So we've talked about the Jennifer Lopez has been athleic conversation before. Please understand this is I would never ever say anything negative about them because I don't know them, but it's a vehicle to talk about something you can all see, and so it's something that could affect all of us. And what that is is that Jennifer Lopez loves success and hard work and has an unparalleled work ethic and drive for success, for fame, for publicity, which
I get, and for reinvention. And she's been very successful, and she's very talented. She's a good dancer, she's beautiful, and she works it. She doesn't mind spending six hours getting ready to go to something that is very difficult in a relationship, which we discussed. But she could arguably be described as addicted to success or fame or something. And she married someone who's a literal addict, admitted addict. I would never out someone's addiction either, but who seems
to be irreverent and insular. He's hysterical, he's talented, he's smart, he's creative, but you can tell that he's uncomfortable with fame and the spotlight and that he's an introvert, and that he can come outside, but he wants to go back inside, and that he's also not that vain, he doesn't really care what he looks like. You know, I get that. I'm more like I'm actually like both of them. I'm driven, and I like publicity, and I market and
I'm successful, and I'm a woman. I'm also an introvert, and I also don't care what people think of the way that I look. And I also like my privacy, and I don't go to a lot of red carpet events.
And I believe that they have had a love.
Connection, and that the intoxication of Jennifer Lopez and of the relationship and of some hit that was gotten from this relationship fed Ben, who is an admitted addict. And I feel like, you know, Jennifer Garner was likely very consistent and very solid, and addicts like to get a hit or a high off of something. I could see that Ben was getting that high off of dunkin Donuts. I could see that he wasn't probably happy and in a great place doing the Tom Brady roast that was
probably like a crash. And it feels like the intoxication of Jennifer Lopez, which was a hit, a strong hit, and a high that Ben Affleck sustained wore off because they were in a lifestyle. They were traveling and on yachts and with rare diamonds and going to events and looking amazing and looking happy and getting attention from the media and on red car events, and he was launching a movie and she was launching a movie, and you know, it all seemed amazing, and I think it probably was amazing.
But having done that on television in a smaller scale for reality TV, you kind of are getting a hit and high off of She here was getting a hit and a high off of all the pr and the success and the attention. And he was getting a hit and a high off of the excitement of the connection and the electricity of the two of them and the chemistry. And it wears off. All highs do wear off. And I believe that you can make a break. Coastin taught me this. He's a life coach. You can create a
lifestyle out of a life. Meaning if you have a good solid base, you have a life, you have a partner, you're really solid, you have the cake, then you can add the frosting, which is the lifestyle. So you can create a lifestyle out of a life. So you can have a life and then have fun. Go spend money, Go be superficial, Go buy the big houses, go to the red carpet.
Events, all that.
But you can't make a life out of the lifestyle. You can't put the frosting first. It's what housewives thrives on. Relationships that are so excited. They're having problems in their own relationships, but they go on there and the hit and the high of the buying, the cars, the attention, the press, the reunions, the stuff, the luxury goods, the real estate, the make up, the glam, the trips, all of it. You know, that's a lifestyle. But what happens is if you don't have a solid foundation, which is
the life, it won't sustain. I don't think that in this new two point zero era or even the first time benefer have never had a solid foundation where you've blended, you layered in the ingredients you've had the two of you, your connect You're silent, you don't let anyone know you're really finding out whether this can go the distance. You're just keeping to yourself, nurturing, building layering. Then you're adding in some more ingredients and to you know, the batter.
You're adding in chocolate chips, which means maybe it's a house. You're adding in nuts, which means maybe it's you know, the attention on a red carpet. Ryan Gosling and even Mendez have taught society that if you really cherish and nurture your relationship, it's sacred and you want to keep it to yourself.
And I've made that mistake. I keep going.
Lesser and lesser each relationship, like it'll be that I'll be hiding in a bunker. But at this stage, at this age, to bring the world into your relationship, when you have no foundation, you've never spent years with the person, with children with you know, holidays with year round, with four seasons, when you've never really done that, it's a dangerous game to bring in camera crews and documentaries and by the way, that's making this big. So let's take
this down. Let's take this to the average person. You know, you're in your neighborhood and you meet somebody and they you know, you're all on a high and it's amazing. Maybe you were having an affair. Maybe that was exciting. Maybe you met someone really rich and that was exciting. Maybe you know, you just thought someone was really hot and you're a cougar and that was exciting. That's all frosting.
That's all lifestyle. That's not life. You know, once you've been bored with someone, you've been bored with someone for several seasons, you know, four seasons, and then you decide you're going to add the frosting. Then you both make money.
Maybe somebody hits it big. Then you guys can handle the money or the superficiality or other couples, or gossip, or the neighborhood, or having kids, or an issue the kids go through, or god forbid, somebody gets sick, or god forbid, one of your kids has a substance abuse issue.
Like these are life's issues.
Because when you're Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck and you just meet and you're both hot and you're both interesting, and you're both intoxicated by the hit, you have to be careful with that.
That's lass.
You can't start showing your love letters to other people. You can't start having camera crews around, you can't start going to red carpet events together that's too much for someone like that, like anybody would know that, you can't start layering in the families and kids and events.
It's too much. The damn will break.
And I say that with respect and acknowledgment of my own flaws and.
Errors in my life.
I say that with institutional knowledge and wisdom of the staircase. I say that because each of them are in their fifties, and nobody's getting out without paying the bill, and everybody has to be in serious therapy to figure out. As Allen DeGeneres said to me, if you will keep making the same mistake until you learn the lesson, you don't have to like Ellen, you don't have to respect her, you don't have to agree with her. That advice is solid.
You will keep making the same mistake until you learn the lesson.
And also.
You have to be comfortable, willing and allowing for yourself to be alone. The drug is the other person. It's easy to go find someone.
It really is.
People make it hard. It's easy to go find a seat to put your ass in. It's harder to be alone, but it's so much more rewarding, and it's so much more confident and secure and healing and necessary. You have to be fully put together. You are the addresser that has been fully put together. You have no dangling screws before you go get with another person and be in a relationship and add them into your world, and add
your world into their world, and blend families. But it really it takes a while to layer these things in.
You can't just electricity and love is not enough. It's not.
But even if it were, big lives and big theatrics and big stunts and really superficial elements will take you down to the sticks. Everybody has to learn the lesson. Nobody gets out without paying the bill.
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