Coming to you from the Morning Star Mission sponsored studio. This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
In Christ, we have a new identity. Our old self is crucified. Do you have that verse up, Jonathan? Out of Romans six, I do.
Yeah. Romans six six and seven. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin.
What percentage of people do you think live with some level of regret?
All of them. 100%.
You think so?
I think it's up there. Probably, what, 80%?
I've seen a couple different stats. I saw 90% this. This stat says research shows most people, 72% feel regret related to their ideal self as opposed to their ought self. So this, uh, this regret. For many people, the regret relates to what I thought I would be versus what I actually am. Yeah, yeah. And maybe actions that I didn't take that would have gotten me there. Right. So you have the regret of like, oh, if I would
have taken that job. Yeah. Or you have some people who have a regret of, you know, I like to read I want this is okay. Fun fact I really love reading advice columns.
Okay.
In the like in the in the newspaper.
Like still.
Okay. I love it. I mean, I read, like, the advice columns every day. I love it because I'm so intrigued by the questions that people ask.
Okay.
And the advice that's offered. So I'm talking like your dear Abby. Yeah. Um, the Chicago Tribune has one called Ask Eric. And I love them. I really do read them every day. Okay. And it's amazing to me how many people write in with this kind of a question. In. So I was on Facebook and I came across a guy or a gal that I dated when I was in high school, and I'm wondering, I feel like I still have feelings for this person. I've been married for X amount of years, but I'm really not happy in
this marriage. So what do you think I should? I reach back out and just to see how they're doing. This question comes a lot of, I mean, the details of it different, but the amount of people, particularly in the area of romantic relationships, who look back to some past failed relationship and ask for advice. Should I revisit it now because maybe I missed out on something, maybe I should go back.
You know, I think this is something that a great word of wisdom that my wife says all the time, and I love it, she says. The grass isn't greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it.
It's very true.
If you're horrible at tending grass and you look at that grass over there and it looks really green, and you go, I'm gonna go over there. But then you're horrible at tending grass. It ain't gonna look so good.
The tendency is to look at the life I have now and wonder what could have been. Yeah, right. And so I, I'm, I'm fascinated by the number of times that this question comes up for people and wisely like surprisingly, these are not none of these are Christian per se. They're, you know, people who would consider themselves like kind of wise or learned experts and things. But almost always they say, no, no.
Don't do that.
Don't do that. And why? Because the the the solution to your regret or to you, your discontent with where you're at in life now is never going to be to look up an old flame on Facebook and see if you can get that thing going again.
It's not going to solve it. It's not going to heal. It's not going to heal, you know.
But what else do people often look to to manage regret?
That's a great question. Uh, sometimes substance, if you don't feel like you can do anything about it, sometimes it's just better to be numb.
What do you think he took?
Whether it was drugs, alcohol, food, whatever it may be, it's definitely a substance. I think at the time.
We talk about midlife crisis. You know, midlife crisis usually stems from the fact of I'm almost. You mean I'm halfway through my life, and and this is where I'm at. And so, you know, you go out and you buy the new car or you get all these things. So materials. I think spending money is a big way.
Other bad relationships.
Other bad.
Go to another one. Another one and another one. Yeah. Yeah.
And you know, regret is such an interesting thing because, I mean, the stats don't say 100%, but I think anybody, any honest person would say that there are some things I would do differently.
Yeah, absolutely. If you don't, it's a it's more scary than anything else. If you said, I've gone through my entire life and there's nothing that I ever would have done differently, I'm a little afraid.
I stand by every decision I've ever made.
That's a red flag right now. The ones I.
Made when I was 18. Stand by all of those.
Coming.
Up, though. We're going to look to the Word of God. What do you do with the regret, with the desire to be a better version of yourself in Christ? We actually can be new, but something has to die first.
He was running from God, but God's love brought him home. Carl is in the crew. It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
Well, because of the cross of Jesus Christ, you don't have to live. I don't have to live with the regret and the shame of my past. Thankfully I can't change it per se. I can't go back and undo some of the bad decisions I made my freshman year of college. When I went away to a different state as a 17 year old knucklehead who thought I knew everything and made some bad decisions, which I won't get into right now. I'd like to change some of those things.
Sure.
Because it wasn't a great part of my life, but I can't. No, I can't go back. And for some of you, there are parts of your life that haunt you, and that's not a misuse of the word. You can't get past what you were, who you were, the anger, the addiction, the rage. Or maybe that's where you still are. I want to remind some of you and for others of you, maybe tell you for the first time that you actually can put to death who you once were,
even if you can't change the past. New life in Christ is offered to us, if only we would take hold of it. Let's talk about it coming up.
She was trying to earn her way to God, but God showed her she didn't have to. Ali is in the crew. It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
Well, there's nothing sweeter than a nickname, right? That nickname that you can't seem to out.
Sometimes there's something sweeter.
Sometimes.
Sometimes there's nothing more annoying. 33,204 says my name is Melanie. I'm still called Melanie Belly. I'm 50. Oh, here's a fun one. My nickname is Crayola. The Crayola part is from leaving my box of crayons in the hot car when they melted. Oh, the D is my middle name
still today. My brother will still sometimes call me Crayola D. Another sweet one 5942 says that my youngest brother is ten years younger than the rest of the siblings, so whenever there was a children's message at church, we would all lean over and look at him to remind him it was time to go up in front with the little kids. We continued to do that when he was a teenager, and even now that he's in his 30s,
can you imagine? They're all sitting at church and they look down and go, hey, it's children's church time.
Not letting it go in.
Front when you're the youngest by ten years. I think maybe there's a little or maybe a lot of that ribbing from your older.
Siblings.
Coming up, though. Let's talk about what it looks like to have a new identity. Sometimes it's painful how much we feel like we can't outrun, outlive, outgrow what we used to be. Only in Christ can we actually be new. How do we take hold of it? You know, it must be hard wired in us to want to continue to be a newer, better version of ourselves, you know?
Yeah, absolutely.
You want to outgrow the parts of you that, to borrow a phrase that's pretty common right now, no longer serves me. Yeah. This part of my life is not who I am anymore. And so people go to great lengths sometimes to separate themselves from their past.
Absolutely.
Or parts of their past that they don't like.
Yeah. Sometimes it's straight up moving. You know, Carl talks about from his story and he shared it when when he was set free from cocaine addiction and alcoholism, that he moved states to get away from the people that he knew would be a problem.
And even before you're in Christ, sometimes people will move to get away from, I can't live in this small town anymore. I can't be who I want to be here. People sometimes will do dramatic appearance changes to try to not be. You know, a lot of times if you are someone who maybe struggled with your weight or some aspect of your physical appearance, you see people go to great lengths to try to prove to everybody that that's
not who I am anymore. Yeah. The teasing that you used to subject me to the gossip, the bullying, that's not me. And I think we're hard wired to want to improve ourselves. Every January 1st, people decide that this is the year that I'm going to be something that I haven't been before. But the reality is it's it becomes a hamster wheel, right?
Oh, yeah.
Because you find yourself frustratingly so kind of back where you always were.
Yeah.
Even if you look different, live in a different state. It's like I can't seem to outrun me.
I'm not breaking this thing. And sometimes, you know, you just you say, oh, man, I, I keep ending up in the same place I once was, or I'm out of that place. But I can't forget the things who of who I once was. I can't go back and change things now. I'm stuck with just the memories of regret.
Why can't I be the person I want to be? Yeah, well, take us to Romans six. Jonathan.
Yeah.
We can be in Christ a new person. But explain.
I mean, this is this is so important because Romans six six says, we know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. And then continuing in verse seven, for the one who, for one who has died, has been set free from sin. So in our life there are sins that we do. There are decisions that we make that we regret, that we look back and we say, I don't want to be that person. I don't want to.
I don't want to live like that anymore or I'm not living like that anymore. But I hate that I did at one point in my life and I just can't forget it. The amazing thing is that Christ sets us free through his death on the cross, that when we believe in him, those decisions that we've made, that person that we don't want to be, maybe you're still that person that you don't want to be. Uh, when we come to him, he takes that part of us. He takes the sin off of our shoulders, and he
nails it to the cross. It dies just like he did. Except it doesn't rise again from the grave. He does. And we are with him. We don't have to be identified by those things from our past. We don't have to be identified by the things that maybe were just changing from today. We're identified by Christ and His righteousness.
What does that look like in your life? You've shared pieces of your testimony, but.
This.
This passage in particular really resonates with you.
Yeah. It does. So my story, I, I grew up in a in a in a Christian home. My dad's a pastor. I went to Moody Bible Institute and I worked at Moody Radio. And then I got saved. I thought I knew Jesus, I thought I, I was all good to go, and that's kind of how I looked at it was all good to go, not really having much of a relationship with him, but I got my box checked and I'm good. I'll. I'll see you up there. Uh,
now I'm going to go do what I want to do. Uh, you know, God was telling me, putting it on my heart from the teaching here on Carl and crew that that wasn't that wasn't right. That wasn't good enough. Just checking a box. But he wants my whole heart. And I wasn't giving it to him. So I came to Christ. I surrendered to him. I gave him my life. I told him I was going to follow him. I have a relationship with him. But there have been many times in my life that wall the last, what, six years now?
It's been almost six years since that happened. And sometimes I'll just be out walking my dog. I'll be by myself. And a memory of the life I used to live comes to mind. And I hate it. I get filled with fear. I get filled with shame. I get filled with regret because I didn't live a good life. To some people, you know, my parents, uh, the people at church, they would have never realized that I wasn't living a good life. But I was really good at hiding things. Uh,
I was a deceiver. I was a liar, I was mean, I was a jerk. I was very and I was. Yeah, I was very mean to people. Uh, I wanted to fit in in high school, and I was willing to make other people not fit in so that I could fit in so that I didn't have to be in that group of people who didn't fit in. And and I said horrible things to people that I regret. I
made them feel bad. And now I look back at my life and I'm like, man, some of those kids went home with the words that I told them, you know, some of those kids sat in their room by themselves, and all they had were the things that I said to them, and that's horrible, and I hate it. And there are plenty of other things that come to my mind of regrets that I wish I didn't. I wish I didn't do I wish I didn't make this decision over here, I wish I. I didn't try so hard
to fit in and do this over here. Uh, you know, they come to my mind all the time, but I know that that's not who I am. That person. It's not even like, oh, I've made some changes in my life.
I'm a better version of myself now.
No, it's.
Not, it's.
Not. It's a completely different person. I'm not. I'm not that Jonathan anymore. That Jonathan got nailed to the cross. Uh. He's dead. I don't have to worry about him anymore. I'm new in Christ. Do I still sin? And do I still struggle? Absolutely I do, but I'm identified in Christ. I identify areas of my life that he's changed completely. And even though I still do sin, I recognize the fact that God put my future sins up on the cross too, and so I don't have to be identified
by those. I look at those and I say, God, thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you that you died for me. Thank you that I don't have to be identified by that. And then I walk forward with him and I leave those in the dust as well. And so life is different now. Do I still get hit with the regret? Sometimes? Yeah. But I go back to Scripture because my God tells me I don't have to. I don't have to hold it anymore.
And that our old self Romans six verse six, we know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. So many of you hear Jonathan's story, and you can we can all relate. Whether it was you were mean to people, or maybe you were promiscuous, or maybe you were a thief, or maybe you were whatever. And there are thoughts that still haunt you, memories that you can't
seem to shake. Here's what I want us to do this morning. I want us to declare our new identity in Christ in a kind of unique way. I'm going to ask you to fill in the blank as you call and share in your story. I used to be blank, but in Christ I am not anymore. Young Thunder, you start. I used to be what.
I think the most prominent thing for me was deceiver.
I used to be a deceiver. But in Christ, I'm not anymore.
Yeah.
What is it for you? 800 555 7898. We're going to put to death once again what's already been put to death. But we're going to be reminded that these old identities, these old sins, have been put to death. Our old self was crucified with Christ. Now we live in a new identity because of him. I used to be fill in the blank, but in Christ, not anymore. 855 five 7898. 855 578 898 Freedom Friday. Let's get your story.
She's a choreographer extraordinaire and everything is Greek to her. Super die is in the crew. It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
You know, there's a quote, and I. I who said it escapes me at the moment. So someone will have to look this up for me. But it's essentially that what you think about when you think about God is the most important thing about you. And it's so true. If you were to really boil it down and you have a conversation with with any person that you would meet on the street in the grocery store, what they think about when they think about God is going to
tell you more about them than anything else. In a moment, you'll be able to know a little bit about where they're at spiritually. Yeah. Is it? Yeah. I think that, you know, God is there's something bigger than us out there. Or when I think about God, I think about a higher power. Or I think about what are some other things that people might say that they think about when they think about God.
Yeah, I've heard the well, I think that there is a God out there, but I don't think that he's very interested in what we're doing down here.
Yeah. If there's a God, maybe there is. I don't think he's interested in me or I don't think there is a God at all. Yeah, you're going to get a variety of responses, but God you are if you if you can pin that down, that Jesus man, you are Savior. You are Redeemer, you are deliverer. You are a friend. You are a Savior, man that gets you on the right path. This morning, Freedom Friday here on Carlin Crew. Here's the question. What were you? It's basically
what we're going for. And I'm asking you to kind of fill in the blank. I used to be. Then you fill in the blank, but in Christ, I'm not anymore. I'm going to go through some of what's coming in on text message. I love the text messages, but boy, I'd love a phone call more than a text. 800 555 7898. I used to be self reliant, but in Christ I'm not anymore. I came in by text message. I used to be unforgiving. I used to be selfish. I used to be an addict. But in Christ, I
am not anymore. Glory to God. What do you say this morning? 800 555 7898. (800) 555-7898. Super die. What would you fill in the blank with? Obviously, you can't capture a whole story in a word, but I used to be.
This is hard to say. Um. I used to be very vindictive. Very vindictive. Um, there was a jealousy base to it, a jealousy foundation. Like anybody who had a sweet story, a sweet family story, whatever the case may be. But just anybody who kind of crossed my path, that wasn't what I thought in my mind. Was kind or did something to me, and even from my past. Like I carried that vindictiveness with me, like I didn't never let go. Forgiveness that, you know, put that all in
that same bag. And that's what I was carrying.
But in Christ, in Christ.
In Christ, but God.
Well, and the we always say this when we hear a little bit of super nice story when we hear that there, the anger, the vindictiveness. It's so hard to even fathom. Right, Jonathan? I mean.
Oh, yeah, when you think of somebody, you're like, there's absolutely no way that you were sitting there and and being mean or vindictive to people or bitter towards people. I mean, Diana is one of the most loving people that you've ever known. It comes off in the way she speaks on radio, but then you see her in person, you're like, oh yeah, that's the same person. Absolutely.
And the power of Christ. Oh, right. To change? Yes. To where? You know, because. Because in your past, so much of your AI identity does get wrapped up in in in sin. Honestly.
Oh, absolutely.
And it's because it's hard to separate it. Because without Christ, you know you're loved by God.
Yes.
But you're not a child of God apart from Christ. So, so much of how you live is is rooted in sin. If you just call it what it.
Is, absolutely.
You're in a trap. And there you are. You're stuck. We talked about, like, quicksand. Yeah. You're just sinking and sinking and sinking into that sin.
I'm going to go back to our central passage for today, Romans six six and seven. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Here's the question this morning. It's a fill in the blank which which I really love. I used to be dot, dot, dot, but in Christ I am not anymore. I'm asking you to declare that this morning. Pin it down to a
word or two. What were you. What did you used to be? That you are no longer now that you're in Christ? 805, 55, 7898. First time caller calling in this morning from Illinois. Leonard. Go ahead. I used to be. What?
Yeah, I used to be a raging alcoholic. But in Christ, I am sober.
Praise God. Uh, give us a little bit more of your story.
Uh, I would say some 15 years ago or so, I was just, you know, making a lot of money and just thought that was the way of life and just drowning all my trauma and resentment, you know, from earlier life and previous relationships with alcohol, you know, and being in mortgage banking and real estate could be stressful and heavy, but it was always the bottle that I thought would, you know, help me calm. And it just
caused more issues. And our good Lord, you know, bless me with a with a loving wife who's very well into the word and understanding of such. And the past eight years has just been such a joy.
Wow. Leonard, first time caller from Chicago. Thank you so much for calling in and sharing your story on this Freedom Friday. I used to be, but in Christ I am not anymore. Mike, first time caller from Illinois. I used to be. What was it for you?
Well, I was a, uh, a drug dealer. Drug addict? Uh, a lot of things I wasn't supposed to be. But most of all those things I'm glad I'm not is, uh. I'm glad I'm not a drug addict. You know, uh, strung out every day. The first thing on your on your mind when you wake up. And the last thing on your mind before you go to go to bed at night if you went to bed that night. So, man, uh,
glory to God, man. He's who. Who I guess I get, I mean, I just get, uh, right now, I feel like chills going through me just talking about it, because there was some horror stories I remember. Not even, um, not even wanting to see the sunshine. Yeah, I used to. Yeah, I used to, you know, I didn't anything that was, uh. That was good, I hated it. I hate to see happy people, um, you know, because I wasn't happy, but, you know, um, God came, and he and he, you know,
he saved me. He he, uh, you know, dusted me off. He shook me, and and, uh, he broke me and remade me until I. What he wants me to be.
Amen. And, Mike, you know, he gave you new life in Christ. In Christ, you are free. We are declared righteous not because of our good works or our attempts to please him, but because of the blood of Jesus Christ. We stand in the righteousness of Christ. Coming up, let's talk about what that means for you this morning. If you are still stuck in your identity of sin, man, it's a good day to be free. This is Andrew Ripp.
He's a sports fanatic with a stat for anything you can think of. Young Thunder is in the crew. It's curl and crew on Moody Radio.
Well, you know, before you're in Christ, your identity is really rooted in in your sin. Because we are identified as a sinner until we are identified as a child of God. That has to be that. That transformation only happens because of Christ. So we've been asking you this morning, what did you used to be before you were new in Christ? A couple more text messages. This one came in and I used to be floundering before I was in Christ. I used to be lost. I used to
be self reliant. This one. I used to be wild and in unhealthy romantic relationships. Now I'm free and obedient in my singleness until God provides a spouse for me. I used to be a good little Pharisee. I'm still recovering. Pride is a sneaky sin.
That's a horrible statement, man.
It is a sneaky sin. But you know what? By the grace of God. Yeah, you've seen it.
Can break that sin of pride, self-reliance, addiction. Let's go back to the phone lines. Aldo calling in from Chicago this morning. I used to be. What would you say?
Hey, thanks for having me. Um, I used to be self righteous and. Yeah. And now I am no longer a fool through Christ.
Wow. You know, Aldo, that that's my. That's the word I would use for my own story as well. What? What did that look like for you?
Oh, man. Uh, where do I begin? Um, really? You know, I thought I was working hard. You know, I had I started having kids early and again through lack of self-control, you know, as a, as a teenager. But I'm like, I'm doing the right thing and I'm going to raise my family and we get married, right? And we end up having four kids, and I'm working hard going to school. But again, I'm inside. I'm just dying inside doing things I shouldn't be doing, hiding it from my family. Right?
My wife and I were hiding it from from the kids as we were raising them. But everything that we're doing in front of them is, you know, righteous. It's the right thing to do. We're working hard, we're making a living, and we're just dying inside because, you know, there's sin all over the place. And I'm thinking, well, I'm justified, right? We're doing the right thing. I'm justified.
And and we I just, you know, our marriage didn't last after 19 years, and and I just it all came to a peak and and I realized, you know, this something's got to give. And that's, that's really when I began, I didn't even that's not even my, you know, conversion there, but it's when, it's when Jesus really began to show me, like, dude, something's got to give. You said it yourself. What is that?
Yeah. Aldo from Chicago. You know, it's so many layers to that and that this idea that we can somehow make ourself righteous. I mean, it's an expression that somebody self righteous. We think about somebody who kind of puts themselves above other people. Right? Kind of yeah. Based on whatever they have or have achieved or their ability to keep rules.
I'm better.
I'm I'm better. That's a self righteousness. But even if you wouldn't have described yourself as self righteous, any attempt to make yourself pleasing to God based on your own good works is a form of self righteousness because self is at the center always. And if you've listened to our show for any length of time, anything where self is at the center is going to be a losing battle. Yes.
Yeah, absolutely. Well, Carl talks about it all the time. He says that, you know, humility is the birthplace of righteousness. Uh, but I think the opposite can be true, too, where pride is the birthplace of all unrighteousness. That, yes, that pride comes before the fall. Is is a really accurate text that I think we need to be careful of.
You're listening to Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
What do you do when life takes an unexpected turn and you, you find yourself in a set of circumstances that you never expected to be in? What do you do? All of us have faced that to some degree. None of us have a life that panned out. Maybe exactly how. But for our guests today, Rachel Falkner Brown, twice widowed by the time you were in your early 30s. Tell us a little bit about your story before we get to your ministry. Incredible ministry to widows.
I was widowed the first time. My husband was 27. The picture of health and had a massive aneurysm five days after September 11th. And, you know, I was 23. We had just started to talk about having a family. We'd been married three years and life was just upside down, and never, ever did I imagine I had buried a grandparent. I'd never had a friend pass away. So it was just the first, you know, experience I'd ever had with someone who wasn't supposed to die, I guess. You know, and, um,
obviously devastating. I learned to worship. I would actually sit in my bedroom and listen to Fernando Ortega's Give Me Jesus every night. I didn't know what else to do. I mean, it was just like, I will say, I had the foundation that, you know, worship fixes a multitude of ailments, Right? And so I would just sit there and just sing at the top of my lungs when I come to die. When I am alone, give me Jesus.
And you know, it healed parts of me. And I was able to move on a year later and remarried after dating Blair Faulkner, who's a fighter pilot in the Air Force. And we, um, were married for five years, two kids. And he went to fly on this beautiful April day. And he and his student pilot were killed instantly when their plane took off and the cable in the wing broke, and they both ejected from the jet and the jet. The ejection seat doesn't work below 1000ft.
So they were both killed instantly on that beautiful day, and I was left widowed again as a 31 year old young mother with a five month old and a two year old. And to say that it was different the second time would be like the understatement of the century. Because, you know, I just remember looking in my rear view mirror and seeing those kids as I got the news from the chaplain, and he told me they were looking for me and just thinking, oh my gosh, like, this
isn't about me anymore. You know, this is about those two little people who are going to be fatherless. And, you know, I couldn't believe it was my reality. I've kind of gotten my suffering card from, you know, I mean, I've paid the price, right, for this life, but in this world, we will have troubles. And there's just no guarantee that when bad things happen, that more bad things will happen. In fact, they will. That's just the reality
of our life. But take heart, I have overcome. And if Christ is in me and he's the hope of glory, then then that's it, right? I mean, that's it. And somehow I knew that. But I was still in total shock.
Yeah. Rachel Faulkner Brown with us right now. She has an incredible ministry. Never alone. Widows. How did your faith. I'm probably the biggest question that people would would wonder is how does your faith survive? I mean, how do you how do you survive two devastating, shocking losses like that and come out with a faith intact?
Yeah, well, I didn't do it. Well, Ali, the reason I started the ministry is because I wanted people to. To do it better than I did it. Let me just say, because I really, you know, I think so many Christians just feel like they need to wave the banner of hope for Jesus, and they forget that lament and grief is just such a part of being a gospel centric person. And that was me. I was just like, I have to show the world that Jesus is enough.
And I did that. I did that from a place of emotional bankruptcy, and I read Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, actually going to speak and share my story in Idaho. And I read that book on the plane and sobbed the entire way to Idaho because I was like, this book is my life. And I didn't know it. I was like spiritually in the heavenly realms. And yet emotionally, I couldn't tell you. Like the last time I had a feeling because I was just like, I've got to carry
the banner. I've got to make Jesus proud. I've got to show all these people that he's enough. And he's like, girl, the work is rest. And I did not know that. I mean, I didn't know my head from a hole in the ground when it came to emotional healthiness. And he's like, I came to heal you in your, you know, your emotions, your mind, your will, your your heart, your body. And I didn't know that. I thought my emotions were getting in the way. And they don't need to lead,
but you have to feel things to heal things. And I did not do that well, which is really why I started the ministry, to be very honest.
Rachel Faulkner Brown, coming up, let's talk about this ministry out of her journey of of grief, of processing, of getting it wrong. Although I'm not even sure what getting it right looks like. More coming up. Her story has a very hopeful side that I think is going to encourage you coming up here on Carlin Crew.
Your shot of hope to help you through the day. This is Carlin crew on Moody Radio.
Got a special guest right now, Rachel Faulkner. Brown lost two husbands before she was 31 years old. Out of her grief, out of her healing. She founded the largest Christian widows ministry, 501 C3, in the country. It's called Never Alone Widows. You know, you mentioned that in those early stages of grief, after your second major loss, you tried so hard to hold up that banner that said, Jesus is enough for me. I'm doing okay. When did you get to the point where you realized, I don't
have to do this? I don't have to try to put on this smile that says, Because I'm a Christian, this doesn't hurt as much as it actually does.
Well, it's not a pretty story. I was actually in Kroger and a friend of mine happened to be with me and she watched me explode on this woman who was in front of the microwave popcorn. This is just the silliest story, but it's so real. And this woman was on one of those scooters. She had an oxygen tank, and she proceeded to tell me that I was going to get cancer from that microwave popcorn if I bought it. And the deepest wound in my soul was. And fear in my soul was that I was going to leave
my children orphaned. And she poked the bear. Oh my goodness. And I lost my mind on this woman in Kroger and praised the Lord. My friend watched and we got to the car and she was like, Rachel, you need help. And I was like, no, I'm fine, I'm fine. I just she just she was wrong. And, you know, and the ultimate reality is I had deep, deep fears, but I didn't know it. I couldn't address it. And I ended up in therapy for two years. I had a secret, you know, I'd been abused when I was ten, 11
and 12 by a distant family member. I'd kept that secret for 25 years. I was just a ball of shame and hiding and fear and just, oh my gosh, like you name it, I had it, but I looked so good from the outside. Ali. And that's so many Christian stories. We're just like little performers for Jesus. And until you implode and somebody sees it and I and I did praise the Lord and ended up in therapy, I did a ton of inner healing. And, you know, that was the crux for me is I learned to
feel again. And that was such a huge process. I didn't know how to comfort myself. I didn't know how to comfort my children. And I really learned that Jesus wants to comfort all of us, and I wasn't letting him do that.
So never alone. Widows as a widow, all of a sudden you're in this kind of this society of of loss and of grief. And what caused you to say, this is a need. We need to minister to women like me?
Well, I think at the end of the day, you never know what you're really doing when you start a ministry. And I was just I was just like, I just want to help the younger version of myself. I mean, genuinely, like I said, that and a friend. There were nine widows who had all gone to Auburn University, and they lived in Birmingham. And a friend kind of gathered them and said, Will you come over and speak? And I was like, sure. And on the way home, I was like,
we could do this, like on a bigger scale. Like, we could invite 20 widows from all over the country to come to Milton, where I live in Atlanta and, you know, put them up in my kids bunk beds and give them this amazing weekend and resource my friends. You know, I knew all my friends would rally and they would be like, yes, of course we want to help widows. And that just turned into this nationwide ministry I'd never dreamed. I mean, you just you don't know
what God is doing. But I will tell you, I have seen he is going to take care of his widows. And he passed the baton. Honestly, he was like, Rachel, you know the mandate in James 127, you thought this was just to help the younger version of yourself. But it's really to to help the kingdom advance, because widows have powerful stories that people want to hear. They're like, you know, the wreck on the side of the road.
You got to look right. And I think at the end of the day, when they use and wield that power for his glory and his kingdom, oh my goodness, like unstoppable. They are so powerful and so resourceful and generous and yeah, it's amazing what God can do with a widow who's surrendered to obedience.
You mentioned James 127 religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. What did you learn as a as a widow first in your own experience, then beginning to share your experience and minister to other women in a similar situation? What was missing from from the church? The way the church tries to minister to widows?
Well, they don't know who the widows are in their church. That's part of the problem. And we don't wear badges that say, I'm a widow. So you've got to really there's a work, there's a work involved to find out who she is. And, you know, I love oil change ministries, like, you know, checking the box you're doing. That's great. But at the root of it all, she needs to feel
seen and known and heard. And that's what we created with Never Alone as a pair of church ministry to say, hey, we know it's hard for a church to find these widows, but we can help you find them. And then we've got the curriculum to plug and play and get them the help that they need. Because the reality is, Ali, the reason they get there is because their husband died. But the reason they experience healing is because of something
that happened in their childhood. 99% of the widows who come, they already had shame on board when their husband died, or they have a secret, or they are depressed, or they didn't have a good marriage and they don't know where to go with that information, and then their husband dies and he becomes this overnight hero when a lot
of times he wasn't. I hate to say it, and they don't know what to do with that, but when they're in a community of people who are safe and have the same stories and can relate man, the honesty flows and that is what we create is honest, safe spaces for these weirdos to actually be healed.
My goodness, what an incredible ministry. I'm curious, is it primarily for younger widows? Is that.
Where.
You're.
Seeing most? We're everywhere. I mean, we've got 25 to 85. Typically they're over 50. Average age is 59 for a widow and 40, you know, 60 is the new 40. Let's be honest. So these women are vibrant and they don't look like widows that you you know, the gray haired ladies at church, like it's not that anymore. And so, yeah, our local groups are definitely, you know, 50 and up most of the time. There are definitely leaders. You know, a lot of times the groups look like the leader.
All of our retreats are for widows with children. So those intimate retreats, we just feel like they have the hardest time healing because they're trying to take care of 3 or 4 little hearts and themselves. And you know who loses in that? It's it's her. And then the conference is for any widow. And then the groups are for any widow believe or non-believer. We want everyone to be there.
Wow. Incredible. Yeah. And now you've compiled or helped compile some of the stories in this little devotional widow's mite 365 Days of Strength for Grief and Loss. Tell me about this resource and what it's intended to do.
It is intended to be the hope in the dark because I mean, so many widows experience brain fog. Widow fog is what we call it. You can't read read in the Bible so hard. Every widow will tell you, oh my gosh, it's so hard. And you feel so guilty because your brain is literally scrambled. But you can
read 225 words. And when it's somebody else's story and God did it for her, and I can read that, he can and I can feel and know that God is still good, even though my circumstances aren't good, you're like, well, maybe you can do that for me. And of course
he does. And, you know, on my tombstone it's going to read she was a collaborator because I just love collaborating with 200 of my widow friends who said, yes, Rachel, we want to tell our story in the dark so that another widow can be healed and feel comfort and hope that she doesn't currently have. And it's so funny to watch people they'll, like, keep six of them in their car. It's unbelievable. When you are looking for widows, you will find them. They are everywhere. 2800 new a day a day.
Wow. Rachel Falkner Brown. If you are interested in more about both the the resource and this ministry, just text the word strength will get you set up. Text strength to 800 555 7898. Text strength to 800 555 7898. Rachel, your love for the Lord, your love for other widows is contagious. Thank you so much for offering hope to so many this morning.