Building Your Village

you get it. The list is endless. But my question for you is what happens after the first few months? How can you keep this? You know, the sense of community, the sense of village going. Who do you call for support? Who are the people you go and talk with? Who are the people you laugh with? Who are the people you cry with? Um? And to talk about my village, I've invited for men of my village who are here with me today, and I'm so excited guys meet members

of my village. Um. We have Andela cabral Hi. Yeah, Hi, we have the wonderful Katie Davis. Hi. I'm far tell everybody where you're from Katie Davis from Dublin. Yeah, then we have Laura Man hello, and then we have Amy Rosof Davis. Um, so we have four girls here. We are a member of a group that on our text chain is called swim How many are there eight or nine of us? I always get confused. I know there's at least there's eight, and then there's definitely eight. There's

a rogue nine, remember I think my ten. Yeah, there's about ten of us. Uh, there's even an eleven because Jen Jenen, who you've heard from, is offshooting, so that's maybe eleven. There's Dennicut, there's twelve. There's a lot of us. Um, I think there's twelve babies. So I think there's twelve babies. Yeah. So we've got members of Swim Club. And the reason it's called swim Club is because, um, when I found out I was pregnant, these twelve women were circling my

life in different spheres of my life. They were also pregnant. And it's not like we talked to each other, the twelve of us, and all decided to get pregnant the same time. No, no, no, there are a lot of these women. These wonderful women who had miscarriages rounds of IVF got pregnant on the first try. There are all different varying degrees and journeys and stories of how these women came to be pregnant. But for some amazing reason, the twelve of them me included, got pregnant around the

same time, within about a three month period. Um. And so I would have water aerobics in my pool for these uh twelve women, and so we are now called swim club. It's not, it's really not. It's very literal. Um. But what's cool about the village and swim Club is that the women, um all didn't know each other, like every woman at the table, and we're going to let them all with everyone's gonna have their turn to talk,

but just quickly. Like Angelie Cabral and I, we are actors and we had been circling each other in auditions for years. Katie Davis, her husband and my husband went to University of Maryland together. Laura Man worked on a theater company show you Guys, No Shout Out. I Am a Theater Company. Uh. She is a member of I Am a Theater Company and Amy Rosa and I go way way back and have been best seed since we

were seventeen. So it's and then the other members are friends of friends and Cabral brought in Hannah Simone who just showed up at my house and I've never met her before and now she's part of Swim Club. Their makeup artists, there's a comedy writer, there's there's like all different women, summer stay at home moms, summer full time working moms, um and it has been truly I'm not

gonna cry, no, I'm already bawling. Has definitely been one of the greatest joys of my life has to to be able to be a mom and not be alone.

And so we are thought it would be very important and cool to have an episode talking about how you could maybe build one for yourself and why this might be a value for you in your journey of being a mom, and why it might be cool to find your own text chain of moms, why that might be helpful to you, and if you don't have that, how you can get something like it, and how that might be something that could be cool. Um. So I'm going to throw this out to Katie Davis. When you hear

the phrase, it takes a village. What do you think of? Oh, I think of women years ago and a hush and like your aunt and your second calls and twice removed, and the cat and everybody just in there helping you and making your food and boobs coming out and just it all being really natural. And I think the same thing. Yeah,

that's likely. I just think, yeah, yeah, when when the women came together, you feel like our village is far off from that and there's no cat, but no, it's something yet that I feel is missing, especially being a foreign person in a new country. So family, there's just no knowledge of actual blood family. But yeah, that's what I think of, just and and there being no nothing to be afraid of or or no hiding or shame.

It's just we're all here and we're all in it together, and like if you're going through with someone else has gone through, right. I have to say I felt very we know, and I've talked about on this podcast before how much of a phobia labor was for me. And I have to say, I think in the lineup of the twelve babies, I think my son is like second

to last or something. And I went into that labor and getting this kid out, knowing that you guys had all done it before me and that I was going to live and that was a huge source of To see it in real time was very um I'm like so emotional, but it was very um reassuring, wasn't it? Which one of us kind of we could be going

back to the swim club. We had those like maybe you'll speak on this, I don't know, but like how every week we would lose one of us to go up the baby, like there was one every week, Like there was less and less women pregnant in the swim club, and it was so kind of reassuring to know that we everyone had a different birst story. Everything was different, nothing was the same. A lot of plans did not go as planned, and everyone was fine and the babies

were even even when we had a scare. Oh yeah right, And we learned by watching and by observing that. So it made us all feel I think, very confident going into birth. Has the idea of community changed from before and after pregnancy and now that you have adelaide, Yeah,

for sure. I would say that, Um, I didn't have any pregnant friends before I met this crew, So for me, I was like, I'm going to be alone being pregnant, and then, thank God, by a miracle, we got I don't know how, I don't even remember now, but well, you tell me you were pregnant, and I knew I was pregnant, but I wasn't telling anybody, and I was like, holy crap, I'm like a week month, right, and you just told me you're twelve weeks pregnant and in a week and we had sort of known each other but

not and I remember that and I knew you were but I couldn't tell you, and you were like and I was like, I was pregnant, and I knew you were pregnant by the way you were acting, And you knew I was pregnant. Well, yeah, because we drink guys, You're always a tell tale. But nobody was telling Kennan. I had to do a scene on that I am a twenty three It's twenty three hour play festival, and I was showing pregnant and she was pregnant for not

telling anyone. And in the scene, obviously we had a comment on me being pregnant, but the whole time I was like, she's pregnant, right. I feel like our husbands had told each other they did pregnant before. I think that's always something whenever I found out that people are pregnant. Now, I always say, oh, just hold on. If you don't you don't know yet who you're walking this fire with, Like you don't know that someone's going to come out

of the woodwork. Who's a friend of a friend of a friend who might be a month behind you or two months behind you, And if you just like stretch out an arm, you could really go through this thing together. Um. But like when you said community, I just think that now my sense of community is very different because now it's only that, like it's this is the only community I care about. It's like where is my kid going to be? Who's going to be around my kid? And

and who knows what I'm going through? And and that's what I think. I didn't have that before. I didn't before. Uh. I want to talk about this text chain because I think that that is something that's super accessible to other women. Like I feel like if you're in a Mommy and me, or if you're in some sort of class, let's say, and you could easily volunteer, Like why don't we all get on a text chain or something, or maybe if you're not able to take classes and you feel isolated.

Like I'm just trying to really figure out how women everywhere could get this, because I feel like when we can talk more about the benefits of having a mom crew, but there are true, true benefits to having a mom crew. But um, like let's give examples of like how like a day on the life of the swim club text

Chaine goes. Usually it's about something that one of us discovered or has a question about, and then it's a riff on that, like you Amy Davis gave us a great breakdown about food that's a big topic for us, which and look, every kid and parent and is different depending on what your doctor said or you want to feed them, or if you have dietary stuff. But I my child happens to be the oldest or second oldest

in the group. So I just went through it first of I said, this is what I did and work for me, and if it works for you, great, and then you know. But yeah, it's a lot of love questions, like a lot of Amazon send links, Katie Davis send links, like people will post like this is a toy that my kid is obsessed with right now that's literally on sale, or they'll be like Carter's, you guys, it's having a pair of fifteen socks is two dollars, and all of a sudden, we're all doing that. But it were like

stuff that seems insurmountable. Remember when when we all thought getting a passport was going to be like going to you've got to go to Van Eye's, We've got to strap on a bulletproof, a joke of wine. And then I discovered from somebody outside of our group, oh, you can just make an appointment. You can drive up, and like it's now all twelve of us have made appointments in Burbank and we got our passports in ten minutes, right, yeah, yeah,

yeah yeah. So like stuff like that, you go, oh great, right, because there's there, We're doing everything for the first time, and it all seems overwhelming until you've done at once. And you don't want to Google. I would say that, like, just in general, stay away from Google. It's just too confusing and I'm often scary. Yeah yeah, I feel the

same way I before. I don't like to be a big Google searcher, and now I go to swim club text this morning, I was you know, I was very curious about which moms had started cereals for their kids, right, because again, i'll be just started eating solid foods two weeks ago, and he's done some fruits and vegetables. So I replied to the swim club saying, who's done oatmeal? Text me individually, let me know if you have or

haven't done it, what are your thoughts on it? And then then I usually take the consensus of the group. I think on it for a couple of days, and then I come to my own decision, which is gratefully because you're all amazing supported by my group. That's what can I say. Support is That's the other thing. It's not just baby questions. But even last week this came up because a lot of us are working moms, and even ones that aren't. You know, it's just challenging and hard.

It's being a mom and and having your life change with this amazing new creature and having each other for support on that. Even if one day someone's like, guys, I feel so sad. I haven't seen my kids today. I've been working for twelve hours. There's all these women that are like, who sent that text a mom, and I'm if I'm at home, I feel like I'm failing not putting an offen you into work. And when I'm at work, I feel like I'm failing because I'm not

putting an off energy into my child. And I don't know, I think we all just went to you. I don't know if you're talking about, but that's something that we all definitely we were always feeling like guilty about something and then you're like, I don't think that ever ends, Like I think you're just like a mom, So you're

just always guilty about something now. And that also ties into community and village because it's like it's not just our kids, like this is a group of women that's like you're alive every day and you're keeping people alive and you're awesome. I remember those first like the first month, when we were all up in the middle of the night and just being so grateful for the support. None of us knew what we were doing yet because it was so early on, and I remember Angelie and I

would text each other and be like, who's up. It's when It's when I am, And then we would go to bed after feeding our babies and then at four am we'd all be like, hey, who's up and just kind of having that you know, yeah, my I remember

you were alone the first fever albe had. I called Amy Rose of Davis and Laura Man first, because the other thing that's really cool about having a mom group, um, and we'll get into what's what can be challenging about a mom group is that everyone's going to raise their baby differently. There are some people that are into sliem trading, there are some people who are into on demand. There are some moms who are very fluid with attachment or you know what I like to say, really hippie moms,

which I love. And then there are moms who are super regimented and really tough love like, and we have them all in this too, v degrees of smothering styles, um, which is wonderful. Because my kid had a fever. And I called Laura Man because Laura Man, I know, has read a million books about giving your baby titlan all, and I wanted to know. I wanted to do the cliff notes version of that. I didn't know why or

why it would be bad or whatever. And I took all of Laura Man's information and then I called my friend Amy Rose so Davis, who has the oldest kid in the group, and I know she's given her talent, and I wanted to know how Ellie reacted to how did the fever go down? And then I called my pediatrician. So there's a hierarchy, Like that's yeah, there's a hierarchy, lawn everyone. But what's great is that each instead of finding what's different about us being an issue, what's different

about us is actually our greatest asset. And that's because I can get a lot of different opinions that are working for them and then really assess what works for me and my family. But I love getting multiple ideas and just learning about the different subjects and topics because I really truly respect how you all are doing it, um, even though they're not all the same as you. So has anyone here in this group found that any there are any online communities that you guys are using, or

any websites or I've definitely got an app. Yeah, I was gonna say, I like, there's an app that I love, um wonder Weeks that I find that really helpful for her developmental they call leaps. But like whenever she's like, there's something I can't crack. Like if she's like usually I unders understand her behavior. It's usually a diaper, she's hungry.

But if there's something that's like gnawing at her, it's a great app I find it a great resource to tell you exactly developmentally what's going on in her brain which affects her behavior directly because they're growing, they're learning there, you know, expanding. And it's cool because they you can attach it to your calendar, so it'll tell you in your iPhone calendar saying Sullivan is entering leap his brain

just woke up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, accurate. They take it from your Jude days rather Yeah, it's when you have it, but you have to take it with a grain of salt because it will say, oh, she's having a stormy period, and I'm like, she's fine, supposed to be stormy at the beginning. That's what I did, and then I was like, she's supposed to be fine and stormy. Right. It's just like everything though, it should be taken just like Katie just said, not just with a grain of salt. But

you have to do what's best for you. So it's like you take what you will from that app, and then you say, okay, well I'm not gonna take any other apps people are using. I mean I just use glow for breastfeeding. Ye as well, that was a good breastfeeding. Are there any are you guys in any online communities? Are there? Facebook? I've heard friends, mom this one called l A. It's called like l A. Mommy's yeah, I got some fie million mom. Or I find it overwhelming

and very alarmist, which I have no tolerance for. So it's seeming like of the five of us that we are really finding the most help from the village. We're raising our baby with more of a very personal local village. Because so by the way, guys, listeners, I like our village is very locally based. We don't live far away. I mean, you had to move ten minutes away. She needed to be I think I think that people listening. I think having a community is more important than having none.

Most importantly, so if you live in the middle of nowhere and there are no places for you except an online situation, get on that. But just no grain of salt. A lot of them can be alarmist sometimes, or you just have to sort of like going to the park is a great thing. I mean, I was at the park the other week and we always text each other first, or like, anyone want to go to the park, but no one could go that day, and I wound up standing next to a mom who her kid was on

the swing to and we started chatting. I did not get her number because I was like, I already have a swim club, but if I had, but she was so nice and I was like, if I didn't have anyone, the park is a great option, and classes are great options. So this is the app. So on top of swim Club text chain, which thank you iPhone or whatever phone, you can do a group texting on any phone, right, I think? So yeah, I'm like, we just happen to have iPhone so it's easy. So it's blue, but you

can do it on anything, I think. Okay. So so okay, so we're talking group text chains is really important. But there's also this app called Marco Polo um that can we call Marco Polo and a sponsor what you need to say what we call us? So ours is called Marco Holo, which is who create who's snecky that? So Marco Polo was is an app where you can leave. You can have all twelve people and they leave video

messages for each other. And why it's helpful is because sometimes when you have mombring and you can't look at eighty thousand texts from twelve women who are hormonal and it's great. Sometimes Amy will just send a text, Hey, I can't explain all the food stuff on text. Just check out my whole low and then actually Amy will walk us through. I did this food first, then this food first, and this first. You could even show the frigerator.

You could show yourself cooking it. You could show what the brand is of the best puade peach, you like, whatever it is. But it's very helpful. Um Becky Todd has how to use an anal thermometer with and then everyone freaked out about the rectal thermometer. So then I got on the Marco poland was like, look, guys, the rectal thermometer is only the size of like my it's half of my piggy nail, Like he can't feel it. It's fine. Because everyone was freaking out about the rectal thermometer.

And then I went out and bought the rectal thermometer. Did I use it, but I was scared before then, and then I was the same thing. I was like, okay, the group uses it, it doesn't And the first thing, yeah no. And the first thing you're done, pediatrician is gonna ask if your kid has a fever. They're going to say, well, did you take a rectal thermometer? It's the only one that actually matters. Is there any other examples of how market mark I did solar demage ration,

breast pump ones. I remember like, oh, you helped me so much to do a hand pump hand pump. I was like, do not show this to anyone, but we just took my clothes off our Marco Polos are usually like, sorry, I slipped it in private. I've got a couple of private Marco Polos where Laura Man has showed me how to use a handpump. I very much appreciated that. Yeah, no, no, no, the Medella handpump that you actually like pump with your hand. I never I always try just in case my pump

gives out or something. I don't want to be stranded, so I always travel things. I have learned that as well, you should always travel handpump in case your electricity is out or something that I also thought it was very helpful, like when there are moms in our groups, some are breastfeeding, some are not, and I think it's been very helpful to go through that journey with the mom's. The hormonal drop offs have been insane. Um, I know you guys, Yeah,

go ahead of me. I'm sorry. I said that one week when I when I weaned, where I broke down crying on it. Yeah. Oh yeah, you had a huge emotional breakdown on Marco Polo. Guys, Marco Polo is great. You lost your mind on Marktolo is great. And I was like, oh, I stopped breastfeeding, that's I'm like losing it. Yeah. And I appreciated that honesty so much because I was connecting with it and just to see somebody else going through it, You're like, I'm not alone. Thanks for being honest.

I think that's so important too, because it's so easy as moms, you know, when you're just like casual friends people to be like everything is great, it's very you didn't sleep, it's very And I feel like that's such a good point because I feel like we're all very honest. Yeah, we're talking about losing our hair. Yeah today our other friends showing like the biggest bald spot on the side

because you are horrific. Yeah yeah, Um. I think these are the two biggest and why I'm so excited to have you guys on is I think like the biggest themes we've been seeing in in the this season of Katie's Crib is that one it really does take a village two make sure you are healthy with yourself, of mind, body, spirit, and your baby and raising them. But the other one, which you just touched on, is the representative mom you're putting out in the world and really what's going on.

And I think that there are a lot of pressures and insecurities with being a mom, being around other moms, and I think it can get competitive, it can get surface, which just makes you more tired. Let's be honest. So do you guys feel any pressure or insecurities when you're in a group with other moms and even swim club? Like talk about swim club. We'll talk about what has been brought up for you and why having a village

of moms. We've talked about why it's great, but let's talk about why it's hard or things for other women to look out for when they're in a group of moms and how like, let's get a little bit on I mean, I think that the number one thing that's

always happens is there's two things that get competitive. How your child is developing quickly or not, like the milestones, and then how you are physically bouncing back, I know, a bottom line, Like that's all you ever think about and compare yourself to when you've just had a baby.

And some women bounce right back, some women don't, bottom line, And I think that for new moms who are listening to this or people out there who just had babies, like, don't compare yourself, Like I know it's impossible, but literally every person's body reacts differently when you have a child, and every baby is different and they're going to do things on their own time, So don't look at the

other babies because they're not yours. Well and along the same lines is then, like I never knew what a percentile was, but if you line up your baby one to a hundred, say, you know, like, for example, my child's third percent which my husband gets mad that I ever say that because it doesn't matter. But she's small, so out of a hundred babies, she's the third smallest. That is. That is an insecurity for you. So when you measure her on monkst Our twelve babies and she's

at her age, you get insecure about her size. And everyone's got their thing. That's right. Like like Albie just rolled over two days ago. He's almost seven months old. He is the last of the Albi. When you listen to this when you're sixteen, I love you so much. You're the last. All the four month old kids in our group have rolled over before. You know that Adlie doesn't have teeth yet. That's how I'm What can I tell you? My husband's favorite thing. My husband's just a messer.

His favorite thing is when people are talking milestones. He's like, yeah, yeah, do you know when you crawled over? Were rolled over? Crawled? No? Are you fine? Are you a functioning adult? Do you poop on the potty? And everything? Everybody he just goes, this is ridiculous. Why are we putting ourselves through this? Like who gives a ship? I mean, I think the best answers like just don't participate in any right. But he just likes to make fun when people are doing

we're pretty good at No. One. No, I don't feel that at all, but I do feel like I worry sometimes It's not competitive. I have a worry because my kid's the oldest way, or even I'm like, oh, did I do that wrong? Because you guys are so well researched, and like even like we're talking abo vaccinations and Laura's like the vaccination queen, and you were like, don't get to vaccinations at the same time, and I was like,

oh my god, did she always gets? So you know, it's so I sometimes I have a backtrack freaking out because and you as a trail everybody in the back. Yeah, I know, you go to Laura Man. I guess Laura Man just told you everybody's fine. Everybody's fine. How do you feel about it, Katy Davis? Like and insecurities that come up about being in a group of moms. Yeah, it's just that sometimes there's so many opinions and I and I and I sometimes envy maybe even just my

mom's generation. Of course that was probably more loneliness, but there was also just maybe a little bit more contentedness because because you didn't your decision and you and there you go because because we have access to so much information that's sometimes it could just get really noisy, and I love that. And also that leads me to the social media aspect of it, not necessarily within our group, but the competition out there with like you post a picture of your baby and how he likes it again,

and it's a weird. It's a weird thing with other moms that I have known, not in the swim club, but like, like, I don't know how I feel about it, but we keep saying, like why do we keep saying that, like not in the swim because we don't really get because I want if I could give that, I want to know why because no one's a threat or we've been through maybe because we've been through it since before we had the babies we were pregnant together, we've seen

are the complete transition into motherhood. Is that another group of um two of my best friends from my childhood were pregnant at the same time as me, and we had babies in similar times. And we're in a text hite a too. And we're also not competitive. I think we are just all maybe nice people almost I don't know. I think I have to also, can I mention Rebecca of course, so we had the same duel, and that was also a huge coincidence because we separately know each other.

And I'm knowing that she set the tone because she was the one teaching also our aquerobics or whatever, and I think she set a really healthy tone within our group of people, maybe if you agree. And also we were all taking her yoga class and it was really encouraged to always check in and be very honest and and like I'll still bump into women that were in that yoga class who I won't necessarily be hugely close to you, but I'll see them and go, oh my god,

how are you. That's your baby? Like I just met one of them at swimming yoga class. That's really awesome. And I think that, you know, as a leader, Rebecca is just so inclusive and just embodies a village, Like she has the ability to just bring people together, and she's just a very calming influence. Calming that's what she

meant to say. It was the talk of assuming this morning, But yeah, I don't know if that maybe had I think it's because she makes us celebrate each other instead of coming like coming out of love always and no matter what felt like a crisis, she was able to just have a chance about it and kind of bring it down. And she has so much experience and that's very true. Yeah, So I don't know, how would what would be your advice? Let's say, Laura Man, what would

be advice for new parents? Um who I don't know? And we could all go around who might feel isolated or where did they go? Like I just, I really I have found this to be so helpful, and I just I hope Katie's crib is helpful to moms and oh I hope that they too can find a village that can help them with their baby and finding motherhood at all easier. I think the classes really are huge getting out there and do some doing something like preno yoga,

even when you're pregnant. It's great. The earlier the better, but afterwards you can do mommy and Me or something like that. And I the one the cool thing about kind of joining the club of having a baby or being pregnant is that I feel like people are so much more open to hanging out with new people, Like in a yoga class. We're so right. It's like this weird thing where because I I've gone to yoga at the same place like every day for years. I see

the same people. We know each other. We don't really even know each other's names. We never hang out after class, even though a lot of times I want to. The second I was in prenatal yoga, I swear, I just you kind of say, if you have the courage to just say, hey, do you want to get a coffee after literally a d people are like, yes, please, I need to talk about all this stuff that's going on.

So just know if you can take that first initiative, which might be a little scary, you're like, sign they're not going to get rejected by the other persons. Really good advice. Yeah, just taking that step and knowing that people want it. And I think that when the women make the connection, then the dads can kind of have a connection to or if they have a you know

whoever their partner may or may not be. I also think a lot about we talked about this this single mom, you know who I mean, you really need I mean again, we're living in this time where this village idea is so different than what it used to be. I mean, we all collectively have the same idea of what it takes a village means. So we're like women were in a hut. Our boobs are out. I don't know why

we all feel that way. It's so weird, but you know, I think about, um, I think about doing this all by myself, Like I think about doing it without you girls. I think about doing it without Adam. I think about doing it you know, anything like that. I think the hardest thing is and even people who do have all those things can feel very alone. So I think the most important thing for everyone, I think, being pregnant or or having a new baby, is to just take that risk,

to put themselves out there. As lame and corny as that sounds, and it's hard. Now, it's hard. My my mom, who's visiting right now, has said to me, she knows all of you now very well with your mom, but she said, like, you are so lucky to have that group of women. My she sees it. She was alone. She had me and was like divorced, single mom, and she's like I had nothing, and you are, like that's

the most important takeaway. She's like, you're so lucky that you have these social events and like you make time for each other and you have each other to talk to. It's great. It's also just such a big change in your life to have to make a human and you know, even just every evening is different if you're alone, if you're with a partner anything, you are responsible for taking care of a life, and that overwhelm and along with all the response ability is a lot if you don't

have people to lean on for support and help and love. Yeah. Also one thing, these classes can get super expensive and you do around a mommy and me and you're taking music class and you're like, I'm spending eight hundred dollars a month taking on and it doesn't matter, you know. So maybe what you do, which I've done, is you

do one round a mommy and me. You make friends with these girls, and then you set up your own thing and you say, every single week, every Sunday, you know, whoever can come, can come, but it's going to be at noon. Someone's going to host it every Sunday, which

is kind of what we did, but I've started. I've done it with some other classes too, and you just hang out because like we were saying, it's all you need to do is talk to each other and maybe like, and you'll just tell each other what each other has done. You don't necessarily need a guided class for you know, the first year of your pregnancy. Some people are back to work and they don't even have the opportunity to be able to do that. So you don't just set

it up and have it be a regular thing. You bring up such a good point. We at at at swim club. I mean we uh at swim club. We we we we all had our babies and then we all I as had a teacher come to our my house on Sundays and I lead a class. It was fine.

Here's what we learned. We don't like it. We would rather just hang out on Saturdays or Sundays with everyone bringing a bottle, a snack or whatever and talking about the things we're learning, and talking about the things that were hard this week and really just being there for each other. And that's how I learned like everything. And also the babies love it. I mean this Sunday we went to Jackie's. My child had the best time just swimming in the pool with other babies. Like, we don't

have to pay for that. I do want to say something that I have found really helpful is really making an effort and it just happened organically for us too. And this is getting really specific, but to have friends with babies in and around the same age, just because I've had a couple of friends who have a child that's say, six months or a year older than mine, and you just forget, like you forget what you were

going through. Like I'm trying to think of things to tell my friend who's newly pregnant, I like, how can I not remember? And it's because you know, I don't remember when you're you're in it and then you're onto the next thing. And I also think that's how we continue to keep making babies because we don't remember it. But like, I think there's really something to be said for being within a few weeks or months of each other, because you really are in the trenches together at the

same time with the same issues. I'm not saying that you can't have friends that have, you know, kids of all different ages, but there's just something about really going through the same things at the same time. And I do think that that's maybe a good investment money wise for a mommy and me class because a lot of the time they'll be yeah, and so you'll you do one round and then exactly right, because otherwise, like what do you do your baby? And then take it on

and then take it on the road. And it's a healthy at the beginning, I mean, especially if it's your first time. The overwhelm is just so you know to have one every week and be like, wait, is this supposed to happen, rather than someone going oh, yeah, like it's totally fine, it'll pass, but it doesn't feel like that, right. So which I did two different I did two actually different mommy and me's um before even you guys were so pregnant because I was the first one up and

no before music. I did one in Beverly Hills and then one in the valley and it was really helpful. I didn't necessarily leave with a bond like we have with any amount, but I learned stuff that helped me get through that time that was very valuable. So this is a really scary question. How are is this village going to evolve as our kids go older and we

go to differ in schools? Guys, it's a gun happen, and people are going to move, and people are gonna and also just with the ages itself like not everyone's gonna be in the same class because maybe he's born the twenty six September and America says you, it's what you are on the first to September. It's September. No, no, but you'll be yeah, but you'll you'll be in our class. Yeah, but then he's gonna be the oldest one. That's the best. That's the best thing. I think you talk about this,

but everyone before September. Yeah, so there's a whole thing too, because Albie is only a week after your Sullivan. Um, but see you guys, this is already to swim club at work. But what I have heard is that um boys, because they their adolescence are and they're slower to puberty, that a lot of times they they it's better to if have a boy be the oldest in his class and the youngest, especially when they get to high school age and they haven't and they're doing like sports and

swim clubs. You want you want your sure? Uh, how do we think this village is going to involve? Because I think going to make friends, we're going to move away. People might have their second people, we're going to have our second at different times want to have any conversation that we were all having a second of the same. We're all I love that you're just giggling. I love it.

My first baby, I went home and told my husband Shanna told me to have a baby, and then my second one will be like, well, the swim clubs having their second baby. We're doing this. I really think that's what's gonna happen to something someone's gonna have pregnant. This is what I think everyone's going to start. If someone does that soon, I'm going to ring fucking Should we just make a pack that it's not before a year? Yah? What? Yes?

That is guys. Listen. I was just holding said that we haven't gotten to the pelvic floor episode, but I cannot um. I think that we it's gonna end up coming down to us actively making it happen. This is getting very weird and very like about getting it together like staying together swim club. I think you just have to try to uh first and foremost, also say thank you for coming on Katie's crib. Also say thank you because I think out of the whole group, I think

I had the roughest go at the beginning. Like I think I was really sad and not excited about being a mother, which you guys know hearing the postpartum depression episode. Um and I guys, like my uh like safe space and happy space. Was watching all of your faces on the Marco Polo app. Wow, this marct Pole app is really getting a lot of play today. Um. But I would be like breastfeeding at one o'clock in the morning

and not enjoying it and not connecting to Albie. Really and um and you guys really I don't know, like you just you did make it better. And I really, truthfully, honestly like I I don't know if but I actually I do know. I think if I would have been by myself, um, and I really didn't have you guys a support system. Um and I didn't have Adam in place, and I think, I definitely I think it would have been darker for a lot longer. So I say that to you guys all listening, because it is they're in

the olden times. There was a village for a reason in raising a baby, and now times may look different, but there are still ways to have it. Um. And that is reaching out a hand and taking that first step to meet someone in a class or at a park um or online. Is that safe? But I wouldn't go. I wanted to say thank you to Katie bring us all together because ultimately it was Katie that offered your home and brought us all together with I mean it was Rebecca too, but like it's because of you that

we have swim Club bottom line. So it's a big thank you. I did not title it swim club. I don't know say it's Hannah. I think it was Hannah. I might have been Hannah, it was whoever. You know, the way I'm a group text, you can type in a title. That's where it started. Do you know what YE might have been Becky. I feel like it was actually Becky. Well she named Marco Holo. This is so boring.

So I want to say about you is that I think one thing that was really great that you did is that you were super inclusive, and I think you sat that early on you didn't necessarily know everybody. Some people were, oh yeah, by the way, guys, swim I wasn't close to a lot of these women before swim Club. Like I didn't know I didn't know Hannah Simone. I knew Katie Davis through our husbands, but not on a personal level, Like I don't think I had your private

number like you and I didn't text. Maybe maybe here and there, maybe here and there, But because we can't remember anymore, my words are gotten. Laura Man and I almost we work together, like in a professional setting, and Amy and I go back interesting children. But um, you know so again, like we have already said, like having a baby and doing it with somebody who's a girlfriend is an awesome a chance for you to get close to a really cool woman going through something like huge

in their life. Um, it's cool that you yourself are going through it, and then it's super inspirational to watch someone who you're falling in love with their friendship also go through it. Um, is there any enclosing words? Are there any thoughts or sayings or advice or anything you want to say to the women, men, partners, significant others, children listening out there. I have one thing that a

friend told me before I did have my baby. Before you guys, and I have a friend who has two children that are older, not older, one is five and one's too, But she said something to me the minute I had my baby that really stuck with me. Which is and you reiterated this this episode, but it's really true, do what's best for your family. And the great thing about a village is, like you said, you get all these different opinions, but the most important is what's right

for your family, and that's all that matters. Great. I would also say, every phase ends, don't worry, it's all going to I mean, honestly, honestly true. And another good one that I stuck it through my whole pregnancy and now is just don't borrow trouble. It's great to have the advice, and it's great to know what everyone's going through, but just don't borrow the trouble. If it's not happening to you, you know, just keep your head down and

keep going. It might be more of an Irish phrase, but like, just don't borrow that trouble, you know what I mean, Like you can be supportive, what you also don't have to think, well, it's gonna happen to me,

that's gonna These are actually great, this is life. Yeah, in general, like you don't have to have a baby, like everything everything, don't borrow the trouble because I think what's best for your Like you were saying, you know, yeah, and I do think you have to trust your own instincts, which sounds so cliche, but when you do hear all this information, and you do if you are into research, which I'm overly into research. Katie Norman is like, you like the group though, do you think I do you

do your research? I think you do research. Why I think you pretend like you're not, But oh my god, I don't think it's I think it's because I hear a lot and I memory. I memorize a lot of what people tell me. I think that's what it is. You're literally on Marco pol the other day. We're like, this is the stock of books I'm reading. Yeah, this is the baby Lidating you guys, that's the first book I have ever read about parenting. But I really I'm

google that you actually read a book. I literally I guess what I'm not doing it, So it was a complete waste of time at the point being that you know, trust your trust your instincts, like actually actually take a second and your because your mind can just spin with all these different theories about what the heck you should be doing. If you're just like, okay, what is my body telling me I should do now to my my child that came out of my body, and maybe sometimes

you just do that, Yeah, you know your baby. Best guys, we're just going around around the circle with real gems here coming to the swim Club book. Hashtag send links. Hashtag send links is really our t shirt. I want to thank Andjolie Cabral. I want to thank Katie Davis. I want to thank Laura Man, and I want to thank Amy Rosoft Davis for being on Katie's Crib for

being a part of my village. And I encourage you all to reach a hand across and find anyone going through what you're going through so that you are not alone, and it will be awesome if you do. Thank you guys so much for listening to Katie's Crib. Make sure you subscribe to the podcast and tell your friends. And also if you go to the website shawna Land dot com and check out the crib notes, you can see a bunch of the different topics we discussed in today's episode.

Look at the guests their social media handles get more info. So check out shawna Land dot com and subscribe to Katie's Crib. Check wat