Dying time is here. That's right. We're talking about uninvited. I'm killed by... Atlantic Ocean, this is the Kill by Kill podcast, where we're dedicated to celebrating the least discussed component of any horror film, the characters. And of course, we're going to unpack all the goriest of details of Graydon Clark's classic Uninvited from 19... in the hopes that a spring breakers on timely end is just the beginning of the jokes we might make at their expense.
And as always, there's only one person I trust not to eat the contaminated food. The one, the only, Gina Radcliffe. How are you doing today, Gina? But it's 12 hours and I'm so hungry. I've gone insane. hunger in 12 hours. Suzanne. goes from I just ate to I'm starving and I have to eat food I'm told is poisonous in a matter of minutes. I mean, time is really unclear. this movie we've seen people have the same clothes on for days weeks i really can't tell you're really giving it away kiddo
Okay. Gina, I don't mean to scare you, but we're not alone. That's right. I recruited a special guest. You may know him as my son. And of course, he's a returning champion. The one, the only, Ollie. Say hi, Ollie. Hi, Ollie. Excellent. Ollie, what was the first time you ever watched Uninvited? Yesterday. And, well, it was an experience, to say the least. Definitely.
One of the movies of all time. It is one of the movies of all time. You've nailed it. It is a movie. It is projected at 24 frames per second to give the illusion of movement. It absolutely qualifies as motion picture. Now, here's the thing about this movie. We didn't just choose it at random. Once upon a time, I was scrolling for something for Ollie and I to do for the day. And I went on the website Fandango. Oh, I remember. And so I saw that a local AMC was showing Uninvited 1988 on the big...
screen. And I said, that movie's terrible. I should take him to go see this terrible movie. So we bought tickets. We drove down to Orange County and we sat down to watch what we assumed to be great on Clark's. Uninvited. Turns out it was a Filipino crime drama from a couple years ago called Uninvited. But Fandango absolutely had the poster art and claimed it was Uninvited in 1980.
We did wonder why we were the only non-AAPI people in the audience. It soon became clear why, because we had been bamboozled by Fandango. What if you waited long enough and a mutant cat did show up? That is true. We didn't give that a lot of play. No, but we did wait around long enough to experience a gang. Some kids dying? I forget. Teens shot in the head by gangsters. And at that point, you leaned over and said, I think the experiment is over.
And I was like, okay, listen, I'm going to force you to watch a Filipino crime drama. I mean, it could have been a great movie. We had no idea. It was 1030 at night. You wanted to get some sleep. It's understandable. Uninvited would have been in that delirious state I think you would have enjoyed. Oh, sure. And it's 84. Gina, when did you first watch this 84 minutes of bliss as Ali has described it? Oh, I'm pretty positive. I had seen it before, but you don't forget a movie like this.
I certainly forgot a lot of the more salient details, but you don't remember, you don't forget a movie in which the villain... who regurgitates a smaller cat out of its body, which is... Also venomous with a venom that like scanners you. Yeah, it's what reminded me the most of scanners, obviously. Anything with lots of bladder. But this cat seems to operate the same way the demon snake from Spasms operate.
where it bites you and you're like, well, I can survive a snake bite. And then all of a sudden you got blood bubble. underneath your skin and you just don't like your veins or like your arteries are suddenly exploding spasms if though you're not familiar with it is a killer snake movie from 1982 But it had a very infamous VHS cover of A Woman in a Shower. with her face blowing up with giant blood bubbles as is what happens in this movie.
And if you want to know more, join our Patreon because that was, I think, last year's Animal Attacks April special. I think it was two years ago, I think. But yeah, it's on our page. You know, time is a construct. Yeah, I don't even remember anymore. So, yes, I remembered this being awful. I remembered it being... particularly bad. I had forgotten some of the crazier elements of it, which really don't start until the last 10 minutes. I would say the last 10 minutes.
is when this hits a delirious crescendo of madness that had me cackling out. Oh, yeah. My mom. She said she could hear us next week. Do I believe the first 74 minutes are without entertainment value? No. I wanted to take Holly to a movie theater to see this because you're watching it with other people. I think you're going to have a good time. You're watching it by yourself.
Things can go from sad to boring fast. Well, as with a lot of these kinds of movies, you know, anytime the action moves away. from the cat regurgitating a smaller mutant cat. Yes. It comes to a complete standstill. Narratively, truly terrible. Well, it's either cat scene or sex scene. couple fillers with no content. Not even sex scenes, like teased sex scenes, and then they get interrupted by other people or a mutant cat.
fingers oh boy i forgot about that how can it's unforgettable kiddo who hasn't been interrupted doing anything by by a mutant cat gnawing on your fingers So let's get into some context here. This is yet another truly golden piece of cinema brought to us by the one, the only, the Canadian. Now, if that name is semi familiar to you. It's because of his other true cinematic classics. Now, if you're an MST3K dude, obviously you have heard of Hobgoblins, of Angels Revenge.
But outside of that, he's also made other terrible movies like Satan's Cheerleaders, Black Shampoo, Without Warning, The Predator Before Predator, and of course, Lombada, The Forbidden Dane. Yeah, Satan has cheerleaders. Who do you think cheers him on? Demons, maybe? Well, it's not. But they have to get into uniform, kid. Come on. Get in the game here. This is expected knowledge. Yes.
Yeah. Of my son? Yes, absolutely. All right. Okay. So Graydon Clark, he's terrible at this. But I guess he brought in films at a cheap enough price that people just kept giving him money to make more of. I thought it was great. That was unconvincing. And people are going to hear this. They're going to know. Yeah, that's going to be up there with Andrew Schwartz from a very early episode talking about Friday the 13th part. Which one was he?
where he tried valiantly to convince us that it's very funny. He tried to talk us off the ledge of Jason X. You're going to have to fill me in. It's all right. But we went crazy with Jason X because there were so many dead people in that movie. I think there are. Yeah, we just had it by that point. It's a crazy amount of dead people to talk about in that movie. Yeah, it just... physically emotionally got it so uninvited though is a lot quicker a lot fewer dead bodies but i think
With the exception of, you know, smashing one person's face open when it's been frozen. At least it's bloody. So the movie begins with an unbroken establishing shot of a random 20-story high. and then cuts to black title cards. It's just magic. I knew what I was in for when the first thing you see on screen is Amazing Films Presents. It's trying to sell a lot. A, that it's amazing, and B, that it's a film. And that it's presented. As opposed to you stumbling over it. Yeah.
And then out of those yellow type on black title cards, in the middle of it just pouring on names to you, it cuts to scientists. examining a cat's x-ray and they're like look at what's in the middle of this this cat And he goes, we'll go get it and we'll cut it open and we'll see what's happening inside in there. They take it to an exam table. They squirt some liquid out of a syringe and immediately the cat's like.
well, fuck this noise, and runs off, and they've left the door open, Gina. Here's a question I have. Now, I was not a particularly engaged student in school. But I do recall that in science class, when we learned about the scientific method and how experiments work, you have to have something. Sure. Which is the idea you are floating.
that you intend to prove with this experiment. I need to ask the both of you, what is the hypothesis here? I think they're trying to create inner Hot Pockets inside of cats. Like the Hot Pocket will come out. because that doesn't seem very sanitary. Yeah, it's like Jumanji. Jumanji come out. Hot Pocket come out of cat. You can put Hot Pocket in cat, but wouldn't it be better if Hot Pocket come out of cat? Is the experiment actually to create this inner mutant cat, or is this a result?
of a separate experiment. I think this is just unintended because I don't think all the cats have uninvited cats inside of them. Who at one point you see the cat crawl into the fuzzball suit and he's going in head first, which means he's doing a U-turn in. the cat, Gina. Or there's two cats. There are, I mean, there's a cat, there's an inner cat and the outer cat does not seem to have, it seems to be a suit. Yeah, the outer cat doesn't really seem to be like down with any of this.
Fuzzball is, you would think, would be two cats. But really, it's more like Tony Stark and Iron Man. Iron Man is really Tony Stark in a suit. Fuzzball is really the mutant cat inside the furry. And then he's kind of inside out. But then sometimes he's attached and sometimes he can free roam. I don't understand how this monster works. Yeah, I don't know.
to go back in inside the larger cat to like recharge or something like I like it would make more sense to me if like the the in as much as this movie can make any sense sure that the this little mutant inside cat, you know, bursts out and like the bigger cat... dies in the process. Right. But no, it's a sort of... transport. Yeah, I'm assuming the bigger cat isn't really a cat. It's more of a hut.
But it starts out like when he's first seen bursting out of the mouth. It seems like he's got two front paws. And we've got what I described to you, Gene, as a quato sort of system here, where he can't exist. He's like the front half of a mutant cat. And then he gets swallowed back into the full-size cat. And that's why he doesn't come out fully.
And he has to use his back legs. They're still sort of attached to that. Right. But then later in the movie, they're like, I know we've shown you visual evidence that this isn't true. But now we're going to show you the mutant cat crawling back into the mouth of the fuzzy version. Face first. It's two faces. He's going mouth to mouth. And then I guess. catering inside of that fursuit to be the regular cat again. You don't know how much room he has. This has launched itself out of its...
When you think about it, you know, when a woman is pregnant, the baby like turns around at some point. Sure. Right. I agree. But he's trying a preemptive breach at that moment late in the movie where he's going face first. I agree. It's easier that way. But then it's like trying to put on your pants, putting your head through the leg holes. Also, the bigger cat doesn't really seem to be any worse for wear for having this like mutant cat in it.
out of his mouth it seems to be fine i'm sure it's more of a disguise situation but it started out as the fuzzy cat yeah and the mutant cat developed within him and then at a certain point They observe that there's a giant thing inside the regular cat. And he said, let's cut this bad boy open and see what's doing. And as soon as he senses that, he's like, my name's Paul. This is between y'all. And then when he does, one of the scientists picks up a phone and announces.
That there is a code red. And Ollie's response to this was. Code red doesn't exist. Yes. Code red does not exist. I thought we were at a doctor's office. Well, a code red still exists in a medical facility because within a hospital system, a code red would mean all hands on deck.
Someone's about to die. Sure, but they don't... Don't you think they just yell, someone's about to die, instead of code red? Well, they might be announcing to other people who might have skills that might help in that situation that all hands... Maybe you have two people in a room and they need more people to resuscitate that patient. I mean, maybe over the loudspeaker, sure. Well, that's what he's using the phone for. It's a loudspeaker. That's why you can hear it. But it certainly exists.
I know. Okay. You're conceding to that point? Yes. Okay, good. We're only two minutes into this movie. And I'm already on the edge of my seat hoping that no animals were harmed in the making of this motion picture. And I'm kind of, I don't think any animals were harmed in the making of this motion picture. There's a lot of puppets. Oh, yeah. They're insane.
at work in this and at this point we basically get a mini die hard where this cat is now trying to outrun a bunch of guards who are dressed in Elaborate radiation suits. say a bunch there were like three there's three there's two in yellow one in silver and we got a real catch that cat sitch happening
The radiation suits, though, leave a little bit to be desired, especially the guy who's donning the silver suit, because he has a mouth hole cut out of it, which looks like mom's scissors. I don't know what was there to begin with. But at the end of it, it kind of looks like, well, we have Ghostface Killer mask at home. It doesn't read like a professional radiation suit. Yeah, it reads like the actor complained that he couldn't breathe the mask on.
So the director just told him, just cut a hole out of your mouth. Just cut it off. No one will care. You're about to die anyway. But this does bring up the question. If these three guys need radiation suits, what about the two doctors at the beginning of this? Why didn't they need radiation gear? Are they Red Hulks? Maybe they already have smaller mutated doctors inside them.
There could be a mini doctor in the doctor. Sure, a doctor inside the stomach. See, this is something you missed because you bailed out of total recall when we hit the three-breasted sex worker. That's it for me. You never met. Yeah. Yeah. I think eventually we should revisit. Okay, so they're on the hunt, and then they trap him at the bottom of a stairwell. And then we cut to a bunch of safety signs that just get gushers of blood. It's literally just like somebody's...
He's squirting it with a hose. I mean, those safety signs did nothing for these workers, Gina. No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. You can call OSHA all you want. You can put up all the signs you want. You encounter a mutant cat. Apparently, you are going to explode. Two things to say I want to say about this scene. One, I think they really made a terrible decision. Cutting to a sign that says, you know, one day without workplace accidents, someone's switching to a zero.
And also that, you know, you would think that, well, how hard can it be for like five grown men to capture a cat? And I would like to, all I will say is, have you ever tried to give a cat a pill? That's how hard it is. Yes. And the two security guards that they end up with in the parking. don't appear to be in a great hurry. They just come down and start looking around, kind of hunched over, hoping to catch side of the cat.
And then apparently every other on-screen character is a massive mouth breather. They're just mouth agape 24-7 in the sequence. Oh, yeah. He's like, is that a cat? And then one of the doctors grabs a guy's gun and he's kind of like, but I was given that gun. And he hunts around. And all I could think of was the fugitive of just Harrison Ford being held at gunpoint on that dam and saying, I didn't lick myself. And then the doctor going. I don't care. And he just leaps off. I do not.
So, yeah, it kills off a bunch of guards, a bunch of doctors. Carol Syrup is flying. And then the cameraman starts moving around for cat POV. Oh, that's my favorite part. What was your favorite part? Because I have mine. I mean, it's... It's four feet off the ground. Yeah, that's a big one. The other part is you can see the shadow of the camera half the time. It's like he's got a little GoPro strapped to his head. You're seeing a guy with an off-brand handheld camera.
gliding around on roller skates four feet off the ground. There's no way to convince me that the cat is that fucking tall. It's like the Kareem Abdul-Jabbar of cats, according to this camera position. Well, maybe the little mutant cat got out. I was like riding him like a horse. Not helping, I would say. would be the uninvited cat theme, which appears to be one finger on one Casio keyboard over and over. If they wanted you to create the sense of a cat walking.
that they really manage that well. It's like they put like a... on a key and the cat's going like... Just that bird that has water in it just dips over and over and over again, but it hits one key. Everyone dies. Oh, there were two themes. There was the piano and the wind... Yes. And yes, the wind chimes will enter more when we get into.
In this early thing, it's an experiment in what that theme will be. But they don't have time to continue that experiment. They'll just morph into something else. But ultimately, that building was no match for a cat. It finds its way out. on the town, baby. And that's where we meet Suzanne and Bobby. Just two small town girls on a Saturday night looking for the time of their lives in Florida, I guess. Is that where we are? Sure. Maybe Las Vegas. We can't.
Well, it definitely has the seedy, low-rent feel of Florida, is what they're going for. Yeah, although it's not mentioned by anybody in the cast. This is supposed to be spring break, so I assume it is Florida. Spring break in the middle of summer. Now, Ollie, when you saw Suzanne and Bobby's outfits, did you think that's what normal people wear? No. Do you think any of your high school friends would adorn their bikinis with that outfit?
It's like a bathing suit made out of an ace bandage. That was when I began to wonder, like, would Ollie recognize this as that's something that human beings would wear? In 1988, absolutely, if you turned on MTV's Spring Break at that moment when this is being filmed, you would see hundreds of Southern sorority members. in this exact sort of get-up. College girls' war, I can't really call them cover-up. They're more like bikini adornments. It's like a giblet to a crock.
It's not clothing, but it's an incredible simulation. Well, the interesting thing is that these outfits that they're wearing, they have the very baffling effect of making them look... but not in a good way. As is often my complaint, particularly in horror movies made in the 80s, is these people could be 18... They could be 22. They could be 30. They could be 35. I have no idea.
The movie described them as spring break teens. Oh, yeah, teens. And I'm like, they are definitely not teens. No, no, no, no. There's no one in this movie that is a teen. I mean, one of these, one of these... break teens has a full And Suzanne and Bobby are, when we meet them, they cannot afford a hotel. They cannot find a hotel. They've decided to go into the most expensive hotel in town and just...
and just avoid getting splashed with beer as they are outside. And it doesn't take five seconds before a hoity-toity hotel manager... walks straight off the set of a Marx Brothers film and tries to kick them out of the lobby. Yeah, he just needs to be speaking that way. I never. And they're rescued. I'll put that in dick fingers. From expulsion by international man of mustache.
Walter Graham. Walter is a financier. His suit must be made of 60% aluminum foil. It's just that shiny. I feel like this actor is playing a Robert Evans. Right, yes. Like, he's all like, hey. like, hey, babe, and, like, snapping his fingers and, like, practically lighting his cigar to $100 bills. I would describe the way he says dialogue is operant. In that there are many, many octaves happening throughout the course of a five, six word sentence. man who's played by George Kennedy.
Finally having to pay off a gambling debt, presumably. Apparently, yeah, he laid some money down on the Rams and bit it hard. He's great on Clark's like, I can get you 10 large for if you just give me a weekend. He can barely keep himself from looking embarrassed. He is very grumpy. The hotel manager, I might add, also refers to the girls as
Common college stock, i.e. the worst. Like, these two assholes are going for a degree in higher education like scum. Yeah, everyone keeps referring to them as punk. These people are teenagers. Going to college is wrong. Certainly going to college and then wearing a bikini is wrong. Like any caring, sensitive man who is either 40 or 60, it's impossible to tell, takes these two barely-dressed girls to dinner.
No strings attached, in his words. Wink! But it feels like he is trying to tie a lot of strings to this meal as quickly as possible. And then we cut to the outside where a very odd looking limo pulls up. It's a conversion thing. It looks like the car they drive in the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Oh, but don't forget the couple making out on a planter. That's true. We start on a couple making out.
In a planter where the plants live, Gina. Having a great old time in the foliage. We don't have anywhere to go inside. We have to make out. And the divider between the street and where you pull up to unload your luggage at a hotel. Well, see, that's why the, that's why the hotel manager had enough of these. But another couple of college punks are walking by as this... limo pulls in and in typical
Extras fashion. They've been told, I want you to look surprised at this limo. But the way they react to it. They gawk. Their eyes could not be wider. It's as if the cat bus from my neighbor to Toro has just pulled in in front of them. The amount of bug eyes they're providing seems excessive despite the oddity of this individual. Vehicle. They act as if it's sprouted tentacles in mid-transport. I really want it.
told them to do? Or did he not tell them to do anything? I don't honestly know. Great on Clark is a mystery. He never made a good movie. Why should he start now? The aforementioned George Kennedy is playing a guy named Mike, complete with a coma. And then we have another wonderful B-movie regular, Clue Gulliger, as Albert in a driving crooner hat. They are businessmen and they need to do business.
It also appears that Clue Goliger is wearing someone else's teeth. I love that. He's not nearly on screen long enough for my life. He's trying so much to do. with this character? He is, he wants to be memorable. I mean, it was the thing that we used to love in Friday the 13th movies. We were, you know, the start of the podcast was like, How do I make this character pop in the limited amount of time I have on screen? And here's a guy who was on screen for 60, 70 years.
And in this nothing burger of a movie, he's like, how do I make myself really memorable? I know. I'll pick up this pair of teeth that I found abandoned in a park. and shove them in my mouth exclusively for this role. I'm going to add dimension to this henchman by making him a drunken cat. There are more dimensions to him. He is a fully dimensional character. But meanwhile, these two have to get Walter away from this pair of girls so that he can go to a meeting.
Mike? At dinner. At dinner. They're like, let's go. And he's like, well, I'm sorry, ladies. Why don't you finish your ice cream? More for you, of course. Like, okay, dude, you're laying it on a bit thick. But the trio is meeting a very nervous man named Daryl. Kind of useful idiot. who's resplendent in a suit so unbearably brown that it should be banned by the Geneva Conventions. It's horrid to look at. And then Daryl has a way of saying Walter. that we found particularly delightful. Walter.
You can trust me, Walter. Walter, I'd never snitch on you, Walter. That's a T, my friend. And he's, he's bumping that into a very unremarkable behind the teeth D and it never gets old. And then they kind of just stick with it for the rest of the movie because then the businessman. Walter. Well, Albert in particular says Walter because he is wearing somebody else's teeth. He is wearing a massive set of chompers that are not his. But Daryl is offered $3 million in cash.
to not say anything to the SEC about whatever shady dealings. they're they're involved in and he's like oh i don't know and they present three briefcases full of million dollars each and he's like oh i don't know i have a wife And you know what wives hate, Gina? Money. Money. Cash. Spice. If I brought home three mil in cash, Becky would be super mad. Take that back where it came from. What are you doing? We have lines. You can't just show up with three million in untraceable cash. Okay.
So Daryl is somehow involved in this trio's dirty deals. And they're convinced that Daryl's going to flip on him no matter how many times he says, Walter, I won't do it. So they take him for a nice soak in their jacuzzi. to die but before they do walda says make it all bubbly Just turn on the jacuzzi. Don't say make it all bubbly. Are you five? That makes it sound like they suggest that they fart in it before they drown him.
horrifying to see someone die in front of you. Yeah. But, what is Klugel's character's name again? Albert. But Albert is carrying on like they're chainsawing them, chainsawing him in front of him. He's like, oh, yeah, oh. He's, like, gagging and retching. Like, he cannot bear the sight of this... held underwater well i again i think it's clue gulliger really trying to imbue this nothing burger yeah he's just giving this character to
He's like a henchman who can't take seeing people get killed in front of him. He's a henchman who can't be a henchman. Right. He's a henchman. is very ill suited for his job. His job placement counts. really gave him some bad advice. The way I read it was he's Albert's always on the verge of a heart attack, which is why he's perfect to be the muscle. You know, it just makes sense.
It's a perfect system. Does it? Yeah, he's best at like anything requiring physical tasks. Yeah, Walter is the brains. Mike is the gruff grandmother who just wants to get dinner. And Albert is on death's doorstep and also in charge of anything involving physical activity. So Albert drowns Daryl and nearly dies in the process himself. And Walter's like, can you believe it? He's reacting to the murder of a human being. And meanwhile, Mike is.
I'm just, I'm tired. But you know, I get it. I get it. And then Walter's like, yeah, I'm having this great party and everyone's going to be there. You know what? We don't have enough money to show it, so we're just going to cut to the morning. Right. We do not have enough money. That whole spring break sequence broke the bank on extra. So there's no way we're seeing that part.
Meantime, we're going to cut to what every movie needs, and that's a solid 60 seconds of a cat drinking milk outside of an Arco gas station. The cat. The cat. The movie. About the cat. And the cat showed up now. This, Joe, we need to reestablish cat. Yeah. But this is more just like a setup for this rando gas station attendant. who ends up getting punched, robbed, and left for dead. But not before he gives the cat milk. And the cat was...
Wow, you're my best friend. Right. I will avenge you, says Fuzzball, as he leaps into the back of the red truck of the robbers and takes off with them. And somehow, in between these cuts... We have switched to California because everything is brown and the ocean is on the wrong side of the earth, Gina. Yeah, but that's... because we get ourselves a good old-fashioned tooth as the driving cat disaster.
They just, we watched them drive and chuckle to themselves. We sure taught that gas station attendant a lesson, didn't we? He was asking for it, just giving cat milk and existing. Meanwhile, we got $60 and a couple of green stamps. And then the fuzzball puppet bursts through the back window of this truck. So much that you can see the arm of the puppeteer. Love it. Love it.
Great on you want to another take where you frame that up a little more close. No, we don't have enough film. We're using like cut ends. Great, sir. Print it. So that truck just takes a header off the side of a bridge into the brownest hill you've ever seen because Florida. Known for its many brown hillsides. So dry. So dry in Florida. Also, the truck has Florida plates in the back. California plates in the front. Perfect. We then cut back to Fort Lauderdale
where the sun is shining and two frat boys are busy reading the Wall Street Journal on spring break. You know, typical frat boy behavior. Of course. Yeah, somebody was writing the script. You know what this movie needs? dorks. Right. Every movie needs them. And this movie has three prime dorks. First, we have Lance and Corey. Now, Lance is basically Diet Bluto. He's just He's just weird, wide-set fella who wears a dorky hat.
As the film goes on, it occurred to me that he might be the love child of Gilligan and the Skipper. Yeah, that fits about right. Corey, meanwhile, is played by silk stockings vet Rob S. with a blonde dye job that I am surprised he never repeated. He abandoned that hairstyle very quickly. Corey is also dressed in a mix of patterns designed to give standard definition TVs a headache. But soon, Suzanne and Bobby arrive, and so does the fifth wheel, Martin.
Martin, as Geno noted earlier, has a full ass beard, appears to be in his 30s. Greensbury. And yes, he's occasionally referenced as his last name, but the last name seems to change throughout the movie. So we're just going to call him Martin because it's simpler. He's a cornball or a dweeb. Sure. Somewhere in between. Somewhere in between. But he is studious and therefore he's the worst, which is why these two dipshits traveled all the way to Florida with him. Yeah.
you we hate you come on vacation with us right maybe it was his car using but they hate to be around him well that's the price you paid he has the car anyways they're all on the lookout for marina ladies because they're classier yeah yeah i like that reasoning you know don't you around the marina it's like i need i need more explanation for for for this why why marina a classier level than, than Barbie.
I don't know. We live in a town with a legitimate Marina and well, not, not, not to mention the fact that I'm married, but I would, I'd never thought to myself, if I want to watch the ladies, you know where I'm going to head down to the docks. the ladies that are out here to get the free clam bar. So it's no sooner do Suzanne and Bobby arrive that they invite this motley crew.
to become their muscle trying to prevent Walter from putting his mustache where it's not invited. Get it? It's a play on words, Gina. What is really uninvited? here. It could be the mutant cat, could be the crap boys, or it could be Walter. Well, then the cat gets invited. Here's the thing about this plan.
Go sailing. You know, they make it sound like it's indefinite. We're just going to go sailing. Well, for how long? Well, we don't know, but come along with us because you could protect us from this man who has brought us on this. Solely because he intends to have sex with...
Yes. And we're going to take the trip, but we're definitely not going to do that. And you're going to prevent it somehow. Right. You are going to come along with us. He's going to be okay with this. Us bringing three additional dudes. They are the most uninvited of anything appearing in this motion picture. Yeah, I think that's honestly true. The limo pulls up outside the marina. Of course, you see the foothills in the background. The famous...
foothills of the Florida coast, a very hilly mountainous region, Florida. Yep. And Walter decides he has a plane. Just in case Ronald Reagan's notoriously embezzlement investigation allergic SEC is snooping. He'll bring two women on board a cruise as cover. It's such a smart plan. It doesn't make any sense. I'm not sure. How is that going to throw off this investigation?
to investigate people on a boat? But he's wanted for financial crimes. He's going to the Cayman Islands because he's stashed a bunch of cash there that is untraceable. And he's the insider trading. However, he decided to skim this money that he hasn't paid taxes on. And so for some reason, this trip down there is going the SEC will see him get on board with two ladies and go.
Well, obviously that's not business related to his unscrupulous business. Oh, he's just going on that boat to have sex with those women. Okay. 60 year old man going on a boat with very young woman. It's like. It's like, all right, let him go, guys. He's fine. I don't see anything illegal here. Everything's on the open up.
Forget the judge's orders. Let's just let him go. Mike is not as convinced. He also says that dumb broads are a pain in the ass. This is Mike's words, not mine. But you know what? But he turns out to be. Absolutely right. It is true. It's just that Mike deeply believes in the concept of Saturday is for the boys. He's just a big old grump. I get it. You know, if I was ready to take a nice relaxing cruise and six people and a cat showed up, I'd be... I'd just be making a sourpuss.
Especially when you're trying to beat the clock of the federal government coming down and putting you in prison. It's like, I don't need this extra headache. We need the girl. I guess as human shields, that's the only use they would have. But Walter is insistent and he has the boat. So our fearsome Fison pulls up in every piece of clothing that they have worn on this trip. And all of them are a different pattern. All of them are designed to give your brain deep hurt.
And in a moment we will soon discover is actually the movie's main move. The cat is discovered meowing its ass off inside a random box. How does the cat constantly end up inside of closed boxes? We will never find out. Well, I mean. My cat locks himself in our bathroom on a regular basis, so it's possible. He knows how to push the door open, does not know how to open the door. see I have a dog I have dogs
I don't know this. So perhaps my cat knowledge is simply not high enough to really realize how close to reality so much of this movie is. He's not yet revealed himself to have a smaller mutant version of himself inside of him. No, but Martin does discover a tag on him that says he was a lab experiment. He's like, works for me. That's fine. Yeah, yeah. See, Suzanne just... picks him up. She's like, I'm taking the cat on the boat. That cat does not want to be near her.
to try to contact where the cat came from. If the cat has any owners. He's the ship's mascot. This makes perfect sense to me. Let's get on a cruise to the Caribbean. And so they board a boat. Lance immediately throws up. They end up on the yacht. And Walter's like, get the fuck off this boat. But it's Albert who ends up. rescuing them ultimately because he rushes up on the boat that drives you out to the yacht. And he's like, Walter, Walter, Walter.
The SEC, they have a court order. They're coming to take the boat. And he's like, we got to push off. So guess what? Everyone stays on the boat now. Yeah, we got to go. Except that cat. That's got to go. And then Green's very sorry.
What's his name? Martin. Martin is like, well... actually good luck so how about that and then walter's like fine fine that cat is invited yeah certainly like like walter's like is you know think he's like this like fearsome guy who who you know has no qualms about about killing anybody who gets in his way
And yet he gives in to these people that he's just met, like, several times over, always to his detriment. Yes. The art of the deal apparently is fooled immediately when it comes to Walter's business aspect. You know, it's like, oh. Okay, fine. Bring these extra dudes with you. Okay, fine. Okay, fine. Put these people who have never sailed a ship before. Now there's a...
Great. Whatever. It's fine. Just call me Walda. So I guess this is what a luxury yacht looked like in 1988. It looks like a barge. Small boat. But this is where you meet Captain Rachel. She's very informal. She's kind of in an indentured servitude sitch. She looks a lot like Susan. which confused me several times. And like Suzanne, she refuses to sleep with Walter. I like her already. So no sooner are Suzanne, Bobby, Corey, Martin, and Lance on...
but they all dedicate themselves to having a general supermarket brand party complete with leftover grapes. It's just like get into a room and shake your booty. Yeah. Is about as party as it ever seems to get. as awkward as you imagine any party involving, you know, five people who just met 45 minutes ago would go. It's very middle school dance.
It's very middle school dance. But Walter can already sense that he's losing ground with the two girls now that there's three other dudes who are more age appropriate even near them and immediately decides. They're all going to do jobs, and that includes cleaning up after last night's party, which involves eating grapes and cleaning up a lot of loose lettuce. We all like to indulge ourselves in a head of lettuce sometimes. That's going to say.
Partying while the food flight is something. Apparently it was a make your own lettuce bar, but you had to rip the lettuce off of the head by yourself, by your bare hands. And do they just. stripped it down to its core. We also learned that Fuzzball is on the loose on the ship and cannot shut up. The amount of meowing versus murder is tipping the scales to 95% meows. That's a lot.
When Corey, Martin, and Lance are doing kitchen duty, Suzanne and Bobby come in and try to encourage them with a, have you ever seen cleavage before? And this seems to work on everyone but Martin. No thanks. I'm getting the fuck out of here. Screw this joint. I would not hire any of these people to do anything. They are a good mix of patterns and clothing. And that's just about.
Later that night, they have another very muted party in which George Kennedy sits by the bar and scowls at them. And Walter's eating bananas. Yeah, Walter's kicking back in front of the fireplace with a... Banana. Here's the thing. Like, as we tracked this over the course of this party, Walter is either consuming dozens of bananas.
He's actually having one banana and Graydon Clark is so fast at filming that it's just real time and he's editing in the camera. I'm betting on option two. I love that George Kennedy just sits behind a bar and scowls at him. Seems like a good investment. Those punks. The punks doing nothing. And I just have to say it.
Gina, this is the weirdest setup for a horror movie we've ever talked about. I mean, it is. I definitely forgot that it all took place on a boat. It's basically a one-set wonder. I thought my memory... told me it was all in the laboratory. Like the cat escapes and takes out everybody trying to look for it one by one. I did not remember anything about the... Yes, I agree with you. So much of this movie slipped through the fingers of my mind and I was genuine.
The whole Clue Gallagher character thing, I had no recollection of. He's given one job here. It's not even to murder somebody. It's to hold the wheel of the boat in a certain direction. He's like, I think I can freeform this. It's too hard. And then he puts the boat in the wrong gear and gets white wine drunk while doing this. With four sips of white wine.
is eventually relieved. We learn that the boat is hopelessly, helplessly off course because of his drunkenness. And he goes off to find another bottle, a loose bottle of opened white wine. and discovers a fuzzball in another fucking box. In a box. In a box.
And he's like, how did you get there? And then he spits wine on the cat puppet. And the cat puppet's like, I didn't do anything. The cat's like, rude. And then jumps up in his face. Bites him. Bite your face off. He's going to bite his face off. And then. spasm style his wounds blow up full of bladders and he's just bloodtastic from that moment on he's given he's given his all to those like death throes he's like
And he falls off the boat. He's like that clip of that Turkish movie where the woman shoots the guy like... and he just keeps screaming through it all. He's really trying to stretch that out because the more days he's on set, an extra 500 gets put on his check. The next morning, Mike discovers a blood... and determines that Albert got drunk, hit his head, and went overboard. And Albert is truly mourned by Walter stating out loud, I'm glad he's dead. Good.
Fuck that guy. I hated the way he was almost having a heart attack all the time. I hated his weird teeth. And Mike's like, how are we going to convince? Captain Rachel not to turn the boat around. And Walter's like, I got it. I'm going to offer her the boat. If she just gets us to the Caymans, she can own it outright. It's what she wants.
and she considers doing the right thing for five entire seconds. Yep. And then Martin finds that piece of bloodstained clothing and he's pulling a CSI investigation. What is that called? The thing with the giant scope on it and a huge half a compass. He's like, give me a magnifying glass. And then he's using it to look at blood samples, after which he goes, this blood, it's 100, 1,000 times normal.
What does that mean? What is 1,000 times normal, Gina? Does that mean it's more normal than normal? Or is it abnormal? It's a thousand times normal. Yeah, I honestly don't know that measurement. I think we should start describing our fanes as a thousand times normal. and see if it takes off. Throughout this, it's quite possible that someone off screen is strangling the cat at all times because no cat.
I've ever met has made this amount of fucking noise in a row. No, no, no, that's a lot. At one part, it sounded like the cat was choking. Well, technically, it is choking on another cat. True. Always choking. That's probably the actual rational part of this movie, and everything else is completely irrelevant. Walter walks in on Bobby doing aerobic. And then he immediately makes it weird. And then implies. Walda style. Walda style.
And Walda's and me. The Walter technique for picking up the ladies. He's like, hey, you're going to sleep with me in a always sunny in Philadelphia because of the implication gambit. That's exactly what it is, isn't it? I mean, I wonder if this is what gave them the inspiration for that monologue. Because it so clearly demonstrates what the implication is.
I also want to say for the record, Bobby's idea of doing aerobics is leaning this way and that. Yeah, and Walt is like, you could be better than Jane Fonda. Thank you, I guess. But Lance comes in to the middle of this and said like, oh, please do not assault another human being. That's my job, he says. I find Lance's protests doobie. But he's like, don't you assault her. That's what I was brought on this boat. So he goes over to break up that. And then, of course, Mike wanders in and is like.
shoots lance in the arm then the cat attacks what the fuck are you doing shoot first escalate Yeah, I think that's the way Mike is operating right now because George Kennedy wants to get off this film set. Oh, yeah. I mean, he's going to shoot the cameraman. Do whatever it takes. But of course, Fuzzball enters the picture in mutant form. And Mike...
shoots at him and then just random objects in the room, just like attempting to mark a puppet. He kills bottles. He kills lamps. He kills the radio that the songs are coming from. Nothing is safe, but he is bitten in the ankle by fuzzball. And as you might notice, there's a pattern established here. He is not long for this world. It takes longer for him than it does Albert or anyone else. Seems rather instantaneous, but Mike is made from hardier stock.
And by that, I mean, George Kennedy was not at his flyweight in this motion picture. No, I think it just takes, I think it takes a little longer. for the poison to move through his body. There's a lot of George Kennedy system to get through before you can start bladdering. like a single crouton. Like, she's affected by it immediately. but it takes at least, you know, what feels like the movie is alluding to like a half an hour for him to really feel. Yeah. And his, his screams really sell it.
They're rather blunt. In the meantime, the ship's engine dies because Albert put it in the wrong gear. Walter demands that they continue towards the Cayman Islands. And when they go to radio for help, because there's one gunshot victim and one person who's bladdering all over the place, he shoots the radios. So they can't signal anybody. Captain Rachel turns the tide with a fire extinguisher. And wow, Walter is sweating like his accountant has turned states up.
This is why you do not sail in knitwear, kids. When we get back to the living room, George Kennedy is shivering audibly. Like, if this is the sort of thing that you always wanted to see George Kennedy really act like it hurt. Oh, baby. Cue up uninvited tonight. Yeah, he's doing, you know, like when you used to have like anti-drug movies and like you'd show the person having like a bad trip and they're just like writhing and sweating.
The only thing missing is a baby crawling along the ceiling. Exactly. While he's going through this mini transformation, we get everyone else debating the whole idea about a killer cat being on board. And at this point, the cat has killed several people. Yeah. And then they're like, oh, it couldn't be the cat. It's absolutely not the cat. No. Complete with Bobby saying, I really don't know at least 400 times. I mean, it could be the cat. I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know.
I mean we saw a cat bite him but I don't know Cut to the couch where Mike is having a tension headache everywhere on his body. It is a real bladder-filled scanner sitch. And his leg bone is erupting. And he's got one big alien head trying to hatch out of his chest, which is an entirely different color than his face. it's about to to come out of his chest and it's gonna be blood everywhere but then no it just kind of sinks back down and then he's like
Oh, God. And then he dies. That hurt a lot. This is signal later on when Suzanne bursts her own blood bubble. I think these things were supposed to explode. And they just weren't rigged right. But you're not paying George Kennedy enough to grab his own blood bag. He's like, if it doesn't blow, I'm just going to die like it says in the script. It's at this point that Walter gets locked in his own room.
And the rest of the crew just sits around. It's a lot of whining from people who aren't Captain Rachel and Martin. Cut to Lance and Bobby in their bedroom and they hear a noise in the closet. And what does Lance do? He grabs a flashlight because it's the middle of the day. It's really dark. It's so dark. It's so dark. I need a flashlight. She's like, all right, I'm going to open the closet door. And the one time in the nearly nine year history of this show, Gina.
That warranted a cat in the closet scare. And they don't even do it. They did not do it. They did not do it. We had a cat jump out of a fucking refrigerator. ago and they couldn't give us one cat out of a closet. loud is the only time it's okay and they didn't do it no scene is completely pointless we don't learn anything about the characters at all they're just like we heard a noise is it in the closet we learned that lance solves problems with flashlight That's not helpful.
No, it isn't. But Lance is stupid. He's a big dum-dum. And that's... Walda tests Corey with a moral quandary later on in his room. Will he let him go if he gives him a million dollars? And Rob Estes is very subtle and gives a very layered performance here and caves immediately. Yeah, but if he says, open it slowly, one more time, just real slow. One more time. Because the cat might be in the safe. You don't know. There's a lot of boxes.
shifts. There's a lot of boxes. Martin thinking out loud that the cat is hungry and maybe he might try to eat one of them, but this gives Corey an idea and he runs off to get a tin of tuna. Cut to Suzanne. straddling her bed on her knees, taking off her top. Who gets undressed like that?
Suzanne does. She's the only person. It's like she was trying to up the difficulty of taking off clothes. It's like she was trying to make it, you know, like this is too easy to just take my top off of my back to camera. What if I make it really? She ends up making a deal with Corey, who's being super sleazy and doesn't say I've made a side deal with Walter or anything like that. Just like stick with me, babe.
And Suzanne's like, well, I don't have two brain cells to rub together. Sure. Days pass. I don't know. As Ollie said earlier, time moves at its own pace. To the person watching, it feels like a couple of hours. But again, Suzanne is literally losing her. over not being able to eat. I think things are made even worse when Bobby, in the midst of nursing lane, we learn that A, the gunshot has left his right arm used.
And then her response to that is let's make out because that's what every doctor orders when they hear you might have nerd. Yeah. It turns out that Fuzzball has been snacking on Lance's numb digits while they make out. Again, I am not a medical professional. I think there's a difference between I have nerve damage.
you would still be able to feel the pressure of a cat's teeth sinking into your flesh. Removing not one, not two, but at least three fingers. It might not hurt, but you're going to feel it. because they kind of just grow back. It's all part of the mutation. Yes. He grows mutant fingers that are from the inside of the other fingers. But, you know, Lance is very muted in his reaction to this discovery.
freaks out entirely, yells from the top of his lungs, I'm poison, and goes to commit harikari off the side of this boat and manages to take Bobby with him. And apparently they both have like rocks in their pockets because they just like sink, immediately sink to the bottom of the ocean. She is wearing a lead bathing suit by the sound. She never surfaces. And Bobby's whole. to him, but not for dear life. She's, like, grabbing him with one hand, and then he just, like, jumps over.
She doesn't even jump. She just kind of falls. She's sucked in by the vortex of the vacuum of his disappearance off the ship. I'm not really sure how the physics of it work, but she goes over, never comes back. She dies immediately, presumably. Just dies from ocean exposure. Too much mutation. Suzanne has something to say about this in the scene after that, in which, I don't know, she was going for it. She hoped that the Golden Globe's voting body was going to look at this movie.
She's giving it her all. When I found out that she ended up on several soap operas, I'm like, this makes sense. Now I get it. She is also the model for Ariel. And? She was the wife who sets herself on fire and stands up, even though she's wheelchair bound, in Death Spa. No, really? Yes. Is that her? She's really the greatest act.
yeah what range the range she can give it all to you she might be the patron saint of this podcast between these two performances but the thing is like she's very upset because you know it is it is settled that it is the cat's fault. It's the cat that's doing this. She will not. responsibility for bringing this cat on board.
Absolutely brought that cat on board. Emotionally forces Martin to say, no, I insisted the cat be on board before she stops crying and whinging. She hates that she's on diet of leftover cornflakes and champagne. That's what they're using instead of water. Sounds all right to me. Yeah. And so Martin and Rachel continue ship repairs that never happened. Corey and Walter, who's been let loose from his.
sort of in-ship house arrest, hunt unsuccessfully for the cat. Neither of them are good at their jobs. That's Cory. Cory leaves out some tuna. That he's poisoned, yeah. But of course, this mutant cat is playing 4D chess with them and doesn't eat it. In fact, he ate his way into the lockbox where all the uncontaminated food is. He's that hungry. He is. And he's trying to starve them out. And then.
Corey, in his infinite wisdom, starts shooting wildly at the cat in the bowels of the ship. And he opens up one hole in the ship in the bottom of the boat, which is always a good idea. And then shoots a steam pipe that's... Scalds him to death. Just melts his face off. He doesn't even die to the cat. No, no, he dies by stupidity, which I think makes sense. He died as he lived. This is the scene which we see Fuzzball reenter his cat suit face first. Yep.
Someone's going to need to give me a map. If someone can create an Ikea diagram of how this cat works, we will make a t-shirt out of it. That'd be hilarious. Suzanne is, in her words, starving to death. Does not trust that the food is contaminated by the mutant monster can. So she decides to eat some breadcrumbs in the middle of the night. Starving to death after 10? She's like delirious with hunger. She has stopped using lip balm.
Her hair is frizzed out. She looks like she's in a white snake video. This is like, this is like, she's like in a, like, you know, a plane crash with your... soccer players she's just like she's lost her mind with hunger it takes about 30 seconds before her neck starts gorging and it explodes with her help by the way because the blood balloon
Yeah, so she just kind of holds it and gives it a squeeze. Kind of pokes at it. It works. She kind of pimple pops it. And then this is the last 10 minutes of the movie. And honestly, if you watched only 10 minutes. This is the portion to watch. This is the 10 minutes. Yeah. This is where this movie reaches a fever pitch of insanity. A storm appears out of nowhere. And this is the sequence.
The film that actually achieves so bad it's good status. Because this is when the yacht has been replaced by a toy boat. Yeah, this is two weeks in a row now because we also have, we did Food of the Gods. Yes. But Mr. Big knows how to shoot models. Graydon Clark is fucking lost. And this looks like it was filmed in a bathtub with a garbage bag.
taped to the bottom of it. And they put in cartoon lightning at one point. It just, it is incredible. The hole that was opened in the boat by Corey's gunshot is now gushing with water. boat is sinking. Walter, Martin, and Rachel plan to abandon ship. Walter goes, hold on, I got one more suitcase full of cash I gotta go get. Because I'm not gonna be rich after this, after I go to the, wherever I'm going, where is it? In an island.
Yeah. Walter heads off to his safe to get that last briefcase. And. Who, you guessed it, who's there in his bedroom but Fuzzball. And he engages in an underwater puppet fight, Gina, that has to be seen to be believed. I love it. Walter's death in the end is pretty underwhelming. He just has like a big claw mark on his face. He has a claw mark, and then Martin finds him face down in the water and pushes him over. Are you okay? Did you pass out? Oh, no. Well, that's the thing.
that these are coded as these are the good guys and these are the bad guys and Martin is such a good I was like, did you? Our patron saint. Yeah, I was going to say, I think you could probably let Walter go down with the ship. It's okay. My favorite guy. I just love that. Like, if we don't get into this small craft with Walter, I'm going to feel bad about it really, really bad. martin grabs that briefcase too because i don't know why but He manages to lower the escape boat, jumps in after.
This is the only good plan that is executed in the entire movie. But hold on, everyone. The movie? He's not over. Because Fuzzball, as it turns out, can swim like a fish. Between Fuzzball and the cat from Flow, this is the year of watching cats swim. I was going to say, like an indestructible cat. It's like A Quiet Place Day One. Yeah, except the inner cat lost the big cat. So now it's just tiny black cat. Yeah, his innie became his outie for sure at this point. He's not ever not the pup.
of him from this point on. But we also learn that Fuzzball is able to launch himself out of the water like a salmon going upstream and launches himself continuously at Martin's face. Now, all it takes is one bite and one scratch. for you to die. How many scratches does Martin receive in the course of this multi-fight sequence? Technically zero, but it looks like about 10 or 20. No one got the note that they're not supposed to swipe at his face.
And he takes a lot of hits, but somehow does not get contaminated. This is prime. Roll around with it. Make it look like a fight choreography. Who else is there with him? Rachel. Captain Rachel. Rachel punches the cat and... Rachel punches the cat multiple times. She has a main right hook when it comes to puppets. And then Martin throws the cat off the board, and then he's like, we're safe. And then, no, the cat jumps back.
Into his face. They might reuse the same clip. I couldn't really tell. No. Great on Clark? Reusing footage? Oliver, how... you not have faith in this truly remarkable filmmaker? Well, no son of mine. Anyways, after the third non-bite attack, Martin decides to empty a briefcase of cash and throw it in the water so Fuzzball can pull a rose floating on a Titanic door maneuver.
boogie boards to the shore. He just, like, is floating half on. Puts his arms on. Puts his arms. Stretch out wide to hug this briefcase. just waiting for Jack to sink to the bottom. Just cue up. The orange cat is like, I'll always love you, inner cat. And they're just like, goes a piss away. Dropping an impossibly large diamond. just is so an image that is so fantastically stupid that I'm in love
It's just gold metal filmmaking. It belongs in a museum, Gina. It does. Yeah, it does. Somehow Rachel and Martin survive with the money, but they don't want to tell the authorities about the money. And the authorities also don't believe them. cat thing, but who fucking cares? I didn't come to uninvited. Meanwhile, at the same beat...
that the girls in the craft used to call the corners in 1996. So we're back to Malibu, California, Gina. A black cat washes up on the beach next to a gold briefcase. mutant cat, just a normal black cat. A different fucking cat altogether. fucking cat. Just a completely different cat. He's found a different cat suit or... He just put himself in... Yeah, he's created a different cocoon cat. I don't know how it works. I'm not a scientist.
But some rando kid just decides to pick this cat up and walk towards camera. Freeze frame on the worst image I've ever seen in my life. Again. Dun, dun, dun. The last 10 minutes of this movie are gold. Some of the best footage we've ever amassed. But the previous... minutes, I would urge people not to sit through. Or at least just put it on mute. I love that it was sub 90 minutes, but... It was unfun until it became the funnest thing of all time. It's a little bit U-shaped.
almost like Killer Party. It's not as successful as Killer Party, but it's like high points at the beginning, saggy as hell in the middle. And then at the end is so loony. that it's worth the journey. Anything that we missed along the way, Gina? No, I mean, that was a thorough plot recount. missed anything that I would have brought up. Here's my question. Sure. the cat not invited. The cat was invited the whole time. I mean, technically, none of them were invited. Like, the...
and the cat were invited. It was supposed to be just the girls. Yeah, that's true. And they're not initially invited. They're accepted at a certain point, but they're not invited. And he's definitely not invited into the back of that red pickup truck. the mutant cat not invited into the big cat? Those two are kind of chill with each other, so I can't tell. Yeah, I don't know. That's a good question, Ollie. You broke me. But here's the good news. We're going to throw a lifesaver.
And hopefully that will rescue the episode when we choose our own death vent. That's where we decide, of the death scene on camera in this film, if you were forced to die in one of those ways, which one would it be and why? First, up to bat, we have Slash. or bitten by fuzzball. And this happens multiple times. It really depends on the location. You want a parking garage? You want a stairwell? Well, in the parking garage, you kind of get it exploded.
It's very fast, though, and you get to wear that cool outfit. Or you could be drowned in a jacuzzi by a... almost dead himself, Albert. Or you can be bitten by fuzzball while drunk and then drown. Or you can be bitten on the ankle by fuzzball and explode on a couch. You can be shot in the arm, receive nerve damage.
fingers bitten off by fuzzball, also drown. Or you could just get pushed off a boat by some doofus. You can get flash seared by a steam explosion that's your own fucking fault. Or eat contaminated food, have a neck explosion. your own bubble. Or lose an underwater puppet fight to Fuzzball. Oliver, you are our... you to go first. Yes. I gotta say, Albert is not sounding the greatest. I don't...
Well, first of all, you don't drink. But if I was going to go, I wouldn't mind getting white wine drunk. I would probably have to say slashed or bitten by fuzzball. But where? On the car. Oh, the truck. You what? Barreling down the Brown Mountains of Florida. Okay. No, that makes perfect sense. Because ultimately, you're probably going to die by the car accident. before you really feel the effects of yourself exploding. That makes sense.
like it gina what say you you know i'm gonna take falling overboard because i guess she just exploded as soon as she hit the water because it was like it's a quick death like she does just kind of sink you don't even see like a hand coming up like like
She dies instantly. She's linked out of existence. I am going to go with Albert. I like his driving crooner hat. I like his weird teeth. I like that he's super drunk before he goes. How do you handle seeing someone drown in front of you? Would you start gagging? about to have a heart attack. You know, I don't take those sort of things well. If you're asked right now to drown somebody in an hour spool, I don't know how I would take it. I've got a list. I mean, it really depends on...
I mean, I mean, some people might be like, yeah, yeah, more, more. If it was Daryl and he kept referring to me as Paddock, maybe that would push me over the edge to the point I would drown him in my spool. I can see that. So I think, I think Albert. for me. That just about does it. Josh Hollis does all of our artwork. Go to JoshHollis.com for things like that. Go to RevengeBodyMemphis at Bancake.com for this theme and all of our remixes. Go to our Patreon.
for bonus episode content that is worth your money to hear. And of course, rate and review us on your podcatcher of choice, Apple. Spotify, you can talk back to us there. We love hearing you on all of our socials. We've had an influx of conversation about recent episodes. So find us on Facebook, Instagram, Blue Sky, and not Twitter.
to screw that joint. Gina, where can people see and hear more from you on these here interwebs? I write about television and movies and pop culture on my Substack, ginawatchesthings.substack.com. I am on Mostly Blue Sky and Instagram under Gina Does Things. Do it today, people. Check it out. Oliver, people are not allowed to reach out to me. I'm a minor. You are a minor.
to try to talk to my... He is my son. I do not know you. But if you have questions for him about this... This is not a Walta situation. Don't do that. Don't do that. I will drown you in my spoon. He will drown you. If you have questions for him, you can filter them through me. That just about does it for us this episode and for... Animal Attack April 2025. But don't worry, folks. The body count will continue. For myself, for Gina, and for Ollie. Bye-bye, everybody. Bye. Bye.