Just B Rant: How to Go Out in the Hamptons

pom Beach. Couldn't be further from the Breakers from pom Beach. This is like a cute, little beachy bungalow looking hotel and they had a pool and a lot of cute branding and carbone and I guess Bamboo is the restaurant,

and it was super cute. And Montalk's gotten a bad rap as if it's like really gone down because they have influencers and because they have bottle service, but they and they have round swamp and they have expensive things, but they also still have water and boats and cuteness and beat checks and Montalk has pancake pancake houses and ice cream stores and it's the highs, the lows, the mediums, and it's still cool. So she had a party and

I went, and is it weird? I kind of don't mind being the old girl at the club, Like I still somehow fit in, which is weird because I think I'm not going to fit in, but like I just fit in. I don't know why. So I show up and girls are screaming, which was super ego boosting, and I it was. It was packed packed, a zoo hit in the corner my gaze found me Simon Hawk, who uh is a friend that I've known for years. I talked about him on here. He owns part of and

runs Lemmy Courtney Kardashian's company. He's handsome, he lives in mon Talk. He's slightly bougie. He's friends with a bunch of gays. One's cuter than the next. He had like all different style gays, like one who is like sleeveless, like muscles and Latin, like another one who looks like like a straight gay in like a Levi's, faded Levi's and a T shirt like a rock T shirt. I loved him. I wanted to sleep with him. I like wanted him to turn He's like so cute. That's my style,

like the boyish charm, like a cuter Brian Adams. Like I was just into him and like all the games. So I found my gaze at Alex Cooper's party. And I'll tell you something, when you find a good group of gays, they really do protect you. It's happened to me before. It happened once at the night before Oscar's

party at Kevin ey Vane's, the owner of CIA. I went there and I had a gigantic martini, so big like a swimming pool, and I was having anxiety because I was about to launch a talk show that I didn't want to launch but had to pretend I wanted to. And I was in this party and like the gaze found me, and I was like, listen to me. You have to hold my hands and sit with me until I'm capable of walking through this room because every single person is George Clooney and Madonna, and I can't make

a fool of myself. And like, the gays will protect you. I have to say, a gaggle of gaze is like none other. So I kind of clung to them and apted them and left this party after meeting Alex, taking a picture, giving her a gift and piecing out and meeting this guy that I went out with on honestly, like, what the fuck? One? Our fourth date? But each date being eight hours? Doesn't that feel like the sixth date? I don't know, Like, is a date that's eight hours?

Does account is more than one date? I think it has to write like one date is what three hours long? Two and a half hours? Yeah, like you're talking, you're bring a meal. Like if you see someone for an hour, that's not a date, that's a that's a that's an abort, that's a get me the fuck out of here. But if you have a three hour date, like that's a date. So this is it's called each day two dates. So yeah, on my eighth date, Girl Math Girl Math, I told this guy to meet me at Crow's Nest, which he

was like a ninja. He did so quickly, and I liked it, like I am, I'm a fucking pain in the ass princess. And if he was super delayed, even though I asked him to get out off his ass an hour and a half early, I would have been irritated and he just flaugh. He just flew there. He just like got on the concord and flew there. I loved it. So when on the date he came in a little toasty from the party he was at before.

But what was cool was he could hang because we went after this dinner date to Surflage where the gaggle of gays was and he totally hung. But I was laughing because it was at Surfledge, which is like the hype hip thing, and I was like, let's just do this this summer. And here's my advice to you. If you ever want to go to the hot restaurant or the club that you know you're not getting into or something, just go early just to say you could participate or

stay longer. Like we, I didn't want to deal. I know the owner. I messaged her on Instagram, but she said but she wasn't there, and like, I'm not going to make a reservation person, And I don't like to be shackled. I don't like to make a reservation then not show up. I don't like to tell someone I'm going to be somewhere then not show up. I like to show up at the last minute. So the only recourse that I have in life is being early, and it's just a great tool to just be early, Like

just go somewhere early. It's still going to feel good. So we show up at the Surflage I want to say, like eight thirty, and there are people out there. It's busy, but it's not mock five midnight, like packed crazy one o'clock in the morning. So we walk up to the front and I was just like, hey, jama, I know, and they looked at me like who cares. Everyone knows her. And we got in jem pop and I'm standing with this guy and we had already been at a restaurant

where I was being attacked. It was like doing a personal appearance. And that was what it was like at Alex Cooper's, you know, because I'm very famous for chicken salad, cottage cheese and tabiko, caviar and lipgloss and all these things. And we were in like just the bar, and I thought, this is cute and cool and we'll just dance, and I was I couldn't walk two inches. I mean, I never ever think I'm someone until I go somewhere because nobody in my my dogs don't care who I am.

They really don't. And like Laaney, my housekeeper, doesn't care at all, like she actually I can't keep her around here long enough to hang out with me, so like I don't. And the guy's doing my lawn and stuff, they don't give a shit like most people. The Federock's best person, they definitely don't care. They bring all these boxes and they'd rather, like my fame level go down a notch. You don't have to bring all this shit,

this influencer shit. So like, I don't go out a lot, so when I do, I'm like, oh my god, I'm Madonna, I'm justin Bieber, I'm the Beatles. I mean, it's wild, it's crazy. So I show up at Surflage and we're attacked. And this poor guy who's just out with me as

just a person. Several people went up to him at different spots, one in front of me and one when he was at the bathroom by himself, threatening his life, saying if he doesn't treat me well, if he doesn't take care of me, they just assume we're engaged like people, just like if you don't fucking take care of her, we'll come and will kill you like this poor guy is so sufficiently traumatized and terrified. He did nothing wrong.

He's just a person, and they're just like we're they're just punishing him for all of the sins of my exes and my bad choices. They're like, you motherfuck her. If you fuck with her, we will come. We will rip your skin off and douse you with tabasco sauce. I'm like, hey, want to get a drink. So we're in gen pop now with him being like shredded like a rotisserie chicken. And then Simon Huck, one of my gaggle of gays who came over here, finds me and

he's type A. He's November fifth, I'm November fourth. He's scorpio to the tee, like like can't chill He's like my dog smalls, he just can't fucking chill out. He just we're just built differently. Like he probably gets really wound up when it's lightning and thunder, Simon, does you know what I mean? He just can't. He probably can't handle it. So like he and he has like secondhand embarrassment or second hand stress. So he sees me just like out at the bar, just in the wild. He

looks at me, excuse me, what are you doing? What do you think? What do you mean? Oh, you're just you just decided at surflage Saturday night and like peak season August, like right before Labor Day, You're gonna free style it. You're just fucking freestyling. You have no contact nothing.

I'm like yeah, He's like, what are you nuts? So he like escorts us to our table where I got to be a v bitch and Talia, one of the matchmakers who comes on my dating podcast, is sitting next to me, so she gets to like see my date in the wild and like assess that. I feel like I was on a reality show, Like hey, matchmaker, come on my date with me. So that was like fun, It was alive. It was alive. The whole night was like very alive. I felt like a real g I

felt really excited. It was super fun. Then we went to another party. I am so Madonna. We had the best time. And then the Sunday was like the total juxtaposition. It was Brennan and I at home and cooking and relaxing and snuggling. And when I got home Saturday night from that whole crazy night, I crawled into bed and Brim was in the bed with my doggies, Like it's just so good to like go have fun and then crawl into your bed and your child is in your bed,

like she's so sweet. And then the next day we did a whole mommy and me day and I went paddling and made breakfast and we hung out, and then we went on a romantic dinner just the two of us, and we went for ice cream and we laughed, and I will tell you a little secret. She told me that as a result of different changes in my personal life, that I'm a different person. That I'm much happier, that I'm more motivated, that I'm more alive, that I'm just

more positive, that I'm just a different person. So she noticed that. She's like, I know, you were like a little depressed and just not yourself. And I'm not going to get into specific details about what she said, but she just said, you're so much happier. Because we saw a bunch of fans and I was like so positive and so nice, not that I'm always nice, but like extra nice, Like Hi, we I'm me to come to your house and organize your closet and make dinner for you,

like going me extra mile. So she's like, that's what I'm like, was that weird? She's like it was weird. So anyway, I'm happy. I'm just happy I had a great weekend. I'm closing out the summer with a bang, and I'm thrilled and I feel like I'm making a meal out of it. I'm also I have these staging rods in my closet, and this is what I do when we're at the witching hour now and it's the end towards like the new season, or it's like warm

going into chill. All my like warm like flowery and whites and anything sandily and anything cute that will like look stale and expired the minute we hit September fifteenth. That's all like on deck. It's on these staging rods, like we're gonna wear you, We're getting used out of you. They're like vegetables that are going bad in the fridge. It's like I'm wearing you. So now today I'm wearing like a raggedy ann floral dress. Like tonight I'll wear

another outfit. I'm fully on like use up expiring vegetable outfits. Every day. So if you see me flexing my outfits, it's because I'm not going into another season having not warm my shit, So do better.