Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. So tell me about what the labor experience was like as a virgin, Like, does your O B say that it's like drastically different because your vagina hasn't like she was, like listen, a penis and a baby are not even close to the
same size, so she's like year five. Mentally, I had a little bit of you know, thought around that, like yeah, because I didn't want to like tear from here to Timbuck two as well, you know, welcome back to Katie's Crib. I have someone here today that I've met before, no before. We have so many people in common. Our Dulah, Rebecca ben A Nati or my Dula who was on episode two,
season one of Katie's Crib. Dr Berlin, who is an incredible pregnant Cairo practor Mssus Extraordinaire, and also Duela himself. We have lots of people in common. Um, we are talking about one of the coolest things I've ever heard about today, We're talking about embryo adoption. And then I have here in parentheses, forty year old virgin. I just like, I don't know. Let's just tell you how fabulous Lynnette
Weaver is who is our guest today. She's an HR professional who previously served as a birth doula and childbirth educator for over ten years. Desiring to be a mother from the time she was very young and finding herself approaching forty and still single, she chose to pursue motherhood on her own through the process of embryo adoption. She currently resides in Los Angeles with her three year old son, Miles. I love that name, Lynette. Thank you so much for
coming on Katie's crib. I have so many girlfriends turning for you this year, and I am also turning for you this year. And we have a lot of conversations about freezing. What am I doing this on my own? What's my deal? What do I want? What does my future look like? And I want to be a mom? These are big conversations being had. So I'm thrilled to do an episode about this. Tell our viewers, listeners, listeners,
how we know each other, where we met, etcetera. Yes, well, thank you so much for chatting with me and having me here. Um, so we met through childbirth education. So Rebecca ben Nati or dula Um is also a friend of mine, and she sent you to the childbirth class that I was teaching with Talia, who also has been a guest on your show a couple of times. The best we all did to Talian more episodes. She's up. She specializes in child nutrition and so she was big
on the solid foods episode. And also she was my big hell and saving angel for postpartum depression and anxiety, which she also struggled with. But she taught my child with class at Beanie Birth when we could do those things pre COVID with Albie. When you go to that class and you learn how to like do a diaper or a swaddle or whatever. Lynnette is also there and was it. Were you a teacher there too? I was yeah, yeah, yeah, So Talia and I talked, Yeah, you team taught, that's right.
And I have photos from that class, like I was in that class. Audiley Cabral was on that cast. Who's been on this podcast? Oh my god, this is crazy. It's all coming back to me now. That was that wasn't the before times? And you were so much fun in there? Well that's probably my husband. I was probably very pregnant, and my husband was probably using the whole experience as some sort of theatrical event like he does. Um, so you taught that class, and you've always wanted to
be a mom, like from the time you were little. Yeah. I of about eighteen cousins and my sister and I are, you know, the oldest, and so every year it was like a new baby being born, and every time the family got together, that was the thing that I wanted to do, was take care of the new baby. So I just have always been very nurturing and motherly and have wanted to be a mom since I can remember. Wow,
how did you get into the dulah biz? So I got to be present when my niece was born and she is fourteen now, and I though it's so crazy, but I got to witness her birth and it was like the most amazing thing I had ever seen and I couldn't get over just the experience of it. And my mom is not a Dulah, but she is very nurturing and kind of played the role of what a
Dulah would do. And I thought, Wow, that's something that is really cool that everybody needs, Like everyone needs someone to be able to, you know, walk them through the process and be that physical comfort and emotional support and all of that. I didn't even know a duel existed at that time. And then I had a good friend who was pregnant really shortly after that, and I couldn't stop talking about birth apparently, and she was like, do
you want to come when I have the baby? And I'm like, okay, So I just kind of stepped into that. How amazing you weren't terrified. You didn't see the vagina and opening up in the whole thing, and you were like, oh my god. I mean before I did it myself, I was so scared and scarred from whatever horrifying video they used to show in the nineties of like that
super hairy bush. Excuse me, that isn't like this science class of biology when you're thirteen and the show was seventies birth and it seems did they I feel like they show us that to like practice abstinence. My births were so much better than that birth. Yeah, totally. So you saw a vaginal birth through your niece's birth and you were completely inspired, blown away, not scared at all. Yeah. Yeah, I mean some of the medical stuff took a little
time to get used to, but it really was. I was so laser focused on the mom, on the laboring person that I was like, Wow, she needs somebody focused on her and the support and having someone just really be able to bring down the anxiety level in the room. After learning that, um, that that can affect the birth process, I was like, Oh, that's something that I know how to do. I feel like I can affect change in the room by just you know, being present and being knowledgeable,
being calm and being comforting. That's so great, My god. Anyone who had you as a duela was very, very lucky. It's the most rewarding work. It is such a sacred space to be allowed into. Um. I mean the rewards were so great. Just sometimes I felt like I did nothing other than being present and being calm, and they were like, oh, I couldn't do that without you here, and I thought, I'm not doing anything. But it is amazing,
it's beautiful. I'm I'm always inspired by the strength of the woman and what she can do and what she can experience, and UM, it really really has been an honor every single time. It's it's such an honor. When did it start to occur to you like, h, I've always wanted to be a mom. I've been super present for a lot of women's birds, and it's not lining up that my story might look like the societal norms of how this would happen. When did it start to dawn on you, like I might have to take a
different route. Yeah. So I have always had kind of a heart for adoption in itself, and so there was a time about I don't know, thirteen ish years ago that I considered adopting in in one way or another, and I actually went through the certification through the foster
care system to do foster to adopt. And then it was like, you know, back in two thousand eight or nine or something, when the economy took a dive and I ended up getting laid off of my teaching job right when I got my certification, So timing wasn't right there. But then over the next ten years, every couple of years, I would be like, is the timing right for this? And then I have a friend who had done um
in vitro. She and her husband had you know, trouble conceiving and found themselves in a situation where they had completed their family but they had some remaining embryos, and so they were exploring all of their options, like what do we do at this point we have these embryos, And they came across an organization that works with families like that that places embryos for adoption. And when she heard about that, she immediately told me and was like,
this is like the best of both worlds for you. Wow. It's like you're adopting and you get to be pregnant, which is something that's very interesting. That was something you really wanted to experience yourself personally. Yes, So it was one of those moments of like, oh my gosh, this is the thing for me. It didn't even really take me that long to think about it. When I heard
of this being an option. I always kind of joked with some of my girlfriends like, hey, if I'm thirty three, I don't know why thirty three, but that was a number I threw out and I'm still sayingle I'm just gonna, you know, do artificial insemination and have a baby. But it was always kind of a joke. And then all of a sudden, I was thirty three and I was like, m was I joking? Like is that something I would consider.
And then as I was thirty seven thirty eight and then I learned about this, I was like, oh, I mean I've always kind of been preparing for this, and this is a really viable option I can also, you know, the adoption part was important to me because there's a there's a need in that there are a lot of families who are are looking for the us um you know, to be able to give the embryos a chance at life.
And then also for me, it was like, oh, I can start caring for the child from the womb and you know, experience pregnancy and childbirth and all of them. Was it ever a hiccup like oh my god, I'm going to do this by myself, Like I'm going to be single and do this or is this something that you were what you know what I mean, what what thoughts about that we're going on in your head? Yeah?
I mean I knew it was going to be something that would be hard, But to be honest and working with so many families and parents, it's like parenthood is hard regardless, Like it's a whole different set of of circumstances, but it's still freaking hard. You know what, I don't have. And what I knew going in is that I didn't have the trauma or the challenges that are often associated with the a single mom, like the circumstances that led
to them. It's like there may have been a you know, a broken relationship or like a death or something that led to your circumstances of being a single mom. No, there wasn't like darkness there or heavy stuff. It's like it's like a different way in. What I like about your story is that it's like you heard of this thing called embryo adoption, and it's almost like you knew in your gut that that's what you were looking for.
Why that per se than say IBF. You know, I hadn't really gotten to the point where I had thought about doing IVF on my own. I really thought, Okay, I'm a single woman, there are kids out there, adoption is a need, and that's just kind of the path that I had always explored. I've always been open, but
I really hadn't thoroughly considered that yet. And then when this became an option, of course, then it it opened my perspective was a little bit more to even all of the different options that were out there, but I really felt in my gut that to be able to meet another family's need in the process was an important part of it for me. Yes, especially because you had been so into adoption, that was like a real yeah.
And I've seen so you know, my I have a couple of nephews that have been adopted, and I have you know, my sister in law was adopted, and I've seen I've seen it go very well and have a positive impact, and so adoption was just something that was on my radar for a long time. Now take me through the embryo adoption process. So there's so many different ways that you can do this UM and so many different agencies, but I went through one called UM Snowflakes.
They are traditional adoption agencies, so they do all different kinds of adoptions, but then their embryo adoption department is called Snowflakes, and so UM it's very similar to a traditional adoption. The difference is that by law, embryos are not considered life, and so it is governed by property law, so it's it's actually a transfer of property at the
end of it. But going through this organization, it made it to where the other family the placing family got to be involved, They got to select and decide that I was, you know, somebody that they wanted to choose to adopt their embryos um. And then it's they really encourage some sort of openness, whether that's just email communication once a year through the agency and not having direct communication, to having you know, meetings and getting together and things
like that. So similar to the adoption process, you can choose how open or closed it is, but this place encourages some sort of contact, whether even if it's through the agency itself. Yes, yes, because you can do an anonymous donor a lot of clinics you can get an anonymously donated embryo, and that's a thing too, and so that is another path to this, you know, motherhood on your own um. But for me, it was really appealing to have that open communication and go kind of the
adoption route. So the process, how does it work? Like you're ovulating, You go in and they just is it just like the old school I'm like the old school turkey based. No, it's not that no, because it's already embryo, so it's not like turkey basting sperm up there while you're ovulating. It's like we take a fully put together sperm and egg embryo in a petri dish that's already gone through all the genetic testing. It's already gone through
all that stuff, and then what happens. So it's like the last step of IVF, it's called At this point,
they're obviously frozen, so it's a frozen embryo transfer. So you do have to do you know, the hormones and the medication leading up to the transfer day, just as if it were my owning, if I had done IVF on my own, lots of medicine, ultrasounds once a week, and then they determine when like the lining of your uterus is prime exactly, it's nice and thick and sticking exactly perfect, and then they can transfer one or however many embryos you decide that you're going to transfer at
a time. Does some people choose more than one? They do, So there's a lot of factors, and you work with your fertility specialists to determine success rates and percentages and all of that. And I had a doctor who I loved, and he was very comfortable with doing a single embryo transfer. Some will recommend doing two um for based on age and a lot of factors UM. But I really wanted to reduce the risk of multiples as much as I could, because you always you could always transfer and then it
can split. Still that's how you get identical twins. So there's always a risk of multiples. But I was like, let's let's let's reduce that. The first time I went through the whole process and I had a negative pregnancy test, so then I had to wait and start again. How did you feel, you know? I mean, of course I was upset, but I knew it wasn't the end for me. It's also expensive, no, like it is is where does
embryo adoption lie cost wise to what I mean? I think egg freezing is like anywhere from ten to twenty somewhere in there. I feel like I v F is like, I have no idea. I could be a ballparking this. I'm just trying to remember. Where's embryo adoption? So the the agency fees, like the whole process of adoption through the agency was eight thousand, and then you pay for an embryo transfer and you pay for all the medications
and all that. So I would say it's approximately like six to seven thousand for a transfer like fifteen Yeah, okay, so you're like, in this similar a little bit similar. But what's crazy is that we've done adoption episodes of this podcast. On the Rhymes Producers podcast, she adopted two kids. Adopting is expensive too. I mean that is very expensive, like the lawyer fees and the paperwork it's and the
I mean it's very expensive, which sucks it. Okay, so the first one doesn't take it's you were like, I am not giving up. Yeah, So I was, I mean obviously upset, and honestly, I was really surprised because in my mind, I mean, you you know that this is a risk, but in my mind it was like it was always gonna work on the first try, and so it I did have a little bit of a curveball on the day of the transfer. So originally I got matched with a family that had two embryos so I
got these two embryos um. One was a little better quality than the other one. So the day I arrived, they were going to transfer the one that was better quality. Well, they thought it out and it didn't survive. So then they're like, but we thought the other one and it's doing fine and it wasn't as high quality. So all of a sudden, I went in one moment from like, oh I have two good chances to okay, one chance already gone. Second chance is high. So I did have
that you know, reality check in that moment. So I was surprised, but I knew it could be a possibility, but it took me like a day. I always give myself like I can have a day to just be really upset and then get back your feel the way and then I'm like, okay, so what do we do next? So then I had to go back into the matching face get matched with another family. They had a little bit of a problem this time because there were a lot of families that they want to try to match
you with a reasonable number of embryos. So if you're saying, like I want to have one or two kids, they don't want to match you as someone who has embryos. But they were everybody wanted to have one or two kids, so they they're like, would you be willing to take on nine? And what you do is you agree to adopt the whole batch, and then once you have as many children as you desire, then you agree to return
the remaining embryos. So basically you're being matched up to a family, but you have to take the whole kitten caboodle. Yes cool. Yeah, and I'm sure there are other agencies that do it differently, but through this one. Yeah. So then the second time, I adopted nine embryos and then I transferred one. And then that is when I got pregnant with our mild with Miles. So I would say like five days probably after transfer, I had this wave of nausea and I was like, it's on. You're like,
I feel like this might be what everyone's talking about. Yeah, how was the pregnancy for you? So my pregnancy was very interesting. So I had you know, I was a duelah. I had all these visions of on one hand, all these visions of what I wanted it to look like, and on the other hand, I know how flexible you have to be and how you have to hold everything with like open hands because it's unpredictable. And so I experienced something that none of my clients have ever experienced.
And at fourteen weeks into my pregnancy, I started having sciatica, which sciatica is pretty common in pregnancy, but mine was too early for what it usually is, and so later on, as the pregnancy went on, it got worse and worse, and I tried every intervention, but by the time I was eight months pregnant, I could not walk. So I was in like severe pain for my almost my entire pregnancy,
and then also I was diagnosed swift gestational diabetes. I'm only quiet because I'm just covered for those listening and just covering my mouth, and my eyes are bulging into my head, and I'm just like one of my dear, dear friends just had the end of her pregnancy, which I can't even believe. You started having sciatica pain in fourteen weeks. But the end of my friend's pregnancy just now. The last month. The baby was resting on her sciatica and she couldn't walk and she has a top. I
was like, what the actual funck is going on? Like how can this be happening? She gave birth and now she's fine, she's like walking around, right, It's like, what the fucking house? So by month eight, you've lost your you cannot walk, it so painful, and you can't take like pain killers or anything. I mean, you're pregnant. No, but so, I mean I was desperate. My Obie was the sweetest and she was trying everything. She sent me to acupuncture and I saw Dr Berlin, and I tried
um physical therapy, on land, physical therapy, and water. I actually got an at the dural injection in my spine. Um did not help. Nothing helped. Everything just continued to get worse. And so, I mean, it was just it was awful, NTT. I'm so sorry. And gestational diabetes you can't even fucking eat donuts and ship No, I was like the only thing that's making me feel better every
once in a a while, you know, I spread. Yeah, I mean the gestational diabetes wasn't going because I had to stick my finger four times a day and be on a very strict diet. But I will say there were no side effects. It was controlled just by diet. That was fine. That left when the baby was born. Two weeks after he was born, I had an m r I and they showed that I had a very large herniated disk that was completely compressing and displacing my sciatic nerve.
So when Miles was five weeks old, I had back surgery. So so five weeks old, you had back surgery. Were you breastfeeding? So okay, so you're you're getting all the fun facts all out. This is how you know that you are a fula embryo adoption, paid to be pregnant, paid to be a single mom, chose this four year old virgin, which I have to get into that too. Wait really really virgin? Is that like out there? Yeah,
and we can talk about that night. Great, So sciatica doesn't go away, you have to have sciatica gets worse because you had a bold switch. By the way, they can't give you an m r I when you're pregnant, so no one knew what the fun was going on. Yeah. So, like you were saying with your friend, usually after the baby is born, it goes away. And so I was kind of not by my obi, she was wonderful, but by like pain management specialists, even someone who came to
see me in the hospital afterwards. They were like, oh, just give it six weeks and you'll be fine, and especially with the birth, like of course it changed my whole birth plan. I had an epidural like the moment I went into labor because so I could get out of back pain. Because I couldn't stand up, so that looked very different. But you know, I had a pain management specialists say oh, just wait, and I was like no,
so my Obi sent me two weeks later. So to get back to your breastfeeding question, Yes, I began breastfeeding, but I had, of course all the issues. So my son had a tongue tie, he wasn't latching. I had the worst nipple infection my Obi has ever seen, don't even know. And on top of it, I had a clog duct. I had a clog duct with mass titis and and a duct that was so clogged that it
was like the size of a golf ball. That then got as they first thought it was a staff infection, it was a strep infection that had to be cut open and drained because it was awful. And meanwhile, I can't walk and I'm waiting for back surgery. So did we just wean and forget breastfeeding? Because because of that infection, I threw it off the limbow bye bye. Also, how would you even had you back, like like having major fucking back surgery and then contorting yourself into every weird
position you do to breastfeed? Forget it? I mean all the doctors were like, please take this off the list. Take this off the list? Yeah, and are you a who? Who is your Like? What did your support system look like? You give birth? Your single mom? You can't walk. The back pain is not getting better. Now we have mastitis. We have the worst nipple infection your obi has ever seen. And now your mastitis golf ball clog has gotten fucked up into an abscess that now needs to be cut
and drained. Great, and we're scheduling back surgery. Yes, I literally thought I was dying. Were you like done with this? Did you hate your baby? Were you like, no, this was still I'm still okay, I'm still this is still worth it. Were you in like any sort of serotonin bubble? I mean, it's kind of a blur at this point, but I had no ill feelings towards the baby, Like I knew this is not his fault. We were doing awesome as far as that. I I knew I was
going to need support. All moms do, whether you're single or not. I have an amazing village of people, and I you know, I've always been the person that is helping everyone else, And so I got to exercise the Okay, I need to say yes, I need help. I mean I was, I felt like I was dying and because of the infection, I'm like, I can't function. So when I was eight months pregnant and could no longer walk,
my sweet dad who has retired. My mom still working, but my dad's retired, so he basically moved in with me for the last month of my pregnancy. How special? What special time? Like if there's any silver lining, you know,
like God. And then there was probably a three week period of time where every single night an additional person, whether it was a friend, a couple of nights it was a postpartum doulah, but I had a third person spend the night and do the night shift with the baby because I was dying ing, I was, you know, fighting this infection. Also, like for people listening, mass titis
makes you feel like a horrible flu. So imagine a horrible flu feeling with a very infected boob, a very infected nipple, of very fucked up back, and you're not sleeping because you have a new born right and speaking of sleep, I couldn't. I couldn't no longer because the
back was so bad. I could no longer laid down, so I could only sleep Basically during the day, I sat up on my bed like criss cross style, and I would prop pillows up around me basically like I was on an airplane to sleep because I could not lay down. The pain, the nerve pain was so bad and it was pinching the nerve so much in that position that I couldn't lay down, So it was it was torture. I've truly in every episode we've ever done and every pregnant moment I've ever spoken to, I have
truly never heard of a postpartum experience. This fucked up in my life. And I love you, and I'm sorry to give you that award, but the award goes to you. This is you deserve all the medals. We have so many things. How was labor? So I loved my labor. This is the first time in months that I was out of pain because I got the epidural. It took the back pain away. I still, you know, I mean, I wouldn't have chosen that necessarily to be like, Okay, my my water broke, so I know I'm in labor.
Oh And that was a fun That was a fun time too. Um. I had it in my mind because I was in so much pain that I was like thirty seven weeks. My doula brain was like, I just need to make it to thirty seven weeks because that's when baby is no issues with the baby, and so I just had in my mind that I was gonna be induced or go into labor or whatever it was when I was thirty seven weeks. So at my thirty seven week appointment, I went to my OBI appointment and
was like, let's do it. And she's like, I cannot induce you until your thirty nine weeks unless there is a medical reason to induce, and I'm like okay. So she kept me that day, ran all these tests, she did like a really long and st to try to find a medical reason to induce, and there was nothing. So I left and I was so mad. Did you know at this point that something was like horribly wrong
with your back, like like this is abnormal? Like you were like, this isn't the sciatica I've seen in doulah clients, Like this is not? Like yes, yes, And that's because you know, Miles was like the size of a blueberry when the back pain started, so it certainly was not him, which is usually the cause of pregnancy related So going back to that day, I went home upset and went to bed that night and my water broke that night. Why how do you think that happened? I don't know.
I mean God, an act of God. I mean really, that's like fate. That's like your mind over matter, like you just chose. I remember the same thing happened with
Vera like Adam had been. My husband was so busy with pretzels and all this kind of stuff, and literally the friday where of his like paternity leave starting where he was like, you cannot go into labor until this Friday, Like I have too much with work, I'm on set, I'm on this adding And he pulled in at six pm on that Friday, and I went to the bathroom and my mucus plug came out and I was like, oh, this is like very mental, do you know what I mean?
Like he was like I relaxed and like released, and then the next day I was four centimeters dilated and there you have it. But um, wow, So tell me about what the labor experience was like as a virgin, Like does your O B say that it's like drastically different because your vagina hasn't Like she was like listen, a penis and a baby are not even close to the same size. She's like year five, So there wasn't
really a concern there at all. I mean mentally, I had a little bit of you know, thought around that, like, yeah, because I didn't want to like tear from here to timbuck two as well, you know. Um, but I also have seen very large babies be born with no tears whatsoever. So yeah, I feel like there's no rhyme or reason. It's like I've I've had friends with teeny teeny babies tear, I've had friends with big babies not tear. I've had
everything in between. Like it just sort of feels like a circumstances of the moment, Like I don't know, but okay, so did you tear? I did. I had a small tear. It wasn't crazy, but I did too. And I've had lots of sex. No, I mean, I'm like, it doesn't matter huge petises. Oh my god, this podcast is getting crazy.
Um No, but but honest, so you're obi literally noticed like no difference between a virgin giving birth and like a yeah, like when I told her was like in our first meeting when she was like, huh, She's like, that's interesting. I don't think I've ever delivered a virgin. And then after she thought about it for a minute, she was like, Oh, it's not going to be that big of a deal. This is one of the coolest things I've ever heard. I mean, it's like Mary Magdalen
or no, not Mary, Who am I talking about? No, it's like the virgin Mary, Mary, Mary, the Mary. Guys. You can tell how not how I don't know much about this. Okay, in a different universe, you would have loved to have no epidural duel. Uh? Oh you? Oh god, No, I'm very open. I was very open, very open, I will tell you because of the virgin thing, I thought more about the delivery without the epidural, because in my
mind it was a bigger deal than it was. But you know, I mean, I did want to experience some of labor, and I wanted to be able to make the decision in the moment and how I was feeling and how I was coping and how long it was going and and not have that be totally kind of taken away from me. And I was I so welcome to the epidur. I was like, give me that as soon as you possibly can, because I can't stand the
back pain. And when you think about all the things that help you cope with labor, being an upright positions movement, moving around, I couldn't do anything right. None of that was a possibility anyway. Yeah, um on Dr Berlin, who we both used, and you must have used him a lot, because Dr Berlin is a chiropractic mussouss doula in l A who works on pregnant women and is awesome on
his Informed Pregnancy podcast. You mentioned before giving birth that you were thinking about how maybe one or two people in the room who was in the room with you when you gave birth? So I had a doulah um, and then my mom and then my two best friends. So I love it. How special was it? Long short you weren't in pain when you met Miles? Was it so miraculous to have been through so many other people's
births and then to be through your own. It was a little bit surreal and a little bit like I'd been there before, Like every I knew what to expect. I it was just as I had imagined you know. I mean, I've been at I can't I don't even know how many births at that point that I have had witnessed, and so it felt very familiar. I was completely calm. I had not an ounce of anxiety through any part of it. Oh, I love the NTY. That's so magical, that's so wonderful. It was magical is the
right word for it. I mean I had music playing, I had at least two people massaging me at all times. I had beautiful smells in the room. I had um. You know, I was out of pain for the first time in months. If I could do it differently, I would also probably have my sister there. I just didn't know. I didn't know how it was going to feel, and I didn't know what what it was going to be like. And if you know, a lot of times I have witnessed too many people in the room and that bringing
in a layer of anxiety that the birthing woman doesn't need. Um, I didn't even notice. It was because the people that I had in the room were loving, supportive, calm, nurturing. If there were a couple more of them, it wouldn't have been that big of a deal, you know, but from my knowledge of my education and and it would be a very different story. I imagine if I did not have an epidural, I would probably want much fewer bodies in the room. Miles is three years old. Now, congratulations.
Have you been open with Miles yet about embryo adoption and his birth story so far? Yeah? I have. And some of the research um that the agency shares with you is that the more open you are and the younger better. Yeah, so that you're not like sitting them down when they're nine or fourteen or eighteen and like there's this surprise element or this thing that you've kept from them. No, it's just part of his story from from since he can ever remember, right, So how do
you say it to him now? So I'm going by his developmental level. And so I have two nephews that were adopted, and so it's just it's just the their story. It's just some people come into the world like this, and some people come into the world like that. We have a really cute book um called Families, Families, Families. And because because I'm a single mom, you know, his
family looks different than others already. And so I mean, he I am shocked at how early I had to have some of these conversations, at how young he was when he was like, so I don't have a dad, And I'm like, no, you don't have a dad, but you have a mom, and you have a nana and a papa, and you have aunts and uncles and cousins, and this is what our family looks like. So this
family's book is super cute. It's very like it's animal pictures, but it's like some families have lots of siblings and there's like lots of little ducks lined up, and some families have one mom and no dad. And he's always like, like me, like my family, um, and then he'll say and some families have two moms and no dad. You know, because it kind of goes through each of the different you know, options of what families look like, and at the end it comes together with if you love each other,
then that's what makes a family. Families, families, families ordering it to day. So there's that. So we've talked about that on the like I don't have a dad aspect um. And then when it comes to embryo adoption, so we have a book, I can't think of what it's called but it's you know, it's like a level one all about my body type of book, and it talks about you know, some some kids are born this way and
some kids are adopted. And so we've talked about the term adopted as well, because you know, there's a picture that's like there's a sperm and there's an egg and they come together and they make an embryo. And I'm like, embryo, you were a snowflake embryo when I got you. And so he'll say I was adopted into your tummy and I grew in your tummy, Like that's his that's his level.
So incredible, Like science is so incredible. And the fact that, yeah, because I do have a lot of friends too that have frozen eggs, use them or not use them, and have been like, what am I supposed to do with these things? Like pay to have them frozen for all time? Or mm hmm. It's very wild, wild wild times. Okay, Honestly, again, you get all the awards as the craziest postpartum and and pregnancy. I mean that is that is one hell of an uphill climb, and now you get to be
a single mom two miles in a global pandemic? How is motherhood going for you? Lynnette? So I knew choosing to be a single mom was going to be hard, but honestly, there are things. There are things that are harder than I thought they would be. And that's all that medical crap and all the things that I did not expect medically because there were you know, a couple
other things that happened too. And then it's easier in some ways than I thought, and um, you know, being part of a mommy and me group and hearing all
the challenges that people are facing. To be honest, the first you know, a few months, I was like, I am so relieved that I'm not for strated by you know, unmet expectations of a partner who's sleeping next to me when I'm awake, um in the night, or because so many people's mommy and me complaints a lot of marital or partners right, and you're just like, nope, I'm just
gone and that's its own hell in a handbag. But it's different, right, right, And you know what, I get to make all the parenting decisions, which sometimes I'm like, oh, I'd be nice to have somebody else's input here, But for the most part, it's like I get to decide and I don't. It doesn't matter what someone else thinks about you know, how he handled discipline or solid food or you know, any of it. And so some of that I've been a little, you know, pleasantly surprised that
I don't have to deal with that. And you know what, my son when he goes to bed at night, I don't have to give my attention to anyone else. I can watch whatever I can get on my treadmill, and I can exercise while he's sleeping, and I don't have
to think about food for anyone else. I don't have I mean, of course I would love to be married, and I know there are benefits, but it's like what I've learned is that the grass is always greener on the other side, like that there are great things about both, and there are really hard things about both. And this is you and myles family right now, Like this is so,
and who knows what the future holds. Who knows if you will have a life partner at some point, or if you may have another baby and do this again. Is there a chance that this sciaticas situation could happen again. If you're right again, I mean, there there is a chance, but it's very unlikely because it's like that doesn't usually happen in pregnancy. What probably happened I was a gymnast
growing up. It's probably like an old injury. And then right around fourteen weeks is when that relax in kicks in and everything kind of relaxes. It probably was like getting ready to happen. Anyway, um, it exacerbated something I kind of similar thing I was grew up on the ski team, Like, so I've taken a lot of falls on my coxic bone, and with my pregnancies, like my it becomes like I can't sit without a doughnut as of like weak. Early, like all of a sudden, my
my coxic bone gets really fucked up. And at first I was like I actually had Dr Berlin like kind of checking because I was like, I've heard these horror stories of your coxic bone healing incorrectly from when you're young, and then it won't get out of the way so it breaks during labor, and I was like terrified that was gonna happen to me, and it didn't, but it's very tender and bruised the entire time and then it
just stops, which is nothing compared to what you've gone through. UM. Any tips for single moms who are listening, Oh my goodness, I mean people who are already single moms or thinking about thinking about thinking about becoming I would say, you need to have people, and you need to have a support system. UM. I literally don't know how I would have survived that first month without my support system. And at the same time, I would say, it is totally doable.
It is. It's hard, but it's just hard in a different way. And UM, women are strong and resilient. And if it's something that you will look back and potentially regret not doing that is you know? That was my decision maker for me. I couldn't agree with you more. I think that that's really the deciding factor. UM, for anyone considering embryo adoption. Any advice, I have loved the process of embryo adoption, UM, I would say, look at
your different options. There's there's lots of different paths to do that. I love the open aspect of it. So even though my situation it looks a little different than I anticipated. UM, from what the research shows that children that are conceived with you know, donor sperm donor egg donor embryos, things like that, the more the lines are open,
the better they tend to process it. And I know that society is going to look very different in you know, eighteen years when Miles is an adult, and it will be much more common and so you know, families look a lot different and so it won't be as out there. Um, but it is. It is so worth doing, and I think the adoption part of it has just been, um, something that's been like dear to my heart. Oh, it's so fascinating and so amazing. Um. Final question finished this sentence,
Parenthood is. Oh. They're so many different words that I could say, but I am going to go with. I am going to go with an absolute dream come true for me. It is despite all of those challenges that I had. Um, it is beautiful, it's wonderful, it's messy, it's challenging, and I am so obsessed with my son and I could not love him anymore even if he were my own DNA from my own egg. So it's
it's honestly the best thing I've ever done. Yea, Everyone go to Lynette Weaver on Instagram, and if you have any personal questions or need embryo adoption advice or single mommy guys orta like that, you can always be m our Linette Weaver and make sure you like all of the pictures of Miles like I am going to go do right now. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Katie's Crib Linette. Thank you so much for coming on the Crib. This was awesome. I
learned so much that. Wow, that is the craziest thing I've ever heard in my life. Thank you for letting me do this. Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode. I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns. Let me know. You can always find me at Katie's Crib at Shonda land dot com. Katie's Crib is a production of Shonda Land Audio in
partnership with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.