Oh Crap! Potty Training w/ Jamie Glowacki

book is The Bible of potty Training. I was hearing about it for years before I even entertained the idea of actually reading it or potty training my son myself. So she is an expert on this big deal transition. She is the author of the books Oh Crap Potty Training and Oh Crap I have a toddler. I feel so close to both of those titles, and I say crap all the time. So I love it. Thank you so much for joining us, Jamie, and my son is

successfully potty train. So I was like, we gotta get you on Katie's Crib because I know everyone I know was like, what are you doing in quarantine? We should potty train. We're never going to have this much time, close to this many potties. Sure, so the whole world potty train during quarantine. Tell me how you got into this work? Oh my god, I'll give you the reader's digest version, since I really did not want to be a potty trainer when I grew up. Um, that wasn't

my great dream. Um. I was a social worker in San Francisco. I worked with dual diagnosed moms, which meant they have mental illness and a substance abuse. And I started noticing this trend of keeping babies well, keeping toddlers in diapers to like four or five. And I was like, this is wrong. And these moms were not you know, they were on state assistance. They needed money. They didn't need to be spending money on diapers at four or

five years old. I was not a mom. I did not know this was a hot button, and parenting it was just part of my job. So I started interviewing moms. My mom's age, so to give you a reference, I'm fifty two, my mom's seventy three. So as it didn't try to give you all the reference, you look fucking amazing. Wow, if talking about duty all day makes you look like that, sign me up. Okay, keep going. I think it's the

amount I swear in my work. Yeah, that's great. Great. Um. And so you know, definitely a theme emerged and I, um, I weeded out sort of their abusive practices. There were some back in the day, and I started teaching these moms how to potty chain. I didn't think anything of it. And then fast forward a few years and I had my son. I moved to Rhode Island and he was about twenty two months when I told, you know, you have your circle of mom friends and I was like, okay,

you guys, I'm out. I got a potty train. And I was met with this like wall of you can't potty train. You can't potty train a boy at twenty two months, That's impossible. And I was like, you guys are all stoned. This is when you potty trained. So you know, we took our week and um, he potty trained and he was like famous. I'd go into Whole Foods and people would be like, is that the baby that's potty trained? Like, holy ship, he's not a baby

and so UM. At the time, I owned a secondhand children's store and I had a back room with like baby yoga and music together and that kind of thing. And so I started holding classes and they started selling out, and I was like, okay, wait a minute, people really need this information. So then I wrote it down. It was a crappy book. It was like a hundred and eighty pages. It was the bare bones of what it is now. I put it on the worst website known

to man. I made the website and they didn't know how to cut and paste, so that just like that gives you bad it was, and so I just thought I'd sell a few copies here and there for the people who couldn't make my class. But then pediatrician started to call and they were like, this is great. Can

we print this out for our waiting room? And then people started to call me, like the woman who heads up the Autistic Society of America called me, and we worked with her five year old and got her potty trained, and then quadruplets and all these various you know, interesting cases and uh, and I really literally literally was not selling clothes anymore. So the book for a while was

forty dollars. But it came remember when four him swear the thing like you go forum, So I had a forum, and what it was was unbelievable research because remember I had gotten my information from the generation before, the generation that didn't have Facebook, didn't have an identity, didn't work, Dad came home at five, Like there was no programming, no marketing for kids. So it's a whole different generation.

But now I got to work with modern moms and dads and daycares and all the problems that confront us as modern parents. And so it's unbelievable experience. And then it went through all these other iterations that finally it became what it is today. This is the book, Like, this is the book. Like everyone I've talked to, all moms, you know, like my super super super hippie moms, my super super super discipline strict polite moms, my super monessory moms, like every style of mom that I have in my

life all have this book in common. That's awesome, which speaks volumes because there's just so much to be taken from it. First off, how do you know when a kid is ready to potty train? This is very a triggering question because this is the only thing I come up against a lot. This is a huge question. This is because it's like everyone doesn't want to push their kid or whatever it is. And I know you gotta

lot to say this like jump chomping at the boat. Okay, first of all, let me can I just say very plainly, psychological damage is never done by potty training. If you beat your child because they have an accident, yes you will be doing psychological damage. But this whole I don't want to do psychological damage. You guys, it's freaking p and poop in a container. That's it. Don't make it

more than it is. Um. I don't know where this came from, but I can guarantee as a social worker, I worked with the most mentally disturbed people on the planet and not one ever sited potty training is an issue. So I'm so sure if you're reading a potty training book, you're in the upper echelon of parenting just by that nature, so you can't cause psychological damage. The whole idea of not pushing a kid is absurd, especially in our freaking

race to the top educational system. So if you're doing a worksheet with your kid, or plan on doing a worksheet with your kid, like during quarantine, you were pushing them. Sorry, you were pushing them. You didn't let them just play with the Yeah, so like we push our kids, of course we do, and why don't we push them? We push them because there are age appropriate activities. You didn't

push your kid to walk. I'm sure you started to see them start to cruise along furniture, you know, stand their little wobbly legs up right, But you you took the cue and you're like, Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna see what happens. Right, And then did you hold their little chubby hands with one finger, walking very slowly, hunched over? Sure, now you knew somewhere in the nine to twelve month

range your kids should start to cruise. Now, you might let it go till sixteen months, but I can guarantee at sixteen months you're gonna be like, oh, my kids not doing anything. Maybe I should move this along. Maybe I should go, you know, see somebody. Maybe I should test their their legs right, Maybe I should buy them a push toy? What can I do to support walking? So the same thing goes with pott each ending. The thing about it is the whole wait till they're ready, Well,

wait till they're ready. As a whole another all of wax that I hate, but knowing when they're ready. The problem is most parents miss the cues. They're very subtle. They're around eighteen to twenty four months, and it's literally, your kid wants to be in the bathroom with you. Your kid pushes your butt cheeks aside when you're sitting because they want to see where what's coming out? Right, They're interested in the toilet paper, they want to flush.

That's it, you guys. That's it. So when parents say to me, oh, I'm gonna wait till he's reading, and I go, great, what does that look like? And I get a blank stare that says, oh crap, which is why the books titled that. So I think parents expect that child's going to take the diaper off, say they have to pee, and it just doesn't happen that way. I think it's also so big for parents just because, like what I read in your book is it's the first major thing that is taught. Walking. They mimic, they

model they do eating sort of similarly, crawling, similarly. Talking. Potty training was the first thing I was like, Oh, I'm going to consciously chew who's this? I have to actually teach him a skill set for the first time in my life and his life, right right, right. And what I always say is what if you suck? That's what parents want to avoid. People say, well, I just I can't be bothered. No, no, no, what if you

suck at it? That's why people delay it. And it's it's a hidden thing that we all have, is like what if I am really bad at this? What if I'm a really bad parent? Which we all go through, right, We're all like, oh ship, what if what am I doing? But I think that's the that's the real core issue. So there's really it's like it's early, like it's much earlier than people. I mean, look, guys, I read the first chapter of your book and I was fucking horrified

because I had already hit the thirty month mark. And I was like, oh, crap, oh crap. He's has a personality and he says no all the time and he's completely rebellious. This is cultural norms, Katie too. So I okay again fifty two for reference, I was so late in potty training that my mom was embarrassed to leave the house with me. Now, remember it was cloud diapers, so it was really obvious when a kid was wearing a diaper. I was twenty four months. So that just

is to show you the difference in generations. And I don't blame the parents. I blame the disposable diaper companies. You know, there's big farmer, there's big diaper. It's been so refreshing to not go through diapers anymore. I just feel better about my choices, to be honest, and I do repat that I didn't do it earlier. Well, it sets off this autonomy too. That's so great. Like, you know, I'm sure albody's doing all this like me, me, me, do it mean do no? No? You like myself by myself. Yeah,

And it's so cool. Um the other things. I just wanted to mention that because the signs of readiness quote unquote are so subtle. I always say between twenty and thirty months is perfect, right, And the biggest issue you guys is you can certainly potty train before twenty months. It's going to be a longer learning curve, but you don't you don't get any attitude. The kid just takes

a little longer to connect the dots. After thirty six months, your kid goes through a psychological process called individual ation, which means they begin to realize they're a separate person from you. Before that, they think when they bunk their head, they think you feel the pain there in mention you. At three, they start to go no, no, no, no, no, I'm separate. Guess what. It's the age of free will and choice. And if you're going to add p and poop on top of that, that is the literally the

only thing your child will ever fully control in their lives. Like, kids get three is ridiculous, And I don't know who I'm looking at right now, the devil I was taking over our child? Where did he go? Katie? I've been teaching parenting most of my life, right, and so I was like, where are the terrible tools? Where did this come from? I comparent with my eyes closed, popping on one foot, and the day my son turned three, I cried.

It was like, my whole parenting toolbox is empty. So yeah, So all I tell people is I don't really give a ratsass when you potty train. I have no investment whatsoever. I don't care if you kid goes to college and diaper's. Just know that every month that goes by you are cementing a different habit. Diaper wearing is a habit, that's it. So when I get you know, I get four and five year olds whose parents and doctors said wait till they're ready. Well, now they're not ready and they're going

into kindergarten. You know, have a five year habit that's really hard to break when you do it at two. Yeah, but two year habits. So it's totally cool if you want to, quote unquote wait till they're ready, but know what you're waiting for. And of the time, I say, it's cool if you're not ready, but just own up to that. Own up to that. I was not ready, and I was not ready. I was horrified. I feel like I'm going to judge myself so harshly the first time he takes a dump on the floor. I'm such

a type a overachiever and I just wasn't psyched. But you guys, it was fine. Well wait, not only that, but but this is it. When you have a parenting lesson. The universe gave you coronavirus to make you potty train your kids, so we can blame it all on you. True. I also want to point out in your book that

it's a lot about mindset. You recommend read the book wait two weeks and if you give too much of a ship, you're in big trouble, right, Like you have to be so chill about accidents or whatever you want to call them in your household, or good day or bad day, or if phase one took longer than three days or phase two took, like you just have to practice parenting in a way of like, don't judge this by the days or the hours or how long it took, because as soon as the kids smells that you care,

it's over. That's for sure. That's for sure. But also like if you have that anxiety. So it's so interesting with pandemic potty training because yeah, it was a great opportunity since we weren't going anywhere, but there was also this collective anxiety. So I had more kids withholding than ever before. First of all, this is not a measurement of your parenting. It is not a measurement of your parenting.

Second of all, get off the emotional roller coaster. If your kids p and poop can give you a high and a low, like wait till they're teenagers? Um, And yeah, I just think that you don't have to make it this big thing. And the more chill you are, the more chill your kid can be. If you're anxious, the kids just gonna pick up on it. And if you think about it, your average three year old literally has

the same brain as a dog. Yeah, obviously our kids blow through that very quickly, but think of how you speak to a dog, and think about like, if you have any pets, all their non verbal communication. Your animals know when you're going on vacation before you even pull out a suitcase, right, Like, they're so attuned to it, and so are our little ones. They don't speak, they don't have command of the full language yet, so they have to be so in tuned with our nonverbal communication.

I call it vibe. You know, if you're just a mess, your kid's gonna be a mess too, because you guys are in charge. If you're not in charge, your little ones, like, holy sh it, the one in charge doesn't know what she's doing. Okay, never mind, I'm not doing this right. Yeah, there are all these articles and blogs out there that teach you to how to potty train in three days? Is that really possible? So that came out of when parents didn't have a life. Like, I'm not kidding you,

my mom did not have a life. It's like when we go to the beach with your kid, you gotta cut all the organic that she does. You gotta about sun sweet. My mom literally threw us in a freaking station wagon with kool aid and below no seatbelts. You think they just didn't have to worry about things, and and the mom stayed home. So three days we'll get

you over the hump. But what I found, my original version was three days, but I found parents being so tied to the three days that parents would take one day off of work or do it over a holiday weekend and be like three days went buying, nothing's happening, you know. And I'm like, whoa. We got to remove the pressure because think about it, you guys, there's no other milestone that you put this kind of pressure on. Like you didn't say my neighbor's kid walked, they better

walk in three days? Oh my god? Yeah, And um, same thing. Look like your kids not gonna read like your neighbor. Your kid's not going to ride a bike like your neighbor. You can't look at your cousin, your your neighbor your friends and say, well they did it. And the other thing I know, Katie, is everybody pays their due. So your kid might struggle with potty training, but you might get a dream for a teenager. Like, we all pay our due somewhere, So don't worry about it.

If you're if you're having a shit, you go at potty training, you'll coast somewhere else. I probably, Yeah, I agree. I feel the same way about labor and pregnancy. I'm always like I had a dope labor. My labor was so easy. I've had hard workout classes and breastfeeding almost killed me. I lost the nipple. It was awful. I love that you brought that up. Walk me through. I

think your book is at three phases. There's six six most the most important is that the first three that's the bulk of the work, and then and the first three just walk us through, like really casually, like what's the style of this? So let me let me just be really quick here. There you guys stopped looking for how to potty train, you take a diaper off period. What happens next is what's scaring the heck out of you? Okay, so don't go looking for some miraculous nest and people go,

I follow your method. I don't have a method. I have a philosophy, which is respect your child. That's it ripped the band aid off because like you know, this with a binky, with a security blanket, your child's been in a diaper since before their first feeding. This is the ultimate insecurity blanket. You can't use it sometimes you can't. Now that being said, um, like I said when the very first iteration was sort of three days, but I

had to change that. It really is like think of your kid building a tower of blocks, and so I wanted to give quantifiable data so you would know when to move on and also how to know when you're experiencing trouble. So if you're on block three and all of a sudden it goes all weird, go back to block to go back to the last place you were really successful. And so that way it got really more manageable, especially with our like more data focus parents. You know,

it's like I need facts. I need you know, you can't tell people well, we all have a feeling because parents today don't like that. They want the facts. They want to know. Yeah, so block one is your average naked. You gotta be naked. The kid's gotta be naked from the bottom down, because I would love in a perfect world than dad's dads, especially because they're such linear thinkers and go like, well, I told them to pay, but

he didn't. I'm like, yeah, like I wish we could just tell them to pay, but it doesn't work that way. It's causing effects. So you've got to kind of catch the midpee and get them to the potty or get the potty to them. Now you know, I'll have parents. I actually had somebody email me that that she was not going to treat her child like an animal and keep him naked, and I was like, I thought, all kids like to be naked, but they have to be naked because if they have pants on, they're gonna wet

the pants. By the time you see the wetness, their bladder is empty and you have lost the learning opportunity. Um, so that's the first block. And so do you want them to peer poop with prompting or without? So that's you. You leading the show by saying, hey, you're dancing on

your tiptoes. Here, let's sit down, or oh, here comes the pea that's really important because one of the things that screws people up when they just kind of fly solo without a plan is they expect the child to tell them like within hours, and that doesn't happen right away. The next block is commando, So you wanna you gotta get clothes on your kid because most kids actually potty train naked pretty effortlessly. So then the big trick is getting close on and that's a big trick for some

kids in general. Um, you want to not have underpants because if you think about it, where underpants elastic size at the top of the thigh and around the waist, just like a diaper. Your child has a two three year memory muscle memory that when this thing goes on, they can release. So the best thing you can do to try to mitigate any any potential accidents is to keep the underpants off for now and so they can

go commando. And really, at this age, people say, you know, aren't you worried about like bacteria or things like that and your kids getting so gross by midday? Chances are you're changing their pants twice a day at least. My god, we're in like four outfits a day. Yeah, and I would you know, I would say, be cautious. You want

loose fitting sweatpants. You want to be cautious. You know how some pants have like a thick seam that will irritate their genital so you know, you just want nice, smooth and also means that are easy to come on or off. Like this is not the time to be in these adorable onesies and like, oh you're all done. You're done with onesies, footie, pgs, overalls. My son was in like umbro shorts for like a week. Like I was like that word sizes too big, Hand me down

so that the waist came down one second. Yeah. Yeah, I will get people on social media being like no, I'm not ready to give up the cute outfits, and I'm like cool, So you're making a conscious choice to keep your kid wedding themselves, do you know? So? I feel very strongly about respecting our kids and where they need to be developmentally, So so do away with the cute office? Yes? So then I do commando and then

the clothing and underwear. No no, no, the next one is outing, so you go out skip it because we didn't have any outing. I did something I did practice it was kind of nice like quarantine. I was like, we're gonna like, we're gonna do a walk around the block, and we're gonna practice. Like I'm gonna say, do you want to go partty before the walk, not forcing him. Sometimes he would say yes. Sometimes he would say no,

like you know, and I would just trust him. If he's got to go, he's got to go, and he'll tell me. And if he has an accident and we're out on a walk, who fucking cares. We'll be back in ten minutes, you know, absolutely, And I did have a couple once they approached this like a Navy seal team. They were so amazing that dad took the little girl out all weekend long. He went to Target, to the library, a to um home depot, like all these public restrooms, and she was a pro by the end of the weekend.

So that's something that you can do. The fourth block is Andy's, so then you would try Andy's. But that so the reason I think heat you're getting confuses because the three blocks are really concentrated. That's the bulk of potty training. Then Andy's could be even six months out. And my advice is try them. If the kid wets them right off the bat, just take them off again. The fifth block, you, guys, is self initiation. Six to eight weeks after your start date is when your child

will start to initiate. In the early days, you may get your child going, oh, I have to pee or running to the putty themselves, and that's great, but they're not trustworthy yet. So don't think like, oh, whoa, I got a genius. We're all set, because you're not. That's so true. That happened in my case. Albi just nailed being naked in two days. He took dump on the potty, he peered a bunch of times because I was pushing liquids. It was great. So I put him in the shorts

and then he was just accidents all day. We did a few more days naked so that it was really solidified, and then we moved on UM. And then the last phase is the night training nap training situation, because we're still in diapers at night and at the nap and that's just because I don't I'm not ready to give up my sleep, although I know it's coming. Well. You and I specifically talked about this though, because then you have a situation and I'm sure there's many many moms.

If you're pregnant with your second you want to wait, just wait, because you're gonna be up all night with feedings anyway, so why bother. And it gives the it'll it's just a really nice segue to night training. Do you recommend doing the whole shebang from the top, Yeah, like you do, I do. I do. It's a more holacious first week, So I don't advise it if like both parents work outside the home. Um, but with all

diapers gone, you have a much higher success right early on. Um. You know, for the majority of kids, they're gonna daytime train just fine, be in their night it's just kind of textbook. But for some kids, they start holding it for those diapers and then you run into trouble. So then we have to, you know, force it a little bit. But it can it can happen. I have a night training supplement. I discounted all my courses for covid um.

It's ten dollars. Just go pick it up because it's really it's way too much information that I could give here. Oh great a training supplement. Amazing even if your kids like potty trained and you didn't use my book. You you don't need to prior prior Jamie knowledge question for you, do you prefer a kitty potty versus like one of those inserts on an adult potty? Go and get a

potty for every room in your house? You guys, okay, When they first start, you got about a three seconds heads up of like either seeing their signs, their p dance, or you know them saying I gotta go. When they If it's day three and you've got a lucky situation where the kid goes, I gotta pay, you literally have two seconds to get them somewhere or to get the potty to them. So I have no problem with the

little potties. The other thing is that Foster's autonomy recognize that if you're using the toilet, you are tied to this process. Think of it. You've got a two or three year old. How are they going to manage a step stool, turning around, pulling down their pants to sit on the porcelain toilet, and the really hard tiled room. So you're going to be locked into helping them a lot longer than if you have the little potty. Can

you talk to me about the language you use? I feel like the language you describe in the book is so helpful because it's positive. But you know, if there's accidents that happen, I kind of had to be careful of like it's okay, it's okay, you know, like reinforcing that an accident it is an okay thing because it's not perfect. Yeah, you don't want to say it's okay. Um. Second of all, did you notice how you have a voice went up about three octaves? Yeah, So you gotta

watch your pitch. And sometimes I'll work with parents and just do you hear me, do you I'm adding breath. I'm just adding breath to my voice to keep it low. Dads tend to be very successful because they have a lower pitch. They just do a fist bump and they're like right on and the kids like beaming with pride. So and remind me to talk about boys and that boys being herded to train. Um. So, yeah, what I see is in the first couple of weeks, they're not accidents.

They're learning tools. You know, your kids just learning as you get along. You know, further on in the process, Well, you want to look for is reasons why it happened, Like oh, shit. I knew they had to go, and I thought I would run one more errand and it was my fault. Or you know, we're at a party and out of corner of my eye, I could see him dancing around, and I just kind of let it go.

So you want a reason, it's only when you you know, you're four or five weeks into this and all of a sudden something happened, You're like, I don't even know. He seems surprised, and we have to look at potential problems. Um, language is so important. I'm really old school news school, Like, again, we want to respect the child, but you guys are the parents, You're the ones in controls are Being in

control is an emotional swaddling. So when you swaddle a newborn, why do you swaddle them so they don't flail and hit themselves? Right, So if you're floundering, if you're not firm with your child, it come it's time to pe. Yeah, if you're like, um, why don't do you have to go to the bathroom? Dude? You wreak of fear and they're gonna eat you like a piranha. Like it's just gonna be ugly, So be very you know, be firm nowhere you're going with the plan, And that language ties

into prompting. Never ever ever asked a toddler if they have to go pee. The answer will always be no, And then you'll be in a struggle. You'll be in a power struggle because you know he's gotta pay. He just said no, and now you're screwed. So you want to prompt with a choice, a statement, or a challenge. And people always underestimate the challenge. And Katie, if I had a dime for every parent who got on the phone with me and said, you don't understand how stubborn

my kid is. I have a news flash. Your child isn't special. It's the age. So a challenge. Um, I'll race you to the potty. I bet you can't fill that cup. Um, you know you want to challenge them. Yeah, I have a whole group of friends who's like that. The dad was like, oh, you gotta go, I gotta go. I gotta go really bad. You gotta go really bad, you know what I mean. Like it was like a hole and that really worked with that kid. Like yeah, and then um, you could do a choice. You know,

do you want to go first? Or second, do you want the big potty the little potty? Do you want daddy to go first? That kind of thing, and a statement it's time to pay. Yeah, so you just gotta get off of the d You gotta go, Do you gotta go? You gotta go? Yeah? I'm wait, what were you going to say quick about boys and girls? Oh, boys are not hard to train their girls. They're easier because you can pee them anywhere. So don't that's such a huge myth. And I research and research and research,

and I actually found it in brain development. Um men's limbic systems are fift smaller than women. They are linear thinkers, we are social thinkers. We are tan gentile thinkers. We use too many words. So it's largely females are potty training boys. So it's not that they're harder to train. It's that it's the mena from Mars, women are from Venus. It's just we we talked to we're not communicating this. Ask your man, Ask your son. And when I asked my son, Pascal said, Pascal, do I talk too much?

He said, you say so many words, I can't even begin to track them. And I was like, really, like your whole life and he's like yes, And you also talk too fast, so I call it shaving language. So boys think of dog training legit like sit, p stop with your chatter. Stop with you're like like we're chattering monkeys. And even with your spouse, like honey, do I talk too much? And your your man's gonna go yes, down.

What's the language when there is an accident, which I really liked to believe it was something like oh you know that goes in the potty next time or something like that, right, yeah, And it all depends on what where where you're at. So again, if you're in like the first week or two, definitely like pe goes in the potty when you have when you have the feeling to go pee, okay, because it's not like, uh, did you ever see the old Parenthood movie with Steve Martin?

Of course? Yeah, okay, So there's the opening scene right where the little girl goes. He goes to, honey, do you have to be sick? And she goes yeah, yeah, it's the same thing like do you have to pee? Yeah? Boom they pay. So when you have the feeling to go pee is when they need to, you know, motivate to the to the party. What do you think about dump dump, dumb rewards, dummy the whole Like you pe, you get an M and M. Okay, So here's my view on rewards. And I know that a large amount

of people potty chain with like using an eminem. That's great if it works. What nobody brags about on Facebook is that I see people who end up in family therapy because of rewards that have escalated beyond control. Literally, and I'm not kidding, this happens so often. I get people who have poop problems who have promised a trip to Disney for a singular poop in the potty. So that's how bad it can get out of control. And what happens is it becomes about a power struggle with

the rewards. And of course nobody brags about this because it's a nightmare. So it does happen. Bribery is not positive reinforcement. Okay, it's not the same, so don't make it the same. I think candy in the morning is a little ridiculous. I think that at two or three years old, paying your child to do socialized behavior is a slippery slope. It's if you're going to be the kind of parent who pays your kids to set the table, pays your kids to get a's great stardom off at two.

I think that parenting style sucks, and I'm not gonna hide behind that. So there are there's expected behavior from our kids that they shouldn't be rewarded, and we know we have an epidemic of entitled kids. So it starts. It starts with this. You guys, like, you don't reward your kid for sleeping through the night. You might want to, but you don't. And the more you'll make it special, the more it takes it out of the realm of

normalized behavior. That being said, though, I will sometimes use it as a tool when I'm working privately with a client and we just can't ascertain, like is there a glitchen learning or is this kid just being a little dick and a kid who can do it for an eminem is being a little dick, So then we know. Then we know, Okay, now we just got to like shore up the boundaries around it. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes? What about um? Do you see a lot of kids regress when big things happen in life?

I never see a full regression so you have to remember that you can't unlearn something. There's always behavior behind a regression. Okay, So, and if you've read O Crap I have a tyler, My whole stick in that book is that behavior is a symptom of a larger disease. If your kid is acting out, if your kid is being a twig, if your kids suddenly starts having essence, that is not the problem. The problem is or neath figure out that. Okay, so very very common, mom has

a second baby, the kid regresses. Number one, it's always better to potty chain prior to having the second baby because the regression, it's easier to get back on the rails than it is to start fresh. I have bad news for You're not coming up for air for like six months after the new baby. So so if you can't tack on that six months to the toddler's potty chaining. So the problem isn't that your kids having accidents. The problem is is that there's a seven pound crying ball

of something that's stealing everybody's attention and love. So you know you have to fix that, not the um, not the not the regression, do you know what I mean? And a lot of kids will regress when you go to nurse because why because the book tasted great. The toddler wants the boom back. Even if you bottle feed, there's an intimacy to feeding a newborn that the toddler's missing out on. So then you have to just carve

that special time for the kid. That regressions are happening now because parents are going right back in after quarantine. We as adults could not wait to get back to real life. I have parents who just went and put their kids right after quarantine, full time, eight hour day daycare. I know you've got to work, but you've got to remember that this pandemic was like a quarter of these kids lives, and they loved quarantine. What tyler doesn't want to stay home and be up? Their parents asked all

day long. They loved it. So so now we're there're separation anxiety. There's all these accidents. Yeah, that's not a regression, you guys, that's like total separation anxiety. We moved too fast, so be really cautious going back to real life here with your little one. And I know, I know, school, the whole situation with schools is just a clusterfuck right now. But just be be cautious and be sympathetic to your kid and look for their underlying needs in a regression.

I love that about the phase where we're taking them out. Are you a big fan of putting a potty in the car? Yeah? Yea our potty. We have just a party that lives in the car now. And guess who uses it me? I want to be completely honest with you, My son uses it too. But like, we have done a few road trips to Malibu and I got a peace so bad and I don't feel safe going out into public restrooms or whatever. So I'm peeing in his body as well. It's been absolutely hilarious. What about peeing

in nature? How do you feel about that? Wherever you want? Here's here's too much information. I can write my name in cursive in the snow. Wow. If we could hang out, if we can hang out right now during COVID times and just throw back a few and pe in nature, that would be amazing. My son, Yeah, my son, like that's how Because I waited too long way pass signs. He was just getting out of the pool and peeing in the grass, and I was like, oh, ship, do I have to do this. Oh, I don't want to

do this at all. I want someone else to do this. Um, how about caretakers and daycares. When you've made this decision, let's say, is it just a big sit down conversation with everyone involved in your kids lives? Like how to get everyone on the same page? Is that really port? Yeah? You know, And I'm not just trying to be a plug here for my courses, but we have a daycare

course too. Because there's so many various factors and literally I wrote it with one of my consultants and we were playing this like mix and match game because there's so many variables. The number one thing is check with your daycare what their policy is, and really dig deep. Find out where the potties are. That's the biggest factor. A lot of times in a church kind of daycare setting, the potty is down the hall, under lock and key,

totally wrong situation. And ask the teachers because most daycares will say, oh, we'll just follow your lead, but they won't. I call it transparent ass kissing. Do not get into a pissing match with the people who are in charge of your kid all day. Like if worse comes to worse, and it's a it's a major ship show. Just put a diaper back on for daycare, It's okay because if your kids having poop accidents every day, it's gonna wear and tear on the caregivers and it's gonna want your kid.

We want we want them to love your kid and not have any attitude. So daycares are just really really really tricky. Um. The best thing I would say is get as much time at home as you can. That's the best predicted. Like, don't go for a Friday, Saturday, Sunday and then expect your kid to go back. Fine,

the more time you have at home the better. And really be aware of your child's pee pattern and their pee dance so you can inform the daycare like, hey, you know, after his morning juice, he usually PE's like once at eleven, you know, but then the seal is broken and help you three times in an hour. So just kind of pick up on the pattern and don't overwhelm your daycare. I have parents print out like nine pages of like the minutia. They don't care, they don't

have time, you know, sweeping general stuff. Is it important for your significant other to be on board like the people in one hundred poorer cent. What I find is that the person who works outside the home has less investment because they don't want to be the bad guy when they get home. They don't want to be enforcing. Their time is limited with the kid, and they don't want it to be about this milestone that may or may not go well. So you have to be on board.

And I have a cheat sheet for it. Says it's for dad's but it could be for the person working outside the home who may not have time to read the whole book. And um, what you can't do is say never mind, I'm just gonna do this on my own because you'll be fighting against each other. Yeah, not great. Any last pieces of advice and where can we find you? Okay? My number one rule is don't post on Facebook. It's like fight club. Don't talk about potty train until you're

well done. I don't care if you use my book, but have a plan, be confident and just move forward. If you ask on Facebook, I don't know why, but this milestone, everybody's a know it all, everybody, and they're gonna say I have six kids and I did it this way. Six kids under somebody else's parenting roof is not your kid, So just make a plan, don't post on Facebook, and just and go with it. I'm gonna repeat this because it's so important. This is not a

measurement of your parenting. If your kids struggles, it does not mean you're a bad parent. It does not mean you suck. It means you need a little extra help you need like tutoring. So it's not a measurement of your parenting. Do not think of that. You can find me at Jamie Glowacki dot com and my podcast is Oh Crap, I love my kids, but holy fuck, and that's on all the regular channels. You are the best, Jamie.

Thank you so much for being on Katie's Crib. Thank you for sharing your time and your wealth of knowledge. You guys, I highly recommend PONTI training right now during quarantine if it's something that you've e been been thinking about. The book was so helpful to me. And thank you guys for listening to Katie's Crib. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that new

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