AFW, Dating & Girl Chat

Maybe because of my past experience as a holding me back from allowing myself to feel the things that I know I deserve. No, I was like, hey, you're trying to eventate my voice.

No, it could be better than that. Go wait, give me a sentence.

Hey guys, it's easy.

Hey guys, that was pretty good.

That was that was bad. I don't come back control it. I asked her to do that. Guys, I'm not offended. Welcome back, we are.

Sam has just come back from Australia Fashion Week. I only went to one show. Obviously everyone's seen on the fucking internet right now. The uproar that Sidney Fashion Week has caused, and going off what we said last week with this whole parasocial like online hate and everything like that, it really was even heightened even more this week.

I just feel like, let people wear what they're comfortable in. Fashion week is also hard. It's a lot of pressure to wear so but no, you want to feel good and I feel like there's a lot of comparison, which is natural for a fashion week. So it's like, if you're comfortable and that's what you're stepping out in, you're at home. Girl, Why are we judging the people putting themselves. And I know some people would love to go and like they'd love to have the opportunity, but it's like,

Who cares. No one's telling you to wear it.

Like I just honestly don't get it, Like I feel so insecure at those things. I saw soap video about it, and like, no matter what sophs and I pass is, Like I still think she's a fucking boss girl. Like she's fucking killing it this year, like absolutely rocking the influence of well.

Aaron Bailey Siktok's are mine your favorite thing to us?

Oh my god, Like they fucking kill it, but like they're absolute rips to shed that she got just like trying to do something different because if she went basic, people would have ripped into it.

If she went over the top.

She did go basic this year, so why are we calling her a micro trend final boss? I feel like the big issue with fashion Week, which obviously we're not going to touch too heavily on it, but the interviewer is asking questions purely for other creators to answer and drag down someone else. This should be like what SO said. It should be a place for uplifting small businesses or creators for you know, what they're wearing, not who's up fits the ugliest? So who's the micro trend? Final boss?

Yeah?

Or like I remember last year I got asked about my wage, like how much I earned, which is like everyone knows you don't ask people how much they earn because like again, like imagine if I turn around being like, well, how much are you getting paid for an hourly rate? To interview me at carriage works, Like that'd be rude and everyone would be like she's so rude, But it's like why is she not rude for asking me that question? Like again, I feel like there's a separate standards for

And I'm just like it's really weird.

So I avoided fucking h I saw an interview, I saw people with microphones and I run in the opposite direction.

I was like, I'm here to watch the passion and that's it.

I just don't know what happened this year. I feel like this year was really the worst year for the interviews, where they were purely only trying to find controversial answers relating to other creators in the space as well for years. Yeah, which you don't have to get views on that, and that's once again you intentionally you might not be the one answering the question, but you've made that a unsafe space for someone to be torn down and you shouldn't.

Like I saw this.

Thing, like I even saw this thing of like this brand called every Jewels when around the shopping center asking young girls Hailey, Team Haley or Salina. It's like that was their marketing tactic, and it's like you're selling jewelry. You're selling jewelry, Like why are you doing that? It's just like all for reviews thing. But I'm like, wait, can we just like go back to what we're originally doing?

Yeah, And I think everyone looked amazing. I wish I was there. I didn't go this year purely just because obviously I got home quite I got home from America pretty quickly, like it would have been a really quick turnaround, and I am a homebody relaxer. I needed to like recover at home. I was jealous and everyone looked beautiful and it's such so much fun when you let it be.

I only went to one show and just did work around it. And it was like nice to catch up with the Adelaide girls, which I don't get to see Brooke l and as well, Like they were really nice, Like oh such a chit of sad minch didn't come up, but like, yeah, it was nice to see and catch up with my inter state friends.

But I didn't do too much fashion.

Especially with the with the world online being so easy to pick people apart, it is scary. Yeah, I just tried to protect The first year we went, we went to like six shows. We had so much fun. There was no drama like it was it was just a cloud nine. And then this it was like it's too much pressure sometimes because I wasn't prepared enough. So I was like, now that I'm not prepared on my outfit is not going to be good and is it going to be a problem online? So I was like, I'm just gonna see it.

Which it shouldn't be, Like we should all be celebrating the amazing Australian fashion which we have.

Like, but everyone looked sligh killed it and.

I'm done killed it all Right, let's go.

Into question of the week.

Would you rather date someone who's chronically online or someone who has no social media and won't even pose for photos chronically online?

I want to be showed off.

I want to be about to say no social media, But someone that won't pose for photos means I then won't even be able to have photos with, say my partner, do you know what I mean, whether I post them or not. It's like you love looking back through those photos with you and your partner and it's like it's so camory sweet. So it's like chronically online. Yeah, sadly probably, but that's like that's not what I want to either.

Yeah, Like I wouldn't love like an influencer boyfriend, but like if that's.

If they're me, they can do whatever they want.

Yeah, please.

I love it when boyfriends post their girlfriends on their stories.

It's so cute.

In my last relationship, and I think that was a big part of like are you not proud of me?

Like?

Do you not want people to know your dating? Do you want people to know your single?

Like?

I feel like that's a big point of contention for a lot of relationship.

A lot of girls like boyfriends. Just fucking post your girlfriends. It's not that hard, even if they're.

Just sitting at dinner. Just get a kick, a little photo of them with their fucking wine, post a photo with the back of their head when they're walking down the street. No one gives a fuck to post them. Yeah, they It means so much to girls. I don't know why I can't down an album and saving for the rest.

I can't explain the psychology behind it, but we really like it.

We like being showed off.

Yeah, you want people to know that you're with someone, and you want people to know them. Yeah, your girlfriend. I don't get why posting your partner is ever a big deal. They're probably the person who spend the most time with so I don't I don't know. I just I just do put on social media. I just don't want people to like pick you apart. I'm like, babe, I'll worry about that myself.

Yeah, but I just don't like put on social media. But you'll post a Guinness, you post.

Your feet when you're sitting town Nimbali, yeah, post me. I don't get it. I think it's stupid. So chronically online is the answer that I guess sadly.

Well, yeah, what else do we have the to update the girls on.

I'm getting mush noozz done into it. Fuck, it's been a year since my boobs. Like last week the best thing I ever did. Really happy with it. Once again, always all preface. This isn't me telling you to do it yourself, but I have a it's medical and cosmetic. I'm not going to sit here and say it's all medical. It's not. You know, forever. I'm not the biggest fan of my nose, so I think this is something I've

I just got a wave of anxiety come over me.

For you when ia face and you're looking at my face. Yeah, I know I'm scared, but I'm so excited. Like I think I also loved to get me because I was in my reading girl era, I just signed it. So I was reading Akata and I like the whole fucking series for like those two weeks.

I just had an excuse.

Yeah, and I have an excuse to be my lazy yourself and I can't fuckings. But so I have a deviated septum on my left side. They're straightening all that up. So usually you would think I should be able to breathe out of my right side, but we have these glands in our nose called turbinites, and the one on my left side has swollen up to fill the whole airway on that side as well, so I can't breathe out of either side. So actually I'm wondering will my

But you sleep with your mouth.

I sleep out of my nose, but it's like I just can't breathe very well. So I think it'll just be like I can breathe out of my nose, but not not well, so I think that will be great, and I blow my nose.

Every fucking five minutes. I'm a granny, like my existence. Yeah, like hold back, it's just feeling. I'm on a date and I wip out a fucking tissue and blow my nose.

Well, hank you that you're hide in your bra.

Well, I go to the toilet and do it. I try not to blow my nose in front of people. It's really fucking embarrassing. But that will be fixed. But I am really scared because obviously I do breathe out of my nose, but I'll have to breathe out of my mouth. And apparently, like when the U sorry, that will sound different. Merrily I'll say apparently apparently apparently, Oh my god, I really do say it like that, don't know. Every time I say apparently, someone goes I've never been

Are you gonna stay at your mums?

No, I'm staying at home. Mum and Riley are away. My mom and my oldest sister are away for when I get my nose done, which is I think that's what I'm scared about. But obviously you guys have heard me talk about leg my best friend on here, her oldest sister, and Nushka is like she's a nurse. She is a nurse. Well she's I think she's studying nursing and she's just like I've known her for fifteen years. She's such a little mother and she loves cooking. So

So it's seven A little band each on your nose, Yeah, just a little bit tape and when they take the stints out those things in your nostrils apparently that really hurts.

That really hurts. But I'll have that because I'm getting a septoplastic because they need to straighten the inside, so I'll have those stints in my nostrils.

God, I know you need to like send me like snapchap updates.

I think I'm just gonna really lug it all online. I really really am, because I'm like it is such that there's obviously if I could have seen someone go through all those little steps and processes, I would have loved that. I feel like it's so interesting and helpful for people that also maybe having that.

But yeah, I'll be in London. I can't look after you. Yeah you can't. It's so sad you've got me boobcake last time.

I might have to order it for you.

It's a little very expensive plastic surgery habit. You're picking up. I'm like, shut up. That's all I have to say. It's your money, babe, it's my money. It's my body, it's my face. It's my choice. That's all I have to say on that. I don't intend on getting. I'm not getting a little button nose, by the way, Like, I love your nose, but I'm not stupid, and I wouldn't suit my face, so my nose physically won't be changing too much. I love ago.

I know who's got a nose job and her nose just got straightened.

Yeah, they're straightening the front and then they're just fixed and they're making it look a bit more even decide I like to decide that I don't like, and they're just kind of going to even it out so it won't look too hectically different. It'll even probably look bigger for the first couple of weeks because of the swelling because they're actually not like taking much off, They're not like shaving it down much. But I'm scared, but I

What does recovery look like?

I don't really know. I know it's like I'll have that cast on my nose and I think there's splints in for two weeks. I think I have my first my appointments on the second of June, so everyone send me your love and prayers on the morning of the second of June, thank you, and I get my I have my second appointment on this seventeenth, so I will have all that shit on it, like all the casts and everything for like that's fifteen days.

So I think you do go in and get some of the cast change and wraps and stuff.

Yeah maybe, but yeah, that's obsessed with watching because I've already pre booked me in for my like two second post off appointments and then.

Washed sky Wheeley's no shrub on YouTube.

I should because I feel like I just need more info and then I'll have to tape it at night for like eight weeks or something. It's I just think those first couple of days are going to be brutal and you have to like there's like nasal you have to like spray stuff up your nose and like comes up. I'm scared.

Actually, yeah, I don't. I've never had surgery.

I've never been put under, so like knowing that you're voluntarily going and doing that like scared of me.

It's something I've I wanted this for like boobs are the best thing ever, but knows, it's something I've always wanted more. I just was too scared to commit to it. But yeah, it's gonna swell. Obviously, we've seen Indy Clinton go through her thing, and I feel for her so much because like everyone's ripping out of shreds online. You think Indy probably wanted it to swell like that on evenly and like have everyone hate her online. No, but

Actually, it's nice.

To trust the process because it's there's so much carliage and everything that shapes around your nose, so like never probably like doesn't settle like.

Usually they say, if you like how it looks when the cast comes off, it's probably not done well because it will shrink, it'll swell down, and then it will probably be be tiny in a year. But it's like it's gonna be a process. So I'm just gonna try and be open online because it's interesting.

To be nice.

So be nice, thank you, Be nice to her, be nice to me because I am a sensitive Really, We've always said don't comment on things that can't be changed in ten seconds, Like, oh, you've got a bit of food in your teeth, great, tell me I'll take it out. Yeah, don't tell me that the surgery I've just done is stupid because it's healing.

It's gonna be a year. Yeah, in a fucking year. If you think it looks ugly, then fucking fine, I'll probably love it by then, and I won't give a shit. But like, it'll be a journey.

It's gonna be a moment of time where where it's like you're you also don't recognize yourself, so like people commenting on it, it's like it will be really hard and it.

Knows is your face like boobs, I could hide in the videos. But I'm like, I also don't want to go offline for like a month, because it's my job. I love posting. I love posting stuff for you guys. So it's like if I have to then go offline because like people are reaping me the shreds, it's like, I'll do that, and you don't want me to because you miss me too. M m.

So I'm missing of love. Think I need to know what you're doing with you. I know, I know, I love watching your six.

Yeah.

So I'm leaving in nine days.

Fuck fuh.

Yeah, I'm really excited for this chapter. I have gotten nothing organized going to London.

Going to London for a couple of months.

I booked eight weeks of accommodation, but I hope, like I could stay longer, but eight weeks minimum. Hopefully I'll do some trips in between. Melita and I are starting to plan that. And the amazing thing is you're like

So that's what I'm going to do. I don't have anything I planned or organized.

I haven't bought anything for the troop because I'm like, all the shops are over there too, and I can get everything there for eight weeks, that's exactly, and I can order stuff to can.

I ask, what's your sitch with what you're bringing over?

What do you mean?

Like are you just bringing like two big suitcases, just.

Two big suitcases, Like wait, no, I mean like a long term like rental, so it's like I had a full apartment like furnished.

Yeah yeah, but I'm bringing over.

Two suitcases just so I have a wardrobe, yeah, and bait and stuff with euro summer.

And hopefully crazy.

I'm really going in with like no expectations because I don't want to go in with an expectation around mind.

Yeah, but like I don't know, I really don't know.

I need to get my hinge back up and running and unsuspended. She's real, I know, like how your she wants.

She's on there.

I want a UK boyfriend.

You'll find a UK boyfriend I need. I feel like it's Australia is the one place I feel like where people are less open, less forward.

And I'm way more open and like things when I'm not in Australia, Like I I find it really weird. When I'm in Melbourne, I'm like so closed off, but when I'm in another country, I'm like, no one knows who I am, Like no re percussions, Like I can just fuck off and go back to my own country and never have to.

Worry about it.

Yeah, like there is something I really like about a guy not being in my country. Like I literally dated a guy in Balley because I'm like, you aren't easily available to me. I know, yeah, yeah, it's a weird situation. I know you mean that, and just like way more open and it's like a clean slate. You haven't heard things from or you haven't slept with this person than this person and dated this person. Like it's like I'm free, rain baby, free rain Damn Bike.

I didn't know down bike in London, babe.

Yeah, Bike's gone to fucking London. Joking, We're fully joking.

I'm like literally scared of intimacy on that I have realized and I don't know, you've probably seen the TikTok as well. I've realized I'm demisexual.

Do you know what that you have to actually form a connection with it completely?

Yeah, I'm so Like when I saw that, I was like, oh my god, that's speaking to me.

I'm demisexual.

Yeah, like I cannot remember I've never got anyone who I don't have feelings with it, or like see your possibility of going somewhere, I'm like, apart from that, and like saying with you as you said you were telling me before, I think it was off offline. You're like when you're like not sure if you're into them and you don't like them touching you, but like when they like you, you like, yeah, I.

Need to wait until like a physical touch or something I love And Sam that you love that, I'm like, yeah, but if I can't articulate my feelings yet, I get it scares me. I need to know how I'm feeling before I want to be like touched.

Oh, is he going through a hard time?

Is he just going through a transitional period where I think I guess I'm talking to someone? Yeah, and he doesn't live here, and he came down in the weekend. He's here.

He Now, did anyone see you?

We were at the footy together.

Yeah, when they saw you.

We were actually in like a sort of like outer suburb, getting like stuff from the grocery store. And some girl goes, oh my god, is he Oh my god, Jack Jack. We'll come on Jack. His name's not Jack. Oh my god?

Jack?

Wait? What the fuck? Wait?

What the fuck?

Why are you guys together? And we're like, uh so, I don't know, but it's not online anyway. I don't really care, like where. He's a great guy. He's been older than me. That's what I wanted.

I just think he ticked all of the body, and I don't want it.

Like it's it's more just yeah, I've been single for a really, really long time, and I think I'm struggling to let anyone in, let people in. I really am, And I didn't think I had that because like I'm always on here saying how much I want love and how much I want that connection. So I think when finally faced with the possibility of that, I think my walls go up really high. So I'm just trying to don't sell sabotage. Yeah, and I think I'm really I

Mean, Just embrace it.

Yeah, So I just need to try and turn my brain off a bit because I think it's like, I'm just an anxious person, you guys know me. So I think I'm overthinking every step of it, and I'm just gonna try and enjoy him while he's here and then figure things out. I just I can't articulate my feelings.

I'm trying to analyze it myself.

I'm trying to give it time. I obviously like the guy I do, but I'm like, maybe just because I've been single for so long, singleness always just seems easier.

So I wish I could be like Hannah.

Hannah's fucking great.

I know she always just fucking falls in love, and she's just to.

See, how do you do it? Because I've been through it. I've been through it. Why how do you do it? Should they just go in like all but guns blazing, like head first and it works out amazing, and like that's what I want. I just I hate that there's bits of my brain that, maybe because of my past experience, as holding me back from allowing myself to feel the things that I know I deserved.

You better write No. I was like, I was like, oh my god, she was looking at me. I'm like, honey, I'm not gonna cry.

It's all sad. I'm just like I'm just angry at myself that I like I can't express these emotions the way that I would have thought I could have until I'm finally in a position where I probably need to.

I had the same chat with my kinesiologists the other day about it, because like, I feel like I do have amazing people come into my life and like express interest in me, but like I almost am scared to like I'm almost so insecure to like allow people to see almost a real me instead of like the confidence version that I put out of myself.

So I always like sabotage it, Like I always.

Cut it off before they have the opportunity to cut it off, because it's like I want to get the upper end.

And like she's like, you're why are you doing that?

I'm like, I don't know, Like I just really really struggle to like let people.

Yeah, I also think I worry about maybe leading someone on, but it's like I'm allowed to figure I'm allowed to take more time if someone knows Now, that's amazing and that's sweet and that's great, but you're also allowed to figure it out in your own timeline.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'm very much like you, like I literally can't let someoney in, Like I literally can't.

Just think I'm frustrated with myself because I didn't realize it until now that that would be how I am.

You kind of know it. You knew it the guy that you were seeing a little bit last year.

You're like, yeah, I think I was just I can very quickly turn myself right off a situation. But then I'm like, I don't think it's benefiting me to do that because I think there are great guys that are really going to be really good for me. But because I am the way I am, I'm like.

You know what, what what do you want out of a relationship, Like, let's speak about this like.

She's lent in, she's right there, Like, no.

Do you want to be like starting to settle down and create a life, Like do you want to still be partying every weekend?

I want someone that will get me out of that phase. I am a party girl. We can say that through and through.

I love an six five party girl.

Thy six five party girl. I'm chelli sex, but I love going out and drinking with the girls. But I've never been like a big clubber. And I don't like clubbing. I just like having a wine and going to a nice bar.

I don't want like what stage of your life do you want to step into in the next year?

Responsibility?

Okay? And what does that look like?

Waking up earlier, going home earlier, and focusing on work and fitness and all that jazz. I just I feel like having a partner will be really good for me. I don't have an answer to any of this stuff. I think that's wy I'm struggling because I'm just like, I can't articulate any of my feelings right now.

So it's maybe therapist, yeah, or maybe a life coach.

No, a therapist, Okay, psychiatrists yeah, maybe actually was meant to start seeing one.

Recently, I got diagnosed with ADHD by my psychiatrist.

I've got apparently. I'm like, it's all just too much. I'm just a girl.

Yeah, But like if we get on top of it, I mean, our lives maybe be so much easier. Maybe, Like I'm speaking of this like I'm asking your questions, but like I think I'm also asking myself these questions one hundred percent. I'm a fucking mass bitch, like.

Kidding me, Like I act like you've got it all together.

We don't know, but that you don't need to. I don't need to either. We're figuring out nice, you know. Yeah, it would be nice. Twenty three year old has their whole fucking life put together. Yeah, true, And anyone that does doesn't, and they just want people on line to think they do.

Yeah, But like when it comes to like when you're saying, like having a partner, it would be so nice to experience life together. But I'm so hyper independent that I couldn't imagine someone in my life, Like I could not imagine having a partner, Like what you mean you like cook meat dinner, and like.

You mean that I have to share a bed every now, Yeah, because my cat's on the end of it.

Yeah, Like my cat joins me in the shower.

Really he loves it.

Cat's hate water, No, he loves it.

But yeah, we're just we're figuring it out. We're lost, and I wish I had answers, and like I feel like I want that now, and I want that for the guy. I don't want to not be able to.

I think you're also putting these feelings first though I don't know what my feelings are.

Exactly, and you're putting it.

You're putting stress in yourself to have that figured out because you're thinking about him. But just like think about you.

And he's right, Like he gives me the grace and the time to like figure it out. He's not like pushing anything. I just I like knowing how I feel, and like when I don't, I don't. I don't like it.

You know anyway, maybe journdle it out. I can't write type it out on notes.

I don't like doing that. Either I spell everything wrong. Just think about it. Okay, I'll think about it where I go to bed. But like then it's like I try and get out of my head or you know me, I'm someone that's never in my own brain. I'm watching TV when I'm fucking on the toilet. I'm watching TV while i'm doing my makeup. I'm listening to a podcast while I'm trying to go to sleep. I never allow myself to.

Actually, maybe you need to go on a walk and you need to listen to Doma's podcast that we listen to again because you sat in that podcast room and you were really inspired once you walked out. Maybe you need to listen back on your old self and take some of the stuff that she said to us.

Yeah, but then I have to listen to my own voice.

Okay, well just she has her own podcasts.

Yeah, I listen to dom dom Alissa.

I'll fave yeah beautiful or even mel Robbins.

Yeah true, Well maybe she just listen there nothing or.

Do you fucking mind? She's really good.

Okay, Okay, stuff helps, Yeah, thank you to walk?

So I listen to like how someone got on a walk. Well, just like don't listen to crime. Then, like while you're cooking dinner, don't watch friends. Listen to something that's gonna benefit you.

Yeah, I could do that. She won't. She won't. I'm not going to. I'll do when I walk. But like I enjoy my little routines. Okay, guys, that.

Was we're figuring it out. We'll check back in and.

We'll see you next week where hopefully something got more answers.

But right now, right now, weird limbo phase.

We're both in a funny little phase. Right now, I feel like I'm floating. I'm figuring it out. I saw that's a song my feet on on the ground. If we can't touch the girl, I don't know. Okay, we love