Just B Rant: *I* Will Tell You if I'm Engaged

own voice and say what I was going through. I was terrified that they would be repercussions for explaining that I was going through hell, and I was painted to be the villain and the person who's quiet and isn't getting their words out, particularly when you're in the public I or even in your I was called the culled Deza, the person who's saying nothing everybody else gets to just spin rumors about. So then I left reality TV, and that was very vindicating and very liberating because I decided

that I wanted some version of a private life. Now that's laughable given the fact that I'm in the media pretty much every day, but I wanted to try to have some version of a private life. I was in a relationship for years a very meaningful, very significant relationship, and it's tempting. You're in a relationship with someone, You're out at a restaurant and you're trying something and you want to share it with your followers, and you want

to include the person you're with. You also want to share the person you're with with your followers, and they get invested, and you want to inspire them that they too could meet someone. You also want to let them know that you're not miserable anymore, that you're happy. But finding someone doesn't mean you're happy. We cannot be defined by who we're with, and I really don't want that

to be my identity. What happens is you meet someone and people are invested in it, and they ride with you to the top, and then you break up, and then they ride with you to the bottom, and they want to know why. And it has to be someone's fault. Someone did something wrong, someone cheated on someone, someone couldn't handle the other person. Someone's the villain, someone's the hero. In some cases, people just break up. It could be

for religious differences. It could be parenting styled. It could be the blending didn't work. It could be for money. It could be long distance. It could be someone's career is too important to them at that time. It could be timing. It could be just someone's in a toxic period in their life. It could be addiction. There are a million things that could be going on. It could be a previous divorce or not ready yet. It could

be anxiety. There are a million reasons why people break up and why people get together, and everybody wants to assign something that makes them feel better. So it's like, if two people break up that seemed perfect and you're feeling bad about yourself, you want it to be that someone cheated on the other person because that makes you feel bad about when you were cheated on, or it makes you feel better that that person is alone, because

you're alone. And that's how people operate sadly, and people really want to sabotage others' happiness, and that's really sad. And when you are the most unhappy is when you want to talk badly about other people and their relationships. And when you're the happiest, you're just happy for everyone, and you are sad when people are in pain, even

if you don't like those people. And I have been in a dating era and I've shared many of the stories with you about fails and pink flags and red flags and you know, fears and advice, and I've tried to maintain a level of privacy, not just for myself but for other people. Now sometimes, as I've mentioned to you, that's challenging because a person with you is now with you, and they want that to be known because they don't want you to seem like you're single. So you want

to include them in some way. You know, I've taken a picture of someone that I've been out with or that I liked, holding their hand, but like facing the other way to acknowledge them, to not marginalize them. And the truth is any version of public scrutiny is not

a good idea. It's just difficult to navigate. And the reason you read so many celebrity breakups, even probably more than normal breakups, and so many reality television breakups, is because the fish bowl is intense and it seems fun for a minute, but it's a rose and it has petals and thorns. It's fun when everyone's so into you and it seems great, and it crashes and burn. Look at Jalo and ban Afleck, Look at everybody, and so you try to maintain a level of privacy but also

be inclusive with the person that you're with. And the truth of my dating life is it's been a dating life. I was in Miami and I was wearing a ring that I've had for years that Dennis, my ex fiance, bought me at Beauty and Essex at their pawn shop.

And it's a flexible diamond ring. And it doesn't fit on my right hand and it gets swollen, it will get trapped, and so I wear on my left hand because I don't really care, Like I don't care about a left hand or a right hand, Like nobody said that, Like your left hand has to mean anything any more than a man wearing an earring in the right air means he's gay or straight or weird things like I don't care about that.

my relationship every day because that hasn't served me. My divorce was traumatic and that being so public was a nightmare, like an absolute nightmare. And a breakup that I went through was terrible because it became public. It had been private for six months and it was so peaceful and I was like, wait, wow, I get to feel normal, go through it and break up and like experience it on my own. And then something happened and it exploded into the universe and then people knew about it, and

that sucked. And now I'm just trying to meet people and date and have an interesting life and connect and experience love and intimacy, and I just don't want any time I go into the ocean and I'm wearing a diamond ring that doesn't look anything like an engagement ring, that this means that I'm engaged. I just don't want these labels to define me. What if I want to be happy and that means not knowing what the end will be. What if I don't know if I ever want to get engaged. What if I don't know if

I ever want to get married. What if I do end up getting married. What if I say to myself, I only want to be with someone who has older kids, but I meet someone who has younger kids. What if I meet someone amazing and I want to blend with them but it doesn't work. What if I meet some that's long distance?

We could end up alone in our eighties, with beautiful people around us, great pets of full life, a great career, still relevant, working, hanging out with Snoop and not in a relationship because she seems like she didn't want it or it didn't work for her, she couldn't find the one she wanted. Martha Stewart is an example of someone who probably doesn't want to eat something that's mid So if she didn't find a relationship that seems above average,

she probably isn't willing to settle. Maybe she's difficult, maybe she's better alone. Why is this judged? Why does everybody have to do what everybody else thinks they want you to do. I'm wearing diamonds wherever I want. I could wear diamonds on every finger and every toe and it doesn't mean I'm engaged. I believe that based on the relationship we have. I will tell you if I'm engaged, I'd be You'd be probably the first people i'd tell. The media cannot explain what's going on in my life.

I'll explain what's going on in my life in other ba Humbug Ebenezer Scrooge news. I love giving thanks, I genuinely do. I am thankful, I am grateful. I'm always I'm annoying about it, Like I'm in Paris Fashion Week with Loriel and I'm like Oh my god, can you guys believe I'm on the day one of Apprentice like stalking everyone to be as grateful and thankful and appreciative and in the moment and centered as I am, Like, shut fucking whole. But guess what, I don't like Thanksgiving.

I don't like Thanksgiving. Why it's a perfectly good long weekend that I want to go away somewhere and utilize it with my daughter because I'm so I have to adhere to her school schedule so tight, and she can't take a minute off because it's a fucking it's insane in there, and like the sports and the academics and the pressure, so we can never miss a day. So it's a perfectly good weekend that it's bad travel on this day. It's bad travel on the day after. It's

Black Friday. On this day, it's a whole. It's a common deared weekend that is also about marketing the slaughtering of turkeys, And yes, I eat chicken, I eat steak, So it seems hypocritical, but it's not, because it's a mass slaughtering and there's so much waste on a food that's never great. You're gonna say your chicken's juicy. Yours is moist. Fine, great, it's sometimes there's parts that are moist.

There's always some fucking dry part. And it's a giant thing and it's sloppy, and no one's making like turkey soup and a giant cauldron. The net like the waste is ad nauseum, all the sloppy, sloppy disgusto ziplock bags because now you're wasting plastic.

like it. And we only like turkey's big, perfect tits. We only want the white meat breast, that's what we want. I don't like it. So yes, I want to travel on Thanksgiving. I want to fly on that fucking day when no one's fine. Go somewhere great, ignore it, not murder all the birds for the waste and the pressure and the stress. I don't care. And I also I

don't know. I don't love the whole meal. It's a it's a fucking onslaught, and it's waterboarding, Like, I don't need sweet cranberries with sweet sweet potatoes, with sweet marshmallows, with sweet pecans, with sweet pumpkin pie at the same fucking time. Oh, let's candy some walnuts on the salad that has dried cranberries in it. But also let's jam some fucking corn bread up the turkey with the cranberries. What are we doing? Are we all trying to be diabetic?

Like we're doing this all the same time. No wonder everyone's sleeping until Valentine's Day. Why it's not normal. It's not normal.

sweet potatoes. But then like, let's do that, let's have the let's have the cranber and it's not a weight thing.

Don't pretend you like peacmpie as much as just a beautiful piece of birthday cake from publics. Don't fucking pretend I'd rather have ice cream cake or a gorgeous chocolate cake with multiple layers any day. Don't sell me peacam pie. I'm not buying it. I don't need like a pile of nuts after I've eaten every fucking food category in the universe.

At least Christmas has a distraction of gifts and presents and kids running around and Holliday cheer and gingerbread in the tree and all these fucking activities and Sanna and his sleigh and masks. Let's go to math, break it up. Thanksgiving is just like it's like it's like the way that they stuff, like they what do they do for fuag garas they stuff some animal? Whether they inject them with goosefat or something, I don't know, whatever it is,

it's how I feel. I don't like Thanksgiving. And when I cook Thanksgiving I smell like onions for two weeks. I like everything. I can't even I don't want to eat it. I smell like sage and rosemary. It's under my nails. I don't like the way it feels. It's all over my clothes. It's I don't like that either. The difference between something I have cooked, which is excellent. I happen to be a good cook and something that's

like sort of above average. The swing isn't big enough for me to want every item of clothing that's in my home, in my closet to smell like Parsley, rosemary, sage stuffing and fucking turkey fat. I can't wait for all the unfollows I'm gonna get. I know you guys think I am a grouch and a screwge. I don't care. I feel free. I feel liberated. I fucking set it and the origin of the Thanksgiving story too. My friends are from Canada, France. They don't do it. I cling

to them. Two years I did it alone. One year I jumped into the ocean in the Hamptons. It's not my haul. Some people hate Halloween. They don't like the costumes, they don't like the pressure. Some people hate New Year's Eve. They don't like it. What does it need to be all and dreamsy to come true? I'm exhausted. I don't want to stay awake. I'm a loser.

have to make things meaningful. But do not invest your whole life into these holidays because they will fucking run you over like a freight train. Period story in film at eleven