We were just talking for a month before he asked me to be his girlfriend in June. Yeah, same, like quick or you'll lose me.
Byde Right now, we are in America, so as we spoke last week, this episode is just going to be a continuation of our dilemmas.
You we would have just finished coach Ola, so we would have been like, we're dying.
We are in very rustling dying.
So hopefully we can give you guys something to make you feel a little bit better than we do.
Yeah, both go straight into cool question of the week is he what is the worst piece of advice you followed.
That my exes were worth pursuing. Honestly, I don't regret it. I just think it's take me a long time to get back to a place where I feel like myself.
You know, yeah, I have a few. Actually, to be fair, I don't really think anyone told me to pursue that.
I think I did that all on my own.
A psychic once told me, oh, to not go no contact.
Oh why would they ever say that?
And I'm like, oh, fair boog back a message in whenever I want a psychic.
That's fair. That's And then you're thinking the psychic told me something.
Yeah, its just that Wad hates Ti mich Oh, I shouldn't replied, and I'm oh, well, the psychic told me not to like funny.
Side note, not funny. Actually, I saw a psychic on Sunday. I've been seeing a lot of psychics.
I was gonna say, I just think they're interesting.
And she mentioned that La was going to fall and that she assumed it would be the fires, but obviously it wasn't. And then it's going to be an earthquake.
How'd you say that?
Well, why would I say that?
Hate earthquakes?
Yeah, so do I and that I will be fine, like I will live. But she doesn't know when it's going to happen, just that it will happen this year. So obviously we're only there for a month and three weeks. So it's like, you know, let's just hope that it's not all way there if it happens at all.
All right, we're going straight into your dilemmas. We're wasting no time around here, so get away, girl, buckle up for this dilemma. Apparently, she's saying, So, I've been dating this guy, let's call him Jack, since May twenty twenty three, so coming up on two years. But we were just talking for a month before he asked me to be his girlfriend in June pattern I rate that yeah, same, I like, or you'll lose me yeah, one hundred literally. The next month I drove to Port Stevens, Newcastle with
him that's where he's from, his family and friends. Stayed for a week and then drove back home to the Gold Coast. In January twenty twenty four, so eight months into our relationship, Jack somehow convinced me to move to Newcastle as he wants to save some money for twelve months then go back to the Gold Coast. It took a lot of convincing as I went in June. It was nice for a week, but I could never see myself living there.
Nice for a week, but your expectant to live there.
But for a boy. I'm dumb, and I thought I'd give it a go. Anyway, fast forward to about seven months of living in the Bay that's where they call her where I live. I had this gut feeling. He always tells me a little white lies that I would catch him on, but this felt different. Jack had his phone connected to his old iPad, so when he went out for a surf, I looked on his iPad.
As one does.
All I'm hearing is he's a surfer. Oh my god, How am I giving advice to people?
You're good at giving advice, but when you listen to.
You take your own advice. Ever, yeah, I should though.
I looked on his Instagram and found messages between him and his ex that only broke up because she moved to Hawaii for surfing. It's kind of hot. There were messages between them all the way back to June twenty twenty three, like to know when I came back to visit the bay, saying how much they miss each other with red love hearts and saying that she was in the bay at the same time that they were there for a week. To this day, I don't know if they're actually caught up, because he went out for a
surf every day and she does two. But he denies it. When I called him to say I wanted to talk to him about something when he got home, Miraculously, the whole conversation between him and then was deleted before he
got home. No talk about guilty conscience. Wow. Fast forward a few months, another one of his ex's messages him on Instagram asking if we're still talking because she's still interested and doesn't want to waste her time, and he replies to her having a conversation with her, but it ends in saying it might not look like it, but yes, I guess we're still together.
Fuck that.
Okay, you are not moving your life to the Bay for this man. You are breaking up with him, as she already lives back to Gold Coast. I know, but she's moving back to Gold Coast.
And again when I question him about it, miraculously, the whole conversation is deleted again. Ever since this, I've been so put off and never felt the same towards him. I still have so much love for him, but I don't want to hug or kiss him or anything. Yeah, because you're disgusted by him, Yeah, you're done, girl. He's been love bombing me ever since because he knows I treated him so well and he doesn't want to lose me. He brings me coffee every morning after his search with
a note on it. He would literally wipe my ass if I ask.
Yeah, but it brings you coffee and textas X. Coffee doesn't matter that much.
About way.
Yeah, and he should be like he's doing that now because he lose you. That's not innately in his being.
And the moment you forgive him, he'll stop doing it.
Yeah. We've now been here for a year and two munchs and there's no sign of any money saved or moving back time any anytime soon, like he promised. I miss home and I want to move back for all my money that I had saved to go home towards my puppy twenty one thousand dollars that bill in January to save his life. That's another story. So my day, La Mirry is I'm kind of stuck. I don't have any savings now to move home, and I'm living in his space room. We don't pay rent as we live
at his dad's house. We aren't together and haven't been for about five months, and I'm just not feeling it. But I kind of have no choice but to stay here until I save up again. I can't move in with my mum or dad as though with their partners and kids, so there's no room. I don't have a job right now because my crippling anxiety and I've just started medication for it. I do a little bit of online work, which gets me by. At the moment, I feel so flat and unmotivated every day, and there's nothing
here for me. I have two dogs and that's the only thing keeping me happy at the moment. I don't know what to do, and I feel so lost right now. I'm almost twenty three, and I feel like I should have my life on track. Send help. First of all, you're only twenty three, so you don't have to.
Have your life on track twenty three.
I'm twenty four and hunt, I've got no fucking idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. But honestly, I think, look, starting anxiety men's will be a great thing for the anxiety mm hmm. So hopefully that gets under control soon, I honestly reckon it takes probably a month a month maybe for things to go back to normal. But I think for Port of callers to start looking for work, I think that is step one. Do something chill, something like work as a receptionist or something.
You know, work at a cafe where you're around people. I feel like you feel very isolated at the moment because you obviously only have.
Here someone you can make friends.
Yeah, I think get a job at a cafe. I know you say you have crippling anxiety, but I think at the moment, you're in survival mode and you need to like make ends meet, get on fairy Floss in the Gold Coast and just move. You need to like work hard, put your head down, bump up for.
A few weeks. By the way, is somewhere you can buy a roommate.
Even if you have a friend that has a spare room or a couch, they'd be willing to let you stay on for a couple weeks until you find a place, just because honestly, the situation right now you obviously know isn't sustainable, It isn't ideal. But I think port of call one is to start saving some money. So you need to get a job.
Yeah, I think that's like literally your only solution. Or you could go to your parents and say, I really need to get the fuck out of here. I understand why, Like I obviously I can't live with you guys. I'm sure they will be able to help either way, and just like get you out of there so then you can be relocated back in the Gold Coast. Your anxiety will go down, you'll feel much more happier, much more stable,
you're not in this toxic cycle. That then we'll help you get a job and then earning some money, and.
Then things will start looking up. But remember you are twenty three, so don't feel like you need to have your life on tracks just yet, like you need to get rid of that guilt because standard yeah.
Very okay. Number two.
I've been friends with this one girl for a while since about year nine. We became super super close and you're eleven, and then she and I started to go through some mental health struggles around the same time. We were originally in a group of five, but as she and I became closer and closer, we started to distance ourselves. My mum used to tell me at the time that she and I had an unhealthy attachment rooted in the fact that we were both a little unstable and suffering mentally.
We would lean on each other for reassurance that what we were feeling was normal and we were simply outcasts who were different. She ended up getting diagnosed with OCD, which in turn made me feel like I had to When I write this out now, it sounds crazy, but at the time I just felt super misunderstood and thought she was the only person who got me and was there for me. So the last two years of high school we were both basically inseparable, really low in terms of mental health and just.
Not doing well.
But she became like a sister to me. Now it's my first year of UNI. I've finally started on an antidepressant as of December, which has helped me so much. I feel normal again. I can function in everyday life, talk to people, look after myself, and enjoy living. I've made heaps of friends at UNI, and I have been putting myself out there socially, going on dates and partying.
This girl is the opposite.
She's still stuck in the mental right she's been in for the past three years. She's not working or studying or going out. I'm her only friend. It makes me so so upset as we talked about how much better life would be once we got out of high school and how we can't wait to do everything together. I'm at that point of freedom, but she's not. The dilemma is that she's very upset about this. She feels like I'm abandoning her simply because I'm making new connections and
doing things without her. When I do invite her to go out, ninety nine percent of the time, she tells me she doesn't feel well enough. She's also an insane, compulsive liar, which I think stems from mental struggles. She's lied about crazy things like having cancer as for six years as a child, having a stillborn brother, being related to random celebrities like The Rock, coming from poverty Okay, Anna Paul, and her mum having.
To ment her at fifty.
She uses these things to manipulate me and make me feel guilty, like a real victim complex. She's also quite sensitive and immature, so any type of conflict results in me always having to be the bigger person and just apologize and move on. I love her so much, but I think it's a toxic type of love. When I distance myself, I find myself missing her. I also try to look for the good parts of her personality and
other people when making friends. It almost feels abusive in a way, and I'm so stuck on what to do. I'm now eighteen and in UNI and have the whole world at my hand, so I don't want to be held back.
The complex of like her not taking she still feels so isolated, but like, you can't live your life to make her happy. And you guys were there for each other when you both needed her, and you've kind of grown up and you just need to leave that in the past. And obviously she's still stuck in that and that's not your responsibility to get her out of that anymore. She's not willing to change.
Your shoes or whatever is your responsibility, you know.
And I feel like you've taken the leap and it wasn't easy to like get out of that rut and allow yourself to enjoy life a little bit.
And hopefully she will.
Feel like that again one day when she feels like there is no other options. But right now she knows that she can just suck you back into it. I think she's being a bad friend by not being happy for you.
Yeah, that you're.
Now out of that stage of life.
You know, like you're doing all the right things by like offering to her to go and everything like that, but at the end of the day, you can't really control her and what she's doing. I think you need to just like really walk away. I know it's so hard. I had a girl in high school had a lot of mental problems and it weighed so heavily on me, and like I took her problems on as my own, but I ultimately have to step away from that because
it was dangerous to me and like my wellbeing. And I know that that's super selfish, but like, you do need to put yourself first and the only person that you have in your life is you.
So I feel like therapy is something that might be beneficial to this go. I'm not sure if that's something you could get her talk her into maybe giving it a go of talking to someone a psychologist, just because she also needs to start now taking steps to get out of that right And I almost feel like maybe she not that she doesn't want true, but she's not actively trying to. She's just hoping she can get you
back in it. And I feel like that is an abusive, toxic kind of love, and you need to stay focused on the path ahead of like you wanting to enjoy life, and hopefully she'll one day feel that same way.
Yeah, it might take her a little longer, but I think you always say, like I'm always here to support you, and I'm always here for you, but you really need to like, start doing things for yourself.
Yeap, because that hole she has on you isn't going to benefit either of you in the long run.
Agreed. But that sounds really, really, really fucking hard.
It's very shitty. I'm so sorry. SUBII number three. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, but we haven't had sex for a month. When I finally pushed for an answer, he told me, Oh my fucking god, oh no. When I finally pushed for an answer, he told me, is because I've gained weight.
What the fuck? Drop him?
Puberty blue style, Get your friend to tell him that he's been dropped.
This guy's done though.
At the start of twenty twenty four, I was sixty two kilos and now I'm seventy. But last year I broke my back in Europe and I've only just gotten back to the gym in the last twelve weeks.
Brother, The fact that you're even going to the gym after having broken your back, like.
Babe, congratulate yourself on this.
Yeah, be proud of yourself, and he should be proud of you as well. And understand that being probably stagnant for a while because of a broken back I'm not going to look like a fuck and supermodel hunt, but if you love me, it shouldn't matter.
Yeah. When we met, I was nineteen and struggling with depression. I wasn't eating enough and overtraining. While I might have looked better on the outside, I actually wasn't happy. I can completely relate to on that. Then he also admitted that he's been curious about sleeping with other people since he's only been with two other people before me. I understand to degree, but after two years together it feels brutal. We got to the point of almost breaking up, talking
about splitting furniture what would happen with that dog? Before he suddenly changed his mind and didn't mean any of it and wanted to stay together. I've been wanting to move to Melbourne for such a long time, but I've held off because of him. Now I feel like I've lost my confidence. I hate my body. I see myself the way he sees me. I don't have anyone to talk about it too, as my mom passed away recently.
I'm so sorry to hear that guy.
And I'd love to hear your advice. Would you stay and try work things out or leave? To see what's out there. Are his reasons about my weight valid? No, no, always is a big issue. No no, no.
You congratulate yourself that you are feeling better mentally, that you're eating better, that you're functioning as a better person, do you know what I mean? Literally, that is amazing in its own right, So you should just be glad of that. Anyone making you feel like that isn't such a great thing, does not need to be in your life. Firstly, always gonna say you need to break up with this woman, You need to move to Melbourne and just experience it.
If you want to move to Melbourne, don't let someone hold you back. And if you feel better inside then that is literally all that matters, and you probably look better too.
Yeah. For someone to outly admit that you have gained weight and he's not having sex with you because he's not attracted to you is literally a self projection that he is insecure about himself and he needs to find a reason with you to obviously put you down and to make you feel shit about yourself. If someone truly loved you, they should not care about how much you weigh or what you look like, because love isn't a physical thing. Love is an emotional attachment to someone and
they should be able to look past it. And it's disgusting that he has that otherwise.
And I think he's scared to lose you when he finally was faced with that reality. But he's the type of guy that will the moment he thinks someone better comes along, someone that he thinks is better, I'll go to someone. You'll go to someone else. I'm not saying she will be better than you, but in his mind, he's just marting his time, I think.
And you need to get out before.
Yeah, he'll have something like Yeah, it's the typical thing of like he once he finds someone to line something up to to like jump to the next he will.
And if you try to work, do you want to work it out with a guy that treats makes you feel that way? Do you want to marry a guy that makes you feel that way? What about when you gain weight when you're pregnant? Yeah then what Yeah? No, this guy sucks and he needs he needs to go. So I'm sorry you're experiencing that. That sounds allo. If you want to Melbourn, move to Melbourne. People are great.
Here's everything's fun here. You will love it, and I feel like it will only be the start of your life when you come here.
Ye take the dog and fucking run, babe, Yeah, take the dog.
Okay, guys, So this has been a doozy. So I broke up with my boyfriend of nearly four years just over a month ago. I've been emotionally checked out of their relationship for a lot longer than I realized. I met this guy during the final weeks of me and my boyfriend dating and I had just moved to university. We were just friends and he was very flirtatious. Nevertheless, this is where it gets messy. A few days after
breaking up, I got with this guy. I started seeing him most nights, but mainly just talking all night about what makes us tick and just deep stuff. I feel like I was finally receiving what I longed for for so long in.
My previous relationship.
The problem is not many of either of our friends or family trust either of us or think it's a good idea, as he didn't long ago break up with his girlfriend of a few years, and people are believing it's just going to be a spark in the wind and going to be very short lived basically, so hold up.
She got out of a relationship a month ago.
Met a guy he also had just broken up with his girlfriend, and they're like connecting really well, but it's really quick. I basically found out that this boy got with another girl the same night we had our first kiss, and he had multiple chances to tell me but didn't.
I don't care that he kissed the girl.
I care that he withheld that info from me, as he knew stuff like that was very triggering for me from past trauma. He was very apologetic, and we decided to go on a break to both better ourselves and figure out what we wanted before jumping into something so soon.
I think that's fair.
I think if you've both come out of relationships, jumping straight into another one I think is never particularly wise.
Because it's all going to hit you one day.
Because then you use that person to fix the issues of your last relationship when you need to fix them yourself. Yeah, he says he's going to rebuild my trust with his actions rather than words, and says.
He's not going to get with anyone.
I feel fucking crazy and don't know what to do because everything kind of just happened so quickly, But I think I really like him. But I've lost trust in myself since I believed I was going to marry my previous boyfriend before, and I'm scared of changing my mind down the track and inevitably hurting both of us.
Help. I'm so confused.
I don't know if I should work on myself or take the rest and try things with this boy.
Work on yourself, worken yourself.
This boy will still be there in a couple months or a year if you if he's the right one for you. But I have always said to my friends, my sister, everyone, that you do need that time to be single, or it's never gonna work hard.
You need time to process everything that happened in your last relationship. You do not know who you are like outside of a relationship. You were in a relationship for four years. Discover and fall in love with yourself before you were fall in love with another person. And that's all I'm gonna say. Just don't be with him.
I think you need to give it a break for at least a couple of months.
Okay, last submission. How do you go about friends who sweep everything under the rug and throw digs at you weeks a month after incidents. I have a friend who doesn't like conflict unless we're with certain people. We went out for her birthday one night and conversations were had where I mentioned something that she had said to another group of girls about in which she denied and I got a little defensive A because I know you said
it and b fucking owner babes. Anyway, the day after, she said it was all good, no bad feelings, let's leave the conversation we had in the past. A week later, she texts to say she doesn't think she can be around me when I'm drunk because I'm the worst person
on earth, and then proceeds to laugh it off. At this point, I'm annoyed because I asked the other day if she wanted to clear the air and if there was anything about my behavior that night that didn't resonate with her, and she said, no, I had the best night with you girls, Honestly, best night I've had in a long time. I think, especially from my perspective as I've gotten older, the more I hate conflict.
I just think if there's an issue at hand, and you really care about your friend and you want things to work out in a way without drama. It needs to be confronted immediately. So I think the fact that this girl lies about having issues is a problem from the drum, I think, yeah, in order to keep a happy friendship, I think you need to be always honest about each other when you have an issue immediately, like
nip it in the bud and get it sorted. And this girl clearly thrives I think off the drama of it.
I think she maybe is waiting for her but she says she's avoiding the.
Conflict she gives off short term friendship.
Yeah, because anyone that makes you feel bad, even in the sense of like I can't fucking be around you when you don't you're a fucking nightmare. Yeah, I don't know, girl, maybe you could be a bit of a nightmare, but it could be handled better, do you know what I mean? You can have a friend say that to you nicer. I just feel like it's all just a bit immature and dramatic.
Yeah, I think maybe just say to her like, oh okay, Like if we're truly over it and you had a nice night, like I wouldn't like this being mentioned again.
You just need to talk to her about being honest and saying, like a poll, if I did do something wrong like that's fine, but I would always rather you come.
And tell me immediately so I can fix it for you.
Verse it kind of growing into a resentment thing of like her never wanting to be around you when she drinks.
That's a good you know, I agree?
All right, my loves, once again, we're going to be bedrotten in Palm Springs right now.
And we love you all, love you so much.
And hopefully you enjoy the next best ofs over the month, but we got to yell get fucked up in La.
Make sure you're watching are tiktoks for.
All the everything, all the food reviews? Guys. All right, we love you.
Bye,