Nice to meet you, Nice to meet me. I feel like I know you?
How many times have I been on your TV show?
That's what I was thinking this morning. This is so crazy. I was walking This is the honest truth. I was walking downstairs and I'm like, why do I feel like I know her? I feel like we've been together? And then I said to myself, I had this thought. I said, was she on my talk show? And then like, now I'm going to say that today I had this like foreshadowing about this happening. You are on the show. What do we do for three times?
I literally my book mob Whie and Me and Big.
That's why it's okay. This is funny too, because they printed out papers for you today and I was like, there's a lot more in my head I knew. I was like, she created the show. And I said to myself, why do I know that? I'm like, she's different than the others. Not to be no, I am, you know, disrespectful. I was like, because she created the show. But I
said to myself, why do I know that? And it's really weird my memory lately, and that please, no disrespect because I would never lie and pretend that, like I remember, I remember everything, but I don't like remember remember does that make any sense?
Like, yeah, it's cold, we're getting a little bit more mature.
Well no, yes, and the pots this thing that i've had is autoimmune. Like they say that there's like this like since the vaccine in the pandemic, there's a memory thing. But like, I literally knew all these things about you. And I said, why do I know that? I thought I saw it on another show. I swear to God, I thought I heard it, but I don't watch.
Him any Yeah, my sister Jennifer created the show.
Oh okay, I thought you created the show.
Okay, that's the star and it's no disrespect, but I really don't care about the other women anymore.
I'm sorry, No, but we had this conversation. But you're saying it was on my talk show.
We I was on. Yeah, I have pictures of us. It's actually on my Instagram of me and you holding my book playing with fire, and then I was on with Alicia and Natalie, and then me and Benny Guarino made meat balls for my cookbook as well.
You have a you have a ridiculous memory. Because I was going through the worst divorce and that was like all a blur and I've had this, you know, not the first time this has happened. I literally don't remember a lot. So anyway, anyway, I know you, but like I've never seen you socially outside of the show. Have I ever seen you at a party? Because I feel like I know you.
We've been at like maybe one or two, like okay, magazine parties like that, but it's always quick.
Stuff, you know, okay, because I feel like I don't know why I feel like I know you. It's exactly And I wore something that I thought would be mob wives appropriate. But yes, you are least well the least of you is mob wise and we've talked about that before and and as you just mentioned, but I know about that, and we talked about the show and we
could get into that. And but I called you because of your story and work you're doing and being vocal about something that many people aren't vocal about and that people have shame about. And I was reading through the papers on you, and I was thinking of Steve Madden telling me the addiction is your life, like read my sobriety is my life, he said, like it's before my kids it's before my job, it's before my money, before my company. Like that's a big statement. Nobody will ever
admit that something comes before their kids, you know. And Steve Madden said that his sobriety comes before his kids. And so when I just read a headline because I didn't know this, I just like stopped my tracks. Like what she was She almost died. She was dead of a fen and all overdose. Like that's a massively like jarring, shocking headline to read.
So with that being said, your recovery has to come before everything. It's God. And then so yeah, it actually and it isn't very embarrassing.
For me to tell it is or it's not.
No, I how could somebody not be embarrassed of the fact that they got a bag of fentanyl which was supposed to be cocaine. And I'm very honest about it. And then I have the text messages between the person that was sent there and he said it in the message, oh my god, because.
It wait, what does that mean? Well go back to that, because I know someone this happened to their kids. I'm gonna tell you a story after But what are you saying now?
So, when I was in Florida. I had text a girlfriend of mine. I said, hey, handle this for me. Okay, I vouch for the kid. Don't worry about it.
The kids, you're saying. You said to her, get the stuff, and she said, I know the guy. It's a good and which is so it doesn't matter because the guy has a guy as a guy, right.
Right, But it normally does matter. So and okay, because nobody usually makes a mistake like that.
So with that, But they're not in the CA kitchen. How would they know is something coming from.
That's what they do?
Oh, okay, they're living.
But okay, is this I didn't speak to anybody for so it happened when I was in a restaurant, and I don't I don't have recollection of three days. But somebody was with me, so I know what happened. They brought like in a bathroom. You're saying, I guess so because I wasn't at the table for that second. I came back to the table, I made a phone call, told my friend to send her friends. She sent her friends.
When I had odeed in the restaurant. He had text her and I have the messages because she sent them to me. Afterwards. So that's how I know what happened. I gave her a bag of blank by accident. I have the whole conversation.
Holy motherfuck, because I died right there in front.
Of them in the restaurant.
Holy fuck.
Table and my girlfriend, who was a course from me.
Like, there's a bag of that that they mix into other shit that they accidentally gave you. What the fuck? But a whole bag would be you'd be dead instantly.
What I don't understand I was, I'm.
Touching it or doing it.
I'm assuming I did it. Okay, okay, because I can't tell you that nobody was in the bathroom with me, but I know addiction and I know me. So with that being said, I walked back.
You had it, you went to go do it. The fact that my brain I can't remember you and you are remembering all of it is crazy. But okay, wow, okay.
Table, and I keeled over and died.
Oh my god, that was it.
And the girl in the restaurant broke four ribs and fractured my sternum in two places, reviving me.
And and did they have narakan in the restaurant?
No, she did it with her hands.
That's insane.
I'm in ems gets there. They hit me with the with the shot. The conversation with the kid is, oh my god, Gina, I sent this. I gave this to her by accident. The cops are here, So the cops were there. Every the kid gotten whatever trouble, not by me. I would not rest charges at all. I prefer to have his hands broken. But that's me and my mob wife's thinking. But that. They took me to the hospital, and when I was intribated, I went into cardiac arrest.
So I was already intribated and went into cardiac arrest. What mean, you're in a like a coma? So they put a coma so they I don't actually know why they do that. I'm assuming the OD was so severe. I wasn't there, like I wasn't here, you know.
Oh, meaning it's it's an induced they put you there.
Okay, yeah, so you're intubated. And while I was interurbated, I went into cardiac arrest on top of it, which normally doesn't happen. From that, I got pneumonia. And I had gotten that vaccine two years ago, and I've had pneumonia twice since then. And then they had to like give me a walker and like I had to go up and down.
And how long ago was this?
September eighteenth, six months ago?
Holy shit, how are you?
I'm amazing. I wasn't supposed to make it. They told my family, she's not going to make it through the night. And three days later I woke up and I was like, get me out of here, and they were like, do you know what happened? And I'm like, absolutely not what happened? And they broke it down to me and I was like, no, that's impossible. I don't do those drugs. And the doctor was like, oh, no, you did. And I go but I don't said no one said you did. But it was mixed.
And now I have a I know someone whose son, a person, their son had a baby and the wife babies a couple months old and for whatever, maybe six months old, I think it was six months old, and the two of them, my husband and wife, were home with the baby and they guess they just wanted to have a little fun and they ordered coke to to the to the house and they both dropped out and the baby was alone crying for like twenty four hours. The father they died.
Oh, I think parents. Yeah, okay, so they oh deed with death? Yeah wow.
And I and I've had experience with this also with people, and it's amazing that smart together people like you have a different perspective on life. Like I don't have that as much as you. But I had a severe anaphylactic shock situation that I was unconscious and I was in the icee I see you for a couple of days, and it was brutal and like I could in the background when I was coming to hear the doctors freaking out about sixty over forty blood pressure and like, why
were there all these people? And frankly, I thought it was because, like I don't know, I thought it was because it was me, Like a lot of people were like they got a couple of extra attention. I didn't realize it was because I was dying in the hospital. So, like, I know what that is, like not as much as what you're talking about, but that's a that changes your perspective on life. It changes you as a person, Like it's it it escalates the I don't give a fuck, but not an angry way.
So let me say that I bo died before this isn't my first time. When my father died in nineteen I I didn't, I couldn't. I didn't want to live. I felt like my twin died. I felt this connection with my father, way different than my sisters. He was like my twin. We look alike, we act alike, we're giving a like. We want to do everything for everybody else some and we forget about ourselves. My father was a great man. I don't care what anybody has to say. He was a great man. He rescued a family out
of a burning building, He saved a girl drowning. In prospect part, my father was really a good man. He paid for my best friend's mother's funeral because she had no money. So in spite of what he did for a living, he was a good man. Which I'm very much like my dad.
But you're saying two things can be true at the same time. Absolutely, yeah, exactly.
So I mean, look at Steve Madden. Yeah, pay with my father. He's a good man, right, he got sober, you know, and he's a strong individual. So yeah, you could be a bad guy and a good guy at the same time. People make mistakes. You know, you don't know who you are you start out at life, You know what I mean? It takes years to get where you're going, And for me, it took a lot more than the average person because I had low self esteem from a child. So I was born very ill. Wasn't
supposed to live. They drew spinal fluid at least five or six times for the first six month of my birth. So what we're learning now is that spinal fluid that was drained for me probably screwed up my psyche. And you know then it was I grew up in the mob with a boss as a father. People were dying left and right. Who's going to jail? I played it up like, Oh, we have another funeral. Oh I'm gonna wear this black dress with that fur coat. That's not normal, That's not what I know.
I grew up at the racetrack with a lot of ties, and I grew up going and sitting at the crabs table at thirteen years old for weeks in Vegas and growing to nightclubs at the Rafters in Saratoga and fourteen like I get it, I really know it.
Campaign and cocaine. That's the way I grew up. I grew up in the heyday goods villain.
No and no money than all the money, all the cars in the driveway, then no money next week ever you're in the Yeah. My stepfather, John Paracel used to come in and tell me the bookies after him, and I would and I broke open my piggy back literally to give him cash. Like, but we had Mercedes in the driveway and a card table literally no furniture, but a Jaguar and a Mercedes in the driveway, and then that got taken away. I get it. It's like ridiculous.
He was very connected. Joe Scandor, he was his uncle, and Jimmy Kam was sleeping on his couch and they were doing drug. Yeah, uncle James. Okay, so my stepfather and Jimmy Kahn were like boys and doing blow together.
Now my father and my uncle, because that was like the.
Clip Ponti's yeah, John PEPs.
Yeah. Well, my uncle owns Splash in California, which was the first nightclub in Malibo. And oh, my other uncle owned Frankie's Frankie's on Melroads. My uncle was Frank Martin, the horse trainer, Like so I know, I.
Know Frank Martin.
Yeah, he had my auntrew the.
Father, and the son Frank Martin, and then Jose Martin.
Okay, but the other son, Frank Martin, who he just disrecurbed, he died.
Oh wow. Okay, So we know a lot of the same people because a lot of people don't know this part of my life. And it affects my relationships too, because in relationships with normal people, it's hard. When you grew up like you know, on a wild car chase, it's very difficult. You're an action junkie. So you were a junkie junkie. Without using a bad word, I'm just saying, like, so,
let's get into that, all right. So you grew up and you were sick and your your father died and like so, so you had a proclivity to highs and lows.
All right, let's pull that. I was a mob junkie.
Okay.
I hate that word more than right in the world.
I say action junkie, but it's a bad word. It's a junkie word. It's a junk word. I get it.
Oh, I'm actually trying to change the perspective behind it, because a doctor could be one, a lawyer could be one. The lawyer that you're calling the bail you out could be sort and dope in the big Oh.
Of course, it's a stigma. And I agree with you. I was saying action junkie, but I yeah, I agree. I agree because there's a shame there that you want to stigmatize.
And you know, a shout out to Richard Tate from the Carrera Treatment Center in Malibu. I just took a job with him. And now, yeah, he started Cliffside Malibu, so I took a job with him yesterday.
You know, I got crying.
Podcasts helping people, so I'm going to have to interview you, yes, And it's just a way for me to give back. And I didn't realize when I did my interview with Bunny that it was going to blow up. But it's been viral for the last five days. Every time she drops a clip, it goes viral. Really, Cardi b video she posted it viral. It's like all of a sudden, God said, Okay, I got my hands on you this time, but you're gonna be out there in the public, so do what you need to do to save a life.
Just know people are gonna hate you, people are gonna love you. But at the end of the day. My prerogative is to save somebody. Because somebody saved me.
You have purpose, You have purpose. How there's so much to go through. So lamar Odom and Jason Waller from the Hills, that's interesting too, using your reality television career and fame and connections to these other people who have gone through a similar horrendous experience.
So Jason helped me out. And I had had plastic surgery, so I had to go back on paying meds and that was that was two years ago. That wasn't acceptable, But Jason and Janah Woodbury did everything for me this time around. It was November two and I was sitting in a hotel. I had a friend who I was fighting with my whole family.
So she's like, after you got after you almost died, you're talking about it a couple of months ago.
Okay, October, Tom, move here with me. Nobody in my family wanted to be bothered with me. So whatever money I had had went into a trust for my BRANDK and so I had no access to money.
So who are you did that? You intervened in your own life and did that.
It handles everything.
You've given power of finances away.
Power of attorney. I trust my sister with my whole life. So whatever, And it wasn't much, Bethany, because all the those years on television, I gave everything away. Here take this, here, take I left nothing for myself. I didn't even buy a house. Why. I don't know. Maybe I felt like the money wasn't gonna run out. They were also paying for all of my housing, so you know, why am I going to spend more money?
But I was paying who the show is paying for housing? Yes, oh that was a good show.
Well, my sister is the executive producer. My father threw me out. I couldn't. My father didn't talk to me for two years. I had nowhere to go. What was I gonna do? And here I am giving them a bigger story than anybody, aside from Karen Gravano because her story was extremely huge. I love Karen. You know. I talked to everybody, but Drida put it that way. Everybody. But anyway, Drida did an interview and said, now that Renee, well my wife was just coming back. Now that Renee's
father is dead, who is she gonna be? Don't play with me and don't ever talk about my father in any way. Shape or form. So there is no respect for that girl whatsoever. She's called me a junkie more times than necessary, no respect none.
More times than necessary. Is an interesting way to praise something Like you're saying you gave grace to like your mistakes, but there's more times than necessary.
All the stuff you would do in the cloud did so. Now you want to air me out. Okay, so you want to You want me to hide your truths. Well you tell me you hide your truths while you speak. I'm sorry you want to speak my truths and I hide your lives. Not acceptable anymore in my life. Not acceptable. If you burn me, be prepared not to be able to walk across that bridge because you burnt it.
But what it feels like you're still you're not being paid for the show. Now you're still living that story in the show. Who cares about anybody that you like to? Haven't you? I don't get paid for that, That's what I'm saying. But I'm feeling like you're still in the conflict. Like the way that I feel about women on the show that I used to be is like go be happy, be successful, Like everybody has a reason for why they are. The way they are and who care? What do you
care about what anyone else is doing? It keeps coming up.
People just keep dragging me and dragging me.
And but the more you talk, yeah, I get it, but just like what.
It's not all the women. Most of the women still call me and you know they send love. I just feel like, why are you mad? My sister put us all in this position to earn a tremendous amount of money. Why are you mad? What did I do? Actually? I hit it with your lives? So what did I actually do? Oh? I told you the truth about yourself?
Sorry, do you have any interact? Where do you live? Where do you live?
I just moved to California? So back to Because in all honesty, let me say this. There is a bitter feeling there. But she's not supposed to hold weight in my life. But it's very hurtful. So this isn't about her. It's about the hurt it's about them.
It's funny because my therapist says, and it's really interesting you're dealing If you're dealing with something, you'll describe the situation like you just describe the situation. But she'll say, you know, but like, let's live in the feelings, like really like and when you I think if you live in the feelings, you might not that you wanted to
reach out. Maybe she'll reach out and stop or say I'm sorry, Like if you live in the feelings that you feel vulnerable in hurt versus like the story of what's going on, like it.
Is never ever allowed back in my life. She never showed up from my father's funeral. You'll cut off. That's the That's it for me. But any okay, I'm moving on. I wish I do wish her help and wealth, but I don't like her. Plain and simple. So November two and I was sitting I had just had a fight with my friend in Texas. She told my son, please have all your mother's stuff picked up. I called my son. I said, agam done. I can't it anymore. I can't fight.
I'm tired. I said, I'm not going to kill myself. I'm Catholic. You know that's the biggest in in the world. So is getting high though f y he and I said, in case I never seen you again, I want you to know how much I love you. He said, MA, sit right there. My son got on the phone with my dear friend twenty nine, okay, twenty nine with four kids. I had twin girls the last and they turned one yesterday.
So he made the phone poll pulled me back. My friend Bill O'Hara got me into recovery unplugged in Texas. I went in the next day. My girlfriend got mad at me that I didn't help her get her things all done and out and robbed everything I owned everything back, every pair of shoes, every pocketbook. I swear this on my four grandchildren's eyes, every single thing I owned. Everything my father left.
Me because I was going to say, maybe this is some sign of starting Oh okay, oh the.
Clothes got me sober. I know that sounds crazy, but trust me, I couldn't go out no more so. But she robbed my father's tie collection, and that was very important to me. That was like wow in him and I. My hand blessed rosaries from the Pope, my father met two different popes, my Bible from my grandmother, everything that meant something to me. Child. Yeah, very evil individual. My son was like, all right, I'm gonna have it picked up on Friday. She goes stop rising me. She's a
crazy bitch and played in English fucking crazy. She is my mouth crazy. I walked into Detox with my Minx slippers, a sweatshirt and sweatpants and that was all I had. Oh and I just when she threw my pocketbook out the front door. I went to grab it and it happened to be my Gucci bag with my adult chain Gabana bag in it. Don't ask me one, but she stole every pair of eyeglasses I.
Glass, what how did you afford rehab? Did it?
So? I'm gonna Lamarrow phone call and he said, hey, please come to my treatment center. I want to help you. So Gina Rodriguez, who's his pr is a dear friend of mine. Lamar took care of everything. I walked into Vanity Wellness in California, and four months later, I'm sober a f I'm happy. I can't understand that thought yet. That's a little scary happy scary to me. I thrive in chaos. I come from chaos. So you know, when they say drama queen, I'm like Max all the way up.
But that's it wasn't drama to me. It was my everyday life. And that's where I get a little frustrated. People like you're a drama queen. I'm not. I'm just a queen who lived in a life of drama. Big difference.
And you've been an addict your whole life? How much of your life?
So yeah, when I was younger, I partied, you know, I partied. But when I was my ex husband shouted my sacrum and he put his elbow through it. Yeah, he broke my pain pills phone, he broke my rib like, but I would not tell on him because I was worried that he would be murdered. And for me, that was my sin then, so I never and then pain meds started thirty six. Oh, I owed deed for the first time on July fof in two thousand and seven,
and three out. My mother didn't want to admit I was an addict, so she put me in a seventy two hour holdover where I was sexual assaulted by a predator. And that really is what changed me forever.
Oh.
I spent my thirty seventh birthday in the mental wood for three weeks because I lost my mind after I was attacked. And I have a police report that blacks that up with a man admitted it.
So you've been like medicating to forget since then and then you got down a hole.
Yeah, so medicated zanex. God, friend, I didn't want cocaine. I wanted xani.
Where were you getting it?
All the doctors made me? It was the doctors.
No, I know that, but how because I've seen all the movies and I'm fascinated by topic because i have experience with it personally, Uh not me, but one person apart? And did you I did? Did you end up driving to other states and go like no?
I was prescribed? True story two oxy eighties, six rock scenes, eight milligrams of xanax, diet pills, water pills, antidepressants, mood stabilizers. This is by the doctor's hand.
That is the why is there any part of the addiction and the pills and all of it? That's not just only the chemical aspect, but like the process, like it's like a friend, it's like something to do. It's an activity, like let's get this, let's get that, let's organize it, because no one talks about that, and I think that's part of it too, right.
So I was not an everyday user. Zan x became my life for a year straight, That's true. I kickation in twenty ten. Cocaine always played a part of my life always, but not It's like when I was done, it was over. I didn't get more. It wasn't like that. I party definitely.
Going out Saturday night. You're getting a bag with friends, and it's fun. We're going out. It's like getting a bunch of drinks.
Right. But the zon X took over my life really is that I got arrested. Nobody knows that what ovid. I had to go to jail for eight days. I was devastated.
You were like, no one's gonna notice because everyone's in their home.
I had twenty three hour lock up. It was supposed to be for a twenty twenty four hour thing. When I was being released, I had made a phone call. I wasn't allowed to pull this person. It was like a restraining order because the person was antagonizing me to a pall. I'm like, hey, I need my lawyer's number. Needless to say, that person was related to me. So I made the phone call. And when I was being released, they were like, did you call so and So. I go, yeah,
I needed my lawyer's number. They go, you just violated the temporary restraining order. I was like oh no, no, no, I did not. That doesn't count. They were like, get it done. Eight dated. They kept me bare. I was devastated.
At a jail.
It was dirty. It was hewny.
It sounds like it's jail, so its dirty.
Yeah. It was mamma count holy shit. And I was like, can I have a pillow? They were like no, I said, my sheet has a hole? So what Can I donate mattresses to the women's prison.
Absolutely not, So I'm sleeping with the matts taking it. That's funny going you go into the mattresses. You went to the mattresses.
Let's do it.
You went to the mattresses. That's a that's crazy. What about your family not coming to the hospital because they thought you were dead or because they wrote you off and you were dead to them, they well, they're both.
They weren't going to make it in time because of the timing, and they said it you know, by the time they got there, it wouldn't have happened. But they did write me off. So my sister Jennifer stopped talking to me for a year and a half and that was my closest relationship. My mother and I were constantly fighting. My oldest sister and I have always fought, so there's a lot of there's a lot of dysfunction in my family. My little and I shared a bedroom. We were very close.
I was my father daddy. I'm fit, daddy's favorite kid. I'm the most entitled, I'm all of that. And then life just got hotter. I was bullied in grammar school, terribly bullied. I was told how ugly I was on an everyday basis, so I took that on that became me. I was ugly no matter what you said to me. I was ugly. I filled it in my heart and soul. And you know, I wasn't allowed to wear contacts until freshman year or a high school. My mother gave me
the worst haircuts in the world. You know all that stuff.
But I were a disaster.
I was physically developed, and I was never ugly FYI never I know that now, But I was physically developed. So all the boys liked me, and the two girls that bullied me, they would invite me to boy girl parties and send me home because the boys liked me so but there was something wrong with me all of my life. My first boyfriend, I was like turning fifteen. He was physically abusive and that's how it started. He
ended up my father. I came home with a black guy and he said, Rene, what happened to your face? I said, oh, I walked into the door. My father goes, sit down before you walk into the door again. And I sat there and he goes, what happened? And I told him. My father made a phone book two phone calls. One was to the boyfriend's ex boyfriend's father and the other one was to four guys. My father said, get in the car. I said, okay, and don't talk. Swear
to God. True story in the Lincoln downclock. We get to our family restaurant. My father goes, go in the restaurant and don't go by the window. So what does that mean to you?
What is that I can go by the window?
Thank you? I watched him have his arm broken. And it was that day that I never ever would tell on another person again because I felt that was my fault. But it wasn't. So now add this all up insecurity, abuse, dysfunction in the.
Household, action, highs and lows, murder.
My father's in jail, all this stuff. I meet my ex husband when I'm very young. I was twenty got engaged a month and nineteen days after I met him. My ex my father did not want me to marry him. He was not Italian. Somebody spoke on his behalf. That person too became a snitch, so we should have never trusted him. And my ex husband started with the abuse, knocking the shit out of me.
My father was it'd be weird to go knock the shit out of a mob boss's daughter.
But he also knew I wasn't telling.
Still fucked up it is? And what is your relationship with your family now besides your sister? Like, are you mending my senses? Do they trust you?
Everybody? Since I checked in on November three last year, I have spoken to my son every single day, at least two times a day, at least two times a day. I just flew my grandkids out to California. We went to Disney and Universal. My daughter in law and I have had like the relationship. We're on the phone, got the bing like, oh yay, everyone in my family, every that.
You really meant you really did you did the work? Friend that every one of your friends that are my real friends? Yeah, yeah, I know, Renee.
We're proud of you. I can't believe and what has happened in four months? I can't even tell you. Like the job that I just got, getting paid, the amount of money I just got, it's like, oh wait a second, I don't got to sell my soul anymore.
You have like a real job, and it's not like bullshit entertainment. We have to have the hiles. You're like a legitimate, like grown up job.
I you know, I spoke with Vivoca Fox, Justina Valentine Havoc for Mob Deep. All these people are like I asked them, you know, can I innovate you? You Jason from the Dallas Jason Hatchet from the Dallas Cabin. It's like an A list celebrity lineup, Amazing Bunny roll, whatever, whatever you need, we got. You don't pay for anything.
What's fascinating is because I hear this with other people. You hit the bottom, but it wasn't really the bottom. When you went when you almost died, you went back and used again like you didn't go. You didn't go to rehab, Like what the fuck? Like people would be like, what the fuck about that?
I didn't go for a month?
I didn't So what was that much.
I was really battling with the devil, Like I kid you not. I feel like he, literally, the grim reaper king.
Was holding you there with the battle.
Every day I'd get up and and that next six weeks, I definitely use like I would say maybe five or six times. Absolutely absolutely, But.
I was interested that ax.
No, I went back to the pill from the pharmacy. Let me take that pill. I know where it's coming from.
But because you're you're justifying in your mind, that doesn't count because it came from a doctor. Like it's different than yeah.
I wanted to die. You know. I touched on this a little bit when my father passed away in nineteen. I went to a hospital and they said, okay, you know what. You're a candidate for shock treatment. You have major depressive disorder. We're gonna do six sessions. You're not going to be sad anymore. If someone would have told me you're gonna get hit on your head with a block of cement and you're not going to be sad anymore,
I would have said, drop five, drop five. So I did six sessions and it destroyed me.
It uh the opposite direction.
Oh yeah, that's where my addiction then became like I stopped sleeping completely. Everything was magnified, magnified. My body's in physical pain all the time from like the surgeries I've had over the years. So now I suffer like with physical pain. But I put on a light, a kan patch five percent lightcain. I don't take any medication for that. I take prozac, which they're giving to every woman now in menopause.
And you don't drink.
No, I never liked alcohol.
So yeah, you're in a world now where I know you didn't like alcohol. But people, so many people are sober, curious, so many people are just walking around sober now, and so I think it's an interesting time. I mean, I have a mocktail brand literally because I wanted to speak to this space. But it's very prevalent. And are you worried? Do you crave? Do you think about it? Are you worried about going out and being social and being normal and not hanging out with other addicts going through what
you're going through? Hang out with people that are partying?
Okay, So my core group of friends, they drink, they don't get high, never.
Did, nobody does, okay, And you don't want to drink, so you don't care.
I don't. Yeah. I lost someone who I considered a brother to suicide in October and that's where the change came. Like I couldn't believe I lost this person in my life that was like my brother. He was the savior and he committed suicide and it devastated me. And that was my choice to get right and since then, when I tell you bethen he it's just I don't know what the feeling is. I can't even explain it to you. It's this feeling of, oh my god, I'm happy. What
do I do with happy? That's what scares me.
I get it, I get it.
Why does this guy want to take me out on a date? Oh no, oh no, you know what I mean. Like so there's like this siren that goes off, which I have to attention to that siren because for me, that's like danger. Danger, and danger to me means self medicaid.
You know, I have a great therapist and life coach. You have great because I have the great person out in la not touchy feeling, not freud, but like okay, full on. He's amazing. You should have him on you. He's amazing. He's like intervene in your own life. He's very he's amazing.
Let's talk about that.
I'll give you his information. Yeah, I mean, I also have an incredible I've been with the same. I have an incredible therapist. But the life coach guy is in lak and he's had the craziest life too, of like money and addiction and wealthy parents and dated all these famous models and like he changed his whole life years ago. But he's a major. He's a major guy. You would like him. He's not bullshit either.
I became a life coach and twenty myself, and I can coach somebody else's life.
Just not no, but not yeah, I get it. Yeah, when you're sometimes people feel uncomfortable. For me, it's not being happy, it's it's normalcy and peace feels weird, just like level and normalcy and not the eyes and the low sometimes feel weird. Just like you just feel like good. You just feel okay. You wake up okay, you feel settled, you don't feel mercurial, you don't feel erradic, you just feel like a human being.
I wake up every day and I'm like, okay, the sun is shining, even when it's raining. The sun is shining. It's the conversations between my son and I that are really everything to me. It's everything. My sister Jennifer just signed back on from management with my other manager, Chris, Like it's just incredible that four months and it turned around like it never happened. However, it did happen, and I have to remind myself every day that that did happen.
Right, you could be on the high of the sobriety right now, Like that's a different high, you know what I mean.
I'm not on that pink cloud because I do cry still, so I'm not on no. I do miss my father. I did a ketymine treatment and I don't know if you know who Zappi is. Do you know that name? Okay, oh lamar Odom and this gentleman Zappie bought like fifty acres in Malibos and they do these ketamine treatments. So ten years ago and you do it what a doctor? You know you process? So for me, I had to figure out how am I gonna let go of my father? Stop saying I want to be with my father. I
have full grandkids. That's the most selfish statement in the world. And I gotta live. I have to live. Big Anne's died and she used to always say, We're out here for a long time, for a good time. And it just been playing over every day in my life. Every day I hear that and I'm like, Okay, what am I gonna do today? Today, I'm gonna go to the beach. I'm gonna sit by the word. And it's changed me. I just I want to help somebody, like I want
people to understand you do have a purpose. I spoke at and I had like ten minutes to give this speech, and I was like, what am I going to say? And I said, basically, Uh, if the disease of addiction would have told me that I was going to rob my son of thirteen years of his life, I would have fought harder. If the disease of addiction would have told me that I'd married my abuser, I would have
thought harder. If the disease of addiction would have told me that I was going to cause pain and suffering to the ones that loved me and anyone who entered my life, I would have bought harder. It goes on for like three more and then at the end, I said, matter of fact, the disease of addiction did tell me, but I was too high to hear it.
M Wow and wow. Do you have any attraction now to entertainment and fame or you don't care?
I know this is going to sound a little off, but I feel like I've always been in that limelight because of my father. So uh huh fame. Fame is infamacy, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, infamy, Yeah, of course I do Realizy TV. Again, I'm grat at it, but I mean break bringing TV. But I you know, with the exception of Mob Wives, I didn't use on television mob Wives, I was still an addiction. But I don't use when I work, like that's a different. I'm
just naturally, you know, good crazy. I say what's on my mind, So do you? You say what's on your heart? Period? You don't care. You say it and you skin what you say. And that's why I have a disrespect for you, because you do it, you say it, you do it, and that's what I am very welcome. I have to do what I say, walk well and don't care about the dream is of the world or they you know, and I.
The men don't get men don't think like that. Men don't think like, oh my god, I can't. I just said that to her, and I feel bad now, and what's everyone going to think? And I'm still even programmed a little bit like that, even though it doesn't seem like I am. But men don't second guess what they're saying and thinking like little babies like we do, and we have to. That's one thing that should even out. You said it, and you back it up and it's okay.
And you try to please everybody, you please nobody, and you don't have to be best friends with everybody.
Oh please. Dating is off the table, and smack, I can smack people with my words. Dating is off the table. I'm done. It's been a April, will be a year. I'm good.
Last night I was thinking about Drew Barrymore seeming like she's got a you know, on her show, she's got a career, she got a meaningful life, she has purpose. She doesn't seem that interested in she talks about it, doesn't seem that interested in it. And Kelly Clarkson was like, I am not interested in it, but not in a way where you're bitter. Like they're like, I have a relationship with my kids. I am of a successful show.
And even Hodah was saying she went on dates. And it was funny because Jenna was saying, and you know, and now there means there is hope. But you could tell that Hoda was saying, no, I just went on dates because it means I'm not with my kids and I'm not working. But like, I don't need it. Just seems like everybody's not being defiant when they say I don't need a man, but they literally are saying, I don't need anyone to complete me.
I'm good anybody to coplicate me, you know what I mean?
Like, that's what I'm hearing a lot from women fifty plus, and no one's really it's getting louder like it's really a thing women being like, I don't need it. I'm good and not in a not in an insecure way, is what I'm saying. We've heard that before, right.
I think a lot of young girls are just giving it away. And why by the cow if you get the milk for free, like my mother would always say that to me, So why am I going to add this guy into my life who wants to day twenty five year old girls because he's going through midlife prices. Take your midlife prices and stick it up your asks.
Well, I think a lot of young girls also want someone to save them, want someone who's rich going to take care of them. And then they're going to realize in ten years when they're sitting home smoking cigarettes, drinking wine with their friends and bored and like want to go on all these trips that they should have enjoyed their lives on the front end, because you have your whole life to be bored, to be old, to complain about your back to the biggest exciting thing is like
had you sleep last night? So on the front they shouldn't be rushing that process because the people that are in their fifties are realizing that they've done the marriage and it ain't all it's cracked up.
To me, my ex husband's last name is Pagan. Wait ready, I got married in a church called Our Lady of Pity and a black crow sat on the perch like on the thing above me, and the priest had a three karac katy ring going on the way down the aisle. I go, dad, I don't want to marry this guy. He got swear on everything hole. He goes like this, get down the fucking aisle because I just spent two
hundred and fifty thousand and two. So two fifty and nineteen ninety three was he h, we'll get to boss tomorrow. You got five hundred people coming down the aisle and I cried it derekly, and people thought I was crying because I was happy. I was crying because I was marrying the devil.
That's hilarious. He that it's hilarious. Now it's not that, but that's your son's father. Unfortunately, yes, he's the they have a relationship.
I did no. He rated on my father. So when I died on mob wives from plastic surgery, really died flatlines mersed it through my whole body in the hospital for four months. Read my last rites twice. This man comes back to me, Bethany and gives me this watch and it was the one Rolex I didn't have long story should when he went into jail, he took money from me, and he's telling everybody in these interviews he left me everything. The only thing you left me was
embarrassed and crumbs. Because what you did to me was you took my father, who just did twelve years, came home three months and you took my father. My son caught a beaten from these kids because his father was a rat. They gave my son fourteenth staples. So what did you leave me? You left me problems? What did you leave me? My house robbed twice? Wow?
Where's he?
Now's the story? So he came two years ago, three years I was sober, ten months sober. He started with I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you, the threats. What are you killing me for? You read it? I didn't you with the murderer, not me. You didn't want to do the time for the crime you committed. Why are you threatening me? So it's an like it still happens to this day. And it's terrible because I won't get a restraining order, but I will tell you that
I might. I might because you know what, I kind of feel like it's a little scary with him because I know he really is a murderer. Okay, he went to jail for it. He he Oh wait, the funny part about the watch. So after he left and he left me in debt, I find his watch collection. I'm like, screw it. I'll hop him and I'll pay the taxes. All the watches were fake and all the watches had wires. True story, swear, swear, It's in the court documents. Yep.
He was taping my father and my I hear my mother on the tape saying, Junior, do you want breakfast? Do you wants bacon or sausage? And this? And how do you want your eggs? My mother? You tape my mother? You should go to hell. I wish you.
Well, that's a great wow, oh my God, Like I.
Wish him a hundred angry Renees every day of my life. And trust me, when I'm angry, I'd rather die.
Wow. Well, I mean, I'm so glad that I got to speak to you because in the times that I met you, I'm sure it was four minutes, three minutes, six minutes, And like that's why I will never forget having met you and gotten to know you again, like never. And I felt it's weird though, I felt like I know her, but I don't know how, and I apologize for that deeply, but like I will never forget again. Ever. You're amazing. I'm really happy for you. I'm happy you're alive.
I'm happy you connected with the right people. And I'm really proud that you're sober and have connected with your family and raising awareness for this ventanyl thing. That's crazy because I'm hearing stories of snap Chat and people finding these dealers and teens going for adderall and it being laced with fentanyl. And like, I've got a thirteen year old daughter who's turning fourteen, and I tell her, don't
ever even put your drink down. Doesn't matter if it's water, Like you know, you're drilling.
She lives in.
Yeah, you're drilling in fear to these kids because it's a different world than when we grew up. And I really don't care.
Well, tell us she had the fairy mob mother.
I will a fairy mob mother. Yes, what we got. She loves California, We love Malibu, so we're we. I love that you're doing this and let me know what you need. But I really good for you. Stay the course. You listen to Steve madd and your addiction is more important than anything. And the sobriety's your best friend and your family member. Now, Yes, love you, bethy, thank you, love you tonight, Thank you so much, congratulations, thank you, Bye bye,