Kelly McCreary’s Undoctored Birth Story

don't even know where to begin. I I don't even know where to begin. She recently had a baby, and I'm like, oh my gosh, please do Katie's Crib. Uh. You all know her as Dr Maggie Pierce, Meredith Gray's half sister on the ABC huge drama series Gray's Anatomy. Have you heard of it? I except that I first met her on Scandal, because she was also on Scandal.

But you know her from a million other things like Castle, Netflix's animated series Harvey Girls Forever, Thriving, Thriving, Thriving, glorious career. Kelly McCreary is also very active in supporting voting rights, reproductive rights, protecting and uplifting black girls and women. She is a board member for Equal Justice Society. She's a celebrity ambassador for Michelle Obama's When We All Vote, My

goodness gracious. She is married to director Pete Chapman. The two recently introduced their daughter, Indigo Reren, into the world last October. That name is glorious. Kelly. I can't thank you so much for coming on Kelly's Kelly's Crib. Yeah, let's call it Kelly's Crib today. The sequel, Katie's Branching Out. Oh my gosh, I love it. Um, that was such a forty and slip. I love it. Should we like make this happen? Okay, first and foremost you. Let's let's

take it back a second. Okay, we met on Scant. Did we meet on Scandal or did we meet before that? I think we met on Wait a minute, it's possible. Do we meet through any before that? We might have gone on a hike. So we have a lot of mutual, wonderful friends. But I remember you coming on Scandal, and I remember people whispering in the makeup hair trailer that have you guys met and worked her, had any scenes with Kelly McCreery yet on this show, because this girl

is a fucking star. Like, that's what I remember attached to you. And then it was in one second that you were scooped up and put on Gray's as like the most pivotal role that's happened in the last like billion years of that show. So I'm so flattered. That's the memory that I attached with you. Was like people being like, holy shit, this girl's a fucking star. And I was like, holy shit, this girl's sucking star. And

now your star and a mommy. So curious you and your husband met on the set of Gray's Anatomy, Yes, and yes, you got married in two thousand nineteen. And was parenthood always on the agenda? Like was it something that both of you knew you wanted to do. Was it something you knew as a little girl, like you always wanted to be a mom or was it not something like that for you? Not at all. I did not think that I wanted to be a mom, you know, I just I really appreciated how hard it was, right,

Like how hard being a mom is? My My My parents had four kids, and it was it's really a lot of time and effort and work and attention and love. And it's like, I just I thought, with my life, the life that I wanted, which was you know, I was my ambitions were so humble in the beginning. I just wanted to be like a theater actor, and I just had a really hard time imagining I mean not

just a theater actor. Theater actors are amazing. What I mean is like the kind of theater actor that goes from town to town doing regional plays and and makes you know, a few hundred bucks a week, you know, because that's all I needed to live on. I was just, you know, a young, um person without many material needs, and I just thought, like, how would I ever fit

a child into this life that I love? I thought, this is what I really want to do, This is what I'm really focused on now, is building up my career and having these experience and playing these characters and being a creative person in the world. And I just I didn't know how to add being a mom to that. So I was like I could take it or leave it. No, Yeah, it wasn't like it was more important. You felt your

priorities was artist. That was your priority. Is it is not incredibly practical to be a traveling, nomadic artist and be a mom. It just doesn't fit. I remember Laurie Metcalfe, who I look up to so much. You guys all know her. She's on the Connors and she's amazing, but like,

she didn't play. She she's a die hard theater actor, die hard and she had gave birth to Zoe Perry and that's when she took Jackie on Roseanne because she was like, I literally couldn't find nanny's that would just show up at seven pm so I could make my a PM curtain literally, and she was like, I have to take Jackie, like I have to take Roseanne, change the course of her life. But seriously, it does not fit. Okay, so that's your priority. Yeah, so that was my priority.

And then it wasn't really for me. And then you know, I kind of reached my thirties and I was like, whoa know, it's it may not happen and that's totally fine with me. And and then I met Pete and we kind of just knew right away that we were going to be together. And um, so it wasn't long before he was like, we had to have a real kind of come to Jesus and uh. And he was like, look, you know, I if we're going to continue going down this road, you can't be ambivalent about having kids because

I want to have children. Wow. I just got goose bumps. I'm so into this guy and like his communication, Like I'm so into just him knowing himself, Like it's great. Yes, it's wonderful to have a partner with self awareness and emotional intelligence. And he's a director, so like he really knows how to like direct, you know what I mean. He's like, this is what I want and it's yes or no, like whatever, Okay, Griha have clarity and communicate

with love about it. Yeah, And and so we had the conversation was like yeah, I mean I guess do I want a life with this person? Yes? And do what if that involves kids? Am I okay with that? And I did kind of like have a weekend of freaking out and talking to my girlfriends like, tell you know, I can make up my mind about it right this second, right I did. I had to make up my mind, and um, what I realized was that my my my

big fear around. It was sort of being in a situation where traditional gender roles were played out in parenting right, where like the bulk of the load fell on mom and I would wind up having to make all the sacrifices and doing a lot of things on my own. And and I realized it wouldn't be that way with

the person that I had chosen. I could reimagine what motherhood for me would actually look like, you know, and having a family with Pete would actually look like, you know, and also articulate that end to work together with my husband to like think about how we would approach our parenting and what our expectations were, and and just reframing it that way, it sounds like a great idea. I was like, yeah, kids, sure, yeah, I love this. Yeah, love this. So, once you guys decided and you got married,

how is your fertility journey? Was it hard? Was it easy? Was it magical? Was it tell me all those things? Well? Of course, So having said all of that, that, like I didn't really need to be convinced, but we did have to have a conversation about it. Um. Once we had that conversation got married, I was like, we gotta get this party started. You know, I'm not getting any

younger here. That's such a female thing. It's like no, no, no, no, no, no no. And then once you decide that you want it, it's like, right now, this has to happen right fucking now. That's so common, Like I know so many women even have come on this podcast where it's like uh, kind of him in hall. And then once you make a decision, it's like where this needs to happen yesterday, Yeah, exactly. So that's kind of you know, of course I'm accelerating

a little bit, you know, I did. It was about a year before that feeling kind of set in where I was like, okay, wow, we've been married a year, let's go. Let's go. So our fertility journey. I expected it to be difficult, you know, I don't know why. I guess I just thought like that's the nature of life these days. Everybody kind of has um I know a lot of people who have needed support and help

along their journey. And I was prepared for that because I I don't know, I guess that's something I do in my mind to sort of play out, you know, challenging scenarios and prepare myself for them, yeah, worst case scenario or something. Yeah, of course, of course, right, And so I was like, Okay, well, let's assume this might take a while and we might need some interventions, so

let's get started now. And I sort of had this timeline like, Okay, we'll try on our own for a few months and then maybe we'll get scientific about it after X amount of time and then you know, etcetera. So you know, we just basically took the goalie out of the net, and um, we but we weren't really trying in a very intentional way, like in terms of like timing, right, there's like a very limited window time

during which you can get pregnant. Yeah, very I think it's like the day you ovulate, I think I was reading. I think that even the day, if you were to nail it, the twelve hours that you're ovulating, I think it's still only less than a fifteen percent chance that you actually get pregnant. Like it's not easy, which is like, God, when you're a teenager, you're like, if a dick yes near my vagina, I'm pregnant. If a dick gets near oh my god. I was like, if I even see

semen from six feet away, I'm going to get rid. Um, so I'm going to guess that it wasn't hard. Yeah, it wasn't. But but you know what's funny is that, um, we did wind up just doing the the ovulation tests

after like a couple of months. And at the same time, I was like, well, let's go ahead and also freeze some embryos, because if we decided to do this again, you know, let's be prepared and we can also take our time and not worry about like having a rush into another pregnancy if we're concerned about my age or anything like that, or both of our ages or anything. So I was actually about to start the process of

embryo freezing. Um. I was taking the estrogen that they give you to prepare your eggs so that they for extraction, and you know, you start taking that like a couple of days before your period supposed to start, and I didn't get my period, and I was like, oh my god, my perio has been like clockwork all these years, and wouldn't you know this estrogen is fucking with my period on this month, And like a week later, I was like,

I still haven't got my period. This is so weird and I was on the phone with Aya Cash actually meet you, a friend of ours, and and she was like, yeah, how's it going? And I was like, you know, girl, of course, look at that I'm not getting my period and um. She was like, why don't you take guys to find out if you're pregnant? I was like, I mean, I guess I don't know why, Like we have been trying to get pregnant. I don't know why because your

because your sites were so set on embryo freezing. Your sites were so set on like Okay, I'm going to freeze my eggs and I'm gonna be like you were doing all the sort of executive functioning, which is like how do I plan and control something that's uncontrollable? But yes, oh my gosh, that's such a great for himing for what came next. But um, but yeah, sure enough, I was not. Um, we were not able to um preserve embryos that month because I was in fact pregnant already.

The moment you found out that you were pregnant and you paid on a stake after you called I, she was like, take a pregnancy test. What were your immediate thoughts and how did your husband take it my I was just shocked. I was like, oh wow, okay, I was genuinely surprised. I I I was so prepared to go down this challenging road and um and my husband's response when I called him, he was directing. He was at work, and so when I called, when I texted him and said like, call me, he thought it was

an emergency, which uh like I shouldn't have done. But he called back immediately. He was like, what's He's calling from video village, his al soda voce, you know. He's like, what's what's going on? What's up? And I was like, oh, well, oh no, no call back later, coming back and he's like, no, no, you have to tell me now. And I said, well, just to contest and kind and he said, that's what's up. That it's exact words. I love it so measured. Oh

I love it. Did you feel when you realized that you were pregnant and that this was already going differently than you had prepared yourself for it to go. Were you afraid? Were you excited? Were you relieved? Like? What was your immediate was relieved? Good? I was relieved. I was like, okay, great, that saves us, you know that potential m heartache or headache or you know whatever I had.

Of course, I knew that there were you know, there we still a little long road to go to a viable pregnancy for one thing, and then to actually the child being there. But I was relieved that that everything worked. I guess, you know, that's just a question. I've never been pregnant before, you know, Okay, I managed to get pregnant. That that was a successful thing. So I was I felt relieved. I um, I was really excited. I was like, Wow,

this is really happening. This thing that we said we're gonna do, it's it's actually you know, we're kicking it off. And I was a little bit like, oh damn, okay, now, well there's no more time to get ready. It's happening now. I guess I thought, you know the other thing about going through the process of the more scientific process, or well what scientific interventions, um that kind of brought you a little brought me a little more time to get

um mentally prepared or something. But here I was here you are. I always think, like to like the nine months pregnancy which you did not have, and we will talk about that is the time, the time to sort of get mentally prepared. Like I'm always like people like, oh my god, I'm not ready, I'm pregnant. I'm like, well, you don't have to be ready today. You still have

time to wrap your head around this. Um. How was the pregnancy experience for you before we get into the labor part of it, but like pregnancy, like like were you sick? Were you not sick? Do were you glowing? Were you in a stride? Did you love it? Did you hate it? The first six weeks were great, felt fine. UM was exercising, I was eating and very quickly and without ever turning back. It got I got hyper emesis. Grab a dar um, grab a dar um. What I

didn't know you had that? You were barfing like every day, oh every day, all day, every day. My god. I didn't know anything about it until I watched Amy Schumer's HBO documentary of her pregnancy, where she also had it.

It's the most fucking realist, fucked up ship I've ever and and also scary because the baby has to be getting nutrients and and it's and it's scary and a lot of stress on a pregnancy on the on the on the baby and on the moll right now, and there is a there's like a continuum like Amy Shumers. I haven't seen the doc, but from what I understand,

hers was super severe and extreme. And I listened to the podcasts and read articles about it, and there were women who like couldn't keep water down until like months seven, you know, And I didn't have quite that extreme version of it. But there was not a day that went by that I did not get sick, need to take a drug and was totally incapacitated, Like starting around months four, I was basically like laid up, Um, were you shooting

during this time? Were you shooting at ten? No? I wrapped it twelve weeks and at ten weeks my SI joints slipped, you know, so like that wre moon, relax, relax and yeah, And it usually happens a lot further down the line, like at least a couple of months in but for me, it happened um at week ten, which was also a week I was first hospitalized for the from sickness and uh and and then I went back to work and shot because that was our COVID season on Gray's and that was the first scenes I

shot all year long where I wasn't in scrubs and sneakers and I was in lu Bhutan's and a wedding dress and I was like in terrible pain and like vomiting. It was just a ship show. Um so so but then we wrapped. Yeah, but then we wrapped it at week twelve for me and um and so I was on my hiatus when I was really really sick. Um. Yeah, I tried traveling. My husband is working in New York and tried being there with him, and I was so uncomfortable, you know, I wanted up going back home and just

kind of being by myself. My sisters came to visit. I went and visited my mom, and I was like, I go home. You know. It was just it was it was yeah, but you know, I don't know. I guess even then, I was like, this is terrible and I never want to do this again. But I thought that would be the worst of it until one day, Oh my god, so tell me now, this is huge. Let's go through Indie's birth story. Um. And they arrived, uh we know via people. India arrived several weeks early

in October three is her birthday. October one, my son's birthdays atterber second, we've got our Libra baby. Yes, so take us through. I know, um, you guys had originally planned home birth, and here we are, here we have it. The pregnancy did not go according to total plans, with the sickness, and now here we have the birth story. Also total surrender of not being able to plan or

control what happened. Take us through it. Yeah. Well, you know when I when we were trying to get pregnant, and then in the early days of my pregnancy, I was doing so much reading about pregnancy and childbirth, and I was really just shocked by how little I knew and how little of it is mainstream knowledge, considering that it happens to so many people. And I thought like there were just like vocabulary words, and I was like,

how do I not know about this thing? That it happens invariably to any birthing person, But like relaxing is a hormone? Why did I ever hear about this? You know, of course there are a lot of bodily functions and disease and pathologies and all kinds of things that that we don't know anything about, But like, childbirth is so normal, and yet it's like, it's so weirdly on the margins, just I think because it happens largely to women, women exactly.

I I was doing all this reading shocked by how much how little I I didn't know in order to make an informed choice about how I wanted my how I wanted to do my pregnancy, how I wanted to do my birth, and and all of those things. And ultimately we planned a home birth, yes, and we had a dula, and we had a midwife. And I didn't even have an obie that I was working with at the time, because I was like, you know, I don't need one. I'm covered with these other medical professionals and

I am. That whole plan was contingent on having what you call a normal pregnancy. The second year pregnancy becomes abnormal, all of that whole plan goes out the window, right, So what happened to me was that I my bag of waters broke at twenty eight and a half weeks. Oh my god, Kelly, how fucking scary. It was crazy, It was weird. The dawning of it was slow for me. I didn't know how scary that was at first, Like, as soon as I found out the bag of waters broke.

I was like, okay, well what does that mean? You know what? Okay, so how do we close it? You know, how do and um, the nurse in the hospital very kind of ungently said to me, like, you can't leave until this baby becomes very dramatic, and I was like, you know, for so for twelve weeks, I'm gonna be in the hospital, what you know. It also didn't occur to me that like that meant the baby was gonna

calm sooner than later. I certainly wasn't going to make it to forty weeks um, and everything that I thought that I knew about how to take care of myself during pregnancy also went out the window because suddenly you're extremely vulnerable to infection or baby is vulnerable to infection, and all of the choices that you would have made, like none of those are available as options anymore. Pre natal yoga on Tuesdays and Thursdays and like eating this

thing or whatever. No, it literally becomes like my water broke, which means that now the baby is no longer in an enclosed, protected sack, that it is open and so now this is totally medical And if you had made a home birth choice. All of a sudden, none of these are options anymore, which is like really really wild, right, And it was it just was a constant I mean, it was in hospital for almost six weeks, and it was just every day it was like, wait, I can't

do that. I can't do um. Nobody could guarantee me anything. But the thing that the team was most trying to help me do to the one thing I could still hold on too, was at least to try to have a vaginal birth. But that meant that, um, you know, I would have to do it early, because if you wait too long, then you run the risk of having to have an emergency c section, and then you don't even get to have the kind of c section when you're conscious for it and can still watch it happening,

you know. And so it was obviously just all very high stakes, and and every day I just I had such a hard time. I was so sad, you know. There was like a daily grieving what I wanted, and a daily grieving of the fact that like everything was so out of my control and and so scary for the baby. You know. Um, for example, I keep telling people like, of course, you know, a hospital is not. They can't force you to do anything. I can't force

you to stay, but you are a mother now. And and if I had chosen to go home because I thought maybe, you know, I would be fine there, if I just did my bed rest from there, I ran the risk of not getting to the hospital in time, you know, to deliver my baby safely. And so you can't safely make that choice without going like, yeah, but what if something happens. What if something happens and um, I you know, was going to have to do things their way. Wow, this is so wild, Kelly. I'm I'm

just I'm so quiet. I'm very rarely quiet, but I'm just like really feeling you right now, Like I'm just really feeling this experience and this this loss of letting truly letting go of any ideas you had of how this was going to go and what you wanted, and that it just really wasn't about that. Yeah. So medically your water breaks, you go to the hospital, and did they do some sort of procedure where they so it

closed or no? Yeah, So it's interesting. So I didn't have like the kind of water break where that happens right before giving birth. It wasn't a gush. It wasn't a gus. It wasn't it was a leak exactly. So I had actually been leaking for a couple of hours, which I didn't realize because you know, when you're pregnant, you have all kinds of discharging. You know, what was BP couldn't discharged. We don't know what The fluids are fucking weird and often so you're like, yeah, yeah, so, um,

I've been leaking for a few hours. And then I spoke to I mid when I spoke to the Jewelah, and eventually we went to the hospital and that's when I found out that it was you know, the bag of waters had broken. And so what they did right away was give me um an antibiotic, which um that was to like head off any infection because now you've got this exposure to your own organs but also to the baby, and so the first thing they do is

give you a whole bunch of antibiotics. But that also, interestingly, and I don't totally understand how this works, but it also helps to um uh slow the labor process because when the bag of water breaks, that's telling your body it's time to deliver. This baby, and you don't want to do that at twenty eight and a half weeks if you can avoid it, you know. So we didn't

want her to come that early. You know. I guess once I realized we were going and she was going to come early no matter what, within I think, it's, oh my god, am I gonna get this right up now? Once your bag of water breaks, most women, I don't know, fifty percent of women will get birth within that for seventy two hours. If you make it past that seventy two hours, the next fifty of that group of women will give birth within the next week. So that was the race, right. It's like to keep the babe in

first for the seventy two hours, okay. We checked that box off, and then we made it to a week and they were like, great, okay, now you should be able to get to thirty two weeks. And at thirty two weeks we worry a lot less about a premium baby, and um, you'll be in good shape. So I may get past thirty two weeks and they're like, awesome, let's get to thirty four weeks. And at thirty four weeks we got to take the baby out because at this point, you've had this rupture for so long that it's also

telling your placenta that your placenta's job is done. The baby is not getting food anymore on nutrients on the inside. Good lord, this is such a side exactly. The baby is not getting may not be getting what it needs

anymore after a certain point. And it's dangerous for you, right because if you birth the placenta while the baby's still in there, like, that's a whole dangerous situation, right, And actually I'm not even totally sure if that was the exact that boy I just described it was the exact risk, but like, you don't want to you don't want people sent it to call it quits before the baby comes out. And you had been on bed rest in the hospital. Were you allowed to take walks in

the hallway? Were you eating where you postmating food? Was your husband coming and spending the night here and there? Like? What was I mean? Oh my god? Yeah? Well did you sleep at all? Did you sleep like I did? I? Did I slept? I listen, it was my third trimester. We had postponed a lot of stuff that we were supposed to get done during this pregnancy. Utill that time. So I was busy, Okay, I was like three. You know,

we had a lot of stuff to do. We hadn't found a pediatrician, you know, we we had we are houses under construction, you know, we were like running a construction project. That was just we I was very busy in the hospital. But yes, I was not on UM technical bedrest because I was allowed. I got up and walked every day. They encouraged me to, in fact, and and I was allowed a visitor a day outside UM.

And so I had that's nice. Oh my god. Yes, my good friend, my dear, dear wonderful friend, Milton, Dr Milton Little, He came to visit me almost every single day because he was you know, he was in the hospital and he would just come and talk to me, and we just it was like and and of course my incredible husband spent every single night on a cot and he was working, he was directing. I see why you picked him for so many reasons. I see why you picked this and why he's We were in it together.

We made sure to be um. You know that neither of us were going through that experience alone. It was scary for both of us, right and so he would work during the day, go home and open the mail and open the packages and let the dog out, you know, after work, and then come and and get Most days he was able to get there in time for Postmates for dinner. And you know, in the beginning, the US Open tennis was on, so we would enjoy. We just we just settled in to a new normal of this

weird you know, hospital life. And and he spent literally every single night in the hospital. Yeah, wow, what a gem. So you make it to thirty four weeks and the doctor says, we made it to thirty three and three, which is different than thirty four. And then what happens? How does labor go down? Um? So I started to feel contractions and around I believe it was like two or to thirty in the morning. And every day they were monitoring me and the baby. And I've been told like, oh,

you're having contractions. Do you feel them? And I was like, I don't know them at all. And so finally when I started to feel them, I was like, oh, I should probably tell somebody about this. So I wait about a half hour to see if they're coming consistently, and sure enough, they were coming every five minutes. I woke

up Pete. We tracked them together for about another half hour and then I called him the nurse, and I said, yeah, I'm contracting consistently and it's been going on for about an hour, and they put me on the monitor, which I hated. I hated being on that monitor. I hated that baby monitor. And uh and then um, the contractions kind of went away. By six am, I was back to, you know, just regular hospital living. And but the team of doctors had decided they were like, yeah, this is

that's a sign. You know, we we got to get this baby out. Um, we don't want to run the risk of being an emergency situation, and so we decided to induce that day. And it all happened really really fast. Um, the decision was made really quickly, and suddenly I was packing up the room I've been living in for six weeks and waiting for my husband to wrap shooting so

that we could move over into labor and delivery. And UM, we induced by potosa in, which was like, oh, I didn't want to do potosan And you know, I don't want to prejudice anybody. There's there's nothing inherently necessarily bad, especially in a situation like mine about using potosa. But I just you know, I didn't want it. I just know you have your triggers, you know, like you know

in your gut, like what you want there. It doesn't have to there doesn't have to be a reason for it, yours, Like I really don't want to do that, and you did. I didn't. I didn't, and so you know, like I had a total breakdown. Actually I had a little baby tantrum and I was like, it's always gonna be yeah, I mean it wasn't the first either. Let me tell you something. After all that time and the hospital, it was, I guess the last that I had before the baby came.

And and it took exactly twenty four maybe twenty five hours to actually start active labor after that. And I was so upset the whole time because I thought, we're inducing and the baby is not ready. Nothing's happening, the baby's not ready. Let's just go back to the maternal fetal care unit and and let the baby cook a little longer. She doesn't want to calm, stop, stop the induction stop. And then finally at an hour, the real contraction starting and it was back labor, of course, because

you know it couldn't be easy for those listening. Back labor basically means she's all the pressure is going to your lower back, and the way that her position is is real painful, real bad, real bad. It was. It was awful. So did you have an epidural? So I I endured back labor for about eight hours, and then I had an epidural and I passed out for four hours. I was asleep while that the rest of my labor took place. And they woke me up and said, you

should you know, it's almost time to start pushing. And you know, they gave me time to get my wits about me, and they gave me in Pete some time alone and we had like a lovely tender moment before the baby came, and uh, you know, to ourselves to acknowledge the giant nous of the moment and at the end of that like harrowing journey and and we were almost there and then we came. And I pushed for about forty five minutes only um and out she came.

She was in pretty good shape, but she was early, so she did she did have to go to the Nike You right, away. Um, I mean I got to help hold her for a bit first, right after she was cleaned off, but because her lungs were just a little not not quite how long was it to go in the nick you thirty three days? Oh yeah, my god, that is so much longer than I was expecting you to say. You know, I think people were trying to like not inspire a sense of dread and foreboding in me.

But while I was in the maternal fetal care unit, everyone said like, oh, she gets to thirty four weeks, Like she could be out, you know, she could be out of the nikkio within a few days, maybe a couple of weeks, probably a couple of weeks, you know. And so every day that took by. After two weeks, I was like, what the hell, Like, when can I

take my baby home? And um, she needed to learn how to eat, right like she she came so early that her lungs weren't She didn't have the stamina to do the suck, swallow, breathe reflex um long enough to get a full feeding. So like, your baby's gotta you gotta be able to take a baby home and feed it, otherwise you're gonna have some real problems. So that's what we were sort of still in the Nicke for. But I started to have the sense of, like, maybe she would be doing better at home, and and am I

doing the right thing? Are we doing the right thing by by keeping her here? And they're the goal for them, bless their hearts, you know, they know what they're doing, absolutely, but their goal is to get that baby to eat by bottle. And it was very important to me of all of the things that I had given up, you know, all the plans they've given up, And yeah, I wanted to breastfeed, and and we when we made our attempts,

we could. And but in order to get her out of the Nike, their main concern was that she eat by bottle, but being fed by by the nurses there.

And I was, you know, very insistent that Pete and I be involved as many feedings as possible, either by doing the feeding ourselves or breastfeeding, because we didn't just want to take them a baby that could like hit all the the check boxes and hit all the markers of of getting out of the nik but that like was bonded to it us and had adjustment into the life they were going to have you know, she was going to have when we took her home, and and and so then I started to feel like, oh my god,

are my interventions getting in the way of her getting out of here. We're supposed to be out of here at two weeks. It was just a total mind fuck, total mind fuck. And You're like, I want a breastfeed and get the skin to skin connection because that's going to heal her, and my breast milk is going to heal her. But then you're like, funk. But then like, she obviously needs the calories and the the stamina to eat,

which they are helping her with here. So like it's this delicate dance of well, obviously you nailed it because she's six months old and she's healthy and thriving, and so whatever ended up, it worked out working get her out. But look, what's so fucking crazy about this mind funck of motherhood is that it really makes you in the present moment. And so whatever hurdles you were dealing with six months ago aren't the hurdles you're dealing with today.

And so I can't Yeah, you can't even that's what I mean. And at that time, they're the biggest, most so fucking so acute, and then you get to this one and it's like, you know, you're facing whatever in these things are today, which won't be what they are in a month from now. What did it feel like when you finally brought her home? I mean, I'm gonna get emotional about it now, but I was just so relieved.

We're so relieved that our deal was over. And you know, the nick you experience in some ways was really UM gave us kind of a soft place to land as parents. You know, we we went home at night and slept in our beds, which I hadn't done for six weeks. Right, So like and if I we had brought the baby right home, it wouldn't have been like that. You know, somebody else, somebody with incredible expertise, UM, was taking care

of my baby so that I could sleep at night. UM, and actually I couldn't take care of her during that time anyway. And rest and restore your body which had been through major trauma in that you were on bed rest and you were in a hospital for six weeks throwing up a lot before It's like, okay, you did it.

You carried this baby as long as your body could do it, and then you went home and you rested, so that thirty three days later when she would need you around the clock, you were probably in a better physical state. Yeah. Well, I mean, look it, I was sleeping at home, but we weren't getting a ton of rest because I was I was first of all, waking up and pumping in the middle of the night. You know.

Pete was working a little bit at a time, and and I was at the hospital every single day, all day long for as many hours as I possibly could be before I would go home and go to bed and clean out my pump parks and everything. And so I just see you, I see you, I see you in this time. I can like see you and I are so similar in this like you're like I can imagine you because you're such You're so on it and you're so just if there is something to be done, you are going to fucking do it. And I'm sure

that you were just right. Yeah, no, it was. Yeah, we were. We were there all day, every day, and so that was like exhausting. But at the same time we've learned so much. People I don't know anything about infants, like near fus knew anything about infants, so like all that stuff that like you leave the hospital with maybe like a pamphlet about and maybe you've read a book and have decided how you want to do things, but like the moment to moment work of keeping a baby live.

We watched professionals do for thirty three days, and and so when we brought her home, we were actually really confident, you know. And and I think we didn't worry about things like that a lot of parents worry about, you know, like, oh my god, is she breathing? I was like, I can, I can see that. She's like, I know what it looks like when she's breathing you, and it looks like when she's in distress of any kind, you know. I just I think that we were pretty um confident and

relatively relaxed at how we we would have been. Let me not compare to anybody else. I think I would have gotten her home under their circumstances. I'm like, oh my god, what now? But I definitely, um, you know, we were like, great, she's home, let's do this. We know what to do, we know what we want to do. Holidays are coming up, you know, let's let's enjoy life, family life. Finally, finally, I my god, applaud you, Kelly mccrew.

I applaud you for this journey. This I mean, my god, this is all like just such warrior mom medals through and through and your husband too. Well. First, I just want to say, like, the reason that I wanted to share that story and in detail, um, it was because once we were in the hospital, people started coming out of the woodwork. People in our lives are like, oh yeah, oh yeah, maybe became really oh yeah, I was on

bed rest. And these are really difficult experiences. They're frightening, their painful, They're like they mess with your head and all of your expectations, and and they're so common, they're so common, and we kind of just take it as a given because yeah, like childbirth is common. People with kids all over play like obviously we've been doing it since time immemorial, having children, but it is still a

big deal. You're on the brink there, like you're in a life and death situation for yourself and your child, and we just take it like it no big deal all the time. And I I think that there's like some normalization that should go on with like because I think a lot of women also feel shame about not caring to term, you know, or feel guilt about things that they did in their pregnancy that might have caused that to happen, or you know, it is very common.

I mean, oh my god. I mean, your story is remarkable, but you're right in that there are a lot of women who give birth to premise. There's a lot of women who are on bedrest in hospitals, were at home. It's like, and then you never hear about it again. It's so fucking weird. No, it's crazy. Like we found out about friends of ours whose baby was in nicky baby came out like twenty four weeks, and we're like,

what that little baby, that little you know, rambunctious kid. Wow, we had no idea that you went through the terrifying,

harrowing journey of a nick you experience. And it's like, obviously, you know, it's way in the past, and your kids healthy and thriving and maybe something you want to think about her talk about all the time, but like, gosh, I really hope you had to support that you needed during that time, and and you know, I hope somebody fucking patted you on the back to say, like you said to me just now, Katie, you know, but that that means something to me, like, wow, you and your

husband did that, And I was like, yeah, I was looking hard, really fucking scary, and it takes time to recover from a trauma like that, you know. Um, And yes, I have all of the resources I could possibly need, and so many people don't. I really was excited to have you on specifically, I mean, for so many reasons.

But um, I do think such a huge point of this particular episode and having you on is normalizing your experience for women who are on bed rest, for women who don't carry to term, for women who you know, have um that water breaks really early. I mean, this is like a thing, guys, This is like a total thing,

and it is not talked about. I mean, I don't think we've ever talked about it on all the episodes we've done of Katie's criminal So thank you for being now, thank you for being I mean, people Mabe have had like yeah, but it just it hasn't been the focus of an episode. So thank you so much for being our um gateway. And you're hearing you did it, you fucking did you. Guys have her name pre planned. Did you have an idea? Did you meet her and know it was her name? Did you tell me that that

so her name? Um? Okay, we had to priorities, and I'll let you guess whose priority was, you know, which of us for whom which of these things are party? But like one of them was that we wanted it to sound cool. We wanted it to sound like something that you know, she would like saying, like being called you know when the teacher read out her name, you

know they she wouldn't feel embarrassed. Um. And the other thing was that I needed to have some meaning, you know, whether it was a family name or you know, a word or a person from history who we admire. That was could sort of be like a not inform who she is, because we don't know who she's going to be. But it's the thing you're going to hear the most, right, Let it have some meaning to you that like that

resonates on on a deeper level. Right, it resonates through your ancestry, or resonates through your you know, conscious, through your third eye, something like that. So we found this this word indigo, which we decided would be a cool sounding name. But also has the color and the the energy of indigo has so many really great properties, like it's a the color is used to sort of open up the third eye. It's a color like deep favorite color. Oh, you asked him any day of the week, what's your

favorite color? Indigo? No way? Oh my god, I'm surprised he even knows what the color is. Pepper Pig has a and he and he hasn't watched pepper Pig for years, but when Indy's into it, Pepper Pig has a song about all the colors of the rainbow, and indigo was the color that he didn't know what that meant, and so I showed him which one was indigo in the rainbow, and since then he's been sold. Oh my god, that's

so cool. So speaking of that, I kind of, um, I remembered after we decided, like, oh, Indigo, that's kind of a cool name. And Wren is kind of a play on um one of Pete's names. His first name, so which is Warren. So uh, we kind of made it like so she just in case we don't have any other kids. He's we still passed on part of

his family name into into her name. Yeah. Um, plus it's a bird, and you know, birds are free and they fly, and that's a cool like kind of thing to assigned to her and let her be inspired by as she so chooses throughout her life too. So yeah, So the other thing about Indigo was that I remembered after we had chosen that name about this book. My

dad was is very into um. Spirituality has been my whole life, and he used to take me to this mystical this mystic bookstore, and I picked out this book once called The Missing Magical Energy, and it was about all of these crystals, uh that unite there, the colors spectrum unites to like heal planet Earth, right, all we need all of the the energies of the Earth and the wind and the fire and the rain and then you know, all of these powers that that these colors

and crystals represent, and Indigo was the missing magical energy. And only once they were rejoined by Indigo, could they, you know, have work in full force to heal the planet Um in this children's book, come, I fucking love it. Yeah, all right, Kelly, this has been so moving. I'm like, You've always been such a grounded artist to me and such a grounded person I just really feel your feet under you, and my God, like I just think that that is translated. It's one of your superpowers. And it's

just really it translates so well into motherhood. I mean it really, you just seem so like this is I know it's this hasn't this hasn't been always for you, but my God, like it's such a fit. Um, since coming home. What has been the hardest part of parenting

so far for you? Guilt? Um, the guilt of like feeling, oh my god, everything makes me feel guilty Katie going to work, staying home, falling asleep, like feeling tired and not having a ton of energy for her, Um, you know, not having read that book so that I knew what to do right away when she showed signs of being

interested in food. Like everything, I'm just prone to guilt and a shame in the first place, so like just everything is like a trigger for like, oh I should have done this differently, or oh I should have done that differently, and ah, you know, so just it's the guilt. Well, the great thing is you'll get so many fucking opportunities to keep changing the narrative for yourself. Um, what have you been learning about Pete and your own parenting styles

from raising Indie. Are you guys similar or you vastly different? Thus far um, we're not vastly different. But I am like, I am a researcher about this. I'm not about everything in life, but I I am a reason I wanted, like read all the books about this. I feel like

I need external expertise. Maybe that's the main distinction, is like I feel like I want the help, like having all of the information so I can weigh my options and really make like uninformed choice about how I want to handle this thing or that thing or this thing. And but really what that does is makes it really hard to reading decisions. So Pete, it's very decisive. Director. Director, Well, you guys are a perfect fucking in the middle, and

what you guys bring is absolutely perfect. What has Indie? What is Indie like as a baby? Oh my god, she is so charming because she's a fucking libra. Yeah, she's a fucking libra, and so are you, and so is my son. Charming is a big component. Yeah, they are fucking charming. She's very social. She every time she meets somebody newer or you know, not new, the usual people coming over to the house, and she like kind

of waits. It takes a second for them to register, and everybody gets a big old smile, and she's just like, hey, she's well, she's got a warmth and like a sense of like I don't canna have a great time like she is just she's delightful. She's a good she is a great hang. She's a great hang. And she doesn't have any consonants yet, but when she does, I think

she's going to be a great storyteller. She is so like she's very observant of how people um are reacting to her, you know, and she can turn it up if you're having a good time. You know, we're having a good time. Yeah, let's keep going, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's she's going to be a good, good little storyteller. Are you able? Have you been able to make time for each other? You impete um we have here and there we are both working a lot um on our jobs, and then the work

of the household is also a lot. Fortunately we have support, but it does become really difficult to um, yeah, to carve out time. But we were doing it here and there and we have, you know, some plans for the summer and we'll get there. I'm not worried about it yet, you're h and you're fucking in it. I'm musics month old. They say, like, the first year is just really it's a lot of adjusting and a lot of priority reorganizing and identity shifting and things like that. So go easy

on yourselves for sure. Kelly. What advice do you have now for other young professionals who are worried about achieving career milestones before having a child. Oh, I would say, makeup plan. I would say, really like, do that five year, ten year plan thing. And obviously, life happens and you can't control everything, every single thing that happens. But I have some idea of where things are going to fall.

I think I if I could do anything over again, I would sort of, you know, I'm very like, oh, just let it manifest and things will unfold, and just keep putting energy out there and put the work in and things will unfold to say, as they will. And I still think that that's true. But I also think that if if parenting is going to be part of your life, look, I'm forty, my baby is six months old. I'm like, if I had done this younger, it would have been easier. And I completely agree with you. I

completely agree with you. Yeah, and uh, I also I know that I'm it also happened at the perfect time because I'm ready with resources in a way that I would not have been ten years ago. And this would have been much harder for me personally ten years ago without those resources. And plenty of people do it with that, but but just having it, like, really get real with yourself, do whatever you need to do to get your self awareness together, make a plan and see if you can

pull it off. Last question, parenthood is parenthood is? I mean amazing true that Kelly McCreery. I'm so grateful for you making the time with a six month old and you took so much time and care and energy and you are such a fucking glorious mom, and we've got to have you back on Katie's crib. I'd be happy. I hate to hear how it's going and teach me all the ways and I have a lot to learn from you, and I'm so happy. I'm just so happy for you. Thank you the best, Kelly, the best. Thank

you guys, so much for listening to today's episode. I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns. Let me know. You can always find me at Katie's Crib at Shanda land dot com. Katie's Crib is a production of Shonda Land Audio in partner ship with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. M