all right guys, and welcome to another episode of Come With Casey. I am your co-host Carrie Sanders. And I'm Dr. Casey Sanders. And it's Pride Month. Holy shit. It's
Pride Month. Fucking Pride Month. I'm happy about Pride Month.
I'm too, I've been waiting for this. Why? Uh, because with our podcast, I feel like this is a month that we can really explore. Uh, a sexuality side that we don't talk about as much. We don't, not not the gay side. No, not the gay, not the queer side. We, we have our perspectives as like a couple, and I have mine as being a bisexual and, and you have yours as being what you like to call yourself queer adjacent or something like that? I am queer adjacent. Queer adjacent. Yeah. Um, but
what, no, the fact of the matter is, is I, I have, I have the perspective. Everyone hates. No Bec Yes, because I'm a white, cisgender, straight male. I am like the, the, the all four things that people
are, that does not like you,
but you're, you're, but I've never done anything
easy. No. They don't like what you could possibly represent,
which is you, which a little fucked up. But you don't, no, you, you know me. I, how big of an ally I am, how big of a supporter I am, and in fact, like the way that I look, I consider, I, no, I'm not gonna go there. I'm not gonna go there. I, I am in huge support of, of everything that the, that the lgbtq q a plus community stands for. I've done my part within our communities. In fact, I've been kicked out of communities because of my support. Yeah,
you, you have
actually, you really have actuality. I've, I've been like blacklisted. Yeah.
Um, but you know, it's just again, to bring it back, like we again, we always talk about our per our perspective Yeah. Couples and stuff. And so this month we're gonna be bringing you interviews with the gays. With the queers, with their story. Be the gays. Yeah. Well, because everyone has a, they're very you. Very true. And, and, I feel like this episode is a great way to kickstart my gay ass story, and I love that I have a gay story. We all do.
Um, whether it could be something as like minuscule as like your gay story led you to experimenting and then that's where your story ended. Yeah. Right? Hey, that's me. That's what I'm saying. Like at any point, not everyone, but most, yeah. I would think have sat down and almost had that train of thought like, Is this who I am? Yes or no?
I think everyone should sit down and entertain some of those thoughts. One of the biggest things that I like, I, I talk to people about, especially whenever it comes to like toxic masculinity. Mm-hmm. I'm looking at a lot of the guys here Yeah. Who sit back and be like, I'd never fucking think that. I'd never even do something like that. That doesn't do anything for me. I would encourage you to just sit down and have and entertain the thought.
Just put on a gay porn and see if you like it. No,
no. I'm not suggesting that at all. No, don't do that. What I am doing is that everyone should explore their sexuality. It doesn't mean you have to actually participate in anything, but you should actually like, Have the thought because all it does is is going to help solidify your viewpoint. Mm-hmm. Your security and your sexuality. Yeah. It's one of the reasons why I feel secure in my sexuality. Cause I'm like, I've entertained the thought of being with men.
Yeah. And been like, would this be something that I would enjoy? And so I've thought about it and been like, It doesn't, it doesn't harass me. Yeah, it
doesn't appeal to you. It's not something that I don't even let me peg you. Right. Like it is
not appeal to you. Well, we've also had play like that and that's not gay at all. I know we've already talked joking. You just, you're just going for it tonight. I. I am, but it's, it's something that I think anybody should entertain. Yeah. You should always entertain your sexuality and try to figure out like where you fall, instead of just putting yourself in a box, you should just be like, all right, what is my sexuality? Could this be something else? Could this be something I enjoy?
And if you start to find yourself diving further in, great. Mm-hmm. If you find yourself stopping at a point and being like, no, that's not it for me. No, you're good. Yeah. Then great. It's, it's all good. It's, it's all just exploration of sexuality. Yeah. It's something that we highly encourage. But what I wanna do now is I want to hear your sexual story. So to kick off Pride Month, you as a bisexual mm-hmm. And as a demisexual. Mm-hmm.
I want to hear, I want them to hear our, our listeners are loyal listeners to hear your story. And I wanna take it back as far as you can.
You can as far as I can. Yeah. Um, so it was something that, I was actually in yoga today and. We had a plan for this episode and we're still gonna get to that plan, but I was like, it's pride month. What does that mean to me? And then I was like, what is my gay story? What is the origins of me when it comes to my sexuality? Um, and it's so funny to me that I feel like I actually started earlier on confused because.
As we had talked about, and like you said, if you're an avid listener, you met, you might have heard our like first or second episode when we were talking about, um, us being, being how we discovered our sexuality. Yeah. But like us being like kids and watching like, uh, yeah. One of the reasons we're doing this in the first place. Yeah, exactly. Like I was a young individual watching real sex and I remember.
Watching and being like obviously interested and it peaked and, and whatever, but I would get so fucking turned on, on girl scenes. Anything you do with women? I was so fucking turned on. What do you mean girl scenes? If it brought a girl into the scene and they were doing, because like they talked about all different people's, all variations of. People all different acts and, and, and uniqueness and whatever. That's what I loved about that show is almost like nothing was off limits.
And I just remember watching it and being like, okay, cool. Like a dude's on there and talking about, one of my first memories is, um, the penis pump. Like he was doing, like the, and I just remember being like, uh, and then it was like the next one and it was these girls and they were filming in like a pool and it was for photography, but they were naked. Mm-hmm. And they had these like sheets on top of the water and they would like, Slide down into the water and then would, oh my God,
wait a minute. I know exactly what you're talking about. They would
shoot them with they'd
go on the water slide Exactly. And it would put 'em in and they would take the underwater
shots with the, like, lace and stuff all around them. And it was beautiful. And I remember like being so fucking turned on, like before I fully understood what that sensation was. And, and then I
heard, wait, were you turn, do you feel like you were aroused by the, the whole. Femininity of the situation? No, that was straight up tips. Or do you feel, or is this like Absolutely not. You took the standpoint of like boobs. Boobs. I'm gone. Boobs hot. Hey, just, just, just curious. You know, there's dudes an ass like, whoa. In my head I have this contradiction of, or this look like, I mean, I can get it being like, look, there's the guy pumping, doing a penis pump.
But, and then, yeah, and then this very elegant, sensual, exactly like soft body going down a water slide and falling
even that it wasn't, it wasn't, wasn't meant to be sexual, it was
just, those are those, those are definitely
sexual. But that was filmed in a way to show the photography. It wasn't filmed in the way of a dude's dick out and him like pumping it like that, that was geared towards sexual. I didn't look at this and think like, oh, that's sexual. I honestly thought it was beautiful. I thought it was this like art form that they were creating. Yeah. But I just remember being like, oh, girls are on. Okay, I'm ready. I'm peeked, I'm, I'm watching. And then to be like a dude, I'm
now in, I'm, I'm, I'm just paying attention. I'm in. And
if it was a dude then I'd be like, ah, I'm just gonna. Go back to drawing. I don't really care. Um, and so I do feel like that was really my first time in like, why am I attracted to females in this way? Yeah, but I'm not attracted to males in this way. And so I think that that was actually really my first like aha moment, I guess. Mm-hmm. And then I also remember being super confused because I was in elementary school and then like up into middle school and I had always been attracted.
So now I'm up into like middle school now, and now I'm watching like actual, like porn. Yeah. But I was still watching porn ba like geared towards women. Yeah, I'm, I'm so sorry. Like women porn. I don't, I'm saying this wrong, but this is also
us in middle school with our, I know. I'm, so, our ability to watch pornography around that time was, I mean, Cinemax. Yeah. Uh, like the, the late Night Red Shoe Diaries and, and the late night.
And, and, but also, yeah, you're right. It was like some of the HBO stuff, but I just remember everything. Me being, oh my God. I remember the first time I saw a lesbian scene and I was like, I li I think that was one of the first times that I was like, I'm masturbating to this right now. Wait a minute, I can do that. Yeah. And I, and but if I would've seen anything else, or, and not even two guys, but even like a girl and a guy I had seen, but it didn't drive me to touch myself.
Yeah. Like it did when I saw two women together. Yeah. So, And then I was like going to school and I'm like masturbating to women at home, but then I'm in school and I'm not attracted to these girls. Right. And it took me a minute to be like, oh, I like the women form. I like the woman form. Like I'm not attracted to the girls that are my age that are 12. I'm not attracted to that. And so it was very, you're attracted
to the, the mature out, the matured from female stand standpoint being like, Ooh, wait a minute, you're fully formed. Love that. Yeah. Hey, listen, we're on the same page with that one. Like Yeah, I bet I can get that. Yeah, I bet. Especially at that
age. Yeah. And, and so I just remember being like, Okay. This is super confusing because I'm dating boys, but I'm masturbating to women. Yeah. And, and, and, and it took me a while to kind of like grasp the concept. I don't think it was really until high school. Mm-hmm. At that point that I, um, slightly started like exploration into, um, friends and touch and like kissing and doing things like that. And I So
were, you're saying that that was the first time that you slept with a woman?
No, I didn't sleep with a woman until like, I would say college, but that's college timeline. I didn't really, page wise, yes, thank you. Okay. College timeline. But in high school I was still like kissing my friends and like doing all this stuff and I'm dating boys, but I'm making out with my girlfriends. Yeah. And so it was this really interesting thing for me that I didn't really quite understand. And it wasn't until my first experience with one of my friends that.
Um, opened it up and I was like, oh, okay. No. This goes beyond, because at first I just thought maybe visually. Mm-hmm. Like maybe just visually I like women. Um, but that was the first time that it had opened up. And I was with a girl and I was like, no. I like the way they feel. I like the way that they touch me. Yeah. And so it was this big exploration. Um, Moment, but even after that, it was years until I had explored with the woman, and when I did it was with you, you know? Mm-hmm.
And, and I don't know our timeline as well as you do. When did I come out to you? Because you're really the first person that I came out to, um, I would
say probably about four years into our relationship.
And I didn't think that you were gonna be like, no, truthfully, I was actually afraid of the opposite where I was gonna be like, yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah. No. Yeah. I love that you're telling me this. Like, let's get a girl now, now a girl. And, and, and I think I'd had that fear even though knowing that you're not like that. Yeah. Um, but I do think that that's what held me back from. Disclosure to others because it was oversexualized. Mm-hmm.
If a girl 20, uh, not 20 15, 15 years ago was like, oh, I'm bisexual. Guys are like, oh yeah. And it just felt like, yeah,
but that, that's the unfortunate world that we've lived in. Yeah. And like at least we have some little inkling that there is some change going on. But it's, it's, I think there is way under the surface now changes. I think that's happening's way under the surface where guys. Most of 'em don't realize this.
And guy, straight men, please, please enter this, is that if you are dealing with a situation in which it is, it is, um, you are, you're dating someone that's a bisexual or you're involved in a open relationship or just somebody that is non-binary. Yeah. And, and opening up about their sexuality, it's not about you. Um, I think that's one of the biggest misconceptions. I see it all the time in like advertisements for these dating apps and mm-hmm.
The way that people portray threesome is it's very like male-centric. Yeah. It's very much like it's all about him and
it's, and, and it's two innocent girls looking at the men waiting for him to do something.
Yeah. And we ha and we even had a conversation with somebody that's been like, well, I don't know what I would do if I. Needed to please two women. I'm like, dude, that's, but that's not what you're doing. That's understand real quick. It's not about you. And two women in that instance. Yeah. It's together. It's about everybody. It's about, it's about everyone. It's a community. Yeah. At that point. And it's just, it, it drives me wild to think that there is still that viewpoint.
We're seeing some change. We are, we're happy to see some of the change and that there's some people that are coming around and being like, oh, it's not about me and, and, and me getting off and my wants and my, it's about
us. I think anytime that anyone experiences a three of four threesome for the first time, it is never going to go the way you think it's going to. And, and it's so, especially in a committed relationship. Yes. Like it's so different. And I'll fucking say my tagline, you don't take three people to Six flags for a reason. It is difficult. Yeah. Like there's very few
rides that accommodate for all of you, for all
three, you know, and so, I love that, the point that you're bringing up. And I do feel like that was one of the reasons that I didn't come out later on in life. It wasn't cuz I was like insecure or I, I didn't know. I knew at that point, the first time I was with a girl, I was like, oh yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm fucking gay. Like this is not,
um, I love Dick, but I also Yeah. Really like
pussy. I just, women feel good and men thrust. Well, I don't know, but it was just, Um, but that's, so
that's, I mean, that's a question that I have for you then. Yeah. Is dealing with the realization of bisexuality, not just sitting back and being like, wow, I really like women. I am, I must be gay. But being like, well, wait a minute. I like women, but I also like men. Yeah. How do, how do you handle something
like that? It was really confusing. Honestly. I spent the, like better, half of my adolescence vastly
confused. Like we were in a time where it was You're either gay or straight. Yes. It was no in between. Well,
and also at a time that like bisexuals are ridiculed, we're. Still
slightly ridiculed. Like we had a, we got a point, like story time. We had a point where we were in a car with a friend of ours who was gay and we won't, we never named names or anything like that, but where that person was just trashing bisexuals and I had, and calling them greedy I know. And saying they can't make up their minds.
I'm just sitting there like, like, okay, thanks. If you know I ate pussy and Dick last night, um, does that make me selfish? I don't think that makes me selfish, I don't think. I think. But it, it was, it was difficult because when I did finally come to the realization, I was like, okay, this is. Who I am and it's fine. I don't think I struggled with it as much because I also had this like level of but I'm still kind of straight. And I think that that yeah.
Carried me through my adolescence a little bit more. Like I only really dated men. I masturbated to women dated men, and it's just, that's how it was. Mm-hmm. Um, and it really wasn't until you that I felt comfortable enough to be like, Hey, I'm going to express who I am for the first time and not be worried that it. It's met with this like, oh yeah. Like yeah, you are. Yeah. It, it was met with like silence cuz you were listening.
Yeah. And you were like allowing me to share everything that I needed to and then, um, which I super appreciate by the way, because if you would've met me with that Inappropriate in my head. Like, fuck yeah. Let's do this. Then it really would've turned me off. Right. But you didn't, you're It was much like, thank you for telling me. Uh, and, and you had a light bulb, I think. I feel like I saw the light bulb in your head go off. It all makes sense now. Yeah. We were like, oh,
I, I think one of the biggest things about that is it took one of the, one of the. Biggest fights we ever had in our relationship. Yeah. And brought it into the light and allowed us, and I'll be straightforward, I think it allowed us to heal from it. And this is one that was made. At the time, and I You mind if I tell the story Tom, Kerry, you can. We, we were out for, for Carrie's birthday. My birthday, and we were all having a good time. You were.
And everything was going well, and Carrie started getting really frisky and, and she started like making out with her girlfriends and all that. And it just threw me off. It threw me for a loop. I wasn't okay with it. Mm-hmm. It hadn't been discussed before. We hadn't discussed it, anything like that. And I got really, really pissed off and. I ended up making a scene and I fully have taken. Accountability for it. And poli, we've, we moved on from it now. Yeah, we're fine.
But at the time I remember being like, what the fuck are you doing? Mm-hmm. Like I had made it been like, you're essentially cheating in front of me. Yeah. Like you're doing like, it didn't bo bother like matter what gender it was or anything like that. I was so mad. And then it. Once we had the conversation, you opened up to me. Mm-hmm. And were like, I'm bisexual. And for me, like making out with my friends is, is something that I just like, we had this whole conversation.
I know I'm stumbling over my words, that's fine. But it's because I'm doing this all off the top of the head. Mm-hmm. Uh, but it was something that allowed us to put this instance into perspective more. Yeah. And go, oh shit. I mean, that
was literally one of the first, like after you heard me, That was one of the first things you're like, that makes a lot of sense for your birthday that year. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, it actually does, doesn't
it? Yeah. It, it just, it brought everything into light and Yeah. That knowledge that, that ability to, to accept and, and learn from each other was like, oh, this is why this happened. Yeah. Okay. Cool. That all seems like. Way far away now that seems like it's no big deal at this
point. Yeah, and it was silly too because I, that was one thing that I wouldn't say that I like masked it exactly, but when I would drink that was when it would like, yeah. Oh my God.
And we've, we've said this in the podcast before where you've been like, that's just what I do. Girls, just friends girls just make out with their friends
out
and have had been like, no, that's. It's not like a thing that that is a thing for you and it is a thing
for, I just get ready, go down on her and go eat. It's nothing. Everyone does this. We eat out and then we eat out. Exactly. See, that should be a podcast episode title,
but it, it's, it's allowed this. Increased level of connectedness. Yeah. Within our relationship with you being open to your sexuality. Mm-hmm. And it's something I've strived for my, for many, many years, is to be as open as possible, as accepting as possible. Mm-hmm. I don't give a shit who you are. I mean, I'm gonna make you become acceptable. Yeah. Like, I wanna listen to you and be like, wow, I respect the, the words come outta your mouth.
Yeah. I respect the person that you are and I think that as long as you are happy with it, then we can. We can vibe and we can have a great time. And you know what?
We are, we've had a lot of fun ever since then. We have. Um, and it did open up our relationship more. Um, and, and, you know, yeah, we, y'all, y'all know our story at this point, but, um, Again, going back to, I was sitting at yoga and I was like, I just, I don't think I've ever really told my story. Not, not like officially. I mean, we've said a little bit on the podcast and stuff, but with it being June 1st today, yeah, it was Pride month. And
so whenever you're listening to this, I'm wondering when it was recorded. It was June 1st.
Yeah. Uh, but I was like, Lynn, I was like, you know what? We have something planned, but I, I really wanna do this. I wanna come on here and kind of tell my story a little bit. And, and I hope that it. Resonates with someone. Yeah. Um, and I was fortunate enough to have a husband that I could sit down and talk with, but I, if you are an invi, an individual and you are struggling with your sexuality, um, and you want to come forward with your partner, Message us if you need tips.
Yeah, let's talk about it. Yeah. Like we would love to help you. So we do, we are doing a coaching business as of right now where you can, I
don't
know if you know this or not, but you have coaching with kc. Yes.
We, we do. We have, we have a whole entire coaching thing. And that could be as simple as a 30 minute call to say, I wanna disclose this to my partner. What are, what is your advice? Yeah. Um, but if you ha, if you have not come out and you are not ready to come out, You keep riding whatever train you need to ride until you are ready to get off. But until that moment, if you need a little bit of encouragement, reach out to us.
Um, yeah, for sure. We're happy to help. As, as always, a hundred percent you sexy, bisexual?
Yeah. No, we're both taking a drink. Pause for a second.
But I mean, I, I'm, I'm sure that. Pride, pride, month and demand. It's, it's crazy. We've been seeing all sorts of stuff. Mm-hmm. Going on lately. It's amongst our friends, amongst mentors that we have and seeing the way that they celebrate pride. And we're gonna do our best. Like we, we try to do our best every year of just being like, me personally, I try to be a supporter in any way that I can. I will advocate for you, I will defend you. I will have a hold space for you to.
Yeah, to just talk. I will attend any fucking event that you've got, especially if it's a pool party like we're gonna be in on Sunday. I'm very excited. We're doing a big, we're going to a big pride event, like a big pride party. Our first
pride. Party. Yeah, I'm super excited. And this will be an episode if you're curious. This will definitely be an episode.
So yeah, we're gonna do some onsite recording. I'm so excited. You should be for this Sunday. We're gonna have fun. I've got a shirt coming in. Says a gay party says Daddy on it and Rainbow. Oh yeah. Like I'm happy about that.
Are you gonna like ride on the bag just gay adjacent? No, I'm
gonna make a shirt that says gay adjacent. You
should, oh. So we're gonna go ahead and just like transition now over to, uh, what this episode was topic most to be about. Um, so I'm on a Facebook. We are both actually in a Facebook group and it's just, it's like ridiculous questions. I'm not going into what the actual group is called, but it's like if you have a ridiculous question, write it out. And we have read some of the most intense,
I love the word weird because I, I, when you see it, you see weird as a positive term. I do. Uh, some of these questions are out there we'll just say, go ahead
and say it things. I'm like, it just could have been a Google, you know. But, um, I, I love our banter. I want us to go through some of these questions. It's just kind of for fun. Uh, what you
got. I actually wanna start off with, with what would be considered like a. Really odd off the cuff gay question. Mm-hmm. And it almost makes no sense because we're gonna set the record straight on this one. It says, why would a straight male wanna engage in anal sex? Anal sex isn't gay. Like we just clearly air on stimulation of a pleasurable zone in your body. It doesn't make you gay. Gay in in any way, shape or form. Yeah. Also, That's not a bad thing in the first place.
So people enjoy stimulation of different areas of their body, various homogenous zones. Males happen to have a high bundling of nerves right around the prostate. Mm-hmm. So stimulation of the prostate can feel really good. And where is the prostate located? Where you can easily access it. If you enter in through the anus. Mm-hmm. It's not, no, it's not located in your butt hole. I know that. But the easiest way to access it is by putting, inserting a finger Yeah.
Into your anus and going and feeling around in there for, you know, an inch and a half or two inches in. But that doesn't, just because you enjoy the stimulation, it doesn't make you gay. So the question of like, why would a straight man want to try anal sex? Yeah. Now let's flip it around. Whatever it says, why would a straight man wanna try anal sex with a, a baby, a female partner? Mm-hmm. Or somebody that they're in a relationship with. Uh, I can give my perspective of why I enjoy anal sex.
Um, a because of the stigma around it. Ooh, it's something you shouldn't do. Or it's like more of like this, this. Sexy forbidden zone that you shouldn't interact with. That's a turn on for me. Mm-hmm. It's something that's like, don't push the big red button. Well now I wanna push the fucking big red button. That's part of it. Really good. Yeah. I appreciate that. Secondly, because it's a definite different, different feeling Yeah. Than like vaginal intercourse.
So, And from oral intercourse as well. Mm-hmm. It's just a different stimulating feeling. I have access to it. Yeah. So therefore I want to do it. And, and thirdly, like, it is pleasurable. It just, it does feel good. Like I, I think so. Um, but do, do you have to go slow? Yes. Do you have to use lots of lube? Yes. Do you have to listen and communicate well with your partner? That's kind of part of the arousal of it. Yeah. Is that you?
I do have to like be in heavy communication and I do have to go very slow. And so it's almost like this, like this, wow. What's the word I'm looking for? It's, it's very much that I just want to like, dive into it, but it has to be all, uh, systematically done. Yeah. And it's arousing for me. So, yeah, you know what the, any anal sex of any sort, it doesn't make you. Gay? No. Think let's clarify that real quick. Your attraction, your sexuality, um, that's where gay and, and
comes into place. Yeah. It's just, it's just something you enjoy doing. And as for you kind of like, I was making a joke earlier you're not interested in it and that's okay. Yeah. That doesn't make you more straight. Exactly. Like it's just, you're not into it. I'm not going, I'm not done trying. But you keep,
you keep on trying. I'm not Go right ahead. Trying. You go right ahead. I'm comfortable in my sexuality and my boundaries, so I'm happy to be like, Hey, you can go to here and then we'll try this. Eh, maybe go ahead and stop. Right? Yeah.
He always makes me stop, so don't worry. Oh yeah, for sure. I've tried.
What is something that most people find sexy that you don't That is such a broad, that's the most br that's really being like, that's being like, Hey, what turns you on and what doesn't? Everyone's different. It's, it's, that's a,
yeah. Everyone's different. But for something
to like, so let's, let's take it down a little bit and go, okay. Carrie, what's something that turns you on?
Titties. See, that's normal though. Is it
normal? You know, a fine. Oh, there we go. So now we're, now we're k cracking some codes. Fine.
I will, I will. This is super personal.
This is why we're here.
Oh my God. Can't believe I'm saying this. Okay. Um. This is not recent. It's not recent, but it was when I started like really getting into and watching porn. For some reason, I really liked watching black men fuck white guys. Okay. Exclusively. So gay porn? Yes, but it had to be a black guy, fucking a white guy. Why do you think that is? I dunno. You don't know. But I remember the first time I saw it and I was like, who? Oh, okay. That, that's okay.
And then it was like, Why am I still watching though? And then it was like,
I'm like 20 minutes in. Yeah. And then I'm
like, this is kinda hot. And I don't know why it's so weird. Uh, I don't think I've ever told you this. No, this is, I don't think I've ever said this out loud.
No. This is news to me right now, which I, if this says anything, this is typically how we handle situations where we're like, you're doing something. It's with acceptance and nonjudgment. Yeah.
Yeah. It's, this is what you're into. Cool. Um. And, but it, but that was definitely when I like first started watching porn and I remember being like, this has nothing to do with women. There's no women at all. No, the chicks never came. Well, no one says she never showed up. And so I'm still watching, but then like, and then I was like, okay, maybe it is just like gay porn and maybe I'm into gay porn. And then I would see Okay. And let me backtrack a little bit.
It has to be exclusively like fucking, okay,
so not like oral. Not oral. Okay. So like watching two, like one man's second, another man's dick. Don't wanna
do that. Meh. It's, yeah, I'm not against it. Cause you traditionally,
if we aren't watching porn or something, then you aren't aroused by blowjobs. And that's the
thing, right? Like if it's a blowjob video, I am like, girl on it. Let's, yes. I wanna watch a girl suck a dick. Yeah, but do I wanna watch a guy? No, I don't. Okay. And that's just my own thing. It's just my own preference. Yeah. But I, and to this day, I have no idea why, but there was a period where I was like, okay, I'm totally down to watch a guy, a black guy, fuck a white guy in the
ass. I mean, I feel like we could break so much of that down. We probably, I wanna look over here and be like, we need, I need like a therapist to come in here. We can talk about like cultural views and we can talk about. Like dominance that
we can talk about, because I did try to see the opposite. Like would I like watching a white guy do that? And I was like, I'm not in, I'm not here for it. Yeah. It had to be the black man fucking the white guy. I'm not gonna, I know you want to. I know you do. And I'm almost setting you up for it because I want you to say it. No,
but you're not. I would never say anything that. Get me in trouble.
Yeah. No, we're, we're not. But that, to answer that question, that is probably the one thing that I'm like, I don't know why it's a turn on. Yeah. But it is, but it's also been years since I've watched it, so I'm not really sure.
Now. Wait, but then, then, is this something like, whatever you're watching porn, do you like bisexual porn? Like so call it a threesome. Two guys a girl and it's like guy, fucking a guy, fucking a girl. No, it's exclusively, it's like literally this fucking my guy. So it's super niche. It's,
I'm serious. I've tried. I've looked at other things. I'm just like,
eh. This would easily fall into the category of what's something that turns you on. That doesn't necessarily turn others on. That's an interesting one. It's, that's a good one. I, God, I can't top that. Someone turn it down and be like, uh,
I was gonna say your turn, Casey, but you can't top that.
No, I don't think I can top that. What, what is something that would turn me on? Um, this is not gonna fall into a porn category. This is gonna fall into actual, is I really enjoy watching. Yeah. I, I, I, I don't wanna say CD because I don't enjoy Yeah. We're not at that point watching you with another man. Um, but I do enjoy watching you with another women and not, and not being involved. Mm-hmm. Being like just sitting back and being like an observer.
Yeah. There's something about that that just draw me in. Um, I don't know what it is, but I feel like that's, I mean, you think that's a normal thing? Because I, I feel like a lot of the, most of the people I've talked to in terms of like threesomes and stuff, they're like, no, no, I wanna be involved. I don't wanna not be involved. That doesn't mean you don't wanna watch, but they use, they use the watching part as like the, the entryway? Yeah. It's like their play. I'll start off watching.
Yeah. Okay. Well, what if you're told that you don't, you're not going to be involved at all. Are you still okay with it? Or is it still arousing to you? Yeah. Or are you like, well, wait a minute. What about mine? I'm more along the lines of like, yeah, I enjoyed joining in, but I would be content with just. Experiencing the moment. Yeah. Kind of being in the moment. Hell, I would be content with being like, I'm gonna be the camerara person. Right. Like I will take, I will film the entire thing
and see as someone like me as an exhibitionist, right. That likes to be watched to have me. It's one of the reasons we work well. I know to have me with another girl and you being like the recording like that would be a huge turn on for
me. See? There you go. Yeah, we learn new stuff all the time. Uh, but this is this with these open
questions though, right?
Yeah. And the non-judgmental acceptance of what actually turns a person on. Like, I feel like there's a lot of people that would hear some of these things and go, well, wait, what the fuck? And they'd get pissed off. Or they'd be, I mean, maybe they'd have this emotional response.
Hopefully they would listen to our episode beforehand and understand the importance of communication. Yeah. And comfortability. Yeah. And, and consent two there. It's. Tell you like that's
all three. You had all
three of them. Good for you. And Cunty. Go ahead.
So, well, this one's gonna be a little bit sciencey for a second, but it's a, why is male circumcision acceptable? Mm-hmm. When female circumcision is not, well, first of all, it's circumcision to me is a term used to describe male mutilation. Mm-hmm. That's where I'm at at this point. Uh, in my, my, so we had a baby
tomorrow and he was a male. We wouldn't circumcised,
I wouldn't say, I would rather him not be circumcised. Yeah. We are in a first world country. We don't have to worry about like hygiene Yeah. Of that kind of thing. Um, there was a, there was a comment that you made the other day that you said somebody had, had mentioned to you. Mm-hmm. Uh, and it was about an uncircumcised person having an increased risk of cancer. Yeah. That was one of the, I, I haven't looked into that yet. I plan on looking fully into that.
Yeah. Cuz that's hard for me to grasp. A, a belief of saying that if you're uncircumcised Yeah. That extra bit of skin, the way that it works is that it increases your risk of, of some certain type of cancer. I, I'm still trying to connect the dots there. Yeah. Um, oh, I'm happily, I will change my damn opinion if that's the case. But for as far as I'm concerned, there's no need for, there's no purpose. I mean
then, then everyone cut your tits off because you might get cancer. Come on, you,
you have increased. Right. Cancer every
cut them
tits off press. Yeah. So let's everybody get mastectomies. No. And now we're preventing it. Yep. Right. So
maybe that's the solution.
We have somebody listening that's like, Yes. That's what we need absolutely to do.
But I think the thing though is like, female and please, no, Dr. Casey correct me. Female. Um, circumcision was to we talking
like female mutilation. Yes. Yeah. We're just gonna go ahead and call it all
mutilation. Okay. But female mutilation was to take away
orgasm. Uh, so it's, it's depends on the culture. That you're dealing with. Okay. So there's a lot of, of religiosity in there. There's a lot of different viewpoints. Mm-hmm. One of the reasons why female mutilation has occurred in the past is to, uh, take away of, uh, the female's ability to have an orgasm during intercourse to dis like, take her away from having premarital sex, uh, bec And that, again, that goes back to the religious aspect of it.
Yeah. But that is one of the reasons why female mutilation has occurred in the past. There is literally like a myriad of reasons really, of why females have been mutilated and a lot of 'em are really fucked
up things. I, I do think that times are changing and I honestly, I, I wish I had my son circumcised. You know, I just, at the time, 15 years ago, 14 years ago, we just, I didn't even really think about it. It was just what you did,
you know, and that's what, it still kinda remains. It's the same thing with a lot of, a lot of procedures that are not. Really necessary. Necessary. And they just do it. It's like, yeah, no, we, we do it just because we do it. Mm-hmm. We're gonna go ahead and do it. But you're putting, I mean, you are putting a a, an infant through a tremendous amount of pain. Trauma Yeah. And trauma whenever you're doing something like this.
So, like looking back would you be comfortable not being circumcised? Do you feel like that stigma, it's not a, I don't wanna say it's a stigma, it's just, it's become such the norm, but this is what you do.
Yeah. Right. It's what parents do. Oh, we go ahead and we, we circumcised. That's because this is what people are used to a penis looking like. Yeah.
You know, they're used to, I mean, I do remember the first time I saw my, uh, first uncircumcised penis and, and I think it was unreal sex. Honestly, I think that was the first time that I even knew that that was a thing. People
are wearing v-neck, not turtlenecks. Right? Yes. So, yes,
and, and I, I, I just, I literally remember being like, is that a different organ? I haven't seen that organ before. Why is it, why is that? Look like that I, whenever I was younger and it was like a cocoon. Why does it look like
that? I remember I was little and looking at my own penis and being like, I have a, why is this part this, this color? This color? Yeah. And this part a different shape. Like what's, what is all of this? And I didn't know what it was.
Yeah. Like it was literally something I was like, I'm, I'm gonna be very, very, I'm gonna disclose some information, and I don't think you told me this as at one point I was, whenever I was younger in adolescence and I didn't know what a circumcision scar was, uhhuh, that I was like, am I touching myself too much? That I've, like, I'm, I'm this color of it. I'm dead serious on this. Like, am I, am I doing this too much that like I'm affecting the skin and it's causing this?
I didn't know it was a circumcision scar. Can you
imagine if you're a girl masturbating and your little bean just popped off? Popped off? I'm sorry. I just imagine a girl like masturbating so much and goes totally random.
That was very fucking random. It was. Let's go to the next question. All right, so that's that one. Um, let's see, so, uh, body hair preferences. This is a good one because it's like, do you prefer hair, no. Hair preference, all of that. It's, to me, that's literally personal preference. Yeah.
And I think it's something you need to talk to your partner about. Yeah. Um, Casey prefers if I'm just like bald,
right? Like nothing. But do I ever tell you that you ha need to do it? No. No.
You don't care. Right. Like, I mean, there are times where I've let it go. Mm-hmm. You know, and I don't like groom, but it gets. Much longer. Um, and you've never really said anything, but I want to me, as the, um, vagina owner, I'm not like, I don't care. If you want it shaved, I'll shave it for you. That's totally fine. Like, I don't have a preference because it's me. Like I'm, I'm not shoving my head down there. It's not getting in my way, you know, so I don't care.
But For you, like grooming. You've asked me the same question like, Hey, how do you prefer? Yeah. And you prefer Harry? I don't want you to be bald. I don't like that. Look
at all. And that's something that I do because you've asked Yeah. Is that I've been like, I actually enjoy like trimming. I actually enjoy like nice and neat. Yeah. I don't, and this and this whole thing. So I'm like, but that's okay.
But that's also cause you don't get crazy ass bushy. That's true. If, if, if you just fucking. Bush, like trim the hedges, man. First of all, it's gonna make your dick look bigger. Yeah. Trim your bush. If your dick looks small and you want it to look bigger, just as like a standing there, trim your bush down. Any,
just saying onto onto it, the whole thing, like one of the biggest things that we have that we say here is that it's all about what are you comfortable in? Mm-hmm. You know, we have a lot of people that talk to us that are single. And they're like very big on self-empowerment and they're like, if I don't want it, I'm not going to do it. I'm not gonna do that. When you enter into a long-term relationship, there is communication and you do make compromises. Yeah. If not sacrifices for each other.
We do that because we're happy to Yeah. Not because we're like, I'm feeling forced to, forced to, or we're feeling like we don't need to, like we, we do it because like we, like it's a That's a thing we have to do. Yeah. It's just like, I'm cool with it like, Oh, that's what you prefer? Yeah, I'm fine with that. Yeah. So whenever you talk to me and you were like, Hey, do you prefer shaved or grown out for me? I'm like, I prefer shaved. And this is mostly because of the, the feeling.
This is a lot to do with the, with just like this smooth look. Yeah. I can see a lot more. Than if you are covered up. And so I enjoyed that. And your response to that is like, that's fine with me. I'll do that. It's, it's no skin off your back. Go get me a just hair off your vagina.
Yeah, no. And, and so just to go back to it, like just communicate that with your partner. Um, if you are someone that you like to have hair and they want you to be bald, then maybe in the middle a little bit have a five o'clock shadow or something. You know, if
it's something that you're absolutely like, I don't want to do this then don't do it. Don't, yeah. Like, you don't, no one's forcing you to do it. And I would really hope that your partner is not like, you must do this, but if it's something you're like, eh, it's not a, not a big deal to me, then communicate, talk. Mm-hmm. Find out. So that preference becomes in the relationship. What do you both want? Well,
and, and, and also, like, don't assume, you know, I, I think that there, for the longest time, I assumed. That you wanted it to look a certain way? I assumed correctly, but I did assume I didn't. Just like, oh, let's have this conversation. I never did that with you. I mean, I didn't have the conversation on how you wanted my vagina to look until I. Fucking like way later on and on into our relationship.
So staff, well, you have a very attractive vulva. Thank you. And I'm, I'm a fan of it. Thank you. I'll just clear that one up real quick. I like being able to see all of it. I get that
kinda a small vagina, you know. So if it's covered in hair, it's, what is it?
We've got enough time for a couple more questions. All right. And this is one of my favorite ones. One more question. This is one of my favorite ones. All right. Do you shower together after sex? We
only shower together. We talked about this exclusively.
We talked about this one before the episode. We went, I don't remember the last time. Like if, if I work out or something, I'm shower every by. That's different. You finish yoga, you're showering by yourself. Yeah. Uh, but 90% of the time we're showering together and the mornings, the evenings, like it's just what we do. We wash each other. Mm-hmm. We hang out. We like just talk. We sit there, we have a good time together. It's. It's like one of our intimate spaces.
Yeah. It really has become one of our intimate spaces. I always blow you. Yeah. 90% of the time, 90% of the time you get a blowjob. That's why you shower with me and I always wash your hair. You condition my hair? Yes you do. Yeah.
Condition. Oh my god. The hair stylist
speaks. Don't tell people that you wash my hair. I put, I'm going to correct you. I put stuff in it Yes. While I blow you. Um, but that's
always been our thing. Right? It has. And that, that's been this massive evolution. Yeah. And so we have this thing that we do together. Mm-hmm. Right? Is that we shower together and we talk and we hang out and we laugh when we play and we become sexual. And it's a great
thing. Yes. And it's become our thing though, like we've really adapted the shower into being like ours. And I can't fucking wait until we get a bigger goddamn shower. We're gonna ruin that thing when we get a bigger, we're not gonna get out of it. Where's when we get to be in that shower?
Uh, you, you, Carrie already knows how much I appreciate a good shower. Yes. I, I, I book hotel rooms exclusively around, based upon what the shower looks like. I, I want the whole nine yards. That's like my big thing for it. Um, let's see, what do we have? And then ladies, do you initiate sex? Why or why not?
We don't. We don't as much. Um, so this is, that's a cultural thing. Yeah, it is. It, it is. Because even if I were to think back to like early stages, first boyfriend and I remember. Trying to initiate and, and being told this is actually really inappropriate if you do that. Like it, it's, I, mm. You know, and it was always, not always, but it was just met with like a, oh, honey, no, don't, don't do that. Oh
my God, first of all, then don't do that. Do that. Yeah, do that. If you're listening to this, if I don't. Initiate. I don't care what role you play in the relationship, I don't care if you are into it. Fucking initiate, initiate, initiate. Like listen. Real quick.
Initiate. I know, but it's just, and I get it though. Like I, I talk to clients. I, I we're women and initiation is a hard thing because we personally take rejection stronger. Like I You're grim too. Yes. Because unfortunately for and but you're groomed the opposite way, unfortunately. Right? Like if I come to you and I say, I wanna have sex, and you tell me no. Well, Oh, okay dude, that doesn't wanna have sex. What's wrong with you?
Yeah. And you know, and then I'm the like, I'm this girl that I'm this beautiful, sexy thing and you don't want this. What do you mean you don't want this? Yeah. Now I'm insecure. Right. And so it is, it is unfortunate on both sides.
It, well, that's, it's relearning that sexuality, that arousal mm-hmm. Isn't based upon just the. Interaction between the two of you. It's based upon all of the environmental factors as well. Yeah, like that's part of that, that dual control system, right? It's part of that gas and brake system. What else is going on in my life right now, or your life right now that is turning us off? Hindering. Yeah. To sexuality,
so, I, I will say that's the thing that I probably struggle with the most, even in our relationship, is initiation. Yeah. Or I can like all day long at work I'm gonna get home and I'm gonna suck your dick and this is gonna be great and we're gonna do this. And I get home and I'm like, I don't wanna so tired. And
I've been the same thing. I've been like, this gonna be great. We're gonna have a great time, it's gonna be amazing. We're gonna do all this dirty stuff. Yeah. And then we get in bed, or like even in the bedroom and I'm like, I'm pretty exhausted. I just wanna turn on the feet and close my eyes,
but it, it is important, or we talk a lot about like having sex and like almost scheduling it out to people that are not comfortable with initiating sex. I strongly encourage you to set it out in your head. On Wednesdays and Saturdays, I'm going to initiate and I am not going to allow. My partner's response to affect my
mood, whether it be a yes, an enthusiastic yes or a no,
or a no. And but it is hard. It is hard to feel like you're putting yourself out there and getting denied. But for someone that never initiates you, you need to start and it's very sexy. And if you never initiate to your partner and you crawl on top of them and you initiate like. Oh my God. That'd be a big turn. Be such a turn on. Yeah. Such a turn on. You'd be surprised if you step outside of your comfort zone, how much fun that you can actually have.
Um, because I feel like it's in case you initiate a lot more than I do. Mm-hmm. I mean, does that get boring? Does it get old after a
while? No, but there's plenty of times where we've lined there and I've not necessarily been in the mood. Mm-hmm. But I know in my head, like I could get there. I'm certain I could get there. Oh, you can get there. I just don't wanna be, it's very rare that you don't, you can't get there. I don't wanna take that role at that time. I don't wanna push forward. But if you were to, and you were to initiate, then I'd be like, all right, this is, let's do this.
This is gonna be, this is actually a really great thing.
I mean, I would say I kind of initiated this morning. That's true. We were in bed. Oh, you're fine. No, you're fine. Go ahead. We were, we were in bed and uh, we were, we're getting up early cuz our son has to do, you know, summer school, not summer school but summer stuff.
And so summer activities, we'll go there and so he like got up and he got in the shower and, you know, you actually, I mean, I would say maybe I initiated but you like, kind of like reached over and kind of touched on me a little bit and I was like, we can, uh, head over to my closet room and fuck standing up, if you like. And we were both out of that bed. Like so fast.
We're like, wait a minute, we have kids. We can't do this here, but we can go to this room and we can make it happen. We can go to the other room. Yeah. And not to never, so yes, consider that you initiating, but
we did and then we immediately went in there. We immediately had sex and it was great. And I think I text you like three times today being like, sex was
really good. Yeah. And but then the opposite end of that, for anyone that attempts this and it's like. You know, I, I, I attempted the initiation and I climbed on top of my partner, or I started touching them and they were non-responsive. Mm-hmm. Please don't take that personally. Don't cry. Like in the first, in the first bit. If this is going on over and over and over again for a long period of time, that's probably, y'all should have a bigger conversation.
But in the initial, like if y'all are a fairly regular couple, what? Regular for yourselves, like subjectively, regular, and you initiate. And it's not taken with an enthusiastic yes. Or it's not like a quick, yeah, this would be great. Don't take it personally. Um, you don't know what's going on in the life of your partner right now. And I know a lot of people are like, well, I know my partner better than anyone. I know what's going on in their life. Not necessarily.
They have daily stressors that hit them all the time that are, that are bombarding them with negativity.
Yeah. So real quick though, as like. Yes, a hundred percent. Because yes, you can understand where your partner's at, but you don't always know where they're at. Right. So if you're the partner that is saying no, yeah, this is where negotiations can come into play. Oh, for sure. And in very important. So I. Understand that if your partner is coming to you and they're saying, I wanna have sex, I wanna be sexual, I wanna be active, I wanna do this, I wanna do that. And you're not in the mood.
It is your job. In my opinion, and you can correct me Casey if I'm wrong, but in my opinion as the person saying, no, it is then your job to say no. But what if we cuddled instead? Yeah. What if we made out. For a little bit. Instead, don't reject them and be like, no, bye, see you later. I don't want any of that.
Like how can you compromise your feelings or the act that they're looking for in a way that still gives them that, like not sexual pleasure necessarily, but just that like sexual intimacy. Ease in mind that, or just no, like intimacy. Like a lot of times when you're. Looking for sex. It's not about coming, it's about the intimate moments that you're having
with that partner. Well, usually what I do is if you try to initiate, and I'm not up up for it, what I'll typically say is it typically starts with I love you. Um, I, I'm not in a sexual place right now. I don't know that I'm gonna be able to get there. Mm-hmm. Tonight, I, I'm happy to cuddle you like you want to like. Kiss for a little while.
You wanna make out Yeah, you want to hang out, or if we can cuddle up on each other and be intimate, but I'm not in a sexual mood, um, you can also instruct your partner be like, Hey, listen, you're more than welcome to, and please take this lightly, but you're more than welcome to go masturbate. Mm-hmm. Like if that's, if that'll help you out. But I'm just not in a sexual place right now. Yeah. And then y'all can come to an agreement. Yeah, that's great.
So that, that is the biggest reason why I'd say the partner that's hearing the no needs to become rejection proof. Yeah. And needs to be able to handle that rejection, not as a slight against them, but is just understanding that their partner is not there right now and doesn't mean they don't love them. Yeah. And it doesn't mean they're not attracted to them or aroused by them. This means, I know it just means that they're not in a place.
But I like the point that you said earlier though, if this is the 10th time, And it's still No. And still no, it's still no. Over and over. Then it does need to be a conversation. Yeah. It a hundred percent needs to be a conversation. Um, sex for, for, for us or me. I don't know. I don't wanna speak for you, but sex for me, that's what makes me feel the closest to you.
Hmm. And so if we were not having sex and not having sex, and, and maybe I should say intimate, throw the sex term out, but if we were not being intimate with one another, it would really affect our relationship and. I feel like that can go for most people. Mm-hmm. And so if that's something that y'all are experiencing, then it doesn't need to be met with the conversation. Yeah. And if you can't have that conversation as adults, then maybe you also need, at that point, seek counseling.
Yeah. But lack of intimacy in a relationship is a red flag somewhere, but it is a red flag. Yeah. Um, and so it, well, that leads into a
whole thing of like, oh yeah. And we don't have time determining what sex means for you. Yeah. We don't have time for that,
but it's, it's just
we will, we will do an entire episode that is entirely like how to define your sex life mm-hmm. For your relationship because sex
and how early define your sex life. Yeah. Before that relationship. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. We got a
lot going on with that. But tonight we are done. Yeah, we're done for tonight. So take, take all of that, like, oh God. Happy pride to everybody I know. Like I, I, I want, I wanna be, uh, I can't wait for this. This is gonna be so good. There's a lot of good things
that
come in here. Yeah. We, we have a lot planned for this month. Um, for whatever odd reason, if you're not following us on Instagram, give us a follow at, come with kc, come with Casey. Um, Twitter, come with Casey, Twitter, Facebook. Um, and then, yeah, we we're very serious what we talked about earlier with the coaching, this is something that we're very passionate about, and if you have questions, please reach out to us. And, uh, we're happy to help. Yeah.
So for another episode of Come With Casey, we are your host. I'm Dr. Casey Sanders. And I
am Carrie Sanders. I was gonna, I almost forgot your name. Well, no, cause I was gonna, like, I was trying to see if I could rhyme something to do with Gay and Carrie, but it just doesn't work, so I'm just Carrie. No, it doesn't,
it doesn't, you're as always, just Carrie. That's just Carrie. All right. We'll see y'all next time