Since we're feeling emotional, how about justin Wilsham.
Yeah, I'm here, guys.
I will handle all of your emotional needs. Let me compensate for your lack of feelings.
I do like that you bring in a box of Kleenex with you every time in case.
Yes, just in case We've taught you don't know, is that's just what I walk around Like women carry Stanley cups.
I carry a box of Kleenex.
We've talked about the term tiger moms before, right, and there's a new study that specifically says that tiger moms may have some benefits along with the negatives that everybody would kind of assume an overbearing mother might have. So this parenting style is it was Actually it came out in a book in twenty eleven about the called the Hymn of the Tiger Mom, and a tiger mom for anybody who doesn't know, is somebody who's very focused on
their kids academic achievements and being disciplined and obedient. And that what they found this was a study that came out of China, and they found that parents whose mom, how did they put it, were the mother was the dominant presence in regards to academic decisions as how they said it multiple times in that exact same way, which was interesting to me, and that in those cases the kids performed better academically and all of that was good,
except for their emotional state was maybe not so hot, like they didn't have emotional intelligence, like almost like what I interpreted was that they were becoming robots.
They were very good at achieving tasks.
And I guess it means I guess the question is to what end? I think a lot of people had the mother figure be the driver when it came to academic success to a point, right, I mean a tiger mom. I think about tiger moms is you have to be a plus plus students. You know, the GPA is the four point six. You also know how to play the cello and speak Mandarin. Yeah, like that to me as a tiger mom. My family, my mom was both my
parents were very much into education. My dad was a teacher, but it was my mom who was the academic disciplinarian of like, you better come home with the honor roll or else, you know, you don't get food for a week. Not really, but she was definitely the disciplinarian in that regard.
See, my dad was, but it was also maybe it's because my parents were divorced, So my step mom was the sweet one and my dad was. Anytime I had less than a bee he was. He was all over me, like it was micromanaging everything about my life and borderline making me miserable.
So it was worth it for me just.
To maintain a fun to be a step mom. Like you get to be the fun one.
I don't.
But here's the thing, Like it's I don't think so, because I think there's this like stereotype of like evil step mother. But my my stepmom has always been like the sweetest person in the world. So the people that I've known that have stepped into that role, they find it to be more challenging than fun. Yeah, like very rarely, Like, well, yeah, I'm a step mom because you want the.
Kids to listen to you, but you don't want to be You can't be. You don't have the jurisdiction to be the disciplinarian.
I bet you would, Yeah, you would.
You would probably wallow in that lack of response, like you would find you would walk the fine line between between being mom and like.
In that lack of responsibility you would pretty much in a nutshell, and I appreciate I feel seen.
Yeah, it's almost the tattooed Yeah, it really is wallowing. It really is.
You know what I would love to see. And I don't know if it's been around long enough to even discuss that, but.
That what uh, what a.
Tiger momed kid kid of a tiger mom, how they would behave as an adult, how they would Because we've said this before, Generationally, we go through different phases of what our what our parenting style would be based on what our parents were. Sometimes it's sort of an homage to the way they did it. Other times it's complete distancing from the way that you were raised.
So a lot of that.
But I'd be curious to see what studies would be done about these these people.
The tiger mom concept predates twenty eleven. It just got its label, and I would venture a guess that we all could agree that it really is going to ultimately boil down to the perception of the child, right like in my experience, what I've seen his parents who were like I thought my parents, like I would say my parents are great, like I had a great experience with my parents, but when I tell people about my childhood, they're like, I think you might have been abused, Like,
I think that there was some really not cool stuff that was going on.
In that context, though, how aware were you of the way other your friends were parented? I mean, was that were you conscious about that the differences that I wasn't either.
I don't they think that the way it's done in their house is the way it's done.
The one friend I had that I knew anything about his parenting, how he was parented, was that his parents slept in different bedrooms. I mean, that's the only and he's the only one. I didn't know if anybody was beaten. I don't know if anybody's parents got a divorce or were, you know, had affairs. I didn't know any of that stuff except that one guy and I.
Had one family that would have Domino's pizza every Friday, and I was so jealous because my dad was such a cheap skate. We hardly ever ate out unless it was like your birthday. We're brothers, and so I was like, and I would find every excuse to go over to their house on Friday if I could, just so I can enjoy some pizza.
And some soda.
You that's so weird guys at dinners about ready right, I show up at five point thirty.
Did you, guys have conversations or conflicts with your wives when you decided to have kids raise kids in terms of how you wanted to raise them, Like, did you come into the relationship thinking that the way that you were raised was the way you wanted to raise your kids And was that a difference of opinion with your wives?
Yes, for me, it was big time. My wife doesn't believe in consequences. They make her feel bad, and I think that they're the best way to teach anyone anything.
So is that something you came to a compromise with.
Nope, it was a lot of fighting.
But you talked about it before kids.
Uh huh. I don't know the conversation we had about it before kids.
As I said, the one thing that I think is going to be important when we decide to have kids is that we can't undermine each other in front of the kids. That we have to present a united front in front of them. And she wholeheartedly forgot that conversation by the time we had children, like it was constant. And then there was also this is my own bs,
I think. But there was also this element of she felt like she had to be the stereotypical mom, even though I was the one that was home with them most of the time, and so she would talk to me in ways like you're just a dad, You're babysitting the kids, and it would drive me up an effing wall. She fell for the sitcom trope of dad's or dominant.
And then my BS that I was mudding the waters and messing it up is that I was sitting there thinking like I'm not I'm great at this, like, and I will not be treated otherwise, right Like, so it just like compounded.
In nice you you were projecting all of that. Oh yeah, because you're so focused on being a great dad that you were constantly questioning yourself and everything she said you read into that, yes or.
Well what the part that would make me angry was when it was so far out of left field. The biggest fight we've had in our marriage was about my older son getting earaches, and he told her that I didn't care.
He's like, well did you.
Tell your dad about this? This is when I was working on the morning show, so I'd go to bed at seven o'clock. So at between seven and nine, that's when all complaints with management were lodged in her suggestion box ears and so she told me the next day. She's like, yeah, I'm just worried because he said you don't care about him oo And I said, and I said, I literally said, bs, no,
no way, no way. And she's like, well, he's got an earache and my niece and my niece had eaches and then she became hearing impaired, and so that was very sensitive to her. I was insensitive to that. I'm like, that's not what's happening here. And I got mad at her because I'm like, you're acting like I don't know what I'm doing. And I was here all day.
I go, you were not. I go.
The kid was running around the pool having fun, like wrestle around with his buddies, and then mom comes home and.
They go, oh, I have above me.
I need hugs and kisses from mommy. Who doesn't I wanted hugs and kids is from RG. She's my wife, so everybody wants kisses from.
Her and hugs and kisses.
And the way started off with an earache and ended with sex. Kiss that he wanted sex before seven wasn't sex.
I just wanted affection, not to be ridiculed for being, in her perspective, a subpar father who didn't care.
About his son.
You know, Justin uses sex to get love. I know, yeast so weird.
It creeps me out.
Sex.
We just kind of came up with an idea about I'm so.
Sorry to Gary and maybe all the listeners.
Well Justin came up.
Well, I kind of pitched it. I don't know if it would be my idea. You came in and closed it out. We were talking about that like nature videos, and you had some takes on a nature video that a friend of mine had seen that we're interesting, And I said I would be more interested in watching you narrate nature videos than say, Snoop doggating.
A chimpanzee in a rape with a frog. And I was saying, how do we know that that was not consensual?
Some of that stuff needed to be said off the air. I could argue all Justin Justin comes in and talks about parenting issues with us, and this I think is an interesting I was worried because it's interesting, because it's it's so much more prevalent now than it would have been I think during our correct times.
And I think because you so, what we're talking about is that there was this like I didn't postage it's not with us right now. There's this post online where a mom was complaining about the fact that she was putting together her kid's birthday party and one of her kid's closest friends couldn't go to the birthday party because they had a game of retball soccer as we call it here in the States.
This was in England, and.
So I just thought it was interesting because they were having this debate within this article about should you prioritize your friends over your extracurriculum activities, And my knee jerk reaction was like, well, like at first, I was like, well, it's not the extracurricular activity, it's the teammates, right.
Like you, you.
Also have a team that you are accountable to me, you're committed.
To as a parent.
That's why I like my kids being involved in team sports. Yes, it teaches them like an obligation, take.
Your friend to lunch or have a play date with them another day, bring them the gift and the whole thing.
And you also as a parent of the birthday child, have to understand that if your kid has a birthday during whatever blank season, right that I mean for our kids, when they were both playing Ayso soccer, that meant Saturday mornings or early afternoons were off limits for parties in the afternoon, five o'clock, seven o'clock whatever.
That's fine.
You know your kid's not gonna be playing soccer at that time.
But my birthday was on still is. They have my Jack July third. So my mom when she would have birthday parties for me, would always do it on like July tenth or June.
Twenty fifth or whatever kids.
In town exactly.
And I there's a part of me that I don't understand the idea of the birthday being that important, you know what I mean? I was witness sure, maybe you know what to your point there is there was some moment I do I hate him all the easter bunny Wow, I want to just lie. I want to line them up and put them on your nature show. I I had this moment when I think I was eleven or twelve.
I wanted to have my friends over.
For pizza, and so I asked my dad, I go can I have my friends over for pizza for my birthday?
And my dad goes, oh, is that still a thing for you?
Like, I can't think he thought he was done hosting birthday parties.
You never know that's true.
Maybe I don't know, but it was just but I think I'm coming at it from that perspective because I was like, well, I'm not asking for like a big thing. I just want three of my buddies to come over and have some pizza and we're going to play some video games. And I was planning to pay for the pizza like that was because I had a job and so I but I just thought it always stuck to it stuck in my head that he was like, oh, that's still the thing, like because I remember thinking like, oh,
maybe I shouldn't have birthday parties anymore? And is that why birthdays aren't important to me? When is your birthday justin January twenty fourth?
Will you make a note of that somewhere?
Well, we can't do something. She can't even do it.
She has the idea the question, and know Gary.
He's a responsible one.
You do you want to know what the definition of responsibility is? I do the ability to respond, oh he is. Yeah, it's pretty much.
Did you just like pretty much the definition Like you just took the conjunction of the words.
Gary somebody who has a great ability to respond the things. He's a very responsible person, except if it's a broken door, then I'll bets her off. But if I need something to remember or if I want to remember something, he's one of the people that is the responsible person. So I think that when we want to have a pizza party for justin January twenty fourth, he'll be the wonder remond.
Please don't do that. I don't want to know what's happening.
No, no, no, no, Well we make him pay for it, right, Yeah, he's going to job.
Yeah, you know what, I'm bored. I'm bored for that bit for my birthday, I.
Say, you, guys, we're going to tell the story every year.
I can't wait. It's gonna be a thing he told me on the idea. I'm in. I'm all for it. See.
I will even put it in my calendar.
I will risk I will you show you my ability to recess just so.
You don't have to bring a lunch that day. That's why you're putting it in your calendar. I think this year it's.
On a Saturday in twenty twenty six, if I'm not mistaken, but I'm hoping it's Friday for you guys.
Yours would be it's on a fourth. It's on a Saturday, so it's still a thing for you.
I love it.
It's so great.
Thank you justin as always, I.
Wish I could return the sentiment.
I really truly wish I could say thank you every other week.
I would be open to say thank you, but.
And it was just hagging there. It was what the fact that you do it day in the week. It was only because I had to do a choir show for my kids and we did the quest calendar, like all right, it's okay.
It is a thing for me
Who was a big boy.