Well, hello and welcome to another episode of Come With Casey. I am your co-host. Hello. Hello, I am your co-host, Carrie Sanders. You sound stuffy. Stop it. I know. So guys, yes, I'm a little under the weather, but I'm better. This is the second episode
you've recorded when Under the
weather. Listen, I can't help it. I work around people and on. all day long. It's sometimes underneath people. Sometimes underneath people, and I can't help it sometimes on top of people, you know? Yeah. Most times on top of people in my industry, oh,
oh wait, I was going sexual with that. You know? Oh no, I'm not on top
very often. I was more, no, not I was more thinking like they sit in a chair and I stand above them, so I am then like on top of sea. Some people pay good money for that. They would Yes. So again, thank you for, uh, coming with us on our next episode. I'm her co-host Carrie Sanders.
And I'm Dr. Casey
Sanders. And we got a few things to talk about today. Oh
my gosh. We do, we wanna talk about lube?
Yes. This lube that we just tried out like five minutes ago.
Well, this is not the topic of the episode. This is, no, it's not. This is just us putting something out there. Look, um, I know that one of the biggest issues that we've run into in the past, whenever we've been using lube is the. And
the stickiness not a fan of that. Right.
Especially if you're having to go back for more. Yeah. Um, so say that like you're giving a hand job and you use a little bit of lube and it starts to dry up, so you use a little bit more and then you're having to grab the bottle and it's sliding through your hands and it feels gross and it's getting on the sheet
super sticky. It's everywhere. It's all down your legs. It's just not, I'm not a fan of it, to be honest.
Neither I, yeah. So we came across this company actually who makes a product that not only is a lube Spencer, But it also is a lube warmer, so no more having to buy. Warming lube that activates this will warm it for you. Mm-hmm. and it will dispense it in a nice, proper size directly into your
hand. Yeah. It's like motion censored. So you literally just like put your hand underneath it and it just like gives you more. Right. And so, love that. So this
company is called Pulse. Mm-hmm. Um, you can go to, what is it? Love My pulse.com. And you can check out their lubes. They have water-based lubricants. They have massage oil. They have also, um, what is it, silicone based lubricants now. We've been trying these out, um, today quite a bit. Yeah. Actually. Yeah. And have noticed how fucking amazing these things are. So you
made a really good point though. Anytime that you've ever used a lube on me, I immediately have to go wash off after, like I can, especially after it feels like. So I cannot stand the way it feels, but we use. Uh, and then we like went to lunch and like, I feel fine. I didn't, there was no cleanup nearly necessary. No, there really wasn't. And it was great and, and even the small amount that I felt that you used lasted. For the entire portion of foreplay.
Absolutely. So we want to give our full endorsement to this product. You can go to love my pulse.com. But a little bit about them is that they, uh, they use healthy formulations. Uh, and me as a doctor, like this is my big thing, right? I am a holistic doctor. I want the cleanest stuff
around. Yeah, I mean, we said that a few episodes back. Anything that we're going to advertise, we're gonna make sure our research is done on it first,
right? So these guys are using, there's no harmful chemicals, there's no preservatives, or at least harsh preservatives, and there's no, um, irritating added fragrances. They test them hypo hypoallergenic as well. So if and not on Animals, if you're sensitive then this is the kind of stuff for you. Yeah. So you can go to love my pulse.com and in fact you can use our discount code. Yes. Come with KC to get 10% off your order. Perfect.
So our suggestion to you is to go on their site, check 'em out. And gets you one of those dispensers as quick as you can.
I was say definitely get one of the, the little dispense things, cuz that is like the best thing I've ever seen lubes actually do. Because again, you're not like having lube on your hand and then trying to like open up the bottle and it slips outta your hand and flies across the room. Like right. This does not happen. There's sticky mess.
It's just a nice clean way to enjoy lubricated
sex. Yes. And I love this product. So
again, love my pulse.com discount code. Come with KC to get 10% off. Yeah.
Um, what's the next thing we're gonna talk?
Oh, we're talking about all sorts of things. We had an NGL that came through that. It's like, we did, we got this question and I lit up with being like, yes, we've been there. I feel you on this so much
because we have been there. Seen it, done it, and let, let's just get into it. I'm gonna find it. Super quick and I'm going to read it even faster. All
right. Is that your stalling
voice? That is totally me stalling. All right, I got
it. We don't have her, we don't have a producer right now to like pull a up for us. I
know, right? One day. One day we might. She's gonna be so hot and helpful. It's
Don't try to have sex with our employees,
you know? You know. All right, so it says, uh, again, ngo. We both work all right, and we have a new baby plot thickens. We clearly not an ever, we are clearly not in a romantic place. How do we come back? I love that they spelled come c u m. Appreciate that. How do we come back and make it right again? Meaning that they've had it once before and working. already makes a sex life difficult, and then adding a baby, a new baby into the mix of trying it to have a work, sex, life, family balance.
It's no longer a work life balance. Yeah, it's work life, sex
balance, and not even, but it's like a baby. Yeah. You talk about a needy fucker, well, a baby.
Let's talk about some of the changes that happen in a relationship. Yeah. Once you have a baby, and I don't just mean physical, cause we all understand that your body's gonna go through some massive trauma and some big healing changes. Mm-hmm. before you're even ready to start being intimate with your partner again. You, I can't imagine this as coming as a penis owner. What goes through a, a new mom of having these physical changes to the body? You just pushed.
This gigantic motherfucker out of you,
Yeah, dude, it's hard. I mean, like I said, I, I've pushed two gigantic motherfuckers out and it, it's definitely a difficult transition to get back into it and make you yourself, feel you
again. Yeah. Because your, your body's gone through those changes, right?
I mean, you went through nine months of a pregnancy, which you already don't necessarily feel like yourself. You feel like your body doesn't belong to you, and then afterward you're breastfeeding. Mm-hmm. that's difficult. Then your tits don't belong to you. I mean, a guy can't even touch 'em, you know what I mean? Without like lactating, and that's an in insecurity for us. You feel like just a rental property?
Yeah, essentially like it, it takes a long time and, and, and a little sidebar, like anyone that I've ever talked to about having a. A lot of times it takes from, it took me, both of my kids like almost a year to get back to normal. Yeah. To mentally, physically get back to normal. So to this person that wrote this, understand that you're not experiencing anything that no one else has experienced. We have all been there. We have all done this. We all feel this way. You're not alone.
You, yeah, you're a hundred percent not alone, but even you like asking, Hey, how do. Get back in, into that place, how to make it right again. You're already in the correct mindset. Yeah. You want it back. Yeah. Well,
I, I mean, also understand this, the, the fact is that children complicate sex lives. Um, 100% of the time. So you're already losing a sense of self-identity because of, of where you're at. Life's not about you anymore. You are now a caregiver. You are now, your focus is on, is on a child. And it's especially hard from what I understand with, with the first one. Um, you lose everything. Your body changes, your finances change. Mm-hmm. your work schedules change your sleep.
You have less time, you have less communication, you have less sleep, you have less privacy. You have. everything,
everything that you were used to has been stripped and you kind of have to like redefine the new you. You have to redefine the new y'all. Yeah. And, and what y'all are now going to be
together. Yeah. And we have to completely understand that your, your intimate life and your, your parenthood life are going to combat each other. Mm-hmm. aggressively. Yes. In the beginning, daily. So it, it becomes an acceptance. You are not in the place that you were before. Before you could, you know, at the drop of a hat you could go on, you know, go to a concert. Yeah. At the drop of a hat. You could hang out to just you and have sex wherever you wanted to. Mm-hmm.
and be intimate and have this connection that, that version of you, that chapter has. And it's okay. Yeah, it is completely okay, but it's, it's now time to focus on the future on a new chapter of what you can
be and how to rebuild that. Yeah. So I feel like that's more of what the question was kind of referring to is how to rebuild that. So,
um, well, let's talk about what we did, like how we did that in the first place. I remember that whenever we were our dealing with our, you know, First of children. Mm-hmm. things dipped down. Yeah. We had a, a definite dip in our sexuality, our sensuality in our communication. Um, some of the big things that we tried to do that we made an attempt to do is. reconnecting on a daily basis, on a personal level by sending each other text messages. Mm-hmm.
Um, I know that if you were at work or if I was at school at the time, yeah. That we would make it a big effort to stay in communication and try to make playful banter. Yeah, flirtatious
banter. I mean, think of it like. starting dating all over again. Yeah, because you are, like you just said, you're entering in a new chapter in y'all's relationship. That last chapter was a great read, but you're on to the next one. And so how can you re. invent the sexual wheel together. You don't just immediately start having sex, right? You, you have to, again, redate your spouse, your partner at that point, like you were saying, sending those text messages. Maybe start small and.
Take a bath together. Well, this, oh,
I have a, so, a really good one actually was our, the holiday suaree that we're going through right now. Yeah. Our 31 day holiday suaree. One of the big ones that we just did was writing a, uh, holiday love letter to your spouse. to help to remind yourself and them what it is you love about them in the first place. Mm-hmm. So it, so it is creating this, the reconnecting really. Yeah. It
is about reconnecting. It's a hundred percent about reconnecting. So
if you can do that, if you can bring back up the things that you love about each other, what are, what are your personality traits that I love? What are your physical traits that I love? What are the, the quirks and your oddities that I do love? If you can get those down, it helps to reconnect. to not only yourself and your partner. Yeah. But it helps reconnect that bond that you have.
No, and I absolutely love that and, and it's so important is that connection, but then also just communication. Like, Hey, I realize that we have this baby and things are different. Um, maybe that even means like scheduling stuff out a little bit more. Maybe you'll never sex. Yeah. Like that's exactly what I mean. Like scheduling out date nights. No grandparent in the world does not wanna see their grandbaby. Okay. maybe you can't do it every week.
If you have that relationship with your grandparents, yes, and they're close. Understand that. But like there, there are. Situations and things to just plan out. Now, that's the important thing is you can't, no, you can't fly by the seat of your pants and just go do something. Spontaneous. Children don't allow that.
Doesn't responsibility takes a whole
new face. As a parent. Yes, but it does. But it doesn't mean that you can't still have these moments. They just have to be better structured and organized. And then that also means that when you plan something, you need to go through with it. If you are going to schedule out sex in the beginning just to like, Ignite that passion that y'all have together. Schedule it out. I'm not telling you
I love it when we disagree cause I'm about to disagree with you on one point. That's fine. On one point,
let me finish mine point and then you can com completely disagree. But even if it starts out with scheduling and then it becomes more comfortable and it's less scheduling and more dis intimate and more like togetherness, whatever method works for you and your partner, that's what you have to do. And my whole point again is redate one another. relearn one another. Y'all just had a baby. Life has changed for y'all. Yes. Allow that change to happen. Redate one
another. Yeah. The only, the only point that I'm wanna make here, and I mean, maybe this isn't a disagreement, maybe this is still going along. The same signs is mm-hmm. yes. Schedule it out, but do not have such a high expectation. Yeah. That if you get into the, if you get into it and the moment is just, it, it, it falls away or it's just not there, or something. Don't let that ruin things further, or don't let it push you further away from each other.
Or like you said, if something happened, then something comes up. You, intimacy doesn't just mean sex. Cuddle up and watch a movie instead you know what I mean? Like y'all have to have some level of, of connectiveness and intimacy. That doesn't necessarily always mean sex, but touch. and togetherness is a huge way to rekindle any aspect of a relationship.
Yeah. Make sure that you're doing everything that you need to. Um, don't let your roles in the relationship, um, really define how you're being a parent. You know, it, it is not always like, Hey, baby's crying in the middle of the night. Better get up and take care of that one
mom. Yeah, mom. Exactly. Mom. Now understand that like if you're nursing. That generally does nec need to be more of like the mom's thing. But I mean, Casey, I even remember when I was nursing and you would still get up with me. Hell yeah. And, and you were in school, like you literally had to be up the next day. I could be up at like, and drive out to Dallas.
I already had to be up at like 4:00 AM in
the morning. You too. To get the classes But I do remember that like, and, and that meant a lot to me and. But having said that, don't let those gender roles then be
so don't let your expectation or what you, what you believe, what you were told your role should be. Define your relationship. Yeah. You know, and, and that's, that's kind of leading us into our big topic of the day,
oddly enough. It really is. Which is kind of
funny, but it's talking about gender roles. Yeah. We came up with this because we've seen a bunch of stuff online from, interestingly enough, people who are single Yeah. Telling, telling the rest of the world, dating and advice on how, what their gender role should be. And I'm, I mean, I don't ever like to name names and I'm not going to today.
Uh, but we have people that we see on other podcasts are online who are saying that what a woman's role is in the relationship, or what a man's role is in the relationship. And they, they spout out a lot of stuff.
Just nonsense.
Just, I'm not one to shame anybody, but damn. It's
just, unfortunately it's outdated. Like that's really what it boils down to. Like I had a, a
guy the other day that was talking about, um, polyamorous relationships. Mm-hmm. and he was trying to make the argument that. Men should be able to have polyamorous relationships and women should not be able to have polyamorous relationships in a, in a single, in a, in a two person household that the man should be able to, the woman should not. And he base his argument upon the history of like kings and and hierarchies. Oh yeah.
And I was sitting back going, wait a minute, you just described terrible relationships because how often in history do you hear about kings that have had harems, that have had, uh, concubines, that have had mistress. who have successful, happy relationships with their primary partner. Yeah. We don't see that. Well, and they also such
a shit argument, but they also weren't married for love either. They were married for million, they were for like Dow reason and yeah, like, so that's a dumb comparison. Such a dumb comparison. I mean, at the same point, I was listening to this guy the other day and he was talking about how naturally, um, men cheat because men cheat from a lu.
Like if a guy can be in love with his wife, the most love he's ever felt, but see the most attractive woman in the world and sleep with her and it mean nothing. But if a girl does it, a girl only sleeps with someone through mental and emotional connection, so then that's not okay. So the reason why men can cheat is because they don't have a connection. But women can't cheat because they naturally, you're a girl, so you're gonna have an emotional connection. So you can't. Cheat. Like, really?
Okay. And that goes like, where the fuck are you basing that off of? Right. Oh, you're basing it off of traditional gender roles.
Exactly. Because I know plenty of women that can sleep with any fucking person that they want to, and there is no emotional tie whatsoever,
which brings us into what we need to have consent if you are a person that is. So it's, it's, it's funny to me because we, we have now defined this, right? Mm-hmm. So in terms of sexuality, we define. Not being able to sleep with someone without a deeper connection as demisexual. Yeah. Right. So that is the person that it's like, well, no, I need to get to know you first. And there are penis owners that are demisexual. Yes. And there are vulva owners that are demisexual.
There's everyone under the sun that can be demisexual. There's also people on both the penis owner and vulva owner side who can be completely okay with being an ethical slut.
like that. When I was listening to that guy talk, I'm like, you are so wrong. like are, do you only hang out with. No, it's to not. Like do you not think that women are lustful creatures as well? Like that was right.
It's all based on,
on that uh, we're not this emotional monster that people make us out to be. Like, it's so
annoying. It's based on inaccurate stereotypes of days gone by of people that are, especially now with like this toxic alpha male culture of being like, I am an alpha, and them trying to put it out to all these, these guys or being, putting out to women to how they should be the. Gender role, like traditional gender roles is so flawed. We, we are, we are moving far past that. And if, if you are someone that is still in this, this traditional gender role, like go, go for it.
If that's what you're into, um, if that's what you and your partner are into and y'all wanna maintain that, sure. We're not here to shame you for it or judge you for it. What we are suggesting is that there's this whole bright future of doing away with something. keeps people down. Yeah. Um, that oppresses one gender over the other that shows favor to one gender over the other. Uh,
like we're all the same. It doesn't matter what gender you are. Like let people be people. Yeah. There is no gender roles, period. And there shouldn't be. Yeah. That's not where we're at anymore. Uh, yeah. Our grandparents probably don't necessarily understand this concept, but that's not where we are today. Yeah. We are very different in. and there's actually a, a like a little mini example of something that I wanted to bring up.
And it was something that I was actually speaking with a client on and it, it actually was what kind of like, brought up this podcast episode. And then I came home and we talked about it and we had just kind of blossomed into this bigger thing. But my client's little boy loves to get his nails painted and he was getting made fun of at school because he had his nails paint. and that's what he loves. It gives him joy. He enjoys seeing it.
But because it was in quote, not the norm for a boy to have their nails painted, he was getting ridiculed for it. And like I said, that's really what started all of this, cuz I was like, what does it matter? Like one, like I said, let people be people, but two, like it's nails that's not defined as like a, it doesn't define sexuality. And it's a boy, like children don't have a concept yet to understand what is deemed masculine or feminine. They like what they like.
Yeah, I know. So for any, any parent or a person to push it on their kid of this is what you must do because of that, because of what I think you should be. Yeah. Well, in all
honesty, the, the husband was not happy about it. The husband also threw a fit about it. Now I will say she did say, the husband threw more of a fit about it when he found out that the, her, their sons was kind of being made fun of at school about it. Mm-hmm. But his biggest point was, boys don't nipt paint their nails. Well,
why? Look, I've got a close friend of mine who is in his forties, right? He paints his nails all the time. That was literally story and guess that brought up it, it bonds him with his daughter. He started doing that because his daughter wanted to pay her nails. Well, you know what? He's a single dad at this. and he paints his nails. I see him all the time. I've, I've seen everything from black to glue, I've seen to orange.
I've seen so like one every different color,
like, but it's created a bonding experience with his daughter who loves mm-hmm. to paint her nails.
I mean, and also he, he's a strong male. He doesn't give a shit. And, and I admire, admire that. And that's the best part is that this
guy is somebody who is like, is what you would think you would, if you wanna put that to it. Sure. Who would be somebody that you would be more masculine. like big bear with a big beard
and, yeah, exactly. And, and so again, like I said, this whole concept is what kind of like brought this up. And as our generations are changing and people are becoming a little bit, or not even a little bit, a lot more understanding on these gender roles and how more fluid they really are. I mean, think about all the different terms that we have now and, and understandings that we have for people. Express how they really feel.
And so I love seeing this massive evolution, but it also kind of saddens me to see how many people are still stuck in the
past and how many people are trying to draw us backwards.
How many people are trying to draw
us backwards? The year we, we said this what yesterday? The, the year 2022 is the year of just of 1950s of like the raw history in reverse. What's happening? Well, I think that what is really happening is that desires are changing. People do. Necessarily want the same things that they wanted years and years ago. People of all over the, the sexual spectrum want something different. Mm-hmm.
So I think it, uh, important to, right now, to take a second to step back, Uhhuh, define what gender roles are in the first place. Sure. And so it, what we know is that gender roles or, or sexual roles is a, a social role that encompasses a range of behaviors and attitudes that are considered accept. appropriate or my favorite desirable mm-hmm. for a person based upon the person's sex. I wanna draw attention to, to desire. Right there.
This is one of been probably one of the biggest changes that I noticed, um, on a personal level, uh, as well as speaking with, with a lot of people. Mm-hmm. in, in our social circles. Yeah. Um, for me, you know, it's traditionally acceptable or, or expected for a penis owner to look for a vulva owner that. Submissive. That is flirtatious. That is modest. Talkative. Talkative. Yeah. Or social, more feelings. All these kind of stuff. I will go ahead and say it right now.
I, that's doesn't interest me. No. Clearly
it
doesn't. But what interests me, and you can see this not only in my dating history, but also in my current wife. Yeah. And love of my life, Carrie here, is that I love. I love someone that is going to challenge me. I love someone that's not going to sit back and just. Just listen to what I have to say and, and just agree with everything. Yeah. Yeah. That's not me. No, I, I, I love challenge. I like that. Like healthy Yeah. Healthy debate.
Yeah. That healthy banter that, like you said, that challenging banter, but that automatically would go against that. Like feminine, that would be gender
role. That would be the exact opposite. Yeah. I don't want someone, I've heard people say this on, on podcasts too, where they're like, no, a, a woman. take her place as in the household and be concentrated on things that, that it's my job to be stressed out and she shouldn't be stressed out because she's a, she's cooking dinner Yeah. Because she's, she should be too busy cooking dinner and taking care of the kids.
And I should take on the, the other problems of that, and me and Carrie are the same boat here of like, fuck that. Yeah, no, we want to explore this life together and, and handle these things together and both build our own Id. Correct. And come together to create something fucking special. Yeah. As
soon as you said women should, I'll almost like threw up in my mouth a little bit. just that word should like, don't tell me what I should do. Like now I'm gonna do the opposite. Congratulations. No, but like, but no, let's read some of the male roles because in all honesty, like these roles are examples of, of. I was raised how you were probably raised. Yeah. These are the things that men and women in quote should be and or do. Yeah.
So a, as much as we like to, to promote, you know, a, a wide, uh, spectrum of sexuality, including genders mm-hmm. we are going to narrow it down to a binary V vision here. Yes. And talk about the masculine and feminine, right? Yes. And so, if, if we're looking at masculine stereotypes like the traditional gender, St. The traditional masculine should be aggressive and independent, not easily influenced, which is really fucking funny because of how easily influenced so many men are.
Seriously by other men. They should be dominant and active. They should be worldly, not easily hurt emotionally. They should be decisive, not at all. Talkative. So fuck you don't get to be social. Yes, Uhuh, don't think about talking about stuff. Don't you do that? You'll be a girly man if you do. Yeah. They should be tough and less sensitive to others' feelings. Not very desirous of security. They should rarely cry. Yeah, because if you
cry, don't cry. You cry. Pussy crook, suck it up.
They should be logical, analytical, cruel. I don't know where that came from. Cruel, blunt, and non nurturing.
See kc, you do not live up to 40. No,
I don't fall into 40 of those. Interesting. I don't fall into a lot of those categories. I know. Hmm. that's so funny. So, for the traditional feminine side, should be non-aggressive. They should be dependent. They should be easily influenced, submissive, passive, home oriented, easily hurt Emotion. Indecisive, talkative, gentle, sensitive to others' feelings. Very desirous of security. Cuz you need to be protected. Yeah, totally. For exactly.
Heaven forbid you protect yourself or be capable of beating the shit outta somebody. Yeah. Desirous of security. Crying a lot. Uh, emotional, verbal kind. Tactful in nurturing. Now do either of us fall primarily into those categories? Just say like,
and, and I don't know. We don't, but I also don't think that we are. I think that today's age, most people aren't like that. In all honesty, I mean, all I do all day is talk about relationships with people and my clients and their partners, and it's just not like that anymore. And I have male clients that they would not dream of trying to find a woman that was passive and cries all the time. I mean, I'm also interested in women and that sounds like a
nightmare. How would you feel if somebody that's just agreeable with you all the time and it's very passive and, yeah, no, I could not handle that. I think we've talked about this before too, with being. We talked about it on an ngl, didn't we? Was it That's when it was. Oh God. We were, because we were talking to, uh, our bartender friend who was telling us about a woman that is like throwing herself at it and like agreeable with everything and all over you and all that.
And that was a turnoff. That was, that episode's about turnoff and turns on. Yeah. Where's the point
where I get to like challenge you? I want to, I wanna have something here. I want to build a connection. Yeah. I don't wanna feel like you were a fucking suck up. That's, that's not a fun thing. My, my point I think to be made here is that throw it away. Mm-hmm. um, and find the person that fits you and your personality. Yeah. Stop trying to find someone that fits a narrative that you've been delivered. Correct. I love that.
Like find someone that you can be happy with because they're the personality type, they have the traits that are attractive to you. Mm-hmm. not the traits that are attractive to somebody that told you what you should be attracted to.
Exactly. So I have a quick question. You know, I love my critical thinking on you. Fuck. I know. No, let's do it So what do you feel like made you interested in the type of woman that I. because your parents are very gender rolled specific. Oh, we're going there they
are. You know, wait a minute, hold on a second. Because we've said this in the past. You're the present and future person? I am the present and past person, typically. Correct. So what's getting you going? All because it's
inter counselor sounding. Because it is interesting because we are, we are talking about the way that we were raised.
You've been watching too much Ted.
Maybe, or, or maybe too much sex in the city But you do, and there's nothing wrong with it. Your parents are amazing, but your mom stayed home and your dad works. Your mom is the one that. Cleans and books. I mean,
and does everything. Well, I'll go further into that because early on in their relationship, I know my dad was in school. Yes. My mom was working full-time. They switched roles, you know, he started working, she backed off, had kids, was the stay at home mom, all that kind of
stuff. Exactly. Like I'm saying, you were raised in a household where your mom stayed home. You were not around when your mom worked. Weren't even born yet. You were raised when your mom was home. Yeah. So was it. The opposite of the Oedipus complex where you're like, I'm not gonna love my mother. I'm gonna do the complete opposite of that.
And I, I'm just curious though, from someone that was raised in more of a gender world household, do you, do you know what made you more interested in strong women? Because you have been like that your entire life, so
that, that's probably the point to be made there. This has been a, a lifelong thing. I have always my crushes. Mm-hmm. my girl. my, all of my relationships have been centered around even my friendships too, like some of my deepest friendships. Yeah. Your girl
friendships for all bitches.
have always been around. Very strong-willed. Yeah. You have independent women. Yeah. Always that It's been that way since his. far as I can remember. That's interesting. I, I personally think because this, this falls into like my, my, like for entertainment as well, like mm-hmm. my favorite TV shows all that. A lot of it's centered around power, like succession. Yeah. PE blinders. Yeah. All this stuff is centered around power.
So I think that my attraction let's, if we remove any sort of, uh, if we move people from it mm-hmm. any situational stuff from it, it all resides for me back to power. Okay. I'm attracted to power. I love the, the concept of it. Mm-hmm. I love where it, where it just throws shadows on everything about it is attracted to me. Okay.
See, I grew up where my dad didn't work. You know, like my whole history was, he hardly ever had a job. My mom was always the one working. But my mom, I mean, my mom also dealt with cleaning and cooking, but mom did everything.
Yeah, my mom
kind of did it all. But it is just, it is interesting because un unfortunately, We are a product of our, uh, upbringing and, and the environment that we're in. Yeah.
We're seeing that more and more is that we've always had that, uh, nature versus nurture kind of stuff. Mm-hmm. Um, but most of the research today, most of the mainstream psychologists, psychiatrists, any of the mental health in institute are gonna talk, are field, are gonna start talking about is just how. our experiences. Mm-hmm. influence us as people.
Yeah. And I, if you can like, just grab something from this podcast and I'm talking to the listeners, understand that these gender roles that society has put on us, um, the way we're supposed to act, the way we're supposed to dress, that we're supposed to speak, um, even down to the way that we groom ourselves or the, the language that we use. There should not be gender roles to that anymore. It, it really needs to be that people are people, we are who we are.
We express ourselves in, in whatever way that that might be a, as a, I'll go ahead and go there as a bisexual. There are definite days that I feel more masculine. A hundred percent. And even too, yeah, I'll dress more masculine.
Um, I can always, it's like a, it's like a telltale sign. It's, you'll get ready for. And come down and I'm like, masculine today guys. There's
masculine carry But, but in all honesty, like, and, and maybe that has nothing to do with my bisexuality. I, I, I'm really not sure. I, I think that that also has a lot to do with the terms that people have come out with recently to describe themselves is the they them. Right? Yeah. Like that is breaking that gender stereotype and as much pushback as
you Yeah. Pushing yourself as non-binary like
you, that's fine. And I'm not saying that that's what I'm doing. I, I'm not saying that. I support any and every single person that wants to come out as non-binary, they, them, or identify. You
said personally is that you are binary identified as as a woman. Mm-hmm. you are bisexual. Your sexuality is not your gender. Very
true. Yes, a hundred percent. But if I were to dress more masculine that day, that doesn't mean anything other than the fact that that's just what I'm feeling and, and I'm allowed to do that. That's why I'm gonna say it again. Let people be. Stop trying to pigeonhole individuals into the concept that you think that they should be because it makes you feel better about yourself. That's not why we're here. It's not about you.
It's about them, and it's about expressing themselves in whatever way that they want. Does that mean that an eight year old boy gets to paint his nails? Fuck. Yes it does. It has nothing to do with you. Yeah. And it has nothing to do with your children. Your children should not be curious as to why they have that. Let people be fucking
people. Look at our, our daughter right now, we have a nine year old daughter. Yeah. And late. And as of late, she's been coming down ready for. And the other day I, I mean, I took her over to her Grammy's house and she had a backwards hat on it, a t-shirt on, and it was so cute. And like a pair of jeans and, and some
chucks. Yep. And then the, the next day she'll put on this like, Black dress with her black boots and put on little cat. She wears and she puts on her little like wolf ears and her wolf tail. You know, like, does
not, does not occur to me at all that, and I, she should or should not be doing what she's doing. She's not.
And we would never tell her not to. She's got
a smile on her face. Yep. She's happy. She's running around, she's doing her
thing. Yeah. And we would never ever tell her not to. And that's the thing is, is allowing them to express that. And, and it's, I'm glad I actually brought up Evelyn, because again, it's children don't understand it that way. Us as adults are the one putting that in their head. Yeah. So stop it. Yeah. Stop putting gender role. Ideas and concepts into our children's brains. It's not okay. They don't think like that. We force them to think like
that. Yes. And then we put it under the guise of we're protecting them. So as you can tell in this, uh, clearly, Heavily opinionated episode which I'm happy to provide. Well,
I'm an opinionated person. We both are. Both. Are you Yeah. Yes.
So are you. We, we like to let people know where we stand because we, whenever we let people know where we stand, it helps us develop deeper relationships instead of staying on the surface.
But I also hope that like, maybe someone's going to hear this and it'd be a little bit more like, oh, like an aha moment for them, or, or just open up a door that. haven't opened up or a concept that they haven't
thought about? No. It, it allows us to have better conversations because now we're having conversations in a place that is not being shamed. Yes. Right. So we have these people. So we actually made a, a, a post recently that read that shame dies when stories are told in safe places. I love that. Um, this is one of our favorite concepts, the concept of shame. Mm-hmm. we've talked about this over and over again. Whe whenever you sit down, and I've experienced, I've experienced this from.
Ashamed you and you've experienced yo, of course, and I've shamed you. And we, we try to become better at realizing when we're doing it. Yes. And it can be as simple as body language. I'm taking aback by the thing that they said. Now my hand is over my heart and I'm pulled back. Or my arms are crossed, or whatever it is. Or my facial expressions. Or your facial expressions. Dam it. Or you know, the, the verbiage of something like, well, that's weird. I think I've done that once,
twice.
five times, maybe 10 times. Oh, stop it. Too daresay the point being Yeah. Is that if you want to change that, that's, that's what we run into. I, I talk to people more and more who are wanting to take their preconceived notions of a situation of what it should be and just remove that. Yeah. They wanna remove their tendency to shame someone else. Else. And we, I mean, we've said it very clearly, right? It starts with realizing that you're doing it in the first.
Um, it starts with if you're in a conversation with someone and they say something about their, their sexual interests or their sexuality or their viewpoints, and you get that feeling of, of discomfort, that feeling of that's weird. That feeling of what the fuck? Yeah. To instead of verbalizing it right away, take a deep. And approach the conversation from a place of curiosity. Approach the conversation with an openness. Yeah, with openness. With wanting to learn.
Yep. With being like, wait a minute, they said something that triggered me internally to feel uncomfortable. And why is that? You know, why do I feel uncomfortable? Exactly. What story have I told myself? Or what story have I been told that makes me feel uncomfortable? And then approach the conversation with curiosity questions. Hey, you know, why is it that you feel that? Why is it that you that, like what interests you about that?
One of my favorite things to do, I love because we are a sex podcast. Mm-hmm. I love talking with people outside of my sexuality of what sex is like for them. That's been a big, I that's been a big one in the past, and it's always interesting to me as like a, as a heterosexual, cisgender person Yeah.
To, whenever I'm talking with somebody that's trans about what sex is like for them, or talking about somebody that is homosexual of what sex is like for them, that I get that look of like, why, why are you curious about this? And it's because I find that if I talk with someone, Then I'm able to be like, this opens up my sexuality. Mm-hmm. uh, this opens up my ability to be like, wow, I can actually enhance my own sex life by figuring out what drives you.
Yeah. And now me and this person are deeper connected because I can get some glimpse into their mind and a way that they're feeling, and it's this, it's this connecting experience. Yep.
And I think that more people need to do that, in all honesty, to step outside of their. of their masculinity or their over femin femininity or whatever you want to call it, like step outside of that, talk to other people, explore and begin to understand your peers and one another. And you'd be really amazed what you end up finding out and you don't feel like you're such like in this box. Yes. Get outta the box, open the box, open the door.
And and understand that you say it in a million different ways. I'm gonna I'm gonna trying to get people to stop it. No. Um, but I, again, like exactly what you're saying. When, when there's a safe space and you're open up to it, you can learn a lot and you can grow a lot. And, and I hope that this episode just kind of opens up that space for you to then grow with your own understanding of yourself and your peers. Yeah. Ugh. I don't know.
Oh God. Or come with Casey. Another. Yes, another episode. I'm Dr. Casey. And I'm
Carrie Sanders.
Wait, you're not gonna say basic Carrie. No, cuz you got onto
me. Mad.
Fucking write it. God. I want, I want you to get onto me again. Shame force. Shame. Shame
me. Don't shame me. Just fuck me. Oh, let's
go.