The thing I like about this is one, I think I learned for you, you can't experience the highest of highs until you go into your lowest of lows. You just
can't Hey, that's when you start to live where
you are. Yeah. And you're okay with like, filling that fear, filling that, that jealousy filling out. Okay. It's the here, let me fill it instead of
interesting. Yeah. Life was
like, it's crazy like that,
Hey, y'all welcome back to another week of just keep living. I just want to apologize for being a little nasally. My allergies is a violet today, but anyway, this is Jenna. Is Shauna.
What up? What up? This is Joe. This is.
Masterpiece masterpiece. We need to add a little, uh, the non Yeah. So firstly, we all start out with is shout out to everybody that came to our podcast launch parties. Yes, it was late. We had a good time, a lot of good questions. Good dialogue. Good food. Just good company. What the old folks say fellowship. I just loved it. I'd turned it to somebody's grandma. Nice. That's right girl. It's fellowship is it is.
Um, and we're actually probably gonna, you guys are gonna hear we're going to have a live podcast. With an audience coming real soon. So yes, it's going to be real. It's going to be real good. Um, yeah. What y'all think about that?
I'm ready. I'm ready. Make sure I attend the way this party came. Yeah, we both, this is,
I mean, it was, it was good this to see and hear everybody's response to, you know, we got a lot of good feedback that people felt it was a supportive environment. Like they actually came to the party thinking we was going to. Record an episode and they just
be waited like, oh,
that's what we doing. Oh, you got no right national questions. No, nothing
killing animals back there. Ben, I'll be there. I'm going to bring a bottle in a knife. That's important. Yeah. Maybe as they just show up out of love. I love that. Not expected much. They just thought they was coming to the alive, but we got y'all we heard what y'all want it is coming. Um, today we are just going to go through some cards and we've kind of discussed these a little bit last night at the podcast launch. And one deck is really, really good. I call them the deep cards.
They're called my therapy cards by Dr. Ebony. And it's Dr. ebony.com, but I found her on Instagram. Her Instagram is Dr. Ebony online and she is a licensed psychologist. She's a food relationship specialist. I didn't even know that she going to fix me through all the shit. I be. Um, anyway, um, she puts on here. I help women heal from trauma. She has a couple of other things on here too, but what I liked about the cards is that she had a whole deck for men.
And of course it says my therapy cards and it has a black man on the front of it for one deck that we have. And then on the other deck, it's a black woman on it. And they both say a guide for self discovery and insight. These cards are made to make you think you'd be like Diam, which is who, this is who we are. It's a glass house conversation. So I think that's who we are. Also. We went through a cuff, um, uh, other deck of cards too. It's called cuff cards. Um, and they're kind of fun.
They're also to create a dialogue. So we're just kind of, kind of balanced out the seriousness of the therapy cards with the cuff cards for. So it's not so heavy. Okay. So y'all going to be like, well, what's going on. It may be a random sex question in there with a little bit of mindset. yo ass cheeks clap. Why can't you say no, we need
that. We need to know that
this is what happened when you just keep living. So we're going to just get to a few today. Uh, we thought this would be kind of fun. Just kind of, we haven't even looked at the car. It's just kind of going and moving through them quickly. So with Dr. Ebony therapy cards, there's three type of cards that are in each day. One is labeled triggers. One is labeled habits and one is labeled mindset.
And these are all just to help you start having those difficult conversations with yourself and others. So, uh, We're probably just going to pull from a few. Should we start out with Dr. eMoney or the cuff car? Should we go out or should we go heavy? How y'all want to do it?
We should start with the cuff cars and then
I, okay. Let me just shuffle these up real quick. Okay. Shuffle
them up. I
say, I hope you ain't playing spades and you shuffle
how to play spades. Wait, what
this table right now, like you don't
understand the game
or because I'm not a great player base as a black woman and as a black person, I do not know how to play spades. That's okay. I do not know how to chord roles. We support, you know, how to break. Like a break. Like I got one plan, but you wanted it to stick to your scalp. It's going to need James harder. It's a lot of little things, but I do not play dominoes. What's up and oh, no. Okay.
All right. Well, no, you were doing it yourself.
Yes. Oh,
no. Most of y'all don't know the agenda agenda agenda is very, probably the most, uh, competitive person at the table. I'm going to say hands
down.
That's what I'm saying. But if somebody challenged her, she'll probably go figure it out at night. She'll come back. I'm gonna whoop your ass now.
But you know, my mom, Neil played beer Wiz, which is another Southern game. That is very similar. Apparently asked me if I know how to play, be a whiz. Now I know. I don't know how to play that. No, there's a reason why, because y'all know I got PTSD for real. Okay. Car games usually are too loud. And I hate, and I don't like when people argue, when people fuss, I want to leave the room. So what happens with spades? Oh yeah. That's straight. What is it? A reneg remake, right?
That's the right term right there. My uncle go grab his wife and go
home. And that's why I think spades have turned for the newer days, you know? Oh no. Is now the new version of space. Cause it definitely be getting real. It can get real heated and don't throw the wrong card out because it will be on and you will be drawing a lot of cards.
The first time I played UNO with PowerShell, we was going to Thailand and she had this thing where you could put down. Several of the same. Was it color? Oh yeah.
You bet it rolls before you play the game. You play doubles. You got to cause people doubles.
That's never in my life has played doubles. Nobody follows
instructions
on the
man. You got to let, you gotta lay the rules down first,
everybody,
you know,
you might know that
nobody
actually will rules. Nobody. Nobody plays the rules to John to I beat his ass through the rules. That's right. I was there anyway. So y'all got the cuff cards. Y'all would have somebody to pull a car and read.
Okay.
You already said it
and whatever it is you reading and we gonna talk about it. Shawna is a planner. She needs to plan her thoughts out. So we really mess up with these cards, read
it, and then they will answer it.
Okay. Do you maintain a relationship with your ex kids? Even if things don't work out?
I got that word. Um, I would love to now usually if the, especially if we've been to get, we were together for a little while I have a relationship with your child, I would like to maintain it. It depends on the child's age. If they're like 14, it's going to be hard. If I was around a couple of years, not to maintain a relationship with them, but if they're four or five, then no. That depends on the parent, but like text my ex uh, my favorite ex I got a few of my favorite X techs.
I would love to be in contact with his daughter, but, you know, she was much younger, so I don't have a problem with that. I don't break out with the kids, but I also don't have a problem with people, families either. Like, if I liked your momma, when we were together, I'd probably gonna like her afterwards, unless you turned out to be not shit. And it probably comes stemmed from you and your mom's relationship. I'm gonna have to let her know she ain't shit.
And that's why you ain't shit, but that's just me.
Hey, I'm looking on the kids' perspective on the real, because, you know, I don't really know from the X, but I do know that my uncles, my uncles X's, I maintain relationships with them. And I love that one of them did not choose to. And it's really hard because I can't be, I can't hang out with my cousins and stuff because there's. Choppy situation between her and my uncle, but it was really sad because I was like, home girl. I was, we was cool. Like I knew not until you.
Why are you mad with me? I didn't date you like that was between you and my uncle, but she seemed to still be a little salty and don't know how to still maintain this a relationship. Yeah. It ain't got the kids. So the situation, and I don't understand why people would not.
Why it is to me, it's all a form of control. It's the same people that break up with their spouses or boyfriend, girlfriend. And then all of a sudden their partner is the worst father in the world or the worst mother in the world. I was like out and had all them kids together or even one Kia. Y'all been together all these years. And then all of a sudden, he's just a bad ass parent. He can't be trusted with his own kid. I want to keep Nokia's come get your keys. What time leader
to tell her, like, look he cheating on you. Oh shit. Ain't cool.
Don't do no Robbins, Dylan.
Hey,
look it here.
Pull info. If you don't want me to snitch, I will not snitch, but you need to know something. I was supposed to say, no, that's me. Like it, you say, Shama looked on me, then I got you. You ain't gonna get nothing from me. But if you ain't telling me, look,
she made it. You mess up her family by the question she asked you,
I actually am in, you know, I'm in a situation like that. My ex, uh, we moved here to California to be closer to his son. And, um, and so over time there was, we got here and we dissolved our marriage. You know, it did put a strain on how do I maintain this relationship? Because I do love his son. I still do. And to see him grow up, I've known him since he was five or six and he's 13, 14, but it'd be 14 now.
And, uh, And it has been challenging from time to time because there's so many variables that are involved, but I still make an effort. I text him, I try to reach out, you know, he's a teenager now, so you know how it is with texting and stuff like that and trying, but, um, I do make an effort and I think it is important.
And I think it's, like you said, thinking just about the kids, you know, if you have a strong relationship, I think you can maintain it, given that the, you know, other people involved are also supportive, hopefully,
hopefully, cause that'd be the ones that hold people back it's controlled. Yeah.
So, yeah.
Um, I think it's about the kids. I would, I would try my best to be with the kids and do what I can for the, for the kids. Because I think that, uh, a lot of times you can be a change in influence in a kid's life. And if you pull that away, they don't, they, they may not have that, that to come around and show them otherwise. So, but then it's hard sometimes when the other person is not mature enough to be able to do that. And that that's,
that's the difficult part. So that's the.
And people that I'm sorry, have to cope here. It, I just want to say that the more people surrounding your child that loves and support them is the better. I'm not saying having a bunch of toxic ass people around your kids, but someone who just genuinely loves and supports your child, no matter how they came into your child's life, you should want to keep that relationship. The more the merrier, literally. Yeah. So interesting. Should we do another phone call and it, should we go serious?
That was actually kind of well fun. He
should men always pay for a date. If so, when should this stop?
It's interesting because this is a married couple
because he came with pennies to his and calling to pay
for Monday.
You should've been like, dang, this dude really care for me. Cause he wants, scraped up all this change to try to take you somewhere. You know what I'm saying? It's all about
the coins. Cause we still went to the day. I mean, we still had the day. It was just that that's what you came with. And so I just didn't change any other expectations.
I feel like it depend on who made the
invitation. That's what I keep hearing. A lot of them will say that if I invite him out, then I'm covering the time. Interesting. I'll be ready to, I be prepared
to,
you know, whoever I
think
old school kind of got us to the point where the man is the one that's supposed to be paying. But I haven't been hearing, you know, recently from all types of generations that it shouldn't be, it should be equal, but it should also be communicated on how it should, how it's going to rent, you know? So maybe we're going on a date. It could be both of us paint, like I'm paying for what I'm paying for. I like
that. I like the it's the communication, because I don't think either one's right or wrong. Right. But either one's right or wrong, depending on your perspective. And so if you've got two people with different perspectives that don't communicate that, then there's going to be a problem at the end of the day. And I hear that from like people who are like I'm training in her dating, and then, you know, they're going on dates. And they were like, well, he didn't do this. You know what I'm saying?
And I'm like, well, did you tell him that he
thought that stretch the boundaries,
how he's supposed to know that you not like, you know what I'm saying? That's what I'm
saying. Like, he can't even read his mind. You write
shit, like the minutes,
be sending them a blink, like tell him what to do. I'd be like, please be in charge. And they're like, no.
So like, it's one of those things that you have. I mean, We just like men and women don't think of the same thing though. Like we, we are not on the same plane at all. Your, your way of thoughts are not our way of thought, not even close. So it's one of those things. I think just communication has to be the biggest part. And I think that's what I see the biggest problem with any relationship, even if it's a friendship, it's communication. Right. You know what I mean? It's you gotta be
able
to communicate with you. So my thoughts on the car, it says, should men always pay for a date? I don't know if they should always pay, I don't know, men that don't pay for date. Okay, period. That's just, I don't, I don't know them. Um, I don't have men. I had one that didn't know me. Let me say that I hung out. It was real quick. And he was like, I'm just not in a place to be. I can't afford today. And he asked me, this is one part I didn't even go out with him. I ain't gonna say his name.
Cause he probably gonna, here it is. I want to, he was like, oh, I'm going to go to, or you want to come? And I was like, yeah. He was like, well, let me just be honest with you. I'm not really in a place today. And you would have to pay for your own meal. And I was like, cool, no, I'm glad he was honest with me. I appreciate that. But I can go to brunch with my girls and we can pop bottles and do all that. Like what, why am I entertaining you? I'm not, nah, I just think that.
You paid my time was the invoice pay forward my breakfast. But the other part of the question is if so, when should this stop? So when I'm actively dating someone where a few dates in generally is when I'll start being slightly, let me pick up dinner on my way over there, or what do you want to get? You know, what do you want to eat? And I'll get it so that it's kind of balanced, but like those first few dates, um, I don't know, to me, who'll be like, you gotta really pay for the day.
Oh no. Them, I
don't know. I think, I think it felt like if I was to go over again and my perspective is sometimes, may go too hard in the beginning and that's unrealistic, you know what I'm saying? And so I'd be like, I'll dial back on some of the stuff that you will try to present because now you're just trying too much and you can't keep up. And
Dan, especially when they're poor. Yeah. I'm trying to impress you. It's not even, it's not even serious, but when a woman is interested in you, she don't care about none of that. Well, I can't say all
but that, but that's not, that's not, that's what you're conditioned to think. You know what I'm saying? It's not broke today and it's not, and it's not, but that's not, you're not conditioned to think otherwise, you know what I'm saying? And so it's one of those things. That's why I say communicating. I think if you were to say that at the beginning,
like, I want you to come to brunch with me, but I need you to pay.
I mean, to me, that, to me, that was the dopest thing because he knew, I didn't know what she was getting.
I don't know. You don't just to go sit up with you and
Champaign, like at the end of the day, you're going to tag you gonna be mad. Like that's, to me, it's like, okay, I'd rather know at the beginning, what I'm getting
myself into. Wouldn't it be more rent, more romantic? You know, if somebody who was in a position that didn't have a lot of money where to like, let's do a picnic and I'll make some sandwiches. Like
to me, that would be an ABC car, like balled out. I like to eat popcorn and Cheetos and shit that I went and bought with mama. And I was like, let's go sit in the park. You know what I mean? That's more meaningful than you. You have to also let me say this. I don't go anywhere that I cannot afford. The assumption may be that he's taking me on this date and he's going to pay, but I hadn't been on a date when I was really actively dating.
I had to pay for a man's meal because I just needed him to know that don't you ever, it was just a bad little date. Like I just gotta, I got your tab and I'm out. Cause I let me just dismiss this whole situation, but I would never go somewhere. And depending on what no money in my person think I'm gonna order this, this and this. And I hope he got it or I don't have it. I don't know. I'm going to be able to cover his mind and two other tables.
Uh, first place to be somewhere where has got to be paid or show date, be somewhere where you can go and communicate about what the expectations are. I
think it depends on how you met the person. Cause you can have a friend for a couple of years and you guys be like, Hey, let's, let's see what a date is like. Let's try to look at its relationship a little different. Let's say you met this person on Tinder. You may want to go grab a coffee. Cause you're like, I may not want to be stuck with this person for three hours, eating lobster, fettuccine. That's you know, so there's little places to meet up.
Maybe I want to go get an ice cream, something of this, or it's very small. But back to like the park and the walking is so many other things I wish would just take, I don't call hard, take charge of, I, I definitely get tired of, you know, a man being like, well, what'd you want to do what you want to do? I was like, you had. Shit. I want to go shoot guns. Like what you mean? They'd be like, whoa. I'm like, can we go to the gun rage
today? Shit. Nope.
What do you want? Do you want to go back? Like I want to do competitive shit. Maybe like, and every man be like all she competitive, as funny as I get up in that bitch and they be like, you know what? This is too much talking about my mama,
the experiences. So you actually get to know the person a little bit more than just sitting down over food, you know, to make sure, you know, go out and do something.
Oh yeah. Well, cool. That was a good, that was a good word. So now can we go to something else? I just want a car from the trigger stack habits or mindset? Mindset. Okay. Pull it. Pull one. Joanne one. Well, you said mindset.
Oh, this is good. What do you want to be remembered for? Reflect on what you're doing now and if that is helping you to get. Hmm.
I'm an, I know how to answer that, but I'm not going to go first. I'm a right.
has a notepad,
1990 dominant home for these journals, right. Is that a dominant journal or
it's another gender, but I will be writing. I think it's in, I got my diamond journal.
Y'all some, will you come back, bring some more journals so that we can write. Where you guys talk about me. I want you guys to say how much I lived my life. And when it says, reflect on what you're doing now, I'm living very free. I wake up and I decide what I want to do every day. That is success to me. So if somebody would've come talk at my funeral, if I don't make it another day, I want you guys to be like Jenna lives fully. Yeah. That's, that's it. And also inspire others everywhere I go.
Anybody else? I think for me,
I want to be remembered for being a creator. I think that, um, from a spiritual perspective, from entrepreneurial perspective, from knowledge growth, all of that we're creating and, um, just being a creative person and being a creative inspiration, other people, and helping to support other people to do the same. All right. Being creative in teaching to teaching is part of it. Yeah.
We were both teachers. So yeah. You know, sell it to them.
Teachers shout out to the educators and Brittany, I know
Brittany, Brittany, Brittany, the camera to follow her around her for her life. I would watch that show
every day.
I want to be remembered as, um, the most loving person that, that people have that people have met. I want people to be around me and be able to be their authentic self and understand that it's okay to be you. Um, I want to create like an environment for people to just be so open and so real that you, you know, in, in that piece. So when people say that man who was like, man, you know, that was the dope experience I had with him. He allowed me to be there, pick the person I wanted to be.
And he opened up ways for me to, to grow that way.
Oh,
that was good. Yeah, it was emotional. She didn't wrote a whole.
No. Now, now I do want to be remembered for I'm inspiring. You know, I love to inspire people. I like people too. And reflecting wise on, on how are, wait a minute, reflect on what you're doing now. So I do this by basically inspiring people to know that you have the ability to do whatever you set your mind to don't ever think. Or if you're being diagnosed. No, you can do it being diagnosed with something. No, you can do it. We can help you. We can assist you. We can guide you.
But I want people to, I just want to inspire people to like grab within and never think that they can't do something. I love
that. You just need to think about it a little bit. I got a damn you won't be the last person to respond to every question because she got a really processed process and then write the words down. Okay, where are we going? Next? Triggers habits, mindset, Joe,
uh, man habits.
Okay, let me just give you the deck and you pull,
all right, let's see here.
It says, what are you doing to recharge and riff and refuel? It says we can not give to others. What we do not have ourselves. Ooh, no, this is the biggest like thing I've been learning and being now with COVID like I worked, you know, Shauna's going, the kids are at school and it's the time for me to actually sit down and I don't run from my feelings now.
And you know, and I've learned that in order to be your full, powerful self, like you have to accept and deal with those, those negative that even the sides of you that you don't like. And so a lot of times I would run from the, I was so optimistic. I didn't want to deal with the other. And so when I didn't deal with the other part of me, man, like I couldn't be, I couldn't be myself. I didn't know what, I didn't know what I really liked. I didn't know what I really loved.
I didn't know who I really was. So I read a saying that said you can't, um, you you'll never know what you like if you don't know what you don't like. And so I'm sitting down with the things that I don't like and, and, and being in and being truthful with myself and Sam, that shit really happened. I don't fucking like it. I'm mad, I'm angry. I'm pissed off and allow myself to feel those feelings. And so I'll just say this that's how recharge,
well, I'm going to go second guys. Cause I'm actually ready. Okay. Now, what are you doing to recharge and refuel? I'm meditating guys and I'm self-caring. And I noticed that this is something that I need to do in order to basically, um, help others, because I realized that I need to stop trying to control everything.
And I have by meditating and self care, and I'm starting to slowly just take care of myself and not control everybody else and is allowing me to really set things in order to see it. Oh, it's okay. That they chose to do it their way and not
Shauna's way. And what they say a hundred ways to skin, a cat turning somebody's grandma real quick. Tell me, granny, what about GP? What are you doing to recharge refuel?
I am redirecting where I invest money into myself, um, especially around physical care. So getting on a plan with my chiropractor acupuncture. Um, other things that I do, it just helps me to reset physically and I'm realizing that affects everything else. So, um, that's huge. And then also too, meditation is something that of course has always been, um, something I have developed and been practicing more of. And so definitely doing that. Um, so it's, it's physical for me.
I think just bringing more attention to my, uh, physical upkeep. Um, I had a pretty tough week a couple of weeks ago and I reached out to my coach about it. And his first question to me was how has your self care? And, uh, that really hit home. And I was like, yep, he's right. Cause I got off track with my appointments cause I was going to the chiropractor. I was doing those things on a regular basis. I just was like, I'm too busy.
I got too much going on and I put it to the side and it act yourself to the next thing to the side. And it ended up affecting what I needed to be doing in my business. So yeah, that's what I'm doing right now to sort of recharge is put more of a focus back on those things.
I thought this one was a good question because what I do to recharge and refuel is I come here. Oh true. Oh, people think you work out for, you know, to look a certain way and I do not. Well, happiness has a look. Um, when I'm, when I'm working out, it's just to clear things. Mentally working out is straight mental health. For me, it's not a look, it's not a size. It's not a flat stomach. It's. 'cause sometimes I just leave here and go eat pizza. So you know, that, that that's it.
It's not that for me, it's legit. Um, it allows me to push my body. Um, it allows me to clear my thoughts. Um, but I also love audible. I listened, I listened to a lot of books. I read a lot of books. I listened to a lot of podcasts, but it's all of those things to stop my brain from racing because my brain is always firing. I need to do 5,000 things, but when I'm exercising, I cannot focus on 5,000 other things. It's like, this is what I'm doing right now. This is what I get to focus on.
And that's why I don't really like to work out with much. 'cause it's my time. Yeah. The older they're getting, it's a lot of fun, but it's all about me. So that's how I like, that's why I like to exercise. And I like to read reading is,
yeah. Exercise is big too. Was about to say, you know, boxing and, um, coming to work out with y'all
is a big part of how we recharge every, even though we
got here today and we didn't have a full class, I'm like, can we still go
right quick? Cause, and you did it.
It's different. Everybody. Self care is different for everybody just because life experiences is different for everybody. But I see. Women do a lot of mental self care for themselves. Whereas men don't and men do a lot of physical self care with women don't and I see that a lot when I train people. And so a lot of women, you know, they, they don't, they don't do their bodies like men, you know, do, but when they get in here, it's a big, it's big for them.
It's so huge for them just to step into the gym where mangoes there everyday, but it's huge and need for men to start doing the mental side of things because the brain,
so yeah, this is perfect timing because in the Dr. Anthony therapy cards, she has a little card in here. That's called self care menu. Y'all didn't even notice this in here. So just a couple of things outside of what we probably normally think is self-care it says cook or purchase at a really nice meal for your. That is like, if you're constantly slaving over the stove or you feel obligated to cook for your family, maybe it's just you taking yourself out on a date. And he really good.
I love, I love to eat by myself. Also go to the movies by myself. So somebody joined me. Okay. This is what I need to work on right here. Unplug from your phone TV, computer, et cetera, for a few hours. All right. Percent exercise stretch. Move your body, a name out loud. Things that you appreciate by your about yourself. Wow. That's, that's a good way. That is a good, uh, and my therapist asked me a question. Uh, it, I find myself asking the other people.
It's just one thing that you like about yourself. You'd be surprised how many people can name things about themselves that they like, wow. I was like, and I was like, you need more. She was like this you
also have this glossary of her self-care and she gives that definition of basically intentionally engaging in activities, practice that elevates your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual.
I love that. Dr. Ebony, you killing it with these cards. We don't know Dr. Ebony boy, girl,
come on. Be on the show.
I'm going to read a couple more of these. I'm going to get back to it. She says by, um, grooming products. So she's addressing you guys beard and, and that's women too. I love showers at this point. I don't even want to stay the night out of the people house. Cause I want to be into my water pressure with all my bath products,
girl. True scrub
yeah, it says pamper yourself, massages and pedicures. Refresh your hair hairstyle. I do that a lot. Yep. Oh, this was hard. She talked to me right here. Start a project you've been putting off. Ooh. How is that self care? Miss Ebony. I want to clean my closet
out and I don't want to do my picture books, but I have a lot of them I
need to put, because this is something that you want to do as a desire that you have and
your, it is something I can do. I can't even pay somebody else to do. Cause I need to try this stuff home. Cause I would have been. Okay. Okay. The next one, clean our, organize your space. Yeah, here we go. Again, doing
that.
I like this call video visit with a friend. Hey, cleaner. Organize. We're not going to support with islands where all self care he's talking about. He's choosing violence. Ooh, this is a good one because we talked about this before we came on follow mental health accounts on social media. We were just talking about consumption. How I can look at anything on the internet. And if it's not, for me, it means nothing.
I'm not going to think twice about it where other people really struggle with comparing themselves to others and how the people are listing living and what they're posting. Yeah. So I do follow a lot of mental health too, but I also like the shade room. Take it up a God. Now it says on here, create a music playlist.
I got, I do that too. I have a
set, uh, I'd follow social media accounts that make you feel inadequate. There we go.
I got to learn how to do that though, on the unlocked.
Technically do it. Yeah, you don't, you know what, let me, can I just touch on that real quick, but y'all make them announcements on Facebook that y'all leaving
stop for like 30 days or whatever I'm going to hire.
By the way you don't have to warn me that you're leaving. Like go, if you need me, call me and the whole warning and validation every time I see it, I cringe because it just tells me that you're still seeking strangers validation and it makes me go, Ooh, some, some wrong baby. You doing shit for likes in real life. I be telling people I'm dope in real life. Just not on Facebook. You don't need other people's approval or acceptance for you to take a social media break, be gone.
Okay. The last one she says it has on here is go outside for fresh air or take a walk exercise again. That's good. Really good. Okay. So we've done a trigger. We've done a mindset. We've done a trigger. Nobody want to touch these triggers. Huh? You pick that one. Trigger to me, but triggers are just things that we haven't addressed. So
thank you for the definition outlined,
I don't know if this doctor, she actually gives us a meaning the trigger cards help you explore emotional responses and urges that might get in your way. Say thank you. Thank you. Wow. So acknowledging some how some responses are working for you, the cards in this category guide the exploration of those responses that are creating more problems than
solutions. So triggers are the things that when you, when it happens, you feel a certain way. Like you can feel angry, you can feel
no. And only person that always say when someone say they triggered, I was like, that's a personal problem. Yeah. We cannot continue to walk around. Everybody's triggered. Triggers are things that I haven't dealt with inside of me. That's what, that's what I'm
saying. It's out of sight, you experienced something that causes you to outbreak
in a certain way. And sometimes people will have a response to triggers by being negative by what you say, hear seed right through it. Like that's a trigger what's going on,
but don't know that that's what it's called. They don't know exactly
when I was talking about like, when you deal with that, that dark side kind of thing, then I found myself able to be around people and understand their, that they're going through something more. You kind of get what I'm saying, like before I wouldn't judge it and I'd be like, motherfucker, you know what I'm saying? Ready to fight. But me knowing myself more understanding that, Hey, I have these sides too. I'm like, I have those issues.
Like certain there may, maybe not that one, but I have bad sides about myself too.
Okay. So my car, this is right on time with the trigger stack. What actions from others make you feel seen and heard share with someone you trust about what happens when you don't feel seen and.
Wow. Well, that's what we got the glass house for us to go and share that vulnerability right there
to share it. I just don't want to go first, but I will, if y'all want me to, I need to remind him I can actually hold the card. You don't have to write nothing down. You just got to write it down and do what you got to do to get to your journey. Let me mom, my business,
Jenna, AKA grainy.
Now she is right now, the question is if we don't have the car, but I want her to get to her answers. So she may just have to write it out in my
pen
and paper. Yeah.
For me, I think, um, real, genuine listening, like when someone is actually really listening to you and, um, and also asking me what. How I feel like asking really good questions to which they don't have an opinion Ooh. You know, or their perspective or whatever. Like they're able to listen and give a response to empathetic, you know, and say, wow, I know what that's like, yo wow. I don't need any advice. You know what I mean?
Just to be heard and be asked and then also be asked, well, what do you want? What matters to you? Something that really makes you go inside with the support of another person without the advice. Because honestly, we already have the answers that we need within. We just have to see it for ourselves to God
in me. So
to me, that's what I feel most seen in her when that's the case, you know? Wow.
I would say, I would say kind of this mine's the same way as yours. It's mine has to be an emotional light connection with me. Like you have to, I can feel your vibe and if I don't, it's crazy. Cause if I don't feel like you are really invested in what I'm saying, what mean. It triggers me to want to be like, I'll go off. Like, you know, I'll disconnect from you. I don't want to deal with you. And it hurts. It hurts. I feel pain.
And so, like you were saying when w also when you can, when I can be myself around you with non-judgment yeah. That's the thing, like, I feel like when I'm around people, where if I do something and I begin to feel that that you're judging me or you're, you know, you're feeling a certain way. I can't, those are two things that, those things, man, they, they make me almost your albums get like angry, but I, by reading the reading this book, like it showed me just because I didn't have that.
I didn't have any emotional connection as a kid. And I'm trying to seek it as an adult. Yeah.
And when, and when people can see what you're doing and see the purity of your intention, boom.
That's way.
That's everything to me that that's
low. Yeah. So what actions from others make you feel seen and heard? Sometimes it's just the simple validation that I am not losing my mind. Um, and I like when a person truly listens, like she's saying. Being I wear vulnerability. It's just who I am. It is what it is, but I like for people to be like, so this is where you're experiencing, like, just hearing what I have to say, that simple, just validation. Um, I liked it when you said, you know, they don't always have to have advice or yeah.
Sometime we have to ask, like what you're looking for. You want me just to hear you out or, um, you know, you am really good about planning out 5,000 scenarios in my head between what I think gonna happen, just creating a dialogue that don't exist. And I need people that I love to be like, well, what else is going on? You know, just that simple asking those real questions, being sincere in their thought process with me, um, not minimizing my experience, whatever it is, do not make it about.
And what you went through or telling me to get over it, or it's not a big deal. That's that middle? I'm like the equipment of miles in the fire. It's a fire right now in my life. Yeah. So what'd you got Shoshana. So mine is
validation too, and a lot. And definitely some of the things you said about not minimizing, but I know for sure, within myself, I had to get to the point of not assuming that other people was had ill intention in their information, you know, I had to get to a point to see, like you're telling you're, you're giving me your, your advice, but you're giving it to me not to minimize me or downplay me on what I'm saying.
You're just, and I didn't see that in people, I was just always had a wall up and expectations of your, um, Of your feelings towards what I felt the need to tell you. So I was already up there. He was ready.
I was ready. Even though you was talking to somebody, you love to get out of line. I
was ready for them to get online. I had it planned out another person go, but
I didn't find this out in the
shower. You don't even know
that I'm
so, you know what I realized, we went through a few of the serious cars and not a fun where y'all would thought, what are we going to get a phone? Okay.
Let's get a call one. And then we're going to do this. Um, people beat people
in. Oh yeah.
All right. It says, would you. Would you trade in your spouse for million dollars? Oh,
whoa.
Everybody in the couples, but me don't ask me. I pray Monte and his mama. Mama y'all can actually come get Jacob, not current, but go get the kids for $2 and 50 cents.
That's it. We'll get you enough gas to get
up the street. Uh, spouses committed relationships. That shit. That's what y'all shot on a million dollars. No,
I I'm not training.
Okay, Joe, go ahead. Do what you do,
who had a plant assault, because you're going to have to notice real love deep down inside. So we're going to come back together because that meant that was going to set us free.
You got a plan, you know what I'm saying? Look, we gotta play.
We gotta communicate what our eyes look like. I'm saying is what we're going to do. You want me back? About 30 days? Give me 30 days
come at me in Costa
Rica. Me say, what I wanted to do is bring your hardest
shit. We gotta talk about on the first day that the picnic, you
know,
come back and get you. All right.
It'll be good. just get
your shit real quick. Real quick. You might not make it
the first day.
because what I learned about money is money is, is an object. The way to get money is through you gotta, you gotta use what's in here. So money, you can lose real quick. You know what I'm saying? I can't lose you real quick though. That'd be bad.
Oh, it's about what you can replace. I mean, when I think about, um, being rich, being wealthy, being all those things, it's not just money, right? Wealth is like, if you lose these. Can you get it back? You know, if bill gates sort of lose all his money today, he might have it back and have three times more than what he had within a year. Right.
But with relationships and people and things that you've put in that you can't get back, you know what your time and experiences and just love you feel for a person now you can't okay back.
So I love that for y'all. I don't know if my future mate is listening, but listen, I'm gonna let you get my whole arrests. Uh, maybe Costa Rica. If I blink, you might get your shit and I'll meet you at your mama's house. Nah, that's a good one. Let's continue with another cuff who we, who needs to pull. Why has everybody pulled? Keep rolling. We got time. We're going to do a serious one too. We got it. Okay. What
is the true definition of intimacy to you? Ooh,
you need to write it down. We just don't let you hold the basket. Hold it.
Cause y'all got that.
I got that off the top of my head. Wow.
That's tough. And you know why, man? I, the more I've been learning the enemy intimacy is like, uh, damn man, that's desktop because of the things you've experienced growing up, you can have a skewed version of intimacy. I'm trying, I'm trying to figure out what intimacy is now, to be honest with you, just because of the molestation as a kid, the non-emotional that I don't, I never received as a kid, you know, I'm seeking intimacy and sometimes the wrong way.
So I don't even know sometimes what is the real definition of intimacy? You know what I'm saying? I know it's different for real people, but sometimes the intimacy that we have because of our young age can be, can be dangerous in. Um, when you're trying to do it, it can be smothering. It can be, you know what I mean? It's just it, so I don't know what the baseline is, to be honest with you, I'm trying to find that baseline.
And I also think it changes as we, as we get older.
Yeah. I would say communication is the best for Miriam's because if we can connect your medication, that's good. But I mean, I can fill it that way, but I mean, sometimes it can be a physical thing. It can.
And to me, I think about closeness, I think about vulnerability, you know, the courage to be on either side of, you know, being intimate, you know,
I agree. Um, that is definitely, um, one of my, uh, true definitions of intimacy is vulnerability being able to just be real, because if you can, if we can, I love to talk. My communication is well known when we talk and just get it all out.
Yo, I can't wait for us to get videos of these places. I know Joe is just nod his head back and forth with his eyes closed the talker,
just like, you know, like just being real one another we're open is how today went and then I just feel so tune with you to where I'm intimate. Like, let's go.
Yeah, it is my fault. It's the vulnerability. I feel like very safe. Um, I don't feel like I have to hide behind anything. You know, I can wear my, uh, silly braids up under my wing, just out and about, yes, honey. I'm not hiding nothing that they're like, help me take this hair down real quick. It's that? That, that, okay. We're gonna keep rolling. Nice cars or we won't do a serious car to front cart serious. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I started mindset car. Ooh. Pick, pick pick, whichever one.
Yeah, I just picked the last one here.
How you do fine. Oh, shoot. How do you define what it means to be a man? Ooh, that was
right for you.
Yeah. Go for it. Then, as you changed into, is this definition flexible as you changed into who you want to become? I think it does change over time, uh, what it does, because we're always evolving. So your, your thought process of what it is to be a man, um, does change. Mine as at the beginning was to be a provider because that's all I knew. I never saw a man who was there emotionally forest for a spouse or his kids.
I never saw a man who was the leader voice, you know, vocally, um, you know, who took a stand for what he, you know, really thought as, as a man. So now my definition of a man is completely different. My definition of a man isn't being forceful. My definition of a man isn't being loud. My definition of a man is being wise and being understanding, and being able to cipher through everybody else's emotions because I'm done, I'm done. I know how to do it, my emotions.
So there's a lot of dynamics and being in a house with the kids going on, you know, um, your spouse, you're just everything going on in there. But to decipher all those things, you have to be in tune with who you are and understand, and you can't ride that emotional wave that everybody else is on sometimes. So that's been that's strength to me and being able to do that without manipulation.
Yeah,
I don't, when I hear things like about being a man, it makes me go aren't shouldn't we just be evolving. Why do we have to have what a man should be? What a man should look like, what a man do? What, what is it? Because
society
I'm giving you these titles that you're not, it's giving you a job that you have no training
for. It's just like they saying strong black mummy. I
hate that word strong. I be like, I'm tired, it's minimizing everything I'm going
through. So when you're thinking of a family and stuff like that, you know, you're, you're asking, I want somebody to, to
lead the kinda woman lead to she
can lead to. But a lot of times, even in our conversations, you're saying I w I'm ready for him to step up and lead. Uh, so that's a quality he must have he's Hey, he's gotta be. How do you be a leader? Who's teaching them how to be a leader. You know what I'm saying? So it's one of them things like, and it's not, it's nothing that you said we don't, we don't, we don't talk about it. So how do you, how do you become a leader out in movies? I guess? So you better be watching the right movie, then
we need another guest. We're going to have some men guests come back because there's a whole deck by Dr. Ebony. That's just guided for me and they get me in to talk because we know that you guys struggle with talking. Yeah. So this one I thought was really good. Um, this came out of the, the habits stack. What situations lead to you to comparing yourself to others? Anybody want to go first?
It says, write or share with someone you trust about self judgment and come up, let them come up with things for you. Yeah. Yeah, you get like the questionnaire and the question here we go. She get a card. What situations like we in sixth grade? What situations lead to you? Comparing yourself to others? What was that you go on so fast? What situations? I
think for me, when I think of comparison, it's like a, like a competition, so to speak. So in, in life, especially in business, for me, it can feel like a game, you know, like you're trying to win so to speak. And when you see other players easily compare yourself in this game.
And so for me, in certain situations, whether it's on social media, which you see a lot of, you know, entrepreneurs doing their thing or whatever, or, um, going to an event, you know, where the other entrepreneurs there and you get to know other people, um, From time to time. It, it puts me in that comparison space when I'm seeing somebody else who maybe figured this piece out, that I'm still trying to figure out, you know, and it might be the same for them.
I figure something out, but they haven't figured it out yet either. And so I think sometimes it can be healthy, um, just to, to have peers around you in that respect. Um, but for me sometimes, if I do not check my mind and my mindset going into those situations, I will easily get into comparison. And my joy has gone for the rest of the day.
Comparison is a thief of joy. It is truly
seriously. So
yeah, I would say comparison for. I will start to compare myself to other people when it's an area that I am insecure about myself. Yeah. Now that's
a hundred percent. It, when
I'm training, I don't care who I will refer people to other trainers. Like I have no problem with that. Like I don't care about, I know my space and I know what I'm good at now when it comes to other things, like people like things like emotions and things where I'm lacking.
And I feel that that's when I begin to compare myself with other people, because cause I'm insecure about it myself and I'm doing, and then it sent me down a whirlwind and I'm like, dang, but it's an issue that I know that I have to dig deep and figure out myself, it makes me turn within instead of turning without
right.
Cause you're aware
of it. Right. But then now, now I see when old people say, like, you know, it's, it's hard to change when you're getting
old. Look at me when you said old people,
granny, granny, cause granny said, you don't know it's real light where you don't, you've been doing stuff for so long. The battle is hard to like sit there and deal with these things and think about it and figure out how to change for the emotion. What are, you know what I mean? Like change it because it's so easy to just be like, you know, fuck it up. I'm just gonna stay the same. Like people's gonna have to do a deal with me to where they are happy with me. It's just me. That's just who I am.
But that's death saying I don't want to sit down and fight
for the right thing.
It's hard. I'm afraid to do anything about it. And so whenever
I think about this, what situations leads you to comparing yourself to others? Um, it's usually behind some dusty ass boy. Hmm, honestly, that's when I think about, when I start comparing myself to others or telling myself I'm not measuring up, it's usually some outside influences. That's making me feel that way. And it's not necessarily an insecurity, you own to something with that.
But when I think of, when I find myself like why this didn't happen to me, this, this, you know, I've changed my mindset. But when I look back at those, uh, situations, it was somebody's dusty ass son doing something, making me feel like I'm not enough, you know? And now I'll, if the shit's laughable and it's, I'll be like, boy, bye you alarm. I, I asked myself, why am I even entertaining this?
You are not worthy, but yeah, that's usually it it's always been behind some dusty ass boy now, you know, when it comes to like my career, I don't, I know, I know. And I have to get myself out the way when I started doubting myself, I'd be like, girl, you are capable. You wouldn't be here. Had to give myself that speech. But when I'm comparing myself to others, it's usually behind somebody dusty ass. Um,
no. Yeah, I'm good. Uh, I did write it down and thank you for reading it three times.
That's not sarcastic.
So what situation leads you to comparing others and their situation? So I'm basically at the point of comparing myself by sometimes it's by people's words and also being I'm a married woman. When they're like, oh, so you've been with him that long and I start comparing and I started disliked. They get an undermining.
Myself, you know, I started lying and then I had to catch myself because I don't stay there for long guys, a quick comparison, but it does make me question, you know even when you you my mother-in-law or loved ones, they'd be like, oh, you know you ain't do that for Joe or, you know, you need to do this and stuff. So then I stuck up him like, man, you know, I could have did better or, you know, should I did this or should I did that?
And like I said, temporary, cause I'm not that person to stay, but I deal have go through in my head. You know, some things that may be, I should have did this, or maybe I should have lived life more or why did I get married so fast? You know, I started comparing and looking at what other people done and if I could go back to even change. And once I hit that, I be like, oh no, Shawna,
I love that. Cause people need to hear that we are doing. This amazingly great person every day, people would be like, damn. When did you, have you always been like this? Or wait, you'd be like, nah, I'm a human it's cycles. Like a Mo false there's days. I want to get up because I'm in my head about something usually that somebody does the SOA. But outside of that, we're here.
Yeah, you can. The thing I like about this is one, I think I learned for you, you can't experience the highest of highs until you go into your lowest of lows. You just
can't Hey, that's when you start to live where
you are. Yeah. And you're okay with like, filling that fear, filling that, that jealousy filling out. Okay. It's the here, let me fill it instead of
interesting. Yeah. Life was
like, it's crazy like that,
whatever you just said. It's like, that was
powerful because it was just like, I knew that I was at a stagnant place. But I knew there was more and I couldn't reach that morally because I wasn't facing my low, my, my, my, my dark side. Wow. I would just be like, oh no, I didn't want
to deal with it. Wow, Joe that's so that's a whole episode on his own, um, cause it's really real. And we, you, we, you guys are okay with the bad and the ugly you, no one can use it against you. The laughable you'd be like, oh, that's what you had. You're like, no, you're right. Yeah, we'll be like, you know, so-and-so, you can go to hell for that. I'll be like my list so long. And you think that's going to send me to hell, let me show you the whole list. I love it. I laugh.
I'm okay with every part of me, right? Every decision I have made wrong. Right. I accept it all. And here is my, what I've learned from it. This is my experience. It's all about owning it. Everything is going to happen to us in our lives. It's truly a chapter. Somethings are a page. Some things are three chapters. It happened. Okay. Next you are allowed to evolve and grow y'all would keep going. But what we, that was who. All right. We going to do a funny car.
We can't do none of that since we are back to just us this week, we're going to do our segment on people, be paperless, but it's no way that we can go through all that abuse series and be like, here's something fine. It would be a little awkward. So watch out for people be people in this week.
So Shauna had posted in our group a video of y'all might've seen this, but it was a young guy by the name of Jacob Copeland, who was in the draft for, you know, getting into college. He was going to do his college football for football, and it was, he had Alabama, Florida, and I think a third school and he had the hats on the, on the table and he's sitting there with his family. His mom is sitting next to him.
And it's the decision time where he's going to pick his hat to declare which school are you going to. He goes to pick up
his Florida hat,
blue hat, put it on his uncle. Whoever's behind him is tapped. Good job mama, who was sitting right next to. Got up
and left her bag,
who had the Alabama Jersey though. She had the Alabama Alabama shirt. She just knew Alabama
football. Right.
But he, and so, so she gets up and leave. She left and the, you know, the commentator in the basket of him. So what happened? He was like, you know what? Some people might be upset with my decision, but I went with my heart and I don't want to be in Florida. And that was, that was a be
brave, be brave.
And that was the intake. So we did a follow up. Yeah.
And he asked
me, and he has gotten the number one number of fresh Jersey at the school, which is like a covenant number to have. And, uh, so he's doing really well
and you followed your dream and you didn't let nobody shut it
down.
I love that. Yeah. Be brave to be
you
believe in yourself. Yeah. When they first started talking about the story, I said, well, it's Florida. Cause y'all be for real Florida. I be kind of like my baby going to Florida. But Shonda said, well, his other choice was Alabama. I said, God damn.
like another Detroit, not even in
Mississippi, Mississippi, baby,
but he followed us heart because at the same time, if he would've went to Alabama, who was saying, he wasn't, he wouldn't be happy there. He would've been doing that for his, his mom. And that's what people do we go know. And we do what other people want us to do only to not be happy.
you know, when I seen the mom, I was like, she probably be. Giving her last to him supporting that career. And how dare you go against what I want for you right now. Shout out to Jacob for being brave. But I understood the mom's paid to say lots of sacrifices. Uh, people don't understand where your kids are playing sports and on that competitive level, what type of commitment that takes from your whole family? There's no self care time.
When you maybe got practice every day, then you want to travel. And T it is just like, Ooh, I felt for the mama, but I also felt like what? She set her baby up. He had D one schools like he going to be okay.
is that really true? And I'm not, I'm not, I'm not questioning the mom's love for the son, but it's tainted. And, and, and, and, and sometimes that type of low can, like we said, shout out to him for being so strong, because sometimes a lot of kids don't make it through that. And it's a thing of where they grow up and they're trying to please everybody instead of learning to be themselves. And then now you got a man in a relationship who's trying to be a pleaser instead of a leader. Right.
she went through the same thing as somewhere, some form or another that's that's her form of love. That was
Yeah, Jacob, Jacob,
yo, cause you doing it for you and I'm happy to even seeing that he's doing well. I know it's
doing well. That was awesome. To see,
to stay in all her hard work still. We they'll pay paid off because it's your baby got D what's girls AA. Yo baby is believing in himself. Go with what's right for me. And as parents, sometimes we just gotta fall back on what we didn't tolerate. The alternative
is watching your child like suffer and. Yeah.
he needed for what she thought he needed. Yeah. Well, y'all that's this week, a week of just keep living. We'll catch you guys on the next podcast. and be sure
to
follow us on our social media all y'all oh my God. Just keep living podcast is our Facebook and then our, um, Instagram, it's a little. Because everybody wants to just keep living apparently. So it's just, well, as y'all shoot at my bed, it's just underscore keep underscore, underscore podcast, go follow us. Um, also share these with your friends of your family. It is to create a dialogue to get you guys just thinking
comments and feedback.
Yeah. What are the subjects you guys want us to cover? Yeah. Hit us up. Be in the comments. Uh, we would love to hear it. Yeah. What y'all got.
Leave us, leave us honest review too. On apple apple podcast that supports us a ton. So we
appreciate the love, right? We try to be a, y'all a local cities, all the stage talking about life and you know, probably have some shirts by the, in to say the granny instead of the baby, it'll be the Grady what's the next week.