On this week's episode, we talked about how come ain't nobody told us nothing had us out here in these streets with no life lessons, no guidance. Um, so we're just talking about what you would tell your younger self and also get out there and mentor y'all the community needs us. There's a lot of mentees that just need a little more insight. Welcome to the show. Y'all
You're listening toJust keep Livin the glass house conversation where there are no stones. Thrown This podcast is a judgment free zone for free thinkers who value personal growth and mental health We're all about inspiring and empowering others all while creating safe spaces to have difficult conversations. Join us Every week as we have fun, get vulnerable and go deep answering each other's questions on a range of topics from sex to religion and everything in between. And we do mean everything.
We just trying to figure it out. Like Granny always said, just Keep Livin welcome to the show.
okay, ready. So welcome back to just keep living. It's our second episode. And Well, first let's do this. We're going to do an introduction. We realize that you guys don't know who we are unless you know us personally. Uh, my name is Jay Ghana
was so it was something. My name is Jo
Shauna. This is a girl P K per show. Oh,
okay. I don't know. I tried to come up with a DJ name or something. Sound cool, but I liked that maybe
the way you came in, you just made it real. It's both. Right. I got no problem. And then it was just, I got a partial P and P ah,
there we go.
Yeah. I played, uh, I got a no limit playlist and I played it in the car and the boys were like, what is this? I was like, make them say it. I was like, okay. We lived on good music and y'all listening to drugs and suicide, like too much. Okay. So on this week's episode, it's going to be, how come ain't nobody told me that things are worse. Somebody cared to tell me, so this should be a good one. Um, you know, we all wish sometime we could go back in time and change a few things.
So, um, it's important. Yeah. We get out and mentor, you know, find you some mentees, find some people that kind of look like you that need an extra hand. Um, I'm personally involved with open-heart leaders who is a mint. We have some mentors and mentees and we meet up every week and we just talk about life. Um, and it's just important that you let these kids know that you didn't have it. All right.
Uh, so I'm going to probably read off my list and see, and we can kind of go from there and take hers. So we haven't shared these with each other. So this should be interesting for y'all just listening to, um, I would tell my younger self to work on my relationship with food, money and fitness. I think it costs me a lot of money to figure out how to eat at age 33. Okay. 315 pounds. Yeah. I'm over here trying to figure it out. Oh man.
I probably shouldn't start my day with mountain Dew and donuts. Um, wow. So I wish I would've had just that different relationship with food, money and fitness. What you got P I put the same
thing as far as food. I said, you know, stop eating so much sugar. Yes. Eat real food, eat real food because that's one thing I put down another thing just to kind of segue. Cause that's kind of your point kind of.
Okay. I have a lot of the same probably. I know. So
the other one I put down was it's okay to be different.
I love that. It's okay to
be different. Like everything from my name to just even how I think and just kind of just standing out, so to speak. It was just how I felt. And. I just would try to hide, you know, I didn't want to be the one to speak up, ask me any questions, nothing like that growing up. And I thought, you know, I'm too different. Wow. Weird.
Weird is good. Weird is good. It's okay. To be
different. It is. I wish somebody had told me that. Yes. And great. Third grade. I probably would have, I don't know,
Excel to do a lot more on yourself.
Yeah. True. All right. What'd you guys, Shauna? Uh, what I would tell
my younger self to live, not to be so uptight. God is not in a box. It's okay to make mistakes and love
yourself. Okay. That's good.
That's good. Cause I definitely needed to live. I was up tight and that's just with me, but I would tell my younger self, like. Live, don't be taking this. Yeah.
I have just live on my list. We know the podcast is just keep living, but on the side of that, I also said make mistakes. Cause I feel like you got to make a lot of mistakes. You got to take chances on things. That's how you grow. Yeah. Quit, quit chasing perfection. Make a bunch of mistakes.
Yeah, that was my first one. Perfection is a false reality. Oh, sorry. Do you need to commit yourself to making a lot of mistakes because without, without those mistakes you can't grow. Um, and I was listening to this guy named Neville on YouTube? And he was just talking about how you have to make a mistakes as a part of life. That's part of your growth process and people. Are so scared to make mistakes because they want to be perfect. We'll never grow into who they really are supposed to be.
And so at that age, I just thought perfection was everything. Cause everybody around me was supposed to be perfect. And so growing up, I was scared to make mistakes. And number two was the really, really big one for me. It should have been number one. I think it says deal with your emotions with somebody told me how to deal with my emotion, to how to communicate them to other people. And I think, I think that held me back in a lot.
I think I heard a lot of people and I was hurt a lot because I couldn't deal. I didn't know what I was feeling. I didn't know how to communicate it. And uh, I just think that led to a lot of our relationships with, with our friends, with women, with a lot of things. And I think that was my biggest one. And the last one I said to me, how money works and how your attitude to, what everything affects you.
Mm, that's good. Jordan came down. Those are some good ones, right? Exactly. I have all mine also about mental health, um, because I felt like just probably two and a half, three years ago, I was able to put it. A word to my emotions. I didn't know what anxiety truly was. You know, it was the butterflies in your stomach and you're like, okay, what happens when the butterflies don't go away? Like, I literally know now how to identify what those emotions are.
Wow. Um, and I think that would have really been helpful. Um, just having the conversation about mental health is one thing I talked to my boys about, nobody was talking about mental health when I was growing up, you know, um, and we lived probably around the corner, not even a block from one of those kind of like independent living. They were all, uh, had mental health issues. So we were aware of people that were different or people that were hearing voices but needed assistance.
So they could kind of walk through the little town and we would see him, we had some favorites, they will come play basketball, you know? Yeah. Nobody was having the conversation, like how this could happen. It was just so-and-so is crazy. And he'd be like, what's crazy mean what is what's crazy. Yeah. Now what somebody say they crazy. I'll be like, define crazy. I might be crazy. They'd be like, so-and-so a freak. I'd be like, you going to put me in a box? Let me see what the box looked like.
Oh man.
Definitely not. Um, we just couldn't speak about it. What was done in the house is in the house and you just did not talk outside to a counselor. Like that was a no go.
You don't get right. Exactly. You don't go
telling y'all business and nothing like that. So, you know, To tell them anything was like wrong. And so he just counseling and mental health. Okay. Now you are right. You find
what do we do? What do we do? Whatever we all do been conditioned to believe we supposed to do when we are dealing with issues that I had prey, you can only talk to the pastor about it. I was like, damn, the pastor got so many jobs that ain't none of them mental. He ain't got a mental health degree and he does not. Yeah. I was about
to say he's not certified is not in a position
to counsel people. I'll be like, oh goodness, we putting everything on him. Like Scott daddy, right above, under Scott at his preacher, Scott, daddy, preacher. Speaking
of that, that's one of the things that I wish I was told growing up was just understanding who God was and that it wasn't speaking of sky daddy, something that was not apart from me
that.
so, and so what happened as you go around and talk about this man, like it hits home and this hits home every time, this one I'm so adamant about our Saturday classes, about teaching people where God is, because when you're searching for answers outside yourself, you will be you'll fall for anything. Yeah. You'll be like, okay, you know, this must be from God because such and such told me. And then that could you think that's, that's God talking to him?
Why will you tell it to them and not you and we are here looking at everybody else. And so you got you out here running around, looking for all these answers when in your heart and in your true self they're right there. Yeah. And you deny yourself, you deny. And now it's like, I'm so adamant when you deny yourself, you're denied. You're denied. That's true though. True.
And it's even said in the songs though, if you really think about it, like a lot of the songs is very depressing and just tell you to bear that cross
a whole bunch of songs. first of all, the light man church wasn't hip. Oh no, no, no. Oh, I know all the old songs. Yeah. Yes.
I know the old songs and we would try to upgrade them. You know,
was for shout out to Rochelle Washington, Jimmy. It was about five of us on a good day, passing butterscotch and peppermints around trying to be quiet. Shout out to Ms. Taylor. We loved you. She kept us with candy and the flies weak, and she had a cane Ms. Pearl.
Everybody's gonna get a candy man, lady.
Yes, it was called Ms. Mary for me, her name was sister Mary. Yeah. Mother bear, my mother, Mary that's who she was. He always had a set. Every, every holiday, every day she had a bag of candy for everybody.
Does she have homemade ribbon candy?
about that? I think that misleads so many people down a path of, I like almost emptiness sometimes because you are looking, you feel like you don't have what it takes to get to where you need to go, because you're always looking for somebody else to tell you and help you where you're trying to get to go. And it's emptiness. Because at that point you can't trust your own thoughts. You get what I'm saying? You're not trusting.
You can't trust what you think and when you can't trust what you think then what do you like, where are you at?
What are you doing? I went to therapy. That's how I ended up at therapy because I didn't trust my decisions no more. Cause I made a bad decision. And then I also had people that loved me around me, who would say things to me. And I didn't think it was sincere. I was like, girl, this is too much. Take your ass to therapy because you got to learn to trust yourself. Yep. Shout out the therapy And how come Ain't no
nobody tell me that therapy was
needed. Well, they had you in church. So you had all, it was all on Sky daddy, right? He was, yeah. He taught us. I know when he gave him too many jobs, He's like can ya'll
do something. please Can ya'll
do something. With What I gave you. Okay. I have another one. This is, I don't know. I bet you, I don't have this on y'all list. Okay. Grief. And I grew up in a funeral home. I thought grief was only associated with people dying. But we grieve people in our day-to-day life. You agree, friendships, uh, jobs. Um, I wish you, I I've grieved all versions of me, like letting that old person go.
I didn't know that, that it would be 5,000 versions of Jenna and some of those you lose and you would be sad about them. Grief grief is more than, you know, big, big mama dime is so much more than that. You, you got to live in your grief every day and sometime a part of your grief. You get to see from time to time. Wow. I wish somebody would've told me about grief and what that looks like. That's so true. This is really just cycles. Right?
We're coming a new version of ourself, right. Everything in nature has the old becomes something new and the cycle
repeats. Yeah.
So that's a good point. You would like to think that grief and just knowing that that's a natural process, right.
For cycles to happen, what that looks like. I thought, you know, Especially in our community. It was, you know, somebody passed away. Literally I was grew up in a funeral home. There was people passing away often. And it was like, yes, you were sad. And you had your moments, but no one ever said those moments could last for a year. Wow. No one said what that time looks like, because all I was able to see was after somebody passed away, you go back to living your life.
Nobody talked about, you know, my mom not getting out of bed for four months, you know, and my grandma passed or, you know, around the holidays. And I remember my mom putting on her mother's jacket. Like it smells like my mom, I didn't know those things. And what grief is and how smells bring you back. It's more than death. That's why, you know, I jokingly say when people get divorced, oh, he died. But really it is like a death. Cause that part of your life is. You're starting something new.
I wish somebody would have told me that. Hmm.
That is so good because I wish somebody would have even just told me how to even grieve at all. Because like you're saying, I just didn't know. I just was told to just suck it up, you know, and, and even worse could be worse. Right? Exactly. Someone else has this self harder than you, you know, or someone else is struggling, you know, or, you know, wish they had what you had or something, whatever. It may be, whatever you were going through was not that
bad. I
don't know. I think I
would hear like, like cast it on God, cast, give to give it to him and he'll take care of that. I'm saying it is. But I, I think with my emotion, me growing up, I didn't really express a lot of emotions. So I didn't even a lot of these things I suppressed for so long. I didn't even know what a lot of this stuff was barren. It was just like, I didn't understand grief. And to be honest with you, I don't remember a lot of my past sometimes because I would, I think I would block it out.
That's easier. Yeah. It's easier. I blocked so many things out. Yeah. And I'm sitting here trying to remember things and stuff like that. And I don't remember a lot of that stuff. And I think in the end, so when I'm sitting down now, you know, I think later, like with art with us and we were going through our marriage and stuff, my emotions really begin to spill over and I didn't know how to, how to handle it, man. Outgoing, the crime spurts. I will go into fits. I will go into depression.
I will go into extreme. I mean, I, it was just, I didn't know how to deal with it, so I didn't know how to communicate. And it literally, like I was so like, I was so lost. Like I did not, I was so low. I didn't know. I didn't know what was going on. And so it hit, it hit like a ton of bricks, you know? And I wish just men would talk like men as emotional. We're emotional creatures. We just re we still are. We, you know, remember we're emotional creatures and how to deal with that.
At a young age, you know how to do it because if you use your emotion in the right way, so powerful, it's a powerful thing. It's a great thing. But you know, when it's out of control, when it's suppressing and then it's blowing off yeah. Then it's there now. You're the crazy man, you know, you're this and that, like you said, it's, it's mental issues. You don't, you don't, we don't even know. We don't know what's going on. We can't explain it. We can't even talk about it.
And still to this day, there's a lot of things that come up, I'll get a feeling and I'll get this. And then that, and I really got, I have to sit to myself and try to dig deep and think about why am I feeling this way? What is it called? What's going on? What's what's brought me to this feeling. Why, why am I like this? You know? And I have to go into that space and be like that, but it takes time.
It's uncomfortable, you know, but it's one of those things that I know from our relationship, get better with my wife and my kids, my friends, everything else for me to be just a better person and feel better. Like I gotta get it out, you know, and, and, and get and deal with it. Wow.
I love that. That's called he's processing. Right. And not having an, you know, an emotional outlash, like, yeah, something's up. Let me, let me do this real quick. You sit in your emotions. That's a good thing I've learned. I mean, growing up for
me to, um, cause I, I transitioned a lot being the oldest kid. So I was the first one for everything to happen to if you will, and, um,
test babies.
But I think, I think at the time too, I dealt with a lot of emotions and I didn't know how to process it. And some people are shocked when I say I was like extremely mean to my family for many years, from like maybe 12 up until like 16, 17. Um, and if you see any family, pictures of us together, everybody else is like smiling. And I'm like,
I just
had a terrible attitude and I took it out on my family because I couldn't process emotions. You know what I mean? So as I started to do this work, I did have conversations with my family and saying like, this is what was going on. This is what I needed at the time. And I'm sorry for that. Um, but that's just, that's just how it came out. Cause I
didn't know how to process.
But, you know, the words to tell yourself, like what you were feeling or what was going on at that time that caused you to be so mean?
I think, I think it
really derived from my relationship with my mom and what I really needed from her. Cause I was extremely inquisitive as new things were happening and I just had a lot of questions and I couldn't seem to get it from, from her or that connection. Just to have advice with somebody as like this is going on at school, I would try to, you know, communicate these things and it was like, go fold the clothes.
I got a question for you though for that. Do you think that because of the religious background that like, she didn't know how to answer those questions or, you know, like in, in a way that would be how much we're trying to put it. Like sometimes I feel like religion sometimes blocks you from being able to. Process what's really going on because you have to put in around with the Bible or whatever it may be. You kind of get on sand.
Yeah, I think it was that for sure. I mean, my mom, she had, I mean, she's an incredibly strong woman. Um, I mean her, her mom passed when she was 13 and she
was raised by her grandparents.
So I think that her experience of where she just was trying to instill in us was, um, you know, mixed in with religion. Um, cause I mean, technically her, the rest of her siblings, they were not in the church as much and things like that. So I think that she just really just enforced that with us to give us that, that foundation, but it was not like Grandparents or grandparents
or her siblings or brothers. That was a big disconnect. So she probably didn't know how to show up for you because no one ever had to show up for her. You know, as we give our parents, grace, it's just like no one ever taught her. For sure. Yeah. Because can you imagine losing your mother at age 13 and like your whole body is dealing with a bunch of stuff and then you don't have anybody you can really talk about. Yeah, grandma was grandma though. It's not the same as mama. Right?
So it's unfortunate. She just didn't know. You don't know what you don't
know. That's so true. It is.
Yeah, we got all that from grief, which kind of spilled over into mental health. So, and I also put on my list, um, don't drink and drive. That is that's the quickest way to lose $10,000. You might as well throw that shit in the ocean. I mean, I just know, I just know too many people, um, that have, you know, got DUIs, ruin their lives, their careers. It's just one of them things. Like girl.
I mean, I know that I can drink and drive really good, but at this point in my life, I'm just deciding that it's just not worth it. Look here. I
might as well, Uber, we got, well,
you
don't really drink friends. How you'd a driver. She had a D and now that I move way out here for me to go downtown, maybe one $40 in an Uber, I'll be like, you know what?
Hey, wait a minute. But when they, when now, when Uber was two timing that yeah, bro, I ain't going out 80 bucks.
I ain't no, never. That's why I'm back to, I might as well, just little pregame and drop keys. Don't listen to me because I literally didn't did it. Like, you know what? Hold on. We got to go on a tangent. You have a pregame so hard that you don't even make it to your oven.
I'll be on the couch. Like, whoops, we ain't going nowhere tonight.
Yeah. I can find it. I got the music up. So once I started putting on my makeup, I didn't got a real cocktail. I probably about took two shots. Even if I felt like I'm going in an Uber, I might as well get the. That's
my rule. No, you're right though. Like if you're going to ignore it, my number one rule. If you want to get an Uber drive, you have to be drunk one. Now you
got enough water. The Uber driver is that ordering them and letting them when you,
where you pregame hard. I just lay down. I didn't lay down in the fleet. Wake up to 20 missed calls. Like I'll, I'll be there in a little bit, but anyway, Donald drinking drugs, don't drink, drink, drive at least car with a stranger. Okay, well, what is it? Uber,
Uber, Uber share.
Yo, I got some stories.
Oh, I'm gonna ask you, how did you ever been in an Uber and they had to stop for
gas? No, I was late to a
meeting.
Nah, I had an African that knew his car. The gas light was on, I was in the car like, Ooh, like me, you know how wrong it was wrong. Like me. And I was like, do you think we should stop? He was like, I know my car. I was like, all right.
there was another person had the gas light on an engine light.
Oh, hello. turn it off. Sorry. Yeah, that was good. We all tangent alert like a month to some good stuff because
the younger
self, she noted. Younger self, how we experienced these things is because we just decided to live. Yeah. Yeah, no. Got some good stories. I, you know, I, I live everyday. Like it's my last, don't be as reckless as me. Be a little bit smarter, but still have fun. Be careful with strangers. Oh, I'm not even on my list. I'm going to start giving you off. I've never met a stranger everywhere I go. I'll find a friend
and I don't care.
And it's some place. I got a couple of other things over here and I don't know if y'all are going to agree. So this will be pretty good. I'll pay you what you got before I skip
on. Oh, the other one I wrote down was it's okay to say no.
Ooh,
my biggest probably my biggest flaw is people pleasing. Uh, and.
Yeah. Do you think it was people pleasing because you were so mean?
I was only, I was only mean to my family.
I wasn't. So it was a conscious decision that you would be mean to everybody decided that you would be mean at home and nice and other place to sound like my sister psychopaths?
No, that that's that's, that's, uh, it's been a big challenge to say no mint, uh, that either somebody was not going to like me or that, uh, they
weren't. You know, that's all boundaries. Yeah. That's all the boundary book.
Yeah.
80 to 80,000 articles. Oh, so, you know,
you know that you should be saying no, that's, that's what I'm saying. It's like, everything is like, you should say no, this ain't for you.
let God have that. That wasn't for y'all know it now. No, yeah. I don't have about no on my list because I actually, yes, that is another story, but it made me, it made me think, okay. I wish someone would have told me that I don't have to like me. And they're like, Okay. So it's always been like, oh, he likes you. And so you should like him back.
Yeah. Like it's
like a settling thing, like,
like that I had to entertain somebody cause they didn't, you know, they kind of liked me. And at this age, you know, I I'll go on a couple of dates with somebody and, and like them and not like them for me. And I'll be like, well, I have a good friend, no way. Y'all laughing, but I don't give y'all names. But usually it'll, it'll, it'll be like, you know what? I think you really grey and I have someone for you that I think is wonderful. I'm going to ask school.
Yeah. Yeah. The role is I've never touched you if I don't touch them, they, they, for the streets, even if I touch them, they really for the streets. But usually if it's like, I feel like there's a good person there. Maybe I'm not sexually attracted to them. Maybe they said something that was a little squirrely. That's all for me. But I may know somebody in my group of friends that they may be a better mate for in Asher. We'll try to hook them up.
I don't really like saying hookup, but I just say, introduce them here. Y'all go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like we kind of grow up as girls, like, oh, he likes you. You should like him. And it made me think of, uh, what I told my son Kirsten a couple of years ago, this little girl in sixth grade likes him. And I said, well, do you, you know, the kids were teasing him that I think her name was Maddie or something. Maddie likes humanity like you. And he was telling me that they was teasing him.
And I was like, well, do you like Maddie? And he was like, I don't like Maddie like that a friend. And I was like, okay, well, let's talk about the lesson on what a fuck boy is. Oh yeah. That's how we talk a fuck boy. Pretend to like Maggie and carry on with Maggie, getting things from Maggie entertaining, Maggie differently. And then, you know, playing with Maggie's feelings. And don't do that with Maggie. If you only want to be her friend, just be her friend.
Don't let it turn into anything else because that's not nice. And that's called the fuck boy. He was like, yes. Ma'am. Cause that's really what it is. Yeah. We'll
train them up. Girl training. Yeah. I think that's awesome. They should know that.
Yeah. Don't play with people. Emotions. There you go. That's mainly what it is. It's just, you don't have to like that boy. Cause he likes you. That's right. You can't let him take you to dinner a couple of times, but don't do well. I've never heard of a fuck girl. It's just not out there. Okay.
boy. Don't let him, don't let him use it. Like, but my boys are different. I wouldn't say that they don't, that might they're super emotional like me. So they really care and they gave an owner. Or once I told my son to look, you can't be out here giving your heart to everybody. Oh, that's so cute. You can't give them out to everybody. You know? And then secondly, I was like, you gotta shower and water. You know, the biggest thing to me is like, I was like, you know, teaching him how to.
To me in a sense of how to be a man with a user whose emotions. Like I, like, I couldn't have, you know what I'm saying? Like, I, I didn't do. And I, and I heard a lot of people that way. And then also teaching them about like, you know, the responsibility that comes when you have another person with you, you know what I mean? Like you, you can't just go out and do the things you would do.
If you were single your life, you have, there's a level of respect you have to give to that other person as well. Um, and so it's like, it's like that type of thing, you know? And so life changes, decisions, change, you know, a lot of things that like, when you, when you get married, I noticed another tangible when you get married as a man, a lot of that stuff has to change, man. Like, you know what I mean?
And in a sense of the level of respect that you would have for your woman sometimes, where are you going to, where are you going to go with the people you hang out with? Because what you, who you around and who you around constantly, sometimes going affect your mentality when it comes to your, to your. And if y'all are on that level, you know what I mean? And sometimes it became, I began to, like, for me, it was hanging around a lot of single guys.
So if I'm hanging around last single guys, they're gonna be hitting a lot of older girls all the time. That's what we do. That's what we do. So I'm from out with them then guess what I'm going to be doing? I'm just going to be sitting back after awhile after awhile. So I changed my crowd. I had to make a mature decision to change my crowd. So I'm going to be around a married man who we do things like it's still fun. We go bowling. We go high.
You know, we do things that aren't really circled around where we are just out seeking, searching, because my emotions, I can't, I can't, to me, I can't just be out with a bunch of people, women seeking all the time and not partake after awhile.
I love how he said women. See. So when you were with the singles, what type of things were you guys doing? I mean, I'm asking this because most of the time us girls, when we go out, um, I would say 98% of the time we just be minding our business. I don't know why men think we'd be out dressing that's
because like, to me, and I'm not saying I'm not
I mean, like I was just breathing
and yeah, I'm not going to every guy, but that's, but that's, that's the mentality, the music, the, the stuff you see, you know what I'm saying? All the plumbing, we wash all that stuff. Like for real, like you DAS what's in your mind, what you watch, what you hang out with you see is what you think. So you're out there thinking like, you know, all these girls, you know what I'm saying? They want me, we going to go out here and get this wrong and get laid. We get an idea. And it's like, really
like around is eating chicken way each and
that,
oh my gosh, she's literally breathing. She wants, it's
not that bad. It's not that bad. But what I'm
saying is like, where were, y'all going to single out
the clubs? Like to me, like club that scenery, that scenery had to change. And I was young though, you know what I mean? We were young. I was, I was what, 1920 when we got together. And so, you know, I'm still, I'm still in my, you know, my head, like, I feel like my prime, you know? And so I was out there, you know, thinking I was, God, you know,
beat him right now.
like one of the things like I would tell my boys, like when you were there, there's a, if you would like, if you want to. Not have all that drama and not have all those things that you, cause we call it, I call some myself in those situations. Sometimes you just got to change it. And these are conversations I have when sometimes you got to change your crowd, who you are, like-minded people. So I'm going to hang with people who have of lasting relationships.
I won't hang with people because this is what I want. I want to have my family last. I want my family to stay together. So I need to be around people who are that way. Like if you want to make a lot of money, I want to meet people who make a lot of money. I don't want to be hanging on people. So it's the same with all areas of my life. So relationships, I want to be around people who have lasting relationships. I want to take those advice from them. People because they understand what happened.
They told me the truth and that's what I'm telling my that's what I told my boys. You would, whatever you want to do, get around those people, see what they do, hang around with. They're doing it. Even in your relationships. You know, you have to hang around people who are going to have lasting relate, who have last relationship. Not saying that it can't work. If you don't hang around on people, but your chances damn short go a lot higher. If you do
like that. I put that on the list, surround yourself with like surround yourself around people with like that. Yeah. Like-minded
fashion guys who were single or not your hand or that stuff like that. But I know for me, I can't be in a situation where I'm tempted to do something. You know what I'm saying? All the time and not eventually do it. That's just not, that's just not
going to happen. I sound crazy to me because I'm like, you're the only one with the commitment to her and what y'all agreed to in your marriage.
But that's. Yeah. So if we agree to
not do that now, that's what y'all agreed to in the marriage. He couldn't go to the club, eventually Italy. We couldn't go back. Well,
here it is not being able to have the communication or being able to communicate the things that we both are not having. The words that we both would see because of religion and also things that we automatically assumed to be wrong. We didn't have the vocabulary or the connection that we have now to be like, or to speak like, okay, yeah, go. You know, or this, this would be okay, or this wouldn't bother me. You know, it's all, it was just strictly like, yo that's for centers.
You know what I'm saying? You don't, you don't do that. You know, you don't
really was heavy on the judgment. I guess
I was at, I did not put that to my younger self. I
tell him I
But one thing I'm changing a little bit, just to say that I would definitely, I definitely tell my younger, younger people, younger self boys in general, to like, basically be yourself, don't go in a relationship trying to portray a certain facade because you only could be it, but for so long, your true self will come out eventually. So go in. And that's what I tell my boys all the time.
Like, look, let me tell you a shell, love you for you, or she don't like you for you, whatever may be the case and where you are. And then that ain't for you because you only going to be able to play this person that you're trying to portray, but for so long. And then she going to see who you really are after a while. So you better show your colors now.
Okay. Y'all got some good stuff. What you got to be
great. I don't know. I don't think I have anything
else more. I can keep going. Okay. Okay. Now this one's going to throw everybody off a little bit. If okay. Let me see. I would tell my younger, my little mentees that you don't have to go to college to be successful,
who you own a hundred percent. Amen.
Let me, let me say this. If you are not going to college for free and you are capable of staying in your parents' home another year, stay yo ass right there and go get a trade. Yes. By 21, you could be a plumber. You could be an electrician. You can be a welder. You could be easily making six figures in your early twenties with very little educational debt. Yes. If you can stay in your parents' home, that's what I would say. Now I'm going to tell you, go off to college.
If you got a bunch of scholarships and you leave in high school and it's free. I say go, no, until you can go, go, go, go. But if that is not an option for you and you can stay home, cause not everybody can stay home. You can not follow the rules, you and your mama fight all the time. Uh, you feel like you really grown go, go fly. But if you can stay home, stay home, get a trade, get a passport, go see the world. While you at your mama house, stacking your money. You get in their trade.
They have spring break, go, go get that passport and go see the world and see how people live outside of that little town you growing up in, or that little neighborhood you at, it changes your perspective to see how people live. Especially outside of the United States. You'll be like, oh my God, I really don't need all this stuff that I have. It's minimal. You need minimal things. Um, things don't make you happy. You go, go get experiences. That's what I would tell them.
Yes. So that's pretty much what I have on
my list, especially with college stuff. I mean, because in my opinion, unless you're going to be like a lawyer
doctor or something like that, it requires a license. Yes,
for sure. But otherwise, you know, I remember hearing it was like going to colleges, paying somebody to tell you what books to read. You read it.
Wow. That's
good though. It's true. It's so
true. College is, um, necessary at some point. Yes. I think people go to college to learn how to think differently. Um, which is a good, it's a good thing now. Um, but I don't think that you get automatic success by going to college. What you get is automatic debt, debt, debt. If I can speak, yes, you're gonna get some debt baby.
And when you're 25 years old or, you know, you got $80,000 worth of educational debt, and then you're going to start a job that may pay you $18 an hour because you have no experience. What, what are we doing? You might as well be a drug dealer, a prostitute, because you have all of that pressure on you. And we know the fast when they money, you gonna have to pay that money back. So I just think, go get a trade first. Um,
follow your dreams, like follow, follow your what your vision. Cause don't let nobody tell you that you can't do what you felt in your heart. And I think that was something that also, you know, I also would say, you know, for us to support, or maybe that might be off as parents that's telling parents to support, did little people like support their vision to support their dreams.
Cause I just, if I just had this support that I know I definitely could have been for, I definitely probably would have been a track star.
Yeah. But even like I put on mine was, was that I could make a living out of what I found, made me. As a kid. So for so long, like I'd never listened to my heart, but I knew what I liked doing. Even, even going to college. I knew what I liked on even going through the military or even going to the teacher, those lessons were needed, but I never knew that I could make money doing what I love to do. And that's training people. You know what I'm saying?
I never thought that it could happen because in my, you know, my mind, like we were saying, we were telling me, you need to be this. You need to be that to make money. You need to do this. But I never, that never really, that never really satisfied that never satisfied my heart. And in my mind, I never, you know, could see myself doing that until, I mean, I really just was fed up with everything else.
You know, I got to the point in my life that I begin to do what I wanted to do when I was fed up with everything in my life, you know? And so by, I would tell my younger self look, man, like what's in your heart is in your heart, that's you, you know what I mean? And you can do, you can do that, follow that, follow that heart of yours and really, you know, seek it out. And, you know, things will work out that way. And I think. You know, some people just can't see it.
Um, I think because they're just, like you said, that sauna there's, there's no support. Like, you know, like there's no vision, there's no creativity outside of uni to do this in the box. Like you said, go to school, go to do this. And so our kids can't see anything, any other way, how things are done now, how things can be created and really an impossible, like, you can create anything you want. Like, you know what I mean? Like who would have known, we would have been trained out of a house.
We gonna live in like, you know, like to be honest, like it's, it's on her. Like, it's really an unheard of, but it's just something that, you know, we be, we believe in, it began to be happen, you know? So follow what you follow your heart, man. Believe it. I love
that. That's really good. It's kind of funny because following your heart at 18 is so different than who you are right now. It is. And that's why I also recommend if your education is not completely free or 80% free by going and getting that trade is because as you grow your thing, things change. Um, and I love people, you know, now when I interview kids and they're talking about the degrees that they're getting, and I'm like, oh, what are you going to do with that?
And they're like, well, I don't know. And then here you go, you 80,000, a hundred thousand dollars a year. You're like, I don't know you using your degree. You using your degree now you're using three
degrees. Yeah, I was free. So mine was free, but free one was free. But I think as parents, as a young, as a young age, it was one of those things. I was reading something that I was talking about, cultivating a, a. A life of like, um, of adventure and, and things are being possible. And instead of telling your kids, this is what's going to make that much money this way. So, you know, and I don't blame because my parents didn't know and I don't blame them at all.
But if you're, if you're cultivating that, that lifestyle of, you know, anything's possible, look at this, look at that, you know, look at how that was done. This is done, you know, and I even start talking to my son, look, well, you like playing video games, you know, let's look at how, how they really, how these people really make this money and how this really happens in this type of thing, just to get him thinking outside the box. You know what I mean?
And so it's easy to follow what's in you. If you see other avenues of things going, you have more options you, so, and so at that time, like, you know, it was one of those. I kind of knew what I wanted in the fitness, the industry, but it was like, as an impossible, it's impossible. I've never seen it done. So it's impossible. That's why, when you said traveling God, like traveling, I travel when I was born in Germany, lived in England, lived all over the, you know, all over the place.
So it helped me think more than others, but then it was still in a box
and you're also taught to being an employee. And especially in certain cities, you can't, it's like, well, how are you going to make money? My
real quick, like, yeah.
Let me tell you. I need to listen to some of this on my own, my youngest son, for years, he talking about he gonna play basketball every time he say that burned me up inside so that the parents that's listening. It's hard for us to support them. I'm not alone. Somebody like Jenna being, so me, my baby 13, he came driven with his left hand, but he think he going to the NBA, somebody here
you open up, you open up, you open up different avenues. We'll look at the coaches, look at the, um, in the, in that room. That's what I told her about my Jojo light. He's like,
I don't know. I need I'm I'm listening.
Like I start opening up. Like I started teaching them about like teaching people, how to do it, teaching people how to do the plays, you know, other avenues that are in the basketball realm. Cause he obviously loves to sport. But just playing basketball. Isn't only part of the sport where you can make, you know, you can make a living because me, I'm thinking outside the box because like I liked football. It wasn't just the football part that I liked, you know?
And I D I couldn't think of anything. I love being around the sport. You're kind of going on sand, but I didn't know how to make a living other than just playing the sport. You get
what I'm saying? Yeah. Uh, I'll have to speak some life into them. Maybe I'll be over here. Yeah, my baby, number one out of 862 kids, you think you've missed the dribble? A basketball, huh? But yeah, it's cute.
It is. Yeah. I didn't know that I could, like you said, make a living from doing stuff that I love you enjoy. I didn't know it until I was like 20.
It's where we are now. And we are now like, oh, people making a ton of money, crochet arts and crafts. Like a mother,
you had to ask me, they say, well, how much, how much, you know, could I pay you that for you to do that for me? I was like, you mean, yeah, how much would you pay? Like, oh, snap, I didn't even know
tapping into your own gifts. And that was
the seed that like got me. My entrepreneur world.
Okay. That's funny. Okay. Um, you guys have anything else that you would want to share? I'm sure we can do this for a long time. One other one before we kind of close it out here that I mentioned to my coworker. Um, I told him about core values, like figuring out who I was inside and sticking with it.
I would tell the younger kids that too, when we talk about like your core values and things will change over the years, but not changing up who you are to fit in, you know, lean heavy on who you are inside and what you notice. There you go.
I
think that's so hard nowadays, like more than before because of social media. I think it's like, it's so fit in the mainstream for a lot of people that they, and the sad thing is they don't realize that the more out of the box you are, the more recognized you are. So many people want it is nobody. That's what I'm saying, but everybody's like going for the, going for the likes, going for the, and then there was another, it was another thing that I was listening to.
And it was, it was an older guy and he was talking about, it was like, uh, the more insane people think you are the more after a while, the more like, um, uh, change you'll be able to make in people's lives. So if you follow your own vision and you sell out to that vision, no matter how weird it is after a while, people like you kind of get what I'm saying, they may call you this and they may call you that. But after a while, they'll begin to see your uniqueness and love who you really are.
You kind of get what I'm saying. I
think too, as your vision comes to life, that's what it is. See it, and witness
it. It's starting to become a thing. How you do it, teach me how to
follow in who you are. You're gonna get people that hate. You're going to get people that dislike. You're going to get people that that happens. But that's part of the growth process. You know, I call it like the little, because I grew up in an Afro when Al and I were assuming was going to fro and all that stuff. I couldn't grow it. That was bought at the time. A little depressing. But
how old were you you were born? Was playing when I was like 13, 12, 13, Joey decided early. Just happy that he let it go.
look good for you. It was That is not
cute. But anyways, I call it when your growth, like you're going to that little ugly Afro part of the stage. Cause I did try to grow one. You know what I'm saying? But it's that little ugly Afro part where you just like, it's just like, it doesn't match. Right. But after you keep going, it just looks so I love like, I love frozen. I like, especially. Black women have their hair. I keep trying to get her to have her hair out, her natural hair, but she won't do it well.
Um, but like I was saying, I love it. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. But that's what I'm saying, but it's one of those. If I grew mine, that shit would only grow like Fred Sanford on the sides.
yo you guys, we decided to add in a little segment, call people, be people you can tell it's late. We delusional on Yahoo. Let me tell you. Carl Gravitt age 22 was arrested for kidnapping assault, car theft, and possession of drug paraphernalia. I bet it was meth. Once I tell y'all this story, y'all gonna be like, hell yeah, it was meth. He was in there mixing up some stuff. I'm just going to pair phase. I'm just going to get y'all through this real quick. Get this.
So he was spotted on camera, on video chasing this young lady. They, she was so tiny. They thought she was a juvenile. They were at a gas station. She is running for her life. Carl bitch ass is chasing her. She makes it all the way to a man's vehicle. She crawls under his vehicle trying to get away from Karl's bitch ass. Do you know that homeboy was pumping gas? He wouldn't even look over and help her. She crawled under his truck and my problems gun, the one, I just want to know what happened.
What happened to the world? What happened to us? If I'm example, understand that you may not want to be in somebody's business, but if you see a young lady running for her life, if she goes up under your vehicle, it's okay to take your hand off the gas. And, you know, you call it, you don't even have to. So, you know, there's some people that you don't want to be involved because you may get shot. You may get stabbed. I get it. But at least you can just stop for a moment and call nine 11. Right?
Um, at least grind inside the store, just don't continue to the gas witnesses say that Carl bitch ass pulls the young lady from under his truck by her feet. They all just watch it. But the dude that was pumping, his gas, took the cake for me. He still does that. Nothing. It is nothing, nothing. The car came and took her from underneath the coral trolls homegirl on his shoulder, carries her back to the car. Drop her ass in the car and drove off. Oh shoot. All my homeboy was pumping the gas.
He said, these ain't my problems. These are not my problems. Yeah. It's the wrong neighborhood. He really didn't need to get a payload license plate. He was saying I'm in the wrong neighborhood.
I ain't got okay. I was just like, how sway? But she survived. They ended up arresting Carlos AKA bitch ass. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. They did. It was not the guy that was pumping. It tells us it was other witnesses. Yeah. They were a young couple that was dating. This was definitely domestic violence. But yeah, I was
other people who was concerned
because that dude was, and I, you know, I've seen people fight each other in public and I don't want to get involved, but. No, I'm going to climb that into my
truck at that level. Like you see her for life.
She's under the truck. She's like wandering. It was his truck, right?
his truck pulled her out on the, his truck.
Carl had a car, he put her in the car after he drug her from under homeboy truck
headphones. There you go. I was thinking
blind, blind, blind, deaf. He couldn't have seen it. Y'all's Haman. Maybe it
was deaf and blind and, you know,
And he is still popping. He just never choose to look under his truck. Like he'd never no
players. She hadn't been screaming and stuff, but yeah, she gonna make it. But anyway, that is our segment of people. And so our takeaway from today, let's talk about it. You know what? We need mentors, these kids, the people that favor their look like them, come from where they're from. I can't tell them about life. You don't have to show up and look successful or what you, what others may consider successful show up for the change.
Um, let them know that, you know, You didn't always go do things the traditional way and you still made it. We're always looking for mentors. We are looking for mentees, so we will catch you guys next time and don't get caught on the episode of people, be people. And even though next time, and just a quick reminder, just keep living peace, peace