So now it's we go out with the Loreal team to this restaurant. Incidentally, we went to Lavenue, which I've been in New York. The one in Paris is not as good, which is strange to say, but it's a French restaurant and it's worse in Paris.
I don't know, sue me.
So we go to Levenue, We have a nice meal out, we connect with other people, we connect with the team.
We come back.
I don't sleep that much just because we haven't been sleeping that much, and I wake up well, we got home late period, so we wake up because I wake up early, and we're more focused on the I'm more focused on the fact that we saw these like chocolate little dogs. They look like actual miniature tiny dogs that everybody has messaged me about and like I videoed them, but I forgot to like buy them all because we wanted to do like the sound with Trump.
They're eating the dog.
So like a third of the day, we're trying to do the logistics of trying to like reverse google image dogs and find them so one member my team can go to do find that the next day because we want to do that like sound like that's we're focused.
This is the shit we're focusing on.
And a then separately, I go out to go to Motto pri which is a store with Danielle in the beginning in the morning, and I want to find like basic bitch iced coffee. And we take a walk and talk and talk about how great we are and how we got ourselves here. And then I see a line outside. And I'm usually good at like knowing when something's a thing even besides the line, like if something smells like
a thing, it's a thing, Like I found something. So I see these like artwork croissants like in the window another level, like they just look like the crispiest arist artwork, like when a cronuc came out, like and I was like, what the fuck? We should wait on the line, and Danielle's like no, and the line is probably like fifty people. Danielle is the villain of this story and maybe of
the whole trip. And she's used to being a rule foller, wearing puffy sleeves and like not getting demerits, and she got such a big demerit because she didn't want to wait on the line, and me, the queen Olive, the one who's going to go on stage, the supermodel. She did buy me supermodel sweater. I wore it all weekend long, all week long. But I was like, let's wait on this line. This is a thing. She's like, now, we'll do it later, we'll come later, whatever. We walk back
the lines twice as long. We go back to the hotel. W We're now completely fucked, and we decide we're gonna now because she fucked us. The line's way longer and they're running. We send someone back for my team and they run out of the croissants and the next day they're closed, so we never got to review those. I want, like, Loriel, I need you to fly me back to Paris for a week It's actually I don't know why Loriel should do it. They didn't do one fucking thing wrong. They
did nothing. Literally, Danielle, I want you to fly me back to Paris for a weekend because we have to go try these croissants, okay, like or I need to send a messenger to go get them, because Danielle fucked us because they were closed the next day and we were focused so hard on I want to taste the croissants, so I'm still as much as it was an honor to walk the stage for Loreel, Danielle ruined the trip because we didn't get the ccissants, so we didn't get
the croissants, and then the dog place was closed to so we didn't get the melty chocolate dogs. My fault and we didn't get the croissants. So Danielle fucked us, and she's the villa so mad right now. So it's the day of and we're sitting at breakfast and like, you really it's not good that you never sleep, like and everyone knows because I message people in my normal life at home from three o'clock in the morning to midnight at night, so everyone knows I don't really sleep.
So they're like, you really need to get sleep today. And I'm like, what if I go, like get a massage. So I go down to that codage spot and have the most incredible massage, and I drool and I fall asleep and the massage my face and it's like magic is happening, Like it's magic that I would fall asleep in a massage. It's magic that this woman who works for four locations happened to like have one that morning.
It was just magic. So now I could be the president of the United States, like I could really run for office and win because I've slept. So I had this cute sweater that I wore to them on the plane and it said jem and a more and like I don't bring I didn't have like a nice outfit. I was gonna wear over to like glam. Like my glam is always like no bra and sweats because you're like gonna sit down, and just like you don't need a brath with a dress.
I'm very efficient.
I don't want anything on my body that I will later need jewel all need to lose, like I'm just super lean. So I'm getting there, no bra. I've got this little thin, airy like glam jumpsuit on because I figure they're gonna have like a satin robe and I don't like satin. It's like sweaty and whatever. And then so we get there and it's Versailles. The room with the glam is is Versailles. It is, it is Bridgerton.
It is the nicest. It is where like the dining hall of Versailles, where you would have like kings and like pigs with apples in its mouth. I could not believe it, so I'm gasping. Then everywhere you turn in le Berras, which is a an iconic location like think the Museum of Modern Art, or like the New York Library, or like some famous aquarium or something times one thousand, like stunning, stunning, I've stunning, I'm musing, And every area
of this space is something. Yet some gorgeous two million year old little balcony, some elaborate marble staircase, the ceiling is is covered in like like like Leonardo da Vinci Fresco painting like it is, but they're friends, so don't
don't come for me. I'm just saying like it is overwhelming, and I'm like, and everywhere you turn is some stunning glamazon person just some unique person, like not like normal fashion Week in New York, where people do look similar, they look fashionable, but they look New York or Paris similar, Like everybody seems unique and and just different, crazy wild hairstyles and like unbelievable makeup, and like drama and people from country small over the world, and and just like
just unbelievable people. Like I felt like I was on another planet and spaceships kept dropping off new people from different planets and I and everyone was dressed so chic and fashion, and their teams were dressed so chic in fashion.
I was like, oh my god, why am I wearing O brah my airplane outfit? Like why?
But like because I'm still like me and some people know who I am, Like why did I make that?
I just I don't know.
I thought we would just be like sitting in our chair in our area the whole time. I didn't know it'd be like free range glamazoning. I just didn't know, like throughout the entire of the opera. So I fucked that. It's not like I'm going next year in feathers, but like next year I'm wearing something cute to the preamble to the foreplay like no question, like no question. So Danielle walks in with me and we're freaking out. We
can't believe it. And one thing I want to mention, just to like maybe it's because it's models no snacks, like almost to the point of serial killer, like I would like the job lorial of like being on snacks. Like it's so confusing. I had people going to hunt down ice and snacks, but like no like little square
little sandwiches with brisala on them. And then these weird little like vegetarian sushis that were like very thin, like almost cigar with and they because they had go cheese in them and they were vegetarian, they were like oily, so they were like slippery, so I put they were mushy, so I didn't want to hold them, so I like put them on my little square, little white castle sized brizala sandwich. That's all you had to eat the entire day. And and then I'm like I'm on a supermodel diet.
And then and I don't dyet. And then someone went
and found me brownies. But like no snacks like I would have sold a kidney for like a Welch's grapefruit snack or like a pop Chicks bag or like some like pirate booty or like a little piece of chocolate or like some licorice like the US does snacks well, like I don't know the snack like I just next year, I'm like, I would like to be on snack committee, like snack in Beverage committee, because it was like a lot of like sugary juices, like I don't know, I
just I have plans for the snacks, so let's just talk about that at a later date. But like, but there were no food in, like champagne, like because we are on a supermodel diet, like I you know what I mean. I should have gotten myself like a bag a blow before I got there, like and then I would have fit in a pack of like Parliaments or Virginia Slims, truthfully, and I would have fit in perfectly.
But like, I drank and people were drinking champagne, like right, I was like, I will fuck myself so good if I drink champagne. Like forget that I was wearing shoes that were seven feet high, which we should address that with my gorgeous dress that I picked out instantly. I picked out these amazing like the most exaggerated version of platform Satin Mary Jade. It's like five feet tall. Just whatever. And this guy that I know was saying to me,
did you practice in the heels? I was like no, He's like that doesn't make any sense, like you're focused on snacks, but like you didn't practice in the I'm like, I know, I don't know. I don't know why I didn't practice this. I don't I don't know.
I don't know. I'm just like I can walk, I have legs, their shoes. It's okay.
So now Danielle is there with me, and we just can't stop saying, oh my god, oh my god, I'm not going the bathroom, and oh my god, we did this and here we are and holy shit, and just gossiping about all kinds of different stuff and people, and like how I do anything is how I do everything. And I placed the same amount of importance on the smallest thing as I do on the biggest thing, and people have no notice that. People have commented on that
in social media. If it's caviat or chicken salad or an I cream or a lip glass, I get excited. I'm not that person that holds back excitement in case it doesn't happen. I'm that person that gets excited because it might happen, talks about it, gets excited about everything. I'm just that person. And I do think it's important in life to not be jaded. And even when I wrote my book A Place of Yes years ago, one of the chapters was celebrate and it meant like make
meaning out of everything. And I've really passed that on to my daughter, from putting the lock on the bridge in France, from to two years later going to hunt down and find the lock on the bridge, to every year going to the same place, to each of us buy an ornament for each other that we think has meaning for each other, to the vegetable picking, to the decorating of the tree we try to make me We don't try. We just make meaning out of everything. We're
very excited about a lot of different things. That's just who we are. So I I sometimes wonder how everyone's not freaking out about something I'm freaking out about. For example, when I was on the Apprentice years ago, everybody got there.
Now I know how everybody acted like it wasn't blood, sweat and tears to get there, But I knew how many people you had to fight against via sending videos in hot thousands and thousands of videos, down to the x number of people that were semifinalists, down to the fifty people that went to get sequestered, and then down to the people that got it. But I remember getting into that loft and really very quickly and like meeting days in people were like, oh my god, they're gonna make so much money.
Off of us.
We should be doing this, we should be doing that, like before we had earned anything, and the show didn't even do that well. It didn't do well at all. Like it's okay if after a couple of years and you're the prized pony on Housewise and you making seven thousand dollars a year to like know you're worth ironically know you're worth and being worth it is part of
this conversation. But I remember getting there in the loft and be like, oh my god, oh my god, like not being I couldn't even sleep, I couldn't breathe and believe we were there. And I'm always shocked by how quickly the guild is off the lily, so like I was a little bit of the weirdo crazy person at the lorel fashion show in Opera, like anywhere, I would turn to anyone I could like who would talk to me?
Being like, what is going on? What are you freaking out? Am I freaking out of?
You know? Like I would say to some people that are you nervous? And no, I'm not nervous. Like people were very jaded, like I've seen things like this before and they had no one had seen it, like this.
I don't want to get.
Into the example of what I'm talking about, but like some people want to like act exactly like they belong and like they you know, this happens all the time, and that's fine, that's their journey.
I'm not that person.
I'm that person that's like not able to believe that I'm there and that is so grateful and is so present in every moment of it. And I really that's why I left reality TV, and that's why I created a life for myself which was going to be if I'm not doing exactly what I want to be doing and love doing, I'm not doing it. It meant seven figures leaving on the table with HSN. It meant seven figures leaving it on the table with partnering with MGM
and Mark Burnett, no disrespect to either party. I didn't want to do it. It meant multiple seven figures walking away from Housewives. It meant on HSN the day I was launching my bathing suits because I didn't think they fit well. It meant just saying I'll eat the money. We're not doing it. Like I just have decided in my life once I had enough money in my bank account to not be a whore that like, I didn't have to be a person that would do anything that
I didn't feel good about doing. There's no number you can put on that. And when I left Reality TV and left MGM and left HSN, I was nervous, like I have multiple homes, or at that time I probably had maybe two homes, but I have, you know, expenses, and I've been living differently, and you're buying clothes because you're on the show, and like I was okay. I was like, we're gonna pull back or just when money's not really coming in, you shouldn't be spending at a clip.
And I was okay because I was honestly.
And then this oyster, this shell, this whole thing opened up in my life just from being honest. And so like the reason I'm so happy and excited and grateful when I'm there in Paris is because I have no clutter. There's nothing I'm doing that I don't want to do. It's like I have been asked if I want to do this. I have said that I want to do this. I got myself there and I'm going to relish in
it and enjoy it. And now I'm going to bring people because I always will recognize who got me there and where I came from, and that I want to share it, and that I want everyone to be excited and like to have been part of something, and is not rewarding to do it alone. It is not rewarding to be I'm up here, you're down there. It's not
the same. The experience was really I only felt really, truly, genuinely happy on the Parish trip and even backstage when I was sharing it with someone from my team, Like there were moments when I was alone there and yes I would be talking the makeup artists, and yes I was experiencing it, and yes I was present, Yes I was talking to other people there. But I loved when Emily, my social person, was like crowd, She's she has no emotions half the time, She's like hello, She's very dry.
She was like, I'm I'm gonna throw up, I may cry. I just I'm like shooting. Kylie Jenner and Kara Della like what's going on. I'm I'm like, relax, sit down, deep breast, I have a paper bag here because I've been breathing in it too, like we just were in it. And then and Danielle like all we did all day was just say the same exact thing.
It was like annoying, like, oh my god, what's going on? Who are we? What's going on? We did this.
I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of us. Like that's how I am with most things. That's how I am was with Forbes, that's how I am with relief work three hundred million dollars, like I'm proud and present. So Danielle gives a little corporate So we're like gossiping about corporate in the night before and the peace people
and like just everything. We're just like being girls. And Delphine the HBIC comes and talks to me, and I show her my sound from TikTok for that morning, which is like good morning, you beg bad, fabulous bitch like, but I don't really know how big Delphine's shop is. And then she's like the HBIC globally. I just think she's like a nice woman from Loriel that I've met, and I show her my sound, and I also don't know that she doesn't like engage with everybody. It's like
she's the Anna Winter of this experience. But I am ignorance is bliss. So I walk up and I show her my TikTok. That's like, good morning, you big, bad, bad ass, fabulous bitch. You fucking go get the fucking day and be the bad bitch of fuck or like it's literally seventy five bucks, and she's like, I am a bad bitch. And I didn't realize. And later the people that work there were like they were able to
work for her. The people that work for the people that work for the people that work for her, we're like in a cold sweat, you know, it's so me.
Like they were like, what the fuck?
And I was like, oh, so anyway, and she's talking to me and we had a nice time, and I mean my makeup artists and we're sitting down and we're
off to the races. And I've never really I've worked with him one time, but I had a different campaign and like a different thing, and I was like very concerned that we weren't going to stick the landing and that like I was going to fuck the makeup and it was going to like not be it because I only certain people can do my makeup and I don't like a very big makeup look, and then people don't put enough makeup on and then it looks like I'm washed out, and it's like a very weird like needs
three makeup, but like really seem like no makeup. Look, I meet the hairstyles that it has like a pit crew of like seven people on me Stefan and we're like fully vibing and he is like, I love your energy more than anyone's. And Nicholas Den, the photographer, I told you bad. He's like my best friend and he's coming up and I feel like I love everyone and I know everyone and I've got friends and it's so cute.
And like then Danielle has to leave and subat with Emily, who's got like the more of the big game, like tech, you know, tech stuff, to take the video and she comes and she almost throws up. She can't handle it. She literally choked on the in the game, like she she's choking, she can't, she's she's hyperventilating. I'm like, we need to hydrate. I'm trying to hydrate. I need my ice for my beverage pack it and we're just trying to keep it together because there's still five hours still showtime.
What the fuck, am I going to do, like write a play, like okay. So then at some point during the day, let's call it like two hours later, they call for a rehearsal, and somehow this whole thing is like controlled chaos. It's like I it's like ikia, like you put your own dresser together. No one's like on your ass. There's not like someone with a clipboard like
making sure that everything just happening on time. Somehow, just like this group of sheep just knows where to be and I don't understand, like you're kind of it's kind of like almost like the word of mouth model of where you're supposed to be for this what must have been like a fifty million dollar like fashion show. So at some point, you know people that work for us, so like, yeah, I think we should head over to
the rehearsal. And then there's like a pen downstairs in the like in the lobby of this building before where you're gonna walk out, And I had my purse with me. I don't know why, like I'm not walking out my purse. I didn't understand the dress rehearsal of it all, and it's raining and people are starting to freak out that it's raining. So I'm like, wait, walking like down a runway and it's raining, and I'm still not thinking about the actual shoes.
And so we're on cue.
So we go out and like you go on these bleachers outside and there's an announcement that you should just be yourself, don't take yourself too seriously, have fun with it. Like I listened, Like I was at Harvard on the graduation day, just shy of getting my diploma. I was listening and so the hbiic is up and she's like, you just go in and be yourself. Even the way you picked the outfit. They didn't care what the earrings. They just weren't that like deep about it. So I
was like, okay, I'm listening to my assignment. I'm gonna be myself and to do what I want. And everybody says it that way, do what you want, do what you want, just be who you want, just be just do what you want.
Okay.
So we come back inside and I'm Viola Davis is behind me, so like I'm always that's gonna be like my buddy system with like the two of you know, you're in like third grade, you're in you're like yellow rain slicker with rain boots next to the person in third grade holding their hand because you have them the buddy system, like Viola Davis is my non consensually binded buddy, Like she doesn't know about this, but I know that where Viola.
Goes, I go.
So I also peripherally realize that Viola's like one of the people like you. I think she's in the voiceover on like the Loreal video and she's like one of the I don't know if they're ambassadors, if there's if it's different spokespeople like Heidi's Germany. I think Kendl's like the big one for like globally because she's a global talent. Viola and like Evil must be like twenty years longest one from us, like Andy McDowell has been there forever.
It's just like these people, and I think they're like ambassadors, and there are different ones from all over the world for their countries. And I know this because later there's like a set of stairs and like a whole group of people is on the stairs in this picture that like I'm not part of because I'm like an interloper.
So we all go outside and we're sitting on these bleachers and the girl next to me is like, oh my god, I love you, and I'm like, look over and she looks so familiar, like she's looking but it's one of these things where you think everyone it's a supermodel and it might just be a normal person, but like it's Alec Weck, who's a major global supermodel, and
she's like, I'm obsessed with you. And right in front of me is Viola and her jacket says Viola and me heard like robe and I'm just like wait, everyone's like just sitting next to each other and everyone's like internationally famous, like and it's.
Just so chill. Everyone's just chill.
I'm like, okay, so now we go back inside to this holding area. And by the way, when I'm in this holding area, like Evel Longer, he's like, oh my god, got that, And and Patrick To's like, oh my god, you have flawless skin, Bethany. I've seen it online but I've never oh my god. And like Jane Vonda says hello to me, and just like I'm running into people I know, and I'm there's a girl Paula who's Viola's
behind me, and Paula's in front of me. I get home and I see Paula in the stowed ad and she and her stunning.
Boyfriend.
They're like Tommy Hill figure and Ralph Lauren models, and he's Christy Turlington's nephew. And I connect with her on that because I know Christyton's husband's brother and just like we're all just famous supermodels, just like you know, congregating. So we come back in the room from the stage, and I still have my purse and where we know where we're supposed to go and what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to remember, do what we want to do.
So I come back in and there are like a bunch of these like plastic folding chairs, and Viola sits in one of them. I don't even pay attention to who's near her, and I don't realize that these chairs are for like the major ambassadors. So it's like Camilla Cabello, Cara Delavine, Kendall, Andy, Jane, Viola, Eva, like those are like the ones that have the chairs, but I don't see the names, and I don't know that they're like
the people that like the VIP section. So I see Viola sit down, so I sit down next to her, because like where Viola goes, I go, we're in the buddy system. So I then I'm holding this big, bulky bag, and I feel awkward because I know that then we're going to get into Q to like go back out and rehearse, and I'm not gonna like walk out with
this gigantic bag. So I get up for one second and remember it's been raining to put this bag like behind me, behind this like cafeteria table next, you know that's behind us, and I just want to slip my
bag there and hope no one steals it. And I'm wearing these black clogs that have a slippery tread, and I do like sort of like a split and I slide and my I still don't know that these are the VIP chairs like that, I'm that there are a bunch of pty forty people standing up and I'm sitting here for reason I don't know, maybe they're in a different group. I don't realize that they're standing because they're not ambassadors, and neither am I. Because I'm probably the
fiftieth person that was like kissed into this experience. I'm the interloper. I do not belong. I don't act like I belong. So now I slip my bag and my legs start to slip, and I fall and display myself across the laps. We've just entered this experience. I don't know any of these people. I'm not best friends with Evel Longoria or Heidi Klum yet Heidie's and one of the chairs too. I think I'm not best friend with anyone.
I'm just myself. I like I have one friend, and so now I slide, I split, and I'm fall across the laps of Viola Davis and Andy McNichol while like grabbing onto her like gray sweater, and Jane fond is directly next to us, like in the seat next to Andy and Kensington the influencer my five 't eleven Glamazon influencer Baby is standing up online because she's like she has her own experience and she and I think she did this last year, but she still like appreciates being
there and she's still like is looking up to me as like a mom and a boss, Like she looks up to me and if I tell her to do something, she's gonna do it, and she wants to do what I'm doing in ways and like she respects me, and it came up in a bunch of other different ways. It doesn't matter. She's kissing the ring. I didn't ask
her to. I'm just telling you she's kissing the ring as like a respect your elder and an elder influencer and a person who's like, you know, a lot of these young girls are like that, and I think they're smart because like I could give them opportunities mentor them. Who knows, she tells me, I'm her mentor the day before. So now she's looking up over in slow motion like what's my mom?
What is she doing?
Why is she sitting there? Why did she choose a? And then she's in slow motion watching the slowest train wreck car crash, and she's watching me split like fall across their laps. So she immediately starts videoing the reaction right after, which should tell you everything. Why is she videoing this situation? Because it was that embarrassing. So Viola was so nice and also like a little like what
the fuck is this weirdo doing? Like I'm not gonna lie, like I loved her, I fell in love with her, but like it was a little jarring and Annie McNichols, same thing, like we're being polite, we're all nice, and it's women supporting women, but this fucking clown and no one was acting like why she's sitting here? But I sat there was such conviction. I had no idea. So then I everyone was nice. Jane fond I was like sort of smiling and laughing. She said hello to me,
introduce herself to me. It seemed like she knew who I was, which doesn't track, but it really did seem
like it. And then I stood up and I got on the line, and for like ten minutes we were like, oh, we ever gonna like discuss what happened, like and she's like I really I can't, and like I'm not ready, and like we kept going back to it like it's like, m yeah, remember that time that happened, And it was like it was the culmination of everything because I was not It was like the culmination of the no bra and the wrong outfit, and like it just was.
It was what it was.
So we go on the line and I go out and they give me an umbrella because it's pouring rain and I have clogs on and I do my own personality and I twirl and my team is shearing, and everyone's like that was amazing. You were you, you looked so happy. Yay, we got this. So now we come back in and then it's gonna be another couple of hours and soon it's gonna like tick up to being like now let's put the final beat on, like I
call it like and the beat goes on. So we're gonna put the final makeup beat, make sure it's perfect. Then you go to get your outfit. Then you go into the bathroom, then you put on the shoes. The shoes did feel a little.
High in the moment when you.
Realized you were gonna wear them on a runway, But like, I chose them because I wanted to be this like draffe like animal, like that had long legs and like these like thin I just wanted to be the giraffe, like I just did. So then we eventually do the same thing, like the lineup. But now everyone's wearing these outfits. I've never seen what people were wearing. I've never. I've never.
I've never. I've been to the Vanity Fair party, I've been to Fashion Week, I've been to the Emmys, I've been to the Grammys, I literally I've never everything was the most spectacular goddess like unique, creative, daring outfit that was like so like stunning, and I just was complimenting everyone. I was like, you stunning, Like I was freaking out
on everyone. But as people put on these dresses, they were dispersing into these little vignette areas of think about an opera, so it was it's the it's the opera in Paris. So there's like vignettes everywhere, little balconies everywhere,
staircases everywhere, nooks, crannies, chandeliers everywhere. So everywhere you turned, someone was doing some photo shoot, either with their own social team or with the official social team, and they were doing videos and you were waiting to do like the official video and the official picture, and Nicholas, my photographer's coming to get his because he's responsible for the American you know, knew us girls that came in like
but then I'm sure Eva had her own photograph. It was elaborate, it was like a circus, like like it was like a symphony.
It was like an opera. It was a symphony. It was crazy.
So like then we go back down to that pen again and people are socializing and talking and hanging. And now I start to get like, well, I gotta practice this thing, Like I gotta practice this thing. So I started like walking just like in short areas like where's security. As I look at I'm like it was that good,
like the security guy like we good. Like I had no one to talk to, and I wasn't gonna ask like one of the real people because then I don't know, it's just like they got their own thing and like I was only asking like security people, I don't. And then I was embarrassed, like people were watching me practice. People weren't practicing, people like had practiced or knew how to do it, or they were gonna do what she said, just walk, you know how to walk?
Okay.
Paula is the beautiful stowed model amongst other brands, and she's in front of me and she's just like just go just have fun, like do what you want to do, like okay. So now the horses are at the starting gate and we're about to walk out, and I look over to the right and Heidi Klum is sitting there in this latex gown like with her like boobs giving and she goes, you go rocket Bethany, and I'm like,
what is actually going on? Like I actually think I'm gonna be in the Victoria's Secret fashion show, I really do. I like what Viola Davis is standing behind and Heidi Klume to the right is saying to me, go Rocket, Bethany, what the fuck is going what is that?
What the fuck is going on?
Like it's not even like Heidi Klumb said go rocket before I like made a Sioux flea. It's like Heidi Klume the Victoria's Secret like Angel, like like catwalk like legendary angel, super model. I'm telling everyone I'm a supermodel. Heidi Clue says, go Rocket. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Like I'm going to like go attempt her craft and she says that to me, It's insane.
It's insane.
It's insane, right, Like I'm like going out into the school play and Meryl Street is like, go Rocket. I'm like, what in the fuck is going on? So I start So I start walking out and then you walk like out through the tunnel like you're a sports figure. That's like walking out, you know, like into the arena because there's like and there's like a place you're walking into before you're walking onto the stage. That make any sense,
It's like a backstage. Think like a when you see anybody performing at Coachella or anywhere, Like, it's like that, there's like a backstage you're gonna walk around before you're into the main thing. So now I'm walking out and Cara delaven is walking in and she's like, go get it, girl, and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? So I walk out and I walk it and I'm happy. And the shoe I don't even know, Like it's rainy,
it's slippery. The shoes require some attention. They're gigantic platform shoes. They're not like walking in normal shoes. They require a very space. You're not like gliding, You're not. They're not ice skates, you know, You're like. So there was a little march to it that was different than the rehearsal. I feel good. I don't know what's coming out of the oven. I don't know what people are seeing, but like, I feel good. I want approval. I want someone tell
me I didn't to shit the bed. But like I feel good, But I don't know, maybe I look like a stundier.
I don't know.
I walk to the end, I do my smile, to do my twirl. I hear people's screaming. I walk back in. You know, everyone's focused on themselves. No one's worried about what I did. No one's telling me what I did I could have, you know, got shit the bed. I want.
I need a person. I know.
I don't even have a phone for someone to say, you have great, you did great, because I left my phone. So I'm like alone for like an hour, like looking in my own head like did I suck?
What is coming out of the oven? What? What the fuck? But I felt good, like I actually felt good.
So so then we're watching on the screen other people because and I see this poor girl fall and another girl helps her up.
Oh sorry.
As I'm walking off the runway, I make the creative and groundlings improvisational choice to put my hands out for Viola Davis to give me a high five because she is looking at me now. I did not think about what if she didn't pick up what I put down, that would have been so embarrassing. But she did because she's Viola Davis. And I talked to her backstage before we went on, and we talked about having fourteen year old daughters. And I talked to her team and she
was lovely and I just liked her. She was just real. She wasn't performing as nice and she wasn't being.
Aloof. She was just cool and just like she was just Viola Davis.
And I complimented her on some things and we chatted and that was great. But she picked up my high five and she didn't have to. That was her running moment going in, and she picked it up, and that's what the event was about. That high five crystallized the entire thing. So I leave, I come back in and I'm just seeking for some form of life. We wait a while, kens I wait a long time. I'm like her, Mommy, We do like I don't know, do do we drink?
We start drinking champagne and then brain comes and you did great, mommy. And then everybody comes and all this stuff happens, and Emily's excited and she's like, we're about to post it, et cetera.
And we're thrilled.
And I watch it and I think it looks amazing and I'm happy, and they put me on the JumboTron and my team tells me they don't put everybody on the JumboTron and I am a supermodel.
I'm so excited.
It's amazing and people are like, you slay it it and TikTok is loving it and most of it's Instagram is way more evil than TikTok just so you know, TikTok is like supportive and just all you know, all shapes, all sizes. Instagram is real bitchy, middle aged, judgmental, miserable women. Like that's really what it is. I mean there's a lot of not that, but there's a lot of that. I would say it's probably like fifteen percent of that, which does feel like a lot when you're reading it.
So then people start like saying, what's with that walk? And you were like a Clydesdale and like whatever not everybody like it's probably like one out of ten people.
But I'm reading that, I'm feeling I'm like.
Wait, what what? Like I they said, do what we want? And aren't we supposed to be worth it? And aren't we Like why would we?
What do you mean?
Like?
Who cares?
Like?
Am I supposed to?
I mean I've been playing a supermodel on social media, but I'm like, I have no experience and like I'm happy, like what will Like it'd be different if I felt like that girl has a right to feel like horrified and people are making fun of her, which is actually pure evil. You should be go to hell and drop dead if you made fun of her, Like that's despicable, Like that's her moment. And even still that's true, and it's human to errs, human to forgive. It's divine. She fell,
it's the worst, and I just that's horrible. But maybe she's usually perfect and that's why she fell on that day. I didn't fall in that day because I fell on Viola Davis backstage and because I always do something stupid. But again, it can never just be something with me. It can never just be like normal. And like I did it, I had to come off and it had to be like a discussion.
And I posted this video saying.
Like I chose those shoes, like people are like, oh my god, I can't believe they put you in those shoes. They didn't put me in any shoes. I chose the shoes. I wanted to be a giraffe, like I wanted. I didn't know it was supposed to be perfect, Like who wants to be perfect, and this is me. This is olive in the Little Miss Sunshine Van was olive perfect to shoe a fucking buy focal disaster up there. I didn't want to be a disaster, but like, I committed to the bit. Whatever I was doing, I committed.
I was happy.
I wasn't uncertain. I marched to the beat of my own drama, thrilled. I posted video saying I chose those shoes.
I wanted it.
And it's easy to sit in judgment when you're not there, but like I walk down and not only did I get down and get home and did I do it? This isn't my primary business by any means. This is like being this age and going to fucking Canada and starring in a lifetime movie.
What are you crazy?
That was nuts that I did that and I stuck that landing because I just leaned in and I committed to it. I committed to this and I made a choice. This is what I'm doing. And people were like Hayters and people were so defensive of me, like what are you talking about? But like, let's say that I sucked. Who cares? What are we curing cancer by catwalking? Like?
Who can?
Like what if I fucking sucked or fell. Okay, she fell, It's part of life. I don't want my daughter wrapped in bubble wrap. You're gonna fall, You're gonna have snot on your face, You're gonna have something on your teeth. Bill Clinton had spinach on his teeth when I met him the day of the Apprentice finale. Okay, it's gonna happen. So I love what I did. I wouldn't have posted. If I did it, I would have been horrified. It would have been all the still pictures of me as
a supermodel. No one would have seen my walk. I posted my walk. I was loud and proud.
And there were people there.
There was a woman there with a prosthetic crystal legs. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. There was a woman that all day I saw, I did not notice that she did not have a hand. There were people that were painfully thin. There were people that were you know, that were larger than life. There were people that had their hair shaved bald. There were
people that had braids to their toes. There was every type of person there, and like every type of walk and every age, and like every weight and every culture, and like what are you talking about? Like, I fucking did what I wanted to fucking do, and I came back and it's like, yeah, commit to the bit own it I lived for and everyone. So it was just like what and then you know, so so that was that and I and it became it became it became a story. It became like a news, It became like
a thing. It got so much media attention, so much more than anyone than media attention anyone got, because it was, you know, quintessentially what this thing was about. It's like it was being I think I understood. I think I understood the assignment. It was about being perfectly imperfect. It was about knowing your worth.
Who's worth? Who gives you your worth? An arimez bag, a man, a woman.
A prize, a car, a title, a job, a raised No, you, you look in the fucking mirror and you give yourself a worth. I walked around for a month and a half not even knowing this thing was coming. I was saying it because I looked good in videos. I'm a supermodel. It's weird that this happened because I didn't say I'm a supermodel. For all those weeks leading up to this, I didn't even know about this. I one day looked really good, I go, I'm a supermodel, and then I
just started saying it every day. It was almost like I was manifesting this experience. I am a supermodel. Guarantee you I'll be walking in other fashion shows, because that's what it's about. Loud, proud, own it, perfectly and perfect. So I don't know much. I may have been a giraffe. I may have been a Clydesdale. I may have picked gigantic shoes. I may have not fit in like anybody else. I may have fallen across Yola Davis's lap and Andy McDowell,
and with Jane Fonda looking on. I may have acted like a freaking weirdo so excited I couldn't stand myself. I may have brought the van of little Miss Sunshine people and we were all a mess. But I know one thing for sure. I understood the assignment. I understood the assignment. The HBIIC gave an assignment. I had my little pen and paper out, and I understood the assignment, and I stuck the landing, and I was entirely present. I was proud and present. So after we go out
to this big dinner to celebrate. I don't do well with too much activation. I can't handle it. It's too much. I'd had it on the tour. The tour would start at eight o'clock at night. It would end at nine thirty. It's a VIP meet and greet. You're talking to people, you're talking to production. I can't sleep till four o'clock in the morning. Activation. I can only sleep when I've been sleeping a lot. And I get activated and I stay up. I get I am spinning like a top.
I get wound up like an eight day clock. So we go out to this dinner, but I'm in the car and I can't get out of the car.
No, oh, sorry, you're welcome.
No my team, Danielle de Villen for two reasons, she said to me, Because we talked to through. I'm like sh ring my alpha for after She's like, no, you can come back to the hotel and change.
But I don't really. I she's half a villain. But we didn't think this through.
So now this paparazzi and everything outside, they say they need the outphit back. Now, okay, they need the outfit back now right after the show. I didn't think that through. I thought we could give it back later. But I guess with fifty people, that's a dangerous game, so you gotta give it back. I draw the line, I say to Danielle immediately, No, I'm not putting my airplane outfit back on. This is where I draw the line. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is demoralizing.
I am not going on my stinky discussing airplane clothes outside with paparazzi after being a supermodel in Paris Fashion Week.
That's where you fucking lose me.
So they had to bring over my feather dress in me up, pulls the zipper down two inches and it's like, yeah, you can get in. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? I can't get in that. So she's not telling me that the dress is stuck and the feathers are stuck up and down the teeth. I'm like, miya, yeah, I'm not small as my dog, like, I can't get in this fuck dress. So brain has to get scissors take it over. I'm naked backstage, like I'm nude. People
walking in and out, It's like completely inappropriate. And a shit show, And so finally brain gets it open, and I get in the feather dress for the after party, and I get in my outfit and I'm a doll. And I get in the car and everyone gets out
and I ball. I ball and then proceed to cry on the Internet because I am so moved by the opportunity, by the experience, by the culture, by the diversity, by the diversity and weight, by the diversity and age, by the diversity in flaws and imperfections, by the opportunity, by the hard work pays off, by the living authentically, just doing what you naturally do and being always being honest, landing you on a Paris Fashion Week runway that I did it, that I stuck the assignments.
I balled like a baby. I was overwhelmed.
I knew that I had not acted like I I did not feel like I belonged. I was so moved and overwhelmed with gratitude, I couldn't even barely move. And then I got downstairs and I was crying at the whole dinner like a weirdo with all kinds of people and influencers and loreal people and my Sunshine team, like like sleep once I start sleeping, I sleep. Once I'm awake, I'm awake. Once I start crying, I'm crying. I was just so exhausted, so fragile, and like it really hit me.
So we go out to dinner on mainlining drinks, don't feel any of them because the adrenaline hanging out, being with Brinn, taking good pictures, not entirely present, but having fun.
Get home.
That's when I shoot the video, basically saying the giraffe thing like I wanted to do what I did and whatever, you know. And then I pull an all nighter. I'm laying on Brind's head because it usually puts me to sleep, and I'm crying into her hair, like sobbing like snoopy tears, drowning her hair.
And then.
Six o'clock in the morning, we have to leave for the airport because a legend in the beauty industry has summoned me, asked for an audience, and wants to shoot something together, which was entirely surreal. So I get on the plane and of oh no, it's not over go through security, and of course Jane fond is standing right next to me, because that's why I always run into it. Security, we start chatting. She thinks she says she isn't in first class. I offer her my seat. There's no way
Jane fond is sitting in coach. I then realize that she doesn't know that for Air France the business is laid down and like being in first class, so I don't give her my seat. And then on the plane, I see Jane Fonda twice, two to three times in the galley, which is really weird, like anytime I was up. You know, when you're up on a plane, it's dark
and you're like lurking and like everyone's sleeping. Jane and I then we land and then I see her buy the car again, thinking it's meant to be because I can't believe it, and she asks me for my phone number, so I've Jane found his phone number in my phone and go back to the apartment, walk directly into a shower, Directly open the front door, walk into a shower, go into hair and makeup to go meet a legend in
New York City. Don't go to the suburbs where love go into New York City and the end of the story and the moral of the story is pros play hurt