this is moot based on the proliferation of the audio that has been leaked extensively online already. The snippets that were leaked online only served to exploit the violence of the moment without giving the full picture of what happened for context.

What should have been secure audio was callously leaked by an employee who has since been relieved of their duties with our station, and we are pursuing full legal remedies against them. That said, we want you to have the entire truth. What follows is the unedited version of the final interview between Tara Bay and Dusty Fowler that took place six days ago. This is Raw Audio.

We're not polishing any of this or adding music or sound cues because we want you to hear it as it happened. Listeners are strongly cautioned that the recording contains foul language and violence. Thank you.

This is Tara Bay, and you're listening to Larkspur Underground on Plainview Public Radio. I think, and I say this with not a little trepidation, we've reached the end of our journey together. The scientist, Ethan Brock Harrison, has been incarcerated and awaits trial. He's working with authorities to reveal the details of his murders, and he has stopped trying to reach out to both Dusty or myself.

And, as I promised last time, in studio today, we have Dusty Fowler. Hi. Hello. Dusty is safe, she's alive, and she's ready to turn the page on a new chapter in life. That's why she's come in today. Closure. Are you ready for this, Dusty? Are you? I don't know. I feel like we've kind of lived an entire life together through this show. Yeah. A couple of them, I guess.

I mean, it feels so strange to have it ending, to be like, now everything is officially open, right? That's just, there's just me and whatever's next. And you get to find out for yourself on your own. I think it's pretty inspiring. What was it like when you got the news? What news? Oh, that he'd been captured? Yeah. I was... sad, I guess.

Sad because he took two more people and they didn't need to be involved. It's just so senseless, you know? I spend most of my days when it gets quiet just thinking about the experiment, why it happened, what drove him. I don't know. I'm hoping now that he's in custody, we can all get some closure to this. I imagine a lot of families are going to get some dreadful news over the coming weeks. Everyone deserves answers. I think we'll get them. We'll find it.

What was it like for you those last few weeks being in protective custody? I remember feeling so scared during our last call when you talked about finding things in your apartment. I mean, I had to experience it myself as well, I guess, but not to your level. Yeah, that was... We're still... figuring that out. I had a lot of trouble sleeping. I still do. It's so hard when I close my eyes.

I feel like that's just opening the door for him to come back in, you know? Have you ever had lucid dreams where you're sleeping but your mind is still in control? I wonder if he just rewired part of my brain to... All of them seem lucid. I close my eyes and I'm back there underground. I can hear him talking. I can smell the dirt and the old paint and all of it. You hallucinate in your sleep?

I think it's more than that. When I try to sleep, I feel more awake than I am with my eyes open. It's hard to explain. My brain just goes hyperactive, remembering everything and planning everything forward and in reverse. It's not safe. Sorry, it's hard to explain. Because of that. My doctor prescribed Ambien. We were trying to avoid anything involving medication because I just hate taking it. But it worked for a bit until I started sleepwalking.

There were nights when I would wake up under my bed or in a closet. Once I was in the hallway at the safe house, I was halfway down the stairs when security found me and I freaked out when they woke me up. You know, you can imagine being on a dark staircase again and this time knowing I'm actually awake and I'm disoriented and don't know where I am and it's terrible. I don't know if I'll get that part of my life back.

I think that I was the one who planted some of those things I told you about in the house. Not the syringe, but the journal. I actually have bought that thing. i just forgot and what i thought was a handcuff key was just the key to the book it was like a little girl's locking diary you know i i told i told you my brain just

It can't hold things like it used to. It was so confusing. But parts of that were real. Yes. Yeah, that woman, she was, they think... She got in twice. Can we talk about her? We can. For our listeners, you're referring to the woman who called herself Subject 14. Yes.

There's still quite a bit police are keeping sealed. We can use her name and some details that have been discussed publicly on the news. Legal is right over there in the booth. If you see them start to wave frantically, just stop talking. Well, the first time she drew in the journal and they reviewed their security. I'm not supposed to say this, but the first safe house they kept me in didn't.

actually have cameras it's just a regular building guarded and secure but there's no i was on the second floor and they think she climbed up the outside of the building just to see if she could i guess I bet he told her to do that. Test first, then confirm. That's what scientists do. And she opened the sliding door on the balcony. I never locked that. And I bet she just...

Stood there, watching everything. She's lucky you weren't awake. I don't know if I was. I remember having dreams about this pale, tall woman wearing a... Like a hospital gown? Her hair was black and stringy and her cheeks were sunken and she had this weird crooked smile. No teeth. And her eyes had these huge purple bags under them. That actually does sound like you're describing Elizabeth Gage. She was the one who did it? Yes. And she's dead now? Yes. She killed herself. Yeah.

Memory, see? I just can't hold on to things. It's such a shame. Why do people have to keep dying? Anyway, the second time she got in. That time I was, I didn't have a dream at all. I told you last time everything just got warm and comfortable. That was the time you think she drugged you? Yeah. Yeah, they think it was the same medicine he used to give.

No way to test it, really. There was nothing left in the syringe. They think she took it to the sink and used water to flush it a few times. And some glass cleaner from under the cupboard. And she stabbed it into the pillow right by my head. What do you think she was trying to do? Whatever he told her. But you don't know what that might have been. Part of... Cut here, edit this out later. Guys, can we talk about what she told me? Evidence looks like she was doing this to draw me out.

She left letters at the scene, and there were more in her apartment asking me to meet the scientist for a sit-down interview. And this is with him in jail, so obviously it was some kind of setup, but...

I just can't figure out how he could brainwash someone in that short of a time span. I can. He did it to me. It's not... Don't treat her like she was dumb for this. I wouldn't. I didn't mean to imply you were. No, no, that's not what I mean. I mean, the media just paints us as these helpless little, what are those things called? Lemmings. Just walking off a cliff even though we know it'll kill us. There's more to it. There's control. He breaks you. You understand?

She was just... You do what you're designed to do. That's what he... That's how he worked. You know? I'm sorry if I'm rambling on here. I just... it's hard to talk about hard to hard to remember i mean like my head is all fuzzy and static and

They gave me pills too, you know, the new therapist. I took a couple, so. Do you want to take a break and do this another day? No. No, I never want to do this again. Let's just get it done. I can't keep thinking about him. I have to finish it today. I want this closed and behind me. No offense to you. None taken. Michael, cut that, yeah? We'll just... Let's get into some happier stuff. We'll edit this together and smooth it out. You ready? Okay. The future...

is I'm working my way back to independence, understanding what that really means, you know? Like, we need... boundaries that's what was so scary about being rescued the first time it was just this horrible life underground and then bam wide open future make your own way like Like, I could understand how to. That's the tough part. That's the part I was struggling with. But I've been working at it. And I think I understand now how to, how you do it.

You know, what I have to do to get back to where I was. It's getting closer, you know? Sometimes close enough is as good as it gets. I hope so. When he called you, how did it make you feel? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. No, it was scary. but did you i mean i listened to the recording you played when he asked you for an interview and he told you he wanted you to publish his stuff how did that make you feel It was confusing. It was...

You take life for granted sometimes. The simplest things, like I'd spent months working with the Innocence Coalition to help free you, and then months more working on this podcast. Just... I was kind of blithely looking at him, you know, from afar. Like, you go to a zoo, you can stand really close to dangerous animals, and you always feel safe.

And then one day you realize the glass isn't as thick as you thought or that there is no glass. That's how it felt. Like the lion I was studying was suddenly in the same room with me. I don't want this to sound bad, but it's kind of good. It happened to you. You know? Like... I feel like you kind of understand me more now, right? I wouldn't dare to say what I went through was as bad as... But it was confusing, right? And scary? Of course. Like...

For me, finding that syringe in my pillow, that never happened to you, right? No, no, God. But you saw the things on your car? The symbols? Excuse me? The symbols drawn on your car. I never discussed that publicly. No? Well, no, I mean, no, the police, they keep me informed. They asked me about all the developments. I mean, they said subject... Elizabeth? What was her name? They said he got her here in Colorado, right? And that before they left, they drew these...

things on your... Was I not supposed to say that? No, it's okay. I just didn't realize. Of course. Of course they'd ask you. I mean, okay, legal is going nuts in there, so...

We'll just edit that part out. Sorry. I'm so sorry. No. How could you have known? It's okay. I just thought now someone else is going in. Someone else is going to understand how I felt. See what I saw. That, you know, that kind of thing. It's scary. Yes, being stalked, knowing he wasn't close and still feeling watched. It's, I can't imagine how you- But you drew the symbol, right?

He told you the only thing that would keep you safe was that triangle with the eye on your front door. You drew it on your door. It worked. See? You were there. Yes, I did. But, Dusty, I never discussed that with police. I never told anyone. I just... That... How did you- You only acted like you believed? You only did it to keep you safe? No. You knew. You knew.

about your soul that was the scary part right how once you know he's looking at you it's like you can feel your soul in your hands like you have to cradle it like a little baby It's all you have now. Here. All you have. And you were studying it for so long. What did you learn? Besides saving me, did you learn anything? About the experiment, Tara. What do you think he was trying to accomplish? You're an observer now. Your input matters. What do you think?

You looked at his writings, the journals, you know less than nothing about it. You saw, and now half of the data has been lost because of the police getting sloppy when they pulled it out. This was work. Work. People died for this. Read it. Writing this down hurt. So you better read this. Read it.

Dusty, what are you- Tell them what you see! Your arm is bleeding. Have you been cutting yourself, Dusty? There are worms! Reed! Please! We need to call your therapist. Oh, fuck! The gates of beyond where the soul cannot move past the end of the beginning and into the next. Say it. Dusty. No, don't. Don't touch me. Say it. I thought it was over. I was ready to end it. That's the big thing. That's the part we don't talk about. You!

Didn't talk about it either, and you never asked the most important question. But kept sharp things away from me. They monitored me. No guns, no knives. Those are all keys. Keys to the gate. Do you understand? No. I was at the gate! What am I worth? What have I ever been worth? Dusty, you are important. You matter. I have said that from the beginning since before. He spoke to me. Through you. He said, he said, I don't need to talk to her anymore. Everything has been said.

Don't move, and I'll come to you. The hallways are dark, but the spark still runs. You can't stop chasing it when you're this close. I have a good memory. I can remember things. And you thought it was about you because you're selfish. He didn't mean to talk to you. Not relevant. You were a conduit. This was my chance to get back in and finish. And you skewed the results. Tell those people in the booth to sit down. Don't call anyone. Don't call. No!

She had... Dusty... Don't. Don't. Please don't. Don't stop recording this. Don't. You were so hungry for it before. Don't stop now. Don't. You didn't ask the important question. Dusty. How close was I? Did I see the beyond? Did I ever see it? Was the experiment working? Those are important questions, Tara. And you didn't... You took it away. The police took it away. I was on the threshold. The basement was the final portal and it was finally happening.

I saw the door opening and the scientist would have come back. He was still gonna come back and he would have seen that I made the crossing. That would have been a moment. You just get away from me. When am I going to get what I worked for? I still want it. I don't want this anymore. I want to go home. Home is beyond and I want to go home. Dusty, we can help you. Dusty, you don't have to do this. The threshold isn't here. Stop. No, no! Stop! Put it down.

Don't do it. Dusty, don't do it. I can see the veil. Dusty. I can fix this. Don't hear it.

This is Michael Madera. I'm here a week after what you just heard in the hospital room of Tara Bay. She should be resting, but as you've all figured out by now, it is hard to keep her down. Hi everyone. So, we're here in your recovery room. And both unemployed. Possibly unemployed. They haven't accepted my resignation and I don't think you have anything to worry about.

If I'm still there, you will always have a spot. So, they're allowing us to record this to give our side of the story. Our omnipresent silent legal team is sitting in the corner, ready to pounce on any stray words we say here, so... Do you want to talk about what happened? Well, there's... For anyone who didn't catch the news reports and needs the gory details, I guess, yeah.

Dusty was fidgeting from the moment she walked into the studio that day. She mentioned something in passing about being on new meds, but I wasn't going to judge her or fear her based on that. I've gone through some pretty brutal pill switches in my time. It's no reason to demonize or fear a person. And why would we think to check her bag for a gun, of all things? Yeah, she was holding that purse pretty tightly.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I guess in hindsight, right? You all heard what happened. There's not much to say beyond a play-by-play, I guess. She was fixated on a point in the wall, kind of in the corner. But, you know, what was I supposed to think? She's still learning how to talk to people, how to be normal. And when she rolled up her sleeve...

There were words on her arm and they were scabbed over pretty thickly. I think she'd either been working on those for a few days or maybe she cut deeper than she intended to. And legal is saying that's all we get to say on that part. Well, do you think he contacted her? They'll figure it out, I guess. I don't think he needed to. I think he planted everything inside of her and just waited for it all to surface. She pulled the gun out and- I couldn't tell. That's what it was. My brain just-

Wouldn't accept it. Me either. I couldn't even find the word. Gun. I knew what it was and what it meant and I couldn't. It didn't make sense. And she aimed it. Sort of at my leg. Our studio is fairly small and we have enough room in there for three guests. I usually sit on the same side of the table for one-on-ones and those two chairs are right in front of the glass to the control booth. She was...

Her eyes just rolled over to black. I've never seen anything like it. It was like a shark's eyes. She went pale and her face changed. She... Dusty, I mean, just disappeared. I think that was subject six taking over. The first shot clipped my shoulder. I think she was aiming for my head, and the shock of it just... I felt electrified. I've never been shot. I mean, what a dumb thing to say. Of course I haven't been shot, but...

I thought it would be like the movies, like I'd go flying backwards. Instead, it felt like I got punched in the back. I spun in my chair and when I came back around, I felt the second shot slam into me. That one got my chest, but close to the shoulder. The third shot was an accident, I think. Was that the one that broke the studio window? Yeah, yeah. She moved to your side. I thought she was going to put the gun to your head, but you slumped down and it went straight at us instead.

I was falling out of the chair. Everything was moving so slowly. I slid down. I remember thinking two things. Where did my shoe go? And then I guess it was just shock. I was thinking, it's payday tomorrow and I need to get my bills paid. I actually whispered that, but I don't think the mics picked it up. So, third shot, I'm out of the way. And that one went through the studio glass.

Not to be morbid, but it was roughly around the height where your head would have been. And that shot hit our sound engineer, Stephen Kim, on the side of the head. He has some serious lacerations. He might not ever recover sight in his left eye, but he's alive. And at that point, with nothing between the booth and the studio, you could hear me panicking and calling for help. I was watching her feet. I remember seeing her legs straighten and I thought, this is it.

It felt like a day last winter when I was driving in a snowstorm coming into work. I hit an icy patch and the car just started sliding. I pumped the brakes, I counter steered, I did everything I was supposed to do, but all that happened was the hood pointed straight at a telephone pole and I kept sliding. 10 feet, 20 feet, just... The whole time thinking, this is it. What happens next is what happens. I miss that pole, and luckily, I guess, she, well...

I didn't see it. She said, I can see the veil and put the gun in her mouth. And I think it was still burning hot from the previous shots because she jerked it back out. And that's when she just kept saying.

Thank you? Was she looking at you? I was already somewhere else. I heard the shot go off and I thought that's what dying was like until I felt her fall near me. I felt... not to be too graphic but something hit my face blood and brain matter the casing from that last shot bounced into the palm of my hand which jolted me awake and then Chaos. Cops. I passed out and woke up here in the hospital. And you've heard about Dusty. Yes. Jane Doe has risen from the dead again.

yeah the shot they think went into her mouth struck a molar and bounced exiting through her cheek massive facial damage an extreme amount of bleeding but not fatal she's alive and secured in a prison infirmary awaiting trial i hope I hope she'll get the help she needs. Even after all that? I don't know that I trust the system. None of this was her fault. None of it. I've been watching the news.

Talking behind the scenes with reporters, they're swarming Harrison for a comment. That's the part that makes me sick. They're giving him what he wants. Attention, validation, all of it. He needs to be thrown in a hole under the jail and forgotten. I don't blame you for feeling that way. His attorney just released a statement claiming that... I can actually splice that clip in later if you want. Yeah. We'll put it here.

Ethan Brock Harrison is a man who has rededicated his life to peace, working to address the crimes he did commit. To accuse or implicate him in the recent matters surrounding Charlene Fowler would be gross, unjust, and unfair. My client has nothing to say to the media or to law enforcement. To the public, he has asked me to extend his sincere gratitude for your support and kindness. He wishes to make it clear that his experiment has reached its end. What he sought has been found.

He requests that there be no copycats, no followers. Take your inspiration from his future seeking peace and not his troubled past. He would also like to make it clear that without the careful and close attention of the media and the public online, this experiment might never have reached its fruitful conclusion. And for that, he thanks all of you.

This is Tara Bay. It's been almost two weeks now, and I still can't sleep. I think about all of the things he left broken. The lives he destroyed and the families he left with nothing but pain and endless questions. Our final episode was supposed to be about closure. I had planned to read the names of the victims, known and unknown, so that they could be remembered for who they were and not how they died. Somehow he found a way to destroy that too.

I'm back home, well protected, but I don't know that I'll ever feel safe again. I can't get over this. I will never get over this. They've appointed psychiatrists, wellness therapists, friendly ears. I want my life back. I close my eyes and I see him. I fall asleep and I hear his voice whispering right by my ear. He's still out there.

It doesn't matter how many walls or cages or guns are between us, he keeps finding me. Yesterday, the studio received an unmarked package addressed to me containing a USB drive. We turned it into authorities, and I'm not going to ask what was on it. They'll tell me if I need to know. Two days before that, it was a voicemail. A day before that, just as I was getting released, it was flowers at the hospital.

The card said, the more you learn, the more you'll understand that you don't know anything at all. Every time the floorboards creak at night or a tree rustles outside, I want to reach for my gun. I always have one close at hand, should he or someone close to him be listening. There's one in every room because the noises never stop. There's one now. I want to say it's just kids playing out there, but...

I can't look. I want to stay here and keep recording to prove to myself that I'm not afraid. But I have to go investigate. He kept Dusty Fowler prisoner with little more than a length of yarn. I won't be that woman. It's a starry night. No clouds. I think of something my therapist told me the first day I was okay to leave my bed at the hospital. The world is as peaceful as it's ever going to be. I have to live life on life's terms.

I know it sounds like an AA mantra. I'm going to continue to work with state attorneys to make sure that he never gets out of jail. I will never have peace in my life until Ethan Brock Harrison dies, or I do. I'll be damned if he does anything with the rest of his life other than looking at the same four walls. In the meantime, I'm outside. I'm free. I choose to live.

Thank you so much for listening to Larkspur Underground. My name is not Michael Madera. I'm Michael Paul Gonzalez, the writer, director, producer, audio engineer, editor, and whatever else needed to be done besides acting for the show. This 11 episode season has been a huge amount of hard work, and I want to make sure the credit goes first and foremost to the actors who brought this to life. Tara Kramer as Tara Bay. Rebecca Tripp as Charlene Dusty Fowler.

Adam Meyer as the scientist. Alexandra Bienkowska as Jessica Lawton. Buck Zachary as Sheriff John Horton. Federico Angel as Inspector Baez. Starina Johnson as Beverly Prager. John Goforth as Jim Medford. Brent Hand as Curtis Goforth. Austin Road as the voice of Frankie Zuniga. Zach Fromson as Prosecutor Bradley Dawes. Ala Bienkowska as the waitress. Rebecca Miller playing the female motorist.

Catherine E. McGee as Ethan Brock Harrison's attorney. Rob Olson as the corrections officer. The newscasters were played by Molly Calhoun, Gordon Highland, and Jandon Hale. All of the music was created and performed by Gordon Highland, played this season by Gordon Highland. He's a real guy.

You can go visit his website at gordonhighland.com, hit him up on Twitter, and tell him how good he is. The background music made a huge difference to the sound, the feel, the emotion of the show. This would not have been the same without his work.

Shoutouts also to Renee Pickup and Jinx Strange, whose early encouragement helped keep me going to launch this project. To Erica Wade for lending me her recording studio for a few key scenes. And to Adam Meyer for helping find space and actors when we needed them. A big hello to all of the Larkspur babies as well. Over the course of this show, no fewer than four of our actors became parents, so we hope the gentle energy and peaceful nature of our story keeps their babies happy. Or something.

Will there be a season two of Larkspur Underground? I'd love that. I need some time to plot and plan, and if we can garner enough support later on to crowdfund the effort, we can make that happen. I want the show to come out quickly, regularly, and on time. And with a budget, we can offload a lot of the post-production work to make that happen. How can you help? As always, tell your friends, tell everyone you know who likes stories, murder mysteries, audio dramas.

turn them on to our show. We'll be remastering the entire arc of season one to release as an audio book this fall, which is another great way to support the show. Signing off from the fictitious studios of Plainview Public Radio, which is actually my small but mighty production studio known as Radio Los Angeles, I'm Michael Pal Gonzalez, and I thank you. Studio dog Ollie, say goodbye to the nice people. Aww yeah.