Managing Expectations: Navigating the Path to Disappointment

Join hosts Terry Cullums and Amanda Keeper each week , as they bring you topics and guests to help you improve your relationships , your health and your emotional and spiritual well-being .

And that , my friends , is what we are going to be talking about on today's episode Expectations , what they are , how they can lead to disappointment and some tips on managing them . The first part of my story today is the very reason for today's episode , but as I began to think more about it , I realized this is the perfect time to talk about expectations .

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and Christmas is around the corner . We tend to have a lot of expectations around the holidays . Here's the story Yesterday , I had an interview scheduled with a guest whose public relations person was very tenacious and also very gracious when she first approached me to have her client on the podcast .

The timing just didn't feel right with the episodes that we were recording at the time , so I asked her to contact me in the future . Well , recently she contacted me again and as we were trying to coordinate three schedules , I felt the only way to make it work was to reschedule my pre-app appointment for the surgery I'm scheduled to have on December 6th .

In preparation for the interview , I read the guest's book , I imagined the questions I might ask and I finally did all the preparation I do to get ready for an episode . As I'm interviewing this guest , about ten minutes in I get an error message on my recording platform that says I need to reload the studio . Oh , I was so frustrated .

I felt so unprofessional in what an inconvenience it was to my guest . But after finally getting that error fix and we resumed recording , we began our conversation again , only to have the entire screen freeze and then I got an indication that I had lost my internet connection .

Have you ever been having a very thought provoking conversation with someone where you are interrupted several times ? As you can probably imagine , it's frustrating and it takes the energy and the steam out of your storytelling . We were not able to continue our interview and that was going to be the episode that would air today .

But let me point out some things that are probably obvious , but they help give some deeper context to today's topic . She expected professionalism and I expected to give it to her . We were both frustrated and I was definitely disappointed . I expected my internet provider to keep up their end of the bargain .

When I signed up for their services and agreed to pay my monthly service charge , I was disappointed . I rescheduled a very important doctor appointment , expecting to have an episode to give to my audience . You may have been disappointed .

My husband came home from work later that day and he asked me how my day went and how the interview went , and as I recounted the details of my day , his words were so things didn't go as expected today , Jackpot .

As the evening wore on and I thought more and more about not releasing an episode , I continued to feel disappointed and when I woke up I realized I did have a topic I could bring to you , and a very timely one at that . So I love starting out this conversation with a definition and here's my definition for expectations .

These are the sneaky little thoughts that we have about how things should go or how people should behave . They're like little predictions we make in our minds about how we want something or someone to be . You know the scenarios we create in our heads where everything is perfect , smooth and exactly as we imagined .

But here's the catch Expectations don't always line up with reality . Sometimes things turn out differently than what we had hoped for or anticipated , and that's when disappointment sneaks in . So expectations are like these tricky mental projections that we create , and they can either make us feel elated when they're met or leave us feeling deflated when they're not .

Now let's talk about a few places where we have expectations . In some instances we are intentional about these expectations , and other times they exist on more of a subconscious level . Have you ever stopped to consider where your expectations come from ? Why do we sometimes have such high expectations for ourselves or for others ?

Well , it turns out that our expectations are strongly influenced by societal norms and our personal experiences . You see , we internalize the expectations of society and culture we grow up in . From a young age we learn what is expected of us in terms of behavior , appearance and achievement .

These expectations often lead us to compare ourselves to others and we strive to meet these expectations , to be accepted and valued by our communities and family . But societal norms are not the only factor shaping our expectations . Our personal experience also plays a significant role .

As we go through life , we have experience that shapes our mindset and perceptions about what is possible or desirable . These experiences also create expectations that we carry with us in our personal and professional lives . Let me give you an example .

If you grew up in a family that placed a high value on academic achievement , you might internalize the belief that academic success is essential for happiness and fulfillment . You might feel pressure to excel in your studies . Even this isn't something you particularly are interested in , talented in or value .

Alternatively , if you had a negative experience with failure early on in life , you may develop a fear of failure that leads you to shy away from taking risks in the future . So , as you see , societal norms and personal experiences can shape expectations in powerful ways .

Being aware of where our expectations come from and examining them can help us determine whether they are realistic or harmful . Adjusting or reframing our expectations can also help us navigate disappointment more effectively . Let's talk about the fine line between realistic and unrealistic expectations .

We all have them , but sometimes it can be challenging to distinguish between the two . Realistic expectations are grounded in reality . They take into account our abilities , limitations and the circumstances we are in . They are based on honest assessment of what is attainable and achievable .

Realistic expectations allow us to set goals that are within our reach and have a higher probability of being met . On the other hand , unrealistic expectations are often fueled by wishful thinking , idealized visions or comparisons to others . They are not in line with our actual capabilities or the reality of our situation .

These expectations set us up for disappointment because they are often impossible to achieve . Differentiating between the two can be challenging , but here are a few questions we can ask ourselves to determine if our expectations are realistic or unrealistic . Okay , number one is this expectation based on facts or just my desires ?

It's essential to consider if our expectations are grounded in reality or solely driven by our own wants and wishes . The second question have I achieved similar goals or expectations in the past ? Reflecting on our past experiences can provide insight into whether our expectations are attainable , based on our track record . Number three are my expectations flexible ?

Realistic expectations often allow room for adjustments and adaptability . If our expectations are rigid and inflexible , it might be a sign that they are unrealistic . Number four am I setting the same expectation for others as I do myself ?

Comparing our expectations for ourselves with those we have for others can help us identify if our standards are realistic or unreasonably high . Remember , it's okay to have ambitious goals and aspirations , but being mindful of whether our expectations are grounded in reality can save us from unnecessary disappointment .

By differentiating between realistic and unrealistic expectations , we can set ourselves up for more realistic outcomes and minimize the chances of feeling let down . It's about finding that balance and setting expectations that motivate us without setting ourselves up for failure .

We really can't avoid experiencing disappointment at some point in our lives , but have you ever considered its impact on our connections with others and on our own personal development ? Let's take a closer look . When we experience disappointment , it can have a significant impact on our relationship with others . Unmet expectations play a role .

We may feel hurt , let down or even resentful towards the other person . These emotions can damage communication , trust and create distance between people . It's essential to address disappointment openly and honestly and give voice to our feelings and concerns . This allows for healthy communication and rebuilding of trust by understanding each other's perspectives .

When we communicate our disappointment effectively , it opens the door for growth in our relationships . It offers both parties an opportunity to understand each other's expectations , explore compromises and work together towards stronger , more realistic foundations . On a personal level , disappointment can be a vital catalyst for growth .

When our expectations aren't met , it can be a chance for self-reflection . It gives us a chance to examine our own mindset , beliefs and patterns of thinking that have contributed to those expectations . In the first place , it offers an opportunity to learn about ourselves and make adjustments for personal growth .

Disappointment also challenges us to develop resilience , adaptability and emotional intelligence . It's essential to learn from disappointments and use them to shape better choices and actions in the future . By reflecting on our disappointments , we gain insights into our desires , strengths and areas for improvement , leading to self-discovery and personal growth .

As we reflect on that , let's consider some other situations where expectations play a part Career expectations , achieving success and finding fulfillment . Relationship expectations , expecting that fairytale love and finding the perfect partner . Body image expectations , chasing that unattainable body shape ideals and body shaming .

And the reason we're here today is the holiday gatherings Unrealistic expectations for joy , harmony and perfection as we wrap up our time together today , let me leave you with some tips and strategies for navigating disappointment that comes with unmet expectations . Number one cultivating self-awareness to manage expectations .

You can do this by reflecting on past experiences . Take the time to reflect on those experiences where your expectations may not have been met and analyze what led to those expectations . What were the unexpected or unrealistic expectations and how did they affect your experience .

Let me tell you how Sarah did this so you might apply something similar in your own life . During last year's holiday season , Sarah had high expectations for a perfect family gathering . She imagined everyone getting along , laughter filling the room and everyone enjoying a delicious meal together . However , things didn't go according to plan .

Family members arrived late , tensions arose and arguments erupted over trivial matters . After the holiday season had passed , Sarah reflected on this experience to cultivate self-awareness for the upcoming one . She recognized that her high expectations of perfection and harmony were unrealistic and set the stage for disappointment .

She realized she had placed responsibility on other people to make the holiday perfect , instead of focusing on her own role in creating a positive atmosphere . Sarah decided to approach the upcoming holiday season with a shift in her mindset .

She recognized the importance of managing her own expectations and understanding that imperfections and disagreements are a natural part of family gatherings . She made a conscious effort to practice compassion and empathy towards her family members , Understanding that everyone has their personal struggles and dynamics .

Through her reflections , Sarah also realized her need for open communication and setting realistic expectations for their family . Beforehand , she reached out to them , initiating conversations about what each person desired for the holiday and how they could collectively create a meaningful and joyful experience . With this newfound self-awareness and self-adjusted mindset .

Sarah approached the holiday season with more flexible and accepting mindset . Her focus shifted from perfection to cherishing the moments of connection and appreciating the time she spent with loved ones , regardless of any minor imperfections or disagreements that may arise . Okay , here's your second tip Understanding your values .

Understanding the role that your values play is an important step in developing self-awareness . Asking yourself what is important to you in different areas of your life , such as your work , your relationships and your own personal growth . This will help you identify the expectations that align with those values . Number three identify patterns .

Look for patterns in your expectations , such as perfection and an all or nothing thinking . Identifying those patterns can help you understand how they may be contributing to unrealistic or unmet expectations . Number four practice mindfulness . Mindfulness practices like meditation can help you increase self-awareness and identify patterns in your thinking and behavior .

This can help you recognize your expectations more easily and manage them more effectively . Number five practice realistic optimism . While it's important to set goals and have high aspirations , it's equally important to practice realistic optimism . This involves setting realistic expectations based on available resources and past experiences .

By doing so , you can avoid setting yourself up for disappointment . Number six seek feedback . Getting feedback from others can help you identify areas where you may have unrealistic expectations . This can come from friends or family members , or even professionals like a coach or therapist . And number seven practice self-compassion .

This might just be my favorite tip , because it's important to be kind to yourself when dealing with unmet expectations , Instead of beating yourself up . Practice self-compassion by acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes and experiences disappointment . This can help reduce negative feelings and increase confidence in your abilities .

I want to challenge you today to reflect on your own expectations and find ways to manage them effectively . If you find yourself being overwhelmed this holiday season , take a step away and practice gratitude , looking for ways to find joy in the present moment . Remind yourself to focus on the journey and not the outcome .

And finally , I'm going to leave you with a quote , because I haven't done that in quite a while . Expectations are like seeds we plant . With nurturing they grow , but let us remember they are not the only flowers in the garden of possibility . Author unknown . Until next time , my friends , please remember to take good care of you .

Amanda , I don't know if this ever happens to you , but I sometimes will learn something really cool on a podcast , on a YouTube video , audiobook , whatever , I think . I'm going to remember it and then I forget . Does that ever happen to you ?