Music credit 00:00-00:30
Holly: 00:30
Hello, I hope you're well!I am hiding in my son's room [laughter]; there’s all kind of loud noise outside of mine so I’m sneaking this in. I just want to begin by wishing you all a very happy Rhinebeck Sheep and Wool Festival weekend [happy, bubbly tone]. Gosh, I'm just so excited about it. I've never been to Rhinebeck; I always go to Maryland Sheep and Wool it's the one yarn festival that's closest to me and has become kind of a ritual for me and my kids, which I talked about I think before in may of this year and I was so sad to miss it.
Holly 01:30
But Rhinebeck is like, gosh, it's like the Olympics of knitting festivals and it feels like it is one of the high holidays for knitters, at least in the states.[laughter] Everything seems sort of organized around it and you know to be honest I have never been able to make time to go. It just always felt a little overwhelming and I'm not somebody who makes impulse purchases and it just seems sometimes like it's about buying massive quantities of yarn and I kind of feel like I can't do that and so Rhinebeck has always been something that I've sort of looked at from afar but not really participated in or even felt like part of the kind of the vibe of it and for whatever reason-- I mean I guess I know the reason--but this year just feels like a moment to celebrate all the wonderful things about knitting. And so that’s what I’m going to talk about today and I’m going to tell you about my Rhinebeck sweater [joyful tone] and what I'm learning about one of the concepts that really helps me with my recovery which is that participation is the key to harmony. I know I’ve talked about this before but I really just love it as a concept and I have really been holding on to it right now.
Holly 02:50
And right now I really want to participate in Virtual Rhinebeck [excited tone]. So that’s what I’m going to talk about today. I just want to begin with my normal disclaimer, which is: take what you like and leave the rest. This is, I think, by far the most handy concept of al-anon ( or maybe it's a concept that Alanon borrowed from other concepts and traditions). But I find it incredibly helpful. So I want to emphasize that I’m just speaking here about my own personal story of recovery. I am somebody who loves someone who suffers from addiction. In my case it’s alcohol addiction and I talk here about that experience. I'll just be honest right now: it continues to suck. It’s been really tough lately, but I still am finding so much to be happy about this weekend. So this is just as a disclaimer that I am not speaking as an official representative of al anon in any way and I’m not in any shape or form allied with al-anon. I'm just talking about my own personal history.
Holly 03:50
I also want to begin by thanking you! So many of you have been listening and I find that really helpful. I am just so grateful that you're a part of this experience for me in that it makes me feel less alone. It helps me to share here so just want to begin by thanking you with gratitude for spending a little bit of time and listening to me ramble on about knitting and recovery [quiet and calm tone].
Holly 03:90
So this week I was going to talk about sponsorship. I've been thinking about sponsors and trying to get one. But I'll talk about that later because it's kind of a bummer [frank and exasperated tone]. Or rather it feels like a bummer post or maybe more like a substantial kind of post and right now I am in a very frothy and happy mood. As I said it's Rhinebeck weekend. I just was watching the Kristy Glass Knits “Tell me about your Rhinebeck Sweater” youtube video. Oh my it's massive; it's like three hours long! I only watched a snippet of it but it's so wonderful and it made me so very happy to see everyone's joy about wearing their Rhinebeck sweaters.
Holly 04:55
I watched it because I’m wearing mine! Earlier this morning I realized it was a Rhinebeck weekend and so, as I walked out to get the bagels, it felt cool It’s a beautifully crisp and cool day-- it just felt like perfect sweater weather. We don't get very many of those in October here in DC; it's usually like super humid which doesn't make me want to wear sweaters. But today felt cool but not cold. It’s a little bit too warm even for something wooly but then I realized that I made that weird rayon sweater last spring and it was a perfect day for that. Also, I was wearing the perfect outfit for it. I mean, it was a schlubby Sunday morning outfit, but the colors coordinated really perfectly with the red sweater-- lots of blues. The red sweater just kind of looks so nice with it so I wore it and I decided to call it my Rhinebeck sweater as I walked the dog and went to get bagels for the kids.
Holly 07:00
It made me so happy! That’s why I went and watched a few minutes of Kristy Glass’s video so that I could watch everybody else's Rhinebeck sweaters, as I was knitting on my Oswalt shawl, and I just felt like the joy of knitting. And not even about recovery but just the joy of yarn and people being happy about their creative expression and it didn't feel like one of these moments where I was being asked to buy anything and I didn't feel excluded from a community.
Holly 07:30
These are all my issues that I bring to this stuff and it is something that I'm working on but it happens a lot of these times with these events. I've already talked a little bit about how I can feel overwhelmed in these large spaces that are designed for commercial purposes which--no shade because I know everybody's got to make a living and Lord knows I like looking at fancy yarn--but I can't purchase lots of fancy yarn right now. But what I can do today is I can be happy for everyone who made their first sweater or who made five sweaters for Rhinebeck (one woman in the video made five sweaters! [incredulous tone of wonder]) or for the people who dyed their own yarn and spun their own yarn and who designed their own sweaters. It’s amazing how talented people are and just watching everybody be geeked out with joy about their yarny creations is just delightful.
Holly 08:00
It's making me feel so, so happy and that's that piece of participating, right, like, that's the joy and harmony of participating. I think I sometimes take myself out of these unabashedly fun dynamics. I think one of the things that happens when you get older or maybe I'm hoping is happening for me right now as I’m coming--I was about to say “coming clean” but that’s a terrible metaphor especially for any of us who deal with addiction in our lives-- so instead I'll say trying be more honest and forthright about who I actually am and what I actually am dealing with in my life, including what makes me happy and feeling like I can celebrate it in a way that sometimes doesn’t feel possible when you live with addiction. Sometimes you feel like there's not enough space or a safe space to share what you love or maybe you just get so used to hiding such key components of who you are and how you live that almost everything gets protected in that same way. Anyway, I'm finding a lot of joy today in just leaving that behind and, you know, wearing my sweater. Is it perfect? No! One of the sleeves is still way too long and I've got to deal with that and I'm not sure it's the most flattering but ...who cares? I'm having fun and I'm so proud of it! I used yarn that didn't have a home and I found a home for it! And I designed it myself and it's wearable and so I'm just celebrating that right now and being kind to myself and celebrating the joy of this yarny weekend. [laughter]
Holly 09:45
So I’ll keep it short this week. If you do knit, then maybe find a way to wear and celebrate your Rhinebeck creation or the thing that makes us light up with joy. And if you're not a knitter, then whatever it is I feel like there's probably a weekend--I hope there’s a weekend when you can celebrate that.
Holly 10:15
Hobbies have been so helpful in defining who I am and what I love and helping me cope with the stress of my life, which includes loving somebody with addiction issues. I'm really grateful that I have it as self-expression and as community and so I'm going to probably join all the other geeky knitters who are wearing 18 different hand knitted creations at once in order to celebrate this special weekend. [laughter].
Holly 10:30
Now, the other thing I was going to say is that here’s my tip (and it's not a useful tip for dealing with recovery [laughter]) but it is an introverts’ guide for yarn festivals. I think most people who celebrated Rhinebeck probably celebrated yesterday, on Saturday, because that’s like the big day of the festival but I never go to festivals on the first day. I usually show up on the last day when things are a little more chill and calm and the crowds are lower and so I am even late in celebrating the festival when it's virtual so I'm going to be celebrating it today rather than yesterday because that's just my style. Anyway I hope you're well; I hope you have really beautiful materials to work with; I hope that you are finding a way to express yourself and celebrate what lights you up and what makes you happy. I’ll talk to you all soon.
Holly 11:05
Bye!