Like it has empowered me and inspired me by just hearing the stories and the people that we've brought here and hearing just people's perspectives and just being informed. And I'm just like, wow, it made me so more aware and especially even partials crazy, um, you know, pray away.
Oh,
my gosh.
Welcome back. Grinny I know we were just talking about how my mind skipped all over the place. What is that like? Great to keep on saying, you know, um, it made me think of Thanksgiving. What was your favorite meal from your grandma?
I know mine. Sweet potatoes.
Um, she didn't have sweet potato Harrison there. Maybe about a sweet potato. Her,
I have everyone in there though. They'll go stringers,
pull them out. She knew how to fix that pie,
like straight on. Yeah,
she would, she would make like a few different pies and she would have one whole pie
just for you. Oh, that
was so sweet. Best pie ever. Oh no.
Well, they don't know that it's almost Thanksgiving by the time y'all hear this. It'll be almost Christmas.
Yeah. No, my grandma, my grandma could do Mac and cheese. She could throw down. My grandma could cook though.
Can cook and it'd be from scratch.
Oh, school. Yeah. She's read her cheese. She, you know, she had it. She had every cook machine you can think of. Oh,
meat grinder, grind it Turkey the next day for Turkey. Yeah. We
sat Turkey. We had a Turkey gravy on toast the next day. That was my favorite one for breakfast. I'll make a Turkey gravy. It was so good, man.
Yeah.
Tammy's gravy. Let me just shout out
Tam kit. I'm like, Tammy, where are you at? Where are you at? We need you to season. They eat good in Texas without us. It'd be like what you cooked.
Yeah, y'all do a traditional. Oh, yeah. Do you find yourself being traditional with Thanksgiving? Are you like non-traditional
no, no. Straight up. I think last year I did a white chicken lasagna.
What
drives that though? Cause I get tired of eating the same shit. That's right. That I can cook any other day. Like my kids love dressing and I'm like, you might get dressing on the Sunday where, you know, a Turkey wings and gravy. That's just the normal meal Saturday to fix it for Thanksgiving. It's like, oh.
I think you, the only one here that cooks wholesome food.
Well, I be in the mood. I'd knock it down. The wings in my freezer right now,
the rest of us eat lettuce and air fry, food,
and you not missing no meals. My mom will say you not missing no meals.
I
haven't cooked through my pregnancy though. Just cause I can't eat. I get pissed. Kirk cooks too. Curt curses a cooker. So
Joe, why are you playing? He a cooker
it's been years, but I don't really like to, uh, the holiday cooking like that anymore. Cause it was like, it, it reminds me of stress a lot. It's stressful. And I'd rather be like to me. When I do it differently, it's not stressful. I don't know. I like when I'm thinking all the food, cause everybody, like, we got to get this, we got to cook this for, who's got that. Who's got this. And when we gotta bring this and we gotta do this and who are you? Why, why you ain't cleaned? Damn kitchen got,
well, we just chill and enjoy your holiday. godly people. The people cooking, the people could be out of that type of stress. But to me, if everybody chipping in, everybody brings something. You don't have to go through that stress. So it is, it
is, I wasn't a cooker then. Cause I didn't go through that stress. I was sampling.
Nah, we, we cooked the day before. There's some stuff you cook the day before and then my mom get up early and then there's items that you have to help cook. Like you don't get to cook it, but you pull up potatoes, you cutting onions. Yeah,
though I can really be okay. And when I do it from the soul I be getting there. I be getting down so far. I
do. I must say that I'm a sweet guy, so you can seem cook some sweet. She can cook. Sweet
are the fattest skinny people. I know. I believe it. Look at y'all y'all drink right there. That's probably about 800 calories,
60 grams of sugar
people got abs and muscles.
Ain't got no shame. You don't
really know this is true guys. We're on this episode, this is going to be our 15th episode and we're just kind of do kind of talk about first season overview. So we're going to call it
this first season. We accomplished a lot. It's like
a recap. Yeah. Overview, recap. Good word. Remix remix. I got the keys to.
Did she go? She on that
rollercoaster,
nobody real talk yesterday, man. Tanya, we're sitting down talking about this whole season thing and about, about growth. Um, and you know, we had a situation, you know, we know some fan with a family member that was just like out of hand, but w what it made us kind of like, think about where we, where we came from through growth, through just this podcast alone. And even in our marriage, it's just gotten so much better, just.
This has made us address situations and things in our life that we did not realize was there. And so a lot of times you're fighting a battle that you don't even know you, that you're fighting because you don't know, you're not aware of it. And so this has bought a lot of bought a lot of awareness to both of us in anal in our downfalls, but it has made us, you know, the friendship that we've all had has made us grow to the point to where we can challenge ourselves. You know what I'm saying?
And it's one thing it's like, that's where growth happens when you begin to look at yourself and be like, okay, where am I at? What did I mess up at? Who am I truthfully? And, you know, and, and take, uh, take responsibility for our actions in, in everything that we do. So,
and even with this, like, are we, I have a question though. Are we like closing up like the mental health part of. This podcast that we're doing
this season, I think mental health that will continue to show itself. It'll still be art. It's the foundation of our core values of what we wanted to have those difficult conversations. Cause that
was like, he was saying, I was like, wow, you know, these pod, this podcast, I don't even how we even started how it made us. So me, so more like aware and also the words that we even say, you know, how we're empowering others and inspiring people. Like it has empowered me and inspired me by just hearing the stories and the people that we've brought here and hearing just people's perspectives and just being informed.
And I'm just like, wow, it made me so more aware and especially even partials crazy, um, you know, pray away.
Oh,
my gosh. And I listened to that
again. That was episode 10. Can you pray, can you pray away? Gay
took me at a more self awareness of myself that I had never really tapped into. It made me really think like, yo Shauna you're so closed minded. You really do see people in a category and that's the way I wasn't, I didn't want to be that way. It actually kind of shifted me in a very negative direction towards religion because I didn't never see myself. And I said, I never want to be a person to where I have to be.
So judgmental, just because you don't look or you don't act, or you don't be like me, why would, why would that be okay? You know? And when I, when I, when we went to that episode, I was like, yo. That was like my starter, just NIO, Shonda. You need to dial back in and allow people to be who they are and be free. And Jenna's favorite my grandma sweep on
Yotpo
whereabouts and that really this, these episodes. And this has really like, I was like, wow, I know we'd be touching other people, but definitely has helped me as well.
I think for me too, I appreciate being able to do this. And particularly, I can't see anybody else doing this much fun. Like we have fun. So I feel like, you know, I'm going over to my friend's house. We gonna play.
It was funny. Cause the girls out there were like, that sounds like a lot of fun. It's not like I have a bunch of fun in there. Like, you know what I'm saying? And so everybody gets, we do be
ourselves even before we started recording this one, we were just sitting here getting all over the place, but you know, You watch this transition as if this is my career. Hey, catch this speaker. Joe was talking about how it requires us to think differently. I had those conversations, right? Get this episode nine with Dr. Ebony and those therapy cards. Oh,
I love
shout out. Uh, Dr. Ebony, she on Instagram, she is Dr. Ebony online. Um, as we go into the holiday season, I think that is a great gift. Those are conversation starters. Yes. You haven't seen people through the pandemic a couple of years. You've probably got some stuff in your spirit that ain't quite settled yet. Like have the conversations and it made me look through the cards and pull out a card. So I got a question for y'all. Oh, you going to be okay. You weren't prepared.
I'm not prepared, but finish this sentence. I, when I perceive, or since abandonment.
Hm. When I see or perceive
when I perceive or sits abandonment, I, what is that emotion? What do you have? What do you do? Wow. Hm. I had to ask myself this in the car. I already got my ass. If y'all ready to go first, go ahead. Hmm. I blame myself and we noticed not, no, it's not mine. Yeah. I'll start replaying. There's your anxiety. I started replaying the records, the conversations, how I could've avoided it. What did I do to make this person want to abandon this situation? That's usually my first response.
I always look into. But then my second response usually be like, Hmm, hell no, girl, come back. That ain't yours. Exactly. Yeah. How do you, what is it? Right when I perceive, or since abandonment,
I shut down,
shut down wall down. Yeah.
Condensed separation from a disassociate real quick. And sometimes it's because I'm trying to process it and here it is, you got your own story formulating in your boxes. And every way it's like, okay, you know, is what you thought this person meant, or what you thought, this person, you know, what you heard? And it's like, oh, so now, you know, so here it is that even though I'm processing the dialect is probably not the way it should be, but I'm shutting.
And either I'm in the end of all of this process and I'm either no longer dealing with you or I'm gonna just like, you know, okay. You know, somewhere I may need to try to figure. You know where I need to separate myself.
You still abandoned. You stay a little bad at it. I sat down, let me get them before they get me. Right. Right. Okay.
What about you, Joe?
Um, I tried to please the person who sent me back, so I'll, I'll, I'll lose, I'll lose myself and let go of everything that I feel is true in order to make that feeling of abandoned me go away. Um, so it's like. Um,
Dr. Ebony, she didn't took us all the way there. Oh man.
But you know what guys, this is therapy, man.
It's therapeutic,
like do the whole John McKernan thing. I thought talking about it was extremely therapeutic.
Yeah. And just hearing our perspectives and our expense and actually making us like really think, because that made me think like Shonda, how do you be real with yourself?
How do you
respond to these situations, these things. And I'm like, if I be real, I, I shut down. I just don't. And sometimes I come out on the top, sometimes I don't and that's just being real.
And this is so is, so is so keen and so good. But also what the awareness I've learned that you can be aware of. But when I'm aware of something, I learned that I'm attached to something and it's hard for me to let go of that attachment, whatever I'm attached to. And that's what causes a lot of my, my, my anxiety and my depression is because I'm trying to let go of something that, um, that I don't want to let go, because I don't understand. I don't, if I let go of it, then I'm losing.
I feel like I'm losing a part of me, but tomorrow more learned, the more I let go of an identity of whatever this, the world or whatever this life has, the more freedom I have and the more creative I am, the more, the more productive item, the less hurt I am the less, you know, just because I. I don't, I don't, I don't attach myself to whatever this world has.
I attached myself to my purpose that's and if it's not for my purpose, as if, if, if I'm like, for example, I used to, I used to love bodybuilding. I loved it, but it was, it was because all the attention was on me. It was a, it was a thing of like, you're going to notice who I am. You kind of get what I'm saying. And at that point that was hindering me from moving forward in any process of my business or anything that go because I had it.
I had attachment to I, I, when my business is not a bond purpose on earth is not about I, and my purpose in life is to give. And, and so I couldn't find a way to give, because that attachment to I was making me. I, I was still hoarding something. You kind of get what I'm saying. I was still hoarding the attention, also hoarding the thoughts. I also heard all that was all that was so was so like, it was keeping me from moving forward.
And one day I sat down and it was just like, why, why do you, why are you doing this? What is your intention? Why, why really? Why are you doing this? And it really came down to a point because I felt that I wasn't enough. And I had to prove myself in that.
It's definitely come to the point where us talking about this. Made me become more aware of the response that I would have. And it kinda made me like, okay, Shauna, you might need a little bit more therapy with the person, but I was like, okay, you need a little bit more, you need to find some more words. You need to find some other stuff. You might need another book to read it, you know? And it made me want to gear towards those directions.
And I also feel like that's what we did on this podcast. You know, finding, you know, different books that was referred and information that was helped to kind of get you to not just notice that you have this issue, but now you have something to, you know, kinda not to trapped, but, um, aid or. Assist and in a way, in a positive way. So here, when you take something away, you add, you try the tool,
it's
an additional tool for you. So you add something in a way, so that like, look, yes, this is it, but I'm not stuck here or telling somebody to just accept me for who I am. You know,
do you think everybody needs therapy to heal as far as going to talk to somebody?
I don't think everybody is hurt when we talk about healing. I don't think everybody been through something. I think you just keep living. You'll see a lot of things, but that's true.
I don't think therapy or having to talk it out necessarily is like, I think there's other ways to heal.
What about people? They can't speak the mute.
Yeah. What about other don't? They do sign language
that can get. What about people that other, other types of people that have disabilities where they can't communicate? Oh, can they heal?
They don't even know something. I, you know, I have a theory on that for people who come in, you know, if you're a soul, you come to the planet to have this human experience and for something, you know, we don't know what the intention is, your soul when you came here. Yeah. Right. You find that out when you get here. But even if you come and you, you're not able to move talker, but you're there, like you're basically observing an environment.
And if you come here just for the purpose of observing, because you can't talk like that still has a
purpose,
because all you're doing is here and everything. So they hearing the stuff that people don't usually hear. You know what I mean? And it could just be an experience with
that person do speak.
Yeah.
Yeah, it does. And I, and I, and I think that like sometimes when I, when I'm thinking about that therapy and. I've I've tried to the therapist, but I felt like so long in my life, I was listening to everybody because I was pleasing everybody. I was listening to everybody's words in that I never saw the truth, what the truth was for me. And so sometimes my growth comes from listening to me now. And it's kinda funny because like I, and I talk about me and Shawna's relationship.
It's like, like now in her life, she has to learn to broaden herself. And my life, I have to learn to find out that the narrow truth of who Joe is, you kind of get what I'm saying. Like, so it's actually finding
your voice right now.
Yes. And my solid ground, you kind of get what I'm saying. My, my solid foundation. So a lot of things that even a lot of little projects that we work on around the house, I'll sit back and I'm thinking, I'm like, damn, this is crazy because it's making, like, she was doing this project where she has to really look at these. This will have information.
And like, you know, and using I'm thinking in the past, it would, it would overwhelm her because it's just so much information that you're trying to correlate and things like this. And to me, I liked that type of stuff because I get that my mind is like a web. And now I'm coming up with a business proposal where it's saying you got one solid fat, Joe, what is your, what is this one thing? And I'm like, well, look at me, a lot of things, you know, what kind of goes and this, well, we can go this.
It could be here, you know, you know, but it's like, no, what is it? What's this? What is this one? What is this one thing? What is your main mission? What is your main goal? You can't be everywhere, Joe. You can't be everywhere because at that point then, you know, Focus on one, your, your, your soul purpose. So it's like, that's what I'm saying. Like now in life, I'm learning to zero in like zero in on what my truth is.
And sometimes when I listen to other people's words, it's hard for me to understand, to listen and bounce off my, my voice in my head. So that's why for a long time, I shut everybody out. I became, I was also, I was off everything, my phone, I didn't do anything. I had to sit and find my voice and myself because I couldn't balance everybody. Else's voices around. I didn't know who was, who, what was mine and what wasn't. And so that's why I said
social media dangerous, right? Because if you are truly consuming, what's going on around. USR thinking as she is real, especially if you don't know who you are for me to scroll like, oh cute. Oh, you don't know who I know who I am. See,
that's the thing. That's the thing. So I would think that that person doing this, maybe that'll work for me, but that person doing this to me. So I'm like this, you know what I'm saying? Because I don't know who I am. I don't, I don't, I don't know my purpose. I don't know what it was. So I'm thinking because I'd had never really sat down and listened to myself, listen to. Yeah,
this, this definitely gives you an opportunity to listen yourself. Cause I listened to the episodes. Of course.
Yeah.
And I'm either laughing. I'm like, dang, that was something good that they said, you know? And it just, I think for me personally, too, there's the communication has improved just to articulate your thoughts. That is powerful stuff.
Yeah. That's all from therapy. Yeah. That would be, uh, you know, episode seven, bringing us out. There you go. So seven black people go to therapy. That's what we had. Our second guest that was diamond Dale, uh, Instagram underscore home San Diego and her purpose is helping others master their experience. And I love that when I went back to write that today, I was like, yeah, Well, we don't want to push on everybody.
Has other people experiences, some let's, you know, master your, your, your baby's sweep around shit.
It's enough to deal with, how am I doing yours?
I love that's how we got to do our podcast live because everybody played their part. Yeah. Yeah. And it was phenomenal. Oh, that's
right. We're going to talk about the party. I don't know if people know we had a party,
parties had a live listening party. You guys can find that episode is on our Facebook page and you get to see what we look like. You get to hear everybody. We had people call in. Yeah, it
was lit. We had it. We had an opening one
member that was our grand opening. We didn't record that one. No, no. Like our home, our listening party on our Facebook and we also on our Instagram.
So that was just like, that was the oh one thought about what you had said. One thought that I, that I did learn was not to take on everybody else's experiences, but to also, but to like, really think about how they overcame the methods they use or will come through the experiences that, but not to really all, you know what I'm saying? Live that I don't have to live that.
I learned to do what I learned to take and listen to other people experiences and learned the meaningful lessons and how they overcame. What was the thought process? What steps did they take? What did they see?
You know, and instead of looking up the exact problem, there was really a basis to a lot of the problems that are, that are common, but we're not, we're not, we're focusing on that problem per se and not the biggest, the base, not really looking overall at what was the common problems that problem. What's a doubt.
That'll be real good for our second season. Cause it's going to be mostly people that own businesses shirts we'll get to hear a lot of those things.
That'd be some good questions, some really, really good question.
All
kinds of emotions come up in
that. I don't know what episode it was because I know Jenna got this on lock, but it was one part that it was an episode that talked about where Joe was like boundaries. He was saying like the boundaries that, that protect, he chose healthy boundaries due to the fact of, to protect himself, basically to protect the love that he has for everyone else. It was like a healthy
Mr. Dwayne, our first guest.
Yeah. Been no, we were talking about, we were talking about, uh, cause he was talking about like we were talking about love at the season was about, uh, Do
you have, should we have you have unconditional love, which I do not
have unconditionally. I'm going
to catch a episode 11 shit. I ain't got no unconditional love for no grownup.
It was the way it came out. Cause we ended up talking about
how
to set the boundary and he did it so that he could have love. That was unconditional
love. Yeah. Everyone
else. Exactly. And he was like, cause he forgive, he forget. He says, I forgive you for my growth for my freedom.
That's real grownup. I forget you saw at the beach OAS, all sites like, um, I'll be forgiving for me. Yeah. Like let me let this go before I really Molly YPO asked today and I'm almost 40. Like I can't there. Ain't gonna be no solution after this, after I'm Molly whopping, we gonna still have the same problem. Um, Joey real grown. We appreciate that. Yeah. That was episode, episode 11. My love come with conditions. Y'all y'all Holly, Joe, take it over, take it over. Jesus, not me
looking at a lot of the older people who, who have that part in their life that they didn't acknowledge back. Then you kind of go understand that, that thing that somebody did with them, uh, you know what I'm saying, but, uh, festers and that thing, you don't let it go. The older you get, the more you don't, you just don't anything that you don't acknowledge any or anything. That's not to me, a pure love of pure light, pure pureness.
It has, it has an effect on the way you react and has an effect on like, it's like, that's like saying like, I'm, I'm trying to say, like, you have a piece of cancer in your body and you're like, not as cool, man. I'm good with that. You know what I'm saying? It's fine.
And you know, but it's not, if you don't do anything about it, it's going to grow and it's going to, it's going to, it could, it can manifest into something else without you even knowing, like, thinking about people, go to the doctor and they're like, they don't know they had that little small growth in them. And the next thing they know, they have stage four cancer. To me, that's what anger, that's what malice, that's what unforgiveness.
That's what, you know, when I look at somebody and I'm like, oh, like, you kind of get what I'm saying, desktop against the fester. And a lot of times we don't even know it in our subconscious that we're thinking about it. And then it grows. And that's why you see a lot of older people and they look, I'm like, dang, bro. Like, and it's over something stupid that they didn't let go of a long time ago, but now it's full blown. And now it's like trying to stop a Mac truck. You know what I'm saying?
Turn it around and go the other way. It takes a lot of work. And I don't want to be at 80 something looking like the 80 something year old people in my life. Like, God, it was, it was $10 or, you know what I'm saying? But even if it wasn't even if the person that. The person that was less than me, the person that took 40 grand from me, I'm not going to let that ruin my, my experience here on earth. I'm not going to let that I get
that you have unconditional love for the person who took 40,000. My love has conditions and I'll beat his ass. It ain't worth it. And I need my money. It ain't, it ain't it. I drive drive by what y'all want.
It is not, it's not worth it because I really believe you reap what you saw. We
think about the episode we did, um, the recent one when people won't change, but that's what makes me think. It was like, if there's this Mack truck, that's just stuck in his ways and it's just going to
choice to me. I understand that. But it's, to me, unconditional love is a different definition than how he's using it. Because at this age I'm like, I definitely have conditions on my love. Don't have to. I don't, I don't, but I don't have to love someone who beats my ass every day. I have to, as a parent, mentor my children and guide them through life. That's unconditional love, not the 40 year old. Who's trying to give me a black eye. I have conditions.
And it means you not putting your hands on me with another list of things to, yeah.
And that's what I'm saying. Those are, those are physical things, but that if I see him and he still has hate and I fought, I fight. If that centers me, if that uncentered me, that takes me from my core balance.
I wouldn't call it unconditional.
I will call that living a complete love then other than my life and complete love and no matter what, and I refuse to let anybody or condition, I don't let, I don't let conditions determine me and what, the way, the way I live my life. Because if at that point that I'm not at that point, then there was something else that out there that can unsend me, that can change who I am. And I refuse, and I don't let that. I don't, I will never let that happen no matter what, no matter what.
I can't, if you know what I'm saying by, it's just, it's just a thing of, because it, it really all centers, you, you can't think clearly when you're acting like that controls you under control
and not be angry because I'm dangerous.
Yeah. And so at that point, I'm not saying I accept what you do. I'm not saying I like what you do. I'm not saying anything that you're going to out. I will not, I'm not going to come around you. I'm not going to deal with you. But at the end of the day, I love you. And I have no, I have no ill feeling before you. We're not talking about love. I don't, I don't feel, I don't feel an ill way against you. You know what I'm saying? Cause that's that little cancer in your body.
That's like, after a while it just becomes a fester and fester because you, you're not, you let it
go. And that's where you call when you're saying, I forgive you. I forgive you for
my, for me. I really did because if not, it's going to burn me up.
And that's what, that's what I'm, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah. So I don't know.
I think I get what he's saying, but under my, my vision is that's not a considered unconditional love. Your next experience is I'm not going to give someone $40,000. It's going to be some conditions with that bad boy. Yes,
I put, and I call those boundaries
boundaries conditions. Yeah, of
course. But there, there was. My love for everybody will always be, will always be there. You always
see the other person as a human being. That's deserving of love and respect,
whatever you would've lost. You're you're gonna get messed up. You you've had some, whatever it is in your
mind.
Yeah. But there was no not. I see, I see what you're saying. I'll just say to it. There's no condition that's gonna take my love away from you. I mean, I may not like what you do. I'm going to do what you ever again. I may not want to deal with that, but there's nothing going to understand it because my value is based off love. That's my core value.
That's why I have messed up guys. Cause I be dialing back when my, cause I get that vibe from certain people and it does. I just like yo and I I'm working on it because I automatically, I feel like I get that intuition.
Automatically when I see a certain person, like they don't really have to behave or act, but I, I try to do, like my dad said, give them enough rope to hang themselves because their true colors is going to be them who regardless, but at the same time, like I think I come with conditions. Cause I already know like this person, they ain't right. They talk about your mess. They talk up the side, they neck dang, dang. Right. I don't know what it is, but I'm letting you know that ain't right.
You know, and I'm just automatically alarms is going off. Sometimes I tried to say something sometimes I don't. I haven't
I be trying to see the best in folks is dangerous.
I was like, yo, I don't know. And here I feel bad about it though. Cause you, it feels like you're prejudging the person before the person actually shows you that I am. Who, who you thought I was the, I guess it
depends. It's like once you have that insight on somebody, whatever their weaknesses or challenges or whatever it is, how do you respond to that? You know what I mean? There are going to be conditions so far, but how I, you know, how, how I show up can be different. Even with the, what I hear is discernment of people and seeing like, okay, they got straight. Like, I think you had something, you said that's a character.
Like you were just
about
yet character, the character where hers comes from is from her trauma too. That's why she can pick up on it. Like if I never went through that stuff with Jonathan, I wouldn't be able to see it. Right. It's clear as day now when I can just see the shit on people, I'll be like, oh, you open up a certain part of my brain. That's never had that. I can't see it. I'd be like, oh, like spidey senses or something. And I'm still nice.
But I just know we fenced to be on some bullshit and I got my eye open and then I just have to let them know that I know that's what I wish.
I know. I know. I think we spoke in that in the episode, the fact that you do to let you know you, ain't about to get away with this. You know, I, I want you to know that I am aware and you're making that person accountable. I think we talked about that too.
We talked about it one day when we worked out, oh,
you ended up putting it to me. Like those are those conditions. Like you depots, you gotta have your, your body is telling you, your senses are telling you look,
and these people get away with it. And by not making them accountable.
That's why I need her. That's why I got like really
gotten me in trouble. I was, um, cause I was, I judged people so heavy for so long. So what my intuition was speaking up, John, the concentration, I thought it was me. I was like, oh my God, this is a great person. I can't even give him a chance because inside of me, something is broken or wrong, you know? And then after that whole thing, I had to learn to trust myself again, I'm still in that process of trusting me, myself, that she was the most difficult. Like, oh, you got it wrong.
You gave this person a chance when your body was telling you it's a lie, it's wrong. And I was like, Nope, I'm just being super judgy. I just didn't been seasoned in the game. You know, he's a great person, not, it was my whole intuition. Yeah. Now. And then remove myself from this situation before I burned it down.
Ooh. But no,
I still, you know, it's just knowing yourself. I'm like, oh, it's time to go. Hey, what's up?
but no, it has definitely even before. Cause I try not to mix the two because I feel like, you know, like it's done with the podcast and everything on how I was so judgmental, you know, when church and religion was still involved. So now I also kind of confused. With, um, being intuitive. So I'm like, am I pre-judging this person? And you know, and assuming that they're this and their net, so now I kind of just be like, I don't know what this feeling is. I don't understand it.
And I'm not trying not to judge this person, but something right. He given me weird vibes or she's given me where vibes is something not right. Don't let him, don't let him, don't get caught up into this, Joe.
It's not going to be her. She feel for you, she felt about herself and feel for you. Y'all that close. Yeah. Yeah. Well,
no. Cause I do cause I, I will, I have pulled people aside and be like, look. You ain't about what you saying, but at the same time, some, I just felt like that was so harsh, you know, and that maybe, you know, you
clean it up a little bit, but let them know that, you know, big, old smile. I tell people you could have somebody eat a shit sandwich. It's all. How you talk about the sandwich.
But it's funny you say that because those, those circumstances that you guys have been through has developed such a power inside of you that once learn how to be like, I think of like some superhero movie, they got these powers, they just know how to use it. You kind of get on a sandwich, but you know, not understanding it, but now when you ha you have. And she's been right. 100% of the time I'm in, like, I can't think of a time. She not. Right. And
everybody has a superpower. And in fact that we've have shoved it in and life experiences have actually enhanced it from exactly. When I was watching an episode with Oprah Winfrey, it was talking about that. And the lady was like, like, um, she became a brain surgeon, you know, but her mom was schizophrenia and she always had to pay attention because she never knew what type of person
reading the room when
you're around different entities. It
is like, I can always find a better woman majority of the time. I know a better woman from, but from my mom, my mom and my dad experienced, I can usually tell when something is off. Like she real nervous. She, she people please him, but why
classes? I'd be like, damn gender need to be. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. It's something that you do.
I just be asking questions, you know how to, you can ask the right questions that people tell you bunch stuff. If they feel comfortable and I'm not really judged, I don't judge them. I believe in my whole life. Yeah. I'm like, we all got a story. Like you keep on listening. I probably tell something that you'd be like, huh? Been there, done that. I don't know. People be really ashamed to say what their truth is or what their story is. And I just refuse.
That's how people get away with, get away with it. And we talked about that on what, uh, episodes three, four, and five people. Yeah. What's your experience with abuse. And then when Mr. Dwayne telling us what to do, when those people are close to us
on bench or go to
the other T he told me, he told me not to. He said, I can't trade him. They got him on a bench, baby. We'd gone from baseball to hockey, but it
was for the health of your. Because we sometimes feel like we're required to deal with that. Loved one. You know what I'm saying? I gotta shut myself in because this loved one is, uh, it's it's someone like of the family, you know what I'm saying? And we have suppressed ourselves so much, and I'm glad that he came up, you know, with that, that episode, because it is definitely helped in a way to where you ain't got to take that. Yeah. That's mom, that's whatever, like, yo.
Go like you, you on another team, I'm not dealing with you right now, but I, you know, bitch,
those are your conditions. And as we talk about you, I healthy condition the condition you can just, I don't want, I don't gotta deal with you on duty. You know what I'm saying? I don't want you playing on my team. You can sit the bench for
the liner, ignoring anything else. We don't have these difficult conversations.
You know what I'm saying? And I love you enough to have these conversations. Real. I love myself enough to have this conversation. And that's where I, that's where I come. Like, you know what saying? That's where we, when you, when you don't, when you have that malice in your heart, you can't have those conversations. You can't have those conversations with them, anything they say, it's going to trigger you going to be like, I'm, I'm a, that's when you definitely you go about like,
and
then I know if I flipped, that's why I never wanted myself
to get that. Right. I just walk away now. I'll kill somebody, but I don't want to do that
triple play over there.
That's my condition. removing myself therapy. Be like, girl, just remove yourself.
Now
once I can really remove myself without using the words is when I feel like I really can take over because I have to tell, because I have to tell you, I have to tell you that you ain't shit. And I don't have to say it like that. I'll give you a rundown where you understand it, where you have to digest that shit in the car and cry about it. Like, oh, she might be right, but you're not. Some people will be like, I'm just going to walk away. I walk away.
Um, before I walk away, let me whisper somebody lives. Let me leave with this before I go. Let me just put something in your heart real quick, around. Keep fucking right. That's my baby daddy. What happened? Keep him. That's why I be like, I don't want to be that person no more, but I can't let people feel like they've gotten away with it.
The military taught me. I had to get yelled at all the time. I couldn't do anything or I'm wanting, I'm going to jail. So in my mind, I'm thinking about man, if this uniform one on, on kill your wife and that's what really got me through it. So now I just like, I really look at people and be like, I really could kill you. And I'm just gonna walk away right now. So I know I can win. So you know what I'm saying? Without having to say anything.
Cause it taught me to like really take it and focus it somewhere else and then be like, okay, then walk away. But we, because before I had a temper, I had a, I'm talking about, oh, it was bad but bad. I threw my sister through walls. I knew we had
siblings. Didn't want my siblings. Got it. You were angry with yourself. That's what they teach us. You're angry with yourself. I was just projecting your anger out to other people.
And I didn't know that. Uh, and, and I was, I was wanting, I guess, a level of attention just to help teach me things because I had questions. I was inquisitive. I was curious and I got
nothing. So you're angry is.
Well that, and, you know, being the oldest and I don't know, just all those things kind of culminated. And it was like, they got away with things and it was on me. It was like, I got, I
was the first line of, and my sister on here. Cause she used to beat my ass too. And I was like, my first two abusers was my dad and my sister. She hated me, but I really looked back. She's only two years older than me, but I Apollo anger inside that had nothing to do with me. She's still vicious, vicious.
I had to apologize to my, uh, to my brother and sister. And it wasn't until I got away from the house, came back, you know, sophomore, junior year of college. And they were like, are you okay? Because you ain't like first us out or cause it's like, okay,
this is how they would
respond to me. I was starting to realize like, why, why did I, why was I doing that? You know? So I do acknowledge and I I've, I have apologize for treating them in that way because I think ultimately I just wanted. Whatever I needed for my mother. It wasn't happening. And it angered me. That was my response. Anger. I'm getting beat for stuff that either weren't my fault or if it was, you know, it still wasn't like, I didn't wipe over here and I'm getting punched in the face. That's
funny. You said, it's funny you say that. Cause I'm going through this conversation with my dad where we were reading scripture, blah, blah, blah. We're doing we're going over stuff. But the other day I was reading, I'm like, I don't know if I can really buy into this because I was telling Sean, I was like, you know, to me, like, if you say, if you say you're a Christian who is supposed to be loving, I'm all about, I don't know why I'm all about love.
I guess I don't, I don't get it because to me that the church is so hurting, my nephew was gay. I don't understand how you can say your guy who you're a Christian and your nephew, your grandson can't come to your house without feeling a certain way that ain't got. And, and so, and so like, you know, and so he's, you know, he did those scripture on you, you know, w where it says they know, uh, on the, on the, uh, through Christ, uh, was, I can't even think of this person. No, I haven't.
scripture. The only way, the only way through God through Christ. I can't remember.
that's
like Romans 10, nine.
Maybe it makes me mad
Bible jeopardy. I'm telling you angry. Man
went through the state of like, when I say anger and I lash out, I'll be lashing out here and not even knowing that it cause I'm so mad at him that I'm just like, um, I'm livid and that it's something that I don't even know how to do. I'm be honest with you. That's why I say my temper. I have to watch it because I will get mad and I'll start, like, if I become physical and, um, and that's, when you say what's your mom, I feel like that with my dad right now.
I'm trying to love my dad, but there are some things I'm trying, like I can't get by and I'm trying to, I'm asking God everyday, show me what, how did, how does this happen? Like, I, I don't, I don't understand how you can say you're a believer or something, but you're your own your, your, your, your, your blood. You'll see,
I think it's because you're too busy trying to change the person. And that's more so more, so him, he it's like, when you say you have unconditional love for people, you have to have that unconditional. For him, like in a way to where you can only be a display, it, you can't teach it. You can't enforce it. You can't show it because at this point they're still naive to their no, and people don't start noticing until it starts happening.
And then they're questioning like, wow, why are you when I did this to you? And a lot of people said that to Jesus. Like I did this to you. You know, I said this, you know, you still forgive me. That's when people get emotional, like, yo you forgive me in my faults.
And so even though he feels this way, the only way you could show him is through love and loving your nephew the way he is and loving your father the way he is, because that's the only way a person will ever see or even think to change is the fact that you still accepted me.
And it says a lot too, about how much
All right. That's it?
It is. I don't know. It's it's just like,
because hypocrite,
yeah. That's
hard when his family is, it's a separate type of anger. When it's a person that's close to you. I don't know how I give strangers so much grace and be at the house, like telling my kids. You can catch these hands. It's the level of expectation. That's where the disappointment lies. Oh eight. It wasn't meet his time. Yeah. That's a hard one. But what if something was to happen to your nephew? What would your dad do? Like if your nephew wasn't here tomorrow, what would you do?
Yeah. And I think he would really do something on the rail. I just think that you had to, you don't know his story or where it's come from in it, at that point, especially old school people, you got to get
out of it. You see, you talked about that. Didn't we asked, we did, we did talk about that last episode
change, you know, when they're older and they're trying to change,
that's how she is.
But to me, I feel like, you know, they can still be set in their ways, but these are the boundaries. These are the conditions you want to be closer in. What's happening over
here. And I feel like that could still be, you can still have these healthy cell boundaries that you still stand for yourself while allowing that person to see it. You know what I'm saying? Like you could be like, all right, you know, I respect that. That's what you feel, but that ain't gonna stop me from still loving on my nephew. Ain't gonna stop me from coming. You don't have to come to the events if you don't want to.
My nephew can bring whoever he want to bring, you know, because I still love him. And I want his car. You have the opportunity to still be a part or you can depart whatever you want to take it.
I like that message. That's a good one. It's powerful. I see where you at two,
I got to let go. It's just something I know, because like I said, this is the stuff that I'm talking about that moves me from my center. And I, if I'm, if I'm shifted from my center at like this, I can't, there's no way I can. Walk in like, you know, even my purpose, there's no influence because I'm out of my center. I'm out of who I'm suppose who I made to be. And I can't, and that's what bothers me the most that I, it ma it shifts me out of that point. And I'm like, why?
Because you're getting teachings from him. Cause you know, some people would be like, you know, be trying to teach you something, but they doing all this stuff wrong themselves. I mean,
it could be pulling glass houses. I mean,
that's the biggest part I gotta, I gotta,
but you ain't even living it yourself. You know?
I mean, that's how they, I talked about we, we, we change our, our surroundings by our growth. So our circle of influence in our circle of, uh, our circle of, um, uh, like basically. And Sokolove concerns and only way that you can change your circle of concerns, I'm concerned. Like it really is bothered Monday. How can you believe that I'm concerned about it? Like why? Like where's this coming from? Only way I can really change that. I can't change him. I can't change anything around me.
Only thing I can do was grow in me. Like you were saying. And, and eventually my circle, my, my, my, my influence will become so powerful and so strong that it would hopefully give him a paradigm shift where he had to look at it from another point of view. You know what I mean? And so I think that was my, I think that was my drive for building a lot of this stuff.
I was telling you guys at the beginning, I just wanted to build this because I wanted them to see that the way you think is not that you can get stuff done. It's not, you're not right. I mean, you're not the only right person. Like you get what I'm saying. Like you're not the only, right. So at this point it's like, I'm tired of being that way. I'm tired of proving stuff like that. And it's like, but with him, it just bothered me, man. That's when you talked about your mom, I'll say, oh my
God. Yeah. But I think, I think, you know, the people in our lives, well, I think just throughout our experience, we'll feel these. Hunches and triggers and all that kind of stuff and what I'm learning to do. And I think this podcast is helping me do, is to actually sit in that feeling instead of trying to be like, this is wrong. I shouldn't be here. like what, what our bodies and what our emotions want is just to be seen. And so even our feelings deserve just that attention.
So if you're pissed, be pissed because if not, you're just going to keep being pissed. So be pissed, be in it don't hurt anybody. Don't let it throw shit,
you know, asking yourself why, why is it making you angry? I think once you get to the meat of it
and you don't have to be a full discussion either too, it can evolve into a discussion, but just sit with the feeling and acknowledge it and just, just be with it. I feel
it's the validation too.
Um, and then one thing I was going to mention too, I think my favorite episode, because I, this was like jaw drop was the one with April?
Yes. Oh, how do we transform a transition? Oh, my girl with a April Lester. Yes. Open-heart leaders.org or on Instagram open-heart leaders shot. I
can't even express that episode. Got to come back for sure. He definitely her story stories.
Yes. She didn't been through so many chapters. It's just like smiling. That's what I'm saying is serving. It's serving baby. Wow. On top of everything, I've done my job and my purpose.
And that's one thing I was telling, like, you look at their story, I'm amazed by this story. But when I hear listen to that episode, every time I think about I'm going through, I'm trying to read her thought process. I'm trying to leave her like her preconceptions. Her can say, well, why, how she thought about stuff to become so still so positive and powerful through it all because you don't, you know, it's like not everybody comes at Duda.
And empowering and still like to be so humble about the fact that she was like, you know, um, you know, um, I still make mistakes, you know, she was not giving herself enough credit. Cause I was just like, girl, yo story alone is like volumes, but she was just like, you know, just by herself to still be like, As if she was just like the rest of us, because, you know, I know when I'm saying, and I was just like, wow, are you dealing with like scientists, pharmaceutical people, stuff like that.
You up here talking like
she's using it to influence.
Wow. So yes, top, top one.
that's why I loved, I loved that episode because everything that she did wasn't she was not attached to, it was a part of her purpose.
So
that was good. It's her walk. You got to, you got to go through things and it sucks when you going through something because you don't understand why and it's pain, pain, pain, but once you get through it, you'd be like, I had to go through that too. So I can be this version of myself so that I can see myself in others so that I can help influence to me. That's a
part of it. And that is. She was able to transition because she wasn't, she wasn't attached to every transitioning to season is so long because we're just holding on us. I'm trying to wait to let it go. Let it go. She was so every, every time I listened to episodes, she never attached herself to anything. She did. It was a part of who she was
even, even look at. She opened episode April, introduce yourself. I'm a human
We had
some great
guests.
They had a wonderful missing Dwayne. That was very, very informative. I appreciate all of that information that he, and he just says it so smoothly. Like
got to set those boundaries,
right. And just put it on the bill.
Wow. We haven't touched on, uh, episode two is, uh, how come ain't nobody told me, but I think we've kind of summed that all the stuff we been through. Yes. That was really, really good. I think my favorite episode was our first. Yeah. Yeah, it was. Does being married make you more valuable? I thought that was a good start to our season.
Sorry. And I was like, so amazed at how it had touched. A lot of people got a lot of people's perspectives on it and they was like, wow. So we already knew this is about to be popping. That was
only gotten better. It's only gotten better. And, um, I'm trying to think of which one we haven't covered on here. I think all of them, except why do people be people in it's been a lot of people have been people in all the time. I don't actually think it's worse in the pandemic. I had this conversation yesterday with Teresa I'm like I see people, people all eight. I think the pandemic really turned it up another level. And I don't know if y'all ever heard of mad cow disease, throwback.
I be calling that man pandemic disease. Cause I see it all of them and I'd be like, I'm not fixing to fight with you patients and stuff. I'd be like, whatever, whatever you want to do. Okay. You're not coming back. You're not coming back. Like I just don't have that fight in me. Cause people are snapping and killing folks. Oh. Oh, parking spot. And I'm like, okay, mad pandemic disease. It's just another. And I think we, we not coming out of the pandemic quick enough.
And I think it's going to continue. Uh, so Joe, what you got for people to be people in this time?
Wait, don't be people in
if y'all give a height. Really?
Hell yeah. Whoa. I thought it was
great. Cause we practiced this before. Y'all just practice this a couple of times. It gives me Popeye's
God,
I love this. The
no, cause her is her voice sound like sound like the lady that that'd be talking on there.
I need you to find the Popeye's commercial real quick. sound like the lady, like a biscuit. We going to have a real
jingle.
All right. So this one's crazy. This one's as kind of sad, but it says a mother who may of 15 minutes away occasionally brought food to her abandoned three children who lived in, who lived in home with dead siblings, corpses, teen text, mother. I can't take it anymore before calling police. I'm like, I can't even like
the first off your mama lived 15 minutes from you. They all minors
and
they, oh yeah. She moved with her husband 15 minutes up the street.
Um, so as neighbors check out, uh, this horrific story, you wanna go ahead and go ahead.
Go ahead. No, you got to tell them, cause I know the
story of three childrens were left to fend for themselves while living with their brothers corpse for a year, you know, Matt had. A year a year is rotten away and everything. So after a welfare check was requested to the Houston apartment, please found three children, seven, 10, and 15, and the skeletal remains of a nine year old brother, according to the daily mail. The 15 year old boy texted his mother and said he couldn't take it anymore and proceeded to call nine 11.
I can't even like I have a lot of questions about that.
The cell phone, you're not amount of manipulation she did at his head.
Yeah. Like,
like he was too afraid to call for help for a
year, a whole
year. The team shared, he had been living with his nine-year-old brother courts for a year. The next door neighbor said she noticed a and complained about a foul order coming from the apartment about 13 months ago, after the neighbor was aware of the neglect as they bought the siblings food. Um, consistently
that part is what pissed me off. Because you sit up there and watch them babies being neglected and don't do nothing that will do nothing besides give them food. I can watch, I know foster caring, always the answer, uh, calling the police, especially with black people is not always the answer, but to sit up and watch some kids star and your way of getting them through it is bringing them a six piece. You all deserve to go to jail. I actually up under it,
wait, this was a neighbor. The neighbor kept bringing food,
the food. I mean, if you smell something thinking
that, but these kids are not going to school. They all age, school, age, I'm just trying to figure out why to nobody. Cause by now you should be having some court orders. But the fact that these kids ain't in school,
when did I show up for
black kids? I hope they get some help. If they haven't already,
who shows up.
I just know I begin these darn times, these notes and stuff that somebody should have said and did something at this point. It should have never took no.
I mean, I don't know who knows what the parents did. I don't know what the parents like. And like I said, they move somewhere else. You kind of get what I'm saying, like out of like
through the whole pandemic, it's so easy to abuse people right now and disappear. Wow. The rates of domestic violence is so high right now. Kids,
child abuse. Yes. You can
really hide
it because nobody's coming out. Nobody's coming out of house.
Oh no, you can't. You can't listen. You can do a whole lot of things. And I'm real good about minding my business. But what you not going to do is destroy these kids in front of me. If you want to fight your spouse, y'all want to hit each other. I'll be like, I can do that shit behind closed doors. Don't do it in front of me. I don't want to say it.
She gave her
food. She gave him food was
the same. She was like, just dropping the door, opening the door
and say, Hey, you know,
see these foods. I don't know if that one got the picture.
Even like, like if the person wants to come in in there that nine year old boy had to be so scared of. So manipulated not to let anybody in the house, you kind of go what I'm saying, all the things that have been going into his life. I mean, you had a 15 year old boy
had to be messed up or call the police. I'm scared because
the new stepdad then killed your brother. Oh
my God.
You might be in there. That's slavery.
And not that you lived. Yeah, but they lead us into a whole nother in my brain, a whole other topic, because I know people personally who had, let's say two, three kids left them behind the country. I grew up in the country left. And when grandma moved away, started a whole new family. It happens. I don't know about y'all, but I can think of a few people. Yeah, you got these kids.
There's 15, 16. Now you got the newborn and you live with the newborn and that daddy and them, three kids is over there where grandma and big mama house. And it's a big mama die,
struggling. I know so many people say, oh, that's your cousin who got
new starting. Now you just forget about the whole family you got. Cause you got a new man. This is ultimately what he looked like. Opie y'all know opiates. You do. This is this a black woman with.
And that's why it might in my girl, what the system is. So I just remember when I was teaching, I had kids that were like that they would take, they foster these kids and, but they were so bad that they got so much money for them. So in order to keep them bad, they would keep their medicine all would give it to him the other day and they would hold it for the weekend. So that Monday, they will always come in the thoracic trying to get the medical. The medicine was still in the system.
They were spraying the kids in the face with bleeds. They were locking them in the closet. And we tried for years to get the police to go. The only way that they please found out the parents are in jail. Now I was on a sub. I had came up for recycle. I had stopped. I went to join the Navy a year later and found out the parents finally were in jail. They made, they were making these kids fight each other and they were yup.
And the girl broke her leg and they finally had to go to the hospital hospital. So they started questioning and questioning. And then finally they figured out that all of the stuff that they were making them eat butter for just straight butter for like, for like. You got to go wrong with their kids were coming to school with their own kids were coming to school with nice clothes, everything nice. The other foster kids were coming in with trash shoes, $2 shoes, like all this crazy stuff.
And I'm like, and then you walk into the house. They just got new floors to new chandelier, hanging out all this stuff. And I'm like all of
these things and the kids and the dungeon treatment kids bad to live. What life,
what, who, that's why. That's why
I said, well, y'all the next season. Our people be people ain't going to be a little better. Cause he's gonna work on getting some positive stories. But this is a lot of stuff that I see. And I just be like,
And it's still put the people aware and make them accountable. Like, let me tell y'all something. Y'all see these kids or y'all see some kids y'all want to get, go call the police, get this kid some help. Be a little bit better neighbor. Okay. I'm just seriously being brought up like so serious. Like, I mean, yeah. Congratulations for bringing that up. But this kids and went through all of this this whole year and you mean tell them you can open your
mouth. I do have something to say about that though. And th this is, this is true. Think about our neighborhood, the neighborhoods, not a neighborhood. No more neighbors. Do I don't, I don't.
I know plenty of times.
I know one neighbor on this block, on that one, my next door neighbor right here at the other people. I don't, I don't, I don't know. He won't give me somebody else,
but for real,
you don't know anybody.
So the person next door to you. you know, so it's, it's, it's different. You know,
I also wanted to put out on a podcast guys, how we have made our own community. You know, we talked about the churches and religious and stuff like that, but this has been such a great, wonderful community, a group of wonderful people that we're here for each other. We do more than just our park has together, you know, and we enjoy each other's company. We, you know, and that is amazing. You know, we make sure we try to keep taking care of it.
And I mean, as our community grows, you know, I just want to tell y'all, this is amazing and it makes me feel so great even though. Had this in a long time, maybe I haven't been open to it, but I appreciate y'all
is right all the time. I remember y'all telling me about y'all want to do a podcast. I was like, sound good, sound good. He was like, I want you on it. I was like me
Yeah, it was, it was really, I mean, we were naturally having these conversations and whether this stuff was here or not. So it was like, you know what? We should just record it and share with other people.
Yeah, wonderful. Similar histories. I mean, I love the fact about your first experience with black
people, white people, white people, white people. They ain't even heard episode. We might have to redo that one. God, she got PTSD, white people that gave it to me now.
So that was amazing. It is
so good job. First season 15 episodes next season is going to be about business owners. You know, everything they've been through and their type of businesses, they all
entrepreneurship is definitely a mental and physical, emotional journey. So
yeah, you got to flex that brain and
everything else. Huh? I'm excited to, you know, the stories, how we, you know, we'll tie it into just that mental.
Mental health. All right. So if you guys want to be on the podcast, you think you're doing something interesting you fit in and what we doing? Um, open-minded free thinker. You have a business, um, holla at us P what's our email. We do have an email.
We do the, just keep living
podcast@gmail.com. Okay. And you can also send us messages on our Facebook page. Um, just keep living podcasts. Our Instagram is just underscore, keep underscore living underscore podcast. So we'll catch you all in a few weeks with our next season it's and just keep living happy new year.