Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Okay, let me tell you something I teach my first year psychology students. This thing that I thought I just made up, but apparently I didn't. And what I teach them is, I say, you know, life is very much a self fulfilling prophecy. Now I'm not saying it's all woo woo that you know, the planets are going to line up and if you believe in astrology and whatever, and you
can manifest things and they're just going to happen. No, but what you do, how you think, and how you behave can get you towards your goals. And I have a kindred spirit in My next guest, who is an author and an award winning well she wrote something called Your Goal Guide, a Roadmap for setting, planning and achieving your Goals. But wait, her new book is called fifty two Secrets for Goal Setting and Goal Getting How to stay focused, grow your network, get more done with less time.
Deborah Eckerling, Welcome to The Doctor Wendywall Show.
Well, thank you so much, and I'm completely with you about the kindred thing. I mean, we have to, right, we have to go out and get the life we want. No one's going to give.
It to us, right. So you know, I always think that, you know, when I meet people who say, well, I just have bad luck or I just got dealt a poor hand of cards, I always say, you know, no matter what hand your dealt, you can still play the game. You can figure out how to get over that wall, around that wall, dig under that wall. There are ways if we can do it. Before we get into it, though, Deborah, let's talk about it. I'd like to start out with
the why question. Why did you write this book? Fifty two secrets for goal setting and goal getting?
Oh so many reasons, But I believe that we all deserve to live all these of the life. And the secret to success is there is no one secret. But what you can do is learn what we're for other people and take their secrets for a test drive, and see what you can incorporate to make your life better, to bring you closer towards your goals.
See no excuse me. That's another thing I always say, if you can't see it, you can't be it.
Right.
And so part of your book is interviewing people who have achieved their goals and asked them how they got there.
Well, for the book and it's fifty two secrets, but I actually interviewed sixty. I call them ajievers in business to heck entertainment through creative Realms, and I just asked this question, what is your secret for setting goals? And we're getting goals? And so the book's divided into seven sections and it covers everything from focus and productivity in networking, which is you know the subtitle, but also well being an action and leadership and teamwork and communication. So all
these and believe me, I had fun. I did all these interviews about like great, how am I going to sort it out? Because so many of these things fall into more than one category. But the bottom line is I happen to know amazing people. And everyone in the book is either someone I interviewed a friend, which kind of means both, or someone someone in the book said, oh, you need to interview this person because I want to know how they do it? All right, it's really one
thing led to the next exactly. So it's awesome mind saying behind this, your life may be better.
Go for it. So before we get into the nitty gritty of gold setting. Let's talk about you a little bit. You are known as a connector, a motivator, a facilitator. You bring communities and people together. You can do it in this for a long time. But prior to that, you were in the entertainment business. How did you get into the goal setting business.
Well, actually I started out and I've been in LA for more than twenty five years, So before then I was doing events at Barnes and Noble and Chalmer Illinois, and whenever I need to fill my calendar, I would just to hang out in the cafe because I wanted it to be a community bookstore. And one day someone lost in and he's like, well, you start a writer support group, And I said, if you think people will show up, let's give it a dry And not only was it a success, I learned first hands the power
of is what are you working on? How can we support you? What are you working on for next time? And my business background is communication and project management. I'm also a freelance writer by podcaster. I do like all of the things, but that's what set me off on this growth of year leading, motivating, helping people figure out what's next so they can create that life that they want.
So it's almost like we're all our own project managers of our own lives and you're going to teach us how to do it.
Oh totally all right?
Yeah, First, how you put that first question? What is the difference between an attainable goal and a fantasy pipe dream? How do we know if something's attainable or not?
Oh? Come on, we know, right?
You mean I can't join the New York City Ballet now at my age? Is that what you're saying.
I'm saying anything is probable? Actually right now, it's I think the better question is what are you willing to do to create that life that you want? And we know it's always good to set those big, lofty goals, but you do want to like and I use this example in your goal guide, which is the one that can out twenty So if you want to be a master chef, great, if you know your way around the kitchen, you've got a way better shot. But you know that is something that you can train for and work towards.
So some things are going to take longer. Some things you're going to need to get re educated. Yes, there are probably certain things we can and cannot do due to things like I don't want to be agist, but I love sure your comment, and so maybe that's not the goal. But there are other places.
Marketing and publicity for the New York City Ballet and feel like I'm a dancer?
Right?
Is that what you're saying?
If I chose that, or you could choose to find something that's attainable dance troop? Right?
Okay, an old lady Dan's troop. That's what you're saying.
Gotcha?
Gotcha? My guest author and motivator, I love that word. You're a motivator, Deborah Eckerling. Did I say that right? Eckerling?
Yep?
Oh great. Her book is called fifty two Secrets of Goal Setting and Goal Getting How to stay focused, grow your network, and do get more done in less time. So let's talk about obstacles first, Deborah, what are the things that most often hold people back?
The thing that I say at the time is you can't get what you want less. You know what that is. So I think the people and I'm sure you relate to this one. You hear about it all the time. People have a certain education or experience level, they've worked in the job forever and they just don't want to give it up and they don't want to make a change. Okay, fine, be miserable now, yeah.
Be misraelical in the job you hate. Is that what you're saying? Yeah?
Or well, or you can gift yourself the time to figure out what you want and make a plan to try to into a reality, right.
You know, during the Great Recession of two thousand and eight two thousand and nine, I reframed what was going on. I was a single mom with two little kids, one hundred percent custody, zero dollars child support, and all of a sudden, we were all hanging on by a thread. And I thought to myself, you know, we're always saying that there are things we want to do in life, but we never have the time. And when we have the time, we say we don't have the money. And
here I am with time but no money. But what have I always wanted to do? So I took a little, a risky thing, a line of credit out on my real estate during a recession, and went to culinary school because I always wanted to learn how to cook. And I said, I'm being given the gift of time. So sometimes I think we have to look at our obstacles and reframe them. Would you say that, I would.
Say all the time, And we tell it about your goal guide before that came out in January twenty twenty, so six weeks before the world got Changed by circumstance out in my book saying you can't embrace change, whether it is by choice or by circumstance. And I think that's really the thing with goals is you have to choose you want something.
Different, exactly make that choice. Now, there are times in people's lives where change. I mean, first of all, living is about change. It's constantly changing, but there are pivotal moments, critical moments when people do transition. You know, at the
beginning of this year, I have a newsletter. It's not a huge list, it's like, you know, a few thousand people, mostly KFI listeners and friends and family, And I send newsletters maybe a few times a year, and I wrote a very personal one in January about how now that I have an empty nest, now that I have a new husband and marriage, what's next for me? And how sitting in this place of unknowing this no goal has
in a terrible space for me to live in. What would you, as a connector, motivator and facilitator, Debora accurately tell me had you read that newsletter from.
Me, I would say, congratulations. Now think about what do you want to fill the space with? You know what do you want in? And so my methodology is called the dead method. Of course, it stands for determine your missione explore your options, range from your path And usually when I'm working with a khiner doing workshops, we really focus in on the d because, as I said before, you can't get what you want unless you know what
that is. But you also need to give yourself the time to be like, I love your culinary school story. It's like, what is the thing that you've always wanted to do? And I believe people most of the time know the answer, they just don't take the time to ask themselves the question and they really think like so I would say, this guy's a limit.
So for you, you sound like my therapist, by the way. She always says, you rush to do things too quickly and sometimes you need to sit and wait and feel and think and let the opportunity. Now that advice she might not give to other people who might be procrastinators. I'm not that. I'm a busy barbie who always needs to have a project. So she said, you know, this is a time for you to sit in the feelings
and see what bubbles up, which is an interesting advice. Now, one of the things we were talking about transitions, So the times of lives when people set goals most often obviously young adult life with their education, getting their career launched, sometimes after empty nest, sometimes after a divorce or god forbid, the death of a loved one. And is that when you see people most going who am I? Where am I going? How can I set these goals?
I would like to say yes, but no, really I feel like, well, I feel like we're living in a space and in a time where people feel like they have control over nothing that's going on in the world, and for most people they don't. But what you can do is say, hmmm, what is something that's going to bring me joy? And not everybody has the option of oh, I'm just going to quit my job and we're gonna go after a fantasy, because we know that is also not realistic. But what you can't think about is what
is a thing? What is this something? What is a hobby? Or if I always wanted to write the great American novel prison Writer, I have to say that what is that thing that when you think about you cannot help but smile? Find a way. And this is the other secret. Look at your life and say, hmm, I've got like an hour a week I could devote to something that is joy, and you put in the calendar and you
spend that time exploring, trying new things. And then when you hit on the thing that really gives you that a happy factor, see what develops from that. And that way, when you feel like life is out of control, or you don't love your job or whatever, you can remember that that is not your entire life. You've got this fun thing, this thing that you love, and you got to let that joy kind of spill over into the
other part of your life. And that's going to help you stay motivated and keep moving forward no matter what your journey.
So, before we go, Debrah Eckerlig, if there's one piece of advice you would have for our listeners who are feeling stuck, maybe trapped in a job they don't like or a relationship they don't like, but they have to for all kinds of reasons. What bit of advice would you give to people who are feeling stuck.
I've got this exercise. I like. It's my take on journaling, and I go all it direct to journaling and basically, I know, real original. Basically, gift yourself like three or four to fifteen minute appointments and just write out what's next for me or what brings me joy? And do this three, four or five times, don't read it, and then go back and look through it and say, hmmm,
I really like this thing. So you are not only gifting yourself the time to explore what's next, but you're really saying you're committing to it to find a solution, to find something that's going to bring you a happy and do some of that and hopefully it will take you to a wonderful place, because isn't that always The goal is to live a happy and fulfilling life.
And I love this idea of just fifty minutes a few times a week because people I suspect will start to see themes crop up and oh I mentioned this a few times. Maybe this is the big thing.
Yes, exactly, because we forget, we get so busy, well not you and I. But most people, right, they get so busy that they forget that there's more to life than the duhoil. And when you hit the pause button, even if you have five minutes, but do they hit the five the pause button and explore the things that you love. You're gonna stumble upon something and you're going to create something amazing.
Deborah Eckerling, thank you so much for being with us. Her book is called fifty two Secrets for Goal Setting and goal getting out of Stay focused, grow your network, and get more done in less time. I'm gonna love this book. Thanks so much for being with me, and that brings the Doctor Wendy Wall Show to a close. It is always my pleasure to be with you on Sunday nights. If you'd like to follow me on my
social media, you certainly may. I'm back active again after taking a year off, so it's fun and my handle is at doctor Wendy Walsh. You've been listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI Am six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app