You know, one of the big things that I think I've seen is other than your Dick
I'm
sorry, go ahead. Is the different things that turn on and turn off people.
See, and that's what's so beautiful about that is it's so individual and so personal. It is personal. It's very personal like, but it's fun to talk about. Oh, so
much fun to talk about. You know, we run into people actually that, um, Don. Talking about their turn ons or turnoffs at first. So is that a turn off for
them at
Right. What do you, what do
you mean Is it a turn off for them to talk about their turn ons?
Go ahead, keep. No, no, expand. Expand your
thought. Well just said that there are people that don't wanna talk about it. So maybe that is a turnoff is to Not to talk about it. No, to not talk about it. Well, no, fuck yeah. You're right to talk
about it. do you see, do you see where my confusion went? I'm trying to like, just get you to clarify what you're saying here. Never. So, but some people are, some people are uncomfortable. Yeah. Talking about turn ons. Mm-hmm. and turn offs. But they're probably uncomfortable because they've always been told you don't talk about your sex. I mean, or talk about the things on that level. I mean,
there are people that are just generally more private. Yeah. And I don't think that's necessarily what we're talking about right now. No, I, I think we're definitely more talking about the individuals that don't feel comfort or feel it's okay to talk about your sexual needs, which is why we wanna do this episode in the first place. Yeah. Welcome to come with
Casey. Hi. It's Dr. Casey Sanders and I am basic carry. You keep saying that you hate when
I say that. It doesn't fit normal carry basic carry average, Joe. Not, not fits,
You don't downplay yourself.
You know, it's, it's just what I do. I can't help it. It's who I am. So we, it's not
though. You
talk yourself up all the time. I know. Maybe this is like my, like what do you call it? Like the alter ego? Like the shy, your
ego is basic
It has to be Where other direction would it go? Extra. There's only so many other options I have from that. More extra. I don't think the world could handle that So, but I like to say, because when you say like your doctor, Casey. Okay, well I'm just Carrie, just. You were just Carrie. I, I'm just Carrie, but you, but I love that though. I'm happy with being just Carrie. I am. So that, that's what's important being we went to brunch today. We did.
And this is actually where we kind of got the idea for this episode in the first place. Yeah, for sure. So we sat down at one of our favorite little. Keller Restaurants. Mm-hmm. uh, are we allowed to say? Yeah, sure. JJs Taco Shop, JJ is off of North Tarrant in Keller Fort Worth
off of North Tarrant in Keller Fort Worth. Yeah.
Well, because you know North Keller Park Vista? No, no, no. What I mean is like, it's not necessary. I mean, it is Fort Worth, but it's a little bit closer to Keller, so I'm just, I guess if they understand that it's North Tarrant, they would probably understand that. But we have viewers in Germany, they have no fucking, I imagine
half the people listen North are like, I don. Fuck
where you are. They really don't. They really don't. They just care about what we're doing. So, um, yeah, we, we sat down at brunch today and we're, we're kind of just decide like what it is that we wanna talk about, what is it when we want to discuss, and our, one of our favorite bartenders that's there. Mm-hmm. I just immediately jumped and asked her a question, Hey, what turned you on? Yeah. And what turned you.
Which in all honesty, what actually led to that is we were talking about some food items and she was talking about certain meats and stuff that she likes and she doesn't like, so mm-hmm. it made me think, okay,
well we were talking about minuto is what we were doing. We were, I didn't, we were talking about the ingredients. Cause I grew up loving Minuto. I had friends whose, whose relatives made it. It was delicious. It was always good, but it's not for everybody because of the type of meat that they use. It's yeah. The texture, apparently. Yeah. People don't like the, the wigg. Squishy texture of the meat that you did. And
as soon as she said she was super selective as to what type of meat went in her mouth, I was like, okay, we're literally, we. We officially we're going somewhere with this. So it was fun. So we sat down and we just started asking some of the employees that we like know really well, Hey, what is a turn on and a
turnoff? And so we decided to make that the basis for this entire episode as opposed to giving our in depth thoughts on a. A particular subject, we can compile a list of things from our listeners. Mm-hmm. from people we know.
Yeah. We were literally like sitting there like messaging people. Hey, tell me real fast what's to turn off and turn on for you. Quick question. We'll get you off And for all of our, our friends, sorry. Just expect these tests. Don't worry. Your names are left out. Well, yeah. Names are left out, but just. Expect this stuff in the future.
You're gonna hear some stuff and go, wait a minute, we had that conversation. Yes, we did.
I remember that. Text
names, places, events all change to protect the people.
Oh yeah. No, unless they like decided to come on the episode or the podcast. But no. Other than that, just know that everyone that helped us out with this, it's anonymous. It's a hundred percent anonymous. And we even did an NGL over it too, just to kind of, and again, if you don't know what NGL is, it's, it's not gonna lie, not gonna lie. It's the app that we use to, to, you know, offer anonymous questions sent to us.
So, yeah, it was a lot of fun sitting down at brunch today and going through all of that. So we, I have my, my notes open over here and we have a pretty good list of turnoffs and turn ons.
Which one you wanna start with? Turnoffs or turn ons? Hmm. Things that people have said that turn them.
I think that I kind of wanna start with the off, but I still wanna kind of go in and explain a little bit of like the difference between the two and kind of how there's like somewhere in between. Yeah.
Right. Yeah. We, this is a big discussion. We were, we were having earlier. Mm-hmm. is the difference between a turn on, a turn off. And then that gray area, middle ground, where it's doesn't, doesn't really fall either
way. Yes, it's either or. And there was an example that I had at lunch or brunch, um, and I only even thought about it because again, she was expressing like, uh, the meat and how it was like soft and it was like a not a thing for her. And so it made me think like, again, just because it is a. Off, or I'm sorry, a turn on doesn't then make the opposite being a turn off. Yeah. Like it, it's not this or that. It's not hot or cold. Yeah. And the example that I, it's spectrum It is.
And the example that I wanna give is, um, if I, if I know that I'm going to be, uh, giving you pleasure or maybe me Yes. Going down on me, or maybe even if it's. What have I told you in the past? Like I don't necessarily know. I'm gonna go down on you, but if you're Dick's hard, I probably will. Yeah. Like it is a turn on to just visually see that. And I am a visual person. So nine times outta 10, if you present me with an erect penis, like I'm gonna do something with it. My penis.
Your, I think we clarified your, you're gonna get a lot, dear God. You're gonna get a lot of dms up.
Dear God. Your, um, I'm, I'm probably gonna do something with it. So that to me is a turn on. But if I walked in the room and I knew that we were wanting to be sexual and it was, and you weren't, That doesn't make it a turn off. Yeah, that doesn't make it a turn off.
You're not gonna be like, mean flacid, nevermind No, I'm just saying like, yeah, so there, there are differences and I definitely wanna go through and define that, but I think it would be kind of fun to go with immediate like turn offs just cause I think that's a little bit. Funnier to me just because finding out what like individual people find sexy or not sexy is is kind of funny. Oh, absolutely.
Well, it's kind of funny.
I think it's funny. I think it says a lot about the person too, being able to ask them like, Hey, what is a turn off for you? Because again, we said earlier, it's very situational. Hey,
you wanna talk about a good way to deepen your friendships that you have with people? Talk about what turns them on and what turns them. And you start hearing these things from them and you're going, oh, this actually gives me insight to you as a person. It
really does. Yeah, that's exactly what I mean. And it was funny when we were asking these questions to them, I said specifically each time, don't answer. Right now. Yeah. Think about it. Yeah, because you, your first initial thought and then when you kind of let it marinate, you're gonna get more and more.
And it was funny because at first she was like, oh, uh, and then gave a few examples that we'll go over and then it was like later on she kept bringing more and more and more because you're walking back by
going, Hey, wait a minute. I also thought about this one. I also thought of this one. Yeah,
exactly. So let's go over a few of the turnoffs then if you, if you want to, yeah. For. So the first one that I have, uh, which is actually what led into all of this, and I put mushy meat. Why you put
mushy meat? I don't know, because that's literally
what she said. And that's what gave me the analogy in my head of like, you know, like
that's, you get into my head later and be like, mushy meat. Mush meat. Okay.
is my meat. Mushy mohi But, but I knew what she meant by that. And that was essentially what she was saying is it's more of a turn on for. If, if it is more erect, uh, you wanna go to the next one
for turnoffs? We're looking for, yeah, we're gonna keep on turnoffs. Um, I submitted one and its being slapped in. Don't fucking touch me in the face. Yeah, you
really don't like that. I'm
fine with impact play. You wanna like bite and kinda like slap around a little bit Or scratch. Scratch something. Especially scratch. That's a big one. I love that you like scratch. But if we're talking about like a little bit of impact play, I'm big on like stay away from my face. Yeah. Don't slap me in the face. I'm bigger face. Would that be weird? Yeah, I wouldn't like it. Yeah. Okay. So just like, no, I wish I could tell you here's why I think like this and like just stay.
My face, but, and I
love that you brought that up because sometimes you don't have to have a why. You just don't like something. Yeah. And so, yeah. And that is one that I actually found out. Well, it's
like think back to like, what was it, California case, the show with David Company. Oh God yes. That aired back in the day, Uhhuh, where like the very first episode, he's having sex with that girl and she just straight up punches him in the face. Yes. Like, Fuck
I know. I think I remember watching that with you and being like, would you like that? And you were like, no, no. I don't wanna be hitting the face. Don't ever do that to me. What if I just like punched your ass? Would that be weird I think you probably wouldn't be turned off by it, but it wouldn't be a turn on. There's a right hook to the cheek. But if it was like a little smack or like some claw Yeah. Go, go
ahead. Head on that little bite. Yeah. I am big. I'll just, just stay away from the face on my end. No, and I,
and I, Hey, I enjoy hearing that. Um, I, I wrote this one and this one, so whenever we talk about this, I wasn't necessarily just. Meaning sex, uh, intimacy is more than just penetration. Intimacy is a lot of more
than just
intercourse or outercourse. Correct. So, um, one thing that I was gonna say as a turnoff, uh, is like nitpicking, like those like micro
fights. The small, the small ones throughout the evening, especially if you're going out, there's, you know, you've always heard like the pick your battles kind of thing, and your spouse might do something that is a little bit bothersome to you. But if you look at the bigger picture of, Hey, where are we trying to be? And calm yourself. You can avoid some of those, some of those nitpicking micro fights. Think, think before you speak. Really do.
Just like if your partner says something or does something that kind of triggers you a little bit, take a deep breath. Mm-hmm. and ask yourself, is it worth it to get into this right now? Or is this gonna like put a damper on our entire evening?
Yeah. And that's one of the things for me that I have had to work the most on, like when I. Picking micro fights, talking to myself. A hundred percent. I'm not gonna argue with that one. And you better be quiet right now cuz I am admitting it. And you need to be quiet. I'm kidding. And it's recorded. It's I'm, man, you're gonna play this back and be like, Hey Carrie, remember that time and that episode,
I'm gonna create a little audio file of just that part. I'll hear you. And any time that you start doing I'm go carry on the press plate. I'm hold it up loud and proud. Ugh.
Damn it. Yeah. So, um, You have control over when you can say something or not. And that, that's the thing with, with this, and also what I wanna talk about when it comes to these, like turnoffs and offs are on and offs is maybe if you do this, like the, the micro, uh, microFIT, stop, hear these turnoffs that we are saying, people just quit it. Just stop it. Stop it. Because again, we all, we all have control of that.
And again, maybe I am a hundred percent speaking to myself, but I'm not the only lady out there. Picks micro fights, especially if I like, if we know what we want or our intentions later on that evening, like, like you just said, pick your battles. Yeah. Control the
controllables. You control the way that you react to your partner.
A hundred percent. And I'm glad you understand where I'm going with
this. Yeah. You can absolutely control the way that you react to your partner. So if you start getting outta whack and you start saying all these things, I can tend to step back, take a deep breath, and go look the shit that she just said, am I gonna. Get to me and am I gonna like start something from it, or am I just gonna let that one slide? You
are very patient. I will admit. You are very patient when it comes to that type of stuff, and that's one thing that I've always really admired about you. Um, so the next one was actually one they received through our Instagram, which I thought was hilarious. And an absolute turnoff would be the wrong name in bed. Yeah. I, oh,
this one. I was like, well, yeah, duh. Of course, of course. It would be a, that
would be an ultimate halt. That's
just a mood
killer. Major.
Could you feel if I called you like a random name like Crystal or Abby? Because then I'd be like,
who the fuck's Crystal And we're not role playing. Why aren't they in here? No, I'm just kidding. But like if you're going, you know, yeah, that would be, that would be very, uh, my mind would just race after that, and I think that would end up being the mood killer. You change that mental mindset always. As soon as you heard that name change or, you know what I mean? As soon as you heard the wrong name, you would just be mentally out of there. Oh, John
Stamos
Who's John Stamos
serious right now? Is
that the Uncle Desi? Yes. Okay. Okay. Wait a minute. The white one or the, oh my God. I'm very uncultured
people. you're so bad. With names
is the Y guy. No. No. All right, I'm done. Oh, you literally pulling it up? I
have to pull a picture now because I, this, this is, I get it. Killing
me and, and I appreciate it. That is one thing I love about you, babe. You fucking search everything, the Lord. Oh, so it is that one. Okay. Not, what do you mean it is
that one?
So what made you pull that name outta your head? Oh, I don't know
exactly. Probably stepbrothers.
Okay.
There's a scene where they're, they like just become, they're becoming best friends and they're like, do we become best friends? Blah, blah. Who's the one guy that you would sleep with? John Sta. Okay. Okay, I got it. He just brought up all over movies from, from full house
onward. I totally get it. All right, so, uh, yeah. Not being slapped in the face. No wrong name. Um, oh, okay. This, I think this was your, The, the silent and non participating. This is another one of mine. I, I think that this one you said, and I think you actually said it in a passing, and I just kind of like wrote it down real
fast. I'm not a neer file. Don't act dead in the bedroom. Ooh,
That's a good one. Damn. Can we save that audio clip
if we're in the bedroom and you're literally motionless and not really making noise or like minimal movement and it's, it's like bare minimum. Uh. I'm gonna get bored. Yeah. Really quick. Okay.
So what was the movie where she was like, um,
um, I came,
I just came That's exactly what I think of. What was that like? Oh, that was forgetting Sarah Marshall. Getting Sarah Marshall. Yeah, no, I totally get that. That would just have to be boring. And that would be the same if I was like going down on you and, and it was silent like that. Yeah. Like that would be boring for me and not because I. Audible or whatever, you know, I hate that word, auditory. I hate that word. Not because of that, but just because you just, you feel like then you're.
Just doing it with yourself in a way. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like there's no engages engagement, there's no action. Like, am I sucking a mannequin right now, or is this like a human, like that would just be so weird. If I wanted
this, I would pull a ddo out of the closet. Go
town in the day. What's the difference at that point? Yeah. Give me some
notification that you're enjoying this, please.
What was that on South Park with the shake Wake. You're doing so good. Yes. Great job.
Other hand. Now, other hand, Yeah, no. Do some cab fair.
We'll, squirt of water at the end, but see if that can participate. Yeah. Then,
then you can have a machine participate. Like, come on, come on. But that, that's a huge, that's a huge turnoff. I mean, unless your role playing is, you know, some sort, again, some sort of like Nero. Psychotic. Yeah, I know
but I think that this is good for other people to listen to that if you find yourself being silent in the bedroom, understand that you can have communication during sex. You can have communication in every part of your life with your partner, and that's a really big one. If you are not communicating to your partner in the act of the moment of what feels good, even what doesn't feel good, whatever, you're not giving them anything to go off of.
So it's very common and natural that non-participation would be then turn off, verbalize
what you are enjoying. We've said this so many fucking times. Mm-hmm. and I. Still not done by a lot of, I'm gonna draw my way to any partner really. I'm not even gonna genderize this one, but if you are, say that your partner's going down on you and you're like, man, in your head, you're thinking, so as a guy in your head, you're thinking, oh, you're really awesome right now. If you were to like, Start using your tongue on my balls while you're going down on me.
Use your hands. Deep lick. Anything
like go. Go a little bit deeper. Can you go deeper? Hey, would you do this? This feels good. Or if they start doing something that does feel really good right there. Don't stop Yeah, keep doing that. That feels amazing. You're doing so great. You look sexy when you do this. Like, fuck. And give some affirmations. Talk about like communicating during the act. So yeah, I guess that's why I put that one. It's, it's a big turn off to just. Dead fish in the bedroom. Yeah.
Um, so the next one that we're gonna go over actually received this exact same one like three different times. Yes, we have, and it might be the only one that I say is a on
or off. Oh, this is, so this is like straight black and white for you. Ki
from what multiple have said to me. Okay. Was the lack of control. Mm-hmm. and then giving control, or not giving control, but. Putting control or giving
us. Okay. So like a person that either wants to be in the dominant position mm-hmm. or the submissive position.
Yeah. That was the one that I received both where it was like a turn off would be a lack of control, a turn on would be gaining control. And like I said, receiving it like three different times. Almost exactly what, almost the exact same
wording. I, I honestly think that they have, all of those have one thing in common. Mm-hmm. and it's the, it's indecisiveness is, to me, that's the turnoff. You either be the, either be dominant or be submissive. Don't be the person in the bedroom that's like, well, I don't know. Waivers between
the two. Yeah, no, that's a very point,
valid point. Like it's like, I don't know. Yeah. Hey, what do you want tonight? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Whatever you is like that is
a huge like take control or let me take control.
Yeah. And make it known, because in that case, instead of me saying, Hey, what are you up for tonight? Mm-hmm. if you were to come to me and verbalize and be like, Hey, Do whatever you want, but I've done that. I'm gonna go, oh, fucking
k But I have done that. I've come to you in the past and been like, listen, I, I'm revoking all sense of control. I don. Want to have any. And then there's other times where I definitely wanna lead and be more dominant. Yeah. But I do love, and like I said, this is the only one example that I've come across so far, that it is almost black and
white. It's very black and white. And some people only want one all the time. Correct. That was the other thing. Yeah. Some people like, I only wanna be submissive 100% of the time. I want this other person to initiate. Mm-hmm. I want them to take control. I want it to be all. Them being, being the top and me being bottom.
And so in our last episode, we talked heavily about like having the communication of what you, what you foresee sex to be like with your partner. Yeah. This would be a great one to discuss. God, that's
a great early discussion. Yeah. Hey, how are you in the bedroom? Do you like to be more in control? Do you like the other person to be in control? Where does your mindset
there, because that's such a huge one leading up to any type of sexual activity, is the. That Engager is normally the aggressor, not even aggressor, but the the one that's like putting forth that effort. You might have a partner that never wants to put forth the effort, and then you have a partner that they really, really want to. Yeah. But what if you early on find out that both of you are not really the aggressors.
And then you're wondering why you have a
sexual marriage. Yeah. That's a super important thing to, to figure out. And I think that's why this one is almost so like hot or cold.
Yeah. Which is Well, and you're, you're gonna have in betweens, you will, I know that you do talk about hot or cold there, but take a couple, like us for example mm-hmm. we are both people that enjoy switching back and forth. There's times where I want to be ultra dominant and throw you around and do all these things. And there's also times where I wanna like, be taken care of mm-hmm. or be, you know, telling you exactly what I want, restrained or blindfolded or so. Takes control away from me.
Yeah. Like there are times whenever I want that. So having that discussion of being like, okay, where do you see yourself in the bedroom? Are you more of an initiator, dominant aggressor? Mm-hmm. Or are you more of a submissive being told what to do, being directed, and you don't want to make the decisions in that
situation? Yeah. And I think you said it perfectly, like having someone that's just the, uh, well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't, it's such a turnoff. I don't know. It's boring.
Indecisive. Boring kills relationships in a lot of ways. Indecisive. Yeah. In and outside of the bedroom if you're a people that are sitting there where it's just constantly indecisive. Mm-hmm. turn
off. Yeah, I like that one. Um, so the next one that I, that actually me and you did talk about, and so I'm gonna let you kind of dive in a little bit more with this one, was learning your partner's. Oh yeah. So, because that can be a huge turnoff when you don't mean it to be,
so this, this, when we get into a a, um, rough waters, okay. Right. Because whenever we're talking about what triggers a person, we're not just meaning what triggers them in the bedroom to be turned on or turned off. We're talking about what. Triggers them in life as well.
If they've been through traumas in their past, if they've had, whether that be emotional traumas, sexual traumas, or any other subtype of overarching trauma, you could potentially say or do something that while you have the best intentions of the world, is going to cause, uh, emotional distress and physical distress within your partner. So if you never have that discussion with your partner about like, you know, what has their life been like up until this point? Mm-hmm.
what are some things that trigger them? You are bound to, at some point you're gonna find out. You're gonna find out. You go find out real quick, and then you're gonna sit back and go, what did I say? What did I do? I wasn't trying to do anything. Why are you so mad at me? And then you find yourself.
Whole world of inappropriate arguments, almost of things that are being done and said, where you start using like tactics that don't work well in argument and it creates a RIF between the two of you. So we both personally think that as your relationship becomes more serious, it is super important to discuss triggers and traumas.
Mm-hmm. and then also having a safe word. Yeah. If y'all are ready to explore and explore in ways as simple. Blindfolding and handcuffs, something super simple, those can be triggering and you need to understand that maybe your partner doesn't even know their triggers. Yeah.
That was personal story then, right? So yeah. Actually that's one whenever me and you were getting more into a little bit rougher play. Mm-hmm. uh, there was a time where we were in bed, we were roughhousing around having fun, and I grabbed you by the wrists and restrained your wrists above your head, and it was like everything that you could just cut the tension with a.
And I don't even know why that happened either. I don't like, it wasn't like a, oh, this makes sense, but it was immediately triggering and that was before we even understood like maybe have a safe word. Yeah. That was, that was early on in our relationship relationship. It was very early on and it did immediately ended everything. But you were great about it and we sat down and we talked and then I was able to kind of figure out why I was having that trigger.
But had we beforehand establish a safe word, then I don't think, um, it. Gone As dramatic as it was. Yeah. So when you are going into the bedroom and you are ready to explore with your partner, um, you have no idea what their triggers are and they might not have no ideas what their own personal triggers are. Have a safe word. Yeah, absolutely.
And make sure that safe word's not like No. Or stop,
no. Yeah. It needs to be a very defined, like baseboard.
Well, I saw a post on, on Instagram earlier today mm-hmm. and it was really well done because they were, they were calling somebody out. So essentially the, the tweet that had been. Was saying something along the lines of the BDSM community and kink communities are, are rape culture. Oh, God. Because if, if you're, if you're ignoring the word no or stop, then you're automatically putting yourself in that line. That line. So the, the post in reality was saying, no, that's utter bullshit.
Yeah. A lot of times people. Being able to use the words know and stop as a playful, active, a playful way of, of doing consensual non-consent. Mm-hmm. And so it's important to have a safe word outside of that realm, which allows you to safely use those words in a consensual environment. Mm-hmm.
for pleasure. Yeah. And again, making a word that makes no sense of the context. Right. That's why I said baseboard. Like if all that's smart, that would make me, first thing that comes to mind, it really was. But it para They're like, you wanna put what where? But yeah, like choosing a word that again, has nothing to do with the sexual act. That's why I've heard a lot in the past where they say like banana or orange. So that way you can meet Omaha, right?
Like something that's immediately out of context. But yes, understand that as you start to play with your partner, um, triggers can happen. It's natural and we're. And so again, if you set up the foundation with knowing that we have the safe word and then we can kind of play and do whatever we want, then you can then say that.
Yeah. Um, even had we discussed before, and I would've, and I've never done this, but smacked you in the face real hard, that would've been a time for to be like, dude, fucking para
key. Don't do that again. Well, that brings back in control the controllables. So if, if I do something that triggers you emotionally and you get outta shape because of it, that's a natural emotional response. It is. I can control my response. I don't have to sit back and get pissy and be like, well, what do you mean I'm, and it creates an argument. Yeah. I, I don't need to be the person that reacts to your emotional response.
I should be able to be the person that, in the right mindset takes a deep breath and goes, okay, let's figure out what just happened so we can avoid this happening in the future. Yes. Or be better equipped to
deal with it. Yes. As any good partners should be able to do, all
good partners should be able to deal.
So I have noticed that I'm reading the Turnoffs and I'm enjoying this. So as we get going, you're gonna read all the turn ons and then we'll discuss 'em. So the next turnoff I have, uh, is using like degrading words.
That's a big
one for me. Not even words, but just degrading in general.
Some people love it. Yeah. And you know what, what do we say? Last episode? Don't yuck my yum. Mm-hmm. so I can understand it. People that are enjoying, wanting to be degraded, insulted, stepped on, like physically and emotionally abused in order to, I mean, there's a whole for that. Yeah, of course there is. Yeah,
of course there is and of course I ask you and this is where we stand, but no. Yes, I mean it, that's one thing if that is a turn on for you, and that would be discussion that you would have, but understand that maybe not everyone wants to hear that. And maybe you're like a girl and you're in the bedroom and you even poke fun at him over something when you're trying to be in the act of it. That can be a huge. For them. Maybe you're poking fun that they're not hard, like that's not helpful.
And this comes into play outside of the bedroom too, if you guys are out for an evening year with friends or anything like that. There's not a lot of people in the world that wanna have their partner around making fun, making fun of them, especially whenever it is. Um, I mean that's of course, it's like a partial ego thing. Mm-hmm. I don't know many people that wanna be around friends and then have their partner. Poking fun at them. Yeah. Or like telling details on, and
I mean, we'll, we'll go ahead and go there. When we first started dating, uh, like you always hear, so I'm in Aries, right? In Aries, it's like roasting you for fun. Yeah. That, that was something that I had to understand that you were not okay with. Oh, for sure. And, and I did, I learned it and I understood it and we, we moved on and I. Would not roast you in that way, even though it is my personality type to do that. But I learned that that was not a thing for you. Mm-hmm.
and you did not like that. And so that's just not something that I do anymore. Because again, when we're talking about these turn ons and turn offs, we're meaning intimacy or anything leading up to intimacy. So if we're going out, like you just said, with friends, and I'm poking fun and doing all this stuff to you, that's immediately bringing your mood down, which is probably going to end up leading to us not being. Later that evening, right?
Maybe it's the Scorpio in me. I don't know.
I mean some, but in all, I may be in all honesty, but, but if anything that I've seen, like, and I always joke that I never evolved past a like elementary, you know, flirtatious. Like if I'm, if I'm mean to you, I like you. But that really terrible message, it is, but it's also who I am. If I flirt with you, I do it in a way that I'm a little bit more aggressive and I poke. But again, I learned that for you specifically, that was not a thing for you. Right. And that was a turn off for you.
And so I made still is it a hundred percent. And I made a conscious effort to not do that. Yeah. You know? Um, so it is about finding out what your partner's turn off. Are, and understanding that even through this list that we're going through, that doesn't mean that any of these are gonna connect with you. Yeah. I almost said the word that you hate. Then I incorrectly
say, oh, we're not gonna talk about that one
but I'm just gonna move forward. But
we, we got, we have a couple more turnoffs too. God, this is a long list of things where people are like, I'll tell you what turns me off.
So, like I said, I'm gonna read the last few of the turnoffs and then I'm gonna pass it over. Um, the one that I actually put was like, baby voices. You don't Yeah. You're, you're not an, I can't stand that shit. Like, are you 12? And I'm,
I'm glad that you don't do it either.
It's so annoying.
Would you like to give a demonstration to the audience? No, I'm bad at it. No. About what baby voices sounds like. No. Do it please don't.
Well, we know they're just like, Hi. You know, like that was your impression. That's all I got. Like, I hate it so bad. Oh, what are you doing sweetie? Like, fuck off. Don't talk to me like that. Like, Hey baby. Hey, hi. Like, no, no, no, no, no. Or like the girls that that's all they do is talk like that. Like every fucking thing is this like sweet cutesy little, I don't really have innocence like over
like really, really overplay the
innocence over innocence. You know what I mean? Like at a point, like if you look innocent and then talk normal, that's fucking hot. Yeah. If you look innocent and have this baby voice and this like softer demeanor, that to me is a huge turnoff. I'm so not interested in that. And I have talked to men before where they kind of put on. Softer and, and that's just, it's not a thing for me. I don't like it. Yeah, I don't like it. And maybe it's just cuz I love power. I don't really
know. Hold on. No, totally. Yeah, I got that. Yeah. Yeah.
I'm so hot right now.
Lower my voice in Octa. Hell
yeah. No. Um, so let's see, we actually did this one, so I'm just gonna skip past it. Uh, okay. So this is, uh, this is Casey. This is almost case. Like to a t burping, do. He hates it.
So I'm gonna clarify something here. Yes, I have no problem if somebody burs that's completely okay. That's a natural thing that
occurs. You
have a problem If I burp, I have a problem whenever it's done. So excessively so excessively that it occurs in the bedroom. You know,
sometimes you can't help it. No, that's totally fair. And I hear you, I hear you loud and clear. does not like burping, but the last one that I wrote down was uncertainty, but we kind of already discussed that. So let's go, uh, let's flip it, but
we real quick though. We do have one more turn off. And this was discussed with another friend of ours and it was the, the trying too hard. Oh, okay. Uh, and you know what, some people you're. You know, this is why we, again, say that everything is individualized, but we love reading these off because it gives us an insight into a person. Mm-hmm. And so we're able to say with this one, if somebody says, well, I'm turned off whenever somebody, I feel like somebody is, is like trying too hard.
Yeah. And this, this, this guy friend of ours mm-hmm. was talking about whatever girls come up and they're. Not just hitting on him, but it's like clingy and it's, you're basically being like, take me home. Let's do this right now you
don't have to work for anything. Yeah. You don't have to put in anything. You don't even
need to know my name. I don't know a lot of people that are super into having zero challenge whatsoever,
like, and I think that's what he meant too. It's just wanting that like challenge or, or like getting to know them or having, I'd like to work a little bit. A little bit. Yeah. No, even if
it's just. Hi but instead, and we've witnessed that in fringe groups before. We won't name any names, but we've witnessed that in fringe groups before where we'll have someone that's like, see that guy? I'm gonna go fuck him. And then they just throw themselves at the person. And it's almost like you didn't even make them try. You didn't have a conversation, you didn't do anything. You just threw yourself on top of this person. But I think
that would also make them on the other side just feel like an. Anyone can feel like an object. You're
an object of my sexual desire. Yeah, and that's it. You mean nothing else
to me other than that? Yeah. We went to a dinner once and it was like a friend's birthday and one of the girls that was there was so obsessed with his bartender that nothing else mattered and it was so strange. To like see that obsession. Yeah. And then completely negate the group because then they, that is what they were going for, and then they didn't, they ended up working like guarantee it was too much.
And to negate the object of their affection. Yeah. Of their sexual desire. By now saying, okay, I'm just gonna throw myself at this person and expect them to return it, to reciprocate it, because who wouldn't reciprocate it? I, I think that people like to have some, some of an interaction, some bit of a challenge, something. Okay,
so
let's go back to the very first night that we went on this. Like, we didn't even go on a date. We just ran into each other at a bar. How would you have honestly felt? Had I done that, had I just thrown myself
in? Oh, it, it would've been a turn off. It would've been something that's like, this is too easy,
or like too much,
or it's, it's too, that's, that's personal opinion, right? No, that's, I'm asking. To me, I'm going, that would be too easy
because we still did make out that first night. We did. We did. It was great. It fully made out on like the roof of my car. It was super cute. But yeah, I, I was just curious, you know, like had it, that, been that first encounter, how, how you
would've seen it, it would've been like, it would've been, the first thing going through my head would've been the, why is this so easy? Mm-hmm. and
then who else are they doing this with? Yeah. I think that's where my mind would go. Like, if you're throwing yourself at this just person, then you probably do that to everybody. Well,
possibly, you know what, there's, there's room for that. And depending on your relationship style mm-hmm. depending on the type of person you are, you know, we talk, uh, we've talked in the past about ethical. Somebody that is understanding that, you know what, we're all human beings. We all have sexual desire and just expressing your love, sexual love mm-hmm. freely. That's great. As long as it's with people who are also in that understanding, wanting to receive that.
Yeah. And then the same type of, so if you were to go in that situation without, you know, talking, at least having a conversation with the other party to be like, Hey, this is what I'm into. Is this what you are into? Mm-hmm. it's, then it's a huge turnoff.
So we know how to turn you off. Now,
we've had a great number of responses from our listeners with, we have what Turns, what turns them off. Let's talk about what turns people on though. Um, what do you got, Carrie? So we're, we're, I'm doing on this one? Yeah, you're doing
these. Okay. I read
all the others. Uh, so I'm just gonna broaden this one into kinks. So the first one that had been submitted was like being blindfolded, like a blindfold kink. I think that falls into, uh, Giving away control or having control taken from you. Yeah. You're removing one of the, uh, one of the main senses that we have. I cannot see what's happening, therefore I've lost control of the situation. I can get how that would be a turn on. Mm-hmm.
in the same way that some of you might wanna be restrained because now they have no physical way to, to counteract something that's occurring. So anytime you remove one of those senses, I can totally get on board with that term. Yeah, a hundred percent. It's funny cuz that leads right into being in control. Yep. People really like control play,
they really do. But it's such a turn on, on both aspects. Like to have control Oh, to have control taken and then to be the one to push that control or to be in charge of that control.
You know, you talked earlier about the whole black and white of, uh, dominance and submission. Mm-hmm. Now we, we understand that it's an array, that it's a, a big spectrum of things, but people tend to be writing. And having really like one side or the other. Yeah. Yeah. You know, they are, we've said this before, like me personally, I like to switch between the two. You do. I have times where I wanna be in control. I have times where I wanna be controlled.
Same. Same. Yeah, same. And so that's again, what makes us a great fit is the fact that we both enjoy switching that back and forth. but that also came from us communicating that and understanding that we were both down for that. Oh, for
sure. We've got, we got impact play. Mm-hmm.
we talked about that. If you're unfamiliar with what
it is, it's literally like any sort of physical force used on you. Um, this could be a slap, this could be a punch if you're into it. This could be whips, chains. Scratches.
Scratches. Yeah. I mean, y'all have heard me say plenty of times, I love being smacked, like not on my face. Don't ever hit me in the face. My face is too pretty for that. But ass. Let's go Even at Tee Slap, I'm down for that. It wouldn't bother you. I'll do it often. Yeah. Like I'm totally down for that, you know?
So we have impact play on there. Um, another one that's on here that was submitted says porn play. Mm-hmm. and
like, so porn play, like pretending to be on porn. No porn play. Like just watching it with
your, just watching it. Okay. Yeah. And I mean, if you haven't experienced this and you've been interested, I think that we're both on the same page. We'd encourage you to try it out. Mm-hmm. There's multiple ways you can go about doing this. Mm-hmm. if you are somebody, oh, what's one we talked about in the past? We talked about sending each other. Oh yeah.
So sending a video or an arousing video that you find and sending it to your partner and saying, Hey, touch yourself to this. Yeah. Or, Hey, look at this. What do you think of this? Yeah. I think
it's great because if you were to send me something, I would expect it to be something that turns you on. Yeah. Yeah. And then if I were to send you something, it was gonna be something that turns me on. Again, it's insight. It gives you a deeper connection. I know that there's like a whole mess of people that talk about the positive and negative side sides of porn, but if you're doing it in a, like, you know, ethically sourced porn mm-hmm.
and you're doing it in such a way that you are both being aroused by it, hell yeah. Go for it. Yeah. So I, I, that's like, I, I'm in love with that. That's still my number one is, I mean, I
love it is to see each other I, yeah, go ahead. Like, I, I love still being able to Blu. By you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like you'll send me this video and I'm like, oh shit. I'm at work and uh, I just got this video that's really hot and no, but I love it and it does make me feel connected to you at a time where we can't be connected.
Exactly. What else do we have for the turn ons? We havering. Oh, so popular sporting, that thing is like, squirting has gotten so, so popular. It really has. And I mean, I'm, I'm here. I know you are all It's always a question I have for partners. Mm-hmm. It's like, Hey, is this something that you like, is this something you don't like? Is this something you're, you know, you're interested in trying? So that's a big one that people have written for squirting. So
the, the next three, I'm just gonna say 'em real quick. The squirting, the squishy sex noises and um, like the squishy, squishy sex noises. I know that
one. Really? You ever submitted that one? Yeah, that one
cracked me up. Squishy section. But those all seem to be kind of geared around the same thing, which would be any type of like, Any type of liquids. You might as
well put macaroni in a pot. Yeah. On
that one. Exactly. Um,
those are, those are some really good ones. Those touch, those Strike a chord with me.
I know they do. You love those noises. Saliva play is a big one for you, but I can see why though, in all honesty, I mean, you think about any time that you like want something and it kind of makes your mouth salivate a little bit. Yeah. Like that to me just shows how interested your partner is. If they're like Sal Salivated, it's like we talked about the
visual arousal almost. Now, you can also bring into play, uh, this is gonna be a fun plug here. Mm-hmm. is, there is a, there's something called flin. It's, oh yeah. Yes, yes, I know that. So what, essentially what these are, are they are, they're mints designed for people that have a drier mouth. However, more recently people have been using them as a way to increase, uh, salivary production or saliva production for blowjob.
Yes. And if you've seen any videos of, of somebody, like the advertisements of people using them mm-hmm. they generate like a lot of saliva. Yeah. They come in various strengths and flavors. Mm-hmm. so like there's lower end ones where it'll produce a little bit all the way up to these larger ones where it's like your mouth is just dripping with water.
Yeah. Yeah. And we have some of those. Yeah. We've played with them plenty of times. Plenty of times. All right, the next.
We have anal play. Not
common. Yeah, that's, that's, that's a bit common. And I think we made that post the other day. We did thumb, no Thumb. The thumb or no thumb, ladies. You know what I mean? And we had so many, I mean all of them was pretty much thumb. I think we
had like one or two. No, no, bullshit. We had probably around like 30% of people. Because we ran it. We ran a poll on it. Yeah, we did. Of people being like, no, not for me, but we had a majority. Mm-hmm. a decent amount of majority of people saying, yeah, gimme that thumb.
I think it was more what I was thinking about the post that we made, cuz we made the post and then we shared it onto her story. But in the post, all the comments were like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Hey, and a little pro tip, if you're gonna use the thumb, not only add the thumb, but then use some downward pressure towards the backside of the vagina. If this is like m doggy style mm-hmm. and you're going to insert a thumb. Mm-hmm. push downwards to the backside of the vagina and watch. And have
your nails trimmed. Oh, yeah, that's, you are so good about having your nails trimmed. I never ever have to worry about you, and I love that Um, but little like
side, I don't do my nails done often.
I mean, for anyone, ladies, you know, like, just make sure that your, your nails are adequately, uh, shaped before you go doing anal play. Uh, see what the next one we have acts of
service we're talking love
language for. Yeah. I was like, this is now. This went a totally different direction,
But that, I mean, that's a great, and this actually falls in line with, there was another one that we had, which is Pregaming. Mm-hmm. I mean, we usually call it edging. Edging, right. But if you can, you can combine those two. So if you're sitting back saying, look, I want to turn my partner on, I want to just get them in a state where by the time they get home, we are gonna be going all out over the place.
I think that goes back to those like micro fights I was talking about too. Remember, like if. Would be then a turn off. So what we're saying is doing the opposite of that and doing actual service. Doing exactly. Doing positive prepping for sex.
So as opposed to them coming home and you being like, I'm horny, let's have sex
or like I'm Set it up. Yeah, exactly. Like positive everything. Like you do a great job of that.
My favorite ways to do this. Take you to work if I can. Mm-hmm. uh, order you food without being at, like, without you saying I'm hungry. True. Just order you food instead of time for it to be there. Mm-hmm. at a time whenever I'm like, cause you know,
I
never
get to eat You never get to eat. So that's a big one. Um, I'll send you text messages throughout the day thinking about you. Mm-hmm. can't wait for you to get home tonight. Like, I'm missing you today. Stuff that is not overly needy. Yeah, just like
little jabs or even oversexualized. It's not like I can't wait for you to come home and suck me off. Like you don't do that unless if
I'm gonna send you a sex, like a sexual test, text message, I'm gonna try and make it about you. You do. I want you to, you make it way more about me this versus I want you to come home and do this to me. Yeah. Right. Very true. So if you're gonna be texting your partner back and forth and doing something sexual, fuck, make it about. Yeah, make it about what you want to do to them, how you can't wait to see them in a, a certain outfit or doing something like make it about them. Mm-hmm.
And then once the conversation evolves, then you can switch around a little bit and talk about the reversal of doing something to you. Yeah, I really like that. So that's a good one
there. Yeah. It's just kind of set in the tone. I really
like that. Um, what else do we have? Oh, this one's cute. No, I know that one is cute. This one is the, the physical Nice. Because it exuberates confidence. Yep. And whenever somebody smiles naturally and they actually have like a legitimate real one, it gives you an insight to know that you're having an effect on them that makes you feel good about yourself. Yeah. Like, oh look, I made you smile Um, so what else do we have here? I mean, What do you think?
We're, we're already sitting, we're nearing the end of the episode. We've gone on about a few
of these. We have, I think the last two kind of just fall along with things that we've already
discussed. Oh yeah. We talk about like taking control and then certain physical aspects of a person. So I mean,
but really, what do you, I think that the main purpose of this though is to sit down with your partner and discuss what your turn ons and turn offs are. If you are a newer couple, perfect. Sit down. If you're an older couple, maybe it's time to. Re go over that conversation because they can, yeah, they can evolve, they can change. I don't wanna sit there and be like, yeah, my turn on 10 years ago was a nipple, a nipple tweak, and now I don't really care about that anymore.
So a, again, turnoffs and turnons are vital to intimacy with your partner.
This is what people fail to realize is that they become, we've said this, we said this in episode one. Mm-hmm. people find that one avenue. Yeah. They think, oh, well I know that they liked this one thing, that one time, so this is what we do. Gonna do it all the time. And then I fall into this, this routine because it's comfortable. Mm-hmm. I'm used to it. It's non risky. It's gonna be something that I think is gonna do the trick every single time. And then you fall into this rut.
Well, now it's no longer turn on because it's the only thing that you do or whatever. Yeah. This doesn't
feel fun anymore. Yeah, because it's, you do the same fucking thing every time. So sit down with your partner. Mm-hmm. talk about the things that turn you on and if it changes, please both be vulnerable and open-minded enough to say what turns you on if something has changed. And to be open to what your partner says. Turns them on. Yeah. Be open to it.
So, Casey, I think we should do the same thing right now. Let's get off this episode and let's go have the conversation on, uh, what turns you
on. Ooh, let's keep people updated too. I've had lots of changes, fantasies, all sorts of things. One
that I, uh, helped you figure out earlier today that we're not gonna get into just yet. What we're going to. We're going to, and we're gonna let y'all know how that goes. But for now, this has come with Casey. I am your co-host Carrie. And I'm Dr. Casey. Thank you.