This podcast is intended for mature audiences only and may contain content that could be triggering. Please listen with discretion. Stephanie's life had always been dictated by others. I. Her parents, her church, and her faith, every choice was already paved. Every decision was measured against expectations that she never set for herself. But breaking free from that kind of control isn't just one moment. It turns out it's a series of them. And survival sometimes means.
Making choices that don't look perfect from the outside. Survival is a type of exhaustion you feel in your bones. It's messy, painful, and full of difficult choices. All while under public scrutiny. I just kept saying like, what is broken in me? 'cause all I wanted to do was love. And then I'm living out in, you know, this small town. And I'm their youth pastor.
Still never dealt with my own stuff 'cause I don't know how, but I'm trying the best to love these kids and do my best and I, I got to the point where it was just hard to keep fighting. We took this big trip to Trinidad. And there was some of the congregation members that volunteered to go and we were going up in the mountains to do some performances for, uh, their youth there in Trinidad. And, uh, I, I came under fire for this one because I was very young still at this point.
I was probably 21, 22. And I needed everybody, I hate to say it, to fall in line because it was like we weren't there for ourselves. And so one girl was supposed to be in one group, another lady was supposed to be in another group, and they wanted to be together instead. And I said, well, now there's a group of children that do not have, you know, an adult in their group now to help them. And I said, you don't have a choice. This is what you're here for.
So I felt like this strong responsibility. To do what was right. And so when we came back from that trip, um, I will say, I think all hell broke loose in the church. Yeah. Okay. I was put on the guillotine basically, but I ended up taking a break and went to the old pastor's church in Mississippi and end. They were the pastors that were at the church before. My mom and dad took it over. I drove there and stayed for I think, almost two weeks and just reset.
I. They did personality tests on me while I was there. They, what, what is why, like Myers-Briggs and stuff? Yeah. I'm sure that they sent me there to, you know, get me help. I, I thought I was going there to just take a mental break and then talk to them about fundraising because we had done so well with fundraising in our youth group. Yeah. And in that break, I realized that I needed to resign from my position, that it was just too much. Okay. I was working all the time.
And I had a baby still. Wow. And this baby's just being, you know, she's being tossed around between people and still trying to, um, make my parents proud. Do a good job. I was tired. You come back from Mississippi. I stepped down from my position shortly after that and then decide that. I am moving to Ohio. Hmm. And going to World, world Harvest Bible College for, um, mostly their music program, world Harvest Church.
It is a machine, a sprawling mega church led by televangelist Rodney Lee Parsley, a man who built an empire on fiery sermons, faith healing. And teaching the gospel's promise of prosperity to those on the outside. He's a charismatic leader. To those inside, he is unquestioned authority. The church is more than just Sunday services. It is a business, a brand, and at the heart of it all is Valor. Christian College, which was also founded by Rodney Lee Parsley, it is considered a private.
Bible College where the motto is the School of Revival. It is a training ground for the next generation of believers. Students aren't just there to learn theology. They're there to be shaped and molded into crusaders for the kingdom. We watch Rod Parsley on the tv, I mean. If you haven't seen it, whew. It's a lot. It's a gigantic mega church. You know, those places just draw large crowds and money grab and it's just a bunch of wild emotions.
And you know, those were some of their like pastoral idols. I was sitting in an evangelical class is what they called it, taking a test on a final exam about. Every religion and why they were wrong, why they were bad. I got through about four questions and all of a sudden I put my pencil down and I walked outta class. I think for the first time I had this weird epiphany where I was like, this isn't okay, and I walked out and I didn't go back.
Did you remember having the feeling that of not being around your family. Did that feel good? Did you feel any peace? The first year I became homesick because I ended up with seasonal depression. Oh yeah. Um, I had never been in, involved in a winter anywhere Interesting. Since I lived in the south. Yeah. And so I. I, oh my God.
I just remember my first winter, 'cause we moved there in the fall of 2000 and my first winter there, I remember seeing snow out the window from where I was working and I was like, oh my God, it's beautiful. And I was so excited and. A few weeks in with gray skies and, and cold. I was sitting on the couch eating Sara cheesecake bites and wrapped up in a blanket and thinking like, what have I done? I miss being, you know, home.
And then the second semester I was going part-time and then dropped out. So my husband at the time was working at that fast oil change place. Uh, he had a manager. You know? Mm-hmm. And he would come over for dinner. We all became friends. 'cause I didn't have any friends at this point. I remember being like a maid of honor and one girl's wedding at the college, and I don't even, so this was like our first friend.
And eventually, because I wasn't in school any longer, you know, we would go out sometimes. Um, but we didn't have a babysitter, so. Mm-hmm. My second husband would go out and, um. Then it was, it was my turn. So one night he stayed with our daughter and I went out with his manager. Uh, and we just went down the street with a, you know, a few friends of his, one female, one male. And, uh. Just had some drinks and played pool.
I feel like I went from one extreme to the other where I was this, you know, very Christian girl to now I'm going out to have a drink and play pool. Um mm-hmm. It was like, uh, it was my rebellion. One thing about my second husband, he was harmless in so many ways. Uh, he just kind of real goofy guy. Up to that point had physically hurt me, mentally hurt me, you know? Mm-hmm. We were just, we just fought all the time. 'cause we didn't like each other. Sure. And that's what it boiled down to.
Um, but he was jealous. And that is something I knew from the beginning. So when I came home that evening from hanging out with our mutual friend, his manager, I remember we drove up. We were sitting out on the curb for a sec, just talking, and I realized all the lights were out in the house, but he was peeking through the blinds. And I was like, that's really strange. And so I asked this friend, I was like, ah, you might as well come up. You know, we can all hang out. He's up. Mm-hmm.
He's peeking out the blinds. It just seemed weird though because it was dark in the house and he's standing there in the dark and he is just enraged and he, he got very violent that evening. And, um, he was very hands-on, like aggressive with me, and I'm trying to be sensitive about these subjects moving forward because there are children involved. Mm-hmm. But I am trying to also tell this story very truthfully. And so I realized how angry he was and I'm like, Hey, are you okay?
Like, what's going on? I, you know, brought so and so up, we can hang out. And he wasn't having it. I, he had formed something in his mind already. It got violent. Um, I, I did have like some bruising on my body. I grabbed a butcher knife and literally ran backwards down the steps. Um, he jumped on my car and I drove away. Um, I had always said, and he knew this, I told him, I said, if an ever, if a man ever lays his hands on me again. I will either kill him or leave him. I did not expect it.
But to see him like that was, it was, it was shocking. Yeah. The friend was still there and he didn't do anything and um, I end up driving away. I. I mean in total panic mode. I think I was processing what happened as quickly as possible. Oh. I was working at a salon at this point. Okay. But I didn't have any of the numbers of the girls yet. 'cause we haven't become friends. 'cause I hadn't been working there long and I have nobody's phone number.
I'm like, I can't call my parents because I went out to drink. Mm-hmm. And play pool. This is gonna be my fault. I brought this on. I did something wrong. I followed him home because I did not know where to go. Mm. He tried to lose me at every turn. I'm not gonna lie. Yes, I had a Camaro at the time, and so I was able to keep up and I was racing, trying to keep up with this guy because I was scared to death and did not know what to do and had no one to call. I pulled up in his apartment complex.
Um, parking lot and I'm just bawling my eyes out at this point and he's like, do you want to come in? And I was like, please. And we didn't talk about anything that night. I just ended up sleeping on his couch. He slept in his room, you know, that kind of thing. Um. And I didn't tell my husband where I was. I was very scared and I hid for two days. I was completely frozen. Um, and then finally this guy was like, you, you have to tell him where you are, because it was uncomfortable for him.
And nothing once again was happening between us. I was like, I don't know what to do. And because now I'm a bad person again for being alone with a man that's not my husband. Um, and then finally tell my husband at the time, I want a separation. Leaving isn't always clean. It isn't always planned. Sometimes it happens in a rush, a moment of pure instinct. Stephanie's marriage had been unraveling for a long time.
Time, the fights, the jealousy, the quiet resentment between two people who were never meant to be together. But on that night, when her husband's anger turned to violence, something in her shifted. She hadn't expected to run. Hadn't expected to grab a knife, flee down the stairs, and drive off into the night with no destination, no plan, just the need to be away. She had nowhere to go. No one to call every. Option felt like a dead end.
And so she followed the only road that made sense in that moment. The one leading to someone familiar who's safe, someone who wasn't her husband. And so he immediately decides to move back to Texas. So I said, okay, you get to take our child. For part of the summer, and I need to get my life together here. Come to find out, my parents intervened and he ended up moving in with them and with my daughter, with him, and so now he is in Louisiana. Instead, I'm still at this other guy's house.
I ended up never leaving. He was like becoming my support system. Mm-hmm. Almost at that point, since I did not know anyone. Mm-hmm. And my parents came up, cornered me in a hotel room, said they were taking me back home, putting me in an unwed mother's home. So I never leave this guy's house. Now my dad says it was a wrestling match. Um, he never did, um, validate the abuse. I do remember showing people at work the bruises and stuff on my body because I wanted to have evidence in case.
And I didn't know to file reports. I didn't know I should take pictures, you know, nothing like that. But I at least had a few witnesses. He ends up becoming my support system very quickly in this trauma situation. Again, um, I. I can't talk to my parents 'cause now my soon to be ex is actually living with them. I tried to get emergency custody once I realized that in Ohio, um, they are not as easy to do that with an unwed. Mother's home is a facility.
Historically designed to house unmarried pregnant women, often run by religious organizations, charities, or social service agencies. These homes were especially common in the mid to late 20th century and were intended to provide shelter, medical care, and in many cases, guidance or counseling for young women who became pregnant outside of marriage. However, the experiences within these homes varied widely.
Some offered genuine support and resources to help women care for their children or arrange adoptions. Others operated under strict moral or religious doctrines, often pressuring women into adoption, isolating them from their families, or treating them with shame and stigma. Later on, my parents ended up through my ex-husband gaining emergency custody of my child.
So I could not actually have her returned without, you know, kidnapping charges right before that, because I was still living with this guy. We did end up becoming intimate and I did end up getting pregnant literally the, the first time. Mm. Okay. And, um. That's when they came to the hotel in Ohio. Met me, threatened to take me to the unwed mother's home, uh, in Louisiana, and that's the first time that I really stood up and I said no, and thank God.
It's also like one of those situations in life. WW was all of this, right? Absolutely not. I was making bad decisions. My ex was making bad decisions. And your parents were making bad decisions? Yes, but I, all of a sudden, for the first time, my life had felt this need to stand up for what I needed and wanted. I shouldn't have been living with this man. I shouldn't have gotten pregnant. Um. But I needed for the first time to feel like an adult.
I needed to feel like I could think for myself, I could make a decision for myself. They're the ones that told me the last time, while you're pregnant, get married. And I was just like, I don't want to take their advice any longer. And let me tell you, that's it really got rough. Mm-hmm. They did not like that. I'm pretty sure my mom and dad are Yes people only. And that's how they were in the church and that's how they were with their kids. And so we did not speak to each other after that.
Um, except for one time my dad had called me and, uh. Uh, told me all these bad things were happening to me because God's trying to teach me a lesson. And I was, I was starting to get cocky at this point and try to really embrace being, you know, myself. And I was like, stop blaming God for the things that you were putting me through because you're the one doing this, not God. And he hung up on me and we didn't speak for a very long time.
Um, the la the next time I saw them after that was in court when they were trying to take custody away from me and walking into that courtroom and sitting down on the left side of the room, and then three rows of my dad's congregation members filed in like a small little army. I don't even know why they had to be there except for intimidation factors. I don't even know what they had been told at that point. Um, when I saw the judge, I knew that I was screwed in this custody case.
Mm-hmm. Um, I'm pretty sure things were already decided before I had walked in that courtroom. Um, my dad at one point was like president of the Rotary Club in that small town, you know, they were in Rotary Club together and then the judge pops up on the stand and before we even got started, I knew I had lost. There was no way in Louisiana in that courtroom that I was getting custody that day. No matter what I had done, he got emergency custody.
I had to fly back to Ohio, uh, because I was emotionally a mess. I did not have my kid. I kept a bedroom ready for her. Mm-hmm. Um. It was, it was, it was tough because I also didn't have the money to keep fighting for her. Mm-hmm. And I was also pregnant enough at that point. I couldn't keep flying, and so I had to stop and I had to wait until I had my baby. It was, it was, it was, it was beyond hard.
I can't tap into what that feels like right now, because I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to get through the rest of this story. But it was, um, it was a devastating part of my life and I think it took a lot away from my oldest child and I, and any bonding efforts. Uh, but it was, I think a little less than a year. I get this phone call from my mom saying, he's, everything you said he was. We packed his stuff up and put it on the front porch. She's not even allowed in the house anymore.
And I just remember like. Okay. I, I hadn't been speaking to them. They had no grandparents' rights. Oh. They were using him? My parents were the one pulling all the strings in this situation. Yes, yes. But he was the actual parent. They were just literally with him. Mm-hmm. And guiding and making backdoor deals, you know, that whole time. Yeah. So him living with them was a control move from the beginning. That's why my ex's mom didn't even understand it.
She, I mean, and she even told me one time, she's like, A child needs to be with their mother. I did not deserve to have my child taken away. My parents are really good at manipulating. Yes, they're very good at brainwashing. Mm-hmm. And they're very good at control. Mm-hmm. And he was an easy target for that. And at this point they can't do anything and they don't want him to have her. And so I get down there, I get a really good lawyer, and um, I go fight for full custody.
And my mom and dad, I was talking to them because I needed to play it. Cool because we were still in the Louisiana Court. My dad's like, I'll go with you to court. I was like, thank you so much. And I walk into that courtroom. He, my ex is unrepresented, hands over full custody. What the only thing he wanted was that we did taxes, you know, every other year to be able to claim her. You know, either, you know, one of us and, uh. Yeah, that was it.
After all that, he literally hands over full custody. So how old is the baby now? Ooh, let's think. I think at this point she is five. Okay. So we're five years in on this battle because she was in preschool when my mom had her. And so your parents are now supporting you in getting her? I raised her full time from then on. It was bittersweet. Yeah, because I was so incredibly tired. My body was just getting tired from trauma that I'd never dealt with. Mm-hmm.
The games having to play with my parents, the money I was having to spend for things that should have never happened in the first place to get my child back, and then an ex walking in the courtroom unrepresented and just handing it over. No questions asked Really. And all of a sudden, my mom and dad wanna be my friend again. Yeah. What's that about? And so, although I walked away with custody, I was so incredibly grateful for that to be able to bring my child home. Mm-hmm.
And then that child has a sister now. Mm-hmm. And I wanted them so badly to be together and grow up together. And I wanted to be a family. But I was so incredibly hurt and broken at this point, and it just, it never stopped, you know? Okay. And so I take her back, get her settled in, and I know I can, I can't imagine, I can only think of how much of a toll this actually took on her. Mm-hmm. And how.
Naive, I was to not realize that as a young mother still and as someone else that had no skills in life, and, and I feel, I feel bad for not knowing that this would negatively affect her. I feel bad for not having her in therapy as a young child. I mean mm-hmm. My head was still wrapped around, you know, God does, um. You know, heal all. Mm-hmm. Although I was questioning like certain religious beliefs, I still believed firmly in, you know, God and I just, I put her in private Christian school.
Mm-hmm. Um, I started taking the same path my parents took with me in a weird way. I was gonna do it better than my parents did it somehow. But I was still doing the same things and you know, in a weird way. And so here we are, this big happy family of four and I am not speaking to my parents. Now, are you married? No, I'm not marrying this guy. Just 'cause I had a baby. I'm gonna wait. And my parents were furious. Um, we were living in sin. I mean, it was, it was bad.
Like they would not, uh, they did not handle that well. Um, I. After I had had my youngest child, it was just a couple, two, maybe three months later, I ended up in the hospital with blood clots. And, uh, from the pregnancy I was in ICUI think for seven days, and I was sedated and I don't remember half of it, but uh, literally it almost killed me. And my, the person I was, her father I was staying with at the time, called my parents.
And I. I wanted to tell my mom, although we weren't speaking, that I was in ICU and possibly on my deathbed, and he just thought that she might wanna know, and her response to him was, uh, we still don't agree with your living in sin. And they never came. They never even reached out afterward. I'm living my life in Ohio and I'm doing it by myself on my own terms, and I think I'm a big girl now. Things my parents want me to do and I'm doing it my way this time and my way's gotta be better.
'cause every time I've done it their way, it's never been good because how they told me to do it. Really did not work at all. And then they still don't like me, so you know, what's it, I guess you know why not? I'm confused as to why your dad did a 180. Yeah. And when with you supporting you when a year ago he brought a congregation in to not support you.
They thought they were being manipulative and really smart because you gotta think if I wasn't talking to them before this, they hadn't even met their other Yeah. So they knew that you were gonna get custody. Yeah. They, how did they know? Because, I mean, he was the one at this point, they had just kicked out Uhhuh and he was the only one that could fight me for custody. 'cause he was the parent. There were no grandparents' rights in Louisiana. Okay, so your parents knew he was gonna leave.
They knew. All of a sudden they would chummy with me again because they still wanted to see. My child and I knew that I wasn't that stupid at that point that that I didn't catch on. And so I caught on very quick as to what they were doing with me, and I did play along, and then I did cut them off and that lasted four for just a little while because then my grandmother dies. And the Mimi. This was my Mimi. Okay. And let me tell you, that was my heart and soul. I loved that woman so much.
And so she died in October of 2004. And, um, I. Although I hadn't been speaking to my parents, I needed to be there. Mm-hmm. I wanted to be there. Um, she was in the hospital, she was non-responsive, and everybody was there, and I flew in immediately and she stayed alive. And I got to talk to her, although she couldn't respond, so, so thankful I got there. Part of me thinks that she stayed alive for me to get there, but, you know, um, and so that was a, an earth shattering moment in my life.
Um. And here we are, you know, I'm having to talk to my parents. And I remember that weekend my brother and sister and I were staying in my Mimi's um, little mobile home that was behind my mom and dad's house. Somebody brought this big coconut cake and we, my brother and I, were just sitting down with the pan, just eating it straight out of the pan. I mean, you know, we were coping. Yeah. Right. And. My dad comes over.
I don't know what possessed me at this point to start asking him a few questions about things that I was unhappy about, and I can't even remember what question I asked him, but it had something to do with the past, and I had questions and he just starts yelling at me. He's running my coconut cake at this point because I'm just. You know, got an angry dad now I can't even eat.
And you know, I was, I was, I don't know which one I was more frustrated about at the time, but he's so upset with me and he just starts telling me that it's just like I'm, you know, a child, blah, blah, blah. And I tell him. Please stop treating me like I'm 13 years old and, and talk to me, which really escalates the situation. And I just, I, I realize I cannot, I really can't talk to my parents. Mm-hmm. Like I never did wanna talk to them because I was afraid.
And now that I'm trying to find this newfound big girlness, you know, um, and be brave and actually ask questions about things I don't understand or don't agree with. Um, it is not a conversation and so it's, it's just, it, it's, it's really legitimizing the fact that I cannot speak to my parents.
While I was there, though, oddly enough, I did find out in that, you know, 2004 when my grandmother died, that my uncle had killed himself that April, and this was the uncle that, you know, wasn't good to me and violated me. And nobody had told me, uh, I, I know we weren't really speaking at the time. Everybody went to like this funeral and stuff and wait, the uncle in the pool? Yes. He killed himself. He killed himself.
He was 45 years old, and so I also found out that information when I was there for my grandmother's funeral. So I am back in Ohio. And back to my family. And then sometime in this timeframe, and I can't remember exactly, we were coming back from one of my oldest daughter's, um, school plays. And so all I see in the backseat is a glass all over my children. And it had been raining that night and we were stopped at a stop sign.
Somebody took a corner too fast and there was a car in front of us and behind us, and they spun outta control and hit us sideways. Um, I didn't even realize at the time that I had a meniscus tear from hitting the dashboard with my knee. But I got out of that car ready to rip that person apart. And my partner at the time, my youngest child's dad, uh, he was, I mean, he was injured as well. He had a back and a neck issue from that.
But he was trying to grab me, um, before I took, after that poor woman that turned the corner too fast. Oh my gosh. Um, the kids were fine. Okay. There was just glass everywhere.
And the reason I'm telling this is because, uh, during this time they're running, uh, his driver's license, he was driving and he all of a sudden has a confession to make because there's something in his life at this point that I do not know, and his license is suspended due to back child support that he owes from having a child that I never knew about. And I, I consider that my first real big red flag with him that I dismissed Stephanie's path was anything but straightforward.
And when she finally thought she had control over her own life, her past, her family, her church, the system she thought she had escaped, found new ways to pull her back in. This is what happens when the people who raised you refuse. Used to let go when faith becomes a weapon, when the fight for freedom is just as painful as the life you left behind. And for Stephanie, the hardest battles. Were still ahead next time on just. One person I thought I'd done a good job.
You know, it's like, surely everybody will be happy here. It didn't take very long after that to where, I mean, it was like his anger was just off the chain so quickly. My husband and I are constantly fighting. It's just become normal to the point that you don't. Realize how bad it truly is. And when it came down to it in 2015, in January, I got a phone call while I was at work one evening and it, um, dropped me to the ground. I literally, I, I just, um, I lost control.
It's like my legs went out from underneath. Me listen to just one person on Spotify, apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast visit just one person podcast.com for more information. If you enjoy this podcast, please share it with a friend and follow us on Instagram at just One Person podcast. If you or someone you know is affected by abuse or is in need of support, resources are available.
Available, and we have listed them in the episode notes, or you can call the Child Help National Child Abuse Hotline. It's 1 804 a child available 24 7. You can also text. Four dash Hope 2 7 4 1 dash 7 4 1. Just one person is produced by J one P Productions executive, produced by me, Lisa Bloom, lead producer and story editor, Carrie Caulfield Sound, designed by Alejandro Ramirez.
A special thanks to voice actor Scott McKinley portraying Stephanie's dad, our heartfelt thank you to Stephanie's partner, Melissa Weaver and my wife Julie Leski for being a part. Of the podcasts team also to Stephanie's three close friends, Krista Analisa and Beck for participating in this series. Music for this podcast is from Epidemic Sound and Sound. Stripe original music recorded and performed by our First Season's guest. Stephanie Michelle and the Michelle Michelle Band. I'm.