#765 - ARI MATTI + DUSTIN POIRIER

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Um you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? This is an exciting one. It's unbelievable. You know, sometimes you have people from New York, LA, this, that. This one's special. Because this is one of the best comedians in the world right now. And one of the greatest fighters of all time. Ladies and gentlemen, I present two of the baddest motherfuckers on planet Earth. Ari Maddie and Maddie on fucking panel tonight everybody Here we go!

Oh my god. We're gonna have so much fun. Ari Maddie's been on tour. Go check him out. He's on the biggest tour of his life at riematty.com. How's it going? Yes, I was in Florida so you can see by the way I dress now, things are different. I'm selling cocaine, it's cut in half with baby powder, but um That's another thing. I love it. I just snort the baby powder. Yeah. I say leave the cocaine out of it. I want to go goo gaga.

Dustin motherfucking Poirier, ladies and gentlemen. The fighting pride of Louisiana. Future UFC Hall of Famer. And somehow you are on panel tonight on campus

I didn't expect to be so. It's good, it's good. It's gonna be great. If anybody roasts you or makes fun of you or anything, just beat the Wait for him in the parking lot. Yep, beat the shit up. You could do it on the show. We give you full permission. If it fucks up our ads or anything, we'll like blur it. But people will know that you're winning for sure. You know, I did MMA too. Ha ha ha. O and oh and three. You can go on sharedog.com. You can check it out.

Yeah. If I tried stand up comedy, I'd be oh and ten, so I don't know about that. I was really good at the gym, but when the lights hit you, I'm a pit. Bro, and I and I see the opposite side of that. I see guys great in the gym. When the lights hit you, they suck. I see guys suck in the gym when the lights hit them, they're world champions. Damn. Yeah. Yeah, I could be a world champion, I guess. Well I promise you that's going to happen on this show.

Tonight. There are gonna be people that think they are the best in the world and their name is gonna get called and the lights are gonna hit'em. They're gonna realize that millions of people around the world are watching them and the pressure is going to get to them and some people. are going to be terrible open micers and somehow we're going to fall in love with them, perhaps. But then again, maybe none of that happens.

Anything can happen. If I pull their name out of the bucket, they get sixty seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which rudely interrupts them. And then I conduct an interview. Live, completely improvised, and anything can happen.

You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? I'm gonna pull the name out of the bucket and while we go wrangle this human from the dilapidated bar next door, I have a golden ticket winner who is I mean this kid's a freak. He was on the first Netflix episode taping here, and uh he's a monster. This guy's built for comedy. We will see what he's got for us tonight. This is a brand new. I'm on Tinder now.

Grinder was too easy, I needed a challenge, you know? I don't settle for that easy shit. Found my ex on that other app. Google Maps. Got ya bitch fucking try and run from me. Uh I cheated on her like she was a math test. with a Chinese boy, but you know, that's college for ya. Went on a date with an older gal recently, told me she was going through menopause. I was like, Oh, well, your mouth still gets wet, right? Fucking woo We can make this work. Let's not get all hasty.

A lot of the women I've dated have been single moms after I'm through with them. And Well cause and effect. Other night in bed this black girl told me to eat her ass. I was like, I thought I already was. What's this thing then? So much going on down here. This is all so new to me. Alright, thank you.

Pat O'Neal getting us started with a bang. You're so talented. I can't imagine you doing anything other than this. You look like a reptilian fucking leprechaun of some kind. I mean you are just a true comedian. Confused bird. Ha ha ha ha ha. I'm definitely confused. Yeah. An amazing set, Pat. Is this true? Are you out there? Are you dating people? What is what what what can a woman expect?

Well on a date with Pat O'Neill. Uh well, I don't know. A lot of this and uh Yeah. If they're lucky, I'll put my fingers in their pussy. Wow, if they're lucky. My goodness. If they're lucky they'll get your You know when the fingering. When does that start on the date exactly? Is that a go to, get it started with a bang? Yeah, I mean ideally, but if she's classy you'll wait an hour or two. Yeah. Hell yeah. A lot of classy bitches out there, huh? Amazing.

Incredible. You ever take them back to your birdhouse or anything or you go Do you go to there? Well yeah, I got a I got a bed. Yeah, you got a bed. Do you have your own apartment? I do. You live by yourself? Yeah, believe it or not. Yeah, no, I believe it. Yeah. I don't think you're exactly the most in demand roommate on the market right now. Yeah. Not a lot of people are into a permanent Halloween decoration when every time they get home. Yeah. Oh love it.

What's hanging on your walls at your apartment? Like what p paintings? That's a great question, Red Man. Wow, look at you. Did you think of this before the episode? That's a great question. Uh Uh like nothing. Honestly. See, that's a great question because it leads to a frightening answer. I don't know. I mean absolutely nothing at all? No. Like when you bring girls back to that Nothing. Mm-hmm. What's the game? I'm like there's a TV. Uh-huh. Wow. Gotta get him a left. TV on the floor or

It's on the wall. I paid a fella. Before if Trump won. He was still here. Yeah. Oh, got it. Got it. Yes, I got it. Got political there. Anyway, I'm kidding. Like to say I'm kidding now, I'm kidding, everybody. Anyway. So how could you hang a TV but absolutely nothing else? I mean normally like high schoolers, college kids.

they at least have like po unframed posters or something. I'm open to advice. If you have suggestions, I'll you've never thought of this at all before? No, I don't what am I supposed to put on my walls? Hot dudes, Tony? What the fuck? I don't know why that would be your first go to. Do you have interesting pink? Paint colour. Like you know like. Oh you're right back to your normal level of questions, I see. Are there any plans? There's no fucking way this guy's got a plant.

Everything is dead in that apartment. I got a candle recently. I felt fancy about that. Is it a scented candle? Yeah. What is the scent of that candle? It's like fucking vanilla or something. Wow, look at you, Mr. Romance. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I'm working my way up. What's the candle sitting on? Is it like a dining room table, a side table? Yeah, table.

What kind of table? Uh I'm curious. Is it a a ch children's school desk or something like that? Nah, that'd be dope, but I see you're into weird shit. It's a four-legged wooden table. Okay. What are its dimensions? Give me a ballpark here. Uh three by ten by We talking feet or inches here. This is a massive table. This is quite the regal table in such a I have no idea. Ten foot by six foot with nothing on the wall. The apartment is ten foot

He lives in an interrogation room, ladies and gentlemen. We're finding out a lot about Pat O'Neill. So far from Have a see. Just lights one candle in the middle of this giant. I just fucking write jokes and stare at a monitor. I get it. It shows brother. Like I said, you are an absolute fucking hilarious motherfucker. It's incredible. I'm gonna throw Dustin under the bus here. What do you think about this guy? If you just whatever whatever you say, there's no wrong answer.

I don't know man, d thinking of this guy coming home to an empty Clean wall apartment is kinda freaky, man. I agree. He's scared better than you somehow. Yeah. Yeah. Somehow he is scary. Ways. For sure. What's your king? Ooh, good question. Missionary. Yeah. Mm missionary on a giant empty table. With one candle. Yeah.

Pat, you're the fucking man, dude. Thank you, Tom. Thank you for getting tonight's episode started. How it's done. That's a golden ticket winner. Now we go to the bucket. This is the beating heart. where we meet everybody. This is where we met Pat O'Neill. Everybody, William Montgomery, you name it. Everyone was found out of this bucket. This could be the next star. Isn't the next star. Make some noise for your first bucket pool of the night. Anastasia. I flew here.

On a blunt. I I'm I'm from Austin. I'm in Austin. Um so basically what happened was I didn't plan to be here and then Now I'm here. This guy told me not to say his name on stage, Jimmy. Prescott. And uh he invited me because he said that sometimes I'm But only when people aren't going to be able to do it. Um usually I do crowd work, but that's frowned upon when there's only sixty seconds. 'Cause I'll take too long to think. But

I think it's kinda crazy that the the upstream files dropped and everybody just sort of like, Cool, yeah, that's what they're doing. I approve of We're not gonna do anything about it. We all know what's going on and we're just gonna Woo. So anyway, that's why y'all are here. You're avoiding reality, and uh that's why I'm here. I'm also avoiding reality. I think I'm funny Clearly. Alright, that is the full minute from Anastasia Nadraga, ladies and gentlemen. Uh.

Let's well yeah, I bet you were. Let's check in with R E Maddie. See Dustin, this is me at MMA. Ha ha ha ha. You look like you get pummeled. Yeah. Anastasia. The mental illness is staggering. Let's talk about it. So what made you sign up for this exactly? Your your story is that a friend peer pressured you into this basically? Are you a mind reader? Can you hear what I'll turn thinking? You said that like five seconds ago. Oh. He said mental illness, so you know.

Uh Yeah. Uh again, I don't have to read mines to be able to see what's going on in there, Anastasia. Anastasia? Are you like Russian? Oh my god. We don't talk about that. What are you a fucking mind reader? That's not politically correct and Anastasia, let me ask you a question. You brought up the Epstein files and then you said basically nothing other than we should be doing something. What do you think we should do?

What do you think we should all be doing now that the Epstein files have dropped? I don't know, you know, I think it's up to each individual what they wanna do, you know. Great answer, Anastasia. Great answer. You're solving the world. Mm-hmm. So let's talk about it. Have you ever seen the show before? You're just a friend made you Do this. Yeah. Right. Have you ever seen the show? Do you know where you are right now?

I think that time is running out and it's the end of the world. So that's where I am right now. Okay. Much worse than you. You're the worst. You can't answer. And you love it. Look at that fear in your eyes You're done. Ha ha. You get nothing. Go. Woo your way through the rest of your life. I can't imagine what the rest of it's like. Go, go that way. Yikes. It's hey that is proof, ladies and gentlemen, if you need a

Wow! What a palate cleanser, the lovely Heidi, everybody. By the way, that Anastasia is proof that the bucket is real. Let it be known. This is a very random improvised show. Either she has serious problems Now yeah, she has serious problems. Start your Alienware journey with the streamlined Alienware 15. We designed this machine to refine the essentials, creating a more focused gaming laptop for players who demand quality without the clutter.

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a retard. or preparation whatsoever and the inability to answer basic questions. And his name is Benny. I uh I just started playing dominoes. Anyone like playing dominoes? Yeah, Domino's I d I found it really exciting.'Cause like Every time you put another piece down, you're like, oh, is it gonna make a swastika? Um, I just just moved here to Texas. Um hooked up with my first Latina. That was Yeah, that's pretty cool. Uh other than like I'm not really into dirty talk.

I started going down on her and she's like I put my finger over her lips, I was like, Shh, I don't like dirty talk. Speak English. Thank you. Very much. Benny Bruce making it look easy after Anastasia Nutup. That was awesome. Thank you.

W how long you been on stand up? Uh just over a year. Bye-bye. Mm-hmm. Where were you at originally before this? Where is the medium Lebowski from exactly? Uh Grand Rapids, Michigan. Hey, hell yeah. Welcome, welcome. How recently did you move here? Month and a half ago. Nice. Nice. I moved out of Michigan in August. Traveling around the country. That's awesome. Tell us about that. What was that like? Traveling the country. What stood out to you? Um what did you learn about yourself?

Yeah. Thank you. I got stranded in Alabama for a little over a month because my transmission went out. Yeah. Okay. Let's check in with Dustin Poirier. How long have you been working for the for ISIS sex department? What do you do for work? How do you make money? What exactly what type of vapes do you sell? Yeah. Um I just got a job like three weeks ago here. I'm a brand Flooring company. For a flooring company. You want your floors updated?

I love that. So you are very Lebowski esque. He was looking for a rug and you are a flooring ambassador. Tie the room together, indeed. How much marijuana do you have to smoke a day to wear the exact outfit that you're wearing? Is that about a quarter ounce or so? Yeah. Consistently. Yeah, we can. Yeah. I love it, Benny Bruce. Uh you're a very, very funny guy. How much material do you think you have of that quality if you had to like string a set together?

I mean the most I've ever done is that I've got to be a little bit Yeah, cool. Well you're in the right place to do it now. What what have you what do you love about Austin? just like the opportunity. I can go up on stage every day. Rapids it was like a couple times a month. Grand Rapids. very tough, weird, yeah, quirky place. Yeah. What what what was that like? Were parents together? You have a normal American pie family? Oh yeah. I was like raised Catholic and stuff. They're loving.

Even even to you? Oh yeah. I was the firstborn. I'm the favorite. I love And what do they think about your pot smoking c stand-up comedy uh aspect? They're about it. I love that. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, my parents are very... What's your love life like? Are you currently in love with uh with a water bong or something like that? I uh the reason I moved I was engaged for two years and that didn't happen anymore. So then I was... What happened?

It was Anastasia. She started talking and uh he's like, dude, I gotta get the fuck out of here. I'm taking my shitty car and I'm just driving anywhere. I'm gonna fucking go straight to Alabama to start. Start comedy for the book. I'd rather be stranded in Alabama than Anastasia. Yeah. Uh what did go wrong with the engagement? Um we fought a lot. Uh we did too many drugs. What kind of drugs are we talking about here?

Uh a lot of psychedelics. Ketamine was a big one. Yeah. But I've been off of all of it since I moved. Nice. Very good. Still weed though. How's it helped like your comedy? What's that? Going coming off. How's it helped like your comedy?'Cause you started, you were all fucked up, huh? Yeah. It started uh you know, like a year and a half ago or whatever, but like I wasn't taking it seriously until I Okay, okay, okay. Like I would write shit, but Really right and shit.

Mm-hmm. Getting up all the time. Yeah, that was a good set. Thank you. Good really two good, really good jokes. Yeah. Really? Yeah, I've I only wrote it. Yeah, that was awesome. That's amazing. That's a great joke. Benny Bruce.

I see a bright, bright future ahead of you, man. You have some really funny jokes and a good style. I'm excited. Some of the best comedians in the world are people that used to do a lot of drugs that no longer do drugs and fill that brain space and shit with writing and performing. So keep up the great work and good luck in the future. Here's a uh here's a big joke book.

We're gonna keep it moving along. Thank you. It's bright. I just wanna give uh introduction to myself. I'm mixed, black and white. I dropped out of school learning all my math from drug dealing. And I'm actually the best of my whole family at math, right?'Cause I'm half black. The rest of my family I hang around is white. But for some reason they always refer to me as three fifths.

Which I never understood'cause the fraction is actually one half. But it's hard being mixed, you know,'cause people always get so nosy, always have to ask the same question, like, Oh, which parent is mixed? Which parent is black, which parent is white, you know? But I never tell them, I just kinda give them a hint. Someone's like, is your mom black or is your mom white? And I was like, um, my mom is fat.

And for the white people to understand that I just don't know my dad, that's the real reason. But yeah, man, I feel like uh human connection is really important. I talked to a guy the other day, I said, Yeah, man, I'm a comedian. He said, Wow, I was an actor in New York for ten years and then I sung in the opera for five years, and then my whole career got ruined'cause I got throat. So now he's a mine. Alright, that's all the times. Yeah.

All right. Bryce Wright. Welcome to the show. Thank you, Brad. I am twenty one. Twenty one years old. Yes, sir. So how old are you right now? I uh That's the preferred answer. Are you really twenty one? Okay. What do you do for work? I produce comedy shows in Jacksonville, Florida. Producing comedy shows in Jacksonville, Florida. How many comedy shows do you produce a month? Um two different venues, usually about three to four.

Okay. And that's doing it for you. How do you how do you drop people to your venue? meta ads, retargeting, ads, marketing, all that. Okay. How much money do you have? Well I run comedy shows, so not much at all. What's the just give us a ballpark? How much if we checked your Chase savings account right now? What what would be in there? Probably on average but Two thousand probably. Okay. All right. And now you live in Austin? Oh no, I don't live here. I just visit. Still in Jacksonville?

Yeah, still in Jackson. What's your rent? I love my parents. Okay. Prophet. Yeah. Yeah. Jayo fucked me up, man. Stop it, King. Here we go. Kill Tony. Twenty-one already in prison. Yes. Obviously. Just marijuana? Yeah, just marijuana, but Okay. All right. have you gotta have them both together. You never know if you're gonna get robbed. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. So let's talk about it. Like what were you doing when uh when that happened? Like w you were you got pulled over?

Yeah, I was getting pulled over going through uh Clay County and I think I thought I was slick'cause I used to do something where I turned my high beams on so I could see the reflectors of like sheriff cars that are like waiting for people and really? They'll never notice you if you do that. You get to see them first. Genius. Where do you get this weed from? I want some. Mm-hmm. Did you tell the cops that the white side of you told the black side not to sell the drugs? CORIEA! Boom! Boom! Boom!

That's the best. That's the best space. MMA and then comedy. It works perfectly if you don't have CT. Or if you do have it it might work out. Yeah. Fuck you, Bryce, right? Okay, so uh what did the cops say when he came up to the car? He said I'm detecting the odor of marijuana? Yeah. And you're like, How did you even see me, dude? My brights were on and then they weren't on and I was basically flashing my lights at you.

You do look like that is crazy that drug dealers always look like drug dealers too. Dude, when I pull you over I'm literally like, Mm searching this whole car. It's free advertising, dude. I gotta let'em know I got it. Yeah, they they told me first thing obviously it smells like weed and I was like, you know, that's not probable cause'cause I saw some shit on TikTok. I was like No. That's not Fucking what are you talking about? Okay, so they said

They love that. Police love that when you tell them not I know my rights. Where's the gun? Where's the gun? Where Where's the You sound just like him. Yeah. It was i in the glove compartment, obviously. And you were like looking for is the license there? Right. You're like my registration's right in caduk. Oh. Yeah. You know if they see a gun, they shoot. Luckily your skin tone you're safe. You better thank yo mama boy. All right. D Madness now knows exactly what you look like.

Well I um what I w the the method is and I feel like I'm gonna go back to jail for saying shit like this, but The the method is is you is you keep uh you keep the gun and glove compartment and then you take out the registration, you take out insurance and you keep it just anywhere else, like the center console. And I remember I grabbed for the glove compartment by instinct and I was like And then he knew instantly. He knew something's in there. Yeah. Yeah.

So then, so then, so then, so then, so then, so then, so then. Yeah. You give the registration, next expire. Yeah, it was Was it really? Was it really? Wasn't there? I think what got him though is when I was like, the geco. So that was Okay. How fast was her response just out of curiosity? Uh Wow. Was it late at night? It was yeah, it was late at night. Yeah. So then okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Did it feel get out of the car or what's the what's Uh they go to search it.

He pulls open the passenger door. Why would you search in the glove box, right? That's exactly what I thought. What a fucking idiot, right? So he opens it and the partner just looks up and they instantly put me in cuffs. Yeah. And then I go to jail. How long did you go to jail for? Shhh, like fucking solid 12 hours, bro. I bonded out. What the fuck do you get? Wow. I got drug money, motherfucker. I'm bonding out of this.

Hell yeah, two thousand bucks. Two thousand What did you learn in that twelve hours in jail? What surprised you learned that stood out to you? Okay, the jail was actually not that bad at all. It was uh it was Clay County and I'm in Jacksonville, so that's Duval County. I mean that's the closest you've ever been to living on your own, so I'd imagine it was pretty nice for you. Yeah, so Yeah. I think the biggest thing. out Clay County Jail by the way. How could I skip over the compliment?

I think the biggest thing I noticed was like it was actually really nice. The people were nice and when I got in there like all Oh yeah. Welcome. For all of you gun-yielding pot smokers that look like Krusty the Clown. We well, we have welcoming gates! Make sure you keep your gun in your glove compartment like a real fucking dumba. Yeah. And we shall roll out the red carpet for you. Did you get to eat while you were there? They have a little snack for you?

Oh no. I I didn't eat shit in there. I I knew I was bonnet out. How much was the bond? Fifteen hundred. Oh my god. Had to cover it. Huh? Mom? Mom had to cover it? Yeah. She had to take out some income tax money for that one. Yeah. Yeah, I had a feeling you weren't making that much producing shows once a month in Jacksonville.

But two thousand a month is a good lie. Um Bryce, what else is going on in your life? You single? Uh no no no no. I got uh my girl's actually uh right out in Shakespeare right now. She's a very loyal woman. She gives you rim jobs every day. I'd never cheat on her. Is that true? She eats your ass fucking gross. Imagine being a girlfriend at that shithole bar supporting your boyfriend while he's on stage. Yeah, she ribs me every day.

Yeah My asshole is cleaner than that bar by all due means, I will tell you. By looking at the overall thing, I disagree. Yeah. Let's see it. By all due means, ladies and gentlemen. By all due means. Uh how do you keep your ass so clean? The world wants to know. I'm getting I'm getting this in my ear right now. Okay. So you ever heard of uh dude wipes? Yes. They got a new flavor of dude wipes called Dump Dumpkin Spice. It's a pumpkin spice dude wipe.

Every time a girl eats your ass, she's like, it smells like fall. It's perfect. White girls love it. See her in the front row, she loves it. Look at her. Yeah. There's red bands one fart noise this episode. So you keep these pumpkin spice dude wipes on you? Always. Do you have one on you right now? Do you have any other flavors as you call them of dude wipes? This is a great dude wipe commercial. No, I think I wish they were paying me.

Bubblegum flavor recently. I haven't tried that one out. I don't know. I'll see what that's about. Wow. That's amazing. Yeah. Oh they're fucking Red Band just eats the wipes. And it's good for bad bread. All right. Bryce right. You did it. You did it. You did it. You did something. You're leaving here with a medium sized black joke book. This is b real this is what black looks like. Oh, and he did not catch it. He is truly mostly white, ladies and gentlemen. The Bond Man. Thank you, sir.

With all due means you deserve it. Ladies and gentlemen, there he goes. Bryce Wright, everybody. Thank you guys for having me. Shout out rooftop comedy show

Alright, there he goes everybody. About to rest your ass again. We have cops right over here. Hello everybody. This podcast is sponsored by Quo. If your team is still operating like a group chat with commitment issues, that's a problem. Nothing kills momentum faster than an opportunity slipping through the cracks because everyone assumed everyone else was on it.

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No miss customers. Alright, let's get another bucket pull up here, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for Eddie Adams, everybody. Eddie Adams.

Thank you. Ladies Peace. Who runs the world? Ladies, who runs the World Y'all wanna put some money on that? Everybody. My uncle, he's been in the news a lot lately. You may have seen him. Uh I just inherited this book. Everybody keeps asking me, is Trump's name in this book? Guys, his name is not in this book. Yeah. Oh but that's weird. Brian, your name's in this book. Oh fuck my gold. Uh Uh Brian, your name's in this book. That's crazy. Tony, you're safe though. I would

Okay, there's that's uh that's over a minute from Eddie Adams. Where we gonna sit there? I'm safe what? I wouldn't expect you to go to an island full of girls. All right, very good. There you go. Eddie Adams doing a very kill tony uh centric set there. I like it. Eddie, how long you been doing stand-up? Been doing it for five years. Where uh Uh started in Atlanta and then Houston. You still live in Houston? What made you do Houston?

What made me do Houston? Uh I was trying to get closer to family. They live in Houston. Uh they lived in Dallas, but I was relocating back to Texas, so it's way closer than Atlanta. Okay. It's pretty far drive. You came out like really gay and then it did you notice he came out really gay and then it faded away. Yeah. Came out gay, ended up being Jewish somehow. It's a way to please everybody and show business.

Surprised you didn't host the Oscars last night or something like that. Gay and Jewish. Are you gay? I am not gay. That's incredible. You sounded gay. Um all right, Eddie. So five years and how long have you lived in Houston? Uh three years. What do you do for work? I sell cars. You do that in Houston? I do. What kind of cars do you sell? Uh Toyotas. Toyotas. Are you actually Jewish? I am. So that's your real yam. This is the one that I was bar mitzved in.

Wow. Okay. Broke it out of the closet for this. Absolutely. I also came out of the closet for this show. Seems like a gay y uh uh yarmaka though. I got that. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. It is. Wait, that's the exact same uh that's the sa that's made from the drug rug that uh Benny Bruce wore earlier. Is it gay because it's the same color as your microphone? Whoa. Oh my god, you're getting roasted by a Toyota car salesman! Oh my god. What kind of Toyotas are you slinging the most? What's your specialty?

Uh Takama. Okay, let's do a little thing here. I just walked into uh but I'm not me. I'm just a normal stranger and I just walked into your car dealership. Hey uh what's up man? Uh I'm looking for a car We got some pretty good pre owned vans in the back. You want me to go show you them? All right. All right. Eddie Adams, not gay. He swears he's not gay. What's your love life like? You have a girlfriend right now? Oh congratulations. She's Jewish as well? Uh she is not Jewish. Whoa, what is she?

Uh We Bye. She is agnostic. Just a normal white lady. Where'd you meet her at? Okay, and that's the one explain to people what hinge is. Uh hinge is probably like the one where you're not really trying to get laid. You're more trying to go on a date. So Okay. Red ban. Hit your sound effect, Red Band. That's a good one. He doesn't know where his own sound effect is, everybody Alright, it's broken right now. It's I think it's on that board by the way,'cause I know the It cracked.

Perfect. Why would you Why would you why would you possibly get it fixed before tonight's taping? Oh, okay, perfect. It's good to know that we're running the same iPad that we've had since the sh show started thirteen years ago. How long you guys been together? Oh we've been together. Are you engaged? Oh, you said married, I'm sorry. How long were you engaged? One year. Okay. Yeah. Where'd you where was the wedding at? Uh the wedding was in Houston. How what made you do it in Houston?

Oh that's where her family's at. She's got a big family and didn't want to have to make some of her older relatives. What's a crazy do you have any special skills or talents, Eddie Adams? Special skills, talents, no. You collect anything? You have any hobbies or anything like that? Is there something quirky and uh funky? How do you feel about Iran? سلام چهتوری Bye. What does that mean? Hello, how are you in Farsi? All right. Really winning the crowd over here with you. Yeah, I got bombing.

Wow. I can't believe the kill Tony Kraut even gives that credit, but all right. Um all right, Eddie. You really don't do anything other than comedy sometimes and sell cars? Uh I love soccer. Love watching soccer. I watch it religiously. Um from the Latinos. Yeah, yeah. Gay. New sound effect everybody. When the soundboard crashes, you just have to do it on your own. Interesting. I feel like there's something I'm missing here about you, Eddie. I feel like there's something you're keeping

No I feel like now would be a good moment to just address uh the whole reason I got into comedy was I went to a house party uh when I was in Atlanta. I knew no one I was trying to make friends and I went out to get a drink from the cooler. And a guy named Marcel, I've never seen him again. He said, What do you do? And I told him I was selling cars and he said, Is that what you grew up wanting to do? And I said

No. No one had ever asked me that. Said, Well, what did you want to do? And I said, make people laugh. And he said, Well, do you promise within a year you'll try to do that? Will you try comedy? And uh I agreed to do it. And it was COVID, so I never saw him again. I moved away. But anyways. Okay. Marcel, if you're listening, you started this.

Um, here you go. You need you need if there's anybody I know that needs to write actual jokes, it's you. So there's a big joke book. There you go, Zeddy Adams. His Kill Tony debut. We'll see him again sometime.

All right, we have a special treat for y'all. Uh a very uh well known out of New York visiting during the festival South by Southwest season. God, this is so exciting. Hi, hi, hi Dustin. 嗨 How are we? Um I don't know some of you guys might not know me. My name's Karen. I'm from Massachusetts. I was in the Boston Ballet for about ten years. That's why I'm a racist anorexic. Um I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I eat

I'm also an alcoholic. I have a very helpful tattoo. It says, Don't serve me on my arm. It's okay, bartenders can't read cursive. Um And so whenever I miss blacking out, I just sleep with an MMA guy. Um You know. I see a cauliflower here. Yeah. Uh people are so mean about MMA guys. They're like they're so dumb. I'm like, no, their brains are just on the outside now.

I'm just kidding, they're pretty dumb. Um I do this thing last last bit, I do this thing, I let him come in me, and then I go, hey, let's see if this kid's a fighter.

Fantastic Karen Beehan. That was awesome Karen. How's life going? Thanks for having me. Absolutely. Is it try have you ever been with a MMA fighter? Yeah, I let Gary Tonin come in me. Wow. He's the lion's hammer. Look him up. Ooh, d have you ever heard of Gary Tonin before? Yeah. Okay. This checks out. Really? Thank you. Have you ever let an O N three fighter come in you before? Anything can happen, right? I think he I think he might be 0-0-4 after this. I love it.

Karen, you're great. You're from New York. You live in New York. That's right. I love New York. I love Austin though. Yeah. There's some similarities between Manhattan and and Austin. Yeah. Like in Manhattan we have ladies who lunch and here you guys have ladies who poop in their shoes. I can't I it's like Cinderella and they step in it. It's so fun. So many Winnie the Poohs out there, all shirts, no pants. I love them. I love it. They're out there. I love it here. They are.

Um are you r are you racist? Uh no, no. That was just a joke. I do like eyes come in me though. I don't know. If you were gonna be racist. Right. Yeah. Ha ha ha. I mean I don't know. Jews? Um Yeah. I'm Jo I love Jews. I went on a bachelorette trip with fourteen Jewish women. I'm not Jewish. If you really love Jews and Toyotas, boy do I have a guy for you to meet. Karen, you're fantastic. Thanks for coming in. Karen Feehan, everybody. Very funny. We're gonna keep it moving along.

Eat one all together. A blue. Kill Tommy. Uh dating is hard nowadays. Um I was uh sleeping with this one girl. Um I absolutely loved her. I would have done anything for her, but uh turns out she had no heartbeat. Um it annoys me when old people say, Oh, you guys have it so easy nowadays. Um, like yeah, y'all had to go to war or whatever, but we also had to deal with trauma.

You know, um, I remember I was like oh we had to deal with porn advertisements. I remember I was like twelve years old and I looked up nude girl with breath. And then all of a sudden a ad pops up for where, you know, there was a midget that got gangbanged by basketball people. You know, that that shit scarred me. Um Oh boy. Uh yeah yeah. So for the old people for their trauma, they got they got called a hero and got a purple heart. All I got was called a pervert and got a purple bo purple boner.

All right.

All right. Yeah. Luke Aaron, you've been on the show a couple times Ari man. Yeah. Yes, my first time. I remember, yeah. Basketball people like black people. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes. That was like the joke. Yeah, like yeah, yeah, mm I got that one, yeah. Now last time you were on, you did awkward poetry. I did awkward poetry. And the first time you were on you said you don't want to do open mics because you're afraid people will steal your material. A mic was that you Actually Wow.

I do so I I know you guys you guys hated the poem the last time, but I I do have another poem. But this time this time this I may I you know this one's a little more serious this Am I am I allowed to read it? How long is the It is shorter. Well I know anything is short. I had to stop you last time. How much shorter is it? If you had to guess the length of from the start to the end of the poem Two minutes. That's crazy. You're out of your mind.

You're out of your mind. Is there anything we don't know about you from the interviews that you've been on? Um I can juggle. I'm But I'm actually hilarious, but I just I didn't I didn't I it's not coming across right now, but I swear. Um and then and then I I also I also have uh A poem. Yes. So yeah, yeah, I am. I I was. I I'm not anymore. I've kind of I in college I like God. I really like All right. Oh dude.

You gotta you gotta take a break from signing up for this show. This is like unbelievable. You don't prepare, you don't test out any material anywhere. And you just write very long poems that nobody wants to hear. Rhyming like isn't that crazy or hard? Okay. What? I wanna hear I wanna hear what your response is to that. Have you never had anybody tell you you fucking stink before in your life? No. Um yeah, maybe a few people.

You ever play sports? I bet you never played sports sports. Did you ever play sports? I did play sports. I played basketball. Basketball. Where? Where? What city? Johnson. Oh you're probably fucking great in Wisconsin basketball. 야야야야야 Yeah. Did you play were you a starter on your team in basketball? I was a starter, but there was about ten people or ten guys in my high school that were, you know, capable of playing.

You know, one was in a wheelchair. Three of us had autism. You know, so I I made the team. Right. Is that the group of guys that bang the midget? Bang the magic. Yeah. Yeah, hell yeah. Yes, I just don't think you've ever had like, I don't know, a reality check of any kind. If you're not doing open Yeah. And barely getting through a set and then going, but I have a very long poem.

Yeah. That's not what this show is. So you're gonna have to figure out something else. Or do open mics and figure out if the material that you're going to do on the show works at all. You're really not doing open mic? I I do I do. Which one? Mile. I do um kick butt coffee and then which other ones have I been to? Which other ones I've been? Zero times a week, a prob probably a total of five open mics total ever, am I correct? Probably plan. All right. Bad. Yeah. You got it.

Yeah. You gotta do something else, buddy. All right. Give it six months. Sign up again in six months, okay, okay. Yeah, this isn't just the get attention show. There you go. I'm sorry. Yes, with a mic minimum. Matt Muelling who never talks has a great idea. You have to do at least fucking Fifty open mics before you sign. You have six months to do that. That's not that hard. Okay. Okay, there you go. Ladies and gentlemen, the Kill Tony exit. A Blue Aaron.

Sometimes real. You had a girl that didn't know that literally just wants attention. And there you go. Gay. I I remember something about him. He used to he said last time he was angry at his girlfriend for showing too much skin. Remember that? Like he hated showing her legs and stuff like that. like that. Okie dokie, alright Okay, hey Luke you wanna come be the sound the rest of the episode. We th we we need some poems!

Alright. Your next bucket bowl, anything can happen, clearly. Clearly anything can happen. Goes by the name of Chase S. What's going on, y'all? I uh got a new girlfriend. She's kinda pushy in the bedroom, like she's very instructional. Like, God, every time I go down on my girl, I feel like I'm playing a fucked up game, a boppet. Cause I'm down there with my A game. I'm doing my best and she's just giving me instructions like flick it.

Lick it. Kiss it, suck it, push it, pull it, lick it, suck it, suck it, suck it, pop it. Also, can we be real? That's like an impossible game to beat. My high score's like three. Pass it to a friend. My girlfriend's got a landing strip. Ha ha ha ha! Pull it! My girlfriend's got a landing strip. I call that shit the Gaza strip. I uh I call my girlfriend's vagina Gaza because I shoot loads at it and children are dying in there. That's good. Checks out with me. Chase Standon.

Thank you. Welcome Chase. Have you been on this show before? No I haven't. Welcome, welcome. How long you been on stand up? A year and a half and I've been signing up the entire time. Wow, congrats, you finally got up. Crazy that this is the first time we've gotten you up. Meanwhile, Luke Aaron has bored us to death three or four times. Absolutely incredible. Yeah, he's making my job easy.

He makes you look great. This is the second time tonight somebody's gone up after somebody that was horrendous and looked real good. You look great. We don't even know if you're great, but anything's better than that. Ha ha ha ha. Uh no very funny. Chase was all that comedy done in Austin. You from Austin? Yes I started out here. Nice. Where are you originally from? Denver. Okay, cool. What do you do for work? Uh I just became a full time producer. आड़ झाल In stand up. Nice.

Uh this is fucking crazy. I met the owner of the aquariums out here and uh fucking talked my way into a contract. So I'm gonna be producing shows in aquariums. You're gonna be doing comedy shows in aquariums? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. This guy that you met. God, every time I'm about to replace you with a poem, f you do something like that and you completely redeem yourself. Okay. So the guy that you met goes, Hey, what's up? I'm the head of aquariums.

Like what it I don't understand. There's a there's like an aquarium box. It's fishy as far. Was that all? I uh Uh It's I I met him through a friend, you know, he was uh Mormon for forty five years of his life and he's a pothead. Uh so I've been dealing with that. And now he's gonna see this, so I might not be a full time producer anymore. Uh Yeah. Yeah. I'll Love it. So Chase, what did you do before becoming an imaginary aquarium producer?

Oh man, I feel like every job I've had is fucking fake. I uh I uh was like a salesman for OpenAI, but I didn't sell anything. I just wrote prompts for them and I used ChatGPT to Produce one. So Ha ha ha. Wow. I wasn't allowed to do that. I just like spent hours being like make sure this doesn't come out like a That's actually a funny bit, man. I'm working on it. It's got some legs. There you go. Okay, what's another job? Give us a give us another job while you have the dolphins. Here we go.

It was commission only. I got guns pulled on me. I got chased by pitbulls. The worst like the thing with door to door is like I'm gonna close this deal at your kitchen table, right? This guy's my fucking dad's age. He has daughters my age. And I'm about to close like a sixty K deal and he's like, I'll buy it if I can see it. I was like, what? And he was like, I'll buy it if I can see it. And then the guy groped me. Fucking grabbed my dick. Sixty K sale though.

Yeah. Hey, anything for the clothes, anything for the fucking clothes, dude. That's just a group. It's just a grub, yeah. That's warm up, dude. Yeah dude, I fucking... What were you selling? Uh solar panels. Yeah. And did you s did you close that deal? No, I ran out of the house. I I fucking froze. You can't even grab dudes cock, they just run out like oh fucking pussies. Wow. He as soon as he ran out he must have been like, Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah. I'm already hard. By the time you grope me.

Ha ha ha. Who's scared now? I'm ready. I'm ready, dude fucking. Ha ha ha. How much money did you make selling solar panels door to door commission? Worked for them for like four months, I probably made like three grand. Wow. Fucking awful. Yeah. All I got was my fucking honked dick. Right. What's the sales pitch for a solar panel? Oh God. No. Okay. You gotta do it. Uh uh okay, yes, I do, I do, I do, I love it, I love it, I love I love You love the environment. I love it. You like the sun?

Hell yeah. Ha ha ha. There you go. We give us some more jobs, Chase. Give us some more of your wacky jobs. I worked at Home Depot, I worked in the garden department, AKA the MILF department. Ooh. Yeah. Tell us about that. I mean... Dine it all. Uh Yeah. I bet you didn't mind getting groped there, huh? No dude I I I was looking for it in the back. I was like, Come here, you you wanna you wanna s water this plant?

I was forklift certified and this was in Boulder, Colorado. There was a dispo right behind it. So on my lunch break I'd go get high as fuck and just drive the forklift around. I had friends Yeah. I had uh friends that worked with me saying like you need two people, like you've been in Home Depot, you know, the guy with the forklift, they got flags and shit. I'd bring my buddy over and we'd just pull shit down and put it back up. I with no purpose. Yeah. Yeah. Anything you need, Dave?

What do you need? What city was this in where there's white guys working at Home Depot again? Colorado. Boulder Colorado, one of the safest ranked the best city to live in. It is. I'm lucky. I came from Boulder to here. Okay. Give us another job. Another job. Oh man, I uh I was a recruiter. It's your favorite sound in the world. I was a recruiter. I sold people. Not like that. Uh All right. Okay. Ha ha ha ha. Oh I was a caddy. I was a caddy for a little bit.

You were pretty catty towards the guy that groped you. Yeah. Uh could have had solar panels. All right, Maddie, what's cooking over there? What do you think? What did you say before he grabbed your car? Ha ha ha ha. I think I said something like, you want to do this? He's probably giving him the wrong idea. I was like, Are we doing this or not, man? Yeah. Probably oh we're doing Maybe I got the story confused. You said he had a daughter that was your age. Was she there when he did that?

Uh no, he was like a married man with daughters, so he was like a closeted gay guy. And they were like in the house, and he's like talking shit about how much he hated his wife, and then he was just like Incredible. Chase, what's another fun fact about your life that we would find very in Uh before I got into stand up I did like a year of acting and self tapes and then I found comedy through acting. I just I like this way more.

Well you're good man. You did a good job tonight. Great job. Here's a big joke, Buck. Thank you. Boom. Chase Standin', ladies and gentlemen.

We have a special treat for you guys. Performing for you tonight is one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the entire show's history, ladies and gentlemen. You know her, you love her, make some noise for the great. I uh I know I've talked a lot about being married, but uh I used to be like a real big whore. Okay, and I don't feel bad about it. I think anyone in my situation would have done the same.

Okay. You know, I was 18, I was single, diagnosed with this shit, I thought I was dying. You know? I wanted to roll into as much dick as possible. You know? And then you find out you're not really dying and now you're like just a whore. And that is a hard truth to live with. Um But ba back in my day I uh had a good amount of one night stands. Okay. Um but I'm a normal lady. Sometimes I wanted to like sneak out. Hmm. This shit made it impossible um every time I back up. Oh okay.

So I did figure out like a workaround for it. Um I started only fucking black guys. The great Fiona Collie, ladies and gentlemen.

How's it going? Good. There are you. I'm fantastic. It must be wild like being a guy who fucked you back in the day and then you showed you. Yeah. Yeah. And then you show the boys like look at her now. Fiona, have you ever been with a black man? I have, yeah. Now, what exactly does that mean? Twelve inches. I'm not kidding. That is why I'm in the wheelchair. It feels good to be honest. Uh Wow, incredible. Where'd you meet this guy at? College.

Well he we have another one for you right here. Uh Thank you. That's what I was talking about. Deep Madness did a little college tour. Put a lot of ladies in a lot of wheelchairs. Low college tour, low college whore? Yeah. Hell yeah. Oh word What so you had a wild college life, did ya? Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was done. Ja. When was that? How long ago? I graduated in twenty nineteen. Yeah. Yeah. And you had you had your condition then? Yeah, I got diagnosed at eighteen, so right before.

Yeah, I'm gonna Fuck a black guy. That's why I can't wait to get my terminal illness diagnosis. Just finally just blast this ass once and for all. But I'm waiting. I'm holding out strong until I have a few months to live. Yeah, to be a I used to bang a girl with cancer and I thought she was gonna die too, so and she s lives still so Yeah, that part.

Yeah, it was bad, yeah. I was trying to get more microwaves around the house. I got some Fi Fi routers, I put an iPad under her pillow. We got vaccines to try to make it She made it also knowing I have a tiny cock. That's why she survived because you're Fiona, how's married life going? Really good. Yeah. Same. Yeah. Sound great, you look great. Thank you. I think the meds are working. Uh-huh. Your doctor's solid.

You know, it's actually funny. People ask me a lot if the medicine is working, which is a really hard thing to answer,'cause all they're supposed to do is like stop me from getting worse. So the question is like have you noticed nothing? You know? Yeah. And the only like real evidence I have that it might be working is everytime I post a video online there are always hundreds of people That comment if you put this in two XB G se cured, you know? Thank you.

And now Now they're commenting if you put this one point five XP. Yeah. Amazing.

Rushing. Dustin. I got beef with you. This Netflix UFC card's about to get a little bit crazier. Try to low kick her, she feels nothing. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. My secret sauce. Now on my birthday, I bet three hundred dollars on you. Oh motherfuck I was fucked up, I don't remember. But it was Bye. July nineteenth and I was furious'cause I don't know anything but my husband is gay for you, yeah. I think that was if it was July I was my retirement.

Yeah. Oh. Hey, you're beautiful and I love that you mock and it's so good on you. You can mock. I love that. Yeah. Well that's great that you got to watch his last fight and he got to watch your last set. That is so awesome. What an ex She's actually gonna leave her she's gonna leave her wheels on the stage, like you guys leave the gloves and the octagon. Your laugh has become iconic here on the show. You do know this, right?

I was doing my own show and someone's phone went off and it was my laugh. It's insane. That's amazing. You wanna give us one just for old time's sake? Amazing. The great Fiona Collie, ladies and gentlemen. Not only is she still with us It's amazing. Okay. He I think he has a wheelchair fetish. We'll see you next time. Next.

My dad was in and out of my life, but that was pretty normal in my neighborhood, y'all. It was so bad at my elementary school that if you had a dad, we would make fun of you. Oh yo dad tell you to Disneyland? Ha ha, you must be gay. Yeah. Out there sucking on Disney dick. You know what was pretty gay? Being raised by a single mother. Every Saturday I had to go shopping with her at Lane Bryant. If you don't know what that is, that's a Victoria's secret for big bitches.

I love my mom though, but she raised me super religious, like so religious, like to the point I used to feel shame about certain things when I was becoming a man. For example, the first time I seen titties, I cried. I was looking in the mirror like, yo, those not supposed to be there like Like why God? And I know I'm a bigger guy, but there are some women out there that like bigger men. Fuck y'all!

I was waiting for a fucking standing ovation, god damn it. Thank you. I've been Isaiah Washington from Friends of California.

Wow, perfect, amazing. Isaiah watched it. I love that set. Thank you, May. Thank you. I appreciate it. Love that premise that if you had a dad you got made fun of. Yeah, that was real. That's amazing. Yeah. How long you been doing stand up? I'm about to hit my seventh year. Seventh year. That's right about what I would have guessed. You're fantastic. You're moving up there, the premises are great, the enunciation, execution, everything. Absolutely fucking amazing. Where you been doing it at? So

I started in Fresno, California and uh I just moved out here uh to Austin about three months ago. Nice. Yeah man, I'm a Fresno baby. If y'all don't know where that is, there's a little ghetto over there, but we we cool though, we cool. No, yeah. Yeah. The great uh the late great Angelo Bowers was from there. You ever heard of him? Oh yeah? You from there? Yeah, he died in a car accident. Have fun. Fifteen years ago. Yeah, it does suck. That's crazy.

He would he would have been one of the biggest comedians in the world right now, hadn't he? killed. Uh but anyway, yeah. Isaiah, how uh How's it been in Austin for? It's been pretty good, man. Uh like it's chill out here, but the first day I went out, uh, my phone got robbed. That's the only thing, man. On Sixth Street, man. It's crazy. Like, yeah, I know I'm a big dude, but they somehow snatched my phone out of my Like you didn't even know. No, I didn't. What happened?

Yeah, it happened to YouTube. With me what's small Indonesian children. Oh shit. I'm in Bali with my girlfriend and then small Indonesian children go, Mr. Mr. Mr. They're so cute. Ha ha ha. And then they took my phone. So then I was looking for I I'm pretty sure you found her too, huh? They're missing. Uh. No kids. That's why I keep my phone in my pants between my balls and my asshole. Ha ha. And crazy enough, mine got stolen by a small Indonesian child. Oh man.

Isaiah, what what what do you do for work? Uh so I work at the Vulcan Gas Company right now. Yeah. Just yeah, doing um security stuff. Fuck yeah. It's pretty awesome. What did you do before that? Uh I used to work with uh special needs adults back in Fresno, man. They also work with a special needs adult. That's amazing. Yeah. I I can see it. Yeah. Like uh special needs, like what the Down syndrome and all that. We talking all spectrum high-leveling to like people in wheelchairs like, you know.

Well, I mean, come on, Fiona doesn't need another reason to wanna kill herself. Not everybody in a wheelchair is special. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I used to work with a guy, he was my good friend who used to do the same thing. Do they fuck a lot at your clinic? oh yeah they do be doing that They do be doing. But they be having like

It's kinda weird though, sometimes like you they'll have like a normal boyfriend pick'em up and you be like like oh bro that ain't cool. Like she got autism, dog, like bad. Don't have artists. Alright, we guess we know who the boyfriend is here. Jesus Christ. Oh my god, Red Game. and make her suck her dick with a lollipop With a lollipop? I love that shit I never tried that again. Ha ha ha. So this was like an actual clinic, so there's a lot of people.

Yeah, it was a day center. So they come from like in the daytime only, then they go back to like a group home. Oh I Okay, so what's the wildest thing you ever saw these? I'm gonna be real, I I I know this too lovey dovey, but a lot of them were like really dope and really cool. But one of them did just shit in the hallway out of nowhere.

And and you know, it's our job to pick it up and shit and I made somebody else do it. I have to like I damn see it and just walk right past it. So I'm sorry about that, but I ain't doing that bro, like that's It was a big dude too, like bigger than me. Like right on the ground, just right there. Unacceptable. Red Band. Why did you do that? Damn it right. I've strapped you off at the daycare center. I do these nice things for you and you're Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. That's funny.

That's like a good karma job. Yeah, that's why I got pulled tonight.'Cause of that job. now if you do something bad you can bring it up to god and be like Yo, yo, yo! Yeah, remember remember the time I walked past the shit, bro, like come on man, give me yeah, I'm getting into heaven for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Uh Isaiah. Tell us more about your life. Do you have brothers and sisters?

Yeah, I got uh I got a lot of half siblings. I don't got any full ones. Uh my dad's black, my mom's Mexican, like y'all didn't know and shit. But uh uh my brothers and sisters like uh in and out of my life too. In and out living with my dad in Cleveland and then I was in Cali the whole time. And uh yeah, seeing'em every once in a while. You know what I mean? One of my sisters about to get married. Oh, my other brother's in jail. What is your brother in jail for?

Yeah. Yeah. Let's just say, what's it called, like a homies? A what? Something something uh like um uh Murder. Murder. Murder was a case that they wrote. Got it. Okay. I'm not gonna talk too deeply on that because it's real. It's real. That's like cool to have like a brother who's fucking Yeah, don't fuck with me. Yeah, yeah. I'll call my brother and he's gonna be like how am I gonna Yeah. Hell yeah. I got got connections in the walls. Yeah.

Amazing. And your mom's the Mexican in this? Yeah, he shoots a mix. Did you ever get to meet your dad? Uh yeah, I did, I did, I did. I got to mad at meet him. He was in and out of my life. Like I'll see him like in the summertime and stuff like that. He'll come by and say what's going on. Even in in the summertime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was a like a rapper or trying to be a rapper.

So I'll be in the studio and stuff getting hot box at like eight years old and Does it have something on Spotify or something? Uh he got something on YouTube, but What would the n what's the rap be? It's called squadron click. I don't even know how you would begin to spell that. I'm guessing an S and a Q S Q It's S-Q-U-A-D. R I C K. Great click. Symmetric click. Not cursing. First things first. This is the shit I grew up. thousand and two views.

Wow. It turns out a lot of people don't go to visit your dad either. Ha ha ha ha ha. It's amazing. Shit. Only visit the buzzword. Nine years older than Thanks. It's a lot of Well I'm gonna handle. That's your brother. Субтитры сделал DimaTorzok Hold on a second. I noticed Yeah.

I noticed something pretty amazing here. It the the song debuted on YouTube thirteen years ago. It has one thousand and two views. Uh-huh. And eleven years ago, two years after it came out, there's only one comment on this. Yeah. On this video and it is from someone named Isaiah the comic. That's me. And it and it and the comment on the YouTube profile says, Whoa, where you find this at? Ha ha ha ha ha. How would you like No. Alright.

Yeah, I don't know who uploaded that and all I did was have a C D of him on my C D player. I didn't even know it was out there like that and What were you doing, just randomly googling your dad eleven years ago? Stop with your ow, these white lady owes. Shut up. Yeah, I just wanna I wanted to see if he made any money or anything like that. Yeah man and uh I found out somebody somebody stole his shit and I'm gonna find him, man. Oh, you think someone's profiting off of the one thousand views?

Yeah, they got like a five cent for five cent or something like that there. But yeah. What's the closest your dad's ever been to having a fifty cent like career? True, true, true, man. My dad tried though, man. My dad did pass away though. That's why I probably left that comment a long time ago. I was like, oh yeah, let me listen to him reminisce to that one time he seen me. Now that that is sad. How did your father pass away? Uh he passed away from being like overweight.

It's crazy though'cause he like got shot multiple times and shit, like when he was younger and shit, but he survived it and then like heart disease dog. Sugar is the hardest gang. Yeah. There's a horse! Yeah. Go. Sugar took my daddy out and I've been trying to E eu... Glucose Jenkins. That's why I eat so much sugar'cause I'm trying to kill all the sugar dog'cause like Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Do you walk into Duncan Donuts like

Isaiah, I find you to be unbelievably hilarious. Keep signing up. Come back again. We want to see more of you, all right? There you go. Isaiah Washington. Funny guy.

All right, back to the bucket we go. Make some noise for Mark Neuer. I like I like him a lot. I'm a big fan of Alex Jones. Uh the thing about him is he he says some things that are true, right? Because he's like a lot of real controversial guy. He says some things that are true though. For example, he said they're gonna fly planes into the Twin Towers. That's not funny. It's just true. He said that of June of 2001. He did. Right. Right. Now I'm not a college educated individual.

Right. But I do know that June comes before September. Every fucking year. Yeah. But like I said, I I I'm not a co I didn't go to college, I dropped out of high school, so I don't know If they're putting chemicals in the water that are turning the frickin' frogs gay. I don't know. I don't know. But I do know that the frogs probably didn't want to be outed. Thank you.

Okay, Mark Noir. Welcome, welcome. This is your first time on the show? Yeah. Nice. How long you been on stand-up? Uh coming up on nine years. Where? San Francisco. The whole time? I started M uh Mantique, California. You still live in San Francisco? Yeah. Ten minutes ago. Ten months. It's happened before where people literally have gotten here ten minutes ago. Um okay, Mark, what do you do for work? Uh right now I'm a daytime bartender on six. Okay, how's that going for you? It's good money.

Right. Yeah. Interesting choice. The nighttime is when you make the big bucks. Huh. I think you'd be surprised. It's an inside podcast. Anyway. That is. It's a great reference. Uh I love it. Mark, is bartending what you were doing when you were in San Francisco? Yeah. Yeah, I I was working comedy uh venues uh Do you steal money as a bartender? I used to be a bartender. Not anymore. Uh huh. On Sixth Street in San Francisco I did though. Exactly. Yeah. How how what's the scam? Like what's that?

Yeah. What are you trying to do to live? Okay, I open up first and then you open. Yeah, alright. Tell us your scam. Tell us the Estonian fucking credit card. Uh From one big bottle of booze you can get about sixteen double cocktails. The revenue price that the bar has is of course so much higher than the market price. So you bring your own bottles and you have a side register. Yeah. One for you, one for me. I was like Robin Hood, but for myself. Wow. That's a pretty good one.

And then sometimes do Americans do you you guys all free pour, right? I do. Steal a little bit, you know? Like if it's four centiliters of alcohol, every fourth cocktail is for free because you dry them up short. Very serious. And then from one draft, you know, like the big jug, the uh draft beer, the from the one big the keg. Yeah. You get sixty six pierce, but with foam it's actually fifty eight pierce, so you can steal the six. 嗯哼

I gotta tell you, I'm I'm from Stockton, California. You're losing me with all these numbers. What was your scam? Please. Void the drinks after, void a few drinks. Uh yeah. Not ring them in. Right. When the people paid cash, you would just take the cash. In San Francisco, yeah. Yeah. Not at my current job. Right. Exactly. Very well put. Amazing.

Amazing note. Amazing footnote. You would never do that now, but you totally did it then. Yes. Nice. Mark, uh tell us more about your life. What exactly are you into? You have any hobbies or anything like that? I play a lot of League of Legends on my phone. Specifically on my surprise, yeah, fat dude likes League of Legends. I did notice you can arrest your microphone. I can, I do. It's a crazy move. I'm a big boy, baby. BOIM! Yeah. Shocker. Uh yeah, I play League of Legends.

League of Legends. Anything else other than League of Legends? You do anything? I've been doing a little bit of pop-pop golf Oh shit. All right. Athletic. How many times how many times do you think you've pot-potted recently? Show me your pot stand. Oh, it's actually very good. Pretty good. Wow. We just went to uh Peter the Peter Pan one, the local one. They have the racist statues. Oh I didn't know about this. Now I wanna go. It's great. Wow. They have a dude doing a full blown Sig Heil.

Okay. And what's wrong? What are you trying to do to me up here, man? They changed him from uh from like a I don't know essentially a Nazi to uh he's a pirate now, so his Sighal hand has a little hook. Are you serious? the Sig Heil Handoff. Yeah. It's uh off of South First in Barton Springs, I think. They're about to tear it down. Yeah, they say. Wait, what's it called? Peter Pan's putt putt extravaganza place or something. Damn. Oh, you've been there? No, I know. Very.

Very interesting. Mark, you have uh you have a girlfriend or anything like that? Yeah. Where'd you meet her at? In San Francisco. Oh. She's a comedian too. Nice. Amazing. How long have you two been together? So we just hit our one year anniversary a couple months ago. Who's Better. She's way funnier than I am. Really? Yeah. Did she do it? Right. Yeah. Another show? Yeah, she gets bucked. 哇 It's a luxury at nine years in comedy I don't have in Austin right now. Yeah.

Nothing can happen. Anything can change. Here's a big joke book, Mark. I like your style. Sign up again sometime. We're gonna keep it moving along here. You guys still hanging in there? We're coming around the corner.

Alright, this looks like a brand new name, so this should be fun. Make some noise for fly. Goron. How's it going everybody? My name is uh Flash Gorin. I'm Bosnian and I don't know what that means either. Yeah, I don't even know my own stereotypes, which is kinda weird. All I know is that other Europeans get very nervous when I'm around them. And you're welcome. That's all I have to say about that.

Um, if somebody came up to me and said, you know, all Bosnians are bad drivers, my response would be, you know. I wanna know. I'm gonna get my Glock out and take some notes. Glock also means makes pens. Not everyone knows that. I'm not the best representative from Bosnians. Um, I know that I forgot most of the language, and I'm a good driver. And also I think I just forgot the rest. Thanks, guys.

Durant, welcome to the show, Flash. Thank you. Yeah. What's up? Not much, buddy. How are you? Uh Stereotype by Bosnians, a stereotype is you steal, you lie. I know, but hey, come on. I used to know a truck driver that told me if you ever drive through Bosnia, you don't stop. That's good to know. I haven't been there in a while. Flash, I'm gonna tell you right from the top here. I gotta tell you, you seem like one of the nicest, most chill people ever. I appreciate that, Tony. Thank you.

Look at every response. He's like, Wow, I didn't know that. Thanks a lot. You're adorable. How old are you? Uh thirty seven, uh thirty eight on Friday. Okay. Well happy upcoming birthday, my friend. You're you're a very likable guy. How how long have you been attempting stand-up comedy? First time ever, the sound of a goat. What made you want to start here tonight? Um just wanted to uh go out of town for a while and uh stop by and I thought this would uh this would be a fun time.

Where do you live now? Amarillo. Amarillo T. Originally from Bosnia but I lived in Amberlo most of my life. Okay, from one war torn area to the next. Exactly. What made you pick Amarillo? Um I didn't. I was eight, so I was the youngest in my family. I don't know if you know this, one of the uh one of the most interesting fun facts you'll ever hear. Matt Muelling is from Amarillo, Texas, the original guitarist here. Look at him. Are you liberal?

That's a wild question, Red Band. Uh I just like both sides equal. There you go. Very good answer. Amazing answer. Yeah. I appreciate that are. You like you like watch the show and stuff. Yeah, I do. You might be one of the most uh nice uh people that I've ever pulled out of the bucket before. Can you tell us like the worst the meanest thing you've ever done in your life? Dustin, what do you think it is? I think he grow up the door-to-door salesman, probably.

Perfect. Boy, when he lands, they land. Holy shit. Actually I actually was a door to door s door salesman for a while, so you're not wrong. Amazing. Somebody groped you, would you close the deal? Oh absolutely. Thank you for that. That was very nice of you. I really appreciate it. Ha ha ha. What do you sell? You seem like a crazy guy to show up as a door-to-door kid. Uh I would just invite you in, put a blanket over you, make you some tea. Yeah, I sold vacuums a long time ago.

That's all I've done door to door. Hey, this rock is pretty dirty. Yeah. Like a two thousand dollar vacuum cleaner? D were you good at selling them? Uh not really, no. Okay. What do you do for work now? Uh currently unemployed. Um I was an analyst for fourteen years and then I got let go. Yeah. My God. Oh my God. Well, hello there, little cow. I got bad news for you today. Um

I don't know exactly how to break this to you, but you know, you're gonna be used for better things than just standing out in a field now. People are gonna be you're gonna be able to give people life. Wow. When you kill them. What did you feel? I didn't actually do the killing, I did a lot of the cleaning up after. Oh wow. Two thousand dollar vacuum cleaner, huh?

Damn, now that's a pretty frightening job, right up We cannot picture you one of the sweetest people ever pulled out of the bucket mopping up cow bla is it cows mostly cows? Yeah, Cal blood and uh yeah, it's pretty gross. Organs and shit. Yeah. All on the floor. Wow. All on the floor, someone's gotta do it, and I'm the guy for the job. Gosh darn it. If not me, then who? If if not now, then when? Ha ha ha.

I really like you. What's the uh what's the uh what's the craziest thing that ever that you ever saw at the slaughterhouse where you're like, God Uh when the um when the vents get clogged up. And then what, you have to like plunge it or something like that? Make sure that all of it drains out. I'm sorry.

Some people what I love about this audience, some people are covering their faces in fright and some dudes in the corner are cracking up right now, just hysterically laughing at the fact that you'd have to remove a vent and chop up what's already been chopped up.

Amazing Flash, what's your love life like? What do you have chained up to a radiator right now? Uh nothing currently, but I do have a girlfriend. You do. Woo! Oh my goodness. Ha ha ha ha! You are. Yeah. You're adorable. Where'd you meet her at? On bumble. Hey. Yeah, I don't like starting conversations and you have to the girl has to talk first when you match. So that was perfect for me. Oh.

Oh my goodness gracious. So she started the conversation and then what you you where'd you where did you take this girl on your first Uh we w we went to a restaurant the first time and then we went to uh Palladora Canyon the second time. Uh we went to Paladero Canyon the second time to go hiking What is that exactly? Uh Paldoro Canyon is the second biggest canyon um in the world, I think. Oh wow.

It's an Amarillo? Wow. Okay. And then where did you plant that first kiss at? Was that in the canyon? Is she still in the canyon? Yeah. Did she go for the kiss first? Uh no that was me. Oh my goodness. So what was your move? Were you guys having a conversation at the time or was it was the were you looking up at the stars? Well how did that tell us about that first?

Uh we were at the park and she talked about how she wanted to have a boyfriend and she didn't want to be friends anymore, and I just kind of went for it. Right away. So you like closed your eyes and leaned in like that? Yeah I think so. Oh yeah, perfect. Hey, would you like to kiss? Would you like to sit on the room? Yeah. And now you guys have you there? And now you guys have sex on a regular basis. Couple of times a week.

love it. Do you have any do you have any special moves in the bedroom that you like to do? What'cause you have such a cool name, Flash Gorilla. I wanna it seems like the almost a porn star name. Are you would would we be shocked to see your uh your violent behavior in the uh What's your big move in the bedroom? What's your favorite thing to do during sex? Uh it's pretty basic. Yeah. You throw a thumb in her ass and Make her gag with your other hand. That sounds about right.

Okay, perfect. Um I j sometimes I'm just on the money, you know what I mean? Sometimes you just Sweet Sarah Sloane's like Is that really what happens? Um No I'm I'm kidding Sarah. Amazing. Flash. Wow. Does she like boss you around in the bed? Flash, I find you to be such a sweet guy. What do you want to what do you wanna what are your goals? Like what do you want to do with the rest of your life? You're 37, you're currently unemployed, is that correct? That's correct.

Where do you see the rest of your life going? You are comically adorable. I appreciate that. Ha ha ha. He has to say he appreciates it. He can't just let it go. He's so sweet that he has to let us know that he appreciates. I just wanna find a job and hopefully something with a lot of vacation time so I can go travel as much as I can. Where do you want to travel? Thailand? Yeah. No, I like uh like the state of Washington better. Okay. The home of the yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, go ahead. Explain why do you love the state of Washington So my favorite thing to do is called uh wing walking. It's uh where you get on top of an airplane And then you just ride around on the plane. And they used to have that in Washington. Okay. On top of the plane like you're If I if I told I really hope we won't crash. What the hell? Airplane, can you please take care of me? Wow, it was a really good time up there.

Such a funny guy to tell your girlfriend like, Hey you wanna go windwalking? I actually did tell her that. Are you gonna take her sometime? I took her once, she didn't pass the training. Uh. What is the training for windwalking exactly? Uh basically you just um the plane's on the ground and you climb up and down the plane. Climbing up. Was this a climb like she needed some carabiners and a guy at the bottom holding the rope and She a big baby girl.

No, it's just hard to do. You have to have a background in climbing and in Freddy athletics, so How many times have you windwalked? Three times. Wow. My goodness. Incredible. And you love it. Yeah, it's my favorite thing. Wow. What's your second favorite?

That is an answer we've never had on this show in its history, by the way. We've never had someone that works at a slaughterhouse and we've never had a Wind Walker before and goddammit, this is the last guy that I would ever think would do either one of those things. Uh second favorite thing, uh jumping off the stratosphere stratosphere building in Vegas. You jumped off of it? Yeah, you can bungee jump off of it. Oh, okay. You're a real adrenaline junkie. Surprisingly, yeah. Very surprisingly.

This is very surprising. This is incredible. Wow. Are you ticklish? I I would have guessed that. Yeah, you there's a lot of pent up energy in there. When you w when you wanna burn off some steam flash, what do you do locally? Like when you're in Amarillo or here or whatever, like what when you when you're when you wanna g get loose, when you feel a little antsy, what do you do? Um hiking, weightlifting, video games, just pretty basic stuff.

What makes you like really fucking like angry? Yeah, that's a great question.'Cause I can't picture you getting angry now that I've met you fly last thing where you were like Yeah, exactly. Great fucking question Uh probably from losing my job. How did you react? I I tell you, I tell you. Listen, you're a nice guy, but uh we gotta let you go. Fuck! Hey, look at that!

Well Flash, uh what's your uh social media in case someone that wants to hire you can reach out to you for something?'Cause you seem like a fucking you seem like a just a decent, very decent human being. Thank you, Tony. Um Yeah. Had to say, head to say. Unbelievable. I love it. Scoring. Flash Goran. That's your real name. That's your real name. No, my name is uh my name is Goren. I just uh have a nickname Flash Gorin. I'm not sure. Because you're so fast. At work.

And you're still still live in Amarillo, right? Yeah, I still live there. Okay. And that's where your girl lives. Yeah. She lived with you? She's from Amarillo as well though? She's originally from LA. I'm originally from Bosnia, but we've been um in Amarillo for a long time. So if someone wanted to hire you somewhere else in Texas or somewhere else you'd be willing to do that. I'm in no way against that. Perhaps someone even in the uh windwalking industry could hire you.

Conceivably. Wow, well, put it out there. If someone in the wind walking industry or really anywhere wants to hire Truly who might be one of the sweetest men we've ever met. Higher flash Duran. We have a big joke book for this guy, even though it was his first time and this I was just okay. They're gonna give you one on your way out. I've run out of em up here tonight. Great job. I appreciate you.

How about one more time for Flash? You know what? Sometimes being hilarious doesn't necessarily matter, and it can come from the. expecting places like being adorably sweet And it might sound crazy if you're like literally. to this and not watching it, but like he's he's oddly genuine Yeah. See, it really shows about the show. If you just are who you are, you can always resonate. Yeah. First time It's a great point. He is just genuine. Like it feels like that's that guy. Lovely.

Then again he could be stabbing everyone behind us right now.

Alright, let's get one last bucket pull up here tonight. Alright, let's see what happens here. Make some noise for B-Le, everybody. B-Lee. Uh my my my size microphone. Uh Get a lot of different reactions on the haircut though. Younger comic told me, Bee Lee, you look like you're in your twenties. And forties at the same time. Uh had a little girl run up to me, said you look like Jason Momoa, the wish dot com version. Heckler told me I look like Jason Momoa.

If he was Aquaman who only lived in a putting. Your laughter indicates you think these are insults, but I took'em as a compliment. Because prior to Momoa, I was getting Walmart, Mark Wahlberg. I'm fairly certain is just Donnie Wall. But I can never beat Donnie. Not because of the singing, dancing, acting. He can barely do that. Yes, Jenny was a masturbatory fantasy in my teens and twenties. But forty year old me knows that would be a sexless marriage.

Because she's trying to end autism, and you can't do that by fucking a retard. Thank you, folks.

All right, we got there in the end. B-Lee. Welcome, welcome, B. Lee. I was terrified I was gonna get that bear. That you were gonna what? Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Beeley. Amazing. I didn't hear you when you said there's when I said what? It was because of an audio issue. It's all good. Thank you though. I liked you up until that part, so now you're fucked. That's what's crazy. I was doing it more for them, Tony. I apologize. Please. I wish you would have done the set for them too. Okay.

Oh, you're adorable. It's good to see that the Geico Caveman's doing good out here. Of all the things that people have told you that you look like, I mean I like to be the poster child of giving up. You look like something that Flash should be sweeping up in a slaughterhouse. I I saw the guy coming out. I feel like he's he's only qualified for jobs where he can't look Okay, all right, Bee Lee. How long have you been attempting stand up, Bee?

Uh yeah, it's been an attempt of uh about uh a little over three years. November was my uh Okay. My uh anniversary. All right. And you mostly talked about like about f seventy eighty percent of your set or things that other people have called you. Most of that was most of that was a good thing. Yeah. Right. Thanks there. That made sense. B. Lee, let's talk about your life. You ever wind walk before? Não, não. What do you like to do for fun?

And walking. For fun. Um I just took rollerblading back up. Whoa. Holy shit. I cannot picture that. I cannot picture you out there on rollerblade. I got a really active dog. I grew up playing hockey and coaching hockey. So you can uh And you live in Austin? I do now. Well I live in Kyle. Okay, and you're r the only human rollerblading in Kyle, Texas. Yeah. How many times do pickup trucks fly by you screaming a r uh homophobic slur?

My neighborhood I feel is like very much people that lived somewhere. Many Texas. Okay. I would bet that the city of Kyle would disagree with that tremendously. City as a generalization, yes, the city of Kyle, but my particular What do you do for work, Bealy? Uh currently unemployed. Wow. Very unemployed uh crew we have here tonight. Yeah, I was doing construction for a little while, but I think either he got arrested or is just ghosting me.

Boss. Yeah, well, he's not my boss anymore, but yeah, he was. What did you do on the construction side? They had me like building fences and decks and stuff. Huh. Power tools. What a what a life we're living. Okay. Uh B Lee, how long have you been unemployed? Uh. It's been about a year that you've been unemployed. How do you make the cushion of money last so long? Uh I was working for you know, up until we moved out here and I had saved up a lot of money. I have a female at home.

Okay. The way you said it we don't by the way, the way you said it, very scary. Thank you. I got a female at home. Yeah, well. ¿Qué es eso? Like uh What does she do for a living? She's the main provider, correct? Yeah. Um Okay. How do you contribute to this household? I uh I clean, I uh do all the manly stuff like you know the

Like breaking bricks with my head and uh, you know, mow the lawn and uh we got uh really bad ant infestation. That's a problem here in Texas. Um so I had to re caulk the whole house. That was fun. Um, but a lot of vacuuming, folding of laundry, uh, you know, letting her vent about her day, which I would otherwise, you know, interject if I had a job. Yeah. Why haven't you gotten a job in a year? Uh well I I you know, I was doing the construction A year ago.

No no no not well it was less than a year ago. I haven't had I didn't consider that a real job. When's the last time you worked? Before I moved out here I was selling car parts. And how long have you lived out here? It's been uh Fuck is going on here. So so the construction job didn't last that long. It was it it was kind of Did your under the girlfriend ever ask you when are you gonna get a job? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. What do you say when she asks you?

I say, hey, look at this application that I'm putting in. Yeah. You got to make it very evident, you know. Has it like caused strain on the relationship? No. Yeah, but I couldn't. It's coming. Yeah. If this set went better I was gonna beg Tony for a job but I don't think it's gonna work. Sorry. That's definitely not if I didn't hire Flash, I'm definitely not hiring your ass. Flash is a machine.

I appreciate that Tony. I hear'em in my head saying thank you, even though I'm gone, I really uh the respect is Uh I mean it's just overwhelming, Tony. Yeah. Meanwhile I have your unappreciative ass going. I don't know if you've seen the show, but uh I haven't worked in a year, but not like a lot of year on year. Once again, Tony, that was just for them. I do a boss. Okay, stop. I shouldn' Yeah. Tony's feeling. Oh you're making it weirder.

Well have you noticed that the sex life has also taken a negative No, that's not true. It's on the chore list, Ari. Okay. What? You were asking about things I had to do. If I'm if I didn't do the sex, I'm pretty sure it would be a lot worse.

Let me tell you something. What's give us a redeeming quality about you? Give us like a good deed that you've done or something. Like people like people tonight have worked with. The guy from Drowning Water. Oh, really? Wow. Look at that. Where was that at? Uh it was when I was living in Vegas. Uh we were hiking the Arizona uh Where is their water in Vegas?

Well, Tony, he was in the Bellaggio Fountain and uh I mean like it was like the water was up to his waist, but I'm like dude get over here and I like saved his ass, dude. As I was saying we were hiking the Arizona hotspot. Spring. And uh about halfway up to the hot springs there's like a a big like ledge that you can jump from into the water. And I was with a guy from Texas and like a some pharmacy kids. I was working in pharmacy at the time. What were you doing in a pharmacy?

I was a I was a pharmacy technique. I was a pharmacy technician for a dozen years. So I did it for ten hours. So how did you spot that he was drowning? Oh he's gonna My girlfriend was like, I don't think he's kidding. And I looked over and he was breathing water instead of swimming. And did you jump in and say? I was already in the water. I jumped off the cliff already, so I came up to him. We were already next to a guy that was drowning and you're like

Some another guy swam to shore, so I did better than and that was his actual friend. So I saved him. And he was a pharmacist, so he maybe didn't kill somebody later. I don't know what any of this means, Beeley. But I'm guessing that was for them, for the crowd or something. Be Lee, everybody, there he goes. Bee, everyone. It's hard to come across as likable after Flash Garan.

So I mean just like some people were bad at comedy tonight and then the next guy was great. I think it I think anyone after Flash seems completely unlikable. Thank you.

Except for our last comedian of the night, ladies and gentlemen, who's one of the most elite regulars in the history of the show. Everybody, every single Not only does he write a new minute, he writes about two minutes. that he has to do. He's a fucking freak of nature. Here to bring it home. Show you. what was once the dark storm of Atlanta. is the Dark Storm of Oz. Yeah! Uh when I first moved to Austin, I was working at this car wash called Surf Through Car Wash.

And they hired me as a manager and then afterwards told me that tattoos are not accepted like they can't be seen at the car walk. And that let me know these niggas aren't good with money. Because the more tattoos you have, the more people trust you with their car. You don't want a blank nigga telling you your rims are dirty.

You don't want a blank nigga looking at your transmission. You want a felon with a throat tattoo being like your filters dirty. You like whatever you need, sir, just don't go back to jail. Tattoos let you know a motherfucker went through something to work here. Like doctors don't have tattoos, surgeons don't have tattoos. You know who do? Nurses.

Nurses are sexy as fuck. If the hospitals just only had nurses, everybody would be cured because them niggas can't wait to shove a needle in your neck and get you the fuck out of there. All I'm saying is if you can't punch the drywall, you shouldn't be hanging my drywall. Ha ha ha ha. Tattoos let me know that you're a blue collar worker. Like you, you don't do anything. You don't sweat for work not at all, but look at this motherfucker.

He's got his tattoos hitting, he be drumming his fucking ass off. You sitting over here laid back like a bitch. Nice! That's my time. I'm sorry, I. I love it. Dendrick Plant.

For those of you watching or listening to the show, the guy that he pointed at and said you don't do anything for work is without a doubt a guy that doesn't do anything for work. Completely shaking his head no and looks like he's done nothing before. Yeah. Uh Dedrick, how's life going?

Fucking good. Hey yo Dustin Poirier, I was gonna say the only reason you lost that first counterfight is cause that nigga had a throat tattoo, but then you figured it out and then you whooped that nigga's ass and broke his leg, right? But you got bored. Why, boy? There is something to that tattoo thing. Great premise. Yes. And that is true. You did beat Conor McGregor's ass twice. Twice. It's incredible. Thank you. Yeah. And I won twelve hundred dollars.

Maybe you can pay that chick who's gonna be a good thing. Chick is Fiona Cobb! Yeah, give it a wheelchair. He's gotta he's gotta you g you I give give Fiona three hundred. Yeah, I can. I can. That's I love it. Dedric, what else is going on in life in the world?

Yeah, I've been touring them niggas sent me up to Salt Lake City last week. Um, fuck Salt Lakes. I'm just playing. They bought a lot of tickets, but I didn't I thought the city was nice until they started delaying my flight. And then I was like, okay, my flight don't leave for extra day. Let me stay. You know what I like to do? I like to drink. Nigga, the bars close at 1115. Oh yeah. It is not a good That should not be a town.

That shouldn't even be a city. Like fuck that. Like why why do people move there? Mormons be tripping me the fuck out. These niggas be eating mushrooms but can't drink or have caffeine. Yeah. I sold a lot of mushrooms as merg. Yeah. Is isn't there alcohol less uh alcohol The beers are less They water it you have to buy a food menu item before you can like purchase that. That that was that is bullshit. Just say you don't like black people.

Like you know what I'm saying? There's certain cities that when you walk in it's like, Hey, we don't serve Hennessy or Heineken. Unless we're not going to be able to And I was like, I haven't even ordered yet. You know what I'm saying? Like, just say you don't want me in your bar. I heard the music. Paramour was playing, but I love Paramount. Are Mormons the ones that do soaking? Yeah, they do this song. They do this song. Yeah. Well, Explain it to the people that might not know.

You So like Deadrick he can't like fuck the bitch but what he can do is get me While he's around the pussy with his uh massive car Yes. And I'll shake the bed for him. Did you Soak it because you put your dick inside, but you don't move. But then I moved the bed forward. And then you move to bed. And that's called friendship. Ha ha ha ha. And to be honest, when I'm doing that, I think at this point even God would be like, just fuck the bitch. Yeah, that's weird! You got your friend there.

For sure. They that was a it's a weird city'cause either you are Mormon and which in the Mormon Bible they say that when uh the devil tricked one third of the angels to rebel against God. God turned their skin black. So all black people are like devils. They're not wrong right now. But that's that's kind of mean, but they said I could be white again if I get saved through the Mormon faith. And I don't think I want to be white. The word nigga sounds so good.

Let me let me l let me tell you something. It sounds good to us. Come on. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha.

Dedrick, we fucking love you. You're a superstar. Two minutes from Dedrick Flynn. Thank you to our sponsors, Blue Chew, Prize Picks, and Talk Space. How loud can this place get for the great Dustin Poirier? Joining us is Kill Tony panel debut. So fun. How about one more time for the green? Working harder than anybody. And that concludes. Not on tour here and Austin. It shows through the work. One more time for is going in Vegas. We're doing the Intuit. In Los Angeles, May In the greatest. shows.

And it is incredible. It is indeed our Just in Poirier. Thank you. Street. up for South by South. Shoutout to the Keltoni Terima kasih. Have serious XM in your car? You can listen free until June 1st. Enjoy over 100 channels of ad News. Miss Talk. No subscription, no hassle. Simply press the Sirius XM button and start listening today. It's the easiest upgrade. First, exclusives apply. Visit SiriusXM. Your drive there could be way better.