Today we have Stacy Snyder for Love is Blind. I'm very excited and she's excited and has something she wants to get off her chest and give me a little inside baseball now that it's gonna be World Series season on that type of reality TV, like the formatted dating reality TV, which I'm fascinated by. God help Us, God Help Us is funny. So welcome Stacy Snyder. Hi you, what's up? Thank you so much for having me. Love is blonde, Love is blonde, Love is blonde, and blind.
Love is more blonde than blind. To be honest, Hi, Hi, Oh my god, it's you. It's totally me. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you as well. I'm so excited. Oh thank you. I appreciate you being here because I know that like you also, unlike most guests, have specific things you want to talk about and get off your chest and share, which is what I do love the
most about this show. Like so often it's just an exploration about a person, but I do like when we're kind of getting into something that you haven't shared or that is like you know that you want to express. So I appreciate that because I.
Ran of course, and I feel like you're kind of free range with conversation and I'm done to talk about whatever. I just wanted to make sure there were certain points that you were good to chat about.
One hundred percent.
I'm an no country person, So whatever turns twists you want to take, I'm here for it perfect.
Likewise, So where do you live? Where are you? I'm in Houston. You're in Houston? And how did you get on to Love Is Blind? And how many seasons in was it?
So? I was on season five, season five about a year ago. Right now, we're in season seven, and I think from what I've gathered for most people that have done the show, a lot of the casting direct get onto dating apps or LinkedIn so that they're quickly able to see who's single. So they love like male getting on to find female for the show and vice versa, just to know who's single and then kind of stock them on Instagram after that, they don't reach out on a dating app.
That's interesting to me.
Yeah, it's pretty smart, but after talking everyone else, it was kind of the same thing, like, how would someone find me on Instagram? Know that I'm single, know my Instagram handle? So on most dating apps you have your socials listed.
Yes, or you could find that's But that's interesting because I feel there have been some like dating apps where I've seen someone and maybe I didn't match with them, or maybe because you got to be on like you got to file into their rolodex, meaning it might not sometimes you don't get into their queue. Yeah, and if you think you like someone, it's a good way to go over and you could like message them on social media,
So it makes sense. Which wild? So you were on do you know what dating app they found you on? I would assim Bumble.
I think that was the only one that I was on, but a lot of my friends said that they were reached out too, So it was either that or they found me in one of my friend's pictures that they had asked about the show, and then they start like clicking on everyone else.
So you were on Bumble and you were looking only for men? Yes? Interesting? And how many years ago? Is this two years ago? Oh?
God? Probably three three years ago. Our show aired a year and a half after it was filmed.
Okay, so that was probably three years ago. How was dating on the apps and Bumble? And how was it? And you've it was really shit? It was shit.
I feel like a lot of people just have the apps to be like I'm trying, and then you sifted and it's you don't find anything you like or you you're open to going out, You go out and you're like, that was a waste of my time. I'd rather not waste my time and spend it doing things that I like doing or hanging out with my friends or family than wasting it on people that it's not going to go anywhere with.
Was that the only dating app you were on I was.
Eithering Bumble or Hinge. I honestly don't remember because I haven't been on one in forever. Tinder I feel like has played out or is just or like yeah for for fuck boys.
Yeah. I find it's funny because I've had many matchmakers on my dating podcast. For me personally, I've done way better on apps than on uh with like very expensive, high end matchmakers, and I think they're all lovely and they give amazing advice and they're good for a certain experience. But for me personally, I've done better on my own. So it's interesting.
Do you think that they're pulling from the same pool of people or is it have you found it's.
Different, totally different, like word of mouth, and so I'm very interested to know this because I find that dating that matchmakers it's like real estate where you ask for a certain house and then they bring you a house, but it's really kind of different than the house you ask for, but they think you might like it, so they want to show you something. It doesn't have a pool or it has a fireplace, so it's a little
out of your price range. Match Makers do that, meaning like they'll find you someone but that is geographically undesirable, but maybe very wealthy and seems to fit some version of a profile or like a lot of men that go to matchmakers that are that are very successful, because
that's often what happens with a matchmaker. It's someone who's whose reason for going there is they want to kind of check the box, and they say they don't have time because they're so busy, and I think that they want to in their minds, they want to meet someone, but they want the person to come like a fully put together, like a barbiedolle, a renovated house, like it's just right in front of you and they want to move in. It's like a spec house, but that's not
how life works. They don't really want to do the work and make the effort. And I find that the people on the apps are a little more proactive and they're looking around a little little and they seem to want to do the work more and are more intentional what I've found than people who hire matchmakers. I'm sure.
I mean, they are exceptions to every rule, but I feel like a lot of the very successful guys that come to matchmakers think they want it, but in essence, they're really very like their type A or their mobiles, and they're set in their ways and they really don't want to adjust that much.
And they think that if they're paying for the service they're going to get, you're going to ask for thank you.
It's exactly that's what I'm saying. You're like walking, you get the spec house, you know, do any work on it?
A friend to come a friend who I went on a date with, very well to do guy, same thing where he's like I can't find what I'm looking for, and I'm like, I don't think that's the problem. So then they pay someone to find them stuff, and I'm like, they're going to bring you what you're asking for but who's to say that those women are going to like you back.
It's literally throwing money at the problem in cases, But I do you know, they do have a function and they do have good listen, you also have to do it. They also don't bring you people. It's not often, so you have to wait. Like it's really like you could wait weeks and weeks and their model is like, oh, but you might wait six months, but then we bring
you the right person. But I've gone three months and they'll introduce you like one or two people, and you know, so it's just I just find it to be very interesting. But with the apps, it's fishing. You could I've only ever met two people in years of like dab in there, Like it's not that easy because people say, how did you meet this person? As if people are actually no. I also think you have to know how to navigate the apps. I think you have to really know how to navigate them, how.
To really like sift through like what they look like and what they're saying to know if you would even have anything in common.
Sift what they're saying, go over to the to what they do. Go yeah, you got to cross reference. It's like it's I think I'm pretty I mean, I actually think I'm excellent at it.
I've heard that really during your podcast and here in the South it's different.
But I'm interested to know. Is there a picture, a type of picture that a guy.
Could have on a dating app that you would immediately be like no, just because of a type of picture they have, whether it's yeah, you know, if they're holding a fish or whatever.
Well, the fish holding a fish is a big thing. Obviously, a tank top is not great. Someone who has no shirt on in any pictures like that's not a good choice, no matter what they look like, because either they're narcissistic or they're not like self aware. But sometimes they have a kid next to them that has like an emoji over the face because they don't want show their kid. It's dude, get your fucking camera out. Or there's like
a woman in one of the pictures. You're not sure if it's your your assistant or your best friend, your sister. It's weird. You know you mistakenly have you mistakenly you have a good picture of you from three years ago, and you happen to still be wearing a wedding ring. You're so stupid that you didn't realize that, like just dumb things like that. And then sometimes but I've gone out with someone and been wrong, Like it's been a picture of someone looking super handsome and slick and it's
like too slick, and I'm annoyed. But I've been wrong about that. It's you know, or someone's trying to flex. I'm at the super Bowl, I'm next to someone famous and next to your plan. I'm next through a picture, thank you, I'm next to a Ferrari. Anyone who is anywhere near a private plane on social media, on a dating app does not have one. Okay, these are good,
these are good? Doesn't have one? Yeah? Okay? So all right, So you have been with only men your whole life up to your television dating career, like that was you?
You?
Female? Blind? Did you? Did you know?
I've been with a woman before, probably in my early twenties. It was a two year relationship. We lived together. Interesting. Oh, women in my family knew about it. I never told my dad. He's pretty conservative, and I'm like, I don't know if this is going to work out. I don't know how he's going to take it. It was my first experience with a woman. So I didn't know what I was doing. I was afraid sexually, I mean all of it.
Like I was afraid of what people were going to think or say as far as my family, because in our family, at least with me and my sisters were looked at as a certain pot they produced. They all got scholarships in school. I cheered in school. The guys that I've been with are successful look a certain way, and I'm like, I don't think that they're going to be able.
To compute no and short circuit.
Yeah, And I knew if I expressed that to them, it would also put pressure on the relationship I was in. So I was just going in circles of like I needed your life. I feel like I'm living a double life, but here's what's going to happen if I do. So I literally was living a double life with parts of my family and my relationship.
But this really with her? Was she gay?
Mm hm?
So you were like with her friends and a bunch of girls doing that stuff. You had like two different lives. You were like living that fun life, yeah, and then you're over here with your family doing like.
Oh, and then she was around and they just thought that she was my friend, right, yeah, right, interesting? Okay, So you were kind of in the closet and did you were you in love?
Yeah? And where is she now? I don't know. I think Charlotte. I think she hasn't reached out and said, oh my god like you. Finally.
No, I didn't know what to expect with that. I was honestly interested to know, and I was. I was recently in a Charlotte, so I'm like, oh my god, this would be my life where I run into her somewhere. And at one point she had come to visit me in Houston, not in a romantic way, but probably five six years ago. And since that point or from when we dated to when I saw her here, it had have been at least ten years. So it's like we're different people. We look different. So it was very awkward.
Not even like we're close friends at that point, but we had been path lovers. It was awkward. So after that, I feel like it left in a strange place.
But she's definitely proud of you now, like wow, go go, I have no idea. Interesting. Okay, So I had Gabby Wendy on here too, So it's an interesting dynamic because she was on the Bachelor the Bachelorette? Was it The Bachelor the Bachelorette? And like that's such a sort of traditional values type of show and you're from, you know, Houston. How serious is your relationship now?
It's hard to say, because I feel like with women, it's very different. It moves a lot faster. The emotions come in a lot sooner, just because we're more emotionally intact people or what am I trying to say, more aware of.
Our remove expressive, more emotionally expressive, yeah, emoting more. Yeah, So it's serious in a way, like we're in love, but I feel like it's moved a lot quicker than it would in a heterosexual relationship, at least compared to my past. How long has it been four months? It's been four months, but I think three months is a critical juncture. So at three months, you guys are like, we're doing this.
Yeah, But we also were friends for almost a year before this happened, so you have to consider the trust getting to know someone.
All of that is already in place.
We've been friends for a year, we know who each other is, we know each other's families. So then when it switches into dating. You're not wasting the time to figure all that out. You're like, Okay, they're a good person. I like their values. We have all these things in common. The sucky part is like we either give this a go and if it doesn't work out, I just lost one of.
My yeahs friends. Necessarily, not necessarily, but yeah, a good shot. When I've tried it, it hasn't gone well for me. You never know. You're you're older, you might be wiser, are you? So it's very serious. So are you? Are you gay? Or are you by do I? Do you have any labels for yourself? Do you think of yourself in a certain way, like would you? Are you attracted to men? Yeah, I'm attracted to men and women.
But it's interesting because I never even knew that any of this was going to be publicized. I was just trying to put out that I was in a happy relationship. So when I traveled and put up pictures with her, it's like, I'm taken, I'm happy, I'm in a relationship.
I didn't know that it was going to.
Be all over the pro disruptive that I'm queer, because then that word to me is funny.
Yes, I'm open about being with a woman.
And I've been with a woman before, and I've been with men, have been engaged one that to me was hard to like that.
Want to be labeled? Yeah, I don't know. You wouldn't have to be right, you know, I'm gut saying, God forbid, this doesn't work out. You could be on an app again looking for men and women, right.
Yeah, And honestly it's all pretty new to me since this all just kind of came out, and I feel pressure to have a label or people are labeling me, and I don't want to disagree with them or agree with them.
It's just unfamiliar. You're a person and you are a track. Yeah, I think I think that well. By the way, that gives you double the freaking respect with respect to your girlfriend. Now, I don't want her to be mad at me. I'm not talking like this. I hope you guys spend the rest of your lives together if that's what you want. I'm just saying it does open the menu up to a lot more options. So let me ask you a question. This is a weird transition. What how is the sex
different with a man and a woman for you? Like, I mean, I do I didn't take geometry. I just mean, how does it feel different? How do you experience it differently from a communications standpoint from not from a hardware standpoint? I do, Like I said, I took geometry, but like, how does it feel different? Or you know, when you're with another woman, is it more talking while doing it, talking about it when you're not doing it? Is it intimidating at first?
So think about it in this way. It's different. Probably with all the partners you had. Some are probably more vocal, Some probably like foreplay more than others. Some probably just want to get straight to the point, Some are more adventurous.
Location. It's similar in that way.
Obviously the mechanics right different, and it's different. This is the main thing is it's kind of like one person's always working it, and when you're having sex with a man, it's like you're both I guess finding pleasure at the same time, which I find.
To be pressure. Why because if everybody isn't no both a man and a woman having to do it at the same time. Because I like one at a time, I don't need everybody doesn't need to be having any You don't always have to be in tandem. And everything happens at the exact same time. It puts pressure on both people. I think, like, I'm I'm I'm gift. Giving is my love language. Let's just say that. So giving. I'm definitely a giver. But it's hard to give and take at the same time, is what I think. That's
so interesting. Sometimes it isn't. Sometimes it all lines up, but sometimes it's pressure. See I feel pressure when I'm with her because I'm a giver.
And then I almost feel bad where it's like one person's giving at a time where instead of it both give and receiving at the same time.
So we're saying the same thing but on the opposite. Yeah, I like that. I'd rather everybody, like, let's focus on you. I'm not Yeah, even you could be having sex and everybody's having a great time, but like getting it whatever we need to get done the goal oriented aspect. Let's focus on you, make sure it's going to be fucking amazing, and then we'll focus on me. Yeah, I feel like I should be a lesbian, so I should be good. Yeah this whole thing Okay, So I fucked, so I
should be lesbian. Oh, you've never never been with a woman? Tried sex. No, I've never even made out with a woman. I kiss a girl one time for two seconds. Like, no, never been with a woman. I am really attracted. I'm a really I'm like, I'm a guy. I really think. I don't think there's any gray area. I just don't sick one hundred percent. I don't like the hardware. I don't like the hardware. And a woman, I'm like one, it's it's enough that one of us has that hardware.
I don't. We don't need to. I'm good. Oh my god, I love it. Now let's get into love. So you go on. Love is blind and I'm sure, what do you do for a living?
So? I was working full time in oil and gas, oh, for Perfect Texas. So I was working in oil and gas for my dad's company. I was teaching plate's part time when the show had or not aired. We had filmed the show, it hadn't aired. I used to be a personal stylist when I lived in Nashville, and I read asking me to style them here, So I started doing that as a side gig. So now I have floates and styling as a side gig. When the show comes out and people are like Oh my god, I
love your clothes. I love your outfit.
Do you do this a kind of to call it again, closet, the closet audit, the closet audit. I like that name. I was doing, thank you.
I was doing that as a side thing, and then with the publicity of the show and whatever I was wearing, that kind of took off in its own way. And now it's inconsistent. And so is social media with me doing digital crea. So I'm trying to navigate where to how to brand yourself so it's not confusing because it is confusing. Yeah, and I listened to one of your
recent podcasts about balance and the muscle being fatigued. I'm like, I am so crapped out, but I feel like I have to put as much energy as I can into all these outlets until I figure which one's consistent enough to provide, because I can't leave oil and gas if this can't provide the roof over my head. So I'm pulling back from oil and gas, but I'm still working in it for my benefits. I'm still subbing here and there at the Plate Studio because I have a personal
relationship with the owner. I have my clients at the closet audit, and then I'm creating content getting brain.
Deals through that that is exhausting. Well, it's more exhausting because you don't have one thread. It's just it would be less exhausting if you knew the line that it all adheres to. But by the way, knowing that you don't know that is more than half the battle, because many people are trying to fit twenty five pounds of shit in a five pound bag, but they don't know
the difference. I know people that are very successful, very wealthy, that could be so much more because they're like they're famous people, but they they're they're doing everything, they're doing this, they're doing the other thing, and they don't even know that they that they don't have one brand. And so at least you know that, like you'll you'll you'll you'll figure it out, you'll find tune it. Then, yeah, you know, I'm trying too. It's just you know, you'll find where
the fish are. You'll have to find with the you just have to pull back and but you have to do what you truly love doing and what really speaks to you. Otherwise you're not going to find the one thing out of all that, like if.
You're and I love the fashion stuff in styling and the social media stuff, but also our show just aired a year ago, and I want to make sure that what I'm getting now isn't just because of a little pop. I want it to be consistent. So it is getting more and more consistent. But a year I'm like, that's not enough to know.
I think if again, you could be you could be known by being nobody and not having been on that show. I don't watch that show. I've seen that show, but no, and not no, but a lot of people I know don't watch it. No one here in my office knows anything about it, like those young girls here. So you also were going to get into the show. But you know, when you're in your own world about the one thing, you think that everybody else is like paying attention to
it and knows it because it's what you know. It's the same thing with Bravo, like I literally no one I know watches Bravo talks about Bravo cares about the housewives like no one only a certain group. But you think when you're in that space that that group represents. But that's all that exists well, because I was the golden child of the whole thing. Yeah, I'm just not
really that afraid. And I also just said something out loud, and when I said out loud, you know, talked about the exploitation, so many people were so desperate and came in and had been so fucked that I felt like I couldn't leave them because I had been the one to say it, and I got in so deep that being said, it's not you know, I don't live there anymore, it doesn't really affect me. It doesn't affect me. I just wanted to sort of be there for other people
that it does affect. And also I guess it was kind of it was definitely courageous slash if I cared, it would be slash stupid because you're just definitely burning one bridge. But I that's a bridge took place I don't ever want to be, and I can relate to that.
And that's one of the main reasons that I was really wanting to speak to you, because when I came off of filming with the show, I so desperately was trying to find someone I could relate to as far as what I experienced with these production companies, one that I had worked with, because I'm like, there's no way, there's no way, there's no way that someone went through this and hasn't done something.
Oh I am like up in the head and I couldn't find a damn thing.
So then I'm second guessing my reality of maybe it was me that was the problem because everyone else seems to be just fine capitalizing off of this, and then you hear from maybe one percent of the people that have done it.
Oh yeah, I kind of experienced something like that.
But then all of my friends, after seeing what I went through, they were like, have you seen Bethany's special on this? And I'm like, no, I don't watch a lot of TV, right, Like, you should have watched that before you went on this thing.
And I'm like why because I'm not even that way.
I'm like, if I am who I am on a show, I don't care because I'm going to say what I think. But I never took into consideration how that all works with editing, And so when I watched it, it made me feel validated, and I'm sure it made other people feel the same way, because there's not a lot of people to relate to when it comes to this space.
Yeah, and the common thing is, oh, you signed up for it and you knew it. You really don't know what you're getting into, and yes, do you want fame and do you want money? And it could be great, but you do sort of in your mind consider it a workplace you think you're walking into, like an official workplace of some non traditional type. And it's shocking the exploitation.
But by the way the reality reckoning changed the industry, like the way that they their practices, their alcohol consumption, the touchy feeliness about it, the over like the therapized aspect of it. Now it's been changed forever. Every production company is validated that it's not the same as it used to be. So I did it? Did it did make a difference, But like, so let's talk about so Love is Blind. This is Netflix. So you go on Love is Blind. I'm sure you did it also as
an entertainment experience. You weren't doing it to meet someone in some pot, right, You're like, this is a TV show. I was like, what's the worst that can happen?
Dating sucks if I don't meet someone, maybe on meet some cool girls, or it's just like, hey, I never know, I never knew what TV was like, Okay, you see the behind the scenes and then you're done, or it could be something in twenty years that I look back and it's like.
Wow, that's really cool that I did that. No, that's really cool.
But where my mind was as an experience, but I didn't know how many of it worked.
I didn't know what having does it work? So what is your experience there? Like, what was how long was it and what was the day to day experience? Because I've been on different shows. I was on The Apprentice, which is an extremely different experience than being on the Housewife and every other show.
So they recruit whoever you get chosen as a cast mate, they fly everyone else the same time.
Ours was probably the first week of April.
They do basic onboarding for the first couple of days, putting you in hotels, going over what the experience is going to be, like what you can and can't do. Basically, you can't talk to anyone, you don't have a phone, you don't have any means of communication.
For what period of time?
This was the Apprentice too well for me, it's until you're done filming or until we got back from Mexico was for me, so I probably didn't have a phone for almost three weeks. So your filming experience was three weeks till Mexico. Overall, we wrapped right before it was our wedding was Memorial Day weekend and of May, so.
All of April two months. Okay, So you're filming for two months and what are you getting paid? I think it was one thousand dollars a week. Thousand dollars a week, okay, And so what is the experience like from like a production standpoint versus the actual like mechanics of the relationship standpoint When you're in.
The pods and when it's the whole group thing before you pick a person, it's very different than when you're with one person. So when you're filming in the lounge and the pods, the cameras are kind of set. In the lounge, they can move, but they kind of have their positions to get the angles if you're talking to someone there. And then in the pods they have a
camera in each pod. But then there's certain pods that have the cameras that like roll back and forth, the bigger ones, so you know if you're going into a certain pod, you're going to be with someone that they want to film with.
That's like the better cameras, where there's a person in there instead of it just being you can tell when there when there's like more heat on something, well I.
Picked that up, or you don't know until you go into all the pods and they're like this one is smaller, this one has a set camera right here, And then there's ones where there's like they know the stars are kind of or it's like, okay, I know I'm going on a date with easier this person or a big date because I'm going into five or ten because they don't want they want to there's a person in there with the camera in those pods or whichever one it was, and the other one's more produced.
Those are more produced. Okay, So what is it like to let's just talk about the sociologic sociological aspect of it. Can you meet and be attracted to someone just but from their voice? Can you learn a lot of about someone with it? I mean, I guess we do it on texting on apps, but you have seen their pictures and maybe you FaceTime them. But I want to know about like really connecting with someone that you've never seen.
So it's very interesting because the voice piece you one kind of imagine what they look like based on their voice. Just is it ever accurate for some of them, Like one of the guys sounded like f five four fum big guy, like cracking beer. So I'm like, I'm imagining a guy that goes fishing and just like big and just the things that he was talking about in his voice, like his inflection, like he it was accurate.
Yeah, And he said, so someone sounds hot, they usually are hot, not all the time.
There were some guys where I was like, his voice sounds pretty normal or he's whatever, and then in person he was like a complete do work, Like I would have never expected that when you listen to a voice. Some of them had really cringe voices, like a like that sound in a voice where you're turned off. But they may be like an entrepreneur, a lawyer, something that I'm like, oh that's great, tell me more.
Where'd you go to school?
I want to do whatever it is, But their voice, You're like, I'm really having to ignore that almost like looks it's almost like we did you? Yeah?
Did you ever? Like you may not you've never thought about voice as much until you were in there, No, because that's all you have. Yeah, that's all you have. Interesting and what about like this person has like a big dick personality that type of thing, like, but you know is that usually kind of Yeah, you can tell that like short or tall or this person sounds short, like does any not with height? I wasn't able to tell that.
But you can tell when people think that they are God's gift to earth and are.
They usually not.
If they think they're God's gift to earth, they're either very narcissistic or just very inexperienced in life and have an experienced enough to know that they're not. Okay, So you meet this guy and did you think you were falling in love with him? Like what did you just from the voice? Like what did you think were you first impressions of the guy that I ended up with.
I wasn't that into him. They have you rank everyone at the end of the day and then they do their matchmaking and their little machine to see if you get another date with them.
And he kind of fell in the middle of the pack.
I like a lot of charisma and confidence someone coming in like leading a conversation, leading questions, having something interesting to say outside of I'm this old. This is what I do for a living, like, ask me something interesting death, And he didn't have a lot of that off the bat, and he was younger, so I'm like, eh, But then
he told you how old he was. You asked the age, well, most of them, because your first date, you date everyone and it's ten to fifteen minutes, so it's very like, I'm fromil weird, this is oh yeah, the first date's pretty quick. And so for me, age was kind of a thing because I was the oldest woman. I was thirty three, and I'm like, if I want to get married and settled down, i'd like someone in the same place. And there weren't any guys that were my age. Mine
was twenty nine. The guy I was with was twenty nine, where I'm like, God, you don't know until you compare them to everyone, right, So at first I'm with him, I'm like eh, But then I compare him to everyone else, I'm like, I guess he's seven compared to everyone else, And I don't really know. I think it was just a slow burn where once I gave him a chance, he had a lot of depth emotionally, and at first I wasn't that turned on by him because he didn't have a lot of It didn't seem like dry.
Then how do you end up? So how did you end up with the sky? I think it was the vulnerability and the emotional connection because I was more about the on paper stuff in my past, where I had guys that were successful, went to great schools, great families, like checked all the boxes, but they weren't giving me what I needed emotionally. You were second guessing your normal gut instinct and you would try to like make this square fit into a circle in this experience, and then I fantasizing it.
You were like, so it flipped the script where I'm like, maybe it hasn't worked in the past, so I'm going to do the complete opposite where he doesn't have the financial stability.
I did that. I'd marry that I did that, and you're like, maybe this will work, and maybe it's I added normal. I needed a normal, basic, small town guy because because it's the pendulum, you go for the opposite thing of what you did before, but it doesn't mean it's what you need. You're just doing the sweeping over correction, which this expert on here said so interesting, because then you're like, then what do I do the in between? Or is it just you have to just have a
baseline about what you want in life. You're young, so it doesn't really matter now not to be also disrespectful to the person you're with them. You may be together forever, but at a certain age you have to take everything down to the sticks and have your own perspective and your own opinion about what you really want versus like, I need this because I just had that that didn't work.
He was controlling, so now I needed. Really this you need to take You need to like go back to your gut instincts, take the house down to the sticks and decide on your own what you need, is my opinion. Did you talk about being interested in women or that you had ever been interested in women with this guy or no?
Yeah, he did know that, and there was another girl on the show that was admittedly bisexual.
But I don't know why they don't really know that.
I don't know if it's just distruct the audience, but maybe the audience isn't.
Yeah, whenever we talked.
About intimacy, sexuality, what he was into, what I was into. That was something that came up, But so financial issues. What was what ultimately broke you guys up in the experience or not completely? That was one of them, but it was also just the lack of transparency with it. I get everyone has their baggage, or maybe it's student loans or I started a business, I have this, But when someone presents I have no debt, I'm ready to
settle down. I'm ready to get married. Maybe it's the difference in how you view marriage, but for me, you have to be in a certain place to be ready for marriage. You've got to have your shit together. You're not living at home. You have a job that's consistent enough for you to know you can get promoted or move up or laterally move like what are your goals? That to me is when you are ready to have
a partner. You are a team. And with this person, I think their view was happily ever after the love of my life, you figure it out our way. If I love them, love is enough. And that was a huge disconnect.
But he literally is perfect for the show because love is blind perfect that's why they love us, like literally not blind. So he is perfect for show. He's like the poster child because he really thinks love is blind, which, yeah, the name is ridiculous because love is not blind and love does have conditions.
I thought it was more about the looks piece of it, love is blind, because the whole point is to get engaged sight unseen. But I still stand my ground on that, Like, you were not ready for marriage when you have no credit and you're lying about your financial issues. Where the money went? Why don't you have any It's not that I'm judging you that a big piece.
How did you get into that? How do you catapult so quickly into knowing all that? How does that happen so one? It's a very fast moving train that you're on. I was in therapy way before I started the show. I told him I was doing the show. I was worried about my mental health and doing it. And I consistently was doing therapy while we were still filming and after and I'm like, I think I'm gonna get married.
I really did. I really thought that. I'm like, what are the tools that I need? Cause we don't have time for premarital counseling. And she was like the two biggest reasons for divorce are communication and finances. So it sounds like you've got communication figured out. She's like, what I have all my couples do as I have them pull out all of their bank statements, credit card statements, bring whatever credit card it is you have, and you both swap in a session review it. Oh, five hundred
dollars every month for golf. Okay, I know that that's normal for him. So when we're in a joint account or oh.
My god, I would die if someone was in my finances and what I spent.
I tell people, but you're about to marry someone, so don't you need to know these things yet? No?
No, no, no, I know, yeah, but I mean I have enough money that no one's gonna worry about that, and like I don't want them to know all thenution, yes, I was totally fair.
But this is someone that I've known for two weeks. Its married in two weeks, sois ridicula?
But why was it? Why? Yeah? I guess how that's what happens. Do you get into like the fantasy of it and you actually think you could marry someone if to four weeks? Like what the hell?
You? Well, if you think about it, yeah, you kind of are you're in the middle of nowhere, you have no communication with friends, family, you don't have a TV, you have no phone, you have no current and does anybody has anybody's worked. Yeah, but it's very slim at this point. It's like averaging maybe one couple that gets married.
Every season.
A couple have split, and there's a couple that I see and I've been like, wow, they have a great relationship. Really, But I think that comes down to that one percent where they're on the experiment. They're both in the same place in life, they both have whatever, accomplished the same thing, they're looking for the same thing, and it just took a random thing to bring them together.
But that's so rare, that is the no. But it's still the fact that it's happened at all on there is shocking. But yeah, I mean I know Tristan Ryan from years ago. It's all shocking. Yeah, but that the show is probably more pure back then. If I had to guess for sure, So what was the trauma of the experience for you? What was so terrible?
I guess it's just the manipulation. That's maybe it's standard in reality TV. But when I was speaking with other people, especially the person that I was with.
Their experience was positive. This was the best thing I've ever done. I had so.
Much fun, the food and the sweet that we had, and I saw it, I'm like, that is not what I was given.
I wasn't given that way. Why what do you mean? Why why would someone else have a different experience because they wanted them to be on the show. I don't think. I'm confused. I'm confused.
I don't think that I was ever a desired candidate to be seen on this show. I think that casting priest will This is a thought, but it proves to be consistent in what I've seen. They have what I called chosen ones, where they pick people. They're like, this is going to be our frontrunner before anything's happened. This is going to be able to surprise them. But yes, of course, this is be my front runner. This is who we really want to be together. This is who
we're going to put on these dates. We need them to be out of there together. I think I was meant to be the blonde that came in that wasn't chosen and had a couple of blips that I say where people can make fun of me and I knew who I was with was supposed to be the front runner.
I knew that leader on based on how he was being treated and spoken to in comparison to how I was being treated and spoken to and how things played out with airing like it is very clear to me I was it was like, oh he chose her.
Oh that was Oh. They they really didn't want him to choose you. You're saying, no, why you're beautiful? You're what?
Because I think who they wanted him to be with this who they kept pushing him to be with, who was on who was on the main in commercial trailer whatever, which has never happened in Love is Blinde there's always a trailer that shows all the drama and all these random characters and then the wedding dress, the bells, duh, and with ours it was just.
These two people.
Was my ex and who his person that was his number one the whole time until he chose me, And then they keep bringing that person back when they're not engaged, they're not a part of this show anymore, but they keep bringing them back on to piss me off and to to make me look bad.
And why did it make it so? You feel that the show that editing made you look bad, which by the way, happens to everybody and most people. But like, what was Were you like a pariah in your town? Was it like really damaging? Was it bad? Not my town?
I mean, I'm connected in what I do and who I'm with around here. It's not so much that. It's more that feeling of someone making you look like something that you're just not. And that is the part of reality TV. Yes, but I guess it comes down to opportunities that you get or don't get compared to other people that are on the show or on your season. And like production and Netflix have never reached out to me to be included into any networking functions reunions. Everyone
else does, but they won't invite me. And that's why fun because they don't I'm not a chosen one. They need me to have forgotten because they don't want to promote a pretentious brat.
They want to promote true love.
And this was interesting because I asked one girl from another season who is in a successful marriage, the one that I was like, I think that their marriage would actually work, and I was telling her about my experience, and I was distraught and she was like, me and my husband went through the same thing. And I'm like, really, because you guys seem so happy. I thought you both got great edits. And she's like, on a show like this, they need the guy to look good no matter what
they do wrong. And I was like why, and she's like, because it's predominantly watched by women. Women want hope. How do they get hope? Look at this great guy. They're gonna make them look so great, and they need for them to look great. They need to make the woman not look so great, to make them look chivalrous, like would love someone through anything. Love is blind like that, And that for me was eye opening and kind of helped me understand a little bit more like why did
they treat me this way? Why am I made to look this way? When I feel like my experience was the opposite.
Here's what I think. I think it's the difference, Like you might not be manipulars and strategic enough to navigate that experience. You might be a person who went in purely like this is gonna be a fun experience. And I think we're all let's put it this way. When I interviuted for the first time for the Apprentice. This
wasn't the Celebrity Apprentice. This was the Mark Burnett normal Apprentice, like they had had like Bill Ransick, and like it was the Trump Apprentice, and then they had one season for Martha Stewart. The first season when I went to get sequestered for a week in Santa Monica and spent money, I didn't have to like charge an outfit to be to teach them how smart I am. And I'm I'm smart, and I'm a business person and I'm this, and I'm that, I'm a go getter. Because I thought I was interviewing
for a real job. I thought it was like this was a real job, and I was like, that's how I approached it. I was so naive. I was young. I mean, you're young, and you were young when you started this. I'm I could be I could almost. I could be your mother. No, Bethany, I'm thirty. I could. Well, i'm fifty three, I could. I couldn't exactly almost. Let's say almost. I'm much older than you. Okay, what I'm saying is when I went on too that experience, I was in my early thirties and like, I am a
smart person. I've always been smart. I really thought I was going there to get this job, like I wanted the job. I needed this job. I was broke, I wanted the job. Okay, I went to the end that first time, and then I was in first alternate. Now, like you know me, like I have the most charismatic personality, No one's got better one liners, et cetera, Like for arguments sake, How they couldn't cast me as the first person would be shocking to everyone. But the way I
approached that was like it was a real thing. By the second time, I got sequestered to go back, which because I kept in touch with them and pursued them. I remember the clinching moment. Mark Burnett was in the room and he said, why should you be here and she shouldn't, And I said, because she's worried, because she had the balls to wear a fake Mark Jacob's bag to this interview. Now, that was like disruptive and it
was personality based. Had nothing to do with how good at business I am, and they didn't give a shit. I don't think of how good at business I was, And I believe that that's why I was, like this bitch just said that to this bitch. That's probably why I was cast, and it happened to me with Shark Tank. Now, with Shark Tank, I was going in there and the powers at b were calling me in and again I was like, this is Shark Tank. This is like another level.
This is serious, this is serious business. Oh my god, it's intimidating. It's Mark Cuban, it's this one, it's that one. I go in there and I will leave this particular person nameless, but they're trying to like intimidate me, and they're talking about how the show is so real and it's a real business show and like these entrepreneurs, it's like, really, they're really you know, Mark Cuban's really smart and Kevin O'Leary is really smart. And I had already been on
the cover of Forbes magazine. I had turned the fastest growing lik A brand in history in eighteen months. I had been the breakout star and done what no one had ever done at House. So I have nor will ever do on reality TV. Okay, because the Kardashians had my same agent and they followed my model of integrating products into the show because of me, and because we have the same agent, that I did that much. I love you, okay, But that's the facts. I've never said
this before. That is the fact. Kim Kardashian said she didn't drink until I did my deal with this through this agent, and then she did a Madori deal. So it doesn't matter. No one cares. No, I've not touched what they've done. They're incredible, and that's neither here nor there. But I'm now in with Shark Tank and they're like sort of trying to like dare me not to do
it and like tell me how hard it is. So I leave and I call top ten most powerful people in the entertainment industry that someone I know very well. I won't name him either, And I leave and I call him. I go, Hi, like, this is what they just said to me as Shark Tank, Like they were like, no, it's real business and this and that, and I said what and he goes, it's a fucking TV show, Bethany. It's a fucking TV show, that's what it is like.
And I've been on it and it's interesting and I can go ahead to head with Mark and I love him and Kevin, et cetera. It is a fucking TV show. Number one. So you were on a fucking TV show. It's not a real dating experience. It's not really like you probably just weren't like this like shark coming in and navigating it as an entertainment vehicle, and you were having an experience in going through the dating, you know, experiment.
That's what I think. So I think that they're not like proactively saying we're going to edit this person this way. It's just like someone could nail it in two seconds on a first date, and like someone else could not nail it, and when the other person walks away from that date, they're going to tell somebody else like it went like this. They just crystallized whatever they saw down to something so minuscule, and that's what they throw up. And it doesn't matter if it reflects who you really
are as a person. It doesn't matter. It's what's going to land the puzzle. No, and I have moved past it.
It was very hard to get pasted at first, especially when it's involving my family. That part was rough because I can take a beating. It's my responsibility. I signed up for this. But then when it's tying like the assumption of how my family works how my family is. That was hard to get through, but it has taken a turn where I'm putting in the work to do
my own thing, create my own brand. And for the first time ever, I got recognized at Target from a lady that was like, oh my god, you're the one that does these target reels and I'm like I could just cry, Like.
Finally, I'm trying to get away from that a rent. Do you want to do a rint?
Yeah, like I am on like overcharged efforts to just put out the content. This is what I love to do, and with time, I'm like, that's what I want people to know me.
I think you're overthinking it. No one cares. Oh, I swear to god, it's just fodder. It's think No, it's it's fodder that like literally everybody thinks I'm just the toughest bitch who's gonna just slice and dice everyone. That's what I did in that environment with those people that I'm not that I don't associate with normally. That's what was going on in that workplace. That doesn't reflect who I am. That's one aspect and now I do all
these other things that are different aspects. But people still always remember me as that. But it's such a small group of people, and most people in the world don't even know about that show, and most people don't even know about this. From Love Is of Mine, you can reinvent yourself in all these other spaces and use that just when you need it. Yeah, and no one's gonna care. Like people love to love, people love to hate. It's just fodder. It's like the news cycle. Yeah, no, for sure,
I definitely think you're overthinking it, you know what I mean? Shot, Yeah, I think you're over And also like now your new identity, I'm sure, which is annoying to everyone, is just that like you're the one who came out of the closet and now you're gay. That's like God.
Well, then it comes down to like why would you be on something to marry a man? And that is just to see how naive people are or just dumb.
I'm like, did you really just asla or did you really just say that? Like come on, but you can't cut that's the Gabby Windy story too, and you can't combat that like you're allowed to be a living, breathing person that changes, evolves, you know, people still want to peg me the things I said ten years ago on television steeple people sti't want to pig peg Kim Kardashian into her sex tape. I think she's done. If you think since, oh my god, that's crazy. Paras Alton is,
you know, global entrepreneur. But it's hard to do the rints. You got to reinvent, you gotta rinse, and you gotta really stay far away from it and really try to sanitize it. But most people don't even know about it. Yeah, you know, it's an experience. That's just my that's my take based on this whole thing. No, for sure, it's gone better. Things are fine, things are well, and anyone that now goes into it after all of the reckoning and all this stuff has to really know anything can happen.
I do think that it's kind of changing.
Like any reality TV show, the first few seasons are very naive. No one knows what's going to come out of it. It's an experience. But then when you see kind of what comes with certain people after a show that everyone wants to jump on that bandwagon, not realizing like that's such a small percentage of people to get anything out of it, and then once you're done, you're done.
There's not a He's in another season for you. It's just what do you have to fall back on that's real outside of this little blip.
Yeah, and they want you to present as if it's real and act as if it's real when it really isn't real. Yeah, you know. I mean it feels real in the moment because what you're saying is real, what you're doing is real, the interaction is real, but the circumstances are real. I don't think we ever realize, like how much you're gonna be If I'm thrown starving in the mountains with no food for four days, I'm going to act differently than if I'm.
Like a thousand percent what it is. And it's interesting that production and people that work on set when you're hungry or exhausted or wanting to just be done with it, it's always this is an experiment.
This is an experiment. But if you fall in love and get married, no, it's real. It's real. This is not an experience. This is exactly exactly That's what I'm saying. It's under the most it's not real to have two p people on the Bachelor that come from very poor neighborhoods and that are lower or middle class to then be going to Thailand and the peaks of fucking Greece and having you know, ten fifteen thousand dollars hotel suites
and fantasies, and then they got to go. Now you're going back to where you used to live, and your your relationship is going to be the same. Like you didn't deal with money, you didn't deal with sex, you didn't talk about politics, you didn't talk about religion, you didn't talk about anything that goes on in real life.
And I've never understood, and I've never really watched the Bachelor or Bachelorette just because it gives me anxiety to think if I was in that position as a woman signing myself up with however many twenty other women to go through that to maybe be picked. I just feel like that's so belittling to yourself, Like.
Just assume now and it's getting desperate, Yeah, desperate begging. You're like a beggar at a buffet.
And nocause women that are beautiful and amazing, But like for me, it would drive me nuts. I feel like I would second guess myself and what I was worth. When I'm compared to all these other people and letting this guy every day choose me or not choose me, Why would I ever sign up for that?
By the way, exactly, you're the prize, but people's that we're supposed to be told that we're the prize. I'm the prize, I'm worthy, okay, but I'm a beggar. I'm desperate. Let me go get his time. I need a minute him. Let me take him to the corner and take him to that. I would never do that on.
My really, because he's so animalistic, like survival, and.
It brings out the worst in women, what women want to be desperate and like begging. It's already like that in society to begin with that the men get to choose. So if we think about it, that show really triples down on the degradation of women because now you're like begging and gonna go, you know, set yourself on fire. So he notices you on the left, it goes over to the corner, Oh my god. You know, of course
people are having sex with them every single time. They're trying to get attention, and I maybe I can give the bachelor a better blowjob and he'll remember me. I mean, it's giving desperate.
Or maybe they'll do that when they normally wouldn't just because everyone else is then I'm going to get if I don't, it's wild.
Yeah. So all of this is to say that we live in a toxic society and reality TV has not done probably anything good for most Do you think that I've had thoughts about this.
Do you think that there's anything that can be done to put people in more of a place like it was back in the old days with dating, with technology and apps and everything that's out because remember back in the day, how your grandparents or parents meet. It's in passing and they don't have a phone, they don't have social media, and the only way you'll ever see them again is here's my number or what's your address.
I want to pick you up for something. You don't take people for granted. But like I think you find I think you find a way in this modern age of technology to navigate that and use some of it for good. So like I have rules, I have rules that even if you're in a long distance relationship, which can be challenging, and I've done that, I don't text anything meaningful anything. It's too tempting. I was upset that you just did that, or I wish you did, Like,
it's too tempting to do that. And it gives you a skill set of being patient and having to wait to be with someone and to connect with them and really talk about it and for it to be like I'll be there at eight thirty or miss you, or little anecdotal things, but to not really use text for that. I think that's a really really big one that takes you back to we should not talk about anything serious unless we're face to face and talk about any feelings
or anything like that. And I do think and also I've done a lot of dating without like the phone, like put the phones down at meals. We're not taking pictures, even me, who does a lot of social media. If I'm really into someone, I am not producing my film. I am not you know, taking pictures of food. I'm really trying to be present in the moment and doing more outdoor activities with other people, which I think is important,
like going hiking and things like that. Like I was just a wait for the weekend in Vegas and it was an appearance and going out one night dancing, which was really fun. Like I was like, I want to go dancing. I know it sounds ridiculous, but like it felt a little old fashioned, Like I want to go dancing. I want to learn let's learn how to ballroom, let's learn how to like salstar or something. But I was like, I want to go dancing. But then because we're in Vegas, I was like, we got to go do like a
hike or something. So trying to do like more of like that sort of stuff, like do more things that you have to really connect with another person versus the technology. But I think that you can't avoid the apps because we're not out in the same way as we used to. And it is efficient. Like if you are in a bar and you see fifty people and you zero in on one person, you might have to go out with
them three times find at their psychopath. At least now you can look up, like if they're crazy, if they're catfish, whatever, someone's crazy, well you can look up. I'm just saying that, you know, there's an efficiency too if someone's lying about their job or their real estate or something or something. One time there was a sex offender, right, That's what I'm saying no, jeez, I don't know that I have,
and I really don't want to know. It's like the first thing that'll pop up under their name if they are. I was like, wow, And that is helpful to be a public person because if anything's coming out about someone, they're going to tell you. Yeah, you know so anyway, So that's what I think. I do think there are some good parts about it, but I think preserving the human connection is critical now like to try to not to. Yeah,
so that's what I think. You're amazing. Thank you? So are you such a good discussion, like a really good, I feel like inside baseball discussion about this process reality TV and your experience. So you're in a healthy, happy relationship, yes, thank god finally, and your only homework is to do exactly what you really feel authentic and genuine doing in your career and then find out where the fish are and figure out what the brand and the line is.
That's the work in progress. But thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me. I'm a huge fan. I respect you so much. Not want to be like awkward fangirl, but I told all my friends I'm like, I'm meeting her and I was like shaking before coming on here.
Oh thank you, I'm so excited. Yeah, well I had a great time. You're great. I think you're so interesting. I the only thing I would say is set it and forget it, like rinse it. It doesn't matter. It only matters if you let it bother you. And I get that all the time. That's a work in progress too. I care too much or about put too much effort. Didn't even it didn't it's not even real. Yeah, it's
not even real, Like it's not even. It's not even and your feelings are real, the experience it's not even real, no more than like me, when I used to have conversations, I used to think like this was all real. We were talking about this person just did that, and can you believe? None of it was real because it was based in a circumstance that I would never ever be in.
And so it's kind of like that C section scar takes a while for like the numbness to go away, but it just does, and you're just like, wait, what it's like somebody used to know that show, and that experience should just be somebody used to know. Yeah, for sure, for sure. So nice to meet you. Yeah, you too.