Justin Worsham is host of The Dad Podcast, joins us when he can on Wednesdays to talk about parenting and.
Today this is a good one.
Yes, what to.
Do when your kid is dating another kid and that kid's not supposed.
To be dating.
I'm so glad that you guys were as fascinated as about this, because I honestly, when I found it, I was like, this is really interesting to me. But it's not the usual like data driven thing that I will come in here with. It's very much just anecdotal, real life, real life, and I don't know what I would honestly do. The example was this woman finds herself in a situation
where her son is dating girl. The girl happens to be from an immigrant family, and the family is not supposed to know that she's dating, and that they think that the family thinks that she's going over to another girlfriend's house, but when she's actually going over to her boyfriend's house. I've not experienced this personally, have either of you been.
I would not feel comfortable.
I don't think I would feel comfort as a parent knowing my kid was dating somebody who was not supposed to be dating, that the parents didn't know, I would take it on my The onus would be on me at that point to let them know.
And the challenge that they presented is that they didn't find out about this until like months into the like, so then they find out late.
They didn't know the girl was forbidden from dating, correct until that had been going on.
Now they have to come and like try to divulge to these people that they don't know, they don't know if English is a barrier for them, and how they can like communicate with them to say, we just found this out, Like what does that do to everything? It's also a div like if I put myself both of my sons are gentlemen, comforter not comforter Shannon.
They are gentlemen, but.
They are gentlemen, so I wouldn't I wouldn't worry about the daughter's like well being from an intimate standpoint, right, So that would probably be the only reason I'd be like, I'll let them work this out.
But there's an interesting aspect.
But under your roof, yeah, that's the thing.
There's an aspect of it all. So where you have to teach your kid. First of all, you tell them I think you're playing with fire, like, not only are you going to get in trouble, you're gonna get her in trouble, and she's gonna be forbidden from ever seeing you again, and then it turns into Romeo and Juliet or whatever. Not that it ends the same way. We don't have to get into that, hope, but you also have to You have to let your kid know that
it's his responsibility. I mean, I actually think it would be more his responsibility than mine as a parent. That's not to say that I wouldn't do it, because I do think that there are times when that kind of information is going to be necessary to protect the girl. I mean, there's a reason why they don't want her to date. I don't know what it is. I don't know they're thinking behind it. Nobody knows because they can't really know. Nobody can talk to them to really find out.
I mean, it's also it sounds like the daughter doesn't completely comprehend or understand it. I mean, my younger son had a girlfriend about a year ago, but this was like early middle school age, like love, if you can call it that, and she was never allowed to come over because she he said that the dad couldn't know that she even had a boyfriend. And I would argue that all they ever saw each other was at school, So did she really have a boyfriend? Like, not really so, but they felt like it.
To Shannon's point, she was never in my house, she was never under my roof, under my quote unquote care where I'm technically responsible for her during that time.
But I would also like, I don't know, I really think that.
In my opinion, I agree with the idea of using it as an opportunity to teach your kid how to handle relationships ethically, But I mean, they're so young.
I think I would just play a lot. It would be a lot for a kid.
But if you imagine if someone's fifteen, sixteen, seventeen years old, they're starting to play with those ideas of being adult, doing adult things, having adult conversations, that that would be one of those things that.
You have to do.
And and you as a as a seventeen year old, you know, it's hard to There's a lot going on, you got burning desires in places you didn't think existed before. How do you how do you then convince your kid to respect the wishes of her parents when all you want is to see them jubblees.
Yeah, I mean that's a hard the Jubbleese.
Yeah, that's a hard word before.
It's probably something that is heard of that absolutely. I mean I would argue I haven't heard of it, but I get it, you know, inherently it's the international language jubblees.
Maybe it's just a guy. But how do you then? Of course, why would you have a mask? I e s Yeah.
To your point, though, what I would tell my kid if that was on the table, I would say, this is definitely not the.
Person have secon like. I would definitely like that was where I would intervene at least.
And say that's like saying go have sex with that person.
No, not to my kids, Okay, definitely not. It would not because here's the thing. Because of this, I just want to point out, he is so nice. I know, he is so nice.
That's why he lets them have the comforter.
And nothing happened because it was so cold in that house. Yes, the house is so cold, all right, it gets cold in the worship house that you're.
Want something going on underneath the comforter. There's sex on the in the wind.
No, there's no nothing at not doing that with your fingers. You two, you grow up.
Somebody saved us with the news report police before I have to.
If I have to start telling you guys what to do, we're in big, big trouble. But you would say to your kid, I.
Would say not just because because of this story, I actually looked into it, and it's not something I knew. I always went with the common knowledge that there is nothing illegal about two underage people having come sexual sex. Actually the law begs to differ. You cannot consent to having sex if you are under the age of eighteen.
That's because the law says or does.
I'm not saying that, but I would like for the same reason I tell my sons, like, if a girl ever sent you a naked picture of herself, you need to immediately delete that and just tell that girl that is not my thing.
When you're when you're how dare you're how dare You're saying it with a wink and a smile, though, don't you No.
I tell all you can say at that moment is don't share it?
No right back, that's not.
How dare you?
How dare you come in here Latin so condescendingly.
Jumples aren't my thing.
I don't think I want to do this anymore.
You can make fun of her green tongue now because of this weird thing that she's we're talking about Justin Warsham, who, by the way, you'll be hearing a little bit more of on Sunday and we'll talk about that coming up.
But we're talking about parenting issues specifically, and this kind of may dovetail a little bit with these relationships sometimes for in relationships that kids find themselves in and what responsibility we have his parents to let all the parties be informed about what's going on.
But this one I thought was interesting.
Uh, your kid comes to you and says that they're upset because they haven't had their first kiss, or they haven't had their first boyfriend, girlfriend, or whatever. They haven't had that thing yet that they think everybody else already has.
And how do you assuage that or tell them that they're just slow?
I mean, yeah, a late bloomer because the plight way we like to say, bless their heart like and again, I know I sound like just an idiot who has no idea what my kids are up to or doing, how they feel.
Well, you're laugh big to differ. I just know Siren Song of like.
Athout his kid my radio show to talk about parenting.
That's the week.
That I was just saying. I was laughing at the idea of an adolescent boy getting a picture that a girl sent to him of boobs or whatever and writing back, this is not my thing. I don't think that that would ever happen in the history of the world, just because of what's going on with an adolescent boy.
You're right, You're right, that's all I met. I didn't mean your kids mean.
She did say that.
During the break, she goes that, maybe I think, and that's probably the lack of perspective that I have, because I am even this.
I'm seeing like what I remember when I was in.
High school is that there definitely was a pressure to buy, like I have to lose my virginity. But it didn't I didn't feel very strongly about that, but I know that it was definitely talked about a lot.
And what's weird about kids today is that.
If you transport teenagers in a car that they're just in the back seat, they act like it's a limo with a closed window between like they just talk like you're not even in the car, And from hearing those conversations and just the conversations I've had with other like other kids, that the number of kids that are actually having sex a teenage is very, very small compared to what I feel like it was. And I've seen data
that says the same thing. That kids are waiting longer in their life to have sex, but the window from the time that they go from like we are holding hands to full blown having sex is now shortened.
But I think it's also because they're older.
Can I just say one last thing to put a bow in the boobs thing? Yes, is your kids are so polite? Yeah that I think that even if it wasn't their thing, they would write back something like nice or.
Something fits pup.
They wouldn't want her to feel bad about it.
You know what, I hope to report that. I hope to report back to you next weekend.
This week this I'm gonna have a I'm gonna try and have an honest conversation about what my kids would do and see why is that? No?
God, I don't.
I'm uncomfortable thinking about you.
Feel like I'm putting them on the spot.
I don't know, I don't know.
You have a zero problem with that, zero problem with it, and I think my kids have zero problem with you.
Conversations start, I'm just gonna say anti Shannon pretty much exactly.
You know what, you're the only friends too.
That, by the way, that I refer or two is anti Shannon, like I, both Natalie and I have been very opposed to like Uncle Gary would never happen, but for some reason, because we went to celebrate her birthday and they learned the joys of gambling around anti Shannon.
I think it's cute, and the kids think get's cute. So every once a while when.
They hear your voices on the radio or like, oh is that anti Shannon like that? Well, yeah, I'm gonna say do I'm going to say, what would you guys do if a girl set you naked pictures? And I'm going to say, this is not a test. I want
you to be no wrong answer. And then when they say to me what I think that they're going to say, which is like I would reply back and say like, hey, that's okay, we don't have to do that, right like, because both of them have been told by me that that girls at this age, I believe feel a certain level of pressure to do things that maybe they're not comfortable in doing because they want the guy to like them, and they think that's how they get guys to like them.
And I said, that is not the circumstance that you want to experience these things. You want to experience them in way that both people are equally as passionate, for lack of a better word, or maybe the best word, into what has actually happened.
Right, Yes, that is excellent. That's a really good point to make to them. I hope that you do not want like that where the girl thinks that she has Yes.
Nobody wants to have sex make love with somebody who is very nervous and like afraid, like you want them to be very comfortable and relaxed and also into it.
And I said, so until you.
Really like I don't know why I sait it this way, but I said, until you get married.
They drive the ship.
The lady always drives the ship, and every time the lady decides to level it up, I go. My advice is you always say, hey, I'm I'm totally down to do this.
But I just want you to know we don't have to do this for me to like you.
How does that change when you get married.
I feel like everybody should be into it, Like, but you know.
What I mean, Like you want to do your weird stuff. She should be down kind of.
I mean, not that you want to a first or change.
Just loves to give you shovels to dig yourself a grave.
She just loves it. Even when you She's gonna glance over it. She goes, Wait, wait, let's circle back over the year. You've got your shovel. You forgot your.
Shovel, speaking of which I guess, So this week in my own sand Boston shovel Sunday.
I'm excited for this. I'm super excited.
Okay, so tell me, so what's coming up on Sunday Sunday two to four.
They are I'm auditioning for on Sunday April sixth and Sunday April thirteenth, from two to four that you could listen to on your radio dial or on the iHeart app uh.
And I'm going to be doing a show about real estate.
So right out of the gates, what we're going to be talking about is how the commissions have changed within the last year and how agents get paid in California. I'm also going to talk about what I think the impact of the fires are going to have on the real estate market. Give you some projections, and then backfill from there with other topics that I think are interested.
And you've been an agent for a while now. For a while, I've been.
I've had my license since twenty thirteen and been adjacent to real estate, became a full time agent in twenty eighteen and a full broker owner in twenty twenty one one.
And I must say I've worked with you. I am oh, thank you, And you're fantastic.
I believe I'm in the top six percent of all real fantastic.
I would not go to anybody else ever. Sunday from two to four.
Sunday from two to four. Please tune in. You can send it. Use the talk back to send. We're going to talk. We also want to hear horror stories, but I want to hear also if you have questions about people. In fact, if you want to just google my name, it's easy to find my emails.
Send me a question.
If my husband was so impressed with with what you did, he he sent you pictures of his boobs and.
I appreciated it, but I said, that is not my thing, right, you know, I said, thank you.
He didn't need to do that to be friends with you friends, but he wanted to.
And that that's why I was and that's why I reciprocated. I gave him my jumblesday talking. But you can get jubilacious about the jubblees. That's definitely a thing.
You can have a jubbly jubilee. Oh but if everybody only everybody's into it. Of course, if it's your thing, consent is important.
Guys, Sunday from two to four, Justin and the Real Estate Show.
Good luck, good luck.
All right, Wait, I'm really excited.
It's a lifelong dream.
This is a childhood dream mine, and I appreciate everybody for giving me the opportunity.
Yeah, thank you.
It's a fun because how could it not be with Justin?
I hope, So thank you, guys, because I really, honestly, this would not happen if it weren't for you, guys.
I mean it's not true.
Well it's true. I'm going to send you a picture of my job