Something I touched on when I did an interview for CBS news. When we talked about the impact of mental health in the black community, highlighting George Floyd and everything like that, I told them we, for years, we haven't had the privilege to think about our mental health. Oh,
Jenna:that's a word though, because
Diamond:shoot, we just trying to survive and to survive. That's what I told them. Like we're in survival mode constantly. We've been in survival mode for generations and people don't understand that there is a such thing as generational trauma. You're listening
Jo:to just keep living
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Parchelle:conversation for there are no stones
Jenna:thrown. This podcast is a judgment free zone for free thinkers who value personal growth and mental health for
Diamond:all about inspiring and empowering others all while
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Parchelle:questions on a range of
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Diamond:And we do meet
Jenna:everything. We're just trying to figure it out. Like Rainey always said, just keep living. Welcome to the show. Hey, y'all woo. That came through like a little, Hey, y'all smoking a pack of cigarettes this morning, Virginia Slims Newport, Virginia Slims was done long, long. It was like a hunted. Ooh. Okay. Okay. Welcome back to another week. We already distracted. Y'all welcome back to another week of just keep living and we have another guest. Um, let me just do a quick introduction. You guys know that I am Jenna
Diamond:and I'm Joe masterpiece
Jenna:and Shauna is mommying right now. She out doing her thing. So shout out to Shauna. childish a F. So our guest today is diamond Dale. The last few episodes that you guys have listened to, it's been how we've all been impacted by abuse and different kinds of abuse. So the last person we had on his therapists, Mr. Dwayne, so now we have another person out here who mental health is one of their specialties, too. She has a nonprofit and, um, she has a bunch of other things that she's going to share with us, how she got to this point in her life. So diamond Dale, give them a little background.
Diamond:All right. So, Hey, y'all so pretty much I'm from. And currently in San Diego, how I got to this point was just a long list of things. I'm a product of adoption and the system of care, as well as the juvenile justice system and throughout all of those challenges and things of that nature. I found myself working in the nonprofit sector at a young age. As a teenager, I worked for the juvenile assessment center in Detroit, Michigan. Then I went to black family development, pretty much advocating for youth in a system of care, making sure they have a voice When I moved to California in 2014, I started volunteering for a NAMI San Diego, which is national Alliance of mental illness. Um, and just kind of being in that and they ain't going to work for the child development center and for the military. And wanting to work with little kids and things of that nature. Then I started working for psychiatric hospitals and going there. And then I was just like, you know what? I want to pour this passion of mine into something that I really care about in my own way. So I created a home and it stands for helping others master their experience. We pretty much specialize in connecting people in the community to mental health resources in their area. Our main clientele has been black people pretty much, and we connect them to black mental health professionals. That has been our biggest thing. That is our specialty at the moment in our whole network. Black mental health professionals right now. So that love it.
Jo:The acronym,
Diamond:say it again, home. So it's helping others master their experience. That's
undefined:so
Diamond:key.
Jenna:It's funny because when she came up with that, I was like, girl, there's so many with home. Are you sure about this? I was being the doubter, you know? Yeah. I didn't, I wasn't doubting your ability. It was so many things are named home, but there's also 5,000 types of bread.
Diamond:I just kind of felt like what made me come up with a home. It was just like, what do, when I feel safe? Where do I think of. Like Detroit. I think of hump. Yeah.
Jenna:Excellent. She feels safe. Y'all, some of my favorite people
Diamond:though, but you know what I mean? But y'all know what I mean. Like when you home, you know what I'm saying? You want that safe space. Like, for me, I think about like, when I'm at home with my grandma, she cooking and the record's playing and like my mom watering plants, like just in a good space. And I was just like, I want people to feel that when they come to me for help, like, I want people to feel like I'm their safe space. I'm their safe space in their brain space. Like, that's what I want. Right.
Jenna:What do you think is some of the reasons why black people don't seek
Diamond:therapy and it comes from generations of stuff. Like it's so much stigma behind seeking therapy in the black community, because we want to pray. That's what our main solution is. We think it's a demon. That's wrong with you? When in actuality is really just you going through life in his mental stuff. And also something I touched on when I did an interview for CBS news. When we talked about the impact of mental health in the black community, highlighting George Floyd and everything like that, I told them we, for years, we haven't had the privilege to think about our mental health. Oh,
Jenna:that's a word though, because
Diamond:shoot, we just trying to survive and to survive. That's what I told them. Like we're in survival mode constantly. We've been in survival mode for generations and people don't understand that there is a such thing as generational trauma. Absolutely. Think about how many think about like when you go all the way back. I think about my grandma, for instance, like my grandma right now, she is, she turns 88. This August. She's a living wreck Relic. Like she can tell me everything that happened like year 60 years ago. And just to think that at the same age, I ain't man. Now she was witnessing Emmett Till's death weighing. And right now we're linked, we're looking at public lynchings ourselves with George Floyd. That's a generational thing. And to constantly see that over and over over years of time to constantly hear about these different things that goes on with black people. There's no way you will ever think like this is affecting me because you think it's normal. That's the problem. That's part of the reason why we don't do it either. We think it's normal to feel this way, like coming from Detroit. I know that wholeheartedly. Yeah. We think shootouts is.
Jenna:Um, it becomes normal to you. Exactly. That's why I don't, you know, every, so much, you see another black person down at the hands of the police and people want to talk about it. And I'm like, well, y'all can talk about all y'all won't, but I'm not exposing my kids to that. That's not normal. People died in the streets, not normal, and I'm not going to be a part of that. So on those days we don't watch the news alpha. All right. So we're kind of pivot, kind of get to some more serious things. Um, definitely the resume as long, and we can go on and on and she young y'all y'all don't even understand this, she, the baby of the group, but that's okay. That's when you work in, in your purpose and you know where you're supposed to be, this, this is good that you figured it out this young. What are some of the types of abuse that you personally have been exposed
Diamond:to have been exposed to sexual abuse, mental abuse and emotional abuse.
Jenna:Okay. All right. Now I know your story. Now you have a very unique sexual abuse. Because this is a person you guys would never expect. Right. Um, can you kind of, let's tell our listeners about that. Do you feel
Diamond:comfortable enough to share that? I'm fine with that. I'm in a place where I feel like I've healed from it and it doesn't really affect me in that way, but, um, the person who sexually abused me was actually my school principal when I was young. So that happened, yeah. Over like a length of time, me going to school and things like that. He will pull, like when I was in trouble, he would pull me into the office and like purposely try to get me alone and like humiliate me in different ways and like demean my character or like my physical features and things like that. And then would try to that's when the sexual abuse would happen. Cause then it was like, okay, I'm gonna tear you down now in an understanding as a mental health professional, he would pretty much try to tear me down and then put me in his space. Well, now I'm here. But I accept all these bad things about you though. So, and then it was that. Yeah. And so then it led to like rape and things like that.
Jenna:Yeah. Um, I want you to share that. Let me say thank you for sharing that because it's so personal, but a lot of people don't understand where predators are and they're everywhere. Even, you know, we think about sending our kids to school that they're going to be safe. How old were
Diamond:you? How was eight?
Jenna:Okay. And how long did this last? This form of sexual abuse with this person for a year. Okay. What happened? Did, were you able to tell somebody, sorry,
Diamond:I didn't tell anybody. I actually didn't tell anybody till I was like, I'm twenty-something I didn't tell anybody I held on to that for years. And so I kind of just like, because I wasn't in the best of spaces anyway, as a child, because of my upbringing, me being in foster care, I was going through so much emotionally and mentally. That of course I was never aware of I'm only eight, but I was going through so much. I was in trouble a lot. So it's kinda like he, he saw that and he prayed on it because he knew I was going through so much and I was struggling with that. So inherently, I thought I deserved it. Not that it was my fault. I knew it wasn't my fault, but I felt like I deserved it. Like this is my, this is pretty much the going into religion. I was like, this is what God wants to happen to me because I've been this way. So that's how I computed it as a child.
Jenna:It's like, um, that's why I always say God is tired of us. Look how much we put on God. Yes. GoDaddy he
Diamond:tired, sick and tired.
Jenna:That's GoDaddy. That's our noise for you, girl. We official rail here. Uh, well
Parchelle:done. I know, I know too. You were in the foster system as well. Yeah. Um, so can you share a little bit about that experience and at what point that
Diamond:happened? So I pretty much came into the foster system when I was like, Hmm. When I was like three and that came from my mother who was Sheena, pretty much it was through neglect. And that was because of her own issues with drug abuse, substance abuse, and also her own mental illnesses. Um, which I just found out more about restate, always show it
Jenna:no matter what it
Diamond:shows, because for the longest they was like, your mom was just a cracking. And then when I met her and talked to her being in mental health, I was like, oh, okay. It was way more than that, but I digress, but pretty much that's was what brought me into foster care. And then I was fostered by my mother currently, and I was foster with her for like four years. And then I was adopted through, through her. Yeah. But before that, um, before we came to a place where we were fostered with her, we also went to like, I think like two homes from what I remember, we went to like two other homes. One of them was a racist as white woman. And then the other one, I don't really remember too much, but I just remember hers specifically. And it was
Parchelle:just you, do you have siblings as well?
Diamond:Well, actually it's like, I think it's like 11 of us to be on 10 or 11
Jenna:children, natural children from
Diamond:your mother's, from my biological mother. And we were all separate. Except for me and my older sister, me and my older sister, we pretty much was inseparable. They told us that from a young age, like we, they tried to separate us one time and it just, no, it didn't work. So we stayed together. So we pretty much was a package deal. From that point on,
Parchelle:when were you first introduced him to therapy or that actually doing that personal
Diamond:work? Well, therapy has always been a part of my life, which is why I'm not foreign to it. Um, because of the way the foster care system works in situations like that, they try to make sure that therapy is present in the home because they of course want you to adjust well to the family you're with and also them to adjust well to you. Um, I will say that I didn't have the best of therapists, so I didn't really get into therapy and really see the benefits of therapy until a teenage. Because for a long time, I resented therapy. Cause I felt like it was just a way for people to point out my wrongs and what I was doing wrong and how bad of a person I was at the time. And also my mother, she, my adopted mother, she weaponized it a lot, um, with us like, like, oh, you crazy as hell, just like your mama. Like that's what she would do. And also my aunts and things like that. So for awhile I thought therapy was just like most black people think like it's just for crazy as people and I'm not crazy. So I'm not by to, I'm not engaging in this. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction or of putting that on me. But when I finally started doing self work and things like that was usually was around like 15. I had a really good therapist, um, also being put into the juvenile justice system too, because I was in and out of like homes and stuff like, you know, like girls home and stuff like that. And. I would finish their program because they will have programs. I will finish their programs. And if I didn't, and even though I finished their programs, they were like, look, you can't leave because you're not talking in therapy. So we're not really getting to the root of the issue here. Yes. Because you keep going back home. And I thank God for my judge that I had, because he realized that like, I don't think she's a problem child. I think she's a child that's hurting and y'all, aren't getting to the root of the issue because she's not talking. So they pretty much forced me to stay in and talk. And that was the start of me doing self-help and things like that. Wow.
Jenna:What do you think, how did you end up in juvie?
Diamond:Looking back looking
Jenna:back. Cause now it's a different perspective because back then they was just trying you and disrespectful that you had to show them. Oh God, that's really now looking back. Why were you in therapy? I mean, why were you going
Diamond:into juvie? Why was I going into juvie? Um, well, pretty much honestly, and this is just giving grace to my mother. Um, there was nothing, there was no other option. Like there, there was no other option outside of that because it got to a place where with me and my mom and also like my aunts and things like that, where we were just, we were fighting like full blown. Anytime we argued, I was like squirreled. Like that's where we at. We fighting because it just felt like years of abuse of emotional abuse and mental abuse. And I was just like hormones, race. And now that I know hormones at that age, like 13, I was like, No, we fight. Nah, we just got squirrel. We just gonna square up.
Jenna:Now you learn how to communicate through fighting in your adopted home. Um, or was that just something that came with being in and out of the system? Well,
Diamond:actually I want you to fight nobody. Oh, that's the thing. I don't even come from a family that fights, they, they are actually the type of family desolate. They, the type of family that is going to call the police. Like they really
Jenna:people call the police and they from Detroit. Let me
Diamond:tell you, my family is real. Our squares, like,
Jenna:uh, square, you showed up ready to square up to call 9
Diamond:1 1. Let me tell you I was the, I was the like, man, I don't even know how to explain. I was like the bomb that just kinda came into the house. Like, what the fuck is this? Like, they didn't know how to deal with that type of energy. And I came in, like I was. Always opinionated. I was always, like I say, well, what's on my mind, things like that. And y'all know how it is in the black community. You can't, you came, we did not ask you your opinion and ask you your opinion. Why are you even
Jenna:talking? That is a bill payer, right? Exactly. I need you just to suck it up
Diamond:and, you know, place what is a child's
Jenna:place.
Diamond:Okay. Silence. Exactly. You don't speak
Jenna:to you spoken to them.
Diamond:Exactly. And so since that was, of course, that's our norm. Whenever I would speak up or ask questions or be like, Hey, hold on. Like, oh, like that, like, what's going on with this? I was always that kid who would just kind of go against the grain and because of that, You know, of course it came from like that, that's what stemmed the, uh, like the mental and emotional abuse. And my mom didn't know how to deal with that. She was not equipped to deal with that. And she also was not in a space where she was willing to take accountability for her part in that. So as well as my other family members and just got to a point where you can't, I mean, I can't just be fighting my people in a house. You know what I'm saying? Square with your mama. I can't be squaring up with my people. Like I'll know it wasn't just my mama. It was like, my aunt's like, it was anybody. I didn't care. It was anybody who taught me and it started to pour over into school. Well, it was always in school, but it really started to pour over in school. Like I was, I stopped fighting girls and was like, what's up to the teachers. Like, like
Jenna:it was eating the girls
Diamond:for lunch girl. I tried to fight my principal. Like I was like, she said something out the way. And I was like, what'd you say? Like, I was that
Jenna:anger though. That was just anger. Your judge was on to something.
Diamond:It was all anger. And so because of that, They tried to put me in Boston for a while. And once I got boxed and I was like, oh, nah, I couldn't really, there was not, it was not therapeutic at all. It was
Jenna:honestly was just
Diamond:like
Jenna:Elmo. I wasn't
Diamond:working. I was up in here. Like I know how to do jazz correctly right on your teeth. And I'm like, I'm about to fight all of y'all I'm out. They just gave me a whole nother line fire up under me to fight more. So after that then work and everything. It just got to a point where my mom just was like, I can't do nothing about it. She went to people. Um, and like the resources that we kind of didn't really have, but she just was like going to, somebody's gotta help me. Somebody got to help me. And they was just like, honestly, at this point, The, we can't do nothing, but as long as she put her hands on you, like at that point you gotta call the police and it goes from there. And that's what they was waiting on. So the moment I got put into juvenile system was really because I didn't know that this was all going into play in the background, but my aunt stayed and my mom did. And so one day my aunt came in and was like, antagonizing me so I could hit her. Cause she know I would, and she
Jenna:said hit them first boxing skills. Trauma
Diamond:definitely gave her the work. I do not regret it. Not regret.
Jenna:It was. How
Diamond:old were you at that time? I was like 13. Wow.
Jenna:We laughing because we could never
Diamond:man,
Parchelle:but it's wow. Wow. I mean, cause I, I worked in the school system, um, from like middle school, elementary school and spent time serving in the juvenile detention home as well. And it's interesting. You, you come across the. Young people with so much anger and so much is going on. You don't really know what is going on, why they are that way, because I think generally we're all good. We mean, well, you know what I mean? Like we come from pure intention, but when your environment doesn't say that, you
Jenna:know, man, and they don't, they parents don't know. They know you just cycles. It's just cycles, cycles of cycles. Some, you know, the next generation wants something better and they find that you find yourself being the abuser and then we're doing the same thing cycle cycle. But what I like about our generation is that we are having conversations that our parents did not have we changed. We changed nothing. We just want better. Yeah. We we're, you know, we're talking about how abuse has affected us now. You know? Um, my mom never me here I go. When I went to therapy and the therapist was telling me that the stuff my dad was had done was abuse. And I was like, I do that now. It was like, oh, Okay. You say I'm
Diamond:abusive to connecting the dots, man,
Jenna:I didn't turn into my daddy. Like straight up. You, you don't know it's, it's sad, but I'm glad that you're able to join us. And you know, we laugh and kind of through this, but it is some seriousness in there because right now somebody is dealing with this. Kids are not just majority of your children are not born angry. Somebody has violated them. Something has happened. We haven't created, the safest place for them. That's what it really comes down to. So what happened with the principal though? Because you said you just started talking about it a couple of years ago. Is he still,
Diamond:um, did you have a blow that up?
Jenna:No. Okay. It's not too late. I got the gas.
Diamond:I know what on God, but, um,
Jenna:he's, he's continued.
Diamond:He's continued. I don't think he's, um, in the school system anymore. And I haven't really liked to be honest with you. I ain't really kept tabs on him and everything, I was with my ex one time and this was my ex fiance when I first was like living out here and we went out, we was drinking and stuff and I had this real big thing. Like at that time, like, don't, don't touch me while I'm drunk. Like don't, don't do that. It was like a real big thing for me is when, because I was first starting drinking, I mean, I was under age drinking, but you know what I'm saying? I was just like, nah, I just don't do that. And he did it anyway, knowing that I didn't like that. And so at that point I feel really violated and I tried to go to like my people about it. And it was just kind of like, I mean he, oh man. Or like, I mean, yeah, they was just kind of like, I mean, he don't man. I was like, how was that abuse? And so it made me kind of question everything at that point. So then I started realizing. And I just got super triggered at that moment. And I didn't realize where it was coming from. And I didn't realize how much I like suppress that for years. I suppressed that for so long and it never came up. It never came up through all the therapy
Jenna:therapists that you went through. No, it's not
Diamond:deep. You had tucked that bad boy. Nobody knew nobody. Like nothing. Like everybody was just wondering why the hell I was trying to get kicked out that school. That was why, but that's, that was the only way I felt like it was a solution. Like I gotta get kicked out at school so I can leave because nobody was listening to me when I was telling them I didn't want to go there no more. Hmm. I don't know if
Jo:you covered this, but in your, in your house, did y'all talk about
Diamond:issues? Hell no. What we did was we argue through. And we fought through things and we hit low blows below the belt, like real gut wrenching shit to each other. And then later we will just, you know, like most black families, I made spaghetti spaghetti or John's spaghetti
Jenna:fish,
Diamond:Detroit folks, exactly. Or chicken wings, me shout out to my people, or it'll hit you with the eat. You know, I'm going to the store. You're going to come. Like, you know, the argument, you can't bring that shit back up after that. And I was bringing my child works, right. The food. So we are
Jenna:past it. So what would happened if we didn't
Diamond:eat the spaghetti? So we get our ass. We never did that because we was always hungry, but I'm also in my family. Um, I didn't touch on this, but my family was really big into church. Like I come from my stepdad is Nigeria. And he has his own church and everything. So we like was the first family. My aunts are real deep in the church, like evangelists and everything like that. Low key. One of my aunts is like trying to be a pastor. I don't know. But it's the more you fought, I fought all of them, but yeah, but the one I really don't like, that's her, I'm glad she found the
Jenna:Lord.
Diamond:God, talk about that one. But, um, yeah, they will try to be like, are we just going to go to church Sunday? Are we going to have a pass to lay hands on you? And that, that should be the end of it. You know what I'm saying? Cause obviously like, this is some demonic shit you doing. That's how my family dealt with things. They will pretty much embarrass me in front of the whole church and be like, yo, lay hands on her. This is what she did this week. Lay hands on her. And then they would lay hands on me and then I'm like, okay, I don't feel it all different. Like now I'm just Oli. Like I just ain't dripping down my mic and stuff. Like, what is this? So that's pretty much like how we dealt with. I think that was so
Jo:hard because at that point you don't know how to communicate. It makes you to the point to where you, you can't feel you, I mean, you, you don't feel like you can talk about the situation, first of all. And then you don't know the feelings that are coming up. I'm glad that you are still very vocal person though. I'm after hearing your story and then knowing you, like, every time you will come, like, you know, you were still vocal, you know what I'm saying? A lot of people like that, you know, are quiet. Yeah. You know what I mean? They hold their thoughts, you know, they, and w where you like that at a point, or were you always just like, boom, you know, I'm gonna still gonna say what I feel.
Diamond:I will say this. I had to actually have to unpack. I am a very vocal person. I've always been a vocal person, but not when it mattered. And that was when, and that was me. Like, yeah, I'm always going to be the loudest person in the wrong sense. My personality, I'm always going to be friendly. I'm always going to be nice. I always want to make everybody laugh and everything. But when it comes to me and my own emotions and talking about that, we ain't gonna talk about that. Like don't, don't, let's not, let's not talk about me. Let's help you. And, um, I had to really unpack that for awhile, but that's like, that's pretty much where I got to. I was just like, I was always like, no, I'm going to say, huh. But at some point, it got to the point where it, like, when I did say I feel, it was just like, well, this is a bad thing to say, or this is respectful or this makes you a bad person respectful. Like, so it was all these different things. So it just made me feel like, well, I can't talk about how I feel, because if I do, I'm going to be all these bad things. That's good. Yeah.
Jenna:That's true. This episode is sponsored by home incorporated. A nonprofit that connects black communities with quality mental health professionals in their own area. Please reach out to them@wwwhomesd.org. You can also find them on Instagram underscore home San Diego.
Jo:It
Parchelle:is their experience. It is their experience,
Jo:but those are the things you, you have to unpack. And in order to get down to the deep of it, to get to know you and I, and I, I kinda like I'm kinda in the same way, but it shut me down completely. Like it, it made me, I helped everybody. but I didn't know how to help myself. And so I was empty. I was tired. I was depressed. I was just know, deep down inside. I never felt filled that's it right there. I can understand what you're saying about the, how it just man, that's hard.
Diamond:It
Jo:had to be so young for you to understand that like it's so like an army for real, that is, that's like, that's powerful, man. I'm so happy that you'd like, you know, you're able to find you at that young age because I might, what 13 years older than you. And I'm just finding this out, you know what I mean? And, and your life is going to be so much more powerful and impactful to people because you can explain that to them that are going through these issues. If I would've heard this a long time ago, I'd be like, man, you know, that's me, you know, I'm struggling. How did you do that? You know what I'm saying? How do I get out of this? You know what I mean? And for you to be that person. Your, or, and everything's just so, so meaningful and so powerful. Like, I, I, I love that about you all you went through, so,
Diamond:no, I appreciate,
Parchelle:um, I know that this empowers everything that you're doing, especially with young people. Cause I asked you earlier, I was like, what, like, what are you most passionate about? And you said it's the young ones or people.
Jenna:Yeah.
Diamond:I tried to say millennial yard and I just want to throw that out there. Gina.
Jenna:she's a, um, she's with the generation that was eating
Diamond:type. That's what she say. Y'all don't put that on us, man. We look, we got not even mad
Jenna:at the generation of seeing, um, top pies because in the first three nine, I'm going to tell you why this is where they redeemed themselves. You know, I called the pandemic in quarters. So the first three quarters of the pandemic. The tie eaten generation was lightning parents up in their racism. All the flights come on. It was, they was out in everybody. I was like, wait, y'all stop eating Tada star enlightened folks. Yeah. It gave a, was holding people accountable. They was packing people, social media, showing comments like, oh my dad's a racist. And he wants to kick me out. I'm like, you have nowhere to go, but grandmas, but
Jo:everybody, man, people losing jobs, losing the whole
Jenna:company that was losing it all. It was all brought down by the kids. Your generation is with the shits. Yeah, they are. They're like we not taking nothing.
Diamond:We not take nothing. I think it just got to the point. Cause I think I got to that point too. And I see it like in all my peers around me, like we just got to a point we tired. I don't know if the show got to that point. I got.
Jenna:I can kind of talk about the importance of finding therapists that look like you. Yes. Why would you say that's important?
Diamond:Um, mainly for relate-ability, you know, you need to be able to look at somebody, especially if you are in such a dark place and you don't know where to go. It's really hard to go to somebody that's foreign from you, who you feel like can not relate to your experiences in every different culture. Like has different experiences, like, you know, black people, we laugh about. All the trauma all the time.
Jo:Every, every, every blood person would have said exactly the
Diamond:same. We all laugh about that. Laugh and cry
Jenna:all within two seconds, all that's fucked up. And then I'll be like 10 minutes later, somebody joked about on the internet. I'll be like, well,
Diamond:like we went through so much collectively, but there are so many other, you know, of course, ethnicities and everything like that, who go through the same type of trauma within their own culture. And so when you are in a place where you need direction, it's not easy to go. Somebody who you feel like can not relate to that culture, because I can't tell you how many times you talked to. I had black therapists, white therapist, all of that. Currently I have a white therapist though, but, um, I had a white therapist who I will be like, yeah, my mama did this. And they'd be like, oh my God,
Parchelle:that's what happened. And
Diamond:then they're like, they're like, oh my God, how are you? Like live today?
Jenna:Can we name this voice? This is this doctor who
Diamond:I'm gonna call her Amy man. Dr. Amy. Cause she like, she cool. She, she like whitewash, but at the same time she don't understand. Well, definitely know she gotta be an ally, but you don't know. She only stand for real. Like she just like, I'm just here to let you voice. You took a class. Okay. African-American class two years. She's the one that comes up to you and give you the eye and be like, why is she talking to people? She'll give you the eye and be like the urban community. Like, you know, you guys have new being heritage,
Jenna:shout out to all Amy's man. Y'all be trying, they try
Diamond:right place. But she was definitely like the person who was looking at me, like when I would tell her certain things, she would be like, do we need to call the police?
Jenna:Like
Diamond:blink one for yes. Two for no, but just the fact that, and I know it's funny, like, but the fact that she did that made me uncomfortable. Cause then it made me be like, well, It's just really abused. Like it made me question everything about my family and you don't want to go. So I'm going back home, looking at my people like shit, y'all got a weird man. I'm out here,
Jenna:Amy say
Diamond:it. He said, okay. And then, you know, that call that also causes, uh, a discourse in the family. Cause it's like, who the hell is this outsider coming in and telling us how we doing shit? Like, that's really what it does. But when you have a black therapist and you have somebody who you can talk to them and be like, yeah, girl, my mama used to go y'all know, y'all know how y'all be. Okay. My mama asked me to go out there and pick a switch. Y'all know how I beat, but more than likely, okay. Shonda, okay. Therapist shade. She went through that too. You know what I'm saying? So she can relate to that and how that impacted you and also give you tools because of the relate-ability. They can give you personal tools, even though it's through therapy, they can give you personal tools. Like, look, this worked for me and this may work for you because we have the same background. We're not the same people, but. Same background that
Jo:I think that's so, so true and valid man, because I've went through three therapists, all white and every, I went to like four sessions with each of them and all four sessions. They were trying to figure out and still understand the story. Like
Diamond:I'm telling you
Jenna:they got questions about the story. Cause he, sorry, he was good. He was like, wait, that just happened yesterday. Like, this is the part of my life, the same three chapters. They can't relate. That's what I said.
Diamond:They can't.
Jo:And I, and I, the movie. Yeah. And then Mr. Duane came and said within three minutes, he connected and he understood everything about me and what I was going through and how I related it to it. And all those type of things. I'm telling you like facts. I did not understand how important that was until he sat down in that chair. And we
Diamond:also want to touch on the fact that you're a black man. Yes. Being a black man going to therapy is totally different because one thing about black women, even though we have our own struggles and everything within the community and stuff at the end of the day, we're still women. So we have more of an openness to us. We have more of a like, you know what? This may not work, but let's try it out. You know what I'm saying? We're a little bit more patient when it comes to men, they're not inherently like that. You guys aren't built that way. And black men are especially more shut down when it comes to emotions. So trying to sit here and talk with Chad or Amy about your emotions and what you're going through is not going to be beneficial at all because they not only don't understand you as a black person, they don't understand you as a black man and half the time those people are intimidated by you. Anyway. So that's the unconscious bias that's already there. That's working against you. And even though I encourage people to always look, be open to other races and stuff, they may be able to help you because of. Some black therapist can be too relatable where they can come best friends,
Jenna:hang out with you. If you want.
Diamond:come back, come back. That's bounds, Sharon trauma and Aaron jock. You can't be doing that. But like as black men, I really advocate for black men to see black male therapists or even a black woman therapist to see in black people. I feel like it's always beneficial to black men. Honestly,
Jo:I agree that that was the hardest thing for me was sharing my emotions because I didn't even know what to share. I didn't know how to talk about
Jenna:the words.
Jo:I didn't understand what I was feeling for years. You know what I mean? And Dan is crazy because when we started hanging out with, you know, And I'm partial and I'm like, it is, and talking about this on our podcast, like it just begin to come out, man. And I'm powerful. I'm writing pages of stuff from my phone. Like, like, man, like, this is what that, that's what happened. This is what happened, you know, things, um, like my memory started to come back, you know, like the block moments that I forgot were starting to come back, you know, indicators. Yeah. I didn't, but you're like you said in the beginning, we don't know what's trauma. We think it's normal.
Diamond:I didn't know. And that's what I love so much about the conversations that's been having about mental health is because for years, and when I first started working in the mental health system, Trying to talk about trauma, but it was a conversation that was not had this conversation about trauma just started coming up within the recent years because nobody could understand trauma or pinpointed and unless it was military. Exactly. It's not PTSD. When you think about that, you understand like, oh, the first thing you think about is military. The first thing you think about is Afghanistan. Like you, must've got your S your leg started off, like blew up in a niche. That's what we think about. And although those things are definitely true. We don't think about the fact, like, for instance, me being from Detroit gang gang, but we, you know, understand how. Seeing your neighbor get shot at over and over again, all that type of environment is traumatic. Like that is not okay. Like seeing people go through things like that. And also something just as little as like I had, I had worked trauma for awhile. Like I had such a negative experience at one of my jobs. It followed me to every job after that. Like, I was always, as soon as somebody would be like, I need to talk to you. I will instantly get nervous. I will instantly be like, everything in my body would just be like fight or flight. I would either try to avoid the conversation. I will go up in there straight up on defense, like, fuck, y'all like, I'm ready to fight. And we don't realize how much like PTSD and trauma relates to every small experience in our life. Yeah. If it, if it makes you react in a certain way, it could be trauma. And that's just what it is.
Jo:I know for myself, it became desensitized and God, I want to deal with mine. So I didn't, I didn't believe anybody else had any, in a sense, you kind of get what I'm saying. So let's see a lot of people that now that I'm more dealing with the, I start seeing, that this stuff is real as how blind I became to it because of myself. I didn't deal with my own issues. So I didn't believe that you had any issues or that, that could really happen to you. I would overthink it. Uh, I wouldn't overthink it. I would just try to like, cause it, it would make me look and look inside and be like, man, like Joe, that's you too. You would dismiss it. Yeah, I would dismiss it. And I think a lot of people are walking around like that. But now, like when you said we're talking about it and when you begin to deal with your own, you begin to see how traumatized even a lot of the stuff that I was doing, even like to my kids or my wife, or, you know, just stuff like that, like in it that I thought wasn't, but it really is
Diamond:like empathy and healing. Come
Jenna:on. That's fine. That's a message because I've always been empathetic, but when John car and shit hit, it took me to another level. I'll be like, oh my God, you always are all hurting. Who did this to you? Why are you doing this?
Diamond:I am that person now, like when I'm in my social circle, like, I'm that person who's like when they could be talking, I'm just like, we can talk about this later. If you want to, like, we can go talk to the side,
Jenna:something a little deeper right there
Diamond:in, and it really does trigger people who not at that space. They don't want to talk about it. They don't want it. They're like, no, we good. I been here all this time and that's pretty much how we deal with things as black people. Like I say, we haven't had the privilege to look within like
Jenna:that isn't that? And it is privileged though. I've never thought about it. It really is. Cause we just said
Diamond:enough. We just, when you're in survival mode, you're not thinking. How this is affecting me. You thinking about, I got to figure this out. I got to get to the next thing. That's why 2020 was so, so transforming for me. Cause they really made me sit down and I sat there and thought about like, damn I ain't, I haven't like I've been on just on a go. And when I sat there and talked about it with my therapist, that's when I realized like, I really need to get back into therapies because I was going through stuff at work and it was just pouring out. And I was like, yeah, it's time to go back to therapy. Went back to therapy, got me a new therapist. And she was like, you dealt with a lot within the last, like all your life. Honestly, you haven't really had a break. And I didn't realize how much I've never had a break. Like I just was like, okay, this happened, I figured it out. Let's go to the next thing. This happened, figure it out, go to the next thing. And that's a lot for so many people, you know what I mean?
Jenna:And I know that you're working on a special projects. You're not ready to talk about, but can you kind of talk about, um, I know you've worked in hospital settings, would mental health. Yes. What happens to trauma this untreated?
Diamond:A lot of the times what I've noticed and because of the fact that I'm, I got to put this disclaimer out there before I say anything, I'm not a therapist and I'm not qualified to diagnose anybody. I have been in therapy and I have had so many different experiences where I'm able to understand a lot more than the norm. So I just wanted to put that disclaimer out there, got to put that. But the thing is a lot of the times with trauma people don't realize they really can lead to a psychotic break. And a lot of people who enter. The mental health hospital usually ends up with a psychotic break every time it's like you will talk to, especially around people around my age, I'm 24, by the way. Y'all but meaning people around my age, who's in there as well. It will be their first time ever being there. And next thing you know, they're diagnosed with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia. They're all these different things, because trauma has a way of just kind of sitting on your mind and altering your reality, altering the way you perceive things, your thoughts, your actions, all of those things. And for so long, if it does go untreated, like I said, it becomes your norm. And then it's hard to get out of that and understand what's the difference between reality and what you're feeling. Um, there's a difference we're talking about. There's a difference between how you feel and what actually is happening. And when you go through trauma for so long untreated, you tend that line becomes blurred and you don't know what's the difference. So that can of course think about like how that can really affect you mentally not knowing like, is this really happening right now? Or am I crazy? And that can lead
Jenna:pull up, then
Diamond:it can lead to a lot of like, it can lead to a lot of seriousness for sure. I'm sorry.
Jo:No, go ahead. I mean, we were talking about earlier how some people believe
Diamond:the lie, believe, believe the lie, you know, somebody that believes
Jenna:they
Diamond:lie and you'd be like,
Jo:damn, how do you even get like, whoa, like, how's your reality really? That, you know what I'm saying? And I can kind of see what
Diamond:you're saying. Defense mechanism.
Jo:Yeah, man. That's,
Diamond:that's crazy
Jenna:as we wrap it up. What do we do with our black men that are seeking help? Where do they start?
Diamond:Well, first it starts with the black man first that's, that's just where you gotta go. You gotta understand that there is something like, for instance, Joe, you said like you didn't know, and just knowing that you don't know, and just having the confidence to reach out and be like, I don't know this, let me ask a question that could always lead to conversations. Conversations is always what starts it after that conversation. That's when you kind of give that's, when you come into the resources, like, you know what, this can help you, that can help you. And also just always offering emotional support during healing journeys, especially for black men, because a lot of black men are not in tune with their emotional side. They need that emotional. So that they can understand their emotions, what they're feeling, and also have a safe space to express them when they are at that place. Um, and letting them know it's safe for wherever you direct them to. This is also a safe space because they can feel safe with you, but not feel safe to go where you're recommending them.
Jo:I think like you said, as a black man, like sometimes we always felt like we have to be the top of our game. Like, especially in a workplace where I'm at. I'm the only black dude, you know, that guy in the, in my, in my division, you know, my, my group. And so sometimes it's like, I have to, even if I don't know. I just feel like I have to know what I'm saying. So there was no room for error. So I think for even black men, sometimes you have to just tell yourself and be honest with yourself and say that I don't know, you don't have to know all the time. And that was a hard thing for me to, especially with, you know, when, even in my relationships with China, like, you know, I had to know like, if, if she would say something, yeah, I knew it, but I didn't know. You don't understand because I have it everywhere in my life. I feel like I have to be at the top. I have to be there and I don't know what it is. But at that point into, in until I realized for myself and said, Hey, Joe, you don't know. And that's okay, that's fine. But you can figure it out. You don't have to figure it out on the loan. So I wouldn't know something, but I go figure it out on my own. You kind of go what I'm saying. I wasn't asleep. I would do a lot of stuff on my own. But I think for black men, like you were saying, it's okay that you don't know that it's coming from another black guy. Like it's okay. You don't know. And it's okay to get somebody to help you seek that answer out. And I think that that'd be good for,
Diamond:and I think. Making sure. Just touching on the fact that you said that yourself and also just a lot of black men don't know, and they're in the play. A lot of black men are in a place where they're like, I don't, I don't know, but I have to know. Um, that's where it's kind of like, it's a community things like it take a village where offering that, like I said, offering that support to them, even if you're not ready to admit it, you know that when you are, you can come to them. It's okay. And that's really what it is. It's just, I feel like with black men, there has to be open arms at all times with black men. I genuinely feel that way. Um, you have to have a lot of empathy and a lot of patients for black men because of that, because of that right there. Cause you're dealing with so many internal battles that you don't even know how to start to look within. Like it's not even about the. Like you don't know, but you, it's not just like about work. You don't even know where to pinpoint where this feeling of inadequacy is coming from. Cause that's all it is. And it's really just fear. But where's your fear coming from? And as a black man, how hard is it to admit I'm fearful? How hard is it seeing men? I'm scared. I don't know how this is going to go and things like that, that anxiousness, that's so hard to admit to yourself. Um, and that's where the support comes in emotionally to say like it's okay.
Parchelle:Wow. These conversations, like when I think about just the fact that we're all black, we're having these conversations now, it just gets me excited about the
Jenna:future. So
Parchelle:as we wrap up, I think a good question could be for your nonprofit and what you're doing. Um, what do you envision for the future and the impact of, of what you're
Diamond:doing, man, let's say five years, 10 years, five, 10 years. Honestly, I want to be at a place where I'm the go-to in, not just San Diego, because we are chapter based, by the way. Um, we don't just work in San Diego. We have worked of course in my hometown. I got to give it that, but we've worked in Texas, Ohio, New Jersey, Chicago in connecting people to therapists. I guess you could say, I want to be first and foremost, a black mental health hub. I want to be the person where you don't just come for a therapist. You come for all resources related to what you need. I want to have a mental health hospital that is not just focused so much on the illness, but the person, um, because I'm really a person that focuses on that. And that's what my nonprofit focuses is. Yes. Mental illnesses, a thing. Yes. Mental health is a thing, but you are a person before that. So who are you? What is, who is, who are you without your trauma is pretty much what I ask people. Um, whoever you are without your trauma, whoever you want to be without their trauma is what I want to get you to. And I want to be the person that helps people get to that point and feel safe enough to take that journey. And I want to have a whole community, that's it? Like, I want to have a mental health hospital. Like I want all of the water just to be deployed. I want to be the plug. Like, that's why I call myself the mental health trout queen, man, I'm slagging these referrals or mental health encyclopedia for other audiences who, whichever one said, dang, same thing. It was potatoes. But like, I definitely consider myself, like, I'll be slanging these referrals, man. Like, it's just, I want to be the plug for all black people. Like not just, but for other people is willing to know y'all out there. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You inclusive. But I definitely put my people first because I don't think people put us first and I want to like, how can I be a black woman and not sit here and say, I ain't gonna put you first, come on now. Like we gotta do it. It's for the culture.
Jenna:I can't, we probably can keep going
Diamond:How else can they find you like on social media? For sure. Y'all can follow us on Instagram at underscore home San Diego. And also it's the same thing for, um, Facebook. You can follow us at home San Diego as well. You plugged that in and she'll come up as home. Inc is two little people and it looks like a house for home. You know,
Parchelle:I just want to acknowledge
Jenna:you
Parchelle:because I think it's amazing. Uh, it takes a lot, I think for, you know, for people to step into something that's not just about them, you know, but about other people, especially coming from your experience and what you've overcome, you know, even to be here. And so I just wanna acknowledge that your strength, your. Your, your brains, your brilliance, all that in terms of what you're putting into this. Cause I think it's very special and that is going to be the bomb.com.
Jo:I love your, your personality, your spirit. You are 100% you even in the gym the first day. You telling me, look, look, we don't go down. I'm like, I like, you know, I love that. I love that you speak out and I love that you, you know, you, you help so much like, and you have the. That loving attitude. You're outspoken, but you're so loving and welcome at the same time. So I think what you're doing is so light it's. So it's you it's 100%.
Diamond:Yeah. Marketing your purpose and got a young, yo
Jenna:that's the blessing right there. 10 years. You imagine if I would have had this much knowledge when I was her age, it's all right. It's all character development email. Hey, as we say, just keep living, you
Diamond:keep living because I'm definitely learning myself through during this whole
Jenna:thing and it'll change. You're going to evolve like girl, you just a baby. You the baby of our group, but you are. Uh, but we love you and we see what you're doing. We see what you trying to do. Girl, keep working and working in your purse, purpose and your passion too. Yeah. Well, that's going to be it for this episode of just keep living. We'll catch you guys next week. Um, and we are actually on social media now, ourselves. We have an Instagram, it's just keep living podcast. That's just underscore keep underscore living and that's not living. What was her therapist? Amy, that's not living. That's living underscore podcast. You can also find us on Facebook and that's just keep living podcasts. There's no underscores or anything funky there. Send us a message. Tell us what you want us to talk about. We're probably going to have more guests. We on a roll with this, the guests saying we miss. We miss you Shauna. Yeah, she's a part of our crews. Um, so we'll catch you guys next time. Just keep living